#171 - Ms. Pat

Welcome, everybody, to Starveys World 904, 800

stuff. Calling will solve all your problems. We're very happy to have Ms. Pat on the couch today, Ms. Pat. Thank you for coming. Thank you for being here.

Thank you. I like the little mix of things. [LAUGHTER] It's Greek, but it Mexico is close enough. Oh, I'm sorry.

[LAUGHTER] I didn't know the music came with all of us. It does. Yeah, yeah. All of us.

Yep, all of us. We're big all of you guys. No, you agree? I am Greek. Oh, okay.

I thought you just away, man. No, no, no. Greek. I don't even know the flavor. A little flavor, I feel like we're kind of like

the sour cream and onion of white people.

You know what I mean, just a little something different.

You know? Yeah, because they just met me. So you sour cream and onions.

“I think he might taste a little bit better.”

I think so. Yeah. We're-- yeah. Not a lot of Greek. Do you have a lot of Greeks in Atlanta?

I don't know. No. [LAUGHTER] I'm going to be honest with you. Your skin is white, so you're white.

You have the tail, but you something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. I don't go around saying, what are you? [LAUGHTER]

It's purely visual for you. Well, yes, it is. Maybe you catch me in the summer. I got a little tan going maybe then. But for now, winter time, you wouldn't even think twice.

That's fair. OK, are you dark enough? Yeah, I do. I get-- I crisp up nice. Oh, you do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, OK. A big beach guy. Oh, so you get almost black. No, no, no, no.

I've got that far. But I will say my brother, when we would get back from Greece, kids would talk to him in Spanish.

“So they thought he was-- so we at least--”

we don't get to black, but we get to maybe like a light Latino. OK. On the spectrum. OK. Yeah, you take it.

Check back in an August. I'll send you some pics. Don't do that, but-- [LAUGHTER] Can I say-- you know what you look like to make-- Please go crazy.

Something that going on top of a wedding cake. [LAUGHTER] I've got cake topper. I've got-- I've got-- I've got a cake topper facing you. Yeah, is that what you-- especially with you in nature,

like-- you look like a cake topper. I think it's the big head. Awesome. Something that somebody hired to jump out of cake and scare you down somebody.

That's what you give me. That's the energy you give me. Then I know you were Greek, but I'm OK. Yeah, yeah. But you thought I'm either a cake topper

involved in some kind of hijinks involved in this shift. Cake topper energy. That's what you give me. Now, I appreciate that because it's not technically a fat joke, because being on top of the cake has nothing

to do with eating it. So I do respect that.

“Because most people would go on the right for a fat joke.”

Yeah. You give me lesbian cake topper. Stop the groom in a lesbian wedding. No, no, no. Demtogirls.

OK. But the one in a Tuxedo. Yeah, you-- you what they call the "Date Carries." You describe on you today. Sure, sure, sure.

I've always been very envious of being able to upgrade

your dick whenever you wanted. Let's be as have that over me, for sure. Oh, and black beans, too, too. Yeah, well, yeah. But that's natural.

I just mean, like, you get to go to the store and buy a better dick. Well, you get by your better dick at the store. Amazon don't discriminate. I don't know.

I don't know if I'd get the same joy out of using a fake dick over my small dick. Elvis, once you get this dick out of-- mailbox for him, Elvis-- I'm shopping every day in trying to see what technology

is going out there. And if you-- I'm telling you, I know some people that can help you pick out a good dick. I mean, why? Why can't you pick it out?

I don't think I don't think you would be ever going to find an objectively nice one. I don't think I'd get the utility out of it, personally. Well, all you got to do is do like I do in the handmade. See, when they play-- like they was having babies--

just fake it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So what I should do-- so what me and other-- the rest of the small dick community should do is get us--

You think it's mom? It's not great. Yeah, yeah. So before you knew that you just thought I should upgrade, you felt it.

You look like you picked all your nuts. But how cold is it, Miss Tag? How cold is it, Miss Tag? It's always cold. If you got naked, I don't think I can know.

I will neither confirm or deny the nut pissing rumors. These vicious rumors. Your penis really small. I mean, it's not great. I would say I have been--

Oh, so when you let me ask you to-- Yeah, yeah, please. As a not so great dick guy. Yes. How do you jack it?

How do I jack off? Yes. Do you push the balls in it? So it'll be a complete set. Oh, do you just hold onto the Olympic?

Yeah, I don't-- that's the thing.

When you're jacking off, there's no need for glamor. There's no need to-- no one's looking at it.

“So I think my dick probably looks pretty small.”

I'm holding onto the whole thing. Not a lot of-- there's not a lot of overlap. Once we put a hand on it, there's not much comes over the top, I would say. Kind of like when you get a hot dog from--

you got a peek of a dick. From pretzel from me. [LAUGHTER] You know, I know you didn't like the bun. Maybe just the top is coming out of a hot dog.

Why are you just eating like a little-- That's-- are you serious? Who did that to you? I think that's God, unfortunately. I know, and now what's in my God is good.

Not out of time. Right, thank you. God is complicated. God has given his wedding top or a small dick. So pretty much, you a lesbian.

[LAUGHTER] Yeah, I guess so. In many ways, in style, I say-- So your dick is like a clique. I think it's a little better than a clique.

I would have-- would say my dick isn't quite a clip.

“I think it's just on the right at the average mark, unfortunately.”

Oh, that's not average, is this real? Like it. That's not average. I have grown to accept my little last dick as I've grown older.

So you know what you can do to get a bigger dick. Please, this is huge. All you got to do is put a shoe string on your dick. And tie it onto the dough and just keep slamming the dough. I think you think you'd have went into toothless.

No. [LAUGHTER] But think about it if you don't pull a tooth out and pull the rest of that dick out of you. [LAUGHTER]

I'll give it a tooth fairy. I'll put a thousand dollars under the dough. No, I'll tell you. Just slam your dough with a dick. I'm gonna slam your dick with a dough, a cup of times.

And I guarantee you will go to you.

And you can always get the worst butter at the store

and then jack your penis with it. You can always grate butter. Yes, he helps you grow. That's how I got titties. You lathered your breath when you're in love with it.

And then look at your body, this is third grade. It's just a third grade. Yeah, I've had these titties forever. That's wild. Yeah, and I'm trying to tell you how to be wild.

OK, yeah, I mean, I'll slather my penis with butter. No problem, and I'll let you know. But as long as you got somebody who can feel it. [LAUGHTER] I don't know what this is.

All right, I'm going to have to stand up for a minute. They can feel it. I'm not just not like I'm fucking. Then I do like a date line episode about it. You look guys with your mouth.

If your penis is really just that much, as long as you don't have sex with a fat person, because you're like, what a fat person. It's actually, you've got to have experiences. You've got to fold shit back and get up in there.

And if you fat, and she fat, so you lose in a lot of dick space day. It's a great tragedy in my life, because I am attracted to big girls. And people think I'm a snob for not dating big girls, but it's purely geometry.

Yeah, I mean, they cannot withstand two bellies. Well, only if you got palm-dick, you need somebody who can ride it. So most big girls can ride it. That's true, they have knee problems.

You know, no, no, no, no, it's the stomach. Well, the good part about, I don't know if you know this about a fat girl, but that's all the time. And we built for men with small penis. You could just stick in in our navel.

Well, this is especially quiet over there. Allow me to take all the small dick bars. They get all, they black, they got big dicks. You know what I'm talking about? All the sushi thing, also, is--

Oh, Elvis. Yeah, yeah. Elvis, you got a small penis? Well, you know, I would say it's normal. I wouldn't say it's normal, but--

If you're 90 states of America, this is why-- What's a national average? I mean, when you're breaking out the actual aerial tables, it's not the answer, it's not good. This is exactly why white men is mad in America.

And they think we did something to them. It was not us, it was God. Look, dick, last matter. Amen. You're going to be very popular with the fan base

of this podcast after that. Look, dick, last matter, music, music. Especially if you got money, y'all need to be lazy.

I love when you first got here, because he came in.

He looked totally different. They didn't even went to the back and put on a jump. Oh, yeah. Oh, sweat, sweat, sweat. Is that I will wear?

Yeah, I had to put on my professional attire a track suit. That's right. What the-- I mean, we're about to enter into a black momma.

You dressed comfy, I don't know what you want for you. I know, you got your--

“The only thing is that you white with that outfit”

is a new band. New bands is the white feet. That's the white feet, that's the product.

That's right, that's right.

“These are the best ones, the best orthopedic shoes you can get.”

Oh, I don't know, I like-- I tell people all the time. No, no ballad is a great shoe. And black people don't buy them to we get really old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But white people start out in elementary school.

[LAUGHTER] You see, every feet has white kids running the new ballad song. Are you-- We don't know what you're presenting.

Well, we don't know what new ballad is. Well, we're like, why don't you got the Negro slippers on? But we didn't know, the new ballad was a parade. So yeah, unfortunately, I've had wide humongous feet. No, another irony.

Yeah, there's your dick right there. That's right. I don't know what you're at your feet. Unfortunately, yeah. So next time you have it, say, put a condom on your feet

and stick it on your feet. Put it on a big toe. No, the whole foot. [LAUGHTER] So should you be satisfied?

Have you had-- sounds like you've had your fair share of run-ins with little dicks, is that-- No, sir? No, sir, you have not. That don't happen in my country.

[LAUGHTER] No, I have never-- No, I don't want to white-mouth. You haven't seen a little dick once in real life. Where the baby is born?

[LAUGHTER] Only when the baby is born. [LAUGHTER] But there's your egg. But this is what white American don't understand.

If you have small dicks out there, y'all, that's a handicap. You can get a chance.

“That's what I have with you, I understand.”

And you should get a handicap on the other side. The other disability. Because small dicks make you out anger. They are turning the school shooters. So y'all should get so security for small dicks.

Absolutely. If you're allowed to black man problems. You should get disability that gets beyond Xbox all day, stay gaming. So tell them how you should is.

Because I'm curious about it a little bit. Please.

So when somebody give you a head, do they make a second sucky ball, too?

When they do they, or do the same time? Yeah, because it's so close to each other. No, nothing. I mean, not at the same time. I guess that would be, that look, there's plenty of room to operate.

I guess it's just a choice, not to. I guess you could if you really wanted, you know, but I haven't had the, so do you, do you piss and up a stand-and-down? So I don't have a stand-and-down. Yep.

Stealing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would have guessed sitting down. Oh, I don't know. That's a yes.

[LAUGHTER] I don't know, you know. I don't want to, you know, I know a lot of men don't black me and don't say that, because they, they deeks and balls hit the toilet. We'll hit the water.

Hit the water. No, no danger of that happening. Oh. [LAUGHTER] She's squarely.

So you should just stay upstairs. I'm safe. Yeah, it probably hovers, you know, but yeah, it's okay.

Never, maybe one toilet I've had, I've, I don't know.

“But I'm seriously, you should really tie your penis to the dome.”

And let Elvis slam it. I'll be thinking. Yeah, so one of my many duties. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, that is his job covers that for sure.

Yeah. We went over that in the, in the, in the interview. [LAUGHTER] Well, that's good. And the little-the-communic, write that down, slam your dick in the door,

and rub it with low-grade butter. Yes. [LAUGHTER] Would she put a butter, the bigger the penis will come out. Oh, that's important, okay.

No grass fed shit. Wait. No average butter. All right. And you know why people be nasty.

And that's all I'll be nasty and put that fucking butter back in that fridge, right? Because no one might want no nut butter. Don't have English muffin. Don't have an English muffin with a dick butter.

Nobody wants that. Yeah. Not even the grease. The grease. Wow.

No. [LAUGHTER] Ancient Greeks were pretty freaky, but you know. Yes, you are. Y'all don't look at people that, you don't,

that's your people that write that right in the wonder. Yep. Yeah, they're ancient Greece, right? Yep. Yeah.

Look, they can see it. Yes, Lord, I've seen them. I've seen them play. I've seen them play my shit. It was considered, you know, at the time was considered.

I just realized who your people were. [LAUGHTER] Y'all, y'all, the cello people. You know the people with the little arrows. And the little peppers, the little other way out.

Oh, my God. Stupid. You're cute, Pete. Oh, my God. It's so crazy.

Because it's blackish, and it's cute, too. It's valentimes. I mean, you're people. There's so much going on to show much rich, cultural, back and forth going on right now.

Black people lay in piping y'all shooting them with the cute people. Right for the arrow. Right, right, right. Right, right, right. Right.

I'm alive. The only shooting going on here is love arrows. That's right. At least as far as Stavis' world is concerned. That's right.

And we should also say, you know, we got, as which happens a lot with the shows,

But we should also mention, you have so much to plug. So many, you know, Miss Patio, Tees and five. Sees and five. That's a huge accomplishment. Amazon primes.

Amazon prime and BT plus season four. I mean, season three of the court show, Miss Patio, is it? There we go. You can watch that on BT and also BT plus. Yep.

And I have a new cooking show. I love that. I was going to say, that's the one thing that was missing. And then I saw that you're doing a cooking show. That's perfect.

You're really on Guy Fairies corner right now. You got five shows, one of them's a cooking show.

“You should go, you should go tour restaurants as well.”

You'd be awesome with that too. Not right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm in the middle of touring. But it's called whisking it off with Miss Patio.

And it's all in YouTube. OK. And what it is, is people coming into my home teaching me how to cook. So it's not like just a regular cooking show. I, I'm really learning how to prepare.

You know, everybody favorite dish. So and then at, towards the end of the season because I'm doing it in seasons, towards the end of the season, I would take a dish that I like and think I can make all my own. All right.

Nice. For now. Yeah. What's your favorite dish? What is your favorite dish?

What is your favorite dish? What is your favorite dish? So far, it was Pico de Gallo. OK, now. It's up for now.

So they're right. And it's a fast-cut chicken.

So I've never heard a fast-cut chicken.

You take the backbone out of it, right? Yeah, just a chicken in the split. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. When someone came on, it was something I could do.

Cardi A came on from Food Network and made that the fast-cut chicken with me. I was, oh, that chicken was so good. Yeah. But it's so many different recipes that I've had come through that so far. I would like to do them all, but I like, I need to do something quick for the finale.

So yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll come by and cook Greek food. Come on.

I'm super like Greek food. Yeah, yeah. I'm super skewers. Nothing wrong with that. Some screws.

Come on. We're about to go screw you. We're about to screw you. We're about to screw you. We'll see about that.

I do okay in Atlanta. Thank you very much. Oh, I know you do. Yeah. Well, it's a lot of people need a deal.

You can't be on your own time. I might screw on you. You want me to send money to your cousin. Cricket wireless? Yes, all right.

Yes, lower. Yeah, no. No, that's it. Yeah, I do. So it's a price of pussy now.

What's the going rate? Yes. What do you think? It's been a while. You know, it's more, that's the funny thing is when you get famous on the internet, plenty

of mentally ill women will just DM you. So you don't actually have to buy pussy directly. That's what it's supposed to be. That's what it's supposed to be.

“It does see the market seems to have fallen, honestly.”

It really failed doing crack and then it kind of picked back up. But now with the internet and they see people sitting in the living room with microphones. And everybody famous. Right. So that they just giving people like y'all pussy free.

You don't have no more value. Yeah, I wonder what's the, what was worse for the pussy economy crack or podcasting. It's very hard to say both. Both. Yeah.

You. Yeah, because I was, you know, a big fan. I know, I know, you're, you know, your story, too. You were at, you really were an early adopter in the crack when crack came around. You're sold crack from the beginning.

Who were the two use adopters? Early adopter. What did me? You were on the cutting edge of crack. I was on the cutting edge.

We was all on the cutting edge. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody had to cut it and give it to all people. Yeah.

Yeah. True. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I was a crack dealing when it first came out.

Yeah. What's that? What was the, the people, because I feel like when drugs first come out. No one knows how bad it is. They just think it's cool.

Well, I kind of knew it was bad when black women stop combing their hair. And they started turning into zombies. Yeah. So I knew anytime you take a hair comb from anytime. Black people that they Jericho go dry.

We got a problem in our community. Yeah. So. And that was the Jericho. Error.

Yeah. And that was dangerous, too, because it's, it's dangerous. Smoke crack with that liquid. Flamer the stuff on your hair. Yeah.

So they could have died twice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That is true. Thank you. They didn't go up. Jericho. Well, you saw what Pepsi did to Michael Jackson.

That is true. And that one, even a crack pie. Yeah. It was like. Martin, the whole back is in.

He could, he could never grow to back his Jericho.

A lot of them all. He didn't went to a park. Hmm. Yeah. Was that the moment that, that stopped.

That the Jericho stopped. It was after that. Oh.

“Was that the moment of transition to the perm from Michael Jackson?”

That's interesting. I thought. I think Michael Jackson realized how cute Prince was when he's perm. And he decided to give it up. So he went from a tight curl to a wave of curl to a partner.

Hmm. You know, the time just, you know, the Jericho is actually back now.

But I used to get it. It was $39. I heard people charging $200. I'll put this fucking shit in your ear now. But, oh.

I used bag. I could see it being back. I feel like people are, they're nostalgic for the 80s in a lot of ways. Yeah. I can say that.

I had it because my mom couldn't fix hair. But we only got activated once a month.

So my sheet was always like I have for all just dry.

So you had like four good days of Jericho? If you kept the plastic bag on your head, you had about a week. A week, a nice week. You can wet it in the morning. Okay.

And by the time you get to school, I will lay that thing with dry and perfect. And like in my head. It's like, yeah, stick your finger in the socket. Yeah. I'm thinking about it.

Maybe I'll, what do you think? You think I'd go Jericho with the back? (laughter)

“I thought you should start with the front.”

(laughter) With some clear post. (laughter) (laughter) I was bald and I grew my hair out during the pandemic.

And now I just feel like, I don't know. It feels like- Did you like to be bald? I liked it okay. But I don't know.

There's something about having this kind of hair that is fun. No one- No one in the world would choose to look like this. And yet I do. That's sort of how I feel-

That's how I feel like I'm making a bit of a- You know, I don't know. Is it a statement? I think it's funny when people in their mid-30s go bald. You tired?

I'm 36, yeah. Oh. (laughter) I'm 36, yeah. Yeah.

(laughter) Yeah, yeah. I know you're thinking, I look more youthful than that. (laughter) A lot of people are surprised.

They think I just graduated college. (laughter) Somebody, thank you to put your child in college. (laughter) Okay.

I'm all about to be your mom. I have two kids, all of you. Really? Yeah.

“Well, you had kids really young though, too.”

You don't know? Yeah. I feel like they're mom. You do or you don't? I don't know.

A lot of the time people think that my daughter's my sister, my son is my boyfriend. Oh, wow. Yeah. How do they feel about that?

They don't go for it. They know I had them in elementary school. (laughter) Yeah. Yeah.

That's why you became- That's when you started selling crack, right? When you had your kids young? Yeah. I was just on a different podcast that you were just making an insane amount of money as a kid.

You're basically like 16? Yeah. I was 16. A lot of crazy. Damn.

You look like a serial killer. (laughter) Cake, copper, serial killer, which one both? I feel like one is a lot more whimsical than the other one. I'm trying to dig it a movie.

(laughter) It was a movie about the neighbor. He lived across the street. Okay.

“And they think he killed that girl with the red hair.”

You know what I'm talking about?

They always thought he killed him, but they really couldn't prove it.

You look like a man who played the man of the killer. Uh, was it Stanley Tucci that was- Are you thinking of the lovely bones? Yes. Oh my God.

Yes. You look just like the killer. He knows I'm talking. He was the lovely bone. You heard that before, haven't you?

He was never heard that one. But I did. I know the movie. Oh my God. It's the lovely bones.

It is. He is side by side of me and Tucci. Oh, this marked it down. That's what the killer looked like. (laughter)

Yes. Do you think he killed her? Uh, I think he did. I think he did. You never got called, did he?

I don't think he did. You know what?

They never found her by the either day.

The real story. I think they did find her. Down in the hole. I think so. I don't remember.

It's been a while. I actually watched that at your house. I'll just in college. Yes. The lovely bone.

Lovely bones. What's that on Netflix or at the 80s? No, it came out there. This is a pretty old movie. Yeah.

Tucci back in the day. Tucci looking weird. You know, Ryan Gosling, they gave him that role. And then he got so fat that they fired him. And then he just got fat for no reason.

Ryan Gosling was trying to look like me, I guess. And it didn't work out for him. He was originally cast in the weird serial killer role. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they fired him. He says they fired him because he got too fat. Nobody asked him to get fat. And he thought it would make sense for the character. And then he just got fired.

Wow. I would have loved some pictures of fat Gosling back then. Yeah. That's what you remind me of. Lovely bones.

This is reminding me of high schoolware. Everyone just said I look like whatever fat white guy was on television.

I got a lot of Jack Black. I got a lot of. Yeah. But you're not a bad looking guy. You're a nice looking guy.

You do have a baby face. Yeah. I do. You're good looking guy. I'm sorry about your penis.

Yeah. You're nice looking guy. I mean, if he was years ago. Did you? Yeah, yeah.

What you got a lot of money. I know you got a lot of money.

So you can always get a implant or a digging plant.

“I think if the technology was there, we'd know about it.”

Well, I would say this. Oh, you married? I'm not married. Oh, you single. Well, all you got to do is just start dating Black women.

And they need their bills paid. They would treat you so good. Sounds good to me. Yeah. I have no problems there.

Yeah. Because you're going to take care of her and the kids. You're going to bring over. Yeah. I do think step.

Stepdad is sort of my debt. When you look like this, that's sort of your destiny. Yeah. I mean, she's going to fuck you. So you're going to eventually have a buy ratio baby.

I would have a baby buy you because you got some money. I'm open to that. Yeah. Not me now. No, no, no, no.

My she's tied up. It makes sense for me.

You just wasted your time.

I don't want those six. I mean, yeah, I've been having six things in elementary school. I'm really tired. Yeah. That's a little early.

I would say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And now you're sexually retired.

I'm sexually mentally and physically retired. Wow. I just can't, I can't put my leg in the air. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

That is beautiful. I do think I think that's a nice part of life. I think that's a nice part of life to hit where you're like, I'm done with this. I understand why old guys want dick pills. That's your time to sit in a rocking chair and eat apple pie.

Well, you know, it's really hard to have a soft dick because I don't, I'm quite sure you're using soft yet, but a soft dick just lay on your leg like a dead person. And it's kind of hard to go down there and just look at your big dick. You want to put some life back in. Sure.

You think it's the psychological toll of looking at your limp dick is the problem. I'm quite sure nobody wants to say, and you can't just take your dick off and throw it away. So what you got to carry around to the day you got. So it's just dead weight. Yeah.

Yeah. That is true. So why not try to wake it back up? I don't know. The same way you're done, why wouldn't why shouldn't they be done, you know?

Well, my pussy don't lay on my leg. Oh, I see. You know, I don't see it if I don't look down now.

“But you have to, you know, you have to see it.”

Right, right, right. I'm pissing white. You got to shake yours off. That is true. As you shaking it off, arm over.

What is that arm of an angel being playing in the back? You'll be sure you're in the song. Don't cook that dogs for the beef dogs. Yeah. And the eyes of an angel, Sarah Glocklin.

Sarah Glocklin. Yeah. And the eyes of an angel. Yeah. Sarah Glocklin.

Sarah Glocklin. Why are you going to shake your leg back in the evening? A commercial with old guys, impotent dicks and it's that. Yeah. It's that song.

Interesting. But you should definitely come on the black side. Black women will love you. Yeah. They will love to use you.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm open to it. Like I said, I'm not, you know, I know how the world works, you know. So we're all getting a little sum out of it.

That's okay with me. No, they are love you for it. Yeah. You're beautiful. You are cute little face.

Thank you. You need to make home. Get out there. Black mama jogging soon. Get you a nice soup.

Come your back after the front. Can you fix this at that? What do you think, man? You fix my hair. I'm quite sure.

He can comb that shit to the front. And give your pixie cut. Come it over, give me bangs. No bangs. No, like these are bangs.

We won't give you a makeover.

“No, I'm, I'm, I'm, I was, everyone's going to get in the hair transplant.”

I'm not interested in that, you know. Don't do that. Because they just beat up. And somebody just died from that too. That's like in the BBA.

It is. You don't do that. And just cut it off or either buy you. They got, they got wigs now. So good for me.

Did you see the boxing we got this week? Yes, that was awesome. We don't fight on them. Yeah. They're not fightable.

Me and her is not fightable. Yeah. It is insane to go do a boxing match. Knowing you have a two pair on. You know what could happen to you.

Well, that's not collar to pay anymore. That's called a man weed. A man weed. Yeah, a man list. Two pairs for people like Donna Trump.

Don't Trump got a two pay. I see. Now, that is called a man weed. Right? Right, Jay?

There's a difference. Man weed. They're man weed. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. It does feel like that is that wigs are back.

And I always, I don't understand why we can't, you know, why men don't do wigs as much.

I feel like women, they'll throw wigs all the time.

Well, you know, men, every man don't think he's sexy ball head.

Everybody ain't got their head. You know, I don't know how they shape your head at birth. But it's not bad. It's not bad. Yeah.

I was blocked bold for a while. Yeah. You know, some people think that he had a lumpy thing. Some people have a lot of nuts in the back of the head. And some people had a little, they little portable pussy in the back of the head.

So they don't want to show up. The neck rolls are tough. Yeah. The fat neck rolls are tough. Yeah.

So luckily, I don't really have two bad. You look like a sharp hay. Those dogs. You know, with the scrunched up faces. Yeah.

They look like Pam dogs. You got one of them dogs. Yeah. But, you know, you should, you know, come into the front.

Yeah. I mean, if you need to. The old fashioned come over. You don't see the come over much anymore. No, only Donald Trump rocks to come over.

Yeah. It isn't old. But maybe it'll come back.

I mean, if Jerry curls are coming back.

The come over a leisure suit. Who knows?

“That's why I tell you need a black woman.”

He said between a black woman and they'll grease your hair. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Is he grease your hair? He's on grow back.

He needs a massage, just scare. All of it. You don't all of it. Yeah. Send me some rest.

Yeah. Yeah. So how do you like your black woman with the with that crack? I would say without. Okay.

If those are my two options, I wouldn't go without. Okay. Yeah. I feel like with the without kids. Yeah.

I guess it depends. You know, I'm open. Okay. I think it. Yeah.

It is nice. The thing about being a step that it feels like. Somebody said the bar real low. You know? No, it wouldn't be low for you.

It would be easy to cross it as what I'm saying. Do you ever approach black women? Sure. Yeah. I mean, I grew up in Baltimore.

So I mean. Do you ever approach black women like? How you how you doing? Yeah. A little approach black women.

Ask her how she's doing. Sure. Can I take you out? Yeah.

“I mean, I live in a strange reality where I've.”

I just don't even meet people on the outside of the internet anymore. So it's like, but yeah, some of the women I meet online are black women. Yeah. See, I told you they're interested. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. One last time you got laid by one. Oh, let's see here. No, no.

No, no. Everybody was sleeping up alone. Tell this. See, I told you. Okay.

Yeah. Did you call it back? Yeah. You still talking to her? I've seen her.

Yeah. See, I told you. It is different. I'm going to call her Ariel, isn't it? It's fine.

What's different? Yes, it is. It's probably had lotion on it. Yep. Yeah.

Probably soft. And what you're on here is called nappy grip. It's different. Yeah. I noticed that.

Sure. Did he suck in your teeth? I can't tell if it was that or a popcorn kernel. Oh, yeah. I was just at the movies before itself.

It was just awesome.

“If you out there, you look for a good white man.”

Here's one right. Thank you, Ms. Pat. What's your name? Stop for us. Stop for us.

Stop for us. Stop for us. Stop for us. Stop for us. It's right here for us.

That's right. Yeah. I'm ready to go. Yeah. So.

Hmm. This has been fun. Because it's mostly been about my penis and trying to get me laid by black women. Which is fine. Because we have been open, you know, it's nice that we lead with honesty.

And then we can move forward from there. Okay. But yeah, what I mean with the other stuff we should talk about. You got the shows. You got your on tour right now.

I'm also seeing you. Please go to misspatcomedy.com for all my tour dates.

I'm getting ready to take my second special.

Awesome. I'm doing it this time out of my own pocket. And I'm taping it in Baltimore. Oh, shit. Oh, you're taking it.

Oh, you're taking it. Oh, you're taking it. Yeah. I'm about to, we're filming. We're doing my special on the 20 or the 20.

24. We're going to do it for Netflix. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Netflix didn't call me. But okay. No. That's crazy. Yeah.

The first person's on Netflix wasn't it? Yes. Well, the first one was on Netflix. Well, who knows? Maybe you shoot it.

I mean, they put us who will run it. But either way, I'm excited to see the next one. Yeah. It was a fun town for, uh, for caught. It's a great comedy town.

Um, you know, yeah. We're doing it. I'm excited for it. I'm a little worried. My family will be there.

I don't like that. Some of the jokes are about them. But. Oh, all my jokes are about my family. Yeah.

And they died there and just do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I love talking about my family. Everyone. I'm a gay daughter. I'm a stupid son. I'm being married to my big and grandkids.

So the step kids I got. I talk about everything. Who's the, what's the ranking of a family member? Do you have like a ranking going of who you love the most at any time?

My favorite child is jumbo.

Okay. That's my favorite key. So you have an answer. No, no even thinking. No.

Oh, my god. They're all the same. No, I know all the same. People. Everybody got a key.

They can't stand. Oh. Who's that for you, your son? Yeah. That for me is, uh, two of the oldest ones.

They, you know, like I don't know. My favorite child is jumbo. But I love all of my keys. I do. Yeah.

“I think I'm a pretty decent mom to all of them.”

But my favorite is jumbo. I think it once I get old, jumbo would really take care of me. Everybody's going away from me to die. So you can get my money. And some of them.

I believe two of them will pull the plug while I'm still alive. I can be, I can literally bear my eyes open. Talking with IBM, I want to pull the plug. [ Laughter ] What makes you and bug your favorite?

I think because he was my last one. Okay. And I didn't find out I was pregnant. We had him talk about six or six months. It was too late for an abortion.

I said, well, maybe he was supposed to be here. Yeah, yeah. I told him I had a abortion with my other child. And I had a abortion with another baby before my head. My son and Doug got me back.

So I love keeping a stupid ass child. [ Laughter ]

You think the first one was smarter than that?

Oh, yeah! [ Laughter ] I killed my LeBron James. [ Laughter ] Damn.

So there's something... I'm Mike Tyson. And I just kept old down my phone. I couldn't even get no Social Security. [ Laughter ]

How many, how many? Like, because you said you had your first two kids, and then it feels like you've had multiple,

“you know, you've had, like, you've raised, like, yeah,”

you have your stepkids and then... I have her kids. Yeah. Two abortions. And then I raised my sister's kids and then I raised my arm.

Now I have my niece kids. Oh, wow. Yeah. How's that? That's a...

You've been about 13 years. They're almost grown. Okay. Damn. So you've basically done like three different shifts.

I have. Three or four motherhood shifts. I haven't done it. I'm not thinking. Nobody else's kids.

Fuck 'em. Yeah. Damn. That's got to be tough when you think you're done. And then here, then, like, niece...

That's got to be like... Well, you know, it's no... You know, I'm quite... Melf is in your community and crack isn't mine. So it's no different.

You just wait on somebody to blow up a lay-up. So you can take their kids in a family. [ Laughter ] Hey, you know, wait on somebody to get hit by a call for me and how I don't crack.

Yeah, yeah. You know, how to take their kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. And then, so what are you going to do

without...

“Now that you're going to be done with kids?”

The... I want to travel. I want to do comedy and just travel. Nice. Yeah, you said you were going to go to Japan?

I'm going to Japan. Have you been? No, you. I've been, it's awesome. Really?

Yeah. How long was you there? I was there, like, a week. I did some shows and I'll show...

Well, the first time I went...

I did, like, these, like, very low-level, like, army-based shows. This is, like, 15 years ago at this point when I first started comedy. And that was fun, but I barely... You know, I had, like, one day off.

But back, maybe, like, you know, 10 years ago, five, 10 years ago. I don't remember exactly when. And it was... It was great.

You know, it was easier to get around, phone... You know, after... Phone, like, the maps and everything like that. It was cool. But it's...

It was great. I mean, I love big cities. I love seeing, like, different stuff. And I was in Tokyo. And it was...

It was really sick. Yeah. Yeah. We've got in Tokyo, soccer, and Kyoto. Nice.

So, I'm inside it. I'm inside it. Yeah. Yeah. You were a big Japanese food fan?

No. No. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is.

I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is.

I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is.

I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is. I don't know what Japanese food is.

I don't know what Japanese food is. I'm sorry, 22 black. That's a lot of black people. That's just a logistics of a family vacation to 22. That's what we're going to.

It's a face of vacation. Damn. That'll be fun. It gives me just planning that seems annoying to me. It's been a little annoying, but we're getting together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, good for you. You have a good outlook on life where it's like all this horrific shit happens. You're just like, yeah, who cares? I'm racing kids. I got to get away from this shit.

We can't just sit here. I mean, every day is something catastrophic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We the black community is way more white people to stop this shit. You know, until you all get together and gather you.

I'm going to let them know. Cut it out, fellas. Yeah. It's just gone on too much too long. I think school shooters don't join eyes because I have me.

That is. Yeah, what are those statistics? Yeah, we have those school shooters. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The probably police killings. Yeah. Right now, because everyone's in eyes. You just kill people for with eyes. Yeah, it's just this fucking.

Oh, yeah. It's really crazy.

I've just never seen the world like this.

I just think it's history of painting itself. And the greed. I mean, I'm like, you, we are literally watching white people still America again. We are literally watching white people still America again. Yeah, I mean, the, like, it is the, this kind of corruption.

This man is so in us for 10 billion million dollars. Because somebody leaked his shitty taxes. We all know he cheated on the taxes. Yeah. He's doing people.

He's so in us. What the fuck did I have to do with it? I didn't leak your taxes. Why are you so in us? He's shooting the gut.

That's fucking the president. The government. We pay our taxes to the government. We're just going to say he and give you our money because your feeling hurts. Because somebody was fucking with you.

“Well, that's what I like about black people.”

We never shoot up schools. We shoot the person we came to shoot. It's fine. I who leaked your taxes with the president is suit him. Yeah.

But don't take my money. I'm paying to my IRA. Oh, whatever the hell. They take my money for it. Just we literally watching white people still America again.

Yeah.

There was something where it was like he.

He's taking bribes from like selling shit to the Saudis. Man, we'll prostitutes. Yeah. You know what I mean? We just.

And today he gave off. I think I ran. And give me a simple one. Drake. Yeah.

Eldest. Eldest is his past. Rebear boy. We don't have a side table yet. So Eldest is ready to go at any moment to get to bring a sip to our guests.

Thank you. Yeah. This is a crazy shit. I don't. And people just act like they still love him.

And I say this is. That is a crazy racism like this. It's insane how. And it's like the. Even the.

Oh, shit. Nobody gives a fuck like his. Oh, we give the fuck. His. His supporters pretend that it's like.

Well, they want the baby pussy too. They like baby pussy.

That's what they taught him.

“What I don't think they be even with the baby pussy.”

They taught him. They want the real baby pussy. So they ready to eat the baby pussy. Yeah. They want to lower the age.

So they're. So there's their jealous is where you're saying. Yeah. They want the baby pussy. They taught all.

They wouldn't settle for like 20's. Not. That's a huge pussy. They want the. When you take off your.

Draw. They draw. They want the baby pussy. They wouldn't settle for like 20's. Not that's.

Use. They're dug into. Campos. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the.

When you take off your. They want the. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the untouchable pussy.

They want the untouchable pussy.

That's the interesting statistics.

You might want to get it though. You might want to get it up.

“I'll take you as a bit in rolling that universe and we'll...”

Does she better have so many deeds? And once you get that black cocking on mouth is over. It is over. That's good. Yeah, what are the demographics of the universe that she's going to do?

Well, I don't know what. She could just get a black cock neckerie and he's over. Did he have anything else to say he should say? Break it off now. Yeah.

That's all he has to say. She's going to cheat on him. She's going to cheat on you. She's 22. That pussy is like a five crackle.

I mean, in the outestime, she's been sucking your average dick. Oh, my God. 32 also. It's a weird relationship. What are the stars?

It don't matter. Yeah.

She's going to have so much dick in her job.

I tend to agree. I agree with this past read of the situation. She's on 22 year old white girl. They come out the womb ready. Oh, that church.

Some people don't put into that little white girl. She's free now. I'm almost saying it. Negro, please. Yeah, man.

You should probably just cut it off. Also, she doesn't want it. She's not going to. Even she doesn't cheat on you. It's like, what's the, what's the best case in her?

She's going to cheat on you, right? That's true. She's 22 year old. Where do you see this relationship going? This is natural.

Universited to be fucked. Yeah.

“That's why I see this relationship going.”

No, no. It's over.

That's she will be getting her doctor at that university.

So we'll do it. No, no, no. What else we got? I'll just, I think that, I think we dispatched our caller pretty quickly there. Hey, stuff.

Oh, this is steamed. Years old. Physician in a pretty demanding specialty work really hard. Married with two kids. Here's my problem.

Married with my wife for 10 years. We have a beautiful house. Nice car. Take great pictures. She doesn't have to work.

Two nannies. She's got everything she wants in the world. Such life has been pretty terrible. It has been not a consistent for over a year. All right, everything I could eventually give up.

Admittedly, I had to join only fans. So he joined it, but he, he, he, I think he means he's like a custom. He's watching. Yeah. He subscribes to other women's only fans.

Okay. Had to join. Had to. He's going to put a gun to his fucking head. And I've been doing that for about a year.

Nothing personalized. Just kind of subscribe to a few pages. Okay. So easy. Watch some content, pay some content.

I didn't really think much of it. Maybe spend $60,000 a month. Life runs across this on one of my credit cards. Free-south says it's cheating. Oh.

Once the divorce tells me that if I'm working at anybody, that's not her. What? And paying for it. That's the same thing as. It's going to like a sex party year.

That's crazy. Are cheating on her. I think this was really strange personally. She don't want it. And that was her way out.

Yeah. I agree. She do not want you. And you sound like such a good man. And she do not want you.

If somebody hadn't fucked you in a year and you're married. And it's lady guy. The home, the call, the life. She might be fucking your homeboy. Because that's why.

That's why. She might be. But she ain't fucking you. You gotta go the only thing. And Jackie or Dick off the short videos.

Do you know how hard it is? Jackie or Dick off the short.

“I don't even know what's the only thing.”

I don't know the game. I don't know the game. But if you spent $70 on some pussy that you couldn't even get. And she wanted the voice. Sir, your wife is a bitch.

And she's cheating on you. And the reason why she wanted this voice is because she was looking for a way out. What you did was not cheating. What you did was trying to keep your nuts from exploding. And I understand that.

You get rid of that white bitch and get a black bitch. Yeah. Because we want to be put up. Yeah. If you want some birch or kid, bring your ass in the other side.

You can get you can get better food because I know to be. I know you are sick or mother fucking macaroni cheese.

Because that's all white women cook. It's macaroni cheese for the untray. Your wife is a bitch. She's cheating. Yeah.

“It's fucking insane to say only fans is cheating.”

Particularly when you don't. Like she's that's essentially what actually. She's starved you. It's kind of like. Oh, she's more fair.

She's more fair. With starved you. You was forced to you to put anography. Which is by the way, a good outcome. Even I have sex even 90 every 90 days.

Yeah. Keep the accounts open before. Yeah. That is easy young. Yeah.

I mean, you tell me shit is nuts for a lot with nuts. How long has he said they've been together? They've been married for 10 years. Oh, I mean. 10.

10. You've been married 10 years. Your wife been fucking at the yoga class. [LAUGHTER]

I do think she's always a white woman.

I do that yoga shit. Yeah. Yeah. A personal trait. That happens a lot when someone will skew with a trainer or something.

Happen a Tom Brady, in fact. That's Giselle with her karate instructor. Go and get to a black woman. Do the next call. I agree, all this.

You can't listen. Oh. I can't look at that tune. Don't. I do the next one.

Like they don't know it. Hello. It's all this guest. Thank you for taking my call. So a little story.

I'm married. Been married for nine years. And my wife's great. Funny. Lovely.

Beautiful. All the things you want. A relationship is good.

The problem is with our dog.

He is 10. 11 years old. He has epilepsy. So he's still got some life left. But he's showing time.

The problem is my wife has claimed she wants to have him stuff when he dies. And potentially turned into a coffee table. And I'll go. I think that's kind of funny. I don't think I want to stuff dog in my house.

And then there's inevitable time when we have to at some point throw him out. Again. So it'll be like he's dying twice.

“How do I convince my wife that we shouldn't do that?”

Or is there another solution on what we can do? Created solution on what to do with remains of my dog when he is no longer with us? I'm also acutely aware that this is white people shit. So if you have a guest that is a person of color that might add a little perspective on this whole situation. I'm so glad I'm here.

Thank you. Lucky for you. I'm so glad I'm here. Lucky for you. Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah dog got epilepsy. That's the first problem. That's fucking crazy. So that's your seizures, right?

Yeah. That's the people who have the help. Somebody around and keep them bumping in here. Right. So I don't know why to fuck your wife on stuff that dog.

And if I was you, just keep your wife to shut the fuck up. Stuff the dog. Call me. I will have somebody breaking your house and steal the dog. Oh.

Smart. You stay in the robbery of this stuff dog. Yeah. And you're a good guy. Yeah.

You put insurance on that stuff dog table. Right. You ain't got to worry about the shit in the mall. That's true. But it is definitely white people shit.

I've never heard anybody in my black people.

We don't stuff our dog. It feels very country to me. Yeah. Stuffed animal. That to me.

I would never do that. You know what you should do.

“You should stuff him and have him standing up with his dick on hard.”

And see if she keeps it. Yeah. Have them add a very red dog dick to the end of that thing. Yeah. Yeah.

That is so fucking stupid. Tell your wife to get in life and get another fucking dog. Stuff whatever dog is dying. They made another one look just like it. That's the good part about having a damn dog.

It's a lot of them. And they all look alike. Are you a dog person? Yes. I have cane course.

One die. And I just bought another one. Those are huge, right? Those are big dogs. The cancourses.

Oh, hell yeah. How big? Because you have like a... I was seeing on Instagram. You're like built like a huge house.

Yeah. They have dog house. Yeah. Those dogs live better than eldest lives. I was seeing their house.

It looks better than his apartment. It's nice. Yeah. [laughter] Jesus Christ.

Please. Tell your wife. - Please, tell your wife. - Yeah. - The don't do that. - Don't do it, man. - Don't do it, man. - Don't do it, man.

Because if a person of color come over there, they're gonna be like, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" They're like, "Why people?" (laughing) They're gonna be called there by, "Hey, this is why I'm here. I think they eat black people." (laughing)

Imagine you walking to someone's house, and there's a fucking dog with a glass table over top of it. - We will immediately say, "We left something in the car." - That's fucking crazy. - That's fucking crazy. - You're back in the car and pulled the fuck off.

- Yeah, your wife wants everyone to think your family is insane.

“That's what will happen if you have a fucking stuffed dog.”

It's fucking crazy dude, you can't. Just let, show her this clip. Letters see how viscerally disgusted we are. We both are. And no one is gonna wanna come over.

Somebody drops their kids off to play with your kids, and they see a fucking dog. And you have a fucking coffee resting on top of a dog. It's gonna look weird. - Tell your wife, she's gonna waste our time

on some text and don't mess shit. Why don't she wait to you dad and stuff you? (laughing) - At least you'll be able, you can forever be around. We should get another man, she can put you in the closet.

We should launch, she can pull you back out. - That's interesting. Human Taxi Dermy, some of the consider. All right, I'll just, what else we got, man? We're crushing these problems.

- Thanks for all of us. Hello, Elvis, excuse me, my guest. I'm hoping that y'all can help me with this to see who is right, if I'm right, or I'm in the wrong. - So I have a friend who is recovering

from a pretty gnarly eating disorder.

“How does in high school and over the past four years,”

they've been in recovery for it? - An eating disorder? - Eat in disorder? - Oh, not black people from recalls. - And so I have made the very careful

whenever invited them to eat at my house or we go out to eat, just be aware of that. Now, I am having a dinner, and I try finding recipes that would face you, everybody that included some of those needs, some without meat.

And I had to vote in it because it was a tie and then they ended up choosing a dish that had tomatoes. Come to find out that the girl that has it eating doesn't like tomatoes. - The taste doesn't like this.

You don't ever think of it. It is not because of the eating, but because they're yety and they're too red. I'm sure I just need your advice, because I don't know if I'm in the right

to do this tomato dish, 'cause I want to do this tomato dish, or if I should just change my vote so that we do the dish that she wants as well. This is kind of a problem where she acts very childish

and she doesn't get her way than she gets upset, and you don't know why she's so well. - I also included a question in the form saying dietary restrictions, anything I should know about, and she didn't put anything.

So am I in the right to make this tomato dish, or should I have just made the other dish? Or should I have just made the other dish? Like, I don't know what to do. So if y'all could help me out,

I would appreciate it. Also, I have really great tips. So I hope that I have the answer to your description. - Interesting, interesting. Awesome tip.

- First of all, why are you the vines

I might have to y'all's who gonna throw up your food? That's a waste of fucking time. Come on, white people. Somebody should join gotta call me until you see where you're killing the food.

(laughing) It is crazy. I mean, who first, if she got an eating dish or the dish would be at the house, okay? And it has she's got her tomatoes,

'cause no matter what she eats, she's gonna throw it up. So she gonna waste your food regardless.

“So you should tell her, bring your own food”

'cause you're gonna throw it up in a way. - I mean, yeah, it's like, I think the weird thing here is she's talking about dinner party and like... - Who invite vomit cake people to? No friend is a vomit cake.

- Oh, vomit cake. - Yeah, who invite them to a dinner party? You say, them to the movies, you don't invite them with food at, (laughing) oh, you know, that AD is what they call it, right?

- We've never had any black community.

- You didn't know anybody growing up that age. - You will get the fuck beat out of you throwing up your mama food, (laughing) but you were being that back, suckin' that shit, back like a straw, (laughing)

you will get your ass beat, it was not a dish order, it was, you disrespect my table. - Yeah, yeah. - We will get our ass beat for throwing up mama. So you need to get better friends.

(laughing) I'm just gonna get real with you. I've never had a friend to throw up unless you were drunk - Oh, she had the flu. (laughing) - I ain't no fucking vomit cake person.

I don't know fucking. - Deanna party? - I would say, I have a slightly different take on it, which is, you can invite her. I would say, if you wanted the other one,

first of all, making a Google spreadsheet for a dinner party,

that to me is wider than stuffing party. - No, it ain't wider, who the fuck? She said, oh, tomato dish, why are you making a tomato?

- Yeah, I would say, what, yeah, what?

'Cause my philosophy towards a dinner party is have so much food that it's like, you gotta overdo it when you're hosting a dinner party in my opinion. So you shouldn't have one dish, right?

One tomato dish, even if I didn't have a eating disorder. Think of it this way. You wanna please people that you also wanna please fat people. Think about it, like you're cooking for fat people.

“- You should be like, yeah, fat friends.”

- That's, yeah, that might be a problem. - And they probably all got eating, eating, eating, eating. - So I would say, overdo it, cook-wise, do both dishes. You know what I mean? You want people when you're hosting, or say it's a potluck,

but you can't hope, in my opinion, you can't host a party at dinner party and say there's one dish. - That's fucking insane. - Well, how about this?

Just don't invite your friend who likes it the world. (laughing) How about this?

- This is so up, stop hanging out with though-up bitches.

Okay, and get a bitch who know how to swallow. (laughing) - What if she's a recovering throw up there? - I don't, don't hang out with her either. (laughing)

- So if you're eating disorder, you're not allowed to go to dinner parties. - You should, you should stay at home and throw up your mama's shit. Somebody who care about you wasting their food.

'Cause you throw up my food, I'ma slap the shit out of you. (laughing) Food is too high for a bitch to even have a disorder.

“Here's the thing, if I'm having a party,”

I don't care if you wait, you know, have a good time is what I care about. Now be different if it was day to day, you're caring for someone who's wasting food, whatever. But listen, I don't fucking care.

Like, most of the shit- - And don't know about it once in a while, but no ED in the way. They be all fucking shoulders and bones. (laughing)

- I think they, I think we should not exercise people with ED. (laughing) I'm gonna come with the opposite perspective. I mean, think about it, be with ED.

(laughing) Be with ED, I guess you're trying to say it, me, let me shout out. (laughing) People with ED got claw hang of shoulders.

- They don't. - Yeah, well, hope you, if you make a delicious enough meal, you know, put a little meat on their bones, I think the answer here is... - One, it ain't gonna be no one meal,

they get on their bones. - And I know it's a disorder. And if this question is really real that you ask in us, I don't know what you're saying. (laughing)

- ED. - I did it too. - ED. - This is ED? - Yeah, yeah, oh, that's true, I guess it is both.

- Yeah, yeah. - So how do we know she of this order and not a little dick? (laughing)

“- 'Cause that's why I'm supporting her so much.”

(laughing) - So we don't know if you have a little dick or in this order. - I think she's hitting this button. - ED is order, just get better free.

If it was a dick, call him. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Sure, I can tell you what to do. - Yeah, I don't know what to do with him. - Listen, over cook, have a couple extra dishes.

If your friend doesn't like tomatoes 'cause they're yucky, I think it doesn't matter if she has any of this order. Even if she just was a regular guest who wasn't a fan of that dish, you don't wanna, you don't wanna have the people

who voted to be pissed. They just cook both things in my opinion. Cook less of both things. Cook enough, cook some side dishes. Say it's a potluck.

No one should be mad about the food of the dinner party. The whole fucking point is the dinner. You wanted to be something everybody's gonna at least enjoy a little bit or have an element that they like.

You don't wanna anybody be mad about the food of your fucking dinner party. - Is that the ED here? - Yeah, yeah, she might like something though. She might like the,

did she mention what the other dish was, Elvis? - No, okay, well anyway. Hope you and your great tints have a good dinner party. We're rooting for you. And yeah, cook more than you think.

It's my, you know, that's the Greek thing though, too. It's like, oh, keep it real like a real black person. Get free and then don't vomit. (laughing) - Yeah, those are your two options.

(laughing) Get friends and don't vomit or cook a little extra food. (laughing) You decide. (laughing)

What else we got, LD? - It's not, hey, Elvis. Hey, guests. I got a quick one for you. I love eating pussy.

And I just started hooking up with this new girl in casual.

And when we first hooked up, I went to go eat her out.

And she said, no, don't do it. I'm insecure, I'm not said, okay. And then the next time we flop, I didn't go to eat her out, but I caught it with. And I was like, I see why she didn't cure.

So basically, I got a little bit of a question in, (laughing) I don't like tell this girl that I'm not in a serious relationship with. That, like,

has anybody actually straight up told you,

And then how do I, how do I help her fix it?

Because I do really want to eat her pussy. (laughing) Yeah, that's just me. Look at that. (laughing)

Wow, tough problem, man. Take her to the doctor. (laughing) She, the doctor feels broken butses. (laughing)

Hop pussy, guys, something not crawled. She needed an optopsick. (laughing) (laughing) Go get that girl, I optopsick.

And then you get a pussy. She's how you tell 'em. (laughing) You call a doctor, you can't fix that pussy, that pussy need man education.

(laughing) Yeah, probably, that's the fucking pussy. (laughing) You, how do you tell your girlfriend

“your pussy thinks I think is a real question?”

Well, I think a big thing for him too

is that like, they're not dating seriously. He's dating seriously. He's dating seriously. No, he said, how do you tell someone who you're not in a serious relationship?

Oh, oh. They can't really fucking, but he still wants to eat her pussy. He can't, you can't tell someone they're like, "You don't pussy, your face is gonna break out."

(laughing) I'm saying you're right now. You should go break out, Tonne, Eels. You eat that pussy if you want to. The next time we see you,

you're gonna look like Luffy Dumpy. (laughing) Pop the dump, they fell out the wall. They want you to look like two-hums. They don't do as well.

Yeah. You eat that pussy if you don't go stick your tongue down there. You can't see if you catch on fire. (laughing)

If you that ain't just into eating ass, come on over here with us. (laughing) Hey, you didn't want to eat the pussy, about your pussy, I'll have a son.

Oh, okay, yeah. I take listen, man. You can't, this is a weird- - You're a bad pussy. - Sure, sure, sure, sure, I have.

It's not great. But you know, you do have some time you just have to take one for the team.

But I would never, in a casual hookup scenario.

I don't know that I'm telling someone they're pussy sticks. So let me ask you something. Do this male like fish? Or does this smell like oil? Or does this smell like oil?

(laughing) Refridgerated bacteria. (laughing) - Like a moldy fridge? - Yeah.

- No one's opening one. - Or does this smell like... - In the end of those. - Yeah. (laughing)

- Bad pussy runs the gamut. - Yeah. (laughing) There's a rainbow of bad pussy smells out there. - I know, my pussy smell like at the 48 hours.

- Sorry. (laughing) Yeah, we're looking at something that sounds pretty gamey.

“And I think if this is a casual hookup situation,”

you're not telling them they're pussy smells bad. - If you want, because you're gonna funk up the room. (laughing) If y'all ever sneak it funk, everybody gonna know it. - You could, you could push for a shower.

That's kind of, that's a move that some people do. But, you know, if you're, if she does it, - Go funk up the shower. (laughing) - Yeah, you in a closed space with that clown.

- Of course, you're so bad that it ruins the shower. (laughing) - Give her a fresh bar of soap and a fresh washcloth. (laughing) - Yeah, the reason why I'll put this thing

'cause white people don't use washcloths. - Interesting. - Yeah, you ain't pulling them loose, babe. You gotta let them loose some girl. (laughing)

- Get her some baking soda and vinegar. - No, I got it. - It's like a science experiment. We're like the volcano erupts, pour some baking soda and vinegar and a pussy

and then it'll just pop off. - Well, you got a lot of great ideas. - You can all wait, you a white boy. I know you got a gun, just shooting a pussy. (laughing)

“- I'm gonna stop short of shooting her pussy.”

- I mean with your penis. (laughing) - You don't know her. He got it. (laughing)

- Praise the Lord. - Interesting guess as you have. - Yeah. - Just do a couple more here. I'll just what else we got.

- Holy shit, what the hell? What the fuck were are we? What happened? - Oh no, oh I think it's time. It's time to twist.

- Oh my God, it's the mother fucking fucked up as question of the week from the mother fuckers of twisted teeth. We're still, we still haven't landed on the name of the segment yet, but we were getting closer every week. Oh my God, we're here.

What is this time to keep it fucking twisted? What do we got for the mother fucking fucked up as fucking Christ of the Weekman? - Hi, Stubb. I, oh, and the scene guests.

- Thank you. - Thank you. - I'm calling because I have been dating my voice end for just under two years more about to move in together in like a month.

And he's really great, I love him so much. - The main problem though is that he is still friends with his ex-wife

started dating. - Oh, keep it.

- They were like, that's keeping a mother fucking twisted.

- Oh, kind of poly, kind of poly. She said they're kind of poly. - Keep it twisted. - They were like kind of poly. - But then they, a month after we started dating,

like they decided to get a divorce. - Oh, yeah. - And he'd been divorced for a year now. - Oh. - And the wife ex-wife, excuse me,

lives six blocks away with her new partner who is a woman that she met at work. - Okay. - It is twisted.

“This is very, very key to being a lesbian.”

And they're still friends. And I'm kind of losing my mind because like he goes over a turner house and like the two of them have like a movie night or like, I have to come back out to the movies

with them and their friends.

And like, I'm trying to group setting but I really, I get so angry when he tells me he's gonna go over and watch a movie with her or whatever. When they're gonna hang out, just the two of them.

- Yeah. - And then I just wanna know, like if I'm crazy for thinking that way, like I, you know, all my friends are girls and girls and girls and then my therapist is a woman.

So I'm really only having, of course. - Of course. - Female, or female, coded perspectives on this. And I just wanna know if, you know, maybe there's something in this thing

in the straight male mind that thinks this is okay. - That's what you're here for. One of the finest straight minds. - You agree. - But for the one nagging thing, all right, thanks so much.

- Okay. This is a very interesting situation, super. And it is, let's just say, many parties have kept it very twisted. (laughing)

And many of the parties involved have kept it from the very jump of kind of poly. - Kind of poly, kind of poly.

“- Kind of poly, you're coming in at the end of that, right?”

- So let's just start without her, right? - Sure. - Let's just, let's piece by piece. Let's break this down. Kind of poly insanely twisted.

Kind of poly means, who's gonna cheat on who first?

Right? We don't want, we're both cowards. It's when two people, both wanted relationship to end, but they're two, either two cowardly to admit it. So they're like, all right.

If we set up a polyamorous relationship without strong guidelines, someone's feelings will get hurt. - Yeah. - It will become a problem.

- It's poly chicken. They are playing poly chicken. - Do it. - That's happening. - You being the one who broke them up.

That's quite twisted, right? (laughing) - Her, her, did you see the, the X left him for a woman at the same time? Was it simultaneous?

- Was it afterwards? - Was it afterwards? - She's currently with a woman. - Yep. - Right.

Didn't she say once they started, like, - Okay, it was like. - Very soon, like after they started seeing each other. - That's, that's lightly twisted. I mean, I know, that's not, you know,

everybody, people are gay, I get that, but that's fun at least. - If it's not twisted, it's fun,

“that you left, that's what she's, you know,”

with a woman. Now, now, so, and knee jerk, right? They live fucking two blocks away. - Two blocks away. - Twist is.

- Yeah. - They keep being twisted there. - Keep being twisted. - And the fucking cool fucking horns going on. - That's fine.

(laughing) Now, now, knee jerk, knee jerk reaction is, this is insane. - Yeah. - Movie nights, one on one, this fucking,

stands, staying friends with your ex is one thing, right? Hang on, group, say, is one thing. The movie nights are fucking, now I will sit. Now, again, for a slight type of devil's advocacy here, these are people that were together,

even tried an open relationship. - Yeah. - And one of them is now dating the opposite sex, right? Or the same sex in this case, but the opposite sex of whatever of usual.

Now, what's the other late? 'Cause if they tried being poly and it didn't work and this lady is in a monogamous relationship with a woman and you're in a monogamous relationship with him, most of the time would say,

there's zero percent chance this isn't crazy, there is a path here where there is no cheating happening. They are people who realize they weren't gonna work together. One of them is now a lesbian, sure. One of them is dating you, and they are very close,

and they're kind of gay, poly people anyway, at least lesbians, I don't know if gay guys are this way,

or else they'll blow each other or I guess,

but so there is actually a weird way where this is actually, it is in some way, wholesome, right? Yeah, I could see that. However, you still are very entitled to your feelings,

and if you think, if it makes you uncomfortable, they hang out that much one on one, I mean, there's no gap between your relationship and their relationship. - Negative gap.

- It happened at the same time. - They were both existing at the same time. - Yeah. - There wasn't time for them to date.

“Here's the thing, this could be an elusive”

you're both right, and nobody's happy situation. Where he's like, I'm not even fucking this one, what the fuck is your problem? Like I'm not cheating on you, why are you looking at it?

And he is technically right, if she's not cheating on you

and he just is friends with his weird, lesbian ex. - Yeah. - He might be right. You're also not wrong to be like, "Hey, this might be normal "for you, this does not feel good to me.

"I have some, maybe it's something I need to get over, "but I don't really like how close you are "with your ex when it was so messy coming out of it." And I'm a little insecure about that. It's also just the specific activity

of one-on-one movie, that's like the most classic. - That's where you go to cheat to cheat is here. So are you insecure for other reasons? - Yeah, right. - Is this relationship just not good?

Are you a little insecure because it's that old adage of if you get, and I don't think this guy technically was cheating, but is there a little, is there something and wasn't a clean break? - Yeah, he came to you under, let's say,

nebulous circumstances, right? Is there part of you that's like, is there part of you that's like, he did the shit basically with me could do it again? - Even if it's not with her, are you ever gonna trust

this guy? - Yeah. - Is this relationship kind of doomed? - Yeah.

“- 'Cause I was in college, I remember I did date someone”

where it was a little messy from her last,

you know, like, you know, we never, she never cheated on the guy,

but it was like, it was a little messy. And I just remember being like, just never fundamentally getting over the weirdness of that. And I'm even another relationship where it's like, we start out kind of messy, then we were on a good track

for like a whole year, year to half, but the early mess eventually rears its head. And if you don't have a stable relationship and every other way to get over that, yeah, you're kind of fucked.

So, yeah, it's just relationship a little too twisted. - It's too twisted. - Is this like some kind of disgusting, a competitive beverage that's warm and tastes like shit? - And it's in brood with real IT, which by the way,

I don't know if you know this, twist it to you as brood with real IT. Five percent per void goes down smooth as shit. Okay, no pesky bubbles to stop you from gusling it. The list is on a beautiful, on a beautiful spring day

or the end of winter, wherever you may be, you suck down a twisted, an ice cold twisted T, is it that, is your relationship a delicious twisted T or is it a disgusting competing brand beverage? You're gonna have to figure that out.

“Maybe you need to sit down, your boyfriend,”

maybe with a peach twisted T. And discuss your relationship over some twisted T's, is what I'm gonna tell you, but you're not wrong, but if he's not cheating, he's not wrong either. - Yeah, but he's weird.

He's not wrong, but he's weird. You're not wrong, but you could be a little, someone could say you're jealous. - I believe he's not cheating or even trying to fuck, but if this acts as like,

hey, me and my new partner one that's suck you off, let's have a threesome. - Oh, that. - He would do it in the heart. - He's excited.

- I'm excited. - I just got kind of hard to do that. - That's awesome. - And I think you're allowed to be like, hey, no more moving nights.

- Yeah, no more one on one, 'cause she's not unreasonable, she's not like, hey, don't see her average. She's like, look, yeah. - She's your friend, whatever, but it's like, come on man, the fuck we do here.

- Yeah, go out to lunch. - So I don't, again, neither one of you might be wrong, but you might just not be compatible if this drives you that crazy. - And you're gonna have to really get to the bottom of this.

You're gonna have to decide if this matters to you. And either way, now, if you break up, drink a sorrowful twist to tea. - That's right. - And if you decide to stay together

and keep a twisted, drink a celebratory twist to tea. - Well, that's the fuck the best mother fucking twisted ass fucking question over the week. - Brought to you by twisted tea.

- Remember folks, keep it twisted, okay?

- Good luck out there with your weird,

formerly polyboyfriend. (laughing) - We're going back to the Miss Pad episode. All right, I'll just,

“- I think we're going to get a couple more,”

- Thank you so much. - You're going to get a couple more. - So me and my girlfriend have been together for about six months. Everything has been great between us.

We love each other. We quickly reach all of them. - She has mostly been in poly relationships and I have not. And recently her and I have been having some issues

in our sex life and she expressed to me that we would like it if I explore relationships with other women. And again, her and I are really happy together. We love each other a lot.

But she told me, she could get a lot of pleasure and enjoy a minute of her partner being with other people. She's like hearing about it. It's kind of a turn on for her.

So, yeah, do you think this is something that I should explore?

I've never been in a polyhemor relationships,

though I don't know how to navigate it. Let me know what you think, love you by. - Interesting question. So these women are in a relationship and one of them wants her,

our colors, girlfriend wants her to date other people. - I don't know how to answer no poly. I don't even know about a name poly. (laughing)

“I can't find my hair where you don't share your dick”

and damn you don't share your vagina. (laughing) And why are two bitches who bump vagina? I wanna share anything. (laughing)

I don't know why, yeah, I'm a pussy scratchin' ain't enough for y'all too. That she wants to go ahead and see you scratch another bitch pussy. You might need to come back to the land of dick, man.

(laughing) I'm just gonna be honest. She's not right. She's not treat your rights. She's gonna see other bitches each lie.

She's gonna own her and come on back to the dick. The crazy party, she sounds like they're still in the relationship. But I don't know. - Yeah, we don't know.

- Yeah, so, you know. - She didn't make it clear that you know. - Yeah, if you're afraid, if you're wife on it, see you get freaked out by somebody y'all nasty. (laughing)

You y'all going to have two times. (laughing) - Three kids, motherfuckers. - So the poly thing, that's not interesting to you at all, an open relationship.

- I don't open the relationship, I had gone a real. When you open your relationship, you get STD's. (laughing) - Hello, you've been married, you've been married for a while. - Don't you?

Yeah, but he didn't give me shit. - Yeah, he's good, right? - We're doing a clip where you gave me the shit. (laughing) (laughing)

- Okay, interesting. So, who looked, does she have any,

“does our collar have any interest in opening this up?”

Well, does she, should anything? - It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like she's being pretty, not co-worst, but she wants to be a trooper, but she's not into it. - This is her partner's idea.

- Her partner's a cock, a female cock basically.

- What's the cock? - Somebody who likes watching their wife for girlfriend get fucked. - Oh. (laughing)

- Yeah, so she a white diddy? - She has some diddy, she has some diddy elements too, which is why it sounds like. - Yeah, her girlfriend seems to have some light, diddy trappings going on.

- Yeah, look, you've got some nasty friends. (laughing) - We don't deal with a child molester. - Oh, no, thank you, pussy. - Oh, when you're being hunted by a child molester,

let me please. (laughing) - Thank you, pussy eater. (laughing) - Okay, just get late.

- Yeah, yeah. - Another dude who don't know his wife is cheesy. (laughing) - A booty scratcher, cheese, white people. I thought black people need to know the job

have a whole lot of time over here. (laughing) - So look, if you don't want to be in an open relationship, don't do it, you know what I mean? - It's a little bit as an issue,

like you a sock hard, you're so real. - Huh? - You really, it's an answer in this book. - I like to tell that, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd like to make fun of them

and then give them a little song. - Oh, okay. - But you're right, yeah, yeah. - You're right, yeah, yeah. (laughing)

- Tad of truth, she went in out of Bush, she took some, buy you a dick. - I'm sure they have purchased plenty of dick. - Well, buy you a dick, it's hell, you don't want to see, you don't want to buy this, you're using your dick.

And Jesus name your own prank. (laughing) You're getting, and then she'd ask freaking, buy a pocket, put it in your own, lick it together. (laughing)

That's your name. (laughing) Just don't wanna put it all over the room. (laughing) - Yeah, listen, you know, that's your other option. Again, you could go that way, or, you know,

just stand up for yourself in the relationship, tell her, I don't wanna fuck other chicks, and if you guys break it. - Tell her, you don't wanna eat other chicks. - Yeah, yeah.

- Whatever, yeah, eat whatever you do in the bathroom. - 'Cause Gab, if I'll, you ain't a pussy that almost killed her. (laughing) - Give us something fun to go out on here, Elvis.

- That was fun. (laughing)

- Hi, Savi, Elvis, and this team is a guest. I don't wanna need some help.

“I've been with my boyfriend for a year now,”

which I celebrated our anniversary, and he's a short king. I love him to death, he taught his thoughts, but he's short. - He's short.

- And I can tell it, make sense. - He's short. - So why people call short people, short kings? - I think, I think it's for some kids. - I think it's for some kids.

- I think it's for some kids. - Y'all call y'all when McKinney's a queens? - Yeah, I think it's part, it's the great tradition of white people stealing shit from black people.

You guys started with King and Queen. - Yeah, so now y'all using King and Queen. - Black people, they ain't gonna stop King. - That's how it goes. You know how culture works.

(laughing) - That'll stop King and Queen. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- But he's short. And I can tell it makes some insecure, like, bring you pictures together, or out and about, and like, with all our guys checking me out,

I can tell make some angry. So I'm just curious. Advice for dating short kings.

“Like, I can do to help, should I not say anything,”

should I? - Sure, sure, sure. - Sure, sure, sure. It's not an issue of like, chemistry or anything like that.

I'm just a little bit as always, girl.

So, would appreciate any of our students. Thank you, love you guys. - Mm-hmm. I'm gonna start this one, man. Buy your short king some heels. (laughing)

All some stilks one. (laughing) 'Cause nothing like a little bit of anger and his white man. (laughing) That's it.

What can you say? I mean, you ain't your fault, he's short. It's gonna fall. - Yeah, sure. - On tell him drink milk.

That's the biggest lot of America ever told us. (laughing) - He need to drink milk. (laughing)

Jeez, you can always use a full tampon.

- The whole guy. - Yeah. (laughing) - Oh damn, well listen, I have no personal. I don't know why you're calling this show

about any short guys. (laughing) I don't understand why you think I would know. (laughing) But I don't, I mean, look, I've never gave a fuck,

but that's also kind of my whole thing. I get if you're insecure, if the guy's insecure, I don't know that there's much you can do other than if you're just being like a loving girlfriend and you're not just giving attention to other people

who are trying to hit on you, then he shouldn't be, this is his problem, he has to figure it out. Now if he's being a fucking dick about it, if he's like, you know, overly insecure, being like, why are you talking those guys

or like, you know, trying to see your phone. If it bleep, if his short insecurity bleeds into the relationship, that's a problem, but if not, all you can do is, I don't know, be supportive.

- And you can always pick up your man

and put him on the countertop in the kitchen and suck his penis. (laughing) - We're not gonna do better than that. That's gonna be the episode folks,

great advice, Miss Pat. Season five of the Miss Pat Show on BT Plus. Amazon, you said as well. - And Amazon prize, Amazon Prime and BT Plus. - Yep.

- Miss Pat Seltas is also on BT Plus. - Yep. - And make sure you go to YouTube and check me out at what's getting all with Miss Pat at Miss Pat Comedy Channel. So, come on over to the internet, YouTube,

I'm everywhere, go to our website, misspatcomedy.com. To find out when I'm coming to your city to solve your white problem. - Mr. Wright. (laughing)

- Identify yourselves and stop these world listeners if you go, I think it'll be obvious. (laughing)

“- I think it'll be obvious if people came from this show.”

And we hope you do, Miss Pat is so funny. You guys are gonna love her. - Thank you. - Thanks for giving this show a big fan. - Now go take out my jugs soon.

(laughing) - See you guys, talk to you next time. - Thank you. (upbeat music)