There’s Something in My Hot Tub… and It’s Looking Right at Me

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As I sit my beer, a streak of light in the evening sky catches my attention. I tip the neck of the bottle toward it. Check it out, comment. Meteor, comments don't enter the atmosphere. They can, but that would mean the end of all humanity. I frown and glance over at my next or neighbor as we sit on my back deck. Who made you Carl Sagan? Carl, who? I shake my head, laughing at the fact that even in her mid-30s, she's still just a kid. She doesn't know shit

about shit. Millineal's man. The contact guy. I have no idea what you're talking about. That movie with Jodie Foster in that days and confused guy. I don't know any of that.

“Jodie Foster, the silence of the lambs. Can you hear them gladies? How drunk are you?”

Matthew McConaughey. That's the guy's name. All right, all right, all right. Oh, I know that meme. Yeah, that guy's cool. And my job is done. I laugh again and sit my beer. The comet is still streaking through the sky. I'd almost say it's getting close to us, but no way that's possible. Pick one. Is he tense as in her camp chair? I have plenty of chairs

on my back deck, even a few long lounge ones. But is he always brings her own over? As she

has said before, I know you're a player, Shane. No way I want to send her anything out here with at least two towels between my ass and the seat. I've heard the girls you've got over. I mean, she ain't wrong. I do love the ladies. And even in my late 50s, I can still snag him. I keep myself fit. I keep myself 10. And I know how to show a lady a good time. Even if some of them are half my age. Easy, of course, doesn't have to worry about succumbing

to my charms. She bats for the other team. Although I'm pretty sure some of her girlfriends she's had bat both ways. Maybe I should propose that we all have ourselves a neighborly get together. The next time she brings one of them switch hitters home with her. I'm about to make the suggestion. When is he's tenseness? Turns to some I alarm. And she stands up. Uh, Shane, I think it's headed straight out of us. What? The comet? Media your man. It's a meteor.

I squint one eye at the comet. Nah, it'll miss us. Not even going to be close. Prime mean. What are the odds it hits us? I don't know man. It's getting bigger and bigger. And I swear it's coming this way. I shrug and stand up. In that case, I need another beer. Can I grab you one? Is he looks at me with wide, scared eyes? I think we need to get inside. Why? It's an optical illusion. That thing isn't going to hit us.

Is he shakes or head? I'm going to skip the beer and go home. Probably hide under my bed

“until it passes. You should think about getting somewhere safe, too. I already am.”

Safe. Safe can be right here on my deck. You sure I can't get you another beer? I'm sure, man. I'll call you later, okay? I shrug and go to my sliding glass door. We're going my fingers. I give her the friendly neighbor wave goodbye. Yeah, call me later so I can give you a ton of shit for your overreaction to this. Come it. Meteor dammit. It's a meteor. You old fool. She snorts angrily and stomps off. Headed for the side gate and our fence

that connects our yards. I put the gate in after the tenth time Izzy came over for beers. It's nice to have a buddy neighbor to drink with, especially one that can haul in sexy

four. Sure, I probably banged her mom back in the day, who knows, right? But now need to be

snoddy after I just offered to get her another beer. I want your walk off through the gate, then return my attention to the comet. Don't see that every day. Then I head inside and grab that other beer and a bag of chips. Cool ranch Doritos, baby. When I step back out onto the deck, the comet is even bigger. Huh. Maybe it is going to get close. A bit of worry creeps up.

“Not because I think the comet will actually nail me. But because I read somewhere that”

comet's leave huge dust trails, I glance at my open hot tub off to the side of the deck. Izzy and I, we're going to have a nice soak with suits on, unfortunately. I keep telling

her not to wear one, especially since it gets detergent in the water. But she always shakes her head

and laughs at me. Then I tell her that since she doesn't like boys, what's it matter? She tells me that since I definitely like girls, it matters. Can't blame a guy for trying, though, can you? Not wanting comet dust in my tub. I set my chips and beer down and go wrangle the cover up off the ground and onto the top of the tub. Yeah, yeah. I should get one of those cover lifters. But I like the strain and workout. Plus, when I have a lady over, she can watch my muscles bulge.

The ladies like bulges. With the cover on, I saunter over and grab my refreshments. Then move on to one of the lounge chairs so I can stretch out and watch the show. Dang, that comet sure is crazy looking. Is he was right? It is getting bigger and bigger.

“I think I can see flames coming off of it. Wild, just wild.”

Ripping open the bag of cool ranch Doritos. I shove a few in my mouth and chew. Son of a bitch! I put my hand in my mouth and grown as pain rips through my gums. Man, I hate it when you get Dorito stabbed. It really sucks. I take a long swing of my beer and switch the liquid around my mouth, dislodging most of the deadly little triangle. But there's still some in there. And even after working it with my tongue for what feels like forever, I still can't

get it loose. Finishing my beer as I stand up. I take a last look at the comet and shake my head. Don't you hit my hot tub? I laugh and go inside. On the hunt for a toothpick to relieve me of this cool ranch agony. I start searching through my kitchen drawers.

“toothpicks, toothpicks, toothpicks, toothpicks. Aha, there you little bastards are.”

Found him. Stuck behind two full boxes of birthday candles and an old electric wine opener that I thought I'd lost. As I pick at the Dorito, careful not to jam too hard or deep. Which, no lady has ever said to me before, I stand at my patio door and stare out at the night sky. The comet is huge. It really is. It's like the size of the moon right now. I mean, not literally. I understand distance and forced perspectives and all that shit. I'm not a moron.

But from where I'm standing, the comet is the biggest thing in the sky. And, uh, well, yeah, it's kind of headed straight from my neighborhood. I'm glad I covered the hot tub. I realize I left my phone out on the deck and slide over the door, hurrying out to fetch it. One I fixed firmly on the incoming comet. When I pick my phone up, it buzzes madly startling me. The phone slips from my grasp and hits the deck

bounces twice, then falls over the edge into my flower beds. Damn it, that's a new case. I'll be picking potting so I'll out of the case for days now. I get down on my belly and slap around in the flowers until I find my phone. It's buzzing like a hornets nest. Finally, I have it. I roll onto my back and look at the screen. Seeing, there are multiple notifications. Ah, hey, one is from the lady I went out with last Wednesday.

Cool. Huh, she seems worried. Wondering if I'm all right where I am. That's strange. I swipe the notification away and check the others. Most seem to be from the emergency broadcast service. I wonder what's going on.

Probably some wildfire out in the boonies. That always leads to a bunch of smoke

shrivel up like raisins. I sit upright in a flash, which I can do since I make sure my core is tight and swipe through notification after notification. This is an emergency alert. Please seek shelter immediately and unknown object is inbound. Please seek shelter immediately. Starting something new

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S. Go to Shopify.com/dnS. That's Shopify.com/dnS. Well, huh. I wonder what the unknown object is. Then I see Izzy's texts. There's like a dozen of them. Oh god, Shane, it's coming! Where are you? Why are you answering? Get into your basement! Should we leave? Should we drive away? There isn't time is there. Damn it! Why are you answering? And more.

My phone rings. It's Izzy. Hey, girl. This is wild shit, right? Why are you? Are you in your basement? What? No. I'm on my back deck.

Left my phone out here and came to- Are you stupid? I don't think so. Get in your basement.

You really think this common is going to hit us. Meteor Shane, it's a goddamn meteor.

“Okay, whatever. But is it really a problem? Remember the last time we got an emergency alert?”

It was a tornado warning. There hasn't been a tornado in this area in like a century. Shane, for the love of God, get in your basement. The phone goes dead. Izzy? Hey, Izzy? Nope. Nothing. The comet is really trucking now. I definitely see flames coming off of it. And I think I can hear it. Like a high train whistle mixed with the sound of a building burning.

Kind of cool if you ask me. As I watch it approach, I text back that fine lady. Yep, all good here. Hey, what are you doing Sunday? I was thinking brunch, then a tub. Memosas might be involved just warning you. Swoosh, and it's sent. I'm already thinking about that

“pink bikini that she mentioned she had during our dinner conversation.”

When I look up from my phone, I have about pissed myself. The damn comet is right on us. I look around, baffled by what to do. Sure, I run inside. Do I even have time? Maybe I should jump down and crawl under my deck? Or just run into the front yard and put my house between me and the comet? Or maybe I should? Cuth. Whoooo! Izzy's house goes up like an atomic bomb, as the comet hits a dead-on. Heat and smoke and sulfur and all sorts of crap explode around me.

And I'm suddenly flying about six or seven feet above my deck. My arms and legs flailing madly. Then I slam into something and get all the wind knocked out of me and tumble into my yard. As I struggled to suck in just a little air, I see that I had been thrown against my hot tub knocking the cover a skew, but that isn't the worst part. No, no. The worst part is something launches up out of Izzy's yard and lands right in my hot tub. I can see smoke and steam

and flames looking up from inside the tub inside it. From the damn water. How is that even? How was that? Oh shit. I don't. I'm not. I'm not feeling. When I come to, there is a bright light in my eyes. I swan at it. Hey there. Relax sir. You're gonna be okay. The light is pulled away and after blinking back the spots, I see a pretty medic crouching over me. Hey there yourself. I'm Shane.

And who might you be? The pretty medic frowns at me. Good to know that you know your name sir. Any pain anywhere? Just the pain of not knowing your name back. The pretty medic frowns deeper.

I think about it for a second and check my head. Ouch. That hurts. Oh. Nothing except a

bitch of a headache. You may have suffered a concussion. Or it's just your beauty overwhelming me. I'm thinking concussion. We'll need to get you to the hospital and have you checked out.

“She looks up and around. Then waves and whistles. Can we get a gurney over here?”

Someone shouts that they'll be right back. The pretty medic frowns down at me. Do you remember what happened? Oh yeah. I remember. I got damn comment hit. I sit up fast in my headspins. The pretty medic puts her hands on my shoulders to steady me. Oh thank God. My hot tub is fine.

The smoke and steam and flames I thought I saw are gone. The only problem is that the cover is a skew.

Hey, can you tell me a favor and grab that cover and pull it all the way closed? I really don't want any ash or embers getting in there. And there are a lot of embers floating on the breeze. The pretty medic stares at me. Um yeah. We'll take care of your hot tub sir. No problem. From her tone, I'm not sure she's taking me seriously. Do I see smoke over there? What's burning? The pretty medic stares even harder. I'd tell her to smile, but I've learned on more than one occasion.

That may not go over so well. Your neighbor's house sir. Is he's house?

“Then I remember it all. Oh shit. Is he? A damn comment hit her house right?”

Meteor. A meteor hit it too? Man, I should buy a lottery ticket. A meteor and a comment hitting the

same house at the same time is crazy odds. The pretty medic looks like she's about to say something. Then just shakes her head, stands up and turns away from me. Where's that damn gurney? Huh, I wonder what she's so annoyed about. Hey, not to be a pest. But the hot tub cover. Do you mind? The pretty medic glances back at me over her shoulder. Are you for real right now? Um yeah. She throws her hands up in the air and walks over to my tub.

She reaches out and starts to shove the cover back in place. Then recoils and takes a step back. Something is in there. I doubt it. I keep a clean tub. Thanks for closing it. Um yeah. No problem. She's rubbing her mouth with worry and frowning hard. I know exactly how to perk her up. Hey, to show my appreciation for helping with the hot tub. How about you and I go get a drink after I get checked out at the hospital? She walks off without saying anything. The minute later, two

guy medics hurry up to me with a gurney. Where'd that pretty one go? I am the pretty one. How about we get you up here and settled? Before I can say yes or no, we're arguing with him that he is 100% not the pretty one. The two medics drop the gurney down by collapsing the legs, then lift me on the way. They pick it back up and roll me across the lawn and to the gate from the far side of my house. As they roll me to the ambulance, I get a better look at Izzy's place.

It's demolished. There's barely a frame left. I can see the husk of her super route where her garage used to be. Even the concrete foundation and driveway are cracked into 100 pieces.

“Man, you got lucky. That could have been your house. I know, right? Hey, is Izzy okay?”

Izzy? My neighbor? The woman who owns that house or what's left of it? Did she make it out of her basement? The two guy medics share a look as they lift the gurney up into the back of the ambulance. I'm sorry, but no, she's not okay. I don't think they've recovered a body, but the entire basement is caved in. It doesn't look good, sir. I am truly sorry. That it's hard. Like, real hard. Izzy is gone. Dead? I can't pee.

Who's going to come over and talk about ladies and drink beers with me? Who's going to give me crap about being a player? Who's going to insist on wearing a damn bathing suit in my pristine hot tub? Who's going to pick me up from the car dealership when my car needs its regular maintenance? This sucks. Izzy can't be gone. Are you sure? Like I said, they haven't recovered a body yet, but yes, we're pretty sure. It'd be a miracle. Again, I'm sorry. Yeah, thanks.

But what I want to do is not to get a lot of students. The master-writer, Laptop,

“the soft-handed, the internet, is so much that I'm really sorry. I'm sorry, you can't say that.”

You're a player, right? But you don't understand. No, it's just a failure. Do you do it with this story? And if you then know, you'll be able to do it. That's right. Save. This story. Boy, did that get so look? It's cost no doubt for me. The Uber drops me off in front of my house. And all I can do is stare at the wreckage next door. Izzy is gone. They know for sure. She didn't have any family, so I was listed as her emergency contact.

Acopt told me after I was finished with my MRI and X-rays. Standing here, staring at the smoldering ruins. I can't help but think about how.

If only Izzy had stayed and hung out with me, she'd still be here. She should never have

rejected the offer of a good soak in the tub. Bad juju, I say. Very bad juju. I slowly walk up to my house, then realize that I don't have my keys to get in. I don't even have my wallet or phone. It all happens so fast that they carded me off before I could grab my stuff. And the front door is locked. Taking careful steps since the test results showed that I do have a pretty good concussion. I make my way around the house and through the site gate.

A few more steps, and I'm at the stairs to my deck. I place a foot on the first stair and pause. Something is off. Literally. What the hell? The cover for the hot tub is lying on the ground.

No, no, no. It was all there I swear. I have to think for a few seconds to make sure I'm not wrong.

The doctor said that with a concussion like mine, I may have balance issues, dizziness, nausea, and even hallucinations. But this is no hallucination. I know that the pretty medic put the cover back in place. I watched her do it. I smack my head with my palm and wins. Realizing what had happened. She didn't latch the straps. That's it. A strong wind must have come along and lifted the cover up and off the hot tub. Damn it.

There has to be all sorts of crap in there now. I should turn it off so all the debris doesn't filter through the pump system. I step off the stairs and over to the cover. Bending low, I lift with my legs, but make it only about a foot off the ground before I feel lightheaded and almost pass out. What at the doctor said, oh, right, to avoid strenuous activity of any kind for the next few days. I joked about how a certain strenuous

activity can be very therapeutic. If you knew what I meant. He joked about how that strenuous activity would probably be my last, as I'd more than likely die of a brain hemorrhage.

“Now that I think of it, I'm not sure the doctor was joking about that. I mean, he wasn't smiling”

or laughing. I let the cover fall away and walk over to the single breaker box screwed into one of the deck posts. I pop it open and throw the one breaker, turning the hot tub off. I'll have to put the cover on tomorrow or the next day, whenever I feel better. Man, I really hope that there isn't a ton of crap in that filter. Then out of the corner of my eye, I think I see something crawl out of the hot tub and plop onto the grass about the size of a raccoon. I blink a few times

and there's nothing there. hallucinations, just hallucinations. Back on track, I get up onto my deck and inside through my back sliding glass door. There was no time to lock it before everything went boom. My house smells like smoke and fire. Must have wafted over Izzy's place.

“I size I look around for my phone. Then I remember that I had it outside just before the”

comet and meteor hit. I think about going out back to look for it, but the headache behind my eyes tells me that I need to take my medicine instead. So I walked to the fridge and grab a beer. As I pop the top and take a sip, I lean up against my kitchen sink and look out the window onto the backyard. It's a freaking mess. Half the fence between mine and Izzy's lot is down. That's going to be a bitch to fix and I'm not hiring someone. Fenses are expensive.

There are ruts in my grass from emergency vehicles using my yard as a staging area to put out the fire that didn't engulfed Izzy's place. The flower beds I can see are trashed. And God, my hot tub,

something slide inside the tub? What the hell was that? It sure wasn't a raccoon, that's for sure.

“A snake? Was it a snake? It looked like a freaking snake. My hate snakes. There is no reason for them”

to be on this planet in my opinion. And personally, I don't think that they're real. No arms and no legs. They're animated demon ropes from hell is what they are. And I have one in my goddamn hot tub. I set my beer down in grab a kitchen knife, ready to slash a slithering abomination. But I take it slow. I don't rush out to the hot tub, not with my balance all wonky. Like I'm hunting prey, I stealthily slip out the sliding door and take careful steps over to the hot tub.

When I'm by the side, I look down into the water, ready to see and kill the scaly beast.

Surprisingly, there's very little crap at the bottom of the tub, but that's not the biggest surprise.

I also see Izzy. Izzy is at the bottom of my tub, staring up at me. Or a sort of Izzy.

“It's her top half for sure, but her bottom half is all messed up.”

I blink, and she's still there. Nah, has to be another hallucination. I blink again. She blinks back. Which wouldn't be terrifying, except that her eyelids come in from the sides not the top. I scream, drop the knife, and run back into my house. I'm man enough to admit that I might have pissed myself a little, nothing wrong with being vulnerable. Lacking the back door,

I rushed to the kitchen window and look out. Nothing, no movement, no snakes, no Izzy.

But this is a bad angle. I can't see into the tub from here, only the side closest to the house. Picking up my beer I left behind, I head to the stairs and go up to my bedroom, which looks directly down onto the tub, standing at the east window. Or is it the west window? East, west, same thing, doesn't matter. Yeah, I see her. She's moving around the bottom of the tub. Just switching back and forth

back and forth in the tight space. Not that I have a small tub. No, sir, I have a 12-seater, but even that isn't much space if you're fully submerged in swimming around like a, like a, like a, what? What is this reminding me of? Then she pops up, her upper half and arms leaning on the side of the tub. Gotta say, Izzy has a great rack. I shake my head a few times. No, that's not Izzy.

It looks like her, but not really. It's a sort of Izzy, because it can't be Izzy. Izzy is dead. They told me they found her body. The Izzy in the tub tilts her head and looks up at my window. Sure looks like Izzy. She blinks that freaky blink. I don't think the real Izzy's eyes did that. I could be wrong, but I don't think so.

I lift a hand in wave. It's just a hallucination after all. She waves back. Then she gestures for me to come down to her. She paths the water, like she wants me to get in the tub. I mean, a good soak would do wonders for my sore muscles, and the water really didn't look too bad. Yes, I'll need to drain and clean the tub as soon as possible, but honestly, I've soaked in wires. Elucination is he waves again.

I give her a thumbs up, and she slips back down under the water surface. She needs to watch out. I have it set to 101 degrees. You really aren't supposed to be fully submerged in water that hot. Downing my beer, I set the empty on my dresser and pull open a drawer, looking for my swim trunks.

“Then I remember that the Izzy in the tub isn't wearing a suit.”

Great! This is how it should be. Once downstairs, I snag a few beers and carry them outside. Okay, Izzy, this is messed up. How are you here? You're a hallucination, right? Right? Her face appears just over the edge of the tub. She blinks sideways at me and shakes her head. What? You don't know how you are here, or you're not a hallucination, or you can't talk? Pollucination is he not. Can't talk? Bomber, I like our conversations. I shrug. Then again,

I have said how conversation can really ruin the mood. So no talking works, too.

and get the tub running again. The heater in the pumps kick on immediately. Pollucination is

“he splashes about. Then ducks under the water again as I walk back up to the tub.”

Stripping down, I climb the three steps, and slip my foot into the water. Pollucination is he moves all the way to the opposite side, as I slip past her and settle into my regular seat. It has all the right jets. Plus, looks out over the backyard and not the back of my house. Then I realize I forgot to move the beers to my side. Damn it. Pollucination is he's torso slips up from the water and derarms stretch out, resting on the side of the tub.

Two batching bouts for the other team, because Izzy is quite a lovely woman, especially naked.

Can you have me a beer? Pollucination is he frowns.

A beer? I make a drinking motion and point at the bottle right by her. Beer, Bruceky, suds, barley soda, you know, beer. Pollucination is he looks at the four bottles and nods. Then a snake comes up out of the water. What the hell? I start to stand, ready to pitch over the side to get away from the snake. But then I see it wrap around the beer bottle. And now it's handing me the beer bottle.

Oh, I see. It's not a snake. It's a tentacle. Cool trick. I take the bottle from hallucination Izzy's tentacle, twisting off the top and taking a long swing. How many of those things you got? Pollucination Izzy cocks her head. Tentacles? That thing he used to hand me the beer with? How many of those you got? I wave my arm around like it's a tentacle. And hallucination Izzy nods. 11 more tentacles lift up out of the water.

Cool. I don't remember you having tentacles before is.

“Squeezing my eyes shut for a second. I remember that this isn't the real Izzy.”

Just and hallucination Izzy look alike with a nice rack and a whole lot of tentacles. When I open my eyes, hallucination Izzy is right in front of my face. Oh, shit! You scared the crap out of me! She's looking at me, studying me, cocking her head back and forth. Then I feel some of those tentacles start to wrap around my body, around my waist, around my chest, around my legs. Whoa there is! I didn't think you were

into this sort of thing with guys. The tentacles keep wrapping and wrapping and wrapping.

Pollucination Izzy is basically in my lap and I'm all for it. Then the tentacles stop wrapping and

start squeezing. Pollucination Izzy's face is right in mind. And I can smell sulfur, fire, and cooked meat coming off of breath. Maybe crack a beer for yourself, girl. Rinse that mouth out a little. At that, Pollucination Izzy opens her mouth. And shows me all of her very, very, very sharp teeth. There are a lot of them.

“Hundreds. Maybe thousands. I thought you told me you had braces as a kid?”

Then I shiver as I realize again that this isn't the real Izzy. This is Hallucination Izzy. And as the tentacles squeeze and squeeze and it gets harder and harder to breathe, I also realize that Hallucination Izzy might not be alone. On my left, a dozen miniature Hallucination Izzy's crawl up onto the hot tub. Then on my right, a dozen more appear. He brought friends. Cool, cool. Damn, my head hurts. I wonder if one of the Hallucination

Izzy's would go get me some ibuprofen. Just before all the breath is squeezed out of me, I asked. Oh, hey, Izzy. Did you see that comment earlier? It was wild. Wait, not Izzy. Then I can no longer speak or gas or scream. Why would I scream? Do I need to scream? Oh, right. All those teeth. The hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of teeth in a mouth that is opening wider and wider and coming straight for my head.

Just like the dozens of miniature Hallucination Izzy's. Well, shit. I'm starting to think these might not be Hallucinations after all, and that they look a little hungry. I really hope they clean my hot tub after they're done. Obviously, I... Thanks for tuning in. If you enjoyed this story, be sure to follow or subscribe and share the show with a fellow horror fan. I'll see you in the next one.