Ep 8: The Talk Show Hosts Name Sneaky Great Talk Show Guests

You're gonna play it one time the first time I say the title. Do you understand?

Wow, it's a real clear about it. This is really Wow, you've grown. We grown up not even fun anymore. This isn't even comedy This is actually this is actually a little unpleasant. We've been getting a lot of feedback that the comedy is everyone's least Failure. Just like hearing Seth's dad voice. This is just solid parenting I'm going to be right on. Do you want to say a confirmation from him already ready everyone on to the bathroom before the podcast starts

Because we're not pulled the podcast over just so you can go to the bathroom Welcome to episode eight of straight for us before we get started nicely done. Wait wow nicely done. He didn't say Didn't you do say everyone is favorite football club is Liverpool and yet his least favorite band is the Beatles John Oliver Well, you can't say that that's gonna cause me huge. Wow, you shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have said it on the private texture

John Oliver a lot of the Beatles was hype It was it was Mania one might even say it was Mania You're causing me real problem fun in the moment problematic long-term this you know from crank anchors Where these are where he's either cranking yanks or yanking cranks Jimmy Kimmel Strike force did anyone do

Mr. Sister even off Stephen did did you did anyone do crank anchors

Was I never did it I did I did just leave of them. I did two crank anchors. You're merry your call Stephen

I remember one of them one of my calls was I was calling on behalf of a debt I was calling a sex line on behalf of a deaf friend and I was Talking to the girl and then typing out for him the things she was saying back. You're like Rubbing your

“Yeah, I think it's for cranking. That's a rock sold at yankers, but anyway, sorry. I'm sorry”

No, this is where I think we're gonna this is gonna be the fastest we do the interest He hosted weekend that day before me. He hosted late night before me and every time I see him He says stop stealing my move. It's Jimmy Fallon Thank you. Thank you. I mean for having one clapping for and everyone else. I did leave a clap gap. Yeah for Fallon. That's on me. He shares initials with his homestay South Carolina and his first employer

Second city, which means his next job will either be the Supreme Court or Sean Connery impersonator Stephen Colbert Thank you, chef. Oh, very nice. I was gonna put you on the spot and you did it yourself. Well done I'm the episode to Seth Meyers Drake for his five Money in the bank and is that just so I understand the rules because we don't want dad going off. Is that it for the entire episode now?

“It could not be struck again. That would that would be my preference. I would have at the end. What do we think about?”

You know what will judge the episode if I think it deserves the second thunder clap Wow, maybe you could decide if I if I'm you can reward me or not Yeah, I don't know if I want to do this podcast anymore Suddenly too many rules like work. I didn't realize Seth is both the host and HR What I do think one of the problems is you guys actually listen to me more than my children

So I'm enjoying Getting just a response is so yeah when we're waiting and you tell us to stop we stop Hey, as a reminder all the proceeds of this podcast are going to our wonderful staffs who are currently out of work Due to the writer's strike a writer's strike. We all wholeheartedly support We want to thank our sponsors. We'll have messages today from aviation gin and mint mobile both courtesy of Ryan Reynolds

You cannot find anyone who has a bad word to say about Ryan Reynolds and we have tried We have been let's keep building the pavement and if people have those bad words email us at questions All right, yeah, just I run Reynolds row step a sow to be fantastic. I turn it out the guys are fucking monster

“Right, that's what I don't have to be jokes. We'd love it is some stuff”

You can never it's an anonymous and anonymous Ryan Reynolds tip line and they can't all be from play club

Wouldn't that be great if they were this is episode eight gentlemen? Is that correct? I should have done that We're eight in I will say you know I don't keep your eye. I do have high hopes for this episode, but based on the feedback You've all received I'm assuming we all know that episode five is the gold standard I mean that's what I hear about I personally I just want to say I want to apologize Jimmy Fallon because while it was happening

This is a complete disaster. Yeah, and it turns out People love a car crash

People have talked about episode five to me in a way that makes it very clear. They didn't care for the first four episodes

I think we guys finally got there. That's the kind of stuff. Yeah, you're not climbing back down the mountain top Well, there's there's more there's more questions that were unanswered that remain from that part two Just hearing about that in depth interview. What do you want you next everyone's to change some of our answers based upon no new information All right, I got some takes from a couple of your wife's going. Hey, no, I meant bubble. Bye. And I go. Yeah, you let him. Sorry Good hold the launch of me. She's trying to tell me. She's tried to tell me some of her answers because she wants us to win

I'm like no you can't yeah, my wife kind of made a reference to something goes times I didn't ask all of the things yet So don't ruin I've you've seen my acting don't make me act Make me act we will the other four strikes for us will suck it out so fast. Yeah, if you make me act on this podcast

“I think that's the key is that we have to use the leftover questions because if we try to recapture right the magic”

I guess we'll call. I love that you can't magic

The magic episode. I don't want episode eight just to be a victory lap about episode five What did I do have we talk about my birthday love We did a lot we did a good birthday you said you were gonna do anything because it was only 49 did you do nothing? I didn't have to but I did I forgot there was one thing that I thought was kind of interesting

But it was someone gave me a card which is great. Now. I don't think people sent enough cards anymore, but yeah I got a card and it said you're a 17,897 days old, but who's but who's counting? It was funny, but it was kind of interesting to think of that. That's how many days all night not that interesting There's more it's more things. It's an interesting card. It feels like that's a card you open up go and then place down And actually make a pretty good case for we don't need physical calls. I don't like that card

I would like that card to say the average person lives this many days So I can do a little math. Oh, I had the same thought and I wrote down the date in my calendar when I would be 20,000 days old and when it came up like a few years later It pops up and I said oh, today I'm 20,000 days old and no one cared at all. I mean nobody cared I did it was kind of like I'm 20,000 days today. Yeah, not even my mother. It's fascinating

gave me what I want it. How many grams do you weigh? Let's keep this. Let's keep this fascination going break into smaller units How much is 215 pounds and grams John? You can help us with this. Well 28 grams to the ounce don't ask me how I know that and You know 16 ounces to the pound. It's pretty easy man. Everybody this is where everyone's just going back to realists in the episode five

“Did you say you weighed 215 pounds? I would just coming up with the Trump number. You know, that's what everybody weighs now”

Yeah, topical callbacks. Hey real quick. Did you need to Do you know nothing if not topical? Jimmy did Now this is I feel like a thing that you have to do for your spouse did Nancy facilitate your daughter's making you a card Yes, and how was that card? Actually was so so cute. It's nothing like the cards from the kids are 10 and 8, but when he sent me

I took a photo of the card. This is the card. When he sent me this card and it said dear dad

I love you. I can't believe you're a finally turning 49 or are you turning 48 love winning?

Very dry tough way to find out. Well people will talk about they loved the birthday episode of strikeports fight That's what they're calling Steven mentioned that he would like to share the story about how he found out He got his current job. I will assume that's the best of our stories

“But real quickly gentlemen, do you remember when you found out that you were going to be doing this and how were you told?”

I'd been standing in for John Stuart when he was away direct to his movie and so I know that he was trying to negotiate with Comedy Central again To take the summers off all the time and they wouldn't give it to him and in the meantime I was talking to various people to see if there was another job out there a job that I didn't really want and then I got offered Someday nights by HBO and I went back into John to say I'd been offered that and he said you'd be mad Not to take it and I think in that moment

I wrote a start taking the job because he was kind of pushing me out of the nest But until that it was only when he was looking in the eye saying you would be insane not to take that job that I realized the daily show was over for me Can I add a little color from the outside show that those of us who would new

mystified That Comedy Central was letting you go Like I did the details. It was like that's the Matt that's madness That that's the dumbest thing I ever saw was them going. I don't think so. No, they wouldn't

“I think they're taking away from that summer was oh anyone could do this job”

That's great literally anybody could do it But yet the problem was they were telling us two different things, but we were talking to each other So it was too obvious where they were lying to each of us and it became clear that this just was gonna fall apart So you John knowing you real quick I just want to say you don't strike me as someone who when you receive this job that obviously has you've been incredibly successful with you

Probably didn't pop a bottle of champagne celebrate No, you were the new HBO guy. No, I took I took I believe 15 lines of mid-range cocaine and I started unloading a firearm into the air

And I did not live in the first four of my bills even how many grams is 15 lines of cocaine

15 15 lines. What's up? I cut them. I will turn it over to our gram. Yeah, it just didn't come there He's close to West Coast lines I would talk in California. Is this like the Egens in their prime? What are we talking about? We're all coming up with different ways to pay our staff Stephen has been drug running through South Carolina and I just gone really well Yeah, I thought being a mule would be easy. But I have a gag reflex

Hey, um, I mine is John Stewart related also ABC was talking to John Stewart about doing a late night talk show on their network John and I have and Steven have the same Manager James Baby doll Dixon and of course Dixon tells us everything about here There's no attorney client privilege in the Dixon talent world You know, so ABC had been talking to John Stewart and it seemed like that was gonna happen

And then I got called in for meeting with the president of ABC Lloyd Braun about a Thursday night variety show and I said

I don't you know, I don't I'd never met the guy and I was like I don't want to do a variety show on ABC

It's not something I'm interested in and he said baby. You got a tip the president of ABC says you he wants me Meet with you. You got to meet with him. So I go to the meeting. We talked the whole hour about Letterman and late night That's it. No job was ever mentioned. I went home My ex wife gets a call from Adam Corolla's ex wife who was at the time Lloyd's assistant and she says They're gonna offer Jimmy the the talk show at ABC and that's like what's up

That would ABC and the next thing I knew I went to ABC They had like a little lunch for me on the executive floor and they congratulated me on hosting this talk show I'd never agreed to host and had never technically been offered I think my story is when I was leaving Silent Live

“I said the Lord I go I think six years or what set. What do we sign when we sign for SNL's at six seasons?”

It's six or seven. Yeah For me it was it was six so six seasons I go I said I'm I'm gonna leave. I don't know what I'm gonna do I was thinking movies I was hoping to just be like, you know, Bill Murray or Eddie Murphy or whatever Just leaves her alive and do movies and why why are some of the movies did Jimmy you have fever pitch Thank you

They actually won. They actually won. I'd a friend right me to ask why we clap after somebody mentions their movie Explain that kind of It's the funny it's the transition because it's so unplanned and just did it

It's just same type weapon always in positivity again. So I was leaving us now and I go and so he goes

Would you ever want to do a talk show?

“I go I don't think so and I think I remember”

Tina Fey was in the room in the office. He was just because you know Conan's leaving Conan had signed something about like in six years. He's gonna take over for you Jay Leno or something Something odd like that and so I said well in six years ask me and if I you know from around I'll think about it and then I I left and you know we just stayed friends and blah, blah And I did you know a couple movies nothing that great. Oh like what still not like taxi

I remember six years later Lauren calls me he's like do you remember I offered you that thing six years ago Yeah, you still want to do it ago. I go I go. Yeah, I go but let me I have to ask my wife now I mean I'm married now So I met Nancy's house in LA and I'm like I just got offered to take over for Conan or Brian and she was like She was what do you think I go? I don't know should I do it or what I don't know if I said should I do it

I don't know why I would think about this she was like There's no question you have to take this job

At a if anything you're on a great list of people like this is insane you have to even the show's terrible

“What is something like that effect and I go okay? I go that's it. So I call Lauren I go I'm in”

I'd love to do this he's like great NBC doesn't really want you Have to talk to them. I'm not even on their list by the way. Do you know who was on the list? I do and I blacked out the person's name But there was someone they they all loved we didn't go on to do talk shows at all And but it was someone at NBC that they loved at the time and they were gonna offer it to that person And I and I and I I can hear

No, no, I I'm trying it. It's probably best week Don't say no, let's say that we believe it. Yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah, but anyways I go they were like Jimmy found like it's kind of like he's cold. I mean he's just he's had two movies that didn't work fever pitch and taxi

“And I and so Lauren said I think Lauren said look”

I've worked with Jimmy's a hard worker. He's gonna be great at this either you do this with Jimmy or I'm not involved Or something like that you actually went to bat for me and change my life and did he tell you this story? Yeah, it seemed like a very self-serving law. Yeah, he told me now. He's next to me now. He's not in his head He just does not leave out the details of the withering things other people said He had a jump in the fan just the assumption that you open something and pipe-accus

He just gave me okay sign and a thumbs up so we're good. He's leaving. Putting that kid. They want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it. I'll roll.

You're pretty good. That's good. That's who it was. Thank you. Finally set the bus yours similar. Mine was only

similar because it was also via Lauren but you know the one thing I I we can all agree on is that NBC has been very seamless in their late night transitions with our bumps and you know the crazy thing that happened is there was you know the reason Jimmy moved to the tonight show is you know Leno was gonna do a show at 11 30 for a half an hour Conan was gonna do the tonight show midnight. Conan decided he didn't want to do the tonight show midnight. He left to go to TBS. The tonight show opened up. Jimmy took the tonight show late night was open

it was not on my radar at all as something that I was gonna do in my future and there was a New York post article that said I was one of the rumored replacements and Lauren called me and

when you talk to Lauren it often feels like a follow up call to a conversation that never happened.

“So he's like you know he literally just started saying you know I think you'll do it and it will be good”

and it'll take time but you'll you know you'll have Jimmy as a leading and it was so there was it again no moment when anyone ever said to me would you like to do this? Yeah same here. Yeah it's insulting it really is it's like of course what else are you gonna do? By story it's kind of complicated and it's also no one knows the story because I was at one point asked not to tell the story but those involved in me not telling the story no longer work at CBS we have an upcoming guest

and I would like to tell the story to that guest to have their reaction and their their their perspective on that story and that's it we call that a tease gentlemen. So we're gonna throw to our sponsor one of our sponsors will find out which one of Ryan Reynolds incredibly successful companies is taken general first sponsor spot today. Hey everyone since the political ad season is about to begin I thought I'd tell you about the premium wireless provider in the race that doesn't want

a wage war on your wallet mid-mobile unlike big wireless mid-mobile doesn't spend all day thinking of new ways to overcharge underserved and screw you sideways on your wireless bill. No mid-mobile wants you to get unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month for a limited time. What is big wireless want? All your money in non sequential unmarked bills left in a brief case under the freeway. Don't give it to them. Instead go to midmobile.com/strikeforce today. I'm Ryan Reynolds

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I hope that would be nothing off to fuck me sideways there. Yeah. He always keeps me guessing

well I never know what he's gonna do but I do appreciate everything he does. Ryan Reynolds

He made that sound bad. They won't be also gave our staff anyone on our staff who wants a free service to give everybody who is currently on a work free mint mobile service. That was

amazing by the way. That was so cool. I was like everyone's so appreciative of that. Gosh thank you

midmobile. Thank you midmobile. Thank you Ryan Reynolds and I have another question for you guys which is I also want to say real quick. Wait you're raising your hands Steven. Only because he mentioned the strikeforce should at what point should we mention that we have merch now. We do have merch. Good shout out to the merch. We have strikeforce hats, strikeforce shirts and strikeforce pins are all available. What's the website Jimmy Kimmel? Oh my hold on a second. I say I'm going

to say it's strikeforce5.com. I would really that's a great guess and that probably is correct. And that and you can go to strikeforce5.com and you click on a link there that'll take you to our merch page. Yes and I want to make this very clear all the merch the proceeds from the merch that goes right to us. That lines our pockets. That is not true. So we did so I did get voted down on that. Okay yeah. The merch also goes to help our staff. Thank you for your generosity to anyone who buys

our merch and we really should. It's limited supply. That's what I will say is that it's going to be a collector's item. Five shirts. That's your five shirts. 20 bucks a piece. We've won each of them for our staff. Well minus the money it cost to make the shirts. Maybe we're the shirts. Where the shirts are the hats somewhere cool or somewhere interesting and in post of photo and on a send it to questions that. Yeah just don't commit for the comments and not sure about that. I'm not sure if you

know what I'm saying. I'm not sure if you know what I'm saying. Yeah. I'm not sure if you know what I'm saying.

“I'm not sure if you know what I'm saying. Why would you think that that's what they're going to do?”

I think that's where my head goes. I just think it was a steal a stroll or a throw it into a river.

No. It was a stealer and give it to someone who needs a stroller. John Oliver's head always

goes to the worst possible human instinct. You guys first of all I want to state this to you and see if you agree. I feel like being a guest on a talk show is more stressful than being a host on a talk show. Yes. And I say that to guests all the time because I think especially with the 1230 show you get a lot of first time guests and they're so nervous about it and they will sometimes say to me how do you do this every night and I will say oh because I do it every night

it is not stressful. You have the hard job and I certainly remember the first time I was a guest on a talk show how much thought I put into it how stressed out I was. It was my first talk show was Conan was Conan and I did it because I really do think they called up because there was a cancellation this would often happen at late night with Conan O'Brien they would just ring up to the SNL floor

and see if there was anybody walking around who would be down to do a talk show. I was my first

“year at SNL and I think it went fine. I think I had a bad I think my hair looked bad and I do.”

I will try to dig up a photo. What did you wear? I think I wore an outfit that I don't often wear. I think I tried to think what would I wear on a talk show and went very far a field to how I actually dressed. I think like a collared shirt under a sweater is what I wore. I'll bet you looked right. Thank you. Conan was my first talk show too. I was in summertime. I was in South Carolina and they said hey could you be on the show tomorrow night

and I said heavy I have to go I have to be on the phone. It was early on in the daily show and probably 2000 or something like that and I said I don't have any to wear. So I went to a store in Charleston called Ben Silver they make beautiful ties and they have a few jacks there. I went on a bottle jacket or this beautiful kind of golden jacket with this beautiful little window pain of like rosy red and I thought this will be fantastic on TV. Little did I know. I go on TV and

if you I'm sure you can find a clip out there. When the lights hit that jacket I looked like nothing so much as a spokesman for a popular brand of lemon sherbert because it was just the color I

“would describe it as solar flare. It was so brilliantly yellow and I don't remember anything I said”

I don't think it was I don't think it was good. I remember being incredibly nervous and and the one thing that I sympathized with the guest over is that it goes so fast. You sit down and and you go what wait that was it and you think you've done a terrible job no matter what job you've done because why would you have cut us off that quickly? Why did the host say okay it's over?

one thing I really I know the guest is going through that unless they're a total pro. Just to be clear Stephen lemon sherbert is the street name of the cocaine you've been selling during the street. Correct? Yes. At the end of an interview you guys also turn to the guest and say get out.

“No. Not anymore. I did a lot of weird talk shows. I think the first one I did I'm trying to”

figure this out was politically incorrect when did our hosted it on ABC or maybe even comedy

central. Wait a second does that count as a talk show? Was it panel or was it one on one?

It was four panel guests and you know but it was a talk show on me technically. I did a tough crowd. That might be my first. Oh yeah a tough crowd. Yeah Ron Quinn. Yeah. I did Rosanne's talk show. I did Mark Short's talk show. I did Tony Danza's talk show. I did Tony Danza's talk show too. Do you remember it? Yeah I remember it because he was bummed out because they had canceled his show and he still had to do like two more weeks of his show.

Oh that is a lively host right there was like I'm so sorry dude I'm so sorry. He was just like yeah what are you going to do? I do. I don't know why they did cancel it because he they kept telling him you're doing a you know you're doing your character from who's the best of you just oh wait oh my mom was Conan I was my first and did you were obviously early as an outdays when you did it? Yeah I was again I was so nervous about what I was wearing. The quick story about

“something wearing because I wore this outfit I think it was Calvin Klein just because I thought that”

was to me we knew Marcie Klein from Sarah live and I think she hooked me up with someone a Calvin Klein I was like this will be the nicest outfit I've ever worn. It almost looks like I'm wearing the shirt backwards like a button-up shirt like a smock you know it looks like a maroon's

I've never worn it for years but this the year 289 from the future and outfit from what you

think people would wear in the future. It was probably 1998 it was when it first started as snow but then I asked God asked to do Letterman because the Conan won what well I got asked to Letterman I was so nervous that I got a stylist and for those of those who were listening don't know a stylist you pay someone to pick out clothes for you and they'll style you to look cool and whatever for the show so the stylist got me Mark Jacobs who's now a step above Calvin Klein

at the time very expensive but it was a T-shirt and jeans and sneakers the most expensive T-shirt in jeans this day I've ever spent on a T-shirt in jeans ever and had like a drawing of maybe Tim Burton scribbled a drawing of a character that he scribbled for something I don't I didn't get the reference but I said she's a trust me it's cool I go great I David Letterman has me out

I walk out I'm so excited I sit down and he looks me his first thing he ever says to me he goes

Jimmy thanks for dressing up and I was so shocked I was like you have no idea dude this is the most expensive thing I've ever purchased I think in my life my first one was Letterman here as well I think it was just before John left for the summer and yeah like you're saying it went in a blur I was so nervous about it I think Paul was playing substitute by the who was I walked on just to sit in those chairs felt like an outer body experience and as it was going I'm kind of

talking faster than I'm thinking we seem to start kind of play fighting over advice he was giving me to give people questions during interviews go on done that before at one point I took the card the interview questions out of his hand and started making fun of him again not something that I would naturally have done I just got swept away with it and I was so worried afterwards about whether we had actually been fighting not play fighting whether it was upset as well as I was

being walked off by the producer here is he angry with me is that was that fun was he angry with me I just he's already forgotten you were here I was not off the stage first time I was on dayboat so excited obviously it's a milestone to have been on Letterman and it was just few weeks before the Colbert Report started I was fine it was a fine hit and then we were it was taped on a

“Monday because he did two you should do two shows on Monday and one of those Mondays went on Friday”

yeah so super knock top one of those shows super like certain non topical monologue and I was it was

that's the show that gets the big ratings but so was that Labor Day Friday and we were saying

“some friends up in Cape Cod they didn't have a TV I don't I thought they were Americans but they”

didn't have a TV and I said we you don't have a TV I'm on Letterman tonight and they said well you could go to like a bar restaurant so I had we we went to some restaurant I don't know what it was up up in Cape Cod and it was it was like a pub and I went and they had I guess sports on I said hey would you mind turning that on I'm on Letterman tonight would you mind putting that 1130 would you put that on CBS and they I said no I wouldn't do that and I said oh what he

goes but you can watch in the kitchen and so I went in the kitchen and the kitchen was closed like the people back there were just cleaning up a couple guys left mopping and there's a giant state on steel island in the middle of the kitchen and every and I sat on the stainless steel island and we watch one of those TVs that has like a cage over it to keep anyone from breaking it

“and it feels like this dirt shit all over it and that's how I watch the first time and I”

could pause or anything like that and I just I just have to go and what do you think that was a real laugh do you think he really laughed was that a real laugh does he's laughing I think I think that one's real I'm not sure about that one I think I'm gonna be very and then very slowly right the kitchen staff you were doing so well they just won by one sort of started coming over and watching and then this people from the bar came in we don't have a tradition of that kind of

your year round late night shows in England the only choice we really had was panel shows that's why you'd get on TV as a comedian like six comedians talking did you do a lot of those did do I I hated doing it it was the mock the week was what I did before before I left which was a

show that ran for a long time I remember it with the one of the first times I did it they came

up at the end and said we just need one cutaway shot of you smiling can you please just smile I said I can't do it I can't and then they made me try and they came back I went year right you can't that's not that's not this is my mark the week mub you e-k not w-a-k because it was a piece of its time it was a lot of watching down I what will say don't go googling it now mock the week you're aging called up and said don't say no right away let's see basically it's here week they have

60 pounds it's just all in roasting that individual I will say I have a dream I my dream talk show to be a guest on is Graham Norton oh because I just feel like you know one you're going to be on the couch three people are massively more famous than I like sting you exactly at the worst that's the worst possible outcome for a guest spot all right I was just gonna say my one weird one that was I love doing was member John McEnroe had a talk show yeah yeah I still see NBC yeah filmed in

“C caucus and I remember going out there and I love John McEnroe and he was so it should have”

worked because he asked so many questions the talk show host no not to ask I remember he asked me

how much money do you make that's a great question it's a great question what's your first

yeah and then I said I used to live in Amsterdam and he said what drugs did you do but very not like I'm putting you on the spot just that was the first thing the popped into his head and he thought well this will be what people want me to ask I have a couple more questions for you guys but I you know I hate saying this as much as you can imagine let's hear once more from our friend Ryan Reynolds Hi I'm Ryan Reynolds son of brutal Canadian dictator Tammy Tam Tam Reynolds when my mom

isn't secretly ruling the provinces with the clandestine band of savage ukulele players she forces her political prisoners to make aviation American gin known affectionately as tears of the wicked up north aviation American gin has been revolutionizing the gin world since 2006 literally made with less juniper than traditional London drygins aviation is made to please everyone other than the kind of pretentious mousey brisket that thinks a lengthy savage take down

of Norwegian sweater tariffs is fun so if you're in Canada show some respect for the dear leader and if you're at a liquor store or a restaurant ask for smooth delicious aviation American gin 100% cream neutral spirits 42% alcohol by volume diageau New York New York fuck me sideways he's on a different level I guess he's at well at least he's paying to fuck with us that's true yeah that's a little bit mocked the weak issue make

not call me rodent like yeah come on do now see it and say right now my circuit and he will

all the company is now we mentioned our friend martin short who I think all of us would agree oh well okay sorry I thought you guys gonna do it with me no don't you have to draw

that never mind sorry I think everybody would love to have martin short on their show

he crushes it does not matter who the host is it is martin short but is there any do you guys have any sort of deep cut guests on your show that maybe caught you off guard unexpected

“a plus talk show yes wow I remember that shepherd being a guy like that that I never heard of”

and I was like wow this guy is great recently john Wilson from how to with john Wilson I love that show really was very charming and enjoyed having him yeah he would be one where I love that show but I wouldn't know how it would be that's great yes I do you feel like I love when people come out there's a wonderful comedian named joe parah for example yeah yeah and their rhythm is such that the audience has immediate confidence because they realize oh this you know who

you are and I'm here for this journey or the audience is immediately concerned for that guest because their rhythm is so tenuous a guy like john Wilson comes out you know like oh this poor deer that he's really funny I like tignitaro is a is I really enjoy her energy from the moment

I never met her before when before she came on the show and the moment she sat down I loved

“house slowly she answered yes yes and I really enjoy sort of hooking up my jumper cables to the”

guest's energy which is kind of the reason why I like the guest is really combative because I like the energy of fighting with the guest there's nothing more enjoyable than that sex to for you right that's your sex thing hooking up jumper cables but I really I really love takes energy she's one of my favorite people to talk to we don't say a lot of words because that's a really slow conversation she was great she was on my show and we had a great she was a great set and we talked and then

I go hey went back stage and go hey you're one of my new favorite comedians you're like I just want to say that I'm such a fan of yours and she was yeah are you serious are you being serious yeah what do you mean why so no serious are you being serious and go I am why just like we hung out once before you saw me do stand up and we hung out for like five hours we went to a bar and then you were a gentleman and put me into a cab and made sure that the cab driver knew how to get

“me home and you I tell everyone that story like we hung out for like hours you don't remember that”

and I go of course I'm sorry remember that you kidding me that was the night that we hung yeah right this was a bit I'm famously a great actor and seen have you guys have you guys forgot need had someone on before and maybe I guess I I have more than once but one time I had some

somebody on and I had a really good conversation with them and I said I'm so glad to finally

have you on and first said I have been on three times oh three is three times three is a lot yeah they got to make they got to make an impact miss Pat have any of you had miss Pat yeah and you show three yeah she's a she has a show she's a tell felon about her don't oh yeah I you know what you figured out I know who's the strike is over I'm booking miss Pat she has a I like a wonderful it is a family sitcom that is also a wickly filthy and yeah really again she comes out very unique

and the audience I find very happy to see her and be introduced to her and you know as far as the first time somebody maybe came on my radar as a exceptional talk show guest came on the first time Tiffany hadish was that the first time she was on your show it was yeah it was the first time yeah that was one story yeah one story and the confidence to on your first talk show come out and just tell one story now obviously it was a great story but that was like welcome to I will say that

that wasn't the plan it's just it was such a great story and I wanted to hear every detail of the story and we had eight minutes so at the end of the story you know you know you get in that spot where you're like am I what am I going to do right now am I going to start another story or am I going to go to commercial and keep the show on time and you did it I you know obviously you sometimes like you were saying Steven about just ten minutes sometimes you feel bad when you say that's

all the time we have but by only letting her or I should say by stopping after just the one story I feel like that made it as memorable as a recent talk show appearance has ever been yeah that was great that's a great story about the will jade us met in the group on yeah oh yeah that was great

he came on the show the first time he came on the show we did it a big call slow jam the news

where we did like an R&B type genuine this is genuine a plus this is not sure if you're not trying to come plus we did a big call slow jam the news we haven't done it a long time he came on and he kind of is very you know new and he didn't want to do a lot of the jokes he was like I go how about this thing you read this joke here and he goes oh no thanks no and at the end of the bit you're supposed to say like oh yeah and he goes nope and I go just please it's just it's not

thing dirty or anything it's just you're going like oh yeah like in a like that kind of sexy kind of night he goes no I'm not gonna read it like that I go okay and so I go when that is how we slow jam the news and he cut the he goes oh yeah I really didn't say it the way I wanted to the last time he came on when he was like leaving the White House was the opposite guy he came on and I had we did slow jam the news again I wrote some joke about for him where I go like uh and like

“Rihanna says you have to work work work work work work work and he goes well why do you let me say like that”

like I'm like a dad like a nerd why do you say like what are we we we we we we we we we we we you started like dancing stuff I go don't mess this up now you've made it this far you don't have to be fun you can you know you're doing don't just do work work work work and so you just did the opposite way he did a straight as I told him to but he's totally game and I was like he did he did mean tweets for us and of course his people went through and sanitized the tweets that we handed him

and when he sat down to read them at the end of the goes well he there must be worse tweets than this so you guys did what do you guys do here there it is these are not arch enough and we kind of like gave side eye to his people and because we picked the harsh ones but he wanted the harsh ones yeah his game he's he can hold the zone he's funny he came on SNL he wants the harsh ones he wants the exact he wants to pretend like he wants to hold the harsh ones he told his people get rid of the harsh ones

and then he'll have to hey how about those drone strikes you murder a hey I back that off a little bit and just have it about me wearing maybe no one time exactly but the voices a little weird maybe that I we had candidate Obama on SNL in 08 and we wrote a cold open it was a Halloween party at the Clinton's house and this was Darrell and Polar were the Clinton's and he was the cameo he came in wearing a Barack Obama Halloween mask because they had already

been a popular mask and I went to his dressing room and explained I said and then you'll take off your mask and we'll see it's the real you and if it and then I said if it's too hard to get the mask off

“what kind of it's something easier and he just said I think you'll find I can take off a Halloween mask”

wow he's certainly good cold any good I don't have guests the way that you guys have guests but as a viewer what my favorite guest to watch would be someone coming in with a fully formed idea like a Nathan Fielder or someone with absolutely no filter like Charles Barkley because where you genuinely don't know what he's going to say next he has the right the discipline of a real housewife and the thing could be going anywhere Nathan Fielder I think

came on my show if memory serves and his bit was that he'd just been on your show Jimmy Kimmel

yeah and his story was so good he didn't want to come up with a second story and so he just told

exactly what he had done on your show and it's a very earnest Nathan explaining to you that it just seems like both of a lost opportunity to have to move on from this really good talk show story yes you're remembering this right did Jim Carey want to do let them and and do a Tom Hanks interview word for what and it gradually became clear that that's what he was doing

“does anyone else remember that sounds familiar yeah something something he would do”

do you ever have someone on you go like oh they'd probably want to do anything or I don't know how fun they'll be and they end up being the most fun and I mean I'm like oh no that yeah I'm trying to think of like one but I remember like Jennifer Lopez has been a great guest

on our show and always just awesome and just great to just chat with and talk with but we'll

pitch your crazy ideas and she says yes to most of them she'll like yeah I'll do that I'll do the single you don't have to I mean we're just these just ideas you know that's it's silly I'll do it whatever and she crushes she does sketches and bits and songs and she's always game and doing fun things I love yeah Steve Pashemi for us will do we we've wasted his time in so many different ways from having attacked on saying to marrying marrying a cabbage and myself we really have wasted his time

talk show guest who is down for everything in the walls of a very a very charismatic way

“hijack and interview this is a total side story but it is strike related I remember there was a”

rallied in Washington Square Park and it was all the writer's guild members and John Edwards who was running for president at the time got up and sort of spoke on behalf of labor and I remember the next person who spoke was Colin Quinn who was also a wonderful talk show guest and Colin Quinn got up and again John Edwards had just spoke in support of the guild and Colin Quinn got up because I don't trust that Edward's guy he smoothened and smoked through a keyhole and it was so

fresh and of course because last later you know it was boiled and scandal but it was so funny the Colin Quinn this sort of New York guy with the best bullshit detector in the world was like nah no no thank you to Colin Quinn's also knowing there's a joke that right that's being a

comedian first and a human being second which is how it should be Colin Quinn came on the show

once we were doing one of our live shows and he was great he killed and he did some some bit and his and the last bit he did was part of his stand-up act and I go all right well and I killed and I go and now here let me show everyone clip here's Colin Quinn and his new HBO special and we showed the clip and it was the exact same joke that he just did he didn't know but it was a live show so he couldn't edit it out and couldn't he was so embarrassed

he was in a ball he was in a swimming pool he was in a ball and I can't believe I don't want to know that was the clip I was like well I guess you really proud of that joke he wanted to do a twice it was unbelievably funny and real I was gonna ask you guys if you had a favorite story about other late greats people you were lucky enough to meet doing this sort of thing you were no longer with us most of my previous guests are dead I will just say I remember I had

John Rivers on my show I know she's probably done your shows as well I remember her on her wrist she had written like cues and at just like at one point her hand and the audience couldn't see but I could see it and I just had such appreciation for the fact that she was sort of like an aging major league pitcher who was doing everything she needed to do to stay in the game and she was I mean on camera just white hot but I had so it was such a nice moment to realize oh yeah this

“never gets easier if anything it gets harder and if you want to stay at that level you got to put”

every trick you need into it and also is the funniest interview because usually you know you do want to be a good host and and set guests up for their stories and sometimes it's a little bit longer set up with Joan Rivers it was just stuff like husband that's all you're just you would just do 31 liners about husband kids you could just like line it was the best we had Tommy LaSorta once early in the show the guest were Tommy LaSorta comedian named Joe Torrey and a guy who ate

two big Macs every day for 30 years and so Tommy comes out and he talks and we spoke for a normal length of time and then this weirdo comes out talks and we talked about eating two big Macs a day for 30 years and then the comedian comes out and afterwards they call me they're like hey Tommy's

really upset he's you got to come down here I go down to his dressing room and he is I never heard

the F word so many times in a short span in my life I'm in the dressing room with him I'm like Tommy you know you know I love you I'm so sorry upset he's like that's fucking guy and then the other fucking guy talking about the place this fucking guy eats big Macs you know and you're I won the world series you know he's going on and on about his thing and it turns into a loop where he's he's yelling the same thing at me for 45 minutes straight he keeps yelling at me and he's

cursing and I start to look around the dressing room thinking there might be hidden cameras in the room and that my staff is pranking me no cameras in the room at all finally I go okay Tommy well I I have to go I'm very sorry I love to have you on again sometime and the next time I saw him he had no memory of that happening whatsoever he couldn't have been friendlier it's funny you realize he was yelling at you the way he would yell at umpires that can you wait it's grown

“him out yeah that's why I shouldn't give him the the format I sat next to Tommy LaSorta at a”

dodges game what's and he was for a couple of innings he was just ten I didn't know much of L-based Paul he was just talking at me the whole time describing what he was looking at and he said there's one guy the guy I can't remember who it wasn't the door and this guy can't if a fucking shit it's got a fucking terrible I swear this is true the next pitch he jacks it for a whole

know if it's maybe we'll go to that so a former player told me this story which is in the ninth inning of a game Tommy the sort of sub team out for a defensive substitution and the player

was a gold glove fielder and basically when he was telling me the story he said I'm known for my glove

“that's why I'm on the team to sub me out for a defensive player is insane so one of the other”

a system manager told me and I said where's Tommy and he said he went to the bathroom and so I went back into the bathroom and he was Tommy's at the urinal and I said what the fuck Tommy Tommy just turned around and pissed all over my glutes he can't cut that I heard Tommy I was told that Tommy used to send guys down to the miners while he was on the toilet so he clawed into the bathroom and he said you're going to help her turkey I think they were probably happy to leave at that point

I think the only guest I've interviewed that died since was Stephen Hawking and he was he he was

yeah he was a pretty amazing guy I knew that he loved comedy not just from the Simpsons but

he used to go to comedy quite a lot and it was a very very funny man and it was just it was

“relatively close towards the end of his life so he was kind of shutting down the only thing he”

control was really the muslim one eye so he would blink so we set up the interview we emailed the interview together beforehand and then he would just press play with his eye at the right time for the answer that he'd that we'd preloaded and there was one heavy heavy thing he got in on me about me I think I asked him is there a timeline in which I'm smarter than you in the world and he said again there's also one in which you're funny and he hit it just right and it was almost like

his face lit up with the joy of I've just fucking destroyed you right to your face and it was it was the thing I remember the most about it was the thing from the interview that will live with me he just looked very very happy and smart man but fundamentally a roster at heart so you get to write comedy with Stephen Hawking yes yeah he was very very funny yes so he's a very nice guarantee your face would light up if I ever showed you the sketch from dress rehearsal we're Bill Hayder

played Richard Branson and Fred Armison played Stephen Hawking at a strip club because you've never

seen or heard less laughs it was based on a actual news story and I remember the beginning of the sketch there was so much work saying this is based on the thing yeah it wasn't like this isn't an ad hominum attack we saw thing that happened and now we wrote this sketch and on the audience was still nope no thank you forever I have a story but it involves kind of Kimmel in an odd way but but anyway I years ago before was on silent live I got it was 1997 I was in Los Angeles I was

doing stand up whenever I could at the improv and getting paid whatever you get paid and I got invited some party and it was a music executive was having a party who worked for Maverick Records I'm going to get every detail wrong I go to this party I'm talking to this guy at the party and I go he goes what do you do I go I'm a comedian he goes I'll cool I go I just played you know improv and stuff I go what do you do he goes I play basketball and I go oh cool where he goes I'm a

Laker I go cool what's your name he's Kobe and I go I come Jimmy so it's Kobe Bryant so we're talking he's there with the sister and we were just laughing he was talking about he's really into poetry and stuff we were just we had a great night it was super fun so the party runs out of beer and the the guy who was having the party goes who wants to make a beer run I was like I'll go and I don't have a car and Kobe was like I can drive because I'm not drinking so Kobe Bryant and I go in a beer run

I'm brand new to LA and I guess Kobe was too I but he's probably 18 or something I'm 21 so we go to this place called Pink Dot and it's like it looks like a 7/11 from the outside but I don't

“realize that they don't sell things you have to order to get stuff from Pink Dot you have to”

call a phone number and they deliver to you the delivery only you can't go in the store and buy stuff so I didn't know that nearly the coast we go to Pink Dot on Sunset Boulevard and I go to open the door the guys like we we're good we don't sell stuff you can't you can't buy stuff through here and I go no we're just going to get like some beer and he goes yeah that's not the way this shop works if he was not are you saying it was not a shopping store it was not a shopping store no that's

some stores aren't shopable and so they go no delivery only and Kobe puts his ID on the window and

“he goes I'm a Laker and the guy opens the door we get six cases of beer we go when we save the”

party and it was awesome and I hadn't talked to him since and he became Kobe Bryant and I go

to an Emmy after party that was thrown by Jimmy Kimmel and it was such a great party it's a great

“food truck there it was fun and I go in and I see Kobe Bryant I hadn't seen him since and we hugged”

and he goes we both did pretty well yeah Jimmy he's better than you sorry he was being really gracious that he did but he won so many rings I mean at the ending I might have made it he's not

“the it's not the same job it's going to be impossible to follow that wonderful story Jimmy thank you”

for sharing it and you know what Kimmel you did such a good job I'm going to let you have one last

thunder clap this has been episode first of all thank you very much to our producers Mike

Chofy and who's our other producer Max Kimmel oh Matt Chowler Max Chowler you are ready you are ready to hit the thunder clap watch it and thank you so much thank you so much to our sponsors thank you to Spotify and I love you for listening we hope we see our staffs again soon and we're back on the air but until then this is been you do you have a podcast that you would like to plug oh thank you very much John you know and again if you are done with this and still need some

podcast family trips to the most brothers you guys you did great you did great