She Lost Her Mother and Found Her Mission

Because you have people who say all the time, "Oh, it gets better with time, it doesn't, it actually gets worse."

And then I try to encourage them to honor their loss. Tellymanjaya is a resilient, purpose-driven and empowering life coach in the founder of Ground Zero. Through her work, she helps individuals navigate life's challenges, and cultivate deep self-compassion, creating a lasting legacy of emotional resilience, authentic growth, and fearless leadership.

"I'm speaking to them from a human standpoint. And I have to talk them off the ledge, and I have to let them know that their loved one would not want them to join them because if they did, then they would have already did it. It's not their time. You will lose yourself because, unfortunately, it will get dark before it gets

“light. You have to go through that dark phase."”

And now that you've gone through that dark phase, where are you today in the spectrum of healing or embracing where are you today and what is your north star? "It's every day I live my mother taking her last breath, but I've learned coping mechanisms to help me to get through my day now." And that looks like...

"I'm living your legacy podcast for those who live to live a legacy." Welcome to another episode of the Living Your Legacy podcast, The Women in Power Edition, Forenside Success, I am Ray Guterres. Joining me today is Tali Manjaya. She is the founder of Ground Zero, and that's Ground Zero with an actual zero at the end of the numerical zero. She's also a grief coach and a stroke survivor.

"What an intro, I love, welcome." "Hi, look at you, I can barely see you. I don't know where you where you go." "Thank you, thank you, that was very real, I am a stroke survivor." "How does one survivor stroke?" "God, whoever your power is, that's who bought me through. I want to say that I believe having my mother by my side helped a lot. She definitely was able to just give me the

motherly love and let me know what's going to be okay and she's here for me. I mean literally

my mother never left my side. But what's really scary is when I had the major stroke, she had just

left home. I'm sorry, she just left the hospital to go home, which is only 15 minutes away to get a bag of clothes because she said she knew something was about to happen and so within

“that time of her leaving me is when I had the major stroke and the only thing I could think of”

in my mind is I don't want my mother to see me die. "Oh." And so when my cousin's called her and said you need to get back, she was already on her way back. She didn't park the car or anything she just left the car in the front of the hospital and ran up to the room where I was, grabbed my hand and said, "Baby, I'm here." And that's when my seizure stopped. "How old were you with time was it? How does one of the genetics were you in high stress? How did

how did the stroke come about?" "I've been working on stroke pills. This was an August 2012 and I was excessively bleeding and they could and find out why. So my minister of cycles were last months because I just wouldn't stop bleeding." "Holy moly." So at this point, my doctor, every, that's not normal. So at this point, my doctor said, "Okay. We're going to get you on birth control pills because that medically intervenes to stop bleeding." "Yeah." But it was too much

estrogen for me. And so that did what clotted my blood and it, the two main stems and I had one in the main stem and it busts. Wow. So it was really scary. I had to be on blood thinners. I had to learn how to walk again. I was in recovery for two years. So you look at

“you know. Do you feel like all of that was necessary for you to be where you are today?”

I do think that everything I've been through in life has prepared me to become a Greek coach. But what solidified that purpose was losing my mother two years ago? What I apologize for that and I thank you for sharing that. How does one become a

Greek coach? Are you always grieving and how does one coach won through the grieving process?

you at different times. Some people agree harder than others. But once you experience grief,

you can never go back from it. The grief is literally what you deemed as a significant loss.

So it could be anything from death, cancer diagnosis, to divorce, to losing a job. It could be

“anything because that's what you personally deemed as a loss to you. What may not be a significant”

loss to you can be to someone else. I always tell people don't compare griefs. It's not a race, first of all. It's not one shoe fits all either. When it comes to the grief counseling and coaching, how much of it is divine, how much of it is science, how much of it is facts, and how much of it is just human behavior? So grief in itself, it's human nature. It's an emotional roller coaster.

Grief is the emotions that you have are now suffering from your significant loss. It's what you

feel. So a lot of it is literally human, in my opinion, again, it's just my opinion. A lot of it is human nature and facts. And emotional aspects of grief really vary based on the individual, not the actual loss because one may react differently to a divorce, one may react differently to a death. You know, not everyone cries, but they're still grieving and that looks like them not crying. That looks like them not acknowledging their loss. That looks like them going

“about their daily life and you wouldn't even know that they lost someone, but that's how they”

deal with grief. They totally black it out. Stonewallet, as I like to say, how much of it is generational grief. A lot of generational trauma or is it so are most of your clients or folks that you coach grief that are is happening in this lifetime? This lifetime, you real time at that. Real time. I have clients that are dealing with failed IVFs. I have clients that are dealing with death, obviously. I have clients that are dealing with two parent households becoming one.

You know, because kids still would grief differently. Kids are not emotionally mature to understand what's going on. So kids act out in a lot of ways. So I deal with a lot of different variables and aspects of grief. It's definitely something that has allowed me to continue to heal in my Greek journey because I'm helping others get them out of the dark tunnel because I didn't have that. I didn't have anyone to help me. Your stroke sound sounds like it was

very sudden when you lost your mom was as sudden as well. So my mother has been battling a total fighter of cancer for 20 plus years. So you wouldn't even know she had it if you looked at her. But of course I knew and she had chemo and everything else. So once it, she basically lost the battle. August 27, 2023 and she began to lose that battle in August 23. So within three months it took her. So I didn't have a lot of time to understand what was really happening

“and I think that's one of the hardest parts for me that I didn't have that chance to say goodbye”

because you're, I'm never ready to say goodbye, right? But she became so sick so suddenly and it just

she just never got better. It went from worse to worse, sir. Well, was there a moment where, because I was raised with my grandmother and you know there was a point where I had to pre-greef I had to kind of just say my good bye because I knew I was going to lose her. Is there a method to that coaching where you kind of understand that this person is slowly fading? And there's a point to pre-greef before the real loss happens. So one thing I can say that was very helpful for me

was the hospice nurse gave me a booklet that prepared me for losing a loved one. Now my mother was already going through the process of dying but I didn't know it. When they stop eating, when because their body literally their brain is telling them we don't need anything else because we need to preserve our energy. So she stopped eating and no matter how much I'm like mom, I need you to eat. Please eat. No. The doctors are telling her they need her to eat because she had major surgery and that's the

only way how you get better is you eat. You need protein. She wouldn't do it. And then she became

whether she knew it or not, she never told me. She never said baby girl. I know I'm about to die.

“My mother never said that. But I also never told her when I was bringing her at home from hospice”

that this is why we're bringing you home. My mom is not stupid though. I'm sure she knew enough to know this is not what's supposed to be happening. So I think that one can never be fully prepared to say goodbye. But I will say that having that literature to point out all the signs. So once I pulled her home, though, she left me within 48 hours. Like my mother said, I'm blowing this popsicle sand. I'm not about to have you and your brothers. Just grandma was the same way.

You know, crying. And because at this point, I had to really take care of her. I had to wipe her and my mom, she just hated that her own child was now having to wipe her and change her diaper. And, you know, she didn't like that. She let me know that much before she passed. She was like, you know, you're not my mother. I'm your mother. And, you know, things like that. So it definitely

“is a process of you have to accept. And I did not accept her leaving me for six months. So I definitely”

was nowhere near prepared for her to actually leave me. No matter if I knew a border home. So because I'm wondering to die at home, not in a hospital. Even though I prayed to God, listen, make sure she takes her last breath with me. Don't, I don't want anyone to call me and say, hey, you need to get back. Yeah, no, no, no, no. And so she literally gave me her last breath within me being inches of her face. Yeah, same, same with my grandma. Yeah, it was a very, it was a very

spiritual moment. I remember her rooting up and I felt the room vibrantly. She was actually quite happy that was she was away, but I'll get herself out of bed and check her insulin and help her on her walk her and right before she sat on the toilet. She was gone. Right? She faded around in front of me. And you can see her, her kind of shut off. Well, she was trying to communicate to me just in her eyes. And she just shut off for her. Hi, hold her hand while I was

happening. I prepped for it for years. Like I spent most of my teenage years staying cryo, grandma. And she would, she would, she would just have her, her blood sugar would rise and then she would fall unconscious. So I'd get back from television production in high school and she'd be unconscious on the floor. But I've run through the drill, like grabbed the OJ with sugar in the straw and wait for her and then she'd be revived and run three feet. So how did you know this time to

that was it? I didn't. It was it until like I held her and looked at her that I kind of went to the motions of like all right. Well, let's grab the phone and go through the the drill. And at that point, I remember it in cryo and I was just there was peace. And it was just so happy for grandma. That she was, it was just her and I, it was really just her and I. And what one thing I can say is that, and I don't know if this is true for you, but did you have solace annoying that it was you

“in her to the end? Because that's how I felt with me in my mom. Like it's a far-unhauled day for”

me daily. Every day I see her take her last breath. But I have, I literally told her when I bought her home. It's mean you kid to the end. You know, so I have solace in knowing that I was there with her to the end.

I never was going to allow my mother to die alone. So I was just curious if you had that type of

solace knowing. Like you said, absolutely. I really did. And it was those like last moments last weeks where we actually had that bonnet connection that she never had with my actual father shattered with me. And she was, she was essentially just replaced everything she didn't have with her. My, my grant my, her husband, my, my grant father, right, right, right all the tears senior. She never had any of that until she had it with me and everyone said, well, she, the reason why

she kept on going kept, you kept her life for as long as you did. And it was line one article one paragraph one and the, and the new will. She's like, don't, everyone knows us to why I have sent everyone to help. But my grant son takes it all. It's not much, but it was enough for me to just it was yours. It was mine and I spent my 20s just being an artist and being an only child. That was adopted and didn't have a family and just became an artist and then my first corporate job was

working at PlayStation in San Francisco. So it was just, she's in this room right now and I still go home. I still go to the, I still go to the house. Yeah, hi grandma. She's, she's, she's very much

blessed this entire production. She's very much, very much, and, and I always like to, to speak to

folks that of the coincidences, I used to be the game director for Power Rangers, one of my, it was called Legacy, Legacy Wars. Now I work for Legacy Makers and my grant father that raised me his name was Rolofull and they called him Rudy and my grandmother was a high white witch

at that time yeah what's that I Cuban Cuban okay yeah close 60 and I was four it was quite she was a

pan-am's tortoise and she retired on a Tuesday and adopted me on a Thursday with people working

“everything oh yeah it was the best thing I could have happened to me absolutely and so I'm very”

much yeah your our our our legacy is very proud of us I know yeah our your mom is very very proud of you and yeah and I'm quite honored to be in this energy with you no I listen I'm so grateful I appreciate you all trust me trust me I really do because one thing that I said is when she took her last breath that's when I didn't know it but that's when I gained my purpose in life you know that's when I said did know it then though trust me at that time when she took her last breath I was scared I was alone

I said how can I ever go through life without her and then it turned to once I got out of that dark tunnel six months later is okay how can I honor my mother and make sure she's proud of me how can I make sure that the angel that was here on earth that lives in some way because I'm not

“a saint absolutely not you know I've been I've been been through life and done a few things but”

one thing always remained is I literally know for me that I've always had a high moral compass

and I stood on values I'm very very protective of my clients because for sure in that vulnerable space you need someone who's who's not going to take advantage of you and that was one of my fears because I was being very honest with myself when I was in the throes of grief I said I know I'm in a vulnerable state I know I'm weak right now I know that I am just literally no good to be in society yep so then you you I became scared of people because I'm like someone's going to try to hurt me

someone's going to try to take advantage of me and I can't call my mom anymore I can't call who I deemed to be my superhero no matter what I was going through my mother made it right she was a problem solver and that's something that I pride myself on if this a problem 99.9%

I have a solution that's amazing let's see where should we take this conversation

where can I had all these list of questions and now the dead signs completely caught me off card how can folks learn more about you because that's the question I want to ask I had an about the back of my head so I like the fact that you are a grief coach that are a counselor are you empowering that grief into into a positive talk about your philosophy here so what I am what I really and really raw and honest about with all my clients is that

it won't get better but what you will do is learn how to cope yep it's very true because you have people who say all the time oh it gets better with time it doesn't and actually it gets worse because holidays or days that anniversary or divorce anniversary is like whatever it is that you're going through you still have to relive that at least one time in another year God willing you make it right so I tell people know honey it won't get better but what you will

do is learn how to cope and then I try to encourage them to honor their loss if it's a loss honor your newfound freedom if it's a divorce you know honor whatever it is that you're going through because at the end of the day you really a lot of people I don't have kids so a lot of my clients do though so they can't just take six months off and be in a dark like me you know they you have to get back to being in mom or dad mode you have little ones that depend on you they don't

understand grief and it's not fair to bestow that upon your children either and I tell my clients listen if nothing else if nothing else show up for your kids because that allows you to still show up for yourself absolutely you know and grief is something that is everlasting once you experience it it's going to be forever and again for some people it looks like here and there they're able to put it in a little box lock it and then it may creep up again because you have grief anniversary

dates and that's when they may start feeling like why am I feeling like this and then they're like oh yeah

“because so and so what's coming up that date is coming up so no I try to tell people you have to be”

sometimes I may be a little bit too raw because I'm very realistic but that is something that you have to do because I was very delusional when my mother passed you know you you sit in you're like

accept it but once I accepted it is when I got out of that dark tunnel and it took me six months to

“accept it because until then I had a hostage with me instead of allowing her to do what rest in peace”

she's so worried about me because I have not accepted her losing I mean her her leaving me um my heart is hurting I've already had a stroke so she can't physically tell me listen stop I'm in a better place I'm not in pain because you don't want your parents here in pain she was in pain her last three months yeah they wanted to take her toes her foot I didn't I I know that will kill her it's gonna be with my grandma you know so when you get to a point of okay

this is not first but that's not how she came into the world this is not how she lived her life

you know so now it's about honoring them in death I'm not gonna allow them to do anything that is going to catapult her death yeah when God was ready is when he took her I didn't accept it I had a question in my faith I was very angry and then you sit and you what do you want your mother here in pain because for a long time I did and that was not fair to her I forget what I want that's not fair to her because she wouldn't want me in pain you know so it was a process but

“it was one that she helped to bring me through so that's what I tell my clients listen you don't”

want you don't want to dishonor your loved one you don't want to do that and you you don't want to dishonor yourself in the process because you can lose you you will lose yourself it's not no kin you will lose yourself because unfortunately it will get dark before it gets light you have to go through that dark phase and now that you've gone through that dark phase where are you today in the spectrum of healing or embracing where are you today and what is your north star

every day is groundhog day for me so that means every day I live my mother taking her last breath but I've learned coping mechanisms to help me to get through my day now and that looks like

“sitting in silence that looks like verbal affirmations because my mantra is it's okay to not be”

okay so that looks like me showing up for myself but giving myself grace because when I have a client on the docket it's not about me it's 100% about them so no matter how I may be feeling when I wake up I'd snap into being there for my clients because I'm honored that they show up for me to help them because they are trusting me to help them because they're in a vulnerable state

so if they take that first step and now we're locked in for our zoom call the least I can do

it's show up for them sure and be present because you can be by someone but not present oh sure yeah yeah so I have to be present for them because they are depending on me to help them what's the first common thread you hear when your clients is it why me why did this happen or how do I find the money to a funeral what's the common thread you hear with your clients let's be right where in hard times and as an economy right now so a lot of people want

help and need help they just can't afford it so I'm I'm the type that okay I can let me meet you halfway what can you afford less because that's a hard conversation to have you are not only are you grieving but then you get to talking about money you know yeah have you said ways of that me is a grief coach I don't want to come across as one and sensitive because that's the furthest from anything that I am you know if I could I would do it for zero dollars but unfortunately

yeah I have to still eat sure my roof everything you know I still have to live so that's when I I'm very honest with them in terms of okay what can you afford what can you do well I'll give me numbers like how do you kind of measure your value like is it the amount of negativity is the amount of time is it the curriculum that you build how do you measure and value and put a number to that I have six week programs so you have you have like so I have a forum

I'll tell you cool but I also have it where after six weeks you still need me hunting I'm here

and you just keep them in and you keep them in your tribe I do I let them know from the very first meeting

“if after six weeks and you still need me hunting I'm here you we can talk about the”

particulars after that for sure because at that point if you still need me after six months then that means that you still are with them that tunnel to a degree right you're not going to be still deep in it I that is a fact that is a promise but you still need me and I and I tell them I'm

never going to turn my back on you because again I needed someone and I didn't have anyone so

I'm never going to allow my clients to feel alone because that's one way how to get one to go right back into that tunnel and then and then what I will feel way more fucked up bringing someone out the tunnel to abandon them and they go back in the tunnel how do you build your curriculum because I'm already seeing like it be cool if you had your transcripts from your zoom

“calls and then have that into your into your Jackie PT and then build a curriculum based on that”

one client's feedback in the transcripts because after six months you're right if they're not feeling any better but they're still feeling something you can keep them within your program but then cater to them and give them a VIP VIP exclusive treatment so if they still have about two they still need me after six months so if they's when they when they need me after six months that literally was like okay we're not back at square one but obviously we need to dig deeper into another

part of the realm of this dark tunnel and that's where it starts to get into okay let's start getting more into the de-rooted issues as to why you have not fully accepted what's going on yeah and one of them is my IVF client yeah um that that was about that hurt me you know and

you can't really it's it's really no magic pill unfortunately it's I would never tell them

it would be okay I won't because that is false and they're going to hang on to that so one thing I I'm very careful with it's my verbiage I'm not going to tell you something that I don't being to be realistic I will tell you that I'm going to give you coping mechanisms you know I will tell you that I'm not going to abandon you and even if after you are okay after six months six weeks excuse me and you fill the need to call me I'm not going to say okay I'm going to

build you no if it's a phone call and you just need me at that time to talk you off the ledge no I'm here right on for folks that are listening how does one get a hold of you and what's the process like what if if folks want to get ready before they speak to you what what should

“they bring with them what is their paperwork as they're journaling what what would be the best way”

to approach you what bring themselves hmm because when you're in the throes of grief you don't have time to write anything at this point you're acting off emotion yeah and my my job is to get you now to start moving off logic because you're emotional yeah but within your six weeks with me now we're going to shift that to logic though because now we're going to declutter we're going to declutter yeah and this six weeks is it is it daily affirmations is it once a week what what is what is the

process look like so do you're first two weeks intense every day it's mean you it's every because

I'm in a dark tunnel with you yeah because I have to bring you out of it I have to bring you out of it at least get you to see the light it's one or two things because once because when I was in it I was in the dark for at least I was in it it was it was six months for me right so I was literally in the dark though for at least four well that wasn't until I got to the fourth month when I reached out to a health and like coach and realize quickly you can't help me you you're not yeah

you you're telling me to add a mega threes to my diet and walk 30 minutes honey I'm on the ledge I don't I don't want to hear that you know so that by this time is when I'm already sitting in the dark in silence and realized that that was a coping mechanism for me I realized sitting in the dark in silence helped me to declutter my brain because it was just going so many ways and then you add fear on top of that come on once I started to declutter

think a lot more logically then I realized okay this is not healthy I've gained 80 pounds

“my blinds and windows everything is closed I don't have no sunlight coming in I don't even know”

what time it is so then you start to understand that something's wrong so then you're being honest with yourself that doesn't change the fact that you still feel how you feel but at least you are now more aware of how you're feeling and that was when I realized that was a coping mechanism for me to sit in silence I healthy one though and I do it every day it's a good stay so it's good to meditate and remain still literally people and this is not just for someone grieving this is

something that I strongly believe everyone should do sit in silence whether it's for 30 minutes or

an hour a day and you will just see how you're able to declutter your mind and really maybe sit down and formulate your thoughts and you know what let me start a business yeah right it down something it it helps that absolutely journaling helps it's helping for for for beyond just grieving just sitting as I was in journaling yes how can folks learn more about you and what's your dot com give us all the the fun stuff and how folks can connect with you so my website is ground zero

with the numeric of zero dot net and I have a grief hotline number on there or let people call me on and that is when those that are totally helpless you know they they feel like it's just no no one can help them yeah I've had a few calls where you know people were suicidal

“and I don't know anything about them I've never spoken with them but that's when you have to”

really this is something that you have to be passionate about because this person is calling you and they're telling you they want to die they want to go with their loved one I don't know anything about them I don't know what having debriefed with them or anything so now I'm speaking to them from someone from just a human a human standpoint and I have to talk them off the ledge and I have to let them know that their loved one would not want them to join them because if they did

then they would have already did it it's not their time sure you're trying to speed up that process to join them when it's not your time they want you still here you matter you're loved I'm proud of you and I'm proud of you for taking a step to call me you know so no it it gets really real being a Greek coach and if you're not really ready to take on the traumas and I'm an empath so I really ingested oh yeah yeah yeah so once I disconnect my

calls I'm still filling it oh you're sitting there counting it I'm still in it with you so that's why it's not hard for me to get in and out that tunnel no it's not hard for me do you take some of these calls live like on a live tree or someone kind of do your it's all private I don't because the last thing that you want when you are in the throes of grief is a camera in your face and and someone having an opinion about what you're personally going through

“so no absolutely that's what I'm very protective it's one thing that I want that I”

I won't say I won't never do but it's one thing that I'm not willing to do sure

it maybe you should probably take some anecdotal stories and you know the lesson from those stories and kind of have your personal ministry and you know tap into an energy every Wednesday and add or something have a live session you never know who you'll speak to I actually like that because what I really want to do is be keynote speaker on a mass level you can start somewhere real you know I really want to speak to the masses because as we're talking right now honey

someone died yeah or several people have died literally someone is the ink on a divorce someone literally just had a call cancer diagnosis so I say that to say grief is literally happening it's constant right now it's constant you know so I really hope to just reach the masses on one grief and letting them know that it sucks that's part of the process of life huh and life be life and life will be continued life and my baby left me two years ago

lost my baby you got someone else who's google got that because they just bought new life into the

world so they're happy I'm distraught but that's life so I tried not to bestow even when I was

“in the throes agreed that's the main reason why I think I was in the dark tunnel so long”

because I refused to bestow my pain upon others because that's not fair

walking around angry and and custom people out I did that for a very brief time and that's when

I realized you know what I can't be in public I'm out yep guys let yourself but you got to have enough common sense to know that because someone doesn't care that you're grieving that you just

“are totally rude to them guess what they might have just lost their job so now it's it's worth”

man everyone's angry yeah no well gosh this is such a great podcast I hope you had a fantastic

time sharing your story sharing your journey now we've wrapped up on this podcast any last words any anything you'd like to say before we wrap it up for good luck I do I do want to let everyone know that it's literally okay to not be okay don't allow someone to make you feel guilty for your grief journey and know that no is a sense don't do anything that you're not comfortable with don't allow anyone to dim your light and more importantly I'm proud of you because you literally when

you're in the throes of grief it's so hard to show up for yourself no matter what it looks like continue to talk to yourself continue to hug yourself love when yourself that is another way how you are going to get through grief I learned so much about myself I mean so much about myself that

“how mean I was like oh okay and that's how I know my mother's proud of me because”

the way I felt two years ago and now it's a total 360 oh yeah I can only imagine what you'll feel two years from now and hopefully extreme gratification of helping thousands I really I really that is my like mission that is my like mission and I'm sure I speak for coping the rest of the team here at the inside success for letting us be part of your journey I thank you all for allowing me to get my journey out to to the masses that was something that I've really

overly like it's I couldn't I can't thank you enough so I do thank you right on telly and my grandma thinks you're the well listen about my mom's in this room and your grandmother is in this room and I feel the warmth I do and like that oh no thank you telly with that this is telly and I ray and we are in the science success