Ep 629 - Like and Subscribe (feat. Danny McBride & Steve Gerben)

does he? He filmed it especially? All right, that's it. Gurbies, we pride how are you guys? Wonderful fantastic. Yeah, great, yeah. We're just talking about Steve, sounding his photo ID and the porn website. Yeah, we were, yes. So, you know, sort of saying that I would do that.

“Give you guys, we are in South Carolina. Yeah. And apparently you need to do that in order”

to access pornography. And I would, I was just telling everybody you pun first of

me. See, that's what's so crazy. He's like, I've lived here for 10 years. You can tell that I don't jack off to dinner at porn. I had no clue that you had to, I found out about 8 hours. What have you guys got? You got to bring in your own. You can't, you got to have a close network for that, you know? It's right, apparently. But it worked. It worked. It jumped me down. You don't, you don't just travel with like a thumb drive. It's full of the

greatest hits. Great. It's what a guy calls it. Yeah, right. It's got tape on it. So, the greatest hits, we buddy of a guy who with C.P. tried to hide it with like the way kids did on like an afternoon shit. It was like, like, greatest football hits homework. That's my home work. Big hits, Vince Carter dunk. Anyway, what's going on, Garbie, baby? Not much, not much. Yeah.

Thanks so much for having us down here. Oh, come on. This is incredible. I was telling Shane

and you, that this hotel is incredible. There's a kitchen. You can't see it off screen. But it is different. It's really standard. Yeah, we're going to use it. I've already used it. I grocery shop this morning. Really? Yeah. Yeah. A lot of good grocery stores downtown Charleston. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of good markets. Would you, would you get a lactate? And, you know, a strawberry, lactate. What the fuck do you mean a kitchen food? Well, it's cause it's delicious.

No, no, no. So, I opened one of this. I was like going through them, you know, they got a neutral bullet in it. So, then I said, you know, let's make a protein check. Now, only complain about

what? I knew it could play. Well, no, I could play from perhaps suggestion. This guy at his local

“mark was like, you know, I said, I think you have any protein powder. It's like, oh, you're right there.”

And it was espresso protein powder. Oh, so you jacked up. No, no, I didn't even, I said, oh, do you have anything like dip like protein powder without caffeine? He was like, yeah, that. I was like, no, no, no, no. We just immediately dropped it. So, I'll make like a milk and strawberry shake. Perhaps fun protein later. You will make a protein espresso shake, but you won't have anything to jack off to while you're here. That's going to be the summation of your trip.

But what I was saying is, no, I would definitely show the government my face. Two masturbators. It does seem that seems so strange that they need to log you in. You need need to know what you're up to. I know. I was, it's a very Republican. That's the Republican. Is it? Yeah, I travel a lot. It's a South Carolina Texas. See, a lot of the ladies are really upset with South Carolina because of the crazy abortion bands. But, you know, this jack-off thing

doesn't really get talked about it. No, it's our body on the list. It is our body.

“But, yeah, I think, didn't your, yeah, their boy just got, he died. Isn't he South Carolina,”

Lindsey Graham? Lindsey Graham. Oh, he might have been the guy putting his hands all over a or no, he's gone. We can now you can, we're free. You can infiltrate. Click. Use your friends ideas. That's probably the best part of the funniest thing you can possibly do. Yep. Friends, I did jack-off and wild shit. What's that? Match joke is that he uses his wife's idea. That's awesome.

Is this something you guys are on the road a lot? Is this something you encounter in a lot of states or is this something? Yeah, it's like literally just, and then it's funny because you don't remember and you're like, when you go to log in, you're like, come on, I don't know how fucking conservative this state is, you go. Fuck. No, we, you're talking off. Now, is it just the major porn sites or is it like, I only know really one and then when I moved to Texas, I had to learn another one. Yeah.

And the other one is disgusting. I don't think it keeps me off. I don't think, I don't think, because they're, well, so this is what I was telling you guys. What's the other one? X video. Yeah. The one, what I was saying is I do feel a little free now because I don't even go incognito. I just say whatever the algorithm sees that I'm like he'd give me more of it. You want, you want the suggestions.

what about again? Oh my gosh. And now when you get a suggestion for one and it works. You're like,

“oh, good. That fucking, that was right up my alley. Do you feel like you feel like he's got the service?”

He's got the service. He does. He does. He does. He does. They know him. He does it's great. No, he does. He's like, I'm like, I tip the stars. What do you describe the mess? It's like actresses or adult stars. You said the word. I don't know. I probably said porn stars adult adult, adult, adult, adult, adult, adult, adult, adult, adult. I don't even have the only clay trees. Hold on a second. I don't like the circle. Let me say it.

Look, can I clear that out? Let me say this real quick. But it just reminds me of a time, I remember my high school football coach came to my house or my friend's house. Yeah, girl. Do you're watching? What? I don't know. High school football girl. You know, I'm just saying when somebody calls a porn star, like an entertainer. Okay. I just remember my football coach. My buddy was watching wrestling and was like,

what do you think Stone Cold Steve Austin is like, he's an incredible entertainer.

And I was like, think this guy's dumb as fuck.

“No, super star. He said super star. Because that's what they call the wrestlers. They were like,”

he's one of the top super stars. I was like, oh, he's going to win five and five. This guy's a fucking idiot. Anyway, so you were clearing up the air on your, don't you just use some scrapped this side. Oh, oh, I do some. No, it's all right. I got no shame about it. I do, but I think it to be Mrs. you should have a man's shame. Gene, I can help what I like. And I'm not going to, you know, it's like, I'm not going to fire it. You want to even know, you know, I do feel, you know,

pay the people. Yeah, but I'm just paying a guy, which also, you know, it's like how much is he really

he's a guy who knows your proclivities, though. He knows what you like. He said, oh, I know, what's stopping the team, the actresses. I don't know if you're interested in this, but you should probably tell him the proclivities. Well, then should I? What is it? Well, it's glory home. But hold on, let me clear this off. Okay. Yeah. There's a glory home website. Oh, where's the coverage from? Is it on? Is it on? Is it on? It's not a lot. Such a wonderful question. I'm so glad you asked

because the coverage is the key. Now, what? What? Did you crush it? I will then I don't have to die. I'd like to hear it. But I do like the idea of the game of being a GoPro on the guy's head. No, it was like just against a wall. Maybe I'd be autistic kid that loves trains, but it's like that, you know, I'm talking about the British kid. Yeah, Fish Island's GoPro on top of

“his head. This particular site, he in the past, I think it's, I think it's past. It's glory days”

if you will, but it, edit that out. Just got on kidding. It was just such a bad joke. But there's like an auxiliary sex room. Okay. So, you know, if, if, I don't know, I don't know how the discussion is offered. But if that's, then they could go and they have sex in different room. I find it. I don't know why my brain likes that. I think it's, and I get the idea of a person that the actual, the physical element, the watching of it. How do you, I'm curious of how it

translates to a video that you watch? So, are you, is it like POV, are you the guy walking into the room? No. No. So, it's more of, it's like someone being forced to be at the receiving end of the glory hole. Is that the, sorry? So, one being forced to be at the receiving end of the glory hole, is that like, is it what, what happens in the videos? So, there, you're effectively in a booth. Okay. And she is the center. Stage right and left are separate holes. Okay.

Then you're watching this go down, a blow job, you know, either direction. So, and then somebody will, I don't know how, but they'll say, I guess I do know how that it's, you want to go fuck or whatever. And then they'll go into a separate room where it's more of a, what should we edit this out? So, it evolves. Gotcha. It's not just in the whole, it's something evolves. It's a story. That's just the launch point. Yes. Okay. I got it. Got it. Yes.

And I think it does tails into this other, well, and I've talked to, you know, that sort of like tease, I like that you found a website that specialized in the end, this is the, this is the, the movements that we, the highlight. Well, I think, though, I mean, that, that may be a little carte for the horse. I, it was, I saw it at one point. And then I said, ooh, and you're like, I want more, please. Is anybody who specializes in making this kind of content? Yeah. And then you

have your favorite style it. I have, I have, I have the greatest of the divas. Not, you have

Well, I have some like favorite, you know, this is great. This is a good promo for Paris 3. Yes,

season 3. Anyway, I'm the best of stuff enough. From a David Ryan talked about for a whole, do you feel really bad that I'm talking to you about glory. You shouldn't. I'm really,

“I've been enlightened by this. I'm understanding new things. I like it. So yeah, what else you got?”

Yeah. Through Steve on the ground the other day, we took a, took a jet down here. And I was sitting and he was getting up to go to the bathroom and he stood over me. Who? And I was like, Steve, I swear to God, oh, without getting up, I'll throw you on the ground. He was like, I'd like to see you try. And then I threw him on the ground without getting up. It was very fun. Yeah, that's

like a, that's a rock star story. You're on a private jet and you threw a buddy on the ground.

Yeah. And then yeah, and then he went out today and looked for some protein. He's got a bulk up. I got a bulk up. I can't be tossed around that easily. Well, you don't fear this. He was wearing sunglasses and expensive wristwatch. So I didn't want to, you know, damage any of it. That's a good friend. And that is, that's good. And so I took it, took it easy on the kid and, you know, maybe we'll see next time. He was pretty humiliating because it was one of those ones where I don't know how I

“was suddenly on the ground. Well, I think it was the drugs he took and the hell fucked up he was.”

I'm giving you credit on that. Yeah. I took half of the rise of Pam and then I asked for a vodka rocks and she gave me like a vodka with like an ice cream. Perfect. Yeah. And boy was at a wonderful. He's afraid to fly. He's afraid to fly. So he gets, so you got to get a little loose. Yeah. Yeah. You were fun. You usually aren't that fun. Yeah, because you were in a good time. And you were not afraid at all. That was great. I'll tell you that was, that was a, I mean,

getting, because we sat on the tarmac for like 30 minutes. Yeah, at least. And you just in a little recline and say, well, whatever happens. It's a pretty sweet way to travel. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Yeah. And every time you take one of those, you're just like, am I being a total asshole? This is like, what somebody makes in an interior. Yeah. And I'm just doing this to drive to go 45 minutes and fucking get thrown in the ground. Yeah. Yeah. It's the hardest thing

to do. It's your five. It's polluting the environment. It's great. It's everything about it. Right. It's like the glory holes. It's just it's stimulating in every aspect. I would say if they don't leave to go to the auxiliary room, I don't buy the glory hole as exhilarated. It's just got to be the launch pad. Yeah. Right. Have you, maybe this is getting, oh, two deep. Have you, can I jump in if you've done this? What? Have you

“done a glory hole for real? That's what I was wondering is it? Absolutely not. No. No. And”

not, no, there's anything wrong with it. If glory holes, it's not something I would ever want to do. You would do that in a heartbeat. You are wrong. You are wrong. I will, would I lie about that? No. You think I would, but I know you wouldn't lie. Yeah. If you're telling, there's a little carve out in this wall right here. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. That's not my thing. Tonight though, when you get back to go. I carve out in a wall. Yeah, that's a glory hole.

I'm not going to say it's not my thing after just telling us you like and subscribe to a survey. That is very much. It's definitely like thing to like watch. But I truly don't. Do you have anything you watch and you don't want to do? Yeah. I mean, yeah, obviously. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Pro Wrestling. Pro Wrestling. So watch it. I'm trying to do that. Yeah. The war in Ukraine. Yeah. I'm not going to watch those drone watchers, but I'm not trying to be. Yeah.

But I've never liked and subscribed like that. Well, you know, you don't want to hunt

milks in the van. Milfonder. That was a great one. I was a classic. That was the first one. Yeah. Sure. Did you like and subscribe to that? I did. Did you ever have a subscription? Of course, I hadn't subscriptions in the past. Really? Yeah. What do you want? Well, let's see. Mate, did you any dad share one? No, Mike. Me, my dad did not share one with you. Yeah. So, and I got a browser's password. No, it's not my dad. Oh, my God. I got it. We got to be frugal. I know you're

going to be masturbating. We might as well share it. Your mother and I was sharing a presence. Oh, this is podcast. It's beautiful. In hotel room in Charleston. Yeah. You're excited for the big premier tonight. Absolutely. I mean, this season, I've, you know, biased, but I think it's our best.

already said that to you and everybody else. So, exciting for everybody to see it. And yeah.

Beautiful. Beautiful. That's better than me. I did Fallen yesterday and they were like, "Can you describe tires to the people who haven't seen you?" I was like hard to. It's like a workplace comedy with my friends and I'm like, "Okay, let's see a clip." And I knew they were going to ask that. And I still couldn't. He's such a nice guy, but I could, the late night shows,

“I feel like they're the worst thing. I'll never do that. And I hate doing them. Yeah.”

I would rather come and talk and run my mouth for an hour than have to like package something in three minutes that feels spontaneous. That's not spontaneous. Yeah, the phone call before. Like Dave before where they're like, "What do you want to talk about? This is." And I know you start feeling really weird about your life. Like, I got nothing to talk about. There's not anything funny that's happened to me. Nothing that I can wrap up in 45 seconds. And then they

come into your green room before and they're like, "Here's basically like a script." Like, here's the question, "Do you want to see what your response was on the phone?" I can't memorize this, because then I kind of memorized it. So he was going to get your own start to stand up and I was like, "Yeah, the Harrisford Comedy Zone." And then truckers would show up and use racial slurs. All right, we're going to cut that. It did cut that. It was pretty fun. There's also, it's fun

when you do one of those. I've done a few times where you, they lob you the question, and you know what you're supposed to say back. And then you just go in a total different direction. You watch the look on their eyes. You're like, "No, this isn't it. This isn't what we

were supposed to do." I always would get really nervous doing those shows. Just like, I think

the first time I did Conan, I couldn't even eat for like two days before. I was just so apprehensive about it. I also had never done press before. It was for foot-fist way. But then I had one of the worst things happened on one of the shows. And after that I was like, "Oh, this is fine. I was on Kimmel." And I was like doing the, we were in the middle of doing the interview. And then all of a sudden, something that I'd never seen happen before. The stage manager came on the speaker and said,

"Hey, we have to cut. Danny's mic is like not working." And then they had to like stop it. In the whole, front of the whole audience, coming there, redo the mic. And then you had a, they had to go back and reset the question and start over again. And it was like, "Well, that's about the worst that could happen." And they literally tell you to stop in the middle of it. I tried to bring Steve with me. And it worked and just constantly be like, "I can tell him about

“Jack and all." I'm like, "Well, I'm real. Jimmy, if I would have probably loved that, you should”

know that." Okay, guys. No, it's very uncomfortable. There's, I don't, yeah.

Some people are amazing at it, but I'm so bad at it. Yeah, me too. I don't feel like I'm good at it at all.

I just, like, let me watch the next person go on. Yeah. And then, like, the lady followed me last night. She was excellent. Yeah. Do you like walk down like, "Hey, everybody. You're a Jimmy. It's so good. I see who's last." Also, the other thing is, they don't tell the fucking crowd. Who's going to be on? Oh. So there's a thing like, "Oh, it's these guys." They go, "Who the fuck is that guy?" I could see it because the main guest, I think that they all knew about was a guy named role model,

who's a singer. And so the crowd, they cut to the crowd before I went out there. I was in the green room and saw it, and I was like, "Oh, fuck." It was just like girls in their 20s. I was like, "This is going to be... They knew you. I don't think so." Yeah, they did, they didn't. They weren't timid at it. Yeah, they weren't timid at it. Yeah, they weren't timid at it. But by my fidgeting, they made this guy so confident. I saw it. I didn't realize, I didn't realize

that you went to Elon College. I didn't realize you went there. You know, I went to school and went to Salem, which was not far from Elon. Yeah. It was an art school. So whenever we wanted to have like more of a normal college experience, we would go to Elon and go party with some of my friends there. We'd go to a place called the Lighthouse. Yeah. That's still there. Yeah. I remember it's still there. It was there. I threw up on someone in the Lighthouse one time by accident. That's awesome. I got

hammered there, and I felt that I had gone too far. So I was like trying to get back to the bathroom, going to come on, I put my hand on my mouth and fuck and scream through my hand and spray it on a guy. And a big dude. And I'm just like, oh God, and he looks at me and he's like, you puked on me. And I was like, I'm so sorry. And then he just said, give me five bucks. All right, not even fucking game five bucks. He did people. I felt like it was a fair train. You're like,

all right, I fucking puked this dude and I guess five bucks. You said, okay, it's fine. Yeah, perfect. He could have gone for 20. I would have paid him 20. Yeah. Five bucks is probably just enough

“to cover his next Bud Light. That's probably what it was. Yeah, what would have been the limit on that?”

You know, if he would have asked for much more than five bucks, I probably wouldn't have been able to pay up. I didn't know. Yeah, I can't have killed that one fuck. Yeah, you know, it was fun. Gary, where'd you go? You went to Drexel, right? Well, I went to

Very sick. Not the brightest. Not the brightest group. Look at you now. Did you, just like a personal guy? So, wait, like, did you know that you wanted to do this kind of stuff from a young age or I did know I wanted to like make movies. I didn't know if I was going to be

in on that kind of just happened after school. But yeah, I always didn't want to make movies.

I did with my buddies at home. I was like, little fucking Dawson's Creek run around making movies all the time. And then I went to film school, which I don't think I would have been able to cut go. I would have failed out if I went to a regular school. I needed to go to like an art school. I was done with homework. I wanted to just do fun shit. So, yeah, I went to North kind of school. The art went to film school there. And that's where I met all the guys that I was

like still work with now. Yeah. So, I was lucky. I mean, now my son's going to go to high school. I feel sorry for people who don't know what they want to do because like, what an incredible waste of time to have to like, go to college and figure it out. That was, yeah, that was my experience. What am I doing? Yeah, a chain could chain all the money stolen out of my head or did you uh, did you write tires at Jackson? Yeah. Yep. So, uh, that was like my senior project.

It's surreal that it was like 20 going about 20 years ago. That's awesome. I didn't know that. That's great. Yeah. So, you just had that in your back pocket just waiting for a chain to blow up. So, yeah, that they made. Yeah. That's great. And then we had made it, it's going to go on about 10 years ago. Yeah. Then we just film that short and then just sat and it's surreal. Yeah, it's utterly surreal. So, you guys were both of you all trying to make stuff when you guys were

“were young men? Yeah, but I was making like, yeah, we were filming sketches. Yeah, I remember that.”

Yeah, the worst one that if anybody finds, I was in like eight grade. It was right after 9/11. And I used to do a George Bush impression. Just it was copying Will Ferrell for messing up. And then I remember it. It's like the craziest fucking video on earth. Maybe I did this out. But I was holding up the fucking USA today that had the towers on it. And I was like, Oh, my god. And how old were you that? It's an eighth grade. Yeah, come on.

Yeah, so you got to make jokes about that stuff. And then I was doing like a George Bush impression talking about it. Like we're going to hunt down the terrace. And then yeah, if somebody finds that, I think that's advanced. I think that's a good. I think that's a good eighth grade. eighth grade, mocking 9/11. Yeah, literally like the week after. Yeah, it's crazy. That's,

“that's what you're doing your kid. You know, Jack has hit us. Then Jack has came out. So then that's”

we shifted from comedy to sort of stapling your nuts to the thing. Yeah, we're all, we were all also posties. So we wouldn't do anything like it'd be like jumping off like an eight foot shit. He's like laying on your feet. No one got hurt. I'm Shane Gillis and I'm jumping off this stage time in shit. Oh, that was gnarly. Yeah, jackass was big for us. I love jackass. I really do think it's like one of the greatest shows that has ever been made. When I went to,

I was in Spain for a while and that like people love jackass. Like that was the one comedy that translated to Spanish. Like I remember seeing people like jackass t-shirts on the subway and I was like very proud. Oh, it's like on America, fucking rules, dude. Oh, yeah, jackass. Yeah,

the whole world gets to see that. Those movies are the fucking funniest, too. Like I always love them.

“I remember that one, it wasn't the last one. It was one before that came out. It was you”

theme of the glory Hills. No, I just thought of one of the first sketch I'll tell you something. Yeah, that one that came out during COVID. My son was like, maybe he was like, what is he now? He's 14 now. So, COVID. He would have been like, yeah, he would have been like eight years old. I was like, we got to get back to normal now. Like now the movies are like starting up, like let's go fucking see jackass together. So, I took him at eight years old to go see jackass. It's a way to get out of

COVID. And I was like, damn, there's more dicks in this one than. A lot of dicks. And I just keep, so they're like, this is great, right? You love it. I just went to see the new jackass and

I forgot that I cry at the end of every jackass. The most embarrassing, yeah, there's always

like an emotional montage at the end of every day. And they're all, they're having so much fun that I understand that. I just like, I like this group. I like these guys in oxville cries at the end of it. They're like, is this last one? He's like, I think. Yeah. I said, yeah. When when Ryan Dunn died, and they do that whole thing about him, it's like, yeah, I went with a girl to see it. And I cried at the end of the jackass. Two weeks ago. It's emotional.

watching 50, 50 on the first date. Again, there's this scene where it got us both. We didn't even

know each other, but just of Gordon Levitt, incredible performance. And he's all the first date.

I took a girl on a date to see that. And I think it was going to be like more of a comedy. And at the, like, I'm my arm around here. And this is very early, like, for real first date. And I was trying to hold in crying. Like, it's hard as I could. Mmm, like, like that. And then, like, my body was like, And then he's like, he says like, goodbye to his mom before he gets surgery. Well, yeah, it's more

than he had because he's asking the anesthesiologist questions about what's going to happen during the surgery. And he's trying to ask questions. And then he just goes, Mom, and he just wants to hold

“her hand. And that's what you're about to start crying now. Even though, well, that's from Lafay.”

You cried talking about it. No, I don't. I cried talking about that. Don't really, maybe he'll steal about. Yeah. This is, this is how he's like an actual, like, Steve's like is very good at talking. And like he seemed like he dresses like he's a smart person. And then, thank you for saying good talk. Yeah, you want that you trick everyone. And I'm like, I met you. I was like, God, then, this guy's smart as fuck. And then he sent me a video of

Crack Crimes showing me a video of a bunch of guys on horses riding next to a school bus. It's on its way to a football game. It's like their dad's had flags. Yeah, you're a human being. That's good. Yeah, let's go, man. Yeah. They showed he's like, check his, uh, you don't love this. It's also, how do you not know me well enough? Because they were, he was dad's right. I still don't know. Dad's riding horses next to their kids football team's bus. Yeah. So fucking look at me.

It was the effort they put in. It was still putting some effort. They did. Yeah. I do think my dad would, if I looked out of my high school football teams, boss, it's on my dad riding a horse, like, go get him son. I'd be like, dude, my, who, which of those dads had that idea? Like, all right, let's get the horses. So we're gonna follow the bus. They got bigger, very good flags. They should have, they should have had guns.

They should have fucking six guns, a little bit of their ass. You know, yeah, it was very embarrassing. I bet that team lost by 52 to a bunch of kids without dads. They got the score run up. Their dads were, their dads were all in motorcycles. They were like, 12 o'clock, barred in home. Steve, I check this out. It's amazing. It's like, dude, you are a fucking, you have a 12 IQ dude. It's really humiliating when you're sharing something with somebody. Yeah. They're

gonna like, and then they call you gay and dumb. I get, I get tripped up over weird stuff. Like,

there's a, publics is the grocery store here. They always have these, like, fucking 45

seconds, just stingers that just like, go, the grocery store. And they're like, why are they trying to make me cry? I go there to buy chicken and somes. Like, you don't need to be pulling up the heartstrings. They got this one that's like flawless. Every, I've seen a million times. Every time it comes on, it always like, I got to like kind of like pretend like I'm on my phone or drinking that drink or something. Oh, the La Croix. It's big on my eyes water. It's like,

it's so simple. It starts where it's like a little girl. And she's with her mom and her stepdad,

“how I think his name is Steve. And he's like, at the birth day, and he like gives her a”

predestice like, thanks Steve. You know, he's like, oh, and then like, she's a little older, and he like gives it something else. Thanks, Steve, and it just like goes all the way until she gets older, and then finally on the day of her wedding, she's like in the room, and he comes like, you look beautiful, and she goes, thanks, dad. And then they're like, oh, that's so crying out. Oh, okay, work. It worked. Oh, but then it's like, publics, like, this is where you go to buy

pubs and projects. Yeah, there's a, yeah, there's some commercials out gay. Yeah. There's a fucking, my dad would get choked up at the Budweiser horses. The guy's like a baby, Clydesdale. He's like, hey, fucking, little guy, he's trying so hard. That was a big super bowl. Yeah. It's like, last year. That little guy's trying. Yeah, it's funny. How many times did I see my dad drunk crying or crying or something, emotional? We were watching planes,

trains, and automobiles. I look over and he is sobbing cry. On the, that's not a pillow scene, right?

“That's what he's like, that's what he's like. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Well, they, they, something similar to”

that, they would always get me, it was getting gifted adoption papers. Did, yeah, I thought that's

Oh, money ball makes me cry. I've showed that to people that had zero effect on. And that

gets you. And that made me very embarrassed. It was like a silver lining's playbook, I cry every time. Who, who was on the fact that by money ball? Dom girls. Oh, oh. But don't understand baseball. They want to see the Savannah bananas. I don't want to see this. Yeah. You probably love the Savannah

“bananas. That's what I was wrong. I was surprised how wrong I was. Yes. You seem like a banana man.”

Yeah. You seem like a banana man. They're like the Harlem Globetrotters of baseball, right? That's their deal. Yeah. They do flips and chips. The flips are actually sick. But then they ruin it by being hot guys. They do like a hot guy dances and singing and it's like, yeah, what are we doing here, folks? It's a kid's show. You'll see. You'll see the hot guys dance. You'll go, this is weird.

Sure. It's coming off. They take the shirts off. They're like, I black and like a mallet and they're

trying to look so fucking cool. And does it play when you're up in the stands watching that from afar? Does it like work? It probably would be horrible looking because they're doing a Tik Tok. They're facing a camera like in front of the pitcher's mouth. Yeah. From the upper deck, they must be like damn these guys. Yes, suck. Then they do a flip and catch the ball and you're like, all right. Well, these shit rocks. The bananas. Yeah. The bananas are going crazy. Now, swear they have a rule that's

actually sick, which is like a foul ball is live to the fans have to like throw it back. Oh, it's a great rule. That is great. They should just they should include that in real base. We're real baseball. Yeah. We talked about it. And then teams would just pay guys with cannon arms to just sit in the fucking, it'd be an arms race. Just hold on to it and let them get all around the bases.

“Exactly. If you go, yeah, you have to fight that guy. That'd be awesome. Yeah, that's how”

that people like it. Another thing that stuff. Yeah, it's crowd participation. Yeah. It's a good support actually. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Many things in life don't go according to plan. No. That's kind of the beauty of it, right? Yeah. And as you adapt, Better Help can help you figure it out. Excuse me. If you feel comfortable. Oh, sorry. If you feel comfortable. If you feel comfortable, I'm sorry. Talk about a life change or pivot where therapy could have been. That's going to need

some butter. Or what's beneficial. How could therapy lead a growth? Or even with a busy schedule, I think it's easy to fit therapy into your team with Better Help because let's combine them. Comfortable pivot, life change. I would say therapy could be good to fit in your schedule. Even if you're busy because guess what, when you make time for yourself, you make time for yourself. And it helps everybody. Exactly. It helps everybody around you. That's where I'm saying. Ever since

Nate started going to therapy, I've noticed a change. Me too. And he's, he's, I've felt better being around him. Yeah. Yeah. He was doing all kinds of weather stuff. Rodden. Yeah. Really mean. Whatever you're going through, Nate, you can meet with a range of professional specializing in different areas. You don't have to navigate life's challenges alone. Yeah. You don't have to navigate those changes alone. No. Like when you like, you know, you're

challenging me. Like something you believed about yourself in your whole life. But you knew it was false.

I don't always do, too. Nate thought he was, you know, girls. But if you talk to people,

I actually getting, I'm getting married. Well, actually, that'll help you. That actually helps.

“If you don't like girls, be married. You'll start trust me. You can find that's how that's how you do that.”

Give me fun. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhealth.com. That's better. H-E-L-P dot com slash MSSB. Yes. What else is going on, Steve? How's your girlfriend? Well, that doesn't go off. Oh, golf is good. Not to like me, monster. But the, because I, when we were talking about early sketches, one of the ones that I did with my cousin, Ella, and it was the thing that just kind of made me laugh as thinking about my mom and my aunt's reaction to it. Because it's so, it's so juvenile,

it was like, you know, we just learned about, you know, I guess, com and what had you. So, like, we just played this, you know, we're like, "Wait, what happened?" What we just learned about, you know, what were you? I don't know. They made it com. You made it com, you made it com. Like your cousin? No one, I think we've taught us. Yes. I don't think we've talked about that. Nobody was, nobody was, you know, it's, it's just the art of,

we'll make it. What was this guy? That, I love. Walking in, I was like married, you know, it's your cousin. Yeah, and then she, you see, was like, spat out, milk and water. You know, just like, is it? It's so, but like, I thought it was so funny at the time. In my mom, I had just horrified at courses. They had to destroy that tape. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. It was also VHS, so that was like, you would just record over it for your next, yeah.

We would make, sorry, like six grade, really six to eighth grade. We were rocking a lot of

little, little short in camera edit movies. We made one called Do The White Thing. It was kind of right out, right after Do The White Thing came out. It was just about a bunch of white people in a mansion and the AC went out and they were all trying to figure out how to like survive. How were you when you made that? That was in sixth grade. We made that. Do The White Thing. Yeah. And then we followed up with Stan by me, too, which was about that the kids that had found

Ray Brower that they unlocked a curse and then Ray Brower came to kill them all. The good, the kid who died of the trouble. Yeah. And so it was a horror movie. And in me, my friends, each played the original cast members and Ray Brower came and killed each of us.

“We made, I think we made one where it was like the Blair Witch. It was like a, but there was a ghost.”

And it was kind of a, we just made one of the kids mom that was also in it. We just, the ghost just imitated his mom's voice. And so like every scene, he'd like stop it. The ghost would come out and go, Andrew. I said, "Fuck it, go." That's every scene. That was a classic. And you're saying, in camera edits, that's where you rewind back to where you want to edit. Yeah. And you, you, like, do it and then like pause, then you turn around like,

but because it would like take a second or two to roll, you would have to like pause and then like hit

record and then the person have to wait like a second and a half. You're the time to down to then, like, say yes. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. You guys were doing more advanced shit. We were jumping off. They were pretty shitty. Oh, no, 9/11. It's good. Oh, that's pretty good. We did my brother and I got into like, you guys were doing freak shit dude. No, that was gross. You had your cousin spit out com. Yeah, because they spit out your com.

Again. I don't know. You got to believe this out. If I get a last name too, give the last name. Wow, wow. She, no. So, hello. Yeah. What was I saying? Well, like your cousin was a little bit of a rumour. She got into, she got into, Richard Simmons back in a day. And that was like, it was really cool.

“And that's what made her want to do the com scene. That was it.”

I think it was me going. This is going to be so funny. But you before that, it was a way more tame. It was my brother and I would make superhero videos. So it was like, and they all had the same structure, which is like, he would narrate. I'd come in as the superhero. You'd have a dance, and then you'd fight a villain. Yeah, we used to film wrestling. We would do dolly. Yeah. And there's a video I, I was a undertaker. I, the littlest kid was actspock.

That joke's, I have the, he rolled into a pole. If this kid had the craziest tapers, so that if he comes in, like, he used to be everyone running such a good video. He used to spas. He was great. Yeah. You attacked us constantly. And he would attack whoever, like he'd be fighting somebody else, and then everyone had to run. Yeah, he whipped me in the back

with a hot wheels track when he was fighting for a fucking killed terrifying. Yeah, he was a wild kid. It's good stuff. You feel, you see, that seems sad at the end. It's something happened to him. No, he's doing well. I can't believe it, because he was like a real guy. He got the opportunity. He was the littlest brother. And he was tiny. But he was not. And that he would just, again, he would just attack everyone. You'd hear him coming. Somebody would fight

him like downstairs. You'd hear him coming running out this to have to just try to fight it.

Yeah, it's going on with you. Yeah, I'll hang it out this hotel room never did audio books.

I cannot do that. That was brutal. That's pretty hard. Wasn't it? Yes. You got you did great, though. I remember after your recording session, you were like, yeah, you seemed worried, but you were awesome.

“I could. But it was, I wouldn't have asked people to do it. I think if I knew how difficult it was,”

I didn't think it would be difficult. I didn't think so at all. But then you start you're getting in there on like on hour four. You're kind of like, I think I've forgotten how to read. Totally. I'm stumbling over every single word. It's weird because you're reading, but you're also performing at the same time. So you're having to really concentrate in the moment that you start drifting, but like, let's for lunch. It's just like, fuck, I blew it. I went in. I went in a

little hungover late. I like I woke up late. So I had to get. I didn't need breakfast. I just drank it. It's not showing up for your audio book recording little late. And it's all right. You know, but I got it. And the room so quiet and the microphones literally, I could just hear my stomach.

I want you to eat something and let's get back in here and do it. And then they were like,

so this is, we have you booked for six hours. So we can do it. That like hour three, they're like, do you want to, you can come back tomorrow. I can't come back now. You gotta move it through

“just getting this thing. That's how I felt. They kept asking, I wanted to take breaks. I'm like,”

absolutely not going. It's so embarrassing when you can't read. And there's two people waiting for you to fucking read. They're like, you pronounce it, though. It's the. I kept getting notes that I was like like garbling the words. That's like that's a choice. It's for the performance. Some swallowing these words. Yeah. Like you have to enunciate every single word. Yeah. Like you're combining everywhere. Yeah. It was tough. But we did it. I think the audio book

actually is pretty awesome. Yeah. It is. Everybody in it is pretty good. And yeah, I really was grateful to all of y'all for showing up to do it. That was great for you. That fan forever. Barry serious stuff been a fan forever. Yeah. It's awesome. Yeah. I remember getting foot for this way. You got, you got a rented a blockbuster. That was a real low point, my life. That's probably because I didn't say that. So you're where that three bucks came from. You're going to

“get paid on that. What else is going on? What else you got? What do you got? You got anything?”

Oh, God. You know what? This summer has just been about pushing this book, getting the book out there in the world. I've had to do a lot of book signings. That's a new thing for me. How's that? It's very interesting. You show up at these events. And they have all the, they have all the books lined up with the staff. They have them all open to a certain page. And it'll be like, here's 1500 of them. We got to sign these things now. You start getting into a zone where

you start, yeah. It's like you sign it. I can move the book. Next one. Next one. Start going super fast. That's another thing where if you don't think about it, you can get into a zone. The moment you think about it, you just fuck your name up there. God, something happened. Yeah, you ruined somebody's book. Yeah. Yeah. But that stuff's been pretty fun. Honestly, this, the, the book has been awesome. It's been, whatever you do, press for comedies. I feel like

the press is always mean. Like there, there's always a sense of like you come into the room to

be interviewed. And there's a little bit of just like, yeah, it's motherfuckers. He's like, you're funny. Yeah, you think you're funny. I really do feel like that. I've noticed when you do a different genre movie. Like when I would do press for alien or anything, the, the reporters, the interviewers are always more engaged. And I feel like whenever it was comedies, there was always, you could sense that they didn't really want to be there. Like, this is the stupidest thing. That's, that's

what it would feel like. And the book was the same way. I feel like I think because in order for people to interview you on that, they have to actually read the book. So I feel like they've just invested enough time to take the interview seriously. We're like, you know, we would do press for vice principles or whatever. And it would constantly be like, I watched the first episode. And then they start, it's like, oh, great warm room. I get picked up. Yeah, you had some time.

I can watch it. What else did come on, girls? Oh, me. Do something. What are you going to eat after this? You're going to go get a big meal or you're going to cook something in your kitchen and your hotel. Oh, what are you going to wear to the premiere? I know you got a snazzy outfit. Okay, so you are a soup. Is this the dress up premiere? I was kidding. I will not be dressed. Yeah, you're, you're, you're, there's what you're wearing. Oh, that's

a side. So I had to hit me with one that's talking to me. He's like, dude, you always dress like

you, the guy coming from the hotel pool. That's going to be like, yeah, fuck that is exactly what I look like. Be comfy. I tried to pack my suit, but it didn't fit. So because I guess I'm going to like, so I'm just going to do just like trousers and dress shorts. Yeah. Just like, you know,

“like, suit without the blazer. Yeah, no time. I remember the very first premiere that I think was”

like, for heartbreak kid, I invited my parents to come to it. They had never been to anything like that. I hadn't really been to anything like that. In my stepdad was like, oh, man, it was like, so this event is this like, pants or dress shorts? Man, I've been, I'd stick with the pants probably. There's the heartbreak kid is like my favorite comedy scene. Me and Beez are watching all the time. It's when he's escaping on the train. Oh, yeah. And they pull him up and then just be

his ass from out of train for no reason. Have you ever seen it so good? I love the ending of that movie too. That ending was like something that I think that on looking back on, I think they were like thinking that was part of the reason why maybe the movie didn't catch on fires because it was like too dark. I love the ending of the movie. I thought it was awesome. Movie rules. But yeah, I don't know. I've got, I wear a suit would have been crazy. Oh, I wore it last

time. We're wearing a suit in Charleston, too. It's going to be hot as fuck. It doesn't

premiere for like, I think I really care about no one, yeah, but nobody does season three premieres really. You should do, you should do this whole nude us doing a fucking whole nude. I could dress you like

“Kanye's wife. Is Serena happy? That's how you should go. I've been to a few of these things before.”

That's how you should do it. I'll wear a mask. I'll dress like Kanye, you dress like his wife. Okay. That'd be sick. Yeah. But yeah, you're asking like golfs as I would get golfing. How's it going?

It's incredible. Yeah. You're a big golfer. Yeah, I love it. And just trying to

wear my way into this. Yeah, like there's a lot of like YouTube golfers. And nobody's responding to my DM's. Really? I don't, yeah. Your DM and YouTube golfers? I have to do this season. They will. Yeah. Yeah. So how long have you been golfing for for a while? About three years. Yeah. You're really good at it. Thanks. I played for like senior year high school. There was a course really close to us called Valley Forge Golf Club where you can pay for like play for five

bucks and kind of sets. I hope someone pukes on you. Yeah, I'm going to get a fucking round of golf you should you should there's a lot of great golf courses around here. I knew Brandon was telling it. Yeah. Yeah. Brandon golfs all the time. I go. Brandon runs our company and I'll go out with him and see how good he is. I'm like, I'm on the fucker. How many times you get now? That is literally a thing that plays me back in my head. No, it pisses me off off and he's golfing. Yeah, I'm like,

I'm touring, I'm fucking dying. He's like, well, today was a good day. I went golfing. Yeah, I feel inclined to lie about it. I, I should. I, when I moved here, I was going to get in, but I was, you know, that's the deal here golf is. And you know, my buddies here are into it. And I was like, oh, man, maybe I'll make it my thing. Maybe that'll be something. I just, I don't, I'm not good at it. But I also, it just takes so much time. I'm like, man, there's no way I

have the energy to like give everything I need to to make it as good. But you know what, my, my boy

“is, my son is getting into it. So that makes me want to get out there more. Yeah. I think I'm also”

just okay with going out and being fucking terrible. Being at the butt of everyone's jokes with every swing and then just getting hammered the whole entire toss. The best. We have a golf out and coming up. That's right. I don't go off. Yeah, you're going to have to keep your composure this time. You're going to have to keep your composure this time. East, I, I made him rage quit. The, uh, Down syndrome fundraising career. Oh, you rage quit. I wouldn't say raged quit. I said, please stop.

Wait, what was doing to make it? Why did you want him to stop? What was he doing? He was ramming my golf cart. He showed you very dangerous. It's, it is dangerous. I was going so slow. And I did it. I love golf. And we were doing it on the 18th. I left the teeth. Okay. I left you alone all then. So when we do this, I can't go off. So I just, I get a Bluetooth speaker and I can't just drive my drink and just drive around and bother people. Yes, that's so fun. Yeah. But then I know that you

could do that. You can. You can. I put it on, I can do this. I put it on flight of the

Valkyries. I started chasing. I thought it was going to be a friendly tap. The first tap,

like, so like, just tap the back of it. And he was like, cut it out. I was like, well, now I'm, I'm, oh, yeah, you know, check me to meet me. Check me. I'm, man, he was, he was with the gutter in the cart. And he's like, I'm getting out. He gets out and Chris like, don't get out. It's not just chasing him. Now, because Chris, Chris immediately, could, you know what I felt like? You would have felt like, it felt like when you had a friend

growing up that you were like cool with. And then all of a sudden, they're around other guys,

“and they're just different to you. Oh, I, I've seen that. Shane, is that what you were doing?”

And no, that was what I felt like with Chris, even though I love Chris, and, you know, that's not Chris, Chris would love that he would love the golf cart tap. He did. And everyone does. It's not getting into it. And then I'm just like, I don't know what he parts this is a tear up the fairway. It's ridiculous. You worried about range and golf course in Dillsburg? Yes. I got your greens keepers. You know, you know, horse rail like that.

It, it takes a lot of work. So I just wanted to out. And then of course, that only, you know,

it's just feeds the beach. He was instantly, I've never seen someone get that angry that fast.

I went, I was genuinely trying to be friendly. And I was genuinely saying stop it. You said stop it right away. Yeah. I mean, like a bitch right away. How long it take you guys to make up after that? We didn't. He, he stormed on. He's so mad. So it's literally a fundraiser for dancing. There's an event. And there's a bunch of people in the pavilion. Like, I don't know. You were supposed to stick around. And they're excited. No, they're excited to see the people from

tires. Yeah. And Steve finishes the 18th hole. Pax's bag walks straight to the parking lot.

No, I said, I think I've done enough today. Yes. And he got his car and drove to Philadelphia and

didn't say goodbye to anybody. I said goodbye to you. Hold on a second. Hold on a second.

That is. That's tech. That's a rage quit. That hearing how you just technically, that is. Technically, that's a rage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is one thing, though, that I did not know. Sean, you mean you feel so bad? Sean's got his shirt over his nose. I mean, so I did not know that there's a whole hangout thing happening afterwards. We all told you several times. I don't, well, I don't recall, Sean. So the point is, had I known that that was a thing,

then it would be a little bit different. I'm a little new to this whole, you know, world. Because I got to, it wasn't that fancy. It was in a pavilion in Dillsburg, Pennsylvania. But whatever, listen, I get how that looks like a rage quit. I accept rage quit. I accept the technicality of that. You weren't, you left because you were ashamed of how you reacted to the joke. No joke. Yeah. I think you were just watching me away. Absolutely not. I was

frustrated with you. Why? Because I said, please don't, then you did it. I did it twice. No, you wouldn't stop. Well, of course, I flew out of the factory this plane. I was a case team. But everyone loved it. Everyone had a blood. I had this. Phil was laughing. Billy was laughing. Chris was laughing. It was fun. That's good. I'm glad I read it at great time. I'm excited

“for it. You told my mom the fuck off. You need to work on a revenge plan now. No. No. Yeah.”

Yeah. Yeah. I'll leave that. You need to find your song. Yep. Supercharge your golf

cards. Pirates of the Caribbean. First of all, yes. But second of all, it's usually

absolutely absolutely what time I'm using here since two years. This is the Pirates theme song. Well, he drives to the rider to the movie. Oh, to the movie to the movie. Yeah. The hunt and just kind of crews through traffic. Yep. And have just really childlike fantasies about saving people. Get this out of me. And he stops. It stops. I've been in that card in eight seconds. Stop. Other people are like, go. He's like, go ahead.

Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad

Oh yeah maybe we'll see. Are you aware of it? I have no shame about it. I don't. Okay. Yeah. Should I? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, it seems, seems a lot. Really? Yeah. I don't know. It's the up the band. It's just, it's just basically, it's sort of, I feel like it's sort of run on the middle. It's like, yeah. Anyway, let's get back to the Eagles authors and found this. It was, so I won closest to pin. And my one friend that I got for

was like, did they give you cash? Because you know if they give you cash, you need to give that right back to the chair. And I was like, I didn't know that. No chance. But luckily, it was just a gift card to the pro shop. So I bought you a gift shop.

“That feels like you could keep that right. They're not thinking that you have to turn”

that. That's right. Yeah. But I'm glad he said something. Because again, that would have been another gaff. I feel like autistic guys couldn't. They locked in on golf. They'd

be fucking good. I think a lot of them are. Yeah. Makes sense. You have always found

peculiar is the, uh, if Downson and them guys locked in a Savannah banana, is they'd be fucking brilliant. They did little exvengers. They don't have flips in the outfield. Yeah, I could, yeah, he's awesome. It's got a th like Downson and them that just drains three. No matter where on the court overhead, just trying to. It's wonderful. That was get me. It doesn't make me cry back. That's right. Kid with Downson and him hit in a

three whole high school gym going crazy. It's the best. Yeah, especially because the Downson and kid has zero fucking humility. It's so sick. What are you about to say? Oh, uh, I'm sure it's an observation that's been made before, but uh, the Tiger Woods how, you know, people will say it's black off or, but it's like when you look at the amount of Asians on tour, it's staggering. Like, I feel like it's way more the Asian part of them.

“Oh, that's an interesting thing. Yeah, Mr. Lee. Nice talk with you guys, right?”

(laughter) How was that? Oh, non-joking genuine racist cop. How was that racist? He is half

successful. Let's look at the tours. That's like the tours. We'll delete it then.

“Yeah, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. You see the LPG, I mean, a guy did get fired for that.”

What? Say the competitor of the LPG tour is like it's the hammer camera. It's they're all curious. You got fired for this? Yeah, it's back in the day, yeah. But, uh, anyway, I love when those announcers get fired. It's like the best. The fucking Kansas City, Fag Capital, the world. I said something earlier today.

I didn't know uh, my mic was on and uh, probably never going to put that set on again.

“That feels like that would be the thing you would probably have to specialize in is knowing”

when the mic's on. It was, it was, it was a special game, right? It was just, it was b-roll before the game of the field. And you just hear the announcer talking. And for some reason he says, Kansas City, Fag Capital, the world. The custom commercial is before the game. They told him in the fifth inning. Oh, how fun would it have been to been on that crew? I'm just been like knowing like how he's gone. He's fucked. He's at a here. And then, uh, yeah, Cassiano's famously

hits a home run mid-apology. So he's going, he's like, to my family. I'm sorry. I let you down and uh, my boss is who trusted me here. Sorry, deep drive, Cassiano's. Three, two Cincinnati reds. Oh.

But the other one that's incredible is uh, those two dudes talking about the uh,

Negro League Hall of Fame. They're like, we went to the, they switched that word. Ooh, the guy hits. This is something happened recently. Yeah, the guy drills it. Oh, wow. It's the other guy's fun. What is this face look like when you when he comes out. Neither of them

“processes. The guy with him's like, we did. We went. Yeah, because you know that's why they were”

that's what they were calling the whole time. They went there. That's why they did. Yeah, they didn't think about it. They didn't code switch. I mean, we're seeing that clip. No. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Well, definitely watch it. Okay. It's one of the biggest fuckouts of all time. Just pointing directly at the camera. We had a great day. We went to the, fucking nuts. Those boys got fired. Ah. We've been doing this long enough, huh?

No wait. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming in here. Sorry. We were, this is how we do this. I really like how you look. I feel like we hit some hard hitting topics here. Yeah. I feel like it was so we think about it. In case you let's get into it. Come on. We charge the batteries. Yeah, let's go. All right. Bye. Thanks. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.