Andrew Schulz and Bill Maher - Megyn Kelly's "Double Feature" of Fascinating Interviews

the least. Hey everyone, I'm Megan Kelly and welcome to our Sunday double feature mega episode. Today two conversations with two comedians that brought the whole range of emotions.

First up, I adore Andrew Schultz.

He is so funny, just thinking about our exchanges makes me laugh. He's brilliant. He came here to the red studio last year. He's been on many times since the beginning of our show, but this was a hilarious exchange where he really opened up about becoming a dad and wrestling with the challenges of IVF.

It was so funny, you are going to adore this exchange. Bill Mar is our second up-to-date. Bill and I have talked throughout the years on this show and on his, but in 2024 he came by for an interview at Series XM HQ in New York that was at Times Funny and at Times Feisty.

He let's just say he was totally unprepared and well, you'd be the judge of how it went. Enjoy today's double feature and see you tomorrow. Oh, do we have a treat for you today? Buckle up. One of the funniest people in America is with me for the full show right here in studio,

comedian Andrew Shultz has a new Netflix special out this week called Life. If you go on Netflix, it's one of the top shows right now you can't miss it and you shouldn't miss it. It's only an hour. You will laugh and believe it or not, you will cry too.

It's actually very touching at Times.

I did not expect that and I was just saying to him before we got started. I watched it the same way I watched all Andrew Shultz content like this. I'm afraid, and I love it. I hate myself for loving it so much. The whole thing is actually deeply personal and his pal Matt Damon helped him announce

it. Watch this. Shultz. Shultz. Matthew.

Hey. Keep baby. I didn't get the ember alert. We are celebrating. My new specials coming out.

Oh, nice. Yeah. What do you stand up there and grow mustache?

“If you want to know, it's about my wife and I trying to make a baby.”

Everybody. This dumbass right here has a special about his low sperm count and it's on Netflix. That's all that doesn't do it. Welcome back. Thank you so much for having me.

Great to have you. Great to see you. Oh, God, likewise.

You were actually one of my first guests.

You know, we just celebrated episode 500 or 1,000 or 1,000 and um, you were 78. You were like on the ground floor. Yeah. I remember I was in California for that. But then I saw you.

This is like right after I saw you at the Borgo. Yeah. That's right. But I didn't come up in bother. That's right.

That's right. I forgot that. Yeah. And now look at you. I mean, now you're.

You're taking off. Not things have been cool. Thank you. Yeah, really cool. Personally, I mean, the funniest bit you ever did and it's still one of my favorites.

This is from a special not like on this show, but you were talking about your then girlfriend and how obsessed she was with crime shows. Oh, yeah. Totally related to this and however you did this bit on how you know, you'd watch NFL football with her and she'd be like, and some guy would have a compound fracture with a blood

everywhere in the bone and every guy you know, be like, oh, my God, and she'd be like, when is someone coming to murder? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like not savage enough.

Yeah. Why do you guys like the the serial killer? I have my own theories.

“I think it's because like when you grow up, you know, who gets murdered?”

Who gets attacked? Who gets stolen? Young women. Yeah. Where are the victims?

And so like it's instilled in you from an early age by your parents, by your friends, by your teachers, by TV, the news, like you're the victim. So you know, you walk around everywhere like, oh my God, and then there's a morbid fascination with what happens to others, like, how do I prevent that from happening to me? Yeah.

I think that's why. So yeah, it's fear base. So this is like this. Yeah, gigantic fear you have. Yeah, we're working something out.

Yeah. You know, it's like the same way my 11 year old likes to watch shark video is all the time. Because he thinks he's going to get eaten by shark. Totally. And me while.

So what is our fear? What is our, what, what, what, what, you know what, I imagine not afraid of anything. I'm embarrassed to tell you that I've been dreaming lately about the AM update that we've been doing as a new pod that we've launched in our free days of very embarrassing. I'm wondering if dreams are about news now because I do it either really later early morning.

And it's just on my mind, you shouldn't sleep dreaming about news. That's just sad. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

You dedicate your life to you, see? But I could relate to, didn't you say, did I hear this in the special that you were

“saying your girlfriend always dreams what you're cheating on her?”

Oh, yeah, my wife. Yeah. She dreams about me cheating on her. Yeah. So I had that dream with Doug to.

And if I have that dream the next day, I am such a bitch to him. Right? It is funny that you punish us for it. Right.

I think in the special.

It's like, why can't I have those dreams?

It's almost like. You're like, go through it. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I'd like to know exactly.

It was, it's almost like, you know, God shot the like the dream arrow. And like, it was just like a degree off. You know? I'm right here. I'm right here.

Yeah. Exactly. It's weird. I don't really have dreams where we're on cheating on her. Or was she cheating on you?

“I think I might have had something, and I woke up up saying, I think it's like,”

this is my sexism coming out. But like, when a, when a woman cheats like even in like a movie, like, my, my, my thought is like, who wrote this? We'd like get something. Yeah.

This is shit. Shit. Like, if I watch a serial ago thing, I'm like, okay. This is what it is. But if I see like a woman being unfaithful in something, I'm like, there is

a diabolical Batman out there writing this shit. Like, we need to like lock him up.

Like, why would you promote this?

We're lost as society. I've become this like really conservative Christian. Like, I'm just like, what is the American foundation and nuclear families being destroyed? Oh God. Yeah.

You're getting really excited. We're talking about it. Yeah. I mean, I, my girlfriend that I've had this talk this talk many times. Like, would you, would you definitely leave her husband or your boyfriend if you found

that he was cheating? Yeah. And then, of course, you get into, well, is it a one-off? Or is it like a full-blown, blown affair with somebody else? Yeah.

Yeah. And honestly, most of the women I know have the same answer to both, which is, no, I would not least. But also the children, right? Yeah.

That changes the entire game. Yeah. Like, oh, but yeah, this is good. Wait a minute. So we can cheat.

I mean, literally, I'm a friend of Doug's right now is texting him. I'll pass. No. We're going to Columbia Doug. It's not, not saying that.

Oh, let's see. It's just, you know, like, that's, that's a, oh. You know, you know, I'm curious you're taking on this. Like, I was talking to some, some of the, the women that work with me. And, um, you know, there's this, like, this prominence in, uh,

we're talking about relationships now, like, talking about, like, red flags and Ike culture. Have you heard about this? Yeah. I've been asking you old.

Okay. So like, a lot of women talk about, like, red flags and Ike, they have with men, like, little things that they do that annoy them. Okay. And, um, it could be something, like, small.

Like, if it's raining and a guy lifts his shoulders, I don't like that. It, like, really turns me off to him. That's, like, tough. Exactly. So, and, like, they're really, like, nuanced and specific.

And I was like, what?

“I was asking, like, what do you think that's about?”

And, um, this is my suspicion. I think that, like, there's so much pressure for women to be with somebody that they, they maybe would rather be with somebody. They don't really like them be alone. Uh, like, their moms are constantly going, hey, you got to get married.

You got to have someone. And then you're with someone you don't like. Oh, God. And when you're around someone, you don't like everything about them. I know you can't have that.

No, and then you're going to let them get on top of you. Never. No. Never. But if you really love someone, like you said, then go to Columbia with the boys.

It has an opposite effect. It's like, nothing, nothing, nothing at all. They're, it's all really cute. Yeah. But it's funny, because I can't think of a thing about Doug that bothers me like that.

And even after we just celebrate ourselves. He's the man. He's the man. Uh, we just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary and Saturday. Yeah.

And honestly, like, even after 17 years of marriage, he doesn't do anything that, like, grosses me out. He's like, I don't know. I just find him very happy. Yeah, he neither.

He's, he's got the dream boat. He's got the dream boat. He is very funny about not about me, but about other people that, like, his number one thing that drives him nuts. And his brother has it, too. And I think it's called Mesothelioma.

Not like the, the lung disease you get disease you get. But it's, I may be saying it wrong. It's like having sex with dead people. No, it's where you can't stand the sound of somebody chewing. Oh.

It drives me crazy. Oh, it's way off. Insane. Yeah. Mesothelioma is like the lung disease.

And this is Mesothelioma. I've got to look it up. But he doesn't like hearing people.

“Mesothelioma, I think, is to you crack our Mesothelioma, right?”

Where you can't, it drives you nuts if you can really hear somebody chewing. True. Yeah. Okay. And there's somebody in the extended family who's, like, every time you sit down with this person,

they get a big bowl of raw carrots and start, like, down and both, yeah. Brothers are like, oh. Yeah. We can't deal with this. Yeah, Doug.

Yeah. He does. Yeah. He does. I'm actually pretty quiet.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm really kind of proud of it. But I have pretty good table manners. You'll see this with your new daughter.

I mean, get that something with your kids. That I've, like, bestow manners upon them.

You, you can never let up.

It's like, they don't hear. They don't listen. You could tell them 10,000 times. And they still don't listen. You don't go to the food.

The food comes to you. Yeah. You know, like, all the little things. It's small bites, small bites. Yeah.

And still you see your kid with, like, a mountain of food, shoving it in there. Yeah. You're like, oh. Yeah. My parents never told me table manners.

They didn't. Never told. I learned table manners from the Titanic. What? You know, you know, this team were like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

Like, that's literally the moment. I remember I had a girlfriend. I was, like, in Denmark with, like, her family. And I was, like, using my thumb to shovel salad onto a fork. And the father, like, put his hand on my wrist.

And I was, like, please use the silverware. No. Yeah. Oh, the humiliation. Yeah.

I don't have some questions.

I have to say, I never took, you know, any sort of manners classes.

But I would love to get some for my kids. If somebody offered that, I would totally hire this. What is that called? Uh, I had a kid classes. Like, some class.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is what they do down south, right? We're raised like wolves.

That's why we don't have a lot of it. I'm watching you. Whatever I see works. You know, we ate out every meal or, like, had delivery. Yes.

So there wasn't exactly this big display. I don't remember my parents ever correcting table manners. You just, I had something. I picked up on later in life when I got to be more of a professional. To be more of a professional person.

Yeah. But I still have questions. Like, here's one question for the audience. Maybe they know that. Maybe you know this.

When you're eating soup. Do you go outside in or not? No, that. I know you're supposed to go from the front to the back. I know you're supposed to go from the front to the back.

I know you're supposed to go from the front to the back. It is stupid. It's extra motion.

“Like, why would you move the food further away from you?”

This is this, like, pretentious, like, British shit, where they're, it's, like, really wealthy people have to find a way to make you feel insecure about you're not having money. And then when everybody started wearing suits, it's like, all right. Well, we got to belittle them somehow.

Oh, if you see somebody moving the spoon out, then they really have money. I hate this shit. I, I, what I love about America is the lack of rules in that regard. Yes. Like, we're not trying to keep up with the Jones it.

Well, here's my question on it though. In addition to those, um, what do you do with the soup spoon when you are in the, you want to put it down or when you're done? Does it go right back in the soup or does it go on the little. I actually move it off the table and it falls when I go, oh, God.

And then somebody gets it. It's not okay. No, it's either supposed to go right back in the soup, which is what I think you're supposed to do. Yeah.

Or you're supposed to put it on the plate like the saucer underneath the soup. That plate that's holding the soup bowl. Yes, yes. But one of them signifies to the waiter that you're finished and one signifies you're still eating.

With the soup, that's true, too. I just made that up. Okay. But it seems like it makes sense. I do know what to do on the plate when you want to signify you're done.

Knife in between the fork fork and knife at five o'clock. Yeah. Like, one's it. Well, I guess 10 of five at 10 of five. So one's at the 10 and one's at the five on your plate.

Yeah. That I got. Yeah. That's my one thing.

“Isn't it crazy that we have to like speak and code to the lawyers at the restaurant?”

Right. Like, yo. Yeah, that works. I'm done. Yeah.

Nothing left on the plate. Are you a good tipper? Yeah. Yeah. I work on the service industry.

That's the thing. Yeah. If you've ever done it, same. Yeah.

Well, I, I, I always leave 50 percent.

What? Five o'clock. Yeah. I, I, I always leave 50. But can I tell you something kind of surprising?

You think, is it good or it's bad? It's, it's good. Yeah. It's a lot, right? I mean, they're not the government.

Well, I, you know, I always want to be overly generous to the way to. I mean, wow. That is. I got to tell you something. I, I never, and I go, I don't usually tip.

I just want to point, point that out. Oh, that's not a big thing. That one's important to me. - You, that is. - You will never read a report about me being a bad tipper.

- I, wow, I'm not going 50. - What do you think? - 50. - I go like 25, that's good. - That's good. - That's good.

- I keep it round. - I got this from Sean Hannity, who tips 100%. - He does. - Yes. - Oh, wow.

- I sweat it out. - Like that's too much. - No, that's guilt. - Something's going on. - Something's going on.

- He's a really generous guy. - He's harassing waitresses. Something's happening where he's paying him off. - A hundred percent is guilt. - There's something wrong.

- But I gotta be honest with you. - This is, he's taking, no, I mean, Sean is a great guy, you're not doing this, but you're not at all, where's my camera? You're not at all doing this.

But I would tip 100% too if I was taking my girlfriend to have learned a thing and I didn't want anybody know about it.

But Sean would never do that,

and that's not the case. - Not it. - That's it. - He does not, he does not need to stray. He's with Ainsley, he's good.

(laughs) Well, listen, I was gonna say, I would kind of expect that when I go back to these same restaurants and have the same waiter, like maybe I'd get a little bit more white glove treatment.

I noticed absolutely no white glove treatment. I don't think it really counts. So I just have to feel good about it in my heart. - Which I do. - Not the reason why we do it.

- I mean, I would be nice if somebody was like, thanks. Thanks for it. - The worst one you're like at the bar, and you're like, I'm gonna fuck and tip this bar to have a big, and you go to put the mind down

and they walk away, and now you gotta just stand there until they come back and notice it. (laughs) I need your recognition that I left that. Like, this needs to be very clear, you know?

- My 13-year-old daughter, just asked this question at the dinner table last night. This is where it's going for you.

“She said, is any act of charity ever for the other person?”

Or is it, or is it, or is it all selfish? - I would like to believe that we are capable of altruism,

of selfishness for sure.

Like if you're doing it to get to heaven,

that seems pretty selfish. - Yeah, that's what she was saying. And she's saying, even just to make yourself feel good, there's an element of selfishness, and then my brother-in-law said,

what if you threw yourself on a grenade? And she said, no, still, you're doing it. There's some piece of you that's doing it, it's a good about saving somebody, or you might be like, a word of the metal water, if you're, you know,

like there's something in there. - It's 13. - Very cynical. (both laughing) - Can I curse on this?

- That's okay. - Well, okay. - Wow. - We can have on Andrew's shows so you could not hurt her. - That's a good point, that's a good point.

Wow, that is a sophisticated thought for a 13-year-old. - I know.

“- Has she watched everything everywhere all at once?”

- Every neighborhood. - Well, she watches some of the date line specials with me. That's probably part of it. Though tonight, she's got that side

where she's even philosophical and cynical in some ways.

But tonight, she'll be starring as Ursula in the little mermaid at her school play. - Did she pick Ursula? - Yes, she tried out for it. - So she wanted Ursula?

- Yeah. - We gotta keep an eye on this girl over here. We gotta keep a very close watch on this girl. This is, 'cause it is, I think that what she's approaching is like a very realistic way of looking at life,

which is, but sometimes having that view of humanity can be difficult to handle. - Yeah. - That's a really sophisticated view of humanity. - It's very hard with a mother who's in news

and a father who is as cynical and funny as Doug is. - Yes. - It's just, our kids have a very healthy sense of humor which you would appreciate, but like very realistic, you know? - Yeah, I'm trying to think like, what is the,

like, the positive impact of that is you can have probably like really mature conversations with them. - Yeah, she's definitely ahead of her time. - What is her school? - It's a private school, it's all girls.

I will say it's more woke than I would like. But not as woke as the one we pulled her from in New York City. - That's the conversation I have with parents,

“public and private is the exact same one”

that we're having right now. - Yeah. - It's just like, yeah, they're all kind of like, woke to use that term. And that's kind of like, we've beaten that term to the ground.

- No, they just had one of the, I was Martin Luther King day and they had an assembly and they had the head of DEI go in there and talk to the girls and said, just as a reminder, we believe in equity.

Everyone has the right to wind up in the same space. - Yeah. - And of course, my daughter, my kids are primed on this. You know, we're inoculating them against this bullshit at home. She knew enough to come home and be like,

"Mom, this is what they said." And I was like, "No, she's absolutely right." On the next test, when you study hard and the girl next to you doesn't, she is a right to see your answers.

You have to show them to her. She has the right to get the same grade as you know, how much work she did or didn't put into it. - Yeah, I mean, that is funny to have a DEI

program in an all-girl school. - Well, it's like, don't even chat, man. - But that's the best way. (laughing) - But those who are selecting out a group of people,

you really can't continue that conversation. - Well, they can't have the oppressors in the patriarchy running the school. - That is. - Are there any like male leadership in this?

- Yes, well, not leadership, but there are plenty of male teachers. - Just male teachers. But no male leadership. - No, there isn't.

No, well, wait, I'm wrong. When you get to the high school, there's a male-- - The head of the high school. I mean, she's only a male school, but so we're not there yet.

- Yeah. - I don't think they're against men, but we did a bunch of research when the kids were really young on single sex education, and it seemed like a focal rate.

- Like a focal rate. - It was a good idea, and the good thing about this high school is when she gets to high school, she'll mix now with boys. So that's good, 'cause, you know,

“at some point you have to learn how to be around the opposite sex.”

- Yeah, you do. I'm surprised it's that way, not the opposite way. - What do you mean, like, co-ed K through eight? - Yeah. - Yeah.

- I think they're looking, I think for girls, the philosophy is, you know, they'll, they won't be afraid to say how they feel, because, you know, in middle school, it's awkward for everybody, and maybe around the boys,

you're a little bit more buttoned up. - Yes. - And then in the younger grades, boys tend to be more disruptive and kind of bigger pains in the ass, and girls are like, well behaved, and so then they get demonized,

so it can be better for them to be alone too, you know, where they're not being compared to the well-behaved girls. Like at our boy school, the first thing they do for the K through fiveers is they let them go to gym for, like, an hour at the system.

- Get it out. - That's smart, right? - That's really smart. - But girls don't need that. - They're just ready to pay attention and lock in.

- I mean, it's amazing. - Yeah, isn't this funny? You have all this to look forward to with you now, one year, baby girl. - I'm so excited.

Yeah, it's great. It is, like, terrifying, though. All these things are scary. - You don't know anything. - They really don't know anything, and now I have this,

I have this amazing empathy for,

I mean, I don't wanna, like, politicize as too much, like, even these, like, hot button topics, like, vaccination, and these kind of things, like, if you don't have children, like, you really don't even need to be part of the conversation at all.

- Yeah. - Because you don't understand the fear of making a decision that could negatively impact your daughter either way. - Yes. - To do it, and then something happens.

God forbid, now you feel that responsibility. You don't do it, and something happens. You feel that responsibility. - Yes. - And you're constantly, you know,

these decisions are put in front of you. It's like, oh. Like, you're trying to rely on your doctor, and you try to find a good doctor and just do what he says.

undermined health in doctors and public health officials,

right, so you're kind of like, - Every institution, you know, like, we have super low confidence in. - Yeah, every pediatrician that we've had has recommended that we get them the COVID vaccine.

- It shouldn't. - Yeah, I agree. - No, no, I got my. - No, I got my. - Oh, no, I got myself the vaccine,

which I regret, but I did not get it from my kid. - Did you get a booster? - Yes, I got one booster. - No, I didn't, I got a fake booster so I could do a movie. - I wish I had gotten fake.

- I got you. - There's like something to stick to.

- You wish Guy and Brooklyn that I went to.

- Oh, come on. - Yeah. - I didn't know any of this. - And then I gave it to the movie company to prove them that I was vaccinated.

They hit me back there like, yeah, this is bullshit. And I was like, all right, I got to talk to that one guy again. - What? - It was. - I was shocked.

Where did he shoot me up with? - Yeah. - Do you get the first two shots, but nothing more. - Yeah, I was excited, like, I know this sounds crazy, but I was like excited to get the first two because I was like, I just want to get out, like, I want to party, like, I didn't know what the fuck it was, we were in New York.

- We went down to Miami. - Okay. - So we were in New York and everything we shut down New York. And in the beginning, it was kind of exciting. It was just me and my wife were like, making fucking meals together every single night, you know, it's felt like camping, though, I'm never gone camping, but like, that's kind of what I imagine it was.

And then, and I was lucky, I'm doing podcasts, I'm doing what I do outside of stand up. - Yeah. - So, like, my life wasn't that different outside of, like, not being able to eat out, I guess. - Yeah.

- Come winter, it got brutal, like, it was just, so we went down to Miami for four months and it was amazing, like, my whole team, we all went down there, I think day two, the entire team got COVID.

- Yeah. - Of course, higher team, my poor guy was in our pool house for two weeks with COVID. He got long COVID, like, yeah, I was great and I was, I just see him in the windows, wait, and that was incredible. Duff, who's here right now. But, but yeah, yeah, so there was this part of me that was like, I just want to be able to do things, like, so shoot me up, I don't care. - And they were Nazis in New York about it, which is your real home base. - Yeah, yeah, it is tricky. Do you like, so there is this thing where I go, yeah, we're going to be more strict in New York where we live on top of each other, we're all on the fucking subway together.

Like, I don't want to compare New York to Montana. Like, when someone in Montana is like, I can't believe you guys did that in New York, it's like, yeah, you live on a ranch, like, 500 acres. Yeah, like, the rules are going to be different. You know, I got like a Dominican family above me that's going to play music at 12 unless the city has a rule that stops the music attack.

“- That's right. - So sometimes you like a little government overreach if you want to get to bed, you know?”

- Well, and we were all being told at the initial vaccine that it would stop the spread, so that it, you know, would make you not contagious. - This is what I feel like people do, which is like so frustrating. It's like, they, it's the lies to cover up the lack of information. And then you get these like conspiracies. Like every conspiracy I imagine, like the truth of it, is probably way more boring. But it's probably like a little incompetence. - Yeah. - Somebody refusing to take accountability for their own incompetence, covering it up with a lie, and then the internet gets after all this puzzle.

And it's just, if one person had the ball, so just be like, yo, I fucked up. - Yeah. - That was me. - I was the second shooter. [laughter] - Yeah, I'm just gonna put it out there. - We need the Ventorious Secret Guy,

who's Epstein's both. - Oh, yeah. - West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West

- West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West, West. - Yeah, we just need him to come out. - Well, I mean-- - I mean, I found it. - Why can't we know more about him?

- Dude, this is the thing. It's like, give him immunity, give him immunity. - Yeah. - And then we can learn everything and we can move on. - Yeah.

- But he's got it, no.

“Why should give this guy billions of dollars to manage?”

- I have to tell you, I had a couple of conversation with somebody very close to the Epstein case, like very close to it, who shall go nameless for this conversation. And this person swore to me-- - Acosta?

- No, there's, that there's-- - He could talk to, he knows shit too. - That, that, he wasn't this quote, pedophile, that he was into like, 1617 year old girls. - Yeah.

- And that, yes, some may have sort of gotten through that we're slightly younger, but that wasn't exactly his thing, and that pretty much every famous celebrity was friends with him and went on his jet, but that at most, all they were getting was like,

the so-called massages from these 1617 year olds as opposed to like a pedophile ring. - Yeah. - Now, I don't know. - 1617 is pedophile for me.

- Well, it depends on the state, it could be illegal. - But in some places, it's probably illegal, like even in Canada or even like a UK or something. And my France, I don't even know if they have an age. - No, no, probably not.

- Yeah. - I think they're still defending him over there.

“- Yeah, the only thing they age is cheese.”

I mean, you think about it, though, because like, how did Alan Dershowitz wind up, you know, becoming Jeffrey Epstein's lawyer, how did all these world figures wind up on his plane? Because he had, you know, he had Keshay, he had money,

he was already connected, he was tight with the people at Harvard. That's all you really have to say, that you're tight with the people at Harvard.

- I mean, party is cosine, right?

- Yeah. - Like, if you've got these certain credentials, you're good. - I don't even need to check in on you. - No.

- You're a Harvard, you have an office at Harvard? - Yes, you must be legit. - You're a legit guy, why would Harvard not? - Even after you already pleaded guilty to something with a young prostitute, like we're still

Katie critics still gonna go to your dinner party at your mansion. - Bill Gates is still gonna ask you for marital advice. - How about the Bill Gates thing? - Yeah.

- Like, were you surprised when it came out that he was like with all these younger women and like these pool parties? And it was like, you know, he'd been so buttoned up and just like totally respectable person.

Am I surprised at the billionaire guy had a bunch of chicks that he was sleeping with? - Not so much. - No. - But it was totally contrary to his image at the time.

- I don't think Warren Buffett really wears cackies and drinks a diacoke on a bench in a woman, huh? - Yes, he does. - This is the beautiful lie that we're all holding. - Explain it to me.

“- You think that that's what he's doing?”

You think he's just like-- - I'm gonna have my hot dog and a diacoke. No, that's like propaganda. He's in a board room somewhere going, okay, we got a trillion dollars from the world

and I'm not gonna be talking about women and Warren. - No, I don't think Warren's doing anything with women. - Okay, yeah. - There might be, I have no clue, I have no clue. But like, it nothing surprises me, nothing shocks me.

Like in order to make that money, he's, okay, I'm not talking about like tech billions is a little bit different, right? 'Cause it's all like Fugazie, it's not real. It's like, okay, we think that this is worth that

everybody's trying to get rich on it. It's like price spikes, the businesses aren't actually making any money. It's not real money. - Right, it's all paper.

- Yeah, it's all paper. - It's a population, right? So, but like, we're actually make like proper billion dollars. Like, you gotta kill like a few people, right? - What do you do?

- I think. - I think Elon has killed a few people. - Oh, I'm, wouldn't he have a few? - What do you mean? Like, how would it, with a Tesla, with a Tesla?

- No, I mean, like, he shoots nearly.

“- But also, he's tech, like, I don't know how profitable”

the business are. - Yeah, like profitable, or the businesses. - I'm sure he could cash out on some of these, like Tesla's a whole lot of people.

I'm not telling him to be like, over the critical of them,

but I'm talking about, like, an actual, you are making dollars in sense business. You can cash out. Like, I mean, yeah, I don't think that you can have this, like, pious constitution and do that.

- Most of these people cash out, and they sell, like, Mark Cuban, you know, he sold the business he came up with. And there's just the one sale, because it seems like the first buyer winds up getting screwed. Like, he thinks he's gonna build it.

He's bought something meaningful, and then when he turns around, like, everything's collapsed. That happens all the time. - Yeah. - You want to be the one who invents it,

builds it up into something big on paper, and then get out of town. - Get the fuck out of there. - How about Elon, now that he's all over the news for the doge stuff, you were a suit the other night.

- Wow. - Mark, Mike Davis who comes in the show a lot, he's a lawyer, a Trump affiliated, tweeted out something like, two things. Elon has a suit, and a babysitter.

- Like, that's what I'm talking about. - We haven't seen it, he's starting over a new week. - You know what the thing about the Elon is, is like, he's obviously a brilliant guy, and you want brilliant people on your side,

especially if like, we're going to World War 3. Like, if we are gonna go to war with Russia, China, whatever it is, I think you kind of want the rocket guy. - Yep. - On your side, right?

“- You need to either protect us or get us to Mars”

if things go to hell. - Right? Like, let's just so we wanna keep them over here. Um, my concern about the doge thing is this is, I don't think there's a single American out there that's like,

I want waste, inefficiency, and government corruption. - Right. - Hi, partisan supported issue. And I feel like because maybe he hasn't developed like the skill of politics,

he's kind of like twisting the knife a little bit. - And it's like, too, did you mean? - I don't even know about it inhumane. I'm just like, it's kind of like, Gotcha, here we go, where you could rally support

from all of this. Everybody wants this. The left should want this, the right should want this. This can be a victory for America. - I think in it, I mean, like,

do we have, you guys, we have that hairy engine thing I asked for, you know, him over on CNN, he's hilarious. - I know him from the seller. He hangs out at the comedy's all the time. - All right, oh, he does?

- Yeah, yeah. - He's funny himself. I love his New York accent. Here he is talking about the doge and the public reaction. - This to me was one of the more shocking figures

that I saw, maybe go away at him and hold on one second.

Whoa, Americans on Trump and Joe's efforts. Musk and Joe's doge should influence government spending in operations. Look at this, 54%, the majority say that he and they should have out a proof of Trump

trying to cut staff at government agencies. Again, you get a majority here, 51%. So yeah, Elon Musk might not be that popular, but these cuts and the idea of spending cuts, at least within the federal government

and coming at government agencies, that actually is majority support. I was truly surprised by this tape, but the numbers, are the numbers. Democrats want to argue that the type of spending

that Musk is coming is mainly necessary programs. But that comes in at just 36%, the wasteful spending actually wins the plurality here. At 42% according to a recent Washington Post, if so's Paul.

that when it comes to dusk and moge,

Musk and Doge, you see, in fact, the majority, believe he should have some influence because they believe the plurality believe that he is cutting wasteful spending, not necessarily programs that Democrats are arguing.

- So he is winning the PR board. - Yeah, but to me, there shouldn't even need to be PR. I guess should it should be 100%. - What, what, how so? Like he should be more clear on the Doge website, which is not that user friendly.

- I don't even know if it's more clear. I think it's more like the tweets, and the antagonism within the tweets.

“And I think he's developed this very polarizing personality”

online, and there's a way, okay, the question right now is, is it possible to be less polarizing, right? Like what percentage? - No matter who you are. - Of course.

- And like now that he's in this position of, it's not only like a man's power, but also influence, and he's tackling a topic that is not partisan at all, like there is support here. So you don't need to antagonize it all.

Buddy, everybody's on your side. If you hire some people and then,

sorry, if you fire them and then have to hire them back,

like it's okay to be like, hey, we made a mistake there. We're not perfect. We're gonna do this right and every we're gonna figure this out. Like it's okay to acknowledge these things.

And this is where I think like having a little bit more experience in politics can be helpful. 'Cause it is a different game. You're dealing with emotions, not facts. You could show me those lists all you want,

like people aren't emotional beings. They don't go fuck it. Like, what is it? Dweeb says all the time the Ben Shapiro guys, like facts don't care about your feelings.

It's like, no, no, no, don't mess. Feelings don't care about facts. - Yeah, that's interesting. - We feel things, like there's a woman in Mexico that's gonna see the Virgin Mary in her toast today.

- Yeah. - Because she feels the Lord and then sees it afterwards. We don't look at like-- - Usually it's a sinnabon. - Fine, keep going, just to my experience.

(laughing) - That's how you know.

“That's how you know Megan is locked at the airport.”

(laughing) Christ is king when she's at the sinnabon. - He's trying to let people see me going there. - I love it. I love it.

There's that great Lucy Kay bit where he's like, I went to sinnabon after arriving. - That's it. - That's sad. - No, I actually, I don't go to sinnabon

because I'm in my 50s and I just can't do that anymore. But I will tell you, not too long ago is that the airport for a layover. And I wanted this so badly and I'm like, I'm doing it and I got, not just the small bag.

And not the huge, huge bag, but like the medium sort of large-ish bag of cheetos. - Yeah. - I ate every last one. There was a woman across me kind of looking at me stealing glass

and you could tell she was kind of like, she can eat that entire bag of cheetos on like sister. - I am. - America, they're just like that. - It was so good. - It's ours, they're just like us.

You deserve a bag of cheetos. - It's a guilty pleasure. - Yes. - You earned everything. You should be eating cheetos every single night.

- Well, then it starts to come back at you. Like then next thing you eat. - But then you get the majority of the... - Yeah. - It's better to keep it off to begin with trust me.

I've lost and I've gained over the years. It's better if you can keep it off. - There's no more fat pride, huh? That really ended with those on pick. - I think if you're a leftist, there is.

“You think you have to at least say you are otherwise, you know.”

- I think those epic ended that. - Do you see Lizzo? - Yes, she's beautiful. - She looks awesome. - Yes, I think they've all realized that.

But it was hard to do it 'cause you got to like put in the effort, you know. - Yeah, I don't know. I'm not sure if these fat models are doing it too. They're like on the Eosepics or there's no more more. - At telling us that we were supposed to embrace it

and it was healthy. - Oh, I got it fall. - Ridicult. - Yeah. - For just being like, this is absurd.

- It's not happening. - It's not happening. - And now they're all on Eosepic and they're like, "I'll just be a model model." - Yeah. And what about swim suit, or sports illustrated?

Now bring you back actual hot models for it's magazine. - America's healing. - Yeah, right. (laughs) - What about do you expect some Martha Stewart?

I guess that didn't sell a lot of magazines or a gale king. - Oh, why did Martha go in there? - Yeah, I've been sort of gale king. And I think they eventually realized what they really wanted to do.

- Martha was a baddie back in a dead eye. - She watched her specials. - Yeah, I did. - It was crazy.

- She is a psycho, but here's what I'm saying.

She has some bodies that you don't get to that number without taking some people out. If someone told me that Martha had someone killed, I wouldn't be like Martha. - Oh, really?

Well, she's a convicted felon. - Yeah. - Like you don't think she's capable of murder? - I do. - Not herself, but like getting someone else to do it?

- No, are you capable of murder? - I could murder. - What? - Yeah, like if somebody did anything to my daughter, I could kill them. - Yes, okay, me too.

- Yeah. - Or to protect. - Yeah, of course, if somebody's like gonna do something to her. - What about for like, you know, business? - Oh, like could I murder somebody to like get her

to get a deal or of an out of a vendetta? - No, I mean, or I could convince myself that they did something to my daughter. I'd be like, yeah, I definitely have to kill that comedian. - Okay, can I say something?

Like if you're a, if you're a sociopath. - Yes. - Because I've talked to some sociopaths. They actually have no qualms about this whatsoever. They will talk to you about like, yes,

that is an acceptable menu item.

is right there. - Yeah. - Like they just don't even, and you know, one and four people are sociopaths. - Yeah, I've heard this, like it's kind of sad way to live though, you know?

- Well, yeah. - Like, because like, there's a competitive advantage about not caring about people, but the human experience is connectivity. So like, you go without that.

Like, I was speaking to this guy. He used to be a CIA dude and he was like borderline

“sociopath and that's what they liked about him.”

'Cause you want people that can make those really difficult decisions and I'm sure the CIA has all there from whatever. - Right. - Anyway, and he was telling me that like, he's aware of what people should feel.

- Yep. - Even though he doesn't feel it. - No, they study, they learn the proper way of reacting. - But imagine not being like,

imagine your kid that first time you hear a kid laugh

and the way that like transforms your entire idea of what joy is. - Yep. - And imagine seeing that and feeling nothing. - You're dead inside. - What a horrible way to live.

Can I tell you something? - All right. - I can find out whether you're a sociopath. - Oh, tell me. - Two minutes or less.

- Go, go, go, this is good. - It's a little riddle. - Okay, go. - Okay. - A man shows up at a funeral.

- Yeah. - He goes to grieve the dead body at the wake. It was the wake. And he sees a woman near the casket and they exchange a glance.

You know, they make eye contact. The man leaves the funeral wraps up a week later that man kills that woman's mother. Why? - 'Cause he's a sociopath.

Well, I'd probably do have the answer, but--

- What do you think the answer is?

- Because that woman's mother was the mistress of his father. - You're not a sociopath. - Oh, wow, what is it? - Because he wanted to see her again.

The woman. - Now, let me tell you something. - Did you see her? I went with women cheating. - But can I tell you?

- Everybody's scared. - I made his fear. - Yeah, yeah. - So the sociopath gets that like this. - Wait, really?

- They have that answer like this. And let me tell you where I got this test from. My, somebody who used to be in my life, that person's father was a psychiatrist in one of the worst prisons in America.

And they would actually do this test on the patients. And man, by man, by man, if, and by the way, to my listening audience, if it came to you right away, you might be a sociopath.

- Yeah, turn yourself in.

- But you'll see, it has to come. Like, if you're wrestling with it and have to like a minute, you're like, was it this? You've given a couple of guesses

and you get there eventually, you're good. Because the sociopath immediately is like, because you wanted to see her again. They just think differently. - I mean, it is the easiest path to see her again.

- Right, it guarantees it. - And there's no moral objection on your list. - I guess we're like, we care, is that crazy? - That feels good that I'm not a sociopath. - Yes, you can go tell Emma.

- Yes, I know. - But I knew you were in my head,

“while I was like, should I do the sociopath test on him?”

I was like, what if he fails and I haven't humiliated this poor guy in front of everybody. But then I was thinking about the video you put in your latest comedy thing on Netflix. And there's no way, and you can get a sociopath.

- What's the opposite of the empath? - Yeah. - Yeah, I think that's it. I'm like, you feel too much. - Yeah, I believe that about you.

- Yeah. - You are a softie. - Yeah, I'm sensitive. - And it's very sensitive. - And it's weird, it's like I'm sensitive,

but like I can, I'm numb to certain things. Not numb, but like they don't really affect me. Like criticism would go through all these, like random internet shit that I go through. - Yeah.

- But I'm very sensitive to the people I really care about. So like reactivity within my family or friend group. And then I'm also sensitive to like kind of like cultural trends. I can like feel like frustration pretty early.

- Like what do you mean? Do you feel when now? - No, not even like what do I think for people? For example, like what I think people were like care about?

“Like I think that the Democrats, for example,”

like they could win the next election if they just make it a class issue. Like it's that simple. And they gotta just be, they're not, they're so risk-averse.

And they need to be a little bit more brave Americans. We have very high risk tolerance or low risk. What's the one I'm talking about? - Hi, we have a high risk. Like everybody in our family's history,

like the craziest people in the world came here. - Came here, yep. - Like they lived in another country, left their entire family for maybe it working out and then came over here.

- Right. - So we're built crazy. So we like people to take risks and we like bravery and despite your politics, we react to those type of people.

And like I think this is part of the reason my Bernie was so successful. He's out here like calling out the billionaire class, calling out these corporations. And even like people who were Republicans,

like working class Republicans were like, "Yo, who the fuck is that?" - Yeah. - I kind of liked this guy. - Yeah, I feel like he's kind of riding for me.

- All of us loved him and despite him, whatever.

- Yeah, it was a while. But I, and I feel like that's kind of what the Democratic Party is missing is just I need a disruptive guy or girl who's willing to come out and say eggs are a dollar.

Like what's your build-a-wall? - Yeah, right. - You need eggs or a dollar. - Yeah. - Even, and then you could sub,

I don't know, subsidize it whatever it is,

“but like you need to smack into people emotionally.”

- Do you feel like this is the answer because this is the latest messaging from the dams on social media today, sought 13. Choose your fighter video montage.

♪ Oh, God, oh yes ♪ ♪ Yeah, it's Democratic female lawmakers, AOC ♪ ♪ In the fighting stands ♪ ♪ And bouncing ♪ - Oh, she looks like an idiot.

Look at this one. - Yeah. - Look at her, a jasmine crocket. Oh, the last one's terrible.

- I have second and embarrassment.

- Yeah. - Is that what you mean by fearless and risk tolerance? - Exactly. I mean, that to me makes me proud to be an American. I feel safe with those women right now. - Thank you.

- Do you? - Do you? - Yes. - She's that inspired you to get to the ballot box. - Go ahead. - You know, it turns. - It's like, I don't even know why AOC's there.

- She's actually, you know, like her hate her politics. Like, I think she pulled the same as Trump and her district. - She's good on the social media. I mean, does she know how to use social media? No, I don't think she came up with that campaign.

- No, I think she's like getting on board with it. But at the same time, like, her, I guess her constituents feel like she's fighting for her. - Yeah. - Where there's the world out of this?

- Yeah, or sorry, for them. And where there's like, I find a lot of times with the Democrats. There is this like pretentiousness. There's this like IV League educated, like second or third generation, kind of trust fund,

depot babies that are like telling people how they should live and how they should vote.

And it's like, first of all, if you've never had a real job,

you don't get to talk. - Yep. - You don't get to talk. Like, I'm almost like if you never had a kid, you don't get to talk.

But like, if you've never had a real job, you don't get to tell people how they should vote. Like, we just despise that. - Yeah. - So, what I think they have to do is get back in touch

with the working class is very much make this a class issue. And you gotta call out those people who are giving you money, which these young billionaires in these corporations that are donating. And they won't do it.

And that's why they'll probably lose. But the first person in that party that calls it out, you're gonna see the Bernie effect happen again. - Well, I mean, the problem they're dealing with right now is they don't know how to handle Trump.

They don't know how to behave properly. You know, they're wave, like you don't need to talk to them. - We're debating the spoon.

“They're debating whether you should stand”

when the 13-year-old brain cancer-stricken boy gets honored. They didn't do it. There's a meme going on right now. I think Riley Gaines posted it saying, they knelt for eight minutes and 43 seconds

for George Floyd, but they couldn't stand for Peyton McNabb, the now 19-year-old, formerly 16-year-old who got slammed in the face with the volleyball. They couldn't stand for DJ Daniels,

a little boy, the 13-year-old boy with brain cancer. They couldn't stand for the widow of the cop who got gunned down. They couldn't stand at learning that the terrorist to organize the abrogate attack, got arrested.

- But the problem with this is they're falling for the trap. And this is why you need a little bit more boots on the ground with the dams like you got to understand like what people think of you like, like we're saying people are emotional.

It's not like what you believe is real. It's what they feel is real, right? So they've got a couple issues. They've got a masculinity issue, right? - Yeah, I do.

There's something on Brillanidia through Charlemagne. I was just joking around. I was like, "I don't know a guy like over five nine "that identifies the democrat." - I love that.

- I played that fight on my show. - They went crazy. And I didn't realize it was gonna be so reactive. And then afterwards I was like, "Oh, wow, they have this deep and security

"that they're not seen as masculine." So that really tapped that insecurity. - Well, they do something about it.

“- Well, that's, so you have to find a way to be masked.”

You can be mask-on and care for people. There's so many ways that I'm a fucking kid who grew up in like an arts family in New York City. Like my whole family is Democrats. Like this is like, there's tons of very masculine Democrats.

- Yeah. - Like shit, Bill was maybe too mask-on. - You know what I mean? (laughing) There was a time where like,

there was a time where Democrats were getting laid and Republicans were like, "How do you do this outside of the married? "You gotta wait for that is completely flipped." - Yep.

- Completely. - Did you feel it was masculine to hold up a little sign saying, "Musks steals." - Oh God. - Did you feel that you would have done that?

Had you been a masculine Democrat? - I don't even know, but to your point about this is like, they're falling for the trap. The Republicans know, right, that they're gonna sit down. So they're putting out circumstances.

- Yeah. - That they're like, if they sit for this, they're gonna look so bad. - It's a no-loose situation for Trump. - But if they separate, it's actually a beautiful moment.

- Yes. - Look at this poor little kid. - Yes. - And it's a great moment where we come together. It's just like, "Dodge."

Getting rid of government-wasting and officially,

We should have bipartisan support for this.

What Dems are doing is they're going, "You're a bad guy."

“And that worked when people thought Trump was bad guy.”

They don't anymore. - That's right. They don't. - You're making yourselves look like the bad guys. - Don't even talk about him.

Talk about the people you wanna help. People are desperate. They need help. You need your bill the wall. It's eggs are a dollar.

- Yep. - You need your bill the wall. It's, we're building 10,000 affordable housing units in every city. We're seizing this land and then have developers go,

"You can't even do that." And go, "I don't give a fuck if you say we can't do it." That's what we're doing. - They don't have that guy. - Put your balls on the ground.

They're like, "Just make it happen, even if it doesn't happen." It's like Trump's saying we're gonna take Greenland. - It's kind of fun. - Right, right. - I like that.

- Yeah, that's the America I like.

- Hell yeah, like Gulf of America. I don't care. Why was it ever Gulf of Mexico? - I know. We're so much bigger than there.

- Right. - Matter of fact, they could still call Gulf of Mexico. We don't care. Do you know what I mean? But that's the energy that we need.

Americans love abundance. - Yeah. - You need to sell some abundance. - No, we aren't you the guy. You're the one who said this to me.

“And I quoted you on it many times on how”

the moment Trump won you over was when he took the guy from Montenegro by the shoulder was like, "To the back." - Which one? - When he was over at like the G7 or G18.

- Oh, I love that. - I love that. - And he shoved that guy. - Why am I in the back? - Right.

- I'm America. - Nobody even understands what this country is. It's guy in the front. Move out of the way.

I will sit here and then he did it

and everybody got in line. - Yes. - You need that kind of, that is some like psychotic shit. I don't think I would have the balls to do that.

That is some balls to do that. - But the Negro's in the back, sir. - Bye. See you later. You're all in the back.

- Right. - If I'm giving you money, you're in the back. - Yes. - Are you guys giving me money? So why are you in the front?

Right? - But that's part of his like weirdly. - It's unbelievably charming. - Charm and humor. - What did you think of, I thought it was a very funny of the state of the union.

Did you think of the last? - Right. - This amount for this country. Nobody even knows what the hell it is. - Did that make you laugh out loud?

- Yeah. This is why, another thing Democrats understand. They don't understand why this like billionaire who was given money from his dad is so relatable. Well, once you listen to him talk,

I had conversations with like rich people, okay? They don't talk like that. - Yeah. - They are incredibly buttoned up a lot of them and concerned publicly about their image

and they're very deliberate about what they say. He don't even have a fuck. - No. - When the Indian reporter was asking him to question and he was just dibbled dabbling

and then Trump let him finish and go, "I don't understand what the hell that guy's talking about." You know who says that? The guy on the construction site. - Any caller, Pocahontas, at the community?

- This is what, this is how working class people talk. This is what, this is like what we do. This is how we communicate with one another. So when we see it happen, we're like, oh wow, I relate to that human being.

Again, emotional people. We're not Ben Shapiro feelings no facts. That's not what we are. We are, I, what is it feelings no facts? - Ben says facts don't care about your feelings.

- Yeah, we're not the facts don't care about your feelings.

“We are feelings are the only thing that matter.”

And when you communicate with me in a way that all my friends communicate, I start to feel like, oh, I can kind of relate to you. It doesn't matter how much you try to make that person radioactive

because he's communicating and hitting me at my core. - That's so true, it's why his background and construction really made him despite his advantages in his family and when it came to money, so relatable because he's been his whole life

around working class people. - Exactly, it's like, and I say these things 'cause I think America is at its best if we have two candidates that people really are having a difficult time deciding over.

- Mm-hmm. - I don't want assist, right? Like I don't want a system. Like a lot of times there's this like good versus evil dichotomy.

And it's like they almost want the Democrats to be bad and the Democrats want their public to be bad. Like I want America to win. - Yeah. - That's the only thing I'm gonna say.

Whatever candidate loves America more, that's horrible. - Yeah, well, that was, I think pretty clear between the Democrats of today and the Republican Party. The best moment of Trump that I've seen on this score

is the moment where he's happy that deposition on behalf of the, in the E.G. and Carol case against him. And the lawyer asked him, did you say that? You can grab him by the P-word and they let you get away with your celebrity and Trump said, yes.

And why did you say that? Well, that's the way it's banned for thousands of years. You know, unfortunately, or fortunately. (laughing) - Would say that in a deposition in a case

where you're being accused of sexual assault. - I did a joke about that and I was like, he said, yeah, he said if a billionaire can grab you by the P-word and there's a lot of women there like, oh my god, you can't say that.

And I was like, yeah, but none of you have met a billionaire. Like, why are you talking about this? Like, you're getting fingered by thousands. - Oh my god. (laughing)

This is not a relatable circumstance for you. So, yeah, it's hard. - Stand by. Let me try to get this added. We'll be right back.

He's here all day. Netflix specials called Life.

They handed me a cup, I'm handing them back a martini. I'm bread. (laughing) Remember, I went in the room. The jerked off, I opened my eyes.

I looked down. I thought I missed. (laughing) There was so little sperm in this cup, I could have counted them individually.

(laughing) There was a red line on the cup. Three quarters of the way up.

“For what fucking reason I do not know to this step.”

Three quarters of the way, what's so animal hip-up is cost? Are you giving it out to people? Why are you giving me a cup? Give me a contact lens case.

(laughing) I'll turn that shit into a Guinness. (laughing) That was so funny. It's part of, hello, again,

this is Andrew Schulz with me today. It's the latest Netflix special. It's out now, it's called Life. And it's so well worth your time. You know, maybe don't watch it

with your eight-year-old, but teenagers absolutely love it. And I watched the whole time where I'm like, "Oh my God, I'm dying, I'm crying, I hope nobody knows what I'm watching."

(laughing) I hope they can't hear. There's some adult gods in there for sure, but it's all in there. But here is a personal story.

This whole thing is about your journey with Emma, you're trying to conceive a baby. And no detail is spared. Yeah. But so it's very personal and usually personal.

Yeah, yeah.

Did you run it by her first?

So the thing was, yeah, first, this is the most male thing. But I assume that the reason why we couldn't is because it was her fault, right? And I talk about it in this special world where I'm like, she was really concerned.

It was her fault. And I was really concerned. It was her fault. We were all really concerned. Obviously, her fault.

Yeah, 'cause man, we have this confidence in our sperm, that there's no real reason why, but we just know. Right? Every time I've ever had sex with the girls, I'm like, "Oh my God, this is gonna be great."

I hope once we do, I don't know what you're calling up in the next month. I know she's pregnant guarantee, which I now know is a waste. And once we found out that her ovaries are perfect

and my sperm is horrible, it actually made it a lot easier for me to talk about. Really?

“Yeah, because I think the reason why anybody who has fertility issues”

won it's very isolating because you're so protective of the person that you love, that you don't, a lot of women feel a lot of shame around me. Yep, that's true. And at first, I felt like the real shame,

I was like, "Does God not want me to have a child?" Like, I didn't understand it. Like, I think I'm like a pretty good person and I'm kind to people and I'm like, "Why is this happening?"

I'm like, "What the fuck is going on?" And yes, like, get that. And a lot of women, if they are struggling, they're just like, they feel like it's a, I don't feel very stigmatized, right?

And, but once she was perfect and I was fucked up, I could get on stage. And I was really cathartic to talk about it. And then once I started talking about it, I literally thought that I was like,

this was like a one in like 10 million thing.

Oh, wow. The same I started talking about. All my friends start telling me that they're doing IVF. Oh, wow.

And like, all these people in the audience would hit me up afterwards and say, "Oh, yeah, you know, same thing happened." And I was like, "What the fuck is this like, the last taboo, the object?"

“How did anybody ever get pregnant before IVF?”

'Cause everybody's doing it, dude. It is like, it's unbelievable. It's almost like, I was like, Does anybody really get abortion? Like, I'd like, I'd like, so hard to get pregnant.

Why is this an issue? Like, how often do these athletes have unprotected sex that they have 20 kids? Like, I couldn't believe it. It was unfatinable.

So, but then it became like, yeah, as brutal as it was, there was at least kind of funny moments that being one of them just that humility. Going into the room with the lady.

We just talked to the audience to know that Doug came in to say hi to Andrew in the commercial break. And we were bonding over our shared experience, 'cause he and I did IVF with our kids, too.

Doug joked that after he had donated the sample. Yeah. First he said he was gonna wear a red, crushed velvet smoking jacket on his way in and on the other way out, he just could be like, "That was fantastic."

I was amazing.

Yeah, I was always thinking about like,

"Do I make noises in there?" Like, how uncomfortable do I make it for the other guys at the planet? Like, just screaming random things. Yes, yeah.

So, he's free. That's not like crazy, but yeah, it's like, it was crazy. It was like a block of shame when you're walking by all the other guys there.

They're everywhere's there. I don't know what you're about to do. It's so humbling. Yes. You're just sitting in this room like all of you are in there.

You're like, "So why did they make you go in to give the sperm sample?" I didn't think it could be. So, I did it from home once. Okay, the whole, I don't even,

I haven't even put like a lot of the stuff in it, but like the whole journey was brutal. So the first one I did from home, which was like, I'm in the room, my wife like hands me the thing,

like it's like homework and she's like, "Okay, I'll give you 30 minutes. "You go do your thing. "I'm gonna go outside. "I'm gonna do the dishes." So like, I hear her doing the dishes in the background

And I'm like, "On our bed." Like, I don't think I've ever masturbated on a bed. Like, I'm just on our bed. And the bed is made perfectly. Like, everything is like set up.

And I remember at one point like, I'm just like, "Oh, this is like so weird." And I like looked up. And the TV was off. So it was just a black screen.

So it's a perfect mirror. Oh, no. And I was just like, "This is the saddest day of my life." I was sitting in the in style on my bed. No, try to make a sample.

Like, "Oh, this cup." We send that sample in, it comes back. And it's like, it's not good. And they're like, not only are they not swimming, they're like shaped weird.

And I was like, I was like a little defensive. So I was like, "Well, could that be from like the speed that they hit the cup?" Like, maybe, you know, it's the blunt force trauma to kind of warp them a little bit.

It's just too strong. It was too strong. That's what it is. And they're like, "No, that's definitely not it." And I was like, "Okay."

And they go, "Well, why don't you do this?" For like, a couple of months, we're baggy underwear. Ice your balls every single day. Ice them?

Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, I guess that's a big thing. Don't drink anymore, don't smoke anymore. And take these pills.

And then we'll try it again in like a month or two. And I did that. And we tried it again. And it got worse. And I was like, "Why do you think that is?"

And the doctor was like, "We've never seen this before."

And some pride in that. It's got to be a little bit. It's got to be a little bit. It's got records. I told a story one time Dave Ruben was on,

but Doug had the funniest experience there where they make you ejaculate. Like 24 hours before the real sample, that's gonna be like your future kid. Yeah, yeah.

They want you to clean house. Yes.

“I can't remember if it was 24 or 48 hours before.”

Okay, but they want it to be 48. Yes. And they don't really want it to be 46 or 44. Because you need the amount of time to build up the new batch. Yes.

So like, timing does matter. And it just so happened that on one of ours, we were visiting my Nana who was literally like 90 at the time. And we were playing Domino's. And I was like, "Oh, Doug, it's time."

He was like, "What? I'm like, you got to go in there right now. My poor husband." And he was like, "What is older person's home?" So like, there's five inches between the bottom of the door

and the ground. You can eat your everything. Some cows ate it in Domino's like, "You're palm in the double five." You know, and Doug's in the middle of it.

So is he-- (laughing) This is horrible for Doug. This is the thing about this. Do we gotta do it?

It's the journey is brutal when you're in it. It is the hardest thing that you'll go through in your life. It's sort of definitely the hardest thing we went through. And-- but after the fact, it is hysterical. Yes.

Like, there's-- People leave what you've been through. Yeah, and there are so many of these things that are so funny and the beautiful thing about having a child is you get this like, amnesia for what you went through

to get there.

“And I think that's actually kind of built into our DNA”

so we keep making them. I totally agree. You know what I mean? We would have been saying that for Eons because of the pain of labor.

And it's so devastating. And then you forget all about it.

I never had labor because I had three C sections.

But my friends tell me it's extremely painful. Oh, my, my Emma was in there for 24 hours and then she had the C section because the baby's heart rate dropped. Oh, God, that's scary.

Yeah, whole thing is terrible. When you were doing the shots before to prepare for the IVF like, did you have any fun mood swings or anything? Oh, yeah. I was actually fine.

I did not have weird mood swings. But it was very funny because Doug does not like-- he, his mom got this terrible cutner leg and it was so brutal. And Doug was right there. He bandaged it up.

He put the medicine on. I was like, I can't fake that kind of injury. But you pull out a needle and Doug is one of those like, oh, so he can't shot. But he had to, at the beginning, as it turned out,

he didn't have to, but we thought he did. And because in the beginning, they really make it up into a thing. Like, he got to mix the compound and then it's like, kind of back in a hard spot to reach.

He got to ice the area. Oh, my God. Future family depends on this. And Doug was in a hot, like, a cold sweat. And the superintendent of our building at the time

his name was Lance. And they were like, it's very important that your wife have a partner that helps her in Doug is like, this is going to be very hard for Lance. Yeah.

[LAUGHTER] But he did it. He did it. He got it through.

But honestly, by the third child, you know,

he Doug was no part of it. I was like, I need no ice. I'm good, boom, or done after the race. It is crazy that they make you mix it at home. So anybody who's not familiar, they

give you these two, I guess, hormonal compounds.

“And you have to put them together in the syringe.”

And just the right proportions. I'm like, why isn't this done at the lab? And then we just hit it. Like, you have to make the kit cat, right? Like, make the bar and then send it to me.

And I remember watching my wife do these things, making sure it's the right amount. You've got to push a little out so no air gets in there.

So you don't give yourself an air bubble, like, life or death. Literally. And she's like, did I push too much out? Well, I'm not, get it, is this, but there, yeah, there is fun. I mean, Emma would get, like, it would really get her going on.

She would get angry or just overly emotional. Oh, angry, like, but we didn't know that that was the cause. So like, I remember we got into it at a Japanese restaurant. You don't realize how quiet those restaurants are until you're having, like, a loud blow-up

“with, like, and, you know, the only thing interrupting the blow-up.”

Because everybody is already quiet at Japanese restaurant. And then once you have, like, a verbal altercation, they're really quiet. Oh, I love when somebody has a fight, and I'm nearby. Oh, my God.

Doug and I, like, he'll start talking about it. Be quiet, this is too important to me. Yeah, so we got a lock-in. Everybody was locked in. They're just flipping who don't and watching us.

And the only thing that would interrupt it is, like, when a new person would walk in, and, you know, the whole restaurant has to go, "Hashtima shen, whatever." Emma would feel like they were interrupting our argument. So, so we're fighting.

"Hashtima shen, Emma goes, "Are you kidding me?"

And then back to yelling at me, just amazing.

Well, we're, you see, you weren't that guy who was like, "She's going through a lot." These are just her emotions. I'm just gonna let everything slide. I'm not gonna get mad about anything.

We didn't know that it was the case. So, we didn't know until literally that night, I go, hey, did we do the shot? We did the shot today, right? And she goes, "Oh, shit, we're walking down.

We were on Kenmar Street." That's when you put it together that she's hormonal. And then she goes, also, like, "Oh, fuck, I guess I'm really reactive "to this." And then from then on, we--

Oh, that's good. - Oh, that's good. - And then how about after she had the baby? Did she have, like, your sleep deprived? You're very hormonal.

- It's the most insane thing. If you're, did you breastfeed? - Yeah.

“- Okay, that is the, I think that, this is,”

I think that is the most difficult part of child rearing is the, if you were breastfeeding full-time, like, meaning every two hours, that is insane. - Yeah, it's a lot. - That is insane.

Every two hours, so you're waking up. And I think a lot of people know this. You're waking up every two hours in the night. You don't get more than an hour of sleep in the time. - It's truly like an astronaut training situation.

Yeah. No, it's brutal. But then, then it, let's up a little. - When it, let's up, this is beautiful, Bonnie experiences to have for their child.

And like, it's something even now. Like, I'm still breastfeeding. And it's just this thing that she's like, doesn't even want to let go of it. - Yeah.

- Well, then you get to like the six month mark where the baby can start having like a smaller, like, a solid food, and they're still having breast milk. And you're at the point now, we're like, you're, you're producing the more, more milk than ever.

And yet the baby's somewhat getting a little independent. - Yep. - And the wake comes shredding off. That's the best moment where you're like, I'm making tons of milk.

All these calories are coming off for free. - Oh, 'cause your body is burning calories. - But your, your baby doesn't need as much milk as, from you, as you need it at five months, 'cause now he's starting to eat food,

but your body doesn't know that. So still burning like eight hundred calories a day, you're like, "Oh my God, I've out of a waste again." - Yeah. - There's a normal ass.

- Yeah. - Thank you, sweet baby.

I always think there's selling breastfeeding in mom's all wrong.

That you would care about the health of our babies, but we know that babies who are forming the better are fine too.

“You have to sell it to them like, Ozzam, yeah.”

- You'll be skinny. - Yes. - It is natural, something. - It's natural, Ozzam thing. - It's good for you.

- It's not the fat out of you. - They put it on you, it's the least they can do. - That is their gift. - Yes. - Wow, that is so true.

Yeah, I'm a really got her ship back. - Yeah. - Was your baby's only like one now, right? - Yeah, yeah, 13 months. - So now is it kicking in now?

That's usually when you're like, what about that? - Yeah, let's go. - You're gonna fire up the eight machines again. - Literally.

She was like, "Do you wanna do it this month?" And I was like, "Can I just get this special out?" Can I get, let's get this special out? Let's do like a weekend somewhere. This has been like three years in the making.

- Yes. - Like making a baby and also, you know, making this special and like, let's just take a little vacation. - And you've probably been told this,

but you know like the difference between one and two is... - Large. - Wait, tell me, what do you mean like, your relationship with them or something? - No, no, when you just have one baby,

like in the beginning you're overwhelmed as you know, but like by your one, you kind of got it down. - Oh yeah. - And things are, you know, you can still have a life.

- Yeah, yeah. - You can still take a nap. You and Emma can still steal away for like an hour in the middle of the day. - But while you're one baby is asleep

or somebody else would easily watch your one baby. - Yeah. - But when you have two babies like under the age of three, your F, there's no napping ever. There's no downtime.

This is where you really start thinking about having live in. - Yeah. - Like who can come live with us? - What about three?

- So I can sleep again. I don't even remember three. It's like all of a blur. But I felt the difference from one to two was much larger than from two to three.

Like you've given up your free time when you have two. Got it, got it.

- And like a third, even a fourth,

I think what I would've had a fourth of had been younger when I met, but one to two's big.

he agreed on one to two, he goes,

but two to three 'cause he just had his third,

he goes, he goes, man, two to three 'cause I don't know. I go, what do you mean? I don't know, he goes, you're outnumbered, bro. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do.

They have you, like you're with one. This one's fucking around doing something. You just constantly need help. - Yeah. - It is, especially when they're,

but yeah, we wanna have another one. We were with the other one.

“- No, I remember early on in our 10 year of having two.”

Doug went to see his mom one day as his family. But it was just a day trip. - Yeah. - And it was the first time I'd been alone for like 12 hours with both of them

without Doug being there. I'm like, I'm good, I'm fine. Like I did newborn and a two year old. And I kind of, I'm trust me. I'm the mother, I've got this.

And so I was pushing, it was late in the day. Things hadn't gone that smoothly, I'm not gonna lie. And I took them out for a walk and I was pushing the baby in her stroller. And my two year old was like walking next to mural.

He was on like that little right on thing that you put on your stroller, like on his feet. And he had this thing where he loved to take off. So I'm pushing the baby up a hill and he's on the little right on thing standing there.

And Doug turns the corner in his car coming home just at that moment, right? So he sees the whole thing. So at this moment, Yates are oldest. Did not see Doug.

He was just doing his thing. He takes off running and there's a massive street straight ahead to which he's running. And I can't just let go of the baby stroller because I'm on an incline.

Like if I let go of the baby stroller, she's gonna go. But he's running toward traffic the other way. So all this is happening and there's Doug. And he kind of does the little gentle beep in ways. And I was like, oh, hi, oh, oh, oh.

It's like, yeah, that's funny. I'm like, lock the stroller, try to rescue the toddler. I'm like, I got it on her control. No, he knew it wasn't true. Yeah, he just got us to do it.

He's the whole thing is so humbling, isn't it? Yeah. And as you add more and as they get older into the toddler years, even more so. It is amazingly humbling.

That's the best way to describe it. All of it. You don't know anything. You know nothing. It's crazy to even give you the baby.

I remember when they first gave us the baby to leave the hospital,

I was like, how is this legal? Right, is there still been more qualified? Yeah, we are doing not professionals at all. Like, they just give you like, here's how you wrap it. All right, have a good luck at home.

Right. I mean, it's just. So do you do, are you an involved dad? Do you change diapers? Oh, yeah.

I feel like you can't, you can't really have an opinion on how it's raised if you're not doing some of the things. Like, obviously, I'm at work, you know? So like, Emma, this was actually really hard for her. I wonder if you felt this at way at all, but like, you know,

my wife is all there you are. Is my little shy like she's so cute. Yeah, so, so Emma's like, she's, you know, very successful in her own way, like she got her MBA and then she was working and managing AI projects for Apple.

And then she was like, I don't really want to do this. I want to be a mom and I feel a little guilty even saying that, but that is the true thing that I want to do with my life.

Like, it's always been my dream to be a mom.

“And I was like, listen, if you want to do it,”

don't do it because I said it because then you'll resent me if you realize that you wish you never should have quit your job. Yeah. But if you want to do it, then go for it. And it was like, interesting, watching her like grapple

with that. And that's something that I hope changes in the very near future. I think it's starting to. Yeah, like, I think that we should reward mothers that stay at home in the same way that we reward mothers

that go work. And value and talk about, yeah. Yeah, I feel like Republicans are way ahead on that. Democrats, I don't think they're there. Yeah, maybe not.

I mean, it's just like, when you go to certain countries that like value, I think it's also like a big city thing, where there's not a lot of like family built into it. Like a group in New York City. And it was very rare that they were like families there.

And so they're just the idea of it. Like a kid crying on the subway can be like bothersome to some people. And whereas like once you have kids, you see a kid crying. You're like, oh, it's adorable.

I know. I know. But I hope that as the pendulum continues to swing with feminism or masculinity or whatever these things are, I hope that there is this place for moms that stay home.

And it is a privilege, but that they don't feel this kind of scrutiny.

“I think it's like a really totally great thing”

if you can afford it to do. You know, I couldn't agree more. And also for guys who are sensitive and empathic. Yeah. But not man, bun, sand, mandals.

This is the total. And I don't get about like the masculinity movement right now. It's like a lot of these guys like at the, at the forefront of it, like, don't even, aren't even dads. Yeah.

So it's like, yeah, okay, you've got like, you could deadlift. Like, or some are just like, you know, or deadbeat dads. I was going to say they're producing children,

Yeah, it's like, why are you, why do you get to decide what masculinity is? Like, I think that's like the least masculine thing you can do. That's like a coward. That's right.

I was talking a rogan about this. He's just, listen, there's a lot of bitches out there and even bitches need a leader of the bitches. And I think sometimes we're mistaking them for like being masculine guys.

It's like having muscles as a Mickey mask on,

“like to me being involved in your kid's life is masculine.”

What? I mean, what tough guy ever tells you how tough he is. They don't, they don't talk about that. Exactly. Like, the greatest of all,

like Michael Jordan never said he was the greatest.

He didn't need to. We knew. Right. So like when I see like involved parents, like one of the most beautiful things about this whole process even talking about these things is like seeing how much

people love their children and like feeling really comfortable sharing that and they'll share these stories about when they first had their kid and like seeing dads. I mean, this guy who's driving me and when I was in Austin recently,

he was telling me about how he does this like daddy daughter dates and he's these two daughters and they each get a different day and like that's the shit I would like to see promoted a little bit more in the masculinity movement in America. Like, don't tell me like how much time that you could like jog.

Yeah. You know, I don't care how many miles you could run. How much money you have in the bank. Yeah. Like, I don't give a fuck. They don't give. I'll tell you one thing.

They don't your daughter don't care.

Well, you do a very funny bit in life about how you,

you have, there's so much pressure of being a dad to a daughter because one wrong move and she's not only fans. Yeah. And it's your fault. You're Mr. volleyball game. It's, and it's, it's daddy it.

Like, there's no such thing as funny issues. Oh, we have that. Okay. Let's watch that. That's so funny. I have a screenshot of the moment I found out that I was going to have a daughter.

“If you want to see stress, if you want to see pressure, put that shit up.”

That's, that's, that's, that's a real picture. That's a real picture of knowing, no matter what happens to your daughter is dad's fault. I miss one volleyball game. She starts an only fans. It's my fault.

You're not wrong. Daddy issues is a thing. What's mommy issues? No, it's not really, I mean, it can't happen. But what is it is?

It's not as much of a phrase. We don't even know what it is. Like, there's no like, if a kid shoots up a school, we don't go, I'm mommy issues. No, it's more like he can't leave his mom.

That's what I attribute to me. To me, that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I did. Good job being a mom. Yeah. Wow. Your son loves you and has a deep connection

to the most important human being.

And that's a positive effect. Who doubt your terrified of making the wrong move? Yeah. Like, I don't know. I don't want, like, I want my kids to be incredibly comfortable to their family.

Not like waiting to jump at the first person who's going to take them away. You wouldn't find it empowering for your daughter to consider becoming a, quote, sex worker. Oh my god. Has this praised?

Can we just call them horrors? Like, I hate the fact that we're like making up these terms that make it seem more dignified. Right. It's horror. Right. That's it.

What about that girl on OnlyFans? I don't know her name. But she's the one who had sex with like a hundred people in a day. And then like, and she's now going on a tour of nursing homes. Oh, that's cool. I like that.

But I wonder now you're going to react to that. I like it. I had a crazy day. We do. Oh, he actually, if I team is way ahead of me. Here, here she is. And so 24.

Oh, her name is Lily Phillips. Oh, this fan via Facebook. And when I asked for his address, he actually set me the address of a cow. So I'm actually here with him and his friends. And I'm going to show them a good time. So these, they actually figured it out.

This is heroic. I liked it. There's no judgment. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They figured it out. Those are sex workers. That's work. That is, no, no, no, no. This is, I didn't know that they were doing this. When they were doing those like, you know, 100 girls, or 100 dudes, or 1000 dudes,

whatever. I'm like, this is disgusting. But, but having sex with old guys and old people homes, that is like, that is altruism.

“That is, when we're talking to each other, that's what you're saying.”

Yeah, when she's ready, that is charity. That is beautiful. That is fucking beautiful. I feel so uncomfortable with it. Yeah, it's uncomfortable. Yes, very.

But for not for them, those guys there. Oh, they're so excited. What do you think, like, you know, could, they could die. Happy. Oh, they'll die happy. They'll also just forget it.

And then the next step, that's the sad part. Is they won't even remember it happened? Yeah, that's, that's actually one of my favorite jokes. I heard a long time ago, which was like a 95-year-old guy, Mary's a 25-year-old gal, and goes to the doctor right before the wedding.

And he says, is there anything I need to know, doc, and the doc says, yeah, you know, you should know that sex at this point could be dangerous, even lethal, and he said, if she dies, she dies. That's great. Yeah.

There's my dad as a dementia, which is obviously very sad. He's my hero, and, you know, he introduces me in the special.

I would go over every week to see him.

And he'd be like, how's things going? And I'm like, uh, it's, you know, rough trying to get, um, I'm trying to get pregnant, it's just not really going that well. And he would go, uh, as well. If you need some help, you know, I could, I could help him.

And he would forget that he would say the joke, and every week, I would go over. And he would offer to have sex with my wife and put an AB in her. So this goes on for like six months. So this is, now, what I will say is that might be like the negative side of dementia.

“But one of the cool positives is, um, and, you know, life is about perspective, right?”

You can have good perspective on even the worst things. Like, he gets to find out he is a granddaughter every single time I see him. Is that right? Yeah. Now sometimes he'll kind of remember sometimes it might not be there. But like, that must be a pretty cool feeling.

See, remember you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's, it's, it's hard building new long-term memories. Okay. Like, the way the memory works is there's like short-term and long-term. And you can create new long-term memories just by continuous efforts.

So like, repeating the same thing over and over with the cable manners. Yeah, exactly. Reinforcement reinforcement constant. But a short-term, he doesn't really... How old is he?

He's 81. So how long has he been dealing with this? Honestly, it started, I think, when I got at a college. Like, even 20 years ago, I started noticing these things. Like, very small, but it was like, uh, something's kind of up.

And then... So does that, does that make you worry for yourself? Do you ever think about it? Oh, yeah, anytime I forget anything, I'm like, I got it. Yep.

But I don't know if it, you know, exactly works like that. Right, I know. I have such a fear of this, and my mom doesn't have Alzheimer's and my dad died too young for me to know, you know, me died at 45 of a heart attack. But I worry about it so much because like, it can happen to anybody. And it can even if you're using your brain as you do for a living, as I do for a living.

Sure. You're not immune, it's got Sandra Day O'Connor who's like, I mean, you're not... There's nothing more intellectually straining than being on the U.S. Supreme Court. Yeah. So it's just so indiscriminate and it's terrifying to me.

I mean, some say diet. Yep, diet. I can really impact on that kind of thing. I think that's going to happen. Every time I have a sleepless night, I'm like, "Ah, that's all of our...

Get my early alleys!" Yeah. It's coming on. Yeah. 'Cause you do, you don't remember, or at least.

“When you have a bad night, so you don't remember that as well the next day.”

I will say, it does kind of expose like your true character in a lot of times. And one of the cool rewarding things about it is just like seeing what like a good human

in my dad is, I've always thought he's like this angel, but like, it truly just

good kind human. Like, he was my mom had to take his like debit card because he would like give the people who sell the fruit in the neighborhood just money and forget he did it and then go back. Oh, and keep him more popular. Yeah, he's fucking assholes, kept letting them give him a month.

Oh, no, that's low. Yeah, that's low. Yeah, that's low. So I made the call to Trump and I was like, "We got some money." No, no.

I got a couple. No, speaking of having murder people. Exactly. Oh, that's, I mean, that's good. You take care of him.

You have a good perspective on it. I always feel like if got rid of this happens to me, I'm, I said this to Doug, you know, please make sure I'm sitting in a room with all my favorite movies just on loop. Yep. And in my favorite audio books just playing on loop, like I could just keep enjoying these

series over and over and over. Yeah. I'm not sure that's exactly the way it works, but that's how I'd like to believe it's going to work. It will. But I don't think that, I don't know who knows what happened.

I hope it won't happen. But don't stress about it now. I know. Because it shouldn't. Plenty of time to stress about it later.

Well, the other thing is, you know, there's, this is one of the things that our FKJs been talking about. Yeah, there's been such bullshit going on in the public health world for so long. And we talked about this on our show for three years ago, where this massive thing came out with this guy committed fraud in saying they'd made this major breakthrough in Alzheimer's

and that they really, really zeroed in on the amoloid plaque. Yeah. And then it turned out he had been faking all the photos to show this and they've been repeated. And he was like, the gold standard researcher in all this. And now it's like, it was Alzheimer's research was set back by 15, 20 years.

It's one of the other reasons why it just feels so good. We have people in there now who will not treat any of this prior bullshit as, you know, godly, you know, untouchable, you know, Jay Bhattacharya, who just took over at NIH. He's being confirmed right now as hearings are underway. They were like, so you're not going to go back and look at whether childhood vaccines are linked to autism, right?

Those are well settled studies that there's no link whatsoever. And two is credit. He was like, look, I understand there's been a lot of research on this.

But I'm not, he basically said, I'm not going to say never.

“Like, I think you should not think wrong with going back and looking and then revealing the science to everybody.”

I think that the most important thing that anybody that is representing a government institution can do right now is be transparent about their failures and their successes. So if going back and looking at the research and then presenting studies shows that there is no link, that's awesome.

I'm feeling concerned.

Yeah, I'm feeling concerned.

Like, I joke around all the time. Like, I believe whatever the last YouTube video I watched is. That is what I believe, a hundred percent. I'm easily convinced. Like, I'm locked in.

So if you're, if you're RFK, if you're this guy, it's like, just be transparent. Tell us where the fuck ups were. Yeah. Don't gaslight us because we've been gaslighting so gaslight so much that I feel like it's completely dissolved our confidence in these institutions.

And in order to have like a proud American public, we need something to be proud of. We can be proud. We fuck up too. You can fuck up and we will forgive you. Give us that opportunity.

Yeah. But I cannot forgive you if you continue to lie to me. That's right. If you are not accountable for anything at all.

“Like, and I think that's why Fauci, he'll never be forgiven.”

That's why he probably took the, he took the what's it called. He's science, the department. Yeah, it's like, why do you even need to take the party? Yeah. People, I will say Elon's out there like, we did screw up.

We canceled funding for Ebola. Nobody likes Ebola. We know that we're reviewing that. More of that. I love that.

Like, to me, instead of looking at that and hopefully the opposition or hopefully Democrats don't use them to like, see, he's an asshole. You should use that an example of how you should conduct yourself in public. Yeah. Hey, we messed up.

We're bringing it back. We're bringing those people back. It doesn't sound like Trump to me. Trump refuses to ever do it. He is.

The first one on which he explained the weave. Yeah. It was, right? Yeah. It was an amazing sound bite.

I'll do it. He was the, I think the best moment of that whole thing to me was when he goes, uh, I'm basically an honest person.

And I'll never forget that.

I think about that once a day. Because it's actually the most honest thing you can say. Yeah. If you, everybody looked at that like, see, he's admitting he's a liar. And it's like, no, no, no, no.

A liar would say, I'm an honest person. I never lie. Yeah. I mean, well, I don't know if this is true, but they say like the average person lies something like 15 times a day.

It's something ridiculous. Um, but no, that was a great interview that you did with him. Oh, next. We actually have a clip of it, right? Let's, let's play it.

And we'll take a break. You know, I do a thing called the weave. I don't remember.

“You need an extraordinary memory because you have to come back to where you started.”

Yes. You know, the weave is only good to come back for that. Sure. You can go all the way over here. And I can go so far here or there.

And I can come back to exactly where I started. Now, someday when you don't come back to where you started. You're Biden. He wasn't wrong. Like it was, and he does do the weave.

And he does manage to land it back. I mean, he just, the way he, like the way he construct sentences is different than normal people. It's like whatever idea pops in, he grabs onto it and he continues. And I mean, you've been talking in front of a camera two millions of people for decades.

You probably know by now like the people that you listen to or the ones you cannot predict the next word they're going to say for better for worse. Right, right. You can predict how he's going to finish his sentence. Oh, God.

No. It could start on Ukraine. And then he's like, I had the best falafel. You know, the thing about falafel is there's a place in New York, Mamoons. We bought that building.

It was a great building. Like it just. And I'm locked in. Yeah, you're, you're riveted. The train is going.

Yeah, but he will get back to Ukraine at the end. He'll get back to Ukraine. Two is credit because that's the place where most of us fall apart. You know, you lost your train of thought. You're off.

Meandering down a tributary.

You never get back on the main river.

Trump always does. All right, standby. We're going to take a little tributary now. We'll be back on the main river with Andrew Schultz. Whose new special life is on Netflix right now.

Go download it to yourself a favor. And we'll be right back with Andrew. Your wife first gets pregnant.

“You have to go get a baby specific doctor called it OBGYN, right?”

Which I didn't know what the fuck that was. I thought it was more gay letters. I was like. My wife's like, we need OBGYN. I was like, why do we need a fucking gay guy?

To deliver the baby. What did he know about this? It's not their jurisdiction at all. It's a big doctor who opened my wife's legs. He was like, oh, yucky.

Come on. Cros. That's amazing. I have to say, there are a lot of women who do it. But I've never had a male OBGYN.

Yeah. And I never want one. My wife's dad is an OBGYN. Oh, okay. And I'm like, who's going at that?

I don't know. And women are totally fine with it. Yeah. And he's not looking at you as like, not an individual. No.

But I also as like a man. I don't know why you want to say. Because like, aren't you kind of seeing women like when it's. Yeah. It's roughest.

I don't see it that way. Like I think they're able to distinguish between. The moment they're with that personally versus professionally.

Of course.

I'm just saying like, if you're going to the OBGYN.

Isn't it like. Or something's burning down here. Right? Like don't just see it with its bumpy or burning. And now you're just seeing like.

The giant is that are messed up. Apparently, you know, you got to go for your annual exam. There's checkups. Yeah. They do the full, the full checkup.

Paps mayor, right? That, yeah. And, you know, they can get on it up in there. Really? No, yeah.

What is a pap smear? It's very unpleasant. They put like this, like clamping in you. And then they take like this long cue tip. And they rub the cervix.

And then put those like cells on a petri dish. And send it out to go see if you have like early cancer. Oh, so it's to see if you have cancer. I mean, among other things, I'm sure. But yeah, that's, I think it's for.

Yeah. Yeah. And you guys have to do that every year. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's most of us go once a year. Wow.

Now you can potentially go once every three years, depending on like your health. And whether you've had this HP V vaccine, that's a very controversial. We did a whole show on it. But anyway, yeah, it's not pleasant. It's not pleasant even when you have a female doctor.

Yeah. And they check everywhere.

But I've never seen a doctor in my entire life.

What? I don't think we go to that. Well, no, it doesn't your normal doctor, though, handle you and make you cough and check for prostate issues. But I'm like, just like the vagina has its own doctor.

And then I could just go to like a nurt like anybody with it. But like the status quo, and they got my ball checked. Well, you're lucky. Because I'm sure if you had a problem down there, they would send you to a urologist.

And then he grabbed you like a catch up bottle and you can't comfort. But yeah, I guess my problem is I guess internal. But yeah, that's a, yeah, wow. I know the whole thing when the doctors is like very intimate. They get right up in your space and like there's no way around it is a woman.

“You, you know, you have to let them check your lady parts.”

And then you get to the age where I am. And you got to go for the mammograms and they grab your breasts. Boo, but they squeeze it down like a pancake. Get her birds. Yeah.

And they're like, they're squeezing it. And then the woman's running out of the room to x-ray you. And you're like, why am I stuck in here with all the radiation? Yeah. You have to do it once a year.

I don't know if I believe in it anymore.

I mean, you do don't listen to me.

I don't go to your for your mammograms. I'm just saying like, now I've had to start going. I think it 40 or 45 and do it for 10 years. Do you have your, do you have a breast cancer in your family? I mean, my dad had it when she was 81, which I don't think technically counts, but

but it doesn't matter because most of breast cancers come in families where you didn't have a family history anyway. Really? Yeah, so you have to worry about it no matter what. It's just one of those things.

Hey, hey, hey, the annual physical for this reason. Yeah. You just start kind of start thinking about all the things you don't want to think about. Yeah, it just makes you face your more bitter or cowardly.

You're still young. So you're, you get an annual physical? I don't even know. I'd like, eventually you don't want. Yeah, so just say things to me.

It's been two years since you've been to the dentist. I was like, all right. I'll go to the dentist. I don't keep it up with any of these things back. Well, I mean, good dental health is very important.

Yeah. Yeah, they say that. And the longer you wait on that one, the worse it is. And you have your teeth, right? These are your real teeth.

It's so refreshing to see reality. Thank you. Don't you think the veneers are blinding. It's too much. The veneers.

“Like, you kind of almost like, you need to go down a shade.”

Yeah. Or like, sting them slightly. Do something. Yeah. I'm not going to detect them.

I actually just found out that most people are wearing veneers who have that like those thousand-mought smiles. Yeah. I didn't totally know that. Yeah.

Now it's become so popular that I think it's actually going to have the reverse effect. Like, it's going to be like the Kim Kardashian but where people start rebelling. And I think we're going to want to see natural teeth. Oh, okay. Here's it.

Here is a transition. Oh, good. Tell me. Speaking of the Kim Kardashian. Yes.

Her ex, Kanye West. Yes. As a different wife now. Bianca. They may or may not be getting a divorce.

There's been rumors and reports that they are but unconfirmed. But before Kim, I think, and before Bianca, there was Amber Rose. Yes, Amber. Amber. Who wound up speaking at Trump's RNC.

Yeah. Yeah. And she gave an interview on Club Shay Shay. Yeah. And Sharp.

And she spoke to why Kanye likes apparently having his wives be naked in public. Like, a lot. What did, what did she say? Take a look. I mean, it's for sure.

I think I like that. Yeah. This is something to me. And Kim. What is it?

What is it?

“What is it about that that he wants the world to know?”

Look at my woman. We can see he wants other men to want his woman. That's what he's into. He likes that. He likes that men are like drooling over his woman.

That's what he's into. Yeah. He wants all his friends. The one his girlfriend. He wants everybody that when you walk in a room.

That his girlfriend or wife is the most desirable in the room. She'd have had his be in the room. That's what he likes. Yeah. And she said he did it to me.

He did it to Kim. And he's doing it to Bianca. What do you make of that? Like, that seems so odd to me to want to want everybody to admire her woman so much.

Yeah. Makes me question like if he really likes her or if she's just a tool for his own validation. Right. To get attention. Yeah.

Yeah. He's kind of just like exhausted by it. Yeah. He's so exhausting but he's so good at getting attention. Yeah.

He's so annoyed by him and then he'll like tweet a couple things. And I'll be like, holy shit. Did you see all the porn he tweeted? No. Super Bowl weekend.

Oh my god. So all my friends were texting me like, don't go on Connie's ex-meat. Which of course you got to do it. You go immediately. I'm going.

What's he doing? Yeah. And I could not believe my eyes. Well, he's actually posing porn porn. I don't think it was him.

Yeah. It was a black man and a white woman in the videos without the faces and most of them. Yeah. So I'm not sure. Yeah.

But it was very graphic triple x porn. Yeah. All over his ex-meat. Yeah. And I was like, oh my god.

Right. So then I logged off of that. And it wasn't until a couple hours later that I remembered to mention it to Doug. Yeah. So he went back.

It was still up. Yeah. Like it hadn't been taken down. That's not surprising me because like there's a moment like the Super Bowl where he knows that everybody's attention is going to be on somebody else. So he's like, I'm going to make this about me.

That's interesting.

“I think it's constant like thirst and need for attention.”

I don't even know if he's aware of that. Do you think the Hitler comments are coming from the same place? Yeah. It's the same thing as mega. Like when mega was that radioactive.

He was like, I'm going to wear the mega hat. That's interesting. He takes the most disliked radioactive fucked up thing. And he's like, I'm so cool that I can make this cool. And he's done that throughout his life with fashion.

And you know, now he does it with like talking points and that kind of stuff. But it's I think just a reflection of like him thinking, I'm so the man. I could make Hitler the man or it's coming from this place of. You're not going to tell me what I can or can't like. Yeah.

I have total autonomy in freedom and life. That I respect and like. Yeah. That I like. It's just there's other ways to prove your free.

Right. Well, there are a lot of people like that in the public, you know, conversation. Well, I would also go like, are you really free? If you need to do that, right? Because now you're being controlled.

The opposite.

Well, if you always have to do the most subversive thing, the most controversial thing.

People that are truly free don't need that. Yeah. They feel the freedom so they don't need to execute it every second. People who don't feel free need to constantly prove that they're free. It's back to the old, you know, Michael Jordan didn't tell you what a great basketball player he was.

He knew he was. Yeah. Like he knew he was. I was actually with somebody from another sport, which I want. I don't reveal who it was because it would make it obvious.

But they were like, I'm the goat. Everyone knows I'm the goat.

“And I remember thinking, I don't think the goat ever calls himself the goat.”

No. It's not a thing. No. So you've got this very successful podcast. Now in addition to your comedy routines.

Do you like what do you do on that show? Is there are any limits? Is there anything you do to make it a success? Somebody was just asking me this about my show. And I was like, that's not how I approach it.

I just kind of do what I just talk about what I want to talk about. Yeah. Yeah. I talk about what I want to talk about. And then like I try very hard to not let the algorithm dictate what we talk about.

Yeah. And I feel like a lot of times now there's a lot of creators that don't even realize that that algorithm is really dictating to them what they should create. They'll post a video or cover a topic and it will go crazy. And then they go, oh, I should cover that more. And then you see people like lose their own personal creativity.

And they just become this slave to the algorithm. Yes.

The problem is that when you're going to do the stories you want to do,

you have to accept it some days. The stories are going to go crazy. And some days they're not going to go crazy. And your core fans will really appreciate it. But it's not going to be this pure numbers game.

Mm-hmm. And that's been the thing that like, you know, we've we've we've we accept. Because I authenticity is like the most important thing to me. But it is one of those things that you gotta go. Okay. Well, okay.

This isn't going to be as big a story. We get that. How can we be so interesting or so funny? Yeah, about it that maybe more people will find interest in this thing that we're really interested in. I really think that that is fool's gold, right?

Just to go for the viral clip because it's it's like, you might get a lot of subscribers or follows or whatever, or even just views or likes of that one clip. But they're not real. I'm so glad you keep going.

This is great.

“They're not going to stay like that's why you see people who have a huge number of subscribers on on YouTube.”

But very little engagement because their fans are not actually like they just click to watch that one clip.

But then they're never coming back.

Whereas if you just work on doing good programming every day, they're real. The relationship between you and the people watching is real. They trust you and honor you and vice versa. Trust you. They're here and if you really care about something,

there are people watching right now that might not care about it all. And the fact that you do, they'll give it that little second. They'll give it that minute and they'll be like, "Okay, maybe I should care about this thing." Right.

Yeah, I see this all the time. It's like, and this is kind of like where you can see the grift a little bit,

Right?

Like, there's a version where like this special has social utility.

And I might get popular with some people because they're like, "How life unnephlects get out with Andrews." But I was even trying to plug, but like, maybe they're going through like IVF for fertility issues, and they feel like really seen and represented.

But so maybe for like a moment, I'm very important to them. But then when that becomes more normalized, less stigmatized, they realize they don't really agree with me on other issues, so they're like, "Okay, I don't need you anymore." It's kind of like, not to harp on Shapiro.

Like, kind of what he's gone through. It's like, he had these great arguments for conservatives at a time, where it was like really radioactive to be conservative. Right? It's like, there are these people that they like needed to defend their positions,

but you know, they didn't have these, they didn't have like the these, the beautiful Harvard, like, there's like no fat at all.

Awesome dark arguments, which he's like really brilliant at making.

Totally. And he supplied him, and they were like, "Oh, this is the guy." Like, now it's not stigmatized. It ought to be a concern of the majority of the country's conservative. So now they're like, "All right, well, we don't really agree with you on Israel Palace,

and so we don't really need you anymore." You don't have a social utility. So you didn't build that bond with the audience. I mean, he shows still huge and very, very successful. Yeah, I'm not, again, I'm saying like, I'm not saying that he's not,

but clearly there's been some issues over there in terms of like a fracturing of the audience. Yep. And the fracturing of the audience to me shows that they're not actual fans of him, but that there was social utility that he provided.

And then a quarter of them, or 10%, 20% whatever is now going, well, no longer need that social utility. But it's not just him.

I'm saying it could be me.

No, it could happen, anybody. And what you hope is you have this core, which he has his core, you have your core. I hope I have my core. That that will continue to expand when you create authentic shit that matters to you.

Yes. Well, here's to doing that a lot more of that.

“And if you want to see Andrew do that seriously, trust me.”

Check out life on Netflix. For many reasons, we want to support him. You will laugh your ass off. And there is no way we can let Meghan Markle be number one. It has to be Andrew shows.

So you get on there and you download it over and over my friends. Please watch it. We're coming for Kate Hudson. Okay? Great to see you.

Great to see you. Thank you for having me. Joining me now is someone I've been wanting to interview on this program. For years, he is one of the sharpest political commentators around. Someone who's not afraid to take risks and has been politically incorrect

for decades before it was cool. And whether you love him or hate him, you pay attention to him. Joining me today is Bill Marr. He's author of the brand new book that's just out today. What this comedian said will shock you.

He's also host of the long running show real time with Bill Marr on HBO. Don't miss a moment, subscribe to this show on YouTube and follow me on InstaFacebook and X. Can your savings weather an economic storm? Think about what you've put away for the future.

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“Again, can your IRA or 401K weather an economic storm?”

If not, consider looking into birch gold. Just text "MK" to 989898 and explore securing your savings today. Well, welcome. I'm going to say that book title is a lot funnier when you see it. Because it's supposed to mock clickbait.

Of course, I got it anyway. Okay, I know. But I've had book titles that went right over the heads of... This is the deals we used on Fox News for about two decades. Okay.

Without the words comedian, what's your next? We'll chuck you. Right. Exactly. I thought I would bring it to the book world. No, I used to joke that once you start talking in teases,

you've been in TV too long. Right. But I had a new rules book out about 15 years ago. And the subtitle was a plight musings from a timid observer. Which I thought was hysterically funny.

But every disjockey in America did not get it. They just took it. It was like, okay, no, that was understatement. And it's supposed to be satire. But never mind.

I'll just, I'll just do a straight title next time. So my favorite new rules ever comes from about... I want to say about 15 years ago. And it was from the book. When did that book hit?

“There was one out in 2005, and I think 2010.”

Of course, those new rules books, I call them toilet books. Because you can read them on the toilet. You know, new rules are very different from this book.

Now, I really read did all of them.

“I mean, I could never have done this without the strike.”

The strike that we had last year gave me the time to do this. But this is much more of a real book. The new rules books were fun. But new rules are short. They're punchy.

There can be about anything. Then it always serious. Yeah. It's just, they're very random. And you know, again, you can pick it up on the toilet and read three or four of them.

And that's that. This is a real book. Not that the other words weren't real books. But I find... What was I lorded to?

My previous purchases Jesus. No, they were fun. But I feel like this one I'm more proud of than any book I would do. I would do. Yeah.

So speaking of the toilet, my favorite new rule was new rule. Stop giving tickets to blind people for not picking up after their dogs. You see they would. But they can't see shit. Yeah.

Right. That's that's was the new rules book. They're funny and punchy.

“But this one I think people should treat like the Bible.”

I think I should put it by their nightstand and read passages each night. And I think it'll help you through your life. Well, in part, it's a diagnosis. On of what's going on with us right now. And in part, to pick up on something you said to me, surely before I came on your show

After my own cancellation at NBC, you said, you seem to me privately. You said you seem to me kind of like me right now, which is somebody without a political home. And I felt that way. And I still feel that way. I've been a registered and independent forever.

But I know exactly what you're saying. Which is the world's lost.

It's modern, and I certainly would never put on somebody's team jersey anymore.

Right, without a team. Right. And you know what? I like it that way. Because I don't want to be a part of a team.

I mean, I would say I caucus with the Democrats more. I definitely think the right wing is much more dangerous. They don't believe in democracy anymore. And they threw their lot in with the sociopath named Donald Trump. So, you know, no, he's not.

No, no. I just like, I want to talk about your feelings on Trump. Yeah, well, there you go. So you and I are very similar. I feel like you're kind of a foreign.

I'm a six on the ideological scale. We have a lot of overlap, but you're definitely still a bit of a Democrat. And I'm definitely going to vote Republican. But there's a no commentality to make us sugar heads. Yes, when the other one speaks a lot.

So you're going to vote for Trump? I am going to vote for Trump, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I can't even understand that. And I understand that Biden is deeply flawed. But he does believe in our way of life.

You know, I mean, I was the one who was saying from the very beginning, when everyone was laughing.

I made that Donald Trump will never give up power.

And he didn't. He still hasn't conceded the last election. I don't know what could possibly be more fundamental to you or anyone. Then you have to concede elections. And he hasn't conceded the last one.

He's plainly not going to concede this one. He now has all of his sick offense around him, parading his party line, which is when then when asked them, will you abide by the election results? Yes, if it's a free and fair election,

which is another way of saying, if we win. You really think this is a place this country should be. I'm not going to defend the election denialism. I'm not one of those people who leave. But what's more important?

What kind of country do we have?

“How about my daughter not going into a locker room and seeing a man's penis?”

That's important, too. And I'm very happy about how about young men on college campuses getting due process when they get accused falsely of rape. Well, I think that's a false equivalence. I think these things are important.

Oh, shit. What do you mean? I think these things are important. And you can handle these things through the normal due process of our system. But if we lose the system itself, come on.

We didn't. We didn't so far. They tried it. It failed. Right. And now he's had four years to put in place. People who will make it work again.

I don't know if there'll be a John Raphson Burger in Georgia, a noble Republican who stood up to him. He thought last time that he could count on someone being just a Republican to do his bidding. And what he found out was that there are a lot of decent people

who are Republicans, which is something I'm trying to tell the Democrats all the time. You can't hate Trump. You can't hate everybody who likes him. And you certainly can't hate half the country. And Republicans is not a by-word for bad people.

And a lot of them stood up. And even one who I don't like very much, Mitt Romney, McConnell, obviously Liz Cheney, Chris Christie, there were Mike Pence. These are what I call, as good as it gets Republicans.

For the people who don't like Republicans. They full-throwedly said, Trump lost that election. No two ways about it. McConnell said it wasn't even particularly close to election. A lot of people said it.

A lot of people said, and but look, I agree with you, that the majority of the Republican Party doesn't believe that. But I do think there's a difference between it was stolen, you know, the nonsense with dominion,

And it wasn't fair. The election we started. It wasn't fair. Okay. Well, the election.

The suppression of the hunter-brighten leftexer. It's just just for one. Oh, for fuck's sake. Really? Oh, then you're, then we're not as alike as you think.

That's a stupid non-story. I mean, yes.

There are polls that show some 10 to 12 percent of the electorates,

as they would have changed their mind. Had they seen it? Had they know about it? It wasn't right. It wasn't right to suppress it.

But nobody gives a fuck about it. But Hunter Biden's dick. Nobody. You're talking about yourself. I'm telling you there.

There are data to show all. Those are all. People did care. They, they said they know. Nobody who was going to vote for Trump anyway.

Or Biden anyway. I mean, it wasn't about Hunter Biden's man parts. It was about the scandal of his corruption and his dad's corruption. Bill, I used to think that that Hunter Biden was a hot mess. And Joe Biden was embarrassed by him but had to deal.

“Now I really think he was doing Joe Biden's bidding.”

Joe Biden is the bad guy who sent his drug-addled son out there to collect money. That's what the laptop shows. And that's more important than what I was bringing up about not abiding by election results.

Not respecting what always made this country great.

The peaceful transfer of power. I'm just agree with you on that. You're not going to get me to say it. But I don't have to get you to agree. Just agree.

You're obviously someone who looks at an elephant in a mouse and can I tell which one is bigger. I disagree. I know. That's projection by you because I look at Joe Biden. Let's see you.

Well, let's. Why are you telling me this? I mean, this is just typical right wing talking points. The evil hunter Biden and the evil Joe Biden. And why do I like them?

No, I don't particularly like it. I think they're very. Listen, listen. It's not nearly. You're just misunderstanding my argument.

You're mistaking my argument. That hunter Biden just now on the laptop was brought up as evidence of how the election was not fair. He's not a reason necessarily to not vote for Joe Biden. The reason not to vote for Joe Biden is his policies.

You are not woke. He says woke at least as policies are as they come. The open border bill. How could we help anybody vote for somebody who keeps this border open with the number of rates on the number of murders and the numbers of crimes going on with these immigrants?

Yeah.

But again, these are the normal sorts of issues we've always had in this country that should be

taken care of through the normal process we've had. You're talking about the difference between some. I'm sorry, but there's been this and something fundamental, which is. Our democracy.

“The fact that you have to respect who wins an election.”

Or else you don't have the kind of country we've always had before. How about? I mean, I feel like we're keep going around the rose brew bush about this. And we're not going to make any progress. So let's stop talking about it.

But, you know, I just, I mean, you keep saying sort of I'm nuts because I don't see the difference between the elephant and the mouse. And I'm telling you, I identify them differently than you do. Hillary Clinton, of course, is the original election denier. I'm sure you voted for her in 16.

Well, she's not an election denier. She absolutely was the OG election denier. She, first of all, she came out before the sun had risen to conceive the election to Trump. And then spent the next four years saying he was illegitimate.

He was an illegitimate president. She, okay, well, first of all, saying she didn't say he was an illegitimate. Well, you tell me exactly what she said. She said those exact words repeatedly. Okay.

I mean, she conceded the election. Whether, whether you're interpreting her disappointment at losing it as the same thing as Trump, not conceding it. I don't know. That's where you're getting it from.

But again, it's a tremendous false equivalency. You could ask Hillary Clinton right now. Who won that election? She will tell you. Donald Trump won that election.

Now she knows she has to because of what Trump has done. She came out that night. She has seen it during election. And conceited the election. Correct.

And then spent the next four years trying to convince us it was not legitimate. Just saying, look, it's not the same as Trump. What Trump did was far more severe. I'm not going to deny that. But don't try to tell me that Hillary Clinton wasn't an election denier.

And Jamie Raskin and a whole host of Democrats who are now in prominent positions on Capitol Hill. They get great what Trump did, but they don't have clean hands either. But you see, you bypass the immigration question. I mean, like, that's a lot of money. I think it's a disaster.

I think I see.

“How would you put this guy back in there for four more years to leave the doors open?”

And like it was so much better under Trump? Yes, it was better under Trump. Are you kidding me? It was somewhat better. Oh, Belle.

It was somewhat better. Go look on the immigration rates. Yeah, I know. Right. I agree.

For 1920. I'm not defending Biden on immigration. I don't understand why it's so difficult in this country to stop people coming through the border.

And I watched that 60 minutes piece. They didn't know that a couple of months ago. And they had films of people coming through this hole. And the border patrol just watching them and basically waving. I don't understand why.

I don't understand why this country can't accomplish something like that. It doesn't seem like it's impossible. But so many things in this country.

“Well, that's what's so aggravating. We can accomplish it. We can stop what's happening at the southern border.”

We just won't under Joe Biden. And he keeps pretending like he has no agency on it. But he does have agency. There are a lot of executive orders he could do just like Trump did. He won't.

And you know why. It's because of the people who use the word latinks who are trying to lecture him that it's not humane to enforce our borders. Yeah, I would agree with that. The left wing.

Because they're so afraid always have been called racist.

They let that color every issue and very often wind up with terrible policies that wind up not helping people of the country. Don't you think that's what's happening to him on the transit issue, which is my big issue. I think what Joe Biden is is a guy who does not want to fight with the left wing of his party. He sees that as I know that he understands a lot of what's going on on the left wing. I mean, I don't doubt if he heard the word trans before he was president.

But that's what he has chosen to do. He does not want to fight with AOC. He thinks that's where the energy in the party is and he's not completely wrong. So he just kind of goes along with that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's one thing that's not great about him.

But again, in this country, maybe gender is not binary, but politics is. You only get two choices. That's right. You get Donald Trump a criminal election denier who is going to transform this country into an authoritarian place like we've never seen before. Or you get Joe Biden with all his flow.

Also a criminal. Okay. What is his crime again? A special counsel Robert Harris said he committed felonies, but he wouldn't indict him because he was a well-meaning elderly man with a poor memory. He couldn't get a conviction in front of a jury.

And what was that crime that was the last by documents all over his basement, his garage everywhere? Well, okay, again, false equivalency. They both had classified documents. Here's the difference. Immediately Biden, he shouldn't have had them immediately.

He said, oh, sorry. My bad and gave them back.

“That's why he can get charged with obstruction.”

But Trump has two classified documents. A piece is to his case. One is you had them.

And the second is you obstructed justice when we demanded them back.

So, okay, against Biden, you don't get charged with obstruction. But number one, where's the, where's the classified documents charged against him? He's also a felon. You got your story. You know, I, I, I, look, if you see it that way, that's, that's what I have to deal with.

You're asking me why I see it differently than you do. The, the contest. Is that consistent with them? And I'm telling. Is that convincing?

It's far enough. I mean, they both should not have had classified documents. One by the toilet, one by his core vet. Okay. One.

One. Multiple. Many. No, one person. Okay.

One of them. Okay, okay, right. One Trump, one Biden. They both did that. The difference is, goof is in gallon.

Goofy said, anything I touch is mine forever. Go fish. And the other one said, oh, yeah, my bad. But I can't really return them. That's very funny.

You're taking me back to my childhood with that reference. Why can't the difference be one actually had the ability to declassify documents and keep them because he'd been the president? And one didn't. Because he should have been looking at documents.

Only in a skiff while a sitting U.S. senator. And clearly, he stole classified documents that he wasn't entitled to.

And never had the ability to declassify them.

Yeah. Maybe even more about that than I do. I don't remember that part of it. And I always don't trust anything I hear until I vet it from the other side because everybody sort of has their one sided view of it.

“And narrative is more important than truth.”

I know this is the right wing narrative. I don't even-- I'm not like that, Bill. I care about facts. I practice law for 10 years.

I want to get the cases right more than I want to get clicks. And I have a lot of lefties who watch me. So I'm not like that. All I can tell you is those are the facts. And Joe Biden also has behaved in a grossly, grossly extra constitutional manner.

Not only the nonsense of trying to skirt the Supreme Court on the eviction moratoriums and the student loan quote, "debt forgiveness," which he's bragging about scurting them on. But the foreign statements, which obviously the White House was behind and promoted and wanted, foreign statements of a former sitting president, which we've made it almost 250 years without doing. If that's not extra legal and weirdly non-normy, I don't know what is.

The two federal indictments against Trump and the one in New York and the one in Georgia. Oh, you don't even Trump indictments. Yeah, I'm saying the-- this administration 100% was behind at least those two federal ones. And there's evidence they were behind the other two, or at least in coordination, though they deny it. They were behind them.

It wasn't Trump committing those crimes. You really think you don't think that Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton could have been indicted for what they did when he left office with all the furniture. I don't remember. If somebody kicked the tires of the Clinton initiative, the foundation. You don't think they could find something?

I think they did. Kick those tires a lot. I'm not sure what they found, but I don't think it was much.

“I don't remember Bill Clinton ever calling out.”

I don't remember Clinton could have been indicted, post-chair. As I was saying, I don't remember Bill Clinton calling up a secretary of state and saying, I need you to find me 11,000 votes. You don't find that to be a bit of a smoking gun. I don't, here's why, because I've listened to the whole phone call.

I just don't have to. And what he's saying is, I'm only behind by some 100,000. Whatever the number was, he said, so I want a recount. And what I want you to start counting. And all I need is this number.

So basically, when you get to that number, you can stop counting.

Look, I don't want to have to defend Trump on his denial, illism about the election, because I am more on your team on that. But I understand why it's not a smoking gun as you just put it. Okay. Well, people see things differently.

They do. Yeah. So this is why you feel like a man without a party. Because your team feels like you do on the Trump stuff. They hate Trump.

But they're not with you when it comes to your anti-wokenism. So what does that leave you? Who do you go out to dinner with? Lots of people. I mean, I feel like more people than ever are on team me, whatever that is.

Because, you know, they're the normies in the middle. Who don't want to be ideologically captured by either side. That's who I feel like I speak for. People who are not afraid to call out their own team, if you have a team, or a team that you are more on the side of,

when they do stuff that's goofy. And I think they appreciated it a lot. I mean, I noticed in my stand-up shows, you know, the audience is kind of half and half. And the liberals will laugh at won't not sense. And the conservatives will laugh at Trump jokes.

Most people in this country, I think, understand that there are deep defects on both sides. Yeah. And they just want, they just want the extremists who seem to have the megaphone on either side.

To go away or stop being so powerful.

You know, everybody is like, why can't we just be, you know, common sense? And why can't we just, you know, be the people in the middle. But at the end of the day, no one sort of stands up for that. Because it's just so easier to pander to the people who are a team. Because those are the people who wind up scaring the other people.

I mean, certainly on the left, that happens. I've said it many times. The problem with wokeness is nobody of it gets canceled for being too woke.

“That's how you wind up with men can get pregnant.”

Because you can say the most ridiculous thing. And because no one wants to be the one who's called out on Twitter, they'll be like, oh, sure, men pregnant. I've always said that. I saw a dude who was glowing today.

You know, it's just, it's just so ridiculous what you can get away with saying. And just the intimidation factor. And certainly on the right, that happens too. So you don't seem like someone who's ever felt that. Have you managed to escape ever afraid of blowback from your own side?

Well, I mean, come on. I've been on 31 years. It comes with the territory every week when people say to me on Saturday. How'd the show go last night? I'd say, if I'm not canceled today, it went great.

You know, I mean, they're always looking to take you down.

And the knives are always out. But, you know, I feel like at this point after 31 years, if they wind up getting me, okay, I had a pretty good run. That's right.

“And also, I think there's just a lot of people who have my back.”

And they appreciate what I do. And they appreciate me having that bond with my audience. That I don't pull a punch and I never will. And it's made me, you know, lose some audience. That's true.

I say it in the introduction of the book. I say, I have lost some people. And I don't miss them. Those are the more woke people who think I'm somehow betrayed them. And I didn't.

One reason I wrote this book was by going through all the old editorials over the whole span of the show. I wanted to see, have I changed or has my politics changed? And I really think it's not mostly me.

And now, of course, the right got way worse also. We won't go back into, they don't believe in democracy. We just had that discussion. But that certainly is way worse in my view. But the left, yes, went off the deep end also in their own way.

And so, but I always tell people who are Democrats and liberals is, you don't have to lecture me about Donald Trump.

“I'm the one who I think was sounding the alarm bells before anybody.”

I also get why people vote for him. I absolutely do. Because the stuff that, for example, you just said, penises in the swimming pool and the stuff that is threatening to people that comes from the left is so much more in their everyday life. It's, it's not vague. Like, to most people, oh, what Trump and democracy, it's a vague thought.

And Ukraine, that's very far away. It was an impeachable who knows. But I know about my kid coming home from school and saying, well, they're telling me I can't tell you. Yeah. If I change my sex.

Or saying, as we discussed in your show, when I was, I was suggesting to your perfectly normal son that he might be a girl. Right. I mean, they kept asking them over and over. Raise your hand. Where are you in the scale of girl to boy?

I did it in editorial only like three weeks ago. And I use the word entrapment. I mean, it was about comparing what goes on in the school with entrapment. I don't think anybody had ever put it that way. But entrapment in the law.

I'm sure you know this better than I do. I mean, suggesting someone into a crime. Yep. Something they wouldn't have thought of to do anyway. I mean, I use the example of after 9/11.

There were a number of cases where law enforcement basically entraped people who were not really going to be terrorists.

The one case I mentioned was the Liberty 7. Seven guys in Liberty City Miami in poor section of Miami. And they basically went to them and said, you know, wouldn't it be cool if you blow up the Sears Tower in Chicago and taught the man a lesson. And these guys who didn't even have a gun. Probably the only guys in the neighborhood who didn't have a gun.

Said, yeah. That would be pretty cool. That's entrapment. And I was saying, look, when you constantly talk to little kids about sex and gender and constantly put out the idea that maybe the body you're in is not the correct one. Aligning with what's in your mind.

That's entrapment. That to me is the same thing. You're suggesting them into something. They wouldn't have thought of anyway, because I promised you when I was a kid.

It never crossed my mind.

I never thought, huh, maybe I am a girl. I mean, I thought a lot of, you know, how could I learn how to talk to a girl. But even at that age, we didn't want to talk to a girl. We had not reached puberty yet. See, this is, like, this is where it's just a frustrating to me because.

I looked at that Biden event where he had all the trans people out in front of the White House. And it's like some trans is a guy with fake breasts showing his naked breasts on camp. Like on the White House, a lot. It was like national trans day of visibility, which is everyday in America now. Right.

And they're on the White House. It's like, would you have some dignity? Could there be some dignity and decorum? And I realized you could make the dignity argument over on the right to trust me. I get it with Trump.

But that's why I look at Biden. Like, how do we get stuck with this?

“Right? Like, how why didn't the Democrats replace him?”

And why did the Republicans rename and hate Trump? I think I know. I think they thought he was the strongest candidate. The one who could sort of be the strongest leader and take, take Biden down. But I look at Biden.

And I feel like the Democrats really could have made a switch of rule. I know he didn't want to give it up. But they could have made a switch of rule. I mean, my first show back after the strike ended, which was last September. The first editor I did was called Ruth Bader Biden.

I was the one who coined that phrase. I was saying if he continues on, if he doesn't get out of the race, he's going to be Ruth Bader Biden. He's going to be the person who's hung around too long. Destroyed his legacy and probably the country with it.

But he's got to get out now because, you know, too long at the fair. We get it. Ruth Bader was against Berg with just as the liberals loved it. I'm sure she did some great things and was a pioneer. But her ego would not let her go away. And I mean, the story goes, "Oh Biden, Obama, Obama had her to lunch once,

“like I think in 2013 and was kind of hinting around.”

Hey, wouldn't it be great if you spent a little more time with the grandkids?

And she didn't take the hint and thought she'd live forever, which was really crazy because she had been through a lot of really serious medical issues. And then, of course, it happened. And then, of course, Mitch McConnell, who would not even give Merrick Garland a hearing, which was talking about unconstitutional.

Suddenly, of course, found it in his heart to push through Amy Coney Barrett immediately.

“So that's what you get for trusting the other side.”

So I thought he should step down, but apparently that hasn't happened. I would hope the Democrats, some of them would think it's still not too late. But it could do it before the convention. I mean, weirder things have happened in American politics. And I don't think anyone would bat an eye that it was out of the ordinary.

So what? We don't care. America loves new.

I've always suggested that to candidates.

I said that about Chris Christie. He should have ran when he was popular in Louisville. He should have was at 2012. Yeah, yeah. And he said, "It's not my time."

The longer you stay around, the worse you're going to do, because they have more to get you on Obama. They said the same thing. He's only been a senator a couple of years, and he went good. You don't know that much about me.

Great. America likes new. There was before Chris Christie, before Bridgegate, before Beachgate. All those pictures were just devastating to him. And then all the Trump lap dogery, which really kind of sunk him.

And Trump came along. I mean, he could have been the guy. I remember with Trump, he was like, "I love him, I hate him, I love him, I hate him." And then when you're like, it's like, "And Romney, too." And that was another start of his breakup with a Republican party,

where he was like blowing with the wind. But yeah, no, I agree. It's not too late. If I were Democrat, I'd be begging for them to sub in somebody else. Even Kamala might be better at this point, although I doubt it.

I don't know, though. Everybody talks about Michelle Obama as the big hope, and she doesn't want to do it. No, she's not. Doesn't want to do it. And I don't blame her.

And they already served. So what do you think is going to happen? Well, I know. One thing I can guarantee will happen is that Trump will say he won, whether he won or loss.

I agree with that. Well, that's not a good thing for America. No, I agree with that. I think I'm January 20th, 2025. He'll show up at the White House, whether he's invited or not.

And I don't think that's going to be good. We're working now. He's going to bomb in, if he-- Yes, yes. Oh, yeah, bomb is a word I wouldn't even throw around lightly.

“All the stuff I think he's not going to do that.”

Right.

Like there was never an attack on the Capitol.

Oh, I hear you. I hear you. But he's not going to show up at the inauguration. Like they show up at the Capitol and break windows. And knock down doors and kill cops.

They didn't do that. They didn't break windows. They didn't kill cops. They didn't kill cops. They of course didn't.

No, they didn't. Who did? They died of natural causes that day? Yes. Nobody died that day.

No. Not true. Okay. Oh, I don't remember the names. They didn't.

There was Brian Signic who died later after the fact. And the coroner's report did not say it was because of what he had inhaled that day. He said it had possibly accelerated the condition that killed him. Okay. Well, attacked cops.

I thought they were the law enforcement people. How did we get to this place? I mean Trump now says he's going to pardon all those January six insurrectionists because who wants to live in a country with the people who tried to overthrow the government or seen as the bad guys.

They weren't insurrectionists. They were. They were a bunch of. They chased. They chased do.

Oh, that's so stupid. They chased duly elected representatives out of the building and wanted to hang the vice president for certifying the election. That's not an insurrection. And people who engage in violent acts or actually made threats along those lines are all being

prosecuted appropriately. And I've said repeatedly. I hope they get the book. And they've had it. So that's not it.

You're so upset about the entrapment that happened of the Muslims after nine.

“How about the entrapment that happened to some of those J6 protesters?”

Where where where where where where let's go back to when I'm upset about with the Muslims? That we talked about after nine eleven in the the feds getting involved. Oh, don't want to. Oh, yeah. So entrapment.

Well, they weren't Muslims. They were just guys. All right. Well, my point is there are, I'm not going to again, you're making me defend things that I. Then you should.

Entrapment. Better horrible. They don't defend them. Why defend them? Because it's more nuanced than you're suggesting.

They were not insurrectionists.

There was never any possibility that they were offered.

You referred to it as a victim. They attempted to take over the government. It wasn't going to happen. It was a protest. It was a riot.

They broke it. They broke it. They broke it. They opened the doors. They let them walk in security was waving.

I can show you the footage of them knocking through the gates. I can show you the footage of many of them being welcomed in by Cropspill.

I'll make a distinction between those who truly behave badly.

And those who thought they were having a good time and tap in statutory hall. Yeah. There were there were some people who just came to me and were in wander around. That's true. They just, I've seen the documentary that Alexander Pelosi did on it.

It's interesting. Because a lot of them were just like, oh, yeah. It's an interesting place to go. And let's see what happens. There's also footage of people.

And there were people who absolutely intended to stop that election. Absolutely. So I don't know what you would call that. Maybe you don't like that word insurrectionist because it got to. I know to it's to answer Republican.

But that's what it is. I don't agree with you. I don't think the legal definition of insurrection.

“They don't meet and that's why it wasn't actually charged.”

It's, you know, it's a leftist dream to try to make it sound even worse than it was. These leftists who didn't care at all when their people were out in the roads. Killing cops actually killing hurting cops, killing others, killing BLM protests. Killing cops suddenly found their conscience when it happened on Jason.

Killing cops is always wrong.

Doing it in the service of trying to overthrow the government of the United States. The little is a little bit different. They didn't happen because we didn't happen. We were lucky it didn't happen. They tried to make it happen.

Attempting to commit a crime is bad. Trump tries to commit crimes all the time like this one. To fact that he doesn't succeed, it doesn't make it better. Makes it better for the country. Let's see what happens next time.

But you know, we are not exactly like the detective in the serial killer. Oh, we're a lot more alike than you think.

“We're not actually not that alike, I think.”

I think you're right. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. Which is fine.

I mean, it is fine. We have to be able to talk and disagree and still be civil. I think we're doing a good job. Yeah. We're doing as best as we can.

That's right. Now, let's talk about universities and Hamas in Israel. Because I know you've been, I think, very strong in this issue. Yes. We wouldn't have to fight anymore.

So how do you, there's always common ground.

How do you see, how do we get there, right? Where we've got people in the scarves with the Hezbollah and Hamas flags, chanting a Jews that they can't go to class. Again, for people who say to me, you know, you make fun of the left more than you used to. Yes, I do.

First of all, I'm a comedian and you're a lot funnier than you used to be. Not intentionally, but you are, you know, not just pregnant men and identity politics and over sensitivity and victim culture and cancel culture. There's lots of funny stuff, but if I ever needed a reason or a rationale for making the case that the left has changed, it would be this.

The fact that they're now marching for the terrorists, really? The people who see themselves is the most liberal people in the world. The social justice warriors are standing with some of the most illiberal people in the world. I mean, I'm going to do my next editorial. I'm going to do when I get back to work at my day job.

It's about, look, kids, I know you're looking for a cause. And that's admirable that kids want to have a cause. I got one for you, women, women around the world, especially in Muslim majority countries. Hamas, I mean, really you're marching for Hamas. You know that there are no equal rights for women as regards almost everything you can imagine.

Speech, not voting, free movement, divorce, property rights, freedom from sexual harassment, freedom from sexual violence. I mean, every possible thing that is a left wing cause, they violate. But those are the people we want in charge, those are the people we want to control from the river to the sea. Even the people, of course, under the rule of Hamas, hate them.

It's a fascist dictatorship. It's a fascist dictatorship. It's a fascist dictatorship with a hard right religious bent. It's like the worst of all worlds. And those are your heroes. That's right, and they're out there.

I mean, it's gone beyond, of course, they were praising, as you know, on TikTok. They've been ladden, letter, and doing the Muslim call to prayer five times a day, to people who are probably in Catholic mass for most of their formative years or Christian mass. Now they're down on the prayer rug, having absolutely no idea if you moved to one of those countries where that's practice in the Middle East, they're going to mutilate your genitals.

“Say goodbye to sexual pleasure, because that's what the people you're praying to.”

Hush, just ask Ion, her CLE, who I know you know. Yeah, I saw the funniest meme it was two panels in the top one.

Because they have that matter. No, it's ridiculous. And the bottom, it's a guy game thrown out the window, Palestine, forqueers. Right, the window. Well, you, I pulled this clip because this, it turned out to be a very famous clip.

And Sam Harris is in it. Ben Affleck is in it. You know, the one I'm going to, I'm talking. Oh yeah, from 2014, I think. Yeah, it went totally viral.

And, you know, as usual, a lot of these issues, we were ahead of the curve in sort of identifying. No, there's actually a problem here that we're not acknowledging. I'm going to play it, watch it. You have been sold this meme of Islamophobia, where every criticism of the doctrine of Islam gets conflated with bigotry toward Muslims as people.

Right. That is, it's intellectually ridiculous. They even get through it. Hold on. I agree with you.

The person who understands the officially codified doctrine of Islam. You're going to interpret what, so you can say what this is.

“I think it actually well-educated on this topic.”

I'm asking you. I mean, you're saying, if I criticize the, you're saying that Islamophobia is not a real thing.

That if you're critical of something, it's not a real thing when we do it.

Right. Well, it's really yes. I'm not denying that certain people are bigoted against Muslims as people. Right. And that's a problem.

Big of you. But the, why are we asking about this? It's gross. It's racist. It's not.

It's so, it's like saying the same thing. The same thing. You're not listening to what we are saying. You've got to be able to criticize bad ideas. Of course we do.

The rule doesn't matter. Okay. But why when is the mother load of bad ideas? She's. So we have it.

We have it.

That was amazing television.

Sarah's is totally right. Yeah. And it is about ideas. And again, this is one of the big problems with the left today is they see race in everything. So, you know, nothing ever and again, as the guy who was trying to like be the common sense person in the middle,

just speak for the normies, everything I think to a lot of people strikes it the way it strikes. It strikes me as we start with one thing on this idea over here. And then we're all the way on the other side over here. In this issue, of course, you know, as we were saying over there, there are people who are bigger than that's wrong. And of course, it's great that we got more impatient with racism in this country that is the appropriate response.

I think we should have toward racism being impatient with it. And then it goes all the way to and no one who is a person of color can ever do anything wrong.

“That's how you get we don't talk about China.”

North Korea strives its people. China puts the wiggers in concentration camps. The president of Burundi was on the front page of the New York Times a month ago to say, "We should march the gaze into football stadiums and kill them for just being gay." Boko Haram captures entire villages of children.

But none of these crimes are coming from white people. So crickets, really kids, nothing, no marching for any against any of this. You raised this point in the book, too, and I thought it was a really good one about how when we do our look back at history. Only the whites get excreted for their bad behavior 200 years ago. It's like, "Wait a minute."

Yeah, Genghis Khan was pretty rough. You know, talking about colonizers, I think 11% of certain... Was it the whole earth or maybe it's the earth? Yeah, it's the earth. Like it's descended from Genghis Khan because he colonized a lot of the China.

I mean, yeah, I mean, look, it was a different era. There's a couple of really funny editorials, essays in that book, about time. And the idea that the woke have this crazy idea that, you know, people who live 500 years ago really should have known better. Yeah. You know, they have this magic moral time machine where they imagine what they would be doing in 1758.

And it's always better than...

Yeah, it wouldn't have been using the term "master bedroom." No. That's another thing, yeah. And again, that's another point I'm always trying to make. Is that the difference between old school liberals like me and the woke is things like that.

“People I think have this idea that wokeness is an extension of liberalism.”

And it very often is something that goes so far. It actually turns around and becomes the opposite. Yes. Can you do that? Yeah.

The thing that you just mentioned about master bedroom or, you know, black list. True. True. The trip, you know, I mean, reservation, I guess, we're not supposed to say because, you know, insulting to the Indians. I don't know what he's supposed to say when you go to a restaurant.

There's something wrong with technique, too. We're not allowed to say pick a deck anymore. Yeah, yeah. We have a, um, we're supposed to eat here.

It's just, so again, wokeness seems a lot about canceling people, catching people at something, renaming stuff. Liberalism was at least about trying to fix things. It was about trying to lift people up. The people who had been forgotten genuinely and there are many of them. And downtrodden, these are the people we wanted to lift up.

That's different than just this pointing fingers and saying, I'm more pure than you are. And I think I can prove it.

You know, you never want to get into a, I, who hates racism the most contest with someone on the woke left.

It's like, you know what? I hate it, too, okay, shouldn't that be enough? Except I also hate anti-weight racism. Unlike them. That's the problem.

And things have, yeah, things have changed. They also, there's a essay in there about progressiveopia, which was Steven Pinker's great term that he coined that. And it's a real problem on the left. They do, they do not want to acknowledge progress, which is crazy, because it is the product they're selling. Yeah.

Because somehow in their mind, if you acknowledge progress, then you're not as pure as the other person who says, No, things are still horrible. Well, lots of things are still horrible. And things just objectively are way better. Can we just live in the year we're living in?

That's what I'm always saying. Just live in the year we're living in.

“Did you see that Biden speech at more house college?”

No. It's a, it's a, it's a black college. And it, he went, they gave him an honorary degree. It's where MLK went. This is when?

It's just his past weekend. So they gave him an honorary degree, and he did, you know, give a speech.

And, first of all, the fact that they're giving an honorary degree to Joe Biden, who's like,

I mean, the list of racist comments, that guy is made. This is the longest sentence. Santa's scroll. But okay, fine. They got him just beat there.

He made him feel good about himself. And then, do we have it, you guys? I think we have a bit of a sound bite of him, or we're pulling it over. But it was the most pandering absurd picture of blacks in America. And the present day, and America's relation to our black population.

I was absolutely disgusting.

“It was like he was trying to stir up racial hatred, right?”

Their life to the point where a couple of the black students turned their backs on him, which was pretty extraordinary. And he doesn't all the time. Right?

I'll show you the sound bite of somebody.

He got a cute butt. Well, Democrats should not unusual. Democrats should be asking themselves. Why does Trump each election do better? Not worse with minorities and immigrants?

Not worse. Better. Did better in 2020 than 2016, and seems to be doing better this time. That's a question, Democrats really need to look in the mirror and ask themselves. And with the immigrants, I think I know the answer.

I'll save them to trouble. Immigrants don't like it. That the left seems to have this unrelenting negativity toward the country that these immigrants work so hard to get here. They really worked hard to get here.

And when Trump says, "Should-hole," the shit-hole. I think a lot of them are going, "Yeah! You fucking write it to shit-hole where I came from. Why do you think I got on the ocean on a raft or walked a thousand miles?" Because I was living in paradise.

There are places that are shitty in this world. And the immigrants know it. And, you know, it's not corny or conservative

“to say that you should acknowledge that you're lucky”

if you're living in this country at this moment in history. Yeah. Well, it was a different message at Morehouse. Here it is, watch. You started calling just as George Floyd was murder.

And there was a reckoning on race. It's not so the wonder. The democracy you hear about actually works for you. What is democracy? The black matter being killed in the streets?

What is democracy? You have to be ten times better than anyone else to get a fair shot. Most of all, what doesn't mean, as you've heard before, to be a black man and loves his country, even if it doesn't love him back in equal measure?

Well, that's my commitment to you to show you democracy, democracy, democracy is still the way. The black matter being killed in the streets, we bear witness. For me, that means to call out the poison of white supremacy. Throughout systemic racism, I stood up for George Floyd's family.

So I'm creating a country where you don't need to have that talk with your son or grandson as they get pulled over. Oh, joy. That's his vision of life as a black man in America. Yeah, it's anachronistic.

Right. No. It's not that there isn't still racism in this country, of course.

There will always be racist.

We should always be mindful of that and do what we can to call it out. But it's a very different country than it was even 10 years ago.

“And to be telling black students that you have to be 10 times better to get ahead.”

That's anachronistic. That's not the case. I mean, there are cases also, I mean, there's certainly they've done studies on this, where the same person goes in for a job whose black and white and the white person does get it more often. They prove that.

So that still exists. It's also true that there are places in this country where it's an advantage to be a person of color at this time or gay or anything other than white and male and straight. I mean, I'm over 60 white, male and straight. I better be good at my job.

Yeah. It's ridiculous to say that you love the country more than the country loves you back. That's just not true. Well, that's certainly has been true. But we're not living in the 1940s anymore.

Exactly. I'm saying, can we just live in the year we're living in? Because that doesn't really reflect it. They do studies of like young, like under 30 polling, black versus white. The black folks are more optimistic.

Yeah. It's the white liberals who don't you think this is the wrong message. Yes, factually wrong. It is politically.

“How do you sign yourself to a group of young black college graduates?”

Is it by appealing to grievance, making them feel disempowered and like the country hates them? Or is it something that would be empowering and uplifting and something great about them and America? I mean, they know better than anybody. The country they're actually living in. I mean, to pretend that, as I think he was saying, they're the talk, which refers to a pulled over in cops.

I mean, are there racist cops?

Of course, there will always be racist somebody's somewhere.

I mean, if you do polling, I think they've done it. People are not accurate in their assessment of how many people get killed by the country. People get killed by the cops were shot by the cops. I think I think about a thousand people. No, it's either shot or killed.

I think it's just shot. I think about a thousand people get shot by the cops a year in this country. Now, in a country of 340 million people, a lot of whom are nuts. And a lot of whom have guns. Is that a lot?

I don't know. It was. The whole thing went down in 2019. I think it was. It was 19 or 18.

I think it was 19. Right before George Floyd. I think it was 10 million arrests. And of all of those in the country. Between 12 and 15 involved the shooting of unarmed black men.

Not 12 and 1500. 12 to 15, depending on how you interpret unarmed. Some of the people who got shot by the cops had like come in, come in, dear to car and try to run down the police. Yeah.

And they'd be counted as unarmed. But that's at a 10 million arrests 12 to 15 in the year preceding George Floyd. But the way he's talking, right? And by the way, the talk didn't your parents have to talk with you. Doesn't every.

Everyone, especially a young man is still comply. Come on, it's different if you're black. And it has been historically very different if you're black. You can't really. You really not contending that that's equivalent when we were kids.

“I think it's absurd to say that not everybody has the talk.”

We're all afraid when we get pulled over by cops. I'm not worried that I'm going to get shot in the way that I know some black men worry about. But it's absurd to suggest that anybody who resisted arrest, especially a man with a cop who knows the stakes are high when he pulls him over.

Isn't going to be in danger. Okay. But I mean, if I got the talk, how old were you when you got the talk? I was 14 and 1970. It's preposterous to contend that in 1970 a white kid needed the talk as much as a black kid in this country.

That's fair. That's fair. Great.

But also, here's something that he would never say at a place like this or anywhere.

But there is a very big problem with young black men being shot and killed. But not by the cops. Right. They are the number of young black men compared to young white men who were killed. It's something like 20 times.

But again, they're not being killed by white supremacists. They're being killed by each other. And we've completely written it off as a society. Well, to me, that's the most racist thing of all. Yep.

And I've always said, where are the leaders of the community to talk about this? I mean, I feel like there's so many people in the black community who are looked up to for good reason. They're exemplars.

I mean, if they made a concerted effort to try to implore the end of this kind of behavior, would it have no effect at all? Because a lot of these shootings, I mean, some of it is the drug war.

“If we would, my thing about racism is always, could we just be practical?”

I mean, John McCorder writes about it better than anybody. You know, schools, families, and the drug war. I mean, that's it. There's so much of this is performative that we see on the left. That's the stuff that I don't have. McCorder, Glenn Lowry.

Yes. Of course, Tom is so old. None of whom has a statue of them. They're not heralded. They're not helping. And they're not an example.

And they're not invited on MSNBC. Never. And they should be because they're kicked off or Coleman Hughes. Coleman Hughes, another one. Yes, exactly.

And again, if you just ended the drug war, some of the shooting is that. And some of it is just about really just nonsensical, you know, feuds and beefs and you insulted me on social media. And then obviously there's too many guns floating around. But it just seems like so tragic and unnecessary that this amount of killing is going on.

And that we just seem to, again, ignore it and not talk about it and pretend it's all the cops. I understand we're doing something because we're over here saying, you know, this is the way we want you to refer up. But capitalize the word B. Now I feel like black. I find that.

I find that racist. I want to ask you a couple of a couple of things.

First of all, I want to ask you about stormy Daniels.

You had her on your show. Yes. A few years ago, when she was first out with her story. And then to your credit, you pointed out on your show that her testimony in this trial changed dramatically from then to now.

“Do you think she's trying to paint herself as a fake me to victim now?”

That's what it looked like. I don't know. I would use the word dramatically, but it did shift. I mean, she definitely, she said in the trial, she said it again, kind of the same thing that she said on the show. But she also talked about the incident in ways that she certainly hadn't back when I was interviewed.

That we used all the buzzwords of the me to movement of the power imbalance. And I was afraid to leave and he blocked the door. And I was afraid. And then the thing that was so preposterous, I thought was, you know, I blacked out. She lost fingers in her feeling in her fingers and toes belt.

Well, I mean, as I said at the time, you know, this is someone who's not unused to having sex with strange people. Not strange, but their people just that they're strangers to you because she's a porn star. So when you're a porn star, it's like, hi, Meat Bob, he's going to fuck you in two minutes. Okay, great. We ready for what?

Come on, people, we're losing the light. That, you know, so the idea that she would black out because this was such a traumatic experience was to me, straining credulity. But, you know, I didn't think they should have gone ahead with this trial to begin with.

I mean, first of all, it should have been an election interference trial brought by Mary Garland.

I tore him into asshole a couple of weeks ago because all these trials probably not going to come to anything. And they had four years to do it. But it wound up being a trial about falsifying business records in state court.

“And, you know, I don't know, do you think he's going to win it?”

I don't think Trump is going to win it because it's really. Really? Yeah, because I think it was lost on jury selection. It's New York at 87% for Joe Biden. Do you think 12 jurors are going to, I mean, it's because if I had to put my--

Well, all 12 jurors-- Here's my thought. They should not vote to convict because he's definitely-- He's put on a great case. The defense has put on a great case.

Just they really haven't put on much of a case at all. But they've done enough to poke holes in Michael Cohen's testimony to win this case. But I think they lost an injury selection in this day. But Michael Ojin was lost on jury-- Well, let me ask you this counselor.

Michael Cohen did serve prison time for doing this. No, not for doing this. That's the problem. He served prison time for lying about taxes and his taxi medallion scheme. And then, at the last minute, they added on this election interference or campaign finance violation.

And he said, sure, I did that, too.

But that was never the bulk of the charges that was about to send him in a prison with the raids on his house and all that.

That was an add-on at the end. That was not my interpretation of it. I thought he went to jail because he was the fixture in this case. They're trying to lead you to believe that Bill. But you trust Andy McCarthy of National Review, for example, a very straight shooter.

He hates Trump like you do. He's been pointing this out. So it's many other legal-- Anyway, we look at it. But in your defense, that's sort of how they're setting it up in this trial.

And that is what the jury has heard, too. What you just said. So that's one of the reasons why I believe they probably will conclude he did it.

Why is little Burke? He's in jail. Why is he in jail?

And they've been led with a trail of breadcrumbs, I think, to probably the wrong conclusion.

But I do think it'll be ruined. And how will it reflect the election, if I don't know. I don't think it will either. Don't you think it's all been baked in at the point? Absolutely.

I mean, the-- look, to most people, it's just a sex case. I did an editorial about this. It's in the book, also, about-- I saw this movie when it was called "Kill Bill" when they did it with Bill Clinton. And people just do not like it when they go after President's for their sex lives.

And the idea that Trump would be fucking a porn star at a golf charity event, while his wife was home nursing their newborn. It's something we just assumed he would be doing, because, you know, again, you're the party of family values. So it is, as you say, baked into the cake.

“The only thing surprising was that there was--”

One of the record jumped in Isaac. But you-- you don't really believe it.

You can't tell me where my honest reaction is.

I can't tell me, you think he didn't fuck stormy dead. Let me tell you what I think is-- And that's going to really-- Leading up to the trial, I said many times he did it. Let's face it.

He denies it for the record and the legal purposes. He denies it. But when I heard her do her, you know, dramatic reenactment of it all. Now it's me, too. No feeling in the fingers.

I blacked out. I felt threatened because he was sitting on the bed when I came out of the bathroom. And I couldn't get to the door. He was sitting on the bed.

That's called leaving the hotel room. We've all done that. Like, you just walk around the bed and you walk out the door. No, I mean-- I started to doubt her story.

“I started to wonder whether this whole thing was some sort of a shake down.”

If I had to put money on it, I'd say they had sex. But I don't believe anything passed that. And well, that's silly. I mean, there's no good people. Be so pejorative.

What do you mean? This is-- I've been watching this trial very carefully. And I've been dismissive of your, not like a belt. Is my opinion based on what I saw.

And 10 years of cross examining people. She's a liar. That doesn't mean he didn't fuck her. Okay, yes. Both things are true.

I mean, it's like saying, you know, O.J. Simpson, where the police corrupt or did he kill his wife? Both. Both. I used to say, you know, the cops are so inept.

They could not frame a guilty man. The cops did a bad job. And he killed his wife. I said, what do you-- And stormy Daniels is a horrible witness.

And so was Michael Cohen. There's no good people in this trial. And he fucked her at that golf tournament. That's just who he was. I mean, come on.

Last but not least, Cohen. And you have had some past interactions. Right? Did he threaten you? I think you went from head to ear.

No, no, no. He--when Trump sued me for calling-- [laughter] This is just-- This is back.

I was going to throw-- This is back. I was going to throw-- This is back. I was going to throw--

This is back. I was going to throw-- This is back. I was going to throw-- This is back.

I was going to throw-- This is back. I was going to throw-- This is back. I was going to throw--

This is back. for Obama's birth certificate? No, no. And then you offered 5 million to see actually. Truth that he wasn't the child of an orangutan. Yes, but actually what he offered that was one detail. I think they got wrong. The five million dollars he had offered was for Obama to produce his college records. Because you know a black-eye in college. That's kind of fishy, huh? So yes, Donald Trump offered five million dollars. So I thought I would offer him five million dollars. And we could prove, when we showed the picture, he does look exactly like that orangutan. The color of the hair was exactly the same.

If you saw the picture, you know what I'm talking about. And so I offered him five million dollars. And then they came to court and produced the birth certificate to prove that he was actually not the son of an orangutan. Not that that's even possible. I mean, we are of different species. The definition of a species as you can't have sex with the femininity.

“Well, sex. No, no, I mean, that's why. You can't reproduce. You can't reproduce. But they don't, they're not interested in it. I mean, Jack Wars and Tigers, they look kind of alike, but they don't fuck each other.”

But he did fuck Stormy Dad. Look. All right, Bill, I got to let you go and any last thoughts on what the solutions are to that. Do we, how do we come back together? Are we going to, we're going to land the plane, the country stays together. We find a way past the harsh partisan bullshit. I mean, I don't know. I mean, like I say, I think the rubber hits the road next January, because if he wins, he wins. He's never going to give up power. You can't really believe that. I definitely believe he will give up power.

But he didn't last time. You think he's going to, you think in 2028, he's going to say, well, two terms. That's what the constitution says. I'm gone. Of course not. He's going to stay on as long as he can. He'll make up some excuse. He doesn't care. He's never read the constitution doesn't care what's in it. It's only about power and who wins.

And he will never leave. He's already said many times. I think we deserve a third term because, you know, we were cheated out of the one that he's not serving right now.

So he will never give up power. So there's the end of America as we know it.

And watching real time and buying this book. All right, it's called.

It's actually very, the funniest book ever, I think, and lots of people have had the same thing. So I know it sounds like, you know, because we're hustling that it's all serious, but it's actually very funny.

“And I hope people enjoy it and look, I appreciate you going toe to toe because I think that's what people have to do. And it sometimes does get to a point where you get exasperated with each other.”

But, you know, as I say at the end, America is a family and the definition of a family is understanding that, you know, you're with people who you may not like, but it doesn't come to violence.

Yeah. Well, I have to say, Bill, you've always been very gracious to me. You had me show a couple of times. I'm a fan. I mean, you're, you're super smart.

“You know, what we all have to get over is being talking with someone who you can be like, oh, I'm so in a greens on a greens agreement on this and this and this and this and on this one, I think they're insane.”

Yeah. But we got four out of five. Yes, honestly. And it's like, why there shouldn't be a limit, a limit test. I love him, except he hates Trump. So I have to hit him. It's like, well, so I disagree with him on that. Okay, that's fine. That's that's how the world goes forward. But I would, I would hope when Trump doesn't relinquish power in this country and play this clip and when this country does not resemble the one that we've grown up in, I would hope that you would be able to acknowledge that. And if he, and if he does relinquish power,

or doesn't try to, then I'm going to play this clip too. Then then I will. Absolutely on my show. Say, I was wrong and she was right either way. I'll have you back. You can take a big lap or you have me back and I'll take your lap either way we can have him. Thank you. Good luck with the book and everything. I appreciate it. All of us built over it. It's called what this comedian said. Good father's day for us in you. Yes, you plenty of time. Father's day coming up available now. See you tomorrow.

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