Derek Hough On The Dark Side Of Success, Elite Discipline, Loneliness At The Top, & His Wife's Health Battle

Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode of The Bostics.

“Today we have Derek Huff, in the studio, he is an American dancer, choreographer, actor”

and television personality, best known for his work on dancing with the stars, where he won a record at six Mirabol trophies as a professional dancer before becoming a judge. He is an Emmy Award winning choreographer, recognized for his innovative and high-energy routines. Beyond the ballroom, Huff has appeared in films and staged productions, including "Hairspray

Live" and "Singing in the Rain" and has toured globally with his own dance shows. He is also a musician and finished in Thuses, known for blending performance, storytelling and athleticism across his work. Today some of the topics include "How to Master Your Own Discipline, Navigating, Loneliness at the Top of Success" and "Finding Happiness Beyond Your Current Profession" in his case

"The Dance Floor," this is an uplifting episode, it's inspiring, we talk all about longevity, redefining success, career transition lessons, and when to pivot so that you can find happiness in your own personal life.

We had an incredible time with Derek and this episode has a lot of insight with that,

Derek Huff, welcome to The Bostics. We were just talking off air about how when you were 12, you, I'm not going to say you got sent away, I'll let you say, you went to England. Yes. With that a choice you made?

It was very much my choice. In fact, I actually was like, bagged my parents to go because I went to England for this big Latin bomb competition called Blackpool and I got kicked out the first round, I was like, oh, I am nowhere near the level of these answers, you know, I'm just a different, you know, it's a different level and so I knew in order to get to where I wanted to go.

Even at 12 years old, it kind of had clear goals, I knew I needed to be there, I needed to be around that, you know, environment in those coaches and so when an opportunity came up, I was like, please let me go, yeah, I want to go. How did you have the foresight at 12 years old to be that smart to know you needed to get

“around people who were better than you, to get better?”

It was, it was a combination of things, I think, during my parents' divorce, so the home was, the whole foundation was completely, you know, uprooted, both my parents lived in different apartment buildings, opposite each other at the time and, yeah, I was at work all the time, my mom was kind of gone and so I would get kicked, you know, beating up a school and I was, you know, got kicked out of schools and then dance was sort of my refuge and I just fell in

love with it, the community, the people and I got to travel, go to LA, got to go to New York and then the coaches, surely Bals, you know, and quirky Bals, Mark Bals' parents came and taught and they were just like, hey man, you're really talented, why don't you go, why don't you come with us for a few months and we'll train you and I was like, yes, you guys are the best

and so I was always supposed to go for a few months but I ended up staying for almost 10 years

because I just competed and became a champion and in this division and in this division and then yeah, I just had a clear goal, I had a clear direction of what I wanted to do but it's funny because then I look back, I look now at my nieces and nephews and I'm like, you're, you're how old I was, it's wild, what? That's crazy, like I can't, it's it's hard to fathom that way, at that time though, I felt like, no, don't, I was like, oh yeah, do you think with the split of your parents

“are kind of like in a way forced you to grow up a little faster? Yeah, I think so, I mean, yes,”

I guess I can define growing up, I suppose. I guess, like, where I'm thinking about it, I know a lot of, like I have friends in a 12 year old, so I can't imagine knowing the maturity levels that they would, like, you know, some of these kids are still having their parents cut the corners of their sandwich, which is another issue but, but no, I mean, I just, that's a very mature 12 year old to say I'm ready to leave the home and go to another country and live there, like that's just,

I don't know many 12 year olds that would do that. Yeah, I think I was, I think I got the competition bug at a young age. I was, I got the, I enjoyed competition, I would go to these competitions and I was, I was, you know, doing okay, but then I would do well to competition, oh, I want to, I want to keep that thing going and, and so I think I just got sort of locked into what that feels like and knowing that in order to get better, I need to be around better people, like you said, it's like, you know,

you become who you hang around with, right? You become the people you're with and so I need to be with people who are at the absolute top of their game and, um, and then, you know, a Shirley Ballast was, she was great, she even told me she was like, you have potential to be a champion one day and I believed her, I was like, okay, I'll, I'll let me follow you, like you tell, you show me the way, you know, essentially and, and then they did, so it was pretty cool. Well, I worry you being bullied

and why did you get kicked out of school before that? So, I was, I would be getting bullied, I was kind of like to get young, little, you know, crying a little kid and as funny, as I've gotten older,

I've done, okay, for my son. By the way, a lot of people in entertainment, right? Like, I feel like, yeah, some of us could be a little awkward, but I really, and even like, my dad now, like, I looked like my dad, like, he is the most amazing man and he's just like, can hold a room and he's, you know, he's, you know, he was like, present in this company, but now as he's got a lot of like, oh man,

“you're kind of goofy, you're kind of awkward and that's, I think that's where I get that from.”

The reason I say that is because that's a young kid, I really found a hard to connect with, you know,

kids at school and hang out and like, I didn't have like little clicks and so I was always on the

outside just trying to like fit in and get in there, but it was being a dancer to help, I think I would get the, you know, the crappy anatomy at, you know, one school kid like, pushing the face and bleeding everywhere, but then I like retaliated and started, you know, beating him up and then I got a spell from school. Um, one time as a girl, like, took a, I don't know, she kind of liked me, I guess when we're kids, we're talking like 10 years old, 11 years old, and it feels like guys didn't like that, so they

found me in a corner and they beat me up and, and so, um, yeah, it was interesting and then even my neighborhood where I lived in my neighborhood, we had these neighbors who were, um, bullying is kind of a too nice of a word, they like tormented me where they were like hanging up in a tree

by my ankles and put a gun to my head and spit on me or, or hog time in a field and, and it was,

I was scared, I would have night terrors and very traumatic. It was and I would like wet the bed and, you know, I was a scared kid, I was a terrified kid, scared the dark, scared of my shadow, like just scared and constantly on edge. And, um, so it was interesting, and I, I couldn't sleep over our people's hot homes. I was, I had to be home. If I tried, I would try up like, let me, let me sleep over at my friend's house and I'll go over there and then I'll call my mom and

like, come pick up, you know, and just scared. So it's kind of ironic to fact that 12 years old, I moved across, you know, across the world and trained and, you know, competed and did stuff. But it was interesting, once I was there, I felt, I was like, on track, you know, and I felt safe,

I actually felt safe being away. I felt like I had a goal, I had a vision, I knew where I was doing,

I had, you know, each day, I was like, this is, this is the plan, you know, there was not sort of, like this sense of floating around, um, and being scared. It was like, I had clarity and that clarity is power. So I also think, and I don't, I mean, the dancing gets out so much energy that's, sometimes suppressed. Sure. And this is my own opinion, it just gets out energy. And like, if you are, if I was feeling scared or fearful or upset, a way to get it out is to move your body.

So it makes sense to me that you were attracted to dance. Well, and before I danced, I played drums. I was a drummer. I was a played in a beach boy's trippy band, you know, you know, you took any fairs and stuff. And, uh, or he'd get up and sing Houndog, you know, singing Elvis. And, um, and so when I walked into dance, I this teacher named Rick Robinson and he was from Chicago, and he was like, yo, heavy D, you know, once you were like, coming to this hip hop, and I was like,

“all right. And then he also did barmen Latin. So that's how I got into that style as well.”

But the music, the rhythm, you know, being a drummer, understanding, you know, musicality, I took the dance even quicker, I think, because I understood it, you know, the musicality part of it. And then once you have this thing with your body, you have this control, it's like, it's like, there's something about that, right? Where I often say this, there's, it's primal, right, dancing is primal. Before you can walk across, we'll have babies. You put them on the ground

before you put music on, they're kind of like, you know, they're moving around. It's in us. But somewhere along the way, we sort of decide not to dance anymore. So having that freedom, listening to the music, sinking your body up to the rhythm and the beat, it just does something. And then you get yourself in a community and then a competition. It was like a perfect storm, you know? And I love music as well. Who originally pushed you into dancing? Because both you and your sister

entertainment, it was someone in your family, did your mother father like, how did you guys even get involved in this space? My mom made me go, yeah, she made me go. She dragged, she dragged my asses to dance. I did not want to go. It was, um, I was in the parking lot. My sister was going to dance class and she's like, you might as well go inside and, and I was like, no, no, no, it's for girls, and I'm, you know, and I walked in there and I was like, oh, yeah, there's a lot of girls in here,

actually. And, you know, being a young boy, I was, I was, I was like, oh, this is actually

“smart. This isn't so bad, you know? Because I loved, I remember being getting in trouble at school”

because I would like, um, I would like one, I was kissed the girls or something like that.

she told me, she said, what she said to me, she goes, Derek, you can't, you can't do that.

“Like, well, we're just, you know, we're just kissing, and he's, no, no, if you want to impress”

girl, this is what she told me, you have to give her a trophy. And I'll never forget that. I was like,

what? Okay. So, maybe some consciously, I've been trying to compete and try to win trophies because someone's always trying to impress and, you know, it's kind of funny. And it's true, we do like jewelry. Yeah, but, you know, maybe she meant that. Maybe I said jewelry and I said, I heard trophy. Yeah. When it's always, we have, you know, so many different people and hyperformers and different walks of life that come on the show. And I'm always interested in the

childhood because I, the more I've talked to people with Lauren over the years is, you realize that so many of those early years informed the behaviors later on, the drive, the, the, the, the for competition. Yeah. That's right. And it's really, like now that I have our, our own children,

I think about that a lot because like, okay, there's this window of time, probably sub 10 years old,

we're really like molding who the person is going to be for the rest of their life. And of course, you change and you evolve as you grow. Yeah. But a lot of it is like that early development. And when I saw, like we keyed into where, doing this brief and thinking about you, like 12 years old, like what's the motivation? What are the parents saying? How did you just answer to a lot of it? It's really interesting. Well, it's interesting too. Like, you're talking about like the formidable years.

Later in life, you know, I had this moment where I was in my apartment here in Los Angeles. And I think I had just one dance with the start for the third time. I think I had won an Emmy by then. And like, I was looking up at one of the world championships. I've won all these awards, you know, trophies. And I was kind of looked up at them. And I was really in a dark place in my life. I was really, really depressed and down. And then I was just like, I'm confused. I'm supposed to be like,

I'm at the top of my, I'm in the number one show in America. We're getting, you know, amazing ratings. And all this, all this stuff. And I've won the show and more than anybody else. And why am I so depressed? Why am I so down? And because my, my sort of belief in myself growing up and being judged and

criticized and picked apart, I always was like wanting to impress and wanting to be better. And my sort of

philosophy, my belief that I created with myself was in order to be loved. I had to be successful. In order to be worthy of love, I had to succeed. I had to achieve something. And only then would I be worthy of love and worthy to be accepted. And maybe it was instilled with Mrs. Fox told me that I got to give trophies, you know, or something like that. But that is interesting. I had a reprogram myself, essentially, being like, maybe I am enough without achieving anything and

succeeding and, you know, having to prove anything. I could just be myself and be me. And that was a scary, you know, thing to think about actually. Do you like Tony Robbins? I love Tony. Yeah, so as he's like talks about what you're saying all the time. Like I feel like he's talking about people like you when he says, you have the science of achievement without the art of fulfillment.

“Correct. Is that something that you found yourself through being quiet or did you have to”

go to therapy or do psychedelics or do something crazy to figure all that out? Well, you, I mean, it's funny to mention Tony Robbins because I actually went to Tony Robbins when I was 15 years old in Cardiff Wales. I went to the seminar and at three days seminar, we walked on the hot holes, did the whole thing. Cool moss, cool moss, cool moss, cool moss. And but the thing that stuck with me in that time at 15 years old was state, right, staying at the language focus, physiology,

that stuck with me. And for me, I actually attribute a lot of that particular tool to winning the world championships, winning competitions, winning, you know, because I was able to sort of like, you know, make your move and channel that state to compete or to do a show or to coach somebody, you know, and dancing the stars. So it's funny to bring him up because he's a dear friend of mine and I love him to death. He's great. So when you, when you were figuring this out, was it an

“moment? Was the epiphany, the moment looking at the trophies? Or did you have to go through and”

figure it out yourself through other modalities? How long did the dark period lost through? Well, let's be honest, the dark period isn't just like one moment, right? There's moments where it comes up, it creeps back in. It's more about like shortening the gap, right? How long that you allow that thought or that thing to stay there and linger? But no, for me, it was active. I'd be go to seminars. I would go to, you know, go to events or go to places and learn and absorb,

and actually being a teacher on dancing the stars helped me a lot. Because now I'm not focusing on myself. I'm here to serve. I'm here to like, how can I, how can I bring the best out in you? How can I like, oh, you're nervous? Okay, how did I work on that? How do I help you with that? And I would look up like, how do you deal with nerves? I mean, because I wanted to help serve my partners. And by doing that, it helped me a lot as well, because I was learning a lot.

being a competitor, you got to think about yourself. It's very selfish. It's about me. I got to be the best. I want to win. I want to beat you. You know, that's fine, but it's not

“really sustainable. Once to start a game to a place of like, hey, how do I, I want to help you?”

I want to serve you. Then it, it just changed. It changed so much. So as far as, listen, that still creeps in my mind all the time, that feeling like I got to succeed. I got to achieve something. It's still there. It's very much there. But it's like certain techniques, and certain things that I have to get myself in state to where I got to, you know, remind myself, you know, and remind all of us that like, we're fine. Like everything's fine.

Or we're, we're good just as we are, you know. And I think the entertainment industry, as an industry in general puts a different kind of pressure on people that, you know, are trying to achieve in this space, because you, you build your own thing, doing your own thing, but you're also in a way at the mercy of public opinion. Sure. Right. And that can be fickle at times. Yeah. You can sway.

And there's always somebody new, very younger coming up the ladder. And I think it's, it's a,

“it's a hard thing for, I think, a lot of people in entertainment to manage, because”

the public opinion also has impact on the success of your business. Sure. Yeah. It's really have to maintain and sustain that over long periods of time. And it's, you know, as we all know, like there's a lot of people that come and go very quickly in this space. Yeah. You've been doing it a long time. Your story is much less common than most people, even if they have a breakout. Like there are a lot of careers of very short lives. I'm so thankful. Honestly, I'm so thankful.

When I think about just even the career being here in England, because before, it's right in America, because before I came to America after living in England, you know, I was doing, you know, the West End and doing theater and, you know, competition. And it was filled very successful in that, you know, previous life, if you will. And then, of course, being on this massive show that, you know, catapult to dance and this very niche dance form, which is, you know,

barman Latin into this sort of very commercial space. And being a part of that from the beginning and seeing this grow each and every year and now into this new era where it's like literally

never been more popular ever is, it's amazing. But for me, I'm definitely in that era of,

you know, I'm having a tour coming up and I just had auditions the other day and I, I literally pride. I got some emotional because these dancers are so good. They are so good. They're so talented. They're so athletic. They can just do things. They're superhuman. But what I told them, I was, you know, I said, I cannot wait to share the stage with you. I cannot wait to give you an opportunity to go on tour and give you your first job. You know, because some of them, this is their first job,

you know, when the kids have hired. And even tours that I've gone out in the past, now I've seen them, they're all in their own world tours with like bad bunny now and Lady Gaga. And at least,

“I'm like, wait, I remember what I just got you out of college. You know, I mean, this is so cool.”

And it's been really cool to mentor these young kids and to see them grow and they all have

these amazing careers, you know, blossoming. So it's cool. I'm sort of in that era right now.

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Well I go back to some of the Tony stuff because you know we all know like being nervous and excited.

identically the same chemically in your body and I actually learned that I learned that when

I was dancing with Kelly Pickler, one of the seasons as dance with the stars and she just had paralyzing nerves and she got there come just so nervous and and I would walk through her, walk with her you know through this this is the process of like don't say the word nervous. Just say that you're excited. She said take out the word nervous and she's like well but I am like no no no just say that you're excited. I don't care if you don't feel that way but just say it

and she said okay well I'm excited and I'm like well what are you excited about and I would just ask your questions well I'm excited about this dress. This looks beautiful but what else are you excited about and well I'm excited because I've been working really hard in this dance what else you

excited about and what happened was by changing the language it changed her focus and what we

focused on is what we feel and it changed the experience because the words we used to describe our experience become our experience so if you say you're nervous and if I say I'm nervous then you're just feeding into the focus of like things going to go wrong I'm going to say the wrong thing I'm going to mess up I'm going to fail people to laugh at me but if you just say I'm excited then it's like your certain different answers start to pour in and you start to focus on the

“right things so yeah that's what I would say I would say honestly like change the words that you're”

using also where you're holding your body you know the physiology part of it being a dancer you know I have this convention called ovation and there thousands and thousands of young dancers that you know become this convention and we're dancing and they compete and that's what I talk about them with is you know is is all those different types of tools you know that I've learned along the way that helped me and and but yeah man by the way I still get those butterflies you do

oh yeah you did after all this time oh yeah absolutely yeah that's cool I like that I don't want to describe that if you get the butterflies it's just like it's it's because you care do you get the butterflies when you walk in a room see me 100% every time right those butterflies until you're very moored as buried in the ground who was your favorite dancing with the stars person be honest my favorite yeah I think one of them was bindi erwin oh she was really special

she was really really really special like that answer ten years ago uh which is hilarious that hilarious but so special that Robert 10 years later is one it's they both have it um that's really called them the irwins you know but I didn't but um she was really special because one I was such a huge fan of her father because he was somebody I looked at and was like I would live life like that guy even at a young age I would see my tea feels like that's I want to

live with that much enthusiasm you know I'm saying like when you look at like he's like look at

“this bush oh my gosh I'm like yeah that's why that's how we should live and so I love to”

I remember being a king's cross station in London and I'm going on a way to school on a train station and looking up and seeing the headline that he'd passed away and I remember like crying and weeping there was so unexpected yeah so out of nowhere it was so out of nowhere and so the opportunity to mentor to guide um his daughter and it makes me emotional was uh was so unbelievably special um I really really cherished it and and it was really sacred to me honestly and she was amazing

she was just like he would ask me like she really liked that like fun like no no no not really like that right I'm like yeah cameras are off they're just like they're just this ball of light you know it really are who is the best dancer the best dancer yeah maybe not the best personality maybe the best dancer no I think the Nicole Shersinger was the best dancer pretty yeah she's pretty she's pretty incredible she's a pussy cat doll though so I feel like she has to be like yeah feel that you can

“come in with no dance experience and go through that process and when do you think you have to have”

the background in order to listen Kelly Pickler she never asks I think I could do it yeah I do

I really do is this it is it's your audition or I've always thought I do it I've always thought I could do it I actually have in my brain when I want to show I think I could do it because I think that I think that if I you have an amazing teacher and you already are like kind of talented in other areas I'm I'm pretty good singer don't you know I feel a little bit I've been playing tennis to do lately little stuck in the ground yeah I made it a little fluid I think you could teach me

I'm not gonna lie I could I could let you know in five minutes really I could I could take you I could take you to the side I could just kind of like do this to that to this and I could like okay so what is so I could opinion what are the elements that someone needs to have to be a good like when you're like okay that person will be able to dance I say that I say that I say that and I say

where I've been completely wrong where I'm like wow I thought we were in big trouble but actually

wow I actually turned a corner and this is amazing so did you think that went um

the question sorry is like careful careful I think honestly Lil Kim Lil Kim when I just Lil Kim people forgot about that one I see I see her come out she was fresh out of prison too by the way she does like the yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I was a little bit like oh this is gonna be interesting okay but you're gonna mark if you're watching this one for you but she but she got out there and she she was doing it and she was she was great I she really impressed me so yeah yeah

okay so in five minutes you could tell I could give you an idea of the learning curve of how to go but I will say this it's not really about having experience you know on the show it's really

“about do you want to be there that's what I'm saying I do want to be there if I was gonna do”

it I would be like okay I'm doing it and I'm just saying because I'm eat live breathe maybe

somebody like they get the opportunity their teams put them there like this will be really good for your career just you know like I don't want to be like you have to be able to go with the flow yes however I will say and like you gotta give a lot of grace because I don't think anybody I know this nobody really knows they get in the substance it's a lot of work nobody does even people who are like prep for it they go I had no idea was this much and then you have

people who had no idea they get on the show and they are like what yeah I thought it was like two hour a day a day thing I mean it's it's like four to six a day which by the way when we did it was eight because there's no limit there's like a limit on rehearsal time which how many days is this you know how long does it take before oh wait mean before like it's if it's four to six hour days like how many days is that we as it like seven days seven days a week when you're

“on a show many how many how many weeks do you have to practice until you're on stage dancing oh”

two weeks I believe yeah but here's my thing you can't be doing anything else you know that you're train yourself you say listen this is two weeks out of your life oh yeah to me I'm like another eight hours a day and by the way on the time off I'm recovering I'm sonic you have to put you have to be like give to treat like an athlete it's a full time it's a full time job you don't think it's a full time job no a lot of people but I might win now I said I could do it I now think I

would win but I think I think now the the what do you want to call it the formula has changed a lot this past couple seasons where I think the people that they are looking for are people who are in it to win it and who are going to take advantage of every single moment they don't want to be completely honest they don't want the celebrity even if you want an Oscar I don't want someone taking a seriously I don't care if you want an Oscar and you want to

grab me and some of that if you're not like in it then that's okay but we're good I'd rather have somebody who it doesn't have you know all those accolades but they like want to be there because that's going to create that was something that you want to watch and then you realize the more in life the two girls were in it to win it yeah wouldn't he man if I look at her I mean she's don't Broadway right now my brother Mar ballus and like she had like you talk about clarity she's

like okay this is my goal and you know and it's so funny they got so much um hate I feel like last

“season um why I I don't know I think the show she was like a villain in the show I guess I didn't”

I didn't watch it so I don't know but she was I mean a kind of I guess I don't know that's interesting I didn't know she got hate on the show oh my gosh not on the show but like you know in the social world but um but you just saw like I I really loved I think people gave her a flag because she was like I'm on the show because I want to be on dancing the stars I want to do Broadway I want to do this and she said it a lot of people like oh gross and I was like what I was like that's awesome I was

like sure to go somebody who also talks about their goals openly into existence is I'm like good on you that's brave because you know if you say it out loud and it doesn't happen people are gonna be like you know they're gonna love to say hey it didn't happen and you know point it to you and put you down so to put it out there like that I was like I commend her I commend her a lot what are the pros and cons of working with the sibling you know what's interesting

working with Julian because she also moved to England when she was nine years old she follow you yeah we were in the same place yes she danced with Mark Dallas they were dance partners and you guys moved together well I moved first for like three months and then I was like hey this is really great I actually love it here this theater school we're going to it's like I'm like thriving

I'm like better I won this thing Julian like you know you're you this should be amazing and

in her mark dancing together that was probably really helpful for you though to have your sister there with you maybe less lonely um no it wasn't so much back because I wasn't lonely like I was so busy I was the age gap three years okay three years and that the pros and cons the pros are

it's like her being a judge be being a judge you know even doing like she did a grease live

and it hurts very live like we've done like very like parallel things and um it's amazing

because at least what I love about it so much is that we're able to relate you know I mean and be like hey I know you're going through this I know what that's like I know that feels like it's okay things to be okay you know I mean like there's a lot of like understanding there funny enough her and I we only really got into like arguments on stage when we did tours together we would do some things and like I would get we would had an argument on stage one time and I thought

was hilarious and I remember asking the audience like do you think I'm like this and they thought it was like a bit but it was very real it was like we were like actually having a fight on stage we do that like pretty much every other show yeah I really like oh this is sweet you're like that was real I really to what you're saying though because it's nice to do this with my husband because I can go home at the end of the day and be like oh that person was it was that you

not you you're great for that person was who I need to go scrub all the energy off me or I can go home and be like fuck we crush that episode yeah so I totally in a different font get what you're saying yeah yeah yeah no it's interesting to what I find funny is when people go like like because her and I we've had such a great career together you know we're so fortunate and we get a lot we get along which is like you know people like that's so weird how do you get along with your

brother and your sister such a weird thing like it's funny to me that that's weird you know I mean and I it makes me sad actually that you know having a good relationship with your family member is is like an odd thing you know but I'm super proud of her man what she's accomplished in her life and what she's done I mean what's in the water that your parents gave you guys I don't know

“some the Mormon water you know I mean she's kidding no we we were just again I think we were”

fortunate I think moving to England honing in like a craft and also work ethic because she's surely marks mom her work ethic is like unparalleled and she drilled like this work ethic in us that was you know I just I'm so thankful for yeah and again it's hard work but it's also a lot of grace it's a lot of grace a lot of luck a lot of opportunity and whenever your opportunities become up we just would run with it and yeah so yeah a lot of hard work but a lot of luck as well you've

spoken a lot about I don't know a lot people spoke about loneliness in success in competition how do you think about that now because I imagine it can be very isolating doing what you do in competing the way that you compete and then having the world judge you you know it's interesting I think it's different now obviously because I'm you know married and and I have a baby now

“I'm busy yeah I'm just I'm flying right now but you know I think what I'm talking about”

the loneliness loneliness part of it I I'm finally enough I felt the most lonely when I lived

in LA but I was in England I didn't feel lonely I felt like I was like you know on a mission but when I was in LA in my own apartment and you know seemingly everything's amazing and fantastic and at the prime and you know it was incredibly lonely I think I think part of that was just it wasn't so much lonely with people I think I was just wasn't like who I was becoming you know essentially I think and so I didn't want you know to be around other people and I was isolating

it was very isolating I also think LA can be a lonely city sometimes I think people don't talk about that enough it can it can feel lonely and sometimes when you go out here and this was my experience when I lived here it can feel transactional and that that is it can feel hollow

and vapid and I'm not saying always because you know we're here a lot but we live in Austin now

yeah there is a difference and I could also see how when you're on the journey when you're in England and you're dancing and you're progressing and you're you know moving up the mountain and then you get to the top of the sort of mountain that you thought you wanted to get up the loneliness mixed with the LA energy like I could see why that happened it's a very strange city if you think about

“it's one of the only places in the world where people come to try to become famous or go and I think”

that creates a strange like you don't move to New York maybe do actually that's about exactly but you don't move to Miami or Texas or London to do that you like this is a place where you come to break into entertainment yeah and I think that creates a strange dynamic in the city there's a lot of acquaintances essentially like there wasn't a lot of friends it was a lot of acquaintances but with that said you know I like mark ballast he's like my best friends my brother basically

who BC yeah really yes yeah we went we went we went we went to high school we went to high school at Tori Pines with Brittany no she was in our great that's crazy did you know that

or do not I know that's crazy by the way she's great her voice is bananas she it's always been like that

oh my god she was a little girl I remember her singing one of my friends house and it was always like songwriter too right and she almost like she that has that like Britney Spears younger like when she was younger she had that like like sparkle and I'm sure she still hasn't now oh no she's she's she's like she's like she's like rock she's like generous joplin like rock and roll just like yeah man yeah and she just can sing like insane yeah they're incredible yeah

“that's amazing wow yeah yeah that's what she was she was in Weston's grade her best friend”

she's in Weston's class I mean Weston's class where did you meet your wife I met my wife on tour actually so it was Julianna's first tour that we did together and she was one of her dancers and I remember just seeing her and it was funny story actually was was in audition I guess I guess I couldn't take my eyes off of her because she actually went back and said hey mom I think I got I think I got it because Derek kept he just kept staring at me I don't recall that

but um you just should say yes you should be like I was no listen it was evident that I found her very attractive obviously but um but it wasn't for like a couple years after that though that you know we ended up you know dating was interesting our relationship was kind of unique because to be honest with you it wasn't like love it first sight wasn't like oh this is like this is it in fact it was actually the opposite we both were like oh this is definitely not we're

definitely not right for each other like but you know let's hang out like what's that you know that's some fun and just they a little bit but this is definitely not the right relationship um when we both kind of mutually felt that way but then we just kept I don't know evolving and things you know happening in our lives and then we kept getting closer and closer and um but we've gone through a

“lot of different challenges like a lot of different challenges and I think that's why I think”

her on our relationship is I really find it really special because it um we went through a lot you know before we got married you know we were together for eight years this episode is brought to you by Zaisal I am so allergic to cats the worst and I use Zaisal allergy 24 hour okay if you're like me

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“becoming friends best friends first I was like oh that's what we were even best friends though”

like we were like no it was a crazy like we were like we like it was so funny we did not get a like nothing we didn't get along we just were like yeah this isn't right but it was it was interesting how our relationship with people like we were like the blow up you know like a couple of a couple times it was like in breakup there was one time that it was like done over dead finished and we meant it and it was it was completely over and we got back together it when we kind

of came came together I should say we still thought that we're like oh that relationship is done like that relationship you know it's like we almost had like several versions of our relationship that we looked back on I'm like oh my gosh I can't believe that that was us you know and or that version was us or that version we each one of those versions essentially died you know and was over and that was actually quite cathartic who was it was um who's that who's the therapist

who's uh phenomenal relationship therapist that's the parallel I love her and

“one of the things she says I think of one of her TED talks is like you know we're going to have”

multiple relationships in this life time question is is going to be with multiple people or is it

multiple versions of our relationship with the same person and that's how our relationship has been

we've been we've had 12 different relationships within our relationship and um and it's been amazing

it's been really great to grow as we go you know it's uh an amazing what made you guys decide to get married

“it's just was that time I think we were at a concert actually an Andy grammar concert and he said”

something um is a during COVID I think and it was like we were in like in cars and he says something about having a ring I don't know we talked about something like that and I just because I looked over to him and I wanted to ring and that was it basically and if it was like you want to look at a ring yes every girl thing let's go look at a ring but it honestly goes as well it goes back to that idea of just being committed and committing to something and into someone and putting two feet in you know

not having this sort of think of thing of like well let me just do one foot in and one foot out because you know my parents got divorced I've you know been around honestly three different types of divorces like within and intimately so in my experience I was like I don't want to like you know do the whole mirror thing and then you're like no I think that's that's exactly what I want I think

“that's exactly what I need and what we need and and uh it's been great it's been it's the best thing ever”

what are some challenges you mentioned that you guys have gone through if you're open to sharing anything with the audience I think just like anybody else has you know certain things and challenges but before I I could talk about challenges at least after I mean we got married this is not sort of like a relationship challenge but we just got married in August in three months later she had a brain bleed on stage um oh really yeah yeah we we hit heads um while we're dancing and

she immediately just you know started bleeding essentially you know break but she didn't know nobody knew until the end of the show and then she started having this like you know thing happening and I thought she heard a neck because this is kind of like you know my tweak my neck kind of thing but um she started having seizures on the side of the stage and ironically it was doing a part

“where I was doing a tribute to Lynn Goodman and talking about how precious life is and”

how it's fleeting and and she's literally dying on the side of the stage and the curtains and um I had no idea and the show finished we finished the last number it was like right towards the end came over there and she was you know in agony um and just talking gibberish and her people one was dilated one was pinpoint that EMT's were just like we think it's a stroke didn't know what happened you know we don't know what's going on we just something's wrong and like they think it's maybe a stroke

so we have an option to go to a hospital that's ten minutes down the road because we're in Washington DC or we can go to the one that's forty five minutes away and they're asking me like where what would you like to do and I was like well where should we go and they're like well this one is like can be treat if it's a stroke but if it's anything brain related we should go to this one and so in that moment I was like let's go to the further one so we have all the facilities we went there

which later I found out the the head of the hospital came out to be he said I just want to let you know like I'm glad you guys chose that because if she went out there she wouldn't be here anymore oh my god it would have been it would have been um lights out essentially there's a kind of they couldn't have was like sort of a sort of like they wouldn't have been because it was an emergency

cranny act to me where they had to remove a forty percent of our skull oh shit basically removed

the whole thing the brain was bleeding you know and they couldn't even put the skull back on because the brain had swelled up so much oh my god so it had like protruded through the bone um whoa and then he told me he's like he's like listen like it's it doesn't look good it's really bad this the the midline shift the middle part of your brain the pressure was so intense it had shifted you know a certain degrees and that is an indication of brain damage

speech impediment paralysis you know all the things and so but remind me what caused this level of injury just we we think we don't know for sure for sure but we're at this point where relatively sure now I was certain that we it was when we hit heads began to show but we've hit

heads like the before we were always hitting heads and elbows you know when you think

it was it was it that hard of a hit it was just the right angle the right it must have been it must have been because it was on that side we just we just hit heads did you feel it oh yeah yeah oh no when it happened I remember like looking at everything like you didn't and she's like yeah we both got our bells wrong for sure um but uh yeah basically he told me I basically lost her that night you know he um he was like even if she survived she's not

in the makeup in the hair and because we like got off stage went right to the hospital and by the way

“people were in the hospital been like hey can you take a picture oh my gosh don't even tell me that was”

like oh and then they want to take a to read it and be like oh my god fuck him oh no no I was by the way even in that moment I was still like oh not right now I was sorry I was trying to be the polite but but then I would eventually just went into a corner to a room and just like wept on the floor and cried and just was a mess but maybe we should like make a lot of it like public service and ask me to see someone in the hospital running around like it's not the right time to ask

myself it's a wrong time no matter who it is you know but um but that was that was a big moment that we're you know she woke up and it was like that the moment where they're not she was gonna be okay or not you know she is she haily and luckily she was hurt you know she's she woke up as she said her name she said she was in New York I was like that's close enough but she has

“so she's an amazing outlook you know she never really cried about like oh no me why does”

happen the only reason why she the only time she cried was I told her I said honey like there's so much love and so many prayers and people praying for you and she goes and she started to cry she said you don't you have a tell me that she goes honey I can feel it I can I can feel it and I told her that said that said your your your head got shaved and she was like oh man I just got my hair cut last week you know you know you know seven sixty staples in her head and you know her you know her

skull is concaving I mean it's it's it's wild to think what she what she experienced what she went through you had a walk again I learned like hold our arms and um you know I'm sleeping on the floor and I'll tell you what you know you talk about like loneliness or like this feeling of like isolation or this feeling of just like a whole was being on the biggest higher or less we just got married we

“went on our honeymoon we're on I'm on dancing with stars it's the final literally is the finale”

we're on well first we're on tour together we're from thousands of people living our dream

this is what we're meant to do dancing together and this beautiful show we've created together and it's just like uh the finale of dancing the stars and the confetti and then we get enough jet you know fly out we do the show and then that'll happen there's adrenaline I'm running around I'm like oh my gosh I'm terrified and where do I put the dog or you know Luna go with her why I go to the hospital and then I'm calling my dad please pray for Haley and then where the hospital

he's telling me that she's gone and and then he goes you got to go home and sleep you got a long road ahead of you and then like how do I even sleep and I'm exhausted and all these things and I go into a hotel room I open it I close the door and it's just boom it's just like silence that hum that you feel and I and that was that moment was like the worst moment of my life like the biggest high and adrenaline just going for two days straight essentially and then just

and you're probably already exhausted from everything you were doing oh my it was it was like the next level of just the despair but then going in there and seeing her face even hooked up the wires and

the tubes are just looking and kind of smiling and like hey honey and that's like she was amazing

she was incredible she gave us so much strength how long ago was that three years ago now three years ago so it's even more special that you now have this three-month-old yes it makes it like so I mean all of this is like a wow and that was one of the first things she asked actually she has had can I still have kids when she woke up because the pressure from her brain obviously like her sneezing or her even moving and then idea of having a child is like but that was what she said

could I slap kids and you know like a yes of course not only is she a kids hailey we had a home birth and my girl like I don't know what I don't know why this was her all her choice but she did it completely natural you know and at home in our bedroom well I imagine it was like you were I was not really she's not imagine when you've had your head literally taken off and put back on that's a diminished child but it's hard but I mean like it just feels like that's like you've

already kind of experienced well no that's actually she's asleep she doesn't know what's going on with all that she's very awake for this and she made a full recovery yes yes full recovery there's still some things like lingering things that we need to take care of but we can't do that yet until you know because she's breastfeeding and certain things like that but um crazy but yeah she was back on the stage within four months it was insane and we're actually going back out on the road

this summer with the same tour because it really is like that it's such a special show um and it's interesting because I'm calling it symphony dance on core because it's an on core

know they do roses right they affect their on core and their roses of course at least they did back in the day um and but she's also like she's the rose she is the rose of the show where when I think about what a rose represents it's like you know the sweetness of the bloom but like the thorns you know tell the story and what I look at her I really I see that you know she's just beautiful woman just beautiful light but man she's gone through so much and um and I just can't

wait to just show the stage with her again it's gonna be amazing you don't get in her view and talk about me the way he's talking about his wife don't even speak sometimes he's guys come on so we're talking

“this way I'm like it's a way it's a way you shouldn't you should oh man and send it to her for valentine”

saying for you personally I imagine that had a profound effect on just the way you view life in general like when you think about yourself before and after that experience or their thought processor things you think about different you know yeah I think um of him again I'm such an overachiever

and you know I'm always wanting to do things and you know do the most and and then there's moments

where you just stop and you just kind of reflect a little bit on those moments and you're like man I would I would I you know it's interesting actually during that time of me in the hospital I I have to say that it was like the worst time of our life but also one of some of the best times of our lives because the amount of triumphs that we experienced the amount of successes that we experienced in that time because it went from being like okay measuring success became like okay I got to win an Emmy award

and then I can be happy and successful and oh I got to win dance with stars and then I can feel good and like yeah I achieved that this was like oh she's walking to the bathroom and we were like oh my gosh like there's no word that I've ever won in my life that has you know compared to her walking to the bathroom for the first time

that was like it was amazing and also perspective shift oh my gosh and then her walking over

“tissue boxes that I never forget it her walking upstairs the first time I was like oh my god this is the best thing”

ever it was like scoring a touchdown you know in the Super Bowl like every time she did that and and so it was interesting because it was difficult but at the same time it was like these awesome milestones amazing moments of like victories you know it was really cool that's amazing too that she can dance on stage again with you how cool is that we actually we actually filmed a documentary about that about the whole process about her recovery recovery recovery and her getting back all on stage

and it was a dear friend of ours Jason Burke who he just started documentary for like Jennifer Lopez and for you know he's like I mean winner for 30 for 30 and and I told him I said he's like dude how you doing it and I'm good and he's like like how she doing I was like man dude we're actually going to go back in the dance studio soon you go what is it kind of come film that I'm like yeah yeah come film it and so he just started filming one day and then they turned into a whole you know whole documentary

and um what was amazing about it was that she was again she was stronger than I was like I was a wreck I was dancing with her like being nervous like I was going to ask you are you nervous I was very nervous and I was like this is too soon and oh my gosh you don't know and then she

“kind of pulled me aside was like honey like you have to trust me you got to trust me I know what I'm”

doing I I I I I'll listen to my body I trust me and also you can't be scared or timid because if you do that's actually more dangerous you got to be very confident and I'm like you're right and um yeah it's pretty cool it's pretty amazing and I'm excited for people to see that because it's uh it was a a beautiful and a difficult process but the um the outcome was just really special well it seems like you are hitting your box of science of achievement and art of fulfillment just fine right now

yeah we're good on it congratulations on your new baby thank you so much enjoy every second of all of this um beautiful story where can everyone find you support what you're doing come on your tour and watch you guys dance tell us all the things we're going to learn audition for the show yeah yeah by the way would you want to be on dance with us ours is that like something like for real she's like yes I don't I like want to speak out to existence say it I don't know that

they do like entrepreneurs though yeah they do they do they do everybody they do all sorts they do it was an entrepreneur that they've done I can't think of anyone hmm I I know this is not I've seen anyone I'm telling you I'm telling you they there's you can check a few other

boxes you just throw go throw throw throw the name in the box you never know because again like I

I might win I will I only want Derek as a partner you know it's funny I was saying that

“I was like there's there's a few people who could give me back it like from the judge's desk”

being on a pro and that my wife is like if Celine and Dion ever did the show I would command you

to do I can't get you who are you recommending for me um Val's a good buddy of mine he's great

“he's very experienced he's very capable um who else there's the ugliest one the ugliest one it”

you're gonna do it who's uh who's the guy that looks like you just crawled out from under a brand now you don't want that you don't want that I should only there is that I'm sure you're all

“already I'm kidding I'm confident yeah really you're gonna be in the audience yeah I'm sure you're”

you know okay yeah man yeah dancing with the stars call me I'm a winner I love it but you guys to answer your first question yes come see the tour it's this summer we're gonna be going to 40 different cities across the country it's called Symphony of Dance on Quar and it's a really

really beautiful show it's a fun show we got live band amazing cast of dancers like truly incredible

cast dancers are you coming Austin I don't think we're in Austin you guys tour you'll be so much text there probably oh we're in like 40 different places in Texas okay before you guys got to tell us where you are in Texas so we can come support thank you please come and come on stage one dance okay ask me twice Derek thank you so much for coming on this show what a great episode you guys go support all the things Derek thank you thank you guys thanks watch