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on Syria's XM Triumph and connect with me 24/7 at Dr. Laura.com. Lucy, welcome to the program. Oh, hello, Dr. Laura. Hi, thank you, I'm surprised.
Hi, Lucy, how can I help?
Yes, okay, so basically my, I would like to know
your point of view on when you're hanging out with a friend, either one on one or a group of friends and you're all new moms, but basically have a bit, everyone has been bashing a lot. And sometimes you feel, oh, okay, geez, that sounds horrible,
sometimes you feel like when that has been sort of thing happens to me, I try to look with him. And basically my point is, I don't know how I should handle husband bashing when I don't want to participate in it. Okay, I'm ready, I'm ready, yeah, I'm ready.
As you know, bunch of women sit around, talk about how horrible men are when they go home and their husbands come home, they're not loving. Bunch of women sit around and talk about the elements
that they admire and appreciate and their husbands
and their husbands come home and they're all kissy, huggy. So what has happened in our culture is that it has made it okay for women to just be bitchy, exaggerate, get attention, get sympathy for their own shortcomings. Because most of them are married to perfectly good men.
But you can bitch about anything. So I suggest two things. One, the next time it happens, say, you know what? I can't really think of anything to complain about with respect to my husband.
And when I listen to all of you complain, it just makes me feel somewhere between sad and negative. So can we do something else? Okay, okay, it's most of those women are exaggerating and just being bitchy because it's easier to say bad things
than good things.
“And so you should be prepared to say two or three wonderful things”
about your husband. Yes. And then invite them to say two or three wonderful things about their husbands because if they're really 100% horrible, then they should leave.
Yes. Okay. And imagine if their husbands heard what they said. How many of those husbands would stay around? Yeah.
So they're certainly not going to get the best out of their men by being so horrible. So I'm going to send you out as sort of like an embassy to try to teach these women better. The reason they're not happy is because they're bitchy.
Yeah. And this I feel kind of embarrassed saying this, but I just had my baby, right? So like I'm just entering parenthood.
I'm thinking of all these things I never thought of ever before.
Having a child, but this I come from divorce parents. So or it's what a parents. But like is it wrong that I have some apprehension about having my kid play with kids from what sounds like really troubled home?
That's something that something you might want to say. That is such a great, you added something fabulous that didn't even occur to me. Of course, that would be a beautiful thing to say.
“You know, your women are talking about your home life is really bad.”
Why would any of us send our kids to each other's homes if it's really like that? And they're gonna, you are so smart. That's brilliant. I love it. I'm going to use that in the future. Didn't even occur to me.
Wow. Take it as it comes start with that step of just initiating the positivity vocalized. Yes. And then yes.
What if they're like crying? I mean, then then I don't know. If they're crying, they shouldn't be in a group of women bitching. They should be either with an attorney or a therapist or a minister. Yeah.
And I do want to know them. But I all know you don't know you don't.
You just took away all the points you had.
No, you don't want to be there for them.
“No, you want to be there for your husband and your child.”
And you don't want your mindset to be altered by somebody else's drama and mellow drama. No, my mindset is actually more encouraged in the other directions when that happens. Kind of, but yes. Okay, got you.
Notice which women are not doing this and meet with them instead. Okay, it's a really small town, but okay. That's okay. I don't care how small or big it is. How many friends do we need?
Real friends. Maybe two or three at the most real friends.
Real, true. Yeah, okay, that's really good advice. I've been listening to you like, non, I've been binge watching you on YouTube ever since I gave for just a night. Oh, thank you.
“My mom listened to you and then I know she called you a couple times.”
But anyway, it's so entertaining and so insightful. My husband and I like are talking even more just in listening to you. So it's really great and thank you for your advice. I don't want you to thank you very much.
And I want to say one more thing with regard to what we've been talking about.
Watch the faces of disgust when you say something nice about your husband. This is telling you that the women are bitchy. It's not that the husbands are bastards. Yeah, I've noticed that before. And I thank you.
Sometimes they think that I just hate stuff. But really, I just, it would not like that. Like anyway. Right, you married a good man and you're a good woman to him. And aside from which I wrote 10 stupid things, couples do to mess up their marriages.
And I've got to tell you, sitting around with a bunch of women bitching about your men. Going against privacy, the respect and integrity of the marriage is disgusting behavior. If somebody really has a problem, they should go to an attorney, a minister, or a therapist. Not to sit with a bunch of women with food and drink and babies bitching. See, I don't believe any of those women truly have a problem.
Other than themselves, they're just not happy people. And they get more attention bitching. If you just talk, say some nice things about your husband, nobody's going to want to pay much attention to you. If you get all theory and talk about how miserable it is,
everybody's going to pay attention to you. You see? Drama. Yeah, can I ask one more question? Of course.
And then I'll look, okay, do you have any sort of, like, three things I should talk about with my husband to decide whether or not we should have another kid? How old is this one?
“Well, I'm not, I'm debating only have what I'm one, that's what I'm thinking.”
But she just was like, oh, so you're not, so you're not, I'm misunderstood. Are you pregnant or do you have a kid? I have a child, she is just barely going to be two months old. Okay, don't think about discussing that now. There will be no objectivity.
Wait a year. Then think about it. Don't even discuss it. How point? You're both sleep deprived.
You're both stressed out. This is not a time to discuss doubling it. Yeah, okay, just wait. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast.
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