#170 - The Kid Mero

Welcome everybody to Stobby's World 9-0-4-800-stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. Very happy to have on the couch. Our boy, the kid, Mero, how are we doing, bro? Thanks for coming, man. Yeah.

Well, I've been trying to come out here for a minute.

“Fuck, dude, I think this is the screening your emails, dude.”

[LAUGH]

This is the second one I've heard about you.

I was like, yeah, let's get him on. This fucking, that's the problem when you're gatekeeper is your dumb friend. When your book, your talent booker is truly your dumbest. I mean, one of the dumbest guys I know, it controls so much of my life in career. It's fucking scary.

I was very smart. [LAUGH] I was very smart and also racist. You know what I mean? Yeah.

A very intelligent Asian man. Smart, you know? Sometimes, you know. That's a man train. God damn it.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you, man. Shit, elders, you hear that? You're about to get fucking, you're about to get replaced. Come here, man.

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I'm good. I would love a non-sexual sponge bath. You know what I mean? I'm tremendous. It would feel nice to get bathed.

“My brother had a kid, and I look into the baby's life,”

and I'm so jealous of every aspect. No, it's getting bathed. It's awesome. It's awesome. Bro, a baby's laying there in a warm-ass bath.

Bro, people completely bathing him, and then carrying him to bed. A giant woman who you love. A giant woman who you love. And you're free of disgusting sexual urges.

You're afraid of them. You're a beautiful, innocent baby. Who's enjoying the platonic ideal of titties? Yeah. And they're getting your little nudge clean.

You know, it's not sexual. You're holding your fucking feet. You're so flexible. You're stuck it on your toes while you're little nudge to get in clean. Yeah, thank you so much.

I would love for this lady. I would like a lot of hot years of hot yoga. Just to be able to get back into that position. And then like, I would need to master my, I would need to be chemically castrated to not get horny

if somebody bathed me. Doug. I was telling the story how I went to a pediatrician at like 12. And just being like a fucking horny 12-year-old. Like in a physical.

Well, this is really the last story. You know what I'm saying? And then just like, you know, I'll get in the full physical situation. They touched my nuts, and I'm like, "Phew." And then it was the ones out of my dad took me out of my mom.

So my dad, and he's talking to Spanish, because it's like, "Mind again." And it's like, "Oh, it's very strong cause of." And I was like, "Drunk also."

“I was like, "What the fuck is the strong cause of me?"”

"Drunk also in Spanish for that, that don't know me." "Gurhy." So I had a hug. That's why I had a hug. You know, tip your captain that doctor being a pro.

You know what I'm saying?

"Take your dad as like, we have bad news, your son's gaze."

[laughter] But no, he's a pro.

“He's just diagnosed with a thick hog for 12-year-old.”

[laughter] How long is that grow? How long is that growing? We have to move. We have to start a new life and a new town.

[laughter] This cock is still big. We've got to go somewhere. People are going to find out. Drunk also is awesome.

It's a great, that's just great. Paralympic to throw into your... I mean, I'm going to name a child there. Hogged out. It is, you know, no disrespect.

It's nuts to get hard when your male doctor touches your nuts. Bro, it was just involuntary. It was just like, "You know, it's plumber's up, bro." You see, like, something that looks like a titty. Of course.

You see, you don't know what, like, a cherry on top or something. Oh, that looks like a titty. You're playing. You're playing. You mean it.

The doctor always made me nervous.

Now, if it was a, you know, again, not to hit you with, you know, but it was like a sexy nurse. I was always worried about getting hard. Oh, yeah. And that never happened.

And one time, I went to, like, the, like, the, the yearologist. Yeah. And I had, like, this old dude, no, I was like, "All right, this is perfect. I want some old guy looking at my dick." And then there was a young woman trainee.

Oh. And I was just standing there looking at him.

“And so I'm like, "So I think I'm ready to go.”

I think great old guy." It's going to look at my little ex today. I'm fine. No doctors ever used to term trancoso when it comes to my dick. Well, it's the opposite of trancoso.

What's your name? Nero. What's your name? What do you do? I don't know if we need baking and eat all.

I don't know if we need both the negatives. I know enough. I know enough Spanish to know I've been doubled. It's all in my own home. But you need all.

Give me fucking baking. You're fine. But I don't know. If you're not on the fucking eat all on their journey. [laughter]

So I'm like, "All right, I go from having no worries at all, to seeing this woman and getting nervous and scared." So now my dick goes inside my mouth. Basically, there's a little head is just peeking out. And she's like, push my fat rolls to get to my dick.

And I'm like, "Oh, fuck, I hope this guy is going to touch my dick. And then he's like, "Oh, fuck, I hope this guy is going to touch my dick. And then he's like, "Oh, fuck, I hope this guy is going to touch my dick. And then he's like, "Okay." And then I see, I see gloves coming out.

And I see her put the gloves on and I'm getting nervous. And I'm like, "Oh, fuck." And he's like, "All right." And so I have to show, first I show them my little elastic. And then she's poking, and not only am I not hard.

But my dick might be the smallest.

My dick has never been in my life.

Like, I don't know what I'm like. And she's like shoving my fucking fat back to look at my fucking little elastic. You know, it was tough, man. Tough stuff.

And she wasn't that hot. But it was still just a young woman. And by the way, I'm like, this is not being a kid. I'm at the urologist.

Oh, yeah. I'm like, I'm in college because I'm like pissing too much. So I'm like, she's like a women have touched my dick at this point. But this is the most, this is bar none the most embarrassing of my, you know, situation in my life.

So again, to your point, like, I'm not trying to have, I'm not trying to be in that situation. You know what I'm saying? You can't go so over here. I don't care.

I don't care. I don't want you. I don't know if I like my nuts smell funny to me. Or like if they're not shaved correctly. I don't want no lady looking at my dick.

That's a doctor. So I'm, I'm what to do. I throw my back out. I'm like, Christmas Eve one year. Yeah.

I ended up in the ER. I'm just a shatter anger that she drove me to the ER. A doctor, a young, young Italian doctor with a woo tang tattoo. Oh, that's. What's that?

That was like a medium tattoo. That was a fucking big ass woo tang tattoo. - I said to him, it's like, "Speak it out to the scrubs." And I was like, "Ah shit." - I was like, "Yo, he's like so, where do you feel the pain?"

Or whatever. He was like, "Yo, I was like, "It feels like somebody squeezing my balls." Like that's how much I heard. And he was just like, "All right, he's like, "Well, you know, like drop the pants, whatever." And I was just like, "Oh, God, I'm just like, "I'm just like, he's just like playing my balls."

- How about this? - How does that feel?

“How does that feel? How does that feel? How does that feel? How does that feel?”

- Yeah. - But I'm like, "Yo, this feels crazy." - Yeah. - That's like this course. - And I'm here in like the 36 chambers beat in my head. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's tough.

That old, that old soil, some of your favorite music. - Yo, what? - Yeah. - I can't even try it for no more, bro. - I can't.

- My dick ain't nothin' a fuck with it, bro, please. - And was there, did it affect your back pain when he broke? - It was like, so he was like, "Yo, does this hurt?" And I was like, "Oh, he's like, "Okay, cool. "I can stop 'til you're a dick."

- I was like, "All right, please." - Well, we're done here. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - It's kind of moochy. - Yeah. (laughing)

- Yeah, damn, how bad was your bad? - I'm right now, I'm sitting on a heat pegs, I fucked my back. - Oh, bro. - So yesterday, I fucked my shit up again.

- Oh, no. - So like, I'm like, I'm like a walk in injury, bro.

that after I've had kids, I'm mad injury, bro.

“Like, I did my whole 20s, bro, I was doing graffiti,”

jumping off the shit, fighting, getting into fucking Michael Jackson video of knife fights. - Dude, it's just like, most dumb shit ever. - Yeah. - It escaped all in that shit without injury.

Like, real, real injury. - Sure. - Now, I'm fucking like putting up a bullet bar, my kids doorway, and I'm like, "Let me test it out." - Wow, I'm full of my neck, and I got like,

herniated this shit. I got hit by a car, and I was like, "20." - And I fucked my back all the way up. So I got herniated this while that bullshit. And then yesterday, I met the station,

and then Rolling Stone is like, "Yo, we wanna do like a profile. Let's take some pictures." Yo, let's do it, actually, shot. Yo, can you like jump onto this couch? Like, just like, kind of fall onto the couch?

- So I do that, and like, this is like a metal bar in between, that hits me like right there. Like, bow like, "So it's all my hidden paths. I was on that bitch yesterday." Like, there's like, "Ah, my God."

- Like, it was like, yo, the man sees this coming down, like, I need it. - Yeah. - Yeah, see where I grow, but yeah. - Now, watch, fully watch.

- Yeah, no, it's tough to, like, I, so I'm trying to lose weight, right? And it's like, it's, I'm 36, about 137. And so I'm like, "All right, I keep going to the doctor and keep waiting."

But basically, every year my life,

I keep being like, go to the doctor and be like, "All right, there's the year that I have diabetes." - No, no, no. - He's having fat in my whole life, and so I keep waiting. I remember, remember when I was like 22.

And we had, I was positive in diabetes, and we went and got, like, cheese steaks, pizza, and ice cream. I literally remember being 22, and I remember last meal. Last meal, 'cause I'm about to be diagnosed with diabetes.

Me, like, shot at the pasta, me, stun, canton. That you've had a great focatch, your cheese steak. You let it sit for 10 minutes, and the juices are in the,

“but they, they don't make you anymore, I believe.”

I tried to get the focatch, yeah. I believe it's been discontinued. - Goldbelly, you've got to prove me wrong. - Pasta me stuff, you know, if somebody's listening, let me know the focatch is still there.

- Let me test it. - It's fucking awesome. But so I keep waiting and be like blood pressure, cholesterol, so I've somehow dodged all that, and I thought, "Oh, I'll just lose weight and I'll be fine."

It turns out I've just been fucking up my back, and like, I have fucking, my discs are all fucked. Like, now, this has been a saga for me, where it's like, and the fucked up thing is, I fucked my back up working out.

And it's like, that feels like it shouldn't be allowed. - I'm trying to not be bad. - Right. - Doug, when I'm trying, yes, fuck you, God. - Why did you do this to me?

- I'm trying to not be fed, and now I'm like, and now all I can do is fuck, I'm, I'm, I'm recording. I'm doing podcasts like this too. (laughing) - I have to be in an ergonomic chair doing podcasts,

you know, fucking pathetic issue? - Yeah, I need a chase to do this podcast in Rome. - Can we take a break? Elders has to fucking do some lymphatic work on me. Elders has to fucking rub me down, have to get the roller.

(laughing) - That's got to be like, just keep going. - That's how much I respect podcasting. - Just get all my drawer on, I go. - God, I'm like, I'm on the shots, 'cause I went,

'cause I was like, I was, I was, I was been big too. Like, you know what I was skinny, until I met my wife, and then I'm ballooned, you were skinny youth? - Yeah. - Like skinny youth jumping out of the gym,

all that shit was like, oh, the album, you shit. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause I was fucking like me, yeah, I was fucking like me. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was cocking it back from here,

like all I had to do was run up to court and go like this. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then I'm like, bro, I can't jump over a fucking phone book. - Yeah. - So, I went to the doctor, and I was just like, bro,

I, I got sleep apnea, check me too. - I'm like, the shit was all fucked up. I was like, I know my mother-in-law. - How this has it in pretend she doesn't? - Ah, see?

- Yeah. - So I was in Vegas with her shit, and they fucked my room up, and they booked me and my manager in the same room. And he was like, man, fuck, we just came for like two days, bro, ladies, let's just fuck it out.

And I was like, all right, cool.

And then I would never do that, by the way,

I'll just, you're never sleeping in the same room. - Oh, man, there's a girl. - Plenty of room, I guess. - I guess we can be in the inapolis where the, that Airbnb, the walls were a fuck in it.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - But we had an Airbnb, and it was like, it was like, oh, we each have beds on the side. We'll do that sometimes. But this had no, the ceilings were like open,

'cause I guess it was an illegal Airbnb, and you could just fucking hear everything going on. - It should have one's fucking room. - Yeah, yeah. - I had to run to my bedroom,

because stop was going back to get his dick sucked. (laughing) - How is there been banished to the service quarters? - Well, I've been entertaining. - I've been getting a couple of waters for the night, a couple of yogurt,

and the yellow stuff. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I was gonna see me as a half a month out of the road. I mean, some gator light. (laughing) - It'd be replanted. - Oh, yeah.

- But anyway, so you guys were sharing a room. - We're sharing a room, and he's just like, you know, Doug, the next morning, we haven't called for whatever,

“he's just like, you know, fam, he's like, you should go to the doctor.”

- Yeah. - I was like, for what? He's like, you know, fam, he's like, Doug. He's a motherfuckin' like, last night, you were like, snoring like a, like, I woke up because he was so crazy.

Like, he was snoring so crazy. Then you just stopped breathing. So then he's like, I got up, and when I went to go like, shake you, you went like, (laughing) and started breathing again.

So I was like, he's good, but he's good. But then he's like, all right, so then I went to the doctor, I told the doctor that, and they were like, yo, fam, did the blood work, whatever, and my A1C levels was like, hi, and he was just like, hi, bro, we gotta get this done.

“He's like, does that mean he's running your family?”

I was like, yeah, my pops has diabetes, type two. And he was just like, okay, he's like, you gotta lose weight, man. He's like, I don't, he's like, you two 80 now, you gotta get down to like, at least 250, 240. Yeah.

I was like, I cool, like, how do I do that? He's like, (laughing) (laughing) I was like, yo, I was like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm gonna keep a road to travel a lot.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm like, I'm like, you know what I'm eating? And Airports is just like, you're like, well, this is the first time I've heard of this weight loss stuff.

How does this work? How does this work? How does it appeal? (laughing) Is there some stretches I can do every three weeks

that'll do it for me? This is the same guy. So he's like, yeah, no, he's like exercise stupid. And then like, so when I come back like, next month and I'm just like, yo bro,

this ain't it, is that working? Like, I'm trying to work out, but like you said, like, I'm hurting myself. Like, I'm sore, my back is all fucked up. He's like, he's like, I'm like, let me see my head.

Right. And again, A1C levels is still high. And he was just like, oh, fuck it, you qualify for this shit. Get on it. And I was like, right up.

Did that for like, a couple of months? And then my brother, who's these some of his shit,

'cause my brother was always like a big kid.

And then he went away to board a school, started playing football. Oh, wow. And like, lifting weights in shit. And then he was just coming back and be like,

nigga, you fact, 'cause you want to be fat. And I'm like, bro, what the fuck? There's nothing worse than the fat person that finally puts it together. Oh, fuck, that's their whole life, forgets where they fucking came.

Before you went away, you also used to want to be fat. Something happened to you. You got to do your whole life around not being fat. Your parents sent you away to a school to not be fat. You feel me?

It is fucking annoying 'cause it's like, dude, it's trying to help the rest of the fat community. Don't think you're better than them. Like, oh, you made it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

“That's why you want Latinos for Trump shit.”

Like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, I'm Mexican, but I'm an ice agent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That should don't make no sense. That people talking about former fat people to be like,

you need more discipline.

That's basically a guy that's a cube and about to get deported.

That's a cube and a tramp about to be deported. Oh, where? I mean, discipline, yeah. In Venezuela? Yeah.

All right, Ben. Fucking asshole. No, it pisses me off. But he got, he got them, why they sent them off the boring school? Was it like, oh, so it was a good school.

It was a bad school. So, 'cause it's one of the other. Right, so both of us were good at school in the hood. So like, when you're the one kid in the school that could, yeah, it's like a high school and a reading decision.

It's like, oh, let's pluck him out of here. Like a better chance program or whatever. The ABC should use to call it. And when it was my turn, 'cause I'm the oldest of three. Shout out to English, I have to Tito.

And when it was my turn, the ABC should came and it was like, I bet, like, we're gonna show you all these, like boarding prep schools or whatever. And they won't, none of them were in New York. So I was like, bro, like, I have only been in New York

and in the Dominican Republic. That's it. I hadn't been nowhere else. So when we went up to Connecticut, we had to South Kent Academy in Connecticut.

We're driving up there and I'm just looking around, I'm looking around, I'm like, yo, bro, I was like, I don't see no buildings. I don't see no motion, yeah. I was like, it's just trees and animals.

I was like, what the fuck? So I'm like, I fucking, maybe, let me give it a chance. So we get there and I just see mass staying glass, and shit, I was like, yo, is this like a catholic school, or is this shit, I was like, what the fuck?

'Cause I got kicked out of coverschool. I was like, I'm not doing that again. Two heathen, right? - What were you up to in catholic school? - Bro, just not shaving.

- Yeah. (laughing) (laughing) - You gotta cut those brains off and I'm like, fuck you. I was like, no, I'm not doing that. What happens if I don't do that?

You get detention. What happens if I don't go to detention? You get a lot of detention. - Yeah.

- So basically, I'm just never going to detention.

I'm still not right now afraid, and they were like, this, mother fucker. I went to South County Academy, I did the tour with the one in upperclassmen or whatever. And as I'm doing the tour, I'm like, but there's no bitches here.

(laughing) There's no housing, there's no women at all.

“Like at all, so I was like, yo, where, what do I do?”

He's like, oh, this is another, this is all girl school. Miles down the road, I was like, mother fucker, I don't speak in Miles. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm from New York City, how many blocks?

(laughing) - Yeah, I mean, so, so you weren't interested. - I was not with it at all, so I pulled, I never had said nothing like this to my parents ever in life. So I need to take a seriously.

We'll come in back to the Bronx and I was just like, yo, I think I might kill myself if I have to be a bitch. (laughing) - Damn, I'm pulling out. - I'm pulling out.

- Ideally, you went to kill yourself? - Yeah, I was like, yo, I think I might get depressed and kill myself.

- And my news and that, when you were like, oh, there's nothing in New York, I'm like, oh, where are they gonna send us, guy, can that, you just up fucking, - Oh my God, you're in the Bronx.

You're basically in Connecticut.

(laughing) - I gotta take a train to stop. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Y'all are a fucking, this is crazy.

“And I was just like, yo, I think I might kill myself.”

- Yeah, I think I might kill myself. - I think I might kill myself. - Yeah, yeah. - So I got, I skated out of that. - Yeah.

- And then being in New York, - I stayed in New York, I went to do a clan of high school, I had to deal with clan, and my career there and for my parents' decision to be like,

mother fucker, we don't give a fuck.

- Yeah. - Kill yourself, you know? (laughing) Kill yourself. - Yeah.

- You're gonna kill yourself. - You're gonna kill yourself. - He's gonna kill yourself. - Yeah. - Okay, you send you further.

- Yeah.

“- So he was like, yo, so he went out there,”

played defensive air in the shit. He came back and like, try to flex on me, like, yo, come on, you go. - Yeah. - Doing the Terry Cruz, Teddy bounce the shit,

I'm like, bro, get the fuck out of here. - That shit, bro. You're doing a steady diet of New York public, like, honey bun breakfast, honey bun breakfast, tropical fantasy solo.

- Ooh, yeah. - Bast, nasty, nasty work. - Cullis that I'm out on the hand-tone. - Corks, corn chips, barbecue corn chips, yeah. - barbecue corn chips, oh man,

I'm thinking to the little fucking cafeteria, at my honey bun. - Honey bun with cute chips, honey bun with Arizona. - The Arizona is tea. - Come on.

- The salt, the-- - Breakfast is champions. - Salt and vinegar chips, you put with the honey, - Woo! - Your chips, you mix those up.

When people had their little fucking, basically,

essentially jail food, like now what we see on TikTok, where it's like, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, - You make a mess, you make a mess, you make a mess, you make a mess." People weren't doing that in front of me. - You're doing that in front of me. - Yeah.

- Oh man, they sell little fucking pizzas that were all-- - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. - I'm like, "Sick a bunch of batteries." - That was good stuff. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. - Just the shit, smoking the shitiest joints you've ever smoking, you're right. - Every breath. I rolled the joint in a bag that came that a pizza slice came in one. - Oh, no. - Which was just over the nasty shit. - The dirtyest weed in a paper bag. - Yeah.

- And we were just smoking it 'cause we were like 13. - It was like, "Oh, fuck it, bro, we got weed, oh, yeah." - We got some to put it in, so let's smoke it. - Yeah. - 'Cause, you know, being in the hood, like we did not have the smoke out of an apple. - Sure. - Like I was like, "I don't know what's the bomb." - You know what I'm saying? - It was a lot of, it was a lot of, but, you know, cans, you know, I did a lot of cans, a lot of huggie, the little huggie thing. That was actually a really great,

'cause you could poke the holes up in the top. - Yeah, yeah. - That was a lot of that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

“- Oh, this is a great one. - Look at the bomb thing is, don't blame the surroundings, okay?”

- You could have applied yourself a little more ingenuity. - You know what I'm saying? - I don't have to be like yo, I see the candy thing. - Yeah. - For crack, yeah, I'm saying it. - I don't know what I'm saying, that's fair. - That's fair. - You know what? - I don't want to go that far, right? - That's fair. - Yeah, that's fair, that's fair. - Yeah, that's fair. - Oh, you said, oh, I'm looking at it. - Yeah, I'm saying, let me tell you, it's fair. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm saying, when you use the Pepsi cam, you know, you don't get the red 40. The Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola has the red 40 on time. You got it down, no, you're gonna say it. - No, you're gonna say it. - I jerk the mobile phone time.

- Because you guys say that's a lie, but it's true. - And it would cost you just for one dollar, you wouldn't have heard that information. - But yeah, I see, it's fair. - I don't know, because it's a game without you. That's something more crackhead should try, it's like, give me some money, I'll tell you an inconvenient truth about your family. - That part. - Because they have some information. They always do have some very, very information. - Yeah, my man, she was just saying, I was like, what happened to New York City crackheads, bro? Like, where are y'all at?

- Yeah. - You know what I mean? Like, now it's like, fent has taken over. So people are like, the crackheads used to be like, jovial, you know what I'm saying? Like, I used to be up on it, you saw the hall and bro, like, just chilling and they, like yo, yo, you need help. - Yeah. - Yo, my cause broke down. - Right. - Yo, my tie, my bike tie is flat, like yo, does, like, I can't hit this alley right? - Yeah. - You're gonna say, like, you know what I'm telling me, show you how to alley home. - Yo, I wasn't just doing a baron quiz. - Yo, you don't know what it is. - They, yeah. - I had an album with Daddy, thank you. - I neighborhood crackhead, you know, that's, that's another thing of losing community.

- Yeah. - If you lose that as well, because I do feel like every neighborhood had like, a homeless guy. - Yeah. - Like a very particular guy that nobody really bothered. And then when it, when it started to be like, when, when, when, the homeless people started feeling like independent contractors. - Yeah. - Instead of salary to employees of the neighborhood. - Say, but what the fuck's going on here? - Yeah, we'll talk about these guys. - Yeah, who are you? - Franger suckin' themselves, each other off under this street. - No, this street in your past.

- California Larry has gay sex. - California race supposed to be for me from 18. - Yeah. - Why are you here? Why are you drinking her all? - What the fuck is going on here? - Yeah, dude. That's, so your parents, so they, they didn't send you to fucking boarding school, but they sent you to the DR for the summer. - All the time, every classic.

overprotective, which is interesting because he was not personally around. Like he was, he didn't like leave a family, but he never, it's like we spent quality time together.

“But the second you were like, oh, I'm gonna go to my friend's house, so I'm gonna go, oh, send me to Greece. There's like, no, I have to be there, and I, part of me's like, I don't want to, my hypothesis like, did he get molested?”

You know what I mean? Like, there's something fucked up happened to him where he's like, I don't avoid this, because he didn't want to sleeping over, even like our, like, I never slept over, not until we were like, older, did I, was I even a lot sleep, I've known else as we were in kindergarten. His house and it's like, his family in particular, it's like, come on man, you know, no, no forever. Also, I could take them, you know what I mean? These Albanians can't hold me down.

You know what I fucked your ass up? I know, I do fuck you. And so, but I don't know, did something weird happen to him, but I never got that, but it sounded kind of fun.

Because all my Greek friends that would go sounded kind of nice, you know, they would all go over there, they would swim all day. You know, you want to be just, you know, you want to be just, you know, you want to be just, you know what we really know? Yeah, what was the set up for you? Like, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, you know, it takes a village because it was literally a village.

“Yeah, they were sending me to Mow by Bay de Mow, yeah, Google image that shit. Oh, there's no, it's the only part of the island that's like, not next to water, you know what I'm saying?”

You know, you're building a restaurant in River, yeah. Well, that type of shit, but I have fun, bro. So yeah, because I'm like, oh, I'm a hit by myself, you know what I'm saying? Like, as soon as I say two words in English, like, I'm getting my dickwear, select it. Did I run a show in Greek? He's in a village at dollar and then being like, oh, it's an American dollar. Yeah, no, none of that unfortunate never got started. It was all just dudes being like cool, and then they would go and like run a train on a girl and I was like, I was like, I'm good guys. I don't know about all this.

It was real villager stuff, man, where they're like, to them, it was like, oh, they were almost like mad a woman had to be involved. They're like, oh, they're not like that. Four of us, like they were like, oh, they were like smile and wistfully tell the story of like, you know,

being out of a woman with their like, like, uncle. Yeah, it was like, like, it was like a family bonding. Yeah, and be a stop trace shortly last week, bro. She's fire. It's on the Patreon.

That really is that is some true villager shit across cultures. Is they just, everyone seems to be okay with, it's commitment. It's more communal. Everything is communal, I guess it's like you're used to it. It's like there's one bathroom in the fucking, like 10 of it. It's like 10 of it's style getting your dick sucks. Great. Each building comes with one slam piece. One, one elite eater, per building, talking to the super, you know, there might be two, but it's going to raise rent. You guys decide, you want one, you want to pay a front, you want more for, you've got a young one. It's going up. It's the apprentice rules, there can only be two.

It was fun. It was fun. You know what I'm saying? Like, and I got to, I got to honestly like, it gives you perspective. You know what I'm saying? When you call back to New York and shit and it's like, yo, my lights, when I turn my lights on, they just stay on.

“When I go to the toilet, there's water in it. But you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not in a lot of train, you know what I'm saying?”

So, she'll like that, but then, like, you know, I would, I would come back and want to go back and be like, damn, I missed this shit, bro, because it's very like, you know, they shut everything down at noon. You know what I mean? It's a very different kind of like lifestyle. And like my parents try to like keep us in that, like, and that kind of like that culturally in that mindset or whatever, which is crazy. Because men and I were talking about that shit like Greeks, Albanians like don't move like regular white people.

No, you don't say like actual immigrants. You don't say like, no, you're describing, I also, that was good for it. Like we would go as a family for a long time. We would go, there's like three or four trips we took, and we go for like five or six weeks. And it was like, yeah, that kind of lifestyle like getting into that rhythm of like the afternoon naps, the like just everything is about hanging out. It's a culture of hanging out. You know, it's expanding hours just getting coffee. That's the plan. The plan for the day is I would hang out my cousin and I'd be like, dude, what are you up to today?

It's like, my friend, he works at a bakery. I think I'm just going to go drink coffee while he makes bread. I was like, that's what you're doing all day. He's like, yeah, they're going to come back, sleep till 9 p.m. And then try and fuck some girls.

It's like, why am I here? I'm not at the fucking, you know, I was pissed because they wouldn't, because like we would spend a lot of time in Athens and it's like, look, Athens is cool, but like, it's like,

It reminds me of Baltimore. I'm like, I'm just in another city.

Yeah, there's no, like if we were at the beach, you'd be, I was like, that's where I was pissed. You were like, I was like, I was like, what am I just, yeah, why am I fucking going? Like, I spent so much of my time watching sex in the city with Greek subtitles. And just fucking, they got to watch American TV with Greek subtitles. And then like, the funny thing is my cousin would take us to go to the book, they're like knockoff blockbuster and they rented. They just, they burned all the movies indeed.

They would sell you, the knockoff blockbuster would sell you a chip to put in your PlayStation. Oh, that's good. And it would let you play bootlegs. So it would just be like, a guy would write FIFA on marker on a CD. And that was fun, but Barnaby was like, why the fuck am I here? You know, instead of like, just, I could be playing PlayStation and watching TV and blah blah.

Up the crew. You know, at the same time, I was like, you know, you're putting your getting some quality time with your family.

“That's what it is. You know, the dinners were nice and the hanging out and it's like, yeah,”

I missed that's how I'm trying to live my life. I'm trying to get back to very hang out based. That's the shit. You could argue that podcasting is just hanging out. Just hanging out monetize monetize hanging out.

Bro, you know what I mean, except, you know, all this is not bacon bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's the shit, like my dad, like I went to go for some of my dad and it was the same shit. Like he woke up woke me up and he's like dressed and I'm like, oh, like my dad is like, Salt to the earth Dominican dude, like HVAC technicians.

He's there now. He's back.

He's like, he's a snobber. You know what I'm saying? Like back at work. Yeah. And, you know, but he, my entire childhood was just watching him grow up. What was watching him like work with his hands. Yeah.

Do all this stuff. Now that's one of the fuckers getting manicures. So like, we got a fuck. Where's your brother? It's crazy.

How about my dad? 60, 69. Yeah, 69, 79, 79. 70 year old man. He got a divuster.

Yeah. He's my mom hates it. Yeah.

“Because like, so my dad's like, you're coming away from me while my mom is there.”

Right. So my mom, my both my parents are there. My dad comes and wakes me up. Doesn't wake, fuck my kids, fuck my wife. Everybody, he just comes and wakes me up. He's like,

Yo, you ready? And I'm like, ready for what? He's like, yo, we're going to go down to the cornmado, which is like a grocery store. He's like, yo, fucking tru cheese over there.

Like, I would high school with him. Like, he's working over there. All right, cool. What we about to do, yeah, he got a couple of beers for us over there. Wow.

All right, so we're just saying that, as long as the garage drinking beer, hang it out. Kind of awesome. And then like, yo, he's like, yo, you hungry?

Yo, who's hungry? Yo, who's hungry? Yo, you hungry? Yo, all the motherfuckin'. And then the guy in the modepad comes with like,

food terminus later. I'm like, yeah. How did that happen, bro? It's awesome. And then he's like, I know we're going to go,

puppy. We're going to go fixing it. You don't know. You're going to get a pedicure, pedicure. Pedicure, pedicure, pedicure.

Yeah. So we go there and, you know, we get a pedicure that's shit. And I'm like, everything in DR is matching. Like, services are wild cheap.

So I'm like overtipping and shake. Cause I'm like, I feel weird. Yeah. Which is crazy. Cause you'll, you'll see a Dominican dude

and a rain down outfit with the freshest lineup you've ever seen in your life. Because a lineup is like 10 times. I love this cheap. But she's like, but like, it's expensive.

Yeah. But like, we say, and again, pedicure's a shit. And I'm like, this is why, like, I love this for you. Yeah.

You understand, like, I watch it like whole life. Yeah. Yeah. This is what you need. You were just waving away.

Word. Like running the rat race in New York City. Like not knowing speaking like broken English shit. Made it through. And you hear with my mother.

You don't have a second family.

Right. Which, you know, odds are. You wear the second family. Yeah. You really?

Yeah. I've met my older brother William. And like 25 years old. I was like, what's this thing in the country? Why do you look like me and my guy?

And you got the same balding pattern. Holy shit. That's incredible. This is your brother William. I was like, ah.

It's crazy. It's crazy. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good.

It's so good. It's so good. It's so good.

“Every time I see him, I'm like, you know what's that better than me?”

Fucking hell. He's like, oh, and that's kids are like, you know what? Hey, you want TV? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no He was like, "He's just over there talking to the host."

Where's my money coming from?

Like, just like, I'm just like,

“"Are you getting jealous? My things don't even work."”

Like, why does it? Like, he's like, hilarious asshole. Like, it's fun. So my mother-in-law. Weaponizing, you're fucking, you're...

AED. It's awesome. 100%. Yeah. Like, he'll say to a wilder shit, like,

"My mother-in-law and her wife were at my crib." And he's talking to Claudia, "Her wife's not to Claudia." And I'm with my boys in the corner, just like chopping her up, but by whatever. And my man, Jimmy's just like, "Yo,

your dad is in Claudia, like mad deep in conversation." Like, what are they talking about? Like, whatever, whatever. And like, he's just like, "Yo, this is why." Because he don't even...

His English is like so, like, "Base it." Yeah. Like, what could they... Yeah. Yeah.

Yo. So they break whatever. Whatever. My parents comes over. And Jimmy's like, "Yo."

He's like, "Yo, Tito."

Like, "What were you talking about?"

That whole time. And he's like, "Eating pussy." [ Laughter ] I was like, "Yo, what the fuck?" Just picking the brain of an expert.

He's the brain of a seasoned lesbian. He's a veteran. I was like, "Yo, this is crazy. But he's just drugdation." [ Laughter ]

See, you want more fuck, exactly. Where you get it from? Urus, man. That motherfucker right there. He didn't pussy.

What do you think? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's incredible. I got a lesbian here. Yeah, I got it.

I'm going to...

“The end to him, that's him being enlightened.”

Yeah, that's him. I'm not fucking kicking around in my house. What are you talking about? I'm going to ask you her about eating pussy. What the fuck?

Come on. That's so fucking awesome. I know. There are times, I mean, you know, me and my dad have gone back and forth with our relationship

and I'm trying to, like, stay on good terms, like, you know, and that's rough, man. It's tough. It's tough. It's tough.

Yeah. Especially that general. Immigrant dads can be tough. Man. And there are moments where it's like,

"We connect." And I'm like, "That is exactly where I get that from." I showed 'em. I read my, I have a place in Baltimore, and I read the bathroom.

And I got, like, a fucking hilarious, you know, Japanese toilet that, like, fucking, you know, it opens when you walk in the... It's like... Yeah, yeah.

And that's like... I was like, what the fuck? He was like... He was like, "Oh, what is that, like,

“"Oh, let me guess that cleaned your ass."”

I was like, "Yeah, it actually." He's like, "What is, like, does it suck your dick, too?" (laughter) Immediately. Right off the bat.

I'm like, "Oh, that's where it is." Thanks, Dad. That's where fucking is. It's the DNA. It's like, "Oh, is it suck your dick, too?"

Like, fair question immediately. You know, if we were in Japan? Maybe. Maybe. I don't have that.

I don't have that aftermarket. I'm fucking fix the... I'm... I have... The dick sucking attached me to the photo.

(laughter) Which is crazy. And Dominican Spanish thought told me it's pussy. (laughter) So like, imagine being a kid, and like, going to school,

and every year it'll say, "Stop that, Max." (laughter) You think it's the pussy button? You think you press photo and a pussy comes out? Why is that happening?

Yeah, it's just broken. (laughter) You're putting your dick in the urine, okay? You see, you're like, "This doesn't feel like pussy." Why is my dick burning?

(laughter) But it smells minty fresh. This is beautiful. We have to apply some of this immigrant logic. Let's go.

Two are callers. I'll get it. What do we got, my friend? And by the way, when that comes on, it's the fucking up the audio.

God forbid you say anything as the producer. No, it's good. We'll get it in post-docs. And folks, don't complain to me. (laughter)

I was like, "I'm gonna let it go once. If it comes on again, I'm sure Elvis will address it. He did not. I want it on record if the sound is bad. Blame Elvis.

I've been hearing it, but we got some engineering magic. We give it home. I can't wait to fucking hear what bullshit. What weird AI that steals all our data. Elvis downloads to try and get this smooth over.

He just gets it. He just hires Indian guys on fiber to just dub over. What we're talking about? (laughter) (laughter)

(inaudible) (inaudible) All right. What do we got? I'll just play some call here.

Hey, Salvi, Elvis guest.

Third time trying to do this.

I'm trying to reduce some story. I'm sorry. Tell us if you listen to the other messages. I've been with the same woman for the last two and a half years or so. And I recently found out that I was kind of a side guy.

She was with the third five years. And I was completely unaware of that. She spent every night with me. She was part and then she would sneak away and spend one day a weekend to the most part with him for a handful of hours and then come back.

How are you the side guy? Come on. She's living at your crib and you're the side guy.

She's cheating on you. (laughter) You're the side guy.

She was cheating on you once a week.

What the fuck are you talking about? It's crazy work.

“That's incredible mental gymnastics on her and she teaches you this guy.”

Cause in some ways you're been with him for five years though. True. That makes a cheat night. That makes it though. I'm having an affair with you.

I love you. Because there's something romantic about being the guy that you're cheating with. That means I'm not betraying you. I just have, I've met you after it's more complicated. It's so romantic because assets involved.

Yeah.

But being the guy getting cheated on, there is no romance there.

Oh, there is just like you're you're being fucking. So this is this woman. I salute her for gaslighting him in this specific way. But let's finish up. Maybe there's more.

And so that's just the way that she lets her double life. And a lot about everything. I kind of had I suspected some stuff throughout the way. She sent broke up with a few handful of times because things just didn't really make me sense.

And she was talking down. You know, it's still the thing. Gaslighting me into thinking that I was crazy. You know, all the things. Whatever.

And I did that because I just care about her. Love her tremendously. I've been out of the way. I've been out of the way. It's not my first one.

I was with a frog. You man. So for that. You saw a frog. Bubble.

Bubble. Bitch. Yeah. Bubble. Bubble.

Bitch. Well, yo, yo, listen. Yo. Come on. You will live it be in a sidepiece as a guy. That's like every dude's dream. I don't got a clue. He wasn't though. He was getting to you on that. Yeah, yeah, he was. Let's let's let's let's what it's give more Elvis. Okay. Oh, one for nine years prior to this one

“So it's not that we just had ways we had so much comments way. I think I'm in just little tiny things and”

Facing a future without that person is just obviously pretty scary. So I Who is about whether I want to try to Make this relationship What you know work on some work and I did get pretty much converted over to the A side of that I guess so she was spending more time with me and can't go up anymore. Whatever, but

She's trying to fight with myself about whether I But I just like I care about her a lot. Thank you guys too. Oh, come on, bro Now I feel back as you're in the middle of it and I get it. Yeah, don't get me wrong. We were right But we've all been here. Yeah, we've all been here. Most is nobody can control your emotions Your heart has a mind of his own. Yeah, so I'm sorry to clarify. Oh, he did say they are like broken up as of this call

But he's still weighing what to do now. I'll do it don't go back there. No, because not no You coming back is an implicit approval. Yeah. Oh, whatever you want. Right. Like go crazy now now look People would like certainly people have survived In fidelity relationships. It's just complicated somebody

Root almost it's in our Google calendar repeating once a week getting dig. It wasn't like I Me and my ex bumped into each other. We were fighting. I mean, it's not And look, some people will say I don't care even about that. You know, and it's it's truly person by person, right? Some people will fucking let some people want to watch their wife get fucked Some people don't even want their significant other to like, you know, emotionally

“They don't want that flirting with people. Which listen?”

Everybody's got to figure out what works for them. This to me though is not This is not an easy one man. This is not the kind of shit you can forgive and it's also like I don't know that I could trust this that part that is that is that shit is totally out of the window I mean, I guess I guess to be fair Like this wasn't even like if you're dating someone for like six months, right?

And you never have that discussion of the like what are we?

And are we exclusive and she spends most of the time with you, but like Occasionally fucks other people, but you never have the discussion that's different than two years She's at your fucking house five nights a week and once a week she fucks the same guy If you were fucking a different guy every week, I'd be like Something but what are we talking about?

You actually custody the pussy bro. That's crazy. Yeah, and you're the mom The other guy's the dad he gets it on weekends So I guess that's a positive being the mother of the pussy We're a caregiver of the pussy bro on as you're attending the PTA meetings But yeah, dude labor is doing great. Yeah

Great to have in class. Yeah, please love was good Pleasure to have in class very generous

So just a warm Very very open

“So but but after mocking you, we see where you are now. Yeah, you're in denial”

This is the denial phase of a bad 100% okay, and you're even you're even saying you're the side guy

You were not you were getting cheated on For two years, and now look there might have been a moment where you guys were open early in the relationship where she was dating both of you there was a switch over occurred Where you're the number and maybe this really what this is this is a legacy side piece the other guy She was probably cheating on whoever she was dating with before with this guy and she carried that over that happens a lot of people carry over side bitches Like a quiet a long time right because you know you that's and you need you actually kind of from a logistics perspective

You need you need a very specific type of trust. Oh, though if you're gonna cheat routinely, fam, and that's the thing If someone you know is gonna hold it down, yeah, they stick around a couple of relationships dog and if you got like listen And this is like gender neutral bro, because this is like those both ways if you got a premier like D1 Eater bro or like Something that's like like you got like it's just that one more Right literally doesn't want absolutely one. It's literally happy. Let's just have sex. Bro. They're gonna stick around

They but number stealing your phone. Yeah, you know saying and if that in fact to me That's the sign of if it's serious if someone if someone if someone goes away from that person They're like if they break up with their number one slam piece for you. That's real love

Yeah, that's real love. This woman was not there. I'm never talking to Nancy again

“It's the it's the intro to International players anthem. Yeah, you know what I mean?”

It's like it's under the 1,000 verse, where's like I had to let them all know no more dick for me I've told every cutie around town. So anyway, you're in you're in denial. Yeah, fam You can't go back to this woman. Don't do it. I did it so over real. I was there. I was in that situation and it was it was my ex who started as a go go dancer, which is like the you know go go dance to the stripping pop pipeline like it's just like Glee

He was in a Glee then you went to the biggest you got titties that you went to the to the lead So you're getting a jump shot? Yeah, I went to get your jump shot figure it out titties are post moose I've got a drop set now. Yeah, I think so little about this. Yeah, take the fade away. Oh, it's crazy Baseline crazy

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, no, it was a situation like that. You know, but younger like I'm in my shoes Whatever like 18 19, but like been with short was with shorty for a couple years at a high school into like college whatever and

just like not like seeing like you're a dancer. Yeah, I'm saying like everybody's a first of all

There's one thing if someone's like truly it's their job and they figured their shit out right young being exposed That's one you're having a good time. You just having a good time, but you can ski it up You know, you take a mile you've got a weird if you wasn't cheating right if a 20 if you're dating a 20 year old Sex worker and they're not and they're a part and it's like party type shit and they're not cheating That's weird. That's weird. They have a weirder mental. We'll be like I want to be

I want to be monogamous When it pulls stick out, it's not a strange not to at least suck him off for a second You're like not really my thing, but you're gonna try. Yeah So that happened and I was just like the denial stage is like, oh, no, no, I like Oh, no, we could you know, we could put through this and it's like bro don't go back there. They had it's not that good. Yeah, I'm saying it's

Listen to me. Yeah, don't he's been through it don't walk back that path. Yeah, I'm saying it's nothing good It's gonna come of it. You know what I mean? Like he got him before my brother. Yeah, sorry dude And you know like stop saying bro like you know you're in the denial stage right now You know work through him in there. Yeah, that's classic break-up stuff You don't get cheated on party. He was like no baby, you know, and there's what I tell everyone is like, okay

If that's the fairytale you want to tell yourself It's possible, but it's only gonna happen if you completely let go. Oh, yeah, and you come back to them as a completely different person

“Here's later. So if you really believe if you want to believe in you know bullshit romantic shit”

It's truly the let it go and if it comes back to you. Yeah, but it's not let it go Secretly check our Instagram stories Four times a week. It's like get everything out of here. You're sure to no contact move on with your life brother I'll focus on one else a hundred versus like getting to some other shit get you know go to Ellie fitness runs

I'll send you a I ain't gonna say you shit We won either Oh, no, what's going on? What's going on? Holy shit Oh, where are we?

It's time to fucking what's the time for To twist it as mother fucking fucked up as question of the we brought to you by the mother fuckers and twist in

We keep trying to get them to cancel this by being a vulgar and it never works

And that's why we fuck with twisted

“That's why you're our most cherished advertising partner. They know what they buy them to thank you”

What what's the twist that has fucked up as mother fucking question of the week elders Hey star valedess hi if there's a guest hi guest. Hey. I need advice really bad I Again, try to put this as briefly as possible. I got my girlfriend pregnant. It's looking extremely Probable I mean test it coming up positive. There's no point in denying what it's really happening

Just real quick out this the last call Maybe that's the twisted call. Yeah. He's not an innocent human life. It's just a guy who got that was the textbook most twisted call I've ever heard is a guy getting Cox for five years straight right that's twisted Let's keep going I guess over the benefit of the doubt you hear the urgency in this guy's voice

All right go ahead all this We've thought about to a lot and We are deciding to go through escaping the baby. Now we maybe can tell from the ton of my voice

I'm not somebody who's probably never happening to me at this stage of life. I certainly didn't plan for it

We have been seeing each other only since like

“October. I think October beginning of October and this guy's cooked January now”

So this is like a three and a half month relationship with the stage I'm like a waiter. I'm like an under-employed like food service server. And this is rather Inspiring actor. I'm in an acting studio in LA. I do stand up and haven't really made Well, you say it all the wrong thing You say it all the wrong things

Yeah The fucking phone really made very much money from either of those things I haven't made very much money from my day job either, but you know, I think I go to roof over my head the idea of Expanding my reach, you know Having to provide for

a bowl and the little person is like kind of mind-bending maybe definitely and I know I'm gonna figure it out And I'm gonna do what I have to do and I'm gonna get my shit together But I don't really know where to start as far as like starting to put the pieces together and looking for resources Give me ideas. You have any advice like if it's time to like Go to trade school or that time to like

You know, but I do you know go to every foreign LA try to like find a better agent or what they're not Money my brother my brother my brother my brother. All right. Let me tell you about agents You think that's the problem That's keep it a two twisted That's a very twisted

Twisted thought process that isn't the right place. It's the right place. I got four kids

I have my first one at 25 you know, I'm saying 25 26

“You know, and I wasn't ready for that shit. Yeah, you're never ready. Yeah, what were you up to a 25 26?”

Maybe yeah, I give this guy some hope. Oh, man, listen, brother. Listen. I was making 20,000 dollars a year legally Yeah, and another maybe 10,000 illegally Something bad coke Run around with a firearm with a good-to-do name creme If we would you're saying to drive around over next-tailed chirp. Oh, the chirp like you don't say it like just doing all that a lot of that. Yeah

So you'll be fine. Yeah, you got you got you you go back to with the right attitude that actually is you're legitimately a great person to have on this call because you had you had aspirations to do creative shit You know what I mean? You and you did that as you had kids, but you weren't like you didn't double down immediately You weren't like, oh, I have to get a good agent. I have no you were like, oh, let's sell them more dope And I was your friend who's brother's way you know, you kept a twisted

Marrow kept a twisted even as this first shot was in utero the one with the list

You grabbed him out by the by the lip

“So that's actually good. It's actually good. You're here because if you weren't I would be much more”

Negative to this guy, but but look here's a thing You kept it a little too twisted in Enjoying some condomless sex that we're keeping it too twitch and there's a there's a type of there's a level of twisted That you want to keep it you kept it a little too twisted. Okay, I tell people it's how man if you pull out The pull out method is very dangerous

You gotta be I love if you're not drugin' off at least 30 35 seconds before you know right you need that buffer You need a buffer one milli percent once you stop feeling like oh, oh, oh, you got to get out of here

You got to get out the garage, bro, do the sec the first haul you're already cooked

You're already cooked. That little tickle the tickles over. That's it, bro pull the fuck out Second you're you're not in the end of Jones dude. You're you're getting trapped in the temple The door is crushing your legs Forgot you're like that that Twins

Fraternal I can't even do cool I can't make it with the zig-tags so like your heads in the right place where it's like, yeah, get a get a more substantial job I don't know if it's trade school. I didn't whatever you're good at it is someone just like You know, maybe it even you said you're not a good way to you could you could make good money in the service industry

“If you want to be like a professional way or whatever”

Go to trade school if you want if you have an in anywhere I mean you're you're an old fashioned like how do I make enough money to survive mode right now which silver lining when if you're a sort of like

millennial or gen Z without anything anchoring in your life the silver lining here is you do have motivation

You have something anchoring you get a fuck worry about the kid first and foremost

and then you know look at our friend here on the couch Slowly, but surely build up your creative pursuits. It's gonna be a different it's gonna be a different life than you thought you're 100% right? It is just is it's gonna take a little longer for you

“but that doesn't even mean you have to abandon what you want”

We're not even telling you quit on your dreams. We're just saying Chip away at them a little. Yeah, like, you know slat him around on the priority board You're gonna be because the baby's number one a hundred percent short is number two Yeah, you're number three. You're number three You're gonna mean and then under you is like your your patience your hopes and dreams and right and and between those actually

is an ice cold can of twisted tea. I was right. I would say somewhere between you and your passions It's nothing to help you think better nothing to help you get that one man show go and then an ice cold brewed with real ice tea can and in twenty one years you and that little baby

Will be outside in your beautiful home in Los Angeles cracking open right on their twenty first birthday an ice cold can of twisted tea

Oh, that's been this week twisted ass mother fucking asked question of the week fuck I'm sorry. Yeah, and we're rooting for you back. No, don't get it. Don't get y'all listen Now's the time Rubber's being a robber the fucking getting here. Don't because that baby is coming with you. Yeah, I'm not respect You're gonna be okay, pal. You're right. You're tough man. We believe you still a couple more calls here, LD

Did you catch you off guards did I get a new agent? That was crazy, bro Like no, no, yeah, yeah, I actually get the agent out of you. Yeah, you're gonna take a percentage. It's overdid. You got a fight It belongs to your kid. Yeah, I saw a pile. This I guess a team guest. So I don't really have a like a portion with more just a financial function but right do it. So me and my husband we've been married for about like three years now And we're really telling that dog

I'm 24 and he's 26 so I just generally feel bad because recently me and my husband were having sex It's too cool if in whatever we're trying new things. He wanted me to eat a dash. I do that. That was fine Okay, you're wife hitting you with pause. Yeah, you want to see your in the air. You're wife. You're a boy. You're a boss. Yeah, you're a boy. You're a boy. You're a boy. She's sort of so 5% of a book You're a boy. You're a boy. You're a boy. You want me to do one guy? No, man, that's what the waste actually comes out

Bad even thinking that because I'm like obviously he's not gay. And now it's kind of progressed until like first you

want to meet a user. Uh-oh. Now he wants me to put like my finger up his foot and the part I just I just still think it is kind of gay in the head. So our joke about her being like chill. He's a kind of bad guy. I'm like, you're gay, but he's not obviously it's not. I don't know how to I guess process there. I don't know what I'm going to ask you. I just know I just feel bad. You're out of how to stick your finger in your own body. Practice it. She feels

bad for him. What is going on? I don't want it. She's feeling like weird about doing it because she does think it is kind of gay in the head. So our joke about her being like chill. Okay. So there's two things I'm hearing. One is in the back of her mind. She thinks it's kind of gay and doesn't really like it that much. But to us, she also sounds like she wants him to have a good experience and feels like she doesn't know how to practice or put her heart and soul into it.

“And listen, I mean, first of all, I do think you have to let go of the it being gay.”

It's gay. It's just sex. Yeah. Maybe your husband who knows where he is on the

Kinsey scale. Right. But he, you seem straight enough to you. It seems like right unless you think this is this is an act. He actually is gay, but that's not how you find this out. Yeah. I've, in fact, the guy who was in the closet, I think would not ask you to do absolutely. What are you doing? Stop it. That's gross. That's gross. I don't like that. Stop. Why would you do that?

That's for gay. I got like that. Maybe I'm 100%. So in some ways, I think this, this is actually someone who's very comfortable with you and is it just happens to be in the, you know, my wife's way. He might look, there's straight guys who want to get fucked about, you know, want to get pegged. And it sounds like, if I had to put my money on it, you might be, you might be

traveling down that path. I'm still like this. This might be, yeah.

Increments or get them to pegged, you know. It feels like that.

So really it comes down to, you can have to let that, you know, is this gay stuff go? Yeah. And you're just going to have to treat it as any other. Like when you're in a relationship and your partner wants you to do something that it's not exactly your bag. You're not exactly pumped to do it. Treat it just like that. That happens. There's compromise. There's try trying

different stuff. You might get into it along you go. It's like relationship, right? And also like, take this as an opportunity if you're doing some sex floor exploration. Is there something you've

“wanted to try? Is there some shit you want them to get into?”

You know what I mean? You want like put toothpicks in the, in the labia or whatever, like, open your speck along. Yeah. Like, you know, if that's your thing, you know, try it out. This might just be, now this could be a mis, a mismatch in terms of freaky levels. I was about to say, I was like, it sounds like he's

a super freaky motherfucker. And you're just like a regular party. And like you're like, oh, ass eating. That's crazy. I'm like, bro, listen, I'm a 40 year old man, though, like, try that to all the women that eat ass. If you go on it, listen, I'm starving. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm all in the pussy. I'm all in the pussy.

I'm all up in the ass, like everywhere. Just like this is getting in there. This whole section is for me. It's nerve endings. Right. You don't say that, that bring your pleasure. Shorty song. I'm getting it to all of that. The same thing with dudes. You know what I'm saying?

“Like, yeah, if you're talking about that, you know what I'm saying?”

And you get in the balls in the teen area. And you do look, I'm not mad in the booty hole. I ain't mad at that. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. You know what I'm saying? Tweet. Yeah, if you got to keep it twisted on the butt, on the butt hole.

But you said, I think it's a situation where she feels he feels comfortable enough for her with you, shorty, to be like, yo, I'm as a man who is straight going to ask you to eat my ass and confidence. Right. You know what I'm saying? Because he probably is not putting that shit in the group chat with his man. Yo, my girl. He's my ass.

I said, that shit was fire. Like, yeah. And then I'll get in finger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the parent of his group of friends, you know? True. No, I'm not going to be toxic. And the other thing is here, like, you guys are both young.

That's another thing we're getting married young. It's like, she's 24. So to her, this feels very freaky, whereas like, you know, if she was, if she was even single for the amount of years they've been married, because she's just 24 now. Well, just, so they've been married a couple years. So they've been probably dating because they were kids, right?

So it's like, that's another element. It's like, this is all part of growing together. You're being, this seems weirder to you that it actually is. Right. Because this might be one of the only few people you've ever had sex with, right? 100%. And maybe not, maybe you were free the year before you guys met. I don't know, but that's, it all is trending in that direction.

So I think this is fine. I think this is a chance for you to kind of let go

because you got married young, hang up, exactly.

And this is a chance to grow. And I would say takes it opportunity if they're shit you want to try. They don't really think about it, too. You know, but you don't have to practice, you'll practice well. The more you do it, and it seems to be here to stay, though, from the little I know about your husband. They say going away.

It's not you're not walking that back. It's not like in the beginning, of course. You're just trying to figure out, like, yo, how do I get him to sleep right? It's not happening. I don't ask him to stop asking me to eat his ass. It's not happening, right? He's going to ask for more.

This is your life now. So that's to do his part. One of the implied ones in your vows was asking.

“Yo, that's how to eat your ass every Wednesday.”

With some with the little honey bear? Yeah, good ones. That's cute. We're rooting for you. I think you're going to, I think you're going to grow to love eating your husband's ass. Yeah. Yeah.

And listen, and if you don't work out with chocolate, because you got married young allowed, you know, divorce rates of high in America. So the next man is going to be like, wow. You know what I mean? You're going to be a champ. Right.

It's right. It's right. Oh, shit. I never had this before. Whoa.

Oh, shit. You become addicted to eating ass. It's possible. Yeah, what? We're rooting for you, though.

You're going to be fine. You'll be all right. You'll be all right. What else we got? Yeah, we'll be freaky.

We'll have to be a study eldest and beautiful guest. I wrote this down so it comes across. Rotate down. That's why. But about 10 years ago, my dad passed away suddenly.

I was 19 and he was only 48. Life insurance policy named my uncle is the beneficiary. It's the understanding that the money would be split between my brothers. My kids instead, my piece of shit uncle, kept almost all of it for himself.

About $140,000. Wow, bro. That's crazy. I'm trying to think of that. Are you going to shoot this thing of man like?

I'm sorry. That's insane. You got to do your nephew like that? Hey, your brother. You're just like, fuck you.

I'm stealing your money. Yeah, you got to see him grow. Yeah, you got to see him. That's crazy. You got to get John.

Keep going. What else we missing? Always. He had paid us back. So there's at least that.

He paid it. Once again, I, I, I. Since I happened, the uncle has paid it back. Also, I don't sure who though. I'm sorry.

Because because the dad was like, when he, when I die, my brother gets this and he's going to split it amongst my three sons. Gotcha. Yeah, but the uncle has paid it back to all of it. So he took, he spent it and then he paid it back.

Oh, so it was a paid loan. Yeah, whatever. That's fine. I'm actually all the way back to now. You're a bitch for being mad at that.

Uncle, basically, your uncle did what all banks do. Banks don't hold your money. They do business with it. That should. And then bring it back.

Yeah, you know. Because this has to be like, you know, is there, is there billions of dollars in a bank? I was like, no, stupid.

“I was like, how did they give our loans and shit like that?”

Like, that's what they do. It's all a game of musical chairs. Yeah. We're fucked if everybody wants their money. And.

Okay. So I'm a little confused, but let's finish up. I just, it was horrible. And I just cannot forget it. I've been in therapy for years with a lot of just life in general.

And this comes up a lot.

And the answer always ends up being forgiven.

But I just can't get there. I don't. I don't feel right about it. Hmm. That being said, I don't really let it control the factor in my life.

I have a great career. My dating life is going really well. I'm generally an overall very happy person. Okay. I'm poor deal with them when I have to see him a couple times a year.

I do, but I hate being in the same way as him. I really cannot stand it. Hmm. By the way, my mom's sister has forgiven him since. And like I said though, I just haven't.

And I don't think I will. You stole the last thing my father left for me. The thing he worked very hard. You know, too. Can make sure it's given you going to be fine.

You can go back. He just borrowed the last thing you had that left for me.

“Let's say this, but I think it sounds like it's a little more turbulent.”

Oh, I'm just going to borrow this money and pay it back eventually. I'm assuming they had to like chase after him. Who knows if it got legal. I'm going to be dealing with him when I'm money. Okay.

So I understand. Okay. So probably what happened is, but my question is was there a moment he was supposed to give it to you. And you went to get it. There was zero month where you did he fuck you in a way where you were expecting it and it didn't come.

And now and he only paid it back like 15 years later. Like that's my question is how.

Let what first thing is how big a sin is this, right?

Because again, it's annoying. But also you do have the money now, right? Did you ever need the money and it wasn't there because your uncle took it? Then I understand a little more of this, right? That's number one.

Number two though. I think this is clearly.

Oh yeah.

I mean, to me, that's the larger thing here, right?

That your kid when he goes. But you're kind of in the worst age because you think you're an adult, right? You're 19. So you think you have, and you have, you have all these like super super charged emotions. You don't know how to handle them.

You're at the worst possible place you can be because you think you're smart enough to handle them. But you're also like young, hormonal, all over the place. And in this guy, this uncle does a really fucked up thing, which is he's stealing. He's essentially steals from you and he steals the symbolically your dad's last wish. So it's like he's taking your money.

But he's also disrespecting your father who you lost unexpectedly and tragically. And I think this is a way for you to still the longer you're pissed about this, the longer your dad is actively in your life and away. It's like there's a piece of open business that your dad was directly involved in.

“And I think really, my guess is you have to let go.”

This is like the last piece of like fully accepting that, you know, your dad is like, it's just, it's hard to let go of that anger because it's like, it's justified on the behalf of your father who's not in your life anymore. And that's fucking, that's a serious bummer, right? And so that, my only thing is look,

really think about how much this guy fucked you. Because if, if it's the kind of thing where you were, you needed that 30 grand for. You wrote it for, right, a down payment on your mom, and your mom needed it to pay for the house. If there was a, if this guy really wronged you in some way,

I understand it a little more. I would still say work towards forgiveness, but I say more. But be real about yourself about how big this sin was. What it really cost you. Because if it really does boil down to he took some of the money.

You know, he was annoying about paying it back. We had to wait for an extra few years to get the money back. That sucks and you should be mad at him a little bit.

But it is the thing that I think you can ultimately forgive.

“And I think you have to be real about yourself about where these feelings are coming from.”

And really think about the grief and about like, you know, letting go of it. And you know, in some ways, it's like, do you really want the constant feel? Like, this is a feeling that that's intertwined with your father, but it's also a negative one. It's also like, and it's like, and letting that rule you kind of stops you from like,

having the, the constant presence in your life. Because you're saying it's something you just met about like, daily, you say, I think it'd be better off to try and transition that and to like, happy memories of your dad as opposed to like this fucking anger at your dickhead uncle, right? The other thing is, too, like, I don't know how many siblings your dad had,

but if he chose your uncle to be the one that's distributed in his money, that means that they must have been, unless he's like, you know, he was, he was, he was, he was forced, I guess. Well, I wouldn't give it to his wife, he didn't say. You know what I'm saying?

Maybe so fine even they weren't divorced. He chose his brother. He's like, you know what I mean? Women don't know how to handle money. His brother and you, he was cheating. He's like, all right, he's like, listen, he's going to be mad at you.

They're going to find out. Use the hundred K. The pay-up act. They're like a secret agreement with him. He's like, look, just fucking do it.

Oh, that's what I'm saying. Like, you, you might be missing out on like a bonus dad. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you're dad and your uncle were very close, you know what I'm saying? And maybe they share some similarities. You could, you could, you know, channel your dad to your uncle,

which might be an unhealthy thing, but like, you know, you got a, a father figure presence type of person still in your life. You know what I'm saying that you can mend fences with. Why not? And also, how old is he, eldest?

Did he say? He said he was 19 when his dad died 10 years ago. So he was 29. You thought it was 30. Come on.

This is also, I also will give you a pass in terms of like, I get the, these like, I would say everything we talked about, really look at all your feelings and also be open to it at least. Because I think the first step for me,

Reckon styling with people that I never did was being like,

I don't feel this way right now, but if it comes up, I'm not going to fight it, right? Like, because that's another thing of like, you don't want to, you don't want to be doing the work to stay angry.

“You have to be angry, you have to be angry.”

But if there's a time where you don't even give a fuck, like, truly, a lot of the shit with my dad is like, I got to the point where I'm like, I don't fucking care. I'm a grown man.

Who gives a fuck that he wasn't, that he skipped out on a couple important things. That matters to me when I was even in my 20s. But when you get to a point where you're like, I don't, and you might get to a point where you're like,

money gets tight as fuck for you, or you have to do something where you're like, whoa, this is fucked, this is borderline, a little, and not not even saying close to what your uncle did.

When life gets fucked up, and you like, you got to bust some little who knows, right? I'm just saying at least be open to forgiveness, because I've been there too, where I've stopped myself from,

like, I've been ready to forgive, and I'm like, no, fuck that. I'm still mad at this person.

And ultimately, the only person that I'm worth of it.

Yeah, because you just, you don't only want to sit in a still in, like, man, fuck this motherfucker. You don't go getting jerked off somewhere. Like, he's, you know, like, he's like, I don't know what the fuck is doing.

Yeah, but he's chilling. He paid that money back. His conscience is clean. He probably is. He's like, what the fuck's your problem?

Yeah, why are you tripping, bro? Like, your brother's good. Yeah, the other one's chilling. Your mom's chilling. Like, no one's mad at me.

It's true. Think about that. Like, again, I don't know. I don't want to be this armchair. I, this whole show is armchair psychology, obviously.

Uh, don't take a, there's not medical done. I'll fucking listen to me. I'm a fucking idiot. I might be completely fucking wrong. Me too.

But really, you might, we don't, I don't want, I'm not going to tell you're in the wrong, but I am saying, like,

“I think there is something more than the situation.”

Yeah. That's causing, It's not just the most intense anger. I do. That's my, that's my read on it.

It's not just the money, because obviously he said too, like, you know, I'm, I have a good job. Yeah. Like, I'm going to help you.

She's going, yeah. She's going good. So let it go. Let it go. Yeah.

Like, stop saying at least. I think about it. Think about it in this way, and also be open to letting it go. Yeah.

That's the first step to potentially letting it go.

You got some fun first to go out on here, Little Elvis. And we should say, I don't know why. Before we do that,

we should plug whatever you want to plug here, you know, you got a ton of cool shit going on. Man, y'all, you know, let's say about the Kid Merrill, the Kid Merrill,

everywhere on social media, even though I hate it. Yeah. But check me out on there. Shit.

I'm hosting High News 7 Mornings of Merrill. Everyday 6 to 10 AM or High News 7. They almost had to give you the job because it sounds so good. Mornings of the Mirror is fun. You know what I'm saying?

Like that must have helped you like 5%. Yeah. The Liberation. Oh, the fuck is that thing with us? Yeah.

The Liberation. They're rolls up the time. It sounds great.

“I think we're going to go out of political ads.”

We're going to get a lot of political donation money for this. Yeah. But yeah. Mornings of Merrill. You know what I'm saying?

Victorylight, patreon.com/victorylight. It's also on YouTube. You know what I'm saying? If you don't want to feed my children. That's fine.

You know what I mean? Some of you haven't Brooklyn with Carmelo Anthony. No, Mel, I say hello, please. We met at the Raven's game. He obviously had no idea who I was.

But he was delighted by the like, you know, they just showed me. I'm like the fat. I'm like the fat fans. You like the son of Baltimore. Yeah.

Yeah. I was just on the fucking things. Like Mel was like, you know, given away. It was so good. And it goes.

I'm right after Mel. I'm like. Fuck this dealer. Yeah. And he was he was enjoying.

But like, just tell him I say hello. He's one of the fucking greats. Yeah. I come through. At any time.

Listen. Yeah. Son of Baltimore. That's it. That's my one beef with Mel.

It's like. You've rest Brooklyn. As soon as you got out of Baltimore. Now you're Mr. fucking Brooklyn. No mention.

A counseling. A counseling. That goes away. The fucking, that goes away. Dude.

“That's my one little beef to put, you know.”

What's funny? Because when Rudy came on the show. Yeah. Yes. Another.

Another Baltimore legend. My baller. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So that was funny. But that shit bro. That's the most fun show.

Yeah. I work on Perry. Because it's like a fan. It is like a weed club house. Yeah.

We took him to shit like. Yeah. What we about to do? Yeah. We're going to talk about some basketball shit.

Yeah. Who's coming? Stiles. Let's talk about Buck. Yeah.

Let's just be smack the entire time we do it. Yeah. It should have been fun. Yeah. Come up there.

I'd love to. I'm saying. Yeah. Please do one of our favorites. You know, we've been fans forever.

I mean, we lived in a shitty apartment in a story. We would fucking crush the Vaishow. I mean, dude. We were. We were.

We were. It was on repeat. Everybody. That anybody. Everybody in the world.

That was like into like bodega boys. Yeah. DVM and all that shit. And they were like, yo. Yo.

You. You ever. Come. Yeah. It's like the wait version.

No. It really was. And it was kind of like, it broke up at the same time. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm not kids bro. Everybody was just like, yo, Miros de Stavro. So. Of both.

I was like, what the fuck? I was like, is that a guy? You're trying to say, is that not like a backhand. Yeah. Yeah.

Always every. Every podcast related.

Like comparison is always backhand.

Backhand. It's both. They mean it. But it's also. You're getting it something.

So what are you trying to say? Yeah. What are you being about that? Yeah. I'm the funniest one there.

Yeah. Okay. Great. But yeah. No.

It was. Yeah. Love the show. For real. It was awesome.

I mean, it was awesome.

Watching you guys pop off.

And I've been. You know, but we've been huge fans. The whole time. So awesome. This is.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I fuck with this.

“And then you did start doing your solo thing.”

And I was just like, oh, this dude is fucking hilarious. So I've been watching it stand up. Yeah. Thanks, man. Like, don't you for a minute.

Hell yeah. Let's. Let's go out on a fun one. I'll just what do we got. Sorry.

I don't know why I froze. But I'm pregnant with a baby boy. And me and my husband are considering. Not getting him circumcised. And I'm not asking for medical advice from you guys.

But I want to know your experience. Like, as guys are like who have seen. You know, penises and attractive. And like, what do you think culture will be here? That's kind of weird.

We're three right now. Yeah. We're on surr. What's your input on circumcision? Are we for it?

Are we against it? Boo. Boo. Boo. Do you know what's so ill?

Yeah. When a boxer comes to a ring. And they like this. [LAUGHTER] And then they get in a ring.

[LAUGHTER] That's exactly what a force can is. Right. It's an entrance. Yeah.

And like your dick is hard. And that shit just comes down. Like a drop top. Come on, bro. Like if your circus has just got a weird little worm.

It's all fucked up. It's all cowless. Yeah. You know what I mean? You see the scar.

This is despicable. Come on. And then you've been to Australia. It's a baby. You want, that's what you want to do.

“That's how you want to welcome your son to the world.”

You know what I'm saying? Shopping is penis. That's wild. Taking a knife to his little ass dick. That's wild.

That's disgusting. So listen.

And I've never, by the way, people have talked about, you know, women will be like,

"Oh, they look weird." Like, people will call in and be like, "No, I've had one." Exactly. One woman be weird about my uncircum-sized penis. In my whole, and she was just kind of weird to begin with.

Yeah. You know, it wasn't a great situation. It was like a horrific motel after a gig in Virginia. Yeah. And it was like one of my first ever headlining show.

Well, you said motel of Virginia. Yeah. That's what you need to say. It was brutal stuff. She wouldn't give me head, because she just gave me the worst hand job of all time.

I'm still, I'm still mad about that. But don't let that villain. Well, let that villainous woman affect your little boy's penis. Yeah, bro. Okay.

We've all had a great, everyone here is had a nice experience, unsurced. Yeah. And we can't, you know, very highly recommend that no problems here. No one's been weird about it. You didn't even been weird about it, do you?

“I'm trying to remember, like, if there was ever a time, but I think one time.”

Mm-hmm. This girl was like, "Yo." Like, it smells funny. And I was like, "Bitch, I've been outside for like two days. Yeah.

It's not in the shower today, yeah."

But first, can we also have you clearly a dick?

Sure. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, thoroughly. Absolutely. You know what I mean?

Like, so, you know, if you see an uncut dude, ladies or gentlemen, you know what I'm saying, whatever you want to do. If you see a dude that's uncut, like, dick is probably clean. True. I'm saying.

Hygiene is very important. So don't mutilate your young, beautiful boy. You can do it. We're rooting for you. And consider naming the child's stop for us.

Okay. Well, no. Oh, Maro. Yeah. Beautiful.

Those are two strong options. Dude, whatever you do, do not name it elders. That's going to do a fresh mirror. Thanks for coming, brother. You're so fucking awesome.

Thank you. And we will talk to you guys next time. Bye-bye.