What Scared Sue Ellen

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Hey everyone, our third read here,

with a really great episode on Scary Stuff. Because sooner or later, we're all scared of something, right? Like going to the dentist. Or giant, hairy spiders with 18 legs and gougly eyeballs. Coming right at you!

Kidding. No spiders here, because I just cleaned my room. But there's one friend I have, Sue Ellen, who's not scared of anything. At least that's what she said,

when we were up in the tree house making a scarecrow. Really? I'm pretty unscarable. Try me. How about monster movies?

Nope. The mystery made in the cafeteria?

I bring my lunch from home.

I know!

“When you have to give a presentation to the class,”

and everyone stares at you with their big, bulge eyeballs. I like talking in front of people. I usually have lots to say. Arthur, can you roll that head over here? Sure.

Once we put this head on, our scarecrows can look so good. We're almost out of straw for the body though. I'll go to the farm and get some more. I'm going to go with you.

It's getting kind of dark. Now, I'm good. It's not that far. Well, take the mic with you. In case things get interesting.

She's brave.

I wouldn't go to the farm by myself after dark.

It isn't just dark podcast listeners. It's spooky. And I love spooky. The wind is blowing. And the leaves are rustling.

Right now, I'm heading into the woods.

“The dead woods, which I have to walk through to get to the farm.”

What was that? Arthur, Buster, Binky? If you're trying to scare me, it won't work. Arthur? Binky?

Come out, come out wherever you are. Get me out of here. Come on, Sue Ellen. Don't be ridiculous. There aren't any monsters in that woods city.

Unless. Where's that book? Here it is. Story of Baba Yaga. The scary witch lady who eats naughty children.

My parents gave me this book podcast listeners. We lived in Russian. Hello? Hey Arthur. Oh yeah, I was supposed to come back with straw.

You know, it was getting so late. I thought maybe we could finish the scarecrow tomorrow. Great. Yep, I'll bring the mic to school. See ya.

Where was I? Oh yeah. The story of Baba Yaga. Deep in the shadowy woods. In a dank and gloomy cottage.

Perched on four chicken legs. Lived in old woman named Baba Yaga. Baba Yaga like to holl at her chicken. Baba Yaga like to holl at the wolves. Baba Yaga like to holl at the...

No wonder I hated that story, all that yelling and eating kids for supper. Forget it. Mom. Dad. I'm home.

Want me to set the table? Hey everyone. So it's the next day and I'm taking a different route to school. As far from the dead woods as possible. Even though I'm not afraid of Baba Yaga.

But I'm not. I'm not. Hey. You scared me, Pinky. Jumping out at me like that. I didn't jump. I walked right up.

Want to take the shortcut to school. Through the dead woods. No thanks. No forget it. Bye.

Yeah that is weird.

She was scared. She ran. Maybe she saw mommy. These are slow. He wouldn't run from a mommy.

You would if it had a mountain bike. Are you talking about me? No, of course not. Yes. Kinda.

Well, I'm not scared of mummies. But I am scared of this. My parents gave me this book when we were in Russia. What am I looking at? A house in the woods?

On chicken legs? You're scared of a witch in a book? It's not even real. That's just it. She might be real.

Last night in the woods, I heard a yell. Just like the noise that Baba Yaga makes. It was terrifying.

Which is why I never made it to the farm and didn't get the straw.

Bomber. We need more straw. We'll never finish our scarecrow. That's not the point. The point is there might be a witch living in the dead woods.

If there's a witch, I definitely want to see her. Me too. As long as Pinkie goes first. What if we all go to the dead woods after school and check it out? If we stick together, we won't get scared.

And while we're at it, we can get more straw for the scarecrow. That too. Deal? Deal.

“So that's what we did, podcast listeners.”

We met up after school and went to the dead woods. We took the mic along, just in case. Sue Ellen were goggles in a raincoat for protection. Buster had his space helmet. I had an umbrella.

And Pinkie had Pinkie. The dead woods sure looked different on a sunny day. Blue sky and birds. What's that noise? Sounds like the river.

Early washing machine.

Only woods don't have washing machines.

I know it's spooky story about a river god. I'll tell you when we get to the bridge. We're here at the bridge over the river. Spill the bean, Sue Ellen. Okay.

So the story is about a hungry Japanese river god named Kappa. Hungry for what? You don't want to know. Seriously? I want to know.

You cumbers mostly. But if you stare into the water, you'll sometimes see a face staring back at you. A face that's part frog. Part monkey.

Part human. And all terrible. If I saw scary river god, I'd distract him.

“Throw a cucumber into the river and make him look for it.”

That's actually a good idea. That's me. Pinkie. Good idea, Barnes. How far to the farm?

I'm hungry.

Quarter of a mile, maybe.

Topps. Too bad we're not looking for the witch in pencil and grettle. She had a house made of candy. Is that the scary sound you heard last night? Nope.

That was a blue Jay. What I heard was human. Like a witch howling at the moon. Or maybe. I'm just remembering that Baba Yaga isn't the only monster who houls.

There's also benches. Are benches the same thing as werewolves? They're more like ghosts who scream whenever someone's about to meet their due. Benches are in folk tales from Ireland. Mostly they ride around on headless horses.

And shriek until your ears hurt. If any band she got in my face, I'd tell them to put a sock in it. You got to get tough with these ghosts. That's it. That's a sound.

I got to go home now for my snack. Fine. You can't leave Pinkie. What about all for one in one for all? I'm all for me.

How about this? If we find a witch in the woods. Or an alien? Or a cap of river god? Or a bench? What if we find a witch?

Or a werewolf? Or an ogre? Or a goblin? Or a grandma? Are you done? Or a dragon?

Continue if we find a... Whatever. We can take a picture and post it online. Right? And get famous and save the day.

And get the reward. What reward? There's always a reward. It's like a rule. Okay.

Okay. I'll stay. I'm not afraid of you. You. What's your name?

Baba Yaga. We are good people. We know you fear good people. How do we know that? It's in the book.

Let's keep going. Stay close.

“Why don't you have to tell us all these stories so well in?”

I was perfectly fine not knowing about... In the train. Just gonna drop on our heads and eat our faces. Open your umbrella. What's in our umbrella?

Get under the umbrella. Get under the umbrella. Wait a minute. That sounds like a dog. It's a witch pretending to be a dog.

I gotta go see it. Something's not right. It's down for the trees. It's down. I knew it.

It's a little dog. Look! It's perky.

The dog I used to babysit.

Perky are you okay? How do you get stuck in a tree? A little pup pup? Oh I see. You got some branches tangled in your collar.

There you go. You're free. I got you. I got you. I got you.

Hang on. We made it down little pup pup. I don't believe it. You're a hero, Sue Ellen. You rescued a stuck dog.

Poor little baby. We got to get her home. Okay.

“But after that, can we please get more straw for the scarecrow?”

For sure. So, boy, cat listeners. After we saved Perky?

Sue Ellen back to not being afraid of anything.

Thank you and back to the farm and got more straw. And after we finished our scarecrow, I put him in the front yard next to a bunch of pumpkins. Right in time for Halloween. That is the scariest scarecrow I ever made. We ever made.

Did you put a motor inside to make the arms move? Why do you think I am? Brain? Like, I didn't even know how to do that. Why is this scarecrow waving?

It's arms at us. It looks really alive. I am alive. And I am going to get you. [screaming]

Guys, it's me. It's just a costume. Come back.

“She, some people are scared of everything.”

Where's the stop record button on this thing? Oh yeah, here. And now it's time for D-R-D-W. Suzy G wants to know? D-R-D-W should pineapple go on pizza?

A pineapple is heavy and spiking. So if you put it on your pizza, your pizza gets smashed. And you get poke by a spike. So no. Question two is from Jamal S.

D-R-D-W. What would you bring to a desert island? A boat. So I can leave. How about this?

What would you bring to a desert island? Ooh, cake. With frosting. Candy. Apple sauce.

Ice cream. Ice cream with marshmallows.

“Ice cream with marshmallows and chocolate.”

Ice cream with marshmallows and chocolate and sprinkles. Ice cream with marshmallows and chocolate and sprinkles and frosting. too.

My genius has never appreciated.

That's it for now. Send your questions to me. D-R-D-W. See you later, Alligator. And that's the show podcast nation.

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