- Wow, wow, Wes.
- And good attitude is going on there.
- It's not the hell's happening. (laughs) - But I was just saying what a joy occasion it was to meet up.
“You were telling us about the people of, what was that?”
- Pittsburgh? - Mm. - What? - No, the tribes. - The tribes.
- Oh, it made me want to speak in the line. - The ink has an ass tag. - Yeah. - Oh yeah. - Chinoptoman.
We talked about Chinoptoman just a moment ago. - Chinoptoman. - Yeah. - And I just like that. - Yeah, it's a great way.
- It's a great way. - On straight wheel power. They waited, they didn't settle. You know what I mean? So ladies out there, don't settle.
- That's right. - Don't settle. - True. - What do you think of the modern dating market right now? - Oh man, well I'm glad to be out of it.
So I am brother because it is, it's like going bass fishing in the port of party out there, brother. - It's John Fizz. (laughs)
- And she, I can't let her be the super easy.
- No, no, no, no, no. - No one gets bass in the port party, you know. - No, wait no. - We're still not waiting. - No, no, no, no.
- We're on to Nate's point. - It is easy. - Yeah.
“- You might be knocking turds around, like the bass point.”
- You're gonna catch easy. - Yeah, you gotta get a better turn. - You gotta get a better turn. - Not gonna eat though. - Not to not wanna eat.
- Yeah. (laughs) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I peed in a port of party like two days ago. I don't know if this was on purpose,
but somebody clogged up the urinal in the port of party with toilet paper. It looked like it, like somebody did it intentionally. And it's like, why create a hell? - Yeah, why would you wanna disable the P option?
- You're gonna hurt the only guy trying to help you. - It was really weird though, it's like, I haven't serious about homeless people, but they thrive in fucked up conditions. Like they want it as bad as possible.
- Yeah, and then when the port of party they see a port of party, they're like not nasty. - Not nasty, you know. - I don't know. - Or toilet paper piss on it, make it wreak.
- Some money, some may want money, some want power, some just want to watch the world burn. (laughs) - What's the nasty as port of party, you think you were supposed to do it?
- I've seen one that breached. - No. - We had breached water. - No, not breached water. - No, not breached water.
- No, not breached water. - No, not breached water. - You don't get out the fucking port of sea level, 'cause you could sit on it. You would have been penetrated by everything. - No, no, no, not the last person.
- They must have been a stem ladder. - That would have truly been Montezuma's revenge. (laughs) - Oh my God. - There was a fucking mountain, no, I'm telling you.
- I believe you, but I'm telling you. - I didn't think that was black. - Yeah, you were, what here, okay. So here's the dynamic of it. The last two, three, or last serious game-changing,
last person, 'cause they would have done the last four, five pounds from them. (laughs) - They had to put the keystone on the fucking, you know. (laughs)
- The peak, that was the peak. - That dude, it had to have been Asian. Really, you know what I mean? Get down on the squats. - Sure, it was a good Japanese squat,
but they had to be facing the outdoor ball, not the door. - Every funny too. - It was just a mountain of diarrhea, but then a shallow, solid turd.
- It's floating like ice. - It's burning. - You guys been eating broccoli and rice and chicken, is there's a 12 inch or a turn? Usually it goes the other way.
I get the plug and then the brake. 'Cause on keto, you know what I mean? You get that cheese plug, 'cause every homeback for two days, or you get one that you turn. Sometimes you see it, oh, you get a full,
you dance what's been happening. Demo, if you're trying to go back on a one-way, you can't be, that's a, oh yeah. It does suck when you get it. When you poop, and it's a shape of your intestines,
and you're like, oh, yeah, that's good. - And you know, you clean that out. - You left. - I'm good for at least 18 inches in there. - That's right.
- You ready? - How was the keto going? How long you been on keto? - Oh dude, on and off to, I started started, seriously. Dude, I was like 385 pounds.
I was like, I got to either die from this or figure something out. - True. - I was like, I could eat salad to go to the gym every day,
“and I was like, no, that sounds like some bit shit, right?”
- Right. - I can't, dude. I went to gym one time, I was like, I'm sweaty. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna go home and figure it out.
And then I just saw an internet order call the set of you eat hot dogs wrapped in cheese until you feel like you're gonna have a heart attack. - It's running at six, seven months, 'cause. - Right.
- Six, seven months. - Just run it, dude. - And that's what I did. - And I knew it was right. - Brother, I would, there would be times
where I walked past to me and I'd be like, who the fuck? Oh my God. - I must have said you're sexy. - He's talking, dude. - My peak was 385.
- Ooh. - So watching for us. - Yeah, dude, touching for us. That's what, bro. And this is, like, I used to watch
problem big back in the day and big was so big. Like, you probably don't know.
It's probably never knew this.
A home scale typically only goes to 330 pounds. Or like, if you bigger than that, go to the hospital. Does it say error? - Does it say no more? - Yeah, it's just like, yeah, error on a electric ones.
Or do you got a one tool? - Boo, boo, boo. - I love them ones, 'cause at least you could still tell. You're like, three, 30 plus. (laughing)
Everyone, okay, I should, you know. - You know, it would just be like, no. - Yeah. - So back in the day, right in the end, my boy was scrapping, metal for drugs.
Just like any good hard work in America. (laughing) And we was at the scrap yard, right? And there was this guy that looked like the dude that lived in the pit in Water Road,
that's the only way I can describe him. He had never seen the sun grow. And he just lived in scrap. He died by scrap bro.
He didn't leave his scrap shed.
And I went in there and he had to scale. And I was like, how high did that go? He's like 25, 35, 100 pounds. I was like, kind of stand on it.
“He was going to buy stand on it real quick.”
He's like 385, he's like, damn boy. I was like, yeah, that's, that ain't good, is it? And I was like, how much, just trying to like, divert, I was like, how much you get for scrap and somebody like that.
And he's like, after your boy, a man down in the bare minerals, you only worry about 12, 11 cents. [LAUGHTER]
It's like, oh man, it's the first joke this guy has ever told her
we should get the fuck out of here. [LAUGHTER] Pretty quick, because we-- What were you scrapping that day, would you? I'm going to say stainless steel, dude.
It was stainless steel, a hospital cabinet weighed about 400 pounds. I'm going to same as me. And I'm not bad at all. Oh, dude.
He was a make for a hall like that. Oh, dude, we made like four or five park 30s. [LAUGHTER] They really do. They do cut the, if they think you're on drugs,
you don't get the real scrap product. I know, dude, it's like a bartering system. No, I've seen it. No, I still live, but I've seen it in the action. I've seen like two, like, twakers come up and like a shopping
cart full of wire. Dead giveaway. Dude, they're like $30, and I'm looking at it like, that looks like a little more than that. You get like a tweaker price.
They rip you. Are they just fucking cross? They know you're just like, you're right up. They know you'll say yes to anything. Yeah.
So yeah, it's really funny. Bert, yeah, you got your burnt wire. Dude, the scrap game, especially on any job site, there's more problems on a job site, due to the scrap and how it's getting like, you know, who gets it?
It's people are people's like sneaking it, stealing it.
It's just like a never-ending drama.
It's insane. Yeah, that's like literally 20, 25% of my job is calling the cops 'cause someone stole the fucking copper pipes. Yeah. And now we've got to repel them the whole house.
Yeah, dude, it's just wild. Yeah, people go through your house, like your entire house, and just start out every day. Dude, it's like trying to keep apples away from Raccoon. Do you ever do that?
No, bro, no, bro, they'll break through your house events. They will sneak through your fucking events like Palm Cruise and Mission Falkin' Falkin' Falkin' Falkin' Falkin' They will scale down, they will unlock your door, let it in.
I can't watch that. They break it. I think I told you before. I had a raccoon try to break it in the crib. I just had his little, this is back when I was in Jersey,
just a, all reaching through, like, where am I? My air conditioner, like, was like, close. It just was a little ball. I just grabbed my hatch. And I was about to hatch it as Paul.
- Dude, dude, cut his hand off like that. - Oh, yeah. - I did what he was. - That's the key.
- He had cut the thief's hand off.
Hold this. - Just, Gorgian thing was real quick. - You sure shook his hand. - Yeah. - My neighborhood pet raccoons.
- Pet raccoons, and he fed it. - Erucle cereal. - Erucle? - I swear. - I remember Colton.
- Did he do that? - Yeah. - He feels fucked up. - Dude, I remember going up there.
“I remember being like, "Hey, am I never had Erucle cereal?”
I want Erucle cereal so bad." - I was fucking wrecked. - You gotta eat it. - It's just right out the box for you to throw it in there, - Oh, good.
- You get down in there with it. - Yeah, that's good. - They were cool, they were actually raccoons or cool. - They're cool ass animals, but they're just, - I don't know, they're just very--
- They're family, technically. - Go talk to them. - Oh, my gosh. - I mean, they cut his paw a little bit. - Shout out to Ersis Major.
- Ersis Major. - So we should probably, you know, the way I found you. Actually, he was a brain-it-from-ruff house. - Yeah. - Oh, yeah, he's a man.
- There's got-- - Dude, the videos are so good. Just going through, you know. So like, what do you do? - What do you explain?
- Okay. - You're the thing. - Okay, okay, so I'm a contractor by trade, right? But all the houses, see this is the hook, right? It's like one of the magic-pought monkey-pought genie wishes. Right? Like, you get to be a contractor,
but every house you go into is filled with shit and diapers and dead things. (laughter) You like that? You're looking for work out about that.
(laughter) - How about that for a pandemic job? (laughter) - It's better than being like the home depot and dollar guy. They're like, I think they're like absolute
underworld of contractors. The guy who puts in like a door, a screen door from home depot is like, dude, Nate, you can sign up today. - It's just be that guy. - And be the guy.
- I don't like the video. - And then you get there, you go, oh, I gotta go up two flights of steps. That's an additional $37. - Bring this shit to the foot of stairs.
- I'll give you a damn screen door. - So charging the extra shit is like, do you want the really long nail that sets it in? Like, deeply, I'm like, that'd be nice. That's an additional $59.
It's like dude, what the fuck? Nickel and Diamond, you throw home depot contractors come out and it's the old dog and pony show. They're like a fucking Vegas escort. They're like, they show up.
It's like, I thought it was 300 bucks. Well, that's to get here. - That's just now. - That's gonna be a couple of, yeah, they're fucking bullshit.
“- Big dog, you need to get your own contractor.”
- That'll be tight. - Dude, what do you, oh, what's stopping you? - Do it. - Black of knowledge. - Black of technical knowledge.
- Scrab one, grab one, grab just grab your dirty, just a dirty thick man, somewhere out, you know what I mean? You'd be like, what do you up to, huh? - I used to, uh, paint houses with my friend's bud. And he was, he, like, trained me, I can, like,
I can actually, house paint this, one thing I can do. But he was all mechanic, he was all technical. So I would do a lot of, like, talking to the people for him. So I know how I know enough and he would laugh, 'cause I know enough, I'm good with, like, lingo.
So I can, like, bull shit and really make it see me,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I know enough and he would laugh, 'cause I, I know enough, I'm good with, like, lingo.
So I can, like, bull shit and really make it seem like I know what I'm talking about. So I would, you know, he don't get a kick out of me, 'cause I'd walk around with customers and be like, oh, yeah, okay. And I'd like to talk, talk, talk, talk, turn him, like, do what the fuck are you. So yeah, I could be, I could be the guy with the iPad,
like, the clean tucked in polo that shows up being like, yeah, all right, let me, yeah, I'm gonna have one of my guys come up with. - I'm full circle man, yeah. - That's five hundred, yeah, five hundred percent more. - Yeah, no idea. - So you, you made the monkey ball, Jeannie Wish, you got your wish to be a contractor,
but it's, it's like the underworld of, like, just fucked up houses. - Terrible. - Who's recording it through, it's, I got so used to it though.
“- It's crazy we can get used to. - Yeah, that's how I mean, bro.”
That's why I see my, my buddy's granddad who is in awe. I'm seeing the way he looks at fire and I'm like, how do you get used to that? You know what I mean? He just looks at it like he's seen pounds of bodies burning. You know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah.
- And now I'm just saying, and now I go, it's a wild look to see it. A man's eye way, he's just staring at a flame like anyone you want to move. - I think he got like, oh man, this is wild. - So you walked over the houses and you're ready, you're, you're, you go in. - Played over. - Played over.
- Played over. - What's the worst thing? - What's the worst thing you've seen? - I think, you may have showed. - I may have showed you, and we may not be able to talk about it on, can we talk about it? - Yeah, can we talk about it? - What's the roast?
- I don't even talk about anything, I think you just can't show it. - Okay, so this is one time that when you go in the house,
in first off, ground rolls, you break into the house, right?
So what I do looks a lot like crime, which is great, 'cause that's what I used to do, too. (audience laughs) - I'm like, this is from my alley, right? So we break in the second floor window, right?
'Cause it was unlocked, you go up, scroll up, do a ladder through the roof. Okay, you go in the house, they all stink. - Yeah. - Right, 'cause what do they fill with? You don't know, is there a rat king in here?
We don't know, we don't know, dude. We're not familiar, so you go into whatever bedroom you just came through, right? And he's like, we're with the burying.
“- You like straight to a window, something like that?”
- Straight to the window. - 'Cause there could be people in there too. - Yeah, that's a scary part. - Yeah. - Yeah. - We're the burying? - I got a gun.
(audience laughs) - I got brass knuckles here, I mean, all that shit, just walking through toughest shit. (audience laughs) - Kicking dirty sweaters, I'm not afraid to go back to jail.
(audience laughs) - I mean, absolutely, and a whole house stinks, right? So, 'cause the fridge has been unplugged for Christ knows, you know, the whole thing's just, from ground levels, it's no way, no.
So, when you go in there, and there maybe has been a lady laying face down in the kitchen for 11 months, you might not know right away. You might not know right away, they don't tell you that, you know what I mean, that's all in the paperwork, usually.
So, yeah, so what do you do when you find that? Like, what's the kick it? (audience laughs) - You have to. - K, I do, I ain't not on my watch, buddy.
Nope, nope, nope, you give the double tap real quick. - Yeah, I mean, I got a bunch on, ain't no big deal. - I'll be the clip you with the play dead drink, stab me with the net, you measure twice and cut once. (audience laughs)
So, yeah, you gotta give the tap. - Gotta make sure you don't turn your back on a corpse. - No, no. - I've learned that from every movie, and I'm not fast. - I'm not fast.
- If you're already on a ground, just the only shot I got. - The wind in this, you have a zombie button, too. - Curves dump, out, cut. - No, you don't. (audience laughs)
“- So, you have someone across the dead, all right, Pete?”
- Even though if you're a funeral, I'm kind of jarred in the mirror. - No, I don't care. (audience laughs) - You're the least ever, man. - I mean, I'd see, I had a real fucked up childhood
that we're not allowed to talk about ever. I knew I promised everyone I wouldn't ever say it. - But, so, compartmentalization is like, boy, she's on point, bro. If it wasn't, I'd be in therapy right now.
I mean, I'd be fucked up on a street somewhere. - Where's became fun, basically? - I was like, you got two choices here, bro. You can either get real fucked up, or you can be home to the live of the party.
Okay, what are we going to do? Got two avenues, cousin.
Okay, let's never talk about any of this shit again.
(audience laughs) So, I always say about, if I had a nickel for every time, I got molested, I'm one nickel, I never talked about. (audience laughs) (audience laughs)
(audience laughs) - See, wait, what was the question? (audience laughs) You're just talking about, yeah, yeah, it's just, - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So, I'm still counting, locked in. (audience laughs) - They ain't nothing going to break my stride. Ain't nothing going to hold me down. - Absolutely not.
- Absolutely not. - So, okay, dead grandma, that's okay. We should have other jobs to do, okay. So, hold on, let me call somebody. What's his 911?
No, that's not an emergency. (audience laughs) - You're just fine, hold on. (audience laughs) - Your phone number real quick, so I call up. - Yeah, I need old priest and a young priest.
And maybe a F250 Super Duty with a more X-Lab in the back, maybe. - Okay. - You call the cops? - You call the cops, do you call X-Dere? - Tabitay, but they call you X-Dere?
- No, brother.
We should get his Instagram, but I don't think he can work a phone.
He got them thumbs. - Yeah. - But anyway, so just guy, right? - You just don't want to stop. - Don't even worry about it. (audience laughs)
- You gotta ask, if you gotta ask, you can't afford it. (audience laughs) (audience laughs) So anyway, okay, okay, so I'm driving down the street, right? And I see this guy cut off, they'll earn heart sure, right?
Hat on, glasses on the hat, not even on his fucking eyes, right? Marble, hanging out with his mouth, real loose.
“Real fuck, oh, hope is the only thing holding that thing”
in his mouth, but the hope in his dry ass lips, to be in the sun and chucking deer all day. So he's got, okay, so he's got a 1999 Chevy Silverado 53, a fucking great motor, and he all rusted out, right? Bed, falling off the fucking bed.
- Yeah. - Already stacked with deer ranging from, that motherfucker still looks good, to jerky. - Wow. - Straight jerky.
That boy had been blatantly now for weeks. And he is on the side of the road. It's a great hanging out bear, hands, I can't men now, 'cause he's like, he grabs his mouth, fucker. And just heaps it on the pile.
And gets no gloves, short cut off. - Yeah. - Brother at the same shirt, no shower. - I'm like, this guy be stacking corpses dirty. So that goes back to the point,
you can get used to a lot of shit for money. - Wait, where do you encounter this guy? - On the side of the road. - Where else do you get deer corpses? - Fuck.
- Yeah, we was getting the dead deers. - Yeah, running roadkill, I'm sorry. - Yeah, I should, I'm from Pennsylvania. - Yeah, where the roads are scattered with corpses. - Yeah, he was like the streets of Germany.
- Yeah, it's crazy. - You know what? - You know what he was collecting for? - Or you know what he was getting. - Probably fucking, what are the Dunkin' Hines points
or whatever the heck is that? (laughing) - How many trockers? - People eat roadkill, he might have been munchin' it. - Yeah, they probably pay it.
- Yeah, they probably pay it. - They probably take the pictures like, we'll pee $25 a corbs, just stack them and take them to the dump.
“'Cause that's what they do, they take them to dump.”
I've also been on the other end of that, where I'd unload a u-hole on a start of fucking deer corpses. - Oh, I'm like trying not to step on like story, buddy. - Like that, I'm gonna throw this to the other end. - What do you mean?
- There is a program where you can take deer corpses into the dump and get some money.
- I've never been, I mean, we usually stop a plasma, right?
That's usually where people sink. - Yeah, sure. (laughing) (laughing) - It's cars, legal ways to get money.
- He's got metal plasma. - Yeah. - I've never been deer corpse. - Deer corpse is wild. - That's like an 1830 fur trader.
- Yeah. - There's guys who are like trapped for me. - I didn't even do it for the fur though. He's doing it for the love of all. - True.
(laughing) - Maybe he had some antlers, maybe that's kind of nice. - He'd be from the earth, it's a really murder. - Yeah. - If you want like people body just like that.
- Fuck around with these. - He's poking. - That's what he was talking about.
“- Yeah, that's what homeless people are for, I thought.”
- You see a prox murder. - Yeah, prox murder. - Yeah, prox murder. - Yeah. - Oh, Chris.
- No problem with that. - No problem with that. - No problem with that. (laughing) - Man, yeah, you could, you could hookers get murdered a lot too.
- That's sad. - That's sad. service for their community. I know. That's what I'm making you come in the kill. That's not even fair. And then you come again. That's not fair. Not me. No, no, no, hey, right. No, you're right. That's there's a lot. Only
in Grant that thought out. Yeah, I don't like it when Huggers get killed. I
think that's the same way. I'm always. Murderer homeless guy, though, is
pretty. It's pretty gnarly, dude. Yeah, I would never, but it's just fun to joke about. Yeah, I mean, it's like a more fun show. Get them to death, too. You're down. So I had, I had a funny enough, I got it in my car. I got it in my car the other morning. I was driving. I had like run early. So I was like a little sweaty. You know, get in my car and my fuck. I saw someone had rightful through my glove box and my
fucking home sky went through my car. And then they call him like, fuck, it stinks like a homeless guy. And I'm like, drive it. And then I was like, I think that's me actually. And I was, I think it's both of us. I think the homeless guy's musty in there was alive. No, no, no, no, he was, no, no, no, I knew you're by the hit the ground in the back seat. Yeah, dude. No, he, I didn't even check. I should check. Yeah, dude, just that
mirror. True. He's there. I might leave him a snack in my car. This, I don't care. You know, I mean, it's like, he can't take anything from me. There's something. I get it, but there's something I just bugs my soul. Yeah, I'm worried. I'm worried. He's going to beat off my car. That would piss me off. It's too much to drive you. Yeah, I'll be pissed. Dude, if they come in there, there's not just one of them. They gang up
for that. That's a group. That's a homeless group activity. Oh, so I broke in the car. I never heard a dirty mic in the boys. That's a real thing that happens. Yeah. Really? Yeah, they made a soup kitchen on this guy's Prius. What? Yeah, on the other guy's in the movie. Never seen it. Dirty mic in a boys. No. I wonder if I left, but you don't think of my left, like, it's like some chapstick and apple sauce and water.
He's going to be like, oh, do you think he'll change his life? I think they don't feed the deer. But he's going to start showing up at the car. I mean, I'm more and more. I wouldn't mind that though. And there we have all of us. We have a ring cam. Just to see how many of you
nice jigs are going with five years. I hate the second business idea. You get your own
bait car or just buy a new car and you just see RV as a bait car. Okay, or your car. I'm
Sorry.
you just put it in your driveway and you just bait it for all these homeless to come in their
dream. Have you had good lives? Like if one of them eagle cams up in the woods, which is all homeless in Austin, bro. I ran into one. So remember, we've talked about you said, hey, be care for the homeless people. They're a little bit brazen. Yeah. I was like, it's okay. I know how to choke him. I don't know where to make a choke. So this guy, right? I'm wondering around the streets last night. And this guy comes up to me. He's like, he keeps, yeah, this
is my dude, right? And he's like, you got a cigarette. I was like, no, I mean, I don't even smoke. And I left on my Zinn hotel room. I'm like, I'm cooked, bro. He's like, you got a dollar. I was
“like, no, bro. I was like, no, bro. I was like, everything's cash. I'm just mimic him, right?”
Maybe he was doing this. I was like, no, bro. I was like, I don't know what we're going to do, bro. And he's like, all right, man, good luck, brother. And I'm like, yeah, thanks, man. And I like walk away and he walks away, right? And I'm like, averted. Right? I was like, walk in three minutes later, same dude. Hey, buddy. I was like, buddy. That was like a shoot. Again, I was like, you remember from like six minutes ago, and I started tweaking, right? I was
like six minutes ago. I was like, did you get a cigarette yet? And he's like, no, man, fuck. And I was like, I know, dude, we're cooked, bro. What are you doing? He's just a family. He's joined him, yeah. And in Austin, I am the dead center between the homeless in the upper, the
sophisticated crates. Okay, I'm dead fucking square. So the first crates, me, I think cross the street. Have a homeless man
looks me and the eye they ask for money. I'm like, so I could be either one or either one in the world. And so I talked to all the well-justed people and elevators real nice. And I act super homeless to the homeless people. You're a ghost, bro. Like, where are we? What are we going to do? Well, I did enjoy the
“fact. So flying out here, I put you in first class. We're in the first class. I think so, right?”
I don't know. I wouldn't know. Fuck a first class. He's the sweetest big. Yeah. And there was just two of you in a row or three. There was three. There was a space behind me to be comfort plus. I'm going to call it. Okay. I was happy. How many people do I have? There was two people. There was on a way there, on a way here. There was two people on the way to Baltimore. There was one person sitting between us. But you were not allowed to sit your bag there or he would look at you funny the whole time.
Yeah, so you were in the front. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was in the front. Like if someone down,
I'm the first motherfucker. Yeah, so you were in the first class. What about to call my wife and say,
that was first class. Why are you treating me like this? I had to. I'm literally white trash. What are you doing? You've got to start Brownlee. You've got to build up, dude. No, I wanted to unleash you. Do you want to go out and try to make a flight? Oh, so many times. And they were to shut you down. Absolutely not. Yeah, the one lady. I don't know if I could say this. You know,
“a hippo hippo. Oh, you know, oh, you lost people in the front of the whole time. What she said right there.”
And she had Wi-Fi. I'm like, how the fuck should you get Wi-Fi? So I was like, this, I was like, oh, she was at King of Queens. I love that shit. And I know what a word, so I didn't even need to volume. And she kept looking at this fucking seating chart for a stadium for a softball game, right? And it was in Massachusetts. And I knew we was going to Austin. And I was just like, I got to figure out something to start a conversation with her, right? And I didn't want to say,
oh, you just went to bathroom. You take a dump. Like, what was that about? Was that cool? And so she came back and I was like, oh, you're going to a game and she's like, no, and she's like, hit her phone and put it in her pocket. I was like, okay, I'm just, oh, fuck off for the next two hours. Look, I'm a window because I got the window seat and another outburst like that. I'm going to close the fucking shade. So as you go one more, that was lady. I mean, she has a phone pee, but you try to
make a conversation, but not a phone pee, but yeah, that might not be a good idea. I don't. I don't I don't. I don't know how I found peep. Dude, I phone peep. He can't let people know your phone peep. But let it go. You can lie to the cave. I saw a guy in like an airline uniform one time on his phone. I'm like sitting next and I'm like, looking down. And it was full like, did you fuck this person? And he was like, and then it was like him texting an app person. And then they were going back
and forth. And I was like, scan the way. And it was very scan. I was getting rocked up. I was getting fucled. I'm not phone peeping. I just have a massive erection for other reasons. I was just clocking as a fair. I'm like, fuck, this fucking pilot's having a fair list. Of course he is. Why I will see you pilot. Don't marry a pilot. Okay. If you're out there and you married to an pilot, for other kind of heavy. What are you going to do? What? Well, like, he's about to go fly to
plane. No, he was like, he was like, he was like civilian flying. Oh, so you don't like this flight of time. He's a pilot sometimes just hop on the plane. Dude, that'd be hell. Here's doing that. I was the ex domain. I was just clocking his phone. Because it was a lot of older people too have that giant font. Yeah. I could read it from 40 yards away. So it was Instagram really other day. It was a lady and the spurs game. There's so many Mexicans here. I didn't know
they could afford it. It was just her with the giant font. No way. Do you know why they can afford it? Because they work hard. And there are very industrious people. You should do your
Own text in the game.
what game. It was just like a brand of this. And then you could even see the players who just
“was the people zooming in on the lady. It's also a funny way to just like photoshop people's”
phones and just write them out as well. That was fucked up. I would check that. That's crazy. That's a power man. I could be a little Instagram itself right there, dude. I did it. Hey, everybody. Real quick, I will be in Phoenix this weekend. This very weekend. I'll be at Phoenix the celebrity theater. I'll be in Phoenix at the celebrity theater. And then Tucson Arizona on Saturday. Guys, I'm sorry. I'm just so sleepy. I woke up before 30 this morning. Unintentionally
drop out. We'll go before 30. And um, just got after guys. I'm exhausted. I'm bushed. I'm absolutely bushed right now. But I won't be bushed when I'm in Phoenix. And then Tucson this weekend. So come on out, guys. There's a, um, there's a link to my website, Matt McCusker.com in this show, description or something. It's some box beneath this video. Please come. Or don't, if you don't want to come, don't come. Somebody do. I'll be shredded by summer.
I'm actually on track to genuinely be shredded by summer. So that's, you know, you can't have it all. But I will be shredded either way. Guys, have a good night. Please go. Mate. Dude, I've, I've uh, so apparently there's people out there now. Like, you know when you see those like Instagram videos of like, I can make 10 grand online. You know, I'm sure I'll show you how to do it. I, this one guy was watching this video and he said he just like has chat GBT, he's like
writing very sad fucked up story. And then he gets this, he like looks to it. He's yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Then he goes sore or make a video about this. And then he just has AI just write these like clickbait weird or like, write the story that has a thing. AI do the video. And he just spams them online. And he goes ricks. One of them is going to hit and go viral. And you make like 10 grand a month off of just one. And he's like, I worked for like 20 minutes. Yeah. So that's
such a weird. Yeah. Like those guys, you're like, bet against the stock market. So you don't do anything really. And it's so easy though. Like as soon as you said it, it's like, oh, that's yeah, click them all the time. Yeah. Yeah. You would have to go to the gym regularly because you would
never get tired from doing that. No, he would sleep terribly. You would actually, yeah,
we're just sitting at home all day. Just making AI fuck itself. Yeah. Just watching AI beat off over itself. And like, yeah, sad stories. We can clickbait people. There is something sad about that too. I was watching like, man, that's kind of empty. Yeah. It won't work if he made great stories. Make happy stories. Like, and then put those in videos. It'll get no track. I know. It doesn't get. It's gotta be fucked up and say it's like a sad thing. Like, then their child died and she got
I ran over by a train and people like, oh, it's just a nurse being like, oh my god. Oh, that's terrible. I'm feeling my own shoes. What was the guy? Could you see like, what's the guy in the end guy? It's like a white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, I just, I just, I mean, you guys, you're talking to an opponent. I'm not working the phones bro. What do you guys say? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
They are, you think they're a, I have it? I guess that's what's happened. I, there, there's a thing I've been noticing, like, you know, I've, I've told you before. My algorithm is all thoughts, but I've been noticing some sliding in AI thoughts. And every now and again, the captions, like, it's like, they forgot to hit the translator, whatever. And it's just Indian, shit, but it's like, it's just ladies, it's just super real looking ladies that you got to like,
go to the point and like, go to the weird movements or notice that they're all doing the exact same thing. But they're like quiet, and they have like their verified accounts with only fans linked to them. They're like doing AI. Oh, that's, you said the engines are up to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, Pimp is a fake lady.
“So I think they also pulled over to, what's wrong with the engine?”
I don't know. I, I thought we eradicated that. We're in the 18th fucking hundreds, but we can bring it back. Well, I'm talking about Indians from India. Yeah, I don't think we'll see all that. Yeah. I should have made it.
I'm sorry, dude. I'm very expressive. I literally have no filter. And I try, I shouldn't have, no, that's fine. We call him in jail. Yeah, I'm sure to call India in India in India in India.
I don't even know. Yeah, that's like, that's like second generation.
That's like, and that's like racial inception. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go over to India and be like, you need a American. And we're like, oh, shit. Yeah, fire back, dude. What is, is not a whole thing from Christopher Columbus,
thinking he was like getting the India. Yeah, he's fucking good.
“Yes, that's how fucking stubborn white people are, dude.”
It's fucking crazy to me. Because they call their called India. It didn't, I should have stuck. That's crazy. That'd be like, you pull it up to a red light.
I mean, like, that's a purple light. And everyone would be like, no, that's absolutely red light. But we'll just kill everyone. But enough people call it a purple light. How about that?
That's a purple light. It seems pretty purple to me, huh? Let's keep that rolling. We'll name baseball teams after it and everything.
Yeah.
We've even named Americans, guys.
“They're like, no, we're like an ear coy.”
We're on a golf win or whatever. So it's just funny like now. We came out with your name. Yeah, you guys are. Pretty rough.
Pretty, yeah. I wish we could. It is boss on some level, but it's not good. I wish we could. I wish we could.
It would be like that. Look, like, this is your guys identity. We figured it out for you. We're not going to learn the rest. I wish if there was anything we could have culturally appropriated.
From the Native Americans that have been the naming system. We brought that over from Europe. Brow. Come on. I want to be running dog.
I'll be. I'll be doing that. Well, that would be great. Nighthawk. Nighthawk senior.
It's a weird horseback character. Yeah. That's my grandpa crazy squirrel. You'd love them. Yeah.
Their naming system was. I'll give you that. It was sick. I'm for, I mean, you know, nobody's with me on this one, but I'm all about a Native American president. Yeah.
It's good.
We've never had a Native American president.
I feel like he would turn on the white. You guys will be. What are you talking about? After all, after what you all did to them, you think they're not quietly holding the grudd. Let's open up this.
I didn't do anything. I know. I know now, but historically. True. He's got the, they got the little grudds in the back there.
Just on those. I was driving around Phoenix before it, like, just the parts where they put it. You people look like. Get out of there. It is.
It is. But you like, you hit like green. And then it's just, you just, it just turns back into the desert as soon as you hit the resin. And they're like that's what you get.
They got some bomb lands for sure. Yeah, dude. I was in the wind river. Just like he said, bro, wind river mountains in somewhere Wyoming, Montana. I don't know.
I was driving in pay attention. And you came up and like he said, bro, it was green mountains. Beautiful white people land. And then it was just barren desert and like, welcome to the Indian reservation. And right.
I'm from this little town of Pennsylvania. Well, a near Pittsburgh. And I was on this Indian reservation right, nothing around.
“Can we three hours and 10 minutes to drive there through nothing?”
And I go in this little state. A little convenience store and I'm in gas station. Everything's dusty, bro. I pull off this thing as delalo. Fucking.
And I was like, that's my hometown. I was like, there's no way. I didn't know there was a national thing. And I was like, no, mate, and Jinnette Pennsylvania. I was like, oh, what truck came out here, bro?
What is delalo? It's delalo's like a little Italian market in a fucking suburb of Pennsylvania. Like, I don't even know. Pittsburgh. It's not green.
It's like, there's, I don't think there's anything. I could say that it made it all the way out to the res. Brother and Wyoming. I'm like, how, how'd you get out of your little guy? I was going to take him back home.
I'll take you back. He lost your way. Come back. Nobody talks about the Native Americans ever. It's like, it's, they get like the little us bit of lip service at like liberal colleges every now and again.
There's nothing good. I can sing. That's also kind of like a weird thing. Like, just, we're going to acknowledge the fact of this land.
Anyway, here's what we're building here.
It's going to be awesome. You guys get casino. Let's get it. Yeah, I'm doing it. The Native American president could be sick.
Yeah. Could be. Dude, fucking the peace pipe in the overall office.
“I mean, that would honestly be the best thing.”
It would be awesome. See, I'm sitting down with these young pigs smoking a piece. But dude, it would be so fucking, especially I would like to. I don't want to get political here. But I would like to get away from having like 87 year olds as the president.
Yeah. Yeah. You can't have like a guy's cognitive decline. We need JFK, too. Yeah, JFK.
I've got not much time left. Well, here just making all our decisions. No, dude. We need, yeah, we need, I would say 50 is like the perfect age. Can I have one more counter argument?
They have historically taken so many else. I don't know. No, no. You put them in shock. We just went through a series of them.
Take it. Come on. He's thinking about his country. Okay. Are you ready for this?
So let's look at the other side of the coin. Okay. So if you've taken every AL possible, you've learned every fucking way to not do that shit again. That's all I got, right? Yeah, it's up.
Yeah, true, true, true. I learned every lesson the hard mother fucking way through. You're making a good point. What's the hardest lesson you ever learned? Oh, my God, dude.
Look, both ways for you crossed that mother fucking road. Because yeah, you got hit by a car. Cousin. What kind of car? Dodge Shadow 93, ES trim.
[laughter] Oh, how fast does it go? I mean, 45 miles an hour. No. In a 25, cousin.
Oh, I was £315 at 13 years old. On my dad's stolen track mountain bike. I stole it from him. He didn't steal it. Yeah.
It was right for the years. I had no fucking right to take in it. So let me bust this story down. Yeah. Let me bust this story down.
Okay. So your boy was at home, skipping school, not supposed to be doing it. And his dad's bike was in the basement. The nicest possession in the Heiterhouse hole. Not ever supposed to be touched by me who broke every fucking thing he had in touch ever.
I was a nightmare. They call me bits and pieces. I don't even think my mom knew my name. She just called me bits and pieces. Because that's all the fuck I left when I.
And so, okay.
I went down the base of my stole my dad's bike.
It had a digital spedometer.
It's a warm for later in the story. For shadowing. So I take it. I dip off.
“I'm going to go to my boy Brandon's house.”
I'm a flex on the neighborhood. Right. Pimp. Pimp hooray. So I go down.
And it's all downhill. So at £315 a bike downhill. It's easy game. It's easy game. I couldn't.
I didn't touch the sidewalk cut. So I get down there and I'm like, yeah, look at this bike. It's tight. Right. He's like, yeah.
Good point. Let's go to bike ride or boy CJ. He just got hit by a car on his bicycle. We should go visit him. He's in danger.
Okay. And I was like. That does seem nice. But that's all downhill. And then I'm going to have to pedal all up.
He'll get home. And I was like, really. I already pedal down here. All right. Fuck it.
Let's do it.
Let's take one for the team.
Someone down visited CJ. His mom is in the alley telling the story. Hi, bro. We're in John's town. She hit my baby.
Say she only do a 25 mile an hour. No, she won't do a no 25 mile an hour. She came down as a bam. She's like, look on my baby dude. CJ.
68 pounds soaking wet with a pocket full of change. Come out. Call her bone. But bro.
“He looked like fucking tiny 10 fucked up.”
He was ruined. Dude ruined. That's all like damn. All right. That ain't good.
So I was like flex. I got the speedometer on my bike right now. I'm going to come down past 25 mile an hour. Right? It's like, oh, you're like checking.
You're like, let's get this. It's a factory. You're like, let's get this. It's a factory. The boy was on a mountain bike in the locker.
Yeah. Some come down at 25. And you gain, right? Would you like it? I can kill you.
If that was, this is worth my life. Okay.
So I go up to Hill, right?
No frustrations. And I remember the calves. I got these calves, right? You got crazy. That's what I said.
So calves are. So you ain't bodybuilder can. I appreciate it. So even at like 13. Years old, I had about 405 pound feet of torque.
Okay. So I put that bike in 37th gear. Straight on a, huh? We're in our road and started, bro. On his downhill, right?
And I'm looking at 21. 22. Next thing you know, nothing. Bro. All I hear is glass shatter.
Oh. And tire screech in that order.
“And that's important because she didn't hit the brakes.”
Until after this pack was done. Because she was, well, she wasn't on her phone. He didn't even have phones back. Yeah. But anyway.
So she hit, right? Okay. And let me tell it right here. So I actually, what happened was the bike. It was an inferred stop sign.
She was doing 45. I was doing 22. And you probably hit 23 by that. No. I was locked into the speedometer.
I did not even look ahead of me. Oh. 100%. Yeah. So she came in, and it could have been this, which me on the bike hurt.
It could have been this where she hit me. But it actually happened like this. Where I just clipped her fender as she was going. And it sent me overhead. And then her windshield and roof caught my 315 pound supple child body.
Okay. Bend the whole safety cage back in it. Which point should I? Oh, fucking shit. Right?
Because my ass is in her mouth. Probably. Do it. Yeah. So she slams the brakes.
Okay. And I go, you. Right? 28 feet through the air. Another 45 on my left ass cheek.
Oh. And the only reason I know is because it's mostly missing. Okay. Afterthought. If you want to look at that.
Yeah. So a fly, right? And I'm so stubborn. I didn't even know what to fuck happen. So I go to sit up and like what the fuck?
And I go over your shoes off. Brother. That happened. Hold on. One second.
That happened. That happened. Okay. So I sit up. I'm like, oh shit.
Dog damn. Right? And I see a car in 10. I'm thinking. Down the road, but I'm keeping up with the motherfucker.
Right? I'm like, oh, that's wild and crazy. Okay. I'm moving. I'm going to do nurse.
Like you stop at a stop late. And I'm like, I'm sitting in the middle of the fucking street. This is dangerous. So I go to get up, right? And I go.
Fattish it. Fattish it. So I go to roll and get up in my little three stage motion that you do. Right? When you ain't got the upper body strength.
And I go to step off the road and it feel like I step in a paw hole. And I'm like, John's town city works. Damn it. And I look down. And it just looks like my shoes off.
But it's still attached to my foot. And my calf is just on the ground. And my brain says shut it down and start it back up. Something's wrong. So I straight back down.
Right? And so when I went down, I hit my head and all that. So I'm out in the whole neighborhood. It's holding me down. They're like, oh my god.
Right? And they're freaking out, bro. And I come to and I'm like, Brandon. Because that's about my boy. I came with.
That's the first thing. Brandon. And my 14 year old friend. He came and look at me, bro. He's like, he's dying.
I can't look at my home. He liked that cousin. Right? Because what I didn't know is there is a pool blood. Puddling around my waist.
So you're ass. Well, that's, I know that now. But at the time, they just thought my inner organs busted. Like a water balloon was leaking out of the closest hole. Like it's fine.
Which is having to be my asshole. True. Yeah. So everyone's like, man, dead man walking. You know what I mean?
They're like, bro, don't move. So long story short. They sent me to the hospital. They, they, well, they said we're going to have to cathorize you.
I was like, listen, I'm Christian.
My grandma would not like that.
We can't be doing that. I don't know what it medically. If that will help.
“But I just don't, they're like, no, we're going to stick”
a tube in your dick. I was like, can I be Catholic? Is that still on the table? I will be Catholic. If that's still on the table.
And they're like, no, we just got a bam. So bro. Yeah. The pointed out was the crazy part. Yeah.
Like she was starting to got damn long overdue. Yeah, yeah. She's like, hold up, hold up, hold up. Okay. Hold hit the choke, hold up.
Bang. Boy, I was like, damn. Oh, yeah. You do nothing for the game. Some to bed sheet up my ass.
Bro. It had so much fucking momentum. Bro. It was insane. How long was recovery?
I was 14. It just happened 10 days before summer vacation. And Brian Gunlinson. If you're still out there, I appreciate you. I'm sorry.
I fucked up all your work. That was my leg specialist. So he rebuild it. To be a phobia. Clean through.
Because my leg wrapped around her a pillar like a snap bracelet.
So it had dusted everything that was connecting. So they pinned and played it all back together. He did a wonderful job. But I was a 315 pound fucking 14 year old. It was not taken.
No on summer vacation. And I started walking on that. And if you look to this day, bro, I have the arthritis of a 90 year old man. You'll see me. But if we ever go somewhere in a car for 6 hours, watch how I get out.
Make fun of me. Really can't. Live stream it. Brother. Brother.
I make all the noises. Oh, people noise. Yeah. That's fair. And my favorite hobby is driving cars that are slammed to the ground.
And like, this is, yeah, I literally. It's like that fucking lean auto getting out of the on Waffle Wall Street. I just laid down a fucking crawler. Yeah, dude. It's a car now.
No big deal. You're like, I'm slammed to the ground. Oh, dude. Well, it's the only ones that are cool. Turn like trucks.
Yeah. Even that probably be a whole other issue. You have to get a fucking ladder. Dude. So you were, you're going to, I mean, I'll take away from almost dying.
But you worried about scraping the undercarriage. You're slammed low to the ground. Oh, yeah. They me audit literally. My me audit has state.
Are you talking to my asshole?
Because I've done that. No, I'm talking about the car. Okay. I've hit road debris that I felt my asshole. Okay.
Okay. You hit like a bushing that fell off a fucking old truck. And that floor panel. Beautiful. Like you don't touch you.
Yeah. But it's like, it's like if you put a fucking trash can and lid on your ass. And I hit it with hammer. Yeah. Oh, that's close one.
So what's up? What's up with this? So me auto has stainless steel frame rails. Okay. Because I plan for that.
So it literally has 302 stainless steel. I could 50 50 grind. My me audit down. I could six steady stairs. Yeah, dude.
As long as I don't blow out the oil power. Sure. Go ahead. But if I got me on fucking, it's literally a skateboard. So you healed up.
“And do you have to fix your legs after you were like, thrashing around?”
Yeah. Well, okay. Well, what do you mean? Like, yeah. They pinned and played it all together.
And then after I fucked it all up. Right. I went back as an adult. And I'm like, I'm sorry guys. Right.
In mature. I'm new. I've grown. Right. And they're like, yeah.
We can do something. And like, we'll break your fucking leg. Right. And we'll remove your ankle completely. Because you can't have arthritis.
And something you don't have. That's cool trick. We learned. And we'll just fucking mount your foot straight to your fucking leg, like cotton hill from King of the Hill.
Blow out your ankle. And then yeah. And then you could just stab the clutch from your fucking hip. Like, how am I going to... So I was, you don't have like ankle flexion.
There would be nothing. I've never got it done. Because they were like, that's the option. I was like, oh, I'll just deal with it. Yeah.
I'll stay. Damn. You would have like a GI Joe foot. Just straight. Yeah.
I was like, do I at least get the pick the angle? I was like, what if I want to wear high heels? It's true. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. One six inch pump and a prosthetic like orthopedic fucking shoot. It just went and got the full fucking height surgery, where they like break your legs and lengthen them.
You could have got you could have lighter in there. Yeah. Six. Let's call it scope creep. Yeah.
That's when you go in. So let's say you go in, right? Because you just want to break your leg. So you can fix it. And you're like, well, why you're in there?
Once you give me extra leg surgery. And they're like, well, we got this new hydraulic leg surgery to make you jump really high. Well, what would it be in there? And you're like, well, why are you in there?
So now what's started out as a $3,000 fixer up, or now you're a 55 brand and aftermarket supplies of stroke. It's go creep. True. True.
Why are you in there? Come here. Come here. Go contract. Hmm.
Hmm.
“So what's the, you know, what's the plan going forward?”
What do you really up to? In life. Yeah. That's a great question, right? True.
Just wing it. Yes. I've been doing so far. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. I'm one of those people.
It just look back like damn. Yeah. Holy shit. Huh? Because I look back at like all like a lot of the kids I grew up with and stuff.
Right. And I like even growing up. Like because I like, you know, there wasn't much structure there. Yeah. So I was just like, man, I'm a part of PA.
Like where's the PA town? Like where did it go? It was a call. John's town. John's town Pennsylvania.
It's up. Was that, was that close? Was me a Nate drove. And we were all, we drove from Ohio to Pittsburgh. And we were all pumped to see young style or bones.
The bone thugs was from. That's close, right? Maybe. No. I think that's close to Pittsburgh now.
It's close to Pittsburgh. It definitely is. We were like, all pumped because we kept seeing young style. We were like, we were listening to bones thugs. I was like, I can be into works.
It's three hours of bone thugs.
And I thought it was like, it's got to be coming up.
We're going to Ohio. It's got to be right here. It's like on the edge. Literally.
“I think it's the last town before you hit Pittsburgh.”
John's town of Ohio. No, no. Youngstown. Youngstown. Youngstown.
Yeah. It's for bone thugs. Okay. I don't know if you knew it at all. Yeah.
Well, I know of youngstown. Yeah. We don't go there. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I got you. I'm like, I already from the hood. I don't got to go with the hood. Yeah. I can be a doctor.
I mean, both those are from me. I just bum bum bum bum bum. I think you're cross or I think about my own cool child. Yeah. I try every time.
Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't. When he cut, remember, the crossers we when he touched on me and said, his last turn black.
Yeah. Yeah. It's my own cool child. Can you show me going in front of his home? Oh, dude.
Don't get me started. Oh, man. I'm here. I'm here. It's what's the plan?
What's the plan? Just keep working, bro. I'm going to keep doing it. If anybody wants to make me famous, I'll get famous. There you go.
If you want me, you know. Keep grind out. Yeah. The content.
“I mean, I mean, we bought pull up one of the, I just wanted the videos.”
Yeah. Yeah. The one you just drove me with the glove. I don't know. Oh, yeah.
No, I never posted that because that's one of those things.
I never posted because I was like, bro. I'm thinking about, I don't know if it's a go in the screen. He found me. There it is. This is, this one changed my life.
I have a way. I'm trying. We got you done. All day. That was probably the most expensive one.
I'll hear about the comments. I mean, I got devil day trays for devil day days. Yeah. I'm probably right. I don't know.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Happy Easter. 27 minute video.
Yeah. I mean, yeah. I think it's deep. It's a lot of devil day days. That's crazy.
Same. Primarily egg diet. So, in terms of like encountering people living in the house. I hate that. Yeah.
I like fun. I'm dead better. Yeah. I would. I would.
I would say. Yeah. It's scary. One time. One time.
Two.
I came into this house, right?
And just like. Typical shit. But I break in. I usually don't even think someone's in there because it's so uncommon. And, um, I go in in the house is warm.
And I'm like, ooh, that's creepy. Yeah. And then I like walk in. I get hit in the neck with some drip. And like, the drip is warm.
I hate this. And then I get in a living room. And dude. Oh, oh. Very important part.
See this one. He's not going to be significant to me. The whole house is a canyon of hoard.
“The only thing to walk through is a canyon.”
And it is. Oh. I fucking level trash. Yeah. And then you start getting down and starts getting wetter and wetter and wetter.
It turns into dirt. Yeah. Because it's been there so long that, you know, it's just the center. It's just the paper and everything turns back into dirt. So I'm like walking through this.
I'm like, this is crazy. And like I said, it's fucking eye level. Dude. And I get into the living room. And the lights are on.
It's warm. It's weird. But again, you don't assume. Somebody's fucking in here. Dude.
It's like, it's so easy for me to like disassociate that. That somebody who lives like that. But so this fucking to wow. Wow. Fucking Yorkie, mix bro.
It starts just like Simba in the Lion King. Like Prounson. He's fucking canyon towards me. Barking. And I'm like, this is my focus.
I level like the playing field has been leveled. He's been leveled. He's been leveled. He's been leveled. Yeah.
This is not good for me. Okay. Like usually it's not scary because we're on the ground. But this motherfucker is heightened. And he has toxic damage too.
Yeah. He's been charging through shit. Dude. I'm scared. Okay.
So he's coming at me and I hear a voice guy. Well, I forget the dog's name. But she was like, get away from him. Or something. I'm like, oh no.
I'm like, I'm with a bang. I don't know. And she's like, get more of this and you. I was like, I don't know Martha. I'm not.
And it was dude. It was this lady that was. Big girl. You ever see what she can go. But great.
Yeah. You ever see his mom? Yeah. Okay. She's a big girl.
Big girl. She can't leave. No. You eat your weight and you can't leave. Cause I don't want you to get bigger than a door 36 inches.
So keep a tape measure on deck if you're getting there. Cause I'm just saying, it's going to be a time that you leave your house for the last time. Yeah. She was entombed. Unless you go out to eat, then you won't be able to get back in.
Which is probably a better problem to have. Yeah. Oh, fuck. So she was, she was just part of the house. Yeah.
They call it landlocked. Why can't the bang just respect that? Yeah. It's like that. That's why you're going to be $185,000.
But I am become one with this house. Yeah. Yeah. They'll shut that shit down throughout your industry and give the. The subsidiary to someone who deserves it.
I mean, they don't deserve it. I mean, it's not, no. I'm sorry. It's not me to say anything about that. But it's true.
It's hard for me to imagine letting shit go that for. Right? Cause I, yeah. Just, I've let my life go pretty far. And I'm like, I know what it takes to hit a rock bottom.
Like, I couldn't imagine hitting that rock bottom being like this ain't that bad. I know. Let's keep it rolling. Dude.
Dude.
It's amazing. You were finding out what we're. Did you see that? Dude. Sue was okay.
Just straight from above. Okay. That'd be good. Yeah. Yeah.
My, my. They're hot shit. Oh, you know. Hot shit. My whole got me at that one time.
We're all like working together. And I had.
“Early like a year before prank called my uncle.”
Funny enough as the bank. Cause he had just bought this house and he's all pumped up. And I called him being like, hey, this is TD bank.
There's a second mortgage on your home.
And I had the address. And I was like, black in the keyboard. I was like, well, you know, it's like 87,000 dollars second mortgage. You didn't live in surprise you. They didn't come up with that at like title.
She should have showed you that. And they were like, just bugging out. Oh, no. I'm like, it's, I'm like, just come down here. We'll figure it out.
I'll probably just put a lean in your house. Cause what's your mother's maiden name? He's like, oh, I'm not telling you. God, Jesus. That's a hung up.
He ended up calling my whole family. He's calling my dad. And my aunt and he was just like freaking out. And they're all like, what the fuck? That sounds crazy.
Like, and then I told my dad what I did. And he was like, that's the funniest thing in the world. So they're all laughing eventually. He found out that my dad was like, dude, my, it was my son. He was fucking with you.
And my uncle was, he sold a bunch of this day about his business. Obviously. Maybe 12 years. What's that? No, no, no, it's my cousin.
I don't have a house. I don't have a house. What have went to the, actually, he actually, my uncle did go to the bank. He said, are you a hundred years old? Why would you let that cook?
“I would have broke that for the end of the call.”
Me and my cousin in high school. And we're like, just fucking around calling people. Oh, this would be funny. It was like, not even pre-meditated. And it was just a flawless thing.
I just fucked him up. And we were, they were knocking down a Xeldo demolition. They were knocking down an old grocery store. And I was just standing there talking to everyone. And he, we, like, saw each other.
And he just grabbed one of the pipes and bent it towards me and all that. Oh, Nancy Porter. Right. I was like fair, fair. I was like, I'll take it fair enough.
That's something to ask me. That's something to ask me. It was kind of nice. It was like one of those like fat copper pipes. It was like, oh, those sewage guys are whole.
No, they're brief. No. I got to call one of my house because like, that's not me. I wasn't running around in that. And it was like backing up to my basement.
Okay. And it, like, my house sits up high. So it had this whole slope. Okay. Then down to the street.
So we're talking 75 feet of three inch pipe filled with Do-do and boogubaries. Okay. The whole nine, bro. The whole nine.
And he's like trying to find it.
And this and that and the third.
And he goes out to the street and there's like a little turn. And he turns it and he's like, I found it, bro. And he jams this fucking giant steak, bro. It's giant. And it hits this thing.
And he's standing right over it. Like looking down into it. Like, that's, I know better than that. You shouldn't do that. Right.
And he bust that thing loose. And what happened to be was bacon grease. Because, you know, I'm used to renting. I'm still not. So bacon grease.
And literally, if five gallon bucket of undigested peanuts. Because I was going through a crunchy peanut butter face at that moment. That's cute. That's cute a lot. Dude.
And, bro, I cannot just, I literally had to like get the scrolls out of my yard for months. Because they were like. So this thing breaks loose. This fucking hardball of break bacon grease. And then like a fire hydrant of peanuts.
Oh. And he's sitting there loving it dude. He's like excited. Like he was waiting for old faith for to go off. And then he's like, I'm like, you're standing in it, bro.
This ain't fucking splash mountain, bro. Fuck out in there. Yeah, that is, that is why.
That the pulp plumbing, something I could never do.
Just turds all day. All day for fun. But it doesn't tell me you need a plumber. They feel like they're built for it. You know what I mean?
Yeah, they're that bad. True. How used to be in the car industry? Well, okay. I used to be in the customer service industry hard.
Yeah. Right. Because I was a big boy. So my mom was always like, you're never going to get a job working on your food. Yeah.
Not going to happen. Yeah. That's cut that shit short. You want to SSI check or you want a desk job? You know what I mean?
I was like, okay, a desk job. It's a good point. So I go, right. Real, real, real good mom there. Yeah.
But I go, I get desk job after a desk job. And I'm good at it, right? Because I'm personal. Yeah. I'm likable.
Because we move schools all the time.
“That's how I got either get friends or you stay alone.”
Right. So let's keep it rolling. So I got good at making friends. So customer service, right? And a desk job.
Dess job. Dess job. But every six months. I'm like, man, what do you think dying's like? It has to be better than this, right?
Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, man, that's something to think about. We'll put that on the back first. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Yeah.
That's true. Yeah. So I'm just going to keep doing my desk job. I'm trying to figure out why I'm so sad. Yeah.
Right. And then the ultimate happened, right? My, uh, the pandemic happened. In this order, bro, pandemic happened. I almost died in traffic on the way home from getting fired from my job.
And then as I got home, I got a whole new lease on life. Made dinner for my wife and she got home and divorced me. Oh, and then the next day I wake up and I'm like, okay, I don't have a job. I have a whole new lease on life and amount of wife. What does your boy do, right?
And I was like, hmm, let's collect this. I love what the pandemic money, right?
Yeah, true.
I'm just getting afraid. I'm not gonna lie, bro.
“I never know who's showing up for dinner.”
I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, bro.
I never know who's showing up for dinner.
I'm not gonna lie, bro. I'm not gonna lie, bro. I never know who's showing up for dinner. And then 12 hours. Dude.
Bing, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And then pandemic. Yeah, so I literally got rebirth. I woke up the next morning with placenta on me. I've never had such a tangible moment.
Okay. Yeah. Let's cook dog. And then you're showing up. And then you're getting dark for like, couple years there.
Well, what was the question? So you, and you wrote that right into the pandemic. Well, that was the pandemic. I got fired because of the pandemic. Oh, dang.
Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big Big
right because your boy Donnie was flapping me with them $600 Demis and I was getting unemployment and I was getting, you know, Cory Heiders from the street monies.
So, you boy, I was like, I'm making more money. You're killing it. - I'm employing divorce. - Yeah.
- This is fucking okay. - Who knew? - I know an upstroke when I see one, you know? So I wrote that out and then I got bored, right? 'Cause I was like, okay, well, this is not having
a job's crazier than a desk job. - It's weird. - Especially if you used to having a job when you stop having a job, it's a fucking weird feeling. - I crazed structured activity, bro.
- Yeah. - I'm like, waking up with nothing to do, it's gonna get fucked up, way. (laughing) When you're cranking your hog by 930 in the morning,
you're like, "Hey, I'm having this only down here for me." - Yes, we start doing the darker quarters of Crazier. (laughing)
“- You want to do human traffic in looking at my shoes?”
- Yeah. - No, no, no, no, no, I don't have a dark way if I heard it's fun this time of year. (laughing) So my boy calls me, right? In all those videos, well, the videos I post, right?
And the shit that you know, I know what he does. And he's like, "Why don't you come work with me?" And I was like, "No." I was like, "That's when you say your boredom, "I was like, watch the dishes."
Like, that's not fun. - Yeah. - That's not what I meant. He's like, "Just come on, dude, I need help." So I started helping them and then I fell in love with it
and then you become normalized that shit. And then I was like, "Damn it." I'm an outside cat this whole time. I was an indoor cat, but that's crazy for you. - You didn't have any, like, construction experience before that.
- No, what? - No, I would fuck around on my own, a board, building cars, and fuck your chain. - You're having it, you're having stuff. - Oh, and dude, when I was a kid,
I could build a bung out anything. By 12 years old, I ripped apart literally the entire radio chat catalog and re-build it at one point. - Well, that's not just a kid, 'cause they didn't, I figured out, bro, at five years old,
this blows my mind.
“I think this is the peak of my whole peak of this.”
At five years old, bro, I figured out how internal combustion engine worked. 'Cause I couldn't figure out how the tire is spanned. I was like, the tire is spanned, 'cause some's got to spin to spin that,
and then some's got to spin to spin that. And then some's got to spin to spin that, but eventually it's got to be a reciprocating motion. So how do you turn a reciprocating motion into a spinning motion? And then I had this toy steam train that had the wheel
with the poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.
So, you know, there's always the first place I had that,
'cause I remember being like a little boy, and I was like, I had the weed wacker, and I like took it apart to do something, and I was like, I'm gonna take it apart. This is my seminal moment of becoming a mechanical mind in man.
I took the weed wacker apart, and it just was like, fuck, they call my dad, I was like, "Dad, the weed wacker's got to mess up with it." The fuck's going on with it, no, no, no, no. Whole thing, 'cause I was trying to add the string,
and it got all fucked up, he's like, the fucking multiple pieces. Yeah, I never try to really fix anything ever since. I was just always mechanical, and then people were like, you're likable, I was like, okay, I'll lean into that,
'cause I never ever had confidence, and I literally never had confidence anything I've ever done. And if, you know, like, this whole Instagram thing, it started as a Snapchat, so I used to send my friends, or like, post that shit, you're killing it.
Like, this is funny, I'm the only one that sees it. Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. And then, if you ever look my Instagram handle is HydroCory, like, I had to look myself up in the phone book, like I didn't know my phone book.
(audience laughs) And that's 'cause the Instagram was an accident, bro. I was working at a gas station with my fat sweaty leg, and it pocketed out 'cause I was like, on Facebook, and I put it in there, and it like opened the Instagram,
started an Instagram automatically from Facebook, like I clicked things with my leg, and I pulled out my pocket and HydroCory, and the Instagram was logging in, I was like, "What the fuck is that?" And I just canceled it, and looked out,
and I never opened it again for five, six years,
and then boy was like, yeah, it was start posting that shit. And I opened an Instagram HydroCory, you know what I was like, let's do it. I've thought about changing my name so many times, but I was like, I just imagine waking up
with Z-Refollars, and like, was it worth it? Or should I just been HydroCory, it's not a lot of the wrong,
But, all right, we'll do it, man.
Can't thank you enough, dude. Yeah, we did it. We did it. I knew I knew it would be fucking rad. - What are you guys looking at, Brad? - I'm going to go chill, yeah.
- Let's go chill, let's go walk the streets. - We're gonna fuck this place out. (laughing) - Dude, thank you, man. Yeah, what is it, HydroCory?
- HydroCory, blue-collar-cory, Corey Megahyter. - Corey Megahyter. - That's on Facebook, that's my own personal Facebook, because Instagram was like, you know, start a Facebook, and I was like, I have a Facebook,
so I grew my own personal Facebook with like, all the pictures that I didn't want to have in social media and all that, I was like, fuck it, we'll just grow it. And I grew it to 80,000, they're like,
oh, we met a page, not a profile. I was like, you piece, shit. - Fuck.
“- So that's why I grew that page, blue-collar-cory,”
and bro, I killed it there, two months.
First month, I had 130 million views.
- That's crazy, that's all. - For just being a fucking dick-wad from the hood? - That's crazy, that's insane. - That is awesome. - Literally, no, no, no, no, no, - You know, you're just gonna be like, "T-shirt" or something.
- I know, that's where we're working on it. I think there's a lot of avenues, I think, honestly, me and no boys are, I think, Philip, your boy from Rough House, or any of those. - Nice. - Yeah, I think we're gonna get on,
so I got to do it, it's really, I don't mean to get down on it, but it's really hard for me to place a bed on myself. - Yeah. - Like legit, like it's just so instilled in my DNA, like, your last place, just make do with it. You know what I mean? - Yeah.
- It's crazy, and I don't know if I'm out of therapy or something can change that. And if it does, what if I'm not funny anymore? You know what I mean? 'Cause you know, I'll trauma-takes it, right?
I'm sure you've experienced trauma. I know you've had a full shot of it. (laughing) (laughing) - No, I was rocking.
I would just keep rocking it, just let it rip, yeah, let it rip. - No second guess or so. - I know what you mean. It feels weird. - It's tight.
- It's just rocking. - It feels rocking. - It's rocking, it's rocking, it's rocking. - The biggest thing is, too, is like, not the fuck it, you know, you know how to do it, if it doesn't work out, you're like,
there's no back to the back to square one. - Yeah. - The risk free. - Yeah, that's why it's just like,
never quit working, or like, you know,
or never like leaned into it, or went to, I could do stand up every once in a while, but the stand-up scene in Pittsburgh is crazy. - Yeah. - Dude, I would be like, I'd be like,
I think this is like a, a meeting,
“I think a, a meeting is funnier than this.”
- Yeah, the open mic comedy is pretty, as sad as it gets on. - That's one of the underworlds. We mentioned desk sitting desk jobs. That's an underworld.
- Open stand-up problem. - Our in absolute underworld. - It was crazy. I was talking to this one guy, I was like, I was like, so like, we were talking,
he's like, oh, I'm not even funny. And I was like, you're not funny. I was like, you're gonna do stand-up. He's like, yeah, I just, you know, I think some of these people, bro, they have a horrible social anxiety.
And it's like cutting themselves, like, like self-harm. I mean, that's the, I'm gonna go up on stage and just fucking bombs. - Oh, dude, everyone's gonna hate me. It's gonna be that social anxiety
that I fear in my head, but I'm gonna live it real and that the end is gonna be over. It's gonna be the coming probably. You know what I mean? Just like, there's people that hurt themselves.
- Yeah. - Or people that do,
never thought about that.
- It's just like, fucking, it's, yeah, it's fucked up. - Holy me, I'm gonna come. - I mean, I'd be gonna sink, that work, that'd be awesome. - Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of shit going on. - Don't wish I came here, man, for a bomb.
- Yeah. - Well, new, new set. (laughing) - Well, dude, thank you so much, man. - Certainly.
- Hell yeah. - Thank you, I appreciate it. - Of course, man. - Dude, rocked. - I feel like there's a monumental moment, dude.
- Dude, I'mma, this gonna be on my tombstone. (laughing) - I'm so sorry, dude. - Dude, thank you, man. - Yeah, sir.
- We're gonna pay you. - Thank you. - I never know what we're done. Are we done?
“Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast”
on Spotify. - Do it. (dramatic music)
