Welcome to the mouth, I'm Mark Solinger.
Whenever I'm surprised, I make this sort of, well, the face I make is halfway between
a groundhog and a ferret. I sort of wrinkle my nose and give out this weird intake of breath that makes me sound like a character's Zach Alphanakis would play in a cringe comedy. I have absolutely no idea why I do it, and suffice it to say I am not that good at poker. But even though I do look like an absolute weirdo, even though some surprises can be
awful, on balance, I enjoy being surprised.
“I think it's the only way your life can change.”
So, on this episode, two stories about two very different kinds of shock and surprise,
both positive and negative. First sticker shock. This is from Susan Roady, who told it at a Chicago grand slam where the theme was dual breakers. Here's Susan, live at the mouth.
So Annie is nine years old and she is bright and talented and so independent. Her and her six-year-old brother have been living with my husband and I.
The last year and a half, in a temporary foster family situation, and it has
been quite the adventure.
“Last month, Annie asked if she could get a bird.”
Well, that's a hard no. I am more afraid of birds than I am anything else in the entire world. And I was surprised she took the no as well as she did. And then the next day, Amazon delivered a bird cage, a cover for the bird cage, a bird hammock, a bird swing, a bird bed, a bird water dish, a bird water dispenser, a bird food,
bird toys, everything for this bird to live its best life in Forest Park. And I was so angry. And I started towards her room, she knows better than this. And then I remembered Susan, you know better than this.
“Foster kids sometimes don't get all the guidance that they should get and sometimes have”
to make decisions and carry out those decisions that nine-year-olds shouldn't be making. So yes, it was my job to guide her into teacher and that made it easier for me to go in and say in, we need to return everything, everything. Number two, I'm taking Amazon off your phone. But I'm dying to know where were you going to get a bird.
I don't think Amazon sells birds. And what I thought was a rice mile of, oh, I didn't think of that, really meant just wait. And the next day, Amazon delivered a wild bird trap. Impressive, right?
So a week later, I bought the six-year-old a water pick. That sounds goofy, but he's got cavities already and I'm really worried and I thought this would help his dental hygiene. And I already knew I couldn't bring that home unless I had something for Annie. So I bought special adapters so they could all use the water pick.
And I made the mistake of telling Mark the six-year-old that this was his. And Annie couldn't stand it, she just lost it. And I spent so much time illogically using logic to help her understand that she could use the adapter as well. And we would all live happily ever after and she wasn't buying any of it.
And the next day, Amazon delivered a $52 water pick and three electric toothbrushes. So I walked in there and I'm going to take her phone away and I'm going to ground her
For years and she needs to learn.
These kids have such an emptiness because they miss their mom and dad and their family and their family's cooking. If an electric toothbrush and a water pick can fill that void for just a couple hours, it's a decision well made by her, not me. So I went back in there, I said, Annie, we got to return all this stuff again.
You can't keep doing this and she cried and she begged to keep just one electric toothbrush and I really wanted to give in, but I said no, Susan, she needs a strong consistent adult in her life more than she needs an electric toothbrush.
“So I returned that, but I said, but how, how did you place this order?”
I know I took Amazon off your phone and she was real honest, she said, oh, it's still on my tablet. So we went in her room and we found her tablet and I learned two things.
First, you cannot remove Amazon from a fire tablet, it is not possible.
And number two, the incoming message, I learned that there would be a delay in the delivery of the motorcycle, a $400 pink motorcycle. I was able to cancel that order. We are on 30 days without any unexpected Amazon deliveries, as she learned her lesson, doesn't matter.
“It is such a joy to have these two in my life and an honor to have the ability to take care”
of them right now. That was Susan Roding, Susan used a bit of her pandemic time to learn the art of storytelling and has appeared at Moss Lams, Grand Slams, and on PBS's stories from the stage. Susan works in higher ed, is most proud of her family and has been a licensed foster parent for the last 25 years.
I've got to say, I am very glad I didn't have access to Amazon when I was nine years old, I would have absolutely ordered so many Star Trek novels and expensive tennis rackets. Why yes, I was a very cool child with lots of friends.
The most surprised I've ever been, well, first I need to give a bit of context.
In addition to producing them off podcast, I also make weird audio drama, sort of like TV without the visuals. My producing partner and I work really hard on these and we're lucky enough that some of the podcasts we make are pretty popular. We're most well known for a show called Archive 81.
Occasionally, I'll do a quick Google of our shows to see what people are saying. I know you're not supposed to read your reviews, but I am only human. And on one of these quick Google's, I found something.
“Isn't it a review or people talking about the show?”
Instead, I found a site where a bunch of people had written "Fanfic" of the show I made, which was surprising on its own, but what was even more surprising was that some of the "Fanfic" was steamy, let's just say, very steamy. Also, at this point, I should note that in addition to writing and co-producing the show, I had voice a character that was sort of based on me and had the same name as me.
So essentially, the erotic "Fanfic" featured me, or the character I played, but basically
me. I didn't actually read any of it, I thought it would be awkward, and I genuinely think it's cool that people, you know, use something I made as an imaginative springboard. But yeah, that is the most surprised I have ever been. After the break, a story about a surprise of a very different sort, back in a moment.
"I have a show in Maldonado, and I'm the founder of Yaui, a singer who works on Kunstwerke
Has a unique specialized audience.
My role was "Fanfic" because "Fanfic" was to test the other platforms I tested with
ambe nutzer-friendly. I did everything in the future. All tools, which, for the
“development of "Fanfic" are important to be able to find out from the store, find”
it in the dashboard. Start now at your post-nosentestofshoppyfive.com. Welcome back. Our next story is from Steph Rogers. Who told this at a Chicago story slam where the theme was "making waves" - here's Steph live at the moment.
It's 33 in the morning when the phone rings, and I see that it's my son calling from California.
He's at college. 133 California time 33 Chicago time. That's a weird time to call. Hey Charlie, what's going on? He says, "Mom, I've been throwing up for the last 45 minutes, and my stomach is killing me."
“My son is 61. He's super cool. He's a surfer dude in California, but he runs a little”
anxious, too. And I know that if he's having an allergic reaction, I'll be able to see it because we've been through this. We've been prepared for this whole life. I've been there every moment. I say Charlie FaceTime, let me see your eyes, and he FaceTime's me, and I see his eyes. And I say, "Char, go get your happy pen."
And I'm here in Chicago. My son has in California 1,800 miles away, and he gets his happy pen, which is epinephrine in a needle, and you shove it into your thigh, and it stops an allergic reaction, usually, but the epi pen does not work. So he goes and he gets another epi pen, and that doesn't work. And I say, "Char, go wake up your roommate. Go get will." He wakes up his roommate and
before they know it, before we all know it, they're in the car, and I'm still on FaceTime. So I'm seeing and hearing everything that's going on in my son is starting to labor to breathe as he's telling will, "Go left. Go right. Go up there." And I'm sitting there. Help this. Help this. Help this. They get to the ER. My son gets in, and they immediately can see what's going on, and they rush him in. I'm still on FaceTime, because I'm right
there by his side. They put him on the bed, and suddenly the phone is face up. And all I hear is beep, beep, beep, and doctors and nurses and people, angels, angels working on my son. His blood history, his oxygen is dropping, get the mask, and they're injecting him with things, and I don't know what the hell they're doing. It's like I'm watching a movie, but it's real. It's my kid, 2000 miles away.
This goes on for about five minutes, and I'm panicking, and I'm holding my breath and I'm trying to act cool, and I know Will is trying to act cool, and Charlie's trying to act cool. And we're going to all trying to pretend like this is not a serious fucking situation. Like Charlie is not in anaphylaxis right now. And that is when his phone dies. And I'm staring at the wall, desperate in the dark in my kitchen. And all I want to do
is see my kid. So I start looking for flights to California, it's 430 in the morning, and I'm not clear headed. I just want to see him. So I open up my computer, and I look at my photos, and photos of him when he was little, when he was a little karate kid.
And when he was with my mother holding her, as if he never wanted to let go. Photos
“of him. Will the roommate calls me at about 530. And he says, Mrs. Rogers, I think Charlie's”
turned a corner. They think he's going to live. And I know, I know Will said, he's going to live, but I don't know it. Really, I can't see him. I can't see my kid. So I continue to just look at pictures of him and videos. And I see him there smiling and jumping around and playing tennis. And with his little gluten-free dairy-free nut-free brownie that I used to make for him for every stupid birthday party. So he could have a little something with
the other kids. And about seven in the morning, Charlie calls me. And he says, Hey,
Steffi, I bet you were thinking of getting on a plane, weren't you?
the days, just looking at more photos. Wishing I could be near my kid because you know,
“you prepare yourself for these moments. Parents of allergic kids, we are over, prepare, we”
are hyper prepared for everything. But yet I wasn't prepared. I didn't know how to call the hospital. I didn't even know what hospital they were in. I didn't know Will's number.
How do I not know his roommates? How do I not know the hospital name? I had let it go
because I had let my son go. It's okay to let go when you're a parent. But it's
“also okay to hold on a little bit later that night. He faced times me. And there they”
were bright, clear, alive, a little worn, a little sad. But there they were. His eyes. Thanks.
That was Steffi Roberts. Steffi is the producer and creative director of Story Jam. A
live lit storytelling show and podcast, which you can find online. She's also the founder
“of Story Jam Studio, which offers storytelling classes, workshops, and trainings for companies.”
That brings us to the end of our episode. Thank you so much for listening. We hope all your surprises are good ones. Mark Solinger is the podcast producer of the month, the co-creator of the audio drama, Archive 81, a lover of museums, and someone who feels very strange, reading his own bio. Susan Rody's story was coached by Larry Rosen. Steff Rogers's story was coached by Kate Tellers. This episode on the off podcast was produced by Sarah
Austin Geness, Sarah Jane Johnson and me, Mark Solinger. The rest of the month's leadership team includes Gina Duncan, Marina Kouchai, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardinalay, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rest, and Patricia Orenya. The month podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer Leah Riesdennis. All month stories are true as remembered by their storytellers. For more about our podcast information
on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website, theMoth.org. [BLANK_AUDIO]
