The Lies Sabotaging Your Success, Joy & Freedom and How to Unlearn Them for Good! With Jennie Allen

I am worthless, I'm unlovable, or I am helpless.

One at some point got into your life and began to define your life. For me, mine was I am worthless. These narratives have gotten there and they've stayed there for long enough that it's really hard to rewire our brains. It's really hard to change the story, but you can.

You can, you can't.

“How many up in this incredible episode with Jenny Allen?”

Why don't I believe I'm enough? Why? Do I think I don't have what it takes? Why do I think other people can go after their dreams, but I just can't. And on and on and on, when we believe negative lies about ourselves, how does it impact

our life and the storyline behind those negative thoughts that we all feel that you just named? And there's so many more. There's this real fear that deep down we think it's true. We hope it's a lie.

We pray that it's not true. In fact, we try to fix ourselves and we spend a lot of energy pretending that we don't believe those things that we are perfectly secure and confident. There's these running things that we have just been programmed to think that have been there so long that we don't even question them.

“And now what I can say about today, that lie that I'm worthless, that I know how to recognize”

it, I know it's a lie. I don't wonder anymore if it's true. And I can spot it and I can speak to it. I can put it on trial. Hi, it's Jamie.

I'm so happy you are here today. If you ever find yourself thinking thoughts like, "I'm not enough. I'm worthless." Or I'm helpless and can't do it on my own. Or I'm unlovable.

Those are lies. And sometimes they're even lies, we don't realize we're believing. We believe them they can sabotage all areas of our lives from our career to our friendships, to our romantic and family relationships, to our faith, to our joy and happiness. And today, I am so excited for this conversation because we're joined by Jenny Allen, who's

here to share how to find that lie.

“You're believing right now how to dismantle it and how to live free, finally.”

Jenny Allen is a New York Times best-selling author, speaker, podcaster, Bible teacher, and founder of the visionary If Gathering, a global movement that over the past decade

is reached more than one million women in 179 countries through in-person and online gatherings.

And she has a brand new book out called The Lie You Don't Know You Believe. How to find it, fight it, and live free. I am so excited for this conversation today because I know firsthand that lies can hold us back, keep us stuck, and sabotage our calling, and we learn to stop believing them. It can transform everything in our lives.

And whether today you're listening for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kernley Michelle podcast family. Thank you so much for being here. And if you take one second, just hit the subscribe or follow button on the app that you're listening or watching on, it truly means the world to me.

You can also get more inspiration free right into your inbox for me to you, just join my newsletter community at Jamie Kernleyma.com. Also, this incredible podcast episode today. It's not just for you and me, please share it with every single person that you know who might need some inspiration today, or perhaps a boost in their own belief or to stop

believing a lie in their life right now, because what you're about to hear can truly impact mine, yours, and their life, too. Welcome, Jamie Kernley Michelle. Oprah, how have you defied the odds? Her show is unlike any I've ever done.

A revelation. When you listen, it feels like a hug, first lady Michelle Obama, Jamie, you are going so deep.

I have never had this in-depth conversation.

I've actually never said that out loud to anybody in an interview before you know how to get there. Your brain and your spirit and your heart is like, "Wow, Melinda, French Gates!" When I look into Jamie's eyes, I feel like I am on some other cosmic level with her. Megan, that's just of sex.

I wasn't expecting that one. I could see the light around her she's infused with light, Maria Schriver, and never made that mistake again. Imagine overcoming self-doubt, learning to believe in yourself and trust yourself and know you are enough.

Welcome to the Jamie Kernley Michelle. Jamie Kernley, most of our names, everybody needs Jamie Kernley and my wife. Jamie Kernley, mom.

Jamie Kernley, mom.

Jenny Allen, welcome to the Jamie Kernley Michelle.

Jamie, it is such an honor to be here. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited you're here. I read your new book cover to cover love it and it is something that as you and I both know,

we both have been impacted by believing lies and I feel like it's probably one of the most common questions I get asked by viewers.

“Listeners, friends, people I know, it's just like how, why don't I believe I'm enough?”

Why do I think I don't have what it takes?

Why do I think other people can go after their dreams, but I just can't and on and on

and so I'm so excited for this and a lot of people are aware that they have sort of negative self-talk and maybe they are believing lies that aren't true or maybe they don't even know the lies they're believing and just right off the top when we believe negative lies about ourselves, how does it impact our life? Well, let me start with a story.

Yes. So I'm sitting across from my daughter Kate to at the time was about 21 and she's just dynamic. I mean, one of the most likable people you've ever met, just everybody knows her. She lights up a room, she's a successful photographer.

She's married to this darling, young guy and they're starting her lives together and we're at the airport together and we're having a meal and she begins to tell me just open up vulnerably, I'm defective, I'm broken, something is really wrong with me and she's just saying these things to me and as her mom who sees her as just one of the most dynamic humans I've ever known, you know, I'm furious like everything inside of me is just wanting

to fix this. I want to preach, I want to I want to tell her what's true but what was so shocking and what broke my heart was even when I tried to tell her this is a lie, this isn't true. She was like, you can't tell me that you're my mom meaning all of those horrible things you just set up at herself, she actually thinks they're true.

And so I just think the story line behind those negative thoughts that we all feel that you just named and there's so many more. There's this real fear that deep down we think it's true. We hope it's a lie, we pray that it's not true and in fact we try to fix ourselves and we spend a lot of energy pretending that we don't believe those things that we are perfectly

“secure and confident, something I think down deep in all of us and sitting across from”

my daughter that day was it was one of those moments where as a mom you just think what did I do like how did I how did I allow for this to happen and I felt this deep, deep conviction and just stopped stopped me in my tracks because I realized like okay I actually believe the same things even today you know I mean today I'm feeling pretty good I did my hair make it I feel pretty good today but you know what yesterday I was struggling with

these again and so I think there's these running things that we have just been programmed to think that I've been there so long that we don't even question them and so my prayer and my hope is that the conversation we have today that this book it causes us to start to question them and go is it true is this something I've just accepted maybe for decades of my life for you and your life this you just shared with your daughter believe thank you

for sharing that for you in your life yeah because I know so many women and everyone's going to relate to this yeah what are some of the biggest lives you believe and how have they

impacted you because I know now you know and and your book is so powerful the lie you don't

know you believe because a lot of us we just go through life or we take it as truth or we're not even realizing it and you go into how to find it, fight it and live free you go into dismantling lies which I have questions about him so excited about this conversation because you know our identity who we are who what we believe everything we are worthy of all the things and so so for you because there's a lot of people out there millions of people out there

“who are inspired by you by your work, by your offerings to the world and I think that it's”

easy to be at home going oh she has everything she must not believe that you know she must have no issues she must not and then people think they're alone in their self-doubt or they're alone and maybe the lies they believe about themselves maybe they don't realize

share a little bit about like how those have impacted your life let me let me first say I want

“to go backwards and talk about kind of my core lie and where it came from because I think”

all of us can look back and trace it we can find the thing that that we've believed most humans believe one of three lies this is from Psych 101 this is just common knowledge I am worthless I'm unlovable or I am helpless those are three core lies now we all believe those at different points in our life but probably one core one at some point got into your life and began to define your life for me mine was I am worthless and I remember being in sixth grade and I remember

being on my dad's lap and it was a really sweet moment we were looking at the popcorn sailing together we were in his big recliner I was still kind of a little girl I hadn't gotten through puberty yet and I was headed into sixth grade and we were talking about middle school and he started just running through a list about boys totally innocent things boys and homecoming and and all these little things that were going to come up in the coming year but what I heard was

these are the great you need to make are you going to be like by boys are you going to hit these marks are you going to make cheerleading you know I just he was just trying to talk to me it wasn't

“it was so innocent on his part and yet I remember that moment like it was yesterday and it was”

the moment where I thought oh gosh I need to hit some marks to matter don't remember feeling it before that I probably did there probably moments of insecurity or ways that I picked up I should behave you certain way or should measure up in certain way but I remember that day like it was yesterday and it was like my life turned and it turned from freedom and creativity and joy and play and lightheartedness to hustle and stress and failure and I can't get where I think I'm supposed

to get and I wish you could read this book I could write this book and never feel those things again

but it was almost like writing the book I felt like my sixth grade self all over again even worse because it was I was now saying this is something we can fight together but I was also feeling like nothing I was building or doing it was it was almost like I was I was being attacked with the thing I was trying to help people get does that make sense and I say that because we could we could just I if only we could just tell ourselves like it's not true don't ever believe it again right

and and yet what's happened is these narratives have gotten there and they've stayed there for long enough that it's really hard to rewire our brains it's really hard to change the story but you can you can you can and now what I what I can say about today that lie that I'm worthless that I know how to recognize it I know it's a lie I don't wonder any more if it's true and I can spot it and I can speak to it I can put it on trial I don't have to just accept it you

don't have to agree with it so many of our thoughts we just agree with it like just naturally like oh you know it's a thought it must be true and if we don't agree with it if we begin to put on trial and go is this true is this where's this coming from you can begin to shift it can you share with the three most common lies that most people believe can you can you just share a little bit for the person listening you like huh you know I I want to figure this out like what is the

lie that's affecting me the most and yeah can you explain a little bit about what those three look like for most people that have them and like what ways they might show up in their lives so people like oh yeah ask me because when you share this I know right away for me it what yours I'm

“very similar to you yeah I'm like oh I remember I used to do gymnastics growing up and my parents were”

always working and so they always be the last to show up and I mean I was so loved I wouldn't

change by the way I would not change that thing I'm so blessed so grateful all the things and also I learned if I achieve something they leave work and show up so like if I win an award at school then they show up right so I'm able to trace back now why is it that I like built a company we're 100 hour weeks for a decade and why is it that even sometimes right now I'd rather work and then do podcast prep than even just be present with my family like why is it and I go back

I want to talk about how old are you what age comes to mind I would say nine okay yeah so

“little nine year old Jamie I'm just thinking of her what you ultimately wanted did you want to be”

important did you want to matter did you want no you wanted to pair you didn't want to be alone yeah like at the at the core of all of this and so let's just start with like this tremendous grace like grace for yourself as you're sharing this grace for everybody listening like as they're thinking about this like just everybody's taken really deeper because of that we are all the same we all just want to be loved and seen and known and accepted like we're not complicated we really just want

basic things we need to pause for a super brief break and while we do take a moment to share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire because this conversation

“can truly be the words and inspiration they need to hear today to keep going to remember that”

they matter and to feel less alone and more enough more connected more inspired and more worthy in life you don't sort the level of your hopes and dreams you stay stuck at the level of your self worth when you build yourself worth you change your entire life and that's exactly why I wrote my new book worthy how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you if you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill worthy is for you in worthy you'll learn

proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back build unshakable self love unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you are born to be imagine a life with zero

self doubt and unshakable self worth get your copy of worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts

for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below imagine what you do if you fully

“believed in you it's time to find out with worthy who you spend time around it's so important as”

energy is contagious and so is self belief and I'd love to hang out with you even more especially if you can use an extra dose of inspiration which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me if you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week just go to jameykernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one on one with jamey weekly newsletter and get

ready to believe in you if you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration some tips tools joy and love hitting your inbox I'm your girl subscribe at jameykernlima.com or in the link in the show notes do you struggle with negative self talk living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting I know because I spent most of my life

in that habit the words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful and when you learn to

take control over your self talk it's life changing and I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that can benefit your life it's called five ways to overcome negative self talk and build self love and it's a free how to guide to overcome that negative self talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals don't let self-sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer it's

time to rewrite the script of your life when filled with self love resilience and unwavering belief if you're ready to take charge of your narrative build unwavering confidence and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams you can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself at jameykernlima.com/resources or click the link in the show notes below

loved and seen and known and accepted like we're not complicated we really just want basic things she wanted your parents to show up you want to know that that you're loved and somebody knows your name and they're so happy that you're alive and like these are just human desires and so

“I think it's so good to start here because we can kind of tend to hear the word lie and beat ourselves up”

and think to ourselves like shouldn't think that way I shouldn't feel worthless like God loves me people love me like here's the truth you know stick it on so it can feel almost transactional

like I need to fix this and the reality is is we're just people that I love my counselor he says

we come into the world looking for someone looking for us like little babies when they're born they come into the world going who's out there who loves me who's gonna pick me up who cares about me and we never stop like when we're you know 80 we're still like looking for somebody looking for us so I just think that's so precious that gymnastics story because it really does I think go to the core of what we're actually after and so you know when I think of those three lies

I'm worthless there's something in us all of us really that just wants to believe that we can matter that that we can arrive and hit the mark and so we tend to beat ourselves up when we don't we tend to be really hard on ourselves when there's failure we hate failure we're afraid of failure and so there's a lot of striving in our lives like there's just a lot of work in and hustle and not wanting to be too much but also really wanting to be enough and so the way my brain works is

just always feel like there's a line and it keeps moving you know and I'm just trying to hit it

but then I hit it dang it and I thought that would be it and it moves again and so yeah that one's that one I'm familiar with and then helpless a lot of people that I interviewed a lot of people I and friends with that struggle with this one often have abuse in their background they had something in their childhood that they couldn't control and so maybe it was verbal maybe it was sexual maybe it was physical or maybe it was just a really hard life they were in poverty or something

that they just couldn't control and so circumstances their mom got cancer it could have been something like that where they had no control and so a lot of feelings that people express to me when

they say I feel helpless it's I can't ever change this will never change about me I'm just this way

I don't think people really want to be around me because I'm just stuck I can't get my life together those are some of the phrases that everybody's out of my control yeah like I can't right yeah and then

“the other one is I'm lovable and I certainly feel this way I think we all feel this way some days”

but for a lot of people it's it's a sense of feeling forgotten or feeling like they are you know they maybe grew up in a home where there was a disconnect emotionally and they didn't have parents that could really be there for them and so they're always kind of looking to connect emotionally and there's a real high approval why they want to be liked and they want to be seen and they want to be understood and so a lot of things that all here from them have to do with insecurity

of just being rejected or feeling left out or feeling like why was it included in that and that really crushing them in a unique way like really where that one just really has them they they really want to be included I think we all want to be all these things right we all want to you know we all want to have control we all want to and not be hopeless we all want to be matter and succeed and not be worthless you know we all want to be loved and accepted and so we all have these

“desires but I think depending on what the narrative was playing in your life there's one that”

really just feels true and in addition to the three core lies you say too there's others there's others right that people could potentially believe in so for someone listening right now what's a great way to sort of either get quiet or prayer meditator or feel like where they can get in touch with even tuning into what are the lies or the main lie they're believing yeah well I mean first of all I found this to be hard for people let's be real I don't know if you've gone to counseling but

I've been to a lot of counseling yes so the reason I can know what my lie is I've done a lot of work on it right so so for people that don't I I mean we wanted to make it really simple and so you can go to my website Jenny Allen dot com and you y'all can link it and there's actually like a little quiz and it's pretty accurate like it's pretty unbelievable because I think sometimes we can overthink it we can go I think I'm all three and I don't know what so that really is just a helpful tool

go back to a moment that you remember feeling scared that you remember feeling pain and think about

“what age you were just like we both did real naturally yeah I thought of 12 you thought of nine”

what was it an event in your life where you felt like a really strong negative emotion and and oftentimes that's when a lie is planted and it begins to take root and so if you can just go back and think of what that time was with that age was and then and then you just begin to go gosh did I did I pick up something there in that moment that that I need to question that maybe it wasn't true you know it's so funny now my dad and I we talk about this and and he's heard

me tell that story and of course he's pleading with me going baby girl like I don't even remember

that first of all in second of all that it wasn't what I meant you know like I was just trying to

find something to talk to you about and so it's good to go back and just question you know maybe that wasn't even real now in some cases it's a real thing right and and that's where you know we have to begin to to go okay even if your dad walked out and even if let's let's fast forward to your husband walked out and maybe it was something that you did right so so we can pick up lies from circumstances as well that really reinforced it because it feels like man that was my

“fall I am a failure and so I think we have to just find the moment and begin to ask questions about”

that moment and really think about where where to that come from for me and let's say and there's an example of you know I did something horrible for the person listening is like well I actually made this huge mistake I regret it in my past I did something in the past and I regret it and ever since I've done it I consider myself a failure I consider myself not enough I consider myself a bad person those kind of things how do you take that where all of a sudden you've evidence

that your lie is true yeah and how do you and and I would love to hear from you personally because for me faith has been a big part of this is like how do you go okay as an imperfect human I did that or as imperfect but that is not who I am that is not like how how do you take that and have not become have the lie not become your identity yeah I need longer how do you do that for you personally how do you tell people to do it I love to use this I do I love him and the reason I love

him is because he made a way for all this and I you know I I've studied and thought about so many different religions and I I just keep coming back to him because into to what he did because I don't have to measure up like that was the story of Jesus in the gospel was that he would pay the penalty for the mistakes we made and and as a kid he grew up with and I grew up in a religious home I grew up in a Christian home I heard the gospel as a kid he grew up with this pressure

and feeling like I could never hit the mark when I really understood the gospel I was about 17 years old

and I remember I you know I'd heard it before but it hit me that he liked me like that God liked me that he didn't hate me that I didn't have to do anything else that like right where I was at 17 year old little punk Jenny's self who was so self obsessed and boy obsessed and dramatic and vain

“and all the things he liked me and he loved me and I just was like I would never forget that night”

I was I was on the ground I was at a summer camp and I just but it might as well just been me and God I was like I I can't believe that you know and and I think that just changed everything for me it changes everything for me I mean I do all of my books I've ever wrote a book called Get Out of Your Head I talk about mental health and I want to talk about that because I believe God built our brain and and it's so helpful to know how our brains work and how we can shift

our thinking because it's real and we can and we can talk about that and we can talk about psychology I believe in like I love all of that but at the end of the day underneath all of it for me is just there's a God who built me who loves me and who has accepted me because of his son at Jesus and what he did for me and that just it just kind of it says me free it helps me find a confidence that

with God or or believes different religions I know everybody comes at this from a different place

“but but that's that's my story and it really has given me peace when I think about”

mattering and and being worth something I'm like Jesus died for me like he he came for me and he knows my name and he loves me and accepts me and when I think about filling helpless I'm like and he hasn't powered me and given me gifts and and the spirit to to walk with them and then when you think about being you know unlovable it's like man he loved me enough to like come show up in a baby manger like in the hay and like all the things you know and I just I can

believe it so I think I've never gotten over that I just it's so just still melts me and so you

can you can instantly sort of dismantle every line with that with that just that man and I have to keep coming back to it right because you know God's quiet the world's loud and you know for me it really had to come down to which world am I gonna live in because this world's really loud and I live for it most days in the morning when I wake up right and and the hustle it's true you know there's to some degree if I just live for this world I do need to measure it you know if I

just live in this world I need to be liked I need to be accepted if I just live in this world

“I need to try to control everything that I can but if I really believe that life doesn't end”

at the grave like I'm not gonna die and it's over like if I really believe that there's something more all of that faith and all of that perspective seeps into who I am and it just gives me this piece and this joy that hey you know what Jenny it's okay you didn't do that right

it's okay that you screw that up like God still loves you you still have the most important

things you may lose some money you may lose some acceptance you may lose and that just it's a grounding that's underneath you know these these fears that we have and we live with I walk through a season of doubt in my faith for about 18 months um scared me to death tell me about that because a lot of people struggle with doubt yeah when it comes to like is God real is worse is you know

“all of that oh and I get it yeah yeah I get it I mean I just mentioned 17 and like that's how long”

of you know walked with God but it was it wasn't long ago it was about um was before COVID so it was probably 8 years ago okay I am I'm going to sleep at night and I just start asking myself is this real is this true I'm I'm I'm preacher like I'm out there like talking about Jesus I want to give everyone context so so so Jenny Allen is probably one of the most beloved preachers Bible teachers I mean uh uh in in the I would say Christian world especially but also just globally everywhere

I even packed in millions and millions of people so this is news to me so I didn't know this yeah okay so so I'm in the middle of public ministry right yes and and I just this question of are you sure you know are you sure God's real I just I kept asking it and it was every night of being the middle of the night I'd wake up in the 3 a.m. hour and I would just spin and it just started at the blue yeah out of the blue okay nothing prompted it there was no like drastic suffering I've had suffering

in my life I that wasn't what caused it out of the blue random thoughts and didn't think much about it honestly I didn't I I just but it grew and I became obsessed in the night

wondering and not sure and I never told anybody I mean months go by and as thoughts do they grow

and they begin to take hold of you and I began to have people notice that I I couldn't watch movies about death anymore I couldn't watch I mean basic movies like we're talking spider man and marvel like nothing nothing nothing that scary yeah but I could I had such a strong reaction

so afraid of of dying and I remember preaching sometimes are being on a stage and and

“talking and in the back of my mind I was like do I believe this and I'm someone who's really real”

like I'm not I don't fake it so I wasn't it wasn't that I was trying to fake it it was that I didn't understand how serious it had become I wasn't taking it very seriously and so I look back at that season and I just I mean you know what it did and I'm so grateful for it now it scared me to death and I didn't know how to make it in and so for anybody listening that feels like I would love to believe in God I just don't I I just don't like you could be watching

me in thinking she's all lit up like she really does believe that like I would love to believe that that would feel good to believe that I would just say I get it and and you see in the Bible doubters you see people that wrestled with God and I see so much permission for that and so I would just say don't be afraid to just say help me like help my unbelief I don't I don't know

“if I believe but if you're there I'm curious you know like make yourself known me just ask him you know”

and and so in that season I couldn't I couldn't get out of it and and I remember the first time I told

somebody and it was so scary I remember feeling like it felt so big to say I'll out I mean Jenny Allen Bible teacher doesn't isn't sure she believes in God anymore you know problem and white problems and and but I wasn't afraid of like losing and it wasn't I don't want it to sound like I was trying to self protect or something I just it was so it was so much deeper than like my job or it was like it was it was like a fear of like what if he's just not there

like what if this is we made this up in our mind you know and and so when I set it out wow I said it to one of my friends named Anne and she started laughing that me and she walks pretty closely with me in life you know and and she started laughing and she goes that's not true you do believe in God Jenny Allen I've forced your life that's just not true you believe in God and it was it was like these lights came on like I'd been in the dark all by myself

and all these lights came on like I do but like I do when I set it out loud you know what it felt like it felt stupid but I had been in my brain all by myself and that's a terrible place to be

and so the greatest thing we can do the first thing we can do always is say it out loud

“to say out loud like I think I've been believing something and I don't even know if it's true”

or false but I need to say it out loud because I think about it all the time and if I don't say it out loud I can't know if it's true I can't and the second she reacted that way it was so clear to me that honestly I believe that whole season like I believe there's an enemy you know I believe there's an enemy that hates us that's after us that's wants to trick us that wants us to believe lies the Bible talks about it he's a liar and I think that was strategic for 18 months

that I would just sit there in that lie that God is not real God is not real God is not real long enough for me to dismantle my whole faith and when I set it out loud when I named it it even sounded ridiculous to me you know but it didn't for 18 months it didn't and so I just I just I just think we live so isolated you know this is so good Jenny I want to say I just want to say this one more time because I want anyone to miss this right now because when I think about you know for

example the example I gave earlier about like oh you know I need to achieve to be worthy of love

if I when I say that out loud I I know that sounds ridiculous right if you're like never

yeah ridiculous or when you probably heard your daughter say that you don't think what and and but yeah so many of us just like you for 18 months we keep it inside we think it we don't tell someone about it and it's just in us and it's probably like growing and magnifying and what you just said is so so powerful because I want everyone listening right now watching us whatever the

figure it out or maybe you already know maybe you already know your lie maybe you have a few of

“them that you're believing try saying it out loud to someone you care about first easy step oh my”

goodness that you could go in today yeah before you go to sleep again and then see how you feel when

you say it okay but here's what's gonna happen I want to tell you right now tell me tell all of

this happened to me yesterday okay so I did this last night and with a friend because I told you I had had a bad day I was believing a lot of lies I was even anxious about coming today and talking about all this because I'm like you know this is one of my first times I'd be talking about the book I was like I just started ready to be out there and I don't even you know I'm struggling with these things I'm gonna go talk about you know I just was having all these doubts and spiraling

and and I texted a friend and I said what are you doing she's like let's go so we go to our

little spot and we sit down together and we order and she goes what's wrong and the first feeling

I felt was a lot of shame and I just want to say that because this is last night for me right and I just felt like I don't want to say this out loud because it sounds embarrassing and deep down I'm not sure the book is good and I don't know if it's gonna help people and I don't know if I'm measuring up like I think we want the answer to be it's awesome you measure up your great

“go in the world slay kill it like that's what we want but it's like that only feels good”

for a little while because you're like I don't I don't know but what does feel good is my friend looking at me going girl I don't care like if your books on New York times this time or not like I don't care if you like I am loved and known by my friend and if I fail miserably and if the comments below this or that girl is true like if it's all negative and like making fun of me and all this my friend Lindsay in going anywhere but she would laugh at it with me

and we would be okay and it is the deepest longing in my soul it's not to actually be great it's not to make New York times the deepest longing my soul is it somebody knows everything about me knows what's embarrassing knows what feels hard to say knows that I'm afraid that I'm not gonna hit a mark that everybody around me wants me to hit knows that I lie sometimes and I am jealous of people and I am mean can be mean you know and she knows all of that and she looked me in the

eyes and she's like I got she girl like I'm not going anywhere it is the longing of her and I know some people listening are thinking I don't even have anybody to call like I don't even I don't even know who to tell and I would just say three and five people are lonely somebody is craving the same thing you are and we're all tired of pretending and we're all tired of playing the game and we're all tired of just talking about our kids and talking about our work and talking

about that and talking about this and going home empty we're all tired of it and it feels good just to go you know I I can't control my husband and our marriage is hard and I don't know what to do about it just feels good to be honest and say these things out loud and whatever you need to say like whatever your thing is and and I went home last night it was so funny my whole mood changed you know and I texted her on the way home and I just said I love you and that was so fun and

and it wasn't fun we cried and we laughed a little but but it was real and it was deep and I felt

known so I guess I just want to encourage people that that first feeling you're going to feel which is

shame push through it push through it because that's actually the thing you want we need to pause for a super brief break and while we do take a moment to share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration

“they need to hear today to keep going to remember that they matter and to feel less alone and more”

enough more connected more inspired and more worthy who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self belief and I love to hang out with you even more especially if you can use an extra dose of inspiration which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning

to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with jamey weekly newsletter and get

“ready to believe in you if you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some”

inspiration some tips tools joy and love hitting your inbox I'm your girl subscribe at jameycarlyma.com or in the link in the show notes I am so excited for this book you know what because it's going to say something you're beautiful but worthy get this book this book I'm telling you it's a book that can change anybody's life we've picked it up anybody who's ever felt that they were not good enough

didn't measure up something's missing in your life I've to tell you it's powerful it's happening

it's worth imagine what would you do if you fully believe in you I went from struggling wait for a spacing non-stop projection to found your of it cosmetics a billion dollar company by learning how to overcome self-doubt and believe I'm worthy of my hopes and dreams and I'm sharing how you can to it my new book worthy how to believe you are enough and transform your life if you're ready to truly trust yourself and break through that barrier of self-doubt and know that where you

come from or even where you are right now doesn't determine where you're going then worthy is for you it's time to go from doubting your enough to knowing your enough it's time to step into all of who you are and into the person you were born to be and it's time to believe that you are worthy of it because in life we don't become what we want we become what we believe we're worthy of it join the worthy movement today by grabbing your copy of worthy anywhere books are sold

and head to worthybook.com now for free gifts including my five part course on becoming unstoppable and my ninety five page worthy workbook action plan that teaches you how to implement the tools from the book into your real life right now worthy is groundbreaking y'all thank you book to the change lives this book literally would teach you how to act for worthy so that you can have the strength you can have the confidence the lessons in this book and the strategies will change

your life you'll never be the same again after you read this book jayney's book worthy is a must read

it is going to inspire you empower you give you the hope that you need and the kick in the rear end that you deserve jayney's book worthy is incredible the gifts are going away but they're offering right now on worthy book.com now more of this incredible conversation together so many things

“you just said are so so good and someone needs to hear them right now and and I think it was so insightful”

when you said there's going to be someone that's like well I don't even know who to call to tell them that you know I don't feel I'm enough or whatever it is right or or I feel like I can't do anything on my own or I'm unlovable right and and three and five people being lonely I think that that is so powerful to know because I think we feel especially when we feel lonely or we feel like we don't have a new call we think it's just us and we think that you know there's something wrong with

us and I think what's beautiful about this is like I always have love this concept of like what you

if you need something give it like if you write me right right if that's the answer if you die for someone else and it's like yeah if you are feeling lonely right now and you walk into a coffee shop there is a good chance three out of five people in there feeling the exact same way that's

“right right and so the odds of just I mean that's when I think about making friends as an adult and it”

seems so intimidating and it seems so hard until there's moments like the last three minutes with what you just shared there's going to be people that tuned in and maybe have known you or your work or seeing glimpses of your work because your works impact in millions for a good reason because it's incredible because people connect with it because it changes lives like it's not an accident when someone has multiple bestselling books Jenny Allen but the fact that you're sitting

here in the last few minutes saying that just yesterday you're having all these thoughts and

jealous and I'm sometimes all of these things I just feel like that is so powerful and such a blessing because it'll be people that maybe started watching this episode and see you but maybe think that

there's somehow different or that like they you know they could never stop believing their

eyes or they could never write a book and share their own stories or they could never do those things and and at the end of the day we all like you like you said earlier we all have these same things that we feel that we experience even if the outside that person is this hyper successful achiever or this person is on stage is all over the world like you are or whatever but you're sharing

“those things and I think that that's so beautiful and I think that's one of the many reasons”

your work and in particular because we have your brand new book right here the lie you don't

know you believe how to find it find it and live free one of the reasons and I've read it covered

a cover so you might have doubt yesterday I've got no doubt oh girl my yes today let me just tell you about my yesterday my yesterday was like I get to talk with Jenny Allen I get to have I get to have her on the show and talk about the lie you don't know you believe I was talking to Paula my husband about how much of my life I have lost believing lies believing lies about who I am how I don't have what it takes how I'm not enough and when we believe these lies we

sabotage you know we sabotage or we stay stuck right and we don't go for things or you know we can like access it affects us it could doubt literally there's times in my life I feel like I doubted myself out of my own destiny yeah because I was like oh I don't have what it takes and

“I believe the lie and so oh yeah the work you're doing and also just like you're sharing”

who you fully are I think is so powerful you know and I think when it comes to faith by the way you know I think that you know and I actually didn't ask you about this because there's gonna be a lot of people listening who have really strong faith in their life and and maybe they have really a really strong relationship with Jesus and then there's gonna be

people that have different faiths and people that are like I've always felt judged and like I

wouldn't be accepted into a faith and one of the things I saw real is so beautiful is you're sharing your sitting here as one of the most well-known preachers Bible teachers all the things life changing inspiring women to so many people and you're saying all this stuff you're like and I mean some time and this and yesterday I was crying because I was worried about tomorrow and then my daughter shared all these lives and I realized we'll wait a minute I believe those lies too and I just

think that the I don't even know how to call it yeah the and I don't want to call it the courage the anointing the all of it combined is such a blessing because I personally know so many people who when even the topic of faith comes up they feel like they're disqualified absolutely or they'll be judged oh yeah what do you say to the person listening right now who who maybe is like you know I I I I maybe feel like I'm open to faith but I don't know I just like I feel like maybe

I wouldn't fit in or I'd be judged I've made too many past mistakes or somehow parts of me wouldn't be accepted or or I'd any of those things I just I think I feel really tender to that I feel sorry on behalf of a lot of Christians because we may have made you feel that way

“we can be really judgmental we can make it seem like you have to arrive somewhere”

to be a follower of God you have to believe something you have to be in this political party you have to do this you have to it can just feel complicated the word Christian anything about it and so I just I guess I would just start by just saying I'm sorry and that is not Jesus Jesus is it's simple for him you know he he built you he loves you he knows you he says scripture says he knows every hair on your head like that's how well God knows you he's been coming for you it's

like this force of love it's like been coming for you your whole life and and maybe you've

that he came after us with the most costly thing with Jesus I mean he sent his son so that

“people could be saved to earth to to show his love you know enjoyed watching the chosen and you”

just see you know the character Jesus the way it was played he's just his eyes you just are like I just hope I hope he loves like that he does like it's better than that you know and and he comes for us and he loves us and he he specifically loves a whole Bible is about it's all stories

of jacked up people like I don't know anybody listening that's never rather Bible would think

it was about but it's all about all these people that are computers that are that are liars that betray each other that betray Jesus I mean it's like it's a disaster like it would be our rated top to bottom like most of it it's just it's a disaster and it's all about God coming for us anyway hmm I just think somewhere we got it all wrong you know like we thought we had to measure up and then God would like us or love us and it's like no we never did and he

loved us anyway and and so I you know for me specifically who always thought she had to measure up it's like how he's go to God and I always think I'm a disappointment right like I always I remember I was reading my um college journals once and every single entry was like I'm so sorry God that I you know haven't prayed no while I'm so sorry that I made out with that boy I'm so you know it's like it's all the huge apology that's all I did in college was apologize and I was like

kind of like he probably feels a little like I feel about my kid you know you 17 in way too busy for me and when I get as attention when he gets to sit in front of me all I feel is delight I just feel like I'm the luckiest human on earth that Cooper Allen is looking at my eyes and tell me about his life

“I am I am the luckiest person on earth that's how I feel about my kid he's a punk he gets in trouble”

he's imperfect I don't want him to sit down and talk to me about that I wanted to tell me about his day I wanted him to tell me about the girl he thinks is cute right now I wanted him to tell me I want to be with my kid you know and that's like this much of how God feels about you like this much and so we just get him all wrong you know we just think it's it's a measure up thing and it's not it's it's delight like delight and and now like in general I think probably one of the

most defining things about my life is that I really do think he likes me and not because I've measured up in fact I have done a great job bragging it everything I'm terrible at this whole podcast but I do believe that he loves me and delights me because he came after me I mean that's what the Bible says I just really do believe it you know for I was raised going to church every Sunday and I was raised in the Lutheran church and I used to go and I literally nothing this is a little

kid nothing or a teenager also I didn't even nothing would resonate with me right at all and I would just sit there the whole service I would look for cute boys like I would scan all the cues for

good boys and nothing originated but we always went every Sunday and and then when I was older

and I went off to graduate school was the first time I lived in New York City and I was surrounded by people in an academic world but also just the the the peers I had and everything where there was not a lot of faith of any types but there was a lot of belief that if you believe in God you are

“somehow not you know like like like everyone knows around thought you should only believe in what you can”

see and prove that I remember I went through this season of God doubt like really starting to doubt if he existed and I was then working in television news after graduate school and it really started to I started to feel like something was missing like something's empty like all of that and I was

and I started seeing a therapist for the first time ever and I told her and I said like I'm you

know I was telling all the things and I was about to get married and I said and also by the way I'm doubting God exists and all this now I don't know if this therapist has any faith I have no idea but she said something to me that day that changed everything she said well what makes you think God can't handle your doubt and I'm like like what do you mean and she's like well let's just say like it's right he created the whole universe what makes you think he can't handle your doubt and she

says why don't you tell him you're doubting he exists and ask him to prove you wrong and I was like

away but it was over time every time I'd pray like if I prayed for a friend who was sick or whatever

“was going on I would end my prayer literally I'd end my prayer by and by the way God I believe”

I don't believe that you're existing and if you could please show up in my life and prove me wrong beyond a shadow of the doubt I'd be so grateful and Jesus name amen like that would be how I ended every prayer right which which don't you know he was smiling so good you he was like I got you girl and he did and let me tell you because I was in that space and just like there's no way this doesn't make sense everyone around me thinks I'm you know not that smart for believing

and this and that and also what about this and did it and by the way I have to say in my soul I believe that if Jesus were just standing right here like he would love every person no matter what no matter how they vote no matter how they pray or any of the things who they love how they'll I believe he would will just love us so at the time when I was going to that season of God doubt I was also like this doesn't make sense that you know that

“you have to do certain things or be a certain way to be embraced into the world's”

faith I was seeing so when I started praying that prayer and I want to share this to a case and he was listening right now who's in that space of God doubt I said to him I was I was like you know I'm doubting you exist and please prove me wrong like the amount of shadow of the doubt and the number of times and the things that started happening yeah I mean and somewhere were quiet and somewhere very overt and very big and I mean there are stories

anywhere it was like something incredible happened and for a moment I thought like oh wow I got

lucky or this happened and then the person would come up to me but like oh actually God whispered me to do that for you I'm like what get just started happening over and over and over in my life and you know now you know I have I mean I very rarely will doubt will feel God doubt and there's times idea there's times I do but I just you know for the person at home I don't know just let you know be honest about it and then just say like come into my life show me prove to me be on a shadow

of a doubt that you're real because I'm doubting you yeah and then just like wait and watch what happens and and be open to it yeah because for me that was like the big game changer well and I think we can we can stand back and hear a lot about Christianity we can hear a lot about

Jesus and faith and all these things and never explore for ourselves and I would just say I remember

my eighth grade daughter she started just doubting everything and you know I I I almost started

“panicking as a parent but then I was like no no like this is good like you need you need to”

process this for yourself and so I just think too don't be afraid to read the Bible for yourself like just open it like open it to John one if you don't know where to go and and just start to read because I think people are surprised when they read it and they see like who God is and it's just different than what they thought you know one thing I love about a technology to there's a lot I don't love about technology yeah one of the things I love about technology is now

there's so many great easy ways you start reading it and then if you don't understand it there's you know great ways to understand it and I started the Bible recap this year and I love when you read for 12 minutes a day and then you have you know the nine minute recap by terribly and it's like or the six minute recap and it's just like makes it really really digestible so good yes I highly recommend that too I feel like I feel like the other big thing that seems to be and I'm curious

if you have this experience and maybe you do way more than I do because you are really you hear from so many people on their faith journey all the time yeah one of the big things that I see is so many people can fuse imperfect humans with God's perfect love like someone that's maybe has been hurt by a church or had a bad experience with a pastor or maybe maybe they were invited to some type of a church gathering and the people they met there were so kind or someone's

had a bad experience and then they somehow confused because the pastor is not God let's the right every one of us is an imperfect human or they hear on the news that there was some scandal in a church or something like that and I think people can fuse imperfect humans with God's perfect love and then they shut down from it and think that is Jesus and that's not and so what do you say when people come to you and they're like well this person that maybe they're a politician and they

Jesus would do or they had a bad experience in the church growing up or they met someone who says

“they're a strong Christian but they're feel like an awful person right what do you say to the”

person who says oh but all that I feel grief yeah the hurt is real yeah it's not easy enough just to say people are imperfect and God is perfect because that was someone that showed you God that was somebody that that had effect on your faith potentially and it felt that betrayal and that hurt is so real and it's so hard for our minds to separate those two things and I would just say God

understands I just think you know you look at David's life and I mean he had his son trying to kill

him he had his life falling apart he also made a lot of really big horrible mistakes in the

“Bible that guy who wrote the Psalms if you don't know who I'm talking about and you read his words”

in his prayers and you just see a man who wrestled with God you know he he question God he was like why are you doing this why are these people allowed to prosper and I'm not and he's questioning everything and he's bringing it all to him in a really raw way and that helps me because I just I don't think it's wrong to be really angry about the way people act in the name of Jesus I don't think it's wrong to hold people accountable for the injustices that are happening

in the name of Jesus under the church's name so I just I want to say I'm sorry and and I've done it too right like I mean like Paul I'm the worst of the like I have let people down I have you know certainly there has not been moral public failure but and just come over on a Sunday morning when we're trying to get to church like and you'd be like that is not Jesus you know so so I am I'm not I'm not above it I am just I want it

on the half of people that that have caused that hurt I just I just say I'm so sorry and and I also know people I know some of these people I know some of the people that have publicly their lives have been the ones that have heard everybody they have betrayed people and I I have seen them behind the scenes and I have watched some repent and that doesn't mean they should necessarily be leading again but I have watched them be made right with God because

the blood of Jesus covers everything and it's something that doesn't make sense to us because it's not human it's not the way we work but he really can make broken things right now for the person that's hurt I just give him a chance like he is grieving with you believe me he is angry too you know and and and things justice is part of his story and how he works as well and so

“you know I just I I do believe that I think what I do within my own mind is I just rest”

that I'm not him because I think it's like I don't want I don't know how to sort it this all out I don't know how it could possibly all be sorted out one day but he promises it will be and and so I wrestle I think you get angry you be sad you grieve it and I would just say do it with him because he's grieving too he's angry too he feels it too he's felt it right he was killed he was betrayed by the people that lived with him loved him he gets it you know that that

comforts me that he he has felt the things that I've had to feel what prayer would you say to the person who like wants to pray to see if they can start a relationship would Jesus but maybe they've

never prayed before or they don't even know what to say or what to do this is what I do with my life

I read I've been on I don't know how many college campuses and I get to pray this with students

I believe that you gave up your life for me and my sin I trust you I want to follow you and I want to walk with you and I want to know you help me do that that's it that's it that's it that's

“simple and that's the beginning you know and it's a relationship I think that's what people miss”

yeah you know we think it's a religion it's a relationship it's not a explain that there's a lot of people like what do you mean I thought it's a religion it's a relationship

you know he talked about they're being a new covenant and Isaiah I believe was the first time

it was mentioned and and this new covenant would come and that the law would no longer be written on tablets of stone it would be written on people's heart and there would be this this new way that that God could be with man and and the dividing line of sin would no longer separate them because we really do want a just God we don't want a God that just tolerates everything we want a God that actually is gonna deal with stuff right like you don't want there to be

traffickers of young children that are not dealt with severely that would not be a good God

so we actually love that he's a just God we just don't want to be just to me right I we just don't want to be the one that his justice is coming against and so the way that that we are made right with him that we do not get the wrath of God that we do not get the punishment of God is because of what Jesus did on cross and so when we trust that and we go yes like and it's hard because we all want to believe like oh you know there's yes that's true but

this is true and this is true and this is true and I would just say to that I get that like we

live in a world where that would be great like if all of that was was true but I'm not God like I don't get to decide and so for me the way I've I've viewed this is just it is not my job to go around and fix everybody and judge everybody and make everything right but I do want to know what God says and I want to know who he is and what he says is I'm the way the truth in the life and nobody's going to get to the Father except in me feels narrow and that could feel mean and that could feel

horrible except that the way there is not measuring up the way there is grace by grace through faith that's it and so yes it is Jesus but our means of knowing Jesus and God is not religion it's not measuring up it's not doing everything right it's why I like Christianity best because it's the only one where

“I don't have to measure up every other religion you have to do these things to hit the mark”

Jesus is like I'll do it for you the mark has to be hit but I'll do it for you and so the grace that I feel because of him is that yeah I'll keep messing up yeah pastors I know and love are having affairs right now yeah churches are broken but trail is happening yes and Jesus paid the price so that we could be right with God and hey and I watch these kids you know they're they want God because they've had the whole world and they're so empty

and they have no hope and they are so hard on themselves and they have I mean there's not anything they haven't known or tried that's that's this generation they have it all and then they hear that Jesus loves me he's not disappointed at me he he wants a relationship with him like they can't believe it I have boys seven foot tall well got to me tears in their eyes hug me I didn't know

“God loved me that's what they say I didn't know God loved me oh my god man that's like he really does”

I think you're probably his favorite buddy like you know I think we all are but I just I just think it changes everything and we just we don't understand we don't know because that's not the way the world works it was hard to even imagine I love seeing you and the back of a pickup trek like

feels almost like a whole like it you just feel it and I'm only seeing it on Instagram yeah

can you talk about what's happening across college campuses and and all the work that you're doing

“and yeah been so fun so in 2018 I remember it was a Texas A&M and and I I just opened up we were in”

arena okay this is thousands of kids and I said something about you know if you just want you just yell out like whatever it is that that you're struggling with and I mean people got really like they were yelling in an arena in front of their roommates and friends abortion I just had abortion sexual addiction pornography I mean they're just yelling it out you know and I'm going what just happened like what is going on and since then I don't even know how many campuses

I've gotten to be on recently I've gotten to be on campuses with a ministry called United and that we've been on about 20 campuses and it's just been amazing like people want God

and it's not complicated for them because they aren't necessarily wounded they just never knew

they just never knew and and they're here in it and it's hope to them and and and it is a relationship that they're getting and and it feels it feels really precious and sincere and you know I mean suicide I mean that that's in the backdrop of this there's so many kids

“that are struggling with suicidal thoughts and and and and that hopelessness I think is pretty rampant”

and in general you know in general across campuses and so I think what Jesus means to be right now on these campuses and and specifically with that generation is is that he loves me right where I am and I can have a relationship and be made right and I mean their lives are changing you know all of them but a lot of them I mean I'll see him a year later and they're now like ministering people you know like they were wasted some of them literally come wasted like they're

in the audience like they got dragged there by a friend and now they're like doing this and it's just just it could only be gone you know you just you're watching it and you're like a it could only be gone but I will say this about baptism and some people are like what does that even mean and it's a Christian practice it's a it's a beautiful picture of when you come into relationship with God he calls us to baptize people and it's so cool it's he's so unique he likes I love that he likes

tell a good story and and he wants to make something unforgettable because when somebody gets saved you put them underwater so odd you know you put them underwater and you lift them up but all these kids they come up and I have a why are you doing this tonight and they say to me because I want to be clean and they're going underwater and they come up and they feel cleaner

so sweet that he would do it that way and so you know I always tell him how he's say

don't forget the feeling of coming up in the cold water washing off over you because that is the feeling that we need sometimes you know where it feels like we're dirty it feels like like yesterday I just felt blah I just felt sinful I felt selfish I felt embarrassed I felt all these things and when you think about that that he makes you new but he it's just beautiful so that's happened everywhere it's wild thousands and thousands of kids pretty fun and I recently interviewed

the episode hasn't come out yet but I recently interviewed Arthur Brooks who is um it was amazing yeah yeah so Arthur Brooks you know teaches the top class Harvard on happiness and uh and his new book on the meaning of life one of the things he talks about is that we're just having we're just in this unhappiness epidemic yeah we are just feel empty and they feel like something's missing and and when you look at the data especially on you know anyone in their 30s and under but

really it's now starting to beat everyone I feel just like something's missing and he goes deep into our left brain and our right brain and how everything with technology and also with like a striver world and just like how we're and now AI is just like we're we're not in the in the part of our brain that that gets you know ignited when we are in faith or feeling love yeah you know those kind of things and and we're no longer even tapping that part of our brain and people

“are just feeling more empty than ever and feeling like they're lacking meaning and I think that”

the need for people to connect in person yeah um and also to connect with uh with uh their creator

research based and everything else and and he was saying so many people are now seeking the answers to everything on AI or Google and and that we're starting to be programmed where we can just solve everything on Google or AI but you can't because people are feeling empty or than ever yeah they're feeling lonely or than ever and they're feeling more hopeless than ever and you look at all the data as you mentioned even on suicide rates and all the things and it's just like it's an

epidemic and and so you know the work that you're doing and continue to do is so powerful and and

and going to college campuses on top of everything else you know people are just feeling like

“some things missing yeah you know and and I think that you know so many people who have”

maybe not explored the idea of meaning in their life or purpose or whatever but they're like my job is you know my purpose and whatever but now AI is gonna impact almost every industry and where I think in the next five to ten years the need to be in relationship whether it's with Jesus or with your friend right because you're having a bad day the need for relationship it's

everything yeah yeah yeah we are we are craving connection and and I would just say this that

we have to fight this right I worked on a book called finder people and yes oh my gosh that was the saddest when I was researching that book I was so discouraged because I thought is it really this bad are we really the loneliness generation that has ever lived on earth that is the saddest thing and we are set up that way right so when you think of every generation before it's just about

“especially prior to the industrial revolution but but honestly before the technological revolution”

people lived in villages they took care of each other they they dependent on each other for agriculture they depend on each other for you know the blacksmith and town every the community had to have each other to survive so just by the nature it wasn't like something they had to do or think about it was something they were and it was how they lived so we really are it's it's hard we really are in

the hard time to live and it really is the most important key to being happy connected peaceful

it's being known by God by people that's it that's the goal but I think shame lies all of that we we pull back and now we don't have to come out because we can just move or we can just change jobs or we can just you know people can do that for every generation they would never move more than you know five miles 20 miles from where they were born because he couldn't do it and so it's just we we've got to be aware that this is not the way we were built this is not what we were

designed for and we've got to fight it pretty hard when it comes to finding your people what for the person listening is like I want to find my people yeah what do you say to them well you're not alone that you feel alone for sure that is that is common what I would say is that this is a this has to be a conviction this has to be something that you're like I need this I'm gonna get it now all the introverts are like I don't need it I'm fine I love

my rope I love Netflix I don't need you I want you to realize that every time you turn on a show

“you're watching people have community that you're actually craving that's why you like the show”

there's not one show even that movie with Tom Hanks or he's on an island by himself and the whole movie he's by himself he talks to a volleyball like even that is communal in its own weird way you know there's nothing you're really watching or somebody's alone it's true is the worst form of punishment solitary confinement there is nothing worse than being alone and and so and I'm not talking about every minute of every day but but you've got to be known and you've got to be seen

and so I really pray and I I have hoped that there's a massive change in the world the way we view this because it's gonna take that it's gonna take a revolution it's gonna take us seeing that this is the reason we're so unhappy and choosing connection and people I mean we moved to a neighborhood where the houses were really close together in a big city and I just prayed Lord give me five friends and five miles super basic I need five friends and these five miles

because I knew if it was 10 we wouldn't do last minute dinner like we did last night my friend

have to like I don't like this bird okay three dates and I'm like no you you know no no um

“and you have to give people a chance and then then two years in they want to quit you you know”

and that's real and and you've invested all this energy and time and then you don't want to do it again so it is a mess it is hard and we've got to have it and we've got to choose it even though it's hard I have friends and five miles that's good that's good not everybody can have that but it's a start yeah and proximity does help yeah and exactly you're saying you know I'm newer to where I live and and I knew one person moving here and and so I'm in that space of you know

and my close my two best friends are one of over 30 years one of over 15 but they live in Pennsylvania across the country and so I'm like okay so I'm making a whole lot of new friends right now my kids are in school but I mean that process of you know because I also believe it's so important to make sure that who you are around yeah you know that you feel good when you're around and you can still be real and raw and cry your eyes on do all the things but that you

feel they want the best for you and sometimes you see things over time right you say like oh do they show up for you when you know when it's a bad day not just a good day do they you know all the are they real friends or they deal friends are they just like all of it right you kind of learn over time and so I'm in that space right now and I know exactly you're talking about where you know then you'll have one friend really like we are they distancing themselves like yep all of it right

and it takes work and it takes work but it's doable and we've got to do it and when you know I always

say because the number one question I get about friendship is this question and it is it's heartbreaking but it's I always initiate nobody initiates back or yeah I reach out all the time and nobody invites me and I would just say the the only way you won't be lonely is to initiate you have to be the

“one and and you have to remember and believe that if five people say no the six one might say yes”

and the six one might need a friend and it's like you just keep going and if if you knew that that three months from now and 17 knows from now you would make the beginning of the best friends you could have for the next 10 years would you do it you probably would but you usually stop after three maybe after one you know after one rejection after one it just feels like nobody wants to be

friends with me you know I always say if it really feels that way first pay for counselor because

maybe you need to pay a friend to find out that there's some things you need to know about yourself you know we all need to know things better self but probably it's just that you just need to keep trying and you need to find somebody that needs you as much as you need them and it's just so important and I feel like this conversation is is really new and the sense of it's easy for people to think oh you know virtual friends or social media or soon AI is great like it's oh come on we all

just say no yes we are not gonna be friends with robots no not not in any real way that is will fill our soul exactly exactly it will leave you feeling empty just the way if you only rely on social media dead or if you only rely on watching other people communicate on television yeah but don't have any real connection and and I think that yeah that's so good I love you sharing that because I think a lot of people have tried ones or twice maybe they haven't even got to three times

and they're like okay I'm just not gonna make friends as an adult and I can do without it right that's not true right that is that is a lie and you need people fundamentally the way you were built your DNA every scientist would tell you that every theologian would tell you that you were built to need people even the introverts we all need people and you've said a couple times and I want to bring the set how important it is that we feel known and we feel seen yeah so

can you share why do the person listening going oh no no I'm an introvert I'm good I got my blanket I got my my real housewives or my cat or whatever it is not that I know anyone that does that yeah

yeah but yeah nor have I ever not never me there unless um but talk with the importance of that

“feeling even for the introvert listening that you need you need to be known and seen yeah my daughter's”

an introvert and we're a whole house of more extroverted people and it's hard for her like just

and she's just last night I came home and she was out with her friends and I was like yes

“and and she's got plenty of friends she just it's hard to chew you know it's just it feels good to just”

be in and be cozy and I get it I'm that way sometimes she came home bouncing off the walls you know telling me stories about all of them and so it's like yeah it feels like maybe if I stayed in my room I wouldn't be happier it'd be easier so sure it would be but there's a part of you that's just dormant in a sleep until somebody else wakes it up there's part of you that that is bored and and missing life just because you're scared to go out there and live it and and so I would just say

keep showing up keep doing it and it is it is it's like a muscle you just got it just got to

practice it but to the introvert that's like I don't need it it's just not scientifically true just speak to the science of it there is nothing more damaging to your health than isolation they have ranked alcohol drugs I mean all of it the most detrimental thing to your health if you're just motivated out of like facts is isolation so you need connection you just physically need it and

“and I think you like it more than you think I think most introverts I know they want connection”

they just want it in smaller doses they want one or two deep great conversations and that's great that works it doesn't need to be a party find what works for you it doesn't have to be every social that you get included to you don't have to go join you know a bowling team for goodness sake she just just find the way you connect with one or two people and that's enough when you say God creates our brain and one of your best selling books is all about

our thoughts and getting out of our head and all of those things what would you say to you someone listening about that and about the power yeah I mean this is such good news it's such good news for everything we're talking about today that the way our brains were built is that we have the power to interrupt our thoughts I didn't know that for so long which is so funny to me

“because it's such a basic important thing to understand I think all first graders should be taught”

this in school you have power over your thoughts don't have as much power over your emotions I mean if you were feeling really sad today and you were crying to me and I said Jamie don't be sad that would not be very helpful you know just wasn't but if you are sitting there thinking the same negative thought over and over again which most of us are the research says that 80% of our thoughts are negative every day it's really a lot to take in and 95% of our thoughts are repetitive from the

day before so we are thinking the same lies the same negative thoughts the same spirals on repeat over and over and over and over and over for decades it's really sad except that we can interrupt our thoughts and so the pathways many of you have heard this that the neuro pathways that repetitive thoughts like that build so these lies we've been talking about this book came out of that book because when I wrote get out of your head I just barely mentioned these three lies in there

but I realized that this is different because what get out of your head talks about is interrupting thought patterns this is really talking about core lies that have been there for a long, long time that you don't even know are there right that are just you think are true but the same principle does apply that we can build a new pathway that that the same trenches that got built in your brain because you've thought this over and over and over again you can build a new one and it's

pretty amazing it actually what happens in your mind physically what they can see on scans is

that what is rebuilt in your brain when you think a thought is real it's a physical thing that's happening to you a thought causes your brain to build little buildings and little cities and it builds a whole little structure in your mind and so thinking good thoughts and being grateful for instance instead of cynical like immediately so this is what we do in our family let me give you an example we'll get home from school and somebody will say what happened to them that day and

then it will turn into the spiral of everything bad that happened right that's okay we do that

and then what do you do you go okay sit in that talk about it process it what can we do about that so sorry we we we feel all the feelings we do that then we say what good happened today what you grateful for it is a discipline again it's a muscle you just have to practice it the first part

I never had to ask right like that came out really easy because that is the 80% that we're thinking

about that is what our brain does is easy to think about what is negative it is a discipline to think about what is positive and what we're grateful for and so what I learned in that project was as I wrote that book was was the power of interruption that I have a choice and I don't have to spiral in all of these negative loops and so the same is true with lies it's I have a choice and so yesterday it was a big choice you know my choice was sitting that you know sitting that go to sleep wake up in

the night think about it more or call a friend you know I'm a phone a friend kind of girl to say

“sometimes it's to say it out loud sometimes it's to to write it down to journal it to notice it I think”

the most important thing is first is whether it's a lie or negative thought to name it because you

cannot be free of something you don't name because it's just gonna stay there you're going to be stuck in it and we aren't neutral people we don't wake up in a neutral world with neutral minds with neutral feelings with neutral thoughts there's a force in us it is either spiraling down or it is spiraling up and that shift can be interrupted and we can change it from going down to going up you know and the the three core lies from the lie you don't know you believe

your new book that's out now everyone needs to grab their copy talks about it find the lie fight it and live free when you say that you know so many of our thoughts are repeated every single day and we have core lies imagine how many times we're thinking those every single day

“like all the time all the time that's why we think they're true yeah that's why we don't know”

it's a lie yeah you don't know we're believing it because it literally is just the way we think it is it is a story we have told ourselves since the beginning of time and to learn a new story to believe something more beautiful is true it's gonna take work you know it was funny like the address up to date come see you and and what I felt when I was getting dressed is I got to like wish I could like put on like boxing gloves you know it's like we gotta go fight like we

gotta this is gonna be feisty here fight these like I'm fit on a cute little blouse with the bow I'm like we need to be like fight like because it really is kind of that mentality of you cannot just if you're just gonna stay on neutral you're going to believe us you're gonna have to turn you're gonna have to put set it up and go is this true you're gonna have to think about it you're gonna have to share about it you're gonna have to wonder about it and you're gonna have to be

“pretty vicious and go you know what I think I have been told that and I have believed that my whole”

life and it's not true and that takes getting a little bit of feisty. Lacing your gloves yet lacing your gloves up for the person right now who's like okay the lie you don't know you believe your brand new book what would you say to them that they should expect when they get at home yeah well the first thing is just grace that they're not alone that this is common that really we all have one you know that something has plagued us and we you don't know it and and I think sometimes

we can tackle something like this and just feel overwhelmed and there is so much power and just knowing it you know one of the things I do all the time it's what I did last night with my friend when I shared that I was struggling is I was like you know the lie I tell myself is this and I'm sorry I've gotten used to just saying it out loud the thing the lie that I tell myself is this and

I just start to say that is powerful because in that one line I'm inviting someone else into it

and I'm able to call it a lie yes I couldn't do that for so long and I didn't it just set there yeah true in me yeah thinking it was true you know and so I think people are going to go oh like within two chapters three chapters they're going to go oh I have one it's this and they're going to be able to name it and that is powerful because now it became an enemy it was your friend

who thought it was wonderful to bring little baby creatures home and I'm like you probably stole that from

“their mother like I don't know where they found these things but there we rescue turtles we rescue”

rabbits we lived on a little reserve and so all these baby animals we were their salvation and we lived in it city in Austin, Texas where PETA is a big deal right like they love animals and so we would often you know deliver these animals that we didn't know how to take care of to the animal shelter and they would be grateful and they would take over for us and all that and so one day she rescued some baby squirrels and these squirrels needed to be rescued they were on the street

they would have gotten run over we put them in a shoe box we tried to give it little I don't know we

looked it up drops it was we kept them alive and then we'd drive an hour out to the animal shelter

to take these animals and when we got there um these people that love animals right like they are protective of all animals look at us angry that we have brought these animals in because they are

“rats we have brought them a box driven an hour kept alive nurse fed cared for baby rats and”

that is what we are doing we are nursing feeding taking care of making friends with keeping loving all these lies and acting like we've got to protect them for some reason and so my prayer is that we shift this and realize like this we are we are nursing and caring for things that are not serving us that are destroying us so much worse than not serving us they're they're destroying us and they're taking our callings and the things that God's put on

on earth to do they're taking our joy and our peace some of you are living out your callings but there's no peace and joy in it like you're not even enjoying it because in the back of your head is I'm not doing it well enough I can't measure out people aren't going to like me like that's going all the time it is possible to turn it off and and so my hope is that first they know it they name it that's freeing but then too they hate it and they're like I'm not

living with this anymore I'm not going to feed this and take care of this anymore I'm going to fight it that's my prayer that is so good and I love I love the tool to you that you just added about how when you say it out loud which you know you share that when we say it out loud automatically we kind of go oh that's ridiculous but you say it out loud but you call it a lie like like you

name it you call it when you say it yep and that's so powerful because instead of every day

as we just learned 80 to 95% of your they every day you're thinking the same negative thoughts over and over and over and over and over and over your whole life instead of just then that which then makes us believe it we're we're naming we're we're calling it out we're sharing it we're hearing ourselves say it but we're saying I believe the lie I'm telling myself the lie that and you're calling it a lie which is I think so powerful yeah I think it's good to start with what do you

feel because sometimes it's like I don't know what lie I'm believing what do you feel I feel anxious because why because I feel like I need to hit some more okay because I feel like I need to hit a mark like just start to put language to it but oftentimes we'll notice a feeling before we notice a thought before we notice a lie and so if you feel anxious if you feel like you're spiraling if you feel like you have doubt and if you feel like gosh I keep isolating myself

those are signs and symptoms of what we're talking about it's not it's not the end game there's a reason you feel those things and probably underneath those things is that because because

“I can't seem to be accepted by people like I just keep feeling rejected okay that's why I feel”

anxious you know so so it's that work I've just maybe you notice a feeling and then you know okay where's that coming from and and fill in those blanks I feel blank because blank and that is the beginning of a great conversation that's the beginning of a great conversation and a great way to get to like okay what is that lie yeah or more than one but what's the more lie that's like your big one yes underneath it all yeah millions of people have been impacted by your work and for someone

listening right now who's like I want more of Jenny Allen or I want more of these lessons of course they're gonna grab the lie you don't know you believe but also can you just share a little bit with the person listening can we be doesn't know about if yeah about gather unite yeah all of it well everything is on my website Jenny Allen dot com you can go there and see it but what I love to do is I love for people to experience connection with God and each other and so I build lots of

not something that you have to attend it's something that you can host wherever you are and gather

“is the same way it's really special gather was a dream that I can't believe is a reality now”

of the entire global church coming together and seven million people participated it was so

magical last year we're gonna do it again next year um and it it's just really special so all of those links are on my site and all of the resources you talked about today as well thank you so much and just inviting me into your community and just this was so meaningful and I'm so grateful you know and thank you so much Jenny and your website and and and everything that you do put together that's also a great tool for someone who wants connection yeah you know find a gathering near you yeah

and you know I've made a lot of friends have been made that way yeah for sure yes yes yes so thank you for all that you do thank you for the lives that you impact thank you for being an inspiration to me just so many people out there I'm excited for this book the lie you don't know you believe just because time we lace up our boxing gloves as you said and we go to battle with the lies thank you for giving us the tools to know how to we do that like how do we do that and also that we're

“not alone and the ones that we believe because I think that is huge because it's like okay all right”

I've got this so thank you so much for being here thank you friend hmm remember this episode's not just for you and me please share this with every single person that you know because it can impact and change their life to and if you love today's episode please click the follow or subscribe button for the show on the app that you're listening to it on or watching non and if it added value to your life if you could please give it a rating or review five stars is perfect I would be so grateful

and again please share it with everyone that you believe in share with another person in your life who could benefit from it maybe somebody that you know right now is believing in a lie they need to unlearn and stop believing you can also post the episode and share with others online in your

community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today you never know

whose life your meant to change today by sharing this episode and thank you so much for joining me before you go I want to share some words with you they couldn't be more true you right now exactly as you are enough and fully worthy you're worthy of your greatest hopes your wildest dreams and all the unconditional love in the world and it's an honor to welcome you each and every week to the Jamie Kremlin Michelle here I hope you'll come as you are and heal where you need

blossom what you choose journey toward your calling and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here you are worthy you are loved you are love and I love you and I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kremlin Michelle in life you don't sort the level of your hopes and dreams you stay stuck at the level of yourself worth when you build yourself worth you change your entire life and that's exactly why I wrote my new book worthy how to believe

you are enough and transform your life for you if you have some self doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill worthy is for you in worthy you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life changing results like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back build unshakable self love unlearn the lies that lead to self doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome achieve your hopes and dreams by believing

you are worthy of them and so much more are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you are born to be imagine a life with zero self doubt an unshakable self worth get your copy

of worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the

show notes below imagine what you do if you fully believed in you it's time to find out with worthy

“who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self belief and I love”

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