Don’t React, Regulate: How to Stop Overthinking While You Wait

consciousness, philosophy, psychology, and real life tools that you can use starting today right now

to manifest your best life and just become the best version of yourself. This episode is for anyone who is currently working toward a goal, trying to achieve something, trying to manifest something, and they are in a period of waiting. It's a situation, a position that I know all too well, and I actually had a conversation with a close friend of mine recently, and we were talking, she was really anxious, she was feeling really anxious, and she called me up and she was visibly upset,

very anxious, and she told me about her situation. She is talking to a new guy, she really, really wants to find her soulmate, find love, get married, have children, etc. There was nothing going wrong, he had been done anything wrong, if anything, it was the opposite, it was going great, and she was just feeling really anxious about that, and she was just feeling really anxious about the uncertainty of it all, and immediately it reminded me of a situation that I was in

“when I first started talking to my fiance. I remember, I mean, there were levels to it, but I remember,”

right after I was spent the first weekend with him, I got back to my apartment in Fort Lauderdale,

and I remember telling my best friend, "Nope, I can't talk to him, I can't talk to him anymore, I got a friend zone in, I can't, I was so uncomfortable with the idea of being vulnerable and really letting my guard down and having super deep feelings that I just didn't even want to allow myself to have them." And so that was the first part of it, and I remember my friend shout out to Kristen, she told me she was like, "No, I'm like, he's such a sweet guy, just see where it goes, just see how

it plays out." And I agreed, "Okay, you know, secretly I wanted that so I did, but I would say the real lesson came and what I shared with my friend, what it came later, maybe a few weeks to a month later, I was doing a silent road trip across the country with my dog, with my puppy. She was maybe two months old at this point, and we were driving and we stopped at a gas station, I was getting gas,

“and I was going to feed her, right, and she's just crying. She's just crying." And I remember”

looking at her and saying, "True, stop crying. It's coming. You know it's coming. Just be patient. Like stop crying. Like why are you crying? You know it's coming. Just be patient." And immediately I knew that I needed to hear those words immediately as I said it, I knew those words were for myself. Because right before that, I was on my road trip, calling up my friend, talking about how I just wanted things to work out with this guy, and I really liked him, and I'm like, "Does he really

like me?" And I'm trying to figure it out, and trying to, "When is he going to make a move? When is he going to say, "When is he going to happen?" Like, "I know he likes me. I like him. When is he going to work out?" Like, "What's going to happen? How is he going to play out, right?" As we do, as we do, when we care about something. It's completely normal. I'm not shame and pass version of myself, and I'm not shameing anybody that is listening to this episode right now, if you're in the period of waiting.

It's so normal. What is it going to happen? Was it a little bit of a billion questions? Mind racing.

I remember my friend telling me on the phone, she was like, "Em, like, you guys both like each other. Like, it's obvious, and it's just no one's saying anything yet." And so when I told that to try it, I said, "Traia, stop crying. You know it's coming. Like, you see me filling up the full the food into your bowl. You see me doing it. You know it's coming. Stop crying. Just be patient. And immediately I knew those words were for me. I was like, "Yeah, you know it's coming."

And at that point, I had an idea, like, I knew it's coming. The thing that I wanted was coming. I just needed to be patient and just chill out. It stopped whining and crying about it. And did I know for sure it was coming? No, of course, I couldn't have known it. I mean, when we're talking about finding love, it's one of the most uncertain things. I think that there is, and it's, you're so vulnerable, and it takes a lot of bravery, like a lot of bravery,

that I think we gloss over and forget about at times. But for me, it takes a lot of bravery and vulnerability and softness and openness and letting your guard down and being open and getting

“hurt. Like, it requires that. If you want to have a real deep connection with someone. And so”

I couldn't know for sure, right? But what I did know for sure is that I do trust God. I trust the universe. I trust God. I trust the divine. I trust that everything works out the way that it's supposed to. Like, everything works out the way that it's meant to. God will steer the boat, but you must row as long as I'm doing my part as long as I'm rowing the boat, moving toward my

I have to trust that God is steering the boat. I have to trust the direction, right?

I have to trust that everything is unfolding as it's meant to, the how and the when is an up to me. I think that that's where a message really comes through frequently in my own life and in people that I coach in Minecraft, we talk about it all the time. And it's trust and surrender. Like, trusting in the unfolding of your life and surrendering to the timing, the how and the when,

“you must surrender to it. And it's recognizing that you don't know enough to doubt. Us humans,”

we can only perceive reality through the lens of our human brain. And what we know for sure, scientifically we know that there are realms and dimensions of this world that we cannot perceive,

because other animals can. There are animals that can perceive entire different,

entirely different spectrums of light, magnetic fields, heat maps, different colors. We know for sure there are things that we can't see. There are probably also things that we don't know that we don't know, right? And so we must recognize that us humans, we are inherently limited. I personally believe in a higher order, a higher intelligence. Albert Einstein believed in the higher intelligence, the cosmic order, the guy who proposed the big bang theory, he actually was a Catholic priest.

I just learned about that. And so being scientific is not separate at all from being spiritual. We know this, you're here, you know this. I know this. It's really understanding that you do the

“most that you can do. You do what you are in control over. And then you have to leave it up”

to God. The universe, the divine, you have to leave it up. And so you have to trust that it's working out the way that it's supposed to, right? And so that allowed me to chill out. I remember after that happened, after I told that the trail is okay, I need to just chill. I need to just take a chill pill and calm down. Because moral of the story with that point on trust and surrender is doubting in the unfolding of your life is doubting the divine. doubting yourself is doubting God,

because you are divine life force energy and a human body. So who are you to doubt yourself? Who are you to doubt your path? Who are you to doubt your timeline to doubt the unfolding? Who are you to do that? Like you don't know enough to doubt. And so it's really important. And I told my friend that, and I said, you know, like you have to trust that everything is working out the way that it's supposed to. But then I needed to take it a step deeper. I needed to take

it a step deeper, because personally I had an experience. Maybe last week or two weeks ago, where I was put through the test. And so I, and something, and I've been puts the test on this topic many times. And so this is not new for me to be sharing this. But something that I told her, because she was very anxious. It went one step further, because she said, I just, I keep thinking about all the potential ways that it could go wrong. Like, I keep bringing up all the time from the past when

people have done me dirty. And I'm just thinking about all the little things, right? I'm overthinking just little interactions that we've had, right? Even though consciously I know that things are great, they're really great. There's nothing wrong. But subconsciously, right? My brain is bringing up all of these, you know, things. And she's like, why, I'm not, I pause right there, because I'm going to give you a quick, narrow science lesson about why this happens. And, you know, not everybody

listening to this episode is going to be trying to manifest a soulmate or find love. But you're,

“everyone, hopefully, is working towards something. And the truth is that when you step outside”

of your comfort zone, which you should be doing. And pursuing a relationship is a huge example of stepping outside of your comfort zone. But I stepped outside of my comfort zone last week, and I tried to get scuba certified, not to story for another time, maybe the next episode.

But it did not go as planned. And I was tested. And I learned a lot. The truth is when you

move into discomfort and like that growth requires discomfort, the things that you want in life require that you get uncomfortable. It's a requirement. And, you know, for me, getting scuba certified, it was a requirement that I got uncomfortable. Now, I did, did I have to do it in the freezing cold water in the winter time with two wet suits on, strapped around my neck on an empty stomach, only drink caffeine that at 6 a.m. my time. No, I didn't have to do anything. I definitely made

it more challenging than I needed to be. But I learned so much. And I'm so glad that that happened when I was getting certified. Because, you know, as I do, I sat down after that experience on the plane back from the Bahamas. And I wrote out every single learning lesson that I could

I told her, and she actually had her journal out without me even having to say anything. But she was

writing down everything that I was saying, writing down her revelations, her learning lessons. And I highly recommend you do that. Because if you're not being intentional about the lessons that you're learning in life, you're going to have to learn them again. And one thing I know for sure is that I don't want to have to learn the same thing twice because I didn't remember the lesson or I didn't make myself consciously aware of the lesson. To bring it back,

I told her I was like, well, right now, you are very anxious. Your nervous system is in fight or flight. When your nervous system is in fight or flight, your perception of reality is not accurate. Your amygdala is activated and your brain is scanning for potential threats to keep you safe. Your brain isn't trying to do you wrong. It's trying to keep you safe. And when you're outside of your comfort zone, your anxious, your stress, your maybe overwhelmed, your brain is scanning

for potential threats. It might even bring up situations from your past to remind you, hey,

“this happened before to protect you. Like, hey, this could happen again, right?”

But you know, I told her, I said, what evidence against your ex hold up in court against evidence against this new man you're talking to? No, it wouldn't at all. It makes no sense. I think a lot of times we play the game of life thinking that, oh, because it happened before, it must apply this time. And I think that's where we go wrong. We go wrong thinking that just because something worked this way in the past means that it should work this way in the present.

I've had silly examples of this, for example, like a morning routine. When I first started out on my journey, I'd wake up every single morning, go for a walk while listening to affirmations, come back, meditate, and then who knows what I would do. Maybe I would go to the gym, maybe I would go to class, I don't know. I don't know. This was a long time ago. But that was my morning routine. I tried, when I decided I wanted to get super back into my morning routine, I tried to reactivate

“that and it did not work for me. It was not resonating the way that it did back then. Why?”

Because what worked in the past is it necessarily what's going to work for you today?

Because you're a new person. You're always evolving, always. So to think that something from

five years ago was going to work for me today was just kind of silly. And so to think that something happened, and we bring up these stories of the past so often, and we say just because it happened this way. So often people ask me how could I believe that this is going to work out if it didn't work out in the past? How can I believe in my ability to achieve this goal? How can I not doubt myself if blah, blah, blah? And it's like, if you're constantly like stories

from the past, like, does a story from the past? A story about an ex hold up in court against the person you're talking to today? No. The version of you today is different from the version of you last week. I was just thinking in the car on my way home right now about how I am a completely different person than what I who I was six months ago completely different person. Just everything that I've been through in the past six months, I wrote an entire book. I

which taught me a ton. I've gone on multiple of the top podcasts in the world. I have traveled

all over the place. I have met some incredible people. I've pushed myself beyond limits that I

thought that I had. I really feel like and just going through the process of writing my book, I had to basically go through the framework of my book, which is a similar framework to what I have in my Minecraft coaching program, and going through that program myself, I leveled up. There is no such thing as peeking in this life. And so going through my own system, I learned my own system again and it literally rewired me and leveled me up again. I was just thinking

that I'm a different person. And so if I tried to tell myself I couldn't do something today because six months ago it didn't work for me that would just be false. It would just be wrong. Recognize that you are a new version of yourself every single day and give yourself the grace to be that. Stop holding yourself back by bringing up old versions of you, old situations, old relationships, old failures, old mistakes, stop holding yourself back, give yourself a little

grace, forgive yourself for what happened in the past and move forward. And honestly, you kind of and this is where like being delusional comes in like you really do kind of just have to

“be a little bit delusional if you want to manifest what it is that you want. If you want the”

relationship, the job, to achieve the goal, you really do just have to be a little bit delusional because you have to stop basing the present on the past. And a lot of people who can say, old version of me, I consider myself logical. A lot of realistic people, logical people, that looks crazy to them. To think that you're going to believe something could be different

I look at beliefs as flexible, upgradable, reprogramable software. A belief is not fact. It's a story.

And I think the problem is a lot of times, you know, and with my friend on the phone, it's like

you think that because situations have happened to you, even though it's been over and over and over and over again in the past, that this is now the way life works. And that's a problem. It's the way life has worked in the past, but it doesn't mean that it's the way life needs to continue to work in the future. But you also just kind of have to be a little bit delusional, right? Because the truth is that this person could hurt you, they could. The truth is that it could

go wrong, right? We don't know, but you have to believe that it's going to work out like you have to. Because that's the only way that you give yourself the chance to make it work out.

“That's the only way that you put yourself in the position for it to all come to you, right?”

That's the only way that you get your energy right and you become a match for what it is that you want.

It's the only way you have to believe without a shadow of a doubt that it's going to work out for you. And then trust that you will be okay no matter what. No matter what happens, you will be okay. And that is why it is extremely important to become the best person of yourself and identity shift into being the match for what it is that you want. Whether it's the relationship, the job, whatever it is that you're waiting for, this is where you need to be so good without it that one

you can detach from the outcome and surrender and trust. But also trust that you're good either way because you're so good without it and that's what happens when you become the version of you that has it. Become the version of you that has it. Love yourself so much that you're good with or without it. Of course you still want it. You're still going to work for it. But love yourself so much that it doesn't even matter. And then remember when you get stress or anxious and you are

“overthinking or you're overwhelmed. Remember that when you are in fight or flight, your brain”

is predicting danger. And so you literally just can't believe anything that it's telling you. Because when you are stressed, your logical mind, your logical mind turns down. Your logical mind, your prefrontal cortex becomes less active. When you are in fight or flight, you don't have the cognitive capacity to start thinking about, oh, you know, these are all the different ways that it could happen that no, your brain goes into threat detection mode, starts predicting danger,

you get tunnel vision, you could only focus on potential threats and your ability to think logically and rationally and positively kind of just goes out the window. This is why you cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it. You can't. You can't think through a problem and come up with a solution while you are still in this reactive state while you're in fight or flight. It just doesn't, it just doesn't happen. And so this is where my practice that I came up with, it's

fun little phrase. Don't react, regulate, comes into play. Don't react, regulate. Rather than trying to figure it out and solve the problem when you are stressed, emotional, take a step back, recognize how you're feeling, take a step back and regulate your energy, regulate your nervous system, regulate your emotions, calm down and chill out, focus on something else. I told my friend that, she was like, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? Because what do you

mean? Like, all right, I get it. My brain's lying to me, what do I do? And I'm like, you need to, you need to chill out. Like, you need to calm down. Just like, well, how do I do that? Well, what are things that make you feel good? How can you fill up your own cut? How can you pour into yourself or just straight up distract yourself from whatever the issue is if you're very emotional. When I was in the Bahamas, something else happened and I got very real. I started to feel very

reactive, very emotional. Took a step back, called my best friend. She always gives me the best advice.

And she said, M, like, just calm down. She said, I've been in this position before, just calm down. She said, just remember everything always works out the way that it's supposed to and just calm down. Just calm yourself, watch a little show. So what did I do? I was like, maybe I should go to the gym, but no, I had just almost passed out underwater while scuba diving. So I was like, my body's been through enough today. I'm just going to lay down and maybe chill and watch a show or something.

That's what I did. And I felt so much better when I just took the time to take a step back,

“get my mind off of the issue and just regulate. And honestly, that's what good friends do, right?”

They don't just validate every single feeling that you have. They do, but also they tell you, like, hey, just chill. They can call you out where you need to be called out. And in that moment, I really didn't need to be. Just told, like, hey, you need to calm down. And remember everything works out the way that it's supposed to and get your emotional right now, but you need to chill. And so that's why I told my friend, too. I gave her, like, I kind of just transferred that

advice. And that's what you need to do. And you need to go back to the things that fill your cup

Do something that makes you feel happy. Something that makes you feel relaxed because regulation allows you to choose who you want to be and how you want to move. If you react, you try to make a decision. You try to do something, say something. You try to move in a reactive state and fight our flight. If you take action from a reactive state, you are going to be acting based on past programming. But when you take a moment and you step back and you regulate,

“now you can move forward as the creator that you are. When you regulate, you can respond, right?”

There's a big difference between reacting and responding. When you are activated, stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, tired, hungry, well, you're going to be reacting a lot of the time. And what happens when you react and your prefrontal cortex is not online? Well, you react based on your past programming and you're usually not acting as your best self in those moments. But when you take the time to regulate, now you are in a position to respond from a regulated

state as you are future self, as you're best self, as the version of you that you are trying to become or that you are, that you want to be. And so just remember, in situations where you are stressed, activated, whatever the case may be, don't react, regulate, and then respond. And when you do this, you will be actively acting like the version of you who has it all.

“Because I always say, you're always doing one of two things. You're either reinforcing your current”

reality or creating a new one. And when you act based on your past programming, when you're just reacting, you're reinforcing your current reality. But when you take the moment to step back and you respond, this puts you in a position to create the life that you want to create and be the creator that you are. And so with all that being said, let's move into the three wonders of the week.

Guys, my first wonder is pretty simple. I was meditating in my backyard the other day, and the

pool started making this weird bubbling sound. It doesn't add a little like little nozzle thing. It does that sometimes. And I just was laying there meditating and just thinking, just feeling how beautiful of an experience it was. Like this literal, like it was like the babbling brook. Have you ever heard of that poem? Like the babbling brook. Yeah, the babbling brook.

“And I think there's a poem about the babbling brook. But anyway, I remember laying there just thinking”

how beautiful the sound was and just put a blessing it is to be able to meditate out in the sunshine and listening to the water. It just was so beautiful. So that's my first wonder of the week.

My second wonder of the week is the home gym. I mean my fiance, my fiance and I,

we moved into this house that I'm sitting in currently maybe four months ago, five months ago almost and it has an RV garage and immediately I knew whenever we were buying the house. Like whenever before we bought it, I was like this RV garage would be sick as a home gym. It's giant, it's huge and you know we're not gonna have an RV. And so we had the every intention of transforming it into a home gym. And as you guys may or may not know, it just takes time. It's a process.

But it's been a process. But we're finally in the position where the home gym is starting to come together. We have a few pieces of equipment like not a lot. Literally we have a Smith machine, booty builder and I have a Pilates reformer. That's all we currently have. We ordered more equipment, but it's just taking months to come. It's not even supposed to be here till June. I don't think. So anyway, it's gonna be a while. But I have been using the equipment that I have and I'm very grateful

for it. Just super grateful to be able to wake up in the morning and just go into my garage and work out and move my body and not have to get in the car and drive. Because the closest

gym is a good drive from us. So it's just been incredible and I've just been feeling super grateful

for it for that. Just to be able to do that. And back when I still have an apartment, you know, every apartment that I lived in, it's out of gym and just being able to walk and be in close proximity to a gym and have that is such a blessing. And it's something that I used to take for granted. I definitely don't anymore living kind of far from the closest gym. But anyway, I've just been feeling so grateful for that. So that's my second wonder the week. And then my third

wonder the week guys is just the fact that my brain has shifted. I started practicing these wonders of the week. Maybe two, three weeks ago after recognizing that I was paying more attention to things that I didn't like and not recognizing enough of what I do like and what and I know from personal experience that where your focus, reality works just like the social media algorithm. Like whatever you are focused on, whatever you reinforce and engage with, you get more of, right?

you're going to get shown more of that. I know that for a fact because with this new Pilates

reformer that I have, I'm now getting tons of Pilates content. And I've never done Pilates

in my life before like a couple months ago. So it's just been, it's crazy to see just my algorithm. It's completely different. And it's so funny because that's mirroring my brain experience, my brain algorithm is completely different. I've been taking the time to write down just the small little things that are beautiful that I've been feeling grateful for throughout the day, throughout the week. And I, when I was in the Bahamas, so crazy things happened. Just crazy experiences.

Like experience that I was like, am I more of the cameras? Like this is a movie. Just absurd stuff

“at the airport and just people acting just insane. And I think the version of me from four weeks ago”

would have been like, that's crazy. Like what am I doing to attract this chaos? But the version of me from last week, the experience it, I literally wrote it down as a wonder of the week, because it was for the plot. I was like, this is so funny. I was laughing through the situation.

Just laughing, like, I'll just tell you guys just a quick little context. But basically,

there's just people acting crazy. Like the gate agent at the airport gate slammed the boarding door in my face and told me I was going to have to fly without my fiancee because while there were people literally still waiting on the jet weight to get on the plane, it was just really absurd. And then he walked by me when it was like, if you guys are watching the video version of me, you'll see this. But he was like, looking like this, putting his hand over his eyes like a visor.

And I was like, what is this man doing? And he goes, I don't see him. I don't see anyone running.

“He was looking for my fiancee to be running toward the gate. Anyway, it was just”

literally like a movie. It was so crazy. And then of course, we get on the plane and they have to refuel or something. So we sit there for 30 minutes. It was, but anyway, I actually was laughing through the entire experience. And I was so detached. I didn't even care if I could get on the plane and I was like, whatever, if I missed this flight, I don't even care. I'll just get on the next one. Like, I, and it was 10 30 p.m. at night. So it would have had to be the next day as well.

I don't have to stay there next to night. I didn't even care. I literally was just looking at the entire experience through the lens of, this is a wonder all the week. The fact that this is happening, it is for the plot. This is wild. I was looking at it as a positive thing. And so I have seen my brain shift in real time over the past few weeks by practicing these wonders of the week. And so I highly recommend you guys open up the notes and your phone and your computer or wherever

or in the journal. And just as you move throughout the week, like I like to have a folder like a journal entry of the week because a lot of times I just move throughout my days, start the week. And I'll have different revelations or little thoughts, little ideas. And I used to text them to myself or write them in random notes, folders. And they would just all get lost. And I would have ideas all over the place. So I just started doing something different. I started to have a notes

folder of the week. And I've found that it's very helpful. I put everything, everything that I'm thinking on my journal entries, all my revelations, all my ideas in one folder for the entire week, not one folder, like one journal entry, one note for the entire week. And if I want to do a brain dump or something, I'll put it in a different folder right. So I don't need to go back and

“look at that. But just anything that I think of that I want to remember. And so I actually put my”

wonders of the week in that same note. And I find it very helpful because it's all in one place. And the note can get pretty long. But I don't really care. I'd rather have it all in one place than have random ideas and thoughts everywhere. I find that it's better to be organized and consolidated.

And so yeah guys, that's that's my third wonder of the week is really just, I've seen my brain shift.

I have seen a huge shift in the way that I'm perceiving reality in a very short period of time, a matter of a few weeks. And so do not underestimate the power that you have to change the way that you experience life and to change your reality. It can happen fast. It's happened for me quickly. And I feel as though it is just making such a huge difference, not only on the reality I'm experiencing, but on the way that I feel, I've just been moving way happier with way more joy,

way more energy. And rather than looking at things that setbacks or bad or a problem, I'm really looking at it as, oh, oh, what can I take from this? Oh, that's interesting. Rather than, you know, having this negative outlook, I'm very much observing life from a different lens and it's been wonderful to experience. So I highly recommend you guys do this. It's a bit different from gratitude. It's just sort of like just little moments that are like, oh, like a sunset or, you know,

And I wrote it down. I was like, wow, someone smiled at me, like, what a nice interaction.

“Just little things like that. And it really has been training my brain to see the wonders of the”

world, which is really beautiful. So it's all of that being said, guys, I wish you an absolutely

amazing, magical, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, week. I'm setting every single one of you guys so

much love. And I will see you in the next episode. Bye, everybody.