Why High Achievers Struggle With Anxiety (The Hidden Belief Driving Achiever Syndrome)

I'm cave on K and today we're diving into something that almost no high performer wants

to admit out loud. Achieve her syndrome. That constant pressure to win.

“The anxiety that creeps in the second you take your foot off the gas.”

The feeling that no matter how much you accomplish, it's still not enough. My guest today is Tim Scher, a peak performance hypnotist who spent 36 years studying the human mind and has done over 16,000 sessions helping high achievers break the unconscious patterns that keep them stuck. We're talking about the deep programming formed between ages 0 and 6.

The hidden beliefs, driving imposter syndrome, burnout, addiction, self-sabotage, and even success ceilings. And the one core shift that upgrades the software running in the background of your life. If you're building at a high level, if you look successful on the outside, but still feel the pressure inside, this conversation will hit.

Let's unlock it. I'm super excited deep diving into this. Tim, welcome to the show. Thank you. Thank you.

Pleasure to be here. For anyone that's listening, they don't know who Tim is.

“Tell us a little bit about Tim and how did you get to where you are?”

Yeah. So I started out looking for the cure for anxiety. I wanted to get rid of that feeling that something bad was going to happen if I took my foot off the gas.

I always felt like I could never just relax.

I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. So I had to do something to feel worthy of love, right? Or do something to get people to like me. And it turned me into a super achiever and a workaholic. And I accomplished a lot.

And I found that even though I had accomplished a lot, I still had that anxiety inside. I still had those worries and fears. And so I spent my whole life looking for the cure for anxiety and I went to school for psychology and got my degrees, but I found that it wasn't cutting it. You could talk about your problems forever.

But it doesn't actually change it, you know, and I jumped on, you know, walked over coals with Tony Robbins and jumped up and down at seminars and did all these things. And I still wasn't feeling that peace I was looking for. And so over the years, I found that it turns out that there's these beliefs that we have in our minds that are holding us back and keeping us stuck.

It's like the software in our brain. Now, when you upgrade that software, it unlocks you from the fears, from the worries, from the stress, from what I call achievers syndrome. So I've been actively trying to figure out us humans for the last 36 years. Most people know me as a peak performance hypnotist.

You know, I'm one of the top hypnotist because I've been able to help so many people. I've done 16,000 sessions and I specialize in working with people who are really high performers, they're not into the BS, they need results immediately. You know, they don't want to spend years in therapy, they want to get it done and a lot of the people who told me I want an easy button and I better get results today.

And I'm like, "Bring it on." And so, so that's me in a nutshell. There's so much to go from there because, you know, if we go right back where you touched on the anxiety, I think there's a problem in this world with anxiety. And I call it fake anxiety.

You're not saying the anxiety is fake, but it's like manufactured fake anxiety. It's just from just being on social media. There's tons of studies showing kids with all this anxiety because of that. And then you discussed, which I loved, traditional, I'm going to call it traditional medicine almost, right? It's psychology to real life psychology of what you're seeing, the gap there is.

So I definitely want to deep dive into those two things.

“I think are very important and then I also want to get to the most important is the one thing.”

And you know, how did you come to this one thing of getting over cheaper high achievers syndrome? And what you see why do people have that? So, with that being said, let's discuss that last part right there. Why do you think people have high achievers syndrome? Like, where does that come from?

So, no matter what we're able to accomplish, if we have this belief that we're not enough, or if we have this unconscious belief that if I stop winning, then I no longer matter. Or if we have this belief that if I let up, it could just fall apart. It keeps us going and achieving and winning and striving.

And people on the outside will look at your life and say, this is incredible, you know, what you've accomplished.

or yeah, it looks great on the outside, but my wife is going to strangle me because I can't even go on a vacation,

“because I can't relax enough, because my mind's always worrying about the next thing I need to go fix.”

And so it comes back to these beliefs in our mind and not beliefs that we developed recently, but beliefs that we picked up in childhood, beliefs that we absorbed as a kid. So, every time I work with somebody, even people that are like, no, that's not it. I had a good childhood, you know, I got a great mindset. This isn't about mindset. This is about deep unconscious programming. And so, most of the people I'm working with have a

fantastic mindset. It's not that, right? It's the deep unconscious programming. And so, every time I work with someone, we go back to try to figure out where that belief was formed. Because if we can kind of upgrade it at that moment where it was formed, then that's where you have the biggest breakthroughs and really fast. So, so people are going back to when they were four years old, seven years old, 12 years old. And they went through some experience where their

brain is out, you know, we're always trying to figure out what things mean and we're brains

and always making up meaning. And so, that's when most of our beliefs are formed by the time we're 18 years old. And so, some of those beliefs are empowering, but some of them are also destructive

“and that's what causes the imposter syndrome. It's what causes self-sabotages, what causes addictions.”

So, it causes the bad habits we can't seem to kick, right? And so, so when we go back and we identify those situations and we find the beliefs and then we upgrade them, that's when magic literally magic begins to happen for people. So, how important is it? Because I know there's science around it, but I'd love to hear from you as a professional, like the importance of that zero basically, like zero to six age. And how most of your beliefs and thoughts ideas are formed in that

period of time, which then science prove is what controls our everyday actions. In our everyday actions comes from our everyday beliefs. Yeah, you're exactly right. You know, they say that by the time we're 18 years old, we've heard like hundreds of thousands of negative thoughts and, you know, either coming at us or in our own mind and we've seen all kinds of, you know, simulated murders

“and, you know, just, and now kids have growing up with social media, this generation. They've”

been exposed to things that they should definitely not be exposed to, you know, repeatedly. And so, it's causing, yeah, it's causing a lot of, I mean, people are saying my four-year-old has anxiety now, right? Like what? That's not. So, and it's not the anxiety. It's the feeling of not being good enough. An anxiety is a symptom. It's like a fire alarm that's going off even though there's no fire. The cause is a belief that we're not good enough. And so, where do you pick those

beliefs up? Well, we pick them up when we're younger in a lot of times, we pick them up accidentally, right? So, I'll give you an example. So, there was a guy who was doing really well in his business, but he could not take it to the next level. He just felt stuck no matter how he had went. Go this way, I go that way. You know, he hired coaches, didn't seem to make a difference. He'd get so far, and then it would just seem to fall apart. So, he came to me, and what we did was we went back

to the belief that might be causing this. And so, he goes back to a memory of when he's six years

old. And his dad was a car guy. So, his dad was always working on cars. So, he goes back. He's six

years old. His dad's working on this car. He's underneath the car. He asked his six-year-old for a Philip screwdriver. Now, the kid is six. And so, he hands his dad the wrong thing. And his dad goes, "You moron, you can't ever learn anything." Now, that wasn't very nice. And his dad probably wasn't thinking, "I'm going to screw up my kid for the rest of his life." Okay? But the kid's brain, you've got an authority figure, your father. Something that's scared him, because

the dad, all of a sudden, your yells at you. You know, that puts you in a hyper-siggestable state. And then he gives you a suggestion, right? You can't learn anything. And all of a sudden, that gets into his brain. And now, he's, you know, 40 years old. And he can't learn enough to get to the next level. And he can. But, for order, in order for him to be successful, he would have to get rid of that belief. Because that belief is like a parking break in his

brain that he didn't know was there. And so, he would continually sabotage himself because the belief has to match your reality. And so, even if you change your reality, it won't, you got to upgrade the belief. I love that. I wanted to jump in there quickly, just to say, okay, I want to break that down a little bit, right? Because you said he would sell sabotage. So, someone with a belief of, uh, I can't learn, or I'm, I'm a moron, let's say, right? Uh, what, what are ways that that person

out yourself because of this. What would be showing up? Sure. So, you might be getting really stressed out. And then you lose your temper. And then you take it out on your employees or you come home.

And you're afraid that you're not good enough. So, you overcompensate by always trying to be in charge

and in control. And then that causes a whole bunch of friction with you and your spouse.

“And now that's on your mind. And now you're going to work, but you feel like you should be at home,”

saving your marriage. And then when you're at home, you feel like you should be at work, saving your business, right? So, that's the way of doing it. Um, you're sitting up at three in the morning because you can't turn your mind off because you're worried about this situation and that situation and what's going to happen if this doesn't work. So, then you're exhausted. Then you're missing meetings, right? Um, it could be you got to get rid of the pressure and the stress. So, now you're drinking,

you know, now you're drinking just a beer, you know, and then all of a sudden it's a couple of beers. And then pretty soon, you know, it's like five or six beers, you know, every night, you know, or people are smoking weed or people are trying to drink energy drinks to push themselves harder because we got the YouTube motivation of go harder, do it, do it, do it, do it, right? And so, what that does is when you all of a sudden hit your 50s, you have a big heart attack because you

can't eat a lab pressure anymore. Yeah. Right? And so, it's the worst when P when, you know, men take their lives. So, I'd even say worse than that. Yeah, it becomes heavy. That is, I see that more with the veterans, you know, with the veterans that I've worked with over the years. So, more veterans die from suicide than from actually being in combat. And yeah, so it's, I mean, it's serious. And so, you have the imposter syndrome, you have, you know, you're creating a

culture in your workplace environment that's really stressful because you're always stressed out,

right? Or you're either communicating with people in a way where you're tearing them down,

“or you're not saying what you need to say and you're tearing yourself down,”

but you're not having those crucial conversations. And so, you're not letting go of people that aren't good for you, or you're in a business with a partner who is sabotaging everything, right, or embezzling money. And so, there's, there's a thousand different ways that we can sabotage ourselves if we don't feel that we're worthy, or we don't know how to move forward with the heart at peace. Wow. That's a lot, uh, those are a lot of ways that people can self-scivatage themselves.

So, if, if that's happening in what someone's business or even in their lives, is that an indication then that means, oh, there's something going on and you said up in the software that probably needs addressing? Yes, exactly right. That's exactly right. That every time, it's a belief. You know, there's an old saying that says, if you learn to go within,

you'll never go without. So, the answers are always inside of us. And a lot of times we're,

“we're always going to the next coach, the next training, the next seminar, because we feel like”

we're missing all these pieces, but most of the time we're not missing the pieces, we just don't trust ourselves enough to connect them inside. So, how does someone build that trust? Like, say, if they have the syndrome of overachiever, or, or not good enough, or I'm, you know, the afraid of success, or afraid of failure, imposter syndrome, those things that I'm hearing from you would relate to them, not being able to fully completely authentically trust themselves in their decision-making.

So, how, what would come first, right? Like, how do you trust yourself to make better decisions, so that you don't feel like an imposter, but making you feel like an imposter, or making, you know, feel a failure of success, or a failure of whatever I mean, if your feel a failure, oh my god, fear of failure, like, that becomes a, to me, kind of like, almost like a rats nest here, right, a spider web of emotions, a thoughts of subconscious and conscious living in beliefs,

how through all of that can one even begin to trust themselves? That's a brilliant question, and I felt the same way. It seemed like a big bowl of spaghetti noodles all mixed together, turns out though, it's not. It's very linear, okay? So, if you have a row of dominoes, uh, what a lot of people are doing, or they're taking a, you know, you got a row of dominoes, and you're taking one out here, and you're taking one out there, you know, and they don't,

they all just keep getting messed up, and that's kind of what traditional therapy is like. Traditional therapy is using a, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy, which is like positive thinking on steroids, and, and so you're trying to logically change a deep unconscious belief, and an emotional feeling, and so it's like cutting the top off of a weed, you know, you're not getting to the root, and then, of course, use the pharmaceuticals and alcohol and

sugar and weed and all the other stuff we do, uh, pour in all the ways that we try to distract ourselves. Uh, that's like throwing dirt on top of the weeds. And so what you got to do is you got to pull the weed out at the root and plant it with, uh, replace it with flour, right,

and when you believe that, then you can trust yourself, and then when you can trust yourself, you can trust others more, right? And then that starts to create a new way of thinking, feeling, showing up, which then creates a new experience, new feedback that reinforces the new belief.

So the first thing you do is you go back to the belief, the core belief that I'm not enough,

and we upgraded at the source, and I can walk you through how you actually do that, and then we upgraded at the source, we build a new foundation, and then all the other tools and mindset training and everything else will then work more effectively, because it's all great tools, but you got to have the foundation first, and then you can build on top of it. So let's, uh, I want to, I want to see how that is built. I want to go there,

but before we do, I just want to understand a little bit more of the, of the playing field we have, because you brought it up twice now, like, like, I'm going to call it traditional psychology. Let's call it traditional medicine psychology, cognitive behavior. There's actually reports.

“Now, I believe they're science. I'm not going to say, I don't know if they're true. I haven't”

a fact checked in in this, but I believe there's reports out there saying that actually therapy,

traditional therapy is actually not great for you. It actually causes more depression, because we're thinking and talking more about our problems. Instead of I think what you're saying addressing the root of the problem, and then coming up with a strategy to actually get rid of it, we're just all we're doing is actually watering it, fueling it, and it actually leading to negative impact versus positive impact. Have you heard anything like this? Are you familiar with this?

I have, yeah, and so there are great practitioners in every field, and nothing works 100%. I think that therapy can be very beneficial because having someone to talk through your issue and share what's going on inside. I've had people come to me as an executive coach, and they're like, I just want to place where I can dump my poison and trust that you're not going to tell anybody, because they're very high profile situations. Sometimes that can be very

helpful because you just want to be able to unload and share one of the problems that we have especially as men is that we just shove it down. We've been taught not to cry and shove it down, and that causes all kinds of health problems. The body keeps the score. So, but you're right, just talking about problems over and over doesn't really help. And if you're getting tools where you're trying to just look at a situation and reframe it differently, but you don't really

believe it or you're creating vision boards and you're telling yourself affirmations, but your mind is saying, yeah, you're full of crap, you know, as not how it is, then it causes more conflicts. And it can also cause you to feel worse because you feel like you know, I'm doing all this

“stuff and I'm still not getting better. What's wrong with me? Why am I such a loser? Why am I such a failure?”

Or sometimes we get really hard on ourselves because we have somehow picked up the idea that if you really emotionally beat the crap out of yourself, it's going to somehow motivate you. And for most people, it's going to end up too in the exact opposite long term. With all the people that you've worked with and what you see out there, I'm sure this is your profession. Why do you think people are afraid to go with them? Why do you think they're afraid

to actually acknowledge, hey, maybe there is something from my zero to six or zero to ten, and whatever is your 18, right? That is causing me to operate like this. I know some people are if they don't even want to have that conversation. They don't even want to have, they're not even open to the idea of that conversation. And then there's people on the opposite side where they're, it's almost like they're so open and they're working so hard that they're missing

the mark of what's really going on. And they're using airplanes, the pharmaceutical drug or something like that. Yeah, you get addicted to going to seminars and doing healing work and then you start to get real metaphysical and you're into just the trip of it, but you're not, your life isn't getting any better. You've been to 37 seminars, but you're still your life's a train wreck, right? And so that's really great. I love your questions. So first, when the people are getting resistance,

resistance is just a fear that somehow it could make things worse. Our brain is always trying to

avoid pain. But I have found over the years that your biggest breakthroughs are hiding in the places

“you don't want to go. So if you want to create a breakthrough, just look at the places where you're”

resisting and go there. And then all of a sudden you're going to start to experience leverage motivation, momentum, you know, what we call a breakthrough. So people are just either afraid or they don't understand. So like, you know, being a hypnotist, I wouldn't have never chosen it, but it's worked so well over the last 30 years. And it's not some weird magical state that people can go with something to do and some can get into. It's really brain science. I mean,

bed in the morning. So it's just a natural state of mind where you're able to access your unconscious

more effectively. But people see movies, they see stage shows, and they're like, you're not getting into my mind. Or, you know, are you going to, I've had people say, are you going to get in there and mess up my mojo? Because, you know, I need my brain. This is what's made me millions of dollars. I don't want you in there, mess it anything up. That is not how I work. We're going to elevate your success and not just your wealth, but your inner wealth, right? Your health, your peace of mind, your

marriage, your connection with your children, your spiritual health. And so most people, but most people, the resistance is they think that somehow it would make things worse. A lot of guys, they don't want to slow down. They don't want to talk about feelings. They just want to go harder and go faster. Right? They don't understand the power of aiming before you fire, right? They don't understand the power of having a new insight. It makes sense if you're solving problems like if you have

a funnel or you want to increase conversion or something, it makes sense to dig around, test things, you know, try it out. But if we do that internally, people are like, no, word or second,

“like it's different. So, so I think it's a lack of understanding. Yeah, okay, maybe lack of”

understanding, education. And again, I don't want to direct the conversation too much down this road,

but the reality is is the if everybody did this and everyone got the results of what this

has, then what happens to the pharmaceutical world? What happens to all the people part of it that's feeding the negative, right? That gets shut down pretty quickly. So, I'm wondering that's probably why the education isn't there. Well, yes. I mean, we have a lot to say about our educational systems. We have a lot to say about, you know, and especially this country, we talk a lot about how our healthcare system, you know, are they, are they trying to keep us sick? You know, so they can keep

caching in on us and things like that. There's always going to be your 20% who are your best clients, no matter what it is. And so, you know, the people who are ready are going to be the ones that step up and those are the ones that you hear their stories and the testimonials and the breakthroughs.

And then there's going to be a group of people, 20%, that are not your buyers and they're never

going to be and they're just going to keep going in circles, right? And then there's the people in

“between and those who, that's who we're going after, right? That's why we have shows like this show,”

like your show, right? You know, what you're doing is providing such an incredible service because you go beyond just showing people how to make money, right? You're, by the question you're asking me, you go much deeper to the act because you care about making a difference. And so, you know, by, by having a show like yours and by having lots of podcasts and shows out there, there's thousands of them now. That's how we make a difference. It's a grassroots movement. I've always tried to do it

as a, as a bottom up instead of a top down. And so, we're making a difference. Someone who's listening to this show, their life's going to change. I can't wait because we have, I know we're just getting started on that and how we do this. So, I'm excited. I wanted to add that comment because it was interesting. So, you, you said it and I'll just make sure we nail it. The guys come to you that are afraid that you're going to change their mojo and they go, oh, but I

got to make money, right? They're missing the fact and the point that actually, if you do this work and you do it properly, you'll actually 10x your income. But that's not where even the fun begins. The 10x in of your relationship to your wife, to your kids, to your employees, come to another level, which 10x is your income. Your relationship and your ability to connect spiritually, whether whatever it's God, I'm just going to say spiritually because you trust and authentically love

and are complete yourself. That alone is helpful to your ability to be creative and your ability to ask better and deeper harder conversations, which then 10x is your wealth, but men call

“wealth is their income. So, it's interesting because that's why, what comes first, the surrender,”

which we didn't talk about, right? Or a fight towards trying to make it better? Yes. Well, sir, what is surrender? Surrender is letting go of anything that's not serving you in a positive way and that's good for those around you as well. And so, surrender is not losing and giving up and sacrificing. I like to have addition conversations, not subtraction. Most people in life are accidentally playing not to lose. We're constantly trying to not get

hurt. I was just watching a billbird that comedian on TV and he has a new special that came out and he's standing outside the club and he said, "You know what's funny?" Because my whole life, I've just been going to places where I could get the least amount of hurt, right? He says,

like me." Right? And love me and here's a famous guy who's afraid of being hurt and so many

“celebrities, so many successful people that I've had the privilege of working with and or watching”

their stories. It doesn't matter how much success you have. If you have never cleaned up those

old wounds from the past, if you have those traumatic experiences, if you've been abused in different ways, you know, that's another reason why people don't want to open that closet door. They're afraid if I open it up, I won't be able to close it and a whole bunch of crap's going to come out and it's going to wreck my life, right? That fear that it's going to get worse, it's never happened. And I've opened thousands and thousands of closet doors and all that happens is that you heal.

This stuff comes up and you heal it and you heal it quickly with this one belief way approach that I'm using. You're able to heal it very quickly. So it's not about surrendering and your life gets worse. It's like you said you surrender and your life gets 10x better. And in ways you maybe hadn't even

“considered. Yeah, so that's interesting because you said, oh, these stuff comes up and people fear”

that I might get worse and you said it doesn't. Now you've kind of shaking something to my brain because I thought the answer would be, yeah, it might get worse. Heck, it might get worse than you ever expected, but you stay through it long enough and then becomes better. But you're saying you don't even have to go through the worse pain to get through the game like they get through another side.

Because I always, it was under the impression you've got to die and completely die of any

version of the person you are so you can birth the version you want to become. Because you can't have both. Yeah, those are all limiting, because why would we want to kill off you? You've worked your whole life to get to who you are and where you want to be. There's so many amazing things about you. Why would we want you to go away? We don't. We want more of you. We just need to do some tweaks. So if your computer downloads a malware virus, should we throw away the computer and go

get a new one? We just get rid of the virus and then all of a sudden the brain works great or the computer works great the way it was designed to begin way. So it's just that we've got this HOS, this human operating system and our phones get updates all the time but we don't. And so this is a way of getting rid of the mental malware that might be holding you back. Now where you came up with this idea of change has to be hard and difficult is from the old therapy

models because the model itself was difficult and hard. You had to go for years, sometimes your whole life, right? There was a joke when I was on the track to be a psychoanalyst, kind of like the Freudian guy where you sit there and you know for and then just listen to people and go, tell me more, which is a total waste of time. Yeah, but they had the old joke that I'm going to get 30 clients and I'm going to retire 30 years later with the same 30 clients. Now that's great

“for lifetime value. But I think that's horrible for getting results. I'm getting with results with”

people in the very first session in the first 30 minutes, right? So it was this whole idea, this whole paradigm that it's long and it's struggling. You've got to go talk about your worst things you ever dealt with and then there's something called exposure therapy where you just keep talking about it over and over and then eventually you lose the emotion because you've told the story so much you don't care anymore. That's an awful approach, right? You don't have to go

and relive the negative stuff. In fact, some of my clients, I don't know what happened to them.

They've never told me, but we upgraded the beliefs and it didn't matter because they instantly

felt lighter and more peaceful and then it showed up as a result, a new result in their life. So let's talk about it. It's the time has come. The time has come. I'm ready. I want to I want to understand how you, it's not the hypnotism part because I know that that's a kind of a science, but how did you find this way? What are you doing to be able to upgrade the software without breaking down and understanding and getting people results within 30 minutes? 30 minutes

can change someone's life for the next 30, 40 years if what you're saying is to be true. It's the result that I'm thinking. We're just removing someone's limiting belief of in the one example I'm too stupid or I can't learn or I'm afraid of success or I love what you said, "Oh, I wanted to go down this even further." Most people live life like they're playing not to lose versus live in life and playing the game to win. Because when you play the life to

win, it exposes you and you can lose big. But without playing life like that, you don't get the live big. So how do we get somebody in that state to change in 30 minutes? I can't wait to hear this.

trying that every time somebody said, "I got this new technique from NLP or from EFTE or EMDR." I mean all the letters, right? Any technique and I'm like, "Okay, prove it to me." Because I was skeptical, right? Because I wanted to figure out does this work and then I would take this piece and this piece and I take clients through these sessions and then eventually these these experiences begin to appear, right? And then taking them through specific experiences,

allowed people to have rapid breakthroughs and these are sustainable results. This isn't something that wears off. Like regularly have no sense that you get someone to actually give them affirmations you hope it sticks, right? But we're upgrading unconscious beliefs. So when you're upgrading new beliefs and you're creating new neural pathways in your brain, that's something that stays with you unless you go change it again, right? So when you go from a not enough to

on more than enough, you're more than enough, the whole rest of your life. And like you said,

“"That's what is so exciting." So in session one, what we do is we go back to what we call the”

initial sensitizing event, right? This is where did that feeling of anxiety that you have? Let's follow it all the way back to them very first time you ever felt that feeling. And then what's

amazing is I'll go 3, 2, 1, and their brain will take them right to the exact moment in time.

What? I thought you had to sit there for years and free associated and come up with ideas and peace things together, you know, people are having dreams and beat it into Chad GBT, right? I thought you had to have this whole process. No, you go, your brain will take you right to the right a moment in time where that belief was formed. So now you have this experience and what we do is we give you resources that if you would have had those resources that, like you're going to

look at like differently when you're six years old, as opposed to if you were your age right now going back and looking at that situation. And if you had the wisdom and the resources, the different

“perspective, the understanding of how life works, right, more power than you had back then,”

and you were able to take that back with you, it didn't have to be traumatic. No matter what it was, you can go through that situation in a different way, recognizing that you're not that experience,

you're the experienceer, you're way more powerful than the experiences you've had.

So we can go back to that moment in time with these new resources, we can look at it a different way, we can change the way that you're remembering it, and then we can ask what the new belief is that you want to have instead. So people go from I'm not enough to you know what, I'm more than enough that I am love, that I am safe, that I am going to be okay. We go back and we kind of rescue ourselves, or we reparent ourselves, however you want to say it. We're loving that inner

child, okay? So that starts to build the foundation and that step one. Questions about that. Yeah, yeah, I do. How have you make it stick? Because I've been, you know, I'll tell you, excuse me, speaking, hey man, this is Bob Bean, Ron Authentic here. I've, I've done, what you want to call coaching therapy, I've done some, I have no, I have no, myself as well, where I've had those conversations. We've done the exercise where you like almost,

you're reliving and you're changing how you relived it, right? And you feel good for a bit,

but it never stuck and never actually changed completely. It's always as lingering there.

So now the association, too, is I understand, I'm aware, but it's still running. The software is still running. So I know I have a virus. I know I bought Norton online. I know I put more than on the virus to clean it up, but Norton missed something. You know what I mean? Like there's like there was something I was missed. So that would lead, that would lead to step two. Yeah,

“that's why. So I'm ahead of the game here. I love it. I led you right to step two.”

Yes. So step two, they'll just say there's four steps. So step two. So in step one, we upgrade the belief in session two, you got to upgrade the feelings. We got to upgrade the emotions because we can have that experience, but not feel an authentic change. It still feels like you're fighting yourself, right? You still want to go back to those habitual ways of being. And so in session one, we upgrade the belief in session two, what we do is we go through a releasing experience. And that's

where we release the anger, the guilt, the shame, the resentment, the self-pity, right? The reluctance to let things go, what we call self-righteous indignation, right? It's just we just don't want to we don't want to let go of it. Because we think at some level, it's fueling our desire who or it's if we let go, we're going to get hurt again. So Wayne Dyer gave me the best, yeah, Wayne Dyer gave me the best example for that. He said, you know, when you go through a

traumatic experience, it's like getting bit by a poisonous snake. Now the snake bite hurts, hurts real bad sometimes. But that's not what kills you. It's the venom that's left inside. And our job is to get the poison out, but we don't because we don't know how or sometimes we protect

allows us to show up and kick ass and take names, right? And I'm never going to have that happen to

me again. And so then we just go through life, always having to win, you know, take no prisoners. We go through this situation where we're able to confront and have a conversation with the people who have hurt us. And even sometimes have that conversation with ourselves and then bring in

“forgiveness, right? Where we're able to forgive others because that's what releases you. It's not really”

about them. It releases you from it helps you to get the poison out, right? And that's step two. Okay. So you really like step one is we're going back and we're meeting and we're kind of facing I want to call it fear because it's no it's way more than fear. It's we're facing the situation head on and equipping the little child. This is called the situation, the little child, the uneducated

child, with education of how would you have done this differently? Then session two, we're going

we have the ability to go back there. We feel a little safer to go back. There's we go back there. And now we're talking about how do we release the emotions as a result of that situation. And I love where you said, well, there's the anger, the shame. I'm not good enough. All the stuff. You said something with the self-righteous. What do you call that indignation? Yes, indignation. I love that, which means the idea of like this is my identity. This is who I become. I use this

protect me. I can't what if I let this go, then what do I have? I don't know who I am. If I let this go, I'm going to be more, I don't want to deal it more. So I'm going to hold on. So we're going to go and

“do you have all of that instead, too? That's what we do instead, too. Okay, am I leaving anything behind”

here? Because I'm just trying to really understand. Beautiful job of recapping this. It's kind of like being in the middle of the ocean and you're splashing around, you got your life jacket, right? And even if that life jacket is heavy and has bricks in it and it's dragging 200, it's all you have. So you hang on to it. That's why we have addictions because we don't know what else to do to feel better. So we hang on to what we have. I pull up in a boat. So this is about trading up.

And so each session I'm also giving you simple tools, simple strategies, right? So we're upgrading the beliefs and we're upgrading how you're feeling. So each session you're feeling lighter, you're feeling more peaceful, you're sleeping better. You know, all of a sudden your thoughts are more positive and supportive. Even if you got ADD or you got OCD, your thoughts are being

“more positive and supportive anyway. And then as you move into session three, we start to develop”

KVON 2.0. So this is where you use the tools and you use the strategies and now all of a sudden you're showing up in a more empowered way and you're retraining your brain to show up automatically in this more empowering way. You're recognizing that you have more tools. There's an old saying that's in neuro linguistic programming that the person with the most behavioral flexibility controls the show. That's the one who's most in control, whoever has the most tools who can be

unicated and the most diverse type of ways is the one who's really in charge. And so you're having new toolbox, right? Or maybe you've got a great toolbox but we've added some power tools. And so now all of a sudden you're imagining yourself in old situations showing up in new ways and that's rewiring the brain and then we're going to reinforce that and turn that into a habit which is just something you do a bunch of times until it becomes automated. That's all I have

it is. And so that's step three. Okay. So instead of three, if I'm here in this correctly, we're understanding how we've been triggered and what triggers look like for us and how we once behaved and we're adjusting our behavior to that. So the reliving may be past experiences and asking the question, if I knew what I know now's in this moment of how I reacted, why I was reacting, how would I have changed that situation and also thinking about current situations of how we're

acting and how we can change our behavior in that. My question that is once you're out of the room and I'm now back into my regular life a week later and something triggers me again and I love what you said the person's smartest or the wisest or the fastest person in the room is the ability that has the emotional regulation to know hey I'm being triggered hey I know can identify

this is why I'm being triggered all in a split second where you don't even know what's happening

and I'm not going to let that bother me or push me off my game. How does one who's going crew and hasn't done the hard work or end or is in the process of doing the work not letting those retry trigger because every time you get retry you got to go back to step one. No no you don't so what you do is you know we got these buttons that get pushed and a lot of times what we're trying to do is block people from pushing the button so you get away

the button and then people can do it but there's no button so they can't get you right but what I've

“been doing lately is is I take that button and I just conduct it to a new response push your button”

and it just causes you to respond in a new way and it just takes a little bit of practice and so what I'm giving you audio programs that you're listening to while you fall asleep at night or while you're sleeping at night in between our sessions and that speeds it all up because you're getting that reinforcement every night while you're sleeping so there's no extra time because most of my clients are too in demand I don't like the word busy to in demand to be spending a half hour

doing hypnosis sessions unless they're in their sauna or you know whatever but um so they just do it while they're sleeping at night and that speeds up that whole process and creates that that repetition yeah so the by the time we get into session three we're creating that new response and it feels good right so someone says something and catches you off guard you start to get upset but then all of a sudden you're taking a power breath in you're asking a power question all

right what's my outcome here how do I want to handle this situation what can I learn from this right how do I want to feel a half hour from now after I've handled this situation do I want to be proud of

myself or don't want to be like oh I gotta go fix that mess you know and a lot of us are always fixing

mess is because we're going too fast instead of slowing down so you learn to slow down and then you're more effective you hit your target easier because you're slowing down and aiming right it's not as much stress and pressure you're not thriving on adrenaline anymore you're thriving on wisdom you know and more peace and that all starts to create a pleasurable experience inside of you which is going to make your brain want to do it more because your brain likes pleasure and so you're just systematically

rewiring yourself so that you don't have to talk yourself into it or rely on willpower which will I think their science willpower is it's brute force and it can get you so far but it can't get you through it's like 10% left on your cell phone battery you know you turn for 10% it turns off

“you know that's what willpower is so willpower is trying to get ourselves to do something that we don't”

really want to do and the fix for that that's just procrastination and the fix is to associate pleasure to the activity right instead of instead of pain and then all of a sudden you're going to want to do it like I don't have to get talked in to go into a movie you know like yeah I'll go to movie right and so because it's seen because it's pleasurable right I got to do my taxes okay well you know but how can I make taxes more fun so we associate pleasure to the activity

and all of a sudden you feel better so we have the ability inside of us we have the treasure it's just that a lot of us it's like a safe you know we got two numbers of the three number

combination and if we have that third number that door would swing right open we could access

that treasure it's just most people just don't have that third number so how close are people to

“that third number do you think I think it's really close but it feels like a million miles away”

because if I can take you through this experience and in half hour you start to shift what's going on inside and then you go through the other sessions you know so let's just say in four to six hours your whole life changes because you're you're changing how you're perceiving the world you're taking you're putting on a different pair of glasses you know and that's incredibly fast and the way that I'm doing it feels fun and it feels relaxing and it feels empowering and so you look

forward to your sessions it's not like I got to go to therapy right you know most people are like I got my hypnotist you know and then or you know if we're in corporate America my executive coach yeah exactly right the name yeah I love it I love it so it's interesting because you didn't

loot to this and I never said at the beginning but you don't just work with everyday business owners

you're working with some of the top business leaders in the world I know you can't mention names obviously but never wanting to but you're working with some of the top actors Hollywood actors and and you know people that you would never know or ever think you're working with some of the elite elite how does everyday people get to work with you well I started my career with everyday people and and I never wanted to be the guy that was so out of reach you know I

lot of time but I still answer my own phone because I don't want to be out of reach I don't have 20 gatekeepers you know you can easily get hold of me I just always been that way because I started off for you know I'm broken and felt broken and you know there's a lot of times where I reached out to people and they just you know they didn't want to mess with me or you know even getting on podcasts when I first started out you know like well what are your numbers or how many followers

guest but you know so I did it now that I've got some power I'm not like that you know so so

“you need to help you can get to me and you know I have a school and so I've trained a lot of”

talented people and so you can work with my coaches that I personally train and they'll take you

through the experiences where where can people find you the easiest place is just go to indie

hypnosis I end why I built my practice in Indiana so and then I was in Los Angeles for a few years and I'm talking to you for Florida right now so I'm kind of all over but but I built my business in Indianapolis so so indie I end why hypnosis.com yeah thanks for asking awesome and as we come

“to in here I mean what what a great great I think podcast just for people to really understand”

how what when I what I got from you is it's actually not as hard as you think it needs to be and by doing the right cognitive thing I it's I'm not gonna call cognitive therapy but doing the right type of therapy coaching executive coaching hypnosis aka being able to go to the actual

“root of your problem and re-engineering or reforming what that what how you view it how you operate”

from it how you see it how you let it trigger you can change everything that you're doing in your life from the way you talk to the way you move to the energy you bring to the decisions they're at creativity that comes from it and it doesn't have to be as scary or as long as people think so for somebody who's sitting on the fence right now somebody who knows this is for them but the fear is kicking in they're they're subconscious programming of keeping them safe is

kicking in what would you say to them in last couple words I would say that you are one belief away from your next breakthrough right your next big breakthrough you know we got to do is you know make

your move Wayne Gretzky always said you miss 100% of the shot you never take so take the shot you'll be

glad you did bingo I'm leaving it right there there's nothing more I can say that is another episode of the vault unlocked