"Robby Hoffman"

Welcome to Smartless Peace Hold. Welcome to Smartless Peace Hold. Welcome to Smartless Peace Hold. Welcome to Smartless Peace Hold. Welcome to Smartless Peace Hold.

Welcome to Smartless Peace Hold. Hello, hello, hello, hello you there. Hello, welcome to Smartless. Smartless. (upbeat music)

Smartless Peace Hold. (upbeat music) - Speed. - Question where are you right now? It's Sunday.

- The camera mark. - Oh, sorry. - Oh, hi, he's got the lingo. He's still like, 'cause he does it. You're still doing it 15 hours a day.

- Sorry, second six, six on B.

- This guy never quits. - He loves the lingo. Will he, how did you play? - I played okay, played, yeah, played okay. Didn't get a full nine in even

because we were doing this. I left A about there. - Oh, you did? - Yeah, but it's all good, all good. - Is it as good as the gum?

- Is it as good as the gum?

“- It's just gonna say, can you go, go ahead, John, yeah?”

- And I was just, and I was, - Can you turn your gum down? - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah.

- I wanna know something crazy. - Yeah. - Okay, ready.

- So, yeah, last week, maybe, and JB, you, you, you, you, you,

you, uh, Ford, Sean, and both Sean and me, this, the thing about, um, from a couple episodes ago, where you asked me if I ever put in front of Amy. - Oh, yeah. - Page six, picked it up on this pick up on that.

- Yeah, right. - Everybody loves a good poop story, I guess. - And they're like, is this correct? - And then like, and then some of the headlines were ridiculous, right?

Just like, like, trying to like, imply that there's you shut me down and you're upset and I got you personal and do it gross and do it on it. - So then, so then Louis K., my trusty publicist, gets an email or a message from somebody at one of the rags,

“wanting to know if you wanna comment, right?”

- No, even better. - And I want, one of the rights who will remain the National Enquirer, and they said, left a message asking if they sell it around, they're gonna run a story that they've heard

in light of this story about about the poop thing, that they've heard that there's a long standing riff

between you and me, JB, that has never come to this surface.

- And would we like to comment on it? - And Louis and I laughed for five minutes straight. - And then there's aliens. There's aliens too, he's searching. - But just for us, people can understand

how absurd this stuff is. - I know, I hope that they literally out of whole cloth - What? - I'm making it in tears. - I know, but I hope people-- - I hope, I know, but I hope people find enjoyment

and pleasure and kind of fun from rags and tabloids and things like that. 'Cause I guess it is, the print media is struggling and they all need all forms of it to be kind of up and robust, I suppose.

And so I don't wish the demise of any form of media, but I just hope people like read it right and kind of get a smile while they're checking out their groceries and like, oh, look at that. That's probably not true, but boy, that's a fun headline.

- Yeah, I mean, it was so funny to see--

“- I think in the world we live in though,”

that's a good point, Jason Bateman, where I think with the lying and you're not who to trust and which side to, I think people now look at headlines differently. I would hope so, I do, from 10 years ago,

I look at something and be like, oh, I bet you I need to hear the other side of that, you know? - Oh, so we're gonna get right to you surprise guests. - We've had a lot of shiving in from some friends who have really been on Cheyenne.

- Fuck, come on, here's your dog, Sean. - Well, you guys are gonna love our guests today. - Let's get her in here, I know, she's already here. - I know, she's very exciting for me and for you guys, it's gonna be great.

She is the seventh of 10 children, raised in a Hasidic household in Montreal, where money was tied or mother took the kids to the library. - We live in Hasidic household in Montreal.

- Yeah, you know, my joke when I, when I meet a Hasidic Jew, I was one of meet the other side, the alkaline Jews. - Thanks, oh, it gets so weird. - We're in the joke, sure we're in the joke. (laughing)

- She started accounting and started doing stand-up while she was at Cilin College. Later, she poses a career to hand-a-liver her spec script to the president of HBO Canada. She went on to win an Emmy for her writing

and then John Mulaney directed her Netflix special, calling her one of the funniest people living, I agree. Wholeheartedly, self-described as a 73-year-old man, it's the truly hilarious Robby Hoffman. - No, hey Robby Hoffman.

- Look at this, it's the way the fellow snowman. - Rubby, you know I know you because we've met A. - Oh, fine, fine, fine. - And Robby, we had dinner. - Robby, we had dinner and I think you blacked out

- Oh, yeah, that was sounds like me.

And I, you don't think I would remember if I didn't know what the guy from Switch. - Hey, huh? (laughing) - You don't think I'd hold that really?

I care of you, my family watch Switch, like people watch like-- - You're family.

“- I think over movie, or something, it's like--”

- That's not my mother. - That's not my mother. - That's about a guy swapping goo. - We love the movie. My mother's like, why don't we run Switch again?

You kiss love that? - Jason, don't talk her out of it, they liked it. They enjoyed it. - We love it. - Was originally called The Baster.

- Okay, did you know that I was starring Jason Baster? - Yeah. - Well, the little kid, I don't know if you said like, we do assure whatever, but he said something that we related to,

but he said your character explains him on a hipocondria is, and he goes, "I think I have that." - Yeah. - And that was like literally like, I was seeing,

I'm like, "Oh, my God, I know, I think I have that."

- It was, anyway, you're amazing in every movie

and also Jennifer Anison and we can cut whatever. Does she know she's a lesbian and I can't? She might not know. - Is that true? - I think she's an icon to everybody.

She is, but she's specifically shone and it's not all men think

“that you need to get into off the top here.”

Okay? - Okay. - Yes, everybody loves her. - Can I go, can I go for a second on a similar subject? - It was a moment there, and I think the boys know this,

so I apologize if you've heard it before, that I thought that I was qualified as a gay icon when I found out from my attorney one day on a startling phone call that JasonBateman.com was a gay porn hub site.

So from JasonBateman.com, you could go to hundreds of gay porn sites. So I was like, "Stop selling us." (audience laughs)

It's J-A-S-O-N, but I was flattered for a flash there

that I was like, "Oh, well, what, they should have picked any name." - In my way, I think you're a gay icon, but we know mostly men of a lot of gay icons. We know the share, we know Barbara Streisem, we know JasonBateman, nobody knows what the dice are looking at.

- Right, right, and Jennifer, we don't have that many, it's like, "What are we looking at?" Jennifer, it's all 'cause you wore a belt in the '90s, by the way, her credit, but we don't need much, but you have a belt on, and we're doing,

like, nobody's really thinking of us. So not that she even wants to be. - Yeah, yeah. - One of the poorest communities that could be in you, it's not like, "Gaymen, they go out, they buy tickets, they're gonna go see Lady Gaga, like, dice her home with the cats,

like, "You don't make money all for us." But we respect you, and, and that's it. - That's it, by the way, my, my- - My dad, Robbie, that you and I are dressed exactly the same today. - That's true. - Are we, this is a gay thing?

- Glass, well, baseball, I gotta put it on too. - I was saying, wait, let me show you dresses like you're going on. Let me be gay. Shondras is like a, like a college dude from 1998. Wait, Robbie, I didn't know you were from Montreal.

I had no idea. - Well, I'm originally from New York, and then I grew up in Montreal, so you got the bio right, and both are true. - How about that? - How about that?

- What, what, what got things up to Montreal? - My mother is from Montreal, so it's not, my mother had 10 kids joined a history of cult, had 10 kids, I'm the seventh of that. - What got to kicked out of Williamsburg?

- We were in crown heights. - All right. - Yeah. - And, not even a giggle. - No. - No, no, no, we'll work for it.

“- Now, Robbie, where are you right now, are you in tour?”

- No, I'm in my office, slash gym. I got this type of, it's lats. - It's a whole down, yeah. - But I don't have any weights on the lats, my friend Dan, it's supposed to come over, Dan down here,

if you listen to this pod, I don't know what weights this needs. He put this together, and then he just, there's no weights on it. - What about some, some would be good? - No, no, we need some sort of a stock.

It's a specific-- - Are you East Coast or West Coast? - I live in Los Angeles. - Oh, you do, okay. - All right, all right. - How do you like Los Angeles?

- I like it a lot. I mean, you know, at Lazadump, New York's a shithole, but there's nowhere else to live, really. - What about Montreal? - No, no, it's freezing, and there's nothing doing that.

- You get out of there on the winner. - I'm just not going, Jason. - All right, I know. (both laughing) - That's so cliche, babe.

- And now, now, I, you said, I love that you're a self-described 7th year old man, because I am kind of to you. By the way, your special is so... - Robbie, you're so funny.

- You're so funny, it's unreal. - I'm sorry. - By the way, internet is I'm sold. - Yeah, where do you run, where do you run? - You're fearlessness from for all the stuff you talk about.

about they, them is really funny. - But I don't think I'm fearless. I think I'm extremely afraid. - Oh, wow. - A little bit of time.

Like the differences is like, I'm simultaneously extremely afraid

“and extremely confident, and I don't know why that is,”

but it's not like, I say all these things, or whatever, it's, I'm thinking them, right? So it's not like, I want to think them. It's like, I have a joke about pedophilia.

I wish I'd never knew what it was.

- Right, right. - I wish I'd never knew what it was, but now that I do, I have a thought about it. I didn't choose this thought. - Sure.

- So I'm telling you, but I am extremely afraid. - We can all agree that the subject is a horrible thing, but the way you talk about it, there is... - I have questions. - You say about it.

- Yeah, you have questions. I have funny questions, yeah. - I have questions, and so it's not that I'm fearless, but I think I like wake up afraid. I'm always a little anxious,

but just because I'm afraid doesn't mean I don't get to do something. It's kind of like, I was afraid my whole life taking the bus, you know, the last bus home, or something, you know, always looking, always looking,

but I still have to get on bus, right, right, right. - If I don't get on this bus, fuck 'em, I'm gonna wait for the first bus, but I'm in the morning. So, you know, it's just 'cause I'm afraid,

that's probably what comes from. I've been afraid my whole life, but I still have to do. - So you wanna attack those things because it scares you, and after you've attacked them,

or not, I'm just gonna attack. I'll just say like approach them, or speak about them, or joke about them. It probably is fulfilling in some way. - I don't want to.

I wish I never had to do any of this.

- Sure. - I feel you'd rather be doing it. - Nothing, I'd love to do nothing. - When did you first realize that by joking about something became a little less scary?

- It's always scary. I just live in fear. - Right, right. - But when did it start?

“Like, as a little kid, was there joking around the house?”

- Well, you grew up very religious, right? You mentioned that in the open, and then you mentioned about your mom. Like, you grew up very, very religious. That having a sense of humor about as Jason's saying,

when you first have those first inclinations of thoughts that go against what you're involved, and how must have been scary? - Well, here's the thing. It's like, nothing was off limits.

My whole family is funny. My whole community is funny. I haven't come from a funny people. - Right. - And it's just, it's brutal and funny

at the same time, always.

- Yeah. - So, it could be, you know, it's never too soon. We didn't have these types of concepts. That's when I got into, you know, more normal white or rich spaces

where they had this idea too soon, to this, to that, to the other. We didn't have. - Really? - If it was funny, if you threw it, if you baron,

your brother, you know, shut up, with the fuck. - Right. - You were told on the spot. - Yeah.

“- Well, it was him, it was immediate all of the time.”

- And you're saying, that's cultural. That wasn't unique to your family. - No, it was cultural. And yeah, we had a million cylinders flying all the time. Some people were crying, some people were laughing.

It was always together. There was not ever neat lines. There was never a time in a place. Like, these types of concepts of what's not to tone, I'm always doing that language, didn't even enter.

- What was the big comedic influence in the house? Was there a particular comic that you guys like to all watch or movies or something like that? - We didn't really do that, but my mother was very funny. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - We like laughing at her. Mostly, my father was funny, objectively, like just jokes and stuff, you know, saying, you know, I shower once a week,

whether I need to or not, or things like that. But the whole family is funny, but the whole family was also brutal. There was, you know, I grew up, you know, everybody, we grew up poor, and my brothers were fighting,

and there was a lot of physical abuse and toppling over each other, and I five brothers, and my mother couldn't pull my brother's apart. But there was also laughing. Like, I don't know, it was all together all the time.

So it doesn't mean I'm not scared. - Are you the only girl? - No, I have four sisters too. Two of them asked, you 10 total, you have five brothers. - What are you doing?

- I didn't hold onto the top of the interview. - What are you doing? - We're doing it. - It's a lot, Jason, I feel like it's a part of life. - He's still, he's still.

- And he's still, you're that pretty a face. You don't have to do so much. - Yeah, yeah. - He's not a listen, if he dips in, he dips in. - Yeah.

- I have to catch everything. I gotta be honest. But if you're Jason Baybitt, you catch this, you catch that, you suck. - Well, there's somebody right.

It's been an easy ride since day one, if you're Jason Baybitt. - Hey, listen. - Hey, hey, listen. - He's a gay sex symbol, who's gay?

- I'm not fucking icon, hang on, go like gay icon. - Wait, so I thought I was a gay icon to be honest because I played to the gay character. - It's Lady Gaga, Barbara Streisen, and Bapen. - There you go.

- I'm out.

- Yes. - Yeah, great. - It's so nice.

“- Yes, we're like the Kardashians, but Jewish and poor.”

- Right. - Well, I have us are very close. - Well, I love it. So I'm asking to stay jokes, but as a fan, I have to repeat some of them because they're funny.

And so when you said having money for the first time, you'd go over somebody's house. - It's just so funny. - When you say her into doing the same thing. - Oh, she didn't have to say it wrong

and then she's gonna correct you tomorrow. - He can't know what's wrong. - That's okay. - Sean Baybitt, you're a pressure. - You're a pressure robber. - You're a pressure robber.

- Sean Baybitt, you're a pressure robber. Robbie, he does a great impression of you all the time. - Do the whole thing. - Do it. - Yeah, so I went over to his guys, you know, these people's houses, and I was like,

no, when you're in for someatism at night, we'll see, and there's just a bonus there. - Right, well, I'm like, I come in here. I work last night, they said nine a.m. - She comes in here on her time off on a Sunday,

90 a.m. - That's okay.

“- She's giving her time and she's gonna do this.”

- I'm so sorry, fuck it off, you're doing. Do you know what I'm gonna work? - And then I got to hear the Santies go on, - Yeah, Sean, Sean, start with an oil, you did it. - No, here we go, anyway.

- No, that you, I kind of forgot what I was gonna say. Oh yeah, that you, when you were first started being around richer people with money, 'cause I come from a very similar background than you. Big family, very poor on top of each other,

no parenting, a high-risk calf, like, exactly. - I love that. - I love that. - Yeah, it's the same, we all in the same shit. But anyway, you went over to his first house,

and to go swimming, and they had towels, and that was mind-blowing to you. - You don't have a house, who's? - It was Silverman's house. - Who's Silverman?

- Sarah Silverman. - Oh, wow, that's funny.

- So I left her, 'cause I always give Sarah Silverman

a hard time, because obviously I'm a lifelong fan, and then I love Jerry Seinfeld's comedians and cars getting coffee, and when he picks her up in a car, he picks her up at an all-portment. And I'm going, I'm poor, I'm fucking, you know,

like, I'm like, "She, this isn't an apartment." Like, I was horrified. I'm like, "What's even the point of dreaming "if you're Sarah Silverman?" And you couldn't even get out.

She's in the fucking apartment, he picks her up. So I, when Sarah Silverman finally bought in a house, and it's not even, it's a small house, but it's a house, I'll take it. I'm like, "You're Sarah Silverman, we don't want to see

"that you're in the fucking block with us." - Right, right, you have to dream. - Right, and then when you got, when you went over there, the one line that made me laugh out loud amongst many was towel, you said something about towels.

I've never, whatever towel you're born with is the towel you die with, I don't know, Newspaper.

- I never heard of new towels, 'cause she said we just got

new towels for the pool, I said new towels. - All right. - Like, to me, a towel's built with the house. I don't know where they even came from. Like, I had never even, like, unless it's exfoliating

your skin off, it's not drawing you. Like, it's a new fluffy towel. - By the way, there's nothing great about a new towel. - New towel ain't good until about 20 washes, and it gets all that film off of it.

- Oh, and he says, there's like we got an expert here. Go ahead, Sam, wait up on Netflix. - By the way, Robbie, Robbie, you can't believe the towel's in the bedding that Jason is involved with. - It is of the highest level.

- No, it is. - No, I know how to create the first towel. - The first towel, okay, otherwise you don't know what. - I'm into that for Jason, I don't want to go to Jason Bateman's house or drive by it,

and it's fucking, he's in seven days. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Okay, I want it to be a gate. - I want it to be a gate.

- Oh, it's a gate, it's not like we want a dream. We want to see that the stars are living like stars. Something breaks from me. - We don't worry, don't worry. - But he's fulfilling all your fantasies.

- Hey, hey, he's Tampa, cool. He's in there, and I love it. - He's in there, he's in there. - He's in there. - I was born nine. - I was born nine.

- Ernest born nine jerked off in every room and Jason's house. That's a treat. - That's a good one. - That's a good one. - That's Hollywood Babylon, okay? - Well, be right back.

All right, back to the show. - But Robbie, you know, the same thing about what you said, about like going to these people's houses, because when Will and Grace first started, and you know, if I became this thing that people knew

and day I can't get it. - And I was thrust into this world.

“- Thrust that. - That's why we're gay people hated him,”

'cause gay men sure want to be the funny one. So when there's actually a funny one, Doug, who does he think he is? - Yeah, yeah. - So that true show ended, you get backlash

in the gay community show?

- I know comment, but I always,

but I started feeling like, oh, I'm a backlash, I didn't say back splash, keep going. (laughing)

- Don't look at me, don't turn around. Don't you fucking look at me. - Yeah, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. - So then I found, so I started living this life that I only read about like in magazines where,

and then I found myself inside this one mansion of this very wealthy person that we all know. And there's this butler there to greet me and you can't go upstairs, you can't go in this room, you can go in this room.

“And I heard you talking about a similar thing, right?”

A similar experience about how, when you first quote

unquote, make it or whatever, you start, that it's much more complex, it's much more ease and comfortableity hanging out with people who don't have money because there's no rules with people who don't have money.

And I love when you talked about that. - Yeah, like I miss like, you know, when you go to a rich person's house or something and you can't like, everything is like, you're kind of standing around this like,

you're gonna go against you in Ireland. It's like too big, like the kitchen island has gone. I'm like, can we get closer, like, we chat? Like, it's just, you live in this gargantuan island. - True.

- And you can't, you don't go in the fridge. - It's crazy. - And it's like, you don't really like snack. Versus like, you know, when I would just go to somebody's apartment, it's like, the house is a dump.

- Right. - You know, the air conditioner's held on by a little thing and there's chips, there's Doritos, you can grab a sprite, you can have, there's like, you know, there's like whiskey. - Right.

- Whatever, and you're just shooting on people. - Right. - You're shooting on everyone. - Right. - I hate that bitch.

- Right. - That bitch could get fucked. - Right. - And you're just chilling into the whole thing and sometimes the neighbor and you go fuck you.

- Right. - Well, fuck you, like nothing, do just-- - Nothing, son. - No, like it doesn't matter. - Like you finish your drink out, you did a spill

who cares what you're talking about. - Right.

- But then the opposite is like, you're always feel like

you're on, I don't know.

“You have to watch every movie, you make,”

you have to watch every glass, where you set your glass if you want to. - And not to glorify being poor because it's horrible for everything else. - Yeah.

- By the way, not worth it for the chill. - But just the socializing, just the socializing for the people. - It takes your social support, even with the socializing. That said, there's certain things that we did better.

- Right. - You know what you don't do, you're happy to consider this. You know, you're now sort of realizing your dream, your specialist, huge, you're becoming a comedic icon. How about that, okay?

- Yeah. - And it's true, and it's based on fucking unreal talent. What you got to do is when you build your dream house, your dream mansion, build that a beautiful fucking towel, six sets of towels, sheets, fucking whatever.

But the kitchen is a fucking wreck. The kitchen is a tiny little kitchen with a fucking beautiful shit fridge, with the windows of sprite. And whatever the fuck you want to,

they have a little stovle electric stove with a coil. You gotta go in the corner that you get your milk from. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? Just do that.

The rest of the house is incredible.

- Yeah, right? - I actually think there's good likes in this. It's kind of like giving like the meme when Hillary Clinton remember the meme of Hillary Clinton seeing like a working glass family's kitchen

for the first time. It's one of the greatest things. I think it costs for everything. I think it was just that one picture was like, oh yeah, they're not like us.

- By the way, you know what you could do it. Now that I'm really going, 'cause you know what a lot of rich people do is they have two kitchens, right? There's very popular.

Have you seen this? - No, this is new for me, please. - So, so they do is they have, so you go in, they have the kitchen with the island and stuff and it looks great, beautiful.

- Yeah. - And then that's where everybody hangs out. And then behind, they have the actual working kitchen. Sorry, Jesse, what is this? - This is like a slave, so I'm sorry with a bell.

Is that what's going on? - No, they have literally a week on the watch and behind the kitchen. - Right, so you could have your shit kitchen but behind have a real working kitchen,

that's beautiful and bright and stuff. You can, it's like a set. - And Jason's really hung up on me. - He's got the goat in the corner of the middle. - Jason doesn't have at least two kitchens.

I'm quitting, like this is your point. I can't dream anymore. Like if he doesn't have at least two kitchens, he's not gonna laugh. - Where are you in between poor and rich,

“are you firmly in rich now, or are you still alive?”

- No, I'm, I think I'm like, what a pretty successful dentist might make. - Okay, that's rich, that's very good. - It's rich, it's extremely rich. - You gotta, you gotta pull down the machine behind you

for Christ's sake. - Look at you. - No, I know, I got one for get the weights, it's over for you. Bitches, once I get these weights on here

and I get that V shape going on. - Look at the greenery behind you, that greenery behind you with shit. - This apartment, actually I am in one of my, like we rent this apartment but the landlord is 93.

And I am hoping we can rent it for 10 more years. We don't know if he's alive or what, we don't know, we haven't heard from him and I try not to ask him for anything. But this is a dream situation.

I live in a beautiful apartment.

- And I like an apartment, I think I'm a little safer. I have to work up to a house

“because I don't like that the door and then it's like street.”

I need either the gate thing,

but then I'm like, I would never like,

what I thought about with a house is like, let's say you wanna glass the water and maybe Jason, okay. So you're going downstairs. Like what is the travel time?

- It's, it takes, let's say you just wanna cup a water. - It takes a bit. - I gotta, I gotta, I gotta camel back that gets me from the travel time. - Do you have a mini fridge upstairs?

People doing the mini or is that good? - When it's working, it's nice. So a long time ago, we, I saw a scripted show called on Orthodox and Netflix, which if you haven't seen it, it's really, really great.

- It's a fantastic. - It's amazing show, it's a, if you haven't seen it, it's great. It's about a woman who is trying to escape the traditions of being an aesthetic Jew and that culture and that lifestyle. And it's hard to get out because of the family dynamics.

- 'Cause they're killing you back in.

- That's right. - That's right. - So tell me what it was like growing up. 'Cause now that's the only reference I have for anything 'cause it's very educational for me

inside the life of a fabric family. What was it like growing up in that, knowing you were gay, and then coming out? - I didn't know what was gay. I had no idea, I wasn't a kid who knew anything like this.

- Yeah. - I didn't want to come about it. When I found out, when I, when I was like, I was gay, I'm like, I don't think that's it.

“- I had to find out, was that it was it by now or was it?”

- No, I only found out, like maybe at 17, there was this really weird Italian girl. And she. (laughing) - Okay, slow down through here, please.

- Yeah, no, so what happened was I was at school and we would chat to like five in the morning, we would chat, but then we had to sign up for Jim. I'm 17, okay, so we had, for next semester, we had to do Jim, so I was like,

I'm gonna try and get into badminton.

I would always try and get like a very easy Jim

because I'm Jewish and I don't know the thought it. I was like, I heard golf is an easy A. So I'm gonna try and do golf, okay, 'cause the teacher, Bo Shump, I still remember his name. He apparently like, he just wants you to try,

he loves golf, and so if you try, he gives you an A. Like, it's A for effort in his class. He just wants people to enjoy the game of golf. So I was like, I'm, but his class fills up because it's the easiest class.

- Right. - And she goes, well, I'm gonna do, there's a camping intensive. - Diet, okay. - Camping seems like the hardest dream you could do.

- Like, like, yes, you didn't have to do Jim every, okay, no Jim was even thinking to join the camping, like Fred, he is like, head-sive. - Yeah, so you do your Jim, it's one week, but your Jim for the semester is done.

Instead of going to golf once a week, instead of going out badminton once a week. This is a public college in Montreal. It made you do a Jim, still in college. - Right, right.

- This is what C-Jep. - C-Jep, thank you. - Wow. - Okay. - Okay, so this isn't C-Jep, so she was like,

I'm doing camping, I'm like, is she to mint it? Let's like the hardest Jim you could do, like a week, like I'd rather do badminton once a week. So then she starts talking to me and she goes, there's this bisexual or something on the trip.

What if we share a tent and she kisses me? And I go, what do you fucking gay? I'm like, call the police, like, what's wrong with you? (laughing) Like, what is she doing?

I'm like, at this scenario, blew me away. Like, I'm like, is this girl okay? Like, what do you mean if she tried to kiss you? Literally call the police, like this is what you say.

“You have to tell the teacher I'm gonna scroll.”

Like this is crazy. - Right. - So I'm like, you gotta go to the teacher, like, I don't know, I just get off line. I'm gonna want to bet.

- Right. - Then she starts talking to me, she's like, this can't be true, it's coming up. And then she tells me, the girl, they did their camping intensive, the girl kissed her.

I'm like, okay, this girl's fucking gay. I am not like, what oh, I was the most homophobic person you could be. - Sure. - Okay, because I probably knew about it,

but I would test the waters. Like, I would ask my older sister, I'd say, what do you think about gay people? 'Cause one of my sisters told me Rosio Donald was gay and I was like, that's impossible.

She loves Tom Cruise. - Right, sure. - Like, she's like, she's like, she's a die. Wake up. - Right.

- Like, and I just like didn't want to like, but I asked one of my older sisters a different sister. I said, what do you think about these gay people? 'Cause Chia says that Rosio Donald's gay. And she's like, if God wanted gay people,

he would have made Adam and Steve.

- Not Adam and Eve.

And I said, wow, when she's right, she's right.

That was facts. - Who was this, your mom? - No, this is one of my older sisters. One of my sisters thought Rosio Donald was gay and give a shit about being religious.

The other one was still quite religious. I was like, if God wanted. And I was like, wow, she's so wise. Like, she hit me with an indisputable fact. - Sure.

But then what happened? But then how did you-- - So the disc girl, she, and you know, she was persistent. She wore me down.

- The camper, camper. - Okay, my father was gonna send me. I had no money. And I out of nowhere, I really tried to reach out to my father if he could send me.

I was living on my own, I was 17. I was in school and working full time. But I needed like $200 for the semester or I couldn't even--

“it was a public college, but I think it at least”

costed $200. And he, my father somehow came through with $200. My father's like, it's gonna be at Western Union. I don't like, I can't believe my father's sending me money. He's, for a little bit, nobody had money.

So, but I was like, it really meant a lot to me that he was like doing this lifelong sending me $200. And she was like, I know where the Western Union is.

- Why? - 'Cause I never heard of it.

I didn't really know how to get the money. She walked me all the way there. - Did she yell this to you from an open car window? - No, literally. We walked, we talked for eight hours.

I wrote her name in Hebrew letters. She was interested in my background. And it was something different than a friend. And then the year we were graduating, it was the end of the semester now.

And our teacher was throwing, like, you know, an end of the year, everybody could exchange numbers. Everybody could, you know, he wanted us to like, get together on the summer and share what we're reading and all this stuff.

- This is Bosia. - No, but I'm, by the way, Bosia was huge.

“- What's that? - And he just stood there.”

- Did you? - And you went one by one. He taught you how to swing. And that was the end of the class. It was, I got into golf and it was worth everything. So that's, if Bosia, I'm still teaching a Dawson,

take his class. - Sure. - It's like an hour meditation. There's nothing even to do. He doesn't care if you're going to golf. - And it's a guaranteed, it's a guaranteed.

- It's easy, it's easy. So yeah, so at the end of the year, we go to this bar, the student bar, that the teacher was gonna buy maybe two pictures or whatever. Again, we're like 18 now, 17, 18.

Montreal, so keep in mind this is not sure. A US, they don't like alcohol. Like everybody drinks from 14 there. It's not like a thing. - Yeah.

- So, and we go, and she goes, what is she goes the night before we're chatting to like four in the morning, and she goes, what if I kiss you? She tells me this.

And I'm like, what do you fucking gay? I blocked the lead her. - Yeah, there you go. - Blocked the lead, she's out of my life, that's eight. We go to the end of the summer, or sorry,

beginning, end of the semester, hang at the bar, the afternoon, like St. Cassette five to seven, I go to the bathroom, she goes to the bathroom. First of all, it's a huge place,

but I don't even know, she gets in the stall, I get in the stall, and she just kisses me. - And what? - And I right away was seeing that. - She followed you into the stall.

- Yeah, she said, she's a predator. It happens both sides, we forget. - We forget. - You say, you say, you say, so she kissed you, then you kissed her back.

- Yeah, and I remember touching her stomach, and I was like, wow, you have abs.

“That's what, the first thing I ever said.”

- Wow. - But I didn't know of abs, really, but I was like, oh, this is abs. And that was it, and then I was gay, secret,

but I never thought about being gay my whole life.

I really didn't think of anything, but, right, not being poor. - And then how did that go over with the folks? - Well, my father is still acidic, I have no relationship with him, so I don't know.

He wrote me, he heard about it, he wrote me one email, this is not befitting behavior for a daughter of Israel. - Okay. - So that was that.

- Yeah, okay. - And I'm not Israeli or anything, but I think he's talking more biblically is religious Jewish people. - Right.

- Oh, no, he said this behavior is permiscuous, and not befitting, and I only had one girlfriend, I really was not permiscuous, so I resented that. - Yeah, I was not like a hoe, I was monogamous. - Right.

- And even if I wanted to be a hoe, so be it, but anyway, who cares? - Right, exactly. - And then my mother didn't know, by this point, my family was not that religious,

and I was also a little more removed by my family. I came back to, like, I was living on my own, I was like not living in my mother's house, like my big world was my social world. Like it was about friends, it was about this,

and they thought it was weird, they didn't take it well.

- Yeah, even though gay was still a thing,

“and we weren't as religious, they were still conservative.”

I still like, the community I then became a part of was like, yes, not as fanatic as we were, but still conservative. - Okay, yeah. We'll be right back.

And now, back to the show. - Great, so this is a good segue to talk about Gabby or wife Gabby. Now, I don't know that these two know anything about your wife, maybe they do,

but I see such a fascinating story. Gabby Windy was the Bachelorette on the show Bachelorette. And so, and then you ended up with her, which is such a great way. - She had 25 boyfriends four years ago,

and I got the final fucking rose in the end. - Yeah, all right. (laughing) Isn't that wild? Is it a great story?

- What did that happen? - I don't know, and I have nothing when the fellas, 'cause I told her not to come out. I had such a brutal story, you know. I said, 'cause she said she's gonna think about coming out.

I'm like, 'Man, I don't think we need to do that anymore.' - Uh-huh. - I said just. - Oh, was she gay once she was on the show?

- So she was always, and I won't fully speak to her,

but I will a little bit. She wasn't always like, she was unsure. She was one of those girls, like she had had. She's repressed, like when she was younger, she had gay thoughts, but her parents were so anti,

that she just, and she could go the other way. She could go with dudes.

“So she just did that, and I think the way she describes it”

was, first of all, if you're hot and you can get onto the Bachelor as a contestant, she typically tells girls do it. She was a nurse and I see you nurse for years, and for her being on the Bachelor first, as a contestant,

was like, she's like, you go on one date with the dude once a week, and then the rest of the week, you're like in Portugal with all these girls. - Right. - Hangin' out. Like, it's a free European, like, she's like,

they take you everywhere, you've one shooting day a week. - Yeah. - And it's like a paid for amazing vacation, she got to see, but then she got chosen as the Bachelor-rette. - Right. - Now she's the girl with the 25 dudes.

So then you're working a lot, you're going on a date a day or whatever, and I think as it started to dwindle down, she was like, I don't think any of these. - Right, right, right. - She was getting more pressure. - And did you know her during that time

or did you meet her after the show? - I met her after the show, but I did watch the end of her season without knowing it was her. When I met her, of course, she's not in the gown, and, you know, it's a very different way.

- How did you guys meet? Was it like, was it like an industry function? Or is it just like-- - Oh, we met outside. - Just like in the wilderness? - Yeah, we met just outside, I was meeting her.

- I was meeting her. - No, could you imagine? We met, we met, I was meeting a friend after, I miss a lot of evenings, 'cause I do stand up, so I miss a lot of dinners and stuff like that. But there was some type of an event

and I was gonna meet my friend after I had stand up, and I went to go meet her, maybe around 10pm, and we split a beer, and by the time we were leaving, we were on the sidewalk waiting for our Uber's, gab was there.

There wasn't many people there,

“but she was there with her friends, and that's how we met.”

She was waiting for her Uber. - Oh, well, this is in LA or New York. - LA. - And you're like, okay, you wanna hang out some time or have a dinner or whatever?

- No, so at first I get spotted.

- Yes. - Which is very new for me, but a die-clike me, like a more voyish one, was like, looking at me, looking at me. And I'm like, oh, no, we gotta go, I told my friend Rock so much.

I'm not gay like that, you know what I mean? - Oh, okay, okay. - Yeah, nothing wrong, people get mad at me, I'm joking. I don't mind mass for mass, I'm not massed for mass. Do what you want, doesn't matter.

So she comes up to me, and I think she's hitting on me, and I gotta, 'cause that to me is really gay. Like, I'm gay, but just like a boy one, there's a girl when it kind of works again. If I was mass for a mass, I'm like, oh, bitch, you're gay.

- We were, it's just so weird. - Nothing wrong, I wanna know that wrong. - I wanna know that phrase. What is the phrase, mass for mass? - Mass-skillin.

- Oh, I'm mad. - It's like, mass-skillin, fam. She's very new for me to happen, and I'm like, bro, it's shem, because I don't really get spotted, but I was spotted at the perfect moment. It's kind of like somebody catches you doing a good deed.

I was once caught giving a 20 to homeless.

Is that amazing, it never happens?

You know what I mean? It's like you never get caught in a good deed. It's not like you need, but when it happens, you go, say. - Yeah, that's right. - That's right. - But it's excellent, so it was one of these moments

where I get spotted, but it's not just me alone in the wilderness. There's a hot, amazing girl right there. - Right. - Who could hear this potentially, and this could be impressive to such a person.

- So I go, oh, I start, you know, when you talk about

You know, oh, you know, I started getting it.

- I got it from her to here.

“- And then I go, I'll never mind you, who are you with?”

And she was with Gabby, and she goes, oh, just Gabby, the bachelor, I was like, the bachelor's gay. I don't know, maybe they're making a gay bachelor. I have no idea what they're doing anymore. - Yeah, I don't know.

- And she goes, oh, no, she's exploring. And I go, what do you do, are you exploring? You're 30 years old, you're exploring anymore. - Right, right, right. - You know, I know you're at this place

with all these dikes. It's like a dikey bar, whatever. So, yeah, so, so, and we really are banned to right away, it was excellent, excellent, and, you know what I say?

- So how long have you guys been together now? - Four years. - Oh, that's great. - And you got married last year. - Yes, we did.

- Yes, and you got married in Vegas for $799. - Yes, we did. - And tell me what that included. It included a limousine, it included the Reverend, Reverend Nature, and it included Nathan,

the photographer. - All right, wait, sorry, you said Reverend, that's not a rabbi. - Well, she's not anything, she works in Vegas. - Okay, sure, sure.

- She's like a, what is it called? - Oh, like an officiant, but, you know, not denominating. - She didn't want to have it, you didn't want to have a religious, yeah, it's a disease.

- Well, we can't, we're loves being anyway. - All right, all right. - At that point, really? - Like, what are we doing? I know, some people asked me, like,

“this is an important for you to marry Jewish.”

I'm like, what are we doing, fellas? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, can we just try and keep track, yeah. - Yeah, you know what I mean? - Let me just say this, let me ask you this.

So somehow, you, somehow, you burst onto this scene, and I say burst, because it feels like you, you just, all of a sudden, we're like,

just this incredible comedian out of nowhere.

- Honestly, I feel that way. From the first time I saw you, I was like, who the fuck is this? So good. And Sean mentioned in the intro

that Melaney kind of had a lot of, a lot to do with giving you helping you. Is that true? - How did that come about? - What's that story?

- Yeah, he said, no one's on you. - Not you, I want to hear from. - I know, but this will set her up. No one's on the stage like you since James Brown, which I thought was great.

- Well. - Thank you, fellas. - Robbie, how did happen? - It happened out of nowhere, just like that. He texted me.

“I can read the text, nobody, this is an exclusive.”

- Where did he see, where was this? - He, I don't know what he saw, but he was sent to me out of thin air to help me. He threw his weight behind me. I mean, I was known to comedians.

I'm a comedian, like, comedians do. - Sure. - Watch me. And I'm not somebody like I'm not very online. I don't post my clips or anything like that.

So to see me, you really have to see me. And I guess he had, and, you know, I've had people listen to John Hamm has come to shows, like, people who are like stand up. - Oh, hold him, hold him, hold him, hold him, hold him.

- I'm just saying, you know. - You need to text it. So what have you been learning? What did text it? - So he knew of me, and I was doing well,

but very, like, low key still. He goes, "Hi, Robbie, this is John Malini. "Dan gave me your number. "I hope that's okay." A Dan that we know, a comedian.

I have been a big fan of your work for a while, and really enjoyed you on WTF. I know you have various things going on, but if you'd ever want to talk about doing a special for Netflix, I make them.

And would be very excited to work with you on one. I think you're touring now. So maybe it's something you're eyeing. I'm around and happy to talk whenever. Okay, happy Sunday.

- That's really nice. - And I go, "Which Dan, J.K. "I don't care either way." And I go, "I mean, yes, of course, "this has been my next dream move.

"You'd be a terrific help in making this happen. "From John Malini, it's Robbie Hoffman, my God. "That sounds great." - Yeah, that's great. - Hope this text is okay,

as I really didn't know what to write back. As you can imagine, it's very shocking, horrifying, and anxiety inducing surreal and thrilling for someone like me to perceive a text like this from someone like you.

But yes, I would love to talk and work on a Netflix special with you. - And we got it, we got it done. - Wow, we got it done. - That's what I thought.

- I can dope. - That's pretty great. It's really, really. - It's decided to throw his weight. He had this deal with them, and he has good taste.

- Yeah. - And he just let me, like, I wasn't gonna let anyone, like, he did all the production stuff and the stage and directing, and this camera's gonna be here in this camera, and I was like, "John, I will show up

"with the greatest hour of setup." - It's so funny.

If you ask me to, like, I'm gonna do what I do amazing,

and I will not, and he did his shit amazing. I didn't have to worry about anything. He's like, we're gonna capture all of it. - Did you just shoot one show

- We had two in one night. - That's great. - And we knew after the first one, we got it. So I could just dance the second one. After that first hour, I go, "Wow."

And I don't say this, you know, I'm muted objective, I said, I think it's one of the greatest specials recorded in recent, we haven't had a stand-up, and I know it's mine, but I would say, "Listen, I've done plays early, "oh, I'm like, you don't have to see that play.

"I'm telling you, it's not good." I don't care 'cause I'm in it that I would recommend it or something like that. Objectively speaking, it is one of the greatest stand-up specials.

“I think that's why it's getting, you know,”

it happens to be mine. Sometimes I look at it and I go, "Oh my, I can't believe I did that." Because it is so scary, but... - Really funny tonight, I'm watching tonight.

- Okay, thank you, Jason, so yeah, it's just, I knew that I wasn't gonna let him down, he didn't let me down, he drew his weight, you don't see that a lot, he's just,

I never thought like a guy buttoned up like that,

he wears a suit, classy, would fuck with somebody like me, I'm a little grittier, and whatever, and what even from now on, I like, you know? So, but we kind of had this M&M dieto collab, like it was like the collab that you didn't know,

I'm gonna have a dieto. - Who's M&M, who's dieto? We don't know, but it was like a Batman and Robin, it worked out, it was like a great collab. - Are you allowing yourself to dream

beyond next year, five years, 10 years?

“Where would you, where would you like to see yourself go?”

- Nobody dreams bigger than me. Nobody dreams bigger than me. - So, so what are some of those dreams, Robbie? - Just everything, I mean, I'm living part of the dream already,

truly, in that I get to, this is realizing, like getting to do this every day, like part of the dream was not waking up to an alarm clock, and for your podcast, I had to, 'cause it's nine o'clock,

for a convenience, brutal, but part of the dream is I don't wake up and dread going to work.

Like that is over, and I never get over that being over.

The day and then the day out of the dream is being achieved, but it's just, it's keeping everything, whatever I want. - You're developing a show at HBO, un-intitled, which is great, you'll be writing it, executive producing it, starring in it.

That's pretty huge and cool and dreamy, yeah, that's cool. And tell me one, this is the last question I'll ask you, 'cause we've kept you too long. What's one completely normal thing, you just hate doing, now that you've kind of,

you know, are having, are enjoying some success. Mine is, I hate stopping for gas,

“because that's why I got an electric car.”

I don't like dishes or laundry, but the biggest thing I hate doing is pumping gas. - Okay. - I like it, I like to look at people. I'm like a very nosy, I like to see cars

that people have, I like nice cars, I love, I go in a window, I look inside, I'm a very big car person, something I hate doing, what about you, Will and, and Jason? - I don't know what you dream car, what are you?

- I'm in my dream car, it's a 9/11. - Are you really? - Yeah, yeah, I'm in my dream car, I bought it used. Here's how I did my cars, my first car was 3600,

I sold it for 6000, I've never bought it,

depreciating car, I bought a 9/11, three Toyota Corolla, which became collectible after COVID. It looks like the DeLorean, it's a Toyota Corolla, it's 1980, you can't look it up, it's called the lift back. - Yep.

- I bought it for 3600, cash, sold it for 6000, unheard of. That's 6000 about my first Porsche. Porsche, I always wanted, because we grew up poor, but my father always loved Porsche. And at a certain point, when his whole family fell apart,

instead of giving us child support, he scrambled together $56,000 to buy himself in a world. It's like a 9/44, one of these weird Porsche models, super cheap, he got for like $5,000. And he sent us a picture in it, like to my mother,

like see what you're giving up? Like he's looking at it and we got that picture, if I thought he was a deadbie, but I thought it was pretty cool. Also, both were true, and even though I don't have a relationship with my father now,

in a way, I get to have a relationship with him in the ways that I like him. Obviously, it's not ideal, I would love to have a relationship with both my parents, but I see myself in the, I see his eyes and my eyes, and when I'm in the car,

I always think of him, this is the car he won. I get to enjoy kind of a relationship with him of again, not ideal, but it's not nothing either. And it's very, it's not even like I'm a car person generally. It's just Porsche, because that's all I heard about from him.

So I always, so then when I told that car for $6,000, I got a came in, which I find is a Bismal for $13,000, but you know, so minus the six, so $7,000. And then I sold that one for $18,000. And I just got into my dream, 2001, 911, 996,

And for, it was $28,000 minus the $18,000,000, and I am in my dream car.

And every day is a dream.

“At a girl. - Wow. - That's not a man in the world.”

That's for you. - Wow. Jason's had 100 horses. - Oh, we say that. Oh my God, Jason, I would love to, if we ever make, I would love to look, I love, I love, I love him. - One a week, you know. - One a week is great. - By one a week, and he'd throw it out. He'd drive off a cliff.

- That's the trick on me. - That's all I heard. - You listen to him. - That's all I heard. - That's all I heard. - Thank you for being here. This has been a dream for us and for me. - I love you. - I love you, and my God.

- I could do another hour. - I know, I need to. You're intoxicating, right? - I love you, God. - You're unbelievable. - We're gonna come over. We're gonna blast back and buy his next week. And then we'll do, we'll do legs and try the week after that.

- Okay. - I can't wait. I have felt very annoying on this pod just last winter,

“but it's only because I'm very intimidated by all of you.”

I've been able to keep it together. - I really love all of you guys, and my chatty and a little bit annoying. It's just because of that. - No, I'm trying to keep it alive. - You're one of our better guests. - I know, but I love you now. - No, you're really, I'm such a fat.

I know. - Robbie, I'm so stoked for your success because you're so legit funny all the time. It is exciting watching somebody like you,

just absolutely skyrocket is just, it's amazing.

It's fun to watch and you deserve it. - You deserve it, you deserve it. - Thank you so much, guys. I really appreciate it. - Yeah, I love you. - I'm watching you tonight. - Okay, thank you. Jason, please report back through.

People you don't have to do it personally. - I'm gonna send a send. - I'll send a send. - I'll send a send. - It's franny. If any of these people get thrown in, I'll send a send.

“- All right. - Thank you. - All right, how are you?”

- Thanks, Robbie. - Thank you. - Bye, Robbie. - Thank you. - Bye, guys. - God, she's funny, man. - What a hilarious. - Well, you know, I like a couple more stand-ups on this, huh?

- Yeah. - That's nice guest there.

It's a real nice. - Yeah, I can't wait for you to see Jason, this special wake-up, it's really funny. I feel like, you know, when stand-ups come out of not nowhere, but kind of nowhere, and people are just discovering who she is now. With a voice like that, you're like, "Wait, who's that?"

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - She is fearless. When she talks about all these topics, you know, I can't wait, and I think that's all that sort of humor is sort of gently coming back into society. And I think that that is not a terrible thing.

- Yeah, the way that she just talks, she talked about growing up and saying that her family is like, "If it was funny, then it jumped everything." - Yeah. - As long as it's funny, and that it's a joke and the service of just a joke,

and that's, you know, that was the thing that mattered in her. And I love that with you and you can find these. There's all these, all these specials, like once a week, almost on Netflix, right? Or these people are getting sort of discovered and launched,

and Malay's shooting a lot of those? - Yeah. - Was that what you said? - Remember, Nicky Glazer, too, like, it just takes one thing, and then you're like, "Pugh." - Right. - Awesome.

- But, and all the car talk, you know, I love all the cars. - I love all the cars. - You know, I mean, I love all the cars. - You can feel him, just, it just pulls the car into the fork that takes the right.

- It doesn't matter what you're driving, as long as it gets you there. - Right. - One is your happy drive. - Sure. - Sure. - You know, that happiness, that's something money can't.

- Can't. - Bye! - Bye! - We're for the money, we're for the money. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)

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