He Showers In The Dark

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Good morning, good afternoon.

Good evening, depending on where you are on the planet. This is Bill Nye at Hill Advise by Bill Nye. And I'm here to answer questions without actually making things worse. It's a refuge here for the clumsy in the awkward and if you're a socially adept and enjoy healthy relationships,

there's nothing for you here. If you enjoy long, leisurely, four or five course lunches in the Mediterranean countryside, but the edge of the sea with intelligent and engaging people around you, there's nothing for you here.

This is a podcast for people who shower in the dark. I actually did shower in the dark, but I'm over that now. But there was a period where I would turn the lights out, because I didn't want any further information about my body.

“And the information wasn't getting any better, so why risk it?”

And I was interviewed in New York by New York Magazine. And the guy was talking about embarrassing things and now stuff that I couldn't quite. I mean, it was a perfect, nice person, but he was referring to me in a way that I wasn't familiar with.

In other words, he was saying nice things about me, which I found, obviously, I'm forgettable. And then I told him, I said, listen, you're talking to somebody who showers in the dark. And the headline was, he showers in the dark.

So, you know, be careful what you say to Jonas. So, this is our season finale, but don't panic. Oh, should you feeling blind, don't panic? Because you can hear us all summer if you get to the background. The background is what we call the bonus feature,

which you can subscribe to. And thank you to everyone who has already subscribed, because it's just marvelous that you've all made it back there. And we're working on all kinds of stuff to put into the background that is extra features coming.

We are, we're present all summer.

“If you want to join, it's really important to just search Patreon,”

P-A-T-R-O-N-dot-com slash ill advised by Bill Nye. All the information you need is in the show notes. So, we'll see you there, but for the last time, this season, let's hear some questions. (upbeat music)

Hi, Bill. My name is Robin, and I live in Malm on the south of Sweden, but I'm originally from Essex, I'm an Essex boy. I suffer from earworms, bits of songs, usually horrible ones that wiggle around in your head, relentlessly.

You know, and they're there when you go to sleep at night, waking up in the morning and you hope that they're gone, but no, still there. So, my question is actually four pronged.

And first, do you suffer from these at all?

Secondly, how do you deal with them, if you do?

“Thirdly, what is the song that you would most like”

to have as an earworm? And lastly, what is the song that you would find most irritating to have as an earworm? Thank you. Robin, I don't suffer from earworms.

I don't, I'm not quite relaxed about the expression earworms. It's unsettling. So, I might try and find something else, but I don't suffer so much, but I have the same experience.

And the trouble is that it turns out,

I know the first two lines of lots and lots of songs,

and then I don't know the third or the fourth or the fifth. So, what I've done lately is I've learnt a whole song, so I give myself a project where I learn a whole song, and that's my project for the day. And I have it on my phone, and I get the lyrics up,

and I just, throughout the day when I'm walking around, I commit the song to memory. And that way, I've got a job, and I've got something to achieve, and I know the whole song, and it's satisfying,

'cause I like to sing, I like to sing under my breath, just as you walk and rub. The ones that, you know, they change. There are certain ones that have persisted. There's a peatowns in song called the kids are all right,

which goes, "I don't mind other guys dancing with my girl." That's fine, 'cause I know them all pretty well, but I know sometimes I must get out of the light,

And I know the second verse as well, but I won't put you through it. The other song that I've committed to memory, and I think is a perfect song, and I may have spoken about this before,

“and I think it's certainly must be on one of the playlists”

on ill-advised, is a Randy Newman song called "Gilty." I urge you to take a listen, beautiful chords on a completely successful lyric. Otherwise, you're gonna make me learn some when you go by Bob Dylan.

I've seen love go by my door.

It's never been this close before.

Never been so easy or so slow. I've been shooting in the dark too long, when something isn't right, it's wrong. You're gonna make me learn some when you go, that's just there are four other verses

and they're all pretty good. So I don't resist them. I sometimes try to preempt a near worm by choosing a song for the day. Get down on it as another one, which always makes me laugh.

I don't know anything, I've never learnt this song, but it's the only line I know from the song, which is get down on it, and I do it sometimes, 'cause I work in different accents,

so I'll be like, "Get down on it," or do it in Irish or something, or do it very posh.

“Get down on it, you know, kind of thing.”

Come on baby, it always makes me laugh,

but I'll have to learn that song, 'cause I quite like that song. There's a James Brown song called "Out of sight", and it's got a couplet in it, which is, you've got a stately figure mama, which keeps me uptight,

which always makes me laugh, 'cause it's so stupid, but it's also very satisfying. And I do sing "Out of sight" by James Brown. There are others. The only one that I would kind of not really,

what you might call "Relate to is Misty" by John E. Mathis. I get Misty, just holding her and that thing, which is a perfectly respectable song, but it's not the kind of thing I would normally listen to. Those are my, I'm gonna find some other way of saying, "Ear worm."

But if anyone has any ideas, please send them in, and as long as they don't contain the word worm, we'll consider them.

We've googled, and "Ear Candy" is an alternative.

Let me know what you think about that. It's got to be better than worm. Also, because of your question Robin, you have, you have, I'm trying to avoid to use another band word, hang on, I'll just consult the Permissions Committee.

I won't be a moment, the Lion's Busy, and they'll be with us in a minute. Yeah, apparently another exception can be made. Your question has triggered, oh my God, he used the word triggered.

I know it's a band word, but we did ask for an exception to be made, and it was permitted. It's triggered an idea, which is that we should have an ear candy playlist.

So I'm gonna compile some of the songs that drive me crazy in a good way that I've lived with all my life or long periods of my life. And you can hear it later in this episode. Just look in the show notes,

and then you can refer to Spotify. - Hello, my name is Ogne, and I'm from Lufania, and I recently started University in Spain, which is a completely foreign country to me. And so I was wondering if you had any tips

of making it feel more like home, and just any kind of tips you have for someone that's starting University. Thank you. - Ogne, hello, it's a good question.

I travel quite a lot, and I used to go a lot to Los Angeles where I didn't know anyone in the beginning, and it was quite a foreign city to me. I remember on a couple of jobs, on one job,

I bought in the days of CDs. I bought the complete works of the Rolling Stones to take with me. I think music has played a big part in me, a climatizing to places.

And I took the complete works of the Rolling Stones, and which was handy, because I had a five hour make-up to make me look like a vampire who'd been a sleep for a thousand years and being rendered bloodless with tubes coming out of my back,

which was a very, very complex and elaborate and quite painful process. So we played the complete works of the Rolling Stones while that was happening. I also used to take the poems of Harold Pinter,

which seemed to me the most English thing in the world. That's the other thing about the Rolling Stones. I don't get particularly homesick.

“I think say on one podcast that when there was a trend”

for piling food on top of itself

whenever I saw on a bed of, you know, menu, it made me instantly homesick. I just wanted to go home. But apart from that, I don't mind being wherever I am. I don't really pay much attention

'cause I'm working, and I'm kinda used to it.

“But I think music would help a great deal.”

I know that the Rolling Stones are basically

or originally interpreters of black American music, but there's something about them, which is very, very English for me, as Harold Pinter's poems. And I used to carry his poems as a kind of,

as a sort of charm against foreignness, not that I felt besieged or anything. But they did make me feel like I was at home. I christen every trailer I'm in. I go, I work in trailers, you know,

on every job you get a caravan. And I christen everyone with goats head soup by the Rolling Stones, one of the gray albums. Usually with, I think the third track, second or third track, 100 years ago,

largely entirely because it mentions my daughter's name. I play music in the car, play music.

Now you can carry a speaker at CZ,

or you can Bluetooth in the car. I Bluetooth in the hotel room, in the car, in the trailer, everywhere. And that controls the environment to some degree. Other than that, I suppose if I was wanted to be irritating,

I would suggest that you just embrace Spain and learn the language as much as you can, and forget Lithuania for a while. There must be a Lithuania in equivalent of Marmite, so you could take that, or you could just introduce yourself

to Marmite. If you get really lonely, call us. We're always here. Hello, Bill. I have a question inspired by a family connection.

My dear friend, Phil, your cousin, was one of my early schoolmates when my family lived in England for four years, before we returned to Australia. I'd love to ask who were your earliest school friends,

and what do you remember most about them? Is it advised to reconnect? My experience with Phil and his wife, Kathy, has been lovely. However, the prospect of local school reunions

are somewhat daunting. Thank you. Did you reread in Melbourne? - Did you ever avoid them? I mean, why risk it, really?

It's like the connection was then, I don't know the answer to this, any better than you do, dearly. I have friends from school. I have one friend from that's known me since I was five.

And we text probably every day. We live in different countries, but we've managed to stay in touch and stay substantially in each other's lives. And what's great about it is that he has the context.

He knows everything. And he can also remember everything. Which I can't, I have a terrible memory. Like for instance, he said to me once on the telephone,

“"Do you remember that time we were pulled”

by the police on Battersea Bridge and we were wearing Kilt's and Tamashantas?" And I said, "Brandon, don't make shit up." And he said, "You must remember, we spent the night in the police station.

I tried to outrun the police."

Like, "Brandon was always right.

We were always trying to outrun the police." And it wasn't hard to get pulled in those days because you looked funny. And you looked funny in a kind of front line way. Now, everybody looks kind of funny

or a lot of people look funny. And people are used to people looking funny. But in those days, it was kind of radical. And you could be mistaken for everything. We used to be called in the popular papers

we would be called a threat to the very fabric of society. And I sometimes say to Brendan, "Do you remember Brennan when we were a threat to the very fabric of society?" And Brendan says, "Yes, and we look into the middle

distance, like old threats do." And we meditate on our youth. But I don't remember anything about wearing a quilt and I don't remember. I remember wearing a quilt but not in a car

trying to outrun the police on Battersea bridge. And I don't remember going to the police station. You'd think you'd remember going to the police station wouldn't you? But it's gone.

I've forgotten some of the biggest events in my life. And Brendan is my memory. Because he remembers absolutely everything. And I don't understand why he does. And I don't.

My dad used to say, "When we were sitting around at night, my dad would say, "I wish I had a memory."

“And I think, "How can you not have a memory?"”

Well, I know now.

You just have to be your father's son. Hi, Bill. What I would like to respectfully ask is to whether it is in your opinion still appropriate to offer a firm but not squeezing handshake

to men and ladies. And in some cases a polite kiss on the cheek of ladies that are known to us. This was taught to us upon greeting and saying goodbye.

“Should this still be encouraged or now deemed as inappropriate?”

Come regards, Martin Hood. Thank you. Martin, hello to Brisbane. No, I don't think it's inappropriate. I think you can shake hands.

I don't think you want to kiss anybody on the cheek unless you've slept with them basically or they're your mother. And even then when I used to try and kiss my mother

on the cheek, she would always pull back.

Quite strikingly as if, you know, what are you doing? So I gave it up. But I have a particular problem, which is I have Jupiterons contracture in both hands, which means that my small fingers rest in my palm

all of the time. So when I shake anybody's hand, it's like I'm sending a message. And I have got into trouble over the years. There was a girl a year ago when my finger

had just started to bend. Because I wasn't born like that. It's a gradual bending of the little fingers over time. And before it was really conspicuous, I had a crush on a girl at work.

And I didn't trouble her with it, obviously. But it was big, and I was mad about it. And I met her that evening at work. And then the following morning in the corridor, she was walking by.

And I said, good morning, and she said, if you ever try any of that shit with me again, I'm going to fucking have you. And I'm only cursing because she didlessness. And I didn't know what she was talking about.

And she just stormed off. And then about a month later, maybe I got a letter from her saying, dear Bill, I'm so, so sorry. But when I was a schoolgirl in Leeds, that meant, do you want to go around the back of the bike shit?

And you think, oh, so I look like someone who might say or indicate that they want to take you around the back of the bike shit. I must have shaken her hand the night before. And she thought that I was placing my pinky in her palm

in order to send that message. So I have to be really careful and it's dull, because I have to spend the first eight minutes explaining my condition to people that I meet for the first time, which is not the greatest way to kickstart the conversation.

So I have a problem in that area. But I kind of blaze in it through a lot of the time now.

But I always have to say, if I shake a girl's hand,

I don't know about shaking girl's hands.

“I think you should wait until they extend their hand.”

I think that's the rule, a rather than you instigate shaking a woman's hand. That's my view. I don't know. But with men, yeah, why not shake the hand?

It's a nice thing to do. (upbeat music) And now it's time for what might be your favorite thing about the whole of the ill-advised by Bill Nye podcast. It's certainly that is reflected in the number of people

that have contributed to this feature. And the feature is the band word list. And I can't believe that we haven't got a name for the band word list feature yet. Maybe you have some ideas.

The first word this episode has never troubled me at all

because I've never heard it in my life. And I'm even now finding it difficult to believe that anyone has ever used it. But the word means a skirt with shorts underneath and the word is "scort."

Which seriously, I've never, I'm funny, it difficult to believe.

“I think someone's invented a word just to get it banned.”

I don't think anyone's ever said the word "scort" in anybody's life, but maybe they have. They have, oh, sorry, Alice Williams, my fabulous producer. She has heard someone say "scort." It's now been brought to my attention

that there is another word, which is a "spork." Which is an implement, which is a fork head at one end and the spoon head at the other end. And that's called a "spork." I don't have any particularly strong feelings about "spork."

But you may have, so let me know. Let me know if you want me to ban "spork" and you need never hear it again. This is an expression that somebody wants banned. And it's either, yeah, no, or no, yeah.

It's exceedingly irritating, says to the person who sent this in. When a speaker responds by starting with either, yeah, no, or no, yeah, like that.

When in front of the permissions committee, albeit that they're fictional and they endorsed the ban. So gone. The next one is Baby Girl, which is described here as the biggest "ic" ever.

When someone is referring to their girlfriend and not actually a baby girl as Baby Girl. So that's gone. That's now banned from the English language. And indeed, any other language.

Here's another one, which I'm all for. It's just, I think they just wear out and then they just become exhausting to listen to. And this is one that's become exhausting. And the expression is, it's all good,

which is, I think in Americanism, I don't object to it on the grounds that it's

“in Americanism, but I think that's where it came from.”

And I think it's hung around for a while. And I think it's hung around long enough. So that is now banned forever from the English language. You can administer on the spotfines for all of these expressions. Once they've been officially banned

as endorsed by the permissions committee and myself, you are at liberty to deliver reprimands and to demand on the spotfines.

This is worrying, I've never heard of it in my life,

but claggy apparently as a word. As in, I'm so sorry the source is a bit claggy, which this reader, this listener rather, says, "My mum uses frequently, "just as you are putting a mouthful of perfectly good food

"in your mouth. "I can't read the rest because it includes the word "globus. "And I'm not sure what that means for her. "I don't want to be a part of it." (upbeat music)

“And now it's time for this week's playlist”

and as promised to Robin and his question about songs that you compulsively hum or sing as you go about your day. And indeed, the playlist is called "Songs That Like Hound Me" because I like putting the word "like" in between stuff. And as well as the songs I've already mentioned,

which was "Peatails and Song The Kids are All Right" for the who which has been with me for, I don't know, or half my life in my brain. And you're gonna make me learn some when you go which and all the other songs from Blood On The Tracks

that Bob Dylan album and guilty by Randy Newman. In addition to those three, there's also a song by the band called "When You Are Wake" which is almost the song that haunts me the most. When I do new rottingly launch into a song

for one reason or the other, either because I'm anxious or because I'm jubilant, which isn't that often. But is this one?

“The first line of which is holy told me,”

there's a fork in the road, so I walked on down the road and mile and went to the house that raised the smile. And I've sung that ever since before this century. I heard it through the grapevine was a song

I learned all the way through because the only bit I knew was, I know a man ate supposed to cry, but these tears I can't keep inside. And I didn't know anything more of it.

And then I'd have to sing the chorus. So now I did once know, I'm not sure if I still do all the words so I heard it through the grapevine. Then take some time out for love,

which is a little known early. I easily brought this tune,

which I discovered somewhere a million years ago.

And we used to play at the stop making love club above the co-op in Kate from High Street when I was in charge of tune selection and dancing. 'Cause I used to have to go on the floor and dance in the hope that somebody else might dance with me.

And then Bob Dylan was I threw it all away, which is kind of perfect country song, which she just produced after he stopped being the kind of artist that we'd known him as for the first four or five years.

And then he kind of became a country artist briefly. And then there's a song which I just like the title apart from anything. And it's very catchy and it's called any major dude will tell you.

Incidentally, I think dude, you can hear how uncomfortable I am saying it. I think it should go on the bandlist,

but with a caveat, I've never used that word in my life,

but I think it's correct, that it's okay for people under 20. But anyone over 20 that says, "Dude, you know, they always go that, you know, "Dude, you know, at the beginning of the sentence, they'll say,

"Dude, what the, you know, like that." And it just makes, it goes through me like a knife.

which is, I think you'll agree,

a compulsive little number. And then Nancy would laugh in face by Frank Sinatra, which is by no means a favorite song, or a favorite Frank Sinatra song. But it has been one that is just lodged in my brain.

And I know a little known pop fact about that song, which will get you five points in any pub quiz, which is the lyrics were written by Phil Silvers. And, you know, I am aware that 98% of the people listening won't know who Phil Silvers is.

Phil Silvers used to have a show called, I don't know what the show was called, but his character was called Sergeant Bill Co. B-I-L-K-O.

“If you want to check it out in black and white,”

it'll make you laugh. Anyway, he wrote probably the only song he ever wrote, and he wrote Nancy with a laughing face, which is about Nancy Sinatra, and her father used to sing it.

And I always remember, take Betty Grable,

Lamboa and Turner. She makes my heart wait for it a charcoal burner. Picture a tomboy in lace, and then you haze Nancy with the laughing face. She takes the winter and makes it summer,

but wait for it summer could take some lessons from her. It's great writing. And then another Frank Sinatra song, which I learned all the way through, is just so that I wouldn't have to always sing, it happened

in Monterey a long time ago. It happened in Monterey, in old Mexico, and then stopped there. Now, I know that I can continue to start. This is an instil guitars and luscious lips,

as red as wine, stole somebody's heart.

And I'm afraid that it was mine. See, I know the other verse as well. So those are the songs that haunt me, and haunt me currently. They come and they go, but those are definitely,

those are their lifers. They've been with me for most of my life, and I'm not ashamed to say it. And you can find a link to the list in the show notes, which will lead you to Spotify and Apple Music.

This week's book is by James Baldwin, and it's called The Fire Next Time, a friend of mine told me that he had heard of a man who when he read this book, bought hundreds of copies and drove all over America

depositing them in mobile libraries, schools, and all over America, because he thought that every American would be emphasis on white Americans should read this book. This innocent country set you down in a ghetto,

“in which, in fact, it intended that you should perish.”

Let me spell out precisely what I mean by that, for the heart of the matter is here, and the root of my dispute with my country. You were born where you were born and faced the future that you faced

because you were black and for no other reason. The limits of your ambition were thus expected to be set forever. You were born into a society which spelled out with brutal clarity and in as many ways as possible

that you were a worthless human being. You were not expected to aspire to excellence, you were expected to make peace with mediocrity. Wherever you have turned, James, in your short time on this earth,

you have been told where you could go and what you could do and how you could do it and where you could live and whom you could marry. I know your countrymen do not agree with me about this and I hear them saying you exaggerate.

They do not know Harlem and I do. So do you. Take no one's word for anything, including mine, but trust your experience, no once you came. If you know once you came,

there is really no limit to where you can go. The details and symbols of your life have been deliberately constructed to make you believe what white people say about you.

“Please try to remember that what they believe”

as well as what they do and cause you to endure does not testify to your inferiority, but to their inhumanity and fear. (upbeat music) So there you go, that's about the size of it.

No, I say so myself and we are now at the end of season two new. We are going to have a kind of competition which is more like a raffle and we're gonna put names into a hat and the winner

or the winners will receive a copy

and it will be personally signed for them.

“So that's something you could get involved in if you wish.”

That'll all be in what we like to call the back room on our subscribers channel on Patreon. There will be exclusive bonus content, new features and early access to new episodes, merchandise and events.

Make sure you sign up online first

“to avoid the Apple fees and then download it later.”

All the information you need is in the show notes. Thank you for listening. Thank you for all your questions and for your contributions to other features. I'll see you on the street as it were

on September the 3rd. I even know that, but obviously I'll be seeing you in the back room. (upbeat music)

And remember, always remember.

“It's nice to be important but it's important to be nice.”

Bye bye everybody. Bye bye. (upbeat music) I'll advise by Bill Nagey. It's produced by Alice Williams and Keira Gregory

with assistant production by Angelique Sermers, pronounced Sermers and Charlotte Ross, pronounced Ross, Maro SS and it's an iPod Studios production.