Sacrifice To Win

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“>> Normal is broken, common sense is weird.”

So we're here to help you transform your life from the Ramsey Network in the Fair Wins Credit Union Studio. This is the Ramsey Show. I'm Rachel Cruz hosting at this hour with Jade Warshaw, and we are answering your questions about life and money,

so give us a call and to plate a 25, 5, 2, 2, 5. >> At first we have Sue and Tampa, Florida. >> I Sue, welcome to the show. >> Hi, how are you? >> Hi, we're doing great.

How can we help? >> So the reason I reached out to you guys is because you're very Christian based.

And so my dilemma is, my mom's inner 70s never worked a traditional job,

where she could get social security on her own. So my parents got divorced when she was time for retirement. She did the calculation based on my dad's, and comes so she has a very small amount of social security. In her 50s, my dad helped her buy a house.

She sold it and went on the mission field and basically funded herself. Never was funded by a church. Whenever she'd have a financial crisis, she would reach out to my sister or I, and we had to help her rate.

So she's used a lot of this, like the Bible teaches us on her parents, and she uses that pretty much a little weapon to get me and my sister to continuously support her. So I wanted to reach out to you guys, because you are a Christian based company. Morely, like I'm being married with a blended family,

and we still have three minor kids in the house that we provide for, and like morely, our my sister, and I responsible for our mom for her choices. - Well, I mean, from a basic level, no. I feel like we're all adults, and we all get to make our decisions.

And as much as an honoring and respecting and taking care of our all three different categories of wording, right? So honoring is a very different thing than even just respecting,

“right, some parents like you need to respect means what the Bible says.”

I was like, no, no, it's so that I should honor you. What does that look like? It doesn't say that you have to fund every member of your family, including your parents financially, when they have been adults and haven't made good decisions.

It also says Sue, when they are you reap what you sow, decisions that you make about your life will come to fruition.

It also says take care of your family first or your worst than an unbeliever.

So you're taking care of your nuclear family first before anyone else, right? So I'm like, you can, you can bow to rounds, scripture as much as you want. And people can pull their punches and their own way of looking at it. And so I think, you know, what you're feeling is not wrong. And where you feel like you're being maybe taken advantage of

and stressed of taking care of your own family, you have to figure out priorities. And so where I would, where I would push you is to say, you're probably going to have to have a conversation around some boundaries. But also taking care of your family first and then out of the abundance of what

you have out of that if there is any in the season, and you guys choose then to help her, then that's one thing. But this idea of having to be forced into it is tough. I agree. I almost, if I were in your shoes,

“I believe I would try to remove her from the conversation as much as possible,”

because there's obviously some, whatever around that. And if I would just say, hey, there's an opportunity here for generosity. How do I feel about it? Do I want to do it and do I not?

And really, that's the bottom line.

Do I want to do this? Do I not? And if you don't, that's fine because you want to be a cheerful giver. And if you can't do this with a cheerful heart and it doesn't feel right. And it doesn't feel good, you shouldn't be giving under compulsion.

And that's exactly what this is. Is somebody's compelling you and trying to guilt you into something. And I think removing all that aside, you can really just feel that and go, it just doesn't feel good to me. And I think that's enough to make your decision, at least for today.

Right. OK. I just don't know where that line is between honoring her. And I feel like when I, I've had to put her on boundaries. She's like a get rich, quick scheme. Of course, then she gets sucked into that.

And so she has a lot of credit card debt. And instead of just giving her money, I've been trying to pay off her credit cards. But I've been limiting how much I pay towards it. Knowing that she's just going to re-wack it up.

That's right. Makes sense. That's right. And so it's like, so I do, I give her $152 a month. And it's like that that's really like my limit.

And then it's like, and then I have this internal battle of amy not honoring my mom.

I think I would go, I'm crying. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, she makes you. I think we make mistakes with people.

And I always tell people, like, when I go to heaven,

I don't, I don't, I don't, like, is this something that's going to stop me and my, where I, I feel where you, where I end up. Because she is so much told us, like,

“what do you part of honoring your women where you end up?”

Like, like, am I going to, am I really truly saved? If I'm a little friend. But also, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Um, I'm just going to speak freely here, Rachel. And I hope you do the same.

No, man, this is not going to, this is not going to the way that I believe. I believe that salvation is pretty simple and it's not something that we earn. It's a free gift that we accept. Right.

And this feels like something you would be doing to earn your salvation.

And also, I mean, it's just truthfully what you believe in Jesus Christ. Do you believe you got on the right, right? It's all that simple stuff. Right. Um, and I think that this is just, this guilt has got you in a chokehold.

And it feels manipulative to me. And I think that I'm not saying your mom's a bad person. I'm sure she is. But I think that she has a spiritual toxic relationship. Yeah.

Is the way that it's rubbing off on you? Yes. Go ahead, Rachel, because I know you got something to say. No, I mean, that's it.

It's, it's being used as a weapon.

And it's being used to corner you. And nothing in that is love, nothing in that. No. And so, so you are not, you are not in the wrong suit. You're not.

Because here's the deal, too. You keep, you know, you exchange your responsibility and debt and get rich quick. With something else, right?

“And if she was an alcoholic and she's like, you have to honor me and take care of me.”

And this is what I need to survive for the last few years of my life and just get like, you're harming her. And so, by you continuing to give money, Sue, actually is causing harm, because her behavior is not changing. And so, there is something to be said again.

I think about so much of how she has manipulation. It's a great word. Very toxic. Yeah. And it's really sad, because I think she's a very broken person.

And out of that brokenness, she has formed a really jacked up theology and has passed that onto her kids to you, to even have you question those kind of things. And I just hate, I hate that. I don't want to release that from you. Thank you so much.

So, no, I think I would do some studying if she keeps throwing that. And you, and even for your own conscious experience. I really want you to go and research that. I mean, honestly, you can find the original Hebrew. Great. You don't even like go back and understand the context of all of it.

For your own self, because I want you to make decisions, not out of weakness, but out of a power of knowing that this isn't okay decision for me to make. And I'm not a bad person because of it, because you're not Sue, you're not. And absolutely, so yeah, you, uh, good luck with you. And you may have to have some tough conversations and those boundary conversations are short and sweet.

Directed to the point. It's very kind, but it, but there's going to probably be some boundaries set up, because um, she's not in a good place and doesn't continue to show any level of behavior of healing and changing her patterns with money. If you're planning a summer trip, you're probably spending a lot of time getting everything ready, because responsible people prepare for things that matter.

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Next up, we have is it Gianna and Washington DC. Hi, welcome to the show. Hi, Rachel. Thank you so much for taking my call. It's so nice to be here today. Oh, it's good to talk to you. We are just in Washington DC last week with some of my kids and

“it was so fun. Such a great trip. So, it's a great area. But yeah, how can we help today?”

So, my question is, I'm 24 with about $22,000 left in federal student loan debt. I currently pay $500 a month to pay these loans down. I invest $500 a month in a fidelity mutual fund towards the house. Additionally, I contribute 6% to my 401(k) that my employer matches. So, my question is with the high cost of living in the area that I'm in. I feel behind on saving for a house. So, should I keep saving for a home with the $500 a month or focus on paying

off my student loans more aggressively?

All right. So, I hear a couple of things going on. First off, I think what you want to do,

I commend it. The fact that you want to say for a down payment, the fact that you want to be investing, and the fact that you're maybe thinking about paying off these student loans are all

“really good goals to have. The only thing that I would do is streamline this a little bit so”

that you can actually accomplish something. And it's really hard to accomplish something when you're doing multiple things at a time. All right. The way that I think about this, you've got 500 a month going to investments. You've got 6% whatever that number is going to 401(k) and there's also 22,000 a big chunk of money to pay off. And I like to think of it, Gianna, like if I had a picture

of water and I had like five or six different cups I needed to fill up, you can think of those

as your debts and you're just putting a little bit in each cup every month. It's going to take forever to fill up any of those cups. But if you take one month and you know, focus in for a while and say no, I'm going to put this whole picture in that one, you can actually fill up a glass and it feels great, right? So keep that in mind. And what I would suggest for you to do is let's pull back, let's say for temporarily, just for a little bit, let's hold investing, temporarily for a little bit,

let's hold off on the down payment and let's knock out these student loans because the longer we wait on those, the interest is just going to keep accruing. And if we had the full power of our income, how quickly could you knock out $22,000? Probably in two to three years, I would say. What do you earn? About 90,000 a year. Is it just you? I'm going to, I'm going to say 14 months. Yeah, I'm going to push you. I'm going to push you. If you, if you stop all of that because the six

percent that you're putting in, I mean, that's around yeah, yeah, $400 a month or so going there.

“So that plus the 500 plus what you're already doing. I think you could, and if you squeeze out”

some more in your budget and not go off teams, don't shop, delete Amazon off your phone. I think you could get 1,500 bucks a month. I know, I know. But we just found you a thousand a month. But I do years at the least. I think you could find at least 1,500. I think you could do that. And even if you worked an extra job at night, from maybe two or three nights a week, right, you'd like the faster you get this done, the faster, let's say that 1,500 dollars I was going to debt now is going to

investing in and down payment. And I would say depending on how urgent you are with the home, I probably would even pause investing to save up it's what we call baby step 3B. So after you are at a debt, get an emergency fund in place. So have some capsid aside for that. And then I would, I would spend probably two years saving up a down payment before I before I press play on investing because you're still young and I would, you're going to be fine. And I think the more you can get

that ball rolling and get into a home and get it put at least 5% down on a home. I think it's going to be a great step for you. And you'll have plenty of time for investing in retirement. I don't want you to wait too long. But in the next five years or so, paying off debt and emergency fund and a down payment, I think are great goals. And then just say by the time you're 28, 29, press play on investing and what you're going to be doing then, John, I'm just following the

baby steps as we're walking through this. And after you save that down payment is 15% of your income into retirement. So it'll be a little more than what you're even investing now. And you'll be fine. By the time you get to 59 and a half retirement age. Gianna, it's just right. No kids, no hubby.

Yeah, I would say. Which may change some of these numbers too, right? In a sense of

“location job, if you buy a home, if you don't. I mean, life is happening around our money,”

right, and so you kind of use our money to shift what is happening in our life, which is a great thing. And you know, the thing is, the other thing I want to throw at you is the idea that your single, I mean, you have a boyfriend, but you don't have, you know, babies and things like that going on. Now it's time to pick up a side hustle. Now it's the time to really, like if you want this to go quickly, pick up those extra hours, do that extra job. Because Rachel and I, if I

did the math well enough here, you, you should be, we just found you around $1,000. If you pick up another side hustle, were you making another $1,000? Well, gosh, there it is right there. Yeah. It's so, yeah, within your grasp. So I just want to remind you of that. And I want you, my personal homework for you would be, go home, go on RamseySolutions.com, and get on that investment calculator, Rachel, because when we have young cats calling in that are in their 20s,

and they feel like they're out of time, I'm like, please go play with the calculator. So you can see millions of dollars. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Yes. So please do that and do it with 15 percent of your income and do it from age 28, and you're going to be astounded by what you see. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, good luck to you, John. I mean, yeah. I would say follow the, follow the

Ramsey Baby steps. Get out of debt first, get an emergency fund, start staying for a down payment,

and then start investing, and you can do all of that in the next four years or so, and you will set yourself up so well. All right. Let's go to Brendan and Orlando, Florida. Hi. Welcome to the show.

“Hi. How are you doing? Hi. We're doing good. How are you? I'm good. Good. How can we help?”

Okay. So my question is, I'm 22. I have a card that I owe about $25,000 on. And I want to, I'm thinking about getting rid of it to get a truck in cash. So that I can start doing sidework. 'Cause I do HVAC. I work for a company, and I want to start doing side jobs with the truck. Awesome. How much do you make a year? Oh, last year. I also have a side hustle. I sell stuff online, like e-commerce. I last year I made around 75. Oh, good for you. Cool. What do you think you can

sell the car for? You owe $25 on it? On Kelly Bluebook, it says that it's worth about what I owe $25, but I know if I could get to a dealership that it'll probably be upside down. Yeah. Do you have money saved to go get a truck? Yes. I drive around $60,000 to save. Oh, my God. Good job. Well done, Brendan. What other debt do you have? That is it. That's it. No student loans, no credit card debt. What do you plan to spend? So, I mean, yeah, getting rid of the cars and no brainer, you break even on it.

Yep. No problem there. Out of the $60,000, what do you think you're going to spend on this truck in cash? Probably around $15. I love this for you. It's great. Yeah, that's a green light for us. For sure. And then you're doing a side hustle, because that's going to leave you enough,

“probably for an emergency fund. I think fully funded at that point. So I've just put the remainder”

of that money in just a high-yield savings account. You can open up a account with Fairwin's credit union. They're awesome. And just stick that in a high-yield savings for good about it. And then yeah, start getting to work and fund it. And start retirement investing, bro. Then do you have any investments open right now? Yes. About 40,000 of it is in a money market. And about 10,000 of it. I know Dave would kill me if he heard this is in a single talk. Oh, single cycle. Okay.

Also say crypto. I can't. We can guess all the things. But then the rectus honestly just cash was sitting. Okay. Yeah. Well, the homework I would give you is looking to opening up a Roth IRA for yourself. And you can vote. And I do have a Roth as well. Oh, you do. I just started around $2,200 in there.

Good for you. Amazing. Yes. And I think you can, I think you can max it out at $7,500 this year.

Yeah. And if you get to the point, I'd be put in 15 percent in there. You're a per cent. Fifteen percent off of every paycheck off the gross amount. Yes. And you're adulting my friend. Brendan, well done. 22. This is awesome. And the fact that you have $60,000 saved on the side for it. I mean, that's an easy call, Brendan. They know it. Yeah, your issues aren't issues. You're good. You're good to go. Thanks for calling.

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Play. All right, let's go to Sid in Chicago, Illinois. Hi, Sid. Welcome to the show. Hey, thank you so much for having me guys. Yes, absolutely. How can we help? So right now, my predicament, my name is Sid. I'm from Chicago, the city. And right now, I'm like a week and a half ago two weeks ago, I wanted to pay off all my debt. I had like 26% in like revolving credit cards totaling like 20,000. So I want to do a

like a consolidation loan. I was getting like stupid APRA, like 30% and it seemed like the only option I had that I found out I had enough in my 401(k) was to do like a 401(k) loan at a 7.5% interest rate. And so I did that and I took out 18,800 and I did the loan at a 7.5% rate. And you know, I put it all pretty much all my debt. I only have one more credit card like totaling $1,800. That I intend on paying them in my two months. I'm seeing if one this is the best decision

into because you know, of course, you know, you never want to go ahead and spend more on the credit cards.

I'm seeing, you know, what was this a good strategy and what I can do like going forward or and they have like $500 in my bank account. Yeah, well, um, I'll say the the avenue at which you took to pay off debt is you use debt to pay off debt. And I'll say that's pretty normal. We hear that a lot and the problem is you're tackling the wrong issue. You're tackling it at a math side. You threw out so much interest rates and numbers and said

that the problem with your money is not interest rates. The problem with your money is you. And if you don't change you, you're going to be right back where you started. So you just took money, you know, robbed Peter to pay Paul basically, you know, you took money out of your own future borrowed from your own future to pay this off and now you got to go back and pay off the 401k loan. And so you moved money around basically as all you did. You didn't really

“fix the problem. And so that's why we always talk about personal finances. 80 percent behavior.”

It's only 20 percent head knowledge. If it was a math issue, nobody would be in debt.

We could figure that out. Right. The problem is that you have spent money that you don't have.

And the great thing is, though, you are the problem, but you're also the solution that you are the one that's going to get you out. Meaning you're cutting expenses, working two extra jobs, like you are the one that's going to be the most effective of getting yourself out of debt,

Because think about it for a second. And this is always bothered me about 401k loans because

it's your money. And they're charging you interest to take your own money like that. That's wild to me. That's that that's crazy work, which is one reason why I would never suggest it. But you're here now and hopefully you learn from that. And just knowing, hey, once you borrow from this money, you've got a period of time to pay it back. But if something happens and you lose your job

“and you're no longer at that company, then that time frame becomes accelerated. I believe you have”

a calendar year to get going on that. So you're in it now. And I agree with Rachel. You can't solve a problem while simultaneously creating it. And so we've just got to stop with the debt and we can't use debt to pay off debt. So the question comes, what are we doing next? And so what's your next plan? Well, I mean, right now, I mean, not going to lie. Of course, you guys hit on the on the head. I definitely rocked Peter to pay a call. But I will say definitely felt good to know. Like I'm 30

just for years out there. I am 30 years old. Pretty much it does go good at my 20s essentially paid off all the fun that I had. So I just go there to get my credit score going up. It definitely beat out a consolidation loan. And I definitely did try to snowball my food. I make like 70 K a year 65 and I also have a second job. I am an actor. So I get paid outside of that too and stuff. So I guess now I guess it's just like really behavioral changes. Like instead of

like going to that movie or going on that trip, you know, just kind of staying put in just looking for ways to just make that emergency fun. I also did chat to see like what if I did lose my job? I know that was like a big thing that I think my parents are telling me about. Some like they said that I would be able to take that loan and just move it to whichever company that I would be at.

So I don't really think that's an issue and for those words. Yeah, that's not always the case.

But I want to challenge you on this. Because I feel like you're I'm 42. So I'm a little bit further down the road, not that much further. But here's what I want to challenge you on. Because I feel like you're on the minutia. I want to challenge you on the bigger arc of how you view money philosophy,

“right? Because that's what you're going to need to decide. You're going to need to decide and my”

person who is a borrower or a my person who wants to be in charge of my money. And I think that's the overarching question that you have to decide. You mentioned a credit score. You mentioned feeling better about so I think you just have to decide who do I want to be in my person. Do I, you know, we believe that the borrowers slave to the lender are you cool with that? Are you a person who's like, you know, I don't mind that sometimes I like the leverage, right? If you're that person, I would say

decide who you're going to be. Otherwise you're going to just vacillate all the time. And it's you're going to be taking two steps forward once that back. And I will tell you one thing about Ramsey principles, the baby steps that we teach, you just got to do them. Like if you don't do them, they really don't work because it's a system. And the only way a system works is if you do the things in order the way the system tells you how to do it. So that's what I would say around this.

“Yeah, I mean, I would just guarantee you said, if you got yourself out of debt and you said, I'm not”

chasing debt anymore, which means the credit score doesn't matter because I'm being paying cash for everything. I'm not going into debt. I'm not going to borrow money, pay interest on something. And I'm not having any debt. And yeah, you feel it. You have a bad taste in your mouth. And when you have an emergency fund, you have cash sitting in the bank, not just $500 in your account, but 10, 15 grand sitting there. That's a, you know, a three month emergency fund. And then you're

investing 15% of your income into retirement, which is baby step four, and you're earning interest on your money versus paying interest of being in debt, you start building wealth so quickly, so quickly. Like you start to watch. Go ahead. Sorry, sorry for talking over you. I mean, it sounds like pretty much, I'm kind of like, it's like a two sides of one coin. Like, once that I am paying off debt, but on the other side of the coin, like it seems like I have, like an opportunity to actually

take control of my money and do the right things. But now I only have one life last, like it's a video again, that makes sense. It does make sense. And I'll tell you this, and we do not believe in Davos says it's living in a cave and collecting rent and only coming out on, you know, triple coupon Tuesday. We're like, we are known as sacrificing to get ahead, meaning getting yourself out of debt and all that. And then we also say, you live like no one else. So then later you can

live and give like no one else. So I hope 40 year old said, is going on the trips to Europe that

he wants to go to and he's paying cash for it. I pray that you have a car that you've always wanted

and you're paying cash for it. I pray you have so much that you're able to find something that you could to plug yourself into. That's not about you and your generous and you can live in a

about being on your terms and living within your means to do those things versus leveraging and using the bank's money because here's the deal. You may have some freedom and feeling good with the wind in your hair and a boat on a European coast using a bunch of credit cards, but the stress is coming that you're going to pay that trip off. And so it is a you get to choose. Am I going

to be stressed to save and actually pay for things or I always stressed on the other side because I

really borrowed. So I would much rather be the one in control of my money and maybe say no for the

“short term, but the long term said with this plan you can enjoy your life. That's what it's all about.”

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All right, we're going to head to Jackson, Mississippi, and we have Daniel on the line. Hi, Daniel. Welcome to the show. Hey, thank you for taking my call. I just wanted to ask

what you wanted to say first that I have not always been the best at negotiating purchasing

vehicles from dealerships. So I was hoping you might be able to talk about that for a bit and give your best advice on and so forth, what to say, what not to say, all of that good stuff if you don't

“mind. I love this question. Yeah, it's a good one. So what are you looking to buy?”

I'm probably going to be an SUV. I'm currently in a Camry. We're fixing to have our second child and being at I'm six foot to it's really, really dangerous. We figured out when I had was hitting the ceiling. That's not a good idea. You know, I don't need that in my life. So here you go. So you're getting the SUV. This is the upgrade. What do you guys plan to spend and I'm assuming it's cash? It is probably in the neighborhood of 30 to 40. Where to go? I love that for you.

So I've done a couple of cars in cash. I know Rachel's probably done more than me. I'll tell you what I used to do and then I'll tell you what I've learned to do which works a lot better. So from what I understand Rachel, when you go to a car dealership, they don't make money on a cash sale. The money that they make is generally on a finance deal and they're getting a kickback from you financing the vehicle. So when you come on site and you let them know right off the bat

that you're paying cash, a lot of times like any interest in that deal completely fizzles out. Yeah. Because they're like, oh, I'm not going to make any money on this. Which can, sorry. Can I go and inject it? Which is different than an individual, right? So if you go and spend cash with an individual, they're probably needing that cash. Like if you find someone on Facebook marketplace and they're selling and you're like, I got cash right here. We can make the deal

today. I don't know. I'm to worry about financing and me not be a proof for the looks. They're like, oh, let's get it. So you're more on the upside on the cash perspective with an individual versus a dealer. Because you're exact that they don't make dealerships. Yeah, don't, I made that mistake.

“No, make that one. They don't care. No, and we used to teach that J. I think the old FPU video”

is David be like, go in and tell him you got cash. You used to be excited. You used to be like, oh, and now they don't want that. They want you to have a loan so they can make some extra money.

So don't show all your cards first. So well, then yeah, then that pulls up a good point. What

It's going to be a dealership. It's just easier for me to do that that way. Okay. That's correct. Yeah. Okay. So then I would go in and I would have my eye on whatever it is. I like to do a lot of research upfront and already know like this is the vehicle, you know, this is the one I want go in and try to get the best deal you can. And they're going to ask you, how do you want to pay for this? What do you think? And I usually say, you know, I just want to see where we land. Let's just see where we land.

I'm not sure. I'll just fool. Yeah, I'll figure that out. And then I don't tell them until the very end. And then from there, I'm usually trying to get money off of like some of the dealer

fees. Some of the things that they actually have control over. Those are the things I'm checking first.

And yeah, that's it. And if I have seen similar models of the same car and other locations, I'll usually show them and say, well, this one is, you know, two grand cheaper or whatever that is. And I think as as well prepared as you can be with other dealerships that have similar options

“to kind of match that price, that's what I would do. Yeah. And as you're asking for the price,”

in making sure you get the out the door price because what they quote you may be one thing. And then when you get to inside the little office, you start signing some stuff. It looks different. The taxes come up, you know, the registration. I mean, like there's fees attached to it. And so I would just keep hammering the out the door price, the out the door price. This is what I can do. How can you help me? You know, you kind of just have to, you kind of have to keep at it.

You almost have to annoy them a little bit and see if they'll budge. But sometimes dealers they don't, they're, they're not all super willing to. No, it's a go shape. And is it a used car? I'm assuming it's a used car. Absolutely. Again, I'm not going to buy anything. You call it something to you to y'all into your dad if way too long to do it. Okay, just double checking because I'm also going to suggest, you know, make sure, obviously,

that you have the car fax and they pull those and that you can look at that. And even, I mean, $40,000 is a lot of money. I would recommend bringing it to Christian brothers if you have one in your area. Christian brothers automotive, they will do, they will go and give a once over on a vehicle that you're looking to buy just to verify that it really is in good condition. And just ask the dealership say, hey, I'd like to have my mechanic look at this and you can do that.

And I would suggest that with any used car, just to make sure you feel good about the purchase. But absolutely, I'm excited for you. Yeah, that's great. And I think to, this is where I can trouble. I get so emotional. So I'll like get, we bought our many van after Charles was, I would like get a one sitting it. I did. I was like, oh my gosh, what's sitting? And when someone's just like shut up Rachel, like, don't tell her that you. We did the same thing

with our house. We were looking at houses. I was like, oh my gosh, the baby because, you know, he's like, stop. Stop. You already knew where the car is. Yeah, you were the worst person to do this with. So don't be overly emotional. And when you're not overly emotional, you also were not attached to this one specific car on the lot that you have to have because if they don't give you the price that you feel like it's fair or that you want to pay,

“you have to have the ability to walk away. Yeah. I think that's one of the most like that's that.”

But when people get wrapped up, it's cars or houses or whatever it is. And like it's the only one, this is the only one I can and you're like, no, it's not. Yeah. No, it's not. It's fun. Like, you get trapped at that point. And you sometimes end up overpaying when you get so emotional about it.

I always think of this episode of The Cosby Show when they're going to buy the car and he dresses

in like sweatpants and like an old t-shirt because he doesn't want the deal where to know that he's a doctor. It has money and then his buddy likes to recognize it and he's like, "Doctor, ox tomorrow." Yeah. Anyway, yeah. He's like, yeah, you don't want him to know. So don't tell him you have cash like now's the time, you know, just where your old sneakers like. See what they'll get it down. Like that. I don't walk away with the car today. What can you do for me?

Oh, it's so good. Well, good luck, Daniel. And with the second baby, that's that's exciting. Yes. All right. Next up, we have Landon and Michigan. Hi, Landon. Welcome to the show.

“Hey, I really do appreciate being on here today. Absolutely. How can we help?”

Yeah. So I'm pointy years old married to my wife also, 20 years old. I think about $55,000 a year. We're from $60 a week. She makes about $46,000 a year. We have about $70,000 in debt as well. I might have an opportunity to go back into a career that I was in before starting off making about $80,000 a year and four years, making the base pay of $150 and with over time $190, the benefit, especially the baby on the way.

The problem is that I let this career, while I was in Florida, we moved back to Michigan

to close to the family. But with a baby on the way, and not being able to go to college in order to get into the career that I'd more like, I don't think we're getting a more debt is the right choice. But the commute is an hour and 45 minutes away in my wife feels like I'm just going to hate to job again, even though it's more money. And so I guess my question is, if you remind the decision, would you go back to that career because of what it could do

minute commute each way. So is it each way? Each way. We would plan on using

“them eventually, but I wouldn't be right away. Do you have to stick? Like, I'm all for a little bit”

of uncomfortability to sacrifice to win. If you go back to this job, nothing says you have to stick with it for the long haul. I mean, could you do it for two years to pay off the debt? That's where I was trying to help. Or a year. That's where I was thinking. That's where I was thinking like if I don't like it that much, you know, then we tell these clips I can't get the opportunity back. There's not many of these opportunities here in Michigan. What is it? We're working with

a utility lineman for utility company. Oh, yeah. Yeah. How quickly do you get to 190?

It would be in four years. Oh. I'm probably going to be out because if you know you hate it, you add the commute on it. It's not like you can just bust into this job. Make 190 very

“quickly and use that money to pay off this debt in, you know, 18 months. When's the baby do?”

January. January. Is your wife going to go back to work after babies here? Like after maternity, everything? Yeah. She was just, um, we would be cutting down a lot. Like we only have a couple extra hundred bucks of them in a month. Yeah. Maybe is here. Sure. There's an exchange card. Yep. Yeah, it's hard because we can close there. What's the, what's the, um, $70,000 in debt? What does that consist of? Uh, I consist of two cards and then my student. How much of the cards?

A trade pool. How much of the cards is the 35? So I'm combined. Oh, landing. I'm out. Oh, I would choose a no commute, making less with a crappy car. Yes, ma'am. All day and paying off that card. No, you guys need a salad, um, and get some crappy cards. You may have to take a small one for the difference, but I would do that all day. If you're waiting for the perfect interest rate before you buy a home or refinance,

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1749, Mallory Lane, sweet 100, print went in to see 37027. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio. I am Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with Jade Warsaw. And we are answering your questions about your life and your money. So give us a call at Tripoli 8255225. All right, so let's head to New Orleans and we have Mary on the line. Hi, Mary. Welcome to the show. Hi, thank you so much for having me on. Absolutely.

How can we help today? So this is what's going on. So recently, I found out that I am inheriting 100 ounces of Spockle coin, which is a total value of 409,000,500 dollars. And so I'm 25.

Wait, 400,000, 400,000,000 dollars? Mm. Yeah, so almost half a million. Yeah, I know.

And so I'm 25 and I'm an only child and my parents are older. My dad's 71, and my mom is 56, and they're both living. And so right now, already, I'm inheriting my house that is 620,000 dollars, and then my mom's life insurance policy of $150,000. And so that is equal to, oh, am I, dad, so his life insurance policy? So that is equal to $1,100,000,000. And so this is a lot of information that I'm learning. And so right now, we have no car now, no student,

his. Right now, we have, like, for example, like our car, like we have no AC in our car,

and like some other things that we do around the house. And so I'm just trying to take them out, like a lot of people have been saying, you should try to sell some of the gold, like maybe half of that amount. And yeah, and so I'm just trying to, for how to approach this. For sure. So do you have, um, so the gold specifically, is it in your possession or will you

“get it when your parents pass? So the only thing my dad says, and I think I need clarification.”

I try to get clarification with him on this is that he said everything I have is already yours. And so I like the gold is in our safe right now. And I suppose to have financial advisor,

and he said, I should put in like a safe deposit box or my dad should. And I turn to my dad

and he got really upset and he refuses to do that. I want to keep everything in his possession. So the gold is in his possession right now, not yours. Yes, but there's no legal writing on like, like, it's not even in my parents' will and like my mom doesn't even know that he has it. Oh, my goodness. Oh, yeah. So the answer, yeah, I'm okay. The answer here. Yeah. And so the answer your question is it isn't his possession. Okay. So there's nothing for you to do today

because you don't have anything, right? It's not sitting in your home that you can go and

“start making financial moves. It's, it's his. If you want to ask another clarifying question of,”

hey, Dad, if this is going to be mining, you're not going to use it. And what's mine is yours or whatever phrasing he said. And you want it today to, because what I would do is cash it out and start investing and, you know, using it to, you know, upgrade your life a little, which is not wrong so that you can, and I still with that whole, I hate to drop them, sorry. I still with that whole. Okay. Which my mom and Dad. And so just to put that out there. Okay, gotcha. Yeah.

Okay. I think you guys just need, you need just a lot of more clarity around all of this,

because it's, it's big numbers you're talking about. So first and foremost, I would encourage

him to get a will. And you guys can go to MamaBearLegalForums.com. It's pretty easy to do. You just get a state-specific will for one in Louisiana. And you write down the ask, you know, you just walk through the process. But that way, you at least, if anything hits probate or when when they pass, you have this document that helps get things through so much faster. It is miserable to be digging through everything when they've passed that they don't have a will. That's my number one,

as well. Number two is I would be having a conversation with him just to say, okay, Dad, you've told me all of this, what, what do you want to do? What, what, are you, is the expectation that this all comes into my possession when you die? That's great. Like, either way, doesn't matter. It's fine. I just need to know what's going on. And Dad, you probably want to discuss this with Mom. And let her know what you guys have. Just to be on the same page, like it's so interesting that

she's keeping that from her. Wait, I know. He doesn't. She thinks she has a spending problem, but the thing is, so I think there's a lot of financial, I don't know how I should work it. I don't want to say abuse, but like dysfunction. It kind of part in dysfunction. Yeah. Like, he, like, for example, he makes the most of the money in the house, but he expects my mom to pay everything. Like, groceries, like, he doesn't contribute to everything. And only pay the electricity of water.

It's okay. They've got something interesting going on. And if I were you, I'd probably try to steer clear of some of that. That's because that has nothing to do with you. But I would ask, for the things that pertained to me, can, can there be clarity around that? And can we have a family discussion around it? Because I don't want any of this coming to light after the fact, and it coming out on me. Yes. I want. Do you see what I'm saying? Whenever there's secrets,

it can, it can in poorly, and the wrong people can kind of have to bear the weight of that. And so if you guys can have those discussions in the light of day when everybody's in love, ground, that is fabulous.

“Yeah. And I told my dad, I said, Dad, you, you need to talk to, to mom about this. This is not fair.”

He's like, no, no, no. I need to protect this. He's very, like, do day for it. Are you the only sibling? Are you the only child? Yes. I'm an only child. Okay. So, yeah. I mean, I think you can, you can say as much as you want. But at the end of the day, their adults are going to do what you want. And

Just ask. And there may not be. But it'd be like, here's my requests. Dad, how can you help me out here?

And then Mary, beyond that, I just wonder for you and your financial future, right? I mean, and and and pretending like this doesn't exist. Don't depend on it. But for you to be self-sufficient, for you to move out and be on your own. You said you're 24, 25, 25. Yeah. For you to start living your life, right? And and again, if or when this stuff comes to fruition,

“that's wonderful. And I think you can be really wise about that. I would, you know, I would use it to”

sure upgrade some things in life. I would invest probably a bunch of it. I may give some of that, you know, like there's different things you can do when it happens. But between now and then, because long way to go, you don't know when it's going to happen is, yes, start living your life and set yourself up well with really healthy spending habits, practicing saving and generosity. So

we always talk about how money is a magnifying glass that makes you more of what you already are.

And so if you create good money habits, Mary, and you, you have a level of security and contentment and a life that you've built yourself. And then this one fall of a million dollars comes. That's just going to magnify who you've become, which is a very healthy person around money.

“So that's what you can control. I mean, I got a belief. She's 24. I got to believe the parents are”

50s. Yes, but he said he may give it. He's like, what's mine is yours. So the question is, is it going to give it to her now or not? I don't know. I don't know. So player find questions, but at the end of the day, your parents, like all of ours, you know, have some little, willow tendencies. But if you can just clarify some of it, I think, yes, that clarity is very, very important.

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more than $600 million in debt. So get real legal help at GuardianLit.com/RAMSI. That's GuardianLIT.com/RAMSI. It's earning advertising results may vary in no specific outcomes guaranteed. Up next, we have Courtney in Las Vegas. Hi, Courtney. Welcome to the show. Hi, Rachel. Hi, Jay. How are you guys today? Hi, we're doing great. How can we help? Good. Good. Good. I just want to first off by saying I have listened to these

initial for 15 years and 31 years old. Never been in that cash flowed, my entire college

medical staff and everything. My gosh, well done. So thank you. If it wasn't up for you guys, I don't think I'd be, you know, where I'm today. So huge, huge thank you and then such an inspiration. Absolutely. My question today is I am navigating in a voice. I have a one in three year old. And I am running out of money. I've been a stay at home long for four years. And I've lost everything. So, you know, working prior to getting married. I've had a like savings of 70,000. And it's

been down to 50 in lawyer's fees. Because city arrangement and child support is currently what we're, you know, litigating. I just don't know if it's worth fighting for. I'm scared. I don't know if it's worth getting into that for. I just don't know if I could sleep at night. No, we're getting to fight for my stupid things. Now, Courtney, I'm so sorry. Is he a good guy? And it just didn't work out or is he somebody that you really do feel like

He isn't a very successful entrepreneur here in town. And so when we were together, he was just

“a workaholic. I would say he's in OK. I mean, as far as I can, he, you know, he's believed in traditional”

roles. And I was just saying, oh, mom. But I left because it became abusive. And unfortunately,

the court system, as long as he wasn't abusive to the kids, he is guaranteed 50 percent

capacity. And so that's kind of where I'm got. You know, in control, he has over me is the financial, you know, litigation over this. And he is draining means on purpose. Just not complying with, you know, the discovery process that my attorneys are asking and just going court proceedings. I'm one month nine of our separation in our divorce. And I'm, I have nothing. I don't know if it's just subtle. If he's not a 50 percent.

Yeah. My question is, why are they not pushing harder on him to get what they need so that it's not dragging out? Because you said he's doing this on purpose. I mean, there's a point that it starts to become, he's, he's not obeying the courts, right? When, when things are said and done. So what, I'm curious what your lawyers are saying. Right. And they see it all the time. Unfortunately, it's not unique, especially with high level business people and people in power with money.

They keep they ask his team and him after extensions. And just basically, my attorney has the

file motion of over-emotion to get in front of the judge to mediate. But I'm sure a lot of people know this is such a lengthy crop. Yeah. And I already read the thousand dollar in. Are you not

“entitled to what's the divorce law in Nevada? Are you entitled to half of his money?”

I signed a pre-nip. He has 15 years older than me. We had a baby out of what exactly we weren't married yet. And so I signed my life away to ensure that our family stays together. Okay. And he comes from the Middle Eastern background. So being quitting my job and staying home to raise kids was very important. I got shot at hand. Okay. Tell me the numbers again. I just want to make sure I heard correct. You said you started with 70,000. And what do you have left?

20. 20. Okay. I'm glad I clarified that. And what are you doing for work? You said you've been going through this for nine months in that nine months. What's your life looked like? Workwise. Yeah. I picked up within the nine months. I was just doing side gigs. Part time was a catering company friend and then like door dash and Uber Eats to help pay some of these litigation fees. And now I luckily was able to get a full-time job with a home builder. You can bring it. How much

will you be making? It's sales base, but I get a base pay of 60 and then it can earn upwards to

1.50. Oh fabulous. Courtney. That's amazing. What happened to the kids during the day?

So when they're in my right now, we have a temporary custody order. He needs to have 50 percent. Okay. And when they're with me, I'm luckily enough to have my parents help watch them. Okay. I was going to ask about family. I just want to make sure you have some people in your corner that you're getting. If nothing else emotional support from. Absolutely. I'm very blessed. Good. Good. Well, you called him with two moms and girl. I'd

fight hell for their health. If it was a health situation, I'm doing anything for my kids. If it's a situation of, yeah, anything around, if you feel like they're in danger in any level,

“I'm fighting. So that's what I would be doing. And we can worry about the money.”

On the other end of it. But I, but I also will say this with the asterisked, because of his gosh, power, whatever it all is, I don't want you dragging for you for your sake, too, dragging this on for three years and for the kids for the kids sake, right? Like that, and not even from the money side, but just for you, right, and moving on with your life and starting to rebuild Courtney, right? And who you are going to be in this next chapter of your life. So,

yeah, so I don't know if there's a time limit. I don't know if you've had anyone that's walked through something like this that you're close with, but you know what I'm saying? Like, so I say all of that, like my mom heart is just like, I am going to be kicking down doors. But then on the other end, I'm like, but I also want to be realistic about this. Does that make sense?

Was this just somebody you found on? How do you find your lawyer?

It was a recommended lawyer, extremely successful lawyer, wonderful, wonderful reviews, but just people in my life that know him, that means that comes with a price tag for sure. Yeah, but he's a very, extremely reputable lawyer here. Okay. It is he mean, because I like, I need like, you need somebody who is going to go. Yeah, hard. Yeah. He's very hard. Okay. No, but at the end of the day, I just feel like sometimes with these lawyers,

it's a business to them. I mean, every email I send is $400. Of course, I'll call it $600. So, you know, he's great in that aspect, and he's really focusing because I won't get anything, right, as far as assets, division, and property, nothing. Child support, 15 years, exactly. So, you have 18 years of child support that this is worth fighting for, because, you know, it's he's a multimillionaire. And, you know, if it can change,

I currently get a thousand dollars a month from hand, and if I can get up to, you know, towards six to eight thousand a month. See, this is so crazy. Wow, this is so crazy. I'm sorry you're going through this. I really am. Thank you. I really am. Yeah, I'd be going to

“the mat on this. I'd go as long as you can, and I agree with Rachel. I think there's probably,”

and I think that'll be revealed to you if it comes to that point. I pray it doesn't. I like to think that who people are truly shows itself. And that would be my prayer is that who this guy is is shown to the judges and shown to all who are involved. He's clearly making this difficult. And to me, that is such a red flag when somebody is intentionally trying to make things difficult on, and on the children. Like, is that really the person that the children should be with

that they're intentionally causing a dissension. But I, I hate that this is happening to you.

Yeah, but Courtney, you're amazing. You're an amazing mom. You took an extremely brave,

vulnerable scary step to go out on your own and knowing that you only had so much, and you're going to be fighting your way. And let me tell you your kids are that, that's the example that said in front of them is you. And they are, they're lucky to have you. So we're all keep fighting. Call us back if you need us. And, um, and yeah, again, we're so, so sorry. You're getting ready to hit the road this summer. You want to feel confident. Your car is

ready to go. But when you don't fully understand what's going on under the hood, it's easier to either ignore something important or spend money you didn't need to because let's be honest.

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Buying or selling your home is high stakes because one bad deal could cost you tens of thousands of dollars and you guys you do not want to overpay for your next house or when you sell your current one. You want to make sure that you are getting the price that is worth it again if you are

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in the description if you're listening on YouTube or podcast. All right let's head to Rebekah

and Sioux Falls. Hi Rebekah welcome to the show. Hi guys. Um, so my husband and I we bring in right around 32,000 a year. Um, we rent our rent just went up from 850 to $250 a month. I bring in roughly $1,500 a month gross before was spark doing Walmart Spark and I also have an artist and I bring in roughly on the low and $400 a month high and $600. We just barely are getting by. Um, was that 2000 total Rebekah your art? It was the 400 and the

1500 is was your spark Walmart delivery? Yep. Okay so 2000 and what do you do? What's your husband do? Um, he's in construction so, um, on a good week if he is allowed to work overtime,

“he can bring in like his tracks will usually be about 1400. That's what the overtime is. If not,”

it's maybe $1100. How long has he been doing that? He's been with the company only about a year. Okay. Um, we moved, we moved up to South Dakota roughly two and a half years ago from Missouri because God told us to move up here. Um, and it just, uh, it's great. There's no state taxes up here. But like, like everywhere else in the country rent is just outrageous. Um, I'm, I'm going to go ahead and say rent's not the problem here. Uh, 80 is fabulous rent. And honestly, that's fine. But it went

up to 12%. Right, but 1250 is fabulous rent. 1250 is not bad. I think the issue is, I'm not going to say, I think I know the issue is it's an income issue. $32,000, $32,000 for two adults working.

“It's going to be almost impossible to survive on that. And that's what you're feeling. That's the”

weight. It's kind of like the walls are closing in on you, I think. And you have, you have every right to feel that way. So what Rachel and I are going to try to do is help you and hopefully inspire you guys to see what more can you do to bring in a stable income because to your point, it's very tough to get ahead when you don't have margin. And also to your point, there's variable expenses that have the ability to go up and you can't control that. And so the only

part that you can control is your contribution. And so let's talk about that a little bit. You said you're an artist and you said you're doing Walmart Spark. If we could snap our fingers right now and it's three years from now or five years from now and you're doing exactly what it is that you love, what would that be? That would be my art which is water color painting. And I've started like a greeting card business and I fell. My cards like various little gift shops

and cafes and I would love to. I would I would love to like get into something bigger. Maybe not like hallmark. But like all my cards are like Christian focused. I've put scripture on them. Uh-huh. And like people love them. And the other thing is I paint each one separately. So you're

never going to get like the exact same card twice in a row. So you're an artist, you're artistic,

you love people, you like encouraging. I'm hearing all these things that you love to do. What I would love for you is to continue doing that thing that gives you a lot of joy. But in the meantime, I also want to find a way to use those same skill sets in a full-time job that's actually that's not a side hustle. But a full-time money-paying regularly job. And so we're going to give you

“you find the work you're wired to do because those jobs exist out there. I think you're just narrowing”

your focus to I can only paint. Yeah, how old are you guys? I'm 49 and he's 48. Do you guys have kids? Um, I have a child from previous marriage that wants nothing and do with me. Okay. So I pay a pay like child sports every month and that's just like okay. Oh, I mean, you're actually like it.

Okay. So yeah, so your second kind of your second chapter in life.

Yeah, what's it going to be? And I and I feel it's just like, you know, we're both giving up to 50. You don't have no, um, I like we don't have any, um, retirement saved up other than like,

A J O B. I think you need to go work at a receptionist at a dentist office there in SiuValls.

“I need think you need to go work a receptionist at a hotel. You guys are 50. Yeah, you don't”

take it. You know, you know, and I know you love the art stuff and do it on the side because I would love for something like that to take off. And in the meantime, obviously, be dreaming about what that full-time career could be that you're love. Like, yeah, it was saying, but right now, you know, you're not too 22 year olds, you know, trying to figure it out. And be honest, like I thought you were

at first, but your voice sounds young. And the way you were talking, I was like, oh, these cats,

they're 30, they're in their 30s. But when I hear that you're 49 and in the 50s, Rachel, is that right? And husband, same thing. What's the, what's get on it, dude? You know what I mean? I mean, and I know you, I know you, maybe you've tried. I'm not sure, but I do want you guys it. I want you in, and I want you in careers. You know, we just talked to a single mom who's going through a divorce last segment and she just found a job making 60 commission sales. You know, I mean,

I don't know what you can plug into. But we got to kind of get this gravy train moving. What do you attribute it to? I don't want you to hold on. I don't try to hold onto this and make this as an excuse. So don't take it that way. Okay. But I am on, I am on the spectrum. And so being in like a really busy place with a lot of people, that's like shuts me down. Okay.

“And so that's that's why I work from home. I learned from home. I went to a customer service”

call serve. I'm going to tell you, let me tell you about this because this is not the be all

end all, but it is something that exists out there. When I was first getting started in my career,

this is kind of a side hustle, but it's a way to start getting you some experience. There's a website it's called Arise ARISE and you can go on there and it's all customer service jobs. All you need is a computer and a little phone headset and you can put, you can work for AAA, you can work for home depot, you can work for an electric company and it's, you can make, you know, $20 an hour just doing that and you can pick your hours. And so start with something like that where at least we're

getting our hours up and that's something you can do alongside all the other things you're doing. So let's start stacking these options together and create, because what I want from both of you, I want you both making 30,000. Let's start there. I make 30, you make 30, now we make 60. And then we go, I make 40, you make 40, now we make 80. And let's stare step these goals, but I really think you and your husband need to write it out. I mean, both of you did that. If you

did that, and you did 20 hours a week, 40 hours a week, you'd be right around 36,000. Yes. And if he did it too, about a being about a boom, which is 70 grand coming in Rebecca promise me you'll go on this end. That's wild. Do you agree with me Rebecca? That's wild. You just went from 32. You both work in full time to a 7. We had savings saved up to like 10 grand, but we're more than that really bad. I do. I'm just saying like we did have savings saved up. Last year, I was in a really bad

car accident hit a deer. Okay. Oh, yeah. All that area. I totally hear you. And I want to be respectful for sure. But I also you called and we want to give you tough luck, because we got about 10 seconds. So I just want to tell you, you can do better than 10 grand for Rebecca. You really can't. You guys, you guys got to just turn out some hours for two or three years. Be tired at the end of the day. Yes. We're all tired. But you guys got this. I think that's your way out. And you guys get to choose

“if you want to do it or not. And life is hard. For sure, we all have different challenges and things”

that we face. But you got this for Rebecca. You guys can do this. Hey, guys. It's Rachel Cruz. If you're working the baby steps, every major expense deserves

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[Music]

Next, we have Brianna or Brianna maybe from Austin. Okay, tell me how you pronounce your name,

so I don't want to get it wrong at all. Hi. Here, good. It's Brianna. Brianna, perfect. Thanks for calling in. How can we help? Um, so in my husband has been trying to have a baby the last two years, but we decided to discover that we have to do IUI for going to do it. Um, we have about 90,000 and consumer debt. Um, the majority of that is student loans and we just kind of want to see if we're

“on the right-time line to start stock mode. How do you pay for the IUI?”

So we want to cash flow it at like kind of in the middle of the debt pay off. So our plan was to pay off all of our credit cards in our car loan, positive debt snowball, cash flow, the IUI each month, which is about 2500 per cycle. Okay. Um, and then once that successful start the student loan

payments because I will graduate on the first week of September. So my payments won't officially

start until six months after. Okay, how much was when you said pay off the credit cards in the car first? What are those totals? Um, we have one credit card which is about 14,000 or car loan is 16100 and then we have one more credit card that's about 1,000. Okay. Was that included in the 90,000 or is that additional? That's included in that. Included, okay, gotcha. Okay. Uh, and why did you, what caused you to choose those three kind of arbitrarily like what's the

thought behind that? Um, just because the minimum payments are the highest with the interest rate and stuff and my school payments aren't mandatory yet, right now just the nagging payments. Are you still have to release taking student loans? Uh, no. Okay. Okay. And when do you finish

again, tell us again when you're done? First week of September. Okay. Uh, I love the fact that you're

“going to cash flow IUI. Uh, I think that that's fabulous and you guys are already married, right?”

Just making sure. Okay. I don't have a problem with this plan. I think the moment that you are pregnant is the moment that you push pause on your debt pay off. The moment that you go to the doctor and they're like, yeah, it's, it's, it's positive. That's the moment that you can kind of push pause and start stacking up a bunch of money for stork mode. And that money, I mean, hopefully everything is healthy and everything goes well and then you'll have this big pile of money that's

there after the baby's born and everybody goes home healthy that you can put towards this debt. How much margin do you guys have every month to work with? About 3,000. My husband's a firefighter so someone to get six months out of the year he gets three checks and then six months out of the year he gets two checks and month. Okay. And when do you guys want to start this? Um, our credit cards and card loans should all be paid off by January with our timeline. Okay. Gotcha. And then you would just

use that 3,000 of margin to cash flow, maybe throw 500 bucks at the debt as you're going. Yeah. Okay. And why are y'all waiting till January I'm just curious. You just want to get some debt out. Is that a priority before you start? So when I get birth, I want to stay at home and so then we'll be living off of one income and I just don't think we can afford all of the loan, the credit card payments and student loans and our loan will want to come. That's good. Have you budgeted it out?

Detailed? Uh, yeah, we have every dollar. We have an every dollar budget. Okay, but the the future I mean, have you done a detailed budget of what you think the future will look like on the one paycheck? The one seller kind of sorting that out today. Um, this is just kind of our plan that we've been working out this week. Um, I haven't taken an official look at it, but we should be able to live just sign through the water shelter or transportation and then have some leftover. What's your degree in?

A zoology. Zoology. Yeah. Okay. Did you have a plan of what you wanted to do? Did you when you

“started school? Yeah. I wanted to be a zookeeper and that's what I'm doing right now. I've been up”

on one year. Okay. Gotcha. Um, yeah. My, my advice on this would be to run out the budget and really look at it and make sure that detail for detail. You actually know what the money is going to be

Because if you are staying home with kids, you don't want to just be home in the house with kids.

“You want to be able to go and take them to the zoo or going to, you know, fun things. So,”

I would suggest doing that. And I'll just throw out here, you know, the way that we teach debt is to do the debt snowball method. We find that for people who really want to complete paying off all of their debt, the snowball method is better, which is you listing them smallest to largest by balance. Um, and then paying minimum payments on everything but putting that extra margin in your case 3,000 to the smallest debt. You may find that if it's a list of, you know,

I'm sure these student loans are broken up into smaller pieces. So you may find that if it's a list of seven or eight debts, you can knock out half of them and that feels really great and you like the feeling of that momentum. Um, I also wanted to ask how old are you guys? Uh, he just turned 24 couple days ago and I'm 23. Okay. Um, yeah, and let me just also say this, I'm just going to say this.

I'm not saying it's not your choice because it totally is and I love babies. It's never going to be

easier to pay off debt than it is today. Yeah. So let me just throw that out there. Once, once, little, little butts come into the situation, it gets different. So let me just throw that out there. Um, it's real where to just wait and just pay off everything. I think we would be done

“and two years or less. Um, the key, the only thing it might have been saw on course with starting”

the student loans because we're not required to for six months. So he's wanted not that all the credit card and the card loan. Um, so I have to be able to get a number of it that because several of the student loans are under three thousand dollars. You may not be required to, but I would look and see if they're subsidized or unsubsidized because if they're unsubsidized. Okay. But even still, what in an opportunity? It's almost like when we had no interest, right? There was no interest

to crewing. So view that as this is an opportunity to pay off our debt without interest versus when we don't have to touch them. So let's not touch them. Right. Um, I would. Yeah. Yeah. And I, um, and just because of your age and again, everyone's value, you know, I don't want to ever say to someone like don't have babies like any means because this may be y'all's choice. But I would be curious because you, and a part of me is like, oh, man, you just finished your degree and I don't know

if like you get a raise with this degree or not or if you would have had this job regardless of the degree. But a part of me is like, if I'm paying off these student loans about something, I just got, I don't know, there's like a mental game there for me that I think there would be like an extra push to be like, you know what, I'm gonna work my butt off for another nine months, um, extra than what I was planning. And I say that partly because you're still young, um, and I would just get

man that the freedom there of not having to feel pressure to work if you do get pregnant and say it is a situation that you're having to do this how you want to be extra protective, right? That cautiousness in the pregnancy. Um, I'm gonna say when it happens on it, I'm probably when it happens for you. Yeah. Um, I don't know. Just some thoughts to to kick around, but, um, but I think also you guys pan off the loans that you talk about pan off, um, and then cash flowing it, which I

so appreciate. And then having still that momentum, um, after it works to knock out as much as you can. Yes, man. Before baby comes, it will only help you from the math perspective. Um, so that's that's

“always helpful. But yeah, that that's what's hard is money. That's like, debt specifically. That's”

why we always said the borrowers slides in there. When you're in debt, it just limits your choices.

It creates extra hurdles in your life. You have to then say, can I say, huh, I want to be a state home mom? Do we have the ability to we have these like, right, it just it puts you in this like bondage cycle that you're not, you don't have autonomy. You're not the owner of your life at that point. All these banks and student loans are kind of directing that. And that's part of what sucks about debt. I'm like, it is what it is. You can get your credit card airline points all you

people over this girl's got what $14,000 credit card debt. It didn't help her. Like, didn't help them. It's causing her to have to wait. Yes. Yes. Like, all of it, I'm like, it's just there is such wisdom. You guys in this debt free living that you, you, you own your choices in your life. And it's a, you don't, you sleep good at night. You know, no, in that. Yeah, in the sooner, the sooner that you start that lifestyle, just the better you off off you are. I mean, when people call in here

and they were blessed that their parents understood their babysats and they start their life off, no debt. I mean, they're just on such a smooth path going forward. And at 23, they really have the ability to create that for themselves here in the next 18 to 24 months. That's right. Absolutely. Yeah. There's a, a truth in changing your family tree. So you parents out there with young kids as you're working as your kids or seeing this and you're setting them up for a better life, not just from a

numbers perspective, but a behavioral perspective as well.

Worsha. And we are answering your questions about life and money. So give us a call. It triple eight, eight, two, five, five, two, two, five. Right now the phone lines are packed, but give us a call

“and maybe we can get you in maybe this show. We're later this week, Jade, I think we're hosting”

against better. Yes. So we'll be around people. We'll be around. All right. Let's go to Charlie in Omaha. Hi, Charlie. Welcome to the show. Hey, thank you. Absolutely. Thanks for calling in. Yeah, I just over the last few years I've been building a relationship with the neighbors and

they're kind of living like normal people, broke, basically. And I'm just wondering if you

guys got any tips on how to, I can introduce them to Ramsey solution universe and the baby steps without overstepping boundaries, I guess. How do you know that they're broke? Do they tell you? Um, they kind of tell me. Yeah. And then, uh, well, yeah, they basically tell me. So you guys are talking about money like in some of your just like everyday conversations hanging out. They'll talk about whether they're stressed or, yeah, it seems to come up that they're stressed

fairly often. And then, uh, they're 11 year old actually slipped up and made sure they said he helped stay for grocery sometimes in the name of the other day. Yeah. Are they saying it like when they're saying it, they're like asking you for help or they're just shooting the breeze and just mentioning things. I'm trying to just shoot in the breeze and mentioning things. So that's thing. I don't even know if they want help. Got you. Well, if you're that casual conversation,

“I think if I mean, I know there's like parenting, you know, experts that I love or whatever. And”

when a friend's just talking about that, I'm like, oh, I just will have you listen to, you know, so-and-so podcasts, it's so good. It's not threatening. It's like, uh, I'm excited about it because I love it. And I want them to know. So it's not like you're judging them or anything. But I just wonder if you threw it out. Like, oh, my gosh, well, have you listened to the Ramsey show? Have you ever read any of, you know, day-to-day virtual ritual crews or day frames, these books?

Like, you know, have you, are you familiar with them? I'd just be curious what they would say. Like, super light. Like, don't work. Not even going into details. Just like, oh, man, yeah, just like that. Okay. Yeah, I've just taken a super light and I guess, uh, yeah, super light. And I say that because a whole conversation, like, just throw it out there. Maybe the next couple of times and then no, no, no, keep it. Keep it super light. And I'm saying this because, and you know who you are.

I'm looking in the camera. Our people sometimes we go very strong in the paint. Yes. And it can be off-putting. And it's we're doing it because we're excited. And we really love this thing. And we feel like we have the winning lottery number. Right. Like, we, we want to share it. But sometimes being too heavy handed can make people be like, don't think we are Charlie. So just do exactly what Rachel said exactly because I don't think it can be better than that. And then let them talk about it. And then

“if you've done some stuff and like, oh, yeah, I think I have my gosh. I love it because, you know,”

I've paid off debt and I don't know. If you have some story to share, just a little something. And you're saying it because it's, um, because it's worked for you. You know, I, you know, I, you know,

I would say the same thing with parenting. If like, oh my gosh, I finally learned like, we have X,

Y and Z because someone's so set it. And it was so helpful. And I don't know if that's helpful for you and your situation. But you know what I mean? It's, it's very breezy. Yeah, breezy. And when you say something that's kind of in line with what they're going through, that you've experienced, I think it also, um, kind of, oh, okay. We, now we're talking for real. The end of the thing. Yeah. So I like that. I, I love that you're thinking about them in that way, too. That's special.

Yeah, I've tried to do it light a little bit over the past year or so. And so is there. Oh, so you already did it. A little, I mean, it's very, yeah, a little bit. Yeah, is there ever a time where maybe it requires a little bit? Tell us what you did. Tell us what you did

first. So we know. He's got a shove. Well, I mean, they just, they bring it up. And so I'm like,

well, if you, yeah, I mean, have you checked out, you know, Dave Ramsey helped me. You know, you know, you guys, you know, you guys need Dave Ramsey in your life for real. And just kind of put this in. Oh, they kind of shrug it off. And who's that? I go, a guy who helped me get out of debt. And then I don't think they ever looked up you guys or you've done your part. You've done a part that you've been breezy. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that they're interested in

yeah. And immunity mean like there, there was no proactiveness. I know. And there's kind of

so that they're like, let's, that they listen to Ramsey. That's not the point. But the point is,

you want them to be helped. You know, you want them to have a plan and be in control of their

“money. And I think that's a beautiful desire, right? Because you see someone that's hurting and you're”

like, oh my gosh, I feel like we have the prescription. We can help you. But doesn't seem like, yeah, it seems like you've been breezy about it. And they haven't really picked up on it. So I probably wouldn't push. No, I don't think there's a shove. Yeah. And let's ask. If they start asking, they have opened that door and you can run right through it. That's true. But I don't think they're asking. Yeah. Yeah. No, they just kind of been, yeah, they just bring it up almost every time I see them

really, but they don't ever ask. And well, and also I will throw this out there. But you have this is you discerning this. It also depends on your relationship and your personality. Because if you, if on a scale from one to 10, you're like a eight in friendship, then I do think that there's the

time where you can be like, now hold on a second. I told you about Dave Ramsey, and you still ask

“me about, right? That's my personality. I would have, you know, it's with good friends. What's good friends?”

Yeah. If you're an eight or nine on that scale, 100%. I'd be like, now how many times are you going to tell me about this? Because I already told you, right? But if you're like a two or three on the scale, I think you just less sleeping dogs lie. And yeah, it's kind of that, earning the right to be heard. Yes. Yes. Yes. As you build relationship with them and you, you know, and if you do get closer in friendship, because you guys get along and you have a lot in common, then to Jade's point. That's right.

Yeah, it's true. It's like, what are your best friends? I'm like, girls stop complaining and you got to do something. Yeah. What's going on? I have a feeling though, you guys are just outwashing the cars and you just, you know, speak to each other across the driveway or whatever. Oh, yeah, that's kind of it. Yeah. So yeah, but I appreciate the information and the little bit of help here. Sure. Well, Charlie, I appreciate your, yeah, just your desire to even call and and be concerned, right?

“Because I mean, that's a real thing. Because here's the thing. And again, I look into the camera”

because there's folks that watch the show every day. It's still don't do the things that we're telling them. That's right. So it's very hard. The job we have is very hard to get people to commit to a process. Especially a process that's going to cause you. Maybe a little discomfort. Maybe to embrace some ideas that are new for you. Maybe to embrace a new philosophy with your money. Maybe to do something that you can't say today what the exact outcome is going to be. You just have to trust

a process. And we're telling you, hey, just just do it. Just trust it. We know that it works. So because we know the outcome is when you walk these baby steps, when you do the things that we're teaching, people go on, they don't just pay off their debt, their relationships are better, they have more peace. And yeah, they build wealth. And so, I mean, what can you say?

The vibe product, I know. But it's amazing. When you get one part of your life under control,

and we see this all the time, people's to your point. Relationships start to be better. You have to be more intentional about that. People's health. Genius. People lose weight. I mean, genuinely, like it is, it is why all the things that happen when you become an intentional person and your money. Maybe the springboard for you when it comes to this stuff. So it is, yeah, it's important. But yeah, thanks again, Charlie, for calling. That helped.

- Hey, George Camel here. We often talk about how being normal sucks when it comes to your money. But guess what? Normal isn't so great when it comes to your job either. Normal is staying in a job you hate, dreading Mondays and working for people you don't even like. Sound familiar? Well, the good news is you can break free from normal because Ramsey Solutions is hiring, and we refuse to settle for the ordinary. In fact, we are anything but normal and we are proud of it.

And right now we're hiring for technology, sales, marketing, writing, copy editing, and creative roles. So head over to RamseySolutions.com/careers and apply today. The Ramsey Show Question of the Day is brought to you by Y-Refi. If you keep putting off dealing with your private student loans, now is the time Y-Refi helps borrowers explore low fixed rate financing options and a affordable payment plans. Go to Y-Refi.com/Ramsey. That's Y-R-E-F-Y.com/Ramsey

may not be available in all states. All righty. Today's question comes from Claire in South Dakota.

So we were on the receiving end of wedding and baby gifts several years ago.

“Now our social circle is reaching those milestones and we're struggling with what is reasonable”

financially. We're debt free and genuinely want to be generous. However, we have financial goals and feel like we're constantly blowing our budget. Is there a percentage of income or a sinking fund amount you recommend for gifts and celebrations? How do we scale back spending without feeling selfish? Okay, not going to lie. I actually thought this was going in a different direction. I thought you were going to say, you know, we were on the receiving end but now we're

getting out of debt and it's hard to budget for these. But you're debt free and part of, I do want to say just for anybody who's listening and it's good for us to do this. This matters because baby steps one through three are very intense. This is we're pulling back on everything. We're, you know, we're sacrificing not just in our own lives but other people around us to generally tend to feel

“the sacrifice too. We don't do as much for Christmas. We may not travel for family outings as much.”

All of those things, but in baby step one, two and three because we're getting our $1,000 saved. We're paying off consumer debt and then we're saving up three to six months of expenses. That's how that works. But then when you cross over and the baby steps four or five and six that people do simultaneously, you're investing 15% you're putting a little in kids college and you're putting extra on your house. That's when we say now's the time that we can start being a little more generous.

We can start spending more on the things that we enjoy doing. We can upgrade vehicles. We can, you know, whatever these other financial goals are. So I have to believe that your other financial

goals are tied up in baby steps four or five and six. That being said, generosity should always be

kind of part of that. Now most of us, not most of us, many of us, uh, throw our generosity to the local church and we're like, I'm doing my 10% I'm doing my tie, that's good. But I do feel like some of some of generosity is relational, right? I'm going to the party. I pick up a bottle of wine for the host. I'm going out with my friends. We're all ordering appetizers for this table. Like, right, there's a certain amount of your own purse strings that you open up when you're

in relationship. So my buddy, my co-workers having a baby and that's my friend. Yeah, I'm going to

“give her a gift because that's part of our relationship. And so in this stage of your life, I think”

that you can participate in that stage of the relationship because you've got the money to do that. Now, the question is how much should we do? And I think that that's up to you, but I wanted to

lay that foundation so that you don't get stingy, is basically what I was trying to do. Right, point.

No, no. So true. And I think it's okay to look ahead and be like, okay, am I throwing the baby shower? This, this is how much, you know, I can contribute this much. I don't know, like, think of all the ways that this generosity can play out. It may not just be in a specific gift. It may be through other things that you're doing. You're house toasting it. Yes, that's right. That's right. Yeah. So, um, but yeah, I would say I don't think you will ever regret being generous. I'll just say

that much. Now, I'm going to get into relationships. You don't have to go get the $1,000 drill or they registered for anything like that. But just, you know, that the people were good to you. And there's just a little bit of like, hey, I'm going to live my life with an open hands, a little bit. And, and yeah, this is a gosh, we went through that the wedding season. Everyone's getting married. I will say, yeah. Everybody's having a bet. I mean, it is. It is a, every day you're getting an

invite. So, some kind of shower or something's happening. There is that season alive. And then it goes away. Right. And then you're okay. So, um, I don't know. I would say you would, you won't regret being generous. And I will say, because we've talked about this before Rachel, um, the wedding part. If you're like the, in the bridal party and all of those things. Now, I will say you do have to know when to say when on some of that because it can get that can get quite over well. That gets out of control. But

all the trips and everything they do, I mean, is wild wild. So, yeah, that, that is one that you're like, I need to, I may have to rain in some of that. That's fine. All right. Let's go to Mark in Rono. Kai Mark. Welcome to the show. Thank you. From, um, privilege to be on the show. My wife is a huge fan. So, she's going to slip when she finds out that I actually got on the show. Oh, my gosh. I can't wait to know why you called. My wife and I are in a, I'll say a slight disagreement over a very large purchase

of a new boat. So, I'll go over our financial situation real quick and then you guys can, and my plan for purchasing it and then you can give your opinion. Okay. So, we own a house on a lake in Virginia,

this works 1.25 million spade off between an annuity and a nice social security. We have

She makes 65,000 a year. However, I'm trying to get her to retire in the next 18 months. Okay.

We have IRAs worth 1.8 million that may 300,000 in the last 12 months. So, the boat that I want to

purchase is via around $130,000 and I'm going to need a new truck early next year. My existing truck has 210,000 miles on it. So, I'm anticipating, I'll be replacing that and so that'd be $65,000. Okay. Do we have a Roth IRA of 200,000 that I was going to cash that in the purchase of the boat and the truck for cash? Do you have any other cash? Do you have any, like, do you have

“any liquid cash? Well, 20,000. Okay. Um, I mean, I think you can afford it. Yes. Now, the cash position”

makes me a little nervous. How old are you guys? I'm 65, my wife is 61. Okay. So, you're able to pull

money out of the 1.8 IRA for things. I'm just thinking of this boat, which I, you're probably wishing Dave was on because he's the boat guy. But when these nice boats break, like a nice car, they're expensive to fix and you know, you know what I mean? It's just another maintenance thing to think through and how to do it. We currently have about this. Um, it's a 2000. Okay. So, you're going to upgrade. Okay. Well, can I ask why you're looking to drain the Roth instead

“of the other, why wouldn't you take the money from the other IRA, the traditional IRA?”

Because of taxes. Okay. But you're going to have $65,000. So, if I took $100,000, $100 out of traditional IRA, buy it at the pay taxes on that. You would. You would. I'm just thinking you've got a lot of money in traditional accounts. That's probably going to want to be converted at some point anyway. And you've got very little en Roth. I almost would want to keep that growing as it's growing. And then if you can handle the, do you see what I'm saying that?

And I would run, I'd probably run it over with an advisor. But that's kind of what I was thinking. If you don't have a strategy for moving some of that 1.8 into converting that into Roth funds, that might be something to kind of help that process ease about. That was just something I thought of. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, the way we look at it is that anything with motors and wheels is no more than half of your annual take home pay. So, you guys are not working. So, it's a little bit

of a different. So, you have the 65 coming in from your wife. You have 100,000 coming from the, from the annuity and social security. And then if you wanted to count the 300,000 from the IRA, as a clinical income for the year, it's what your investments may not quite, but we can be a little bit, you know, squish on that. I mean, technically, you got the right. Yeah. So, I mean, like,

“from all the math perspective, Mark, yeah, I think, I think you're good to go.”

All right, Craig. You got the green line. Captain Mark. All right, thank for you. Head and on the lake and his new boat. But think about the truck. Maybe you get a, maybe you get a used truck mark. Maybe lighten the load a little with the wife. She's nervous about it. All right, let's cut to the chase. It's easy to get discouraged about crazy house prices and interest rates. But when you have the right real estate agent to help you buy and sell the right way,

you'll have confidence to make smart decisions. Ramsey trusted agents aren't just experts who guide

you through buying or selling, they're people you can trust to have your back from the first call

to closing day. Find a Ramsey trusted agent near you at RamseySolutions.com/agent. That's RamseySolutions.com/agent.

money question that you want to answer the Ramsey way, make sure to head over to our website and use

AskRamsey. AskRamsey is our official AI tool that's built and trained on proven Ramsey principles. So you'll get the same answer that you'd get if you're here on the show. This is one thing, Jay, I put this up in my stories a couple of days ago. Just remind people, like, click here if you guys have questions because we get so many DMs about people's specific situations and I had more people respond to how much they use it and they like love it. So

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All right, let's go to Mary and Kansas City. Hi, Mary. Welcome to the show.

“Hi, ladies. Thanks so much for taking my call this afternoon. Absolutely. How can we help?”

How the topic within my marriage? The ultimate dream home and how to spend our life savings on a house that will bring fulfillment to us both. We're pretty different people. He's very much a minimalist and a favor and I gave up my career to become a stay at home mom. I moved to this tiny house in the country, our credit cards, all of my things. Definitely all in on my life with my husband. But we have really been saving the last six years. We are working really

hard. We've paid off every debt that we have. We have saved our goal amount of money to buy with cash $500,000. And yeah, I'm really, really proud of us. We worked hard together. Yeah, we also have paid off our home that we're living in for around 200 equity in our home. But now that we're looking at what to do next, we have two kids and we're like ready to do the dream home. But like I said, he's a minimalist and very, very frugal. And I'm like, I really just want the dream home,

but I do dream home cost. We are having conversations around the budget and the size and whether we build on some land. But to be honest, I don't feel like I have all that much weight in the decision. And I think that part of that is due to our traditional goals in the marriage. He does have his name on everything. It's all like his accounts. And so that makes me feel, yeah, some time away.

“I would think so. It sounds like you have to yield it to a lot of what he has wanted, not necessarily”

all that maybe you've appreciated the outcome. And you appreciate the principles. But the way it's been done feels like it was more of a, you don't really have an option or say. And then you get to this point on the other side of it. And you still feel like in your marriage that your voice is not appreciated or wanted. Or your opinions aren't looked for. And there's no excitement behind

what you have dreamed about and want. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's finally time to kind of

like splurge a little on a home that makes us happy. But he wants a lot less than I do. And I feel like it's finally time that my opinion should matter because, you know, I'm I'm home with the kids. And I just wonder, are there, are there like guidelines? Or maybe advice, you can give us to bring

“alignment toward our share of goal. And I want to follow his lead that I just wonder, like something”

I'm, well, something I'm worried about that I hear you saying it's almost kind of like you, I buy to my time. I did my, you know what I mean? I've earned the right for my opinion to be heard is almost what I'm feeling here. I did all the sacrifice. I stayed home with the kids. I did all the stuff. And now is my time. And I would just like, no, it's the exact opposite, not selfish at all. I would be saying it should have been like that from the day one. You don't have to earn a seat at

the table in your own marriage that you are the table. You know, saying like you, you, you set the table. So you're of course you're at the table. You're the other adult in the relationship. Yeah. And it should have been 50, 50 from the jump. And so now you're in a situation, which is not going to be easy. You've got to untangle that and write the ship a little bit. And the question that I have for you is, let's pretend that you came to your husband tonight when things are not heated, when you're

not in the midst of an argument, when you're not in the midst of a debate. And you just came to him and said, you know, I, I loved it to have a discussion with you about something I've been thinking about. And you kind of start to tell him kind of what you've told us on the phone, which is, you know, I think that I've relinquished some of my, my opinions. And I've, I've let go of some of the things

want to do. And I kind of regret doing that. Yes. And going forward, I don't want to do that anymore.

“And here's how it's made me feel. Yes. And I'm going to start, I'm going to start saying things”

that are probably uncomfortable because they haven't been voiced. Yeah. And you can do this all very kindly, Mary. You know, this doesn't have to be abrupt, but you guys have set a marriage. And in the name of, if I can say this to you, because I live in the south, in the name of a biblical quote unquote submission role. Yeah. And what it ends up doing, what was supposed to be seen as as a, as a good thing has been taken and twisted to where you, Mary, don't have

what doesn't go like value. And you're the other adult in your relationship. And you can still respect and love your husband. But he also can love and respect you. Scripture as much says submit to one another until yourselves. Like, I mean, so I, I, I would, um, not to sit here and get a, and a theological debate by any means, but there is harm, I can't, in doing this show, specifically, these calls we get in, um, there's a, um, a pattern that we've seen. And I just want

to encourage you, Mary, that you can, um, be an incredible wife. And love your husband and you

guys can have a great marriage. But that can only be done if two people are participating in making life choices to create a life that you guys love together. And it sounds like he's been the one, making all the decisions. And, um, and you're doing it in the name of, leading, but he is, he is not holding up his into the deal of looking at his wife and sacrificing himself and saying, what is my wife want. Yeah. So it's, it is more, it's a, it's a marriage dynamic that I, I don't

know if there's a great, um, counselor or marriage therapist, maybe who is a believer, but maybe challenges a little bit of some of the ways that this has been done. Yeah. That would be really

“great to sit and talk to because I think out of a healthy marriage, this, um, this question can”

be answered. And I'm not sure you're going to get to a point where you both, um, see eye to eye on a home purchase when this has been the pattern of your, yeah, of the marriage. Does that make sense? Yeah. So it, it actually could be like, this could be seen as such a gift of your age that you guys, like, actually have a chance to look up and be like, oh, wow, we have gotten into the cycle. And Winston, I have gotten into cycles of marriage before and we look up and it's been years

and you're like, how did we get into this cycle? And you kind of have to break it, yeah, um, but for the health and the, in the beauty and the good of your marriage. Um, so I would say that, but I know you didn't call in for marriage at my home. So I would say if it's within the Ramsey,

um, obviously paying cash, 100% is like amazing. And but we know that's not realistic for everyone.

“And if you don't follow that, follow the premise that, um, you guys put down, uh, I would say for”

you now 20% and that the payment is no more than 25% of your take home pay. You could, you know, there, there's some wiggle room there if you guys, if you do want to look at other homes. So they're, um, that I'll give you that permission. You can dream a little if you want, um, if it's beyond that 300,000, the equity in the house and the 100,000 that you guys have saved. Um, but I, um, and you know, and you may settle on the, or it's settle, not settling. You may choose the 300,000,

which is totally fine. I just want you at the end of the day to feel like you, your opinion, is valid and marry that, and that he's excited to hear it. You know what I mean? That he like wants to know is wife and wants to know what makes you excited and he, um, sacrifices himself and his wants and desires for you. Thank you. Yeah. Um, but that's, that's, I know that's a, that's a, that's a loaded ass that we just gave you. Um, it was right though. Sometimes you need somebody who's

outside of the situation, because you can't see the force for the treating me. Somebody else

to be able to look and go, wait a second, that doesn't, that's not right. That's not what it was supposed.

That's not what, we'll just go back, that was not what that scripture was set up to do. Yeah, um, yep, but you got to, you got two, you got two ways behind the stairs, Mary. So call us back and you start later this week. Yes. Tell us how it goes. . Hey, guys, Dave Ramsey here. Every day on this show, we help people work through real money problems and figure out what to do next. Now, you can get that same kind of help

anytime with Ask Ramsey. Ask your money question and get answers built on Ramsey principles.

is here to help. It's fast, simple, and free to use. Go to RamseySolutions.com and try

“Ask Ramsey today. That's RamseySolutions.com.”

Our scripture of the day comes from Jeremiah 26, 14. As for me, I am in your hands. Do with me, whatever you think is good and right. Next is from Corey 10 Boom. She said, hold everything in your hands lightly. Otherwise it hurts when God prized your fingers open. I know that's right,

Corey. I love Corey 10 Boom. Yeah. Oh, she's amazing. When I saw that come up for the quote of the

day, I was like, I love her. She's amazing. Amazing woman. She was, um, all right, let's head to Jessica and she is in Denver. Hi, Jessica. Welcome to the show. I thank you so much for having me. Absolutely. How can we help? Hi. So I had a question concerning financial secrecy and

“mine. This, um, I have been using very per 10 years and I found out a lot of different things”

that have been kept for me and some finances that have been light about. And my question is, is how do you go forward with someone when finances are extremely not agreed on? Um, and

when they're challenged by the wife, um, that, that they're light about. Um, and so I just,

I'm wondering if there are some guidelines, um, when it comes to financial things that have not been a, been agreed on, um, and there's been a lot of mistrust placed because of that. What did you find out and how did you find it out? Um, I have a Robin Hood account that was that he made in my name and without you knowing, um, with me knowing, um, he said that he had had,

“um, his other one shut down, um, and I didn't, I didn't ask about that, but, um, he made one of my”

name and then he was trading on it, um, had a lot of money put into that account from a savings account that's not in my name. It's in his, um, ended up losing that money, um, and then ended up converging it. 11,000 dollars. Um, then ended up charging it. This is without me knowing. Okay. Um, then ended up charging it back, um, called as bank and charged it back, and then when I saw that, it, the account was shut down immediately by him. And I questioned that, so hey, you know, this

is not making sense of what went on. At that point, I was lied to that, and it was told that someone else had logged into the account and taken all that money. Um, of course, a big fight ensued because I did not believe that. Um, and so at the end of this, you know, we, we went through, you know, a whole long fight about it. And, um, he did eventually tell the truth that he did do that. Um, um, whatever this is. What other things does he lie about? Because usually you,

unless someone has a pattern of lying, you usually tend to believe them when they tell you

things the first time. So what else does he lie about? Um, about four years ago, we had gone on

vacation, um, charged it to a credit card that we were going to pay off, totally fine. We had the money to do it. Um, a day after that, we got back from the vacation. He texted me and said, hey, you know, if you see a chargeback for a Walmart, um, chargeback, I call the bank, because I saw something that was an honor authorized. Well, the next thing I know, the whole account is zero when we had just charged $5,000 to the account. And so I had said, there's no way that that was just a Walmart

chargeback. And, you know, we didn't do that in the first place. Why did you go ahead and charge all of that back when that was a valid charge for that vacation? Um, same thing happened, um, just very, very angry that I had, you know, called him out on that and he kept lying about it and, um, until, you know, I kept pressing and pressing and the truth comes out. And, um, very honest person, I really take that very seriously. And it bothers me that I feel like I can't have a trust for

the husband. And, um, then in dealing with someone else, I found out, you know, some things about some different deals that he had done that weren't honest and he ended up charging it back, and that was very recent. So that's why I'm calling in because it just seems like patterns

and then lying about it to me, um, how long have you been married? Ten years, about ten years.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Um, is he, um, is he at all repented and wants to change and wants to work on it or is everything defensive? Um, in the fight, everything is extremely defensive and, um, very adamant that he did not do the things that I know he did. Um, have you, uh, I was going to say, have you had conversations about the behavior that you've brought up

“in a non-arhumanative time? So just absolutely. And what are those conversations like?”

Um, very apologetic. I'm not going to do it anymore, but then when there's financial strain, it ends up happening over and over again. So what do you want? What do you, when you, when listening to what you've told us? Do you guys do, sorry, can I ask this for you? Do you guys work on your money together? Just like, do you do a budget? You'll sit down and talk about it. Um, I have tried to push for that. Um, we have one account

together and then throughout the years, I have found that he's created several other accounts that I did not have access to and that's another point of contention. Um, because I do want those things together so that I, so there is a conability. Do you work? Um, does he work or do I?

“No, do you work? I do. Yes. What do you earn? Um, I earn 120. And what's he earn?”

He is currently laid off. Um, so when he was, he was making 90. How long has he been laid off? From about four months. Okay. And it's kind of been a pattern with that as well. Um, we'll, we'll work for a buddy year and sometimes it hasn't been his fault as far as being laid off.

But it's always, I've, I've been the one with a stable job and it's always been where we've

gotten these emergency situations where I have to pick up the slack or something like this is done because there's like an emergency saying that on on his end that he feels like he needs the money for it just feels like a revolving door for me. So when you say, what do I want out of this? Yeah, it's very hard to see a way forward. And I'm trying to see it because I do want our marriage to work, but it is very difficult for me to, to see what that path looks like. Have you ever, have you ever

done any counseling with him? Has he ever been open to that? No. And I have had counseling myself. I reached out myself up into this point with this last incident. He has refused counseling. And that's a big deal. I want to say because whenever there's a partnership like marriage obviously, it has to be two people who are willing to grow together that are willing to grow as individuals

that are always willing to better themselves. And if one person puts a stop on it and says, I refuse.

And not even better myself. But even to go what my wife's asking me after I do it. I just want to do it. I'm absolutely lied over and over and over and I refuse to do it. Even that, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's a big red flag. Because my prayer would be that and we get these calls sometimes to give some, some men in the situation grace that they get in trouble, financially that they were that they've done money, they've taken care of all the money and they haven't been able to pay

the bills so they charge a credit card one month and then they end up in this bad cycle. And it's like this horrible thing and it's not good because they didn't tell their wife. But then it was, you know, then she found out, but this is why and then they're trying to work together and rebuild it. Like there's salvageable situation. Yes. You really mean in this. And my prayer would be the, I don't know, the golden sacred be that you find redemption in this.

And over time slowly, he chooses to rebuild trust, take the steps that you need him to take for you to feel good over a period of time. I mean, I'm talking, it takes two years or something.

“I've him doing what you need Jessica because he did this for what you need to rebuild trust.”

And that if one of those things is going to therapy once a week for nine months, it's like we're going to go. We're going to do this. Jessica have your own account over here. So you don't, you know, if you feel safe for doing this, like you're not saying like it is a, it's a total just surrender. But if that, if you can't get there, it's hard to move forward. So, oh, Jessica, I'm sorry. I wish we had more time to, to talk it through. But yep, we're thinking about you.

the Prince of Peace Christ Jesus. (upbeat music)