How to Break Negative Family Patterns

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Get 37% off plus free shipping by going to vibriance.com/doctorloin. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on SyriusXM Triumph and connect with me 24/7. at doctorloira.com. Susan, welcome to the program. Welcome, doctorloira.

Thank you for having me on. You're very welcome. And trust me with entertainment for many years. Entertainment. Okay, how can I help you today?

Well, I'm frustrated with my daughter-in-law. All right. I have three grandchildren. Three now. The youngest is two months old.

The next one is 13 and then the other one is 15.

“If your son did your son produce all three of his kids?”

No. Two of them. Okay. But she is. He is soft.

Okay. When they married, who had kids? No, man. You hear me saying, "Man, I know you do." So show me the respect of allowing me to get your attention.

There must be a good reason for me to try to do that, okay? Okay. Okay. How old were they when they met? What was their married divorce kids?

History. So take me back for everybody's history. Okay. They met just before the 15-year-old was born. They were renting out a room.

She was renting out a room. With her other boy friend, the father of. In my house, because I had married him moved away. And. I'm so confused.

You're. Okay. I'm sorry. This made no sense to me.

“Can you start again and make it make sense, please?”

They met while she and the first child's father were together.

They broke up. Then her and my son got together. And we're living together for a while. I did get married and then my grandson. She came along.

About a year later. They've been married. They've been on the rocks for a couple of years. And. They hooked up.

And so now I have a two-month-old grandson. Another grandson. Okay. And where do they live? They live in.

There is also. And you live in Arizona. Yes, three hours away. Are you married to your son's dad? No.

He needs to see you. He needs to see you. He's deceased. Were you divorced or he passed? He passed.

How long ago? Last September. We were never married. Yeah. We were never married.

We separated several several years ago. We were never married.

And where he gets a lot of his notions in this and that.

“So how long did he know this woman before he married her?”

A couple of years. I'd say three, four years. No. Take that back. Take that back.

Um, we're living together. Jazz was from one. A couple of years. Both of two years. Okay.

So how can I help you? I am frustrated because even though they are on the rocks. They are still married. He works out a town and comes home every weekend. Deals with the children.

And if she says I need, it comes out of his pocket.

What I am frustrated with is for the wild. That sounds correct. That sounds correct. So what do you frustrated with? So for doesn't sound like anything.

For long. For the last four or five years. She has filed. Head of household with the kids. You know, a legal man.

Your grandsons are in her care.

“I would not mess with the situation if I were you.”

Well, I'm not. I'm very frustrated. And I'm also frustrated. Take up swimming class. I don't want to hear any more about but she.

No more but she. This is the woman your son chose. Made babies with her. And supports quote. The family situation.

I recommend you keep out of it. I do. But no, you don't because you're spending your time frustrated. You don't know what really goes on there. You don't know.

You don't live there. You don't really see your son in this mode. I mean, he made a choice. And then he made a choice not to be there for most of the week. This is a complicated situation.

Don't do anything.

“Negative because we have little kids involved.”

So don't express your frustration and negativity. Keep it to yourself. Yes. I am, and I'm trying to build the bond back with her. So we can communicate in a very positive manner.

Well, how did you blow the bond? No. How did you blow the bond? How did you blow it? I.

For whatever reason.

The first time I met her.

No, no, no, no, no. Do not know. For whatever reason. Ma'am, do you want. We do want to keep talking to me?

Yes or no. And when I interject, stop. There's a reason I'm interjecting. Ultimately, my goal is to be of service to you. So, but I've got to do it my way.

All right? You can't say for whatever reason. You damn well know why. And it would be more instructive for both of us. If you would clarify why you were negative out of the gate.

So dig back, be honest, be truthful with yourself and me at this point. You were negative out of the gate because. She was told I was evil. By your son. By your son.

If it was by him, it was only because I was strong with raising him. Maybe from his point of view, that was a little too strong. Maybe. Probably. She did not have a father.

So. That was kind of you're you're doing, right? It was an agreement between us. You intentionally made an agreement that eliminated a dad for this boy. That has its impact.

Yes, it does. Yeah. But I wasn't going to have drugs in alcohol in my home anymore. And I needed to get clean too. So the choice was made.

Either clean up or get out. She chose it. The choice got it. Between you and that guy.

Trneeter of my boys. Yeah.

I don't want to see the same road.

My grandson. The road described the road. What road are you talking about? Describe it. I have one.

“He's ADHD and we don't know whatever else they want to put acronyms on.”

And he just dismisses and does whatever he wants is thinking he gets into trouble.

Now he's starting to take off without telling anybody.

No years Eve. He got killed. So he already is on a bad road. Yes. Yeah.

And they're trying counseling. Good.

“But these situations are very complicated.”

They often go back to generation or two.

And chaos, drug use, chaos, loss. It's very complicated. If I was the therapist for that family. I would ask your son and daughter-in-law to bring you into the counseling. Not to jump on anybody's ass.

But to have, for example, you too very openly. And it would probably make you cry a lot. Very openly talk about your son's history. With you. And with all the decisions you made and what your concerns were, which are fears were.

And how you chose to handle them. This would be so instructive to the therapist and your son. He would understand you on a whole different level. This would help him in his marriage. So I'm going to put you on hold because I'd sure like you to play this for your son.

For your son, with you listening to it also.

“Because I think this would go all the way to help the grandson.”

Believe it or not. So you're on hold. If you want to give an email address. All right, I'm going to be taking a break now. 1-800-375-2872, as you can see from that situation.

There are so many wrinkles. So many wrinkles. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.

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