#2472 - Jeff Ross

Good job, Rogan, experience.

“Join my day, Joe Rogan, podcast, my night, all day.”

[MUSIC PLAYING] Just up to all? Joe. Good to see you, my friend. I'm here, man.

It's a crack, I like it. Life is good. Happy to be in Austin, Texas. Happy to have you. Are you doing Kiltoni tonight?

I'll show up at Kiltoni tonight. Nice. Of course, my guy. So happy for him. Yeah, he's killing it.

He always talks about us.

And this is early supporters. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, that guy. Oh, he's the best. I mean, that show is on fire.

It's a fucking runaway train right now. Everywhere I go. Kiltoni, Kiltoni, Kiltoni, love you on Kiltoni. It's such a fun show. You know, what a great idea.

Kind of amazing, nobody thought it up. Well, he just kind of put his open mics on his roast and his personality and his friends and his built-in community. It's kind of amazing.

Oh, it's incredible. He's the new Johnny Carson. I mean, think about how I'm going to like Adam Rae's killing it, selling out giant theaters. All these guys that came through that show

are fucking destroying now. This is our tribe, Joe. I know. I love it. Is that amazing?

It's a good time for somebody.

Did I hear that you have a German shepherd? No. No, I've a golden retriever. And I have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. OK, a little tiny fella.

Somebody told me something different. No. I love German shepherds, but I don't know. I have a German shepherd. They're the best.

“You have to exercise a shepherds, I don't know.”

They need work. She loves to run around. Oh, yeah. Pig and climb and adventures. They need tasks.

They're not like my golden. He's just cool just chilling laying on his back and his belly row. Oh, I follow my Instagram, don't worry. He's the best.

I look for my mornings with him. I mean, they're a very low maintenance dog. And he's trained. You could train them very easily. But as far as like guard dog and that kind of useless.

My dog can sit, stay, and run around frantically. I'll be like run around frantically, which is a run around. Well, they have so much energy. Those dogs are just designed to work. I put her to work for two months this summer on Broadway.

She came out at the end of my show and howled with me in the audience. She can howl on cue. We taught her at the same trainer that did the Sandy from the show Annie from when I was a kid. Bill Bertolone.

He's like, I could teach her. She's like a wild, rescue German shepherd from the desert.

“And there she was, like, came out, jumped on a couch, hit her mark, turned to the audience,”

and we like sang. Oh, that's awesome. She had her own dressing room, Nipsy, her name's Nipsy. Yeah. That was the job.

She was like, no more work, I need something else to do. Yeah, they need things to do. Like, people that just have them and have an apartment and don't go anywhere. Like, that's a crazy thing to do to a dog like that. Yeah.

Oh, look at her. Oh, my God. Wow. Look how sweet. So she's a rescue dog?

She is. Where'd you find her? They found her in a, in a bummy, a breeder in Reno during the pandemic. I had an old dog. I had an old senior dog that my ex found on the street.

And we took care of her to be getting to the pandemic and the ex left, left the dog. So it's just me and this old beat up street dog for a few months and the vet was like, I got another puppy, German Shepherd, and so she was a puppy. This one was, yes. Oh, that's great.

So now it's like five years ago already. So she's my bestie and more and more. And we do everything. And I just levered a piece, it's like, I can't even get on the plane to come here. Yes, that as a part of me was like, shit, I bring her, let her run around the for a couple

days and whatever, but yeah, it's hard leaving them. It's like, I have a kid and they look, she looks at me looking for the buzzwords. Are we going? Are we staying? Are we eating?

I know. They get separation anxiety. Big time. And they get very attached to one person. Right.

Yeah. Right. You're her daddy.

She lay in bed, wait, she never wakes me, rolls over, arms up, ready to get, she can't

start the day without a full belly rub. Like I almost like holder legs and player like a guitar. And she just, you know, thugs out, just complete you for you. Once a week, I take all her colors off and just rub the neck and just her eyes start watering. And that's so cute.

Highly right, I never was in the dogs, I'm slightly allergic. My sister got snapped on by a dopamine when we were little. So I was always a little afraid and then it was just kind of forced on me during the pandemic and so all these dogs needed homes. So now here I am, I'm a freaking doggy daddy.

Oh, I love dogs. I've always had dogs. I will never not have dogs. I love them. I love them.

the shit out of you.

“And especially if you train them from the time they're puppies and you give them nothing”

but love, like they're so connected to you. And then, you know, it's just awesome.

You wake up in the morning and it's always positive.

It's always, hello. Hello. I wake up with Marshall and he starts whining and whimpering and he like, I do this thing in the morning who, good morning sir, like morning, sir. He's just whining his tail and he's rolling around on his back and I'm rubbing his belly

and he's giving me kisses. He loves it. He loves it. He gets so excited to see me in the morning. It's like his, his ritual.

He knows the rituals coming. He's going to get all this love. Does he sleep in your room? No. No.

My wife is a little bit allergic so he sleeps outside the room. Right. But he is, he's just a giant love sponge. That's what he is. It's like he loves everybody.

Everybody comes in the house like he meet you for the first time. He's like, I can't believe you're here. He's just so excited to meet everybody. My dog checks everybody. She's got to like check them out.

Of course.

“It's different and if somebody has like chemical imbalances or a little off, she lets”

me now. Oh, yeah. You get screwball friends. Yeah. Well, I've been now and then.

You know, comics will be off in your mid. No, come on. I used to know that person. I don't know that person anymore. The dog just like alerts me.

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. They're very watchful. Yeah. They're, they're shepherds.

They're protecting you. They're protecting their, they're daddy. She's funny on the plane like I've only flown with her twice but one, you know, once in New York and then once back after we were done on Broadway and she's like, it was nine months later.

She literally knew how to walk on the plane where to go, where to see what, like, remembers everything like a person. They're very smart dogs. Very smart dogs. It's one of the reasons why they need someone to exercise.

Like the dumbest dogs can just lay around and do nothing. Yeah. But really smart dogs. They need a lot of activity. Especially shepherds.

Because they're working dogs. If I leave her alone too long, she'll dig up the backyard. She needs something to do. Yeah. They're like an athlete.

Yeah. You know, they just need work. They need to go. And they don't need a lot of food. They don't need a lot.

She's like, what do you feed her? You know, I used to overfeed her and give her a lot of table scraps and spoiler and then I learned more recently that if I keep her to like a cup and a half of kibble a day at the vet recommend. You should get her on raw food.

So raw food or fresh food. Yeah. I used to feed my dogs kibble too. I had one dog that got cancer and I read about all these dogs getting kibble. And you know, they get fat so easy when you give them kibble.

And it's just because that stuff can sit on a shelf forever. Yeah. It's like you wouldn't eat it. Why are they eating it? Right.

It's not healthy for them. Sometimes I put a little turkey in the... Turkey's great. Real food is great. Real food for your dogs the way to go.

I feed my dog farmer's dog. It comes frozen. It has to be frozen. Right. And the way they attack it versus the way they attack kibble, like kibbles like, okay, they're

eating. No big deal. They just can't wait to eat this stuff, like they get excited like the little guy a little Charlie. He literally leaps up in the air trying to get to the counter where when I'm putting

the food on his bowl, it gets nuts. They love it. It's real food. It's human grade food. I have to check that out.

Oh, yeah. It comes frozen. And also they give it to you the right portions for your dog. Right. So you don't have to think about it.

Like you put in your dog's way, with breed your dog is and, you know, whether dogs or where they're not and they measure it out, cow or was with specific to your dog. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform for building a website that actually looks legit and helps you stand out online. And I should know, my site, JoeRogan.com is powered by Squarespace.

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of a website or domain. My dog's way just good, but I got to get her to stop smoking. She's just got stuck. You know what? It's funny.

She used to really hate when I light up a joint and she was little. She'd run in the other room, but now she's just like, oh, that's daddy. Well, she probably get a little paranoid. I used to have a pitbull that she would get paranoid, but she's in the room. And I was realizing, oh, this poor dog, she's getting high, too.

She was a rescue dog, too. I found her. She was covered in Maine. She was so sad. She was eating at a garbage cans.

That's heartbreaking. Yeah. A friend of mine found her and they took her in for it.

“And then they called me and they said, do you want another dog?”

I had one dog already. I said, absolutely. And as soon as I saw her, I was like, oh, yeah, they're getting vulnerable. Yeah. It was so horrible.

She was covered in Maine. She had little scabs on her and everything. It all went away with it.

Two months of food, but that dog, because of living on the street, she could never get

She was always like raiding garbage cans and stuff.

Like, you'd have to lock up the garbage cans, strap it down with a bungee cord, shoot tip them over and she was never full. Even though she would like to get fat, she was never full. Just in case. It was just, you know, she was starving when I found her.

I had the old dog first and then the young German Shepherd, so the old one had all these street habits like that, and she taught him to the young dog, like the young dog walks down the stairs as if she has a broken back hip, and she learned how to get in the car from an old dog. So she could leave right in, she's a kid, but she still goes two paws up and I have

to pick her up.

“Yeah, that's how Marshall does it, overprotective like the old dog.”

Yeah, Marshall, I think he probably could jump in my car, but it's like, he knows, I'll just lift him up. Because I've done it since it was a puppy, so we do this way. Little thing, I go, are you ready? He puts his paws on.

I got one, two, three, it's always one, two, three, up, so he gets ready. Did they talk to you, my dog house with me in the morning? No, Marshall only talks when he wants to come inside, like if he's outside, he'll just bark once at the door, if he wants to know. He's really good.

He's the best dog. What is this? It's barks, I like. Boom. I mean, it's like, hey, I'm out here, come on, you know, he's out till he's not, you know?

He's out till he's bored, and then he just lets, you know, if he's not in the morning. The old dog, if I had to put her, like, if like a guy came over to work on the house or something I had to put her like in a bedroom or a bathroom, she was, she was, you know, big, big dog. She would know on the handles, so I have a house full of like chrome door handles that

all have like bite marks at it, like the bite is amazing.

Yeah, you got to give him things that you want all the time, you know, there's two toys all over my house. Yeah, everywhere. My dog has a martial has like a big box filled with toys and it's like, and he just goes in and picks one out.

Yeah. Randomly. Yeah, and two it is. I know, what are you going to get? Which toy?

“He's like looking around, picks one out, and then him and the little dog, they play”

Tucker War. That's a door. To get a toy. So they get a lot. Oh, my God.

You knew they'd get along before you got this. He's the easiest dog to get along with. He gets along with everything and everybody. James, James got a psycho dog. James got this little French bulldog that's like a little, a little meat muscle.

Yeah. He's a nut. He's great. He's awesome. Oh, yeah.

He's not just, he's three. He's three. He's a little psycho. He's jacked. He's super jacked.

He's like this little French bulldog, and him and Marshall just play insane. It's insane, like Carl throws himself through the air, Marshall, because he knows that Marshall likes super gentle, and then he just play back and forth, but it's adorable. If a dog is small enough, like a little chihuahua type dog, they can put their head inside my dog, which is open or mouth, and let another dog just roll her head inside or mouth.

No, it sticks. Yeah. It's crazy. It just wants it to play. It's just nuts that those used to be wolves.

They've turned wolves into these little tiny things you can carry around. I mean, in a thousand years, they'll be, are they getting smarter than the way humans are evolving? I wonder. That's a good question.

I wonder.

“I mean, I think they would have to be a reason for them to get smarter.”

You know, some dogs are like the dogs that are trained, like a Belgian malima. Those are really smart dogs, you know, those are dog military dogs. Yeah. Those dogs, you cannot just leave that dog alone. Like, it's like a shepherd times 10.

Yeah. They look like shepherd sort of. But those dogs, they're so intelligent. Yeah. They are constantly scanning everything and looking for everything.

They know when you're weird. They know everything. Right. Yeah. So those dogs have to be smart because they have jobs, you know.

They use them. Like those are the dogs they sicked on, like, Osama bin Laden's crew. Right. They open the door and they breach dogs run in. Incredible.

Yeah. My dog's central limb compared to all that. It's so smart. She just wants to play. Yeah.

But why I've had a couple dogs before, like, I had a dog that was a Shibu Enumix and he was kind of a pussy. But and I had a mastiff before that. But mostly I've had like big guard dogs, you know. And these are the dogs of first dogs I've had that are, they're not guarding shit.

Come on, it's not guarding. They guard your emotions, buddy. Well, they're your emotions. They're just sweet. They're just awesome to have.

It's like you just have love around you all the time.

And they're never in a bad mood.

There's never a day where he's never had a bad day in his life. Every day is a great day. Every day is happy. Even if you're not there. Well, he gets sad if I'm not there for sure.

But like I pull off the ball. It's always the same thing. It's never like one day I'm like, maybe he's going to get bored of this fucking ball. Nope. I pull off that ball.

Oh. Oh.

That's good. Bounce it around. Wagon is tail. Jump it up. I got a ball.

It's got like the stick. It's like a long curved stick. So you get throw the ball. Yeah, yeah, of course.

“And you know, he just starts leaping up towards the stick.”

He gets so pumped. I'm like one day he's going to get bored of this. Nope. He's nine years old.

He's never gotten bored of it.

What I come up to stairs if she sees that I have my sneakers on, she starts stretching like an Olympian. And let's go. Time to go. Yeah.

Dogs are awesome. People that don't have them, I feel bad for them. Like you're missing a lot of love in your life. Especially like people that live alone. You know, it's like you're always have a friend.

You always have someone I talked to my dog. Like you have conversations. Yeah, yeah. You know. And then there's this Marshall looking on the eyes when you're talking.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a real friend. Oh, he's like the most loving creature I've ever encountered.

“Do you tell the dog stuff you wouldn't tell your family or your friend?”

No. Sometimes I'm like, hey, man, I probably should have said that too. She has emotional and like she knows when I'm happy, sad, nervous. Yeah. Mostly it's baby talk.

Mostly it's a good boy, buddy. Yeah, it was my buddy. He watches TV with me, climbs up on the couch and sits on my lap. It puts his head on my lap the best. Yeah.

And when there's animals on TV, he parks his head up. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's a big TV. And so he's like, what the fuck is that?

Is that real? He has to. Right.

With Lipsy first came out from the desert.

He was like six, seven month old puppy, but still a sizable dog, German Shepherd at six months is already like a dog. And the old dog, which was all on her deathbed, but wise, street wise. She was on the floor and the puppy was up on my bed. It was her first night in a home.

And I put on TV, I put on house a car. I was just daunting kind of scary music and the dogs just watching and it's like a shadowy figure who's Kevin Spacey coming down the hall is character coming down the hall. And as this man was revealed full screen on a big screen, Nipsy did a backflip fell off the bed and ran it in the closet.

And the old dog, Matt, I was like, oh boy, she had to like pull herself up at her bed legs and go in the closet and tell her to come back out. So listen, it's TV. It's almost time for spring break. So maybe you're headed to the beach or maybe you're taking the kids on a road trip or

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Oh, what a fucking show.

They never should've done that last season.

Once Kevin Spacey got canceled, they should've just canceled. It was done. Or, you know, not. Right. Such a good fucking show.

That's a great show. It's crazy. I saw him. He was in Israel doing some weird thing where he was like doing like a song in dance routine in a small club recently.

He's been kind of reduced to doing that for money. Is that reduced or is that part of the comeback? You got to start. I don't know. I mean, it's something.

I guess he's just making money. He is completely bankrupt. He lost everything. It's crazy. Show business.

Well, that's not just show business, right? It's also what did you do? What did you get caught for? He got, you know, old school dick grabber. Well, those old school guys, and I learned what it likes that.

Getting their dick grab like that. Some gay guys do, I think.

“I think what he did probably worked on some guys.”

You know what I'm saying? Like gay guys have a whole different way of interacting with each other that we don't have. But I think with spacey, it was like some of those fellows were young and that's the problem.

It's power.

“It's like in the gay community there's a lot of guys that think it's okay for young”

gay guys who are underage to hook up with older gay guys. It's like my little unopolis. Remember him? He actually talked about that on my show. He was talking about when he was 14.

He hooked up with this older guy and he's like, trust me, I was the predator. He was like saying that he was going after the guys, but it's different. In their eyes, I mean, I'm just speaking for gay guys that I talked to. It's different in their eyes than an adult male and a young female. But Kevin Spacey's a fucking unbelievable actor.

That fucking house at cards was so good. It was so good. Such a good show. I'm glad it's still out there because it was so good. It made me miss and rewatch West Wing.

That's how good it was. I never watched that. I think I made me watch one or two episodes. It's like an idealistic version of what politics could be. Right.

Martin Schene is like the president. We wish we had a really small time ago, but he's also controversial. He's hiding a medical thing. Like we got way ahead of a lot of the modern day stories. They're like Biden.

Yeah. Yeah. And his wife's a doctor, so she's helping him.

Well, we always have these idealistic ideas of who we want to be our leader.

And the thing about the Kevin Spacey character was like, that's probably more realistic. Like that guy is more realistic. Well, as we get older, we understand you've got to be cutthroat to make it. Mm-hmm. It's got to be a certain killer instinct in a president.

You're also most likely deeply compromised by the time you get into office.

“Which is the only way you navigate those worlds like everybody's compromised.”

Everybody's gone to that eyes wide shot party. Right. I couldn't get in just for the record. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't want to get in. I know. That's a good thing. Dog can kind of save your career because like you get invited to some wild sex party. I got it.

My dog's been waiting for me for five hours. Sorry. I can't go. Yeah. Meanwhile, it's better to just hang out with your dog.

You'll have a better time and you won't feel gross in the morning. I guess. But I think all those people are sociopaths that probably don't even feel gross ever. I was out all weekend for the fanatics football stuff. Travis Scott's DJing, they'll three in the morning.

What is the fanatics football stuff?

“They had a flag football tournament in LA.”

It was supposed to be in in re-out and they had to move it to LA, Tom Brady and the fanatics. What's the fanatics? It's like, I guess it's a branding company. They do all the jerseys. They do all the Michael Ruben and Michael Ratner.

Two friends of mine did this flag football game and I was just partying. I just took the weekend off and I'm like, seeing all the football players and it was just so much fun and then just as the party's really getting hot, I'm like, I miss my dog. I'm going for that.

Yeah, there's always this thing in the back of your head like I got to get home.

She's been home alone for five hours. He's been home alone for six hours. I'm thinking about him. He has to pee. He's a good boy.

He's not going to pee in the house. But he's probably holding it in and I'm upset. Yeah. And it nuts. Like people think, especially comics, you know, we want to be up late, get drunk, fucking

off, being retarded, doing drugs, you know what, he just won't get home. Yeah, won't get home, chill out, relax, watch TV. I feel like if I had a dog when I was starting out in comedy, I would have been more disciplined. I would have been coming home instead of staying out all night. Yeah, I kind of regret that a little bit.

You regret staying out all night? Well, I mean, I mean, you know, you know how it is, you do your set, you start hanging out in the club, in the comedy club, in drinking or eating or whatever. But there's a certain, I don't know, you go home and you're up earlier, you get more done the next day.

Oh, absolutely. Well, it's just feel better. It's hard to leave when you're having fun, you know, it's also you feel like you're a part of a different society, society people don't have a regular job, you got freedom, you're your own boss.

I grew up, I lost my parents as a teenager, so I live every day like I could die tomorrow.

So I never want to leave.

I have ultimate FOMO all the time. I never want to miss an event, a party. I went to the Super Bowl, I went to all star weekend. I want to go to the Grammys. I love life, I want to make the most out of it all the time.

It works against me sometimes, I think. That's interesting, right? It's the plus side of experiencing loss when you're young, you really want, you really relish life, you want to make the most out of it, you want to enjoy it while it's here.

Yeah. One of the things I say on my show is I learned early on human beings were made to mourn and move on.

“You can't mourn forever or a part of you dies and that's not fair, right?”

So it gave you this sort of zest for living. You take that loss as a young person, you're afraid at any second, it's hard to make long-term plans. Are your parents still alive? Yeah, it's amazing, amazing blessing.

And sometimes when you lose people young, you're afraid you live in the constant fear that it's all going to fall apart. Yeah. I've lost a lot of friends. Like, sometimes I look at my contact list when I get a new phone, and you're swapping

over contacts and I'm like, oh fuck, you know, I've got like 20 dead people in my contact list. Some of them I just keep in there, you know, I got old phones were like board games, texting me.

I just kept the phone and I'm never thrown this phone away, you know, a bunch of friends

who are... I don't say I get to text all the time, and listen to Gilbert God Creeps' voice mail, I know what you mean, yeah. It just brings me right back to those two guys, those are two tough ones, those are two really tough ones.

Well, that's great. Because that famous picture of me, Norm Gilbert, and Bob, that Adam E. Gatt took at Jones Restaurant in Hollywood, and I show that in my special, and I talk about each one, do like a tribute to Norm, I do a tribute to Gilbert, whose family is a big part of my family now, his kids are great, kids, his daughter goes to school here in text in Austin.

And there it is. There it is. And Bob, who just became a grandfather, so they left quite a legacy of those guys, and they really loved them, and they would make me laugh, you know, I would just set them up and they would go, and I would laugh until I was dying laughing, fucking Norm, one of the

things in the king, such a great guy too, and his clips, I don't know if it's my algorithm or what, but you would think Norm is making comedy content every day if you look at my algorithm.

“Well, mine too, I think a lot of people, so like people just share them, because you know,”

you had so many funny things to say, but everything, and such a unique perspective, just an unusual state of mind. I'm from New Jersey, so I feel like New Jersey grew up as an outsider to New York. We had a root for New York, sports teams, we had a listen to New York, radio stations as a kid, TV stations, and Canada has that with America.

So I think they always feel like comedians feel like outsiders a little bit, I feel like

Canadians kind of have that, Harland, Canadian, Canadian, Canadian, Canadian, you could go all day. Tom Baines, yeah, Jim Carrey, Jim Carrey, a lot of Canadian, Caroline Ray, a lot more, John Candy, right? Yeah, John Candy was a Canadian, yeah, Martin Short, was he?

Easy, he is, I think so, because that's TV people, that's right, yeah, I'm Martin Short, he had a rough month, he lost somebody very close to him, but he's still one of the funniest people in the world. Oh, here's Brian, I was fucking crazy characters, oh my god, how's it a birthday party once?

“It's like Paul Rudd's 50th birthday party years ago, and I remember, I was like, let's do Carrey”

Oki, and I wanted to start, and I was too like shy to like do Carrey Oki first and Martin Short walked out to the bike, belted out like a Sinatra song, dropped a mic and walked out to the ballet and left, like kicked it off and went, fly me to the moon and he was gone. It's weird when you get older and you realize how many guys have passed, like, Patrice

comes up in my algorithm all the time, and you know, you just watch old clips, I went on a binge a few months back of him on Oki and Anthony, yeah, just fuck, ruthless. He would have been the number one podcast in the world, if he was alive today, Patrice. Yeah, if he had a podcast, because he probably would have, he probably, it's a perfect normal transition from Oki and Anthony to podcast.

Right, he would have probably had the best podcast in the world.

It's up to guess, would never get to talk at all.

Yeah, one manner, he would be dressing him down. You know, he was at the front of you. The treat is a great dish at the Charlie Sheen roast, I always talk about this. Oh, yeah. He went on last and he was like, he was, we booked him late.

He never wanted to do a roast and he said, I don't know this one, I don't know that one

He goes, oh, he goes, I don't know Charlie Sheen, but I think I could do that.

“I go, you know him, you don't know him, but you know what he, you know, it's, you know,”

he goes, all right, I'm coming, he dresses total rockstar, like a leather suit, like this whole fantasy patrice in his head and then the day of the show, he's like complaining about his material, he's like, I don't know all these writers, they don't know me. This isn't me. Bubba, I go, Patrice, fuck all that, pay attention and roast the roast.

Just roast the roast. Make mental notes, clock it all, let them see you taking it in and then just go on and talk about what you just saw. And that's what he did. No, it was brilliant.

Did you see Charlie Sheen's Netflix documentary? I have it, it's fucking great man. Crazy, it's crazy, like he talks about everything, talks about this, first time he smoked crack, girls giving him a blow job when he smoked crack, how else he's supposed to do it?

He said it's the best experience he's ever had, he's never topped it.

Wow. Makes you want to try it, makes you like think, maybe it was a fascinating guess too, having him in here, it's like, that guy's been through so much shit and he's okay, you know, it's like how is he alive, you know, people are just different, right, tiger blood. He was a tour with them all the time, that's right, that's right, you were doing that

thing with them, so what happened was when he got kicked off a two and a half men and he went kind of cookie, he decided to do this whirlwind tour and the first one he did

“he tried to go and just wing it, torpedo of truth, yeah, that's what he called it.”

The wing and it one did not work, but then when he started doing it with you and he did it with Russell, Russell Peters did a bunch of them with them with comics, it actually worked because like he would have someone to bounce stuff off of and they knew how to be entertaining

and keep the flow going, right, yeah, and then you got into those stories and it was amazing.

Yeah, it totally turned around. The first one I did was an Atlantic city and he called me the night before and I was in LA at a party and everyone was like, yeah, yeah, go do it, go do it, so I caught a like six thing I'm playing. He called you the night before, what did he say?

He's like, my shows aren't going good, every, I didn't know him. He goes, you know, like all these different people keep telling me Simon Rex, you know, other friends of his kept saying, Jeff Ross could come out and roast you and save this. So I just wrote jokes all night, you know, left the party, wrote jokes, caught a six A.M. flu, I walk into his dressing room like an hour before, Chuck Zito is literally

staring me down, going, don't be too mean to my guy, you know, like they're just trying to scare me. And I'm like, I'm here to like more of a comedian, you know, and Charlie was really cool and I told his road manager, he goes, what do you need, I go, I need a podium to roll out big arenas, I want to make it like a show and I need a hazmat suit, because he'd

been bombing for like a week and recently go night, I got to come out, I go, I heard this a bob scare, I roll out, it's Jersey, so it's my crowd and I just start roasting him.

It went well and I was like, if you're winning, he's always like winning, winning, I'm

like if you're winning something's wrong with the fucking scoreboard. Old Jeff was here, duh, winning, look at that boy, he looks so skinny, that's a, that's a look of a guy who does Coke, look how ripped he is, Jesus, oh man, he was, he was up all night, we had one, he was like, so he was still partying hard back then, you know, it's hard to say, has to be, he didn't let me see that side of it, I'm sure he was,

there's no chance he was clean, oh that's right, he was a warlock, a warlock with tiger blood, violent torpedo of truth, tore, kicks off, he's right, TV star is boot off stage, yeah, so then after that, they kept calling and going, you do this date, he do that date, it was like more money than I'd ever made it for a one night or so I just started getting on the bus and the plane with him and how many dates you guys do, I went up, I

went up doing eight and Russell, how many did you know, I don't know, so he just had different comics, who else did, I don't remember anyone else but me, so that's news to me that Russell did a few, at least one I know of, there might have been some in Canada I didn't do it, but Russell's really good off the cuff, Russell's great work in the crowd, I think Russell

“interviewed him, I think Russell, like, that's how he did it, yeah, I think that's how he did it,”

because now it occurs to me that he had interviewers on some of them and I had a radio guy and I think maybe Russell might have done a Canadian, that's a smart way to do it, have someone who's smart and quick, just, because the stories are so bananas, all you need is

had smoking, yeah, it was just so, and everybody was so happy that someone was instead of hiding from the fact that they fucked their life up, they were like celebrating that they were off the rails, and everyone was like, ah, tiger blood, I remember even Diego Sanchez

“who was fighting in the UFC was saying he had tiger blood, that's how popular it was getting.”

Yeah, he was a thing. Yeah, it was a thing, but it was a new thing, right? It was a movie star who'd gone off the rails and was like celebrating it and being open and honest, interviews about prostitutes, cocaine, chaos, everything, all the above, yeah, it was a totally new experience for the general public, because before if someone had an addiction problem, it was like, oh, so sad, right. He was doing coke and, you know, my life had fallen apart and then I found

Jesus, you know, it's like, oh, he's one of those things. He wasn't, I don't know, apology, he went on a fuck you. Yeah, a hundred percent, and no one had ever done that before. No one had

ever done a fuck you, two or before. I mean, it was a little ill-advised, the first ones, you know,

when he went on by himself, like that was a terrible idea. Right. You can't just wing it, and when you're on coke, you think you could be doing anything, you know, or he would take questions, but there's 15,000 people yelling at him. Right. If you're going to take questions, it would have to be a person who's a moderator, who has a microphone and talks to another person, and is there so they can keep it from going off the rails, and then a line of people.

You can't just have people yelling out things, you know. One night, one night, somebody what it is, buddy back, and he brought the guy up and gave his money back, and then of course, like 400 people stood up, like I want my money back. Oh, no, he would get it. He would hear the audience too much. Yeah. Well, he had no experience with that kind of stuff. Right. If you think you could just do live audience and deal with 15,000 people's different personalities,

then you don't know what that's like. Right. Good luck. Well, we wound up doing eight shows,

and I would always roast him, so by the ace show, I had 20 minutes of Charlie Sheen,

but every city I'd add jokes, so that's when I was like, why don't we just do this on TV? I mean, we have the roast, and then we did the comedy central roast. Nice. Patience and all that. And Mike Tyson was at that one. It's a really interesting career arc with it. Well, if you know his story, he was on the set of Apocalypse Now with his father, when he was 10. Right. And then 10 years later, he was doing, what was the fucking movie?

His fucking big war movie. Jesus Christ. He was doing Platoon when he was 20. Yeah. Which is nuts. 10 years later. Yeah. I mean, he's doing the next iconic more movie. Right. And he's a 20-year-old kid, and then all of a sudden he's a fucking superstar. Right. He was great in that movie. And he's just off the rails, just like no restrictions. He's rich. He's young. He's handsome. He's just going crazy. Doing drugs. But he made it through at all.

“That's what's nuts. I got to check that dog out. It's great. He's a great interview, too.”

Like having him on the podcast was fucking great. He's really nice guy. He's very cool and honest about it on the end. You know, he's also like, "Hey, you know, I can still act." Like, how about fucking paid my dues. I've been sober for seven years. Like, "Give me a shot." Yeah. He can still act. He's a good actor. I hope someone does do something like that. Because I feel like if one big movie came along, maybe Tarantino could put him in.

Because he's the master of it. It's like a diving crew. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What he did with Tarvulton, Paul fiction. Paul fiction, like, Tarvulton was dead on the operating table in his career before Paul fiction. Paul fiction came along and boom. He's back. Because they realized, like, "Oh, shit. Jarantra Volca. Jarantra Volca can fucking act." And that role was perfect form. Vince, he played this crazy hitman with Samuel Jackson, and that fucking, what a movie.

I watched it all the time. Yeah. It completely revived his career. Yeah. He's the, like, Quentin Tarantino was like the master of seeing things that other people don't say.

“You know, he's like, "That guy's still great." Yeah. And I think that's like the case with Charlie.”

Like, someone's got to come along and see and just go, "I just need to get him a role where he just can really sink his teeth into it and he'll fucking kill it." Especially now, at this stage of his life, where he knows how important it is, he'll throw himself

into it. Right. It'd be fucking amazing. I like some people don't act for a long time,

and then look what Sean Penn just did. He just, and he came back after God knows how long it just did this totally iconic, unrecognizable strange character. I didn't see that movie. I've heard all these mixed reviews. Some people are, it's interesting to see Sean's take on this

actor. He has a lovely, a great actor. It's the Oscars to go see. Yeah, go to Ukraine.

So cool. Go hang out. Go hang out. Go hang out. My boy's going to do Coke.

“So that pure Russian Coke. Like, I think that's what they were doing. I'm just guessing.”

I'm just taking a while, guys. But that guy, I mean, how about him? Like, goes and fucking meets the drug lord. What's his name? What's wrong with my brain today, Jamie? What the fuck's his name? The dude he met in Mexico. The guy we got arrested, El Chapo. Thank you. Went down and met El Chapo, and that's how old Chapo won up, getting arrested. Right. Wanted to meet Sean Penn. He's president. All right. I'm going to be, he wrote an article for like Rolling Stone. He was a journalist.

Right. I remember. I went to, I mean, like, who, what fucking movie star goes down and meets El Chapo?

By the way, that shirt, Connor McGregor bought a shirt that's like exactly like that shirt

and recreated that pose with, I forget, who he shook hands with. But it was like this, like, funny inside joke that a lot of people didn't catch. It's like, why is he wearing that shirt? And people realize, oh, my god, he's wearing the El Chapo shirt. Like, he's like, he's like, he's like, really doing that. Oh, my gosh. He's so silly. He dressed as gangster El Chapo. He's like, doing the thing. But he did it on purpose. That's, uh, I mean, it takes insane balls

to be a world famous actor and decide I'm going to go meet a drug lord in Mexico and write an article for Rolling Stone. He's an adventurer. I guess acting as a part of them,

“not all of them. I mean, you must be me, then fucking Ukraine. What was he doing?”

Never been at a party. Eddie Vedder's birthday party in Sean Penn walked in with stormy Daniels. Like, he has friends from the most diverse places. That's funny. Zelensky stormy. Have you seen Kyle Dunn against face swap things with Trump? It's stormy Daniels. It's funny. Oh, my god. They're so funny. So funny. Kyle Dunn again. He's another guy that got revived by Kiltony or like really got the world got to see him. Like we did, we covered his face swap

videos a bunch of times on the podcast and blew them up. But to see him as these characters, like when he plays RFK Jr, or when he plays Elon, like that is what really like kicked off Kyle's career. You know, his RFK is so fun. His Elon so good. That's when he first started doing the face swap.

So this is the best. My text Jane's always sharing his stuff. His Bill Mar. His Bill Mar is amazing.

You know, I tried to play his jokes or funny about it. I tried to play the Bill Mar impression with Bill Mar when he's in there. If you play it, I'll leave. What is he care? I don't because he doesn't hang out with comics enough. He's out there doing his show hanging out with political people being all serious. That's like he just wants to make. What do you call it a contrarian? I was on his podcast and like he literally, he just wanted to fight about anything. I go, the Ramones are great. He's like,

"No, they're not." I'm like, "Alright, I'm going." I just hit Rock and Roll high school's not great. Come on, son. The look, the crazy hair, all of it. The Ramones are the greatest. The Ramones are ruled.

“They were ruled. They've read a song over two minutes and five seconds. How could you say they're not great?”

It's nice to go see them in college, man. You don't have to like it. You got it, Matt. There's a reason why people love them. Right? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, bad. People are so weird when they want to say something sucks. Like I was having an argument with someone, there's like Taylor Swift's all dumb music. I go, "No, it's not." She's got some great songs. "No body, no crimes." A great fucking song. Everybody who writes their own music. Fuck yeah,

it's just their own music. Also, it's like, do you think you're smarter than everybody who loves her? Like she's literally got more fans than anybody alive. And you think they're all wrong? That's kind of crazy. Like you just, you don't have to like it. You don't have to like it. But there's like people have closed minds. I met her to Oscar's party last weekend. And she introduced her. I was talking to Travis.

She was, I was talking to Travis for a few minutes. And she said, "I have talent." And you know, I was a little star struck. I don't know musicians are the last thing for me. Like I really respect. And she was super cool, man. And she was really cool, actually. And I told her that I'd went to her area show. And she said, "She's really?" She said, "She watches the roasts." And, "Oh, that's funny."

It was pretty cool, actually. That's awesome. I wonder when they make love if they wear helmets those too. Why don't I? Why do you think they wear helmets? Just saying, "It's going to be wild." Do you know? Travis is a bit sweet and passionate. Maybe.

You have your fantasies. I have mine. Shoulder pads, cleats. Going for it on astrotor. Is it ice guy? Is he been in here?

No, never around him. He'd be a good, good dude.

Yeah. It's interesting when people are public, like a public relationship, like that two super famous people. It's like that's a lot of pressure. And then you put it all out there in the world and like everybody's judging you like roof. It's hard enough to keep a relationship together.

“But keep a relationship together when you have to field everyone's opinions of you.”

Especially Taylor Swift, because how many fucking songs does she have about ex-boyfriends? Right. It's like geez. If you break up with her, the fuck a diss track of the universe is coming your way. Yeah, right. Kendrick Drake. Fuck that. Just don't break up with Taylor. Exactly. Yeah. But it's like you're doing it in front of the world and you're inviting

all of the shitiest people in the world to have their opinions about you. It's like,

it's a lot of pressure. I can freaking timbre like this weekend. That really pissed me off. What happened? They released a two or three-year-old video of him getting a D.U.A. Yeah. Oh, I didn't see that. Why does that need to be out there? Why do that? What is that illegal thing to take like a video of someone being arrested? Like, why is that? Because he's a public figure. Why isn't that private? I don't understand.

It makes nothing. And there was nothing outrageous about it. He didn't hassling this guy and bringing up old news. It really bugged me. I mean, there was nothing outrageous about it. I mean, he was very calm and relaxed and, you know, they arrested him for D.U.A., they, you know, they asked him a few questions. There was nothing about it that was, you know, like, oh, look at Justin Timberlake. He's off the rails. He's

acting crazy. So, like, how do you drink? Yeah. Probably shit a drove, drove, got caught. That's it. Right. It happens a lot of people. Yeah. And whatever, just because he's famous or whatever, he wasn't acting like an asshole. He didn't do anything terrible. And, you know, and everybody wants like, look at him. He got caught. Right. You have so much money. He's still got caught. Right. You know, obviously get a driver dude. You know, you're going to get drunk. Right.

It's not that hard. It's holding around the Hamptons. I think buddy was fine. Yeah, that's probably it, right. That's where all the rich people drink a drive. But why, I don't get having to torture somebody by release from the video. Well, I mean, all you have to do is just not be online for a few days and it will go away. But it's like, why is it okay to release that? Why is that a public record thing? Unless there's, like, some, even if there's a case, that should be something

that gets released in court. No, they released it as a public information. But what? Right. Why? I don't know. Why? Because he's saying because we live in a cruel fucking world. That's why. Yeah. We, we live in a place where people enjoy cruelty. They enjoy, well, it's like, you look in him, you know, he's like, super famous married to what's her name? Was he married to? Yes. Jessica Beale. Beautiful woman. Yeah. Right. He's got this perfect life. He's rich. He's

famous. He can dance. He can sing. He's tall. He's handsome. He's a star when he was young.

“Fuck that guy. You know, that's how everybody is. Oh, that key like drunk. Yeah.”

Did you have been drunk before to shut the fuck up? Right. And if you haven't, fuck you.

If you never been drunk, fuck you. Unless, like, your dad was an alcoholic and, you know,

understanding circumstances. But it's like, why is that? Something that people earned. I saw it. It came across my, uh, my newsfeed and then I looked at it for a few seconds. Something's like, there's nothing outrageous about this. Do you see Alan Richmond, though? The guy who plays Richard, he beat the fuck out of some guy in front of some kids today. Yeah. Or yesterday, it was crazy. He, that guy's a giant dude. You know, that show, Richard? Yeah, I heard of it.

He's fucking huge and jacked. And he was riding dirt bikes and he got in some altercation with his neighbor and someone filmed it. And, you know, he's all this hulking guy. I don't know what the circumstances were. Maybe the guy deserved it. Maybe the guy was a piece of shit. Maybe the guy came at him first. But all you see in the video was him beating this guy up. And, you know, he's fucking this tank of a man. He's huge. He's like 250 pounds. And he's beating some guy's ass.

And then he gets back on his motorcycle and he's doing it in front of kids, too, which is kind of crazy. Violence. Well, it's also, it's like, why, I don't know what happened. So I don't really want to comment on the extenuating circumstances. Right. Pushed off the bike by the man. Oh, the guy pushed him

“off the bike. Okay. Well, then that guy's just trying to get it. You want to see the video?”

Let's watch the video. So watch the video. Like, so this is after you already beat the guy's ass. I don't know. So he's punching the dude. Well, the guy's a big guy, too. He might have just

there's some fucking shitheads. So this guy. So if the guy pushed him off the bike, I kind of understand

“the guy pushed him off the bike. He's lucky. That's all he did. This could be eight year olds.”

Yeah. Those little places would tricycle. But those little kids that are there, too. And he's yelling at him and pointing at him. But if you really did push him off the bike, that guy's a piece of shit. And he's lucky. And he look, he's an idiot. Because he like, even after he beat his ass, he's still getting in his face. And he's still talking shit. Okay. Well, that's a different story. Well, that's good. That's good to know. Yeah,

fuck that guy. You know, push someone off a bike. And this like is because the dirt bikes were loud in there in the neighborhood. You know, turn your TV up. Shut the crap right. People are just so into everybody's business. I've watched so many videos of homeowners associations yelling at

people for doing whatever, parking an old car in your driveway. Right. Just like the people always

love to tell people what they can and can't do. Right. I've had homeowner associations before. I don't know if you've ever done something. It is a fucking nightmare. You have to sit down and talk to these dorks who tell you what you should and shouldn't do with your fence. Yeah. How are your hedges? Dude, I had a situation once where there was all these raw iron fences in my neighborhood. And I repaired my fence and I replaced it with a different raw iron fence. And they said,

you can't have raw iron fences. We have a new rule. It has to be a question fence. I said, but there's no consistency. I said the entire neighborhood has raw iron fences. I said, it doesn't matter. I said, well, let's go to court. I go, I don't give a fuck. I go, I'll sue you. I go, I have money. I go, let's go to court. I go, I'm not taking my fucking fence down. And like you're going to take your fence down. I go, you're not going to tell me anything. Right. You're not going

to tell me what to do. Just because I go, it looks great. It's not like it's a blight on the neighborhood.

“The house is beautiful. Shut the fuck up and eventually I won. But is it, did you have to sue?”

Well, I threatened to sue and they backed off because they were afraid of suing. They were afraid of lawsuits because then you'd have to, they would have to use the homeowner association funds to do this. And it didn't make any sense. Like I talked to a lawyer about it. I said, does this

make any sense? He goes, no, there's a precedent in the neighborhood. Like every third house

had raw iron fencing. And it wasn't like it wasn't good looking. Like it was beautiful. It was news, clean. I had reputable company build it. It's nothing wrong with it. And that was replacing raw iron fence with more raw iron fence. It was just better. It was like the fence was broken. It looked shitty. It was like, you know, they get rusty where they connect. And I had to get it replaced. So what on earth was their problem? Just cons, cons. This is how country they are. I had a neighbor

who he lived across the street. He told me that I had to trim my trees and thin them out so that

“he could see the view in the distance. And I said, what are you talking about? And he said, we have”

a regulation that says, you can't obstruct the view. I go, these trees have been here for 50 years. And then I talked to the guy who sold me the house. He's like, that asshole was trying to do that with me too. Just tell him to fuck himself. He's just a weird guy. He's it. He built an observation deck at the top of his hill in his backyard. So he could see like the lights of the city and the distance. And he wanted you to cut your trees down. So you're obstructing the view. I go, your house is obstructing

my view of this hill. I like to look at hills. Is that what we're going to do? Take your house down. You take your house down. I'll trim these trees. Fuck you. And I left this house. He's like, oh, so it's going to be like that. I go, going to be like, what? You want me to cut trees down. So you can see like, you don't have a view, man. You're not on the edge of the hill. You're, you're backset. This is what the view looks like from where you are. This house is been here

before your house is there. Yeah. Go eat shit. But it's like, it's nice. And maybe you want to done something. I wouldn't have done a fucking thing. It's not, it didn't make any sense. It's just people want to tell people what to do. Like I was reading this article where this homeowner's association hired a tow company to go around the neighborhood and tow all the cars that had expired tags. Do you imagine? Like, you know, your tags expired? Like, oh, fuck, I'll get to it. I'm busy.

I'll get to it next week. You know, you think you just run it around. And then also they tow your car. Like, fuck you, man. Like, fuck you. It's just people love to tell other people what to do. And homeowner's associations when they get power, they become like the little homeowners of the neighborhood. You know, your grass is unruly human. It's supposed to be two inches. It's four. Just people. People love to do that. They love to tell people what to do and what not to do.

I have one neighbor who kind of runs the whole block. She puts everyone on an email chain and she's pretty, she leaves with love. But she looks out for everybody. Well, as long as I'm looking

me to thin out my trees. You want me to chop the trees down. He goes, no, I just want you to thin them out. You can thin them out. Like, what are you talking about? Chop all the leaves off so that you could see lights in the distance. It was like the dumbest conversation and he realized while we're in the

middle of the conversation, I'll dumb this is. Right. And then we never talked to him and I would see

“him occasionally. Isn't there a safety issue with trimming your trees, like thinning them out?”

Fire? Well, I mean, where we were, there was the real issue is brush. The real issue is the ground. You know, dried brush on the ground. We were evacuated from where I lived three times from fires. Down here. No, this in California. Yeah. And when I lived in California, the last big fire in 2018, we lost three houses in front of our house and my neighbor house caught on fire. But I had one, my crazy friend, but would not leave the neighborhood. They evacuated the whole neighborhood. He wouldn't

leave. He's like, I'm staying. He's like, I'm staying. I'm going to save my house. I'm going to save other people's houses. And he fucking did. He saved his house. He saved my neighbor's house. He checked

my neighbor's house. My roof, the roof is on fire. He got water on it. He called the fire department.

There was fire departments that were like trying to put out fires in the neighborhood. The moment they started and they they posed his roof down. Because embers will fly. Yeah, land. I had it in LA and evacuate for one day. It's spooky, man. The fires in California are no joke, man. It's really weird to see when it happens because you realize like how nature is completely in control when that happens. You just the storm of flames that comes over the hills. It's wild. It's wild and it cannot

be controlled. And once it starts, it's just a matter of trying to contain it and a certain amount of houses are just going to go no matter what depending on which way the wind blows. But that's wasn't what the problem was. This guy was just a cunt. It's a homeowner's association thing. It's just like people that think they like they there was a we I'm still a part of this email group that, you know, I'm still on the email of the homeowner's association. One of the guys poisoned

one of the people in the homeowner's association's dogs. Yeah, like they got in some sort of a dispute about something. The guy poisoned his fucking dogs. Wow. Yeah, you said evil cocksucker. But it's like that kind of thing. It's these people that just want to control their neighbors, man. It's so weird. Like one of my neighbors. What's the punishment for that? He should be shot. And you fucking piece of shit. That's like killing a family member. He should have to eat whenever he

“gave those dogs. You should go to jail for sure. I don't know what happened. I don't know if they caught the guy.”

They don't I don't think they know exactly who did it. They know no video evidence. The person who lived there apparently didn't have good security cameras. But there's just a it's so weird. Like they would get mad at someone for the way they designed their house. And I'm like, what do you give a fuck? And he's like, this is like one of my neighbors built a house and my other neighbor. What do you think about his house? I go to a house. Like, I don't care. And he's like, I think it's ugly.

And this this house is going to lower our property values. I go, what what are you fucking talking about? Your house looks great. You have a beautiful house. You think people are going to pay less for your house? Because this house is boring. Like, this doesn't make any sense. This is, but it's just people. They nitpick. And when they have control, when people have control over other people's situation. Like, they don't have control over their own life. And their life

is just a sloppy mess. They always like to look at other people's lives. And I don't like where

he puts his dumpsters. Say, Hater. Yeah. We all confront that all at that time. It's not just a Hater. It's a Hater with power because of homeowners associations. And from that moment on, I decided I will never buy a home with the homeowners association. Never. No fucking chance. I don't care how cool they are. Because someone not cool could move in. And then it becomes a nightmare. I will never have conversations with those kind of people. Well, they tell you what you could

do with your lawn. Like, fuck you. Yeah, fuck you. When I was a young comic, I lived with my grandfather in the house that I grew up in and we would never, ever, ever, ever model on. We just didn't have any money. We didn't care. And everyone in our neighborhood just hated us. They would heckle us and yell at us. So, I guess I've been the I saw or now I'm on the other side of it. My grandfather lived in the same house that he bought in the 1940s. And when he bought it in the 1940s,

this was in, uh, it was in all Italian neighborhood in Newark. And then, um, they stood from them. They started doing, you were born in Newark? Newark, New Jersey. No shit, we're not doing

“all the fucking. Let's go. That's where I learned karate. Is that really from detectives in Newark?”

Really? Oh yeah. Yeah. People don't know. You're a black belt and talk one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's wild. Do you still do it at all? I mean, I work out, like, you know,

kicks for fun and tell the story about getting a black belt, it's starting at six, getting bullied.

“My mom dragged me to the house of empty hands. That was what it was called.”

Ronnie Roselli, Newark Detective, teacher, me karate, almost like a father figure. Oh, that's also gave me confidence, gave me self respect, respect for others taught me that hard work pays off. You know, when you get a black belt to 10 and a half, you go, wow, maybe I could be something in my life. If I work as hard as I did at that, maybe I could be good at something else, too. Yeah, for sure. I mean, it teaches you a lot about, like, the belt system is really good, because you get rewarded

for your work and then you see like a tangible result. Instead of just like, oh, I'm getting better. It's like, oh, there's like a ceremony. Yeah, we've reached a new level. Yeah, I couldn't.

How, you know, now I have to be. Some of my most cherished memories are those ceremonies.

Mmm, my dad and mom watching me get my brown belt, blue belt, brown belt, and black belt, competing in tournaments all over these coasts. No, awesome thing. Well, this is named Gary. This is karate. I used to talk. Gary Alexander through New East Coast tournaments and I used to compete. I still have a room half a dozen karate trophies of that. That's awesome. It's the best time my life. I lost most of my stuff, but I do have a bunch of medals that I still have that are my

drawer by my bed. A bunch of medals from the day, but it seems weird when I pick them up. They don't even seem real. It's from another life. Oh, it's another life. Like, I don't even, until I like hit a bag or something like that. I almost forget that I could do it, you know, and then I do it. I'm like, "Ooh, right, I still got it." I like, my kicks, I can front snap kick, I can't side kick, I can barely around house at this point, but it's like, what? I got a belly. There's no real good

“reason. Other than, I'm just, you know, you ever thought about like starting to take classes again?”

If I, if I, if I, I do think about it, I probably could. Yeah. You know, you're good at kicking out of pushing me to do stuff like that. It'd be good for your health. Just take a class a couple times a week. Well, what I take, if I was a black belt and take Kwondo, just start taking that again. Yeah. I mean, you're doing it for exercise. It's not like you're going to fight in the UFC. No. Just go in, start, you know, you probably feel it a little bit, and then you remember what

you used to be able to do, and so your muscle memory would kick in. Yeah. It's start probably watching your diet a little bit better. Right, right, right, drinking more water. Yeah, taking vitamins, then next thing, you know, four, five months of gone by, and now your waces thinner, your kicks are snappier. You're going to three classes a week, instead of two, you know, you feel better. People go, "Chaff, look at you, you're looking great." Like, yeah, I started taking Taekwondo again.

Yeah, it's not a bad idea. I guess I wouldn't wear my black belt. I would feel like I was disrespecting.

Right. Then it's hard. Yeah. So I'd have to re-earn that. Well, you could always take a totally

new style and start out as a white belt. You know, you take, like, choke a shin. You're a shirt of mine right now, George St. Pierre. Take something else. There's take something near you. But Krav Magah, like take anything. My manager Amy told me she was your publicist with you or on the cover of Black belt magazine. Oh yeah. Amy's me. Yeah. Way back in the Disney. I love that. It's so funny. Yeah. I mean, I never stopped working out. I just don't. It's too much

of a part of my brain. Like, my mind doesn't operate well. If I have date, even if I just take a couple days off, I don't feel right. I feel squirrely. I feel like I'm not balanced. You know, sometimes I just like to stand in front of a mirror and just throw blocks. I just make sure that I like the way that it feels. Yeah, I just do it. It's meditative. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I used to love doing, especially when I was in California,

I take a couple of long heads and just hit the bag and just like feel it. It's just, just start feeling it. Just bump. I remember my car.

“bump. Do you remember all those? I remember at least the first two, I think.”

Got to use to hate those things. I didn't think I was young in immature and I didn't understand the value of forms. I used to think that this is pointless. This isn't fighting. I only wanted to practice fighting technique. But now I understand it teaches you body control. It's like, you, you know, you throw a sidekick and snap it up in the air and you hold it and you turn and block and all that stuff. I could teach you, but it's like I almost like a form of yoga.

You know, and it teaches you to control your body. I do a lot of kicks in the air now and I do them slowly. Like, I, and it, it's really good for your control and your balance.

really what's important is like hitting things really hard and being fast. And now I realize like, no, no, no, no, there's like a lot of value even to help your techniques and to be able to hit things hard. Like do it slowly and just have full control of your balance and your movement.

“So I like to do that and I like to do like slow kicks in my way. That's why I like yoga.”

Yoga is amazing. Yeah. I feel like that's akin to martial arts. It makes me high.

Yoga is like the taking shoes off. Oh, yeah. Your phone is gone. You're so relaxed when it's over body and you're so calm. Yeah. Yoga is so good for your brain. Usually on Mondays when I'm here, I would go with Tony to his high yoga. Yeah. Oh, Tony loves it. Yeah. He raves about his yoga. He told me he's been off for a little bit. He has. Well, you know, the thing about Tony is like, he's so focused on kill Tony right now because the momentum is so extraordinary. And he realizes

that, like, Tony's really aware that he's in a very rare moment in his life where things are going so well. So he's got his foot on the gas. Yeah. Of course. And he's got his new special that he filmed that he's editing right now and get ready to release. And he's so proud of him, man.

He's earned it. I always told him he would take a different path than a normal entertainer.

He always had this kind of trajectory. Well, he's an odd guy. Yeah. You know, Tony, you'd swear he's gay. He's not. But he's an awesome person. Like, people who don't know Tony, they see, like, the outside of them. Like, as a friend, he's a great friend who's a great guy. I really love checking out each other and he's the best. He was so happy. He was the first one to text to me when I knew I was coming down here. When I was workshopping my, my show, he came

and saw it in Austin. He came to the opening night. Broadway in New York. He's like there for his friends. A hundred percent. Well, that's the beautiful thing about kill Tony is it's all about supporting people and giving people careers. Yeah. I mean, he's given so many people careers and pumped so many people up. I mean, he's, it's really that thing that kill Tony thing is also it is in my opinion. Well, first of all, for our club, it's the cornerstone of the club. It's one of the

“most important things about the mothership because having kill Tony at the mothership every Monday”

night lets all these people that are upcoming comedians see what it's like to have one minute that you you've polished and worked on really well and it kills and then you pop and then all sudden, you know, it's on YouTube. It's got 11 million views and then, you know, maybe it's on Netflix and it's got millions and millions of people watching all around the world and then all the sudden people come to see you in the clubs and you're selling out weekends and you're writing

and then you get a golden ticket. You got to do a new minute every week or a regular. I mean, you admit it. My show comes on tonight. It's 90 minutes. It might be the longest stand-up special in Netflix history. Well, your show is like a one-man show. It's 90 minutes. It's a little different, right? I haven't seen it, but I've heard great things. Yeah. You're going to love it.

“I'm sure you're really, I think you're going to like it because it's about us. It's about comedy”

and the community of what we do. It's a embattled community and it has its like detractors and it has a bunch of haters and a bunch of shitheads in it. But for the most part, like as far as creative communities, it's one of the most supportive communities ever. I mean, it's an amazing, the community of comics, like real comics that are all that when we meet up in clubs, it's always hug. Like people think like, we're all like angry, bitter, like, the tears of a clown. It's not,

there's a few people like that and they always make me sad. But the reality is like most of

us are all super happy to see each other. It's always hugs and laughing and watching each other sets and giving each other tags and telling each other like, "Oh, that fucking new bit is amazing." It's like, it's so supportive. I was at your club last night. It was like, like, comics come in to say, "Hi, I brought some extra chicken wings, Jamar was there. It was just fun." Moses was doing roast battle. I sat in on that. Then I went outside, said hi to some people,

I went upstairs and did a spot. It's like, it's family. I don't have a wife and kids to go home too. This is what I do. This is the people that I love. The comedians are my kids, my cousins, my uncles, my aunts. Why do have a wife and kids? But it's still my other family. It's like the family of comedians. It's like a band of brothers. It's in sisters. It's like a weird kind of friendship that, you know, it's like only they know what you do. You know,

only they understand that it's like 10 years before you're even any good. 10 years of being like, if you're out there and you're headlining a club and you're on the rug, like you fucking put in that

I learned long and I learned over time. I don't want a shortcut. I like the process. Yes.

“That's what I live for. Oh, yeah. You know, we have a roast coming up May 10th.”

It's not about May 10th. It's about I can't wait to hang in the writers room again. I can't wait to figure out who's coming. I can't wait to figure out the seeding, who we're going to make fun of, who's going to, who's going to be in the front. You know, what am I going to wear? It's the prime. It is the grind. That's exciting. Yeah, there's no finish line. Right. The finish line doesn't exist. You really have little finish lines. Like you do a special, like your special.

It's coming out. That's a finish line. But it's only a stop. Right. You're stopping to get water. But where is the finish line, Joe? Like, okay. So I did the Broadway show. Then I shot it. Then I edited it. But now I'm here still talking about it. And then at a month from now, two months and I was someone will stop me at the airport and go, hey, I was my kid was sick. I was in the hospital. I watched your thing and it made me laugh for five minutes when life went. So the net that the

spent, all of it is, there's no finish line. No. There's no finish line. If you're sitting around going, I hope I win the Oscar. If your Tom Cruise is jealous of George Clooney and George Clooney's jealous of Brad Pitt. There's no, there's no finish line. There's all the, I have a big neon, like you have the neon. I have a big neon in my house that just says enjoy the process. Yeah. That's where I'm at. Yeah, trust it, trust the process, and enjoy it. And that's the weird thing about when you

“release a special and then you have nothing. And then, you know, you have to like scour your brain”

for what you want to talk about. I took like a whole month off a stand up after my last special. Why didn't do any stand up? Maybe more than a month. And I just thought, I said, let me just think. Just like no pressure. Let me just think. Like, what, what is interesting to me? What I want to talk about is that it's just rushing to try to put together a new hour. All right. Let me just think for a while. You know, and I'd come to the club every now and then and watch, watch guys do sets,

but I didn't do any sets for a while. I'm in that zone right now. It's nice. You know what,

scary. When I first finished the special, it was years of material building to it with a

through line and a story. And then when it was over, I was a little bit lost, like I'd go to the comedy cell or I still in New York. I couldn't let go of some of the, and I was like, I need to stop doing this material. And then I felt like I had no purpose. Like I didn't want to talk about anything. And I said it to my buddy Kai and he goes to it relax. You're between albums. Like he put it in musical sense for me. He's like, you're like a musician between albums, absorb some new

things, see some movies, go on a trip, have some new life experiences. And then I was like, yeah, that's probably a break after doing the same thing, the same kind of hunk for years. Your body, your brain, like think about something else, absorb new things, download new influences. Yeah. And that's kind of where I'm at. And then of course Kevin was like, I'll get roasted. I was like, all right, I can put stand up away for another two months and just write that.

Yeah. Yeah. So I go back in a rose mode, which gives me, I'm like a dog who needs a job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It's the kind of the same thing is your dog. It really is. It's like you need a task. If you're just doing nothing, like the idea of like, oh, one damn, I'm going to retire and just relax. Like bitch, you'll go crazy.

“Forget you were roasting Kevin Hart. That's what I heard. Are you supposed to say that, though?”

Yeah. Are you supposed to talk about it? I am. Okay. You're allowed to? My show. Okay. Because I was told not to tell people about it. We're doing it. May 10th, baby. Mother's day live on Netflix. So you're officially announcing it. Yeah. Okay. I could talk about it now. At the forum. Because I was told about it, but I was told I was not supposed to tell anybody.

I don't know who told you that. Some people. Now, this is it. Keep it in the wraps. You like it? Oh, it's already a thing. Yeah, they announced it this weekend. I think. Oh, hosted by Shane Gillis. Let's fucking go. Nice. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. Right? Kevin is so pumped up. That's awesome. That's going to be fun. He's out. You know, he's these Netflix

fucking the Tom Brady one was in Shane. That was so good. That was so good. That's kind of like juiced comedy back up again. Because it was so wild. It was like the jokes were so wild. It was so raw. Yeah. And we had gone through this like weird period of like people getting canceled for jokes. Right. You know, it's like all sudden like now that's out. That's gone. No, no. I said to him, I wouldn't get big game hunting Tom Brady for years. It took a couple years. He retired,

unretired, but I kept them on the line. And finally, we were shooting promos. And I was like,

why are you doing this? Because I could tell, you know, it's starting to heat up and some heavy

And he goes, I want to bring comedy back. I'm sick of the woke bullshit and canceled. I want to make comedy like fun again. He understood that. And I caught him. I caught him on a Super Bowl Sunday. He was playing the Super Bowl. And I saw him looking at some jokes on Instagram that I posted. And like, and I'm like, this is where he goes to relax. He goes to the roast.

“Right. And I heard that. So as I was like, he won the game. And I was like, I think it's time.”

And then we reel them in and he did it. And I will admit that roast was harsher than I expected, even I expected vicious. I mean, it was, it was a blood bath. And I saw Tommy other day. And I said, it's time to take your win. You know, he was like, it was so harsh. It was tough on my family. I go, I get all that. But you wanted to do it to bring comedy back.

You did that. 1.6 billion viewing minutes, Emmy nominated against the Oscars and the grant.

The Super Bowl have, like, it was the most watched thing in the history of Netflix. Right. You know, nuts that is, think about how many things are on Netflix. Right. That roast was the most watched thing in the history of Netflix. And it was because it was so funny. It wasn't just because it was Tom Brady, which of course made a lot. But it wasn't just because all these great comics were on it, which of course meant a lot. Right. It was, it was so good. It was so good that

people were telling people about it. Yeah. It's, and it's like a great Super Bowl. It's going to be around forever. Yeah. Netflix leaves it up. I like the Charlie Sheen Rose. We're talking about Patrice. Yeah. They're always going to be there. It's to be there forever. I do think all

“respect to Tom. I do think this one with Kevin and Shane Gillis is going to top it. Really. I think”

it's, it's not quite a sequel, but it's, it's own thing. Well, it's going to be the greatest roast of all time. Netflix is the place for roast now because as great as Comedy Central was, you had restrictions on language and content. Right. And it was editing. Yes. Edit. This is of, and commercials. Right. Yeah. Right. This is buck wild. The buck wild. Yeah. Netflix is

fucking amazing. I mean, what are it, it's saying platform that you have, you can never get bored.

If you're bored in this life, like you're bored, you don't have anything to watch. Like are you crazy? Yeah. There's so much shit to worry. Boring people are bored, right? Yeah. Or people are unenformed. But even in this day and age, you can just, you know, do an internet search. Like what's the best roast on Netflix? Right. What are the best dramas on Netflix? What are the best shows on Netflix? Right. It's always something. That's exciting, though. That's going to be a big one.

Yeah. Mother's Day. Mother fuckers day. Cannon Hart. There's a guy like, I don't understand how he has the time to do all the things he does. I do not understand it. I'm a pretty busy person and I look at people like him and I feel lazy. I'm like, how are you doing this? Right. How do you have time to sleep? Right. And I saw him out with his wife having drinks two nights last weekend. He must sleep like four hours a night. I don't know how he does it. Some people just built different. Yeah. I mean,

well, it's growing up poor and realizing that like once this is happening for you, like keep your foot on the gas and the guy keeps his foot on the gas better than anybody. Yeah. And he's ambitious as

fuck. He's always got like some tequila brand and releasing this, you know, a vegan restaurant

chain for a while. I would have talked about that. Fuck you. Don't. Well, you know, he likes to branch out and be a businessman. Yeah. I just, I don't understand the time. And then in the meantime, he's doing a reenus at the same time. I'm like, I'm like, I'm killing. Yeah. I don't get it. The roast,

“the roast for him is back to his roots. That's what I love about it. It's like the filly thing”

talking shit. Yep. Shains from filly. So there'll be a big filly angle. Mm-hmm. You know, and we got some of his oldest buddies coming on. It's going to be pretty massive, I think. That's nice. Yeah. Well, you've carved out an interesting path for yourself as the roast master. Yeah. You know, like you're, it's like an old school skill. You know, that used to be a big part of comedy. You know, the fryer's club hosts. Yeah. I missed those fryer's club roasts when they were just like,

you know, sometimes they weren't even on TV yet when I was still in them. I just bought a Leroy Neiman painting from the had an auction of old fryer's memorabilia and Leroy Neiman painted Henny Youngman, surrounded any painted his punchlines like around his one-liners around Henny holding his violin and he's to sit in the dining room at the New York fryer's and Henny and his wheelchair would sit under that painting. And for some reason, it's all up for auction. So of course,

I have to grab it. Oh, that's awesome. That's so cool that you got it. Yeah. That's amazing. I missed some of those guys. It's about buddy hack and I almost wore a buddy hack a t-shirt today.

Yeah, those guys are from a different time, you know, different time, no television,

no nothing, doing the cat scales. Right. Different world. They would do each other's acts and they wouldn't do whatever. I got a laugh. Yeah. There are assassins on the road. It was a totally different life. And then if you had a name like you had a name back then, like if you were a famous comedian back then, there was a rarest of rare things. Yeah. How many of them were there? There was like 10. Right. Yeah. Shecky buddy. Yeah. Two of those guys. Yeah. A few of those guys. They're not many left.

“They're really all gone now. Yeah. That's what happens. That's going to happen. That's what I hear.”

Better than the alternative. What stay around forever? No. You either keep going or you saw the picture, Gilbert, Norm, Bob, you know, the alternative is death. So when I go on, I don't want to get old. I go, yeah, you want to get old. Yeah. So as you keep your body moving, you just don't want to be an old, like completely incapacitated person. Like that's especially if it's avoidable. Right. You know what I mean? I went through it all year. I went in for three weeks after that Brady rose to

had a went in for a colonoscopy. My buddy Jordan had been texting our text chain. Everyone's got to get, he's like kind of a hypocondriac, so I kind of ignored it. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's too busy. I was on the road and then finally I went in for a routine colonoscopy.

“And I waited too long and they found a tumor in my colon. And immediately that an hour, two hours”

later was on the phone in a surgeon. And stage three. And found a specialist took care of it right

away. But never felt doomed. Have you changed your diet? Yeah. I don't, I'm getting a lot less

read me. Read me. Now when I read me, it's like going to be the best read me. Why is it read me? Well, I don't know. I mean, for me growing up in a catering hall in New Jersey around pastrami and prime rib. And he said that that was a big cause of colon cancer. Really? Yeah, and process foods. Process food makes sense. Yeah. That makes sense. So I'm eating a lot less of that. Yeah. I moved over to Turkey and chicken in a little bit of fish and cut out the process stuff

as much as I can. Good about alcohol. I've never been a big drinker. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little wake-up call. I mean, you have a health scare in a wake-up call. Time to take care. I just had the, you know, a talk about this in my show. Like I had my chemo port and on Broadway, on the show. And I was like, still kind of in it. It's like I was having a human experience on stage. And just two weeks ago, I had to port the chemo port taken out. My sister came down to celebrate

and hang with me. And it's like a war price. Like I hold the port where they put the chemo. Like I have it on my desk now. And, and let's just say they take a, they put a lot more in people than they take out. So I feel very lucky. I survived it all. Tom, glad you're alive. People die with those fucking ports in them. They do. Well, they die with cancer. That's for damn short. Yeah, colon cancers are very common. This guy James Vanderbeek, younger to me. I know. He was a nice fucking guy,

man. He came to the club, hung out with his wife in the green room, sweetest guy. So such a nice guy. And apparently he was struggling back then. I didn't know. He looked real thin, you know. So when you asked me, right, when you walked in, how are you doing? I was like, great. You know, like it was a, it was a, it was a wanted question. And you asked politely and innocently. And I was like, yeah, I didn't know that you had gone through that.

Yeah. Yeah. God, I haven't seen you in when was also a sorry. I saw you in DC. I saw you in New York for Kiltoni. Briefly. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't like sit down. No, no, we had a drink. Was it your birthday in New York when you were doing Kiltoni? Oh, it was it here. One of the, you know, I think it was

“August. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that. But then I saw you in DC when you were your family”

as quick. But I see, I feel like I see you because I pop into the mothership, but I always pop in on the weekends when you're off. Yeah. But yeah, it was a crazy thing. Man, I never been sick a day of my life. I've always had that like my grandfather used to call it World Beater Energy.

Like I always felt invincible. Never never thought for a second it would be me. Yeah. And then

I did wait too long to get a colonoscopy. And they're not a big deal. Like guys are afraid of colonoscopies because something's up your butt. Yeah. But in the end, it's really isn't up your butt.

And get the endoscopies, especially for smokers and stuff like and like for what for what is essentially like a one day inconvenience. Okay. They can really save your life. It did save my life. Well, I'm glad you cleaned up your diet. Yeah. You know, you got to do that because I know that you are, I mean, I've run into you a cat's jelly before too. There's another thing I needed to talk you about. What? All about this, so you brought it up.

“Do you remember running into me a cat's jelly with honey and I guess you must have been”

a town to understand up or something this like already 10 years ago? I don't think was that long ago. Was it? I was and I'll tell you how I know. One of the things when I when I got booked on this appearance, I said, I make a mental note. I wrote an apology.

And it's not a big deal, but it always kind of bugged me. I came in to say hi.

And I was self-conscious because I had something wrong with me and I didn't know what it was. And you said, "What's with your eyebrows?" I like, I kind of shoulder shrugged and you were like, "Is it for a role?" And I was like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." Do you have any recollection? I do. And I lied because I was just like, "You said I shaved him off for a role." I was like, "Oh,

“that's crazy. What are you playing?" I was embarrassed because I had Alopecia.”

Didn't really understand what was happening to me yet. And I used to saw that I had a big fro, big bushy eyebrows. Like, I was like, the propisa man of the year. And I don't know what causes it. It's an autoimmune thing. It's not life threatening. But suddenly I looked completely different. My fame, like, if anyone ever recognized me walking in a restaurant, you know, get a good table, skip the law, as all gone, just suddenly in within a few weeks.

I was, I remember being at Zainis in Nashville and just scratching my head and like, big clump of hair came out. And I was on a plane and I was like, there's no hair on my leg. What the fuck's going on? And then within a month, me and Adamy get, and Tony went to the barber shop on Melrose. They came with me because I was

“kind of like shaken up. Like, what is happening to me and my dying? So it happened really quickly?”

It happens all within a few weeks. All your hair fell off in a few weeks. And then when I thought it was done, I brows started going. And then eyelashes. So sweat, salt was like, that's like, what the fuck, I don't even recognize myself. And is there anything they do that reverses that? There's some medications. Dr. Drew actually hooked me up with a research doctor, Brett King, he was at Yale at the time in Connecticut. And I did have some restoration of eyelashes

and eyebrows, but the side effects were a little bit scary. And they lower your immune system a little bit. So I did that for years. And then when I got cancer, I was like, fuck those meds. I can't do it anymore. And the chemo eyebrows eyelashes gone again. And now I'm literally like hairless. Like I have no hair and, you know, you learn to live with it. You know, you got a channel you're in a rockstar. Listen, there's worse things that can happen. Believe me. I get it. You'd know. Right.

More than anybody. But I, it always dinged me because you and I have been friends a long time.

We have an honest friendship, comics, brutal honesty, truth. And I looked you're right in the eyes. And I was like, yeah, I went with it. I found out slightly after that that you had Alopecia from other people because someone else brought it up. And someone said, oh, he's got Alopecia. And I want, oh, I asked him at Katstellie. And he said, yeah, shave his eyebrows off our wall. But I just felt like you're probably embarrassed. And I totally understood which is weird.

Right. They, they say a lot of these autoimmune issues come from inflammation and a lot of inflammation comes from what you eat. Right. You know, doctors would tell me that wasn't true. So yeah,

doctors aren't always right. And one of the things they're not always right about his nutrition

and the impact that nutrition has on a particular autoimmune issues. Very few doctors have any knowledge or any education in nutrition and the impact it has. I mean, your entire body is built

Right. In order to, you, you know, body makes new cells. You body replenishes cells,

recreates, all the tissue. It's only one way to do it. It's got to be what you eat.

“Yeah. It's the only thing, what you drink, what you eat. It's it. And if you're eating a”

bunch of processed stuff that has, watch a bullshit and preservatives and what causes the inflammation, with a lot of things, allergies cause inflammation, process food, cause inflammation, excess sugar, causes inflammation, alcohol. There's a lot of things that people eat that cause inflammation. But it's really genuinely a thing of a balance of, you know, your diet and, you know, what your body has to work with. You know, if your body doesn't have any nutrients to work with,

no vitamins, no minerals, you know, your dehydrated, your drink into a sugar. You know, things

start malfunctioning and misfiring. And then, you know, there's, there's a bunch of different

consequences for having high inflammation diet. And for a lot of people, it's sugar. Sugar is one of the leading causes of inflammation, especially in the standard American diet, because the standard American diet is just riddled with excess sugar, corn syrup, bullshit and preservatives.

“And your body just after, wow, just gets tired of processing that stuff. And then you start”

encountering a bunch of issues. And I know there's a lot of autoimmune issues that people have had success in reversing by completely cutting out everything other than Whole Foods, just eating chicken and meat and vegetables and drinking water. And that's it, cutting out all the bullshit. Yeah, I got to do better. Have you ever gotten blood worked on? Well, now I have to do it all the time. Do you? Do you ever get blood worked on from like a comprehensive laboratory that's

looking at your nutrient levels and all those different things? I don't know if I've done that. We should do that. There's a place in town, ways to well. I'll send you there. Yeah, they're really good. I mean, they do. They take a shitload of blood and they do these really comprehensive blood panels. They can scan for cancer too, by the way. Well, that I've done. Yeah, that's a big one. You know, because they can check for any kind of cancer in your body. Well, now that I'm through

all that, I'm much more open to taking care of myself and staying on it. And the first time I did it, I was gone. The first time I did that one, I was like, cancer's a scaring one. And I was like, boy, I hope I don't have cancer to know about it. When it came out, zero was like, oh, but I do so much to take care of myself. I do this sauna every day, coal plunge. I take a ton of vitamins.

I'm always exercising. I eat probably like 99% clean every now and then I'll fuck off. And

or if my daughter makes cookies, I'll eat cookies. But for the most part, I give her a cookie. She's really good. She makes a bunch of different stuff. Today was white chocolate chip cookies. They're really good. I had one this morning. But for the most part, your body can only use what you put in it. There's no other building blocks. It doesn't have anything else. There's nothing else it can draw from. And that's one of the problems is when you don't give your body what it needs,

it starts taking things out of the tissue. It starts taking things that's where osteoporosis comes from. If I just start to literally taking calcium out of your bones, you got to give your body the building blocks. Without that, it doesn't know what the fuck to do. And slowly but surely you start to deteriorate. And there's a giant difference between giving your body a nutrient-dense, healthy diet, and not, and taking care of yourself and exercising and not, and drinking much

water and electrolytes and not. There's a giant difference. And it's all your body just cannot recreate itself correctly. It cannot build itself and repair itself correctly unless it gets the proper nutrients. That's where a lot of people's issues come from. And doctors don't tell you that. Like, I had a family member that got real sick, and the doctor said, the doctor said, "It doesn't matter what you eat." I go, "Well, fuck that doctor." That's not true.

This doctor's telling you you get a cake and just take chemo and you'll be fine. That's horseshit. That's not true. That's not true because they should, one of the things they should tell you immediately is get on a ketogenic diet, because one of the things that has been proven is that cancer uses glucose to survive. And, you know, autophagy which comes from fasting is one of the best ways that people can get rid of errant cells and cells that are, you know, misfiring. Make your body

burn off fat, use ketones for energy, and just get rid of all the dead cells.

“Give it all the shit that your body doesn't need. And even if you want to do that, do intermittent”

fasting, you know, where you only have a period of time where you eat. Like, give yourself like a 16 hour window with no food, and then start eating after that. How do you keep your, how do you not be cranking? That's what I'm doing. Because your body is relying on carbohydrates, right?

that problem. You don't have that crashing problem. The crashing problem is from a high carbohydrate diet. And I've had that before. So I'm Italian. So it's carbohydrates. So it's meant my thing. You know, it was all about pasta, pizza, and I love that stuff. I just love it. And that's my cheat food. If I'm going to cheat, I'm going to eat Italian subs. Yeah. That kind of shit. But

when your body gets accustomed to that, first of all, you get a big insulin spike. You crash,

you get exhausted. The way to avoid that is to get your body to start using fats. And the way your body uses fats is that's what you give for fuel. Your body adjusts. And then your body does something called gluconeogenesis where it starts using meat and protein and turning that into glucose. And when you go through this process, it's a shaky process at first, like you get what they call the keto flu originally, initially rather, where you get tired all the

time. You're like, oh, this is exotic. And you work out the suffer. It's like you have no energy, but eventually your body adapts and your body just gets accustomed to using fats. And when your body gets fat adapted, first of all, your brain works better. You get an extra gear in terms of your ability to think and communicate and it just feels like you have more energy. You don't need naps. And you don't crash after you eat. That's why when you're saying like you shouldn't eat

red meat, I eat mostly red meat. That's like most of my diet. That's like 80% of my diet.

“That's why I mean it's an addiction for me. I don't think it's an addiction. I think it's the most”

matri- I think it's the most nutrient dense food in the world. The problem is processed red meat,

right? So if you're eating a bunch of processed shit that has a bunch of preservatives in it, yeah, that's not good for you. But like a rib eye steak, a grilled rib eye steak. There is nothing wrong with that. It's one of the most healthy foods you can eat. And it has everything you need. It has plenty of vitamins. It has fat. It has all the things that your body naturally knows how to process. And people have been eating that food from the beginning of time. Yeah, just kind of get educated in it.

And it's like most people, especially particularly most doctors. I've had conversations with doctors where they've said you get everything you need from a balanced diet and I'm like fuck you, you don't know anything. Like how much time did you spend in medical school learning nutrition? Was it even

an hour? Was it a day? Like it takes a long time. And there's real researchers who have spent decades

understanding the balance of nutrient dense foods and vitamin supplementation and what vitamin supplementation can cure and fix and what it's good for and how to balance it out and what vitamins work synergistically with other vitamins. Like if you're taking vitamin D3, which is fantastic

“for your immune system, you have to take it with K2, you should take it with magnesium as well. Like”

you gotta know these things. And most doctors, they just, they talk out of a, they talk out of a voice of authority about something they're not educated in. They're educated in getting people in and out of the roughest as quick as possible and getting that insurance money. That's what they do. And most of them, they talk like there are authorities. I mean, one, they have a gut. You're sitting there looking at this guy, looks like shit. He's telling you about health. Like,

"Oh, you're not healthy. Don't talk to me about health. This is angry. It makes me angry." It really does. I get it. It's, it's infuriating because it's like these people you count on them as authorities. And really, they're just, they're just paying off their student debt. They're paying off their fucking loans. They have insane malpractice insurance. They have to cover. They have a giant monthly nut and they're trying to push pharmaceutical drugs on you as much as they can

“because they get compensated for that. And that's what they do. And this is the standard American”

health system. It's real problem. It's a real problem and it leaves a sicker. This is the thing that RFK juniors trying to balance. Like, we spend more money on health care than anyone in the world. We make more money than anyone in the world and we're sicker than anyone in the world. We spend more money than we ever have on health care. We're sicker than we've ever been. Go and live in the life. We're eating well. It's not it. It's eating shit.

You know, if we're just eating healthy, the people that are just eating healthy have way less problems, way less health consequences, way less issues, way more energy, way more mental acuity, all those things because that's how your body's supposed to live. For thousands and thousands of years, what did we do? We ate fruit, we ate vegetables, we ate meat and chicken and fish and eggs and that's what you're supposed to eat. Right. That's real food. Most of these things

that sit on a shelf, you're not supposed to eat those. Just like your dog. Like your dog's not supposed to be eating kibble. If you do dog raw food, your dog's going to go bonkers. If you do dog human grade food, like farmers dog, your dog will go crazy. Watch how she eats it. Watch the difference in the way. My dog can't wait. He's dripping water's dripping off of his mouth before I feed him. He's sitting there waiting like stay and I'm putting it in the bowl like,

Like Carl, like when he was eating kibble, he wasn't even interested. Yeah. I don't mean how

I see me never had a chance to even give it to him. You've never ate it. If you just sit there

and I'm like, well, how do you, how do you, how do you, who's been feeding you? You know, what have they been like, how did they get in your body? But I always give my dog a whole time. But I give her like turkey, you know, putting it, sometimes if I have turkey or chicken around, I'll put it in her bowl. I always give her, you know, like a cat's daily when you order the sandwich, they give you a little piece of people in there. Yeah. I always get a little piece to get her salivating.

“And she snaps it. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's real food. Right. That's what people are supposed to be eating”

too, man. We're supposed to be eating real food. You know, we got tricked. Because things have to stay in the supermarket. You got to be able to sit it on the shelf and it's going to be able to stay there

for a few months. That's how you make your profit. That's why milk is homogenized and pasteurized.

And I'll try to scare you off raw milk. Bitch, I drink raw milk every week. There's nothing wrong with raw milk. You just can't get it from a shitty farm. Just like you can't get meat that's rotten. Just like you can't get sushi that's rotten. Just eat ice cream every day. How bad is that for me? Ice cream is actually not that bad. Ice cream, when you think about bad things to eat, ice cream is probably one of the best desserts to eat. Because ice cream has fats from the cream.

It has protein from the milk. And it does have sugar. So you got a little bit of sugar. But you're absorbing that sugar along with all the fat and all the cream. And it probably is way better for you. It's way better for you than sugar. Like drinking like a soda. Like a soda is the most alien form of sugar your body absorbs. Your body doesn't know what the fuck this is. Because sugar in nature comes from like an orange. It has all this fiber. You're eating it and

“it's a slow digestive process. That's why you don't get this crazy spike. But orange juice is fucking”

nuts. Like you take all the fiber out. And now you just have just pure sugar water. And you think you're being healthy. Well, you're not, okay, look, you get a little bit of vitamins from the vitamin see that's from the oranges. But you're not supposed to eat it that way. You're supposed to eat an orange like apple juice. Like my daughters are like very conscious of like food and like what's in it. And she put we went to the supermarket and she was going to get an apple juice. She's like

this that's 30 grams of sugar. This little thing at 30 grams of sugar. Like that's crazy. That's just you're just, you might as well have a Coca-Cola. It's kind of the same thing. Yeah. Your body, like I think there's this, there was some paper that was written recently about ice cream actually being good for you. And by far the best of desserts that you can eat. Because it's, it's milk and cream, you know, it's like there's, there's actual food in ice cream. I pray

it every night. Ice cream not that bad. Look at this. Can ice cream be healthy. What recent studies actually show. Recent research has sparked debate about ice cream's place in a balanced diet. By examining long term health studies, scientists are exploring whether moderate consumption may have unexpected links to certain health outcomes. So ice cream is long mirror guard is classic indulgence rather than a healthy food. Dude, dude, dude, dude. The discussion largely emerged,

okay, however, in recent times some surprising research has sparked the debate among nutrition scientists by saying that consumption of ice cream may be related to certain unpredictable health outcomes. The discussion largely emerged from data analyzing long-running research projects such as nurses, health study, and health professional follow-up study, two major epidemiological studies that track diet and health outcomes over decades. Research examined dietary patterns among

participants with type 2 diabetes. Notice unusual pattern related to ice cream consumption. Discussion earned, okay, what is the discussion? Consuming ice cream, more regularly, sometimes appear to have lower risks of certain health conditions, especially cardiovascular

disease amongst individuals of type 2 diabetes. The problem is with epidemiological studies,

you're just basically like filling out a form as to what you ate and they track that with like large study groups of people and they try to figure out, okay, that's one of the ways they find out, like, oh, the people that eat red meat more are sicker, but that's also like, what are you eating? You eating burgers that you call red meat with sugar with a Coca-Cola and some fries,

“right, because that's what a lot of people are eating. Right. So it's not like grass fed steak with”

the salad, you know, that's not the problem. Remember Craig, who came in here and Craig from Craig's to tell me to say hi. I love Craig. He said steak and I thought about steak. Oh, he makes a great steak. That was my joke when I got colon cancer. I told Craig you're going to go out of business if I'm not eating your steak. I don't think you have to stop eating steak.

shit's the problem. I think it's preservatives and bullshit and processed food. It's just not a good for you, man. None of it's good for you. If you could sit on a shelf, like that, how's all these preservatives? That stuff wrecks havoc on your gut bacteria. When you're consuming things

“that are filled with preservatives, those preservatives are essentially killing life. That's what they do.”

That's how it keeps bacteria and mold from growing on the food. It's, it's a life killer. And then you eat it. Go, oh, yum, yum, yum. Oh, it's preserved, so I can eat it. You're healthy. You're healthy gut bacteria just gets fucking nuked. Yeah, I don't think it's meat is a problem. I was on a USO Christmas tour and I ate worse on that than I would, and I go, how are the, yeah, that's something they should fix. That is something. They're trying to fix that. RFK Junior's trying to fix that. I think

they're trying to fix it. I just grind the shakes and burgers and pizza and everything. It's a lot of processed food. Yeah, it's terrible food for your soldiers. It's terrible. And then you're asking them to go to perform in the most fucking scary thing on Earth combat. So it made me think, or maybe it's all bullshit. If the military is eating the same pizza and pepperoni that I'm eating in home, then they should be more. No, the, what's bullshit is the way they treat those people. That's

“what's bullshit. What's bullshit is the way they take care of them. That's what's bullshit. What's”

bullshit is the consideration they give to the diet of these people. Right. You're asking these people to make the ultimate sacrifice. You're asking them to give them prison food. That's what's bullshit. Right. Yeah. It's not diet. It's not bullshit. It diets everything. It is literally everything. Like I said, your body has nothing else. Nothing else that it can build itself up with. Other than nutrients. It's all it has. You consume it. If you don't, you start with death. Right?

If you don't eat, you start with death. So in order for your body to take care of itself, what are you giving it? It's that simple. You drink a lot of water. A lot of water. Yeah. You still drink a lot of coffee. I drink less. I've been drinking coffee later in the day now. I've been like going through my day

and not drinking my first cup of coffee to like noon now. I've been doing that a lot lately.

“You know, need it in the morning to get going. Sometimes I feel like I do. I enjoy it. I indulge”

if I enjoy it. But I don't like relying on things. I don't like having to do things. I don't want to have that feeling. So lately I've been like, and I've gone days without coffee. You just see what that feels like. Sometimes I feel a little sluggish. But there's ways you can avoid that, too. Like I'll take new tropics, which is a brand new trance, you know, the Indian and a seat of cold lean and a bunch of different things. I don't like there's alpha brain. That's

stuff pumps my brain up and fires it up. It's just you get addicted to caffeine. Caffeine is very, very addictive. And I feel like if I can get my day going without it, it's probably better. Yeah. I drink a lot less, but I see what you're saying. I love it, though. Oh, that's great. I love a cup of coffee. I love it. But I landed yesterday, Austin Airport. Like I needed a coffee so bad. I'd been out party in the night before early flight and landing. You just want to cup

a coffee before you even start seeing your text because you don't want to feel. And it's like,

the first place I go to, it's like, there's a long line. I finally get there and it's like,

it's a kiosk. And I'm like, I can't kiosk. I need to just tell someone to put coffee in a cup and hand it to me. And I go to another place. And it's like, they charge me and then they hand me a cup and go, go fill it. And I walk away. I just can't, I get so freaking cranky. And I go to the third place, finally. And it's just like, they give you a cup of coffee. The kiosk and the, the, the, no employees, just, it all makes me so mad. I want to talk to somebody. Okay. I don't like

filling out a computer when I want something. I rarely go to coffee places because I drink black coffee. And black coffee at Starbucks tastes like dog shit. Right. It's all burnt and taste terrible. It's just not good. I could drink any coffee. You could take old coffee, put it in a microwave and it's the same to me as really? Yeah. And espresso that you're, oh, I like it. I like this. This is fresh grass, black rifle coffee. You want some? Yeah. And that dog, that's good coffee.

That's real coffee, son. Thank you. That's coffee. Cheers. Taste that, cheers. There's another problem. That's good. That's not right. Not bad. Right. If you get coffee from Starbucks, you're getting in a paper cup. And if you get in a paper cup, it's not paper. You're

drinking out of it's plastic because the inner lining of those paper cups is basically like a condom.

plastic, that plastic leaches chemicals into your body that are not good for you. They're called

forever chemicals. There's terrible for you. So like every time you drink a hot liquid that's in a paper cup, you're sucking on plastic residue. That's gross. Work gross. There's a lot of things that are gross about the American lifestyle. I mean, if you get coffee from Starbucks or something

“like that, ideally you should bring your own cup, bring a mug, bring, you know, like a little”

one of those little yetties. You know, so it's like pouring right into stainless steel. That's how you're supposed to drink it. Who does that? Who brings a little stainless steel? Not me. Yettie with them everywhere. Not me. Nobody. Nobody. But if you did that, you get a lot less. This

fucking microplastics in your gut. It also wreck havoc on your body, destroy your immune system,

destroy your endocrine system. It's their endocrine disruptors. So stop your body from producing hormones naturally, but you also can lead to host a different diseases. Makes me think maybe Charlie Sheen was right after all. Crack smoking crack while getting a blood job. That's how to do it. You don't think he was worried about the plastics in the pipe. Well, there's certain dudes that are built different. And they could, I mean, a lot of people that did what Charlie did would have

“already been dead a long time ago. He's resilient. I do hope somebody puts him in a big movie.”

I like your idea. I like her good comeback story. Maybe he's due for another roast. Be hard now. He's all clean and sober. It's like, what did you do 20 years ago? It's like, yeah, but now he's kind of doing all right. He looks good. It looks healthy. He looked a lot better than I thought he was going to look like you. It doesn't look great. You guys went through 25 years of crack. And he was sick. Mm-hmm. What did he have? HIV. Oh, yeah. HIV is weird. That's a weird one.

Because with the medication they have now, you don't really, you know, you're not even testing positive, but they just tell you you have it no matter what, it's dormant. It doesn't totally make sense. There was a guy named Peter Doosberg that I had on my show a long time ago and he was a professor out of the University of California, Berkeley. And just brilliant, brilliant guy, groundbreaking work on cancer, but he had a very controversial take on HIV. And his take was he didn't believe that HIV's

would cause AIDS. He said the fact that you have HIV is because your immune system is so severely compromised that HIV shows up. That was his take on it. He was ostracized. You got to realize like, during the AIDS crisis. Do you know who was the guy that was in charge of the medical establishment in this country? Anthony Motherfucking Fauci, same guy. And that guy had everybody convinced that we're all going to get AIDS and we're all going to die and you all have to take this medication.

And one of the medications that gay people was AZT. Problem with AZT was AZT was a chemotherapy medication. And it was killing people quicker than cancer was so they stopped using it. They repurposed it when AIDS came along. And they started giving it to AIDS people because they didn't have to go through this whole process of like getting a drug certified, getting a drug to go through the FDA. And they already had a drug. So they said, well, this drug, this will be the drug we use for AIDS.

Like fucking killed everybody they put on it. Kill tons and tons of people. When they stopped using AZT,

“people stopped dying. You know, that's what Dallas virus club was all about. It was all about”

them trying that movie with Matthew McCumham. Yeah. It was all about them trying to find alternative cures. Um, alternative medications and being able to access alternative medications. He wanted everybody to use AZT. And he was like AZT, the reason why they use it is the only drug that is both safe and effective. So literally what he said, back then in the fucking 80s. And that's the same guy that sold us his bag of bullshit with the COVID origins and and whether or not it was

gain a function research that caused it. He's just creepy fucking guy. We never really got answers

on any of this. We will. It'll take time, but we will and he'll probably be gone by the time it's publicly understood. But if you read RFK, Junior's book, The Real Anthony Fauci, it'll open your mind. It'll open your eyes. He talks about how they were testing out in the 1980s. They were testing out HIV vaccines on foster kids in New York and killing them. Jesus. Yeah, they tested it on foster kids. Yeah, it's real. If it wasn't real, he would have

been sued. He hasn't been sued for it. Wow. It's a dark book, dude. The real Anthony Fauci,

part of the way soul movie. Hades thing. The movie is going to be weird. Who would play Anthony

“Fauci in a movie? Maybe Martin Short. I think it's another Sean Penn tour to. Sean Penn was”

all about the vaccine. Do you miss acting? Not even a little. I was thinking about that the other day. You really were in this whole other world, Joe. Call times make up locking. Yeah, locking. Well, I enjoyed working on news radio and it was very, I felt insanely fortunate to be able to work with Phil Hartman and Dave Foley and all those people on that show. Stephen Root,

mourn it more tyranny. Andy Dick. It was incredible. Candy Alexander. It was an incredible

cast of people. I mean, I felt super, super lucky. But once it was over, I'm like, I don't think I'll ever be able to recreate that because that was like optimal. And I had been on a couple other shows as a guest. I didn't like it. And I was like, this is not what I like. I only did it for money. You know, it's not my thing. And it's a long process to sit sitcom hours or, you know, especially in the beginning days. It was like 12, 16 hour days. Who wrote that show? Paul Sims.

And a bunch of other writers. But he was from the Larry Sanders show. You know, and he did board walk empire after that. That's where there's stuff. But he brilliant guy. But that show was just like, they caught lightning in a bottle. I got so lucky to be a part of that show. And I'm like,

I could never be on a shitty sitcom after that. You know, I couldn't be on some fucking,

you know, sloppy can or shit. She went high brow with fear factor. Well, I took that because there was no actors. Because first of all, I took fear factor because I thought it was going to be canceled. I thought this is going to be giving me a lot of material. I was feeling rad for forever. 148 episodes. Yeah, it was nuts. Have you seen the new one? No, I haven't. But Johnny came on. Johnny Knoxville came on to do it. I didn't see the ludicrous one either. But how long did ludicrous do

“it for? I didn't even know that till now. Yeah, ludicrous did it. I think was it on MTV, Jamie?”

I think he did it on MTV. MTV did it for a little while. I think he did it for, I don't know how long. But I love Johnny. Johnny Knoxville's. He's the best. I chew gentlemen. Sweetheart, we got. And I love him so much. I hope it does well. You know, I hope they don't hurt anybody. That's the problem. Like when fear factor came back on NBC, when we came back in 2011, we only did six episodes. They were really trying to make it bigger and better. And I was like, Jesus Christ,

we're going to fucking kill somebody. You felt like it. It felt like when it was canceled, I was happy. I was like, fuck this. You're done. Yeah, well, it got canceled because they had a drink come. Do you know that? No. You don't know that? What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they played horseshoes to drink donkey come. We're still talking about Andy Dick and news radio. No, no, we're talking about fear factor now. And Andy on drink people come. He's a gentleman. Um, but yeah, that happened.

“That's what got the show canceled. But that's because they were trying to make it as outrageous”

and possible. It's like the early or right at the beginning of that crazy. This is it fear factor, donkey juice. This is it. They had to play horseshoes and they drank donkey piss and donkey come. There was three sets of twins and one twin had to drink the com. Look at that. That's a mug. Oh, com. Oh my god. It's so foul. Wow. Yeah. So TMZ, I think, got a hold of the clip or images

and said that fear factor was doing this and it never aired in the United States. But it aired overseas.

It aired somewhere in Europe. What I say, the Netherlands or Denmark or some shit? Wow. Yeah. Now you survived. Good times. Good times. Now you're drinking delicious coffee and your palatial hanging out with you. I love it, man. Did I've known you since your Jeff Lipschitz? I've known you since your best joke, which was never trust a hooker with a walkie talking. You go, I learned you were like 25, but you're like, I've learned a lot of things of my life. Yeah,

you had ever trust a hooker with a walkie talking. Was that the joke? Um, no, I went to college for three years. You know what I learned? Oh, how did it go? Don't trust hooker with walkie talking. I don't know. I don't mean since Jeff Lips. I'm still, by the way, I'm still Jeff Lipschitz. My ID, my passport. Maybe she didn't tell everybody. It's all right. We should have hid that. It's, it's, it's, it's, when did you change it to Ross?

What year was that? Oh, I could tell you what happened was I got booked on Star Search,

Star Search, those shows were coming around. And I go down to Orlando where they were shooting

it back then. And, um, Ed McMan was the host. And he kept introducing me by fucking up. Arch Disweek's challenge. Jeff Lipschitz. And I walk out. And I, it would screw me up, you know, then the next I'd won. And then the next day, it's like, this week's Challenger, you know, life shots. You know, he was just screw it up every time. And on the flight home, I was like, I either have to, if I, I really love comedy. I was like two years in, I go, let me think about this.

Ross is my middle name. John Stewart was John Leibovitz. And he had told me he did it for the similar reasons of like, no one can, if I asked you to spell lifts shorts right now, you've been you could, and then you'd know me 35 years. So I was like, all right, either I'm going to have to change my name or my whole family's going to, I don't know what to do. So Ross, it just made sense.

“It's easy. Yeah. It's easy. Jeff Ross. What was Adam McMan like?”

You know, did you ever hang out with him? I shook his hand and that was the end of it. I didn't get to know very well. I heard he was an animal. I heard he drank a lot. Yeah. But then I made some joke like that and people got mad at me online going, "Don't disrespect that McMan is." Was he gone by the time we made that joke? Yeah, it's recently because they rebooted star search just now. Fuck people online. You can't listen. Oh dude, that's another thing,

Sagot taught me, Bob Sagot. Like block the haters. Like, you know, we would argue about this because like he would block people. And I go, well then they know, you saw it. Just ignore him. Let him float out to see. He goes, no. He goes, no. I went them to know that they're blocked. He goes, and I don't want them following me. I don't want, I don't want to say funny things for people who say mean things. He valued himself. I say don't read the comments. I say don't even

pay attention. Let them exist in the ether. Well, you're off social right now. Yeah, you told me.

“Yeah, I post things, but I post and ghost. That's what I tell people. Post and ghost. Just post”

things. It's like people know about stuff or something is interesting. You know, someone sends you something interesting. Like, people should know about this. Right. That's it. Get out. I got better instead of using social media like Seth Green is my neighbor. Good buddy of mine, the actor. And he, he, he started doing this during a pandemic. Instead of texting or liking people stuff, he face times. It takes longer, but he's like, it's a real connection.

Oh, it's basically FaceTime, you know, and so it's just even if it's for a minute.

What if you have an Android phone? And you're fucked. And my friend Benji of Flalo goes, uh, he, he quotes Brody all the time. He'll just, he'll write, he'll text me, uh, emojis, a positive and a check positive check in. Yeah, he would just positive check in. Positive energy. Positive check in guy, he was so fun. Here's another guy. Is on my fucking contact list. Let's go on the MS. I almost wore my brody T-shirt today. I was thinking about him a lot lately.

I don't know why. And joy it. Enjoy it. Is there ever been a comedian who's been less famous, but more, uh, his, his cadence has been more like, remembered. It's almost like him and danger field have the most memorable deliveries of all the, especially for us for the gruddy Stevens and all the people know for the guys who were, were around him. He was so good. He was just such a unique

“dude. I think he would show up at the comedy store and pull into a lot, everybody's smile.”

I hate when I first met him. I really, truly hated him. I really hated him. It was, it was, it was,

literally like the mid 90s, Joe like in New York. And I can't believe I, I haven't thought about this in so long. The show that, it's so funny. The show that's coming out tonight, I started developing 30 years ago. My grandfather died. I live on my grandfather. And it was like a way to like, process it. And it was emotional. And I was doing it at little alternative comedy spaces in New York. And I didn't know Brody and Brody would sit in the front. He was obsessed with it. Because I was like,

talking about stuff that hit for him somehow. And he would sit in the front. But he would, like, overlap or twitch around at a seat. So then, you know, I'm developing this like one man's shell is like different than stand up. And he's like, he would want to talk to me about it. And he would say like weird things. It kind of threw me off. You know, he would notice the differences. And I said, uh, listen, man, HBO's coming to see it next week. Could you just not be in the audience?

I go, no, it's not that man. It's just that like you're like, you're like, 1-8 till I die.

You're distracting me. And I'm not like, you know, I was only doing for comedy a few years. So then HBO comes and Brody, I walk on stage and Brody's in the front row. So afterwards, I go, dude, what the fuck is your problem? I told you not to be like, there were no other seats. I couldn't miss it. And our friendship grew where we both moved out to LA. And we became such good friends that I had a comedy central show. He was the warm-up. I had to have him

“around me all the time. I felt safer and better. I think we both grew from like, I was a model in Pakistan.”

Cover of camel beat magazine. I dated an amputee. We met on the stuff, hub.

Or did my favorite, what was the one about the Nickelback tour jacket? I was at the rock and roll

Hall of Fame. I saw the Nickelback tour. It was in the Lost and Found. I love Brody. Look up Brody's Stevens. Yeah. I heard you talking about it on the other day to about about his friendship with Zac Gallifonac. Yeah. Um, and that were you there when they did the memorial at the comedy store? No. No. Had a good line. I don't like those things. I was backstage and Brody's like college baseball coach, high school baseball coach and all his friends all spoke for like an hour.

And then they bring me out and I go, after hearing all Brody's friends talk for now, I'm starting

“to understand why he killed himself. That's why I don't like those things. I was beautiful.”

I prefer to mourn people solo. It was beautiful actually. Well Brody was a beautiful guy. That's our world. We got to remember these guys. I know we do. Well, you know one of the good things about podcasts is like the world gets to understand a lot of these people. Here's talk about all these people. I think our world is more understood now in this day and age with the podcast world than I think it's ever been known before. More criticized, but that's part of the problem.

That means that's part of the process of it. That's normal. But also more understood. Like people get it. They get it. So I remember when you heard art form. I remember when you had Gilbert God Freedon. That was great. Killer was awesome. I don't think he fully understood what was happening here, but I remember really enjoying your interview at Gilbert. What do you mean? You don't think he understood? He had done stern, he had done right. But he, he, he, this is stern as fast and jumping in.

It's Joe, you know like impressions. This is more of a conversation which Gilbert went in his spectrum of things. You know it's tough. A lot of yes and no answers. I thought he was great.

Yeah, but I loved him. You know and he knew I loved him. I was always a giant fan of his. So it was like

“I think it was pretty easy. I wear a Gilbert Godford shirt in the special. That's cool. Hold a bit”

tribute. He was a sweetheart. First sweet guy. So fucking funny too. God damn that guy was funny. I still love watching his sets in New York. The best. Especially like in the 90s or no one knew who he was. Like, oh my God. He's such a killer. One of his last times on stage. I was at an improv in Florida and he came with his family and he came on his surprise guest. He walked out and he told this long crazy joke about skull fucking. His dick grandma. So it is funeral at his funeral,

like a year and a half later. I said Gilbert's comedy was fearless and ruthless and subversive yet he was so lovable that he could get us to laugh at a joke about skull fucking a dead person and then I looked at his coffin and I said not so funny now. I love Gilbert. So I love Gilbert. We've had the very unique opportunity to be around some really truly exceptional people. Rare, rare human beings. You know, and so many of them. You know, we're so rich

in our associations with so many completely unusual people. You know? There's one more Gilbert story. Okay. One time we were roasting John Rivers. I was producing it and I booked Gilbert and I'm on the phone. I'm smoking a joint and I go, I got one joke I like but I can't do it. He goes, one is it. I go, well, you know, like Kanye West's mom and recently died during a plastic surgery procedure. It was the background and I go, Joan Rivers. Gilbert, you know, Joan Rivers,

Kanye's mom has a better plastic surgeon than you and I go, but I can't do that and Gilbert goes. I'll do it. That's what I realized. I was being a pussy and I had to do it. So he pushed me.

really are. We're lucky. And especially now that we know all these people that we're just talked about that were amazing and are gone. We're lucky we're still here. Being a comedian is like a

backstage pass to the world. He gets to see things you never would see as a civilian. It's true.

“Did I just went to Qatar, Djibouti, Africa, you weren't Djibouti? You did stand up there?”

For the troops, Christmas with the Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs saw the Patriot missiles that they're using now. I was in two of the bases that just got hit just a few months ago. Wow. That's not. You get to see. And when you're with the Vice Chairman, you're sometimes you're on FOBs they call them. Forward operating bases. They don't even tell you where you are. Exactly. Oh wow. You're like 80 miles from the Iranian border somewhere in Kuwait or Qatar or

Jordan. So cool. Wild. You've always done a lot of stuff with the troops. Yeah.

To do in that from way back from like the early 2000s, 2003, my first trip to Iraq withdrew carry. Wow. Yep. He took me in 2003. Saddam was still alive. I went back in

“'05. I've done probably 100 of those shows all over the world. Wow. The best man. That's why”

I'm a comedian. That's the best feeling. That's the best feeling. They say, oh, thanks for coming and I'm like, thank you, man. Just forget that I'm like entertaining, you know, you're doing a show for people who are star-friendly. It fills me up like it. It invigorates me. It's just they're not drinking. They're the best crowds. Right. I highly recommend it. That's awesome. All right, dude. Your special isn't out yet? Tonight. Tonight. Look at you.

A Netflix comedy special. Longest special. Netflix ever did. You got the Bobby Brown microphone on. Nice thing. I think it's a sweet sour mix. Look at that outfit. It's a suit of armor. This guy.

“This guy poor guy lost his hand to an explosion. Oh, geez. I asked him why his wife never got”

finger banged. Jesus. It's a multimedia show about my family, about resilience, about bouncing back. Are those screens in the back wall? A bunch of different screens? Yeah. And they show different things on them. Yeah. The dogs. That's cool. You're going to love this show. I'm sure I'll love it. It's about some of the stuff we were talking about. Like when you take it hit, getting back up. That's awesome. And what's it called again? It's called take a banana for the ride. What I was

an open micer. I would take my grandfather to his doctor appointments. And then at night I would go in in New York and try to get on stage at the open mics. And my grandfather would give me a few dollars for the boss and tolls in a banana. Take a banana for the ride. Kind of his way of saying, I can't go with you, but I'm now with you on the ride. I just tattooed a banana with my mom's with right eye love you or I miss you and put them in my school lunches. So I found it all

letter with her handwriting and made a tattoo. So now I always have a banana.

This one Eddie Vetter drew. This is born to roast. Oh, that's cool. All right. It's out now. Ladies and gentlemen, go watch it. Jeff Ross. I love you, buddy. Love you, Rob. Thank you, good to see you. Bye, everybody. Cool flashback, just relax and then I hope that it's stimmt. Oh, no, garney. This is so my safe space. You mean, you're all right? Yeah, exactly. This is so

deep-street. The one who just understands. The job or the reason. It's crazy. I don't feel like I'm going to be scared. Steuernally. Save. With this steuern.