Ep. #733: David Sedaris, Ian Bremmer, Hagar Chemali

Wow, it's with Yuforia in the third city.

“A couple of years after the high school.”

I don't know if that's what I wanted. Stream up on the 13th of April, parallel to U.S. That's a new episode. That's the problem. And you're talking with the devil.

Give it a try. Follow me on the other side as "House of the Dragon" and "Wicked". All of the episode 8 and 90 in the month. Streaming won't be so wow.

I don't know what to say. Really? I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to say. Yes. I've been watching over 1000 euros.

Do you have your own connections?

No. I just don't know how to say it. Wow. And it's easy? Of course.

It's all automatic. I really don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I just don't know how to say it.

“From the HBO late night series "Real Time with Bill Mom".”

Thank you, people. Hi, everyone. Thank you, people. Hi, everyone. Thank you, people.

Hi, everyone. Thank you, people. Hi, everyone. Thank you, people. Hi, everyone.

Thank you, people. All right. So many, so many faces. Thank you, people. I appreciate it.

Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you. Okay.

Wow. Oh, yes. Let's go here. Thank you. All right.

Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Let me start with this. Any New Yorkers here tonight?

Any New Yorkers? We saw the greatest come-from-behind team ever. This week. I'm talking about the negotiators for Iran. Unfortunately, the next for fantastic.

So, I mean, yes, the next did that. It was my team that I've been with since 1973. I was in high school the last time I did.

I have never wavered on the next.

So, this is important to me. Game five. Okay. Fine. I didn't do anything but suffer.

So, but thank you. But Game five is tomorrow night and Trump is not going. He went to Game three and they lost. And, you know, no, no. Look, the next had a 13-game winning streak in the playoffs.

It's almost unheard of, and he went, they lost. I'm not saying he made them lose. I am saying I am offering a million dollars not to go to this game. That's a joke, by the way. Please.

That is a joke. Because last time I offered money like that, I got sued. So, that's Joe, complete Joe. Judge whoever's going to see the-- [ Laughter ]

And the nickname he went to, he brought his granddaughter Kai. And it's just unfortunate, then of course, when they showed him on the cam, the coal crowd booed. And it was a very tender moment when he said to where, "I'm sorry, they're bullying you, honey."

[ Laughter and applause ] And then, a little controversy, a little controversy. A little controversy here, the next day, a video was posted of this and the bullying magically gone. [ Laughter ]

And we don't know who did this, but the speculation is going to either cash, but tow, or Pete Higgs-Seth, because if anyone knows how to make booze disappear, [ Cheers and applause ] There we go.

[ Cheers and applause ] Why didn't do that one at the end?

“You have to think for a second, you can't finish”

with one of those thinkers, you know? But not a lot of sports going on. The world cup is here in LA. Most of the world. [ Cheers and applause ]

A lot of it. Yeah, most of it will consider soccer the number one sport. Here it is. It's free where you put your kids when you don't want to pay for daycare. [ Laughter ]

I don't get to the attraction of soccer. I don't -- there's more scoring and Bible camp. But okay. If you love it, you love it, and I'm glad you have it. [ Laughter ]

You know, I'm sure you know what's going on.

Our redneck president is... [ Laughter ] Turning 80. And to celebrate, there is a UFC fight. On the lawn.

[ Laughter ]

“So the emperor is holding gladiator games on his birthday.”

Nothing to say here. I would think about it too much. [ Cheers and applause ] And hopefully, the big fight will also serve at a celebration for a peace deal with the ran,

which the president says is imminent, but he says that every week. [ Laughter ] They counted now. He has said it 38 times, 38 times. You know, last week, the same thing.

It started with, we have a peace deal. And then, by the end of the week, we're going to hit a very hard -- all caps. It's very hard we're going to hit him. And then he thought about it with himself.

[ Laughter ] And when back to peace, do we even really need a ran in this war? I mean, really do we -- [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ]

Every time they pipe up, he says, "Who asked you to stay out of it?" [ Laughter ] But drum said, "If you don't agree," it said to a ran, "If they don't agree to this peace deal,

they will pay the price." They pay the price. Gas is $6 a gallon out here. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ]

You're ready to pay the price or living in Beverly Hills. Okay, that's -- [ Laughter ] That's fun. And every week -- [ Cheers and applause ] Every week, as the president gets more frustrated,

he blames somebody else. Last week, it was Oman, Oman. They were like, "Oh, man, what do we do?" Now, this week gets the courage. The courage -- he said, "The courage let us down."

And I won't forget courage. [ Laughter ] We've gone to him threatening every country in the world to threatening somebody who just wants to be a country. [ Laughter ]

There are me -- [ Cheers and applause ] The price? There are the waiting shit list. [ Laughter ] But -- [ Laughter ]

But none of that will be remembered in the future. But we were remembered in the future from this week is what happened in the stock market today. Space X, are you familiar? Yes, the company -- you know, I'm one of Elon Musk companies.

Went to initial public offering. You can buy stock at it now. Biggest one ever, and Elon is now a trillion-air. A trillion-air. Now, I give Elon his props.

He has created amazing things.

Yes, SpaceX is amazing. So it's Tesla, New Orleans, Starlink. Elon owns a company that can rewire your brain. It's called Twitter. [ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ] But a trillion-air. I mean, now, Elon says he will use his wealth to get to Mars. Because he believes one thing above all,

“if you have to leave Earth to avoid California taxes,”

you do what you have to do. All right. Thank you very much for your great fellow, and Professor Molling is here. My first step is to contribute for the New Yorker

and offer up the number one best-selling book of essays. The land in its people -- one of the funniest people on earth. David's today, Richard. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ]

[ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] And you knew it. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ]

[ Cheers and applause ] And what? [ Cheers and applause ] Lately, I want to wear a pile of clothes. That's just my thing.

This pussybow, it comes to the ground. Sometimes I don't tie it, and I just leave it dangling. But we decided backstage who would look good time. Is that a shirt? It's a shirt with a massive pussybow attached to it.

What's a pussybow? A pussybow is like a oversized bow. That's a term to people, no? That's a term to people. It's a term.

It's a perfectly polite term. In the heterosexual community, also.

I don't -- I never heard of it, but --

So, the book is number one, as it should be, my stroke. You've done it again. [ Cheers and applause ] I guess that best. I mean, I love it as I love all your books.

“Do you think that more interesting things just happened to you?”

Or do you just see things we all see and make them interesting? I think it's probably a lot of the second, but it seems to be a little bit of the first. You seem to put yourself in places where interesting things happen

I think I just have a notebook.

I think that's the only difference. I mean, most people see things, and they forget about it. But I have a notebook, and I just write it down. Well, I remember. But you also say at one point, and I --

So many things I do relate to because we're about the same age, that, you know, at one point, you moved to New York, right? And you didn't -- things were not going well, and you were going to go back to Chicago. But you don't want to go back and, you know,

we don't want to face that, where you didn't make it in the big city. Yeah, that'd be the worst. Right. And you say the one reason you wanted to stay in New York is just a lot more chance if you're walking around New York, you see weird shit.

Right. You see interesting stuff. It's going to prompt a story. Yeah, just things that you could possibly write about. But I don't know. I feel like it can really happen anywhere. You know, if you just -- most people are just looking at their phone.

That's a difference. I'm the only one not looking at my phone. But now when I look around, this is what I see. People looking at their phone. Right. And you go -- you go all over the world. I mean, this one -- I mean, the story is about the safari.

I thought it was fascinating, where you didn't take any pictures.

Probably the first person who never took a picture.

They seem so disappointed. And they would say, "Get out your camera." And I -- and I just didn't -- I don't just feel good.

“I think -- again, we're the same age, so that's how I think.”

I'm really going to forget the hippo. [ Laughter ] You know, I have a camera up here. I've had it in my whole life. You know, it was a long time we didn't need that camera.

When we just took a picture with our mind. But the thing I kind of related to is -- you said you went to Zanzibar, right? Yeah. And you couldn't help forget that there was such an income gap

between the tourists and the people who lived there. That's why I don't go to them. When we stayed at this resort, and then we found out when we got there that they cut off the electricity for two weeks for people on the island. I mean, it was insanely hot in humid, and they didn't even have fans.

And then they said, "Don't worry, the resort has generators." And then you felt even kind of worse. And then you'd go on the beach and people would try to sell you stuff. And even when you were in the water, they would try to sell you things. So I couldn't sleep tonight.

I don't go to places like that. I just feel guilty the whole time. Well, Hawaii is the only place where you go. But Hawaii. And it's people who stayed in America.

Yeah. You know, they're doing quite well at it. But if you want to go to a hot place,

“if you want to go to a hot place in the winter,”

most places are sad. You know, are sad, exactly. And also you tell a story which exactly would happen to me in Mexico once, which you get into a cab. I mean, this happened to you in Jen's or it happened to me in Mexico.

And the cab driver said, "How long how is it? How much to get to?" And he says, "It's a 30,000 pesos." Thank you. And you get there.

Thank you. That'll be 90,000 pesos. And you wait. You said, "No, you must have misheard me." And we both know that he's lying.

Right. But. And then you feel like, "I'm just going to give you that as a tip." Right. And then the ripped off.

I would have given it to you anyway. And then you'd think, "I don't even have any electricity." And the snails and zans are like, "They're like that big." That's all really, they have to offer in terms of, like, just really big snails.

You only really have the only reason. Well, I'm the beach. To go. And the beach and the weather. And the beach.

But again, you're in the water and people are trying to sell you shit. Yeah. And the water. [ Laughter ] In the water.

No, I'm not. [ Laughter ] I know. Oh, if I may.

“Uh, I think that it's fantastic that you're winning the Mark Twain award.”

Oh, that's awesome. [ Cheers and applause ] Oh, yeah. So, long time. The last time I was here,

I predicted that Jeff Foxworthy -- Jeff Foxworthy was going to get it next, you know, because Kennedy Center had been taken over. So, we're going to ceremony that -- At the Kennedy Center.

Oh, it's -- it's going to be at the Kennedy Center. Well, let's not talk about it too much. [ Laughter ] We don't know what's going to happen. I mean, at one point it was canceled.

You know, the person tried to stop it and then we were back on. And then it judged rule that -- Let's fucking not talk about it. Please, because it's just it's could only make it worse.

You know what I mean? Some things off, like, let's say if you get it, we're displayed in your home or -- no. There's plenty of room on the mantle. [ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ] Let's talk about you. And you -- we're here to talk about you, Robo, not my long award history.

But one thing I love about it is you never send a medal.

You know, this one moment I feel like you allowed yourself. You're talking about the fact that I didn't know this. So I read this. You actually been secretly married for 10 years. Yeah.

And at the very end -- [ Laughter ]

about your husband. He's so controlling, but he's so handsome. It's the only little moment I find like that. Because that's what I love about you. Well, I didn't -- I'm the only reason. It was of shotgun wedding.

“A range of my mom banker. I think it's completely unfair.”

[ Laughter ] I think it's unfair that married people get in contact with tax break. Because what if you're, like, just really ugly, and nobody wants that marry you or have sex? Why should you be financially penalized?

So I think they should get rid of the tax break for -- You know, instead of making -- Yeah, get rid of it for married people. I couldn't agree more. Yeah.

I mean, it's the only reason I did it. And then when people say congratulations, I don't -- I don't know what they're talking about. It takes me a minute. And you're mirage. Oh, right, yeah.

Yeah.

I always thought the coolest thing about being gay was that you couldn't get married.

But I wanted to -- [ Laughter ] I wanted gay people to fight for the right to marry, and then not a single one of them to do it. I thought that was the right thing. So, I'm the only one.

[ Laughter ] I also love that you say you hate when people use to term like my person. You know, they used to say, you know, the people used to be my soulmate, and then it was my person. But what are the odds out of the billions of people who live in the world

“that you're one person living in your same apartment complex?”

[ Laughter ] And it's always silly. It goes to your community college. So, I don't feel like you -- That's my -- I can't even say -- I identify as a boyfriend.

Even though I'm a husband, I identify as a boyfriend. [ Laughter ] I would be sad if he died. If he died, I'd be sad. [ Laughter ]

That's enough. That's enough. Yeah. That's all you would need at this iron money. Yeah.

If I was going to get married, I'd be like, I'm -- He's out if he died. [ Laughter ] Okay, so before we run out of time, I could -- The best story in the best one in the --

I think in the book, maybe the best -- The year, the decade, this is just an immaculate story. The one about the dog. Oh. You're a little dog, too.

First of all, perfect title for the story.

Just tell him a little bit about your in Portland, which is a -- you know, let's call it a peak woke city during peak wokeness at Lynn Crazy, right? I mean, like police were the adamant. Oh, all that stuff.

They've retrenched that. And you got bit by a -- You know, you can walk down the street there.

“And there's a lot of fentanyl addicts that are just out and about, right?”

And one of their dogs bit you. And the people around there sided with the addict and the dog. [ Laughter ] Oh, God. They were like, "They're still better off.

And how to get still better off than you." And like, the sad part is that there's no good place for these animals. And you were like, "Is that really the sad part?" 'Cause -- "Do you see this bite hole in my leg?" No, but he said, "How awful that you got bit by dog.

This is what kind of a dog was it." [ Laughter ] There's just one person said, "Here you go." [ Applause ]

One person said, "Did you get the names?"

And I said, "Oh, they're fentanyl addicts. They weren't in any of their names." No, with the dogs. It would have to rest with them. And it was -- but if I had said, if I had said I was walking on the street

and these tech bros, I don't usually use words like that, had a dog and it bit me. They'd be incensed. But because they were drug addicts, then everybody took their side. They felt like they couldn't say that it was --

They treated me like it was my fault. Or you just -- well, that's the way it goes. You're better off than they are. And you get to, I think, but it's just the heart of so much of our fucked up politics. It's a wise, it's so hard for people like this to say that it's wrong

for a drug addict's dog to bite you. And your answer is because then, "Oh, then you're a Republican." Which is crazy. Because then it puts the Democrats in the position of the pro-druck addict dog biders.

[ Laughter ] Well, I got a letter from this woman and she was walking after dark and a man was following behind her. And she turned around and said, "Can I help you?" He said, "I'm homeless.

Do you have some money?" She said, "I don't have any money on me." She kept walking. He followed her. She turned around.

She said, "This really makes me uncomfortable." He said, "I also take cash app." She said, "I don't have that either." But she told people the story. They said, "You don't have cash app?"

Like that was a whole -- [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Oh, thank you. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

You've done it again. Great to say you. David Siddars. I've always laughed. You're awesome.

You're a comedian. All right. Let's meet on Saturday. [ Cheers and applause ] Hey.

How are you? All right. He is the founder.

And, "Jesus or a Media In Bremer." And she is the former spokesperson of the US Mission of the UN. Co-founder of the Lebanon and Israel Peace Alliance and host of YouTube's "Oh, My World." Hagar Shemali. Great to see you.

Thank you. For this time. [ Cheers and applause ] And we're going to start with the big X-rays. We're going to start with the big X-rays.

We're going to start with the big X-rays. We're going to start with the big X-rays. We're going to start with the big X-rays. We're going to start with the big X-rays. Because I feel like, even though it's a big story today, it is not big enough story.

I mean, initial public offering if people don't follow X-rays. That's where something goes public.

“It's been space X has been around for a while, right?”

Okay. And it does other things besides send rockets to space, right? Doesn't it do the satellite he has? Okay. So it's a viable company.

It's worth a lot of money. 1.77 trillion? Is it worth? What happened to a rational exuberant? This is, first of all, it's insane.

Over 4,000 people who work for the company in the past became millionaires. Not just Elon becoming.

Elon shares now worth 866 billion.

That's on top of the money he already had from his other companies. This is really AI money, first of all, right? Is that what they're really investing in? Is that what? Okay.

And then, is it going to be like five people who have all the money in the world? And can you be a good capitalist? Here's my quote. Can you be a good capitalist? As I think I am, or a believe it comes up?

And still think there should be some cap on wealth.

“Well, you have to, Americans believe that people should be able to make it.”

They should be successful. It's one of the things that really makes our country work. We don't think necessarily that someone who's worth a hundred million, even a billion, maybe even a trillion, is necessarily a bad thing. Many other countries they do, but there has to be opportunity for the average American,

and their kids to get there. And the fact that we, you saw Graham Platner came out immediately today.

There should never be another trillionaire.

You know, you see Elizabeth Warren. You'll see Rob Reich. Every billionaire is a policy failure. That reflects the fact that a whole bunch of Americans feel like they don't trust their leaders. They don't trust these elites that Elon, the first trillionaire, also happens to be

the person that gave the most money to the Trump administration $250 million. They don't feel like that's a coincidence. And they don't have that kind of access. No matter how smart they are, no matter how hard they work. So for me, it's not about the money.

For me, it's about the lack of mobility, the lack of opportunity. So you think that we don't believe in the industry? You have to have a trillionaire. You're the right thing. I don't really have a problem with it because I don't have a problem with how these billionaires

and now single trillionaire made their money. Because they've grown these companies, they've built them. But I, you know, the wealth gap that you're talking about. It's important because you don't want people to feel that their very real economic suffering is because of the billionaires.

“You want it when the, when the tides rise that all the boats rise with it, right?”

But, and I think that there's a danger in viewing the billionaires as the problem. Because then it leads from their people to say it's our economic system that isn't working. Therefore, it's capitalism that isn't working. It's, and the problem with that, and you're already seeing those seeds being planted, right? Mamdoni, that's his big, his big arguments were about socialism and things like that.

And the thing is what you need, you need certain regulations, certain maybe it's taxes, maybe things that can indicate to people. It's not because of the billionaires. The billionaires are doing business innovation and hopefully that has job growth. It's other ways that you want them to believe that there's opportunity that they can pursue. But it's not because of the problem.

Okay, but you guys keep saying billionaires in the story of the billionaires. It's trillionaires. Okay, like can we just get real about this? A trillion? Would it be crazy to have a law that said you can't go above one percent of gross domestic product?

Gross national product? You as one person. Because when John D. Rockefeller reached that, they did make laws. One percent, I think it's still a pretty big flex if you're trying to pick up a limit. You know, if you're like, what do I drive? I'm worth one percent of the United States.

That's me. I mean, even that is my name that no one could possibly spend. I just think things get so out of whack. And again, he's not going to be the last one. I think the other four or five A.I.

In so, you know, on the spectrum type. Yeah. I just don't see this turning out well. I think it's the lack of trust. I think when you had Bill Gates and when you had Warren Buffett,

and they were not only making billions and tens of billions of dollars,

even a hundred billion dollars, which back then felt like real money,

they were also doing things to change the world. They were showing that they cared. We have a story about trust and inequality right now in my city, in New York City, with this team, right? We've got 10,000, 10,000 volunteers to get in.

Right? A hundred, 200,000 dollars to sit just right there in the front row. And yet, everyone in New York, every single person, Staten Island, New Jersey, the Bronx, they're rooting. Why are they rooting?

First of all, because they feel like they have a connection to the team. Second of all, because the star, Jalen Brunson, who is extraordinary, gave up over a hundred million dollars, so that he could actually give more money that the rest of the team could benefit from, and they play like a team.

So, it's not that Americans have a problem with people making a lot of money, but you've got to have a some stake in it. You've got to have a part of it.

“And that's why we want the nicks to go in five.”

[applause] Yeah, I do. [applause]

I never used props, by the way.

I always say we needed to. What are winners, that one? [laughter] But the one seat went for a million. They sold a court side seat for a million dollars.

And by the way, I thought this is so interesting. Trump, only like two weeks ago, was talking about, he sounded almost exactly like what I've said about sports, and the way it has migrated to streaming. You have to buy all these streaming channels.

You have to hunt for the game, cost you a lot of money. They work worse. He said, there's something very sad when they take football away from many, many people, very sad. I don't like it.

[laughter] He said, they're making a lot of money. They could make a little bit less. But people who live for Sunday, and then all of a sudden,

they're going to have to pay a thousand dollars a game, exactly.

Then they asked him at the game the other day. The cheapest price that reporters said for the game going in is $8,000. Every day Americans can't afford these sporting events. I expected him to say this, what he heard he said about sports.

He said, well, they can watch it on television, but that's the way life goes. [laughter] This is my point about Trump. Keep talking to him, because he has no fixed beliefs.

Other than wind is bad and tariffs are good. [laughter] He's not very principled. Your money will be the last person who has his ear, because you know he went from its terrible to that.

Fuck you. [laughter] Socks to be you. That's the right life goes. All right, I don't-- [applause]

[applause] Let me get back to something you were talking about, which is people, because people, yes, Jalen Branson did give up money. He's also got being paid hundreds and millions of dollars.

Yes, and a lot of Americans are doing well. You know, when people say, oh, lucky, if you're lucky, it's a lucky money. The upper middle class has grown three times.

That's like a third of the country who are doing very well.

It's still two thirds that aren't doing that great. Okay, but it's enough to make people think I could be one of them. Okay, so they have a slogan now that is catching on. It's ironic, because it started on the right, and now it's migrated to the left.

And that's the Epstein class. Let's not forget we're Epstein-obsession-started. Kieranon. I remember when I was doing jokes about it, Kieranon, they're nuts, and by the way, they are nuts.

They think Democrats eat babies. They went, when after me, as a pedophile, because I got a picture of me with red shoes. Red shoes, he goes up there. But they--

I see a Pope. Right, well, the member, well, obviously had a phylogie. I mean, not the present one, but they took it. But I guess that's where they got it from. I don't know, and the shoes were burgundy, by the way.

Point is, they-- I think they're onto something here.

“That's what the left now is using the term.”

The Epstein class. And what they mean by that are people who just-- these elites, they can be on both sides. Trump was good friends with Epstein and so was Bill Clinton. It is a nonpartisan thing to a degree.

It is a group of-- They're getting away with murder. Right. They're making it through their intelligence and their capacity. It's that their network, and therefore, it's a two-tier system.

The legal system doesn't apply to them. The judicial system doesn't apply to them. The political system works for them because they captured. If America becomes a coin-operated democracy, you will see pitchforks. And the Epstein class is a reaction on the left.

Just as it was a tagline, drain the swamp for Trump until he decided that he wanted to get his. And billions and billions of dollars that they're making because of connections through power. Right? I mean, you tell me that world liberty, financial, is worth all of those billions. That that is because they just happen to be brilliant or because they happen to be in a position of power.

He shouldn't be making billions. No. I think it's very racial, it's what I'm saying. You think?

“I want to be-- I'm not trying to say, I believe this term, the Epstein class.”

I understand it because what they're trying to say is billionaires that get away with murder based. I mean, that's you said. But get away with everything. They're infiltrating politics. They're influencing politics.

How people vote and so on. The thing is, you know where else we used to see this idea or view that this is the fault of the elite.

My suffering is because of the elite. It's the elite's fault. I can't ve head because of the elite. That's a very dangerous road to go down because they're laying blame in the wrong place.

“And that's why I would love to see our government.”

Take control more. Perhaps maybe I don't know if the what shaving the one percent, like you said, maybe there's a cap. I don't love the idea of a cap. No, I didn't say one percent. I said worth one percent of gross marginal profits.

That's different than the one percent. Fair. But then I'm all for money. There's that money go to the government. Are we sure we can trust the government with what they're going to do with that money?

I think to your point, it's better to have if you can, and still that social contract, where you have people who are pursuing charity. And you have a lot of those billionaires who are doing that, who believe in donating a large portion of their wealth, who've signed these pledges for that. And so I'm trying to say, I don't think they should all be labeled to the Epstein class. I think there's a danger. Well, they're not all in the Epstein class.

It's just people. I call them the shark soup people. You know, the people, you know, it's illegal to have shark soup. It's a kind of shark's for soup. But people do it.

And I bet you this soup tastes like shit. It's just that we can do it. We can't. We can get away with it. Just that we can abstain with the, with the young girls on the out.

We can do it. Nobody's going to stop it. That's, I think, this is really good.

Epstein class is a big piece of it because it's the sense of corruption, the sense of entitlement that we will never have access to.

But it's also American young people right now are more skeptical about AI than almost any other country in the world. And it's because they think that they're being lied to. They think that this technology that's been going to be rolled out is going to take jobs away from them, take opportunities away from them. And, and their leaders will not give them a shot, right? The generation alpha is going to become generation F, right?

That's not going to get you anything, but pitchforks. And what we've seen is when it's high inflation. And when we see when there's mistrust on these issues, they vote the bombs out. Yeah.

“That's what you're going to see happening in the midterms.”

Well, we'll see. I just do think this is migrating to the left. It's their issue. Trump said he would drain the swamp and he bottled it, basically. Oh, yeah.

They've known. Café in his best form. With Cuba, with jeder café of Knopfdruck, for almost a moment. With the new Cuba-Wan capsule machine from Chibu,

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So listen, it is June, June is wedding season.

Anyone here getting married this month, it's always...

You know, I love weddings. Just not mine. No, because they're funny. I'm one of the, they are. The one thing that's funny about them is that somebody is always making the wedding toast

and it's always inappropriate. And we thought as a public service because, you know, they have a huge drinks in them and they're caught up in the moment. And then it just ruins the whole way. Thought as a public service, we would like to offer if you're one of the people.

Things not to say, if you're giving the wedding, you like to hear those. All right. Well, let's do it just like they do like the wedding. We're familiar with them. And they said, oh, okay, so...

For example, don't say...

I first met the bride and college during her lesbian phase.

Isn't number one, don't say. For the bride and groom, it was love at first sight. So don't ever say nothing good ever happens on only phase. Don't... Don't, don't, don't forget your other marriages.

I've got a really good feeling about this one.

“Don't say, if she kisses half as good as her mom, I think you two are going to be okay.”

Don't say... These two are proof that there really is someone for everyone in this world. But damn, that's going to be what I'd be, baby. Don't... Am I crazy, or is this...

First is to separate the bachelor party in the wedding plan or the same chick. Is that it? And whatever you do, don't say... And to the groom, I apologize. Apparently I was wrong, you can pray away the gate.

Now, back to the issues. All right, let's do it this week. We have to. It's the law.

Yeah. Look, I don't know what the latest is. And even if you told me what it was, I wouldn't believe you. Because it's just the same thing. It's just ground talk day, all these things I heard.

Now we're going to have a... For sure, we're going to have a deal with a peace signing. I mean, there's no way out of this for him. For Trump. I mean, it's...

“The only way out is if he comes up with a deal,”

that's better than the one Obama got. Right. And the only way to do that is with a full on invasion. And he doesn't want to do that. What does he do?

He's looking for an off-ramp right now, right? No, it's very clear that he's desperate for a deal. He is showing his cards that Iranian regime very much knows that. And he's trying to achieve all these goals at once. He's trying to communicate to the American public.

Don't worry about gas prices. They're going to go down soon. I'm cutting a deal. The deal's coming close. We're going to be this weekend, et cetera.

And we're seeing this over and over and over again, as you said. He's trying to be a Trump in person. I can do that. I can do that. I wasn't ready for that.

Every one of you. Everyone did a beautiful... He's also trying to communicate to the Iranian regime. And infectious muscles and say and back his language with the threat of force. Which I don't believe he's going to actually carry through on those threats anymore.

He's also trying to placate the Gulf. The Gulf allies are really trying to encourage him not to go back into war to make a deal of some kind.

“That's why he's put Jared Kushner now on this process.”

The problem is he's best desperate to come to a deal while also trying to make it look like it's not the same.

The Obama deal, which he spent forever criticizing. And I'm proud I personally am worried about where this deal is headed. I work a lot on Lebanon as well as you mentioned, and I'm afraid Lebanon will get sold to Iran. I'm afraid about sanctions relief, sanctions relief. I sound like a sanctions monger.

There's a distinction I don't like. But if he gives sanctions relief, it's too strong. It's going to fund all the proxies. But he wants to move on. He's bored.

He said that. He said it enough. Frank that I'm bored with the talking points as well. But you know who's not bored or the Iranian people who have been suffering under this regime. Who have had families at victims lost and slaughtered.

40, 30, 40,000 of them. And they're watching to see. Yeah, I mean, he took a shot at a festering problem. It didn't work. Not close.

Yes.

Because first of all, I think they just did it the wrong time.

If they did it when the people were in the streets, maybe the uprising would have happened. Nobody got slaughtered and then sat around for a couple of months. And then did it. So they fucked up both of it.

I love to believe that. I hope that that's true. I don't think it is. But we'll never know. We are where we are.

Yeah, exactly. Look, I'm with you right at the beginning. This, the headlines every week are the same. They're relentless. Is there a deal?

Isn't there a deal? But there are some really big long-term things that have already happened that we can talk about. So for example, OPEC is over. The MRIs have pulled out.

And that means that they want to produce as much oil as humanly possible because they don't want that to be a stranded asset. They know it's not going to be worth so much over time. They want to become a global node as a city state. That's, by the way, that's a monopoly.

It's a cartel over energy, a fossil fuel energy. That is not good for anybody. Glad to see them go. The Americans are the largest producer in the world right now. That's number one.

That's a big thing that has happened. Not because Trump was planning it. But it matters. It matters. Second good.

Yeah. Well, also, they're building pipelines now. I mean, again, he does things such a clumsy way. Sometimes fumbles forward to a good result. Second good.

And they are because the straight or her mulls will never be as strategically important as it is now because they got the memo.

We got to send the oil the other way through pipelines. So in the Chinese hit back hard and put that gun on the table. Said critical minerals, we're going to shut you down. We didn't think they could. As soon as they did it, what do we all do?

Start investing in critical minerals. In five, ten years. Right. They can't use that again. It's exactly what's happening in response to the Iranians.

The Emirates built a new pipeline. But the most important thing is people move away from oil and gas. It is electric vehicles. It's solar because we now know not just in that straight, but in Malaka. The the Houthis in the Red Sea.

You take some drones and you can hold a $110 trillion economy to ransom. So it turns out Orange is the new green. Trump is going to end up going down as the president has done more for renewable energy than any president of history. So that's our strategy. Cut and stay.

Yeah.

“Well, I think, you know, in the in the big picture, people just, I mean, the reason why he lost part of”

his coalition is because they thought he ran on America first. And we thought America first meant America has been too generous to a lot of countries. They thought, and some of that was true. I'm sure they all thought we were too overextended.

And now we're not doing that. Another thing that worked out actually, I don't think it was necessarily the way he intended. But he certainly got some credit for it. He wanted European countries to pay more. To pay more.

And to take, you know, Clinton once made a speech in set America was the indispensable nation. And Trump was like, yeah, we don't want to be. Why do we have to be indispensable? Okay. I mean, I kind of like that when we were indispensable.

And I would like to think there are things about us that are indispensable. But, you know, there is truth to that too. They, it was right. The European countries could step up and they did step up.

“If Germany is spending more money, I think now on their defense, then they have been like 40 years in one year.”

I could put in a little more credit for that than Trump. But Trump deserves some credit for that. Right. Yeah. Because Putin threatened.

And they said, well, this is a European problem. Not like we haven't already given a hell of a lot of money to Ukraine.

Have we given something like $170 billion already?

Okay. And then we kind of stopped, which was wrong. And, you know, his big line, he started about the Iran War II at one point. He said, the Iranians don't seem to realize they have no cards. Exactly the same thing he said to Zelensky.

Well, both of them have cards. We're not the only one with cards. They try to just manifest these things. They're big and for a deal. No, they're not.

Yeah. Just because you say it doesn't mean it's going to happen. That's the problem we have. But the card's thing. Tell me what you thought about that is.

This idea that Ukraine, which is a propote of your hat, the biggest comeback since the next. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah.

Did any of us think? I didn't think Ukraine could beat Russia, but they did. It turns out, right? The necessity is the mother of invention. You realize you're getting very serious, right?

It's not like the Europeans.

And let's go back to Elon for a second.

Starlink, he shut Starlink off for the Russians back in February, which means that the drones no longer work in. And now the Ukrainians, without people on the front lines, are able to actually take territory. And that is a very serious change.

Ukrainians have a hell of a lot of cards right now. And they're putting a lot more threat against the Kremlin. And you know, Trump should back a winner here. So you'd like to see him engaging a little bit more with -- I'm not expecting an apology.

You know? I'm not expecting a thank you for doing all of that. As President Pence would say. But Americans might want to pivot a little bit towards a winner. So yeah.

[applause] Yeah. [applause] That's the one thing he would understand. His winners.

And Zelensky doesn't need an apology. Winning. Winning is the best apology there is.

“And I mean, where are we a year from now on this war in Ukraine?”

I mean, it could be. I mean, Russia can't just constantly put people into this meat grinder. How many people do they have left? They empty the prisons. They, you know, they got all the drugs of society.

Put them as Conan Fauder on the front line. Who's left to fight this war? Russia could go for a while, though. And dictators do that, right? They have -- they sustain a lot.

They don't care as much about -- they certainly have no value for human life. We already know that. And they have constant -- of feed, not just from prisons, but from other countries, North Korea, China. They have ways of fueling this machine.

But it's -- but -- but -- and your point about Elon Musk is major, because this is really what shifted things for the Ukrainians, because Russia is now going into the front line's blind, whereas the Ukrainians see everything. Now, in a year, I mean, who's -- who's to say,

because there's a piece process allegedly or a deal. And Putin said that he's going to do this. He's offering talks with Zelensky. The administration is overseeing it under Steve Woodcock, I believe. You know, who knows which way it'll go?

But I actually have -- I have some hope for this one, even because there's a -- because all of these -- the Ukrainians are being very creative. And they're finding ways to push the Russians back up against the wall. And that, by the way, any Ron would be the same.

“The only way you're going to get a deal that you really -- any deal that you could try”

to fashion that would work in our favor and in our national security interest. Is if you have their backs up against the wall. Otherwise, Russia and Iran, similarly, they're just looking to survive, as long as possible. Outlast Trump, out get to the next leader.

Last, as long as possible, without collapsing, and dictatorships have a way to do that for very long time. People with sanctions, and -- I wonder if the world will take note that matter what form of government you are. If you're a Goliath, doesn't mean you win.

That's right. Yes, it means you win. Just because you're bigger and you're --

you're budget is a billion times more, and you have more of this,

and more weapons, and more of that, it's going to be a stalemate. The good news is that the Chinese are seeing that,

They're like -- their lesson is, you know,

this could actually go very badly for us, with the military that's been hollowed out, and that we haven't actually engaged in fighting for decades. The issue, though, is that Putin himself. He's not getting any younger.

He looks pretty bad. He's spending most of his time isolated, right? Not with good advisors around him. His former bodyguard is one of his top national security advisors. Right now, I worry a lot that his things get worse,

especially if Zelensky is able to bring that direct threat to him and his inner circle. But that's when you get something really bad. Yeah, he can last for a long time, but there are very few constraints on him.

The Chinese really recognize that this is going badly. Putin just went over there. A couple Chinese leaders told me right after the meeting. They said, "Yeah, we know this is going badly. We want a ceasefire.

We're prepared to push harder." And I said, "Well, do you feel more optimistic?" Like he's not listening to us. You talked to Chinese leaders? Sure.

Yeah. And Jay is okay with that? I can't talk to Jay. He's okay with me talking to Chinese leaders, sure. Really?

The Foreign Minister had a press conference with me last time I was in Beijing. I think it was. Yeah. Yeah.

I know the priority line. Well, look, they're going to talk about what they want to talk about. You shouldn't be trusting that they're not suddenly giving you some secrets that they're not interested in. The point is, they understand.

The war in Russia has been bad for China. This is an ally of the Chinese.

“I think the big reason why Xi Jinping went to Pyongyang last week”

was because he was hoping to get more information and some leverage on a country that's close to Putin right now. It's provided. I don't think they want Taiwan. I think that's their Cuba.

They don't want it.

They're never going to give up until they get.

I agree. Oh. But they're learning some lessons near term because they're seeing that Kalyath, as you just said, Bill, isn't always winning the way Kalyath thinks they are.

Okay. Let's leave it there. Time for news. Everybody, news. All right.

Bill, if you work for a vuna nexus, the company that collects human urine and turns it into liquid fertilizer. And I sit next to you. And I sit next to you on a plane and ask, "So what do you do for a living?

Just lie and tell me you're in sale." I don't need to hear about how the urine is collected of them processed to spread on the food that I eat. There's enough going on right now that scares the piss out of me. You know, now that Jill Biden has released her memoir of you

from the East Wing, Melania must release her memoir and which she describes her view from the East Wing, a back co-amount of dirt and a port of potty. [laughter] All of these kids.

[applause] Neural, the steeple chase, the track and field event, which starts with a gunshot, and then is a foot race

“where you have to keep jumping over a thing and landing in a puddle,”

must be renamed running from the police. [laughter] And it must end with climbing over a chainlink fence while a dog bites you on the ass. [laughter]

Neural, people who get a tattoo of their area code must tell me how I'm supposed to respond to that. [laughter] Because all I could think of is two things. So you really like your phone number, huh?

[laughter] And can I see one of those zip code on your ass? [laughter] Neural, you can make the new non-alcoholic course light

if you like, but first you have to show me the person

who was drinking course light for the taste. [laughter] Because really, if you take the getting drunk part out of this, [laughter] if you're taking a sip of this and thinking,

"Hmm, yum, I hate to tell you this, but you have long COVID." [laughter] And finally, no, well, let's get real about Graham Platner.

“If you've been sleeping on politics lately, well, who can blame you?”

But the big story is the Democrats can likely take back the Senate in November if they win Maine. But they're a local candidate official now up there after the primary this week. Let's just say, a guy who has a backstory that screams don't ask.

[laughter] Now, I don't judge Graham Platner because I'm just learning who he is.

[laughter] What I do know is he served his country in the Marines in war

and you can never discount how big that is.

But then there's the sexting while married, scary behavior, so say some of his exes, old posts about how he's a communist and all cops are bastards and black people don't tip. Well, they don't tip cops. I can understand that.

[laughter] Here's a typical Platner quote. He said about the Iraq War, you can think it's dumb and also kind of not want to miss it. Oh, Graham, I feel the same way about so many things, the Oscars.

Christmas, Taylor Swift's wedding. That little speech Nicole Kidman gives before the movie comes on where she looks insane. [laughter] And then, of course, there's the Nazi tattoo on his chest.

“I mean, seriously, this guy's whole life is the movie The Hangover.”

[laughter] He doesn't need a term in the Senate, and he needs a gap year in Costa Rica. [laughter] And yet, I would still urge the folks in Maine to vote for him.

For two reasons. One, we need to restore balance in our government and a democratic Senate would help a lot with that. And two, get used to it. America is a country filled with a lot of broken,

horribly educated, phoned, addicted, sort of nutty people. And as long as we live in a representative democracy,

we are always electing our reflection in the mirror.

I wish the tattoo was the scariest thing about Plattener. It's not. That would be his solution to a home invasion, which is to rape the home invader. And no, of course, that's not policy he's proposing.

“It's a fantasy, his ex, as he talked about.”

Next week, it'll be policy. [laughter] And to be fair, he said the raping wasn't something he'd do in a gay way, because that would be weird. [laughter]

Okay, this is the kind of thing war does to people. That's who we created. Our society is not healthy. We create broken people,

so don't expect politicians to suddenly become Lincoln Ask again.

Tom King Jr. is running in New Jersey, despite the fact that he's gone completely missing for the last three months. No, Biggie. He says in the future he'll be completely transparent. [laughter]

Tom completely transparent is what you are now. [laughter] Are you okay, Tom? Are you curled up in a ball? [laughter]

And he's favorite to win,

“because I'm just guessing a lot of people say,”

"Hey, we've all been there." [laughter] Oh, there's going to be more bad tweets from candidates that have an aged well, more bad tattoos. Did Platinum know the tattoo was an Nazi symbol

when he got it maybe, but people today are so indicted with misinformation and internet bullshit. I wouldn't trust he knew what it stood for anyway. Everything people know now is from social media

and shit posting and whatever some other idiot sends them. Or whatever the Chinese are feeding them on TikTok. Every single violent actor in the last five years from Trump's assassin to Luigi has prompted a headline that said some version of experts find markers

of both right and left-wing political views. Yeah, because we have a new breed of voter today, people who are intensely political, but somehow know almost nothing about politics. [applause]

Liberal, conservative. I don't know what makes you either one. Conspiracy theories. That they know. And memes.

And trolling that also might be true. [laughter] Marine Gollendo is a debit rat who ran for the house in Texas this year. Describes yourself as a judgment-free sex therapist. I hope so, who wants a judgeee one.

[laughter and applause] Oh, with that big, well, plainly, you're dick-toothed mall. [laughter] Okay, so she's judgment-free, namaste.

But she's also said during the campaign,

“she wants to turn the Ice Detention Center in her district”

into a prison for Zionists and Ice Officers. But she says, putting Zionist billionaires in prison does not mean putting all Jews in internment camps. So a moderate. [laughter]

I guess she thinks she's progressive because hating ice, okay, check, and hating Jews. Sure, that's progressive now. But concentration camps, I associate that more with conservatives. Is that just me?

[laughter] Crazy. It's just not a deal break anymore for running or serving.

The Secretary of Health keeps a freezer full of roadkill.

Even the worm in his brain is like, "I'm not eating that." [laughter] I mean, our current president just speaks out loud his internal monologue. [laughter]

“You know what the internal monologue is, right?”

It's just that stream of thoughts that we all have pouring through our heads all the time and that we all edit. [laughter] We edit our thoughts.

We don't just fling all of our feces. We have a straight-em-her-mooze between our brain and our mouth, where we don't let everything through. But not the president of the United States. Do you read the crooked or you stupid?

I am the chosen one. Who knows better about surprise than Japan? You're just a lightweight, dear, terrible person. I don't like mosquitoes! He's the warrior of this huge capture.

I like people that weren't captured. I know you're not thinking. You never do. Hey, I'm president. Do you believe me?

I mean... [laughter] Look.

Politics has always been a crazy game,

but the people running weren't this crazy. My winner, though, this year. Victor Marks. Yeah, I just heard of him recently. Victor's a Christian minister who may soon be governor of Colorado,

and who performs exorcisms over the phone. [laughter]

“Which, I think, gives the devil an unfair edge.”

[laughter] I do. [applause] The power of Christ's compassion, I'm in a tunnel. [laughter]

Victor Marks says things out loud. That he just seems to have hallucinated. The way AI does sometimes when it tells you that the key ingredient in Fettuccine is glue. [laughter]

Victor says he rescued 45,000 people from predators, which is about 45,000 more than anyone can verify. He says he called in an air strike. That killed 70 ISIS fighters, which is impressive considering at the time he was not in the military.

[laughter] He says he was forced to kill a man when he was seven. And when a reporter asks, "Do you think you've killed people as an adult?" His answer was, "Does it matter?"

I think it does. [laughter] Thank you very much. I want to thank my guests. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. I want to thank my guests. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I want to thank my guests.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I've shown you episodes of Real Time with Bill Mar every Friday night at 10 or watch a many time on HBO on the Moon.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.