Listener Tales 111: Camping Tales

I actually can't believe you like knocked on my man like that. Yeah, it's crazy. Are you belong to everybody? I feel

new to me, new to me mothman, my costume didn't come in time. So, so pretend I'm big foot. Yeah, I think it that she made this for me mothman, mothman, mothman, mothman, mothman, mothman, mothman, I love it. I also just like that you're like Nancy from the Croft sunglasses. Yeah, I respect it. That's actually, I'm excited for these. I was going to say, would you just wear those anyway? Yeah. Oh, and this is morbid. Yeah, and it's also in her tail, so in case you didn't know why you were here, it is,

brought to you by you for you, from you, and all about you, all about you, and this listener tail is camping themed, which is why we are creatures of the forest, camping is something I am unfamiliar with,

and something I would never like to be familiar with again. You've camped before, like in the

city younger, in a tent. Yeah, no. Yeah, I learned new things about her everyday. Yeah, with one of my friends, I went with their family. Why? Because I thought it was going to be fun. I went camping one. Donna, whoa, that's my mother-in-law's name. Donna, are you watching? Wait, doesn't Donna like camping? Oh my god, Donna loves camping. Yeah, Donna loves camping. He's reminding me. Yeah, I went blank. Yeah,

“that's what he's like, you can't with Donna. And I did, and I told you about this, but when Drew's family,”

they used to camp, like when they were younger, but they're not even really anymore, but they used to glamp. I love they had like a really nice, you can't stay, we'll be asked like an hour of your time, if that's okay. Is it my story? Is it just that you don't care? Can you stay for like an hour? It's a lot of questions, sorry. If you could stay for like an hour, that would be sick, but if you can, I understand. But yes, to do. That's one of the only times that I ever got sleep paralysis is when I

stayed in there. I don't know if it's, I don't know if I'm not sure what the difference between a camper in an RV is. Is there one? Beats me. They had a nice thing that we go back, go back. No, go back. It seems like it was nice. No, here's why I'm not going to. Okay. It was like a vehicle that you park in the woods and you sleep in. Like a nice one. And I got sleep paralysis there,

“and I thought of the blur which a lot. Valid, I was here. I think that's so fair. Thank you.”

And if you're going to get sleep paralysis, anywhere, it's going to be camping. Yeah, or something. I don't want to do it again. I won't be doing it again. I don't like it. I will not be doing it again. I don't belong sleeping outside. I don't like the woods. We just went into the woods, and I stepped in poison ivy and now I'm really paranoid about it. I mean, I love the woods. I'm looking at the woods. And I like like a nice walk through the woods. Yeah.

And I loved, you know, I like hanging in the woods sometimes I don't. But like, but I feel like it's a whimsical. It's viby. I haven't hung out in the woods since I was like a drunk teenager. And like, you remember woods parties? And yeah. So that was the thing. I actually referenced woods parties during one of my live show segments. Oh, there you go. Yeah, that's funny. Oh, woods parties were the best. They were fun. Why would give the woods? Yeah, that's fair.

That's a good thing. And then I'm not sleeping out there. Somebody would inevitably always see

the cops are coming and everyone would run into the like into the actual woods on the clearing time. Someone would yell cops. And the cops were never coming. Never coming. Except the cops did come one time. So they did come one time. They did come, but that wasn't my business. Well, now that's the woods. So, and this is the, that's our woods. But this is brought to you by you for you from you and all about you. So we need to move on from us. This is your woods.

Tell us not our woods. Tell us the tale of the camping woods. So the first woods that are your woods or woods. I love this is going to the first one is don't drink those fucking murder beers and how my dog vomited to save our lives. What do you do? Sorry, it's been a little while. You can just hang out. And if you have anything to say, go right ahead and say it because you're spooky and everyone loves you, Nicholas. Period. Okay. So whatever you feel, if you have something

you want to yell out yell it up. In fact, more people are into your vibes, Nicholas lately. They are.

“We have a few haters. Sure, you know. But you're always going to have haters, Nicholas. That's how”

you know that you're doing something right. Yeah, you probably have a page on run it. You absolutely have a page on run it. That's where you made it. But it all comes around and eventually people love you. Exactly. And if they're loving you. And Nicholas, I don't know. Maybe you should come to the life show with us for a little while. Yeah, he's going to. Oh, no. Period. Uh, so let's start here.

Good for you. But in my heart, it's Oregon. It's Oregon. Also, I'm never going to camp in Bend, Oregon.

“Now. And I'm never going to camp anywhere. No, especially not Oregon. Because of the Oregon trail.”

I'm not going to get this in Terry. It's right. Thanks. Uh, this is a doozy and maybe too long. I'm not sure. I like that. I like that you're not sure right when we start. You're like, I don't really know. Um, I want to start out in a good old fashion listener tells tradition and say how I almost instinct because I'm wearing sunglasses. How stoked I am to have found your podcast. My name is Sarah. And yes, you can use it. Hi, Sarah. My therapist says that listening to your

podcast is almost like a meditation. I love that. That was before I mentioned it was a murder pod. I was wondering if your therapist had all the information. I said, wow, me and my partner

are tattoo artists. And we spend a good amount of time traveling. This was in the first time we had

“camped in your bed. I like this. I like this. I like this. I like this. I like this. I like this. I like this.”

I like you. I like this. I like the vibe. I like this, Sarah. The best description I can make of the humans that inhabit this dusty forsaken land is as follows. Everyone is either a hipster, a hippie, or straight up good old boy backwards redneck. Well, I like three distinct things for a short moment. Yeah. And then you said, good old boy. And I said, hate that, hate that. So I'm going to take these off while I read because my eyes are not good enough. And then while you read, I'll put them back

on. Perfect. The three don't get along, but everyone can agree on one thing. The woods are a place are the place to be. And there are a lot of woods in this area. I mean hundreds of square miles of dense uninhabited woodlands from mountain biking, camping, river rafting, hiking, offroading, shooting guns. There's a lot outdoorsy stuff to do in the area. And that brings us to our story. I don't know why. I thought the need to do that. I really like that you did that. Can I do that?

You just want, like, my allowed to YouTube do that. Can you move on YouTube? You can move on YouTube. I don't know. I'm just looking at monetized. If you move on YouTube,

not, no, not booth. That means poop. It doesn't even. Booth means poop to me. Like, I'm always like,

oh, gotta move. But other people, I think that means shove a tap on soaked in alcohol if you're hot to get drunk. I don't want these other people. I don't want to be on the internet.

“Wait, we have a gen Z profile in the camera. That's what boothing is, isn't it?”

Like, I'm always just, well, not always one day. I just started calling pooping, pooping, pooping. And farting for that matter, too. This is a little pooping. Honestly, I like that. Like, that makes sense. Like, I feel like that. That's right. Yeah. But I shouldn't say it too much in front of people that don't know family, not like, oh, you're just announcing what they're fun. So good to have fun in alcohol, put it in your butt.

We, what about the bottle in your butt? What? Oh my god. Wow. I'm just outworked. I feel like you'd have to do a handstand for that to work. He said, yep, yep. I don't know how we got here. I'm from another time. So I don't know. I've landed here. She said that to my people just driving up like, my people just go, I don't know about this. And so my partner Chago is really into mountain biking. And there are some really popular trails in the area. First, I just read

that as, is really into mountain. Just really into mountain. My partner Chago loves mountain. One thing about me, love mountain. Chago is about an equal love. And by the head of one of the main trails is BLM land dispersed campsites. If you don't know what that means, it's basically free campsites with zero camp amenities like toilets, benches, tables, designated campsites, or a camp host. And it says, yay, shetten in a hole. Or Boothin. Or Boothin. Just primitive camping

in the creepy woods. We love that kind of thing, especially since it's free. That sounds horrifying to me. I'm not gonna lie. Shining in a hole. All of that. Yeah. Like that. There's nothing. There's no amenities. There's no toilet sponges, tables, designated campsites, a camp host, nothing. Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. So it was Chago and I with our pup camping out here down a long dirt road off the side of a main highway. We were maybe half a mile down the dirt road at a campsite that was

pretty far away from any other people camping out there. We hate people. So do we? Same. Down the

and some tent camps and a bit further down. They had some logging activity happening. So big

logging trucks were occasionally seen barreling down the dusty road. The first night when swimmingly

our pup's first camping trip had her rolling in the dirt like the little piggy she was and I had my hammock up in a nice book of relaxing. Chago rode his mountain bike to the local trails and was gone for a couple hours while I just hung out at the site. Then we drove into town to see my nephews and afterwards we met up with some friends and had some drinks. We got back to the camp kind of late that night and Chago was pretty buzzed. This night was not so relaxing with him

being in a booze induced bear-like hibernation. I felt alone and kind of scared. Oh, I don't believe me. It's not all. The forest was too quiet. Every little snap of a twig had my heart jumping. My dog either picked up on my anxiety or just felt the vibe and was whispered but whispered barking at every noise I got. I love when they do that. I know exactly the whisper that like more sometimes Delo doesn't enter sleep. Yeah. Something wasn't right. Not even the crickets were

chirping. Like they were the night before. Dead silent. Now I have a completely irrational fear of

“big foot murdering me and my sleep. Scream. He said you should scream. Yeah, y'all Sarah. That will make”

big, big foot go away. Listen, we're misunderstood. But I feel like a scream would make you be like, oh, yeah, go away. I don't want to hear it. I'm not going to murder you. Well, that's the thing you hear screaming. Oh, that was not my intention. Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. You kind of

bums me out. Yeah. Of course. I've always felt that. We're not trying to bother anyone. Yeah,

big feet. They just want to buy big foot feet. Yeah, big foot feet. I have a completely irrational fear of big foot murdering me and my sleep well camping and this forest was very squatchy. As the guys on the show, big foot hunters like to say, I actually love that. How dare they hunt me? So dare they? So I just chalked the bad feeling up to these squatchy woods in my irrational fear and finally drifted off to an unsettled sleep. Squatchy is a gross way. It's kind of hilarious.

On a metapia. The next day, Chago and I had a bit of a tiff and him having a brutal hangover was surely to blame. I decided to take a walk for some air and took my dog with me. She's a Frenchy and quite buff. So she looks kind of tough. That being said, she's scared of literally anything including piles of towels that weren't there earlier or statues or flections in the mirror. I'm so sorry about that. Anyways, we walked up the road deeper into the woods and turned

off to the right hand side after I spotted a pile of rocks that seemed like a good lookout spot to contemplate my whole existence and tried to distract myself. Were you pretending that you were

“in a music video? Oh, absolutely. I hope so. Yeah, you have to. You're a football. It's to do,”

when you're walking or when you're a loader in my car. Yeah, driving in the rain. Yes, looking out the window, you are be made and carefree. And your mom's for tourists on the

box and here's the thing always do that forever. It's called whimsical. Be the main character of

your own life. Okay. And don't feel bad about it. Romanticized. Yeah. Romanticized. What? He's synthesizing his life. He is like, I love that. That makes me happy because it nickels you're the main character. You're a large story. Yeah. So we were a few hundred feet from the dirt road down a slight hill. That's where I heard a noise coming from behind me and deeper into the woods. A kind of specific rumbling of an engine and a blasting of ACDC through some shitty speakers. What

sound? Very specific sounding. True. True. I turned around to see where the noise was coming from and spotted a white Ford cargo van coming down the road. That's never good. I'm going to get out of there. The front windows were down and I could see a man with a scraggly beard and a weird sun hat singing loudly and moving erratically. I don't hate it quite. That's not like totally put off by this yet. He's just singing slightly. Moving erratically. Yeah. Maybe he's just a white

person dancing. I'm going to move erratically. True. We're all known to do that. Yeah. My dog's hair stood on end all down her body and I got a creeping anxious feeling as he passed out of sight

“heading towards our camp in the main road. Okay. Specifically remember thinking as he passed,”

thank fuck he didn't see us down here alone in the woods. Well trust your gut. That's a gut feeling babe. We weren't there and we're in our house. No. So yeah. What do we know? You tell me that you suddenly felt bankfuck that he didn't see us alone in the woods? That tells me something. Shortly after, I saw Chago emerge from the trees riding up the road on his mountain bike. He spotted us and came down to where we were. He mentioned that he saw a white van pass our camp. He said the van slowed down

and the man driving made eye contact with my partner as he crept pass our camp. He looked like he was scoping out our campsite. Chago said so I knew I had to confine you and make sure you weren't in the back of that van. That's nice. Yeah. That was very nice especially after a fight. I know. I still love you. The thought may be shiver. We hung out for a bit and made up,

bolted in front of the bike's path, almost causing Chago to eat himself off the bike. That's tough.

“We then walked back to this stuff. We then walked back to camp for getting the weird van guy”

and getting ready to head to town. As we were packing up, I heard a noise coming from the direction of where the dirt road starts. Through the densely packed barren trunks of dusty trees, I saw the first glimpses of white. It was the van. The roar of the engines and blasting tiny music was very specific. I said fuck it's that man again. The anxiety started again. We sat and watched him rumble up the road through the trees. As it came closer, we just knew

some shit was going to happen. But it's like we were frozen. It got closer to our isolated single campsite and then fucking rolled to a stop. Before we knew it was happening, my dog flipped

her shit and started barking like I've never heard and ran at the van. Get her. I shouted to Chago

as he tried to chase after her. The man leaned out his window and I could see his greasy, long, black beard and long hair. Wash your head. His weird straw sun hat and truck stop sunglasses kind of obscured his face. There's nothing wrong with gas stations sunglasses. So like put together with all this. That's true. He was trying to say something to us through the nasty tobacco-stained face hole that was doing this in some front tip. Oh no. Our dog was still going kukunuts

and though the barking, through the barking, the guy asked, "Do you guys drink? Not with you babe." At this moment, Chago reached the van and my dog was trying to wrangle her and while trying to look as tough as possible. We were both almost fully covered in tattoos and he says an intimidating looking guy. This did nothing for us in this case. It was chaos. He tried to calm our dog down and as he was trying to try the man turned around and reached for something in the back of his window

less white van. So cliche. At the exact same time as this man reached behind him, my dog stopped

barking and turned to look back at me. I saw why she stopped barking. She was basically projectile

vomiting at that moment. What a super power. She was looking back at me with panic and her eyes. She was so worked up over this greasy human that she puked. I got it. Same girl. Same. She said, "Stay away from my pawwence in certain vomit noises at the end of pawwence." There you go. Anyways, the man turned back around and had something in his hands. It was two beers. Chago was so caught off guard from the projectile vomiting, LDB, little dumb baby.

He just instinctively took them out of the man's greasy dirty hands. Rapture. Not the rapture. Honey, look at us. Right now. I think we just got past a rapture. It's a rapture. I'm sure another one's scheduled. What would you do if I just went floating up into the fire? I was just like, "Oh, I'm going to have that!"

“Bye guys! Me and Nathan are just like, "Buck!" You must go. She wasn't even baptized!”

I just got down! You guys were both baptized right now. Yeah, you guys are pissed. Yeah, I just got here. I'm his dog mother. Oh my god. I think technically you're mine too, even though I didn't get baptized. My mom was like, "Yeah!" That's how that works. That's me. My mom claimed she baptized me herself at the hospital, but I don't think that works that way. I think it's how that works. Like she said she found some holy water.

She probably just like found this man with the beer, so I was pouring it on my head. Something that I'll work. I don't do. She just found the little basin somewhere and she was like, "It's liquid." It was probably like somebody's bad pants. Somebody's pants. That's just bad. I explained a lot about me. Thanks, Dars. Leave it in. Anyway, we'll see what happens next up here. That's evidently why I won't be

getting picked. I was baptized in a bedpan. Canon. Canon event. Oh god, now people are going to message me and be like, "I'll baptize you!" Yeah, it's going to get weird. Just get ready. Thanks, man. Have a nice day. Chago said in a way that invited no further dialogue. It was very direct in the deepest man, boy, he said, "Get out." The guy smiled, the gross, crazy looking smile, and slowly rolled off.

That's when he turned his attention to me. Still sitting far back away from the road, trying to position myself behind my parked car. I love that. He made eye contact, and as he rolled

“by, he shouted to me, "I'll lack your hair." You look like my sister. What the fuck?”

You look like my sister. That's mine. Oh, that's not your sister. That's mine. He's like,

but sternly replied, "Thanks." And stared him down as his van crawled away. You. Chago dragged

“our girl back to cab, and we tried to clean her up. After that was done, we looked at the beers the”

man had handed him. They were called Bonyard, something. Don't drink those fucking beers. I told Chago, as he put them in the fucking cooler, like a dingus maximum. Oh, go. We backed up extra tight, look, took all our valuables with us and headed to town to take my nephews on a bike ride to a more kid-friendly park. This park we went also had some more advanced trails, so while I sat and hung out with the children, Chago took a couple laps on his bike. Generally enjoying the

day and forgetting about the weirdness from earlier, me and the boys played in the sunshine and chased butterflies. That's adorable. I loved that. I heard the familiar worrying of Chago's bike and looked up, surprised by the look of alarm on his face. I stood up and asked, "What's wrong?"

as he finally reached us. He told me about how during his ride he ran into an older guy at the

top of the trail and had a very interesting and alarming conversation. Oh, the old guy told Chago that he wouldn't have been on this particular trail if it wasn't for a closure of Phil's trailhead where we were camping. Oh, God damn it. Chago thought he was just talking about how because of logging in the area, some of the trails over there were closed. No, not that the guy continued. The police barricade of the road, the K9 units, helicopters, drones, and complete energy of

emergency evacuation of the area due to a criminal on the loose. What? You guys missed that? Oh, shit. We're camping over there. Chago responded. That was happening while they were in the other park. Oh. Oh, is it you they're looking for them? The guy coily asked as he laughed and wrote away. He said, "I love you." I said, "Fuck that!" Immediately I got on my phone and started searching the news for any information. The closure and emergency evacuations were confirmed.

The cause was someone in the exact campground area we had at our camp at, had called in and threatened to kill everyone in the area and then kill themselves. They said that they had fully loaded rifle and handgun with them. Oh my God. Panicking, we packed up and headed to town, but the closure was still active. So we dared not try to return to camp. We sat at a restaurant called dump city. Why the fuck would you have

earning your restaurant dump city? What's crazy marketing? It's reckless as fuck. I'm obsessed with a kind of that they were just like, it doesn't matter if we call this. We had a couple of drinks and

“said, "Oh, dumplings, dump city, come for the dumplings." Wow, you should call them. Give them your idea.”

I do love dumplings. I do do. But I don't know if I get them from dump city. Well, they also kept

an eye on the press releases and waited for an update. The update finally came. Police apprehended

a man who was intoxicated and had made the call from his white-forward cargo van camped out in the BLM forest by Phil's trailhead. Or, no. It was him the beer guy. It was a good thing that you looked like a sister. Yeah, maybe that's what spared you. It all worked. It was him the beer guy. Now the murder beer guy. Really sunk in. He had reached behind him and had in his possession two guns, which he planned to use on people in the area. But instead pulled out some beers to ever so

kindly hand to us and sent my dog into a vomit attack of panic. This crazy guy had probably reached around his firearms to hand us those beers. I feel like I would spend the rest of my life being like, "Why didn't he kill us?" Yeah, that's stressful as fuck. Yeah. Thoughts started racing. What if we had been mean to that? What if I didn't remind him of a sister? I'm telling you. What if the dog had a vomit it and distracted Chago and he said something rude or told him to

fuck off like we would have done in any other circumstance? Yeah. What if he had seen me alone in the woods? Was that the bad feeling I got the night before? Because the man had been camped in those same woods? What if? What if? What if? Oh, I like how you ended that. I told Chago again, don't drink those fucking murder beers. We race back to our campsite after the all-clear packed up, half had hazardly at record speed and got the fuck out of those woods. We camped in my sister,

another sister. In my sister's driveway the next night and enjoyed a non-squatchy non-murdery evening.

“That's a nice evening, except Chago drank the goddamn murder beers. Here's the thing.”

I like how to feeling Chago was going to do the murder beers. Yeah. Chago lives life on the edge. He does live when I receive a lot about Chago. Yeah. Then in the theme of the day, proceeded to projectile vomit the bad juju that was for sure encapsulated in those ominous bone yard beers. Oh, no. And there it is. I hope this was entertaining because it's definitely

it's now enjoying the amazing and amazing sobriety. Oh yeah, Chago. And she said so proud of him.

And I say, we, so proud of you, Chago. Yeah. I hope you enjoyed this and I hope you keep aware, but not so weird that you narrowly avoid possibly getting yunked out of existence by greasy crazy van guy, but get saved by a distracting projectile vomiting puppy, impossibly looking like said man's sister. But then drink murder beers and get so sick that

“you grip it, give up drinking forever. Or do whatever floats your boat. Hey, whatever works, right?”

Oh my god, I love your dog. Oh my god, I hope you have a tattoo of that dog because that's the most tattooable dog I've ever seen. A beautiful, a beautiful, a beautiful, a beautiful. I feel like um, what's that style? Um, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, period. That's it. No, um, like, like, I don't know. That dog just looks like a tattoo. He does look like a tattoo saying. It's a beautiful dog. Look at you with your cool sunglasses on. Yeah, I got a puna moment. I just want to stare at your

dog when it's time to vibe. Sarah, that was an amazing story and it was really scary and I was on

the edge of my seat literally. That man would have killed you. Yeah, if you didn't look like a sister. So I'm really glad that you guys good for Chago. I think Chago read the room too. I think he was just like thanks man. Yeah, like he got the vibe. Yeah, it was slow. You guys were smart. Good job, Sarah. I kind of just burped that you, sorry. Good job. All right. Tell to my real life man or the bear. Oh, no. Oh, the bear, the bear, the bear, the bear. That scares me a lot. This doesn't ever like to remain anonymous and

well, allow that. We will allow you to remain an online design. Hey, morbid fam, you know that question that has been popular recently on the Tiki-Taki. Oh, yeah. The one asked of women, you're alone in the woods. Who would you rather encounter a man or a bear? Here's my real life answer. In August of 2024, I was almost just right. I was blow jobs. Just I was. I just became what the fuck. It says I was between job. Like not even slightly

that word. I don't know what that means about me. I'm not going to explore it. Sorry, sorry anonymous. I was between jobs. And I decided to visit my happy place. McLeod Falls and California is out near Shasta. And there's a campground that runs along three gorgeous waterfalls. That could call to me. Yeah. One camp there, but I'd go there. I'd look at it. Yeah. I'd look at it and then I'd go home. I had been there at least five times already, but I just love it so much

out there that I had to go again. I stayed about a week and although I went alone, the campsites around me were all occupied with happy campers. The first night I slept in my tent, but didn't sleep well. So I left my tent up as a placeholder and slept in my car instead. I've been on the road a lot and I prefer my car because it has a hard shell. I can get more comfortable and I can leave quickly if I need to. Yeah. That's fair. Smart. Yeah. I also didn't have campfires because I go to

better at least so I can wake up early. So the days go by of exploring and swimming. I saw tons of deer and one morning I even saw a baby black bear. They're so cute. So cute. Leave them alone. Don't go near them. Don't be like John and get out of the car and try to follow them. Yep,

“John tried to look at one very closely and even his 10-year-old children said maybe you should”

do that. I thought that was dumb down. On my last day I decided to pop a cap. What? In someone's ass?

What is that saying about us? I think you mean open a beer. But I've never heard that

ever. The only pop a cap I've ever heard is someone's ass. That means shoot them. That's not really fun. I've never heard that for like, you know. It was so mean. I thought it was like I've heard like crack one open. You know? My last day I decided to shoot someone. That's it. Period. That's so interesting. That's what I see while you wanted to remain anonymous. All right. I decided to pop a cap and this person who ever it is. Is it like, are you guys

for real? What are you just saying? What are you saying? No way. No way. You showed that before.

“No way. That was crazy. So you popped a cap and you liked the length of the water file?”

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. That was very cool. But once you get used to it, you can stay in all day. I was like a chubby mermaid out there. I swam under the fall.

long distance. What's happening? What's happening? It's the pop of the cap. It is.

So I swam under the falls and I floated with only the sounds of constantly crushing water. It was getting towards the on towards evening and I realized a lot of people had left and there was only two men standing on the bank. Oh, great thought. Get out of there. I continued to look jury in the falls for as long as I cut. And when I got back to the bank, there was only one man left. Somehow that's worse than two men. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? I don't know why.

As I was drying off and getting ready to walk back to camp, this tall overweight fedora my lady looking mother. Oh, no. Oh, no, like, my lady. Oh, no. My lady looking mother fucker approached me. He said, "Could you take a picture of me?" He was holding his phone and this seemed like a normal request. I said, "Sure." And started to climb down the rocks to take his phone. That's when he said, "I want to send my girlfriends and the Philippines a nude photo of me."

Oh, go fuck yourself, dude. You're so nasty. Go fuck yourself. I literally be like, "Fuck off and

die." She was. Yeah. Fuck off and die. I just screamed. You nasty bitch. I never even jump

back into the water. I just grabbed his phone and I immediately said, "Sorry. I can't do that and I handed his phone." I grabbed my stuff and I walked slash jogged as fast as I could back to camp. I was pissed. This was the last night of my magical camping trip. And now I have to look

“over my shoulder. I wish I had thrown his phone. I don't blame you, bro. You should have. You just”

stomped on it. But you know what? You were being smart. You were. And that very same thought triggered my first memory of coming to these falls a few years before. The same mother fucker asked me that same question at the same fall years before. "What?" I had forgotten because I had so many adventures around that time. And so the memory kind of just faded. Could for you. Then I thought that she was like, "Life is so great that I just forgot about that. Should anything?" Yeah. Good for you.

Yeah. Absolutely. That's awesome. So I had so many great adventures around that time that memory had faded. Then I thought how gross and pathetic that this guy is still out here trying to get women to take pictures of his teeny weaning. Like, dude, don't you have a life? No. This was

Dante's and Furo. I imagine he would be in the second level. We're lusty fucks are close.

blown into a violent storm without hope of rest. Tell you. And he would just be walking around for all of eternity with a broken camera asking for people to let him pose nude. Yep. So I got back to camp still pissed and upset and climbed into my car and watched the trailhead to make sure he hadn't followed me. I was in the clear now when I decided to totally pack up so that and so that that saw that that saw that that saw that that was so that in the morning. I could GTF. Oh. Once I was

packed up, I noticed that a lot of the campers around me had left. The camp dosenth was only a couple spots away and a cabin. So I felt okay. I got ready for bed and curled up in my car. What's a dosenth? Do you know? Like, I know like a museum dosenth. Well, what's a dosenth? I think I would you can't, I'm trying to think of for like a campground what it would do. What does a museum dosenth

“do? I think they're like, they like oversee everything. Oh, is it like a keeper of the grounds kind of?”

I would think so. I'm not sure. So don't hold me to that. Well, that's what we think. But the night didn't end there after I curled up in my car. Some young men pulled up at the campsite diagonal of me. I hate that. Yeah. And they left their car lights on as they looked around and set up. I realized I wasn't going to get any sleep right away. So I grabbed a little bottle of tequila in my green and I sat on the picnic table in the dark looking up at the stars. It was

dark and I was quiet. I looked at the stars and I savered my final night in one of my favorite places. I do respect that you're like trying to like not get them to ruin it for you. Yeah, I'm like still having a whimsical moment. Yeah, for yourself because you deserve it. You do deserve it. And like you should be able to do that. Yeah, I've been out there 20 minutes and I noticed something walking about 20 feet for me. I couldn't see well and it took me a moment. But I realized that it

couldn't be a deer because of the size and the way it moved. It was a big block bear. Oh, it was scouting for food left behind by other campers. I sat still so it's not to start a lot. I saw it

“recoil for a moment. Like it smelled me in my booze. I think it's since that I wasn't a threat.”

So it walked past me, not wanting any trouble. As soon as it passed, I climbed into my car just in case. Yeah, black bears are like pretty. They're chiller. Yeah, as long as you don't like fuck with them, they won't fuck with you, usually. I think isn't it like their more scared of you, really? Yeah, black bears get like freaked out. Oh, it's getting a shit. Yeah, that's their protecting their babies. But obviously you don't want to fuck with a black bear. No, I mean, no fuck with a bear.

We have a ton of those around those. Yeah. The bear didn't bother me. It's silently shared space with me. The bear didn't try to manipulate me. The bear wasn't pervy. The bear didn't ask me to take a picker up. The bear didn't ask me to take pics of it naked. Which kind of would have been a door of all for the next slime. In fact, the bear was naked and it still wasn't creepy about it. The man made me feel uncomfortable. And I said, see, would have tried to lure me in and escalate. So yeah,

team bear 100%. Well, yeah, I love that. I love the man and the bear in the same night. Yeah,

Like, she didn't even talk about like feeling scared of this bear. No. She just was like, oh,

“shit, that's a black bear. Yeah. She was like, I'm just going to sit here for a minute and it looked”

at her just kind of smelled and was like, all right, I'm going to walk away now. Isn't that just like really sad that a woman will be like, oh, wow, a black bear? And then, oh, fuck a man. Like, then see, yeah, that's real. That man walked up to her and I started to take a naked picture of him to send to his girlfriend in the Philippines. How do you mind if I went my dick out? Yeah, I do. You wouldn't know where she doesn't go to school here. Yeah. Yeah. Like, that's that's five

and this bear just chugged on through. Yeah. But yeah, anonymous. That was a good tale. I'm sorry you experienced that. Like, I'm still glad that you had a good time, but I hate that they even

tainted your trip twice because that's gross. So a beautiful place. Yeah. All right. Tell number three.

I literally got lost in a horror movie desk for a survivor like the TV show style featuring a rift in the fabric of space time. He said that again. He's out here. Yeah. Are you talking

“about Mikey? He's usually here. Sometimes he silences you. Maybe that's why he's talking so much.”

He's like, he's not here. So I'm out. Also, he said, he said, listen to me. Yeah. You see what you did, Mikey? You see that, Mikey. He's like, God damn it. It was been done. He was like, it was an intense story, okay? I have to start off with a bit of backstory. So you better understand why I did what I did and how on earth I ended up in this situation. I grew up in a small town in Manitoba, Canada. Speaking of Canada, for Mikey's, my parents are ultra hippies in

the sense and one of their children to go up near nature. So they bought a house off grid on the edge of a forest where I was born. Oh, my parents had me in their early 20s and after deciding they wanted more children after many years they had my brothers in quick succession. That means that I technically grew up in only child because my brothers twins were born when I was 14 and my baby brother when I was 16. Oh, wow. So I defined ways to entertain myself. You may say that my

parents were crunchy. No preservatives, food dies, having their own chickens and sheep for eggs, a wool and meat, walking barefoot and so on. I'm obsessed with this. They became less and less strict in this regard as I grew older and especially after they had more children but it's still in there somewhere as my brothers are also quote unquote forced to play outside. We had a rule when I was a kid that you had to be outside for at least four hours a day. School and other activities

didn't count. Yeah, you got a ground. That meant that I played mostly alone in the forest near our home every day until I was about 12. Since my friends usually had other things to do after school, I suspect their parents didn't enjoy the idea of their children running around in the literal swamp before us to die. I used to go into the forest around our home and do whatever six-year-old children with sticks and rocks did. From then, school ended until it became dark. I was outplaying

hide and seek with my imaginary friends, climbing trees and eating dirt. My parents used to call

that me gaining an immune system. All right. I tell you this because I've always felt a very

strong connection with nature and the forest and even now I live basically in the forest with my girlfriend like the cottage core grumlins we are. I love that. I love that. I'm obsessed. I never felt scary or alien to me which I believe clouded my judgment and caused me to have a huge case of hubris that put me in a dangerous situation that easily could have been avoided. That's another. That they're like, yeah, it's beautiful. But it also maybe do this. Let's true. I love the word

hubris. I do too. Now, my first year at uni and made some wonderful friends, Ali and Isaac, that love all things outdoors much as I do. We made it a recurring tradition to every year go out bare bones camping in the early fall. I call it bare bones camping since we usually only packed one tent that had been someone's garage for God knows how long far too little food far too much

“alcohol and that's about it. See, I think that's why people enjoy camping because I think they”

bring a lot of alcohol. Yeah, and exactly. So like you can enjoy anything with a little like a pace of inebriation. Yeah. We took a week off and made it a sort of challenge how long we could survive with the things we brought with us along with whatever we foraged and made. Now that may be many people's worst nightmare. But I enjoy it a lot and consider myself quite apt at surviving in the woods. And I respect that. If there ever is a zombie virus outbreak, hit me up and I'm sure we'll survive.

Thank you. It sounds worse. It sounds worse than it was. But now when we go, we do prepare better. For example, we bring a lot more food in those foldable polar panel. We bring foldable polar bears. As you're doing foldable solar panels that can change your electronics and two tents since

Oh my god, Ali and Isaac. Come on, you're fucking in the camping trip. I've been somewhat

older and a little smarter because it was honestly a miracle that nothing really bad happened to us the last five years. So last year, 2022, when it was time to go on our annual survivor knockoff camp, it was our five year anniversary. So we decided to go all out and go to a national park a few hours away from where we lived. The park had many campgrounds in different overnight accommodations. But in true us fashion, we didn't want to be around other people. So we decided to hike

right into the woods in a random direction and see where we ended up. I like that. That's a theme here that everybody's like, I didn't want to be near other people. I just, I really hate people. So I decided to

“be with you. That's how you know that you're our people. Yeah. Now before it gets spooky, I have some warnings.”

Ali and I don't do this. It's super dumb. We're dumb people with no regard for our, all right, too. Never go hiking right into an enormous forest if you aren't on a hiking trail and aren't familiar with the location. Don't go to tell me twice. Three, if you do, bring water and food and

a compass or a map, don't be dumb like us and never go alone. For first aid kit, you know it, you

love it, bring it with you. I appreciate those warnings. Those are really good. Now that I provided the masses with an adequate warning, let's get into the meat of the story. We went into the forest on a Thursday and in high spirits and with lots of spirits in my backpack. In the afternoon, we found a little clearing and set up camp there. This forest wasn't really the dense, that denser dark, but it was very symmetrical. If that's the right word for it. Every square meter looked

the same. So when you didn't see any landmarks, you could walk around 100 meters and it didn't look like you would move. Oh, that's not good. The first night was totally normal. We ate freeze-dried spaghetti and got a bit tipsy catching up and having a great time. You can't freeze past that.

You can't freeze-pat freeze-dried spaghetti? I'm intrigued. What the fog? I'm intrigued. I said,

I'm not like Simon. I don't want to see it. I don't even know about it. Like show me what freeze-dried spaghetti looks like. No. I want to see it. Can you just bring a thermos with real spaghetti? Yeah. Freeze-dried spaghetti? It's like astronaut food. But I know we had to try that when we went to an astronaut museum. That's cool. You know, the astronaut museum that we have around here.

“I think they're good. I don't know. We went there. We tried freeze-dried food and it was gross.”

Oh, I love spaghetti. I remember trying freeze-dried ice cream and stuff. Yeah, the ice cream was the only one. But we tried other stuff and it wasn't good. No? No. I don't remember it. But that's spaghetti shouldn't be freeze-dried. We shouldn't do that. I'd like to see it. And that's where we stand. That's where we stand on that issue. So on Friday, we would deeper into the forest. I wouldn't do that. That's where I stand on that issue. No. After a while, we found a spring and decided to sit there

for a bit. It was literally the most boring, normal camping trip ever until it wasn't. That wasn't until our phones died. They told you. So for context, we didn't bring any charging equipment with us. But we also didn't use our phones for anything as that was part of our challenge. Right. We had them turned off somewhere in our bags and when Ali wanted to take a picture of the spring, her phone wasn't turning on. So naturally, Isaac and I also tried to turn on our phones, but none of them

would turn on. I hate that a little bit creepy, but maybe we could have the cold during the battery or something. I don't think that happens. That evening, we tried to find a place to set up a tent, but the trees grew so close to each other that it was impossible to find a large enough area in a pitch of tent. We hadn't walked that far from the spring so we figured turning 180 degrees and walking back would be easy. After two hours, when we still hadn't found our way back,

I started to get freaked out. Isaac and Ali started building a semi-functional shelter from the wind, and I went to try to figure out which way was the way back to the parking lot. I had to figure out which way was east. Oh fuck that. How I would do that? I had no idea. Since the sun had just set, and you couldn't really see any stars or anything, because the trees were in the way. That's when I heard something that sounded like a grown-ass man screaming. The way that you just dropped that

“he was like, "Yeah, so weird. It was crazy. It's starting to get a low." And that's what I heard”

the man screaming. That's how I know your man, because if I heard that, I'd just sink into the earth. I'd sink into the earth. Like, top of his lungs falling off a cliff without any safety equipment screaming. You know what happened? He found your freeze-tripes. It's in you, man! Tell it to. It did sound far off, but it still gave me goose bumps. I could still see Isaac and Ali, so I shouted to ask them if they had heard anything, and they hadn't. Which was super weird. What

they're because I only stood like 50 meters, like 160 feet from them. And it was really loud.

the fucking map in the stream? Which one of them? Who is it? They already did that. Goddamn. Later on, we laid down to try to sleep. Isaac said he heard something walking in the forest, like twigs snapping and footsteps. Pretty soon you're going to have a little handprint on your chin. That perfucks me. Not perfect. Even just thinking about that, I was like, because the kids make some noise, like they're lifting some- Oh, stop, no, no, I don't like to talk about it.

That noise sends me. That movie is a masterpiece. And they're not going to do a good job re-making. You can't remake it because you can't remake that marketing. Also, the amount of you can't do it. I wasn't even there and I know you can't. I'm not a fair thing. Like do we get to see the Witch this time? No, that was scary part. No, you don't. It's like why the strangers doesn't work in sequel form because you showed me the strangers. I hate the strangers. No,

“your brain is scarier what it conjures up. Exactly. That's how we feel about that. Thank you.”

Sorry. Thank you for coming. Weirdly, Ali and I didn't hear those footsteps. The first, we, I don't like that. It's like traveling through the group like one person or something, the other two don't. I don't like the next person here, something different. These two don't. Because it's isolating everybody in that moment of fear. And I don't like that's weird. I don't like that. I do love that for like a story, though. Great story. So the forest was dead quiet,

like unnaturally. So we couldn't even hear the wind or any animal noises, but Isaac insisted that he had heard something. The next morning, after miserably failing to sleep, we again tried to make our way back from where we came. We still had some food left and water purifiers in case of emergency.

So we weren't going to starve and with the daylight, I was a little scared. But the night's always

coming. We spent the day just fooling around and still trying to walk back, which was a bit easier

“so it's since the sun had come up and we could figure out which way was east. Around midday,”

we could hear running water and finally we had made a back-to-the-spring. Or so we had thought. Alley went and picked some berries so we could snack on them while Isaac and I sat around and tried to make a game plan of sorts. Are you guys going to start tripping now? Probably a little while later, I could see alley running towards us zigzagging through the trees, yelling something. When she stopped, I could hear her say she saw the parking lot from where we came from,

but that was impossible if this was the same spring clearing area. She swore up and down that she'd seen headlights in the distance and heard a car engine stop, so we packed up our stuff and followed her. There was nothing there. No sound to play with. No roads that a car or four rear wheeler could have driven down nothing. At this point, I still wasn't as freaked out as I probably should have been, but we continued walking in a straight line to the best of our abilities, thinking we would hit

the edge of the forest somewhere. We set up camp for the third time and almost as soon as the

sun went down, shit got wild. As I said earlier, in this forest, every tree looked the same. There was almost no natural landmarks and you easily got turned around. So when I went to pee a little bit away from my friends, we're close, but not that close. Sorry. That's respectable. And I saw an oak tree. I was thoroughly flabbergasted. This whole forest was like pine trees and other tall skinny trees. So what a fuck was there a large, probably at least 70-year-old oak tree in the

middle of the forest? Then I started hearing things, like small animals running up and down the tree trunks and skittering all over the place, almost like they were running from something, the blue witch. I showed my flashlight in the direction of the sound, and what do I see? Two reflective big eyes staring at me. Huh. Now I'm tall. 183 centimeters or six feet. When you look at something far away, it looks smaller, right? So tell me why this thing was maybe

70 meters away from me? I don't know how far that is. But the eyes were at I level with me, meaning it was big, big. Was it a bail? It moved towards me. And this was not an animal I knew about.

That's first. I thought it was a moose because I saw something that looked like antlers,

but they were super skinny, and the sound it made did not sound like a moose. It was very high-pitched, like a fork scraping on a plate, becoming from a throat of someone with tuberculosis, who smokes three packs a day, descriptive. It's like, um, where's that monster? Where's the monster? Oh, he's over there now. He's like, oh, what from the ritual?

“The from the ritual? That's what I thought, too. Right. Immediately. I thought about that.”

Is it a big auto-windigo? It probably is. Perhaps. It does. It makes me think of a windigo. That's not good. That's really bad, in fact. I did what any sane person would do, pulled up my pants and ran screaming in the other direction. Yes, smart. I yelled at the top of my lungs and hopes Ali and Isaac would understand that they also had to run at this point because

nothing. The adrenaline in me at the time was through the roof. I could literally hear my blood traveling through my body and it felt like an out of body experience in a really uncomfortable way. You. I waited a bit and when I was sure nothing moved or made a sound, I quickly tried to sneak back to where we had camped. I could still see the light from where we had put up the tent, so I slowly walked towards it. There, eating berries and other plants we had forged, set Isaac and Ali,

totally chill, but a bit puzzled why I had been gone so long. I was still worked up that I was in a totally not chill way, shouted at them because they hadn't run when I told them to. We didn't hear anything. Was the answer to that? What do you mean you didn't hear me screaming at the top of my lungs?

“Apparently the only thing they noticed was me going to relieve myself out of the eyesight,”

and after 15 minutes, me coming back from them, I told if from a totally different direction. Why? I still don't understand how the fuck this was possible. Safe to say, I did not sleep well that night. We were a bit worried the batteries in our flashlight would run out since we hadn't charged them before this, so we had to lay there in the pitch black forest just staring up at the orange roof of that tent. Somehow I managed to fall asleep and again

a solid four hours of sleep before Ali woke me to tell me that Isaac had for real this time found a road. We got going in the direction Isaac pointed us to and there it was a well-travel trail. I was elated. Normally we camped for about five days, but we decided to cut this trip short because the vibes weren't there. They were not immaculate. Also because I was scared shitless, we followed the trail for only about 40 minutes until we got to a parking lot. Now here's something

super weird. We went into the forest on a Thursday and we came out on a Saturday, but we had spent three nights in there, so it should have been Sunday. How did we experience three nights? But it had only been two days. The sun came up and down three times in the span of two days, two days. Super weirded out. We called a new bird to get us out of there. Eight some Wendy's for dinner. The appropriate decision. We tried to come up with a normal explanation

for all the things we heard, saw and experience, but ultimately we decided it was better if we didn't know.

“Life is fucking weird, man. Side note. I tried turning on my phone back home and it turned on with”

60% battery left, so I don't know what the fuck that was about either. We're not meant to go into the woods. No, first I'm going into the ocean. No. We did go camping the next year again. Two guys are absolutely fucked. You're fucked in the head for that. That's wrong. How dare you? You're wrong for that. Did you bring free threads for getting again? But this time, we were better prepared. I camped in my part of the woods to my childhood home in order to avoid any horned

monsters lurking about. Yeah, but what does they know you now? What if they like marked you? Truly, what if they have your scent? They do? What if what if they do? Yeah, they do have your substance to say no. That was that. I have some true crime stories I might send in when I get to writing them. Please do. As I said, I don't particularly enjoy writing, so I might take a while. It's you did a great job. Try that. Once again, thank you for existing and reading my story.

Oh, it's so much. We keep it weird, but not so weird that you go camping survival mode and start hearing things and get caught mid-pist by a demon. So scary. It makes you experience an extra day. Don't do that. Like, actually, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. That is a horrifying story. The way that you experienced an extra day. Waza. That stressed me out. Waza.

“You saw the monster from the ritual. I gotta tell you, I think that's one of the best”

ones in her toes we've ever had. Yeah, that was crazy. Yeah, I was like really first out by that.

I would love to hear Isaac and Ali who I loved that they're in love now. I mean, they bonded. They did because a lot of times they were just left alone while you were screaming and pissing. Yeah, I want to see surprise you guys aren't a propel after that. That's crazy. It's crazy. Wow. Wow. Fuck. All right. Tell number four. The tail of the camping murders. Yes. murders. Oh, as in more than one for multiple camping trips. Oh, and you kept camping.

And this listener tale has a prologue. Oh, it's a subtle end for this one. This is gonna be the culmination. All right. My husband, Josh is a fjosh. I don't know why. I just like to say, Josh, as a few years older than me. Eight years to be exact. Get it, boy. And just for you, said that not me. But honestly, you get it, boy. Just by our age difference, our fun levels

have always been on the same page. And he's always been great with getting along with my friends.

Part of the reason why I love him so much. So on summer, I told him my BFF since middle school, 25 years of friendship, and still going strong. Oh, yeah. We're going camping for a weekend, and I wanted us to go to. Now, I had never really been camping. I'm what you would consider

these BFFs back in the day. But when it comes to going away for a long weekend, I do enjoy the

finer things and like to stay at hotels or nice air and be air B and B's and go to nice restaurants and feel fancy. Yes, I feel like I'm like talking to myself right now. Yeah, yellow and my right, you aren't right. Remember when you know, Evan's got that tattooed on our body, and I'm just thinking about that. Oh my god, I forgot that. Yeah. Well, I'm rewatching Team Mom too. I did go camping once in high school after senior ball, but I got very high, a cicada flew up my shorts, and I freaked out,

and then I passed out in a tent only to awake the next day, as if the night was a blip on my radar.

“Honestly, a cicada flying up your shorts is a fucking nightmare. Yeah, really. Those are scarier.”

Honestly, a cicada existing within a tent for radius of view. Literally. Anyway, I was excited to go spend a weekend in the wilderness for real with my friends and my husband. But when I told him about the plans, he paused, looked away briefly, then back at me with a bit of fear in his eyes. Oh wait, hold on, can I, can I show you that? So he paused. Okay, he looked away. Wow, that was what happened. Academy Award winner Lena Erkart White. Thank you. Crazy.

I like that you said, wait, that was just so you said, and you said, you asked for Miss, you said, can I show you that? Can I? I said, yes, of course. Can I wow you with my, with my acting ability? And you did. Thank you. It was cinematic. I thought it had to happen. Okay. Yeah, he told me he didn't know if it was a good idea for him to go camping because the last time

“he had two times he had done so there was a murder. A murder. Two. Let me just quickly go on”

a tangent because I feel like right now I should say submitted for the approval of the midnight society. I call this storage. We were, we were in the tail of the camping murders. Oh, hell yeah, you've just set the vibe and then said poor midnight dust on the fire. Yes, love it. All right, so chapter one. Oh, I love it. You're killing it. Josh grew up camping a lot. He used to go all the time with his dad and it was a really fun thing he used to do. When he got a little bit

older, he wanted to relive some of those childhood memories and experiences, but you know, he was a college kid with no money and he didn't have any of his own camping equipment. What happened? So the first time he went camping when murder number one happened. He needed to borrow his dad's tent. I'm sorry, he's going camping alone. I just want to know probably. His dad is a good dude, but very particular about people borrowing his stuff, especially his

camping equipment. So it was important not to lose the tent. I mean, that's important on any camping trip I feel. I feel like also it's like the most vital thing when camping so like you're not bound to

lose it. But I've never came to lose tents. When they came, maybe if they like blow away, I guess.

That's your shelter. Don't lose it. That's terrifying. See, I shouldn't camp. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So long story short, he lost the tent. I guess it happened. He lost the tent. I suppose that happened because it was states evidence in a murder. So it doesn't usually happen. So he didn't use it.

“It was taken. It was taken. Usually happened. What the fuck is happening right now?”

Okay, so this story takes place in 1998. I was too, oh my, you were 12, 12, 12, math. It was spring break of Josh's junior year of college. A couple of his college buddies in him went camping down your Maryland somewhere. Where? Not chair, but it was cold. It was April and it was north enough that it was cold out, but not like upstate New York and April cold. Anywhere. Anyway, there was anywhere. Anywhere. Anywhere, anyway. There were four of them and they were well,

idiots. They brought nothing but beer, weed and snacks. That's a theme. You have survival camping. Yeah. And they were the only ones in this campground because it was so early in the season.

Remember early April, kind of northeast, probably about 40 degrees. So the first day they

set up their campsite, they were like, this is way too cold. Fortunately, there was a log cabin nearby, that they could rent. So they moved all their shit to the log cabin and proceeded to basically get fucked up for three days. Wow, they're in college. On the third night, the guys decided to build this super big campfire outside. Side note, don't do that when you're like super duper fucked up. Yeah. Okay, back to the story. They got logs from the trees and they built this stupidly massive

raging campfire and we're being stupid, college-aged boys yelling things like, "We are the kings of the forest. We are all near." Oh my god, man. Well, when often the distance, they see this other normal size campfire. Now, when I say distance, I don't mean like 40 yards. I have no capacity of what that is. I mean like out in the distance, a pretty decent way. Okay, maybe a quarter mile or so. It's like almost half a football field. All right, right? Because like 50 yards, I think

All I remember from cheerleading is, first in 10, do it again. Come on, defense work. Work.

So I know the 10. Wow, that's, you're really rude for that. I just put myself out there.

“I just put myself out there and you were a mean theater kid and that's why.”

And that's why we're different. That's exactly what I mean. I was just spreading cheer and you were a mean theater kid. Judging me, you're right. Wow, you're right. And that was my high school experience. That's actually why I quit cheer because people were not nice to us. It was like the complete opposite of every like high school movie. I was like, "Oh my god, I'll do cheer and I'll get really popular. Yeah, whatever it was like loser." I was like, "Okay, I quit. I'll do softball."

Then they were like, "Let's be in." And I was like, "You're not wrong. You're halfway there. I'm by." And that's a little about me. Oh my god. All right, so how'd we get here again? From Booth and Ty's school time sexualities, real-engined back to camping. I guess so. The fire was noticeable, but it was a little far away. But it was the only other person in the general vicinity of where they were. So these guys, the drunk high fucked up idiots that they were, started screaming and chanting at the dude,

"Our fire was bigger. You can't beat us. Fuck you, dumb other person. This is our forest." It sounded just like, "Fuck you, dumb other person." This is our forest. That's like the voice that I do for Drew and he says something I think is dumb. He's like, "I don't sound like that." "You're underage. This is the girl's dude, too." Like, and that was like,

that's just, that's woman fun. He's like, "I've never started a sentence with love." And I'm like,

“"But in my head you have to." When you say a dumb thing, it always starts with food.”

You know, things that stupid dumb fucked up college kids would say, "Yeah." And that was it. The fire went out, they cleaned up, and they went home, except because they switched to the log cabin. Josh forgot all about the other campground that they had set up, which included, yeah, his dad's fucking tent. So he left his dad's tent in the state park. Here remembers the sinking pit in his stomach when he got home and thought, "Oh my God, the only thing I couldn't

do was lose this fucking tent." Which seems like it would be hard to do. Yeah, but apparently not. But of course, he lost it. So he got up his roommate who was one of the four idiots on the trip. It was still spring break and his buddy lived closer to where they went camping. So he asked, "Hey, man, can you swing back over there and pick up my tent?" He was about an hour away from him. The friend said, "Cher, no problem." That's a good friend. That is a good friend.

So a day goes by. This was pre-texting, hello, 1998, and his buddy calls Josh, and the combo went like this. Friend. Hey, so I went to the campground and there's a problem. Josh, what? Friend. Well, you did leave your tent there and they did find it, but they don't have it anymore. Josh, what do you mean? Friend. It's a state's evidence now.

“Josh, what are you talking about? State's evidence? Friend. Well, remember the person we were”

screaming at in taunting. The only other person out there. There was a reason why he was in his private secluded area in the woods. He was on the run from the fucking police because he just chopped some people up with an axe. What the fuck? The guy that they were taunting in the woods was a literal axe murderer. Look at literal axe murderer. Fucking, eh. This is what you do when you're drunk, I and stupid. It's the plot of every awful 90s horror movie, but after they left,

the axe murderer apparently came to their cabin and looked around, touching Josh's dad's tent, which then became evidence. They got lucky that he didn't come while they were still there, but that was camping murder story. Number one. Holy shit. They almost became murdered. axe murdered. They almost became murdered. Yeah. All right. Chopped her, too. Camping murder. It's a chopter, too. I might have like chop. Chopped. Yeah. I didn't mean to. Yeah,

chopter, too. Camping murder story. Number two was like two years later. Josh had purchased his

own tent at that point because his dad was so pissed at him for having his first tent become

state's evidence. Yeah. Now Josh was like, OK, great. I have my own tent now. I have my own equipment. It's 2000 now. Josh had just graduated college and he's the millennium. Oh, look at that. Oh, my god. It's the millennium. Totally roofestured. So Josh had just graduated college and he remembers exactly what night this murder took place because it was the night of this big red socks Yankees game where Pedro Martinez pitched against Roger Clemens. Oh, fuck. You know, we were talking

to, baby. Fuck back guy. It was a classic pitcher's duel. Now this trip was with a different

drunk idiots. Yeah. So they go to this campground in upstate New York somewhere. And this campground

is packed. The exact exact opposite of his first murder camera trip. This campground was not

remote at all. In fact, it had its own main community building, which is where Josh remembers watching the red socks Yankees game. That makes sense. Anyway, at this time, Josh and his buddies

“were 21. There you go. I was right. So what do you do when you're 21 years old in camping?”

Same thing you do when you're 19 in camping. You drink? Yeah. A lot. Now at this campground, Josh remembers the people there were kind of weird because they were almost like a set of clicks. Their group had about 30 people and they took up a bunch of campsites. But the group next to them, he thinks were Eastern European. He doesn't remember exactly where they were from, but they clearly were speaking another language like Polish. Hey, my honey's Polish. And then on the other side of

them was this giant massive group of bikers. That would make me feel so safe. Me too. I like bikers. I do too. Much like we like truckers. Yeah. He said they stood out because hopefully I don't regret saying that I hope they're not the murderers here. Who knows? Yeah. All right. Well, he said they stood out because there were so many motorcycles everywhere. But the drunk 21 year olds, Eastern Europeans and bikers were the three main groups and their portion of the campground.

What a grouping. Truly. It was like earlier with the hippies, the hipsters and good old boys. Yeah, this is a bit of a better trio. So the first two nights were fine. On the third night,

it's always the third night. It always is. Josh remembers getting really drunk. Again,

college kid, idiot. But nothing really eventful happened. So he went to bed and passed out like one of those drunk two AM passouts when you're like, oh, I don't want to see the world for a while. Then he felt like he was suddenly woke up, woken up. And when he was able to gain some someone's subconsciousness from his still drunk slash early hangover state, he just heard screaming,

“terror and screaming, and someone yelling, oh, shit, I think Josh is in there. Which is like,”

the last thing in the world, you want to hear when you're in that state or in any state. When you're conscious, he fully woke up, opened his eyes and the entire world was on fire. Everything was burning, including his tent. Oh, so he opens up his tent and remember, when he went to bed, it was a lovely summer night. He was drunk with his friends, a true all-american experience. He opens up his tent to fucking hell on earth, just to complete hellscape

in front of him. So what apparently happened was the Eastern European group and the

Biker group at some point, like three AM, got in, always three AM, got into a fucking epic brawl,

just a crazy brawl that spilled over into his friend's campsites. And one of the big moments of the fight involved somebody getting pushed and knocking over a grill that had a bunch of hot coals in it. Oh, no, probably hot dogs too. Oh, not the fucking hot dogs. I'll dare you

“waste a dog. But those hot coals landed on Josh's tent and caught it on fire. Holy shit,”

brand new tent. Oh, he just bought this really proud of it. So now his tent is on fire. There are bodies from this giant mass of brawl all over, including one and he doesn't know if this person actually died or not. But in his drunk state, the student was murdered because he had one of those cooking forks that you used to flip a steak stuck in his head. What? Like embedded in his head. And he was bleeding from his head with his eyes closed. Did the guy survive? Josh doesn't know,

but he thinks he did. Oh, man. And while Josh is still drunk or hungover, his tent is burning, and he's like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. Yeah, you do. Then they then just left and went home, and it wasn't until a little bit later, with some retrospect that he was like, "I'm not sure I can ever go camping again. My last two camping trips involved taunting an axe murderer and having my tent taken to state's evidence. Then I got a new tent and that

caught fire because two random groups got into a fight that left my tent burning and someone getting stabbed in the head with a pitch fork. Yeah, that should tell you that you're not supposed to camp anymore." Well, then I asked him to go camping. Yeah. Chapter three. So he tells me these stories, and I'm like, "Holy shit, are you a liability?" He is. But they say, "Third times a charm, I really wanted to go spend a long weekend with my friends experiencing the world like an outdoor

cat." I love, and Holy shit, are you a little bit like, just like, "You're the problem, fuck am I just learning that you're a liability?" Is it me? Is it you? So we bought a new tent. Oh no, and all new equipment because we had none. The trip was four days, three nights at some state park and Pennsylvania. Everything was great. I had so much fun hiking to meet about third night. I know. Finding random lakes and streams to swim in, we're learning to play

kube, which is Viking Chess, if you haven't played it's awesome, and I will be happy to teach you. Oh, teach me. Thank you. And being with my friends and their partners, I was loving it. Yeah. Until the third night. Yeah, here we are. We're at the third night. Fucking third night.

now and again. However, we weren't idiots like his friends. We were very mindful of everything because

“we were at a very family-friendly campground. Oh, that was nice of you. Yeah, and technically,”

you're not supposed to drink in state parks in Pennsylvania. So we would hide the empties, either in coolers or in an opaque garbage bag. We also didn't, you know, taunt any potential axe murderers or get an any epic brawl. Good for you. So the last night we were there, we still had a lot of boost. So we decided to get after it a bit. Well, let's get after it. I don't smoke anymore, but some of my friends do. So they enjoyed some of that. And then, oh, we had the

Vampire Weekend Pandora channel playing quietly in the background. You just took me back that ambitious member Pandora, a Pandora channel. I just love the shins. Yes. That Pandora channel. Yes. It's really a plus. Do you know that? Papa got me ad-free Pandora. Wow, that he's a he really was. Yeah. Wow, a Pandora. I'm going to listen to Vampire Weekend Pandora. My art teacher used to let one person put their phone on the like shed. There's like big stereo thing that you could

put your phone on top of. And it would like play music. And she always let me put my Pandora channel.

We used to use Pandora in the morgue. Oh, yeah, like a glamorous fucking Pandora. Yeah. Wow. So it was a lovely final evening, just sitting around the fire, drinking, relaxing, chatting, listening to Pandora. It was after ten at this point. So that's technically quiet hours. But we were being respectful of the other people camping, not being loud. When all of this out in a flashlight shines towards us and then another, we freeze briefly in

Josh Whispers. It's happening again. But this time we're going to be murdered. God damn it, Josh.

“I'm like, you should be right now. You got to get the fuck out of the campsite. Joe Whispers to”

me. It's happening again. We're going to get murdered. I'd say it's your fault. Go on and get it. Then in the fires glow, two park rangers come walking up to us and they say, how are you doing? My stone didn't drink friends. seemed a little nervous. I mean, I'd good. Then they asked if we were drinking. We lied and we said no. Then one of the rangers shunned a light on a beer cam at one of the tables. A beer cam that I left on the table. Oh,

girl. I was the fucking idiot that night and left evidence on the table. Oh, no. They then proceeded to tell us that we're not allowed to drink and that we had to pour out all of our

alcohol. They had fun doing that. They were like poured out at first. We tried to reason with them.

But they weren't allowing it and they watched us as we murdered our alcohol. And honestly, the forest because we had to pour it all on the ground. Yeah. One of my friends made the point that it was bad for the environment, but the rangers didn't care. That's when at one point, Josh yelled, I'm 40. How can I not have a drink? He wasn't 40. But he was the oldest of all of us. He wasn't. I love in fact. It's like the narrative. In fact, it was not for me. But he was the oldest of all of us.

I told you at the beginning his age would come back and was trying to use his age as part of the reason. The whole thing was stupid, especially because we were being quiet and not interrupting anyone else. Needless to say, we poured out over a hundred ounces of alcohol that night. We went to bed afterwards, because the mood was killed. I'd say so. And that was because of me. I was the murderer of our fun and our

alcohol, quite the twist. You would never think that you'd be the murderer. Never. Fortunately,

no humans were injured this night. Just are you ghosts in part of the forest ground. So I guess third time was a charm of Josh's camping trips. Thanks for reading this. And I hope you keep it weird, but not so weird that you were involved in multiple murders while camping in the third murder ends up being you. I love that. Well, that was such a good one. I really love that. I love it a lot. That's a lot of murders on camping trips or just shenanigans. That's a, I think that's just

like what happens on camping trips. Yeah. And I just think like that's that, you know, I think you did it. I think you're all. I think so too. And that's that. Yeah. What else are you going to do? You know, what are you going to do? All right. There's a little bit of the last one because it's Apple Lachin.

“And that's where you went. You have to end on an Apple Lachin one. Apple Lachin. So this one is”

excuse me. Let me get my eyes back. I don't know if I will excuse you. Remember when you were a theater kid that taught me, I allowed you to act and you didn't even allow me to cheer with judgment without judgment. I can't help my face. You really can't help my face either. How ghosts turn my hike on the Apple Lachin trail into a full-on sprint? Hi, weirdos. My name is Katie. Hi, K-2 pronouns. She, her. Yes, you can use my, and it, too, too. I am 22 years old. Yes, you can use my

name. And I absolutely love your podcast. I believe for something spooky to happen to me for some time. Now, so I can finally write a listener tale. And what do you know? I was blessed with an absolutely terrifying night just for you. I could write paragraphs about how much I appreciate you both. But instead, I'll cut to the chase line. The chase being the scariest night of my life. I'm going to apologize in advance for the length. It's about eight and eight minute read. All right.

greatest year of my life. It never is. My 21st birthday. My friend crashed her head into a wall,

“so we're not friends anymore. No, it never will be. No. So instead, it was easily the hardest.”

It seemed like every week was something new. Family illness, myself getting six several times. Friends passing away and doing my best to support my other friends while they also went through the hardest year of their lives. It's safe to say when 2022 came around. I was ready for a break from it all. In January of this year, my dad was reading the paper when he came across an article of a girl who had hiked the entirety of the Appalachian Trail. It was immediately intrigued.

Anyone that knows me knows I'm a bit of a tomboy. I love the outdoors and practically grew up in the woods. I decided right then and there that I would hike the trail. I hoped it would be a fresh start

from the craziness my life had been. You did a lot of it. Yeah, you did. In September of this year,

I left for a month long hike on the trail and was immediately hit with its intensity. It was easily the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Yeah, I'm sure. However, there was one night

“in particular that stood out more than any other. Twenty days into my hike, he called. All right,”

Jesus Christ. I just by whole body just felt a warm, I'm tired. I just knew that. I cool up the stairs and I'm like, whoa, that was crazy for me. So twenty days into my hike, I had arrived at a shelter. For those of you who aren't familiar with the trail, there are shelters every eight to tenish miles in case of harsh weather conditions. Shelter is usually consisted of three walls in a roof. However, the shelter I had reached this particular night was one of the largest shelters on the trail.

This one was rectangular shaped, form walls with two large door frames on either side of the walls running lengthwise. On either side of the shelter were two bumps. I've attached a drawing for reference. Thank you. I arrived at the shelter late in the day. Rather than pitching my hammock in a tree, like I did most nights, I decided to hang it inside of the shelter between the two bumps. My hammock came with a bug net that fully enclosed it well I slept. Little did I know this would become one

more obstacle in my scape later on. I then attached my food sack to the rope and threw it on top of the roof, securing the other end to a post down below, so I would be able to pull it down later. This protected it from bears. The only predator I was supposed to expect on trail. Uh oh. By the time I was fully set up, it was 9 pm and it was dark inside the shelter. I was fully alone tonight, like I was most nights. I decided to do my hike in the off season, so I rarely saw

anyone. Most of the days and nights were spent completely alone in the middle of the mountains. Or fine. You're brave, extra terrestrial. And not. I zipped myself into the bug net and settled down for the night, texting my family and friends so that them know I had made it to the shelter for the night, like I did it every night. About 15 minutes later, I hear what sounds like footsteps approaching

“the shelter. I remember sying in relief. Nights alone in the woods were often terrifying and it”

always helped having fellow hikers nearby. I waited for the footsteps to approach the shelter,

so I can form my new friend that they were welcome to sleep in the shelter with me, but they never did. That's really nice that you would have just told a stranger about they could sleep in the same area. Yeah, because I'd be like, "Don't come the fucking here." It's occupied. Occupado. Yeah. Bye. I wasn't worried though. Lots of hikers prefer to pitch their own tent outside the shelter for privacy. I again find myself playing on my phone, talking to friends,

and scrolling Instagram with what little signal I had. After a while, I noticed I hadn't heard anything more from the footsteps. No shuffling to set up camp and no footsteps walking away. It seems strange. Hate that. For my vantage point in the hammock, I could see outside. I couldn't see outside. If I had any lights on inside of the bugnet, I wouldn't have been able to see out. The light from my phone reflected off the black netting and would only light up the

inside of my hammock, but nothing on the outside. I set up myself deeper into my sleeping bag and try to relax. No more than five minutes later, I hear heavy footsteps again approaching the shelter. This time from the back. Oh, you surrounded. I quickly set up and press my face against the bugnet in order to see outside and wait for the owner of the feet to appear. The footsteps walk right past the doorway, and I see nothing. I immediately feel the blood in my face drained

down my spine. The noise was close enough to the door that I should have been able to see whoever it was, but no one was there. My whole body hummed to life with adrenaline. That's a long babe. Whoa, whoa. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to get a grip. Maybe it was just a possum walking by, and I hadn't seen it due to a short stature. I knew deep in my heart. It wasn't that. Breathe calm down. I was silently screaming to myself, you're fine. You're just worked up.

I laid flat in my hammock for several minutes, listening for more while my pulse hammered away. Just then I felt my body began to relax, and I heard a noise that seemed to defen everything around it. On the wall closest to my feet, I could hear the sound, what sounded like a baseball bat,

Psycho killer! Footsteps again crunching in the gravel alongside it. I don't like it. Right now

“seemed like an appropriate time to run to safety, but again, I was in the middle of the forest,”

and I had no idea who or what was out there. It was then that I recalled reading a comment in one of my hiking acts, apps that mentioned this particular shelter. The comment read, "Weird guy at the tent sites for some odd reason. He displays a bait baseball bat at his site." I was certain at that moment that the sound was the man from the comment, and that he was going to bash my head in with that bat, period, period, indeed. I quickly sent a text to my dad saying

that I didn't feel safe where I was, and to mark my location, in case something were to happen to me. Imagine getting that text from your child. No, no, no. That would be, I would die. I'd send a helicopter to Apple after me. I would take flight. Yeah, period. I think I would become a cryptid, and I would lie. I would take flights. Yeah. Oh, I'm just hit and stuff. That's Mama shit. He replied, "Second Slater would get your bear spray out." This only increased my

rapidly rising pulse. I had brought the bear spray for protection, but never planned on using it,

and I just got a baby. As I'm sending the last text, I hear the bat sound again. This time, on the stoop of the shelter, I shove my face and head lamp, which I had just what wrestled out from under my sleeping bag against the bug that again, and seen nothing. I feel tears rolling down my cheeks without even realizing that I had been crying. I get the hot. I remember thinking, "I'm going to die if I don't move." I pushed aside my feelings of fear and tried to replace them

with thoughts of someone braveer than I am. No, you're a hell of brave. You're brave just for being

“there. That's what I'm saying. I strapped on my head lamp, unzip the bug net, and nearly fell”

to the ground. In my left hand, I had my phone open to dial number one, and my right was bear spray. As confidently as I could, I stepped outside of the shelter with my bear spray up and called out, "Hello? No, you don't do that. You don't do that. That's the worst. No." You know, you walk out there, you say, "I have a gun." Yes. That's what you say. Yeah. Nothing. I wasn't quite sure what my plan was, but I knew it involved spraying this asshole of the face if he came running around the corner.

What if you were just like, "Hi." Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No, what? What? To the back side of the shelter was horrified. Nobody was there. But I could hear the footsteps again, loud and clear, walking south of the shelter. I knew right then and there that what I was dealing with wasn't human. Oh, not now. A lot to buy. I switched my phone from the calling app to my camera, knowing 911 wouldn't be able to help with this one, though, and started taking a video for proof. Just as I had done so,

the detached footsteps stopped, turned around, and started walking right up to me. In a panic, I ended the video and ran back into the shelter. Once inside, I frantically punched numbers to hostels inside my into my phone, desperately hoping one would answer and send a driver to get me. My hopes were low since it was now 10 p.m. at night. After being sent to a voice to voicemail multiple times, one of the hostels called me back, and I broke down into a full-on saw.

“Oh, I remember the conversation going something like this. "Mam, are you okay? No! Do you want”

me to call the police for you? No, they wouldn't be able to help. Why not, honey? Nobody is here. You're alone? Yes, but that's not what I mean. They were probably like, "What? What?" If it was me, I'd be like, "Oh, ghost." Yeah. Oh, you see a ghost. I'm going to send someone for you,

babe. I explained my situation more in depth to the lady, and she went quiet for a second before

telling me she didn't have room at her hospital hospital. What a bitch. I felt like I was going to pass out from fear at this point. Hearing the panic in my voice, she gave me the numbers of several hostels in a nearby resort. What a nice moment. Seriously, though. Just sleep at the desk. Like, make a little room. I'd be like, "You can sleep with the lobby here." Yeah. And then once you're here, we'll get you somewhere. Yeah, because she knows what's going on. It's a, it's a walk. It's a walk.

It's a walk. Well, I'm dialing the resort. I could hear footsteps now running past the doorway on my right. It's a flush pedestrian. Again, nobody is there. I'm hyper-ventilating when the front desk lay the answers my call. She informed me to get to the closest road as soon as possible, and that she was sending a maintenance man to pick me up. Oh, you know, they get these calls all the time. And have a lot to go. I hang up the phone and start throwing everything into

my pack. All the while, trying to ignore the footsteps running around the shelter. I exit the shelter and scramble to where I hung my food sack. And a panic-stricken frenzy, I try to untie the knot before giving up and cutting it free from the post I had tied it to. Was there free strats beginning in there? Probably. And I want to see it. Oh, no, you don't. I want to see it. I ran through the woods until I made it to the road I had crossed on my way in. The maintenance

man was already there waiting. I made the same man. I threw myself into his truck without checking

decision, but at this point I was okay with riding with a potential Bundy. If that meant I was near

civilization. I'd rather deal with a human scary person than a invisible scary thing. That's see, I'm the opposite. In Appalachia. That's true. I'm not right at all. Yeah. Yeah. The car read to the resort was long and awkward. So I decided to tell the driver about my terrifying encounter.

“We know because I was just thinking here's the thing you can kill a person. That's true. You can't”

kill a ghost. That's dead. He proceeded to inform me that I most likely ran into angry spirits. After all, quote, "the trail runs right through native lands." That sent chills throughout my body.

My witchy friends made me take crystals with me for protection from things like this.

Later that night after dumping the contents of my pack on the hotel room floor, I found one of my protection crystals had a piece broken off. My friend informed that me that this meant it had absorbed a large amount of negative energy and was now quote-unquote useless. Yeah. I almost made this the last night of my trip, but decided I wasn't going to let a little ghost

“sighting stop me from having perhaps one of the best experiences of my life. You're about us.”

I'm so thankful I didn't. I continued to hike for the rest of the month and finish proudly after having hiked 283.5 miles in 30 fucking days. You went back. This bitch. This bitch. You went back. During which time I made lifelong friendships, hiked through the entire smoky mountains and learned more about myself in 30 days than I have in 22 years of living. Wow. You ate? You ate? You pride in your love. She's on that trail. Many of those days I spent listening to this podcast to

keep me going. That's so fucking cool. That's really cool. So to put an end to this incredibly long story, keep it weird, but not so weird that take it away. You decide to embark on a fucking journey, hiking across the apple auction, fucking trail. And you say, this is all

thing is going to change my life. And the first time that you try to set out their

this footsteps and the baseball bats and the spirits and the broken crystals, everything gets to you and you get in the car with a man who you don't know if his Ted Bundy, but he says, I'm not Ted Bundy, but those spirits are going to get you boo and you say, no, they're not. I'm going to finish this trail and you keep it so weird that you finish the motherfucking trail while listening to morbid, which also like the fact that you listen to morbid the entire time. You have the apple latch in

trail. Like you made it harder for yourself in that way. That's true. You said, I'm a freak myself out while I do that. You got your freak on. Missy Elliott would be proud. I'm going to missy Elliott. You are on a missy Elliott and you got your freak on. That was scary. That was great. If you guys thought that this was going to make me came up. Yeah, you're wrong. I'm saying. Well, you people as usual, can I ask you something, do you say as per usual or is that redundant?

I do not like saying as per usual. Does it feel redundant? Yeah. I know as and per are different, but I don't love it. But aren't as and per kind of the same because it's like per my last email.

“That's what I would feel as per. I don't like as per usual. As as as as as my last email. Yeah,”

like per my last email. Yeah, I'm totally on your side. I think I might think you're like, you're like, I think I'm going to start saying per per my last email per per per per per. I don't know anyways. I've gone on a lot of tangents this time. Good job. If you have any listener tales, send them in with a listener tale in the subject line. Yeah, to more of a podcast at gmail.com do it. We hope you keep listening. And we hope you. But we really hope you keep listening. Yeah.

And we hope you keep it weird as weird as us. Yeah. Bye. [Music] [Music]