428: Monkey King: The Pride

learn that if you're jacked in oiled suns, only think about martial arts, maybe don't

let them make friends with a supernatural monkey, that'll just encourage them.

“Also, you'll see why you should microchip your pets, because they might start a gang”

and terrorize the countryside. The creature this time is an unwelcome lizard man, who's the reason we all die, and that's also probably why he's not very welcome. This is myths and legends, episode 428, The Pride. This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore.

Some are incredibly popular tales, you might think you know, but with surprising origins. Others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. We're back in the stories of the Monkey King. No worries if you haven't heard the other ones, they're really fun and episodic. Basically, a monkey medieval china named Swanzang, was tasked with retrieving some

holy scriptures, and heaven saw fit to give him some bodyguards in the form of supernatural monsters, trying to redeem themselves. The most famous of which is the Monkey King, Sun Woo Kong, a monkey with seemingly countless powers, who was imprisoned under a mountain for hundreds of years. He fights with a rod that can grow and shrink.

Next up is Pigsie, a stinky pig man who does not value intelligence or hard work, and who fights with a muck rake. Then they're sandy, a dower and a colored sandman, who fights with a staff.

Their horses are dragon, who never leaves the form of their horse.

We'll jump in with monkey seeking out some help in the heavens, and dropping by an old friend. He's asking for some rain. Okay, BHP, you know how this works. I can't put through the order for rain until the hold gets lifted. You gotta take this to the Jade Emperor.

The dragon king sat back on his throne, as the monkey king Sun Woo Kong stood before him. A very punctual fish rushed forward to fill his goblet. Slashy most of the liquid on the floor because it's a fish. Right, but I thought you were the dragon king of the eastern ocean, not the dragon, errand boy of, also the eastern ocean that part doesn't change, I guess.

Nice try.

But not everyone wants to end up under a mountain for 500 years for defying heaven.

The dragon king of the eastern ocean picked his teeth. I just came from the Phoenix Immortal Prefecture, the city has been devastated by starvation because it hasn't rained in three years.

“Are you telling me that punishing a prefect for something he didn't even remember is more”

important than human lives? Monkey pleaded. The dragon king replied that it's not something he said. Heaven said it. The Jade Emperor said it.

Fine. Then I'll just have to take it up with the Jade Emperor, monkey said, and called up a cloud. Literally what I've been telling you to do the whole time, the dragon king yelled as monkey flew off. You're welcome for the magical rod, by the way.

It's bad. It's noodle-pug-bad. Monkey touched down on Earth. He squinted at Pigsie, Sandy, and you longed the dragon horse, all shoulder to shoulder to haunches, forming a triangle around Shwanzong, the Tang monk, who, with just one bite of

his flesh, would grant near immortality to any monster or demon or anyone else willing to kill a monkey and consume his flesh. Which if that's you, you might want to check out where you're falling on the old Wymmet chart, because you're in good company with monsters and demons. Pigsie, Sandy, and you long were taking their job of guarding Shwanzong seriously, because

every time he got kidnapped, it added another week to their journey, and a lot of fighting. Monkey sat down and resumed the vegetarian feast the prefected laid out for them, and told them the bad news, where a pug-eating and actual mountain of noodles was just the start. Because of a sin and prefect Shwanz passed, he now had to wait for three things to take place, a tiny pug-eating and a mountain of noodles, a supernatural pug, Pigsie asked, "Please

save all questions for the end, especially bad ones." Monkey said, "But no, a normal pug, giving as much as it could, sleeping, running around, and then eating more." It wasn't just the pug though, a tiny chicken pecked at a mountain of rice, grain by grain.

“Finally, there was a massive golden lock with a small flame burning through the key, and”

it's all your fault, Monkey turned to the prefect, who had been just the sweetest to them. What? The prefect asked? Something about dogs, and a table of sacrificial offerings?

They said the prefect would know what he was talking about.

The prefect was catatonic. His mouth agape and his eyes bulging. Yeah, I think he knows what they're talking about. Monkey said, "Far be it from me, Jason, to impose my values on a story from hundreds of years ago and half a world away.

I would never do that. That's terrible." But it seems like a harsh punishment to utterly destroy thousands of lives with starvation because a prefect knocked over a table of sacrificial offerings to gods and anger, and then let dogs eat them off the floor.

I get it that it would be important to the gods, and also seems like maybe just punished the prefect for his sin, and not so many of his people who had nothing to do with it?

“Okay, in my defense, the prefect said, "My wife made me really mad, and that's why I hit”

the table." That's not a good defense, even pigs eat pointed out. Monkey said a couple of things worked in the prefect's favor. The pug chicken and lock were all running concurrently, so he didn't need to wait for one after the other.

Still, everyone would be long dead before that pug finished eating the noodles. Is it cute? Pigsiest? Pigsie, stop interrupting. Monkey scolded, but yes, that little guru was adorable.

The second thing was that it was just more of a timer instead of cursing the land forever,

“the curse would just go into the time ran out, if the prefect didn't repent, of course.”

Repent? The prefect said, "Yeah, you know, say you're sorry, Monkey Frode is furry brow. He obviously knew what he did wrong, why didn't he say sorry years ago?" The prefect swallowed hard. "Okay, yeah, he understood. It's just that he was ashamed. He took a deep breath. I'm sorry.

My wife was such an annoying nuisance and made me so angry that she led to me hitting that table and also not wanting to clean it up. The prefect smiled. All right, it's going to rain now or Monkey nodded, all right. Standing, he put his hands on the tang monks as his master shwanzong shoulders. This was his department. If he needed a scared straight option, Sandy could get pretty creepy and Pigsie. He looked on the smiling, expectant

Pigsie. You're here too, Pigsie wiped his eye. It was one of the nicest things Monkey had ever said to him. I almost wished there was a monster to fight, because teaching his prefect would be less of a complete jerk who masters self-righteousness and ostentatious charity was a lot more work than rescue master. Sandy shook his head. Outside, a montage of starving people praying, doing good works and making sacrifices, led by the prefect

reciting Buddhist and Taoist scriptures helped to zero out the balance of the pug and chicken and lock. "No, I actually don't know," Monkey said. They changed a whole town here, rescued hundreds of thousands, all without even picking up a weapon. It felt good. "No, I'm with

Sandy, I'm bored," Pigsie said, as the first peel of thunder shook the town. Cheers went

up as the people looked at the sky and saw the darkening clouds, and for the first time in three years felt the droplets of water on their faces. "Well, that's it," Monkey said, calling up a cloud. He would go to heaven and confirm everything was copacetic, and

“it was. The dog and chicken had vanished in the key broke, though Monkey really didn't”

understand the imagery there. Monkey, or Pilgrim's son, said that there was one more request. Back in the village, not too long after, that people bowed towards the gods, thanking and praising them, bowing respect and sacrifices as Pigsie, Sandy, Monkey, and Shwanzong, stood in the doorway to the prefect's home. "You," the prefect's mild and hugged Monkey, "I'll make sure generations know your name," he said, and it was hard to tell if the water

in his face was tears of the rain, which hadn't stopped from the initial downpour. "I'll build you a monastery and make statues. I'll make you look super nice, too, not all goofy and weird like some statues do." He stopped when he realized Monkey had increased his own size about twofold, and now stood glaring down at the prefect. "Oh my gosh, dude, do you think that maybe since I cast you in a favor with the gods to have them show up here personally,

I don't want to be remembered for saving in this place?" The prefect for all of his personal growth couldn't understand that line of reasoning. He didn't want people to live worship him. He was speaking a foreign language. Also, Monkey said, "You knew what you did in your smart. If I fed sacrifices to dogs and it didn't rain for my people for three years, I'd make the

and by doing so, and I've done the math here, you killed more people than most of the

“demons we fought on this journey. Technically, the gods killed them? A prefect raised a finger?”

Monkey is zeroed, and this is medieval China. I think we're an Indian now, but you get it. I'm an 800-year-old monkey with a magic rod. My friends here are literal monsters, and my master has been reincarnated more than most people can probably count. The gods and their retribution are facts of this world. Blaming the gods is like throwing a hot cold on a haybil, and then blaming the fire for burning down a city. Now if I were you, I'd get out there and join your people.

You clearly still need it. The prefect didn't say another word, and scurried out to join the

supplicants. Silence pervaded the space between the four travelers. When Monkey finally broke it.

I don't care if they worship me or not. Monkey said, "I just wanted to get on the road,

“and a bunch of people bowing on it and blocking our way makes it really hard to do that."”

Shwanzong, picking up his bag, allowed himself a smile. Summer gave way to fall back on the road, and the gradual fade of the season was the only mark that separated an entire month's worth of days trudging through a forest. They made good progress while the late allowed, stopping before dusk to build a fire and forage, and Shwanzong would instruct them in the flickering light of the fire, before sleep took all

but Monkey, who stayed up listening for enemies that never came. All of them, though, were happy

to see the walls of another city, looking down on them from the hills ahead. Let's go see what type of people live here. Pigsy said, very much hoping that meant they would also

“feed him. Oh, we're going to get an introduction in 3, 2, 1. Monkey said, "Pointing the end of”

his rod toward the forest." And right at the temple of the elderly man who hobbled out on his bamboo cane. I identify yourself where my rod doesn't stop until it touches the bark of that tree over there. Do you understand? Monkey asked and commanded. The man froze and Shwanzong, frantic at the disrespect monkey was showing to this elderly man nearly fell from his horse in an attempt to mend the situation. Monkey, stop Shwanzong hissed. It's like 85% of the time these

guys are demons and that's on the conservative end. So if he kidnaps you, I hope that they once again

don't choose to eat you immediately, like they never do for some reason. Monkey lowered his staff.

A master who possesses the way, the man blurted, and Shwanzong smiled with a nod. Monkey rolled his eyes as the elderly man explained that they were in the Jade Flower District of India. And the county magistrate was a member of India's royal family. Not only that, but he paid reverence to both Taoists and Buddhists and loved common people. If the master wanted to have an audience with him, he would surely honor the monk. Shwanzong thanked the old man,

and he disappeared back into the forest, despite having a road right there. I'm going to get in big quest giver NPC vibes from that little weirdo. What is this in 90s JRPG where you just walk up to somebody and they give you info? Some who can't laugh. Monkey, I don't have any idea what half of those words mean. Shwanzong said, though he was happy to stretch his legs. The pop culture references do get a bit tiresome. Sandy's indigo hand padded monkey shoulder. I love them,

you're so witty, pixie-grinned, and monkey decided to cool it a bit. While behind them, a squirrel in the trail, triggered the elderly man stepping out and proclaiming a master who possesses the way. They hate me, they think I'm gross and hideous, pixie-pace the room at the end. Monkey laughed. Well, if that came as a surprise to pixie, then he had some bad news about it. Literally, everyone else in the world. Monkey stopped it. Shwanzong commanded. This place. They were so scared

of his bodyguards/disciples that they demanded the trio either stay inside or leave town forever. He would go get the travel rescript certified and talk to the magistrate. Really, monkey asked. The old man said he was a practicing Buddhist. I'll be respected. Shwanzong laughed. Monkey said, oh, okay, and again, where did master hear that? From an old man in the woods?

buy this stock? Where'd you hear about it? From a guy in the woods, oh, it must be great.

“Monkey, remember what Sandy said about you being tiresome? You're doing it again.”

Also, I'm still the leader. I'm going, you're staying. That's that. Shwanzong, the tang monk said, and left. Monkey, annoyed that he was going to have to save master's life, but also annoyed it being disrespected, paced the room for nearly an hour, until they heard boots pounding below. Here it comes. Monkey said, plucking the rod from behind his ear. They were going to have to fight their way out, which was all the more challenging because

master forbade killing humans. The soldiers coming to arrest them, knocked.

Hi, we came for the ugly beasts. The trio heard from the other side of the door.

Monkey, tucked the rod away and went to go open the door. Blood curdling screams blasted through the end, and the soldiers kept screaming as they said they wanted to extend an invitation of dinner with the magistrate to the horrifying monsters. It was another full hour until the trio found themselves walking up to the palace. What was the soldier's fainting nut from fright, but because they kept screaming for a full two minutes without taking a breath.

One wretched, the whole way back, and the other common deared some horse blinders. Explaining that here in the west, it was a beautiful, blissful region, and they weren't used

to monsters or ugliness of any kind. "Oh, must be nice, Monkey rolled his eyes. Oh, it is, it's

wonderful. Thank you for noticing," the soldier said. "And here we are." The trio entered the palace to see Shwanzong eating a vegetarian feast with the magistrate, who managed to keep it together as best he could by the look of them. Or in Pigsies case, smell of them. You've been out on the road 14 years now? With them? The magistrate swallowed hard? He hadn't known they were, so intense when he agreed to letting them come dying in his hall.

As Monkey was wondering if it really had been 14 years, Pigsie was taking the initiative. His master taught him about bowing just a few days prior,

“and how you should do it. So he did it. This humble cleric salute to,”

Pigsie called out, spittle flucking on the magistrate's face before Pigsies ears flopped in a bow, Monkey had been embarrassed earlier, and mad. And while he usually liked to think he was above petty vengeance, it still felt good to see master all flustered. Dressing down Pigsie after the magistrate excused himself on some pretext. Now, Shwanzong said something that, to my ears, feels a little classist. Because it's classist, saying that there are grades of people

and Pigsie needed to learn to distinguish himself between the noble and the lowly. Master, why are you calling the magistrate lowly? Pigsie asked, and then lit up when he saw the bowl of rice and veggies brought out by the attendant who drew the short straw. After a few more tries, Shwanzong gave up and ate with his pupils. A few minutes later, Monkey sat up straight. What is it, brother? Sandi asked, we are in danger, Monkey stated, before closing his eyes and sniffing

“the air, but not a lot of danger, I think, okay, I think, stubbing your toe and then half that.”

Are you the hideous monsters from the mountain? Come to take over our father's kingdom? Voices yelled from behind them. The travelers turn to see three muscular, oiled princes, obviously straining as they stood, flexing and brandishing their weapons, one of which held a rake, one a staff, and one a rod, mirroring the weapons of the party. Cute weapons, when are your grown-up versions come? Pigsie said,

rice tumbling from his snout, even Monkey chuckled at that one. He didn't want to encourage Pigsie being funny because he was like a five-year-old and would just repeat the same joke for days. But when you hit, you hit. Hi, not to get involved in whatever's happening here, we're just monks passing through and Monkey started, but knew where this would end up. Lies? The middle prince with a rod said and charged. Sandi and Pigsie unironically showed off their weapons. Pigsie his rake, that, when he waived it,

produced 10,000 shafts of golden light, which, yeah, I didn't know it could do that. Maybe we're following legend of Zelda rules where Pigsie is at full health, the rake just shoots beams or something. All those beams did, though, was moved the attacker to the point that he didn't dare keep going. Same with Sandi, who spun his staff so that it made a rainbow mist. Monkey, though, surrendered,

down to pick it up and, well, after a minute of trying to lift it, roll it, or even kick it,

the prince, the prince couldn't do it. You fused it to the floor, the prince swept his hair back over his headband. Now, Monkey said, picking up the rod with two fingers, shrinking it and putting it back behind his ear. Seeing the awe in the prince's face, Monkey told them to follow him, Pigsie and Sandi to the courtyard, and they put on a show. It sounds fun, the three beings showing off their skills and moves and stances and all the radiant rainbow mist their weapons could make.

At the end of it, there were tears in the eyes of the princes. The magistrate rushed out, asking which immortals had come down from on high to grace their district. And the princes said, "No immortals, just those ugly, horrifying, hideous, repugnant, monstrous, grotesque, revolting travelers who terrified and disgusted him that he had to leave dinner." "Oh, father, if we could learn their skill, we could protect this kingdom."

"Well, my disciples would love to teach them." Schwanzang piped up. "I'm sorry, are you joking, master?" Monkey turned to his master in surprise, who was smiling at the father of the princes. "Oh, yeah, different grades of people. He had no idea, master was such a starfighter. We wouldn't dare refuse," Sandi blurted out, and the princes clapped in such a way where they somehow also flexed, which is really hard to do without looking

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beyond how to beat something up, Pigsie and Sandy begged master for their own disciples,

“after they saw a monkey with his. And soon, each was learning the weapon they had in common with”

the monk that also wielded that weapon. They did run into a problem though, and that the kids couldn't lift the weapons. Alright, monkey finished tracing out the big dipper, and smell the concoction he had made. This will give you super strength. Monkey told the young man to drink the liquid and lay down on the ground. Sorry, back up, you have the ability to give mortal humans the strength of the gods. Sandy asked, monkey said yes, probably. Probably is doing a lot of work there

in that sentence. Sandy pointed out. I read the recipe when I was an attendant in heaven and

memorized it. I've never used it because who wants a human to have superpowers, that sounds like

a terrible idea. Monkey said, but he never had a disciple before, and also it would take forever if they had to train these kids up to the point where the kids could even lift the weapons,

“even if they could, that's probably not possible. So, here we go. Monkey said, standing over the boys.”

This might feel a little weird. If the preparations are correct, your soul will be ripped from your body and transformed, but in a doctor's strange way, not a death way, that will happen if my preparations aren't correct. Pigsy and Sandy chuckled. Oh, that wasn't a joke. Monkey said, we've just paused, and the process started. Later on that day, the rod Prince waved to his dad. "Father, check me out!" A father, "check me out," he said, bringing down monkey's rod on an in,

leveling it. Monkey had planned ahead and had this region of the city evacuated, while the princes were unconscious/a little dead. "Hey, father, check me out!" The staff once sliced a statue in half, which is difficult to do with the staff. "Hey, father, check me out!" The rake sun ran his rake over a field, which wasn't impressive, until he hooked the field and flung the whole thing 42 miles away. The father looked at the in,

the bronze statue, and the giant crater, and clapped, amazing. Then his boy's collapsed.

He gasped, and nearly tumbled down the steps rushing to their aid, but Monkey told him it was fine, they were fine. It's just that when they used the weapons, they collapsed and exhaustion and almost died for the amount of exertion it demanded from their feeble human forms. The magistrate said that that didn't sound fine at all. The boy's awoke almost simultaneously, and asked if they passed out, nearly died again. And Monkey nodded. The rake one, pigsies, said he had an idea. He noticed those

weapons seemed to radiate power. He wondered how much of that was from their form. If the blacksmiths could have some time and look at them and make later versions for the princes, maybe they could both defend the city and not pass out after only a few swings. That is actually a good idea, Monkey said, especially since with their super strength, they crushed their old weapons just by picking them up. Okay, sure. Monkey, Sandy, and Pigsy would drop their weapons off with the magistrate

Smith, so that he could make copies. And then Monkey looked at Pigsy's disciple. Wow. One single good idea, the student has surpassed the master. Pigsy stood behind his boy, wiping it to here. He was so proud. They knew when the weapons have been stolen, or about when

the weapons have been stolen, because the lights went out. Pigsy, Sandy, and Monkey had never

been so far from their weapons to see what the items did in their absence. But apparently, their own power, or whatever you call it, superseded that of the weapons. And so for the next week, while the Smiths worked on the replicas, the whole valley was bathed in a beautiful iridescent glow. Then, one morning, when the Smiths awoke to get to work before the sun, it wasn't a wash in a beautiful iridescent glow. The Smiths ran to the forge, and the weapons were gone.

Far from a traditional hood on it, only three people other than Monkey, Pigsy, and Sandy could even lift the weapons. And they were the ones who benefited from the weapons' stain where they were.

“Monkey hadn't gotten secret demon vibes from anyone here in the city, so that only led to one”

conclusion. Yeah, our weapons got lonely being apart from us, gained sentience, and also legs, and walked away. Pigsy nodded thoughtfully. Exactly. Wait, that's your one conclusion. No, they were stolen by a monster who saw the late Radiating from them and took them in the night. Monkey said, "Pigsy scoffed out that," was ridiculous.

Maybe there were, who knows? People said leopard's head mountain and tiger's mouth cave

“have immortal who e-humans. Others say it's tiger's wolves and monstrous fiends.”

For a variety of reasons, ranging from "don't want to" to "not gonna," the magistrate hadn't

been able to determine what was out there. It's demons. Pilgrim's son said it's always demons.

He instructed the Smiths not to put the fire out, and instructed Pigsy not to execute the Smiths for Grand Theft Rake, as he was really excited to do, and Monkey said he would be back in a moment. 30 miles and 30 seconds later, Monkey was hovering over a leopard's head mountain. But it was a dead end. Then he heard some sounds. And snarles. Monsters patrolling the region. He disappeared, and a soft, silver winged butterfly

fluttered along the road toward the growling and snarling voices. Wow, this has been a great month. First, a few weeks ago, our great king met a beautiful woman who's

“beginning to move a great time in the cave, and, as such, he's been easier on us.”

Then, last night, he stole three weapons of great power, and now he's putting on a festival tomorrow. He's called The Muckrake Festival, and we've been giving 20 tiles of silver to buy hogs and sheep

in the northwest market. The first wolf said, cheerfully. "Yeah, I know.

The second wolf said we both have the same job in the same cave I've lived. Basically, the same life as you for the past month. Okay, well, I'm sorry for trying to make conversation. The first wolf side. Is that what you were doing? Because you were just saying things that we both already knew. How does that give me anything to work with? The first wolf pinched his mouth. Wow, okay, were they going to have this conversation again? Sorry for trying to be nice.

When people talk about the weather, it's not like new information is coming up, but it's a jumping

“off point for others who might want to talk. Well, I'm a demon wolf who lives in a dormitory”

with like 40 other demon wolves. Maybe I don't want to talk for like 10 seconds. The second wolf threw up his paws. Oh, the mission accomplished the first wolf bark. The second wolf pointed out that the first said that like it was supposed to be a punishment, but to be clear, this is exactly what he was hoping for. Then it looks like you got just what you wanted. The first wolf grimaced. Literally, yes, the second wolf replied and then looked ahead of them.

Oh, hey, word, this is our patrol. You don't come this way. They said to the monkey shaped form in the road ahead. Some who Kong, whose reputation apparently did not proceed him, wave high. Yeah, he wasn't down for killing with his bare paws. So he meant this with no disrespect, but he was going to spit in their faces. That seems pretty disrespectful. The first wolf pointed out. Well, yeah, but I said no disrespect. So you know, I don't intend it that way.

Monkey noted as he gathered saliva in his mouth. Now I'm with him on on this one, the second wolf said when you do something, you're responsible for the effect, not just the intention and our feelings in this are about, but that was all he said, because monkey's magical saliva, which he has apparently had the whole time sprinkled on his fur and he froze. Searching their frozen and paralyzed forms, Monkey found that both of them were

lacquered name badges on their rope belts. And as he read them, he, uh, groaned. Okay, I will be the first wolf. Named, shifty and freaky. Monkey said, and pigsy, you'll be the second wolf, freaky and shifty. Sandy, you'll take the form of a hog trader. Monkey handed pigsy the name tag and took the form of the first wolf, so pigsy would have something to go off of. Pigsy looked at Sandy and then backed a monkey. It sounded like a good plan, of course,

but well, were they going to talk about the names? I know, Monkey said, he had questions too, but they could just get past the names and do this. He felt really exposed without his rod. He had to spit on guys today and he didn't like spitting on guys or anyone.

Monkey was always impressed when pigsy was good at something.

A compliment that didn't sound like a compliment because it wasn't. Taking monkey's direction on the differences between shifty and freaky and using him as a template, soon the monkey monster and pig monster were gone, replaced by two wolf monsters. In the Dauer Indigo Sandman's place stood a normal human farmer. The type that wouldn't terrify villagers, if he could look normal all the time, why didn't he? Well, first, normal to whom,

Fair enough, Monkey said, and called up a cloud. It dropped them a mile or so from tiger's mouth

“cave, where shifty and freaky were set to return with the sheep. Before they approached,”

Monkey pulled 15 hairs from the side, blowing on them. Fledering down, when they touched the ground, they became eight hogs in seven sheep. In pigsy, a little uncomfortable with the setup, walked next to monkey. As Sandy mock herded the animals. They saw the commotion before they even arrived at the cave. The place was teeming with little fiends running this way and that in order to get ready for the big festival, and a sigh went up from one of the managers, a beam with red hair and

skin, mass of eyes and sharp fangs. Good, you're back, finally. Sorry, we stopped off for a drink

or a five wink. Monkey in the form of shifty laughed. I'm your direct report. Don't tell me that. Why would you tell me that? Whatever, I didn't hear it. With the signal from Monkey, the sheep and hogs scattered. Isn't your shepherd going after his herd? The manager demon asked. I'd delivered them. It's your herd now. Sandy shrugged. The demon rolled his eyes and weighed for some of the others to go catch the livestock. Oh, also we still owe him five tails. You only gave us 20. Pigsy said

to the manager. He spent 25 on those how. The manager flipped through the papers on his clipboard. That's a deal, actually. Sandy said though he had absolutely no idea.

Based on his own ignorance of livestock prices, he assumed the other demons would be as well.

Yeah, he said he would give us a break on the price if he got an invite to the festival. Shifty aka Monkey said. You told him about the festival? The manager demon did not need this. He woke up this morning and had to plan a mass of festival. And then his master, the yellow line was inviting his grandfather, the ninefold new meaner primal sage. So now he had that. All because yellow line had stolen some weapons. Well, yeah, he was asking why we needed livestock and it just

came out. You know, on account of all the day drinking, Monkey smiled. Stop telling me about the day drinking. The manager commanded. Okay. They would slip him in on the side. Great. Thanks. Shifty Monkey said and entered the room. Okay. Monkey whispered to Pigsy and Sandy. They had to be smart about this. Their weapons were nice, but if they were surrounded without a plan, it could go badly. No one should make a move until Monkey said so. Okay. Got it. The farmer,

aka Sandy, whispered. Pigsy, Monkey whispered. And then groaned. Sometimes Pigsy wanted it to get

“inexplicably method with these things. Freaky and shifty. Monkey turned. Where did he go?”

When someone sees his property, he will go for it certainly. A squeal went up. Inverse. Monkey spun to see Pigsy's disguise fall away as he leapt for his mud rake. Monkey groaned. Okay. New plan. Fight our way out without a plan. He and Sandy flew to their respective rod and staff on display behind Pigsy's shining muck rake. You larceness monsters. Give me back my weapons that I just stole.

The yellow lion wailed on Monkey's rod with his bladed shovel. There are weapons where escorting the tank muck to the thunderclap temple. Monkey cried. The yellow lion was very much interested in the wrong detail here, but the lion being a thief could only see the world through that lens. Plus all of his demons, which Pigsy and Sandy were holding off, had caught the three literally stealing his weapons. Monkey was not holding back, but he kind of was. This cave was

far enough from the city to not be a threat. And all that this guy had done was take their weapons, which Monkey understood their weapons ruled. He told the yellow lion multiple times to please surrender, and they would just leave. Since the yellow lion was a liar, he could only hear monkeys

“words that way. That's why Monkey was ecstatic when, instead of throwing himself at Monkey yet another”

time, he thrust his bladed shovel backwards through the wall of his cave, and bolted into the woods.

Laughing that he was escaping. That was always an option. Monkey called after him.

Catching his breath, Monkey said that they got their weapons back, drove off the monster. They should clean things up here and head back to town. After shutting all the demons inside the cave and lighting it on fire, the trio made their way back to the city. Where the magistrate was less than thrilled about the yellow lion's defeat. What if he comes back for revenge against our city? The magistrate Freded? His son's weapons weren't done yet. Wow, the accent in this region

of the Tang monk for destroying a demon stronghold near my capital." Monkey didn't need to look

“at master to know what Shwanzong thought of that statement. So he said it was fine. He at least knew”

what was coming. An old grandfather lion. Monkey had no idea what was coming. The old lion

having cried a grandpa peaked the old timers interest. The powerful silver lion was smart enough

not to go for the Tang monk. That only pervoked his guards and that action alone had killed countless demons in the past 14 years. Now, if they captured Zuii rules aka Pigsie, the Shamank, Sandy, and Sun Wu Kong, then they could get the Tang monk at their leisure. The yellow lion wiped his eyes. Really? His grandfather would help. With the snarrow, the grandfather lion's smile, then waving his hand, a coulderie of lions lept from the shadows. When with long hair, one lion

that devourous tigers and leopards, a mythical lion, a wild cat, and one called, quote, "Elephant

“Bader." Seven demon lions, or five, a wild cat, and whatever an elephant bader is,”

gathered their sharp weapons, and did anyone else smell that? Freaky and shifty and shifty and freaky stood in the doorway. The yellow lion screamed, cowering behind Grandpa, and pointed. "Was this the real freaky child or the false freaky child?" Freaky replied that he didn't know what his master was talking about, a monkey spit on him and he had been paralyzed for most of the day. Also, did the king know that his house had burned down, and everyone he knew who wasn't

currently in the room had been brutally slaughtered? The yellow lion king, who had just managed to stop crying, and was truly hanging on by a thread, broke down again, luckily for him, and unlucky for the monks, Grandpa was here, and he was going to handle everything. Minus later, a wind kicked up in the

“city and roof tiles and shutters ripped from their places and tumbled on the streets, as the magistrate”

waved everyone toward the palace. Monkey, sandy, and pixie gave the command to their disciples, to watch over the people and the tang monk, and the princes nodded. Monkey looked up, impressed. It wasn't every day that demons put on a show. Inside the cloud of fog and dust, shadowy giant forms of lions looked down at the trio, and their banners choked the light of the sun. Monkey turned a sandy and pixie. All right, brothers, let's go. The three took flight.

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trying to see him fling the unconscious pixie to the grandmaster line. Pixie, with foam at his mouth from being worked to exhaustion, was barely breathing. Turning was a mistake. As monkey took a heart hit from wild cat's battle axe, and woke up on the ground alongside a pile of indigo sand

“that was taking form. Monkey staggering to his feet ripped some hair from his side, chewed it up,”

and spat it out before collapsing. And the five lines surrounding him and Sandy found themselves

in a sea of monkeys, none of which being as powerful as Sun will Kong, but after fighting for

half a day straight, it didn't matter. Monkey rose and fought alongside his little clones, and though he couldn't catch up with the grandmaster, who bounded off with Pixie on a shoulder, he could capture two of the lions, with clones cinching the ropes and dancing on their quarry, before being recalled a monkey's side. Silence pervaded the town, and monkey walked up to his master in the magistrate, dragging the two-bound lions behind him. With a smile, monkey said,

"We won!" and collapsed in the street. When he woke up, to the prince's pouring water in his mouth and begging to know how they could learn that duplication spell, Monkey said that it was a powerful spell that took years. Also being a supernaturally magic monkey helped, and was necessary. He had 84,000 hairs on his body, and each of those could be ten monkeys where each in turn could transform into a hundred monkeys. He could transform into billions of monkeys. By my math, it's exactly

84 million monkeys, but I'm not about to tell him. "When you said you won," Chuan Zong said,

walking up to monkey's bedside. "Well, they only got Pixie, and we got two of there, so that's one third to two-eighths." One of the princes said, "Yeah, but it's Pixie, so it's more of a weighted average." Monkey explained. Monkey, Chuan Zong scaled. He's fine. He's a hostage. I'm guessing these lions are like family, and they won't execute him if they want to see theirs again. Monkey grown as he sat up. That's not what they said. One of the princes chimed in.

Monkey turned what you talked to them? Well, no, he hadn't. They had talked to the whole city. They were out on the mountainside, yelling that when Monkey woke up, he was to come out and submit himself, or else Pixie died. That's actually why the princes woke him up. How long have they been out there?" Monkey asked. About 45 minutes, the middle Prince said. Monkey threw off the blanket and called up a cloud, meeting Sandi on the roof.

"Oh, he stopped for brunch?" Sandi asked. "Shut up. I'm done with these fools." Monkey said. "At Monkey's appearance. Yellow Lion, who was still frothing with anger over his home and friends, left from the mountain. Without looking, Monkey's full rod appeared in his paw. Expanded its diameter to the height of a

Grinding the fur and bones like it was in a mortar and pestle before letting the body fall.

“The lion stood in stunned silence for a moment before charging at once.”

But not before Monkey, taking handfuls of hair from his arms, even the odds. But because he was fighting the demons with a renewed brutality, that distracted him from the true plan. When he didn't suspect, till he felt an unfamiliar wind rippled through his fur. No, Monkey searched. Where was the old one? A laugh reverberated through town. And the ground rumbled, as appearing before him. The size of a building.

Monkey saw the grandfather lion smiling with an open mouth. Propting himself up carefully between sharp teeth. Shwanzong, for as many times as has had happened in the past decade and a half, seemed filled with true terror. Monkey took a step in the head shook, with that shake another

“head appeared, with the magistrate in that mouth. Then, three more with the princes as disciples.”

Finally, the bound and bruised pigsy. And the lions still had three more mouths to go.

But he wasn't staying. Sunwoo Kong had seen with the lion demon needed him to see. Grandfather helped us. The lion demons fighting the monkey clones cried out. But he seemed not to listen and bounded off back toward home. Alright, so we got seven total. Monkey said after all the lions except for the old one were bound. Lost five? Maybe you were still winning? Monkey floated? Sandi, grod.

Shifty and freaky. Oddly enough, the wolf demon that didn't desert. Manishes survived the fray by hiding and scaring away. And also because Monkey thought he was foolish enough to lead them directly to the old lion's lair. Monkey was right. As the city was imprisoning the living lions and skinning the dead one, Monkey and Sandi followed Shifty and freaky to a massive mountain hideout. Monkey also kind of forgot that wolves have better hearing than monkeys.

And Sand monsters for that matter, and they watched Shifty and freaky enter the stronghold. When Monkey and Sandi were sitting in the bushes outside the forest discussing their plans, Monkey got real quiet. Before saying that his plan was now to get captured. What? Well that was because they were about to get captured. Two of the nine heads of grandpa lion shot from the trees and bid into the pair. And when it stopped whipping them from left

right, and Monkey and Sandi hung limp from the teeth, the lion went inside with a grim chuckle. How are you even tied up? Monkey asked Sandi. Who, yeah, remained bound somehow. Monkey's torturers just went on break, which meant, "Yep, nine headed grandpa lion emerged with a fresh cane. He had already broken dozens against Monkey's back, face, skull everywhere, and this was his whole thing. He was going to enjoy beating his captives one a day for probably over a week,

before presumably, finally taking a minute to eat the tang monk, which would make him functionally

immortal, and then trading the royal family back to the city for his lion family. If you're sensing an obvious flaw with his plan, you've listened to a monkey king episode before. Monkey made a show of it, but he was really playing the long game here, like how Homer Simpson won boxing matches by letting his opponents beat him until they became exhausted and fell down, eventually the nine-headed lion had to take a nap. He was so tired from beating Monkey. He ordered his little

feans to keep watch in the prisoners, as soon as he was gone, Monkey turned and looked like he

“was trying to shake something from his head, to know a veil. What are you doing over there?”

One of the demons squinted, raising a lantern. I'll tell you if you loosen these ropes, they're cutting into my wrists and ankles. Pigsy cried out. Shut up, Pigsy. He has a weapon, smuggle behind his right ear. That's where he keeps his golden hooped rod. It's his weapon, Pigsy blurted. Pigsy. Monkey snapped. Don't tell me to shut up, Pigsy squealed. And now, that he had told the demons he was hoping he'd get his ropes loosened. It was kind of bruising it,

hurt a little. I was saving you. Monkey groaned as the two little feans found the tiny rod

inspected the rod that was no bigger than a toothpick. What was he talking about? They very quickly understood what he was talking about when the rod instantly increased in size, weight, and density, crushing them and turning them into, quote, meat patties. Monkey became about 10% smaller to slip from his ropes and laughed. That was actually really clever, Pigsy. The fake betrayal and

“getting them to go for the rod. Pigsy laughed, yeah, that's what he was doing. Monkey put out the”

lantern. Pigsy whispered, asking what big brother was doing. I'm untying you all and we're escaping, and I'll burn the place down while the demon sleeps. That's been working pretty well for us recently,

a voice whispered in the dark. Big brother. Big brother, and timey first, Pigsy whispered back.

I'm starting with Sandy, but I'll get to you. I need you to be quiet, though. Monkey said, still working on Sandy's ropes in the dark. Stop tying me to shut up my hooves hurt and I want to be untied first. Pigsy's whisper morphed into a squeal over the course of a sentence. Monkey shushed him, but seconds later, Monkey heard a, "Who's untying who?" and saw 18 eyes open behind him in the darkness. Without hesitation, Monkey abandoned his work and holding his staff out,

blasted a hole in five walls, and went toward the evening light that flooded in the cave. Leaving the laughter of the lion, and now the bound Sandy in addition to everyone else in the darkness,

behind him. Hi. Monkey heard when he finally stopped. Turning, he saw the gods.

The local deity is just floating there in the sky. Hi yourself. Monkey tucked his rod behind his ear. See, I knew this would be awkward as if when you meet your neighbor and you forget their name, and then you see them off and on for six months, and at that point it's way too late to ask him, but then you'd have to, and it's just ripped the bandit off of that sort of situation. Okay, is this like a bit? Monkey should just say he had to find a way to rescue his master.

Okay, in our defense, at first we thought you might not see him, but then you were fighting him, and then you were captured, and so we're, we're telling you now. The deities smiled and nodded and congratulated each other on their bravery. That bravery didn't involve protecting the travelers from being kidnapped or guarding the city in the city gods case, but rather saying something. Sometime, does someone else who could maybe do something? It was like the same amount of bravery

as liking a post on social media. Monkey thought about it. What did they need to tell him now? And then, ah, no, not this monkey drone, as he learned the lion had come here a year and a half ago, landing in the den of the six lions who immediately venerated him as their ruler and grandfather. He actually belongs in the eastern pole. Monkey, few mean, said yep, that tracked,

“the wondrous cliff palace at the eastern pole. That's what the salvifix celestial worthy of the”

great monad, who rides. Yep, Monkey nodded, remembering all the details. His mount was a nine-headed lion. As he killed my master, Monkey demanded of the local deity he ordered to keep watch when he, and the celestial worthy, descended to the cave. Monkey, at the eastern pole, learned that the page responsible for the nine-headed lion mount, had helped himself to some found ground-wine and passed out for the last 36 hours. Since a year on earth correlates roughly to a day in heaven,

no one had even noticed the nine-headed lion mount was gone. Oh, my lion would never kill

the celestial worthy laughed. He had trained in the way. He, in the other lions, attacked the city, Sunwoo Kong said, and did he kill anyone? The celestial worthy asked? Well, no, but he beat me

“for like 16 hours straight when he replied. You seem to be doing all right. I think he knew that.”

You see, this world does things to people. You have such exposure to fear and anger. It changes you. We Celestial's like the thing that we can't be affected by it, but that actually leaves us the most vulnerable of all. The celestial laughed. Monkey, as suggested, provoked Grandpa Lion into an

into the celestial worthy, and praying and getting chines. And also a beating from the page who wanted to go above him beyond since he was responsible for the lions escape, what with his own day drinking, and then night drinking when he passed out for a full day and a half, and wanted to overcorrect to avoid his own beating when they all got that combed to the pole. The celestial worthy thanked Monkey for bringing his lion home, and the lion apologized, saying that when he left home for the

first time and found his way to this world, he felt fear, anger, he listed terror from others,

“something about that changed him. He was so sorry. I know, Monkey said that's why he didn't try to”

kill Grandpa Lion. No, it's not. You didn't know that. We didn't know that. Pigsie cried out as he emerged from the cave, still bound. This monster bound him too hard. It hurt. That was like killing. If you don't count the severity, duration, intensity, category, monkey roll his eyes. Please, Pigsie. Just shut up. You think heaven would start like microchipping as much as this keeps happening?

Monkey laughed, as the party started out on the road west a few weeks later. The city honored the group as living Buddhas, and the weapons for the princes were finished. A 1000-pound rod, and an 800-pound rake and staff, but now that it was just them, the group was silent. That was the closest they had all come to death on this trip.

“Master was literally in the mouth of a monster. Monkey had been beaten unconscious. The only thing”

that stopped it was the monsters in a nature and training, which he was straining to hold onto. If he had been even a little more disinhibited, it would have been over for all of them.

For the first time in a long time, everyone, but Monkey, especially, was worried.

That they might not be able to beat what came next. Now that the final leg of their journey to the west, had begun. That's where we'll leave at this time. This one was fun enough with them losing their weapons, but it is slightly annoying that it keeps ending where the big bad is just an escaped heavenly creature, and then gets called home, where they sometimes get punished sometimes don't. The

“celestial's really should start putting bells on their pets or something. It's getting out of hand.”

The creature this time is Intuolo, the lizard man, from South Africa. My son and I have been getting into Lego lately, and it's fun. We love building each set and showing them off and having them around, but if you get into that hobby, you quickly start to run into a problem. Unless every room is a Lego showroom, you run out of room for big sets. In maybe a good, maybe a clumsy transition to Zulu mythology, and a talking lizard that walks like a human,

the all-creator Skygod felt the same way about his creations. The humans were awesome. We'll find space. So when it came to humans, he wanted the fun to keep going, and it appeared to do what I do when I don't want to deal with a problem. It's now tomorrow's problem. Tomorrow Jason loves endlessly dusting Lego sets. It's a treat for him. Yeah, the creator God didn't want to get rid of

any of his creations, so he sent out a little chameleon to tell them that they were never going to die.

The chameleon, knowing that the decision of the Skygod was immutable, took its time. He meandered across the lands, stopped at delicious shrubberies, moving about on average 1.5 miles per hour when it chose to move, and it just kept on. And he was right, the edicts of the Skygod were immutable, once they were handed down. And herk. But in the meantime, the Skygod kind of had a reckoning. He was getting buyers remorse for his gift of immortality for his humans. He was excited,

and did it on a whim. Yeah, the Lego Millennial Falcon will be awesome, more pieces only means more fun, until it lives on your kitchen table for four months. No, he needed to get real. So he called over the entoolo. The entoolo had the bad job of telling all the humans that they would die, except that the entoolo was into it. Yes, he would love to. He moved quickly, scampering past all the distractions that the chameleon fell prey to, in order to tell the people, quote, "let death

People didn't like this, and didn't like the blue-headed lizard. But they dislike the chameleon

“more, who, because of his delay, all humans would die. I get why the entoolo would be eager for humans”

to die, and there are some versions where he hears the order to the chameleon and runs out

in front of the lizard, delivering without permission a twisted message. And beading a chameleon,

“but also, I mean, the lizards weren't promised immortality, so what reason did they have to help”

the humans out? It is spiteful, but, you know, finally, this just seems like a metaphor for human

communication. I just finished a book on the effects that social media has on us, and it's just kind of

“our nature to spread bad news and outrage over good news with the bad, the false and the anger”

inducing, getting way more exposure over anything good. So yeah, just maybe wait a little bit to hear if that chameleon has some good news before accepting the bad news from a lizard that walks up right like a human, like some sort of psychopath guy go, go, go, go, go. That's it for this time. Myths and legends is by Jason and Coreso Wiser. Our theme song is by Broke For Free, and the creature the week music is by Steve Combs. There are links to even more

the music we use in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.