Ciara Miller on Prozac, Race on Reality TV, and Her Best Year Yet

pop model. We talk about Jenna Jamison and how she dominated the 90s. You know, she's horny and she's in charge. She just was very smart about marketing herself. We talk about celebrities who maybe shouldn't be celebrities like the Beckham guy. Brooklyn is their first kid. He's had a little bit of the neppo baby curse. We investigate orgasm cults.

A woman's erotic power can unlock many other powers in her life. And of course, we discuss people who have gotten into lots of trouble. My name is Malima Bluffin. I am one of Jen Shaw's many victims.

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Sabrina, current. I have been listening to a new show from the binge called Fatal Fantasy. I am obsessed. I need to know more. Tell me everything. I will. It's a very shocking. It's this like ultra weird crime story of a murder for a higher plot that, yeah, wait for it. Leverage the dynamics of the underworld and underworld being a medieval fantasy game. Wait, so it's live action role playing gone wrong, horribly wrong. And you can binge

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listen, search for Fatal Fantasy and hit subscribe to the binge to get all episodes. All at once, add free. Hey guys, I'm Carl Radke and welcome to more life. Today's episode is a very special guest

Sierra Miller. She is one of my best friends. She is a dynamic, amazing personality, but you've

seen her on summer house. You've seen her walk red carpets. She's a nurse. She is so much good stuff going on. But more importantly, she is so smart. She's been through a lot. I cannot wait to talk to her. So I hope you guys check this out. We are coming to you live from Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Here at Softbar. Sierra Miller. Welcome to more life. I'm so happy to be here. Such a great, great pleasure to have you here.

“I mean it. Listen, when Sierra came in, you felt like you feel it in the best way.”

Because it's chaotic because I'm like, I got them taking my jacket off. I'm my phone, cords, caught up somewhere and I'm a mess. Well, you made it. And I appreciate you making the trip out the Greenpoint. This is so cool. This is so insane. It's full circle. You were here back at the end of August for our softbar soft opening. Yeah. And I think I showed a little preview of upstairs. Yeah, you did. But it wasn't quite built out like this. No. But also just crazy in the

sense of like, this is, um, you're so adult. Right? Okay. Let's jump into it. Okay. So this podcast is called more life. Yeah. I think you know why it's one of my favorite songs. Do you have a phrase or saying that you live by? Of course. Do I know what they are? You got something. Mm-hmm. Okay,

Lane says I, one thing I always say is I just need a minute. Like, I just need a minute. I just need

a hour. I just need a second. I just need a day. It could be. I just need a, I just need a, insert a length of time and or fuck you. No. I like the fuck you more than. Yeah. No. I feel like my saying I feel like you're in your fuck you era a little bit. Yeah. And like my pros act era of like, fuck it. Honestly, everything's going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine. It's going to work out. Well, we're going to get into some good stuff like that. I want to, I do want to talk about

pros act because I have some friends with mine that have actually been helped by you and some other friends of ours. Amanda, who've opened up about some of their, you know, anti-depressive journey. And it's helped a lot of women that I actually know personally too. So my hack is off to you for sharing that. And I think it's really beautiful. You're Sierra, but like the best version I've ever seen. I got things. And I want to tap into that. But I do want to get into something maybe a little

“more personally to me, you know, back in season five when I first met you. Yeah. I'll never forget”

Sierra walks in the door. We had heard about this new new girl coming to join. Oh, yeah. Did you guys look me up before? I didn't look you up. But Luke had mentioned that this beautiful girl was coming. Mm-hmm. You walk in the door. And I'm like, oh my god. Oh my god. You had this biggest smile. You had the cutest little outfit on. And you were like, I mean, fresh, dropped out of Atlanta, Georgia. New blood. You had no idea what was going on. No idea. I was not to live with seven strangers.

Seven strangers for seven weeks, six weeks. When you just came in, you had a big smile on your face. And then I think, you know, quickly it turned into like what the hell that I decided to sign up for here.

Yeah. That was going on. I mean, we were all kind of going through this really crazy time.

Being in that house together. Sure. Being there with each other was fun. Sometimes it was very toxic and difficult. Yeah. I didn't know y'all. You barely knew us. Barely. I didn't know you at all. You didn't know anything. And I really didn't know Luke well enough to be like sharing a house with him for seven weeks. Damn. Well, thank you Luke for introducing us to speak. No big shout out to Luke. Yeah, we appreciate that. But you know, I think that's

summer I draw upon this a lot. You being someone that was super super supportive to me going through one of the most difficult things I've ever been through. And I think I've told you this a couple times before. Yeah. But just like that moment meant so much to me. And I'm mentioning a couple

“different moments that summer after my brother had passed. I'll never forget sitting on that”

balcony right outside of my bedroom. Yeah. I don't even think we sat in chairs. I feel like we

like sat on the floor. Yeah. I was like on the floor. You might have been in the chair and yeah. And there was just something really special about being able to have your support, have your friendship. And you know, you didn't really know me that well. Yeah. But that moment is really meant a lot to me over time and over time just because I've ever gotten to know you more and understand you more. It just shows your character and who you really are as a person. And I met so

much to me because I was going through it. Yeah. I know you've dealt with loss and you've dealt with being a nurse, you know, family who's got similar stories. So I guess like what do you think cultivated that bond between you and me and how has it grown on you? I mean, do you think about that at all? That's funny because I feel like when I'm in the hospital, you're with so many people

who are like people of love one to have passed and like they're going through hard times. I was just

I felt bad. You know, obviously like we were in this house together and like you get this unexpected news and like yeah, I just wanted to be there for you. And I think like I was like if it's the least I could do and it was kind of awkward on my part because I was like I don't know him that well. Like you said that like I don't I didn't ever you know, your brother I didn't know you that well, but it's just something about the way you it's showed you cared but also like you've like dealt

with that before and I don't think I understood fully your nursing career. Yeah. And I think like when you are obviously like dealing with someone that who had an addiction and like you would talk about like the way your family would worry and like you know the ups and downs of everything and death is obviously harder for the living but I think that there is so much peace you can find in death and like it's it's sad they're not here with us physically but I think like you know

at that point in time like you kind of have to reframe how you think about things flip your perspective on it and like even though he might not be here with us like today it's like there's so much that has come from him you know leaving this earth a little too soon and there's so much that he's taught you in this and that you've learned about yourself and that your family's learned about themselves and like we're not here for a long time you know we're here for a good

time. I was going to say I'm going to tell you it's a dream for a good time. I appreciate you flipping

“the thinking because that's how I've made sense of my brother's teaching is he's a piece you say”

he's safe your mom knows where he is like and I don't know what it's like to lose a child and I can't fathom that and I you know that statement is not enough in that moment when you are losing a child a loved one a brother of the sister like anything and I I know that but I also know that in the process of dying like whether you guys were cool or not like there's you guys had this bond he's your brother and he was just sick you know and there was a lot of

things that were kind of within his control but also out of his control you know and his illness so it seemed like you you had like this like superpower of dealing with death that I wasn't ready for yeah I felt like I you really carried on a little bit that sadness that I had and you were like you know just felt comfortable with you because you dealt with death professionally and I don't know was it like was your nursing skills on play there or honestly when I think about it I okay so

when I took a break from nursing post pandemic and then I went back to it like last year or the year before I was like I think you become so accustomed to dying I like you are in the ICU you see it every day and when I really took a break from it and then went back to it I was like oh my god this is so not normal like I've probably seen more people die and Ben with them and their final hours than like most people see in their lifetime and I'm 20 oh 30 I was a say

that was a slip I'm 30 now but I was there was a time where I was like I'm 25 I'm 26 and it's like the amount of death that you're seeing at that age I chose a profession where

“you have to reframe how you think about life and so early on because you're putting these situations”

where yeah tomorrow is not promised you're seeing it very straight and clear it doesn't matter how old you are how you know all the factors in the world kind of don't matter because inevitably this is the plan you know and you're only guaranteed life death taxes and so it teaches you quickly like

family that we we're nursing or what really prompted you to want to get into nursing oh my god my mom made okay it was your mom I thought yeah my mom's a nurse got her dmp so I thought

the mom we did see your problem so smart and so my mom's a nurse I always thought I wanted to be

“in the medical field I think I wanted to go you know I wanted to be a doctor at first and then”

like a graduated high school then I was like modeling and then I was going to take a year off and then my mom was like pay me rent and I was like I don't want to pay rent and she's like you're gonna go to nursing school and I was like I'm not gonna go to nursing school she basically filled out my entire application which is so nice because let's say the application is kind of sucks no I've only filled out one college application before I'll never do it again but I'm like thinking

about going get my master's and I'm like oh my god do I have to fill out my own application could you do this yes like I'm like what call my mom and be like you please if you have your mom fill out your master's application then I don't think you're ready for the masters maybe carol but yeah so she filled everything out made me you know drug me to the open house and I had a bad attitude about it was then I actually really liked it by the end of it and then I had to take

like an entrance exam when I went to the open house I had already been accepted but she didn't tell

“me that so honestly she worked really smart on that one because I was convinced I was taking a year off”

it's actually really good stuff I don't think I ever knew that your mom was low key controlling controlling well we're gonna be on your mom and your family stuff in a minute but I want to get back to you and I and just some of our the current season of summer house and our relationship and our friendship you've shown up for friends you've really shown up for me I guess how do friends show

up for you oh my word of the year is actually community I don't feel like I've always been the

best at showing up for people you know I feel like it depends like I think when you do show up though it just the the power of you yeah me but let's let's let's back it up though you moved in New York and basically like started your life like boom it takes some time to get adjusted and get settled it didn't fit for anybody like a little bit of grace should be offered for you your bearings underneath you yeah but I mean I remember we threw your anniversary party oh my gosh

the only party like I will ever throw for myself like parties even parties intimidate me because I'm like what if no one shows up like it's the thought of it's so scary and you're sitting there like a

“kindergarten or like is anyone gonna come to my birthday but now I think I don't know if you love”

someone you're going to show up for them I think that's showing up for someone is the quite literally the easiest thing that you could do it's something that doesn't cost you any it's an amazing quality of people who show up I feel if you do show up for the people you really do care about yeah and if I don't care I'm not going oh you don't get me like I'm not which is a flop but what do you talk to me what are your thoughts on I mean I know you live this season

but you know it's still airing but I think it's been fun to watch kind of just the friendship dynamics you even mean you talking a little bit about I love okay the evolution of our friendship we went because there were some years where we didn't really talk now well I think part of that was a function of being in a relationship yeah maybe some of the tension yeah no for sure but like it's just interesting how we've all like we've changed and like because I feel like even you know

other relationships in the house like where I'll say I didn't talk to Lindsay for years now we talk there was a period where we didn't really talk for maybe two years but like not that much yeah but I like I still had this like I love for you when I was just like we're going through stuff we're all going through stuff but it's like it's funny how we all like still find a way back to each other I think you needed to grow up a little bit some of us and I think so much we

are weird resentments behind our some of our selves that once we kind of got through some of it and we realize we have a lot more in common than we yeah and I also think there's like the underlying layer of like innately like we're trying to compete too but then when we realize like we're also different we're competing in different areas that don't even really matter and then I feel like we've grown up and kind of like shed the pressure of like having to compete with each other so much

I like that I mean it's it's really impressive I think a lot of people ask like how is your show been on so long yeah and I think a part of it is I mean look at examples of past drama with Ukrainian Danielle Lindsay or yeah me Lindsay whatever might be but we can fight like cats and dogs yeah cry put it all out no we're not what's beautiful is having you guys like I love seeing you and Lindsay friendly it's like the nicest cool I mean it's the craziest thing it's crazy it's because

like that summer was nuts Vermont was nuts the summer was nuts like they're having some crazy things that and like things that I've also just happened off camera too where you're like

in a normal situation I feel like I would have never come back from that like I would have

stopped talking to this person and we would have never been friends again and like this show forces you to reconcile and yeah like we can reconcile and still not like get along we have to co-exist with each other but like you know me I hate you I'm done with you I'm so absolute and I like really had to change that thought process about myself and like but also that coping mechanism alone like so it's interesting just like I'm the same way I'm getting older and I want to sometimes like

getting our audience and people watch summer house examples of situations that actually I think it's helpful for the audience to watch like sure a friend group going through it and then like right not trying to resolve it and work through it like the audience should see us get through it and come back on the other side because I just think like we don't leave anything open at it like there has to be a resolution like yeah and not even has to because we're on a show but has to

because like we're sharing the same space we're gonna see each other again but also what are we just gonna like we'll be kind of the same fight over yeah I mean we can sort of and we do

“but we should you know well something I actually I think you're gonna like this part of the”

conversation slow burn I want to talk to you about slow burn and I think initially to me when I hear slow burn almost sounds like a dig or like it's a negative thing yeah but guess who's a slow burn now you are slow burn and I have a lot more respect for perhaps why slow burning can be more helpful especially for me I want to want to trust and understand get to someone even into a messy just like it takes me some time to warm up to someone I'm sober you know I'm gonna really feel that can happen yeah

but you've watched me try the date hmm and y'all have watched me try the day who do you see me well for real but what I want to do now I don't want to share my experience with the studio the master by tag leapt or bücher soft behind the internet and so master's real ah say you they can't do the zurück oh yeah you mine's from a steuer upset huh but they are not egal zauber word for lust for trag make the whole thing like that and when they then

are working he says catching that's right save like that steuer hold it your money back now just try it out is your garden start club for the fruiting by action in quality and the smallest price hand in hand to buy a lot of money you just have 24 or 48 or your garden catch up and share and you're 1, 240 and decades yet all the garden product in our trillion and in the action app action, smaller price it goes for it. I feel like he kind of got to be with someone who's

I actually kind of want you with someone who's like a little high energy very high energy active but like I like that type be because I feel like you're so me like you have all I'm type A but have a lot of be moments you can be chill but you're type A yeah like you're getting the car ready who's

I'm never doing that I love being dead. Getting the cooler I'm not doing that chatty is there

I mean I'll make the same one. You'll make the same and you make great for this sandwich. Thank you but like I think like someone that can kind of be like lax today's a cool um but also I feel like

“you have to be with like an intellectual person like you want to have like deep conversations”

I feel like you need to be with someone who can match you there and like be able to think of the world in a different way and challenge you. I'm just gonna bottle all that out. So someone's smart. Yes I need intelligence but I like the idea of the active. Yeah. I'm very active and I like adventures and using my energy because I have a lot of energy but I do like that chill in like some of you can bounce ideas off of you know like I like still it being silly.

You're ready I think you just need to trust yourself and also just like exhale yeah. And like not everything's gonna be like perfect. Well you did this to me two seasons which is a really funny moment on summer house. I'm known for making my bed in the morning and being super clean and uptight in the room and it's part of just like how I live a

sober lifestyle there's a whole thing about making your bed in the morning but I'll never forget

you were trying to tell me to loosen up and like just be a little more carefree so you had walked about you told me all this and then you walked by my room and that was like I dare you not to make your bed one morning. So Sierra walks by and then you came back before she walked back again I had already ruffled up the bed so she looked like I because she didn't notice the first walk by and I'm like oh gosh then I walked back and I was like that's that bed made and then you were like

mid or off of the bed. I was like no right now. I ruffled it all up because I'm trying to be a

“little more loose with some of these things and I think you've helped me just kind of. But I run dare”

I say let my hair down. Let your hair down. Which by the way quite literally. Today's hair style is brought to you guys Sierra. She told me it looked good last summer. No it's sometimes I'm like the bedhead is like hot you got to just go with it you know. I like it well you you're stuck with this hair for now. I mean I love it the gel get rid of it. Yeah the product's got to go and you shade to or bay but I do like my or bay. Anyway. Well back to the summer house stuff. Obviously this season's been

a little bit of a transition too. We miss you miss your bestie I miss our bestie. Yeah. Page. Yeah. You know it's been an adjustment but I think for you and something I felt like is obviously not having heard that there's a huge loss. Yeah. But I feel like we're getting to see another

more version of Sierra the version that's always been there but like. Right. You're kind of seeing

more of you. I think I need to watch it because people are saying that where I'm like I feel like

opinions like someone's bound to be like you know. I feel like the three of you Amanda you know page and you like really influenced each other and had a great feeling that I loved we all love that like that bugs were amazing but like how did it change your experience this summer not having

page around? I was a bit never I was nervous. Yeah. I was nervous for the group but I also

didn't clock like the bond you three had had until we were there I'm like wait. Who do they gotta talk to in the morning? What if Amanda is fighting with someone? No, literally I'm like or what if she didn't manage to decide not to come that weekend then there's not two of us there's one of us. Yeah. What did happen? But I Mr. Love her so much she didn't die she's just not there so like I can call her texture you know. The first weekend was like kind of an adjustment

and Amanda looked at each other like are we nuts and so it was a little it felt a little peculiar

“but I think it gave us like more like me and Amanda more one-on-one time to like explore our”

friendship and like I also feel like I was in such a different place this summer like I wasn't sad I wasn't you know I do feel like I take on some of my friends anxiety sometimes so

yeah so I feel like I could kind of like worry about myself for a second even though I still had like

Amanda it's like you go from worrying about two people to one person where I'm like I can almost manage that. I mean did you notice I mean you felt pretty comfortable weekend one without her there obviously but yeah no it depends yeah I mean sleeping alone is not and not unlike having my own room isn't telling that's so familiar like I love talking at night and there were moments where I'm like yeah who's room can I go into? I think Jessie and I both offered that as an option but yeah

I don't think you took a stop. Well I went I went to Jessie's room one morning. I mean I have a question really good one. You were famously known as a certified bed bug but you got out of bed more this season. What helped you make that shift? Prozac. Show it's Prozac. Show it's Prozac. Show it's Prozac.

“Show it out to Prozac. Do we talk about Prozac? I would love I would love nothing more. I think it's”

amazing that you've found something that works really well you can tell and feel the difference.

Thank you. And it's like it's amazing just to see you blossom and you've come you've come into yourself it really seems like and hopefully because of Prozac or. No truly I attribute it all to Prozac the fact that I was on nothing I don't know. So before getting on Prozac had you been doing therapy? Oh let's go through my journey. Yeah I want to talk about it. Okay so we know I go to my Costa Rican retreat like every year for the past like three, four years ago around December, January.

Yeah around December, January that's like my reset. I get my mind right. I do it alone. I'm not there with anybody. Right away going alone internationally snaps to that. I mean shows like how comfortable you are in your own skin. Not everybody can be. I love to travel by myself. I love it. I can do whatever I want whenever I want and I don't have to entertain or like think about anyone else's schedule. It's the freaking best but go there get my mind dry and then like

I would feel better coming back from there but it's only two weeks out of the whole year and then there was a period like I first tried well but you trend and I don't really feel like you know they max my dose on well but you trend I didn't really feel like I felt a difference after like a few

“months. They're like initial like okay I think I should reach out to a doctor therapist's body because”

I was just feeling I was like I am so sad and I also cannot leave my apartment. Everything felt like such a huge task. I also think my anxiety was like a lot worse than I thought it was like when I first moved to New York like my first year I was having like quite a bit of panic attacks and just like so much anxiety but I was like living in a new place. I have no one here like I'm in this unfamiliar lands like of course like I can do my anxiety to that but then like that wears off and I'm still

having anxiety I noticed like my social anxiety was getting really bad like I didn't want to go out and crowded places like I only wanted to go out with people that like I wanted to be around but even then I really didn't want to like even to the fact where like I couldn't watch new shows and I couldn't watch movie. Is there any of this attributed at all to just you're now going to be on TV at all? Because I know when I first like the shows coming out I started to

develop a little bit of anxiety just like what are people going to think of me. Yeah. I didn't really rough season or I'm going to be canceled or whatever it is. Was there any element of like that anxiety or? For sure. I think it is probably all because of it but also then like people think that they know you they think they know the full story of things they think like you're this version of of who they've painted you is the version that you are and it becomes confusing and then you're

also trying to figure out who you are. I'm also 25 at the time. You were baby. I'm like my brain's not even fully developed. Like what am I doing? You really went to car without the extra feet. Like no I couldn't run a car. I say that all the time like you cannot run a car at 24 25. I can get a gun but I can't get a car. Sorry. I was very polite about it. No. Um but like you have a safe space.

know exactly who I am and then so I'm fighting that against myself. I'm in this new place. I have all this anxiety. I've got my own family issues that I'm dealing with. Like there's so many factors and I just was like becoming a shell of myself and like I was getting to the point where I'm like I would cry so much and I was like I just don't want to be like this and I was so afraid that like I wasn't going to be able to like love anyone or like love myself or like love my life

and enjoy parts of my life. When like I'm technically like living the dream that I always want

like I'm living in this dream city and I'm doing things that I always wanted to do but I'm at these events and I'm meeting these people and like I could give two fucks about it because I'm like I have to get home. You know that's when the real thing's ever said. I relate to a lot because like the internal debate you're having the feelings you have but then you know like on the outside I mean your gorgeous you have all these exciting things you're on TV your model. What wouldn't be

happy? Right I should be happy but I'm like not having fun. And that's okay though because it's hard for people sometimes understand like sometimes people are going through shit you don't realize.

“Right and someone you know I think my curiosity too with you is like people look at your”

appearance they don't realize also there's someone that's inside too. Yeah and you're an emotional person you have all that. And that's okay. I'm a little cry baby. Has that juxtaposition been

challenging like where? Yeah I think it's something I should go with. You're always supposed to be hot

and happy and good. Yeah hot happy funny all the things but yeah I'm like to be hot and like what is that even really fucking mean? Yeah and it's not even something you can bitch about because people are like are you fucking kidding me she's complaining because she's hot what I hear ya it sounds stupid it really fucking does but I think that like when people just equate your everyday value to like how your appearance and how hot you look or whatever it becomes exhausting it's as if I'm

bringing nothing else to the way there's something else to you. Yeah yeah when in reality you're actually my camera roll. I'm like it's not like I wake up hot like I'm fucking hair all sideways this is not like it's this thing of like perfection where I'm like I'm not perfect I don't even want to be I'm not trying to be it's like I might be hot but my thoughts are eating

“me alive like you know yeah I think I mean that honesty is like super helpful to me just”

I can totally relate to some of that. Yeah so you're working through the end I depressing thing I thought as you already know what you needed oh my god I mean I thought I did and then I was took wild beauty and I was like dishes it's not working so then I went off of old beauty and then I started doing academy in therapy in office like with a doctor. Yeah I've heard about some a lot of people have success with us. It was great but let me tell you something about kind of

meaning you like I think people talk about like releasing control until you do something like academy in therapy I don't even think people even know what it means to like release control because it quite literally cannot does not will not work unless you surrender and like I think

for me when I was doing the academy in therapy the most powerful lesson that I learned when I was doing

it was the ability to surrender because I walked in I had all these expectations my first time I was

“like oh I want to like heal this I want to do this and then by the second time I was like honestly”

like my goal is to surrender because I ended up you can jump out of it like I ended up jumping out of it my first time and like freaking out and then stopping at halfway through because I was like no yeah that sounds like what I would know yeah I was like no I don't want to go anywhere with this taking me like I'm like freaking out I'm like ripping the ivy out of my arm like no this is not what I want to do and so then the second time I was like my goal is just to surrender and I felt like

that was the most powerful thing for me because I mean I people talk about like releasing control and just like giving it to someone else and but to like truly have to like having to experience it you'd have to surrender and it sounds simpler than it really is like you know kind of mean therapy does create like different neuro pathways I feel like you get to revisit some old memories that you've kind of hit a wall with no I don't need to literally you know I'm very interested in the

I thought it was like this is like my Costa Rican country crunchy self where I'm like guys you go to like you're in like a different dimension and I know like I'm a nurse but like I do believe in like alternative forms of medicine and like this it really is a cool type of science so then I did that I feel like it worked for a year yeah and then I was like oh I think if I move I'll be good I'm trying everything but everything but addressing like my actual problems yes I've been doing

therapy all the things and I'm like I'm still I still feel so sad I was like yeah once I'm moving to like my new apartment I'm gonna have so much sunlight like it's gonna be great like I'm gonna do this isn't that that I was like sitting in my apartment doing none of what I said I was gonna do still sad just with higher rent and I'm like okay this is ridiculous so then I talked to

I was like then I'll try something else but really I didn't even notice it working like my girlfriend noticed it working before I even I was like I'm taking it but I'm like that's was my next question do you like remember a moment where like you felt like it kicked in like you were unlocked I like went for a walk one day my my mom faced when my friends and I'm like she's like asking about my day and I was like yeah I went for a walk did she go you went for a walk and I was like yeah I

“just like went I had to go this place so I just like walked there and she was like I think your”

pros act is working and I was like I don't know she's like Sierra you literally just got like four things done today and you went for a walk and you walked to do these different locations I was like

you was like you never walk I was like no I don't know I was like no you might okay thank you

my wife and then by like June she saw me in person and she was like oh your pros act really working like we were in Europe like I was having the time of my life in Italy like it was amazing I felt like I was like coming back to myself and then I felt like that cast rolled over into the summer and then I up my dose mid summer as well and then I just continue to feel more like myself appreciate you sharing that I feel like it's such an important topic that I am delighted to share

well I mean two of my favorite people on this earth you and Amanda have been I mean life changing experiences and I've literally watched both of you yeah become better versions of yourself and just more happy and more just truly who you are yeah but also know that if that doesn't specifically work for you there could be something else you know like if you see it yeah it's not one size fits all and like one of my guy friends that I was talking to he was like when do you know that it works

you know that it works when you start feeling like yourself again but if you if you don't feel that then like maybe we need to fine tune some things shout out the pros act shout out this is not brought to you by them not brought to you by them but you're pretty sure you say that want to get into some of the nursing stuff again and just like the the juxtaposition between the red carpet reality TV and nursing I mean you still work as a nurse no no not as much

well I got fired last year you did wait what's this year 2020 if I'm 2026 okay I got fired the

top 2020 25 wait you got fired yeah but like I've had five I've been fired before this my first time

in fact well they fired me via email like okay cool blood it and then they're like what happened no they were just like releasing your position if you don't reply then we'll consider yourself gone if you do then you're gonna be on probation or some disciplinary action I was like well well who's gonna reply to be on disciplinary action no one no one but also my boss was like why are you here so I mean is the debate that you're having just from opportunities with career and where you're

“going or when I'm back I was like you're killing the modeling game I mean Victoria's secret”

weathering heights Jacob Alertie not a lie that was pretty sweet we missed you at that somewhere I know the panel it was hilarious because we had heard you weren't coming and I'm like this better be good and I was kind of making fun of it she's got something better to do than us and then the next morning it's like literally the hottest guy in the world and you're standing next to interviewing on the red carpet I'm like I'll shut the fuck yeah Kyle's like all right fine like that this

perhaps I want to tell you guys about a podcast that is near and dear to my heart and I can't believe it already came out a year ago and you can all go listen to it add free by subscribing to the binge podcast channel what podcast current tell us oh it's called Blink Jake Handel story I created it about a man named Jake who I met who is the only survivor of a terminal brain illness brought on by heroin use but there is a lot of mystery and medical malpractice and true crime

elements that are very shocking and surprising and even some supernatural elements so it is definitely an amazing story as very unique did such an incredible job telling the story and sharing it with a world so if you have not listened to it my goodness where have you been because Blink is so freaking good thank you search for Blink wherever you listen and subscribers to the binge will get the entire season ad free plus you'll get exclusive access to the over 60 other true crime stories on the binge podcast channel

hit subscribe on apple podcasts or head to get the binge dot com but like I mean how does it shape like how you move through the world like you have this nursing background this is really amazing career being at a hospital working with patients and families but now you've got this more glamorous

“sexy maybe fulfilling maybe more lucrative yeah how do you move between the two I mean I think look”

the stakes will never be what they were at the hospital like which is something that I feel like is

a nice mental load off nothing is that serious that whatever I'm doing like it's just not that

life or death by any means which is great I think I also and like I celebrities are normal regular

“this this is these are regular people like there's nothing that makes them so much more special than”

another person and I feel like I just feel like the whole my experience nursing will always keep my

feet on the ground I have no desire to float I want to always be feet on the ground I want my friends to always tell me about myself I want the real shit and like nursing is very much the real shit like took a break and went back because I was like I need to feel grounded in my like in my life and in the sense of self but I also think like even in this more glamorous side yeah like the hair and makeup of it all is fun like the looks are fun but there's also another message and like

no I want to show up for people who look like me I want to be an example for people who look like me I want to show that you can't be multifaceted you don't have to go down one lane if you

want to pivot you can you want to change your mind oh my god you absolutely should but also I

want to show people that like we deserve to be in this room like my braids deserve to be in this room my hair deserves deserves to be in this room my skin color my like to be a black woman in this space like I'm allowed to be here take up space and go back to whatever I was doing before if I so choose and so that's kind of like how I marry the two and eventually like I hope to like still oh I gotta have to renew my nursing nursing license as I'm like thinking about this but um

right that down no literally um yeah I hope to like marry the two of like being able to like create like a philanthropic side to health care and medicine every like celebrity yeah that's like what they're supposed to do is the philanthropy other yeah but you've already been harriently been doing that as a part of your career yeah I also have this other beautiful career too right but I feel like there's a bigger mission on hand that like the lights camera action can provide for

me to do what I really want to do and that's you know give back in that way I feel like sometimes I don't I feel like I'm missing something if I if everything feels too self-indulgent you know because like that's not really why we're here but it shows you're character if you deep down I mean I love I love hearing that I mean you know within the nursing stuff like how did you navigate seeing all the loss and those difficult families seeing patients really struggle like how do you

not let that consume you because for me like even if I hear about a sibling who's passed or a friend of mine is going through something like it it hits differently yeah you ever bring patients home in a weird way oh my god yes all right we pick up extra shifts so that I could stay with like so I could be with them longer because like I'm like well I already well I just work three days like I'm gonna pick up an extra day like until they either get moved off the union downgraded or like

I can't handle it anymore because I'm like I want to know what happens and I'm like I know they're case the best like I've been with them since they got here so I'm like you get attached and like the good thing about like working with adults is that sometimes adults do it to themselves you can kind of like you know have that rationale but like I I feel like at first it wasn't easy I was twenty two when I walked into a senior young I was like baby probably had an experience

“a lot of loss maybe that age I had no idea what I was walking into I will say like I believe in”

God and I always have and like I think in my mom even though she was in her she gave me quite

literally no for warning of anything she let me walk into everything so completely blind and I'm like like at first I was pissed and then like now looking back I'm like actually thank you but I had no idea what to expect but I I knew that I like believed in God but I was like it's interesting to see it at work and so I feel like all of these lessons or things that you think that you believe or but you can't see it's always so different when you're seeing it at work and like I would always

say like science does take us to a certain extent and then there's like the divine intervention of like what's next and I think I really got to see like the bigger plan at work whereas like it doesn't matter how many interventions we do like what's meant to happen will happen and I think that like that's a part of like surrendering to the world and surrendering this yourself to you know

“the greater good of the earth and whatever's gonna happen it's gonna happen yeah and I think like”

you know at some point death doesn't have to be so scary like sometimes it's a relief for people and sometimes people are tired and it's okay for them to go and like I know we talk about oh you're so strong and strength and it's like okay but I just I just want to be and to be able to release

fight it just means they're carrying on into the next version of their life and I really do believe like okay like we might be done here on the physical earth but there's something else for us to do on the other side and I think as much as we want to control situations it's not meant to happen that way it's not meant to be any other way other than like God's plan for it all and and and I feel like that is truly like what has gotten me through everything and how I see it because I'm like it's not up

to me it's not up to me and that's the the flaws of a human yeah there's a whole other gaming system going on you know like or however you want to put it but I just was like I really solidified the power in my faith and like what I'm hoped to be true and what I know what I've seen to be true yeah I mean that it's really beautiful what you said that I mean you know as I was grieving you know some people are afraid of grief yeah and they retreat you did not shy away from it at all you were

“there showed up for me and you've been so supportive even that summer and then I think I remember”

another conversation after you and I were talking about I was with Lindsay at the time and you know me being sober being in a relationship with someone that did still drink you know this kind of heart to heart but I don't know if it ever made the air for some but I remember you and I kind of like almost crying but you were like I I know kind of what you've been through a little bit but you're deal with and I just pray for you and wish the best for you because I know how hard it can be.

Well I felt like I can see you like but I felt seen by you and that and that was one of the

first times I felt like in our friend group in the Hampton's where you know I can talk to Kyle I can

talk to Amanda but you had another way of like making me feel seen or comfortable with you just were like I get it yeah it's not easy but I am here and I care. I also feel like you wear so much of what you're feeling like on your face at least for me like I can see when you are struggling with something I can see the internal conflict that you're like going between and maybe it's like the bond that we have but I'm like but I can see when everything's

not okay and I also am like but like you don't shy away from that like you run towards it. Yeah because we're going to pretend or we're going to like actually get to the meat of it like because the more you pretend the longer this is going to take you know but also but why do you have to like put up this like that's exhausting to put up a face and like have to present this what I try to do that myself. I try to do that some of those summers where I'm not drinking

a little out of place but you I think would always kind of make me just feel no like I get it.

I'm here like you know I can relate to what you're dealing with a little bit of my pray for you

“and I yeah I worry for you and it's scary to be vulnerable it's scary to but here's the thing I”

also think you can't be so happy without being so sad like you need both how are you ever going to experience true happiness if you have an experience true sadness like how can you really appreciate the things that you have if you didn't have anything it's like that same type of concept and like people say that I love conflict I don't love conflict but there's so much more that can come from conflict I feel like it has a way of bringing people closer and like growth there's so much

growth that happens in there healing yeah yeah I don't I mean I don't view someone that like searches for conflict but I see I view something shy away from yeah the hard a difficult moment there's been some other things I watch you literally step up beyond belief we've had some moments in the Hampton's where you shut up and really saved and helped someone and I've forever grateful for all that you've done oh my god that was crazy what are you gonna just like a topic that you know

it has made some appearances a little bit on summer house in the past with like Maya and you

“and being a black woman on Bravo yeah and I think you know over the years it's been amazing to”

see you a part of our show and like bring you know you're perspective and you're story and everything you've been through but the conversations that we're now having hopefully more so I'm right

and we had one this past summer that I remember with UK Jane and Mia which was really powerful

obviously being a black woman on a predominantly white show it's been I can't even imagine but I don't want to imagine what was it I guess what was it like having those conversations in real time some of those moments and I wasn't at the one where Maya I believe was being called the she was being called your name yeah they were makes it yeah me and Lindsey were at a wedding that weekend so we missed that conversation but I did watch it back and it was very powerful what was

it like having that I came in during 2020 like you're of the nurse but the year of you know the world hitting the fucking fan you know there's so much to be discussed it was an election year I remember it's matter was the thing which floored all of this in 2020 and that's the year that I came into the house and I remember being so intimidated because I'm like I'm the only black person in this house like I swear to God if I have to walk into a house full of Republicans I'll

fine but I'm like they don't they immediately don't see like me or whatever's happening in this world they you know like I was so nervous and I was like well how long do I keep my mouth shut for how long do I just grin and bear it and be whoever or just kind of like assimilate into the face and not even address it and not even address or have to keep my mouth shut I don't think a lot of us even clocks some of that in which I I'm so glad you brought it up yeah happened

but and I remember this assume you just come in and just fit right in yeah you know I was like

I it's not and I remember one night like we watched the DNC well one was never expecting how to

be liberal or like a Democrat but like we watched the DNC and like Stacey Abrams was like made a speech at the DNC and I ended up going to my room to watch a loan because I was so emotional about it and I was just like I don't want to have to explain why I'm so emotional about this election and like what all is happening in this world but it just felt like that was like a moment of unity and it was so crazy to see everyone in the house like actually being support

and like when we weren't watching the RNC but I was like you know it was just a I remember watching the DNC yeah it was just a TV to that work yeah that was well we found a plug but like that was such a crazy I don't know how to it was it was just a time to join a show to join a show like this

then have to talk about being the first black person on this show and then have you know I know

a lot of things that I felt at times and it's not anything that like is done with malice it's just like ignorance you know like and then when my again yeah right you educate me right things that we just aren't pretty too yeah and so when my a came in I was like I can validate a lot of what she's saying because I know I've been here but also like I've also grown up in predominantly white spaces like I know we know the we know what the moves are like we pretty much know and we feel it you know

“it feels a certain way like I was like you're not crazy but here's the thing I'm like we're”

having this conversation and I'm like am I gonna open this can of worms or and I remember I called my mom before that conversation I was like I just like don't know what to do like my a feels this way she's right I know she's right but like how do we have this conversation and it also I'm not gonna have this conversation for it to not make the edit as well and I remember fighting with like kind of like the behind the scenes of like okay who's editing this

conversation like how is this even gonna play out because I don't want people to think that like oh we're pulling the race card and like you know because it's hard enough to even start the conversation so to have that conversation be misconstrued my worst nightmare but at the end of the day and I say this even now like you don't have interracial or intercultural relationships without actually having to try and step into this person's world like we have to live in white

people's world all day you know but like for you guys to not have to step into our world and see what we do like deal with and like the things that go on and the microaggressions and like how

“people kind of the way that they speak to us that might feel normal to you but is honestly so”

backhanded or just like a backhanded way of compliments and stuff like it's not fair so it's like

I get to live in I get to exist in your world and you never have to come over to my world like

how is that a friendship and it's like if you're having interracial and intercultural friendships like I want to know what you go through I want to know what makes your culture different from mine I want to know so that like I don't make these mistakes or I don't make these assumptions about you and vice versa and I think like that's the true intimacy in friendship like wanting like we can come over to each other side and see it you may not be able to understand you might not have gone

through it but for you to step in into like at least tap inside my head and see what my thoughts are and even just allowing me the space to vent and be honest that is so important for you know we've been on for five or six seasons of the point and you obviously right like you I just never you none of us think about that and it's just like I'm annoyed with myself but I'm so glad you like have the courage and the strength to kind of make sure we do that and I'm proud that we

again on this coming season I know that conversation at dinner table and having KJ

“yeah there's an added layer of like us being on TV and the internet and the fans and I think”

that you know I wanted you guys to understand my dynamic of like who I am outside of the show I'm just a regular girl but like and this is like what I have to deal with on the day-to-day basis but now that I'm like a regular woman of color on this show like to be a black woman on this show to be a black woman in this world and in this space like I'm getting certain things thrown at me that you guys don't necessarily have to deal with where I'm like I and I deal

guys would never understand but like have you had I would imagine you've received a lot of

comments positive from African American men and women who are kind of you know hopefully seeing what you've tried and wanted to share yeah I think like just yeah I mean is that help is that give you some so nice when like black girls come up to me and they're like oh my god

“I love you oh that's so nice like but that's what's so beautiful about our shit I feel”

in a totally different way where I can inspire and help someone who maybe is struggling with the victims but you leading the example for black women black men to like to exist in a space where you feel like you might not fit in but like you do it anyway and to like you know and even just like little shit as to like how I'm wearing my hair where it's like giving like this black girl like the freedom to experiment like how special because like I didn't feel comfortable

for a long time like either wearing my hair and braids or like you know wearing certain clothes or like out of fear of being I would be assumed to be a certain way and like I'm constantly fighting against like people stereotypes that they're already gonna have with me so I like have to actively try 10 times harder to be something else or more acceptable or more digestible that so no one's making these like assumptions of me and it's so nice when I can show women and men

yeah black women and men how yeah and just be you yeah you'd actually I feel like this season especially it's like you are you oh and so I got them present I mean the the men and women you're

gonna inspire and I know you will be inspired and I never you don't clock it like that but like

you rock in your braids yeah and a little girl who watches something else or even women and men

“adults are gonna be inspired by that yeah I think it's really beautiful and I want to call”

out too something else I saw maybe about a month ago and you stood up for Benita you and I've talked about this a bit sometimes in car rides but what do you wish viewers understood about what it's like being a black woman on bravo I mean I know what you said on that comment or post I think was so eloquently said thanks because I literally was like rage at you know and like it was so important to like read that because you're like I just was like I'm so fucking sick

inside of reading comments of like oh you like you don't like her because of this like she can't even have a fucking opinion without being crucified like she has or like they see her as like a side character because she is the only black girl on the show like there's so much microaggressions that occur in her show she's by herself and like you know at one point in time I had Maya I had Gabby like we could kind of like explore some of these conversations but it's really hard to be

one person oh and with a group full of white people who thinks that they know like what racism is when they quite literally have no idea what it feels like and like just because a friend went through it at this point in time you're still so far disconnected from it like you'd have no idea

“and to be in the south which adds like a whole other layer I think her that fan base adds a whole other”

layer there's like the misogyny of it all like come on yeah you're not watching the same show if you don't take away like we're not watching the same show and it is a hard watch for me the things that there are white castmates get celebrated for having an opinion being bold you know whatever

as a black woman you could never be I could never be promiscuous I could never have sex on TV I could

never talk about like certain things I could never do all of those things and then be able to come back from it and think that I could have a career after the fact like we have to watch every single step that we do because we know that we don't get the same opportunities to mess up we don't get the same opportunities to make mistakes we don't get the same opportunities to say the wrong thing and come off of what a certain way we don't get the same opportunities to express our

anger the same way as our white counterparts and so amplified by the TV and it's so very amplified and it's not fair yeah it's not I mean even our friends Martha's vineyard yeah you know I got to know Jasmine and Silas and Nick and you know Jordan and a lot of them and I love them but I think there was an element of that in their show where they were kind of like I can't really be what I want to be because of just that entire moment you just said yeah pressure thank you

thanks for you thank you I really proud of you and honored that you would be open and so much sharing with us you're making me cry um because I've seen firsthand some of the challenges you had to face and I have no idea can ever understand but I hope you know I'm in the ally and here to support you yeah no our friends love you dearly um and I'm so proud of you for opening that up thanks we need we need to hear that um and happy things to your mom I love moms everybody knows

it was really special to get to meet your mom at BravoCon I know it's probably a pain in the but navigating BravoCon with a mom but it's beautiful to see you with your mom I mean when I'm

little elements of her that are you now that I'm bossing her out I'm like oh my gosh

“which I feel like she you know we don't grow to appreciate her parents until we're older”

folks there's such a pain on our ass like growing up they think they know everything you also put them on this pedestal as if they know everything and then you're like you actually you don't know anything and and I feel like for girls in their moms like I feel like we grow apart and then we grow back together I don't know what it's like for boys but yeah I had an anti-dad phase for a period of time yeah yeah no I have a lot more out of marriage admiration and

respect for him yeah as I've gotten older yeah so I feel like moms we girls and moms like we fight so much and then we grow apart and then we come back together at a certain point and I feel like I'm starting to understand so much of like who she is but also like I said this and like one of the episodes like she is just a girl and I she called me after one of the episodes where I was she was like I am just a girl and I was like I know like you are just a girl and like you might be my mom

but like you actually don't know everything nicely but I'm like but you were making like you're just doing the best you can with what you have and even though you're making some of the same mistakes over and over again like that's on you to figure out and like I know that they've affected me but and also like I wasn't at the forefront of every fucking thought that she had and I

get that because she had a life before me like she was not always from mom my mom was singing

mom she was trying to keep food on the table like she quite literally was doing the best and it doesn't make you fall even more in love with your mother and I kind of understanding yeah I'm like I'm so sorry I put you through a lot of this stuff but now you get to bring it a bravo kind of stuff but now I'm on the stage of where I want her to fully enjoy like the benefits of like me being able to do whatever I want to do like I want you to like drive your dream car

I want you to you know be able to take vacations when you want like you I get to do everything that I'm doing right now because of all of the decisions that you made and she sacrificed so much for us like there was a bigger purpose there was a bigger picture and not that she was right but like there was a lot of things that she might have been right on you know so so yeah so I really appreciate you open about you know your mom I'm like I said I strong bond with my mother

yeah you've been seeing you you know I'm sure there's been some up and downs I know women and daughters oh my god I mean we fight and like and sometimes I don't talk to her and sometimes she annoys me I annoying her but like at the end of the day I'm just like which I feel like honestly project does help like conversations don't feel so heavy sure they don't have to feel so big and

intimidating and as if I'm never gonna find a resolution and like I think I'm working that out slowly

where like my expectations of my parents have to change like I'm not the center of their world anymore you're not should be I should be but like you know I have to be realistic about it and they're also enjoying you know the next phase of their life and as they should do you think your parents are proud of you um I hope so they are the definitely are I mean you've accomplished

“a lot and you have so much more to go to which that's what I you're just getting started thanks”

and it's been cool to watch you always think like cry I'm sorry it's a good thing yeah it means you care yeah you're making me cry a little bit deep um actually this is a really good kind of segue friendship dynamics you and I all summer we're kind of riding the line between supporting two of our very favorite friends and people we adore and obviously showing up for your friends something I think you've done a great job and showing up for others is like something I

really try to do but like this summer I think it was a debate for me sometimes is like how do I know and to step in first back can you talk to me a little bit about that like with friends that are going through it how do you decide you know we're to help or we're not to um it is so hard I

feel like I never really know if I'm like overstepping not I mean I know but like I know I've

overstepped a couple times in my past but like I've tried to operate from a place of

“support yes I'm here to talk if you want to talk to me versus hey right this isn't working”

whatever cut it off like I always try to be the positive person but it was hard because I think sometimes there's also like deep down you're like well yeah and like they have to really be ready for whatever it is that they want to do like the summer I feel like I tried to just offer a listening ear and like if you need a great job of that if you want to tell me tell me but if you don't and also do you want solutions or do you just want me to listen to you because I will just

listen I can either right just listen yeah what do you need for me or do we want to talk it through and like but at the end of the day like when you're talking to me I'm don't want to hear you talking shit about yourself so like that's not where we're going like a pity party yeah like we're not throwing a pity party like we're going to reinforce everything everyone thinks about you what like

“you're smart and you're kind and you're at this and you're at that and I think yeah because I think”

like we forget that she kind of are the shit yeah and like you got to be reminded your

friends should be reminding you like one thing I love about my friendship with Mia she's always

awesome Mia shout out to me and she is like the type of friend that like pours into you and she like talks you up and she like says all these nice things and like she'll stop me in my tracks when I like I've seen it we'll say something you'll do a camera yeah because I mean even like the Grammy is or whatever I was like I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing here but like and she was like oh she was like why wouldn't you be there she was like other people are

they are too like what like she was like why not you why can't you be there every right to be there's anybody yeah and so she makes me stop my time she's like and then she'll be like look I don't want to hear you say this isn't that anymore and I'm like okay you're right and like we're not we're not doing that we're not talking about our ourselves and like if we want solutions I can help you find a solution but at the end of the day like I don't want you to ever sacrifice

yourself in order to be with someone whatever that looks like they've ever showed up or someone

“or couple without choosing side hard it's hard I think feel like you did a pretty good job”

about all things considered last summer with yeah it's hard I think there are many times right it's like it's hard to be your friend I also think like in relationships if you're in our relationships with someone they're your that's your friend that's your best friend so if you are treating your best friend like this what makes you think that you're gonna have the capacity to treat another friendship better than that or in I like I'm expecting you to treat another

friendship with a same type of energy that you're giving like your spouse or your best friend and like and if this is how you treat your spouse there's no way you can be a friend to me not in the way that I need if you can't be a friend to your own best friend the one that you made vows you and wanted to marry and I don't know if I like needed to reframe not for him or if I needed to reframe that in general but I can't expect a friendship from you I can't

expect you to show up for me if this is how if this is what you do to the one person that you

made a vow to you know and it is hard not to take sides and I'll never take sides in terms of

like the media or whatever because I don't even think it needs to go that far I think I hate the teams yeah I hate the teams and I think we will get a chance to all talk it all out in person yeah and like I'm not in their marriage I don't think either parties wrong about what the stuff that they're saying about each other they probably they know each other through and through so if they are giving an opinion about each other then they know then they know

but it's hard to not be swayed depending on the week I feel you did a really good job of it this summer which I think you guys will see on has the season plays out some tough love but you're a good friend you're good for looks what goes to your head during some of these like really tense summer house moments anything I know it goes through mine it's like oh this is good and when it comes out sometimes I'm like do you ever just like I don't you ever get in your head about like

what you said you ever regret it oh my god that car ride home one Sundays oh sometimes I'm just like I I'm gonna go rot by myself when I get home because I just I need to forget about this conversation yeah when we're at a group dinner I feel like the group dinner dynamic I get a little nervous because I'm like this can either be the best dinner ever or we're coming out swinging and sometimes

“you never really know that's what your dinners are the best because it's like start with like a”

beautiful toast someone's announcing something special yeah within three minutes you have a chair for that someone crying I'm banging on the table people are like hating each other for other yeah and at least like we're a little bit safer for out in public like then it won't be as you remember an grouped in our at home I'm scared of it yeah I don't think I ever get over the PTSD yeah how do you handle new episodes of summer house coming out they don't watch them you don't

watch them no you heard of your first I watch some of them I've watched two episodes the season

that's good last season was the most that I've watched in like four years now what are you watching for I watch back to see this moment that I was in in the room for I also I'm a fan of our show oh like I like it sometimes we're kind of funny oh my god sometimes I'm like oh my god

hilarious shit you say really funny little western just like we all have like little side

“yeah that's why I love our show and because like there's a microphone in the tree in the”

plant and the counter it's like you never really know what they're gonna catch but so you don't watch

not really but I'm gonna watch this season I feel like this season is such a year of growth and like I think you're gonna like what you watch I always say though I need to interject this when we watch the trailer together live oh yeah holy shit that was one of the weirdest coolest things I felt like you didn't move you literally were like I was in shock and then I'm watching things with you Jesse and West and I was like looking at you and then there's cameras

on us filming our reactions to the trailer and then you and I both look at Kyle at one point and we're like oh god I mean I try to fight him yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we're never watching the trailer live events all right one more question on the reality TV front and then we're gonna wrap things up I've personally had this happen to me where I've watched the show back I've seen how I've handled the situation and I like reevaluate yeah beyond belief is there any

“moment you've had that's why one I feel like I need to watch this season the season that I”

mind have thrown wine I respect that I really respect the growth I was that was intense that was a crazy dinner that was a crazy thing I saw because it's just where you girls are not now yeah and what's weird is I feel like in a crazy way you almost had to have that all things happen for a reason but you both came out on the other side I think you both genuinely were I think tried to understand each other a little bit better after that yeah I think was important because for a period of time there

was a lot of just not even giving each other space to talk yeah yeah but there have been plenty of moments on the past over the past six years where I'm like well let me ask you that what would you say your toughest moment was on the show and how did you grow from it and it could be the line through that's okay oh I honestly want to say season which I don't think I've watched it all the way through even still to this day um western jessies first season season eight okay season eight

reunion okay yes like that was a tough yes I want to say reunion you came in a lot of us had not really fully understood what was going on with you yes up until that point but when you shared on the reunion that day yeah we were all John the floor and I felt so sorry because you I was sad for you and I felt for you yeah and I remember Kyle even crying on the couch while you were telling everything was going on sweet that was really sweet yeah that I think watching that as hard

I think God I was at traders and I didn't have to watch it in real time but like I battle with like my own emotions you know and like how much to share how much to like keep to myself and I think um it's so we are doing it on TV but like looking back I won try to get myself a little bit of

grace but too I'm like oh my god who is this little girl who could never say what she was feeling

and like admit it like I have with this like intensive sense of like a fear of rejection and abandoned meant like the reunions are always kind of tough yeah really hard it was proud of you because I think you really not for the first time but you really felt for you and I you were really honest and vulnerable yeah I know it's an easy especially on that stage you know I felt like a little bit softer but no you were strong yeah I mean what do you hope people understand about you after

this current season of summer house anything um you're a badass bitch no that like I am sorry that and that and I am also sweet and dainty and soft and like I am like can be a bulldog when I want to be but I am like I'm a little sweet tiny kitten yes I'm a kitten shout out to Jasper yeah like I am Jasper is Sierra's cat if anybody doesn't know if you don't know now I know I put up like a good part sometimes the guard has been not it's not like the fence has been lowered it's just like

it's just not as rigid yeah you know you have your boundaries you have like yeah oh my god I'm a girl of boundaries came that you still have like a free freedom and like I just a lightness about you yeah I mean maybe that's my project but I hope I'm like I want to be able to like conquer forgiveness and reconciliation and like I can have a range of emotions and I can you know be able to come back from them yeah I just hope they understand I'm also trying like I'm also doing

us for the first time I'm not an expert I never claimed to be I'm just really trying did you guys

“hear this that's what she hopes yeah that you understand about her so like I think you're gonna show”

it all this season which you're gonna have like the happy fun Sierra you're gonna have the emotional Sierra

with her group about a very important topic like you've done a lot and you're a huge part of our show

like I don't there's no summer house without Sierra no doubt about it I mean we're gonna wrap things up I've had you for too long and you got bigger plans what does taking care of your mental health look like you're still seeing a therapist at all are you oh my god no I'm not but I need to I need to get a new therapist it's like back in sometimes it's harder to find someone and getting a therapist is kind of like dating it's just like really dating and I'm like oh my god I

the thought of that right now I'm like I don't want to go through you know but you have like Mia who's almost like a therapist and my god literally when I living in the same building has been

“such a life manager that's what I was trying to do with me and Lindsay living in the same”

but like who wouldn't want to live in the same building your best friend I mean the caught guys genius it's a genius if you guys don't know this already Mia and Sierra both live in the same apartment building in Manhattan Mia's a real estate broker yeah and Sierra had worked with her on looking for a new place and Mia's like you're gonna live in my building I said okay then they live in the

same building and epic and it is so good for me I never had roommates like I never went off to

college yes you guys are the roommates but like I never went off to college and like had roommates I I lived at home out throughout college and like I didn't move out from my mom's house and like moving with roommates I lived on my I've lived on my own since I was 22 so I've never had like you guys are quite literally the closest thing I've had to roommates and then having Mia in the same building where I'm like if I am sad I can just go downstairs if she's feeling lonely she can just come

“upstairs we can go back and forth like it's also so nice to just have like your person close to you”

and like if you ever need anything like they're not far away we have dinners together we raise our kids together cats cats and dogs together like it's not the point now where I'm like

well where are we moving next like we have to live in the same apartment building yeah you have some

serious navigation she's I have to live on with having a best friend like that in more ways than one I mean she's like a therapist a friend she's a badass she's my party girl too yeah she goes out she's fun super sweet very thoughtful but also like a really good broker and hardworking real estate agent she's so dope I asked this question of all the guests I know I asked you at the beginning kind of about your favorite mantra favorite saying okay but talking more about more life

what is giving you more life right now it could be Mia it could be your mom it could be anything honestly my and I this is not sponsored but my pros act it has honestly given me the ability to breathe and to exhale and to enjoy and to like in long yes it has like really given me the the ability to like stand and see my life for like what it is and like enjoy these parts of my life like it's so easy to like have everything pass you by and you haven't

enjoyed any of it and I think now I'm like really having fun and I'm so excited and I like can't wait I'm trying to plan my summer trip you know now and like and I want to enjoy it with the people around me and I don't give a fuck what happens as long as like I have like the my important people around me and like I continue to work on these goals and shooting for the sky and keep shooting

“yeah I do shoot that's what's giving me more life right now I love it I've won the one last”

question okay because you're one of my favorite people that have been on this show the traders shout out to the traders who would be a good trader from the summer house cast and who would be a good faithful from the summer house cast since you're a veteran and you almost won it I didn't know so well you made it pretty far I think Lindsay would be a great trader 100% Lindsay would be one of the best. Lindsay would be one of the best traders I think to ever go down

in trader history and I think who'd be a good faithful either you or West would be like really great faithful. I think I would get eaten alive on that. No I think you would be such good faithfuls but like because you guys can't really lie. No I'm not a good liar. Yeah so I don't see the anxiety and stress on my face. Yeah. Yeah. In a blessed would probably shut down. This would be red and he giggles. He's like lying I'm like you are lying like would you ever go back on the traders again?

I would I would like a chance to do some things over again. Shout out the Boston Rob. Yeah. I love your relationship that you guys have. He is the best. It's really special. We're a lot quite literally the same like he's just I'm like a female version younger female version. He's an icon. We're both Capricorns. Shout out to Capricorns. Love. Sierra Nicole Miller. Oh my god my full government. I know you're full of name. Thank you for being here. It's been an honest pleasure having you know and I

just know for a fact all the people that are listening and watching you're helping so many people just put your honesty and your you know perspective and everything you've shared. So it means the

Thank you so much Emily. Any exciting things upcoming over these next few months other than no I'm about to take my vacate my quarterly vacation. So I'll be out. If you need me to bring your luggage I can carry your luggage. Do you want to come with my summer one? Yes. Okay we're going to

hurt your goal. Never last year. I do yeah. You had all this luggage in it like an Instagram story and I

literally was like I would carry that everywhere for you. Please invite me next time. Okay this year we're doing Portugal. Ooh I like Portugal. Portugal was a beautiful country. Okay Liz Ben. Never been. Amazing. I'll give you all the deeds. I'll follow up. All right thank you Sierra appreciate you.

Thank you to Sierra Miller. I am just full of happiness and joy just because she's an amazing

“person inside and out. So open and vulnerable. I think a lot of people are going to really benefit”

from listening to this conversation. I know I was emotional. She was emotional. It's a really special friendship that we have and she is a really special individual and I think you guys are going to be blown away by the Sierra Miller that I've known for many years but also the Sierra Miller that

is you know come into her own and become this incredible person. So thank you to Sierra. I hope

you guys love this conversation as much as I did. Really really enjoyed it and I hope you guys get a chance to listen. So check us out wherever you can download and listen to your podcast. We're on YouTube, Spotify, Apple. We are so honored you guys are here. Catch us next time on more life with Carl Radke here at SoftBar and Green Point Brooklyn.

“More life is produced by any single and executive produced by Adam Reynolds of Denham Pictures.”

This episode was directed by any single edited by Mikey Ortiz and recorded at SoftBar Studios in Brooklyn, New York. More life is a production of Sony Music Entertainment. From Sony, our executive producers are Chris Skinner and Joanna Clay, original music by function atoms. Set the Zion by Michael Ignacio, publicity by Caitlin Healy, additional support from Abbey Sharp, special thanks to Allison Sheenow and Joanna Orland. New episodes drop every Tuesday. We'll see you next time.

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