Ep 623 - The Good Guy Weed (feat. Lemaire Lee)

- Yeah, I had to have for some reason I woke up at 7am,

so I'm ruined. - It's way to do it. - I don't know how, yeah, I understand why a lot of times we're doing the podcast, I look over and you're like, (laughing)

- Yeah, I get it, I woke up an hour ago. (laughing) - Just fuck, you're just coming to us, yeah. - You said the money mindset this morning, dude. - I did have the money mindset.

- That's it, I'm talking about. - You have to get up and grind. - We fired up, I got up and grind. - We're fucking podcasting. (laughing)

“- Then what have I said, my social security number?”

(laughing) - We were, I, I would have any money mindset. - You did? - We'll call it played NCAA football for three hours. - So I'm talking about it.

- Got it out of my system. - Now I'll contact the day without distractions. - For sure. - Then I watched the World Cup soccer. - Nice, so extremely productive.

- How bad? - I mean, watch World Cup soccer after this. - And then I'm gonna add the end of this, watch World Cup soccer. - Yeah, it's, I mean, dude, it's the best.

- That's coming home. - The best game, it's gotta come home to America. - It's gotta come home to America. - But if we win, it'll be so funny, just because it is. - We don't want to care about soccer.

- Talk to that possible. - I know, but it's just so funny. - We're gonna need to major upsets. We need, who do we got the, - I, I saw today that technically the road

for us to win would be like, we're gonna hopefully play Belgium in the next round. - Okay. - To get pass positive. We got Belgium, Spain, France, Argentina.

- Geez. - Just is not gonna happen. - Yeah, that's tough. - It was fun, the country's, I don't know what was it. Spain now, but kind of their boys.

- Argentine. - Belgium he got, Argentina he lived in after, and France he got. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- Oh, so it's just, that's where the access is, - The access is already out. - Dude, fucking, dude, the access, the access all got eliminated. - I didn't realize how much.

- Italy didn't make it Japan and Germany, they're all out. - Really? - Yeah. - Oh, good. - Thanks for the money.

- Although I heard a lot of people from South America don't like Argentina. I didn't realize Argentina's pretty hated in South America. - Yeah, they're quiet. - Yeah.

- When I heard they're proud of it, too. That's whatever, I heard the Argentine's are proud of it. - Really? - Yeah. - I'm in a good authority that they're,

pre-meant to everybody else. - It's just South of the equator, you can... - Yeah, oh yeah. - In Argentina you can, 'cause you got that fucking flare. - Thanks South Africa, it gets pretty out.

- Oh yeah. - Although, any white South of the equator, Australia used to now, Australia's, they've lived out. - Yeah.

“But no, the, I think, no, I think in Argentina,”

you can just fucking, you're by London like that, you can just be like, fuck that, but there was a lady, there was a black South African R&B lady, and they were like, oh, so how do you, as a black, she's like, I'm fucking South African.

She's gotta shut it down like, don't hit me with that America bullshit. So I'm just African, get out of my fucking face like that. - Yeah, it's kinda, yeah, it's like, trick is stupid to see.

- Yeah. - See a white UFC fighter that's just like, I'm the only African here. - Yeah. - Like Nigerian fighters that live in America,

get mad. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He doesn't have a fight in like a year or something. - It's gonna wild.

- Yeah. - What do you think about the comic record fight? - What do you think's happening? - Ooh. - I'm excited.

- Are you shocked if it's physique?

- I'm always shocked if it's.

- Yeah. - No matter what he's doing, I go, holy fuck. - Fuck, he's not, he's killing nuts dude. - What, what, what, what class is he fighting at? Is it usual?

- Uh, yeah, probably around 17. - That's usual. - A little heavy for when he was great. - Yeah. - Yeah.

“- Yeah, max out of the way versus kind of,”

it's gonna be the next one. - It'll be an awesome fight. - Yeah. - I would love to go, but yeah. - I cannot, really.

- Don't lock in for the length dude, it's gonna be true. - True. - After Vegas. - Yeah. - Just see the, that's not the point.

(laughing) - I'll be there, he can turn on the TV. (laughing) - There's like, there's a, oh fuck. - Oh shit.

(laughing) - I'm gonna do that as main blitz, I was just standing in the pool, I was like, this is what I'm gonna do until this 17th. And then on the 16th I'm gonna go.

- Fuck. - Fuck. (laughing) - Slowly get out of the pool. - You can't get your briefcase in the pool.

- No. - Oh shit. - Oh fuck. (laughing) - Oh no.

- It's so scary. (laughing) - So scary. What's crazy too, is if you think about it,

this show, I never thought about it somehow,

is bigger than local news shows. - What, are you sure? - Yeah, way bigger than local news shows. - This podcast? - Yeah.

- By, it's, we've been bigger since fun. - Yeah, like, I never thought about it. - I never thought about that though, that's crazy. - Local news? - Or even like, let's say regional news?

- Is that thing? (laughing) - It's just crazy, all that. If you go to local news station, there's so much hubbub in production.

- Yeah. - It's just crazy, I didn't like thought about it now. Like, damn, that's crazy. We're, this is basically local news kind of, like, this is local news.

- It's nuts. - We break down the local news. - Yeah, we just have a lot of history. - And we covered it, I thought that was the real one. We'll see how bad this goes from there.

- We could do it. - We could do it about our own dongle of money. (laughing) - Oh dude, let me hear it do a fun fact. It's actually, it's fact fucked me up.

- Yeah.

“- Do you know when you eat an oyster, it's alive?”

- Ooh.

- Yeah, it's still alive.

- What? - And when you're trying to open the oyster, that reason it's hard, because the oyster is going like, no, and it's holding the shell together. So when you open it,

it's like, you can do it in a way where you kind of like, cause it, you know, I guess slightly less pain. But if you do it kind of like, artfully, you can still feel the oyster,

I guess it has like a pulse. You can actually feel it on our tongue, but they're living. When you open it, shell, that's like kind of like the KO,

they're like, oh, yeah. - And then you fucking, I don't think they're thinking too much. - Yeah, but still, they're still alive. It's crazy.

- Yeah. - I mean, they are actively fighting you. Like, no, no, stop it, stop you. - Ow. - Then you slap them down.

I just blew my fucking mind. I had no idea there's still a lot. - I wonder how often they're, how often they're alive. - I think they are alive. I think that if you're serving dead oysters,

they go bad really quick. And they can actually live out of water for like a pretty long time. So I think the majority of oysters you eat are alive. Just cool to think about.

“That's why you get so charged when you eat them.”

- Yeah, you get sexually charged. - Yeah, you ate a fucking living creature, it's hot. - They think they come, how do oysters like, Procreate? - How do they procreate? - Yeah.

- From getting ripped open and eating, if I fucking call them. (laughing) - It's a great question on the map. - Yeah, it's good.

We got some fucking, it's fine now. - It's fine now, what's going on with oysters and other seemingly stationary creatures. Although, oysters are probably moving around a little. - Yeah, you probably, cause that's what they've been eating.

- Yeah, that's true. - They just gizzled out. - Just into the fucking mixture. - Just a mess, and it actually did that in the shower today. I brought you guys to a broadcast.

- I brought you guys on in the shower today. Very oyster, like, it must've been the oysters I ate last week, took over my mind and body mess. - We got a fucking spray that shit. (laughing)

So they just, they just fucking send it out there. - I'm, this is really quick read, but it seems like it's just eggs get shot out and sperm get shot out and it just mixes. - Yo, that's such a good way to do it.

- Yes, it's free swimming larvae. This is what they're saying. - I could be, maybe the video of this. - I bet we do. - Okay, oyster is good.

(laughing) - And the girl oyster is being like, (laughing) I said the rake out, that's not bad. That'd be a good dating, like a subsection of Tinder

where you could just fucking shake the dice to random people. You sent out your seed, they'd be like, "Oh, we mixed it, you guys have a little knee in you." (laughing) And like, time to settle down, you know, you settle down.

- Yeah, we're not gonna settle down. - But if you can come in to Biscuit Palette first.

- I live a foot away, I'm never gonna see her.

(laughing) - On the other side of this rock, I'll never see that bitch again. (laughing) I was just not gonna find something.

- Says the what we're doing it too, like the water gets milky. It's just like a milky mist. - It's like eggs and sperm. - Which is just like a hundred million of a year to eat.

- Is anyone ever eaten that? - Probably. - Oyster stays good, I'm venturing a guess at their fucking "spluges" is probably nice. - It's like a real delicious split.

- It's oyster milk. (laughing) - Oyster milk, it'd be nice. (laughing) - Huh? - When we eat steak? - Well, you said it's oyster steak's good.

You think their milk would taste good, but we cows all the time and I don't think they're, well. - What are you talking about? That's the name of the best example of milk. (laughing) - He's not much milk, he's not much milk. - No milk.

- I would have never had Calgis though. - Fair, yeah. - Sorry for bringing it up, man. - That's okay, that wouldn't be, I wouldn't thought. - The plumped plumped plumped plumped plumped plumped plumped.

- If you for real, you got damn dopeies. (laughing)

- Second podcast we do is always dopeies. (laughing)

- It's got a pot, big time. (laughing) - I'll just take a couple of your life. - If you were to chug bull come, might not be the best taste, but you would be turbocharged. - You would get stronger.

- You would, and 100% get stronger. - Wasn't that Red Bull? - Wasn't that like what was Red Bull originally? - No, it didn't. (laughing)

- Isn't it like Tori? - I think it's just Tori's. - Isn't it like extract it from?

“- No, I think just the name is from Torus.”

- Yeah, that's not for real. - Let me look at that, we need to know. - Look at that, if Tori is bull come, - There's, I call bull come. (laughing)

- There's no way, they're just the name. (speaking in foreign language) - Really? (speaking in foreign language) - Steuja?

(speaking in foreign language) - Yeah. I have a lot of time with 1000 euros to come. (speaking in foreign language) - No, no, they're like steuja.

- Wow, and that's easy. - Yeah, they're all automatic. - I feel like they're so... (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language)

- What? (speaking in foreign language)

(laughing)

- I actually would be curious if Tori and derived some bull,

but then it would arrive, it would arrive from all come, right? There's no way bulls have spirit come.

“Unless that's why people use to worship them”

back then every month to say, I don't know. - What the fuck even is Tori? - This is a video of birth crash, you're getting hit by a bull. It was not, it looked like it hurt so well. - Wait, when the fuck did break it hit my bull?

- I'm like 2002 (laughing) - Can't hit my bull? (laughing) - Dude, I saw the new jackass. - How was it?

- Knoxville gets one more bull in, and it is fucking terrible. - Was there anything in there that was like... - Yes. - Super horrible. - Yeah, there was one I couldn't watch.

- I heard there was one that... - There's one that's like the grossest thing I've ever seen. - Really? - Yes. - It was all drink, like colonoscopy, laxative,

and then wear serenrab pants and play twister. And then everyone starts shitting and throwing up. - Dude, that was the worst one. - I love Jackass, dude, at the end of Jackass. - What have you done?

- I get emotional every single day, you know? - I love it so much. - Jackass, we make you cry every time. - Every time at the end of that, they got the tribute to Ryan Dunning,

and they were fully new musicals, got it. - Yeah. - What about Mr. Pontius?

- Mr. Pontius is always drinking cum,

I was just watching over him. - Yeah. - He did drink some cum. - Right, popped into my head. - Did you know?

“- He drank, he drank horse cum the one time.”

They put the fake Gucci on the horse and then it like fucks it in the, it fills up like a baby bottle of milk. - Yeah. - That's so disgusting.

- Throw up. - I don't think he threw up actually. - Yeah, I don't know. - He's a cum queen. - He's a bit of a cum queen.

- He might be my favorite. - The more I want you to lose his seat with me. - He's so fine. - He's the same in D. - It's also, it's like an old circus.

It's like you have acrobat, it's like, what do you do? It's like I'll just drink all the cum. (laughing) - Cause you're a guy, yes.

- Steve O's an ass man. - Yep, yep. - But the danger Aaron goes wild. - Yeah. - He's been going hard the last couple.

- Yeah, really too. - What's up? - Dave England. - Yeah, those two are holding it down. - They're trying to get their chicks.

- They are. (laughing) - But noxils, he had one and he's emotional the whole movie, which is, it's really sad. I mean, it's nice.

- That's the final one. - Yeah, allegedly. - It's got to be.

“- But the third one was supposed to be the final one.”

- Yeah, it was like four out.

- He always says it's the last one.

- Yeah. - This one, this one was it. - Was there any Wambam thank you, man? Was BAM in there at all? - Yeah.

- I mean, they show like it's, it's a lot of old clips. - Gosh, you got you. - Yeah. - I'm a big fan of BAM right now. - Yeah, of course, BAM rules.

- I like what he's up to. - He's back skateboarding. - I know. - That's nice. - Oh, I hate it.

- Yeah, not a rock scene of skateboarding makes me happy. - Yeah, of course. - That's awesome. - Yeah. - He's a man, it's his victory over his demons, dude.

- Yeah. - It's the best one. I see him on the board, I get for real. - Yes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- And it was like the coolest guy I could ever think of for the longest time, I was like, dude, this guy is the best. - I just get so hyped when they show Westchester. I'd be watching jackass, but that's Westchester. (laughing)

I've been there. - You're like, my boy actually knows that house. You drove by once or so long. - I've been there. - I remember that.

- I was there at Boards & Blades, BAM came one time and we were in with like-- - We were in with like-- - Apollo, it was insane. It was like a god among us.

We were like, dude, he heard he has like four fucking sponsors. And we're like, you see, you see the purple Lambo in town when I was going to Westchester. - This is pretty Lambo though. - He's shit, there he is.

- Oh, that's crazy. - You drive past that wall off by tires? - No. - Now, this was what he just was sponsored and he was like a very nasty skateboarder.

And then the thinking not afterwards, but everyone was like, dude, BAM is like the best skater in this area. I used to work at Burger King in the Westchester and it would come by all the time. It was pretty cool.

- Really? - Yeah. - Oh, there was the one guy who didn't like mustard and it was all from mustard. I can't remember his name.

- Who didn't like mustard name? - You also didn't mustard mustard? - Oh, he was all from mustard. - He was like, "Hi." And he got-- you got a kick out.

(audience laughs) He liked it. - You don't know, C.K. - Well, I'll check on them. (audience laughs)

- What time period? When were you serving the King? - I'll do it from like, - Oh, wait. - You went to Burger King in the Westchester?

- And not in Westtown, like down to high Westchester. - I got the grocery. - Me neither, neither the giant. - You were served in the Burger King, yeah. You were Burger served.

(audience laughs) - And you, they, yeah guys, guys, they're all in you. - They've just come, you know, you. (audience laughs) We man, that's all, we man, dry,

we man will come in the drive room. - So are we man? - Yeah, he would come in the drive room. (audience laughs) And he had like pedals, he had like, stilts.

(audience laughs) - He's talking for a long time. - He's talking for a long time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's talking for a long time.

(audience laughs) - We've got met the lead singer, Lama God last week. Oh my God, Wednesday, just like at a bar in Virginia,

- What? - Oh shit, what's up dude? - Yeah, that's pretty cool. - That's fucking sick. I'll be honest, the metal guys,

I've never gotten into metal.

- Really? - No, I would, I always hear them like super nice and everything, I just wouldn't even know. - I feel like they're like either, really fun hangs, or really tough hangs.

- Yeah. - Good metal guys. - It's also got a suck if you're like metal bands start to do them well and you're just not like super angry anymore.

- Yeah, I do. - Oh God, do you get up there and you're like, (screaming) - And you're like, dude, I just want to dance right now. So well, things are going good for me

the first time I have a hot goth babe. (laughing) - I was thinking that about R&B singers, it has to be like kind of sad to like, sing about pussy still in your 50s.

- Yeah. - I don't know, I feel like 50 year old dudes. - It's true. - I think they all sing about pussy. (laughing)

- I get all times.

“- Yeah, I think there's a slight dip for a minute”

and then you get older and off and you're just like, "No, this is back to just the morning." - Yeah, exactly. - Once the baby's, yeah, when you're 50 and then you see a fucking hot 20 year old, it must be,

- There you go. - Sorry. - One divorce, 'cause you go through a phase or like, I'm too old, and then you go through a phase or you're gonna die.

- If I can fuck this girl, everyone's gonna support this. (laughing) - No one's gonna think it's weird. - Yeah, you go from being like, I'm like the oldest guy in this bar,

I'm feeling like a creep and then you're like, "What college you go today?" - Yeah. - Yeah, your friends, you guys are beautiful. (laughing)

Oh God, what I'd get for a night with you. - I think you're fear of death and your horniness just merge and they just combine

into like the most powerful force.

- It also goes from, you reach a certain, like, our age, now we're tricking a young girl. - Yeah. - But then when you get old, she's kind of tricking you a little. - That's true.

- The society looks at it that way. - Yeah, yeah, I can see that. That's fair. You're a victim. - You're an unfortunate victim.

- You're an unfortunate, yeah, like he's a rich old man. This young fucking money-growing bitch. - Yep. - All right, actually, I don't stir it. - Shout out to him.

- Yeah. - Fuck it. - The trail, you know what I mean? Everyone's going to bill bell check.

“And I was up there saying, what are we talking about?”

- I mean, I'll be honest. The bill bell check thing is fucking, it's, it's, he should just smash, my thing is like, just smash on the low. The fucking, he's doing Instagram, he's laying these.

- It's too early that if you have, if you want to do that, don't understand what's magical. - He doesn't care. - I clearly.

- Also think about all the time, he's sacrificed. - He wants so many superables. - Yeah, that's true. - Who's going to talk shit?

- It's not. - Hey man, I think it's weird, you're bangin' a young, 20-year fucking five-year-old hot chick. - Yeah. - Why do you go into a cheerleading competition

just like, bro, shut the fuck up. - Yeah, but, but. I think it would just be, after a while, that will fade. It'll be, I'm having sex with a hot young chick. Awesome.

The minute you're putting up with hot young chick, bullshit at 70, it's just like, bro, kill me. I bet he, I bet he can't think he does. - Possessive. - No, no.

- Well, anyone can understand, they're actually a dad. - He's like, yeah, shut up. (laughing) Like, I give a fuck, shut up.

(laughing) - I mean, he's not a bitch, dude. He's not one of us, he's not gonna be like, yeah, whatever you say, I'm sorry, you're good. - No, you're good.

Yeah, I want you fucking get out of my house. (laughing) - You think? Yeah, maybe it's a news, hating on 'em. They make it seem like he's getting strong a wall.

- Yeah, Bill Bolechek would have really hit him and say, yeah, I wouldn't like that.

- Here's what I'll say, here's what I'll say,

here's what I'll say, here's what I'll say, this is the one thing that I feel like is strange where it's like, at, how old is he now? - It's probably close to 80. - Yeah, my thing is like, I feel like you've got to find

something else. If you're still a sex guy at 80, it's weird. - Bro, he's at the head coach of the... - True. - But, it's only 74, right?

- I don't know if he can drive, it's still only. - He's head coach of North Carolina, I told he was brilliant. He's got a, he's coaching college football and they, first off, they're all doing that.

- Yes, that's true. - They all are. He's just the only one going on the gram. Other than, uh, what's his name? At LSU, Lane Kiffin is fucking freakable.

- I've heard, shirtless, fucking post hot yoga is fucking, it's crazy. - I do think it's, I do think it's, I do think it's a 70 year old guy. It's, it's the same thing, like,

that's why you shouldn't fuck kids 'cause it's weird. There's a serious, like, asymmetry in age. If you're 70 and she's 20, you're doing the thing that everyone's,

you know how to do that, but they're going, come on, man. What are you doing?

“- I, I just think it's, I think it is weird.”

- I'm getting a fucking 60 year old. - Huh? - You were in the bang of 60 year old. - No, he's just got a completely stop. He's got to just give it up.

- Isn't divorce? - What are you talking about? - I don't even know.

- Yeah, 70.

- You got to have the worst or dead wife.

That's how you get a young girl in 70. The worst or dead wife. - It's weird. - I think it's just, get, get a hooker, get a hooker.

“If you want to go pure sex, get a hooker.”

- His bro got a trouble for that. - True, he's got a giga crush. He goes, all right, we're gonna fucking, we're gonna go right to the store. (laughing)

- You're talking about the cow. - Somehow you're on it. This is the patriot way, bro. - I don't like it, I don't think it's good. - You have to, the only path that you happiness is virtue.

If you're 70 years old, it's a beast. (laughing) - It's a beast. - That's not the good life, dude. The only, that's not the good life.

- Not the evil. - Couples who rules head coach and college team. - That's all, that stuff's awesome, just. - But, you have to go the way of virtue. - I bet you he's banking our friends too.

- No, he's not. - I bet he might be barely banking her. (laughing) - No, I bet he got the blue chew on deck. - I'm telling you, he should be setting an example

for a young man to go, hey guy, he should be on the misty mountain, I don't know, I don't know. - It's sad.

“It's something about, this is my honest reaction.”

I'm not saying he's the one who got the other patriot. - Well, you just gotta think about it. - Rabel, patriot. - Who's Rabel? - Rabel is a bit, he's got some scandal.

- That's he really? - Dude, he just got it like a, it's like he's been working so hard as a whole life, he had a wife, he wasn't focused on any of that, and then he's retired, and now he's like, what the hell am I doing?

Let me live, I'm rich, let me hang out, let me be the best. - Right, the consumer, it's consumer. - That's my maiden scrum. - Well, that's hilarious, but this is just another Instagram,

but see it in a 74 year old dude, like, post it up at like a party photo station. (laughing) - Give it to you, buddy. (laughing)

- There's something that strikes me as slightly sad about it. - Young babes are obviously awesome. They're obviously, you can definitely look at it that way. - I do, notice my natural reaction, I go, I don't like it. - We do have to hurt the value of young babes,

they're too confident, they're too powerful right now.

- You think so? - Yeah. - That's a, they're like gold dude, they don't go down here. - We need to get the babes in trade school. (laughing)

- I'm sorry to say I were the vibe, I'm just being honest, I just, I don't think you're selling the vibe. - See that and I go, - Now I'll check, it's weird, there's the gauge,

it probably goes I have kids, but I'm like, if my 20-year-old daughter is dating a 70-year-old, I try to stop, I do everything my power to be like, no, don't do that, that guy, you're his sex doll. - But Matt, what if you had six Superbow rings?

- It's bad, it's gonna end up bad. - What's up? - What's up? - It's true, I hope we, yeah. - And I would be going, I hope this guy dies.

- I've heard of his boss. - We do hairline in shit. (laughing) - I hope he does hairline. (laughing)

- I hope, North Carolina goes eight and four. (laughing) - He does hairline in banks of fucking 25 years. (laughing) - It's philosophical, Rift.

- There's no way, it's bad, it's genuinely bad. - I would go, this is a bad thing, it's guys doing. I would pray on his downfall the entire time, I would go, "I hope this guy dies now." If he was dating my 20-year-old kid,

I want this guy to die because he's being praised, it's weird, but whatever, sorry, I'm just, I've been up too early. (laughing) - I'm thinking of my sweet kids to be like that's fair.

- But yeah, I heard line on this one, I like it. What if it was like-- - Oh, no, no, I don't think anyone thinks it's normal. That's why it's funny.

- It's not, yeah, I have at least 20 take, I'm sorry. (laughing) Actually, it's not nice. (laughing)

“- What if it was like a legendary lesbian old lady coach?”

Would you have a problem, man? - With your daughter? - 100%. - Anybody doing something weird with the daughter is definitely a no.

Yeah. - I don't know. (laughing) - I like, yeah, if you have a geezer going on like a vision quest, it's like completely detaching

and just going off like Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan. And just there's something about it, like in an 80 year olds, like gripping sensory pleasures. It's like fucked and let them go. - Yeah.

- But I'm fucking die. - That go over titties dude, you're gonna die. - Really?

- Yeah, but they're always like fucking at old folks,

at old folks' homes. - Also discussing a thing about. (laughing) - Without a doubt disgusting, but come on, man. - I know, you don't want them to still have life.

- You can have life? - Well, they said, again, how are you, are you to tell people not to have sex? - I might say you don't have sex. - Trust me, as one who's been ruled by sexual impulse,

is it's never led me to a good place? - Is it because you're afraid you were hoping someday to conquer the sexual impulse? And to see a man fall to it, it brings you a little.

and fucking struggles and life.

- To me, it's like, you know, seeing an old man smoke a cigarette or at the bar, you go. - Peace, bro. - True. - Yeah, you find what you love and let it kill you.

- It's true. (laughing) But fucking get morals at the end. Now that that's 75, it's time for me to stop and join the things I used to like and read a good book

and fall asleep and die. - Now, that's why we play rules, dude. - Yeah, we play a fucking rules. - We play rules. - I got a hammer with Larry.

- He was pointing at chicks at the boy. - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) - Don't give me wrong, it's like. (laughing)

- But, you're like, fuck it.

“- It's the only thing, man, it's just, you know.”

I'm getting old, I'm getting a fucking woo. - At the boy. - Exactly. - That's not what I'm gonna say. - You're gonna fucking, me go music video.

- Fucking right. - Yeah.

- The dirt sheets were saying,

"Ricklayer, we get drunk and challenge people "to planks at the boy." Like old man, "Ricklayer, we're challenged people "to planks and do a fireman and plank. "Like you'll be some beer."

(laughing) - If I'm in a planks, not-- - Yeah. - Whatever, I've sat with the cast. I'm sorry, dude.

(laughing) - I've sat with the cast. - There's just, yeah. - I've absolutely sat with the cast. - Not with the cast.

- You're saying you're saying correct. - I just-- (laughing) - I like though. Who's, uh, somebody who's just telling me

there's old UFC fighter as a bar. There's, I like when like an old wrestler. Old UFC, is it Liddell? - No. - It's Tito Ortiz.

- Tito Ortiz. - Yeah, he's runnin' in Florida right now. - Yeah.

“- He's got, he's got a bar and he just posts up.”

- Yeah. - It's just bartens. - Yeah, just shots. - It tells everybody he's changed the fuck out of you. (laughing)

- Fuck it. - I'm not go chuckle deal once. - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean, you gotta do something. I don't know.

I just, I, I don't know. - Sure, you could be around for your grandkids or whatever, but. (laughing) - Fuck them, Tito.

- Dude, I'm gonna open the bar and float in. Fuckin' die. (laughing) - That's a whole cooking diet. - Yeah, a whole familiar?

- Yeah. - Isn't he open the bar down there? - Yeah, a whole familiar. Fuckin' rotten. (laughing)

- I'm telling you, I'm too, virtue-filled right now. I'm too, not, not. And again, we're not talking about, the apparently a medieval time, there was the virtues where you just do cool stuff and you'd be in noble,

fucking, a noble person, like they'd be bummed down and you find out what they were up to back then. - They, well, they had blind spots, obviously. They had blind spots. They didn't have blind spots.

So I don't know, but it is, it's a sick idea. It's like, what else, yeah, I don't know what else you'd do. I'm also a big, I don't feel like stuff. Like when good things happen, I'm like, okay. - Yeah.

- Like if I was 80, having sex with a 24 year old, it would just be maybe sick the first couple of times, obviously.

“But then I would just go, oh, what else am I gonna do?”

- It wouldn't be sick the whole time, it wouldn't be sick. - No, I know, for sure not.

For sure not, because eventually, it never is.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eventually, it's just like, - I mean, J.C.T. don't be honest with you, you know? - Eventually, you go, I could do something else. (laughing)

- But he's got the season look for it, too. - He does have the season look for it. - He's got a lot to do for the Torgios. - I mean, dude. - Imagine, okay, imagine.

- Bit of a distraction. - So you know, she probably hit him with, like, so I'll see you maybe this weekend, we go to my parents house. - It's like, imagine.

- Bella, check, come on. - What the fuck? - God, Clemson this week, we go with it. (laughing) - You're trying to grow a hot dog on you.

- I don't know if you're gonna fuck this on Clemson. (laughing) - Yeah, she's occasionally on the sidelines. - That's fair, that's fair, right? - It's a great program.

- She's probably good, I don't just say that's why they gave her the job dude. She's probably really good at what she does. - What does she do? (laughing)

- You just bad man hit the fucking virtue weed. (laughing) He hit the fucking good guy weed. (laughing) - You're a little talk of that good guy.

- I'm hung up on the virtues dude. We need people not, and again, not just like the rule following kind of medieval virtue. I'm talking about truly fucking. (laughing)

- Yeah. - Yeah. - I love that shit. - Virtue? - Yeah.

- I mean, it is. It's the, you know, again. It's the, which one would call it. That one of the Socrates is big thing. He's like dude, if you had an itchy butt for your whole life,

and you scratch the edge, but the edge for me, and is that truly pleasure? - Sheesh. - Yeah, dude, and I said fuck Socrates, I have an itchy butt all the time,

and no it's not pleasure. (laughing) - Scratchin', it's such a pleasure. - Scratch is a pleasure, but the edge for me is forever, so is that truly pleasure?

- So then, yeah, what, so the edge is gonna remain no matter what? - Yeah, clean your butt. (laughing) - Yeah, of course.

- But, and then, and that, and that, and that, - Or is that the highest good? That's a question. Is that the highest good? He's like if the edge for mains is a truly highest good.

No, it's like, it can't be the highest good, but definitely if the edge is gonna remain no matter what, and when you scratch it, it feels good. - True, but they have a little respite

- True, I mean, again, that was the other one,

“dude, there's too much tension on the bow of the bow.”

- I don't think a hot 25 real girlfriend is, an edgey butt. - I'd say they might, they could be edgey butt. - They're the best version of an edgey butt. - Yeah, sure, compared to a ugly seven year old wife.

- Yeah. - They can be a real edgey butt. - They can be no scratch. - They can be an edgey butt. - With zero scratch.

- They can be an edgey butt for sure. - And she knows everything about you. - You know, an old seven year old wife who knows everything about you? - She can hurt you.

- I think you would go, you would go post-sex by 70, you're gonna be, I think you would move beyond it for the most part. - You just get like you said, you know, maintenance hand jobs, work on your garden.

I'm describing my life now. (laughing)

- It's you're really in a gardening.

Dude, I don't know the fuck you guys are talking about you guys. - Sure! (laughing) (laughing) - You guys are fucking jerks.

- You gotta get, you gotta get the NCAA. You gotta run a program, run the thought heels. (laughing) Lock in, live a day in, you know, walk a mile in his shoes. - We should, for you Friday.

- You don't bill? - No, we should, for you Friday. We should freak you Friday, but just not. - I can't do anything, just wanna do it. (laughing) - I know what I do, I'm not, I can't.

- No, we should freak you Friday, but not switch bodies.

“You should have my hands on your head. - I'm so feeling,”

hey, baby, I'm very happy. (laughing) (laughing) - I wonder how many days it would take, but I'm doing it, except it. (laughing) I think after a decade, they'd be like, yeah.

- You could, that's Matt.

- You could trick, you could for real,

we both commit it. Dude, a girl would believe it in like three days. You're like, no, for real, it's me, babe. I could just tell you our anniversary age, you pick, oh my God, it's you.

- Yeah, she's like, yeah, if she asks, like, where'd you put the backing, I'm gonna be like, I don't fucking know, it should be like, it is you. (laughing) (laughing)

- Oh, the fuck should I know? - Yeah, you could trick women into a freaky Friday. - No, we did freaky Friday. - We freaky Friday, but what happened? I'm like, it was a lightning storm,

we touched the same rock, and we freaky Friday. - We just had a big argument. (laughing) So you think it was so easy, Matt. (laughing)

- Matt. (laughing) - We tried to pull the same time. - We're freaky Friday. (laughing)

“- Yeah, me and the music are freaky Friday.”

(laughing) We wouldn't know. (laughing) - I would just go, yeah, damn, I got fucking wasted. I woke up in the poor house.

(laughing) - Anyway, take like 30 seconds. - Take the jack off, play video games. Hey, do you wanna wear pizza rolls? - Yeah.

(laughing) - Pizza rolls are too treacherous. - That's so funny. (laughing) Here we go.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Even today, there's still significant, there's still significant stigma around seeking support for mental health. Better helps, 2026, state of the stigma,

report, surveyed, you ready for this? 2000 Americans have revealed that 85% of Americans believe that getting support is wise. Yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. Hmm.

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- Yeah. - It's clearer that happened. I mean, this is actually deeply personal, I don't like to talk about it, but I begged my parents, but when I was younger, I had a severe mental health issues

and I begged them to send me to a camp for the summer that would make me like girls again, they refused. They said, no, you don't need that therapy. - You don't need any other therapy. - No, crap.

Sun, you have work hard, you'll forget about it. I said, "Mom, I really need help. I need to go to the camp at the priest. They're helping me like girls again." I said, "Get out of here, boy.

Get out of there and sew the fields." And I said, "Yes, I'm..." - Yeah. - And yeah, they stigmatized me pretty bad, but... - That's okay, you got out of it.

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- Guys, August 7th, San Jose, California, also August 8th, San Jose. Spoken, Washington, August 13th, and 14th, we'll be doing stand-up there as well.

Boston, Royal Oaks, Michigan, Milwaukee, Charlotte, Jacksonville,

Atlanta, Chattanooga, go to mapacusford.com,

“a bunch of more cities if you want to get tickets.”

All we do is stand up up until December 19th, and then we'll figure it out from there. - Wow, you don't want. - Yeah. - July 17th, at Lincoln Financial Field,

they just put out some new tickets there. They reconfigured the stage. So it's more ticket-through available. And then in Charleston, August 8th, Charleston. - Let's check it out.

- Oh, yeah. I don't know. I saw it with a cast. (laughing) - I know.

That was fucking weird. (laughing) In your head, man, there's nothing wrong. - I know, I know. I'm totally chill.

What are you talking about? - I'm totally chill dude. I don't want to carry a little bill down check. (laughing) - I don't, again, I don't wish him any.

I don't know where it will towards him.

I just can't. - Yeah. - I don't know. - It's odd. - Yeah.

But it's odd to, my problem is, again, if he's seven years old and he's smashing him alone, he's going like, I just can't get the dog out of me fair. When he's like taking Instagram pictures with her,

“it's like, bro, you're picking out, you have to chill.”

That's part of the king. It's part of his king to walk around. - It could be. - I got a Billy Madison thing. - It could be.

The way I look at it, and I'm given him the benefit of the doubt is just like, yeah, what's Instagram, sure. (laughing) - Yeah, she likes this shit. I don't come up with a phone.

He doesn't have Instagram. He's not looking anything. He's probably genuinely like, yeah, I don't fucking know. - Yeah. I'm worried about, uh, we got Marilyn next week.

(laughing) - That's four. - I don't care if you take pictures. - Yeah. - How do you care if you take pictures?

(laughing) - No, I'm startling. - Yeah, and again, I guess, you know. (laughing) - This is a sacrificial babe.

(laughing) - Yeah, it's sacrifice to the picture. (laughing) - There's been many. - To be fair, and this is a fair thing.

- Sacrifice to the picture. - I will say this. I will say this, it does take you to Tango. So, you know, that was my original point. - Yeah, it does take you to the picture.

- It does take you to the picture. - Yeah, for sure. - This is a decision. - Oh, for sure. - She's 25, 26, it's a decision they're making.

- Yeah, 25, I thought she was like 21. 26, that's not that bad, actually. She's got a slight idea of what's going on.

“- I think you're brain just finally formed.”

- Yeah, I wonder how true that is. 'Cause I've been saying, I think Rogan said it on podcast, and we've all, as a country, did it? - No, no, no, I think that's, they've said it probably true.

- That's probably true. - But, I mean, how much you're brain, you only use 10% of your brain. And they also say that, and I don't even know what the fuck that means. - I don't know either.

- I think you use the whole thing. - Everything's worshiped. - I think if I cut a piece out of your brain, that's a major issue. (laughing)

Fuck, I was using that part. - Yeah. - I was using my right leg. - I think it's my left leg, and I walk weird now. - I got it.

- Thanks a lot. - Now that you're saying that is fucking bullshit. - It's all. - We've got to use your whole brain. - Yeah, your body's fucking 85% of water.

- No, it's not. (laughing) - No fucking water in there, I'm certain. - Yeah, that's a different thing. - Oh, fucking bullshit.

- Not 85%. - Whatever they say it is, no. - They say like it's 85%. - Yeah. - It's got to be 10.

I've way more blood in me than water. (laughing) - I'm pretty sure I'm 100% blood. - I'm not a fucking blood. (laughing)

- Mostly turns, piss and blood. - Just shit, piss, cheese and blood. - Yeah, there's no water. There's only a little bit of water in my penis when I pee it out, yes, it's in my water's in me

for like an hour at a time. - Yeah. - And I pee it out. - That does, that's my number one bug out. Watch it out.

- Go on man, what's going on there, Nate? - I real quick, but it's, I'm looking up a says we actually use a hundred percent of our brain.

It, yeah, it says they've always lied about that.

- That's just an urban legend. - They're probably listening to this conversation. - It's all intelligence, every single thing. I was listening to some shit yesterday, they were like knock-on wood comes from an ancient thing

we're pagans. - Rachel, did you see the thing about birthday? - Yeah, shut up. - Did you see the, I watched the same thing about birthdays? You're doing like some weird pagans witchcraft.

- Yeah, yeah, oh, the people that couldn't write. - Yeah, fucking a thousand years ago. That's where we're taking all our shit from. - No, it's not. - You're actually making, I watched the thing

it said you're making yourself older every time you do your birthday 'cause you're like doing some weird spell and it's, it was like somebody talks to me about spells or ancient anything. I say, you need to shut up.

- My theory on the birthday, they turned the lights on. - It's your time. - I always thought the birthday was, you turned the lights off to simulate the darkness of the vaginal canal and the candle lights

or it's like the world and you're coming out to it. - No, I think people just look at it. - Do you know, make a wish? - The lights, oh, they turned the lights out for the candles. - Yeah, not everything's got some deep ancient meaning.

- I don't know, I feel like, I think vaginal re-simulating, it's your birthday, yeah.

of everyone's fucking baby.

- And everyone's surprised you. - Yeah. - Someone slaps you. (laughing) - That's an interesting one.

Where'd you hear that? - Made it up. - Oh, nice. - Yeah. - Made it up.

I was really thinking about it one day. I mean, it's got to be something. I don't think.

“- We look up where they, why you light candles”

and do all that shit? - It's gonna say, pagans. - Yeah. (laughing) - Apparently pagans invented everything.

- Easter Bunny, apparently. Easter bunnies, if that's an easy one. I think that was just a spring, that was like, fray of the goddess, and we're just like, yeah, keep some of that shit in here.

'Cause we did have to appease the pagans. There were so many fucking pagans. - Yeah. - So we did have to appease them.

But I don't like the whole magic ritual.

Like every time we do this, you're actually doing an ancient magic ritual. Demons are entering your mind. - Oh. - Yeah, like knock on wood was the one I watched it.

Like you're actually summoning an evil force. But turns out knock on wood was like a little, or like touch wood is from like playing tag. - Really? - And, yeah, a tree would be base.

And if you touched wood, you were safe. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - I don't think there's 17 or 18 hundreds. - I've gotten out of the habit of knocking on wood

by the way, it's good stuff. I'm like, I don't know how to do it. This is dumb. That would feel, seriously. I think that would really be better not

going wood than something bad. - Don't really? - Yeah, I was like very superstitious dude. I'd be like, if I don't knock on wood, something bad could happen.

So something bad to go to happen. - True. - It's real bad. (laughing)

“I think it was just about the worst thing.”

- True.

- No, I don't, I don't, I don't practice.

- But then some really good shit's gonna happen. - Yep. - And then, God willing, 75, the head coach of the North Carolina Tar Hills, you've won five Super Wolves. You're banging a 25 year old, and she's going,

let's take an Instagram picture and you go, fucking, I don't even know what that is. (laughing) - This is okay, I think I've identified it. He can't, but anyone almost anyone can bang a 25 year old.

He just doesn't want to pay for, you know what I'm saying? You can speak for yourself more often than I'm saying. You can hire, you can hire a prostitute. - No. - You can hire, he wants to do it by the books.

- Yeah, those are forbidden, that's not virtuous. That's a crime. - It doesn't like that. - Dark spells, man. - Yeah, that's evil.

(laughing) - If my thing is if it's just about the sex, get a promise? - Maybe it's not. - What do we love, sir?

Maybe like seven, somebody fucking young is like, again, instead of a 70 year old wife that's like, "Why aren't?" - True. - What are you doing?

I don't want to go do stuff. - What do they do? It's got to be just him and her. If he hangs out with her friends, that's going to be so fucking weird.

Come on. (laughing) (laughing) - What are you talking about? (laughing)

- Why are we talking about that? (laughing) - He's so old. If I found out, my dad divorced my mom and was on a boat with 10 25 year olds.

I'm like, fuck it. (laughing) (laughing) - What are we talking about? Now if he did it when I was a kid,

I'd be like, "That's the same." - Yeah, he's retired for sure. I get it. It's just imagine though. I'm just trying to put myself in the position.

I'm 70, whatever. And I'm with her and three of her friends are eating pad tie and they're talking and I have to pretend to care or even be randomly interested.

That's when it's going to just get a hooker at that point. I don't know. - I don't know. - This is crazy. - Bill Belichick, I don't know if he has to be interested.

And I don't think he cares to be interested. - He's like, have you ever seen him talk? - No. - He's like, doesn't talk. - Really?

- He's like, "Yeah, okay." (laughing) - Yeah, next question. (laughing) - Yeah, we're not worried about that right now.

We're already focused on the jet. Like, there's him eating pad tie with four or 25 year olds. He's probably just like-- - He's thinking of the games. - Pad tie's pretty good.

(laughing) - It's a little spicy. It's a little spicy. - All right, like when this lady sucks my penis, it's very nice.

- I really gotta get out of here. We gotta start crying at the table. We gotta week one, we gotta use Carolina. (laughing) And last year, our defense was terrible.

- Also, I didn't know she was 26 is slightly different. 'Cause then if she was 30, it's like-- - They've been dating for like two years, eight. - Yeah, at least. - Yeah.

- All right, so he wrote the weird bike, he wrote the weird bike for a couple of years. - We found a weird fucking unicycle for sure. - This one should come that boy. - 26 is different.

I thought she was like, way, way y'all. - I think 26 is mad when she was real.

“I think she was a cheerleader for the Patriots.”

I could be, there was definitely, yeah, maybe. - Yeah. - There's definitely the ring camera footage of him leaving a house, which is,

you're gonna love it there. It's gonna change your mind. - Whatever. - Him walking out of a 20 something year old girl's house on a ring camera with this shirt off.

It's fucking hilarious, dude.

Like, like, just hands in his pockets whistling.

- Yeah, I mean, look, again, 26 is different. It's a man. Fucking man. - True, I mean, I could be being too puritanical. - Build about Jack Walker's change.

- Yeah, that's my, that's the thing. I don't wanna put 'em down. I'm not like anti him or being like, oh, don't think that's very nice. I'm just going like,

is that the best possible move? That's all, I'm asking myself, is that truly a thing to idealize? - I do not think it's the best possible move. And I don't think too many people idolize it.

- Yeah. - I don't think so.

“- I think he's getting made fun of a lot for it.”

- Yeah, well, again, it's not like, I don't, I have no animosity towards the man. That's the thing. I just go, I wonder. One of the things that's as sweet,

I think a lot of people go sweet.

Yeah, there's always the reality of the thing.

It's never sound sweet. Like I'd like to watch them have sex and masturbate to it. (laughing) I'd like to observe.

(laughing) - He could, yeah. He could be. - No, 26 is that, that skews things. That's she's almost 30.

Once you're, that's it. - She's young when they met. - Their meat story is kind of funny. - What is it? - They met in 2021 when she was still enrolled

in Bridgewater State University in Massachusetts. She was reading a philosophy textbook on a plane and her and Bill Bellachick chatted about her deductive logic textbook and he signed it and then that's how they met.

She was reading a textbook doing homework on a plane

“and he chatted her up for better textbook.”

- He signed it for you on a plane.

- This story gets harder and harder.

- Yeah. - On a plane, sit next to a fucking young hot chick and make sure if you lift this. - There's no way I can get some pussy on this. (laughing)

Bill, you still got it. - It is nice, he was like, I like your deductive logic. - Yeah, they struck up a conversation about philosophy and then inside the message, she said, "Thanks for giving me a course in logic

"with an exclamation point when he signed the book." - Day! - They kept in touch and started dating in 2023. So she was probably around 24 or 25 at the time. - Okay.

- If she took that book to her dad and was like, "Look who signed this," he was like, "Keep going." (laughing) - You're on the 5-yard line, baby. (laughing)

- Do you think we'll get married? - I hope so. - That would be actually you. - I hope so. - I would support that.

- Although now that I say it, socrates, to be fair,

“socrates actually had a baby ball up to a boy's.”

- He had a baby with a young baby before he died. So he actually said, "He can't really talk." He's not really wanna talk. However, he's just, then again, it's easy. - It's your butt, pedophile guy.

- He's my pedophile. - What's socrates a pedophile? - I didn't hit him with rocks to throw rocks to that. - Well, it was he definitely a pedo. - No.

- I don't know, I'll look, but... - Well, the soccer team's like, wasn't he like exiled though? - Yeah, I'm killed. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- They didn't drink the hemlock. - Yeah. - No, I don't know if he was a pedo or not, 'cause they apparently... - They may make him drink hemlock

because he's like, "The Earth isn't the center of the universe." (laughing) - That was it. Okay, now that was Aristotle.

- Nope, there's no historical evidence that Socrates engaged in pedophilic things, but since he was alive and ancient Athens, people just kind of assumed. - As soon he did.

- Pedorist, he was institutionalized and they're like mentorship. - Yeah, that was a big thing. - Well, that was your vessel. - That was your vessel.

- So you had a transmit all your knowledge to a young boy, and then I... - For some reason. - They know what they were doing. - It's completely made up.

- Yeah, that's my vessel. - I'm a pest man now. - The final act he has to... He has to jackass while I'm being... (laughing)

- That's fine, yes. My name's Vladimir III. I'm actually from a... (laughing) I'm gonna drink a gallon of old guy come.

(laughing) Bang on me on me on me on me. - No, you could. (laughing) You are broadened in my horizons on this right now,

'cause I am going like, you know, she's 26, 25. It's just too much public kink, that's all for me. - The heavy public kink is crazy. - It's heavy public kink.

- But that's again, that's where I go. - In living his life. - I don't think he gives a fuck. - No, I don't think so. - So, that's something to aspire to.

- True. - That's fair. I agree, I agree, I agree, I don't think he cares. I think he just goes... - I'm sure he's about it nonstop.

- If he was my team, I'd be staunchly against it.

(laughing) I'd be screaming at the entire game. (laughing) - Yeah, I guess at all, you know,

“you have to handle all that in your household, I guess.”

It just be like, hey, you see a six-time super-potjamp you could try just to do your best. Promise me to do your best. - How to set up a sensational romance with him. - That's all you can do.

(laughing) - Yeah, it's crazy stuff. - It is. It's a good episode. We covered, yeah, little bell chirp.

- We did extensively. - We got to the bottom of it. - Well man, man, what have you got? - I went to Charlottesville last week, and it's like a full-girl town now.

They like changed it. They call it Cville. You remember Charlottesville? That was the T.C. torch chair? - Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It was crazy. - So what was it like?

- You just saw a lot of women there?

- No, it was just like all book stores. It wasn't anything I thought it would be. - Yeah. - I think it's like a kind of a more liberal college town. - Yeah, yeah, I didn't know.

I mean, 'cause you know the March, the March, yeah, about being replaced. - You thought it was gonna be, yeah. Southern gentlemen. (laughing)

Thought it'd be a little bit more aggro, but it was pretty chill. I didn't like it though. They didn't have like one game stop. It was all girl stores.

Pist me off. - He's gonna shit. - Bugs and candles. - Yeah, all the boys got replaced due to the big group,

and they got rid of the game stops. 'Cause there's no game stops. 'Cause they did replace us. - Yeah. - Fuck.

- They did, they wanted to... - That's a fair, if you, if you, if you, you do, and, you know, if there's a plan. - You know it's a right, yeah.

- If you do it, you know it's a right rally. They gotta get rid of the game stops. - Yeah, it's a panel. It's gonna five-year ban on game. - They're still, but they said,

"Tiki torches are still banned, there." There's been like 10 years. - Really? - Tiki torches are still banned, yeah. - Really?

- Yeah. (laughing) - It's a good bill of war. - You look like a mushroom in Mario Kart, that picks up your car.

“- Is there really a way, can you even ban that legally?”

I feel you couldn't ban the sale of Tiki torches? - I don't know. - Yeah, who told you that? - What are the people, what are the citizens? - They probably don't, maybe.

I don't know. I wonder if they just like are slow to sell 'em. - Yeah, I go, what are you doing? (laughing) - Promise it to barbecue.

- Promise you not defending is Confederate statue? - I was saying, they grabbed the Tiki torches and transformed. - Yeah, I was laughing about that when I was in Minneapolis. I was like, when they had the whole Somali pirate thing

they were like, how could they let this go? I was just like, coming off the back of George Floyd. I could see white people being like, "Yeah, I'm gonna chill for metal." (laughing)

- Right after that. I don't know what the fuck these guys are. I think these black guys are up to something. - What? (laughing)

- I don't know. Keep driving. - Look ahead. - Did they actually get in like, wasn't there, didn't that, like, wasn't that true?

- Oh yeah, they busted it before the next surely thing. That had been, they'd already done like an extensive stain. So like, yeah, that was like completely, completely true. He just came a year later and was like, pretty sure they're up to something.

It's like, yeah, dude, they did it already. They already did this thing. But maybe they were continuing, I don't know, but, you know, it was a good scheme. - It's a great scheme.

- Fake fake hair so fucking funny. - Great scheme. - It's just so funny being bored inside of your fake daycare and it's being like, that really hope nobody walks in here. - Yeah, you come see it surely.

(laughing) - That's some guys really, yeah. - The guy with a legal pad, it was so funny. But yeah, that was my, I got a lot of shit for that, but it was really just like,

they already, I like, because I looked into it, I was like, man, this is, I watched it being like, this is crazy that I looked it up and I was like, oh, they already got these guys. Because they brought down a heroin ring

and they went to Philadelphia, like, Philadelphia is a heroin problem. And I'm gonna expose it. You just banged on some guys door and you're like, yeah, he's definitely got a heroin

in that door back to you. (laughing) - Yeah, no, that was like millions of dollars. - It's also marijuana and fellas in Austin. I was just kind of surprised.

- Really? - Really?

- It's always hitting the full on fucking,

really? - It's in the limbo. - I haven't seen them yet. - Yeah, I saw two or three. - Nice.

- They're making the way. Down south. - Comment down where it's at. - Yeah. - The black tar.

- I wonder how good that feels. - heroin? - No, no, no, heroin, but, you know, lizard and out, laying on a rock, getting sunwildered. - I think it's awesome.

- It probably feels good as hell.

“- Yeah, I think the nods like the best part,”

just fucking completely out and waking up, probably saw. - I'm gonna look into the science of how the fuck they stay up right. (laughing)

That's pretty impressive. - Yeah, actually, especially if you're that in ebriated, it'll kind of stain on your feet like that.

- No. - I would do that heroin.

“- Yeah, we need heroin to pull that off.”

- Although your hamstrings, probably for real, probably get a hamstring. - I've done live, so probably. - Yeah, crazy. (laughing)

- Well, what's guys are always strong?

- Well, yeah. - You got to basically do that. - Battle of the elements. - And battle in the other guys, battle in the elements.

- When have you tested their strength? Are you talking about just how like rip they look? - They'll just seem to do it, but like it. - You obviously like a crack-aid carry your fridge. Like, yeah.

- Yeah, they're like, yeah. - Really are ripped. - Yeah, how do they stay up? - Now, that's still fall for that. - If they fall, they're gonna give it away

that they're on heroin. (laughing) Now that they're shirtless and the band that have fucking crazy angle. (laughing)

- Sitting to me, it's lean. - So the brain of the final part of the brain is like, don't fall. - Don't fall in fall. - That part of the ball is yourself.

- You don't be a fucking dumb ass. - It's hard to find exactly why, but yeah. - I think they don't know. There's so much shit they have no idea. The scientists just can't be like,

"Yeah, we have no clue."

They're always just like,

"Well, I'm leading theory, suggest." And you look into it, it's like, "Yeah, it's not proven at all." Maybe, maybe heroin rules, maybe that's the fucking answer.

And it makes you better at balancing if you do like the right amount. (laughing) Definitely not. - How would it matter?

- No, it's incredible. (laughing) That straight down. - For real, good and do it a long time. And usually at like a corner,

“where there's like a little slant on the sidewalk.”

- Yeah, true. - They find that div-- That's what those divots are for. - We'll all be gonna go finally. - What is it saying?

- Yeah, their central nervous system is just like, they're pretty much, they're just in sleep mode. - Yeah, get your computer. (laughing) - Yeah, they're still updates.

- Yeah, they're still running.

- But like, they're chilling first.

- Yeah, right, right, right, right, right, right. (laughing) - It's running hot, though. It's like your station back there, that's fucking horseshit.

- That's a good station, dude. - Your station's out of control. - It's nice, it's pretty, I don't do anything with it. It just looks like he's talking about. - It looks like they're constantly.

- I'm just, yeah, I mean, I'm not doing anything back there, I just keep looking at the screens. (laughing) I'm like, where makes something up his station.

- Oh, it's space station here. (laughing) - I saw a new soprano's piece of art you brought into my life. (laughing)

Fucking insane, he's hanging, shit on me. - That is like a bird's nest in there. - Yeah, they're right. - They've got the rans in the man. (laughing)

- That's for babies. I keep forgetting to take it to a studio. That's a-- - I saw the LED lights. (laughing)

- Are they going back then? - That's from Team Blue, I had-- - Where did you know? - I didn't say where it's from. - It's the way you put it.

- I just got, I don't have anywhere to put it, and I gotta-- - Where you thinking for it? - I don't know. (laughing) - That's called sex dungeon lighting.

- I don't, I just got the LED strips 'cause they're cheap, and it was with they're my team of credit allowance. So I just got 'em. - I'm not worried about where you got it.

- Yeah, I don't know where I'm gonna put it. - 'Cause you put fucking LED lights in that shitty soprano's drawing back there. I'm gonna be a little annoyed. - The drawing is--

- 'Cause I know you're not gonna take it when we-- - The painting-- - We leave out when I move out. (laughing) - You're not coming to the next place. You're probably all going to the next place.

(laughing) We're moving on up. - The paintings for the paintings for a-- - Paineys, it's for Paineys. - That's an art investment.

- Each of the narratives do the whole house. (laughing) You can get a top interior. They're being a decorator from a lot of it. This is genius.

- Yeah. - It's like the, who's the fucking guy? Rick Owens, I think? Who's the guy? It does all black vampire clothes?

- Yeah. - You know what I'm talking about? I've been sending the thing on Instagram. You wear like the, it does like the track, like the Korean Olympic team,

where they have like the fan suits. So you just look like a big ball and they walk around and it's pretty sick. - That's awesome. - They're like watching this being like,

this is the coolest shit I've ever seen. It's literally just like goth. He's just dressing people in goth shit and making them look like fucked up. It's just he's like, I'm expressing anger, rage.

And this is the best place to do it. It's just people with a fashion evening. This guy is the best of this. Rick Owens. So, the mayor might be super high-guide dude.

LED strip on this appranist, fucking picture. - Dude, I was just thinking about I'm gonna put it under the picture so that lights it up.

“- Yeah, I'm delighted, I think that might work.”

- Have you seen this friend? - No. (laughing) - That's crazy. I have a feeling.

- So what is the impulse to decorate? - It's worth a podcast, it's for a panties.

are you doing the podcast?

- No, no, no. I just haven't taken it to, but what about the LED like this?

“That was for back there and I know it was.”

- No. - That was for stream, stream, and now. I'm not streaming, I don't wanna stream. - You got it, Shane's your only fan's manager, do you?

(laughing) - You know what I'm gonna do? - You wanna stream? - Matthew tell 'em your streaming. - You don't oil you up in stream.

(laughing) (laughing) - You got to caught him in if you're streaming. (laughing) - I would've burned my stream.

Don't I, RL streams? - No, I would've never. - That sounds like a streaming setup. - Why would you not? - You have a microphone back there, you have everything.

- I just like talking to people when I play games.

Like, yeah. - You're just the one record button away from streaming. (laughing) (laughing) - Oh man, I like it, I'm super impressed.

(laughing) - Yeah, now Belly, these shrimps were just from Team Wu. - I had to spend the credit. - The price, okay. - I'm gonna do it.

- I had to spend the credit. - Yeah. (laughing) - I don't know how to explain it. - Wait, where did you plan on putting them?

- I didn't have a plan. - I just wanted them. - Yeah, yeah. - Okay, I guess I'll go to like a mini MP3 player too. And like a mushroom speaker.

I don't know where the MP3 player is sitting there, thank you. - Push me at that front. - That's all. - Team Wu, I got to do a review. (laughing)

- We got to have the MP3 player here.

- I'm getting free stuff off Team Wu, I got to do reviews. (laughing) - There we go. - Try a hustle. (laughing)

- There we got it, we nailed it. (laughing) - You gotta ask him, 500 fucking questions. (laughing) - Fucking hell.

So the dark truth is you're doing unboxings for Team Wu. (laughing) That is my favorite. - No, I get it. I would keep that close for the chances.

(laughing) - That is my dark truth. (laughing) (laughing) - I'm about to be coming on box.

I am making a box again here. - You are making a box again here? - Yeah. - Can you count what I'm about to do? - Team, you're about to do it.

- You're about to do it, please. - Yeah, it looks like a great suit. It's a great suit. (laughing) - It's a good suit, dude.

It's a nice suit. - What the F-E3 player? - No, I haven't done that yet. - This is studio.

“- It's what I do podcast all since studio, I believe it's cold.”

- And you're doing unboxings in there? (laughing) - It's a rubber bro's guy. - What, unboxing? - Why are you against streaming?

- I don't know. It just feels like it will ruin games for me. I think I can games 'cause it's fun. I don't want to make it work. What this video now, 'cause maybe I'd like to take a look

- That'll be even better. - So team who will send you shit, team who will send you stuff, if you open it on there. - It'll be 'cause I haven't sent it yet, but team is not a team of video.

This is just... - Welcome back everybody and we got more stuff. - I guess we can just... - There's more stuff. - Yeah.

- To 10 from the Super Mario Galaxy. - It's 10. - It's a 10 from the Super Mario Galaxy. (laughing) - That's pretty fun.

- It's cool of cool stuff. - Yeah, I like the 10 personally. I can hide it. - Try to cover random Frank B. - No, no, no.

- Is that a squishy? - Good hiding. - No, no squishies. - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Let's see your unboxing show. - I didn't expect that at all. Do you just practice opening shit back there? (laughing) - It's what I watch on YouTube,

but I was like, I can fucking do this. So yeah, I just thought about trying it. - So they're sending you free shit and you open it up. - Yeah, that's the goal.

- What promises did they not send you free shit? - Yeah, yeah. - Did you buy the Mario Galaxy? - There's guys who are producing the Mario Galaxy, they put the box together.

And there was also like a Japanese food box. Yeah, it's from a weird Japanese food.

“There's another thing too, I can't remember what it was.”

- Huh? - Don't ask for masashi. - Don't ask questions. - He's gonna be extremely vague. - You can ask five more questions.

It's gonna be, there's this crab tree. It was actually river crabs. They put them in a white plastic boat and you're like, you don't make it good. Pretty good.

- How are they, but they ship it from China? - No, it's from, this is from Timo. It's from a sauce, a sauce seed.

- It's a Japanese store.

- Do you open it up all kinds of shit?

- Or open it up everything. (laughing) - Just do a box on my grub home. (laughing) - You should've real fart max though

and do an unboxing show. You fart non-stop. - That would get some subscribers. - Amazing. - You guys, that would be into that.

- That'd be so amazing. - I don't like farting. I'm not a fan of farting. - Really? - Yeah.

- That's crazy. What do you do with all your farts? - Wait till I sleep. I don't fart until I get a bed. (laughing)

- You just farted up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - No way, you let them just come out and you hold all your farts in all day.

“- I mean, if I have to fart, I will fart,”

but like, I don't really fart until I get a bed. (laughing) - Why? - I just don't like farting. - What about--

- What about your lady? You like sleep over?

You just say, "You're farting, you're mad with your lady."

- Shit. That must be nuts. - The snoring and farting out of the sky. (laughing) Those farts must be, they must be like a three minute long fart.

The surgery goes the same. - They've turned into a different gas on the other side. - It's like fucking Mario, candy, and the surgery. (laughing)

- You're making farts for sure. - Yeah, yeah, I'm making farts. I'm just like, I'm not pushing 'em. I'm not pushing 'em, I don't push farts. - I don't push farts.

- I don't push farts for nothing. (laughing) You let those farts, dude. You must be fucking full of farts. (laughing)

- You look chock full of farts. - Would you fart right down? - Definitely. - I could not fart right now. - Yes, you could.

- I can't do that. I can't. (laughing) - Be fucking up. (laughing)

- Oh my god.

- You must be like, we're 75% water.

You're definitely 75%. (laughing) - He's a gas driver. - He's filled with farts, dude. - Have you--

- If you fart, you're gonna be, yeah, you're probably about 80 pounds less than you want. (laughing) - Now why won't you fart with the hell? - No way.

“- Did you hit like, referment it severely for farting?”

Or like, what's the, what's the, maybe? - What's stopping you? - I don't know. I've never like--

- That's your Michael Jackson seat. - I love farts. - Oh, you're not getting fart at all. - Farting, rock. - Farting, just sweet.

- One of those farts. - Yeah, yeah. - It makes you feel gross, I think. - When you fart? - Yeah.

- What? - So you don't ever cup and bring it up to see what you're doing. (laughing) I have the opposite.

I'm like, completely, I need to know what's up with my farts all year. - I do love a sneak fart. I'll take it, I like a sneak fart. - But it slips out.

- Wait, did you fart at a laser tag? It was so bad. (laughing) - I'm so scared of the fucking feet. - I'm so scared of the fucking feet.

- The fucking feet. - I was full of gags. I had the fucking feet. (laughing) (laughing) - You just super mad at this.

- Zero chance you hold in farts all day. There's zero, I bet my fucking life on it. (laughing) We got it. There's T-move, cell of fucking fart machine.

The gauge fart, so there's gotta be something. It's a bit Chinese underwear. (laughing) - It's a thermal light. - No, I don't know, I don't know what it is.

- You wait to your fall asleep and as you're like, snoring, you just fully relaxed. (laughing) It's all farts, it's too silly, I'm gonna sleep. - How do you know this if you're asleep?

You've been told? - Oh, I know. - I've been told. (laughing) - You got it, you've gone in there fucking room. (laughing)

- That's fucking blunts and farts. (laughing) - It's fucking crazy. (laughing) - What makes you fart the most? - What kind of food?

- Milk and peanut butter. - Tee. - Peanut butter, fucks me up. - Please do a fart max on boxing. (laughing)

- Yeah, that would be the best. - It would be so good speech all day, really just stirred by them. - Ah, fuck, sorry guys. - You're like, I'm so embarrassed.

- Let's just save that for nighttime. (laughing) - Yeah, being so embarrassed the whole time.

“- Did you order that dumb fucking dog candle off, Timmy?”

- No, that was from a market. There's a guy at a market. - Yeah, I mean, I saw like that dog candle. - It's nice. (laughing) - I lit it, but you weren't around so I blew it out.

I wanted you to be here for it. - Then I was thinking about like, how lamented of a candle it is once it gets lit after I was just a melted brain dog. (laughing)

- Yeah. - Clambles, nice. - Yeah, the Clambles. - Clambles, decent. - Pretty excited about that.

- Yeah. - I don't want to add it. - Or even oyster, but yeah, I'm gonna keep it fun. - Oyster didn't have a good candle name. - Exactly.

- Like Clambles. - Don't be sorry. - Clambles. - The pot, the pot has affected the squad. Everyone's like, I'm sorry, dude.

(laughing) - It's totally normal. - It's stupid. (laughing)

(laughing)

- You can fucking freak out about that.

(laughing) - You gotta freak out about Bill Belligex relationship. (laughing) - I'm done, it's something to happen to me where I don't notice that I'm high anymore

and I just, I'm like, man, everything feels weird right now. (laughing) I told them I try to go to sleep the other night and I was like, why can't I sleep? I was like laying there, oh, this was the worst actually.

I thought I was like finally losing it. I was laying there and I was like, all right, so the universe is definitely infinite. Then there's like the material world which I might go on forever to somehow.

And I don't know how to explain it, but I was just like thinking about just going through stuff and touching it forever and I was like, that's so much fucking stuff. And I couldn't stop, I couldn't stop thinking about

all the stuff and I was like, that's so much fun. - Oh, stuff, there's. - Endless stuff. - Sometimes I sometimes that bothers me. - Similar, that bothers me. - Yeah.

- He got me. - There's so much stuff. - I was in bed and I had it as fucking flip over.

- I never remember, there's guys like fucking lamar.

(laughing) - Or do you go up there? - Yeah, there's some Chinese guys in a factory

“like who the fuck is going to buy this Mario Galaxy candy box?”

(laughing) - Yeah, I bogged out. Bugs out on the amount of stuff. I was like, dude, what if stuff is also infinite? I was like, oh, fuck, it's so much fun stuff.

- He's bedding space, there's nothing, dude. It matters, isn't it, too? - That's better somehow. - Winner's nothing. - Yeah, yeah.

- I can deal with that. Just tons of stuff, but there's got to be an end of the stuff. It's a lot of fucking stuff going on. - It's all stuff. - Really?

- I think everything, yeah, it's all kind of stuff. - True. - Yeah, the infinity thing freaks me out. I can't just try not to think about that too much. - Yeah, I wouldn't waste your time.

- It just comes my head, I go. - Okay, well, if it's infinite.

'Cause that, they always go like, well, it's the multiverse.

It's like, yeah, that's just still one thing. - I agree. - Yeah. - It's actually multiple universes.

- Yeah. - That's all part of the universe. - Yeah, exactly. - One universe. - Okay.

- You just say there's a bunch in there. - And then they go, there's infinite universes. It's like, okay, Dave, well. - So these, right on. - How about I punch you?

(laughing) - Talk to me about the universe. - Yeah, I want to do a congressional fucking audit on astrophysicists and quantum physics to be like, all right, guys, what do we really do in here?

'Cause I think they're fucking Polkraven a lot. 'Cause they always go, well, well, the math checks out perfectly, but like, no one can check the math. You know, yeah, that'll be another $40 bazillion dollars, please. You figured out things can be in two different places

at once simultaneously, but the mathematical model maps on perfectly, to what? The fuck are you guys talking about? - Yeah, the cruising for a bruising. (laughing)

- And walking around inundies, looking for a bruising. (laughing) - Tell me about that horse shit. - Yeah. - Frapp.

- So, you got some farce loaded. You ready for tonight? - What's the date? - Your first. (laughing)

- You don't hit the fucking morning blow out?

“- It's like, I mean, I'm blizz, you must be hearing, really?”

I kind of, I hope any do, 'cause they are funny. (laughing) The morning blow out is chaos. - At night, the way I'm inhaling air. - Yeah.

- That's the way I sleep at the end of the show, right? - Hearts are just, it's chaos in the morning. - But when I do my morning blow out my dog, like, that's how he knows I'm up. - Yeah.

- And then I'll hear him at the door of the morning. - Here's a little collar about the morning blow out. - That's so funny. - Yeah, I give at least one far every morning you wake up and you're, for me it's laying down.

- As soon as I lay in the bed, - Yeah. - Farts, every single fucking time, I'll be like, nah, I don't have to fart and lay in bed, and it's just like, right out of the bed.

- Unfortunate. - I literally fart almost every time. - I look forward to it. - I cherish it. - I look forward to it personally, but you know,

other people hate it. - Not a fan. - Especially when they say, "Thank you, too." (laughing) - Yeah, that's true.

- And it's like, "Look, I get 10 times funny." - I know, I think exactly the problem. - Think about being Bill Bellachek. 70, 74 year old stinky morning blow out. And you got a hot, 25 year old next year.

- You got on the out, you like that. (laughing) - It stinks like shit, doesn't it? (laughing) - Anyway, we're focused on North Carolina State this week.

- Yeah, I can see him hitting just a little like-- - Oops. - He's a fart fart. - Disgusting fart. - Yes, importantly.

- Pardon me. (laughing) - I'm bigger, pardon. (laughing)

“- Was I shit we ate with sparklers coming out of here last night?”

- Maybe fart. (laughing) - Look at crap, you've been used maybe fart. - Don't get in Thai food in Chapel Hill. (laughing)

- It's no good Thai food in North Carolina. - That stuff called Tuffoo.

(laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - We've done it again. - We did it.

(laughing) - Bye.

“- Watch new episodes of Matt & Shane Secret Podcast on Spotify.”

- Do it. (dramatic music)