Giggling about roasts, road rage, and heartburn

- Sob, good news. - Gary, fix your Wi-Fi. - Man, affectionate. - He can't be mad at me. (laughing)

(upbeat music)

- I mean, the day just got away from me.

- What is up, my Goulash Gigglers? Do you know Goulash's? - It's feeling very fall. - You've no, it is fall. I was gonna say you've no culture, but it is fall.

- Isn't it like ground beef? - It's a Hungarian dish. - Okay. - Anyway, welcome to the pod. - There's been so many women

as some of the week, like, yeah. - Now I think, no, it's a thing. - I feel like the women are like, (laughing)

“- No, the truly, I think this segment is done.”

We did, in true Gigglers squad, fashion. We beat it the dead horse. - Like, can I do one, another one though? - Yeah. - Okay, so this video is going around

to going viral of this woman's shopping in Target. And she's being filmed.

And you're from the, whatever, anyway.

- A girl comes, sees she's being filmed by a man. - Yeah. - And goes, excuse me, that man's filming you. - Oh, like, looking out for her. - Yeah, like, that man's filming you, are you okay?

And the girl turns, she's like, oh my god, that's my husband, like, it's okay. And the girl's like still doesn't believe her, like, blink twice if he's like, you're being trafficked. And she's like, it's my husband, I swear.

And she's like, okay, and then she stops and she recommends a product that she's looking at. And she's like, that's actually really good. Don't get that one, it's overpriced, and then walks away. And I was like, girlhood, maxing.

- Wait, I saw a similar situation like this happen. I wasn't involved in any of it, but I was a wise manager. I'm across a street from a nursery school, like preschool. I watched a dad walk his daughter

into like the gated area, and there was like a teacher there. He dropped her off with the teacher. He walked out of the gated area. He's on the sidewalk. The little girl's like in the play area with the teacher.

- He's lost me already, but (laughing) - Why was I telling that's so monochrome? - Sorry, I was trying to avoid losing me. And that's, I got lost in your eyes. (laughing)

- I was like, that's really- - I didn't even care. (laughing) - If I can't see something visually, I can't do this in my hands. - I know, but I, okay, so there's a,

“I didn't walk the play area, dad play area walks out, okay?”

- Okay. - So the dad's leaving, he's like waving to the daughter. Like, see, after school, he's on the sidewalk. He's kind of like lingering on the sidewalk now for like five minutes, he's like on his phone a little bit.

He's just standing there. He's watching the daughter play. From an outside perspective, if outside perspective, if you didn't watch him drop her off, you'd be like, who is this guy on the sidewalk

just watching this little girl play? A car pulls up, a woman is in the car. She yells, hey, what's going on here? The teacher inside of like this school is like, everything's okay, and then I don't know

what the dad said 'cause I couldn't hear, but he turned to the car, but I was like, woman's not. Actually, I saw an article about a man who adopted his own child without a wife or a girlfriend,

and people were like mind-blown. 'Cause it's true, how many men do you hear, like, I couldn't find the right person. - I just, I'm like a single dad. - So I just wanted to adopt.

- Or like a single guy who gets a surrogate.

- Yes, you never hear those stories.

- You never hear those stories. - You never hear those stories.

“- They're out there, but we've never come,”

it's never come across or doesn't ask. - Somebody, you know, it did come across or I asked someone was like page Ryan Murphy did make a monocoloan sketch. - No, people were messaging me there like last episode, was the most chaotic episode.

You guys have ever had a movie squad. And they were like, page made up a show that's already been made. (laughing) - Genius idea.

- You casted the entire show accurately with the director of the show runner. And they made it. She goes, what if this is crazy? - I don't think you saw it.

- And I just like subconsciously was in here, okay. - I had to. - But someone said it was a one-season of American Horror Story. It wasn't like, it's not like the JFK Junior. It wasn't like advertising as its own show.

I want like a real monocoloan sketch. - Oh, yeah. - I'm not like multiple seasons. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- Anyway, hi, how are you? - I'm good. I walked here and it really threw me. - Yeah. - I got really tired.

I don't know why you do stuff like that to yourself. I was not walking here, but I was getting out of the Uber. And there was two girls in front of me walking down the street. And all girls have the same conversation. It doesn't matter who you are, where you live,

or who you're friends with. We literally all have the same conversation and the girl turned to her friend. And she said, well, my mom said,

My mom said, I think he's cheating on you with a man.

So she's like, so, and then she's our talking Spanish. So I don't know the end of the story. - You know the end of the story. - You know the end of the story. - You know the end of the story.

(laughing) - I'm like, look, if your mom's throwing out that accusation, she sat there for a while. She thought, should I even say this? So the fact that she said it, and now we've said it,

it's 100% back. It's factual to you. That guy's girlfriend. That girl's boyfriend was cheating on her. - Shout out to her and her mom,

to be an investigative journalist during this time. - To continue on last episode. - To piggyback into. - To piggyback, yes. I was wearing, you just call me a pig.

(laughing)

“- All right, did we get over you walking here too quickly?”

(laughing) Do we pass by that too? - My problem is I have one speed when I walk, and I'm not trying to be like, oh, I'm gonna your crew walk fast.

I think I just have anxiety, and I'm like, you're walking, you're walking. - You're walking, yeah. - I'm not like slowly walking anywhere, unless I'm on like,

no, I'm not, unless I'm like, with a dog who needs to pee, I'm not stopping.

- Right, which I've never been walking a dog.

- So, after the show, I got back to like, this like chic, cool West Hollywood hotel. And I don't know, there's something about like, after a long night in heels, like, they just-- - After our show.

- After our show. - It's a different heel than you started the night with. Like, it feels completely different. - Yeah. - And it was like, the heels are a little big for me,

and like, they just couldn't stay on my feet. So, I had to walk through this like, and it wasn't just a lobby, it was like a lobby chic bar, which was like bright with like pool tables and couches, and everyone just lounging in LA is so like,

whenever anyone walks in, everyone has like, look you up and down. - Yeah. - So, I'm like, I have to walk 100 feet in these heels, and I swear to God, everyone was like laughing at me,

'cause I was a deer in the headlights. I couldn't walk, but I was like, it's why I sell. And I was just like trying to-- - It was like a win breaker. - But what do you do when you're wearing uncomfortable heels

and everyone's looking at you? Like, how do you maneuver that athletically? Especially 'cause you famously say that you can fit into any size shoe. - When I was in ninth grade, my mom held a class

in my kitchen for all my girlfriends who could not walk in-- - She didn't have my number at the time.

“- I've never, I think because, look, you started sport”

as a young age, like you're really good at tennis.

When I first saw heels as a child, I was like, yeah,

I love whatever the fuck those things are, I love them. So, I've been truly walking in heels since kindergarten. - I know what it is, heels are like ice skates. You either were raised on-- - Cating or shoe, don't know how to get them.

- Because I'm like, I'm athletic, I go walk in a heel, no, I can't. - It's honestly, it's practice. - 'Cause I'm not hugging it in the right way. Like, I don't know.

- You're not gripping at the right path. - I'm not gripping. And then I also like, hurts my toenail. I also have a wide foot. - I'm trying to like picture how I do it.

I guess when your toe is about to come up off the ground, that's when you grip. - Yeah, I'm not, I do not have the right gripping situation. - Situation, it's almost like sauce. Like, oh, when I know what I'm supposed to do

with the rhythm of the flow, but like, you got to practice. - Well, it's also, it's also kind of like diving into a pool. You can't just go. You have to start out small, so you really have to start out with like a kitten

to walk around. And then you have to build yourself up to like a five inch salotto. You can just be born in a salata. - I think we've all been there where you see

as you like, and I'm like, I'm buying it. And you put it on, you're like, I look great.

“But you did factor in like, that you have to move in it.”

- And if she was a little bit too big and you're not experienced in walking and he'll, you can't do it. I'd actually even say go smaller. - This might be too niche, but I'm an eight

and sneakers and I think I'm a 7.5 and heels and I've been telling everyone I'm an eight and it's actually not my fall. I've just been sabotaging myself. - That's what it is.

I think your shoes are a little bit too big for your feet. - Yeah. - And so then you were falling off as I was walking. - You feel like you've clowned feet.

- Yes, and there was this like, Pete Davidson looking character, like, oh no. - I was like, six, four with a weird fucking mustache and like, hair grown up. - And he was judging him?

- Yeah, he was like, looking at, I was like, don't fucking look at me. - Take a shower. Like leave me alone. - Oh my God, this is so embarrassing.

- And I was on such a high night. Like I was like, I'm best friends with Kate and Mindy loves me or hates me. We don't know. - Yeah.

- And then I like lost all my confidence walking back into my room. - Did you actually have been heart roast? - Yes, I watched her from the beginning because I'm a researcher of the art of comedy.

- They will give men as much time on live TV as they want.

- Hit our three. I was like, okay, wrap it the fuck up. Why was it so long? - They like really went for it. - I think, I was like, I think Chelsea

and they're got the respect she deserved. - No, she deserved it. - Chelsea and there was a man on that stage. She would've had a rock entrance. And by the way, the rock came up out of the ground

and they were like fireworks and they got like, carried to the stage. I thought he did horrible too. - Well, he was drunk and did 30 minutes. - There were good jokes in it.

- Yeah. - But he, it's live.

“I think they should have, why did they have to do it live?”

- Okay, wait. So when we were at the Netflix brunch, sometimes I truly forget. Sometimes I feel like there are situations where I think about, oh my God, I'm nervous.

I don't have any confidence in this moment. And then there are other times where like, you have too much confidence. - You have too much confidence? - Yeah, and like, I'll take a step back and I'll be like, me, me, show your mouth.

(laughs) Like, me, me, me, you shouldn't be so confident in this area that you have no idea about, me, me, me. And it's not until it's an afterthought, which is not great. We're at the Netflix brunch.

This lovely man comes up to me. He says, "Hi, he's giving me his job title." Pretty high up, bad Netflix in an unscripted. And we're chatting, we're going back and forth. And he didn't ask me what I thought about their library

unions, but let me tell you something. I told him what I thought. We're talking about like reality TV and we're talking about reunions, specifically. - I know he's gonna want to have a business meeting

with us ever because we repeat every business meeting on this pot for beta. - He wasn't even a business meeting. He was literally asking me to like pass something to him. - I don't want to say what you're about to say.

- I'm the corner of my eye.

- I'd left page for a second.

And she's sitting down alone with a man. So I stop my conversation. I go, hold on a second. I have to like, we might need to stop dropping roll. Like I don't know if she's safe.

Nobody talks about the look you give your friend who's trying to help you when you're really like, no actually I am okay.

“- It's literally ninja because you have to walk behind the guy.”

She looks at you. She can't make a weird face because then she's putting a vulnerable person on. - So she has to do it through her eyes. If you weren't speaking,

I'd be like, I need to get him out. - Yeah. - But you seemed very passionate about what I was talking about. - I was dialed in and tell them what you were saying. - And I don't even know how we got on this subject.

But I was like, I have watched reunions before of seasons

that I've never watched of television

just because a reunion, exciting, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And I said to him, I was like, except I don't like that Netflix does the reunions live. I don't think you would ever be able to get the amount of content the viewer is looking for.

And the specific content and answers they're looking for in one hour of live TV. I was like, you have to film that for at least eight to 10 hours, even to just cut it up into one good hour. And he just looked at me and he was like,

I really can't just kind of like, who do you think you are? But he also did kind of a gray. And then I said like, by name, a host that I didn't think we're very good.

That they should stop hiring.

“And then I think you did get a brand name.”

He's like, I actually was just saying, welcome to the brunch. I have thoughts, but live TV's exciting because there's this air of like something crazy can happen. Right, which I was going to say, I like that Netflix does live roasts.

I think it is okay for that type of entertainment. I don't think reunions should ever be live. Well, the roast now that can cut it down to like, all the favorite one liners that came out of those three hours.

But I will again say Chelsea handler discovered Kevin Hart. She put him on her show Chelsea lately. And Kevin gives her all the flowers. Kevin's in love with her. Yeah.

But I felt like the other boys were like, even after she did her set, she looked, she looked down on my own. Even after her set, they were like, things Chelsea. Like, if she was a man, they would be sucking her dinner, they're all in two girls out there.

They only had two comics that were women. Which is bonkers, right, right, right, right. Oh, yeah. But Chelsea held her own and they like came out her like really hard.

Like if they did the normal like your whole year old, but then they were like giving her like accusations. You know what's funny?

Is that like men will always like criticize female comedy

and they'll be like, oh, they talk about it. They're like, they're vagina. Yeah, and it's seen me the joke. And it's like, okay, like, you talk about what you know and like, we have ones.

I don't, I never knew where they got so mad about that. And it's like, okay, fine. But anytime they talk about a woman in comedy, it's like, she's a whore. And it's like, okay, like think of a better, also worth.

Chelsea doesn't just talk about her pussy. Chelsea talks about MDMA a lot. Chelsea talks a lot about drugs.

Well, Chelsea has good life.

“Chelsea's world story and stories that you want to listen to”

that you're like, oh, my God, I'd never find myself

in that type of situation. That's why it's entertainment. Oh, Chelsea blew up because of being a good interviewer. Where she'd get her guests to open up and then she'd all over them and people loved it.

Chelsea lately was so ahead of its time. Like, when they talk about like the boys of late night now, I'm like, right, but Chelsea lately was one of the funny issues. Like, we love Jimmy Fallon.

What they have treated Jimmy Fallon like that? Oh, no, no. They would have treated me. Tippy-towing around Jimmy Fallon. Oh, that you're iconic.

Thank you for all you've done. You've been this industry so long and said, Chelsea, you old whore. Yeah. And look, I know it's a roast.

But there was just a new one. There was tension in the room.

No one came for Regina Hall.

Which makes me like respect. Turn away where people were scared of coming for Regina Hall. And but Chelsea looked. Chelsea laughed. She's an amazing sport.

I just felt like considering who she is in comedy. So anyway, I'm just talking my own. I just, oh, yes. That's been this nonsense. No, I was just shocked at how long it was.

It was long. I also felt like Cheryl Underwood killed. Yes, she did. Because the vibes were kind of getting alive. It was tough.

And then she came out there and she felt like she brought everyone together. Because they were making insane jokes about her husband who passed away. Who she was down for it.

Because you can make so many jokes about it. And she was like, that's part of my life.

But she came up there and she said,

we need to stick together. We have to laugh. We have to be open. We have to communicate with each other. So that was a really beautiful message.

And then she fucking murdered. And she's like a Christian comic and was so dirty. It was so funny. But when a comedian is like, not even bombing. Just like maybe one joke.

I can't like I physically have to. Well, there's this, I can't watch. There's like a really smart roast joke. And then there's the edge lord roast jokes where it's for shock value, it's like cringe comedy.

“And the only way it works is if it's smart.”

And sometimes they say it and it's not smart. And you're just like, you just want to say that word. Right. Which is not a joke. That was just a hate cringe comedy.

Well, cringe comedy is an art form that I'd say only Meg Stalter has perfected. Like she's perfected it. We're like, you sit in it and you're so scared. But you're like, she'll take me through this.

We will get through this. So true, because I don't find her comedy cringe. I almost find it like it's a bit that I wasn't ready and on that everyone else knows and I want to know what it is. Yes, and that's how cringe comedy should feel.

It shouldn't feel like everyone's cringing. Yeah. I don't even know how you perfect that. How many bombs did she have to do before she was like, and that's the perfect amount of cringy.

Yeah, or just like, how she comes up with genius. That's what I'm like, I don't even know what I mean. She's transforming like, um, press tours. We are sleep experts. No, we are.

But we're also honest, and sometimes we don't sleep perfectly. Everyone's upset. A lot of things do keep me up at night. Like I have to have the perfect temperature. I have to have the volume at a certain level.

And sometimes Kitty, like, she's not an outdoor cat, but she will bring me treats in the middle of the night. And one of them is like her stuffed animal mouse. And I'm like, thank you so much. I didn't need it on my forehead at five a.m.

Well, keep me up at night. Sometimes my husband, um, just having someone else's your phone. I totally do not tell.

“And that's why my mattress for mattress is amazing because mattress”

for matched me with a mattress that has cooling technology so that even if my husband is warm, I stay cool. And that's why our marriage works. And mattress for matched me with a mattress that has movement isolation.

So if Kitty ever jumps up there and causes a ruckus at nighttime, I'm just like not feeling it. Because Kitty's not late anymore. (laughing) Okay, I'm telling you, you said that.

You also can compare like a tour bed to your regular bed. Oh my God, when I'm on tour, it just doesn't feel like home. There's nothing like after a long day jumping into your mattress from mattress and just feeling like this where I belong.

And mattress for them truly, I have the best mattress in America. I also have an adjustable base bed, which people don't talk about enough. What is that? Oh, like you can go up and down.

Yeah, so I'm gonna elevate my life. Does it vibrate? Sure does, honey. It sure does. I might not fit in another place's

and I might be lonely, but I'm at just for him. I always love me. I also, I'm a bad shopper. Yeah. But there's nothing more fun like make it a day of it.

Go to a mattress firm, get a sleep expert and jump on all the beds and they'll help you for what's best for like you lower back or like how the temperature you like or just the vibes. I liked it so much I went twice.

and then the next time I like really made my decision

with my guy. I should do it weekly. I love how you have a sleep mattress guy now. Of course. And like hey, what's the new pillow?

When I sleep through night, I wake up so much more delightful. I have more energy. I have a little pep in my step. So whatever is standing between you and a good night's sleep,

whether it's physical discomfort or pet with the zoomies matches from sleep experts will help you get the right mattress to help quite the noise. Because here us out, it isn't just a mattress. It's your mattress and mattress from sleep expert

make it easy to find the right one. With over 200 hours of training, they'll figure out exactly what your body means and you'll be waking up so well rested. You won't even know what to do with yourself.

More giggles, less groggy, that's the goal. For the great sleep you deserve, visit mattress firm, they make sleep easy. Also, I want to just shout out people who blow their nose and somehow make that trumpet noise.

Is it genetic or did they learn how to do that? Because I look, people like a loud sneeze. Every now and then I'm like, feel that orgasm, like lean into it. But I was on a flight.

And this person was blowing their nose like a trombone to the point that it startled me. It was like, ah, and everyone was shook. And I'm like, is that genetic? Is your nose canal, like a certain angle

that it comes out that way? My favorite thing ever is when kitty sneezes. When your cat sneezes, you're like, there's something that reinforces that they've organs inside their body.

And you're like, oh my God, I forgot to go. Well, the best part is there's no lead-up. So they just go, (laughing) And then they're scared. They're like, I wanna squeeze their head.

Where were you? - On a plane. - Oh, oh. - Like, I was sleeping on a plane. - Yeah.

“- So basically, I think the most comfortable place”

you could be. And then someone takes a band, a film marching band. - The thing that I will say is I have been the person on a plane that's like so stuffed up. And I'm like, I don't give a fly.

- No, I'm okay with that. You just don't have to, what's a-- - And you're not good. - Yeah, you don't have to in and off. - Yeah, but think about how stuffed up that guy was

that he had to blow that hard, because the pressure, but that's the thing, you actually don't have to blow hard on a plane. You could do a lot of little blows. That's what I do.

Be like, (laughing) You have to go, (screaming) - Our podcast content has gotten more riveted over the years. - Well, does this funny 'cause I don't think he actually listens,

but occasionally be like, what'd you talk about? - I lack out. - And I'll be like, I don't know, or I'll be like chess. And he's like, oh, that's really unique. I'm like, it's actually not. (laughing)

Pretty predictable for the pot at this point. Like the girls are like chess, boo. - No, I literally talked about things that I would call you on the phone to say. Like I'm back to hair, cycling.

Are you? - Are you? - They've washed once. I'm getting back to like washing once a week. - You saw some. - You exhaust me. - You exhaust me.

- You exhaust me. - I know.

“- Like I can't keep up with what would you where we do last week?”

- I mean, I'm going to get my second make her kneeling

in three weeks. Like, where are you? - True. - You know, we have to stay on schedule. Why did you decide to go back to hair cycling?

- Um, I don't know, it just kind of happened. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I feel like it's easier in the summer. And it's easier if my hair is longer for whatever reason.

You can do more with your hair greasy and long, and I feel like you can't shorten long. - Sure, sure, and greasy. - Do you think we're turning as the same person? - Yeah, I do.

- 'Cause now you have long greasy hair. - I know. (laughing) - No, like, sometimes people will sit, like comment pictures, like you guys look alike. And I usually be like, you guys are insane, isn't it?

- And now, recently, I'll look at it and I'll be like, "Hally, we're not sisters, we're twins." - We'll have the same facial expression 'cause we're like, so connected emotionally. So like, when someone's like, take a photo,

we both of the, like, our eyes have the same face. - Our eyes are saying the same thing. - And our mouths do this thing where it's like,

“like, we have a secret to tell them we can't,”

it's literally, we make the facial expression of, I have to tell you something, but I can't do it right now. That's the facial expression, and I know exactly.

- You know, if the second of the photo's over,

I'm about to whisper something stupid. - Wait, someone came up to Hannah at brunch. This is the most diabolical thing ever. And of course, it was a man, 'cause no woman would ever put another woman in the situation.

Guy comes up to Hannah at brunch and goes, "I have to tell you something, but I can't do it until later." And I literally, in my head, was like, all throw up. - He got all literally throw up. - No, this is like a famous comedian,

and I'm like, "Hi!" And he goes, "Guide tell you something, I go, "Tell me he can't tell you now." And I go, "I'm not sleeping tonight." - No, literally, I was like, we have to perform tonight.

- How dare you? - Don't have his number. Texted his assistant yesterday. I tried to be cool for like two days, and I DMed him on like, what's the tea?

Didn't respond. I mean, obviously he's busy. I see him on Netflix, like he's doing stuff,

So then I have, all I have to say,

- And it's like, I've been thinking about it. - I have assistant contacts, so I text his assistant yesterday, and I said, "Hey, you can give him my number,

"if he wants to tell me anything," and she's like, "What?" I think she's, who knows if she even relayed that to him. She probably was like, "No, I'm protecting him." - No, I'll freak out.

And I know he's busy, like it's the Netflix is a joke, so I know he's not just like sitting on his phone, but I'm also like, I'm stressed, and now I'm making things up. Like I'm like, I have a full story of what he's telling me,

and I watch it 'cause he's a, this is my thing. 'Cause he's a boy. There's a chance it's like a really bad piece of gossip. Like it's like, I'm a someone's cousin, and they know who you are.

- Yeah.

“- And I'm like, that's what you kept me up”

from REMSleep for a week, 'cause someone knows someone knows you. - I thought about it, non-stop, since it happened, because it's such a great example on how men and women are different.

- He's quite mentalizing. He forgot, he told me that. - Well, 100% forgot, and women also make decisions based on how other people are going to feel.

So, and men have never thought of that in their lives.

- He literally, like, that was crazy poison me. - Men go throughout their lives. - I was checking off their own to do less. - Yes, you have nothing, and you have nothing to do with it, babe. - Also, by the way, there's something about womanhood.

I don't care where you are. You can always tell me the gossip. The person, the gossip can be right there. - Yeah, we're finding a way, 'cause women we have to communicate with each other to survive.

There was such a man thing, 'cause also, we were in an open brunch. Like, when you're in an open area, you're words just disappear, there's no echo. - Also, people on the side, if I--

- Hold me aside. (laughing) - Pull me, there were so many crevices where you could have pulled me aside and whispered something in my ear.

Like, what? It was, it was a mansion. There were 18 rooms we could have gone in for you to sit down and tell me what the fuck was going on. Now, I'm the history of womanhood.

Has a woman ever come up to me, said,

“I have to tell you something so important,”

but I have to tell you in eight hours. Big day, in fact, invented texting into the year 2000, whip out your phone and type it right now. - With the most part, as I tried to put it onto you,

did you see that? He looks at me and he goes, "I got gossip, I go about her." (laughing) 'Cause immediately I'm like, "I've been so good." I don't know, I don't know.

- This is my daily favorite, I don't say anything. I don't do anything. I'm not allowed to comment on anything. I'm not allowed to look at comments. I'm literally at peace, I don't go on to her website.

- Yes. - I'm at peace. So when someone says I have drama for you, I go, "It better not fucking be me because I've been doing everything I'm supposed to do

for the universe to give me the fuck alone." So I literally go and has to be her. He's has to be her. She's not here than me.

- I'm like, first of all, you know,

I'm in a way dressing, nothing bad can happen to me today. - He has to be a ghost. - He has to be a ghost. - Not her. - You, and I'm like, "Why?" - Not Ron, not Hermione.

- My name. - Yeah. - But also one thing about me and you,

“and I think you, you like this about our friendship.”

- Even though I'm gonna say you hate it. - No, even though I'm married. - Yeah. - I should be boring. Like I shouldn't have any gossip.

- And I go, it finds me. - It finds me, and I know those people are like, "I'm not the drama, I'm blind to me," and you're, but like, I have bad luck with certain social situations where like, I find myself in pickles often,

and that's why I try to be selective about when I go outside, 'cause I have to like, I'm not doing it. - I'm not doing it. - I have some type of magnetism to you,

and I don't know if it's like, of your own doing. Someone say you've got your sub-insist, some situation. - Okay, I, I, I'm not completely innocent, 100% I'll take accountability for that.

- But I call it the sub-boy test. There's like 50 people, and then there's a crazy person that comes on the subway, they're gonna go up to someone. - Oh yeah. - It's always me.

- Yeah. - Like they literally find me and go be lying to me. - You have an aura, and some type of aura that's like, someone say what to star power? (laughs)

Someone say, I mean character energy. - I mean, I want to talk to you. - Yeah. - But I'm normalizing in your 30s knowing that your 20s, I feel like you're trying to be the main character.

You're like, what's my character, what's my vibe, who am I, I'm the main character of this book, what's my story, I'm working on getting into a situation and saying you don't have to be the main character, which is difficult for me, but healthy to be like,

let's be a side character in this story. - Yeah. - Let's watch other things, which is back, and then go home and you're not part of any drama. - Drama.

- You're not part of the main story. - I used to, like, someone would tell me something and I'd feel like I had to fight for them

- Yeah. - And I was, I've been looking at all clips of you, of me, where you don't say it, because, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

“- And I'm like, what if, kind of, what if you just shot the cover?”

- What if you tried that for a little bit? - What if you shut up and... - Well, that would argue that you're being selfish by trying to get in the middle of everything, but I would say that that's wrong.

But you truly do always want, like, justice for the underdog,

where I'd actually argue, I'm more selfish, because I'll be in situations where I'm like, I could say something right now, but what will that do for me? - I would say that you're better at politics than me, yeah. - You're, you're thinking big picture, but I do,

like, even when I was little, you fight the good fight. - I would always be fighting, but it doesn't always feel good after. - I'll pick and choose on those, but when you, when you, someone fucks with you.

- Yeah, well, that's, yeah. - I feel like in public settings, I can be pretty quiet. Like, if someone's rude to me, I, like, don't respond. - Yeah. - Like, in New York when someone yells at me,

you're, like, a car hong set me. - I'll throw a bird up every now and then. - I'm happy to say that, flipping the bird. - Am I? - Well, literally in the seven days.

- Well, my, I was just gonna say my dad says that. - How often do you flip the bird, like, pre-year? - Not enough as I should.

“- Well, you should, 'cause you have the perfect finger”

flipping the bird. Mind, look, the guy like, well, you can't tell what you're doing. - Well, we don't drive, though. Like, so I don't feel like we're, 'cause, like, face to face, I'm not flipping the bird to someone on the sidewalk

that's insane. You're a crazy person. In the comfort of your car, I feel like I would be giving the finger more. - What level?

- You're in middle school and someone said that if you put your pinky up, that was giving the finger in Chinese. - Who made that up? - That was a thing. - I do vaguely remember that.

Someone who went to China and came back (laughs) someworldly knowledge. Someone who thought they were bilingual all last days. Let me ask that. - Yes, why would that start?

- I think this is an important question. When you're dating a man, you go in car

with him for the first time.

- How much roadway rage is? How much road rage is acceptable? 'Cause I feel like if he is no road rage, he's getting taken advantage of. - So interesting 'cause like being in the car can immediately give so many eggs.

- It can make a break early. - Yeah, it really shows someone's aura. - Yeah, I don't care if he pretended to be nice to a waitress for five minutes.

“How does he act when someone cuts them off on the road?”

- That's his true character. I don't want him to lose control and I don't want any violence (laughs) but I love a little under the breath cursing. - Yeah.

- That actually turns me on. - I don't know if I've been in the situation in truly the last 10 years where I've been like, woded your road rage was out of control. Like, there's a natural, like, this fucking asshole.

- Yeah, I think that's appropriate. But I think if you're, actually one time. - I knew I had to have them. - I had to sit in it for a little. I go, "That can't be right Paige, you dated psychos."

- Yeah, I was like, this isn't, it's not checking out that you haven't been in a road rage. (laughs) - Also 'cause you were dating people who were like driving at like 18, okay?

- Like, in New York, no one had a driver's license. - Oh, at 16, you were 16, yeah. - Yeah, I'm like eight, that's-- - You've been a little fun. - They've had their license for two years.

- Okay, I didn't, does it the first guy I've dated?

No, first guy I dated with a car was like 24. - That's so interesting. - Yeah, like he had a car and I was like, he has a car. - Wow. - I was like, you've a fucking car.

- Wait, that is so crazy. - 'Cause I was like, you guys didn't have cars. It was like a walking town. One of my teammates had a car and she was like the ship. - Oh my God, so much happens in high school

in like the suburbs in your car. Or in fields. - Yeah, I was in fields a lot. - But what was I saying? - It's like I do in the road rage incident.

- Okay, you know in New York City where like, obviously there's so many intersections and there's so pivotal like to each other. And if you get your in like rush hour traffic and you get one bus and the bus is kind of just like,

fuck you guys and they're in the middle. - Well, that was happening. And I think I was on my way to the airport. And this man got out of the back of the Uber. - It wasn't even driving. - He wasn't even driving.

- No. - No. - And he was driving. - He was driving. - Cool bus, but it was like a,

some type, not like a gray, how in bus but some type of like tour bus or like something. And got out and went up to the bus and was like you're fucking it for everyone else. But not in a like, so you were like,

- It's like, and can I do a photo shoot on this bus 'cause I really liked the back.

- Okay, well, I'll never forget

because I was sitting in the back seat. I was eating a five napkin salad. And it was the day I discovered, have you ever had five napkin? - It's not five guys, right?

“- No, it's like, I think it's on the upper”

of a psych, guys or whatever. - I actually, I visualized it. - And I will never forget that day because it's the day I discovered one of my favorite salads.

- Wait, you're like, I'm trying to enjoy my salad. And then this sound comes in. - I think at this annoying point. - I'm getting out of the Uber's fucking crazy. - No, it was, and this was before the egg was invented,

but I knew that I felt it right in that way. - How did he come back? Like, was he like, got that guy? - Yeah, he came back and nothing happened and I was like, you're not moving the bus.

- Yeah, you're not type hunting tent. - Like, literally get a grip dude. Like, you've a best on.

- You've never named Dr. Type hunting before.

I was waiting for the perfect time. - Also, it's funny 'cause I am a passenger princess, so I observe. It's actually the one time that I observe and sit back and observe.

And I love when people get mad 'cause people are cutting them off, but then I watch them cut someone off

“and I'm like, guys, but I guess that's life.”

Sometimes you're the asshole and sometimes they're at the asshole. - And then there's people like me, it's like, I didn't know I cut you off, like, sorry. - You know, it's not everything is about you. Like, I was in my own world, I was a biobake.

Like, you know, I'm to give me the finger because I didn't know. - I haven't driven enough. I've been like, yeah, someone's like, honked at me before, but I, and yeah,

I didn't actually really hurt my feelings. (laughing) - I wanted to be like, I'm two weeks in. My husband is disappointed at me. The gigglers want me to pass a test.

I have a lot going on. They are like, I'm like, we're in fucking West Hampton. Why are you fucking honking? Where do you have to go? - I am nervous though, like, I haven't driven in so long.

I'm nervous that it's kind of like, I told someone you lose at type thing. - I told someone this summer house story recently about how I got in trouble for not driving. - Yeah.

- This is my favorite story.

- Do you know something I never talked about,

something I did threaten in summer house with a couple of times that I should have followed through on it was, because we had to drive to the Hampton every Friday, my dad would call me every Friday and be like, I don't give off fuck who's in charge down there.

You tell them, I said, you're not driving. And I'm like, God, I can't say that at like 27 years old that my dad said, I can't drive to the Hampton's, but 100,000 percent that man was right. I don't know how.

- Whatever was comfortable with a five hour drive on a highway. - With five people in the back. - And these were trucks we were driving in. - The amount of times I was responsible for over four people in the car to drive for four hours

on one of the busiest highways in the country. - I'd also not even to get to the highway you had to get through the city and everyone was trying to get out of the city. - And I had never driven in the city before.

- Oh, that's so terrible. - Until then. - So yeah, I got called out because I never drive and everyone's like, Hannah, you're a selfish bitch and I was like, I don't know my driver's license, do you wanna die?

And then afterwards we're sitting in the bed and you were like, I do a driver's license, but no one's mad at me. And I was like, you're an icon and a legend. And but I was also thinking like,

I remember you would show up, hung over. - Yeah. - Like you'd show up, my eyes are losing you. - You were like seeing colors and you had like, you had like a scar, like that's just how you remember do you need to be like,

yeah, you want this turk toilet paper that we had and you used it as a pillow. - If anything, she's her resource. (laughing) And I was like, no one talks, she's going through it.

And I was like, you know we're about to drink all weekend and you were like, you know. - Yeah, but that was my 20s. Like, and I'm so proud of her. - Now she is one spicy margarita.

- Listen to what happened to me. What happened? You tried to get me to go out again, you little drunken. - Oh, my gosh, I don't hear her.

“- Wait, what did I go out to dinner, Saturday night?”

- I go out to dinner, Saturday night. And I'm like feeling myself, whatever. Last night, I wake up at like, I don't know, like five a.m. This has been happening to me every single night.

I wake up at like five a.m. I have the worst heartburn ever in my whole life. I'm like literally, I think I'm having like a heart attack in my, like acid refluxes. - But you know that. - Big meals, you eat a ton of little ones.

- Yeah, but I think it's because I eat such like spicy and I had like two spicy margaritas, like the night before. - Yeah, yeah. - I wake up at five a.m. I end up throwing up at least the present that you've ever done.

- I end up throwing up because my acid refluxes so bad. - And where's Kitty during this? - Kitty's just like, she's sitting there but she's like, okay. - 'Cause when you go to the bathroom,

they have to go with you. - Yeah, I can't. - I can't, we'll be with you in two seconds. Like, whenever I can't find her, I just go into the bathroom.

I'm like, she'll be here in a minute.

I'm throwing up because of my acid reflux.

I end up like, just like being up. I start doing things. I end up like putting a workout set on. I'm like doing my laundry.

“- I'm like turning a negative into a positive.”

- I'm like peak doing shit at like eight thirty. Then like nine thirty a.m. rolls around. I realize I'm getting a little sleepy. I wanna take a little nap at taking nap to eleven thirty. I wake up and I go,

"Did I like crack the coat on the best schedule ever?" Like, "Why aren't people doing this schedule, man?" And then I realized, "That's a schedule of an infant." (laughing)

- Hey, you woke up through up. - Played around for a little bit. Said, "Mom, I'm tired. Go back to sleep." - We've all over new.

- We've all at eleven o'clock. - I've been like, I couldn't nap right now but that would be depression. - I had a boyfriend for a couple of years one time and he would say, "Page does this thing called morning nap."

And it was in that moment that I realized he was in fact right, I was too immature. (laughing) - But I'm morning nap. Like if you wake up at like,

you're one of those people that's like, I really wanna be a morning person and wake up and like work out. Why aren't more people doing that schedule? But I guess the full eight hours

“is really what you need to be like healthy.”

- Well, it does wake up at like six a.m. And at like seven o'clock, I put on a movie to put 'em down and he immediately is out and I'm like, "He's had a long day."

Like I worked up four hours ago. He's been up for like 16 hours. Sometimes who wake me up and he'd already be like, "I went on a run. I played 18hs of golf."

- Great. - I changed my name. I have a new family, which he does this morning. - He's like, "I just went and hung out at the DMV just for fun." - This is if they needed an extra hand.

- He fully wakes me up. Do you wanna wait, you really made us laugh? Paged call to us in the morning and said, "Happy Mother's Day" does. Because he takes care of the family

and as does he, "Happy Mother's Day" to does, he wakes me up. Like he-- - I know that as a Scorpio, he's a mental load is like you wouldn't even be able to scratch the surface.

- I put a lot on that man. - I put a lot on that man. He's stressed, he feels everything, but he'll do together for the family. He literally did a thing, you know,

and your parents wake you up where they're like, "Get up, don't make me say it again." He said that to me and I was like, "It's Sunday." - We're telling the Googlers that once time does told me something but he didn't want to tell Hannah

'cause he didn't want to stress Hannah out and then Hannah told me something but she didn't tell Des because she didn't want to stress Des out and I was like, "Get me out of your perfect love story." - The fucking freaks, like literally it leaves me alone.

- That's our foreplay. - We're not telling each other things. - Things that love each other, they don't die in it. - But then we all had to, we had to act all weekend. We both were fine and then finally you go,

"You guys both know about this." And then I was like, "I'm just fucking telling me I was like, "Pretending everything was okay." And he was like, "So it's I." And it was there.

- And like, "Get out of my apartment."

- But you and Des together as you powerful.

I don't like when you connect to you. The code "Sanswandsich" becomes 20% rabat or all of you are in "Sand Produkte" by shop apothecae.com. - No?

- It's at 31st Newly. - Someone said they were listening to the script from the beginning. - Oh my God. - And like 2020 too and I just want to know like, "How dumb were we in 2020 too?"

- 'Cause you know, people go, "People change."

“I think you actually can see like us with my change.”

- For lack there. - Oh? - Yeah, exactly the same. I don't know, I can't get myself to listen to it. But 2020 was when we started.

- What a time. - Which doesn't, 2020 feels like two years ago, but it was six. - Do you know in 2006 was 20 years ago when the devil's product came out?

- Yeah. - 20 years ago. - We've been friends for... - I'm only 20 years old. - We've been friends for 10 years, really.

Probably, because if you count like, meaning on several times, we've really met that like year before. - Yeah. - 10 years. - You know what I had this thought the other day?

Because I was, I'm always like doing my hypothetical

Bachelor at party of my head. - Sorry, I'm not starring in a patriarchy, but I'm always like planning my hypothetical Bachelor at party. And you know how like people will always say,

or like, or they'll just like, or they'll say different things like,

"Oh, she always has a falling out with a friend"

or like, girls that have big, or even the opposite, girls who have big groups of friends like can't trust them because they're not close with any of them. - Or someone said, "If you just have childhood friends, "you can't make new friends, that's a red flag."

- Either way, I need your wrong everywhere. - And I would always kind of get down on myself 'cause I remember like, if I had a falling out with a childhood friend, I'd be like, "Oh my God, what does that say about me as an adult?"

Like, am I not as nice as I was? Whatever. - Oh, you a ghost girl? - Yeah. (laughing) - Are you even a ghost girl? (laughing)

You knew a girl and you weren't nice to her, your girls go? How many girls do you have any like, oh, you do go, go, go, go. I'm a ghost girl, go. - To me, it's that the perfect, I go. - I go.

“- 'Cause that's when I see a comment, that's how I read it.”

Is she even a ghost girl? (laughing) Have you even met a girl with one? Are you even a girl? (laughing) Are you even a ghost girl? - I love one people, do full dissertations on the internet,

and you're like, wow, that's a really good point. And then at the end, they'll be like, "And she's mean." (laughing) And I'm like, okay, so whatever.

I always think about that, how women get yelled at

for any type of friend they have. And then I was thinking about men and how they always have so many group chats. Like, I have so many girls in my DMs, being like, my husband's group chat is like 14 of them,

and they all played little league together. Like, it's like, okay, get some new friends. Anyway, I feel like I figured out, men have a ton of friends, and they don't have falling out, and they have different groups of friends

from different parts of their lives, that they're still friends with, because they have low emotional intelligence. - Yeah, they don't talk about anything. - If you talk about anything, you'll never fight.

- Yeah, they don't, even if they do get into a fight, they don't even talk about that fight. They just get over it.

“- Even if they get gossip, it dies with them.”

Like, they don't tell anyone it. We're like, think about every problem in a girl's group. It's because eventually, one girl says something about the other girl, the other girl agrees, or disagrees, and then a media beef.

Whenever I'm in a friend group, there's that like, initial high that you're in a group, and you feel like you belong to something. - Yeah. - And then an immediate fear of, oh no,

like, there's gonna be drama. - And the second, a little whisper comes in that like, so-and-so said something about you, you're like, oh my god. - No, we have to make sure.

- What? - We have to make sure we're in the same mom group. - Oh no, are you like a girl, mom is good? Mom's mom, are you a mom's mom? Are you a girl, mom, mom?

- How about me? - Have I ever seen a thing on the internet?

- Wait, I've never noticed.

I sound like a, I'm in a Swedish club. Are you a girl's girl? Are you a girl's girl? - That's a girl's girl's girl. - No, no, no, no, no, no.

- Someone could do like a... - Yeah, like six, five little guys. (laughing) - Wait, imagine a guy's being like, is he even a guy's guy?

Are you a guy's guy though? - No, truly. - Actually, the roast was, oh my god. - What, my favorite part of the roast? - 'Cause like, say what you want.

The man's gone through some stuff. - Yeah.

“- Cat Williams inspired me to do a stand-up comedian.”

- His, he did phenomenal. - He's opening of that special where he, it's walks on and he goes, "Everyday I'm hustling is the best opening of any special." Anyway, his careers, you know,

there's been some craziness going to be on a fight with an eight-year-old who knows. - Did he? (laughing) - Which is hilarious.

- Yeah. - So him and Kevin have beef because he just like talked really bad shit about Kevin on Shannon Sharpe's podcast about how Kevin's like an industry plant,

Dada-da. And they don't fuck with each other. - Yeah. - Cat Williams shows up. - And he calls Coco is Shannon Sharpe.

- He was a football player, I think. - Oh, yeah. - Or he does like sports stuff. - 'Cause I was like, "Why does everyone, "every guy I've ever met know who that, like, know who it is?"

- People go on his podcast and I guess he gets a lot out of them. - Yeah, I've seen that, but I didn't know what his like initials. - Yeah, how he started.

- Yeah. - He looks like a football player. - Yeah. - Jacked. - So apparently Kevin Hart was supposed to host the Oscars

which is funny 'cause if he got that guy, he would've kept it forever. - Yeah. - Yeah, he's a really good host. But he had a homophobic tweet come up and cat says

what the tweet was, which was if I had ever had a kid who was gay, I would take a doll house and hit him in the head with it and cat goes, and that's the gayest way to deal with it. To deal with your kid if he's gay.

And then he goes on to be like cat. He goes and then you created a vegan restaurant chain gay.

with all these muscular men and the rock. - Yeah, like he goes up about how gay it is, which is really funny. And then they have this beautiful moment where they kind of say let's make up,

like it's called the spade, which is so boy to be like, let's not talk about any of the things that were said or done. - No, and it's just right now, if you trust me, let's put it really the worst things ever.

It's like you were at a diddy party. Like if somebody tweeted, page just Sorbo is actually been seen at a diddy party and done like we are to it.

I'm never, not even at my never speaking to that person again.

I'm literally, no guiding your house down. - Guys, we're going to physical altercations. - Yeah. - And like still invite them on the batch or party. It's like, well, he was invited, he'll be fine.

After a couple of beers, he's really fun, actually. - They also can do the most insane things. Like the amount of times I've heard guys be like, oh, I became friends with him because we were dating the same girl and then like, and I'm like,

that's like kind of fucked up. - Like the most random thing, like I'll see two guys sitting next to each other at my standup show and like they'll immediately become best friends after saying like four words to each other.

“Like I guys remember and like we're hanging out tomorrow.”

- Well, they say because they don't have, they don't feel competition between each other because there's enough seats for all the men, but women feel insane competition because there's not enough seats for us.

- Well, it's like, 'cause we are like trying to protect. - No, they're protecting and we're the attackers. Like we have to get power. So we have to like... - You know what I said, Jim, man over the weekend.

I said, yeah, and we're the only species that's attracted to our number one predator. And he looked at me and goes, oh. (laughing) He goes, it's seven a.m.

(laughing) - Go back to sleep. - I just asked him if he wanted to still or sparkly. (laughing) - Anyway, do you know why I couldn't go into dinner

that night? - 'Cause I was editing the pocket. (laughing) - Took all day. - Fighting for my life, shout out to Grace.

We respect your work. - No, we really don't. - That's what I was editing the pod. We didn't have video. - Right, now it's like, there's video.

There's baked in ads. There's like, no, it's just a lot. It's, she's talking to the CEO of Duncan before she got, like it's crazy. But Grace sent me a photo, which I'll put in the newsletter

of her floating in water, saying, "Me, while you're fighting for your life." And you know what? - She deserves it. - She does.

- She deserves it. It's important that you make sure that you're employees take breaks. - Take a rest. - Yeah.

“- No, you have to have good benefits and resting days.”

- Yeah. - Just being literally takes off whenever she wants. I'm like, yeah, girl, mental health day for me too, actually. - She tells me when she thinks we should take the day out. - She's like, gone too far.

- She's like, I canceled everything. - I'm like, you can't, but she goes in for the long weekend. - One day? - One day she really did call me and she goes, "I think you're gonna be tired for that in two days."

So I'm gonna cancel it. I'm like, no, you can't cancel that. She's like, no, I'm gonna. - I do love though when someone puts something on my schedule and they're like, "Are you sure?"

And I go, "You're so fucking right. I'm gonna be." - I'm gonna be. - I'm not gonna make it. - One thing we can't cancel is to, well, it'll be today. - Tuesday, May 12th.

- Daphne Summer is launching. - Oh, Daphne fits. And I really, like, I've been trying to make a bloomer for a really long time. - What is a bloomer?

- Like, the little, like, shorts that look like, 'cause I feel like they're more pajama than they are, like, going out out. - Yeah. - And, like, in the summer, I wanted, like, a little strip.

“So I've been, like, trying to make them in different fabrics”

and we finally, like, figured it out.

So they're launching. - Women in STEM. - And we just have, like, cute little, like, sets for over bathing suits. - Yeah. - It's really fun, Summer.

- How many pieces? - A lot. - You, I don't know. - I don't know. - I don't know. - The little summer collection.

Like, there's, like, three different pants, matching tops. - I'm just, like, so happy for you, 'cause I feel, like, you were meant to say, I came out with a collection. You love saying the work collection. - The collection.

- Or the collection. - I am trying. And I'm really trying to lean. I'm leaning into Daphne this summer. Like, I really just wanna lean into it. And our show.

- And Giggly Sweat. - And for God's help. - So much. - So much. - So much. - I just realized. - Oh, yeah. - You just, you guys actually,

never mind how to do this.

- Oh, I just forgot. - Oh, I want to leave us on a mental health moment. - Okay. I was gonna use spray tan at 10 p.m. in LA. And-- - Boom. - Period mental health.

(laughing) - I was talking about asking her about if she does a lot of weddings, 'cause it's, like, wedding season. And she's, like, you know, it's interesting. When a bride is really crazy,

more crazy things happen to her, the weekend of the wedding, or when a bride is calm, less stuff happens to her. And I was like, that is so life. Like, when you come in with bad energy,

bad energy, fine to you. It's almost like you, you, um, - Tanniff, you manifest craziness.

to the com bride, but it doesn't, like, extrapolate.

- Yeah. - Like, it doesn't, crazy word.

“- Yeah. - It doesn't, like, build and momentarily.”

- Yeah. - Like, like, if you're in a China shop

and you're a bull, if you trip on one thing,

“and then you stop, it's like, you tripping”

and then getting mad and then you hit something else

and that hits something else and it becomes crazy.

“So I just want everyone to leave with that,”

be, try to be the com bride and the world you respond to you. - Love that. - We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling and we'll talk to you later. Bye. (upbeat music)