Childhood Crushes: The Moth Podcast

experiences as simultaneously embarrassing and thrilling as a childhood crush. Whether you were brave enough to approach the object of your affections or were more of a pining from a far-type. In this episode, we have two stories of childhood crushes and all of the

ties and lows they entailed. My very first crush was on Kyle S in my kindergarten class.

He had boy band hair, could run really fast on the playground and just generally made my five-year-old heart beat fast. I don't think I ever had the courage to actually say one

“single word to him. A crush theme that would follow me through my childhood, but I still remember”

getting goose bumps whenever I saw him smile. Our first storyteller was a bit braver than I was in his pursuit of young love. Tim Lopez told this story at a New York City Grand slam where the theme of the night was fuel to the fire. Here's Tim live at the mosque. All right, hello. All right, so it was the first day of sixth grade, which was the last year of elementary school. The quasi-romantic but completely non-sexual tension was running high.

Years of simmering feelings, required aid, and/or unrequited crushes, and general pre-teen angues that come to a boil. In this, our last year altogether before being scattered to the winds of junior high. Everybody knew who they liked, everybody knew who they liked, and this social order was basically pretty much determined. And there was this crazy sense of urgency in

“the air, you know, like a manic, it's now or never a kind of feeling, you know, like you're”

up before the war. And into this powder keg of, you know, proto-horamones, watched what could only

be described in today's terms as a game-changer. Her name was Renica Powers, and she sauntered into

our classroom, but if she'd sprung from the pages of a J. Crew catalog. She had very long, curly blonde hair, bright blue eyes, faint dusting of freckles, and this like kind of perfect smile framed by these absolutely symmetrical dimples. She was empirically speaking the cutest girl of all time. And, in addition, you know, she had some personality, you know, she had p-p-p-nash, you know, style. And as soon as she walked in our classroom, you could practically

hear the sound of our collective innocence shattering. Every guy immediately fell into some kind of love with her, and fierce competition in suit to see who would get her attention. Now, personally, I felt like I kind of had the inside lane on this. I was the class comedian. I don't say clown, because I feel like it demeans my work. And people really seem, you know, I knew where I stood. You know, I felt like I was respected among my peers. You know,

I felt like all I really had to do to get her was turned on the proverbial charm. Unfortunately, it became abundantly clear early on that she was more beam-used than amused by my antics. I tried everything. I pulled out all the stops. I started with some physical, slapstick stuff that was kind of a specialty of mine at the time. And that didn't work. I moved on to kind of some more cerebral things. Topical references, nothing. Nothing was landing at

all. And everything really hit a low point. This one time, on the playground, we were all out there. I was doing some bits. Things were working. I felt like everything was fine. I was getting laughs.

“And then when it kind of died down, Renica says, "In front of everybody." So, do you think you're funny?”

And I said, "Well, yeah." And she says, "Huh." You know, I just don't think you're quite as funny as you think you are. I mean, which was like out. You know, but A, she was right. Let's be real.

B, who even says that, though? And see, she basically dismantled my entire, you know, 12-year

identity of my own self as a human being. In one sense, which in this perverse way just made me like her even more and want to impress her. So, after that, I really toned down my act. I backed off quite a bit until Christmas time rolled around, it was time for the annual Secret Santa. And, you know, I pulled the name out of the hat. I unfolded a little piece of paper and I saw the name, written in purple ink, "Renica Powers" with a little heart dot over the eye. And I thought,

this is perfect. This is my chance. This is my chance to impress her. And so I went home and I told my mom, I said, "Mom, you know, this is girl that I like at school." And, you know, I have to get her a gift for Christmas and I want something that's going to really impress her. And my mom said, "Okay, how about jewelry?" When I said jewelry sounds good. So, we went to the mall, went to Macy's and we picked out this broach. It was like a gold. It was a great broach, right? It was

gold. It was a reindeer. And it had like a little red, clearly fake ruby notes. And so I was like,

We're driving home. And I just thought it's feeling like, I don't know about this. I don't know,

“this doesn't have enough punch. No, it doesn't have enough penash. And so the next day at school,”

our class went to go visit the third grade class and their exhibition of gingerbread houses,

an annual tradition. And, you know, as we're all in line, I'm a few steps behind Renica on a friend. And we get to this one gingerbread house is very, very evenly decorated and festooned with these gourmet jelly beans. And Renica says to her friend, "Oh my God, gourmet jelly beans. I love these." And her friend's like, "What are gourmet jelly beans?" And she's like, you know, they're like regular jelly beans. Except they have these like crazy flavors, you know, like, "Rouper and coconut and margarita."

And her face totally lights up. And she's like, "I love gourmet jelly beans." And I look and I'm like, that's it. gourmet jelly beans. But I go home to my mom and I'm like, "Mom, we have to go to the mall. Now, I need to get gourmet jelly beans." My mom says, "What are gourmet jelly beans?" And I'm like, they're just like, they're regular jelly beans. Except they have these like crazy flavors, you know, like margarita and pinucolata. And my mom says, "Are these for kids?"

And I said, "I don't know, and I don't care." So she drives me to the mall. I go to the sweet factory. I'm about to buy a pound of jelly beans. And then I decided by two pounds of jelly beans. Because I'm like, "This is, I'm not going to blow this for lack of jelly beans." So,

“I get the jelly beans. The next day is the big reveal, the secret Santa. I go over it.”

And I, you know, I had her the broach. It was a nice thing wrapped in everything and she opens the broach. And to tepid response, she's like, "Oh, yeah, it's nice." You know, like, "Thanks." And I was like, "And also, I got you this." And it's a bag and it's very wrapped. And she opens it. And she pulls out the jelly beans and they absolutely killed. She, I just saw the look on her face change. She went from kind of like, "It's neutral." Like, huh, until like, she literally did the,

"Ah, and then she said, "How did you know?" And I said, "I just knew." And, uh, she comes into hug me. She wraps her arms around me. And we shared this kind of hug. And I, you know, I feel her, like, cable knit sweater under my hands and like her hair is like on my neck.

And I feel something in the pit of my stomach that I've never felt before. And we take a step back from

each other and she looks at me and she gives me a look that I've definitely never seen before. On the next day, she shows up at school wearing the broach and she's my girlfriend. And yes. And you know, it took many, many, many, many more years for me to realize that, you're getting a girlfriend and keeping a girlfriend are too completely different. But that's a different story. Thank you very much.

That was Tim Lopez. Tim Lopez is a storyteller and teaching artist from Los Angeles. His stories have been heard on public radio stations and podcasts far and wide. He is also an educator with the math community and education programs where he works in local communities and with high school students to craft and perform true personal stories in New York City and beyond. Our stories this week gave me a very good excuse to get nosy and ask some friends

to share their own experiences of past crushes. So before we hear our next story, here's one from off host, Dan Wilburne. She said, his name was Marco and we were sworn enemies from 4th to 8th grade. During a school trip to the sand dunes, when I was sitting with my knees bent,

Marco sat in front of me and leaned his back against my legs. It was the first time a boy touched

me and 34 years later, he still crosses my mind whenever I see sand.

“Ooh, damn, my goodness. Truly an eighth grade romance for the ages. Honestly, just a romance”

for the ages and Marco, if you're listening, drop a sign. You can find us at mobstories on Instagram. And so far, you can go to the online shop. If your shop is full, then you will find the platform that's actually full. You just see the reason. Our whole story is already full, let's go. Now let's start our new test of shopping. Up next on the podcast, Janine Hilling. Janine told this story at a story slam in Melbourne, Australia,

where the theme of the night was creepy. Here's Janine, live at the mark. At 13, I was a small town bogan with a bad attitude and an even worse haircut. But the man in my dreams, he was everything I wasn't. He was handsome, he was sophisticated, he was from the city. He was also 23 years old and my teacher.

he was just an average looking guy who were the same jumper to school every single day.

“And it looked like it was made out of cat hair and tints, but back then,”

that wasn't the deal breakout that it might be today.

At first, at first I watched Mr. Charles, I loved Mr. Charles from afar. His house was just behind

ours, with just a vacant block in between. And so after school, when my parents were at work, I'd stand on the back veranda with a winy red and a pair of binoculars that I borrowed off my mum's friend Sue. And I'd watch him. And sometimes I get my camera and put it in between, like a really shit paparazzi and try and get candid shots of Mr. Charles taking his bins out. And that was okay for a while, but eventually I decided it was time to make my feelings known.

It was a risky move, but I knew just the person to help me with it. My friend Joe had an extensive

“collection of cosmopolitan magazines, and we would convince these things would help us find a way”

for me to impress Mr. Charles and make him want to be my boyfriend. So we read these things,

cover to cover. And eventually we found an article called something like 10 easy ways to sneer a man, or something terrifyingly, like cosmo like that. And the way we went with was like a nightclub situation where I could use these man-eating moves that I would learn from the accompanying article to seduce the object of my desire on the dance floor. And this was perfect because we had a school disco coming up at the very next week. So all week I practiced my moves and I picked out

the sexiest song I could think of. And by the time the disco came around, I felt like I was ready.

So there we are, me and Joe at the disco in the car park, neck half a bottle of caring

and blush, have a couple of quick darts, and I'll wobble up to the DJ booth, one glass, the eye on Mr. Charles, who's over there in the corner completely unaware of what is about to go down. I have a quick word with a DJ who winks and puts on my song, AC DC, you shook me all night long. With moves that look probably nothing, my the ones in cosmo, I had vanced towards Mr. Charles.

“And the thing I remember after all this time is just the look of pure horror.”

On this guy's face, he saw me coming. He looked around for another teacher to help him, but everyone was busy. He was all alone. I advanced, he retreated. I circled him like a sheep dog, eventually dancing him into the corner where he remained, presumably in a state of shock for the rest of the song. And I say presumably because by this time I was so intent on nailing my man-eating moves, I wasn't even paying attention to him anymore. I wasn't dancing with him,

I wasn't even dancing for him, I was dancing at him. When the song was over, I turned on my heel and I walked straight out of there because, according to Cosmo, this would add an air of mystery to the whole thing. And leave the object of your desire feeling like he didn't know what had hit him. So Jo joined me shortly afterwards and confirmed that I, my dance moves had been off the hook.

And being Mr. Charles definitely looked like someone who didn't know what had hit him. I was so excited to go to school the next day. I didn't know what this was going to mean for my Mr. Charles relationship, but I was pretty sure he was going to want to be my boyfriend. What I wasn't expecting was a trip to the guidance councilor's office. Hey, I told her everything. I need even had the nerve to call my dance moves bizarre and

inappropriate. I was Godhead, Mr. Charles did not want to be my boyfriend. I was moved to a new class pretty much immediately after that. And also I still saw Mr. Charles around when he wasn't quick enough to just duck into a doorway when he saw me coming. Eventually I just sort of filed that away in the part of my brain that I reserved for all of the many humiliating things I've done in my life. But nowadays when I think about it,

but there's another part of me that's almost a little bit proud of that dumb horny little dirt bag.

“Who was trying so hard to be the sassy sophisticated dirt bag she eventually became?”

That was Janine Hilling. Janine is a Melbourne-based writer and storyteller who comes from a long line of tail spinners. Her stories have been featured on ABC Radio National in Australia

and she's currently working on her first novel and a collection of short stories.

“Crashes like most things from our childhood can be kind of cringy to reflect on, but the stories in”

this episode remind us to look at the golden parts as well. The butterfly rush, the vulnerability,

and yes, the laughter. And that spirit I'll leave you with one last crush moment from

Martha's assistant producer Adrian Benton. Adrian said, from fifth grade through high school,

“I would write all my crush's names on a hidden spot on the wall in my bedroom.”

We painted the room recently, but you can still see faint sharpie underneath the white paint. Thank you to everyone who shared a moment or a story in this episode and to you for listening. From all of us here at the moth, have a story worthy week. Chloe Salmon is a producer on the moth's main stage and story slim teams, a director on the main stage and a member of the pitch line team. Her favorite moth moments come on

show days. When the cardio is done, the house lights go down and the magic settles in. This episode of the moth podcast was produced by me, Julia Purcell, with Sarah Austin, Janesse, Sarah Jane Johnson, and Chloe Salmon. Moth's stories are true as remembered and affirmed by storytellers. For more about our podcast information on pitching your story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.