Giggling about wrinkles, wikifeet, and moose knuckles

Oh, up to you, punk-hum, undernape. [MUSIC PLAYING]

“What's up? My holding a grudge gig glues.”

My grudge gig glues. You know, and I just saw that one.

We've never seen grasshopper.

That's really good. And that's like sweet. You don't have to like, I'll do the one I did. No, it took me forever to come up with a grudge gig. Yeah, you do for an options.

I mean, you do one every choice we eat. I know, I am running out. There's only so many jobs. You've always done the same one a lot. [LAUGHTER]

You've always done the same one a lot. You've always done the same one a lot. And you let me repeat it. You're like, oh, that's a good one. Um, so women of some of the week are gotten out of control.

Yeah. Everyone-- They're now nominating themselves. And like, I can't Google that. [LAUGHTER]

So we can't actually put you as women of STEM. [LAUGHTER] But shout out to--

First of all, I didn't watch a Kentucky Derby.

Neither did anyone. Is that a thing? I guess people-- They do. They do.

And the first woman trainer won. Yes, they saw that. When I first heard that, I thought they might-- Like the woman riding the horse. The jocky.

The jocky. And then I started to think, why the fuck?

“Is every jocky five to 110 pounds and they're all men?”

Yeah. They should just be a bunch of Sabrina Carpenter's. Right. And the girls would crush it as jocky. But there's not one jocky.

That's a woman. I think the girls are like-- No. Also, if the girls don't want to like force horses to do things, they don't want to do.

Yeah. The men are-- they like to control where girls are like, If the horse wants to eat a-- A dandelion, let him eat a dandelion. Do you know that they walk the horses out with their horse best friend,

so that they're not stressed walking to like the stable that they take off. Right. So when Jimmy found me-- No. Literally. I was like, "I have a horse best friend."

[LAUGHTER] Wait. I literally go places with my horse best friend. I mean, we give Jimmy found. I saw him this weekend.

Wait, tell me everything. I went to the F1 pre-race. It like the preliminary. I have no idea what I want. Yeah, there's a line I want.

I went in. [LAUGHTER] Which a linen set is always a risk? Yeah. Because you literally get in the Uber to go there,

and then you get out, and you're like, "I'm a wrinkled mess." One thing people hate is wrinkles. One thing that'll get a marked up online is a wrinkle. People said some of the meanest things to me ever, because my pants were wrinkle.

“Also is everyone out here just like ironing every second of the day?”

The internet made me buy a steamer. [LAUGHTER] Because I can't be steaming all day long. Same with things getting tailored. They're like, "It doesn't fit." I'm like, "Is everyone running to the tailor?"

The minute they buy something from Zara, like, "Give me a fucking break." So you're in your gorgeous white lens, anyway, my gorgeous white lens at, I'm two cocktails deep.

I see Jimmy found from across the way,

and I'm like, "My first instinct is always like,

"Don't say anything." Yeah, you won't remember who I am, so I'm not going to even put you in that awkward position. Because I don't know if you could like survive that kind of interaction.

I'd melt because I wouldn't. But I always start being like, "I don't know if you're in that moment." Yeah, you don't usually, like someone will cut me off if they're like, "Don't be stupid."

We'd like just stop. Yeah. So whatever, I see him, and I go up to him, and he's like, "Oh my God.

What are you doing here?" And I don't know why. I was just like, "I'll all over." [LAUGHTER] I don't know what I'm doing here.

He's one of your cigarettes. He's like, "That bit around these streets." And like, "Hey, this is like back pony." And that's all I was in charge of for the day. [LAUGHTER]

It is funny how these random sporting events like the celebs that come out. Yeah, it was fun. But the one that my biggest takeaway from the weekend was a girl on TikTok was like,

"It's my 20th birthday." That girl Maddie. You know that blonde girl, we know that Maddie. Oh, yes. She was like, "Oh, it's my 20th birthday."

And whatever. I'm just crazy because of my head. She's my age. But I'm like, "We're the same age." Right?

Like, she's not my age. I'm her age. Exactly. She's not our age. She's not our age.

We're all 28. I felt so compelled, like, comment. What'd you say? I said, "20" was my hands down my favorite year

Doesn't even compare to another year.

“28 is such a good age because you're too far from 30”

for people to be like, "Oh, my God, you're almost 30." But you're also too far away from 25. So people respect you. Wow. They're like, "Oh, she's a woman."

You know what I mean? I feel like you start to be a woman. You get a different confidence. I feel like at year 28. Yeah.

And then it's all downhill from there. But anyway. I was thinking about aging and how I'm like aging sucks. Like you get older. You lose strength.

You lose how you look. Whatever. You can happier. I've done many different trips. I've seen a woman in their 40s, 50s, 60s.

It's just being like guys. Your 20s is the worst mental health of your life. I mean, the amount of women that are hotter after having children. Yeah. And I can't do that.

Also, there's a hotness that comes with liking yourself. So that's somewhere worse. Yeah. So you're my family? Oh, yeah.

We had a liquid combo. And he was great. But anyway. So I'm talking. So whatever.

“This girl posts this video that she's a man.”

I'm like, "Oh, my God, I love 28." And then I'm sitting and I'm thinking, "Oh, my gosh. When I turned 29, something happened." And I was like, "I'm allergic to alcohol." Like, I could no longer drink from 29, 30, 31, 32.

I'm now 33. In the past, like, four to five months, I've been experimenting, like, can I drink? Hmm. Mama's back.

Oh, no. Everyone should prepare for this summer. Because I had a cocktail. And I was like, "Okay. I feel good.

But usually I can take one cocktail." And I was like, "Let me try another one." So I have another cocktail. And I'm like, "Okay, sir, we're going out tonight." What kind of cocktail?

Actually, it was really annoying. It was. We were at like a car bone sponsored something. Like, I don't even know what it was. And so I asked for a Hugo Spritz.

And they were like, "We only have car bone spritzes." And I'm like, "Guys." That's like when you say it. No, no, no. Because you have all the ingredients back there.

I hate one place. You're like, "Time is Sprite." And they're like, "We only have." They're like, "Well, it is a Hugo Spritz." But it has, like, great.

I'm like, "Okay. Well, I have no idea what a Hugo Spritz is." It's like, Saint Germain, that's all I know. I don't know where they're going. I don't need to know.

I don't need to know. I don't know what making it. I don't need to know what's in it. So I had three cocktails. Yeah.

And I went home and took a nap. It was the best ever. It's crazy. I came here today to announce something as well. I'm hungover.

Who are we? But this is the thing. I'm actually, you know, when I got it. Whenever I would drink. You guys know, I love sleep.

Whenever I'd drink in my twenties,

I always wake up a seven a.m.

It's like a weird thing. I know people like you. Because normally I sleep till 10, 30. Seven a.m. I'm up. And I get my body refuses.

And then I feel like kind of a little anxiety. My body is just like, we something weird happened last night. And we're a little scared. Yeah. And then I wake up.

And then I like right now. I'm okay. But it's going to hit me. And like four hours. I'm going to be like.

I've been hit by a car. Well, I was supposed to go out Saturday night. But I got home. And I looked at Joe. And I was like.

And I threw the two with a quarter of pizza. Yeah. I'm not redoing my glam. That's insane. Oh, my God.

We'll be mental for the two to have to like go out perform. Be hilarious and likable. Yeah. And you know, I wake everyone's day chatting. Come back home and then do it again, not in one day.

No, no. I feel like I've talked to so many girls that are like, Oh, I don't drink either. And not because like of like a substance issue. But it's like, oh, my stomach hurts.

Or like, I vomit or whatever. And I genuinely think it was my anxiety. Taking over so much. And I truly feel like my bodies. Like I needed this past year to get my like body re-regulated

from the past like three years.

“And I think that's why I can drink again.”

Because I'm like so much calmer and like. I love your like guys. If you got mentally healthy, you can be drunk. You can be drunk. You can be in joke.

You can be coming out all like again. Well, you haven't even said anything. About your bare. Your bangs. Oh, yeah.

You have bangs. Your hair is. Is that real? I've had bangs. I know, but this is like fresh bang.

Oh, yeah. I did maybe trim them up like two weeks ago. Yeah. Actually, they could even be trimmed up. Your hair's insanely long.

Well, I can do this better.

This was my first time trying my I have a new product.

New product to learn. Just like a random hot tools, but everyone has a crimper now. The thing to do now is crimp. Wait, what?

I thought we just got the the other. Yeah. Well, you have to have different versions. It doesn't look crimp. I'm not the like.

It has to be like a big crimp. It's a three prong. Okay. Because I've done the other crimp. You look like you're in 80's.

And I didn't do the appropriate steps prior.

Well, I do.

“I feel like everyone's trying so hard to look like they just.”

We'll got a bit.

We'll talk about it better.

But I. That's. This is just how I woke up. Yeah. Actually, this is my hair.

I got rained on at the bar last night. What is this podcast? No. It's not written on the bar on the Sunday night. When everyone out on the Sunday night, my mom would be like really

page. Which is not Sunday. Well, like the good glurs. Because there was a moment where I was going to cancel and I go. Think it glurs need this for me.

They need the story. Okay. Well, before you tell the story, let me. Let's actually preface the story. So Friday night, everyone has the most ambitions ever.

We get a text message from saucy Schroeder, a group chat. Hey, when can we hang out this weekend? We figure out that Sunday night is our night. That's when all three of us are free. Sunday morning comes.

I wake up and I'm like, you thought, like, I can't. Guys, I can't. I can't go out tonight to a dinner or something. So I'm on FaceTime with Hannah. And I'm like, I'm going to text in the group chat and say that I can't go.

And in my head, I'm like, if I can't go, my friend's not going. Like, she's also busy. I literally set it in the group chat. Don't hang out without me. I'm too tired.

I can't come. Crickets. Crickets. I, and then I'm laying in bed. A couple hours later, I go to FaceTime Hannah and no answer.

Which never happens. I go, if this bitch went out and didn't even say, oh, by the way, me and Stasi are actually, I'm like, so you went out of the group chat. You texted on your guys. Oh, and I was like, she's a loser.

She's not coming. What's our plan? Because maybe, maybe I would have rallied during my hair up in a top knot of some sort. How dare you right now turn this on me? Because you got out of it.

And I was protecting you, not forcing you to come out with us. And that's a different perspective. And there's two sides to every story and look at it from the lens. Thank you so much. You love me.

I was like, you literally got out of it before me. I mean, and we all know you couldn't text it. Like, I'm still going. I could have been like, have fun building it. So there was raining.

Yeah. You want to know what?

That was my first thought waking up in the morning.

I was like, it's going to rain all the time. I didn't go outside today because I was fully prepared for this. This was my social event of the weekend. And also, I've been touring my whole life. So I'm like, I have a rock star.

And I have an open weekend. And I felt, and Des was gone. And butter and I can only talk so long. So I was like, you know what, fuck it, I'm going to go out. And I don't know what people order at the bar nowadays.

I got nervous. I almost ordered apple juice. Like, what did you order? I said, I got my class like vodka soda with a little pineapple on top.

“And I think everyone's going to laugh at me and everyone goes genius.”

So no feeling myself. Yeah. I'm back. She's back. But I'm such a slow drinker that my like ice melts all the time.

Because you're talking so much. Where's the I'm a fast drinker? Because I'm like, I don't want to participate. I'm talking talking talking talking. Everyone else is getting other drinks.

I'm behind. They think I'm not fun. I'm like, I'm coordinating a conversation. Yeah. I'm the host.

Like, I'm empty. I'm empty of the event. I'm asking people questions. I'm tagging along. I'm getting people involved to wear an involved, like, I'm working.

I literally can't even have ever been in a group. That's a reunion. I'm Andy Cohen. You do get this weird, like almost like, okay, I got to work. I'm like, I'm like, well, we were invited to a dinner.

You don't have to make a speech. You don't have to make a speech. You're like, no, people are waiting for me.

“Like, have I ever just like disappeared in the background of a group setting?”

Never in my life. Where that is your role. Yeah, which is I think why I feel so comfortable with you. Because I'm like, I've yet to find a man. I'm like, you go, you do it.

You be in charge. But because when I hate that. But with you, I'm like, yes, she's in charge. I wonder what that is that I can't let a man take control. Because I'm like, you're taking away my rights.

Yeah. So when you're best friend, you're like, you go, you do it.

How many times have I been like, you go first?

Every time. Well, you know, you tell me, I just know. I just know. Well, I don't read the comments, but someone commented on something being like, I don't understand how they're actually friends.

They're so different. And I'm like, okay, first of all, like, tell us all this time. What? Watch any Mary Kate nationally movement. We're different.

But we're different in a way. We're like, you still see us in the same front group. And we're really not. Not different. I think we've made it a bit that like, yes.

So different. Yeah. But like, if you get in there and to our core, it's the same DNA. And someone was like, they're by the time that's the whole thing.

And I'm like, sorry for having a brand. So sorry for having ancestors, when you want me to tell my great girl. I'm going to go, you want me to say, I'm something else.

Speaking of being Italian, I watched Green Book over the weekend. Oh, which I watched. It had like an Oscar. I haven't watched it since it came out. Yeah.

So good. Literally one of the best movies of our time. Anyway, that was. [LAUGHTER] Everyone watched Green Book.

It was new on Netflix. I was like, no, I was thinking how two friends.

We always, if they're the same, they're no, each other.

Like, you need your friend to be different from you. And to the point where we're like, we're in a marriage. And like, I am the boyfriend. Like, I fully take it on all the roles of the man one. And like, it really makes our relationship work.

Like, I wake up in the morning. And I literally shoot you like my girlfriend. I'm like, is she comfortable? Is she like the routine right now? Is she okay?

“And like, that's why our relationship functions well.”

Because like, we have a, we have each other's backs. Yeah, so we have each other's backs. You know, so many times, like, me and Hannah will call each other and like, we'll gossip. And there's, you know, this is what I can accept.

[LAUGHTER] It's like a competitive. No, no. Go out to dinner with a couple. Yes.

And maybe you and your significant other have had a little tiff a couple days prior, or even like, the morning prior. Or like, you're like, I'm on this to change, right? I want that to change. And then you go out to dinner with a couple.

And you are like, oh. I'm in a perfect relationship. [LAUGHTER] What was my point? [LAUGHTER]

Are you saying, well, that we're good friends? Oh, yeah. I go, back to me. That's good. So I feel like every time we get on the phone to go.

Yeah, you're like, oh, thank you. I'm like, oh my god, Hannah, there are other best friends out there that are just like, it's not it. It's not it. And one of them should get out.

They should both get out. But I feel so secure. [LAUGHTER] After I'm around other girls, because I'm like, you guys aren't real friends.

And you wouldn't know what it's like to be in a friendship. It's just like when you get home from dinner and you're like, to your boyfriend, your husband, or whatever, you're like, we do love each other.

Also, the fact that we never get photos taken of us unless it's like,

we had to be in an event that could actually, we had to get photos is good friends too. It's like, it's not performative. It's like, you know this performative friends who are like, out having fun together again, out having fun together.

I'm like, well, we're also in our 30s now. Like, we wouldn't post that even. Like, we, you change once you get in your 30s. You're like, I don't need to perform that I'm out having fun because I'm out having fun.

Yes. We're like in your 20s, you want, you want to... Well, you're like, this is fun, right? Is this fun? This is fun.

I also think that we don't actually like, people besides get gliers. So I was telling you, like, the recent social media, so annoying is because it's like waking up and then having to walk into a party and have people talking to you.

You don't want to talk to.

“That's what's scrolling your phone feels like.”

That's why I follow cat accounts and architect digested. It's so funny because like being in Miami, all, there's... same with New York City, but being in Miami, there's like some of the most beautiful girls you've ever seen in your life.

And they're like walking down the street and like their tits are out and they're just like, they have like the cutest little dog. And anytime I'm like, like, on a walk with Joan, I see like a hot girl. In my head, I'm like, this girl's like a girl.

Like, I can just tell. And so every time a girl will walk by and then like, notice it's me, like, I feel like we have like a weird, eye thing. And then I like kind of turn to him and I'm like,

"Are all the gay gliers just the hottest girl you've ever seen in your life?" Literally. No, I met two the other day. I met two the other day I was like guys gorgeous get on a runway. What are you doing at the dog park? I feel like I'm some good glurs who we're here for F1 and they were like, oh, we're like head of marketing for whatever and we're the bosses

And I was like obviously yeah, obviously also I just have do a quick showing of my show. Moose knuckle shoe Steve Malle. Take it off put it on the table. It's too sticky under there It's too I feel like about what's so you're trying to lure my book? Feet rating. I'm exactly what you're doing. Okay for people don't know pages like a 4.9 and wiki feet 4.7 Thank no, it's 4.9 check trees And I'm 4.8

Um, and cup, but you are out here like you're actually doing my showing my feet. How much you post your full grid post? It's my worst and I was like she's not trying to hide it at this point that she's like you would make actual money

“You should only know billionaires. So I'm giving my feet for free. Okay, it would actually be unfair”

But I'll just say these musk knuckle shoes first time I wore them. I didn't know that they actually go in between your toe and the other I thought it was just a aesthetic Uh, I feel violated right now

It feels like I'm wearing a thong. It's giving it to me. It feels like to socks. I've actually never even tried one on. It's invasive for sure

You wouldn't choose if you were a thong, but we're totally put it in between your toes because it's ugly and it's not for men That's what I'll do it. Thongs are for men. I thought it was for men. Are thongs pick me? No They're not. Why do you wear them because I think they're more comfortable and I don't want them my underwear to show in any pants

So I never have to think about my underwear showing in pants because they only have thongs

You're so I'm I what point did you brand me The granny panties as they sure you We when did you first start wearing thongs? I think high school

“Did Kim say anything was Kim like like did you go to Victoria's secret? Yeah, here's the thing Kim and I”

Like love a song We were working. Okay, like we were putting outfits together on Monday for Friday night football games like we had a bit We were running a business. We knew which days we went to the mall if you knew what it was

You'd be passionate about it. So like Kim and I were working. We never got into like the weeds of

The wise no me and my mom and high school never gotten to the weeds of like a daughter fighting with their mom Like we just didn't do that because we were all business. Yeah, like what she was like this Capri requires this song. Yes, like she told me what to do I did it and then but then I gave back to her like I need X Y N Z I can say one on Tuesday nights like we don't very working relationship

My mom was like hey are you gonna start shaving above your knee and I was like I didn't know That was the thing and she's like just work. No, my my. I was like okay. Don't ever remember We should have been top bottom and fifth grade. Yeah, no my mom was like I think shaving should be a thing We should start if you want but if you're uncomfortable with it. It's fine

“Well, if you want to really talk about like girly every Saturday morning”

Oh, I can't wait to tell you my Saturday morning go every Saturday morning My mom would run the bath and she would mix up some type of potion that she would put all over her face And in our like the house I grew up in like You could like step into the tub. So it was almost like there was like a bench outside the tub And so I would lay on the bench and she would like shave and she would essentially be actually

Get ready for Saturday night But she would be doing this like all Saturday So like to me and my head Saturdays were like you were grooming you groomed you're and so that's why now Sundays I'm like I try my products and I get my hair oil. Sorry morning

My dad wakes me up. It's go time. He's written a chart never saw my dad on

Didn't even know he was allowed to be alive on a Saturday. We up sweating so in his bedroom He had a treadmill and Weights so he wouldn't he it was actually so cute. He'd draw this chart that showed all the weights And I just said as I had to do with stretching in between and when I finished it I had to check so he'd be working out and I'd be working out and we'd be doing a wage

like eight And then I run on the treadmill and I'd listen. I blast the space jam sound track and That was our Saturday morning limpian athlete. Yes, it was crazy And then sometimes we lived right by prospect park So sometimes he'd be like we're doing laps in the park and

We'd run together around the park until I was like too tired and if someone like past us He'd be like we got to get them really like race Our own canonize only cardio cross gates mall Saturday afternoon and then he would take me to tennis Our Saturday is kind of been more different Then we get home and then eat some pasta. That was pretty similar. Yeah, that was definitely yeah, but

I'm the Saturday mornings bossing space jam just like imagining I was gonna win the was open

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“Just one thing that you want to do with Tui, Neu, you have to do it like you do. As a family, for two or just two or just two. Flexible, secure and always feel that you're there when you're on the road.”

Just do it with Tui and love all night long. You're on the way to the park and in the app. Do you use a really not going to be interesting at all this electric girl stuff? Yeah, this is like serious. Do you use a leaving conditioner?

I have so many times bought it trying to be that person, but I never have convinced myself. I can't not use a leaving conditioner.

Do you use it in the shower? No, when I get out, I put it in. And then you have to wash it out. No, you leave it in. Really? Leave in conditioner? Do you spray it out? No, I use the crown of fair one. I've tried a couple and this one is my favorite. And you think it works? I think it works, but like, okay, perfect examples. I didn't put it in last night because I was going to do a hair mask and then I fell asleep. And so I feel like my ends are a little like, and this is air dried, and then I jump in crimson.

I have been getting some TikToks being like, all by anything, pages or bow recommends. And like, I fear, um, we've lost the mind of fair girls are spending all their money on random shit that you're not random. It's fun stuff that I like that really work. Yeah, and then six months later, you're like, guys, like, she hate it and it's a hairspray that I've been using on my pussy. No, I now you have me thinking, I think I'm going to do a TikTok every week of like products that I've used that week that I like and I don't like.

Please, actually, please, that would be so good, but also that is our newsletter, too. Like the newsletter. Oh, right. Yeah, I can't see me in the newsletter. It's like something. No, I wouldn't know. Well, because one thing about you is you will be trying everything. I will be trying everything, and every season I like to change my makeup bag, like, okay, we used that blush now for the past three months. Stop, summer is coming. You're, my makeup bag is different.

You're an actual influencer. It's my hobby. Yeah, some girl, like, Giggler, Dionne, or something like, I forget, I forget what she even said.

But basically calling me like ridiculous, and then she was like, but like in a nice way.

And then she was like, and then I remember, that's just your hobby, so keep calling. Let her have joy. Yeah, let her, like sparks joy. It sparks joy, but we're so opposite. I don't believe in any product. I think it's all mine up. I think it's all marketing.

“Except the other day, I texted you and I said, I really think you should get my groiniedling.”

Which I'm going to do, and you were like, you still look really good, actually. I really enjoy it. And you're really not even, you don't even see the benefits until you've done it like two or three times. That's where I go back to you. You don't see the benefits. What do you do in 800 times? The movie gets really good, like, 40 minutes in. That's how I feel that laser hair removal. They're like, "Don't worry, it'll be gone in fun."

Actually, laser hair removal, save my life, because I had it in grown hair problem. Yeah, like, you're bikini line. Since I was little, because I was running and sweating everywhere, I was getting these horrible. And I was exfoliating at eight. I didn't know what exfoliating was. I also was using nair, which I think that started to cope it up. Actually, oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh, my god. No, but from nair. My mom and I had a nair phase where we'd be like, nair time. And the room would smell like, Chernobyl.

“This is so niche and so Italian. Did you ever bleach?”

No.

Never? Like, you're about home? No, like, no.

No, but I still don't understand what's going on. No, what? I do have a couple of friends who have bleach about a whole hair or skin. I thought it was bleach or buttole hair. Definitely not. Then what is your skin? What?

Who even knows what color their buttole skin is? How do you even consider that? I've never once, and guys, I'm not trying to be bikini, but like, I hear men talk a lot. Yeah.

Yeah.

Never once they've been like, she's really hot, but then like, you know what I was like.

Yeah.

“I think about that sometimes when like, I don't shave.”

I'm like, he's not. He doesn't have a lot. He doesn't have a lot. He doesn't even know where he is. He's like, yes. I like he's fine. Hard telling people in your bleach or buttole.

They click a lot of people do that. In my 20s, I had like two friends that like, condit it consistently. Oh, there's upkeep required. I believe so, because I think it fades. What were we talking about before that we got to this?

How long did we get? Oh, because you don't really have like dark hair. You know, when I died in my hair blonde that one time. Yeah. I could see a mustache.

Because our hair's dark. It almost like all blends, but if you were blonde, you'd be like, oh, I have a mustache. Before I laser hair removal, I used to bleach my arms. And my hair on my face. Like in high school.

I love that for you. Who did it? Myself. You're actually an artist. No, Sally Hansen.

I'd like mix it up. Every Friday night before I went to like the football game. I would be like bleaching.

And my girlfriends in high school would always be like, oh, my god.

Like the hair around your forehead is always like lighter than your real hair. And I would just like genetics. But really it was because I was bleaching like any facial hair. But I would never tell anyone that. Because no one was as Italian as I was.

So I wouldn't set. They were like, oh, I was friends with high school. Everyone was blonde hair, blue eyes and had the biggest boobs in the world. And then it was me. You never literally Audrey Hepburn and a bunch of Marilyn Monroe's.

Yes. I don't know how you survived that. Like Stephanie didn't ever speak up up about that. Thank you. Because like best friends.

Stephanie is like Irish and German and God knows what she does not have a single hair. Like on her body. When my mom went to Cornell and shut up to my smart mom. She was like one of the few Italians. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's like, I just like my mom has dark hair. Can I actually talk shit about my husband. And I'm weird. So as you guys know, does God his knee surgery.

So to get his knee surgery, they shaved his leg. Okay. One of his legs. So it's been like a week and a half. And he looks at me and he's like, look at my leg.

What, he's like, look at it. I'm like, what do you want to show me? No. His hair hadn't grown back. Your kids are going to be really lucky.

Well, let's hope that they take up their hair. Yeah. And I'm sitting there. And I have a five o'clock shadow. Yeah.

And I shaved earlier that morning. Yeah. And I'm like, it's just crazy. My kids are like already hairy. That's how hairy I am.

Yeah. I'm already caught in my daughter's hair. Come out as a hair ball. Just like, yeah. Just like when she was gonna birth there.

And it's just hair. My kids who come out with like full dark. Yeah. It's gonna be my child. So cute.

My children's gonna come out with like full ringlets. And like, ask me where the leaving condition is. I'm gonna have a mustache. Yeah.

“Um, did I talk about my dinner plane incident with the TSA agent?”

You know, I think that one slips you the cracks. I'm not sure that we've heard that. Because as you guys know, that's a brag. I mean, that is a weapon. I'm flying.

Yeah. Five times a week, sometimes. I have a downward science. I know exactly what to do to make everything smooth.

So it's always the end of the tour that shit starts to go right.

It's like the universe stops protecting me. They're like, "Go home." They're like, "Let it go." You're alright. You're across the country.

You're burned. Yeah. You're one of the say crops. No, you're chopped. Chop.

So, I'm in fucking, what the fuck was that? Yeah. It doesn't matter. Yeah. And my luggage gets pulled to the VIP line.

Yeah. Pulled to the side. Great way to put it. They need to take us like a lot. And immediately, I actually get furious.

Like, I get a little Karen in the head of like, "I do this every week. Why is this now?" Yeah. Like, what's different?

Like, because they actually,

“Like, could you have possibly found that be a hundred different?”

Yeah. Yeah. Like, you guys have seen something. Anyway. It's like 35-year-old guy.

And he's just doing his job. And he was like, "Do you have any liquids?" And I'm like, "No, I'm not fucking dumb." Yeah. I fly every day.

Like, "I'm not." I mean, I didn't talk like that. I was just like, "No." Mm-hmm. I don't live my duck and refreshers.

Yeah. And he's, so he's like, looking through everything. And obviously, my bag is a fucking mess. So, they open it up and you get exposed. And it's just bad.

And I'm like, there's no way he's going to shut this. It's like, you know how hard it was. Yeah. And I'm just sitting there like this. And he can't find anything. So I'm like, "This is all you guys."

You're the one who got me here. You're asking me what the problem is when you said there's a problem. You tell me what the problem is. So finally, he's looking through my makeup back.

And I was like, "Whatever." And he pulls out my derma plane.

And he's looking at it for like three minutes. No, this could be an entire shell. So I'm looking at him because I'm annoyed. So I'm not giving him anything on this. He's just looking at it.

And finally, he looks at me because... What is this? And I go, sometimes I got this little goat hairs on the bottom. I said, "I said something a little hairs." And it takes the hairs off my chin.

And he looks at me and he's like, "It's essentially a really thin racer." Yeah, so then he starts trying to take it apart. And it's like a nice derma plane. It's like a heavy one.

Like, it's one of the things that I got like three years ago. Yeah, yeah. Probably doesn't work anyone. Do you have a derma plane in your eyebrows? Yeah, I'm scared.

Yeah. I'm scared. I have like an choose of thoughts. So I'd be like, "What if I doesn't work?" Yeah.

Because I feel like it would be so... Like why don't people do that more?

“Because it's harder to control it, I think.”

Yeah. But is it essentially shaving? Whatever. So he... He's looking at me on looking at him.

He doesn't trust me or something? Yeah. So he goes, "Hold on one sec." Get his manager holding my weapon. Yep.

And he's basically the doctor. He's like, "Is this a gun?" He's talking to him a lady. It was a full 15 minutes of him talking to this woman deciding, "So he comes back and I go, "Look, sir." I've been flying with this weapon for six months now.

And it's never been a problem.

Why is he getting flagged now? And he's like, "Well, technically, it is a razor." And you're not allowed to have razors. And he takes it apart. And you can pull, you go, "See, this is... I'm like, "Well, you just broke it."

And he's like, "Okay, well, do you want it without the razor?" And I go, "No. You just get it." Now it's just... I want the plastic wand. It's a plastic wand. So I have enough microplastics in me, sir.

I'm not like taking this now for the rest of my journey. You've stolen the good part. So he's like, "Sorry, you can't have your full sword." And I was just like, "Okay, you win." It's crazy, 'cause I have a razor in my carry-on all the time.

It never gets... Yeah, I've never gone. So it was this huge deal. And then I was at the point where I was like, "Do I just for women?"

“I argue that this is important to have in our bags.”

And that, like, also... And you know what? I do need a razor on me at all times. Yeah. Because people are crazy.

Also, speaking of not all men, I got into the Uber this morning, and my... This is where... This is where...

Name says, "Just pee." Just the letter pee. Mm-hmm. And I get in the Uber and he was like, "Oh, what's pee for?" Like, Patricia.

And I was like, "Oh, no, my name is Paige, but I put pee because I don't want the person to know if I'm a girl or a boy." Like, before I get out there. And he...

I did say get out there. I don't know. Where I really get going. And he, like, started laughing. And he was like, "Oh, yeah.

That's actually really smart. You never know." So then I'm in the bag of the Uber, and I'm like, "You don't ever know. Do we know right now, though?"

Like, "Are we both in?" Like...

You're like, "No, you never know, but do I know?"

"Are we in agreement right now?" We're not going to know that you're going to take me to the destination. I'm going to get out and then you're going to leave. Like, we're not going to do this on Monday morning at A.D.M. But I was like, "Wow.

A grown man whose job is to drive people around." I was like, "Really smart idea because you never know." That's scary. It's so scary. But, you know, the person...

He's like, "Yeah, no, these people are fucking nuts." And they'll take people. And they'll take people. He's like, "No, easily. I could fucking take you right now."

“Do you remember when you get off at airports?”

Well, they're still there. People would just be like, "Hey, do you want to ride?" I don't know how it happened. But I was at a young age. And I couldn't get a taxi and some guy was like, "Hey, when he just seemed nice."

And he was like, "A white fan." And I remember thinking, "This is the last time I'm ever going to see my family." And I didn't have... My cell phone was dead. I was like, "What are the situations that I'm like,

Only I would fucking have." My cell phone was dead. I was in a white fan. I don't know direction. I just suffocate myself.

Are you going to do that? You want me to just all start it? I mean, you literally gave it to them on a goddamn platter. It was like slides in the van door open. I was like, "This is boring.

This is too easy. I want a little bit of a fight." I was like, "Take this now." He calls his wife. He's like, "She wants to come with us."

So, I don't... I don't know what to do. I actually make a glaser in her bedroom. Yeah. She's like talking about how American women aren't getting sex traffic

does much as like European women, which fine, whatever they are hotter. But every single day, I'm like someone's trying to take me. Did she say in the bathroom walls? The walls in the women's stalls.

It's always like if you're being sex trafficked,

where it's like in the men's stalls, it's like... She want to stick. [laughter] Do you understand?

You're the slave to the slave. You want to say in his thoughts? Yeah. [music] Manchmal, if you're just one, just one, more.

Or at the moment. Just one thing, the world with Tui, new lives. With Tui, if you're like Tui, if you're familiar to two or just one.

“Flexible, secure and ever filled with the good feeling that someone is going to be on the right.”

"Gestellate with you, you love guns to die in the wind." "We're all in the right way, we're on the right path and in the air." "And I make an appointment and he goes, "What about Hannah?" "I go, "Well, let me check." "You know what? That made my day because someone's looking out for me."

"Someone cares about me because other people didn't believe in me." "They were like, "I see her nail journey and I don't want to be quiet." "I've got you on a strict, regimen." "And I actually waited for you." "Like, I was like, "I visit long as I've ever gone."

"I've gone like six weeks." "It's pretty crazy." "I'm just guessing." "I mean, you both watch, at least the beginning." "Yeah."

"The documentary." "Should I marry a murderer?" "I keep falling asleep." "I thought it was AI." "I thought she was AI."

"Because she's so expressive." "Yeah, I actually had to go back and..." "And she's not living in I was like, "Did they do a warning?" "She should have her own podcast." "She's really charismatic."

"There's also something about like a British documentary that I'm just like..." "It's Scottish." "Oh." "And the whole time, there's a male there." "Mail there."

"Mail there." "Mail there." "Did I marry a male there?" "Mail there." "That was on my phone for a month."

"This is Scottish people, it's an incredible accent."

"I can't, yeah."

“"I think you were having trouble understanding possibly."”

"But if you don't, okay, it's incredible." "This isn't incredible documentary because it's literally about how long will you stay with a guy of a six-war?" "She brings it up multiple times." "She's like, but he's six-four."

"And he's six-four." "And he's six-four." "And she literally is like, "He took a, I think, okay." "Fast where if you don't hear what happened." "She made this guy in Tinder, six-four, and she sold."

"Yeah." "And he loves her, and then he's like, "I have to tell you something." "And it's funny when a guy says I have to tell you something." "You're like, your life flesh is before you're on." "Yeah, it's your like, of all the horrible things, like, what could it be?"

"See, I usually now." "I'm like, I've been waiting." "Yeah."

"Oh, you finally want to."

"Oh, my money." "You tell me." "Mm-hmm." "You're kidding." "And when I was not."

"Yeah. We're already new." "They were chatting, okay." "So, this guy's like drinking and driving with his twin who's also six-four." "Do I think adds the lore?"

"Yeah." "Like maybe, whatever." "Three, some, oh, no." "Okay, so he kills an old man and hits him with the car." "Which, like, look."

"Oh, that's how he killed him." "You didn't watch that. "You didn't watch that. I was literally two minutes in." "Oh, it was the whole entire premise."

"The very murder." "You didn't watch. I couldn't understand that." "It was actually shown in a visual that he hit him with the cars." "It was on TikTok."

"It was one day that same." "Kiddy's getting surprised." "We're getting a crumper." "At the same time that me and you are getting our nails done." "Kiddy will also be getting her nails done."

"You got a groomer to kill your house?" "Yes." "Well, she goes into, like, a little van." "She gets sex traffic." "Oh, she's a lot to go to."

"She doesn't do a little." "Yes, she's an animal." "She's like, "Mom, have you checked this guy's license?" "She goes down in her Louis Vuitton case."

“"And she's like, "Oh, I think that would never."”

"Well, I want to get her, like, her nails trimmed. Her paws trimmed." "She got her gloves." "Get her hair washed for, like, the summer." "Yeah."

"So, like, every, like, three months, 10 weeks. Usually, I get her, I get her a little spot-day." "She loves it." "She loves getting brush." "It's her hobby."

"That when she walks back in the house, like, it's like, she's, like, stuff looking." "Yeah." "So, so, in this guy, he hit an old man of this car, which, look, drunk driving is beyond fucked up." "Yeah."

"And he knew that, like, he's in trouble." "So, he kills him on accident." "Also, when you're drunk driving, assume you're going to kill someone." "Right." "But, like, he, drunk drove."

"Drunk driving is really, really annoying to me, because I'm, like, it's one thing I

just, like, I just never have, like, a duck.

I've never run in the situation to drunk driving. "Oh, I never drink. Drink and I never drive." And growing up in the city, we had a lot less drunk driving incidents because, yeah, one of us had licensees, so it's crazy how like in a suburb, how many kids get to go. But anyway, and they can't drive to the beginning. Don't drink and drive and stop, so he's cigarettes. It's not cool. I don't care if I didn't read it anyway. I'm ever with mom. So they hit the guy and they realized, they're still fucking alive. But instead of calling an ambulance, they like change their clothes and they bury him.

And he makes mistakes, but she decides she's going to tell the police. He confesses this to her. Yep, she calls the police and what did the police say? She finds out from him where the body's located, like the police would have never found it. And she's drinking a red bull and she drops the red bull right where the place is, so she marks it. Like she's fucking full. She's also woman's stem of the week and she's doing that for the cops for the cops. They're like farmers on like acres and acres and he also like cuts up bodies and stuff like, oh, he's a hunter.

Yes, okay, which I thought this is going to get way more interesting and be like this. This is one of the many people he killed. He's not like a serial killer, which was kind of disappointing, but I'm sure, but the crazy thing is though, the cops don't protect her. The cops and she calls the cops. She's like, hey, this guy killed him. Yeah, they bring him in. And they are like, we think that you killed this guy and he denies it. And then when he gets out, she doesn't know if the cops talk to him or not about her. And he calls her and he's like, where are you? And she's like, I cannot be with him, but she has to pretend that she's not like hanging out the murder that she just tried to

get to prison, but he's six forces. She's like, come in, baby. And he looks at her and he doesn't know, but then the cops go to check in on her because she was like, I'm going to like, I could get killed right now.

“And they know her name. So they go Caroline and then he and he's like receptive because how did they know your name? Oh, my god, how are these dumbest cops in America?”

And they do not protect her at all. Like that's mostly what you get from the documentary is how like this woman put her life in line and like it really ruined her life. Yeah. But then during COVID, she can't tell anyone her story because the cops told her she can't. So she's like losing her mind alone.

He's out by the farm. I think something happened, but basically she's like, he's the only person I could like beat myself with. So she moves back in with him.

Oh my god. That's insane. I've seen for some crazy ass things. Okay. And she I am not one to talk. But look, you know what? Oh, so this is what happens. He finds out she was the one who told. And yeah, she's going to kill her and he comes up there and he cries and he goes, I shouldn't have put you in that position. And like I'm so sorry and like you did what you had to do. So she's like, I'm going to love with you again. Because she's like, he's honest. He understands me. He sees me and you took four. So she and they're cute.

So literally, oh my, ready for. Ultimately, I let you guys watch the end, but they don't come on. He goes 12 years. And he's still in jail 12 years. I know it should have been more, but they weren't able to prove that the guy was alive when he first hit him. So it's more like a hit and run. Yeah. So she, but she's, she went through life was ruined from it, just from meeting this tall guy on Tinder. So just like watch out in these streets.

Oh my god. And don't drunk that. You love bomb terrible. Like he was so nice. Yeah. And stuff. So it was probably just like, was a different person out. Like they lie and change their personality.

Do you know what it gives? It gives that friend.

That like is horrible to other people, but they've never been to you.

They're still hang out with them. Yeah. They're all these stories and people warn you and you're like, but they're literally nice to me. Yeah.

“And then when they fucking do something crazy, you're like, why didn't I listen?”

But you're like, 'cause they were being nice to me. Yeah. And that's, you see the signs. I see the signs. But also, when was this? What year was this?

Like, during COVID? Wow. She's not that long ago.

Oh, also I forgot to tell you.

She's a doctor. Okay. She's not a dummy. She's a full doctor. Yeah.

And that's where the police also were like, she's not a vulnerable victim. She's smart. And it's like, just 'cause she's smart. Right. She's not vulnerable against. Right. Like, he's still six for alcohol.

Yeah. Which is like, a six for alcoholic. We've all dabble on alcohol. If I had a God damn drug. It's a drug.

When an alcoholic has a crush on you, oh, he chases your ass. Yeah. He can't see. The voice smells you good. He thinks you have a twin.

Okay. And her jaw. One time I was dating this guy and he was the alcoholic. And he would like drink and Vince me that he wasn't an alcoholic. And once I'm, he like went out or something.

“The way to know if you're an alcoholic is if you have to try to explain someone”

why you're not alcoholic. Continue. He tried to tell me that someone roofed him.

I was like, "No, I'm telling you." They got it out for me. I'm like, "No one slips something in your eight drinks." You made for yourself.

“But honestly, in the moment I was like, "Oh man, it's crazy."”

I was like, "Look, you'd be jealous." I'm like, "Why did my boyfriend get roofed? It did not mean." It's like, "Jerne College." I was really scared about everyone getting roofed.

Yeah. I got roofed twice in my adult life. Oh my God. And my most recent time I was probably 26. I think was a lot, was lost.

It was like a Halloween party. I don't think someone intentionally tried to roofy me. I actually think, which is a great situation. 'Cause I'm like, "Now I'm picturing the guy who's probably like, "I didn't want Paige to drink it with fuckers."

I think it was intended for someone else because I grabbed the wrong drink. But also kind of like, did it to myself. No. So they don't know?

No, I didn't. But when you get roofed, it hits like a meter. Incidentally.

Like, I think, and the only reason I knew is because it was my first drink.

So there's a nail polish out there that you can dip into drinks and it turns a different color if there's a roofy in it. That's nice. Yeah.

“And those girls made that like, coupled.”

Like, they made like a, looks like a hair tie that you can like put over your drink. Also, there's a new camera that these girls invented. That's in your beret. No, not beret. It's a hair clip.

Obsessed. Think about beret. A hair clip. So if you wear a hair clip, it films. So you can like get content whenever, but also it can like protect you in a night out.

That would be funny though. I mean, not funny, but if you wake up beret, what I do last night. And then you just watch it with your friends. That was great. See you in my head.

I'm like, you get your boyfriend this new gift and you're like, where this out every night. Because you're Russia. Yeah, because I'm crazy. But it's fun sometimes. It is.

It is. I got the mango pineapple Duncan refresher. It's so refreshing for a Monday after drinking the night before. Oh my gosh.

This is your first one called refresher.

Mm-hmm. I got a berry ass I eat refresher and it's just like my new personality recently. I think it is my favorite flavor. You love that color purple. Well, I think it's my aura.

Is that your aura? No, it's pink. But like yeah. Maybe it's, maybe it's on a change. Just on a Monday.

No. Pink, it could be pink purple. I'm pink. I'll have to DM my Kayla. I just feel like hated pages or a change.

She's been acting kind of off lately. She's kind of being her hair. I think things are crazy. Also, do I look tan? Okay, never mind.

Not like particular. I did actually have my own summer. Like laid out. Actually quite pink. Yeah, no, you're not tan.

But it'll turn in like three days. When we come back to you Friday's episode. I'll return. Everyone, look. Look around.

Oh, also we're going to LA this week. Oh yeah. We're leaving Wednesday. Yes. For the Netflix is a joke.

I've gotten a lot of messages being like we can't wait for the Gigi Swed Show. And I'm like just letting you guys know it is an interview show. Yeah. For the first time ever we're interviewing people live. Important people.

Very important. We've written it out. We'll still go through it. Netflix was like, hey guys, what do you want to name your show? And we were like, hey, what show?

And they're like, when you interview Kate Hudson, Mindy Kayling. And she's in an interview show. And she goes, um, um.

“How about just like Gigi Swed interviews important people?”

And they go, we love it. And I was like, Hollywood is a joke. Hollywood is a literal joke. It's like a perfect incredible. Yeah, like wow, that's so artsy.

But I also love it.

They're like, these girls never interview people.

Let's, this will be perfect. So I've been talking to Gigi Swed. This isn't normal Gigi Swed. Like, we're not like throwing rocks at men. We have to like ask professional, important women questions.

Mindy Kayling is going to. Mindy Kayling. Mindy Kayling. Kate Hudson also burned a song. He's been everywhere on my feed.

She like really no sports. Yes. Have you seen her like yelling at everything? So um, it'll be iconic. I don't know what I'm wearing yet.

Me neither. I'm deciding today. I'm wearing, but us in LA is a different animal. I know, but we're not saying that long. Which probably good.

Yeah. We could stay the weekend though. No. But we have cats. We do have cats.

We have a family. Um, we love you guys so much for giggling with us. Thank you Duncan for sponsoring the episode. And we'll talk to you guys later. Bye.