Field Trip: My Butt, a Colonoscopy Ride Along & How-To Encore

Topics, we're a format, weird audio, weird, stick with me, it's worth it to the end of promise.

“Okay. Oh, hey, it's your friend's kid who's hitting you with a pool noodle,”

Alley Ward, and come with me as I research, prep for, get a colonoscopy, and then learn some alarming results. Will you? Okay, so I'm proud of you number one for being here. It's an investment in your health, or maybe you're just here because you like butts. Or you want to hear some hot gossip about mine. Maybe someone who cares about you ascent, this is like a friendly, encouraging, valentine, straight up your rectum.

But here's what's up. I needed a colonoscopy, and like one would imagine, I was not thrilled at this prospect.

But I have lost a few loved ones to colon cancer, and I've seen firsthand how gnarly it is to have cancer in your guts. And little known word trivia. So my dad had blood cancer for nine years, but his chemotherapy had the side effect of causing colon cancer, possibly. And it was actually that, undetected for too long, which ultimately took us life. So this episode is personal, really, like, in every way possible. And maybe for you, too, one in 16 people in America will get colon cancer, and zero in 16, like talking about it.

“So if this intestinal Odyssey helps one person get screened, I guess it's worth the potential embarrassment.”

And trust me, there's a lot of embarrassment in this. One of my favorite things that I've learned from your prod mom, Jared Sleeper, is that something is only as embarrassing as you let it become. Because when you're embarrassed, people get embarrassed for you, but when you don't give a fuck, no one feels bad for you. So you just own your colon, so what shrug it off, let's get started.

But first, thank you to everyone at patreon.com/alleges for supporting the show.

Thank you to everyone who passes this along to a friend, and those wearing merch from allegesmerch.com. Thanks to everyone who subscribes and rates and reviews, which helps so much. I read every review, and this week there were such sweet ones, even though someone named Bort Muppet, Margaret, meant to leave five stars, but left one star. But that's okay, it happens.

I didn't take it personally.

“Also, B-Bell, 971720, thanks for the review that said, "I love science.”

I thought I hated science my whole life until this podcast, and it has shifted my view of absolutely everything." B-Bell, Margaret, everyone who left a review, thank you. Okay, either way, let's get into it. Let's get into, let's get into me. So we're going to cover how to prep for a colonoscopy.

The best tips from people who have been through this, why one must even prepare for colonoscopy. But cameras, history, pathology reports, advice from drunk strangers, how a colonoscopy is like a frat house rager, and more. This episode might save your life, so come along. Let's take the back entrance.

In this field trip to my bud, a colonoscopy right along, and how to. Okay. Let's start in my kitchen the Saturday afternoon before my Monday morning colonoscopy. Okay, so I was supposed to get a colonoscopy a year ago. But I was too busy taking care of my dad who was dying of colon cancer.

So, ha ha. I had to prep in everything, and it's been stashed in the CBS bag in a cupboard above my refrigerator for a year. So, let's dig into this and see what the instructions say. I hope to God. I wasn't supposed to start this yesterday.

Okay. Oh boy. I have a light G. Take as directed one time only as though you're going to be like, I gotta get me some more of that.

I got to shit my brains out again. Okay, so this was filled last year. Cool. Okay, so I've had this large paper bag from the pharmacy. Sitting in the cupboard, stapled a shot.

It's been above my refrigerator in the cabinet for over a year,

and I finally cracked it open.

You opened it up, and it's just a gallon. It's just a gallon of chocolate. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Okay, it's galid G.

“There's a lot of polyethylene glycol sodium sulfide.”

potassium. Okay.

So you're supposed to fill to the top of the bottle.

You've got to drink this whole thing. Oh no. And then it comes with a flavor bag. It's a lemon flavor bag. I guess this part is optional.

When it reconstituted the water to the volume of four liters, which is a gallon. So this preparation can be used with or without the lemon flavor pack. And lukewarm drinking water to the fill mark on the bottle. No solid food should be consumed for the three to four hour period before drinking this

solution, but in no case should solid food be eaten within two hours. Oh my god. Drink one eight ounce cup of the solution rapidly. Every ten minutes. A loose watery bowel movement should result in approximately one hour.

Continued drinking until the entire contents four liters. Happened consumed or last directed by a physician.

And it says no, the solution is more palatable if chilled in the refrigerator before drinking.

Wow. I can't believe how much liquid this is going to be.

“I don't know why because I think I'm so scared.”

I'm starting to do the thing where you start to giggle when you're so scared. Like this is so. It's so horrifying to me that it's funny. And I know that it's it's not actually funny. And if you.

Barfe this up or you have dizziness, you're supposed to call some on immediately. You may experience some abdominal bloating and distension before the bowel start to move. So don't eat solid foods on the day before your colonoscopy and until after your colonoscopy. I doubt you're going to be in twilight and be like eating a hogeier or something. They want us to sandwich.

Just like a. It's really cheese steak on the table.

Drink only clear liquids.

So clear liquids are water. Clear fruit juices without pulp. Like apple white grape or white cranberry. Strain limiter lemonade. Coffee or tea without creamer.

Clear broth. Clear soda. Shallot in popsicles without fruit.

“Do not eat or drink anything colored red or purple.”

Okay. So you don't want to eat anything with red dye in it. Like red or purple drinks or gelo. Because residue of that can look like blood or allusion in your. Intestines.

So help the docks out and avoid like fruit punch. Also five days before the exam. Start a low fiber diet. It's antithetical to everything you know. You want to avoid fruits and veggies and whole grains.

So a week before you're eating mashed potatoes. You're having crackers, etc. But the day before the exam. The day before the exam. No solid food of any kind.

It's just you and the gallon jug. Plus as much clear broth and gelo and clear pulp. Your pulp free juices like apple juice. So I had an early appointment on a money morning checking in at 7 a.m. So I was supposed to start 7 a.m.

430 p.m. And drink half a gallon over two hours. Just. Chug this thing down the hatch. Alongside some dole collects just for some added action.

And then wake up in the middle of the night and drink the other half of the gallon between three and four a.m. Like hours before the procedure. So your timing might be a little different. But the moral here is just take the day off.

You're going to be tired. You're going to be peeing out your keyster by design. Maybe by accident. I was warned that no farts are to be trusted. Sit on a towel or per the instructions.

You may consider wearing to be kind of all diapers on the way to your procedure to avoid an accident with your bowel movements. Okay. Just fine. They include some FAQs here.

Why does the solution taste so bad? A certain concentration of salts and electrolytes is needed to effectively clear the colon. As a result, unfortunately, these solutions do taste bad. And why so salty? So because this sodium and potassium and magnesium sulfate solution

is what's called hyper osmotic. That means it sucks water into your intestines to swell up your guts and then that causes muscle contractions called peristalsis which is kind of like pressing the fast forward button on an evacuation.

But there are other methods other than this go lightly.

Galen though. There's Miralax preparation. There are smaller salty boards that are just a half gallon.

“And then you need to drink an extra liter of water right after.”

Or you can do salt tablets that you chase with water. But most likely you're going to get this big jug that I got. And that's what insurance will cover. But talk to your doctor if you want. Be usually more expensive but less voluminous prep.

What they care most about is a clear view of your personal sewer system. I don't know if I'm clear for the procedure. So this typically occurs after a significant amount of solid dark liquid stool has been eliminated. And then liquid stools become aggressively clearer to the point that you

can read a newspaper through them. That seems so specific and also not really a metaphor for the digital generation. And I wondered who came up with that edict.

And I accidentally fell down a porta-potty hole of info about Jon to our turn.

Who was a 14th century surgeon known as the father of proctology. Who I think used leeches on hemorrhoids. And would sometimes have patients swallow a thread. And then when the front end surfaced out of their south port, he would pull it back and forth to cut out tumors and fistula.

It's kind of like dental floss for your innards. But I don't think that they had daily newspapers back then. Or even camera wands in the 1300s. But it turns out that the modern colonoscopy was birthed from scientists at Tokyo University around 1969.

“But as for that guideline that you should be able to read a newspaper through your”

watery emissions, the closest source that I could find for that was a bunch of articles saying that the proper pasta dough should be thin enough to read a newspaper through. So maybe that oft used colonoprep phrase was just the suggestion of like an Italian proctologist.

I'm not sure, but pass the salt and magnesium. Your colon is six feet long and has a large collection of mucus intestinal fluids, solid and liquid waste. A clean exam is the best way to ensure a high quality procedure.

Colour rectal cancer is typically the second or third leading cause of cancer mortality

in the US. I'm interested me no matter what happens or how much I'm on the toilet or how disgusting this stuff is. It's not as bad as having fucking colon cancer. So most doctors suggest regular screening to start at age 45.

But if you have a family history of colorectal cancer, you may need to get screened as early as your teenage years. And if you have IBS or colitis or celiac or something, you might be in there for totally different reasons. So I figured a lot of people might need to do this.

The best advice would come from someone who's already been through it. So I did the saying list thing that a child person could do and I brought a recording device to a bar on a Saturday night to ask strangers about their butts. I think. Okay.

Now that I'm getting ready to park, I'm getting nervous. It's very crowded and everyone looks attractive. So maybe this is bad idea. Am I a buzzkill? I might as well, the fuckers.

People love to help. How are you? What are you doing here? Seconds into this. And I run into people I know from my years as a newspaper journalist.

They are hip, young, they're wearing cool clothes, such as leather jackets. I did not anticipate this. Why is your smartphone so good? Oh my gosh. I just thought you would take talk the other day.

Oh no. How are you? I'm so sorry. I'm not good. I know.

It's funny. I should see you guys here. I am not here to meet up with anyone. I'm here completely alone.

“I think you're going to meet up with us.”

Here's the deal. Husbands at a time. Okay. Is that a back short party? I have a colonoscopy on Monday.

Okay. And I'm doing an episode like a field trip episode. I'm like this long as I'm going to go get my butt broke. I'm going to make my butt broke. I'm going to produce.

I'm going to produce. Sure. And I was like, I wonder if anyone would give me advice. I never had one. That's why I know.

I was like, I could sell you. I should have. I should have. No. I need to go for the child with that at 35.

They say 40. But a lot of people are dying of like 33. I didn't know what. It's coming down. The butt cancer.

I feel like I should get up there. Yeah. You and I are in the same shit. I don't want to get this thing at all.

So maybe a gift this world can be.

I have a question for you. TMZ. Yes. This is being recorded. But I can strike anything from the record.

Have you ever had a colonoscopy? I have. Do you have any advice for anyone who is getting one? Go to Beth Israel. Go to Beth Israel.

That's your only advice. What if they don't have that help plan? What if... You fuck. Have you actually had a colonoscopy?

I can't be saying that. You can't be saying it. Okay. So go to a hospital. You trust.

All right.

“That's what we're going to glean from this.”

Have you guys ever had a colonoscopy? No. No. Move it along. I've then shared inside toward the bar.

So defeated. I just got in line and I bought a white wine for courage. And it was a clear liquid. It was a red liquid. I lurked toward the back patio to ask strangers about their bottles.

But I stumbled into a whole birthday party like in full swing.

I don't want to win the first.

Oh, wow. Happy birthday. I'm not excited. I'm not excited. I'm not excited.

I'm not excited. I'm not excited. I'm not excited. I'm not excited. I got not excited.

I want to talk to the other bottles. I'm excited. Then I'm at an angel. Oh, wait. Have you had a colonoscopy before?

There's never. Okay. It's your first time. So then I would use the prep that they give you. But I would go to the store.

I would go. If you can tolerate it. Selts are water. How is that on your bread? Good.

Okay. So get pitty light. Okay. They have tons of flavors.

“I typically like the berry, you know, the berry chocolate flavors.”

They are a little bit less sweet. But I cut it. I still cut it. And I make kind of like a mom tell about it. With Selts are water.

Just because like I actually have IBS. And like a really bad industry of gut home. So that just helps cut it. But if you don't have Selts, they'll just do like regular water with ice. Cut it.

But I would use the prep and the pitty light. I wouldn't just do the prep. Okay. It's just like it's it's gross. And I'm not going to lie.

Just drinking not for like, I mean, what, like, 24 hours. Yeah. And you'll be going to the restroom or lots. It don't make any plans. We're just going to have to be.

No, but truly going to be nesting. I wouldn't make. I wouldn't eat a two big weights Monday. So today. Tomorrow is my prep day.

Tomorrow is your prep day. Because I was going to say you don't want to eat heavily for your last meal. Yeah. Because then that will make the day before. Obviously.

Yeah. I mean, a lot of people just use the prep and they're fine. Okay. From my experience. I just like pitty like better.

Had a little bit more taste. Also, it kind of like gives you some of these, which often go on. And then for after the procedure, I would get another extra bottle of pitty like and some gatoring. Just anything with the electrolytes.

So if that's coconut water, whatever, foam broth, foam broth is great.

“Just like really like nourishing things for the gut, you know?”

Okay. Since your body is gathering up a bunch of your water and just forcing it out. Like a poo, poll power washer. You are going to lose electrolytes, which will make you feel like death. And can be potentially bad for you.

So replenish during the colonoscopy prep and then after it's all done. But there's now this gatorade series that is like in a square bottle that has less sugar. And more electrolytes. So if you go the gatorade route, I would do that.

But if you can, pitty light is always mine.

It's always my go to. Yeah. Thank you for that. Of course. Confidence up, I approached a small gaggle of college aged athletic looking hunks.

Everyone's been like, there's some girl I'm asking about colonoscopy. I have not had a colonoscopy. No one's had a colonoscopy. One guy's wife had a colonoscopy. He knew the deal.

And what? How was the prep? Did she disappear into a toilet for two days? Yeah. Yes.

She had to like drink this fucking weird shit. So they gave you like a prescription of some shit. And that's all you can drink for two days. Drought her off. And I picked her up and she was like, that was kind of weird.

I felt it. Go into my bottle. And then I fall asleep. And you need to put perfectly. I saw this take talk where this woman was like,

Asked her nurse. She's like, it's a day. Good day to have. But sex or not. And her nurse is like, it's actually not.

So in her head it was just mega poppers. I will say that one of those guys turned out to be anologist listener. And then we sent a video to his brother. I have redeemed myself. Hey, but let's circle back real quick, just to bought sex.

Sorry, everyone. Turn this down. If your mom or my mom is listening, whatever. But public service announcement. So you don't have to have surgical grade colon cleansing to have fun things up your

butt. Realistically penetrating for playtime only happens in the lower end of the colon. The sigmoid portion. And unless you are like actively retaining a turd in there,

But there exist anal touches.

Some of them very sexy looking. They're like a rubber bulb.

“And they also make shower head butt cleaning nozzles.”

And I look this up for us. And the general proctological protocol is to like put a leg on the toilet or do it in the shower. Take lukewarm water, suck it in the bulb, squeeze the air out. And then ensure that into the bomb and squirt the water. But not too much water and not too far or you're going to hit the storage area.

You feel me? So a couple of times not too much water, not too forcefully. Then to the toilet or I guess the shower you go, let it out repeat a couple of times until things are solid free. However, you can upset the balance of your poop shoot. And you can wash out protective slippery stuff in there.

And also things can continue to drip or bubble out for about half an hour. So in researching this for us, I paid a visit to the Reddit forum, Ask Gabe Rose.

“And one person who's a nurse and a bottom said that the best way to do is not at all.”

Eat a high fiber diet the day before you're planning on bottoming. And the day of have a satisfactory B.M. Then hop in the tub and sit in some warm water, let your muscles loosen up. Gently insert your pointer or middle finger into your butt hole, swirl it around and bring it out and clean out your finger. Other folks said so that's another way, not enough for colonoscopy.

But if you're thinking about butt sex, advice from an elder. Other folks said that Selium husk or Metamusol and staying hydrated will naturally keep things tidy for your anal adventures. Also, if you love it, lube it and be safe. HPB is a sexually transmitted infection that can cause anal cancer. So consider that another good reason to wrap it up. So you don't need medical grade colonoscopy prep for butt fun.

And also the day of your colonoscopy is not a good time for that.

But the biggest lesson here is never ever equate a medical procedure with a sexual identity or with behavior that you think your community would frown on.

First off, consenting adults could do whatever they want, and it's not of anyone's business. Secondly, these long-held stigmas against parts of your own body could kill you if you're too shy or ashamed to get a screening. And also, being afraid of your own butt hole is a senseless deprivation of free fun. See that yourology and sexology episode for more anal stuff and prostate milking, you're welcome. It's your house. You deserve to use a back door anyway you like. But yes, in all, I got good advice from one person.

I made some new friends. I made others uncomfortable. But hopefully, this episode will find them when they need it. But I feel like you may be kicked me in the afternoon to know that I should probably be kicked. Go get, and you know what, when you do, there'll be an episode waiting for you. All the tips and tricks. So armed with advice and maybe too much Googling, I went to Target the next morning.

My official prep day before the procedure to stock up on sales or water and electrolytes. Things to flavor my water, like those meow drops, dokelacks, per the doctor's orders. I got some probiotics. I got some meggaroles of the softest toilet paper and diapers. And I had a full cart, and I looked up from my gruesome shopping list to see a man I had dated over 10 years ago. And he was with his beautiful blonde wife, and they're two perfect children.

“And we all made eye contact, and I offered a quick, hey man, how's it going? You guys have a great day, okay?”

And then I ducked into the soup aisle, and I sprinted to the checkout. I went, so like I was on Guy Fury's grocery games. I'm just taking to the judges. I got home and loaded my looped. After the break, we're going to taste us them.

But first, a quick word from sponsors of the show, who make a possible to donate to a cause each week.

And this week, I'm doing something a little different. Close close friend of mine actually was just diagnosed with colon cancer, early 40s, yes, three kids. And it's getting surgery on April 17th. So the money that we send to a charity, I'm just going to send his way to help with whatever he needs to be a little bit more comfortable. So thanks to sponsors of the show.

Okay, let's grab my gallon for a vacation to toilet town. This is pretty much like a, um, who's the child, the kids drink, the board. Just a quick side. So a board stands for a blackout rage gallon. And it's something that the youth are doing for their nocturnal social festivities. So you take a gallon of water, you pour some out, and then you add your alcohol of choice.

Then flavorings, electrolyte or vitamin packs, and shake it up, and then you give it a name, like sourdough starter, you can write it in Sharpie.

carrying 128 ounces of blackout rage tonic. But when compared to yesterday's rubber-made trash cans full of mystery jungle juice, a board can be a really good thing for harm reduction.

It can ensure hydration. It sets an upper threshold of alcohol consumption. It's got a sealed lid that's less likely to be spiked or drugged, and people can choose not to add any alcohol. And no one will know or judge. So thanks, Jensie. You're fixing everything. Now that I think even as a boarder, I'm actually excited about it. I feel like I got a lot of the items, a person boarding might get like the electrolyte drops. It definitely puts just more diapers than your average till later. I got a name in my board. Where are shits? I'm so stoked about getting hydrated if this weren't immediately coming out of my penis.

Here's some of our options. So how did it to this unflavored? I'm going to try and hold it with my rice. We good? It's going to be so fine. I'm so excited. This is going to be delicious. Some little glasses, and I lined them up for a taste test, a flight, if you will. So I got some crystallite. I got some of this meow stuff, which I've seen people put in their books. And then this comes with this flavor pack of women, which I hear is pretty gross, but I'm going to try a little bit of it in one of the cups.

I will say from my experience of having a few people in my life, die of colon cancer, no matter what this tastes like, it's better than getting colon cancer.

“Because here's the thing, if you get colon cancer, you have to do this even more.”

You're better aftering it one time, having them sniffing all up, and not having to do this every time your cancer returns.

Okay, let's rod, I'll get first, just unflavored, straight up. Let's see what we're dealing with.

Here it is, plain, okay. Bajmza. It tastes like something plastic. Let's try this meow flavoring, which comes in a little bottle that you squeeze. And remember, nothing red or purple. I got like a lemon lime flavor.

It tastes too much, I use too much. It tastes like a gas station bathroom cleaner, clearly my percentage was off. I can do this though, this is, this is not as gross as I thought. The fear of definitely worse than the flames.

“Just me and a medically issued gallon jug of salt water that I'm cradling in my arms.”

Thanks for helping me clean my clothes.

Alright, we've already filmed some wronglings. I can do this. I've had cocktails that taste a lot worse than us. If this tastes like margarita mix actually, like if you hold a lot of salt on the room, it's pretty much just a virgin margarita, that will make you absolutely like shit here or get's out.

Okay, let's try it with the pharmacy issued lemon flavor packet, in which I have no faith. That's okay. I don't like that. That tastes like licking velvet. It's gonna viscosity that doesn't please me.

Okay, so we tried the plain. We tried the meal and the prescription issued flavor packet. Now let's try a sample with some crystal light lemonade and see if we can do this. That's so far the winner. That's good.

I can do this. I'm gonna put it over more ice down the hatch leaves down the hatch and out the hole. So after all that fuss, all that complaining, all the whining, all the fear, all the talking to strangers. It was so much easier than I expected. I drank the salty lemonade.

I alternated with a few quarts of Togo, Fubroath from a local Vietnamese place, which was clutch 10 out of 10. Get some of your favorite Togo bra, definitely worth it. And yeah, yeah, I spent some time on the toilet. All right, but not as much as I thought at all.

“And I think the low fiber diet in the week proceeding and the really light meals on Saturday helped my Sunday prep day.”

And then I got to pick out afterward. So definitely consider that if you can. So then it was off to the appointment early Monday morning. Here we go. It's show time.

Okay, in the hospital. 7.45 a.m. I'm wearing diapers.

I didn't chance it.

And now I'm getting into my hospital gown.

I'm in a room with a bunch of screens.

“I think this is where the magic happens.”

My gowns very open in the back. Come and out underneath it. I could keep my socks on now. That rose. Oh yeah, you are. This is not an easy way to earn a nap. I got to say minute, just take a nap.

We're at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 screens in this room. We're going to see some shit. Hopefully, there are going to dose me up soon. I really should have left it rolling. And TBH, I was worried that it was illegal.

So they pumped just a few little vials into my IV.

And like within a minute, I started to go night night.

Right as I was going out. I was like, Whoops, there's a chilly, lubed up tube. Going right up my bunkers. And I was like, oh, I thought you'd wait till I was fully out. But okay, I didn't miss the big moment.

But I kind of, I was out pretty much completely. I kind of roused a few times during being like, Oh, it was like just having like a really gentle dream about curious aliens. Before I knew it, it was all over.

It happened in a flash, and I was just groggly coming back to life. All right, I did it. I moved up to some monitors and machines.

“I think they gave me a program all for both of them to know.”

Not sure, but it was definitely nap time.

A couple of times in the middle of it, I was like, well, definitely some people at my butt right now. But I'm so hungry, and they snapped off a pile of them. They said, "See you in five years, lady." And now I guess I put on the diaper I came in with.

And I go get something delicious. See all the art. It really wasn't that bad. The drugs help crystallite and fentanyl. Whatever they've got beyond was the real Vietnamese. So it turns out, according to my post procedure report,

I was actually on a combination of Meparidine and Medazzalam. And according to the 2020 study, comparison of fentanyl versus Meparidine in combination with Medazzalam for sedative colonoscopy in Korea, fentanyl will knock you out faster but has a longer recovery time like in extra 10 minutes.

Also, my post report had pictures of my colon. And that was a great souvenir. And it said that my colon prep was excellent. However, here's the news you're waiting for. They did find a polyp up there.

A two millimeter growth way far into my large intestine. And the beauty of the colonoscopy is that they can snip those little ones out as long as they're in there. So you get a two for, you get a bogo there. And they did and they sent it to pathology and it came back. Pre-cancerists.

So you girl did her homework. Drank her board had an intestinal exorcism and then saved her own life by getting that thing plucked like a little mint ball before it turned into a colon pultergeist. So all's well that ends well.

In all, it was way easier to prep than I thought. The procedure was fine. I didn't even need the diapers I was wearing. And I got rid of something that could have turned into cancer in a few years. But I do have to go back in five years.

Also, when it was over because you're not allowed to drive for the day, Jared picked me back up and we went to a diner and I got a breakfast burrito and I was so hungry. I also got banana pancakes and it was the tastiest meal I can remember. So ask not what your butt can do for you. But what you can do for your butt.

Get screened if you need to drive a friend to theirs. Eat well. Get your checkups. Treat your butt like the friend that it is. Now, thank you for coming along on this journey with me.

It wasn't an easy one to make. It's a little vulnerable. But I hope it helps someone.

“And honestly, if you have to get a colonoscopy, do not be afraid of it.”

It's not as bad at all as anyone says. Just throw some lemon crystal light in there. Chug it down. Get a book. You know, good luck. And let me know how it goes. I'll post pictures of my work on Instagram atologies.

We're also on Twitter atologies. I'm on Instagram and Twitter @aliward and on TikTok at Ali_allegies. Thank you to Erin Talbert, who admins theology's podcast Facebook group with a

Thank you to Emily White of the Wordary who makes professional transcripts.

“Smallages are available. They're short kid-friendly versions of at aliward.com/smallages.”

That is linked in the show notes. Thank you to Mercedes-Mateland and Secretary Guest Thomas for working on those. Susan Hale handles allegiesmerch.com, which has shirts and hats and bags and totes and all kinds of things. And she does so much more.

Noel Dilworth does our scheduling, including scheduling and rescheduling my colonoscopy.

Kelly Artoire makes our website Mercedes-Mateland usually lead edits. But other medical news, she is COVID struck this week. So send her your good vibes as well. And stepping in for her and hauling my actual ass to the hospital for this episode. The hung-tacular Jared Sleeper, who himself got a colonoscopy.

Not the same day, but previous to mine. And was adorable waking up from fentanyl. Nick Thorber and wrote the music.

“And if you stick around, I'll tell you a secret.”

And like this whole episode was TMI. And I don't think anyone is hungry for MI. But in case you are, this one's from my dad.

I remember he finally did have to get a colonoscopy.

And he had to take the prep at everything. And I remember saying, my dad was a very reserved person. They didn't talk about this stuff much clearly. But I remember him saying that he's like, man, I saw a sandwich. I ate in 1973.

It made me laugh and I thought about that. And I hope that that stays with you.

“And so if you need to get a colonoscopy, you do it for my dad.”

I miss him every day. You can do this. You got this. We're behind you. Okay, bye-bye.

[Music] Just let it out.