Why Most Relationships Fail at Communication

You know, a dream could be something like marriage made in heaven, right?

But if it's not going well, then they need to come to therapy to reimagine it. Robinel Hamilton is a compassionate experience therapist, counselor, and the owner of dreams reimagine mental health therapy in consulting services. Drawing from more than two decades of counseling experience, she helps individuals, couples, and families navigate life's challenges

and move toward meaningful positive transformation. I just want to continue to educate people about how helpful mental health therapy can be because sometimes people do have anxiety, do have depression. Sometimes they just don't know how to life. Doesn't necessarily have to be something that needs medication, you know,

which just I need to get unstuck.

We can't make another person change.

“The only way that we can change is when we change ourselves, right?”

So if the blinders start to come off of our own eyes. The living your legacy podcast for those who live to leave a legacy. Hey, welcome back everyone to another episode of Living Your Legacy Podcast, where we have the privilege of talking to some of the best entrepreneurs, the disrupters, and in this case, the love experts from around the country,

and we've got a special guest here with a great smile. Yeah, she's going to introduce herself, what's your name? My name is from, and what's your business? My name is Robin Hamilton, I am a mental health therapist, and I'm the owner of Dreams Reimagined, Mental Health Therapy, and Consulting Services.

Dreams Reimagined, and you're on Inside Success TV.

So what's Dreams Reimagined? Dreams Reimagined is where I allow people to come to me with their presenting issues and reimagine their dreams.

“You know, a dream could be something like a marriage made in heaven, right?”

But if it's not going well, then they need to come to therapy to reimagine it, you know, living in a different way. So yeah, all right. And so I guess what kind of people come and find you? I get couples a lot, I get individuals, some families, but mainly my specialty,

my forte is couples, because they just don't have to communicate, and I feel like that's a lot of the problem. Okay, and so do you market yourself as couples therapy, or are I kind of highlight that? Yeah, because I don't want it to be the sole thing.

I don't want other people who think they can't come to me. It's just a direct, yeah. So with, I guess, let we can start with couples therapy, right? Is there like a general issue of, if I were going to put it to one generic thing,

“would it be like communication and trust, which breaks down marriages?”

I feel like the biggest one is communication, but once you start to unpill that onion, then you start to see other things that are really the driving force. And so your feet stay. And you didn't tell me, you're supposed to assume that I knew that, you know what I mean? So when it's up happening is the communication breakdown, it's so multifaceted, right?

So if you feel that way and you didn't tell me, you're making me think that I should know that you're walking around with an attitude, because of something that's bothering you, but you didn't tell me, so that's one of the ways that it breaks down. So, yeah, communication is the biggest thing, but like I said, it's multifaceted. Yeah. And so, yeah, I mean, how long is a general, I guess,

session with you and how long do people come and see you? Is it weeks? Is it months of work? The general session is 45 to an hour, minutes long. And so, it just depends on the severity of their problem. You know, it just everyone's different.

And so, sometimes people need longer than others. And others, they jump right in and they start participating in the process and stuff to where they're like, I can't really want to fix this. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. All right. And yeah, I mean, so you have dreams reimagined, right?

Couples come to see you. And I guess what does that dream reimagined look like? I mean, you said in the beginning that it could be a marriage that is happy, lasting, right? Are there other dreams that, you know, they come and you work out? Yeah, maybe they dream to be a part, you know what I mean? Because some people were just afraid and would ends up happening.

These little shrink themselves into a box to fit somebody else's narrative, just because they don't want to disappoint them or whatever, but inside they're dying. I need out of this because not everybody's everyone's person. And so, instead of being true to who they are, they're true to somebody else. And it's causing all this internal turmoil.

Yeah. And it's reflecting on the marriage or whatever.

that's another way to look at it. Is it hard to pick a team? I mean, sometimes I can't do that. Yeah, but like inside your head, sometimes is it like, oh, you know, man, you've got to, you know, you're the one that's causing all the issues. It's been clearly seen. If that's the case, then I'll tend to split them up and talk to them by themselves.

And then we'll dig into that. Because I'm not trying to embarrass anybody in front of, you know, they're spouse, but if I see it, I'll call it out.

And I'll be like, you know, let's see each other individually for a second.

Yeah. And then also, I guess, do you sometimes recommend, like, maybe this is not going to, I mean, maybe not recommend it, but do they come to see that as they go through a therapy, you know? They sure. I'll have, I'll encourage them to look inward first, because we can't make another

“person change. The only way that we can change is when we change ourselves, right? So if the”

blinders start to come off of our own eyes, then they start to see clearer. And I didn't do it. You did it, because you took the time to really evaluate what it is that you want and who you are as a person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, I mean, I just had so many questions. Sorry. I'm going to be seeing gun-new questions right now. Let's go. I got a love expert on our hands. So, you know, I got to dive deep into this, you know?

Of course, handle my biz too. So, I might have some, you know, anyways. So, yeah, what if they're in a abusive relationship and you take them to this side? Are you like, you know, girl or guy, like, you got to realize that you got to get out of this or I don't know. So, I don't tell people what to do, but I do offer them resources. You know what I mean? If you're in an abusive relationship, that's a whole other dynamic. You know, I'm not. Because, like, sometimes the mask is on.

And then I can't see it, right? And they got to take off those blinders and then everything is so clear. Right. Right. So, I mean. But if you're an abusive relationship, you're not coming to see me. You know, that doesn't work like that. You're not going to, I'm not going to talk to somebody who's actively firing on their spouse or whoever. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a whole different

dynamic. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm always thinking about narcissists. So, they might go into, like,

the couple's therapy, just to learn the lingo, you know, and continue that back home with a new, I guess, our new toolset of abuse, knowledge, right? Well, they're, but they're not savvy, you know, because they might hear what you said in session, but forget it when they leave, you know, in a pain. But like I said, it takes the person to have that courage to look inside and say, what is it that I want? And then put a plan together, what do I need to do to, you know,

get those dreams and reimagine what I, first imagine in first place? So, let's just talk about the

“general couple, right? Okay. General couple with problems, every couple's got problems, right?”

Right. And so, I guess, you know, there might be some general kind of tools that they can, you know, use to help fix things. Sure. Yeah. Like, what kind of tips you have for that couple's struggling?

Well, first, they have to be committed to fixing things, right? So, I always ask how committed,

are you for a scale of one to 10, 10 being the highest of, of making this work? So, if you can't come to me with a 10, then I say, what are we here for? Because I can't help you if you're not committed to making these changes, right? So, if they both say 10, after I explain what I'm really after in that question, then I'll suggest, depending on the breakdown in their relationship, things that they could do, like, for instance, if they're not spending quality time together,

do things together that take both of your heads together to, like, put a puzzle together, or something like that, cook meal together. Something that it requires both of you working together as a positive sitting and watching the movie because nobody's talking, right? So, I feel like there's a big difference between watching a movie and taking a drive as opposed to, let's put a puzzle together or let's build something, because now you're actively communicating

with each other and you're working together. So, that's one of my biggest tips. Okay, and what about, do you work with a lot of couples that work together also? No, I really don't get too many. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, we have our couples empire and so maybe they just work through their own issues because it's like, okay, we got to handle our biz and maybe that helps the relationships. Well, in that case, then they still have to make

sure their individuals within that relationship, because that's a little bit too much time together, right? So, they have to make sure they're spending time alone with their friends and doing things outside of that relationship, because it's absence that makes the heart growth longer, not continuously being together. That's going to drive you crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting, interesting. So, what else can we talk about with couples? Like, what else do you see that I'm not

answering asking questions about? Well, what do we don't, we're not saying seeing where the breakdown begins? Like, do they notice this is happening and do they ignore it? You know, I mean, so a lot of the times I'll ask them, when did this begin? Like, how did you guys meet?

“What was the attraction in the first place? Because you have to maintain a relationship just”

like you have to do a car or a house. So, whatever attracted you in the beginning of the relationship, it has to be maintained throughout, you know, because people tend to grow apart,

and staying up with the maintenance, then that's when we find ourselves, like, who are you? I don't know who you are. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's crazy how you can be so in love, you know, and bend that knee or there or say, I do, and then it just breaks down. And it's so interesting to see how does it come from such emotions, passion, and then the breakdown of that too was a fighting and the bickering over nonsense sometimes. Exactly, right? In that's

you're right, because they're not maintaining what they've first, you know, started out with

in the first place. And so, if now, what's to say, in the beginning, I like the way you meet spaghetti or something. Now, I don't like it. I don't like the way you cook, but I'm not telling you that. I'm just tolerating you. It becomes bigger and bigger. The problem becomes bigger. Now, that food that you cook is not only a problem, I can't stand you because of it. Now, I hate the way you chew it. You know what I mean? So, people really have to be mindful of how they're

feeling and communicate that along the way because otherwise, if you're internalizing it, you're going to wake up one day, change person. And then you're going to wonder who it is that you're sitting next to. So, yeah. Also, in today's, you know, fast everything, you know, over in my deliveries and content at your fingertips or every, an AI or everything's just instant, right? It's almost like, man, you know, I want that instant love. And it's like, okay, what's stopping

me from just finding another new girl or a man and just kind of swiping through it? I mean,

“yeah, it's hard to work through things, right? Yeah, it is, but you have to be intentional.”

Yeah. You know what I mean? Life's going to be hard. It's always going to be life us, right?

Yeah. But if we want something, we have to be intentional about how we go about getting it. And don't look for those quick fix. Have you ever had, I mean, in the new age of relationships, Reggie, have you ever had a thruple come in? No, because there's certain dynamics that I choose to stay away from, just because when when we make up stuff, to me, that's not therapy. Yeah. You know, to me, it's, it's, it's, it's people want to

fit into a category that, now that's a whole different conversation. So, you shouldn't bring multiple dynamics into a therapy session. You know, I mean, it's just, maybe something therapy is due to it. I just, it's not my, my thing. Yeah, yeah. Because it's, it's just out there in the chatter. You know, the youngins, the youngins get into them, thruples and open relationships, you know, it gets complicated. Because there's an undercurrent there. What is driving you?

“What, what, what are you missing out of your life that makes you feel like you need to get”

something from this person and something from this person? Why can't you get all of those things in one? You know, you mean, so they're not really understanding that. They think that what they're doing is acceptable in their eyes, maybe it is, but you're not understanding that you're missing certain dynamics from different people that you need and you're trying to find it in all these different relationships. Yeah. All right. So, what about intimacy, right? You know, when that, you know,

passion kind of starts to fade away, right? It seems like the little bitkering starts to come up more and more, right? And then that intimacy that it grows apart, right? So, how, I mean, how important

is keeping up the intimacy? And I guess it's not the intimacy first, but it's other things that

you got of tricks first, right? Yeah. Talk to us about that. So, intimacy is, again, something that you have to be intentional about. So, in the very beginning, when you first meet this person, you didn't just jump in the bed with them. It took time for you to get to know the person, then you became attracted to that person, and now you want to have sex with them, right? So, if you're not attracted to the person now after 20, 30 years, you're not going to want to have sex

“with them. Yeah. In any mean. So, that's why the maintenance of the relationship is important.”

Whatever brought you together in the beginning has to be maintained. And if it takes a left, let's talk about it. Let's do something different. Let's try different things. That way, when I look at you, you look at me and it's like, okay, I'm still attracted. Then here comes that sex. It shouldn't be organic. It shouldn't be like something that's penciled in. Yeah. I guess if you're looking in the mirror and you don't feel confident about yourself, right? It's like,

how is your partner supposed to, you know, deal about you, right? And that may end into talking about, it could be, you know, I mean, it's all, it's also, once again, it's in the online chatter right, how about health fitness, you know, fashion, right, taking care of yourself, because I guess you're supposed to love yourself before you could love anyone else, right? I'm going to make sense. Yeah. I mean, seriously, because if, I've been speaking to a couple of other experts on the podcast.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, because people will do that, that energy of negativity and all that stuff, a lot of people can stay with that. You know what I mean? Because if you're not loving yourself, how in the world do you expect to meet love you? You know what I mean? So when you have positive energy, you feel good about yourself, then it's contagious. And then other persons like, well, I want to be around that, you know, so no thruffles. And we talked about the duos. And but what about

the single people that come in to see you? Are they also seeking, you know, something about love,

that are looking for love, they don't come to me because they're looking for love. They,

they just maybe were unsuccessful in it and they internalize it, but not every person is your person. You know what I mean? Some people wait a lifetime to find who that person is, but when you look inside yourself and you know who you want, you can't check off brown hair, blue eyes,

“and tall dark at hand. So that doesn't work. You have to look inside and say, I want somebody who's”

going to love me. I want somebody who's going to nurture me or protect me or whatever the case might be. So when you start to date that person, you're not looking at the outward appearance. You're looking at the inward appearance. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I mean, today, love is one of the most complex things, right? I mean, I, and also here in the big cities, you know, friends, I just cannot find

anyone to date. You know, it seems like in these big cities, New York, LA, Miami. They fit,

everyone feels like the dating here sucks. The dating here is SaaS. And you would think that you're in a big city and the dating is going to be phenomenal because you have more choice. So whatever, it just seems like they can't, the everyone puts the checklist. You're right, the one that you talk about, the money, the hype, the whatever. Superficial things. Yeah. I guess why, why is that? Right. Well, I mean, because people don't connect like they used to.

You know, back in the day, we've had soccer games that we went to all the time where community centers where you see the same faces all the time and you get to know people weekly because you're attending the same types of things. Now, you don't know what you're getting because people,

they're hiding behind the computer screens and hiding behind their phone. So you don't know what

you're getting. And so that bond, being is not really taking place like it would, if, you know, I can't wait to go to the community center because Bobby's going to be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, I asked everyone, what do you most excited about? Like, you know, what's going on in the horizon of, you know, your plans and in your industry here. Also, I feel like there's more and since COVID, we have seen a, you know, an influx of people just coming because they

realize that therapy is something that they need no matter what the situation is because before, there's like a stigma that if I tell somebody I'm at therapy, they're going to think I'm crazy. And it has nothing to do with that. Yeah. And I mean, it has some thumbs that didn't send their kids to their disease because it'd be so embarrassing. It's like, my kid ain't going to therapy. That means you're good. Right. And that's just not true. So I just wanted to be like, it's like

going to see a trainer, like a weight trainer, something like that, right? You got to just, you know, because you don't know what you don't know. You know, give it a shot. And so for me, I just want to continue to, you know, educate people about, you know, how, how helpful mental health therapy can be. So I threw that word in there because sometimes people do have anxiety, do have depression. Sometimes they just don't know how to life. You know, it doesn't necessarily have to be

something that needs medication, you know, which just I need to get unstuck. Yeah. That's funny. I just thought of, you know, that's saying when the math ain't math, and you think there's a hit when the life ain't life it, right? Right. It's like it's just not working out.

“Well, yeah, that's so interesting. It's also honestly like, you know, so I was never into, you know,”

like YouTube being psychologists or learning about any of that mental health stuff or personality traits, you know, like the Myers-Biggs personality trainer. Right. But that's, you know, my better half gets me into that. And you know, I, I'm like, oh my god, this is so important. You know, when it comes to business, when it comes to life in general, right? Just knowing people's personalities, just knowing, like you said, it's like, it's like training your brain and knowing more, right?

It's, it's made me a better person, right? To know about it. And yeah, I feel like it's something that I would teach my kid about, right? Right. It's just so, and then, so another thing brings me to, uh, right now, uh, psychotherapy, right? Uh, mental health, everyone's talking about AI, right? Uh, what are your thoughts on, on AI? Because I guess they had a study where the number one thing people use AI for is to just kind of share their, their kind of problems and thoughts

about their lives, right? Uh, and to kind of get that quick fix therapy, right? So what are your thoughts on it? Well, there's no emotional component there. You know, I mean, you can get your, your questions answered, but at the end of the day, it's emotional, a fake emotion. Yeah, you're not getting therapy, you're getting answers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you come to therapy, you're getting, you're bonding with your therapist. You're, you're, you're, you're, you're having that emotional

come up component where you can feel that they genuinely care. You're not getting that with AI.

“You're just, like I said, you're just getting your answers, your questions answered, you know?”

Yeah. So, to why, like, it's the way we're live now. I can't stop it. I can't really. My opinion isn't going to matter one way or the other, because people are going to do what they

well, I put that into a chatGPT and it said this. Oh, or? Well, yes. You do get that. And then I say the

same thing. It's like, what is it that you're looking for? Yeah. You know what I mean? Because on AI's not going to give you therapy. Yeah. So, I'm going to give you the answers. Yeah. AI's not going to understand your childhood, right? Yes. And understand exactly where this came from. Yeah. Yeah. I guess if you're, you know, to a certain intellectual level, you know, I'd say you can use it,

“but you don't have to take it for, you know, like, word by word. You have to just, it's like,”

it's like Google and news. Just because, you know, CNN or Fox said it, that's not, you know, that's how it was. All right. Right. So, you just have to like get it and then use it to get further information and stick you. Correct. Correct. Because it does take time. It's, it's almost like,

sure you can have the, uh, you know, the AI tell you that, you know, you're, you need to follow this

diet and you need to, and you need to, and you need to do this. It's going to happen. Yeah. But yeah, you got to put in the work and it's, it's better when you have it in the gym. You know, like, you can have whatever app, but having that trainer and the gym would be so much better. Right. Exactly. Right. So, I just, you know, encourage people to use it. It's like, whatever you do in excesses, what's the problem. Don't do it excessively. You know what I mean? Just use it as you

need it, but challenge yourself to go outside the box. If you have a, a fear of talking to somebody, we'll just, challenge yourself. You might see that it's not as bad as you might think, you know. So, another thing I love to ask people is about marketing, right? Uh, the business side of things, and have you done any, like, outside the box marketing that you can tell us about, or what's the best marketing? That's worth for you. So, I have a team that does my social media. Okay. And so,

“that's been very effective. And because that's where we're at. Yeah. You have to market where you're at.”

And I'm on, like, seven billboards in, hey, but they're, but they're digital billboards. You mean, it's in, in Baltimore, but, you know, that's a way to market because, you know, if you're driving down a street and you see a big billboard, you can't really write down it. You don't read it in time. You know what I mean? So, if it's being populated over several screens or whatever, then when it comes back, and you can get the last four digits of the number and get the person's name. So,

yeah, I feel like, you know, those types of things have been very effective. Okay. Great. Great. So, yeah, uh, anything that you also want to share with our viewers, uh, being in a love expert that you are. Yeah, you know, it's, it's, it's nothing end of the road. If you're relationship with it, you feel like it's going south. It's, it's not anybody's fault. It's just a people change. Yeah. And they need to accept that because we can't hang on to a person and expect

“their behavior to dictate our success. Yeah. We have to look inward and know what we want. And so,”

when you know your own value, like I said before, and your blinder start to come off, then you'll see, you know, maybe this just isn't the time for me to be in this relationship or this is what we need to do. But just don't be afraid of being true to you who you are. Yeah. And then kids kind of mess all that up, right? I mean, they've got to be true to the kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because if you're not true to yourself, how are you going to be true to them? Yeah. You know, so it has to be your authentic self.

Sure. Yeah. Um, and how do people find you? Well, they can visit my website. It's Dream's Reimagined on D, um, mht.com. Okay. Say, well, we got Dream's Reimagined. Dream's Reimagined. Yeah. mht mental health therapy dot com. Okay. Yes. Dream's Reimagined, mht.com. Perfect. Yes. Uh, and I'm sure you're on all the, you said you, the social media team is doing a great job. My website, it has all that information on it. So yes. Perfect. Perfect. Well, it's been a pleasure to have

you here in the studios. What do you think of the Miami Beach studios? It's amazing. I absolutely love it. It was a great. I mean, everything is just the spectacularly put together. I love it. All right, food to do up. All right. Nice. Uh, and I do have to tell you, if, uh, we still be out for these, um,

these master classes that that we offer, right? Okay. Uh, and they always get sold out. So the

next time you get that email, it says join the master class, right? Uh, be sure to do it early. Okay. Okay. Okay. Because yeah, because now we're now we have to deal with the people that are like, oh, you know, I didn't get the email. It's like you did get the email, right? Right. Right. I got several emails. You know, but you know, you got just wait till the next one. Okay. But that's something that we offer that, uh, free for when after you do this. So yeah, take advantage of

that stuff. That's your will. Who doesn't really use the master when it comes to that. I love it. All right. Thank you. Well, thank you for joining us. Of course. Thank you guys for joining us, too. And we'll see you again on, uh, living your legacy. Cheers everyone. Bye. Bye. (upbeat music)