TJG: The Valley Season 3 Premiere!

Back to two judging girls.

“This is Mary from the Bay and it's Courtney from LA”

and it's the premiere of, what's these in round? Three now of the valley. Why do we have to even have a taking down of the jack's sign? He's gone.

Let's not even mention him. I don't even care if it's to say that the bar is gone. We don't need any reminder of this man. Oh, I loved that. I feel like it was very symbolic.

And it's like, this isn't the end of him. It's over, we're done by jack's. He'll probably be back next season. No, that's not happening.

That's kind of the rumors that if he's good for one season,

he can come back. You don't need him. It's also crazy to me that he really is not in the press. We haven't heard about him in a very long time. He's kept super quiet.

“The last time we heard about him was when we interviewed Shane Davis”

and they go to the gym together. And they're working the program. And I think that's for the best. I don't think we need to hear from him. I don't think we'll ever see him on Bravo again.

Let's talk the beginning credits. Because we have some new people this year. We have some break-ups. We have some different scenes per amore. It's song, it gets me guinea.

I don't know anything, it's so silly. It's amore. It's like really gritty, you know what I mean? Amore. Yeah, I don't know.

I'm going to pick up truck with drive like there's dust in the air. Like we're all right. The license plate's saying four on the four. No, there is so much going on. This opening song.

I loved it way too much.

First of all, it's just Kristen and Luke.

And then I was like, oh, okay, we have Brittany and Michelle. They're serving lemonade.

“I'm like, are we trying to go like, oh, we're like desperate house wise?”

We're trying to be like cookie cutter mamas? I don't know. And then the next one is Jesse and Tom Schwartz and Lala and they're barbecuing people. And that grouping was kind of silly to me as well. That should have been the last grouping.

Tom and Lala don't get to come on this show in the third season as Caspervers and be third billing of the groups. And then you put Jasmine and Zach at the end throwing a water balloon? No way, okay, they need to be higher up. They have put in the work on this show and I've been cast members since the beginning

and Lala and Tom get to be in the third grouping? No. I thought it was very interesting. And then next was Janet and Jason and they are on chase lounges. They're having the cocktail and they're having a great time together.

Next you have Nia and Danny and Nia is being sexy with that hose. She is wiping down the car. It's a mini van for under four. Okay, Nia, she was like, I am feeling sexy and I'm going to show ya. And then that last shot is just Jasmine and Zach.

They're batter up, batter up a moron. And it's the water balloon. Yeah, I wish you guys could see Mary right now with full movements back up. So we open with Brittany, who Brittany is really feeling herself. Cruise seems so happy.

I felt like we were seeing Cruise. He was playing with the cameras. He was running around getting ready for school. He's going outside. He's in lock, Brittany out.

He's like, it's, I'm going to the pool. She is so cheesy. Like that clock with Cruise and Brittany and then the cart right. She has like monographed everything at that pool. She is a home goods that has thrown up in that house.

She and Gina from Orange County, they're live, laugh, and love them. No. It was funny to see her feels like she shed 220 pounds of Jack's Taylor. And you know, she got her sparkle back and she just seems giddy and excited. And it really like made me cackle because she still is so much to do.

Her like is still in probably a really hard spot. But she's not acting like it. She is a very positive outlook, which I will give to her. I think it's really great. And I also feel like there is a lightness to her on this season because Jack's isn't

there. And last season, a lot of the Brittany stuff was that she had to play nice even though she was dealing with the fallout of Jack's and his spiral. But also was like, I need him to get paid because we need to pay for our son. And then when that ultimatum came down where he was released from the show, she's like,

I am going to film. I'm going to have the best time.

And to be honest, since she's joined the reality TVverse of Bravo, she came in as Jack's his girlfriend. She then became Jack's fiance then his wife.

She's never done it anything without him.

Well, and maybe she's so happy because she's being loved bomb by Brandon. I did like to hear that they've known each other since they were 19. They're both from Kentucky. But it feels like he is wanting to move into that house in LA. I don't know.

That was the vibe I was getting. He was like, I had to do three more days in Cabo because you paid for it. The girls in the group are definitely questioning him as well as Jack.

“But I will say, she has the giggles, I think she's into this man right now.”

And sometimes you need someone to distract you from reality. So Benji and Zack, they are still living in WeHo, Benji is there legally. And he does not have to hide the way that he is losing his weight. He's using those GLP ones and you know what, he looks fabulous. Pretty sure he's doing ads for them.

So good for him.

Like the money and lose the weight, good for them.

Jasmine and Melissa, they're planning a wedding. I love that when they started going through like the montage of the list of what she wants for her wedding. And I was like, hell yeah. And then, how far we've come from season 1 to now because Jessie Lollie wants to be there

efficient. It's so interesting that Jessie Lollie feels like he is in the mix. This season is going to be tough for Michelle because I think Jessie and Zack have become very good friends, Kristen and him are good buddies. It feels like Jessie just goes out with the group a lot.

I weirdly feel like he is going to win, not that there's any winning. Well, you have the single girls of Brittney, Lollah and Michelle now and then Janet's part of that group. And even though Brittney is technically the ring leader of the group, it's actually really Janet.

And nobody wants to admit that because Lollah thinks she is, but it's actually Janet. What? Explain. Janet is very good at making sure that she keeps those relationships. Like when they were talking about the Kristen situation, I was like, Brittney didn't

say anything because she didn't want to upset Janet even though Janet left because she doesn't want to get involved in it, but Janet is the one that actually makes the decisions of that group.

Brittney has always been somewhat of a pushover I want everybody to be friends, even though

“I think she's a little calculated, but I think Janet is actually the ring leader of”

there. But she'll ice you out. Like remember when Zack and Brittney were together and then Janet deleted her birthday post because she wanted Brittney to know that she was in trouble with Janet. It's very funny because as I was watching this premiere, I forgot why I didn't like

Janet. I genuinely could not remember. Then we got the flashback to Hawaii and she kept on bringing up the sexual assault with Danny. Oh, yeah.

Now I remember, but it feels like I feel like I'm going to swing back to her side to Janet's side. Yes, I really enjoyed her this episode and I think what Kristen did was so wrong off camera, they all go to Brittney's house for a swim play day. And I think what's anticipating either Kristen wouldn't come or Janet wouldn't come.

They both end up coming and Kristen is pissed when she sees Janet and is like, why is she here? She doesn't deserve to be here. Janet felt like she was run out of the house, her child's crying. He didn't want to get back into his car seat because he had planned to swim with crews.

It sounds super sad in the moment. She's like he was like, wrestling to get out of there. So don't you think there was an ounce of manipulation in the way that she was saying that like when they were popping up the text messages from Janet to Brittney. So this is her saying, you've picked Kristen over me, but trying to use her child as the

reason why, but I'm also like Kristen just play nice. It's for the kids. Obviously, Kai is not swimming. She's like so little. You were over there.

She said she didn't think Janet was coming, but that means that there is a percent that she could be coming. Do I know of Janet came because she thought that Kristen was going to be there and was like kind of ready to have drama? I don't know.

“That's why I like the dynamic stuff that is shown to you.”

Because Kristen and Janet are the ones that are budding heads to be the top dog. That's why it's like Kristen and Luke, they've got Jesse, they've got Zach, they've got Jasmine, like they've got Mia and Danny over there. So there really is a line drawn and Brittney is the one that is somewhat can go over to both sides.

I also the tiebreaker. I think I've been manipulated by Janet and I'm actually okay with it. Okay. Did you even notice that her husband wasn't in that episode? No, but I also don't think we focus a lot on Janet this episode anyway, so it wasn't that

I would like to see Jason.

I find Jason very attractive. So if he wants to be on my screen, feel free. Just say we see Michelle, she's in her new house and she's living this single life. Erin has broken up with her because she's not fitness, Enoch.

“You guys, we go to the same gym and she was fitnessing it up in there, okay?”

He was spotting her with the weights, she was working out, she is tiny, she looks fabulous. How dare this was so strange. He wanted to weigh out the flashbacks of all his eyes. So hysterical, just wide eyed scary, but you know what at the end of the day, she moved on like too fast after Jesse or maybe overlapped and it will do a little good for her

to have some single time. What did you think about like the shorts in her? Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Doesn't he have that little girlfriend anyways?

He had that little young girlfriend and now he's got another young girlfriend and I'm sorry. It's like, I like shorts, but there is a level of sadness there. There's a little Eor that's kind of walking around with him, but he uses it to his advantage. He does remind me of the Zoloft Rock. Oh, I don't get Eor from him, okay.

He's on a Debbie Downer. He was like Michelle, we could go to the spot, I love that place, we'll go out at night and then we'll go to Voda's spot, she's like, well, we'll figure a different path, she doesn't go out with you. I don't even think he's asking her out on a date.

He's just friendly with everybody. Yeah, he's like, let's get drunk and then what I like to do is I get wasted and then I go to the spa and I sit in the hot tub and I let the steam like exacerbate that and it's a good time. Are you happy he's back?

Did you want him on our screens? I think it's like a side character he's fine, like almost a friend of role. I still don't think he deserves that third group building, but it bothers me less than Lala. Lala's already coming in too hard, too fast.

I don't care enough about her to want to know and update on her life of storyline of Luke, maybe being her baby daddy. It's kind of funny, but then I thought if she ever figured out and let's say it actually

was Luke, she would be so pissed because she would never choose someone like Luke.

That was absolutely hysterical and I genuinely think they found out on camera. He donated to that certain bank. Zack's face was like, what? That was not a free plan combo.

“That was for you serious and that's why I felt like I felt like the color left Lala's”

face where she was like, you've gotta be kidding me. I mean, Kristen, the step mommy, it could be true, totally could be. It totally could be, okay, let's take a break. Okay, question for you. Why does Jesse Lali not want to sign the divorce papers?

What is the hold up there? He says it's simple. He just hasn't done it. It's money related. But she's not asking for any money.

Also, there seems to be no money. It's happening here. I think there's stipulations. I'm not sure what it is. I think it might maybe it cost money to get the actual divorce, not owing her.

But for him, if he doesn't have to do it, maybe because also Lacy does not want to marry him. I don't know. I'm making all this up. But like if he's still married, well, he can't even get married.

So it's almost like he's using it as like, well, if I was not married, of course, we would be together and engaged and married, but I'm still married because she's like, well, I don't really think I want to get remarried. I've made this up on a fanfin in my head. There's no evidence.

Not even vibes. Actually, I do get some weird vibes from Lacy. But that's another story. There's something very interesting about why he won't sign the divorce papers or anything. What do you think?

Calculated there. I'm not sure what it is.

“You think it's the last piece of power he has over her?”

He's hiding something. Maybe something would come out. And it's not the no-show socks that he wears with his loafers, because I saw them. Oh, oh, well, they're no-show socks. I'm not sure.

They're showing. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. So he's not hiding that, but he's hiding something else. Because he goes over to Luke and Kristen's house while Kristen's out.

And I'm like, this is such an insane storyline for three months post baby. Are you kidding me? Luke does not get it. I felt so bad for Kristen in this moment. She's like, I don't feel anything like myself.

My body is completely different.

She isn't leaving the house. She's overwhelmed to say the least.

“And he is like, you guys haven't done a date night yet?”

Like, yeah, you're on your fourth babe. Trying to show Nia as a mom and Kristen to shoveled and like being so overwhelmed, that's so not fair, because Nia has so much practice doing this. She's got four under four, they're thinking of fifth. I think Kristen is so overwhelmed that they don't have a nanny.

I can't let somebody else who do this because they won't do it, right? She says, I only know how to be her mom now. I don't know how to do anything else.

Like her mind is always just, what is kind of doing?

What is kind of doing? What's her routine? What's next? Like, anticipate whatever is going on, that she cannot focus on anything besides what's right in front of her.

Yeah. Also, I respect not even wanting to go on a date night. You know what sounds good? Someone comes over to my house and watches my baby for three hours and I sleep. She's like, I went to the grocery store and they treat you differently because now I'm

not pregnant and I have a baby and she probably didn't even take the baby like Luke kept the baby and she went. And she's like, the respect is not fair anymore. It's like, this is so hard. I feel terrible for her.

I've often thought about this.

What is the ideal age to have a baby?

Like, what is the perfect number to have a baby? There's not a perfect number. But I'd be very curious is that 28 is that 32 because of how hard it is on your body, how much money you have, life experience, you have a partner you have doing it by yourself, responsibility, like, what do you bring that?

Yes, all of these things are a factor. So it makes me wonder sometimes and I think being an older parent can be a little bit more challenging because you're used to things a certain way versus being younger. I, I just wonder that from a self, Kristen, she's just adjusting to this new life. She's 20 minutes late to her own dependency.

I feel like that's not even that late. That's on time in my book. We know in your book. I know I, I feel bad for because I think too is like this happened.

“Then they're like, by the way, you have to film and maybe, as you said, with the age,”

things maybe she thought she would, like, snap back faster, look at me, it look how fast she can. It's like, oh my god, you can't even compare yourself to me. You can't compare yourself to anybody. You can't compare yourself to Lala.

Like, I can remember when Shina and Lala had both had their first and then Lala, like, snap back

like that. And I can remember Shina feeling insecure about how fast Lala, snap back and how fast she didn't. Because as they say, comparison is the thief of joy, but to go three months, be like, I hate how my body looks and then have to also be filming.

It's such a crazy experience. You're also not even cleared for like mine was longer. I mean, six weeks is generous and then I had to wait longer. Also, there's no part in your body that wants to do that. It's disgusting.

I'm just so surprised they're using this as a storyline because this doesn't make Luke look great. Even though he's complimentary of Kristen's body and he thinks she's beautiful, can she like have a break? I felt really bad for her and it's not looking good on Luke.

I'm just surprised that this was the storyline they went with as opposed to just being new parents. It's a good point, Courtney. It's a good point. It feels a little stressful.

Let's talk about the Mexican dinner. It was Brittany, Lola, Janet, and Michelle in their back at L.C.O.D., like L.C.O. to clearly is the only place that they let them fill. We've had so many instances of them at L.C.O.D., not in the valley, but they all go there a lot.

They filmed their at Vanderpump. They filmed their last season, the valley. They filmed this valley a season.

“But, okay, Brittany came in and like, is she wasted the energy she had coming in?”

I was like, this is crazy. She's like, "Whaaah! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!" Like, just chatting, talking on, all about herself. There's some energy coming from Brittany that was a little crazy if you ask me. Oh, I thought she was just in a good mood. She was high from her vacation.

She was light. She was free. She's got a tan. She's got a new boyfriend. He's emotionally stable.

She finds it so sexy. He has big dick energy. She's so used to chaos. She's worried she's going to get bored. She was light and free and she did not expect Janet to come out.

I heard her. Well, no, and I'm glad that we also kept her from knowing about Janet's skin tag. Why did they leave that part in? Why did she say it on camera? She tried to be more relatable.

I also, by the way, Janet loves the color brown. I feel like everything she owns is this color brown. I actually loved this outfit on her. I guess I don't even notice her outfit because literally all of them are brown. It was just really flattering on her.

It looked really nice.

I'm liking her look.

“And I think she's definitely coming in a little bit more level headed.”

You mean, like, taking what the fans have said and then the triangle utilize that to change fan opinion.

Which you've said, it kind of changed yours. I'm already Team Janet. Oh, over Team Kristen. Not over Team Kristen, but I'm warm enough to Janet pretty quickly over here. Wow.

Okay, great. Okay. To be fair, too, you left the valley last year when it was ending. You were on maternity leave. Oh, but I watched it all.

No, no, no. I'm not saying you didn't watch it. I was just saying we actually didn't have this discussion. Because you were gone. What do you feel about the law of getting in the mix here?

I don't need her at all. I'm not invested in her. I think she's just going to try to almost be a Lindsay hub house. You know, move the stories, ruffle feathers, be in the mix. And I'm just not invested.

She's like, oh, I took two years off. Like raise my babies. No, you ruined Vanderpump rules.

And then they basically made you wait until you could get back onto this show.

Everything just feels so forced with her. And she's trying to make a sound bite and say something silly. I just don't care for you. I didn't miss you. I don't need you.

And I think with Schwartz to is like, you could be a little friend of like him meeting up with Zach. I was like, just feel bad for him. It's like it's sad. I wish that we would see more Jesse's vaccines. I didn't need the Tom scene.

I'm really into this relationship with Jesse and Zach. And I think him and Lacey are very good friends. Let's talk about Lacey because Michelle was pretty shocked that she chose up to the Simcy. And she's, oh, are we allowed to say her name now?

You know, her lawyer had previously sent me a cease-indicist. But it seems like Lacey comes from a lot of money.

And I think she will never want to marry Jesse because she actually has money.

“Okay, well, maybe that's why he won't divorce.”

It goes with my theory. We get a little flashback about Yamashiro. We can from the end of last season. And what's crazy about that is we weren't really allowed to talk about what happened. And people really made it seem like it might have been Michelle.

But we come to find out that it's actually Lacey who showed up too early. Everyone was filming. She didn't want to be filmed. And before that, she tried to have a boundary conversation with Michelle. And Michelle was like, I don't want to be any part of Lacey.

I don't want this. And then Lacey somehow turned it up to a 10 at Yamashiro at the end. They start fighting. They're yelling, fuck you to each other. I'm like, what is happening?

The crazy part is those that now because Lacey is part of the cast tangentially through Jesse. They're allowed to show that footage. That. And she did the press with Jesse this week, which I find kind of crazy. She's very much in the mix. She's in the show.

And I'm curious what made her come around. She's definitely trying to paint herself as, oh, I just want us to all get along. They want to be this modern family. Do things all together.

“And I think it's also very interesting timing now that Michelle is single.”

So she's walking alone. She doesn't have a partner to come at them. If she needs days, she's going to stand there solo. She's got law law. It feels very calculated. I don't trust Lacey.

I really know not much about her, but I don't trust her. And I love that Michelle's like, well, to be honest, only one is divorced. So if you could help me move that forward, I'd love that.

And then when Lacey comes back and was like, Jesse, well, maybe you're the problem. I think Lacey controls that relationship now. There's something about her. I'm just getting weird vibes from and maybe it's just because I'm a love Michelle, but I also love Jesse.

And maybe I totally want them to get back together because when he came and picked up Isabella from Michelle's house, and they played rock paper scissors. I felt the chemistry. I said, I got it now.

I see why they were together. They are vibing. No, we can not let that happen. Absolutely not. We don't have to let it happen.

I'm just saying I could be you, the energy, and they're in, what seems like good co-parenting relationship at this point. I don't know if Lacey is putting a little barrier between them to really get where they need to go. Court me.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. The taste of you lips some on a run.

I'm just saying I'd prefer Tom and Michelle over Michelle

and Jesse back together.

“I think we should just say for Michelle someone better than both,”

but if I had to choose when I go Jesse, did you notice the lack of Danny in the episode? Yes, all I can recall with Danny was Bookle Mountains, Santa Clarita. When they did the map to show the valley to Santa Clarita,

I said, but I mean, Danny was obviously at his like sip and see, I just feel like we didn't really get a lot of anyone. Obviously, I think the main storyline is going to be Kristen and Luke, it's feeling that way. I think we're going to get a big B plot of Michelle Lacey, Jesse.

And then I think we're going to be getting Brittany, because it's almost like it's Brittany show that they feel they need to put her in the spotlight. Did she get that mommy makeover? I did on the show. No, I'm just wondering the timeline of it.

Did she get it on the show? Why do I feel like she gets it mid show, and then they go on a trip or something? You're right. You're right.

“Like it's going to be part of her storyline, right?”

Yes, getting Brittany of Jackson always.

Overall, not a strong, strong, strong premier, but also like welcome back. Maybe it's just my palate is off this week, because there's so much other stuff going on. There's a lot happening.

But we will be covering the valley all season long. I'm excited to see Zach. I think he is my favorite person on the show. I think he has great comedic timing. I'm really curious about his open relationship.

If that's going to cause some trouble in paradise, because now Benji is moving in with him. That feels like it could be complicated.

If you're living together in an open relationship,

“I think we're not going to see very much of Danny this season.”

Mia is going to collapse. We see her crying the next episode. Something is wrong there. She can't control her man anymore. Oh, you think it's Danny related?

I thought it was that she's feeling overwhelmed from having four under four. That too. Oh, he's the one that wants five. She comes around with scissors. He says no way.

I don't know how it works, Danny. And I need a little more Jasmine as well. I hope we get to see all the wedding prep. That's always fun. And I'm team Michelle on this one.

Violacy. I agree with you on Zach. When we interviewed him, he said there's more me. And I was like, well, we didn't get enough. We didn't get enough.

We need more. I really hope this like a sin and Luke thing is like, but I can't have a whole season of Luke not having sex. Like, boo, fucking who. Sorry, Van Gogh.

You lose your hand. I'm just sorry. What the, she just had to be three months ago. Leave her alone. It's pretty embarrassing storyline.

If you ask me. I think it's, it's a real situation that happens. But her being 12 weeks out makes it pretty uncomfortable. I would say. Yes.

If you told me it was like a year later, I'd be like, oh, but that's not even the sex part. I said the lack of intimacy it feels like with you guys three months. Yeah. Not a good look.

Anyways, we'll see what happens. Okay. Bye.