Your Summer Reset for More Energy, Fun, & Happiness (Backed by Science)

(upbeat music) Oh my gosh, I am so excited that you're here. I have been dying to get on this microphone and to catch up with you. I feel like we have not had the kind of episode

where it's just been you and I talking for months. And look, I just got back from being on tour, holy cow, 56 days. 15 cities, 21 sold out shows, almost 100,000 of you came who are fans of this podcast.

And now, I'm back at home and Vermont. I've slept for like a week to try to recover from being on tour. I'm back above the garage. I'm back on this microphone.

I am so excited to be back here with you. And I was thinking about, okay, what is the first thing that I wanna talk to you about? I just really wanted to connect with you.

“I mean, here's the thing, well, I've been on tour,”

I know you've been busy, you're busy living your life. I mean, can you believe that this year is almost halfway over? The time was like, what the heck?

So here's what I thought we could do.

We could hit the pause button together. You know, almost like support each other and doing a little reset right now and help each other take stock of all the things that happened this year.

The hard things that you got yourself through, the progress that you made. The moments that you handled so much better than you used to, the ways that you keep showing up even when no one else notices. And here's how we're gonna do it.

As we kinda go on this little walk and catch up together, I'm just gonna throw out two questions that force you to pause, probably for the first time in months. And questions that help you reflect on all the things that you've experienced and done

so far this year.

“And then we'll get to the second question”

and the second question I love because the second question is grounded in research. And it's also the kind of question that a good friend asks you when you're going for a walk after a couple months. And that question is, what do you look forward to?

And there's fascinating research about why this question and having something to look forward to is so important in life. And I promise you by the time we're done with this conversation, you're gonna feel so much better

because we're gonna reconnect and we're gonna reset. I love spending time with you. And I love being together. And today, that's what we're doing.

It's just you and me, two friends catching up, hitting the reset and reconnecting

are with these two powerful questions.

Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so glad you're here. It's an honor to spend this time together if you're new or somebody shared this episode with you.

I just wanna start by personally welcoming you to the Mel Robbins podcast family. And today, it's just you and me. And I have been so looking forward to this conversation with you because it's been a long time since you and I

just hung out without experts, without somebody else, without a ton of things to do. And there's a lot that's happened in the last three months while I've been on tour that I've been wanting to share with you

funny stories, a bunch of insights. And so I want you to think about our conversation today as if you and I are two friends just going on a walk and we're catching up. And I've asked you about your family

and what's been going on for the last three months and you filled me in and now it's my turn.

“And I'm gonna fill you in because the fact is,”

I just got home from being on tour. And I cannot believe how much work it was. I know that sounds like it might not be surprising to you to hear that, but I think I was very naive about just how much work it was gonna be

to be on the road for three months and be in four different countries. In front of almost 100,000 listeners of the Mel Robbins podcast, traveling with almost a crew of 30 people

from place to place to place. I often thought as we were working these 16 hour days, how the hell do musicians do this? I mean, honest, I got how do musicians have this schedule for 100 to 200 days?

I'm 57 years old, it nearly killed me. It was also one of the single,

most incredible experiences of my entire life.

And isn't it true that a lot of the things that you look back on in your life? And you say that was one of the highlights of my life? It had a lot of work and a lot of hard things about it and maybe you didn't even know I was on tour,

maybe you couldn't get a ticket and so this is my way to just tell you what's been going on for the last three months. And I also am gonna ask you during our conversation today,

Now these are two questions that act like a reset. When you ask yourself these two questions,

they first you to stop and to take a step back

from your current life and to really look at what's happened because let's face it, we're almost halfway through the year. And can you believe how much time has gone by? And I bet you have not stopped for a second. And you wanna know how I know you haven't stopped for a second

'cause I know you're the kind of person that's busy doing a lot of stuff. You're taking care of a lot of people. You're going to work or you're going to school. You're trying to pay your bills.

You're taking care of your dog. You're taking care of kids. You're taking care of your parents. You're taking care of the apartment that you live in. You're taking care of dishes like so much going on

that you might be in that mode where it's like the year is like a blur and you wake up

“and you're like, oh my God, how are we already here?”

This year is flying by. And so I want you to really take a pause. And I'm gonna ask you these two questions and I'm gonna answer them as well because they act like a reset.

They allow you to take a step out of your life and to see what's already transpired this year.

That's the first question.

And then the second one has you look forward so that you and I make sure that we don't just put our heads down and race through the second half of this year. And then look up and go, oh my God, the years over already, I didn't get to this,

this, and this, and don't worry. This is not a productivity conversation. There's nothing you need to do. This is not gonna be hard. We're gonna have a lot of fun as I ask you these two questions.

Okay, you ready? I'm so excited for this. So the first questions are really important one. And the questions this, if you look back to the beginning of this year, what's something that you're really proud of

that you either did or that you experienced or that happened this year? I want you to take a step out of your life for a minute and think back, what do you really proud of? Because I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit.

“I think you're so busy doing things in your life”

that you're not taking time to stop and pat yourself on the back for all the little things you're doing well. All of the little challenges you've overcome, all of the weight that you're carrying. And so that brings me to my answer to this question,

what are you proud of that you've either done or experienced so far this year? The thing that I'm the most proud of isn't the tour itself? What I'm most proud of is before I went on tour, I was so freaking stressed about all the things

that we're gonna go wrong about whether or not I was gonna be able to manage the amount of work it was gonna be, whether or not I'd be able to do that and perform and run the company and and and and. And my therapist and Dev and said to me,

she said, Mel, before you get on that plane, I need to tell you, you're in a very dangerous moment because if you get on that plane and you start this tour as stressed as you are right now, you're gonna miss the entire thing.

You're gonna be so in your head and so just intense to make sure everything is right. And of course you can't guarantee that everything's gonna go right. That you're going to miss one of the greatest experiences of your life and it's geared me.

And so I said, okay, what should I do?

“And she said, you have to get so serious”

about how you're gonna manage your sleep, how you're gonna manage your emotions, how you're gonna manage the food that you're eating, how you're gonna manage taking care of yourself so that you can both move every other day

to a new city, a new hotel, a new venue, a new this, all while managing all these people and get on a stage and perform in front of 9,000 people every night. And she was right and it scared the daylight's out of me.

And so I made a whole new schedule. I prioritized sleep. I got serious about eating really good food. I walked every single morning regardless of what city we were in or I lifted weights.

I really cut back way, way back on the alcohol. And I had a laser focus on my emotions. And it worked. And I gotta tell you, the thing that I am so proud about that happened is for the three months

that the store was happening, I maybe snapped and was kind of bitchy only twice. And in both cases I was exhausted and hungry

do you have any idea how revolutionary it is

that I could take on one of the most stressful things in my life, both good stress and like a lot of hard work

and I was calm and non-reactive.

And I was optimistic, like I barely recognize myself. That's how different this was. And again, I know you're gonna flood me with emails about, well, Mel, how did you do it? I'm telling you before any reaction.

Let them just say let them and release control and then say let me and choose your response because there were things that went wrong every single day and instead of allowing it to freak me out, I just rode the wave and that allowed me to have so much fun.

I mean, half the stuff that I'm gonna tell you about. I can remember because I was calm. I can remember because I manage my stress. I can remember because I actually took care of myself and that's why I enjoyed this so much,

even though it was the hardest and most grueling amount of work that I've ever done in a three month period of my entire life and I'm 57 and that says a lot about how hard this was. But that's the thing I'm proud of. And I wanted to share that with you to start off

because it was a real revelation to me that you can have something really challenging going on and you can change how you show up to it. I have two very close friends who have parents who have both been diagnosed with something extremely scary.

One is late stage Alzheimer's. The other is a stage for cancer diagnosis. And in life there will be things that happen that are out of your control.

“I mean, that's what life does, it knocks you on your ass.”

We can't control that. But I'm proud of the fact that I learned through this experience how to control my response and my stress levels, regardless of what was going on around me and a very proud of that.

And I'm sharing it because if you're going through something stressful right now, whether it's something scary like my two close friends or maybe you're doing something that's exciting, you're starting a new job or you're planning a wedding or you just got into graduate school

or you're moving or you're in a relationship and it's really exciting but there's that stressful excitement. You can really learn how to be serious about managing a response to all the things going on outside of you. And that's the thing that I'm really proud of.

And so now let me turn it back over to you. What are you proud of? And I want you to really think back to the beginning of the year. And you may not even remember what you're proud of. In fact, Cameron, who is the producer that worked with the team

and me on this episode, she asked her brother this question,

“hey, so what are your proud of the tap in this series?”

Like nothing? She's like, what are you talking about? You got into a PhD program, dude. He had forgotten. And it's so easy to do because you're so busy

just getting through the day, you're busy going to work. You're busy going to school. So let's take a moment. And I want you to really think about this. What are you proud of?

Are you proud that you're expecting your first baby?

Are you proud that you got into graduate school? Are you proud that that breakup didn't kill you? In fact, now that you're about 11 to 12 weeks through it, you're feeling a little bit better, a little stronger. You know, it's the right thing.

Are you proud of the way that you managed your money? And I don't want you to wait for these giant things to pat yourself on the back. What's fascinating about life to me is that we tend to obsess over all the things

“that went wrong or all the things that we didn't do, right?”

Like at the end of the day, you tend to think about, oh my god, I didn't get to this, I didn't get to that. And you don't celebrate all the little things you actually did do. I mean, you sent out 100 emails. You answered the calls.

You fed yourself. The dogs got walked. You did get a load of laundry done. You didn't pick up your phone and waste two hours. You actually read a book every single day. There are little moments to be proud of.

And I love this first question because it hits the break

some life. What are you proud of that you've done this year so far? Or that you've experienced, or that you are trying to do? What's something that you're proud of that you did today? Was it a hard conversation that you had?

Maybe you picked up a bunch of extra work because you're helping out a colleague who just lost a loved one. Maybe you started therapy because every single day, there's a little thing that you've done that you're proud of.

And it doesn't have to be some huge thing.

All of it. They're all little wins.

“And this simple question, you can ask yourself this”

and we're doing it as a reset to think about

what's already happened this year. What are you proud of? Because every time you name it, you are now padding yourself on the back and you're reminding yourself that yes, you have things

that are worthy of celebrating. It starts with you. And let me go back to the thing that I share with you. I'm so proud of myself for managing my stress and being present and being calm

and really being intentional about taking care of myself so that I could become and present. Because I had a blast. I had an absolute blast and every step along the way. There were funny things that happened

and it made me realize it's hard to have fun when you're stressed out. It's hard to see the joy in something when you're constantly gripping the wheel of life. And I'm gonna tell you a couple stories.

Like we got on the plane to get to our first stop,

which was New Zealand. And one of my members of the team, Lynn, is incredibly scared of flying. And she went into the bathroom. It's like a 16 hour flight.

We're flying over the ocean. And so she had this deep concern

“that we would not only die in a plane crash,”

but we would die in a plane crash and then she would somehow survive and be eaten by sharks. I mean, this is what your brain can do to you. So she comes out of the bathroom. She is wearing a shark themed,

like I don't even know what they're called, like one Z with a hood where you pulled the hood over. In fact, you know, if we're watching on YouTube, there's a photo over next week. You pull the hood over and it's all the shark teeth.

She even had on shark slippers. She had glasses on that were the shark teeth. And we were like, Lynn, what are you doing? And she just laughed and said, well, if we're gonna go down and sharks are gonna be around,

I want them to see me and like think I'm a shark and so they go after you.

I mean, that was the beginning of the trip, first life.

Second thing that happened that was really funny is traveling is stressful. Traveling internationally way more stressful. And different rules apply. And I know we have a ton of people

“that listen in New Zealand and Australia.”

And I got permission to tell you this story because it features one of our incredibly talented videographers, editors and directors who's also in the room right now, recording this shout out to David Faxen.

So we are in New Zealand and we have to take a flight from Auckland to Brisbane, Brisbane to Sydney, Sydney to Melbourne. Now here's the thing. We are packing for three weeks on tour.

And it turns out I did not know this. That Australia and New Zealand are very strict about the weight limit for the luggage. Like if you're here in the United States and you think about luggage and weight limits, you think, okay.

If I'm gonna have to pack for three weeks and bring all this equipment and also bring all these outfits to be able to be in different climates and to be on stage, you just pay extra, right?

I mean, that's what you do. You bring an extra bag, you pay extra. That's not what you do in Australian New Zealand, apparently. They're so strict that number one, you cannot pay extra. Number two, you can't just check extra bags

to distribute the weight limit. It's literally by person. So Faxen has packed his suitcase and this huge backpack, not only with all of his camera gear and all of the clothes that he needs

for multiple different climates, but he is also decided because we're traveling for three weeks that he needs to bring journals and some books. In case, you know, when you're on tour, you might just have time to kick back and read some books

and he's already laughing. Are you hearing this Faxen? I feel like we need to put him on a microphone 'cause he's starting to chuckle. And not just any books.

You wanna know what three hardcover books? Faxen packed in his luggage to New Zealand in Australia. Three Harry Potter Hardcover Books. And here he comes.

David, this is like 30 pounds alone. - It's very heavy, it's a lot of journals. Well, this is us ice cream play. This is my journal to write my screen play. This is Harry Potter, this is another journal,

this is a two filmmaking books. Robert Rodriguez, you made it once upon a time in Hollywood, a lot of books. I thought I would have the free time to finish and hit a certain Potter, read this very Potter

write a screen play, didn't have the free time. - Did you crack open a single book on tour?

because we were not able to just pay the fine for the luggage,

I had to put a lot of these in my actual backpack, put my steady cannon, my backpack. It was a complete disaster.

“- Yeah, so here's the thing you gotta see.”

So I'm the leader of the tour because I'm the CEO of this company. I am dragging everybody with me, so I'm both the mom and the CEO and you know how parents get when you're traveling.

And we roll up like a herd of turtles, everybody carrying all kinds of luggage, dragging it behind you, have your passports, are you got your passports? And I'm just practicing, be present, be present,

you're not responsible for anybody they can get on a different plane, edit, edit, edit, edit, edit. All of a sudden we start hearing, there's a weight requirement. There's a weight requirement.

David's bags are heavy and I'm like, please got equipment, we can, and then David kind of looks at a sheepishling, he's like, well, it's not just equipment. We're like, what's in your bag? He had to then unpack his bag.

And now we see all of these books.

“We, he's like, I got it, I got it, I'll figure it out.”

So we go, we go through security. He's figuring it out. We're waiting at the gate. We look up at the escalator coming down. Faxon is wearing his backpack.

And I don't know, you had maybe four jackets tied around your waist. In the other arm, he has Harry Potter books, three of them. The entire team is dying laughing. And on top of it, he has a night count that he has bought at the airport.

- Yep, yeah, that Marcus told us about, but I couldn't put the night count in my luggage because of the weight limit. So I had to squeeze that into my backpack as well. - Yeah.

- And it was not a night count for David. It was a night count for his beautiful pregnant wife. They're expecting their second daughter. And, you know, what I love about this story is that in life, you can't control what's happening,

but you can always choose how you respond to it.

- Thank you for letting me share that story, David. Everyone, David Faxon, Faxon, you are the best. And you know, I'm telling you, every single day. There were dozens of things that would have normally made my stress level go through the roof.

And that's why I'm so proud of the fact that I just through every twist and turn and logistical nightmare and things that went wrong. I was just like, (sighs) be present, stay calm, let them focus on

what's in your control, Mel, that's let me part. And one of the biggest things that went wrong happened in Sydney, Australia. It happened live in front of 9,000 people. And I'm gonna tell you that story next.

But first, I need to take a quick break.

So we can hear a word from our amazing sponsors.

But when we come back, I've so many more hilarious stories with awesome takeaways. And then you and I have got to answer that second question of this amazing reset and reconnection too. So don't go anywhere, stay with me.

(upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Welcome back at your friend Mel Robbins and today, you and I are hitting the reset button together, reconnecting and we're answering two questions

that are gonna really make you feel better about where you are and where you're going. Now, before the break, I asked you the first question,

“which is, what have you done this year that you're proud of?”

And I was just starting to tell you the story of something that went crazy wrong in Sydney. Now, let me just set the table for you. This was the biggest show of the entire three month tour. There were 9,000 people in the audience, 9,000.

And the tour is about two hours long and it's not me doing a podcast interview, it's not me giving a speech, it's a show. One of the big things in the tour is I wanted this tour to end with a massive confetti explosion.

And the reason why I wanted this is because our family went to see coal play. I love coal play. And there's a lot of moments during the coal play concert where they are exploding confetti

and it's in shapes like stars and butterflies. And you see all these people on the floor of the arena they're playing in and they're getting shoured in this confetti. And we had really good seats.

They were kind of in that like wrong of seats that are right at the edge of the field. I almost dislocated my shoulder, trying to reach for the confetti. I mean, the confetti was like right there.

And it was such a bummer to see all these people shoured in it and taking photos and we couldn't quite reach it.

I want to do this theater.

Like I'm talking super bold. I want the back rows to be able to feel the confetti. I want this huge celebration and joy and just to honor the audience and to have it be experiential. So we've got this show in Sydney.

The biggest show of the whole tour. It is our sixth show in the stretch from New Zealand through Australia. We have our sixth confetti candidates. We have the biggest amount of people.

And they're in this arena that goes like straight up. So we can get the confetti to the top. And at the end of the show, I sign off the show saying the exact same thing that I say to you at the end of every podcast that I love you.

“And I believe in you and I believe in your ability”

to create a better life. And then I pause and I say now go blank, do it. And the confetti's like, except for Sydney, the biggest show of the entire tour. You want to know what the confetti sounded like,

a small silent fart. That's it. That's it. That was it. It was one of the sixth candidates.

The confetti didn't even hit the furrow. That's it. There we go. OK. And you want to know some incredible,

because I'm really proud of it.

I'm not proud of the confetti, but here's what I'm proud of.

I'm proud of the fact that I didn't even get upset about it. I wasn't angry. I didn't snap at anybody.

“I didn't yell at anybody because here's the thing.”

Do you think the person running the confetti canons actually meant to do that on purpose? Of course not. And wishing about things going differently robs me of the ability to celebrate how epic the show was.

And how amazing the audience was. And that's why I'm so proud of managing my stress, because I didn't rob myself of all the good things that happened by over indexing and gripping all the things that didn't or that didn't go right.

And now we can have a laugh about it because it's the show where the confetti farted. That's what it is. And all 9,000 people still had an absolutely epic, incredible, electric, life-changing experience.

And those are just three examples of some of the crazy things that happened. But here is the other thing that I found to be incredibly difficult to manage. And I really want to give another shout out

to everybody who is a musician. Your tour schedules where you are sleeping on buses and you are going from performing night after night, after night, after night and the loadings the same day, if you're not in the music industry

or you've never told you have no idea

how grueling of a schedule this is. Here's a sample schedule. You land in a city in the afternoon or you pull in in your bus. You check into a hotel.

And then that's it. You kind of go over lines. You figure out what you're doing. The next morning, 7 a.m. you load in. You load in all the equipment.

We have to build the full set.

“You have to build the huge screen, the lighting racks.”

You've got to test it all. You've got to wire in all the technology. That takes until about, I don't know, 3 p.m. then we roll over forward tech rehearsals because we've got to settle the cameras.

There are five cameras. We've got to run through the show. We've got to run through changes. We've got to meet the local team that's going to be moving sets on and off.

Then I go out into the lobby. I sign 500 bucks. Then I introduce myself to all of the people that are working as usher at the event. We were also doing some activations for pure genius

protein. My protein shot company handing out free samples. And so I then greeted all of the people that we were hiring in each city to be handing out samples. And talking to the fans that were coming.

Then I go backstage. And this is probably now about five or six o'clock. Now we're doing makeup and getting ready. Doors open at 630. The crowd is running through at 630.

The show begins at 730 with a friend of mine Sam who dresses as a drag queen version of me, a mellow drama. Oh my god, I got to tell you about this thing that happened. This might be my favorite moment of the entire tour.

This happened in Vancouver, the matinee show on Mother's Day. If you were there, you know how extraordinary this is.

mellow drama.

And he kind of warms up the audience as funny as hell.

Then he goes out in to the audience because I really want to the audience. And every person there because a lot of people come alone to feel threaded through the entire experience and to feel connected to and part of the community that's there.

And so he goes out and he talks to people and it's hilarious. And he came up to this woman. I believe her name was Colleen. And he was asking, is anybody have a birthday? And she raised her hand.

And she said, my birthday was last week.

“And he said, well, what are you celebrating for your birthday?”

And she said, well, my birthday wish is to beat this damn cancer. And Sam turns around to the entire group of there's almost 3,000 people. This is pre-show at the Orfium in Vancouver. And says to the crowd, all the lights are on shows kind of like

we're in pre-show zone. Says to the entire crowd, who here wants to grant that birthday wish for Colleen. So she beats the entire theater erupted onto their feet. Jumping up and down and screaming and shouting for Colleen.

She collapsed in tears. I was backstage kind of watching the whole thing. And Marcus, who is our tour director, ran up to me and said, let's sign a book for her. So I'm backstage signing a book.

So this is all going down live to see people walk into a theater as strangers.

“And in one sentence, get up on their feet and celebration of”

someone's fight for their life as she's facing this cancer diagnosis was for sure the highlight of the tour. And again, if I had been stressed out backstage, worrying about all kinds of stuff, I would have missed it. And I am coming back from this tour, not only proud of myself,

that I managed my stress and had fun and was present and calm and experienced all the magic. But I feel so full from that energy of you and your fellow listeners and so clear about some of the topics we need to be discussing.

Some of the changes I want to make to the types of episodes that we've been doing on this podcast. And I also am very clear that I want to have a closer connection to you. And so one thing I'm going to tell you is if you're not on the newsletter

that goes out twice a week, it is free. Go to melorobin.com/newsletter because I write a personal letter twice a week. And that way, you don't miss a thing.

“And you'll be joining two million other people”

that receive that letter for me every single week on Mondays and Thursdays. And I would love to stay connected with you because we're going to be doing a lot more in the future around this podcast.

We're going to be taking more questions. We're looking into ways to do interesting events or to do kind of live experiences around the releases of podcasts. Nothing is set in stone yet, but I'm just super excited to be more connected with you and to find ways

that we can create opportunities for you to be in rooms and experiences like that.

So the first question of this reset is thinking about this year.

What do you proud of? What do you proud of that you've experienced? What do you proud of that you've done? What do you proud of that you've been working on? One thing that you're proud of.

And I promise you if you look, you will find that thing. And then I want you to take a moment and I want you to really sit with it and pat yourself on the back and ask yourself, well, why am I proud of that?

Because I bet that there's something a little bit deeper that will get revealed. You're going to realize, wow, I'm proud of this because I recognize that I'm changing.

I'm proud of this because I see that I am putting myself first.

I'm proud of this because I see that I'm doing the things that are important to me. I'm proud of myself because I've really shown up for other people and I've managed this challenge really well and I'm stronger than I think.

So that's the first question. What have you done this year that you're proud of? Now let's talk about the second question. What are you looking forward to? I mean, when you think about now, until the end of this year,

what are you looking forward to? Because the time is going to come and it's going to go,

And with the time that you have left this year,

what are you looking forward to? And I want you to really think about this. What is something in your life that's personal to you that you are truly looking forward to? And if your answer is, Mel, I have no idea.

Or nothing, or maybe it's like I don't even have time to think about what I'm looking forward to. I'm just trying to survive and get through the day.

“That is really important and honest information.”

And I'm glad that you're being honest with me. Because when you have nothing to look forward to for the remainder of the year, this is one of the reasons why life feels so hard. This is why one day bleeds into the next.

This is why you feel like you're in autopilot and survival mode because every single day is the same thing. Wake up, answer the text, check social media, make coffee, go to work, come home, figure out dinner,

clean something, scroll, go to bed too late, make yourself wrong, lay in bed and think about your problems, wake up, do it again, no wonder life feels flat right now. Because everything is responsibility. Everything about life is managing

or taking care of other people. It's about what's next or work or oh my God, nothing is, I can't wait for this thing that's happening. And there's a scientific reason, why it's important to have that feeling of anticipation,

that sense of I can't wait for that thing to happen, whether it's a wedding or it's a concert or it's some trip that you're taking or somebody that you're seeing.

And this research was first shared on this podcast

by Dr. Tollie Sharip. Now she's a renowned neuroscientist who's taught at University College London MIT, she's the director of the effective brain lab at University College London.

Her research is very interesting because it's sort of this intersection between neuroscience, psychology, and behavioral economics. And her real expertise is studying how emotions influence your beliefs, your decisions,

and your behavior. So Dr. Tollie Sharip came on the podcast and explained this concept of why it is that we can get into this rut. See what happens is your brain loves familiarity.

In fact, it is designed to learn patterns. But when your brain gets used to something, whether it's the way that you're moving through your day, you wake up, you go to work, you drive the same way, it's the same emergencies, same stress, same people,

same conversations, you drive home the same way, you cook the same three meals, you watch the same stuff, you scroll the same, you go to bed. There's something happening in your brain where it stops noticing all the good things.

It stops paying attention to change. And the more familiar something becomes, the less your brain reacts to what you're doing. This is what Dr. Tollie Sharip calls habituation. And here's the catch, and this is why I'm bringing it up.

If you're kind of in one of these modes in life where it's the same old same old, oh my God. Yes, the less your brain is reacting to the same old same old. But it's also reacting less to the good stuff. That's why you can love your house,

but stop appreciating it.

“That's why you can love your partner or your dog,”

but you get used to them. That's why you can have a life or a state of health that you work really hard for, but still feel kind of flat. Dr. Tollie Sharip would say, this is a sign that your brain has quote habituated.

It is gotten used to the day to day, whether the day to day is hard or the day to day is good. It's just the same old same old. One of the fastest ways to just wake your brain back up, snap you back into the moment, is novelty.

Something different, something new. Something on the calendar to look forward to something to anticipate. And that means that putting something on your calendar, it isn't just this tiny little thing to shake things up. Oh my gosh, the research is so cool

because it gives your mind somewhere good to go. It helps you get out of the day to day

and escape it for a second and time travel

and anticipate something that reminds you of who you are, that reminds you that life isn't just work. It isn't just caretaking. It isn't just scrolling on social media. Life is meant to be lived.

And you can experience that now by putting something in the future that you look forward to. And so as you answer this question,

“between now and the end of the year, what are you looking forward to?”

I'm going to share some of the things

because I'm hoping to spark something in you,

“to inspire you, to remind you of parts of you”

that you may have forgotten.

And the very first thing that comes to mind,

because this is happening in just a couple days, I am going on this trip that I am so excited about. It has been in the works for two years. It is a backpacking, camping, and white water rafting trip with art family.

And even cooler, we're going with two families that we love that are kids grew up with. And I am so looking forward to this for a number of reasons. I'm looking forward to this because I love to camp. I love white water rafting.

I love being on the river. I love hiking in canyons. And I love having our family together. And I also love experiencing these kinds of trips with friends and their families.

And this is a big one because this trip has been on the calendar. Oh my gosh, well, it's been on the calendar for 18 months, but it's been in planning mode for almost three years. We started the Grand Canyon. We then hike down a full day hike.

This thing sounds like a death march in the desert. We have to carry all of our own stuff down on our packs. This hike is like nine hours long. It's going to be a hundred degrees.

“Honestly, all of the materials are scaring the hell out of me.”

Then we climb into rafs. And it's just our three families in the guides. And we are rafting for nine days and eight nights. Camping along the river every night, sleeping in tents, pooping in a bucket. We are three days away from leaving for this trip.

And we have tons of gear. So it's all spread out. We're laying out gear. We're trying to figure out what to bring. Our son Oakley has this like beautiful new backpack that he's just bought.

That's only two pounds. And Chris has all this technical gear. And Sawyer did a backpacking trip through Asia for four months solo. And so she's got a pack that's like two years old. And they're on the floor of our basement is my pack.

Now, this pack is an OG. I bought this backpack in Grand Rapids, Michigan. And in 1986, because I was heading off as a freshman at Dartmouth College. I hate having to do math on the podcast. How long ago was 1986?

How long ago was that everybody? What? 39 year, somebody check his math. 1986. Wait, I graduated from high school 40 years ago?

Oh, my God. In fact, you guys, let's go get this thing. I'm going to run down to the basement while we take a quick break.

So you can hear a word from our incredible sponsors.

And if you're loving this episode, if you're thinking about somebody that you're proud of,

“or somebody that you really want to organize something that you have to look forward to”

for the remainder of the year, share this episode with them. Someone who needs the reset, someone who's been checking in on everybody else, but maybe hasn't checked in with themselves lately, be generous. And copy the link, put it in a text, and send it to them. And I promise you, this episode's going to inspire them to want to create something,

to look forward to with you. Alrighty, don't go anywhere, because when we come back, I'm going to be here with that backpack and another story to tell you. Stay with them. Welcome back at your friend Mel Robbins.

And today, you and I are reconnecting and doing a mid-year reset. And we're answering these two questions.

The first one, we've already answered, which is all about like,

"What are you proud of that's already happened this year?" And the second one, we're digging into, which is, "What do you have to look forward to?" And I promised you before the break that I was going to go to the basement, and I was going to drag my old pack up here so you can see that I am not exaggerating. This sucker is ancient history.

And so, let me show you this back. Here she is, everybody. This is the, oh, God, smells like it's 39 years old. It's a low alpine backpack. Holy, this thing weighs.

I've been doing resistance training, so I'm now familiar with weights. Everybody, this feels like a seven-pounder. This is really heavy. Wait, David, is it 39 or 40? I've now got the backpack in my arms if you're listening in the audio.

39 or 40 years. 39 years and four months is how old this sucker is.

It means stuff is going to fall out. It is stained to the hill. This backpack, holy cow. I have, I have climbed mountains. I have gone to the wind river range.

“I've gone down the Talichalitna and Alaska with this sucker.”

It is stained. It is heavy. It has served me well. So here's the question. Should I get a new one?

What do you think? You know, I'm the kind of person that really, I kind of like rolling into a situation with the worst equipment. And then smoking it. And everybody's shocked that I'm actually a great hiker with a outdated,

almost four decade-old ripped backpack, you know, held together with duct tape. But I'm kind of feeling like I'm not doing myself any favors. Because I don't want a repeat of what happened on our last big hiking trip. Now, you may remember this story. And if you're brand new to the podcast, don't worry.

I will just give you the details of it because I did an entire episode. A couple summers ago about this. But here's the short version. Our family loves hiking and camping. And we drove eight hours.

A couple summers ago to backster state park in Maine to climb Mount Katodin in Maine. Now, this is a huge family trip, a big bucket list. And if you don't know why Mount Katodin is such a cool mountain, it is the northern end of the Appalachian Trail. Meaning people that do through hiking of the Appalachian Trail,

they either start the through hike at Mount Katodin or they end it there. It is steep. It is rocky. I'm talking boulders, the size of Volkswagen bugs. It takes all day.

You got to start at the crack a dawn. So we prep. My husband is Mr. Camper. He's a nose alum.

He was on the nose advisory board, which basically mean the guy loves to live outside.

The man would live in a yurt if I allowed him to. But I'm not going to allow him to because you smell when you camp in a yurt. But that's a different story. So here we are. We have been prepping for a week.

Chris had spent the entire day before the drive packing up the pickup truck. We were constantly checking the list. Constantly like you got this, you got this. And of course, we are all over our three adult kids because we think they're the ones

“who are not going to remember something important.”

So we pull into the park after eight hours in the pickup truck. And all of a sudden I realize, oh my god. My hiking boots are sitting on the back porch in freaking Vermont eight hours from here. The only shoes that I have are broken stocks, broken stocks to climb a mountain.

When I realize this, I put my hands on my face and just bowed my head.

Everyone in the car went silent, but here's what we did.

We turned around. We drove 45 minutes in the wrong direction because backster stay park is in the middle of nowhere. We found a tiny farm supply store. And there between the mock boots and the work boots was a single pair of hiking boots. Brando and they were my size.

Now, there were little tight. They were extremely stiff, which if you know anything about hiking or doing a 5k or doing anything, you do not buy brand new things. You do not break in for this kind of thing, but I'm going to tell myself, I said, that's it, this is a sign.

This is a sign that everything's going to be okay. And I told myself, these boots are going to be unbelievable. These boots right here, these are going to be magic boots. And you know what happened? I climbed the mountain 12 hours, zero blisters.

And the thing that I want to say about this is that one of the things that I'm super proud of about that moment, you get a choice about what your mindset is going to be. And I could have easily allowed my mindset and my attitude to be, okay, well, I have boots, but I'm screwed. I'm going to have blisters the size of Mount Katadden by the time we're done.

I'm never going to make it up the mountain.

This is going to be horrible. Might even be better in my broken stocks. This is going to like, this isn't going to work. And if I had gone down that road, I guarantee you I would have had blisters the size of Mount Katadden, and I wouldn't have made it up the mountain.

But because in that moment, when I saw the boots and I'm like, these are my size, I can make these work, and I'm going to start tying myself. These are going to be the best boots on the planet. I'm not going to have blisters.

“I swear to God, mind over matter, and it taught me an important lesson.”

Your settings in your mind about what you believe is going to happen. Change what is going to happen. You get a choice about whether or not you're going to say today's going to be a good day,

You get a choice about whether or not you say I can figure this out.

It's going to be better than I thought, or I'm screwed. And so think about something right now that you're dreading or that you have a negative attitude about. And I want you to apply what I just told you about the hiking boots to it. What could you say to yourself instead? Can you say, I can figure this out. I'm under-prepared, but I can figure this out.

I'm nervous, and I can still do it. This is going to go way better than I think it's going to. I can make an mistake and still have an incredible experience and learn for it. That's what I want you to do in your life.

“And honestly, that's what I'm choosing to do about this incredible trip going down the Grand Canyon.”

And what I'm really excited about when I think about why I'm looking forward to this is that when you know, Chris and I were younger and our kids were really little, this is what we did all the time. We were always camping.

We did this before we had kids. Chris and I were always fly fishing or hiking or camping

or out in the backcountry. In fact, our honeymoon, we went on a fly fishing trip to Montana in the middle of nowhere, twin bridges. Give you a big shout out there. And part of it is because we both love being outside. I grew up in Western Michigan and was always outside and Chris grew up hiking and skiing in Vermont. And you know, that was part of our life. And then what happens? Life happens. Kids, work, schedules, sports, bills, aging parents,

dogs, homes, responsibility and little by little. The things that you used to do, they just somehow slip through your fingers and drift out of your life, not because you don't love them anymore. But because you stopped making room for them. And I think that's one of the reasons why I'm so excited about this trip. And I bet there's something in your life. There's something that you used to do. And often when somebody asks you what are you looking forward to, you think

about things that are new. But maybe there's something to look forward to that's you bringing back

“the old. Something that makes you feel like yourself again. Maybe you need to pick up the guitar.”

Maybe you need to sign up for dance lessons. Maybe you need to take a Saturday and go fishing for the afternoon. I mean, what did you use to do that made you feel alive? What did you and your

partner do when you were first dating? What did you actually love to do before life got so full?

Did you cycle all the time? Chris used to do that. He used to do triathlons. Would you sit in a coffee shop and read for hours? Were you in a bookroom? Did you play tennis? Did you paint? See, having something to look forward to is important because it reminds you that your life isn't just about what you're dealing with today. It helps you pull your head out of the routine and look ahead and go, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I get to enjoy my life. It makes you feel excited again. It gives

you a little spark. So what is it for you that you're looking forward to? And it doesn't have to be something big. Maybe it's a wedding that's coming up. Maybe it's one of your kids that are coming home. Maybe you're playing in a golf tournament. Maybe you're realizing, wait, I don't have

“anything and maybe that's why I feel so down. I need something to look forward to. In one”

thing you could do is you could reach out to friends. It's our 30th wedding anniversary this year. And Chris and I talked about whether or not we were going to do a big party. And one of the things about a big party, there are a lot of fun. But when you're hosting a big party, do you ever really talk to anybody? No, of course not. Neither do I because I'm busy throwing the party. And so I said to Chris instead, why don't we just make a list? And let's pick all of our favorite friends that don't

live near us. And let's schedule like five weekends where we invite people to come hang out with us or we go to them. And so another thing that I'm looking forward to, steal this idea is we have groups of friends coming to Vermont and groups of friends gathering in other places five different weekends. And in fact, I'm going to invite you to one of them right now because one of the weekends is August 21st. I am doing something so cool. And I want you to come hang out with me. I'm throwing

out the opening pitch for the red socks. It's a Friday night game at Fenway Park at 7 p.m. Your friend Mel is going to be on that mound. I'm going to launch that ball. I'm going to be practicing. I want to make you proud. But it's let them night. And our daughter Kendall is singing the national

experience to look forward to with you. And we've got a ton of friends coming into Boston to be

“able to be at the game that night. They're playing, I know you're going to ask me so they're playing”

the San Francisco Giants. It's August 21st Fenway Park. Talk about an epic summer night to look forward to. Plus it's let them night. Plus there's a bobblehead. Yep, it's the first time in red socks history. That they are doing a bobblehead to honor a woman. So if you're in the Boston area or if it's

always been on your bucket list to experience Fenway Park and an evening Friday night game with

the red socks in that historic stadium come hang with me. And then we both have the same thing to look forward to. I've been blabbing on and on. I'm looking forward to the Grand Canyon trip. I'm looking forward to all of these groups of friends that we're going to be seeing. I'm looking forward to let them night at Fenway Park on August 21st and seeing you there. Now it's your turn. What are you looking forward to? And if there's nothing that comes to mind or there's nothing

in the calendar, don't feel bad about that. It's just a cue. It's a cue that you got to put some in there. And so I want you to pick one thing. Because as I've been jammering on and on and on about

camping and about concerts and about just making dates to see friends. Oh, I got another thing I'm

looking forward to. My niece is getting married. My niece is getting married in the fall. I'm looking forward to that because we're going to see a lot of family that I really love and I don't see very often. Do you have something like that? Put it in the calendar. And if you don't have

“something like that, I want you to pick something. What is something that brings you joy?”

Whether it's something you used to do or it's something that you've been wanting to do. And here's one more thing. As your friend, I want to nudge you to do this. Is there someone else that you could invite to do it with you? Like, is there a bluegrass festival that you wanted to go to? Is there a tennis clinic that you wanted to play in? Is there a trail that you've been wanting to hike that is just, you know, an hour outside the city you live in? Send the person the text. You want

to do this with me? That's it. And if they say no, what them? Then ask someone else or go by yourself. But don't put your life on hold. Don't just stay in autopilot. Do in the same old same old. Because here's one thing that I'm going to keep reminding you. If you change nothing, nothing changes. Nothing. If you change nothing, nothing changes. And one thing I want you to change is I want you to have something to look forward to. The research on this is very clear.

And I think is you're listening to me and you're thinking about your own life. You're either thinking, well, it's nice for me. Or you think, God, I got to get myself back. I got to have, I got a host, a neighborhood barbecue. I got to do something. And I'm begging you. The future that you want, the things that you are looking forward to in the future they start today. They start by picking a date, picking a thing, making a plan, sending the text, buying the tickets, or just

organizing the group that's going to go on that hike. And you deserve to have something in your life that makes you look up and go, oh my God, I can't wait for that. I can't wait for that. And the things that are out in the future that you're really excited about are also important because they help you get through the challenges that you're facing today. They remind you of who you

“are. They remind you that life is more than bills and going to work and grocery shopping and”

trying to do laundry and trying to answer all the emails. There are parts of your life that are meant to be enjoyed. But don't make the mistake that I made of just assuming that somehow it's all going to magically fall out of the sky. If you don't have something to look forward to as your friend, I'm telling you right now, I don't want you to do another thing after you're done listening to this, but to create something to look forward to because you deserve that. So that's it. I told you,

we were just going to hang out and talk as if we're on a walk today and let me just remind you of the two things that you're taking away from this episode because these are the two things I'm taking away.

First, stop and give yourself more credit. You are doing so much for everybody. You're taking care of

everybody else. You're going to work. You're doing all kinds of stuff. Okay. And yet you're not giving yourself enough credit. Stop measuring your life by the things that you haven't done. Instead, I want you to ask yourself, well, what have I done this year that I'm proud of? That's it. What's one thing that you're proud of? And take a moment to really acknowledge yourself.

And if there's something there, just like save for it for a minute. Because if you close your eyes

and you think about that wedding or you think about that trip or you think about when you're

“adult kids are coming home or you think about, that's how you can tap into the power”

to lift yourself up right now. And you know, I want to be clear about some because this has been a very difficult year for a lot of reasons. And no matter where you are right now, no matter

what kind of year that you've had so far. Using these two questions, you have the power within

yourself to reset the way you experience the rest of the year. You will tap into the resilience inside of you. That's already there. It was just waiting for these two questions. To remind you that, yes, you have the power to feel proud of some of the little things that you've already done this year. You have the power to feel proud of how you showed up for other people

to feel proud of the weight that you've been carrying. And you still get out of bed and you

still go to work. You have the power to feel proud that you graduated or that you got that new job or that you got through that breakup. Those are things that you deserve to take a moment and go, you know what? Well done. There are lots of things that you have done a great job of this year. And I want you to take a moment and say, well done. And you also have the power to create something

“to look forward to and don't underestimate how important that is. Remember what I like to tell you”

if you change nothing, nothing changes. And the one thing that you could change is putting something out there that gives you a reason to look forward to the rest of the year because I want you to have that. And one more thing. In case no one else has told you this, as your friend, I wanted to be sure to tell you. I love you. I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. Answering these two questions, hitting the reset, reminding yourself that there

are things that you deserve and should feel proud of and taking the time to put something out into the future for the remainder of the year that gives you something to look forward to,

“of course that's going to make your life better. And that's why I'm so excited that you spent”

this time with me because that's what I want for you. Alrighty, I will see you in the very next episode. I'm going to be waiting for you the moment you hit play. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist

and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.