Bonus Episode - Advice with Karen and Georgia

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♪ That's it ♪ ♪♪ Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder. That's Georgia Hardstar, that's Karen Kilgera. And today we thought it would be fun to give you a little bonus advice episode

where we solve all of your life's problems by answering the questions that you've submitted to us.

This is a special three-part series brought to you by cars.com.

Because whether you're trying to find the right car or you need life advice, having a trusted source makes it a whole lot easier. And we are the trusted source in this situation. Yes, trust us for the advice. Okay, so here we go.

This is, we're not responsible for the results of what we tell you. Now, we are not doctors, lawyers, journalists, college graduates responsible with our words or actions. Good drivers, good citizens. Listen with caution. Okay.

Listen without prejudice, may I quote George Michael. Thank you. You're welcome. This is from Belle, who run into our Gmail. It's at High Karen, Georgia. I would really appreciate your feedback and perspective

on my current life situation. My fiance and I are getting married this fall. Immediately, this is great. We're going to ruin someone's relationship. This takes our, as high as they can be are.

We're planning a small intimate wedding and reception wrong with about 30 guests. We intentionally wanted to keep it simple because weddings are incredibly expensive. And we wanted the data focus on celebrating the couple who are starting their lives together.

That said, many of our friends and family have shared strong opinions about what they would like for our wedding. Who fucking does that? What? Well, I genuinely appreciate their enthusiasm.

It seems there are much more excited about things like bachelorette trips, wedding colors, bridesmaids, dresses, floral arrangements, and all the other details than I am. They're excitement for wanting to know every aspect of the wedding far outweighs my own interest in enthusiasm and making these decisions.

“It has me wondering, is there something wrong with me?”

Is it bad that I don't feel excited about all the aesthetics? And the expectations that are associated with weddings? I'd love to hear your thoughts all the best, Belle. Remember, just 10 years ago, my wedding? Like a mere 10 years ago, you know, we had no wedding party.

I had no one walked me down the aisle because I'm a grown-ass fucking woman. So Vince went to the front. I walked into a cool song at the front. I bought the fucking flowers with a whole thing that morning at the local florist. Yep, we decorated the room.

All my girlfriends decorated the rooms, lots of babies, friends, because it's cheap. I bought a dress for like a hundred feet dollars online. Like you don't need, it's not for them. And you're wedding, I think anybody that was there would argue it was one of the best. Like because the plan was essentially we're all sitting in the room where we're going to eat, drink, dance, totally.

Totally. And you guys came in and got married as like the, yeah, the obviously main event. It was self-contained.

Right, it was an amazing huge party.

Yeah, like not every, like a people who want to do that with their weddings and spend all the money and have all the things. That's great. I'm happy for them. I really want to be invited. I like those parties.

Yes. But it's such a huge amount of money.

“Well, and I think you and I may have talked about this because when I was getting married so long”

long ago, I got into this thing of what this needed to be for other people. Totally. And it will destroy you. I was buying bridal magazines and then being like, there'd be advertisements for like, have you ever seen those things with the lighting kits for there's like shine your name down onto the dance floor?

Oh my God. Like they're extras. Like a bar mitzvah. Your competing with other weddings in your mind or your friends, like it turns into this thing where everyone's getting played because all those vendors make bank on that pressure to be

better than the last wedding. Yeah, whatever. Suddenly you need a fucking mashed potato bar. How many, and you had like 300 people at your wedding, right? Yeah, it's that I had family members who were like, we sent them in the invitation that

sent it back cross things out in at plus eight, right? Like it was nuts. And I have to say, one of the greatest parties of all time, right? It works. But same thing where I think we just focused on what, like, what was important, I was like

Not after the ceremony, right? My cousins, each one of them came to me of like dude, amazing move.

“I think you have to do that at least have like some champagne out before the actual ceremony.”

Yes. Or like a signature cocktail, whatever the fuck people do nowadays. Yeah. Which we actually don't need either. We just had an open bar.

Yeah, you don't need that. You have the signature fucking cocktail. Send an email that says your uncles can bring in their flash or a six pack under their arm. Absolutely. Bring enough to share.

That's right. Let everybody get a little buzzed up so they can like feel free to enjoy your love because we're society has a world problem with stuff like that. Uncle Eugene can bring his six pack or 12 pack carry it with him all night. So no one gets any.

Yes. And that's fine. But I would also say this to Bill also. It's a familiar thing when you get excited about a thing you're going to do and you start telling people or asking people like, what do you think about color?

And then pretty soon you're like, why the fuck did I ask anybody? Yeah. So that's fine. You can take the feedback and then ignore it and do whatever you want. Yes.

And sometimes that family pressure of like, well, you're not doing it, right? Yeah.

“Is how other people kind of get, it's their get back for like, was their day not exactly”

what they wanted. So now suddenly, it's so important that you're wearing a veil or something. Yeah. Shit that it doesn't actually really matter. Totally.

Yeah.

And they say always, right?

Like you always hear the things. Of course, like the more you spend on the wedding, the less likely it's going to last or some crazy shit like that, which is just like so depressing and scary. And true. Okay.

Our next question came from Laura B. On the Discord. How do I tell one of my besties that I don't want to go to her birthday party that is an out of town weekend get together? I've done that.

Yeah. I'm an introvert that doesn't drink anymore and the crowd is a mostly heavy drinking crowd. Yeah. You don't have to go.

No way. Get her a nice, have a nice dinner. Yeah. Take her out for a nice dinner.

“Get her a thoughtful, you know, something thoughtful, right?”

A nice card. Yeah. And you can say, that's not my scene. Yeah. I hope you have the most amazing time and we'll do something special when you get back.

Absolutely. God bless. Also, if it's a person that's like, you know, obviously it's your good friend. Yeah. Then it's like, that's just one more fun birthday event for them.

That's not my mess. And if it's your good friend, they'll understand. This idea that people are like, it's my birthday fucking week and we all have to go places together. It just, I think it's a set up for unhappiness.

Yeah. People keep on doing stuff like that to be like, and then we'll have a good time this way. And it's just that weird, like, it's have one party and get it turned over with. Absolutely.

You know what? Then it did one time for my birthday for like, is he rented, they have like Airbnb's for pools. People with backyards with pools. Oh, yeah.

Just fucking rent. You know, like, just the pool for the day in the neighborhood. It doesn't have to be a fucking weekend trip. Yes. One day.

Yeah. And trips are like, it's, there's everything is so expensive. Yeah. And I'm the same. I'm an introvert.

Like, up, you know, the first night's always amazing and so much fun and yes, everyone

is shit-based. Yeah. Then next day, everyone's hungover and no one wants to do the fucking sound bath that everyone paid for. Like, or whatever.

Then here come the tears because you've ruined my sound bath stream of my birthday. Exactly. Don't go. You don't have to go. Don't do it.

They get mad at you. Then that's not your friend. If they get mad at you, George's number is three, two, three. I'm Nancy Glass, host of the burden of guilt season three podcast. This is a story about a horrendous situation that destroyed two families.

It started more than seven years ago when Cindy and Kenny were two forty-somethings who had just gotten engaged. Days later, they walked into a scorched earth war they never saw coming. Turn over your hands find your back. The cops give it to my house and threw me in jail.

And to Cindy's surprise, her fiance Kenny was charged with abuse in one of her children.

I never once doubted Kenny and I always doubted the accusation.

On season three of burden of guilt, you'll hear a story about the length someone will go to in order to get what they want. This case has got to be one of the most despicable. Listen to season three of burden of guilt on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Okay, a few more. Let's go. Okay, this one's from @leamlair on Instagram and Liam Lair says, visiting my mom in April and I haven't told her I'm getting a hotel yet. What?

When do I tell her? That's big. It is big. I'm going to have to do that soon. Tell us.

Well, I would say don't put it off until the last minute, don't let her prepare it to have you at her home, like by groceries and get excited. Yeah. And essentially be just kind of clean and clear about it's like, because A, B, and C, I'm going to stay at this hotel.

But I will be at your house for dinner, lunch, breakfast, whatever.

Like get clear about that you're not trying to avoid her, you just need the things you need. I mean, this is true for me, actually, blame your back. You can't sleep on a pull out fucking best. Yes.

I wouldn't want to do that or blame the pets, you're allergic to the cats. And you don't want to be there all night or what you hate you. I would. My childhood.

“Why did you withhold from me and force me to now withhold from you?”

Yeah. Visa via a hotel room. I mean, there's the other thing, too, of like, if it's, obviously, it's going back home situation. Right.

So maybe it's like, I get points at the hotel, it'll be, I get to relax you and I don't have to be like on top of each other at the time. Say you're using points to get that, I say that whenever I get my friend of a flight somewhere or a hotel, I say, I have points. I'm not even paying anything.

Yes. It's not true.

But like, they just do their things.

But it just makes everyone feel better about it. Yes. And if you think you have a mom who's going to take it really personally or be really heartbroken, just be like, I need, you know, I have to sleep. I don't like blank and I set up like we're getting massages at this hotel on this one

day. Right. Do some her to, she gets a massage too. I love that. And we'll go to dinner at the restaurant on that.

Exactly. Yeah. Do a thing where you, I want you to be in my world. I want to be in your world. I just need to sleep and not have it, you know, and not have your weird dolls looking

at me. Or what about your weird pomeranian, your like 18 year old pomeranian, that you clearly like way better than you ever liked any of your children. There's a pool. We can hang up by the pool all day.

That's right. Oh, yeah. The perks. And usually there's drinks at the pool. I love it.

You get your mom drunk. That's right. She doesn't want you up her ass either. No. So just think of it that way.

Yeah. You're doing everyone with you ever. Yeah. You end saying you don't have to clean up after me, cook for me. Right.

Can be playing. Right. So this is the one that actually is, we got to be careful about how we are warming up. Yes.

That's right. And that would be real reasonable and really logical. So this question was sent to our Gmail anonymously. Wow. That's how important it is.

It says my husband and I recently had a baby girl after she was born. My brother-in-law and his wife accused us of stealing the baby name that they had wanted in parentheses. Even though we had no idea they liked or planned to use that name and they weren't expecting

a child at the time and they did they admit they never told you.

That's the biggest question I think. Every don't know. Let's see. Okay. Everyone we've told about this says that they are crazy for cutting us out of their

lives over the name of their niece. Shit. Yeah. My husband's parents disagree and did not take our side. Family gatherings are super awkward now.

Oh my god. I need help from my unofficial big sisters. Am I in the wrong? Since the early no name, because apparently names can destroy families. Wow.

I mean, do you want to be right or happy? Yeah. Right. But you can't change your child's name. Well also, if they, for like say, all of the woman's life has been telling everyone

she knows. Yeah. When I get up, I'm going to name my baby Joan. Whatever. And it's got to be Joan.

It's got to be a baby named Joan. But it's like, and then you just didn't know and did it. That's unreasonable to cut you out of their life for that. Absolutely.

“And you have to, there is that thing of like, it is the weird part of when people get married”

and now there's just these new people and the family that do things real different. Totally. So I would say the people who are related to each other, so maybe it's your husband and his brother. Yeah.

We need to talk to each other. They need to work it out. They, the family members have to fix it. 100%. And then the exterior maridins, who maybe are the ones, but, you know, sister, they don't

need to get along. They don't need to be friends. No. But also, I think that accusations so strong of like, you stole our baby. That's just weird.

Totally. Unless, because this is person is the one that wrote in, they're kind of leaving out of detail to, of being responsible, but it sounds like they didn't know, and that is the way you can't change the name. So you can either apologize if you feel that it'll help or that you're okay with that

or explain and expect them not to care and be mad still. And that's on them. I mean, it is the kind of thing where it's like, okay, so now we just don't have holidays together and all the stuff that we used to do. And you have a brand new baby niece and you have a baby niece that's out of your life.

And then you don't have kids and you aren't having them in the immediate future, apparently, but maybe, and this is the other thing.

“You have to remember, all fights like this are not about the topic.”

Right. So maybe it's some sort of thing of like anxiety about not being able to have kids. That's right. Or it's such a personal, emotional, specific thing.

Maybe in that case, then, the people who aren't related, the woman and the sister and

learn whatever it should have their own like, can we go on a walk and just talk this through because this seems like a lot. And I want to fix this, but I don't think I did anything wrong. I mean, if you say that, say I want to fix this and don't say anything out, don't be defensive, but yes, like that, it's everyone's an adult and it is no one likes to have

a conflict conversation, but it isn't as hard as everybody built it up to be.

“Right, cutting someone out of your life is way harder than having a, like, a harder”

conversation. It just sits on you. And then it's, you've built a story, like, you kind of, if you're that person, you have to go, like, is this something my mom used to do and I'm just doing what I used to see?

Right.

That kind of thing of cutting people as so Irish Catholic, like, cutting people off

silent treatment. Yeah. All that kind of stuff is just unprocessed, like you're not using any tools. Yeah. So somebody's got to figure out who the adults are and the adults have to talk and fix

it. Yeah. Also because it's not fair to that little girl. No, that she somehow is going to get the back end of that from grandma and grandpa, even. Yeah.

Our fucking sighting with them.

“I mean, why are grandma and grandpa sighting if it's a true and pure mistake?”

Right. Go ahead. You might have to airlift you out of that family. Yeah. Where you're baby now.

Oh. Oh. That was super fun. We named it advice with Karen and Georgia because although it is from us, we are not responsible again for what we have just advised you with.

Maybe she invites near Karen and Georgia. Karen and Georgia's safe stuff. You are the one interpreting it as advice. Yeah. That would be the whole graphic.

DM. Um, okay.

“So this episode was brought to you by cars.com, the trusted site for finding the right”

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Our creative lead is Allison Gosty. Our associate producer is Tessa Hughes and our editor is Aristotle Acevedo. This episode was mixed by Leonis Golocchi. Email your hometowns to my favorite murderer at gmail.com and follow the show on Instagram at my favorite murder.

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Goodbye. The trail weekly is back with brand new stories. From threatening text messages disturbing a small Midwestern town, it was from an unknown number. Who else is getting these messages?

Why did it start with us? To long cons and stolen identities. Who lies about being this sick? This was the last time I ever believed to worry she said. Listen to the trail weekly on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

your podcasts.