Giggling about gauchos, grudges, and getting jumped

>> On to Xcatong's check Internet on Melden, check,

“>> New address, check, and then Stromann Bita.”

>> Zwischen Kisten, Umelding and Möbel Aufbau bleibt der Stromvertrag schnell liegen. Then Landest du automatisch in der Grundversorgung, die oft deutlich teurer ist. >> By Octopus Energy, wechselst du

uncompliziert zur Fährenpreisen. >> Jetzt auf Octopus Energy dewexen und mit dem Bonuscode Octopus 1/1/5, and an 115 Euro Wechselbolo Session. [MUSIC] >> Subgirdleun, Gary Fixer Wi-Fi.

>> Manifestation, we can't be managed. [MUSIC] >> I'm in the day, just got away from me. >> Okay, I've been getting messages saying Hannah, how could you not say Gagling, Gaglers?

>> I did two episodes ago. >> And it's gone, I'm off that that was so last week. >> We did a memorial, Mercury, and Retrograde. I have other things happening. >> We did a memorial, called.

[MUSIC]

“>> I was singing that all over the house and does was like,”

I'm going to divorce you. >> Yeah, it's depressing, because you can't help but think of the dog commercial, and it's just like-- >> No, how do they make the dogs cry? >> In the commercial, just like, did you put--

I drops in the dog, I don't think dogs actually cry. >> I feel like they jail. >> I can't think about it, oh, I cannot. >> Okay, then let's start the week off with something that pissed me off.

>> Yes.

>> 'Cause that always makes you happy.

[LAUGH] >> It brings me joy. >> It's simple, it's small. It's nothing to lose your head about it. >> Well, it's the best one.

>> It's just something that I'm like, this is stupid, and I hate it, and it's a pissing me off. >> What is the new thing with influencers on Instagram, posting an outfit, and then saying comment, post, and I'll DM you the link.

>> Who the fuck put you in charge? >> I'm not even following you, so don't yell at me on my feed and tell me to do something. >> Second of all, you've now made an enemy of me, which means I will screenshot this,

put it into Google search images, find it, and buy it, sounds your link, just to show the brand that they're getting more traffic, not on your pit, you're pissing me off. >> Well, no idea, don't trust anything.

So I'm like, are you gonna get my social security number if I comment? >> Also, I'm not subscribing to your sub-stack to get subscribe to our sub-stack. >> I'm gonna start doing it on my feed.

>> If you're not on our name subscribe. >> Which, by the way, is free, we don't charge on our sub-stack, it's for the girls. >> We don't charge, the internet is free. How dare you come in and try and monetize,

or like whatever you're doing with your engagement, and this Tom Fulnery, this trickery, to publicly comment, that's a humiliation ritual. >> I rather go into chat GPT and suck up all the water just to spite you.

That's how angry you've made, man. >> But then you look, there's like 400 comments, and I'm like, >> I see people I know, I go guys. >> Guys, I have some cool, I'm like, don't do that.

>> But it is kind of gatekeeping, too.

“It's gatekeeping to be like, you have to jump over this wire”

and trip over this banana peel in one to get. >> In the same vein. >> If I see one more goddamn video of someone catching their boyfriend cheating to find out it's an ad, all I've gotten vested.

>> I'm obsessed with your algorithm, I haven't seen one of those videos.

>> I'm like, wait a second,

I thought we were pulling up to this side bitch's house, and then you're going to throw a hashtag at the bottom of the cheating 20 if you want this new to finish. >> No I'm livid, I'm livid about it. I've gone into part two's.

>> Well, also now there's these AI ads of like, make it up dramas, and I keep being like not interested, and I'm interested. >> Oh, I'm very interested in those. (laughs)

>> Tell me why I find myself watching like an AI. >> No. >> Like full story that. >> No, you're not so bad. >> Pretty real bad I know, I know.

But there's so compelling. (laughs) >> Robot love is love too. >> I was born in the wrong time, because like, I'm sorry, I know that I fight against the patriarchy twice a week,

but if you had put me in a house with four kids,

no I would have thrived. I would have thrived. >> Okay, I would have been Martha Stewart before Martha Stewart. I would have been creating marijuana brownies for the other housewives midday.

“>> How do I watch this, like, this is desperate housewives, actually?”

>> Yeah, but like, it's the time period. >> Yeah, it's the time period. I also, I would have just burned the house down, and then been like, calls, call it the crazy wife. (laughs)

>> Yeah, what your character has been. >> Ooh, I love this game. >> I would have been like, well, also your husband would have been secretly gay. >> For sure.

>> For sure. >> We would have been like the best looking couple on the block.

>> Yes, but like, you never touched each other.

>> He goes on a fishing trip every week. >> Every week. >> Every week. >> We have the same one guy, I'm like, (laughs)

>> That's like it. >> Okay, you and Don, again? >> How many fish chips do you need? >> You've brought home zero fish. (laughs)

>> You brought literally. The cooler is empty every Sunday. But I would have like, I would have gone with it. You want to know why I would have gone with it because it wouldn't have been accepted.

So I would have covered for him. >> Yes, and then you would have been like, it's us against the world. >> Yeah. >> Although, are there women or jealous of me

because of my amazing recipe of regularly? >> People wouldn't talk about my lemonade.

“>> That's how, like, in this bitch, I'd say.”

>> I would have been trying to do town hall meetings, trying to start a woman's suffrage movement. >> Yeah, you'd start like, I neighborhood watch. >> And finally, some of the girls would be like, you know what, we actually don't want this

and we need to get her out. And then I would be like, hey, well, I've nowhere to go. >> I feel like you'd like come over to my house and be like, are you high? >> And you're like, are you not?

>> How are you doing for kids? >> No, I would come over to your house, make a plan. For us to overtake the suburban patriarchy and you would agree 'cause you're high and then the morning you'd be like, was my number?

>> Okay, another thing never just me on.

>> You said there was one. >> I like, when you under promise over deliver 'cause when you say you have five, you can never live up to it. >> Well, again, I've been up for hours. I'm too coffee's deep, I worked out.

I like, I'm getting, I'm getting going on my Monday because I had a reset weekend all weekend. >> Yeah, wait, what pissed you off? I don't want you to forget. >> Somebody DMed me and was like, if you thought love island

this season was like a hint of red pill,

“you have to watch the newest season of Meredith her site.”

This is when you could get into. >> This is one you could get into because it's so outlandish that you're like, oh, casting was given a very specific type of character that they want this show to like.

>> Is it religious? >> It's not so much religious that it is controlling 101. >> Like, it is, like, there was a friend. It was so crazy that it was funny. Like, I found myself laughing at so many different parts

because I was like, surely this guy is like playing a character and seeing if he can like get away with it on TV. Very innocently, one of the guy that was supposed to get married. One of his friends just casually says, oh my god, like, what if she's not into sports?

Which is a concern of mine. So I found it relatable, my ears perk up. I look up from my phone. >> It's a great phone show. >> And he goes, the guy goes, not a problem.

I've trained some of the world's best athletes. >> He's not a trained athlete. >> Is he talking about what if she's like not good at playing sports herself? >> No, like his friend was like, what if she's not interested

in like doing all the insane sports you just listed? And he was like, well, if she's not all trained her. >> Okay. >> Like, I'll just, he was like, I've trained so many great athletes. He's so scary and triggering that like,

it's not even red pellets like this is, this is almost like an exception to the rule. Like this is not the norm. >> Well, it's also kind of giving gay. Like if you want her to be so good at sports,

date of football player. >> Right. >> Right.

>> Where can people watch married at first sight?

>> It's on peacock. Which is, peacock has actually been keeping me very fed. I just watched this other show. You would hate it, it's a period piece, it's called like Seeking Persephone. Yeah, you would hate it, you would literally hate it.

Nothing, nothing really diddy. >> Did you sleep diddy?

“>> Yeah, nothing really that groundbreaking,”

but I love a period piece. >> Wait, speaking of, I love a summer, I love a horse, I love a period piece. Speaking of groundbreaking, it's been years. >> Yeah.

>> It's been decades. We finally, we finally put out merch, merch. >> What has been keeping us? >> Okay, we've gone through a lot throughout the years with merch. We've had many different, we've had a lot of change.

Changes and stages and vibes, and we're also very picky when it comes to merch. We both love everything. We brought back some, we listened to the comments a lot. So when you guys are like, we need to bring this back.

I loved everything so much, I brought it to Italy, lost it in Italy. >> Oh my God. >> Foundo an ion pact, 'cause I put it in a secret compartment

and not forget it, and I forgot it. >> I hate when you're too smart for your own good. >> I know, I hate no.

“>> You became a CIA agent in that moment”

when you were packing, and then you were, well, you also were dehydrated and fighting for your life at the time, you couldn't find a small compartment, but also maybe we don't need so many compartments when we're unpacking page.

>> Well, I love it. >> I love a compartment, I love a pouch. >> I love a pouch, I love a pouch, I love a packing queue. >> I love a thing inside of a thing. >> Speaking of housewives,

I cannot stop listening to gorgeous, baby gorgeous, your energy is magic, magic. And then people were making fun of her, 'cause she was like, if you listen to the lyrics, it's really helping people,

and people were like writing the lyrics, so that's helping people, I'm like, don't judge what helps people, don't judge it. >> Being a pop star of any magnitude. I envy so much.

It's something that I personally know

that it's not like, I could never do,

I'm not getting up and singing anywhere, but in my head, every girl have a dreamt of commanding a stage in being a pop star. I think there's a lot of professions that bravo people have crossed over into and like excelled.

Like comedy, writing, acting, you know, all the things. >> We haven't gotten like a legit pop star yet. >> But look, we've had Erka Jane. >> Yes, but I'm talking, Sabrina Cartbender level. Like something where people are like,

she was on bravo. >> But you're fucking tongue, Lewand and the subs. >> Well, I thought you were gonna say my Lord and say, "We're Sheenishai." >> Oh my God, I love you, Nick.

>> I'm saying Sheenishai is the closest thing we've had so far. I'm talking pop star who goes on tour. >> Yeah, yeah. >> Melissa Gorga, a banger of a song,

but then she never did any more.

>> Yes, yeah. >> Yeah. >> So I'm waiting, it has, it has to be someone from like, it has to be a young, maybe next gen, maybe it's Brooks. >> And I'd love to say that.

>> No, I feel like he's too quiet, laid back, chill. He doesn't want to be dancing on stage. Well, Meredith is like, DJing, right? I feel like she's doing a really good job. >> This is gonna sound like narcissistic

and like, I need like real moms to weigh in. Do you ever like sit and think like, what's your child going to accomplish? >> Yeah, I just fear that she's gonna be haunted, like me by never ending expectations and pressure.

And do you want to know what my mom says to that? She says, if you have no expectations, that's exactly what you get. If you have high expectations, that's what your child will be.

>> My Lord, it's of your can to sort of. >> And so I like, the closer and closer I get to like being someone's mother and like, not someone's child. I fear that I'm gonna be psychotic.

>> Well, my one piece of advice as someone who had parents like your parents,

“who I think we have been able to chase a lot of dreams”

because our parents at no point gawked at any idea we threw at them. >> Great, you said gawk? >> Gawk, they like, like, I was like, mom, I want to be a comedian.

She was like, oh, she's never like, oh, even when I was like,

oh, I got it, I asked, I got asked to do a show. She was like, maybe you showed it, but like, I support you. Like, at no point were our parents, like, maybe you don't have it in you. Never came out of a kid because we're both mouth.

>> Never came out of Gary's mouth, that's for sure. >> If anything, she was like, and be the Prince of England, like, I don't know. (laughs) >> But I would say, if you push your kid

too hard into something that they don't actually enjoy, as someone who's seen this line, the tennis world, like you get a kid who's talented, if they fall out of love with it,

so you have to make sure that, like, they like it.

“>> So, every I'm pushing them in, make sure they like it.”

Or, like, give them some options and see what they naturally gravitate towards, and then be psychotic with it. Be like, you fucking chose it, and then, like, but I'm crazy, like, tail-strucker, how to kid,

who, I don't know, she looks kind of athletic to me. She's like, she's like six months old, but the way she was navigating her, I don't know. I was, I looked at her, I said, if you were like her hand-eye coordination at this age.

>> And I said, okay, talk to you for a second. I pulled Taylor down to you to the side. I said, you gotta take tennis balls. You gotta just roll it towards her. >> So, you know what? >> So funny because, like,

using that you can spot athletes and I genuinely think that I can spot, like, a certain type of talent. >> Are we baby agents? (laughing) >> There are certain people I've seen over the years

on the internet, met in real life, where I've, in my head, been, like, you're gonna be huge. Like, you have sauce. >> I feel like we both have that. >> Yeah.

>> We both have this, like, yeah, that person's got it. >> That's very interesting. >> But we would be such bad agents. >> Wait, speaking of the tennis world, I must bring up page Lorenz and Tommy Paul's wedding.

>> Yes. >> I thought one of the most gorgeous weddings I've seen on the internet in years. >> Wow. >> And explain.

>> I thought everything was so perfectly, like, not overdone, it all flowed. It gave a very, like, preppy, old, money vibe. It gave, very, someone said it was at Nate Archibald's house in gossip girl, like his country home.

I just thought it was beautiful. I thought her dress was gorgeous. And then do you know if Shea Sullivan on TikTok? She's blonde. >> Maybe.

>> I don't know what, I don't know if she was, like, on a season of Love Island, or if she's just, like, a famous TikTok or whatever. But she got married too. >> Oh, yes, I think I saw that.

>> I mean, she looked like a literal princess out of a story. >> Okay, so you're loving what the girls are putting out right now. >> I'm loving it.

“I'm, you know, here's the thing, the thing.”

I don't ever get involved in wedding TikTok drama because I'm, like, not planning a wedding.

I've never been a maid of honor.

Like, I'm not, I feel a little bit removed from it, so I never get, like, deep in the drama of it. >> You were my maid of honor. >> You could have bridesmaids. >> And you called my bouquet.

>> Yeah. >> And we cheated. >> It was a pre-planned bouquet to us. That's-- >> I did steal the photographer at one point, so. [LAUGHTER] >> My whole album is you.

[LAUGHTER] >> But the girls get torn apart, torn apart. And I'm not talking, like, third party anonymous forums. I'm talking, right in their comments, why would you do your hair like that?

Like, it's such an interesting, like, realm to watch because it's truly such a good example of, like, women just hating on women. >> You can't describe your wedding. It's timeless, because then it's, then, you're stupid.

You can't say that you're different from other weddings, because who are you to think that you're unique? It's very, it's very accusatory, it's scary. >> I'm so annoyed that you're telling me this, because I was about to say, on my feed,

one thing I liked about pages wedding is that, I feel like a lot of the, say what you want about New York City influencers. They have each other's back. Like, they were posting, grid posting, how fucking beautiful is my friends wedding.

And in that moment, I felt a real sense of love and community. And I'm like, girls need to uplift other girls,

'cause it just makes us all stronger and powerful.

When men get successful, they all just form, like, these, like, crews, and then just, like, continue to grow, where I feel like women, someone gets successful, and they're like, try to, like, batter down.

>> I agree, I feel like I see them on Instagram, and I'm like, yeah, like, they're being nice to each other, because you guys are so mean to that. But that is, like, the patriarchy is, we talk about all the time, and we say,

we're angry at the men, but at some point, we have to learn from the men and how they support each other. And I mean, giggly squad is to girls supporting each other. We wouldn't be here without each other. >> Yeah.

>> Why did my head just go to girls one-cock? >> [LAUGH]

“>> And that's why we haven't overcome the patriarchy.”

>> We didn't think we'd show it, but we ruined my childhood. >> No, truly, that was a millennial, like, why did we do that? >> Wait, I have to add that to my bit about why millennials have TMJ. My sister made two girls one-cock. >> [LAUGH]

>> Why was that put into the mainstream? >> No, because why was everyone passing it around and why was there notice? >> It's great.

>> You know, I never watched it because I'm a pussy.

>> Oh, you're such a-- >> I never watched it, I loved it, I'm a prude baby.

>> No, that's so easy.

>> 'Cause actually, at the end of the day, I'm, I'm saintly.

“That's why Kim likes me, because I'm prude and safe.”

>> I remember watching it being like this is bad. I shouldn't be watching it, but I was, like, obviously, I need to see what everyone's talking about for my own opinion. >> I had so much fun last night.

>> Oh, sorry. >> Okay, it's like, oh, it seems like a weird segway, because-- >> Okay, so I went to this sushi place and there was a gig where her work there, but actually there is kind of a segway. And I was like, how, like, what's your favorite sushi?

And she was like, oh, I don't eat sushi, but she works at the place. I was like, that's iconic, but like, at least if I worked at a sushi place, I would have a mercury poisoning. >> She's like, eat this food gross. >> I was like, okay, and she goes, no, I just have a really big fear of throwing up.

>> Not me.

>> And I was like, okay, but I guess she's heard, like, if you get sushi poisoning,

you throw up, so she's like, I'm not risking that. >> Oh, like, there's more scenarios in which you could get food poisoning from raw fish than other. >> I mean, I think she's at the point where she has, like, a phobia, where she's not, like, critically figuring out.

She's just like, I don't fuck with that, you know? >> Yeah, she's keeping her walls up, she's protecting herself.

“>> That's why I felt what two girls won't cut.”

I was like, I'm not trying to throw up today. Also, it was fake, right? >> I know. >> I don't think so. If you don't know what two girls won't cut is,

we're certainly not going to explain it on this pod, because it was a, it's a personal situation. >> It must exist on the internet somewhere. It was a video that went rampant in the year, what? What year was that, 2006?

2006, everyone was talking about it. >> Could have even been younger. >> It shaped us, our psychists. >> Now that the internet is so vast, and there's so many videos and so many trends, I feel like generations,

like there were certain things as a whole, as a generation you heard and you knew. Are there things like that? >> Well, this is what's crazy. And I could list them.

Sierra is a man. Two girls won't cut. >> The guy who sucks his own dick. >> The guy who sucks his, took his ribs out, psyched his own dick. >> Yeah.

>> This is, this was our pirate story, our lore. I think there's another one. >> There's definitely, there's something they have it now. But two girls won't cut, for example, that would have been viral for four days. And everyone would have moved on.

It's like movies. Do you remember when a movie would come out? Like, like, inception, when inception came out, everyone was like talking about it for like four months. >> Like the devil was proud of you.

>> Done. >> Done. >> I felt like that was so cool. It was like, it's the premiere and now it's like, we don't care. >> Like, when a movie would come out, like,

when Pokemon the movie came out, that was like, I was celebrating for a year. >> Rugrats on an orange VHS. >> You got me, hugged on. Why was it everyone doing colored VHS? I remember getting that VHS and being like, so the branding everywhere else just doesn't give a fuck.

“>> Can I have the high you would get like, we had we loved watching Power Rangers?”

>> I didn't like, I would watch it, but I didn't get like high off of Power Rangers. >> But like, some of the Power Rangers were hot. >> Yeah, but it was a lot of action for me. Like, I was like, like, take a seat. >> True.

>> It wasn't my vibe.

>> I watched it documentary that basically said, like,

"A ton of the Power Rangers are arrested or dead now." >> Well, I don't child's head stars. >> Do you ever feel like when you go to the gym, you don't know what to do or you're tired of doing random workouts from YouTube that you don't even know what you're doing correctly? >> Well, latter gives you a real plan from an expert coach.

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Now, on Octopus Energy, the E-vexel and with the bonus code Octopus 1-1-5, and then $150 in a little Vexel bonus session. Side note, I was really enjoying the world cup because the guys are so hot. And then the guy I was getting a crush on at the end. Stringle's a monster.

Sir, I love a bad boy. That is like you actually went through the perfect span of time with dating. Like, I started what four months ago, that you first saw. You didn't really get to know him to the last like two months. And then like when you're in it, you're like an everyone loves you.

Everyone I've introduced you to all my friends.

Like, it's amazing we're definitely going to start like fully dating.

He took someone. I like, open my phone and I was like, oh my man's a little emotional right now. And then I'm like, oh he's choking him into death.

“So I'm not proud of his actions and like, you have to have a dog?”

Yeah, because I can't continue like this. I thought I had lied. It was like man, choke someone. I'm like, not my crush. Not my crush.

Not the field or like in the wild in life. No, fully like the games over. Took his hand to the guys in the air again. Like, shook. Yeah.

Yeah. Now the bar is so low. Could you imagine?

Oh, also, you know, I love Justin Bieber.

Yeah, it's just with great power. It comes great responsibility. Justin Bieber for the halftime show of the World Cup decided to just show up with a guitar. We cannot enable man to just take a guitar. He says show up outside of their own home in which they pay taxes.

I don't want you showing up in your own home with a guitar. Yeah, no, I know. But, and I know these men saw that. I'm like, oh, could do it.

“And you have to stay alert because in the summer,”

there's a lot of random bonfires that happen in people's backyards. Yeah. And that's almost like a silent call to them. They think there's something about the fire. It's because it's the devil.

And it's the devil coming out. We will spirits. And now with Chaggi B2, you know, they're putting together, trying to impress you with some song, made by robots. And we're not haters of music.

But like, take out a JBL. Portable speaker. They sell them everywhere. All shapes inside. But when we write a John Spotify playlist,

Angry Room Playlist on Spotify and let it read. I don't need a live performance, while I'm trying to just enjoy a hot dog. Also, I don't know where to look when they're singing.

“I'm like, do you want me to make eye contact with you?”

Do you want me to look away? Am I supposed to be smiling? I don't want to do with my hands. It's really worse than people singing happy birthday to me. This is so off track, but I just thought of it.

And it's so hand-accoded. I've been like, I think it's because in Italy, they don't really believe in breakfast. Like, they have like a sweet breakfast and you love it. And I love a sweet, but like, you truly can't do it every single day. And they're not big on eggs.

Which I just find surprising, but whatever. I'm not going to debate the whole country on their breakfast practices. Who am I? Wait, they love a fatata? They don't really, though.

Like, from going to Italy for five years now, like, I will say they don't want to, they don't want to do things. They don't want to wake up early. They definitely don't wake up early. Yeah.

And they don't want to change. And who am I to make them change? But that's why they're making breads. Because you can make that. Like, I mean, it's not like simple.

But anyway, they could be doing scrambled eggs. Like, so well, I feel like, and they're just like not. But recently, I have been putting cottage cheese in my scrambled eggs. Like, whisking it together.

And then, Hannah, I'll never go back to like cream or milk or anything.

Wait, someone message me that. And I was like, how the fuck did I not think of that? Well, when it's some of the week, yeah, putting cottage cheese in your eggs. Because it's protein, cheese. Yep.

“And you could get, you could use lactate dairy-free cottage cheese if you want to get real careful.”

Do you want to know what else I've been fucking with heavy? Making my own overnight oats. Soly, because I like the little containers that you do. Okay, now let's give me a try to wave. No, I know.

Do you put a little, like, like, what are those? Yes, it scans over it. Yes, I've been making them cut as far. You know, you could charge them $20 at a farmer's market. I've been unscrewing them, grabbing a spoon.

That's mini as well because it matches the cup and giving it to a man. And I want to kill myself. There is something like fun about it.

You feel like you're counting him when you do it because you're, like,

I put a fucking napkin and I tied it around a jar and you're, like, getting off to this. Sometimes I'll do a trad wifey thing and I'll get mad at myself. Because I'm, like, why can't I weaponize my own incompetence? Well, you have to talk to me.

I tried to make coffee in the morning and he's like, "You're not, there's not the right ratio." I'm like, "Oh, no." I'm like, "The taco seasoning doesn't go in me yet." I'm like, "Keep it or not, it's all mine."

We'd so does. Okay, one thing about our marriage. Yeah. He thinks it's, like, scientific. Like, he has, like, a disease.

I think he just needs to grow up. Okay. He hates garlic. Go up. Go up.

I come from an Italian family. He goes, "Oh, yeah, I don't like garlic." I was like, "Oh, that's literally birthed to me." I was birthed from a garlic club. Sorry, my perfume is garlic.

I brush my teeth with it. Like, why? And also, he was like, "No, it's just like a family thing." Like, my brother's not like, "Oh, my mom doesn't like it."

“And I was like, "No, are you fucking marrying Italian?”

Because this is, like, in my veins." I'm like, "Frikes." So, my mom gave us cucumbers from her garden. Because she's perfect. And we made these like, okay, this is turning into Bobby Flay.

We Bobby Flay. We got like pre-marinated skirt stakes. Hot take. Skirt stake is the most underrated best stake out there, I digress. And it's affordable.

I love thinking about it wearing a skirt. Like, I'm like, "Oh, I do it." That's what you love a skirt say. I mean, two top-center cut. Like, this is what it's like.

Skirt stakes are the drag of stakes. The drag creeps us stakes. Did you think of like some burly man who just like killed a cow? And he was like, "Call this piece." Skirt.

Like, okay, yeah, I love it with a ruffle? Sure. Pants all. So, I would take a human skirt stake. And I was like, "Oh my God, what if we cut up some cucumbers, put in some Greek yogurt,

and made like a little, no, I know." Made a little tazzyky. No, literally.

“So, I was feeling myself, and then you have to season it.”

And I, of course. So, I see that we have like, saw a pepper, garlic powder. I'm like, "I know it's garlic, but I'm gonna throw on some fucking garlic, right?" No, but it can tell a garlic powder. But this is me and does having a wild night.

Yeah, so. And my only job was to make this salad. So, of course, I like try to poison my husband. Yeah. Like, he's doing everything else.

He's like, "Just make this salad. I'm like, okay." He takes one bite. He goes, "Oh, he's like in tazzyky that much." He was like, "How much garlic did you put in that?"

I was like, I didn't, first I tried to lie.

I was like, "I didn't put garlic here, like none." And I'm like, "Oh, maybe there was like a little bit." And he's like, "This is all garlic. I had to make a separate one for him without the garlic powder." Oh, I wish I could have tasted it.

It was so good. It wasn't all out of garlic. It was enough to just give it some shit and I said, "Quah." You don't have to tell me, girl. By the way, this is all so marriage.

I'm lucky at the last text I sent. Does yesterday. This is so marriage. It must have been like 10, 30. I just texted him, "Why is the door keep opening and closing?"

He comes then he goes, "Why do you keep breathing in and out?" He's like, "Sorry, I was going outside and I came back in." I go, "Well, it's a lot of doors moving. I'm just trying to watch TV. Why are people moving?" When I was little, when I was younger, I only paid attention when it

with things that perched my interest.

Like, skirt steak is a great example.

“Like, that would have peaked my interest.”

And when someone would come in and out of the house repeatedly,

my grandma would always say, "It's cross gates mall in here."

Well, it was like our local, that's literally what was happening. I mean, it was like maybe five door slams that I was like, "Okay, I say it to this day." I mean, what does it cross gates mall? Also, it's me and him in the house.

I'm like, "How many people are frolicking round?" That's like, whenever we couldn't open a door or something, my dad's always like, "It's like getting into fort knocks." Well, that's like a common one. That's like it.

You're like, "Okay, that's." I fear that is like, "What is fort knocks?" Fort knocks is like a military base. That's like, like, a lot of security. Yeah. Yeah, well, they said it actually on Rhode Island.

Someone was like, "It's like getting into fort knocks." And I was like, "Oh my god, my grandpa says that." Speaking of old people, I love learning things from reality TV. That's the point where I learned.

So at the sushi restaurant. Oh, yeah, we forgot about this. I sat next to the most iconic older lady to the point that I was like, "I need to be her." Like, "I need to be in her body and be her."

I find out she's, she's so glamorous. She's sitting there. She tells the sushi guy like, "All the things she doesn't eat," which was kind of like, "Every fish." And he was like, "Gacha."

And he was like, "Was making her shit." And she's just sitting there. And she was telling me places to travel. And then I was like, "Where are you from?" Like, how old? Like, eighties?

Okay. I said, "Where are you from?" She was like Brooklyn. "Maybe you met yourself in the future." No, I was like, "Wait, I'm from Brooklyn." And she's like, "Where are you from?" I'm like, "Park slope." And she's like, "I'm from Flatbush."

And she's like, "All these people want to move to Brooklyn." I want to get the fuck out of Brooklyn. She's talking about it. And then she goes, "You know who I went to high school with?" Judge Judy.

So then I'm locked in. Then I'm not even needing my sushi at this point. I said, "Wait a minute. You're not going to have to tell me everything." Why? Because- Everything.

I'm obsessed with Judge Judy. And she was like, "You know, one night she got too drunk." So we jumped her.

It's always some bitch from high school.

Like, "You're 80, get over. It's always!" Because, you know, a hater who's ever been stunning has their bag, has ever hated on me. But, like, some old bitch is still going to hate on Judy. No, so then, I, to dust is like, "What are you talking about?"

I'm like, "You are going to, you can never guess." This bitch jumped Judge Judy in high school. Imagine that to Judge Judy's origin story. She's like, "And I'll stand for justice." "What are you dressed up in my life?"

I don't stand for justice. That's where I put down the mallet. Also, why? Did she say, "Why?" Oh, she said, "If you get too drunk and you're embarrassing yourself, you're going to get jumped."

“And I said, "That's why people back then had character."”

Because nowadays, people just go behind user names and talk shit. Jump someone's ass and let them know where you stand and fight it out. Also, I was like, "Judy, and then we didn't, there was no follow-up. I was like, "Okay." And then we just enjoyed the mall.

My God. But, like, this is why I fuck with old people. You're not going to be sitting next to like a 24-year-old, and they're going to have that kind of lure. Jumping Judge Judy is also a crazy thing to like in the first meet.

The first four minutes of meeting someone like saying that. Also, also jumping someone, that's what people don't do that anymore. Especially at 80 years old. Also, going to school is someone who becomes... I'm talking like, "A list."

Like, would you say Judge Judy is a list? I was. Yes. She's anyone in the world knows who Judge Judy is. I feel like everyone knows who Judge Judy is. Does anyone know where last name? No.

But neither no one knows shares. Oh, yeah, she's just going to say Madonna. Like, it's been done before. Thinking about like, but I'm sure there's people that hated Judge Judy like growing up.

There's she's a human. Like, she obviously had people she didn't get along with.

But I always wonder what it's like going to school

and like disliking someone and then seeing them become like... Like, I'm sure there were people in high school with Kim Kardashian. That was like, "I hate you. You're never going to be famous." Think things like that. I just always love that lure.

They're always is because like, you don't try to be that famous unless someone's pissed you off. Yeah. Yeah, because it's too much work.

“Remember when Lady Gaga said that someone made like a Facebook group”

that was like Stephanie, you will never be famous.

Girls are so diabolical when they're mad.

Can we declare no more girl on girl crime, please? Next time you want to say something bad about another girl, say something bad about a man. Let's just start with that. Well, I got on, of course, as like algorithm where this girl was like a magic.

If we said we want to start taking away men's rights because they're the most 98% of violence is coming from them. And we just don't think they should have rights. And they shouldn't vote. I saw a TikTok and it was a girl posting.

And it was like her face and it was like her looking beautiful. And the caption was just like, "This and like hitting him in the face." And the comments were all girls being like, "Ha ha ha ha." And some guy commented and was like, "Okay, but like, wouldn't be cool if we posted that."

And everyone, like, replying to him was like, "You murder us." Yeah. Like, it's only funny to girls because they don't do it.

And it was just an interesting...

It's like, someone was saying like girls don't like statistically. Girls don't murder like that's not our thing. Well, because we can control our emotions.

“But we also can like, will like emotionally like terrorize you?”

You put it into needlepoint. Yes, but we will not murder. But they said the only time it's murder. Like pretty much 100% of the time murder. I love putting out stats is based on like we've been abused for years.

And it's reactive abuse. There's not a lot of crime of passion with women. It's crimes of passion are more with men. But there's obviously definitely crimes of passion. But then what's weird about men is like,

"My man, like, strangled some guy yesterday. And I swear they're probably getting beers today." Which, like, that has to be studied. They have a low IQ. Well, the headers, but they do in soccer.

That's a, no, no, no, it's talking about CTE with men. And you want to know something else I don't respect men for. I think that they have a hard time holding a grudge. And I actually think seeing, I see holding a grudge as something really... You got to have gumption.

You know, you got to have the ambition to hold a grudge. You have to believe in something. It takes your daily work to hold a grudge.

“You have to make a decision every day that you're going to hold that grudge and stick to it.”

And that's discipline. If you can hold a grudge, how can you hold a relationship? How can I trust you? There's not a person that you've hated for years. I can't trust you.

Everyone then you do forget something, though. But it's because you have so many grudges. You actually have like too many of these going on. And then you, but then you jump right back on. Yeah, once you remember.

Once someone reminds me of what that pitch did, I'm right back in the whole day. Loki, I am so proud of myself, though. Like, because it's starting to happen with me where you're like, do you remember when this person did this to you?

And you forgetting that someone did something like horrible to try to ruin your life is such a win. Like, that person is so like small in your life that you forgot when you were the center of their existence to try to take you down. And you literally forgot that they did that.

Sometimes I have to limit my phone calls with Stephanie because she'll tell me things from high school. And like, I'll bring someone up and she'll be like, "Page that person hates you." And I'm like, "I don't recall."

“And she'll walk me through a whole story.”

I'm like, "Well, I gotta go!" I'm like, "That's traumatizing." I went through that. I was like, "Yeah. You were right there."

Like, "Oh, no." "Oh, God." Anyway. Also, I had a really cute date with my mom. But I just, we got pedicures.

She said she, she was priming your feet for the next time you see each other. But I have to say my mom is so old school when it comes to pedicures. She comes in and the ladies like, "Do you want regular or gel?" Did she bring her own color?

No, that's can't be normal. I was gonna say, "I could feel a linoar being like, that's what kind of would do." Yeah, nano, I got the perfect one. That's what nano would do.

But my mom goes, "Nanas is like discontinued, but she ordered like a hundred bottles." That's how she is with her lip stain. That she reapplies after every time she chooses. She's got like a g-von-cheap from 1980s.

It's a shade that I've never seen before.

And it only works on her face. It has like poisonous berries. That's what they don't make it. It's like not FDA approved. No, 1992, they ruled it early.

It's been banned in Canada for sure. There's red die 40. There's red die 40. You can guarantee that. So my mom was like, "I will take gel." And she goes, "Well, I don't do gel."

And I'm like, "Mom, gel will last like a year on you." And she's like, "But it causes cancer." And I was like, "Mom, let's be fucking crazy today." And just get gel, okay? And she's like, "Okay, cool."

So we get there. And immediately, I'm pressing the buttons.

We go over, I'm like, "Mom, press the massage thing.

Get the massage going." I don't. She was like, "Okay, I'm like, that's the little point of it." Yeah. It's getting the back massage.

I have to focus. I am on my phone, though. I'm fucking, I'm sending emails. I'm texting. I'm like, doing whatever's like I am on my phone.

Listen to music, whatever. But she's raw dogging or pedicure. Just staring straight forward. And that complete piece, like, not weird. She's just enjoying the moment.

And then I realized I'm being- I thought she was on her phone. I realized I'm on my phone. I'm then I put it down and I'm like, "Okay, I guess we can talk." But I'm like, "Yeah."

She didn't even consider taking on her phone.

Didn't even think of that. The good old days used to just get pedicures. Now I have like a to- Do list, but I'm getting a pedicure. I'm like, "Great, I'll knock this out.

Well, I'm getting a pedicure." Listen to seven audio books.

“Back then, what did women do when they were getting their nails done?”

They talked. They gossiped. They gossip. They talked to their technician. They went at the same time as their friends. They said they had a kid. They had community.

But I'm getting my nails done. I can't be on my phone. Because you're getting your nails done. How are you? I try to watch the tennis channel from my phone. I watch TV. But also I try to avoid getting my nails done all-cross.

I know you know. And these guys are not good. But no one ever calls you out. Like, I literally had to come home get my nails done immediately. Well, you're so jealous of me right now.

Well, because your nails like last so long. No, it's because people have low expectations for your page. Except, can we just say a lot of comments saying, "Henny, can you clean your screen?" "Henny, can you clean your screen?"

I think it's more the glare from the sun. No, I cleaned it for the sun. But guys, can someone not have an aesthetic? Can it not tell me that that's your vibe? That's not your vibe.

Also, vibe is might have just had a grilled cheese sandwich. I don't know, you don't know my life. Why are you dressing like me right now? Yeah, I know. I just put my hair up and I was like, "It's giving soccer team."

No, but you know, I love a polo. Like, a grandpa polo. I've been loving them this summer because they're just like easy with like sweat shorts. Yes.

“Like for lounging, but like, what if she goes on a walk?”

You know? I'm obsessed with a cool-out for summer. Because I don't want to wear a tight caprize, and I don't want to wear a long, and I want to wear too short.

There's something about a wide, long capri that I'm like digging with a little kitten here.

In the year 2005, I first saw a pair of goutro pants.

And let me tell you, my life had been changed ever since. I think about goutro pants once. Once you're in a good or bad way. You did you wear goutro pants? Because they would have been so you.

They were like stretchy, yoga material. Oh, yes, that were like your bit. Yeah, they were at limited to. I wore them. They had a fold over.

They were everything to me. And I feel because caprize have come back so strongly in the past like two years. Goutro pants are on the horizon, and I'm hoping I'm hoping. I'm hoping.

I'm hoping that it's like two years down the line. Three years down the line, and we're pregnant for it. Oh, because honey, we'd be livin' if Goutro pants were in style when we were popping out kids. Oh my gosh.

Yeah. Also, women are some of the weak. This girl invented a jacket back. Wait, did you see this? No, but congratulations to her.

Wait, I ordered a romper and a pair of leggings that are supposed to like help your digestive system. Well, I also ordered a vibration plate yesterday. So you're a little bit late on the mark. But, does this was like, what the hell is this?

The brand is called C-E-A-N, lymphatic compression leggings. Are you going to wear it on? I'm going to see. Are you going to wear it on planes? Or like, on your daily, I was going to wear it on a walk

and just like, see. Okay. And then figure it out. Okay, at some point, we can't squeeze out every drainage of-- At some point, talk therapy is--

I'm sorry. At some point, community, lock bag. At some point, put your phone down. The comments need to improve his exhaust leg. It's overwhelming.

“But this girl, basically, what do I-- it really brought me back?”

Do you remember when you'd go to a bar? And it was really cold out. And you were like, I have to wear a jacket. Yeah. And then you get to the bar and you put your jacket down.

ever going to see this jacket again.

And then you live your life. No. Oh. No, because that jacket is my world that's my life. You would wear the jacket at the bar?

No, I would carry it around with me because I rather die at the thought of this jacket going home to someone else's apartment, not being cared for, not being loved. Oh, you're forgetting. Is that really being kidnapped?

I forgot how you feel so connected to an animal objects. See, I had the same winter jacket for like 10 years. I was like, someone, please stay in my jacket. And like, if I forgot it, or someone took mine instead of theirs, I would be like--

Yeah, you'd call 911. Yeah, I'd be really upset at it to go replace a jacket at a media level. No, I'd see a pile of jackets.

I'd put mine under the pile and then you pray.

And then you just go off on your night. And then at the end of the night, it's chaos.

“I do a secret hiding spot if I was somewhere”

that she had to put it down. Put in the kitchen or something or like, make friends of the bartender and be like, I'm not putting it in the pile of other jackets. But my jacket was gross.

Or we would do no jackets. And I would just dress with like a belt as a skirt. And a top full of hope. And then just like, get pneumonia. And go--

We were tougher. We had-- Or we had better symptoms than that. We had stronger. We hadn't lived through COVID-19.

Like, we had the dreams. We had 100%. We were full of life. We were full of squad. She--

I got half my eggs gone.

Like, I can't keep internal heat anymore.

How would I do that? You could just poop on demand bags. Yeah, are you kidding? So this girl invented this jacket that you go to the bar in your jacket.

And then the jacket folds into, I swear, a really cute bag. And then you just like put your stuff in it.

“Where's your stuff while you're wearing the jacket?”

You can have it in a purse and the purse goes in that. Because it's like not like a time-- it doesn't turn to tiny purse. It's more like-- I'm intrigued. A bigger purse.

It's cute to the point that it's like-- I'd rather hold that than my jacket all night. Like, I really would have thought that ballet flats, that not ballet flats, but like sandals that turn into heels would have been like more of a thing.

I thought there would be more like innovation and technology, and certainly-- For sure. Well, all of us were like, wouldn't it be crazy if your heel could turn into-- like, I want like robotic, like, and it goes up.

But the Spinks Lady, who's iconic, created the sneaker heel. Yeah, let's be serious though. But that's not your brand. Maybe one day, we won't-- we'll invent a tampon that isn't just a cotton ball shoved up your pussy.

But so everything pussy, I know you hate that. Sometimes it's just-- And it's just harsh on my ears, but that's my internalized misogyny. Like, I can't hear the word pussy.

Like, you said pussy multiple times this episode. Yeah. Somebody did DM in me and they said, I-- that over the weekend, they said to a man, can you take the dick out of your mouth?

[LAUGHTER] She was like, and I'm not going to lie. It hits so hard people were like, what? I was talking to two people yesterday trying to explain how it couldn't be in the beginning of the master massacre.

And it took all of me to not say I sound like I had a dick in my mouth, because it's really the most accurate depiction of it. Yeah, we couldn't get closer. But it wasn't-- I didn't know these people well enough to say that. So I said marbles, but in my head I'm like, marbles doesn't do justice.

It's a dick. It's totally dick, I can't get it. I can't get it. I think that's-- I think that's-- I think it's done.

I think we're done here. I think we're done here. I think we need to go home. I get in the car. I think we're nice to get in the car.

Look, there it be, it's an effortable at this point. Last summer, I was doing E.D. and Martha every single day, so-- and people are begging for it back. People have written in. We-- my old makeup-- not my old makeup artist.

Some of the sets of Chris still just tagged me in a full-- of my smile and all these photos of me really

“have me smiling, and that's what I woke up to today.”

And did you see that people are commenting on things that are happening in the bravo sphere with your work face? And she's just like, one thing about me. You've replaced the little girl in the back seat going like that. You've replaced her.

I do have to say maybe my favorite accomplishment of my career, because I love being a meme. If I can bring joy to anyone and make a comment that much funnier, that's what my purpose is.

And that's the call back.

And that's the call back.

OK, we have to get off stop talking.

I love you. I love you, goodbye. Goodbye. Get our merch.