Pocket Squares Make Me Uneasy

[SPEAKING SPANISH] [SPEAKING SPANISH] [SPEAKING SPANISH] [MUSIC PLAYING]

“Probably with the kettle on, if you can get your arm up the spell.”

That's my grandma that used to say.

But thank you for all the questions. And I know that really it's just a cry for help. So it doesn't matter whether I know what to do or not. Let's have a listen. [MUSIC PLAYING]

Good evening, Bill. Margo here from Vienna. My question is, how to react when having lunch on your own, minding your own business. And then suddenly, someone's comes and decides to join you.

Thank you for your help with that. Margo, it's unforgivable for anybody to join you at lunch. It should be a crime.

I never joined by anybody for lunch.

“There may be three or four occasions in my whole life where”

anybody has actually sat down at the table. I mean, people do come up and talk to me because of my job. But very few of them have ever sat down at the table with me while they're doing it. On the few occasions, when they have, I immediately stand up.

As a deterrent, I lunch almost always. When I do eat lunch, I'm not good at lunch. But I eat out all of the time. I have my breakfast in a cafe. And I have my dinner in a restaurant every night.

And I always have. And when I was younger, it would be when I was on tour and stuff, it would be like a pie and a pint. And with a book. And it's a big part of my reading life.

Because I read breakfast and I read at lunch, if there is one, and I read at dinner, for sure. So I don't want to be disturbed. One of the dangers is that if you go into a certain restaurant, people who don't read feel that, however interesting your book

is, it's never going to be more interesting than they are.

And I've had to abandon certain restaurants because the proprietor would always come and sit with me out of pity, because he figured that because I had a book, I was a friendless lonely guy. And they engage you as an active generosity on their part.

They engage you in conversation, which is with all you respect generally, banal. And I am desperate. I even put my finger on the line in the book, just to indicate to them that in a minute,

I'm going to be resuming my book. But it doesn't seem to register. And they'll stay there. So I've had to give up going to those restaurants. That's happened half a dozen times over my restaurant life.

So yeah, I mean, anyone who sits down at your table, I mean, it has happened on a couple of occasions where it's absolutely infuriated me. And I don't, I'm not easy to fury,

“but that's one thing that I think is kind of unforgivable.”

I have actually left on occasion yet. I've actually got up and left the restaurant. And they say, well, no, you don't have to go. And they say, no, I'm really sorry. I have to go and you just go to the cafe down the street.

But then if you're a woman, I know it's different. I think even now, maybe it's a generational thing. But when I was younger, women had difficulty going into restaurants or bars or pubs on their own without attracting unwanted attention from people with penises.

So it's very different for you. I suppose you just have to stand your ground and say, please, I'm enjoying a moment of privacy. Perhaps you could, I mean, there's lots of ways of putting it.

But you know what I'm saying.

[MUSIC PLAYING] Good morning, Bill. My name is Kate. And I live in excellent pub arts in the southern France. I'm wondering if you still struggle with the colour yellow.

“And it's so, how would you wear it if forced to today?”

I asked this question because many years ago, I remember reading an article in Vogue where you specified that you had a great dislike for the colour yellow and even avoided standing next to people who were wearing it. I believe I suffer from a similar issue

and will be most grateful for your response. Thank you. Did I really say that I didn't want to stand next to anybody wearing yellow? I must have had coffee.

I drink too much coffee.

I'm always saying slightly reckless, unattractive things.

And I walk away from the conversation. I think, what made you say that? And then I realized the third cup of coffee. There's no attractive reason for the third cup of coffee. And you become what they call incontinent

if you're pardoning expression. And you start saying things like I can't stand next to anyone who's wearing yellow. Mind you, on the other hand, yeah, it is tricky. I can't wear yellow.

I disappear. I'm too Irish for yellow. You know, it's like beige or cream. I can't wear any of those colors because I cease to be visible.

I don't know what colour your hair is, Kate. But I've got a feeling you're a brunette. You sound like a brunette. And my mother was called Kate. And she was a brunette.

So it stands for reason. But I don't know.

“I think if you're, yeah, you can wear yellow.”

If you've got dark hair, I think yellow is OK. Maybe I was talking about men wearing yellow. With men, I have a very, very, very kind of narrow limited palette that I find acceptable. And yellow isn't part of it.

I suppose you could have a yellow shirt, but you'd have to be dead careful about how you

accessorize yellow socks are never going to make it.

That's for sure. If I could wear yellow, how would I wear yellow? I don't know if I ever could wear yellow, actually, Kate. You could have a pocket square. But then if you have a pocket square,

you become one of those people that make me uneasy. Dear Mr. Nye. Your character, in page eight, gave a piece of advice I have always found profound. Every home should have one great piece of art.

Would you agree? And if so, what would you recommend to start? Kind regards Jeffrey and North Carolina.

“Jeffrey, that was a lion I spoke in page eight”

by David Harris. So this is a question for David Harris, really. But I'm going to answer it in his stead. Yeah, I have one piece of art in my flat, which is a print. But it's a print of a very beautiful painting

by Edward Veyard of a young woman reaching for her clothes after having posed for the artist. And it's a very beautiful one. And I used to visit the court-held art gallery in order to visit that painting.

If ever, I was in the vicinity. And then I did a little, I did a favor for them. And they gave me the print. And I had it framed and it's, and if there was a fire, I'd probably reach for that.

Even though it's not worth any money. And then there is, of course, the argument, of, you know, does it make any difference if it's the original or if it's a print? Yeah, all right, calm down, everybody.

So if I had lots of money, and I have quite a lot of money, but not this kind of money. If I had any money, I would probably reach for a frank hour-bark, Primrose Hill painting. That would bring me, 'cause I wonder about,

I don't know a great deal about art. But I wonder about, and I look at art. And very few pictures really in the end move you in any way. I don't expect to be moved, but they're all intriguing. And even if it's some kind of scam,

I don't mind that, 'cause I enjoy a good scam. But the ones that really you'd wanna live with, a few and far between, I would take anything by Gwen John. I find her paintings, they do actually move me. And there are others, but I won't start a long list.

Hi, Bill, Nicholas from Paris. I was wondering if you think that's acceptable to where genes under suit jacket to vaguely look smart casual. Thank you.

Nicola, I don't think acceptable to where a suit jacket with genes, but it is acceptable to where a jacket with genes. In other words, a jacket that stands in its own right. I don't think you can cheat and use the jacket from a suit,

because unless it's a very particular kind of jacket,

which is not a good look.

I used to wear jeans on the plane. In fact, it was the only time I ever wore jeans in an attempt to avoid the horror of a airplane pajamas. But I don't do it anymore, because as I've said, I now dress up to fly for fun.

But there was a time when every man I ever came across in the airport was wearing jeans with a jacket.

“And I think that might have put me off at one point.”

I was walking along at one point. I saw about four or five guys around me, and we all would dress more or less identically, except I was wearing very particular jeans and very particular jacket.

I'd paid more attention than they had, obviously. But so therefore, I think that's when I probably started to dress up to fly. I also think that I invented that look. There's a couple of things I think I invented.

I know that I didn't invent these things, but there's a part of my irrational mind that still clings to the idea that I did. One is to wear jeans with a regular jacket, and the other is to wear a polo shirt

under a suit jacket. These are two looks that I feel that I pioneered. I almost certainly didn't, but I'd like you to share it with me. I'd like just to maintain that myth.

- Hello, this is Peter here. How do you cope when you forget people's names?

“And you have to introduce people to each other at a party?”

- Well, Peter, if you are introducing them to a third party, whose name you do remember, you say, the name of the person that you do remember, you say this is the person who's name I do remember, and you hope that the person who's name you do remember,

will lean over and say, hey, and the other guy will say, the guy with no name currently will say, "Hello, I'm Gordon."

They're always called Gordon.

But if that's not the case, if you know, I've spent half my life standing in front of people waiting for clues, because I have, my father used to say, "I have no memory," and I used to think as a kid,

I think, "How can you have no memory?" Well, now I understand. And it's not necessarily because, you know, I've reached an advanced age, although possibly, I resist the idea.

It's like people say, you know, I walked into the living room, and I got there, and I didn't know what I was doing there. I must be getting old. No, you're not. You did that when you were 18.

You did that when you were 12. You walked into the living room and thought, "Why am I here?" Oh, yeah, I got pick up the sneakers bar, whatever it is. But I have spent a lot of time on this particular question,

and I have no, like all the other questions that I'm required to answer on ill-advised by Bill Nye, I have no real answer. But that's, you know, it's fun. So I just stand there and wait for clues.

And sometimes I get lucky and it comes to me. But you'd be surprised how many times you can get away with not knowing someone's name. The terrible thing is that no one forgives you for it. No one.

It doesn't matter how sophisticated they are, how well-traveled they are, how much access they have to humility and decency and whatever.

They will never forgive you for getting their name.

Not truly, obviously, which is why you're asking the question, it's fundamental. I don't imagine for a moment, Peter, that helps in any way, but it's been good talking to you. Hey there, Bill, my name is Blake.

I'm from South Australia.

“I just wanted to know, what do you feel about hats?”

How do you feel about hats? Do you have a favorite style of hat? Do you wear hats yourself? Looking forward to hearing from you. Blake, good question, thank you.

I have had a relationship with hats throughout my life. The problem now is that I used to buy a hat every year, like a proper hat, I would call a proper hat, like a homberg, or what might be called a racing hat, like a trophy, I don't know what you call them in Australia.

And I would wear them when I was a younger man, ironically, because I was then, I was attempting a kind of mod look, which really to a large degree is ironic dressing. You'd kind of dress like an older man from another generation, but because you're young, it has irony involved.

But as you get older, now, for instance, if I wear a homberg, I look like an old guy in a homberg, because old guys are supposed to wear homberg, because irony left the building some time ago. So it's a sad thing, I used to wear,

I had a great check as the vacuum homberg one time in sort of chocolate brown, which I used to wear backwards, because, you know, I'm a funky guy, and I used to wear shades with it, and I'd have breakfast in the hotel in my hat and shades,

because, you know, I was Bohemian.

but I played an Australian rancher. It I accept that I'm not the first person you might think of in terms of playing that part, but they gave me an acupera, because all Australian farmers wear an acupera,

and my acupera was a federation acupera, which is a very cool hat. And when I left, they gave me, as a presentation, gift for having been in the film, they gave me a brand new federation acupera,

which I have at home, but the thing is, it's only ever gonna stay in the box. I might show it to people if they came to my home, but I'm not gonna walk down the street in it, and even if I came back to Australia,

and even if I went back to Broken Hill in the middle of Australia, where I made that movie, even there I wouldn't wear it unless there was somebody was filming me. And I also, when I was in Austin, Texas,

I bought a white stetson, which looks okay, you know,

I look pretty okay, but again, I'm never gonna wear it.

I'm not gonna wear it down, you know, the high street in Pimboico, where I live in London. So I do own hats, but I, and also I walk about a lot, and I am, you know, what they call visible, and people talk to me and stuff, and it's fine,

“and I think we discussed it on other programs.”

But, you know, I know that other people who are in the public eye, buy, you know, hats and dark glasses and cars, I don't own a car, so, and I have no interest in owning a car, unless we're reaching out for sponsorship.

I have observed that some younger actors wear a beanie, a woolen hat in order to disguise themselves in the street, and I thought I might do a line of beanie's, and manufacture them, and have the word famous, knitted right across the front of them.

Because it seemed to me that that was kind of what they said, do you know what I mean? I can't wear a beanie because it's too sad. I just look too sad.

Other hats, I have never worn,

I've never worn a baseball cap, I've never felt really, I suppose if I was younger, maybe I'd have worn a baseball cap, I don't really wanna wear a baseball cap backwards. It's a bit like wearing the collar up on a rugby shirt. That's another thing I can't stand near anybody

who has a rugby shirt. I mean, a rugby shirt, anyway,

“unless you're playing rugby, what are you thinking?”

But then to turn the collar up, you know, makes me really, really uneasy. Anyway, that's a bit beside the point, I think you might agree, Blake, but here we are. So yeah, hats are good, I think they're great,

but now I would find it difficult to know what hat I could possibly wear. And the other thing is I wear glasses. I don't need to wear glasses all the time because I had my eyes done, but as I've discussed

in another program, but I wear them in order, because I think they make me look really good. And I think they make me more attractive, generally.

So, you know, they're always gonna look better

than just my face, you know what I mean? It's like my body is always gonna look better in a suit. And a hat and glasses, you know what I mean? It's not, there's no irony there. I mean, if, you know, in the old days,

as I say, I used to wear shades, shades and a hat, what's wrong. But now, no, I don't have to wear shades anymore because I'm no longer chemically encouraged. It's been suggested to me that concerning the beanie with the word famous

across the front, that might be a desirable item to include in our merch shop, which we haven't got yet. But we're hoping that if we get enough listeners, we will be moving into the merch world. And there will be two shirts,

and maybe a beanie with the word famous right across the front. (upbeat music) This episode's playlist is called Car Keys and the Good Code. And it features mostly, in fact entirely, female artists,

and the first track is from Denise LaSalle, and it's called Blues Party Tonight, and it's about a blues party, and it's about how she's gonna invite everyone from BB King to all kinds of blues people

to come to the party, so they can have a good time. And the next song is called, which I people, there may be people left alive who remember this tune, it's called, "I'm gonna tear your playhouse down by Anne Peoples,"

which is a cool song. And then we're gonna come further into the contemporary world

“with Conia Doss, you don't have to remember these,”

they're all in the show notes with the link to Spotify,

And then we're gonna come further into the contemporary,

and we're gonna go with a song from Salt, SAU-LT, called We Are the Sun. And then we're gonna go to Jasmine with a Z, Sullivan, with a thing called Put It Down. And we're gonna end with another Denise LaSalle song

called, "Packed Up and Took My Mind." And that one builds, so hang on in there.

“I think between them, they constitute what's currently”

called, "A Mood," you see what I'm saying? (upbeat music) It's now time for this week's Band Words List. And we've been overwhelmed by contributions to the Band Words List.

So much so that we've had to form a permissions committee

before which all of these words will be presented. And we will run with the permissions committees decisions they will be final. There's got some very strange words that people want to ban. Iconic, I think I'm gonna go with iconic.

The permissions committee considered it to be a legitimate band word. I think it's just been overused and now is unusable. So Iconic has left the language. Next one, I thoroughly agree with.

There were several asks. I mean, does that really need any comment at all, or any discussion? That's gone forever. Vegies, which I do agree, I do agree.

Why would you say veggies, when you could say vegetables? Even if you were talking to a child,

“you should say the whole word in my view.”

Why children and you get half the word? What's that about? Martin Amis, who isn't writer, I admire, says that anyone who uses the words amongst, that's not a word, but I'm saying it anyway,

whilst, in fact, according to Martin, subliterate, they're not me talking, but I have, because I admire Martin Amis, and I'm frightened of his disapproval,

I have never used the word amongst

or whilst since reading that. There will be other band words and phrases, not least, coming from you. Should you wish to ban a word or phrase, you can contact us via Instagram

at illid vise by Bill Nye, which is doubly a literative, say that three times quickly. This episode's book is by Len Dayton, D-E-I-G-H-T-O-N, and it's called Berlin Game, and the great thing about this book is that should it draw you in,

there are eight other books in the series, all featuring Bernard Sampson, and it's espionage in the '60s, and a lot of it takes place in Berlin, and some of it in London,

and they are completely consuming once you get into them, and they come in the form of three trilogies, game set and match, three books called Game, set and match, hook, line and sinker, and faith, hope and charity, and they will drive you crazy,

and they're beautifully written, and he is a very, and was an extremely successful writer, but I still think he's under regarded. I'll give you just a snatch of, I've just kind of eye-chained on the book.

Brett had spent his life in swivel chairs, arguing with dictating machines and smiling for committees. His muscles had come from lifting barbells and jogging around the lawn of his tem side mention, and one look at him would suggest that it was a good way to get them,

for Brett had grown old gracefully. His face was tanned in that very even way that comes from sun reflected off the purvish nae, that only falls on very expensive ski resorts. His fair hair was changing almost imperceptibly to white,

and the eyeglasses that he now required for reading were styled, like those that California Highway Patrolman hang in their pocket flap while writing you a ticket. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)

I want to read to you a response we receive from Iban underscore a manquar who has,

“I think, described the podcast precisely,”

and I'm very happy that someone gets it. And the sentence is, "This is therapy

Thank you, Iban.

That's exactly what I had in mind.

(upbeat music)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

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