Insult Dogs and Emotional Support Alligators

The tensions. When two teams take the field,

“their nation's histories take the field alongside them.”

The local transformations. Just world-class soccer right here. And of course the games. Follow along on and off the pitch with the NPR app. You'll be easy Chicago. This is wait, wait. Don't tell me the NPR news quiz. I'm also slayed, filling in for no one. I am the filling. And here's our host at the Student Baker Theater at the Fine Arts Building.

It's Chicago, Illinois. Peter, say go. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Thank you, be back home, it's Chicago. Thank you so much. We have a wonderful show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to the legendary comedy writer, Robert Smigel.

He is also the hand-up the butt of triumph, the insult, comic dog. His latest project is a podcast where he and his friends give advice to non-funny people on how to be funny. And no, we don't need his help. We're just visiting with it. We'd love to have a chat with you, too. Give us a call. The number is one AAA wait, wait. That's one 888-924-892-4.

Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, Ryan, what we don't tell me.

Hi, this is Emily Dijkhaus, and I'm calling from Holland, Michigan. Holland, Michigan's there on the opposite shore. Yeah.

“Well, like Michigan, we can walk outside and wave to you across the lake. What do you do there?”

So, I actually work as an admin assistant and an occasional grant writer for a non-profit immigration legal office here in Holland. And that is probably us. Thank you. And that's probably as stressful as it sounds. Yeah, I was about to, I mean, yeah, you probably didn't think that you'd be like. I don't know, a warrior for good when you took that job. Well, welcome to this show, Emily.

Let me introduce you to our panel. First up, she's a writer and comedian who most recently wrote

for Clean Slade, if that's available on-prime in Shantira Jackson. Hi, Emily. Thank you. Next, he's a comedian you can see in Portland, Oregon at KickStand, July 18th, and in Denver at Dude IDK Studio in July 24th and 25th, it's Shane Torres. Hi, and he is a co-host of the podcast. The nightly and will be performing at the Comedy Studio in Cambridge, Massachusetts on September 19th. It's Josh Gundelman. Hello.

So, Emily, welcome to the show. You're going to play whose alzo this time. Alzo Slade is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them,

“you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose for your voice smell. Are you ready to play?”

I hope so. I've been listening to the show for years. So, I'm excited. Yeah, we're not going to do any of that material though. So, it's all new. President Barack Obama.

Here, Emily, is your first quote. It was heard in New York City Wednesday night.

My mayor's Muslim, my bagels Jewish, the post on our side, Nick's in five. That was the chant heard across New York City as for the first time since 1973, the next we're on the verge of winning what? The NBA championship. Yes, the NBA championship. New York has fallen in love with this team with millions of New Yorkers discovering just this week that they are lifelong Nick's fans. This has become a national story. Some say

that's just because so much media is based in New York. But according to the media, based in New York, shut up rooms. Everybody is talking about all the celebrities who go to the Nick's games like Timothy Schaleman, Spike Lee. But that's not fair. San Antonio has celebrities at their games, too. Timothy Schaleman, Spike Lee, have been flying in for them. I'm a big New York Liberty fan. That's my one New York to you, WNH, and every Liberty

game, they show writer, friend, leave a one. That's everyone goes crazy. You know, there's other celebrities do, but friend is a mainstay. So, they're just so excited to see her. It's awesome. The finals have affected all of New York, even three people who don't follow basketball traffic, non-existent during the games. You can walk into the most exclusive restaurants in the city

I don't want anything out of there.

“Yeah, just to know you can wander around. Just wander around and find the skiniest”

pants. This is true, by the way. Most people very excited about the next except for June Brides. And apparently it just got worse because now with the games going back to San Antonio for perhaps the deciding game on Saturday, all of those weddings are like in chaos, right? It's just like who's going to be focusing on the wedding? I mean, everybody's going to be a little teary eye at the. Where's her father dance? I gave away my little girl in 20 great.

My sweet daughter, Kalshi. A beautiful name for a baby girl. All right, here is your next quote. It's from a commenter in the New York Times on a story. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. People are staring at these at night instead of having sex. That was someone talking

about two new studies that have finally proved that what technology has caused the birth rate to

decline. Oh, my God. I feel like it's cell phones. It also feels like I'm a utopia. It's way too obvious, but apparently it's true, it's specifically smartphones. Oh, my. Yes, new research has finally proved something people have long suspected. The arrival of smartphones in 2007 directly caused a significant drop in the birth rate. That is why so many since then have felt the sting of hearing. Not tonight, honey. I'm watching a miniature pony play the piano. We have to be clear about how

this happened. It's not like physiologically. Guys can be like, no, no, we don't need to use

protection. I have an android. This is how they proved it. At first, you may remember, only AT&T

customers could get an iPhone. So researchers looked at places back then, which had AT&T coverage and compared them to birth rates in places that didn't and discovered that when they had AT&T

“coverage, birth rates dropped. That's why AT&T initially offered the, you'll never have a family plan.”

But I do think this is great because they can start using that in the advertising. Google Pixel, it's better than sex. Reproductive health scientists desperate to reverse this. You're trying to come up with a way to make sex as exciting as wordle. Oh, look, honey, we got it in two. For an NPR crowd, I don't know that they'll clear that bar. True. All right, here Emily is your last quote. Guys, it's just checks mix. That was a writer in

Bloomberg news talking about how something new is just really the same old thing. Proving America has lost its genius when it comes to creating new what? I think I'm going to need a hint. Well, what is checks mix? What? It's a snack. It is snacks. Yes. Oh, my God. America is the snack capital of the world, but apparently we have lost our sense of innovation and creativity. It's left us dreaming of the days when you'd be at the store and say, whoa, whoa,

sour cream and onion. Bloomberg says we're in a crisis after the winner of this year's powerhouse snack award, there is one. Was Hershey's dot snack mix, a blend of pretzel's corn cereal and pita chips and garlic ride chips. In other words, yeah, it's just checks mix. They're just recycling old snacks and new packaging. This cannot stand. We need a Manhattan project, but for free toast. You know it was getting bad when we all allowed flame and hot to be a flavor.

Because neither one of those words is a flavor. That's right. That's bad. It's just the same thing twice. And usually using contexts that are not particularly appetizing, like, how does that

“sore feel? It's a real mountain-due code right here. Who this America punishes snack innovation?”

The U.S. and the surprise, Ikea had horse in their meatballs and we shut that down right away. Yeah, we punish innovators. That's true. There's 85 different Oreos. I want more, do you walk?

Thank you so much for playing. Take care.

“Panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Shane,”

there's a health care trend in China that we hope at least will soon spread here. People are getting their medical exams and various treatments wear airports. No. Shopping malls? No, give you a hint. You do shots and then you get some shots. This is genius. It's a bar. Oh my god. Bars at a bar. Just go down to your local watering hole for a cocktail and a check-up, but not cheers. Because going where everybody knows your

name is a hip-a-vile. It's just like a regular bar. You got Colby on tap. Maybe you got a dark board. You got an MRI machine. Sure. It's not the best, maybe. Not the best medical care available. But, on the other hand, you are absolutely ready to go when it's time for the year in Samford. Like, I don't mean to tell tells out a school, but I know people in America who are taking prescription pills at bars. We've got, like, finally those punching bag machines you see in bars.

I got some bad news for you. We have something for you to hit already. Exactly. I mean, it's convenient, I guess. I mean, once I got so drunk at a bar I passed out, but I woke up, the bartender told me I had no polyps and didn't have to come back to the bar. I mean, also, the one problem is, like, every doctor knows you're lying. When you say, "Oh, just one or two drinks per week." These doctors like, "Come on, you had two beers while I was

“taking your blood pressure." Yeah, that's how I keep it down, Josh.”

Coming up, our panelists give you some advice. It's our bluff to listen your game, but I want you to relate, wait, wait, to play. I want you back in a minute with more, wait, wait, don't tell me. From NPO. This is our class. On this American life, when they mean like, it's a good mystery. Sometimes it's about really big things, but most times, the little mysteries are the best. Our lost and

found is currently filled with pants. I don't know, I've never seen this happen. This is true.

This is true. Mysteries of every size each week, this American life, wherever you get your podcast. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is, wait, wait, don't tell me. The NPR news quiz, I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with Josh Gondomin, Shane Torres, and Shantira Jackson. And here again, it's your host at the Student Baker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter, Sago. Thank you, Alzo. Thank you so much.

Right now, it is time for the wait, wait, don't tell me, bluff the listener game, call 1, triple 8, wait, wait to play her game in the air. Hi, you are on wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi. This is Vanessa Sanchez, calling from the best city in the world Chicago. Yes, agree. What are you doing here in this fair and fine city? Well, I'm a mom of an 18 year old. Also a dog and cat mom.

I work at the amazing National Museum of Mexican Art. And on Sunday, I'm out under Chicago

River River, practicing with a dragonboat team. What is a dragonboat? That's one of those Chinese abots. Yeah, yeah, there's 20 people on the boat. And you are paddling as fast as you can to beat another boat if you're in competition. But it's just really fun. And it's a great time to just enjoy the Chicago River, which not many of us get to do. That's true because it killed so many of us, but it's better now. It's better now. Vanessa, welcome to the show.

You're going to play our game with you. Have to tell truth from fiction. Alzo, what is Vanessa's topic? Words of wisdom. Words of wisdom can be hard to come by. I mean, you can only eat so many fortune cookies. This week, we read about somebody who receives some game-changing advice at the perfect time. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one that's telling the truth.

“You win the weight weight of your choice and your voice smell. Are you ready to play?”

I think so. All right. Let's hear first from Josh Gumballman. The year was 1980. Andrew Lloyd Weber was coming off a smash hit with his musical Evita. The world was his oyster. He could have it all. Drugs, parties, actual oysters. But according to a forthcoming memoir, Weber had two problems. First, a mysterious pain in his knee. And second, he knew his neck show needed to be populated by non-human characters, but he couldn't figure out which animals to spotlight. At his doctor's

office, Weber found himself lost in thought and I do incredible impressions. What creatures on

God's greener can prowl the stage, embodying the themes of class, glamour, religion sort of,

I think we'd better do a cat scan set his osteologist, Dr. Grisabella.

“But that's it. Weber exclaimed, "Cats can! Cats can do it all!"”

And the rest was history. Cats went on to be a massive success despite no one being able to follow the plot even a little. Andrew Lloyd Weber, figures out his next mega hit. When he gets a cat scan,

your next story of some good guidance comes from Shantira Jackson. Fresh off of winning his first

Oscar, actor Michael B. Jordan was recently invited to play golf with friend and colleague Samuel L. Jackson. Throughout all 18 holes, Michael B. Jordan watched Samuel L. Do the two things he enjoys most in his free time. Hitting golf balls and saying the effort. In an interview with time magazine, Jordan explained how before teeing off instead of shouting for Samuel L. likes to yell things like, "You gotta take a mother-bleeping shot, like it's a mother-bleeping hole in one."

By Holtin, Michael B. Jordan realized that though laden with expletives, everything Samuel saying was brilliant, life advice, "You should go where you're bleeping supposed to." And sometimes thinking too, mother-bleeping much, gets you in your mother-bleeping head,

and messes up your mother-bleeping game. Michael B. Jordan has stated that he'd left that golf match,

not only knowing how to be a better golfer, but also how to be a better artist and a better friend. Michael B. Jordan gets life advice just from listening to Samuel Jackson played golf, and your last advice column comes from Shane Torres. We've all sent a text message to the wrong person before. Just last week, I meant to text my girlfriend something flirty and romantic,

but instead it went to my best friend, and now he thinks I want to shower with him.

“But this week, we heard about how an accidental text was the key to movie magic.”

In the middle of filming disclosure day, a movie we all know exist whether we like it or not. Actor Joshua Connor says he got some of the best acting advice ever in a text from Mr. Steven Spielberg. A Connor didn't know how to play a certain scene until he got a text from Spielberg saying, "The door's on the latch." Just push. According to O'Connor, it "unlocked the whole scene for me. It's genius."

But it wasn't actually genius. It was a text Spielberg meant for his wife, who apparently doesn't know how to open a door. The advice to O'Connor nonetheless, and that story is a testament that directing might not actually be that hard. Oh, you can.

So here are your choices, Vanessa. From Josh Connellman.

“From Josh Connellman, how Angel Lloyd Weber, excuse me,”

Lord Andrew Lloyd Weber, got the idea for cats from a cat scan. From Shantira Jackson, how Michael B. Jordan got valuable life advice just by playing off with Samuel Al Jackson. And from Shanturas, how the actor and the lead in Steven Spielberg's new movie got brilliant advice from Spielberg in a text that wasn't even meant for him. Which of these was the real story of unexpected but life-changing advice in the news?

This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make. Wow, just because I am a cat mom, I'm going to go with A and Andrew Lloyd Weber. You're going to go with Josh's story, if I'm an Angel Lloyd Weber new, new that his next big music would be about Son Animal, didn't know which one. Um, no, then I will go. I'll go with B then.

You're going to go with B, the second story here. That's, I'm sorry, that is Shantira's story of how Michael B. Jordan went golfing. Well, to bring you the real story, here's actually the person who got that fabulous advice. I received this text from Steven saying, "The door is on the latch, just push." And it unlocked the whole scene for me.

That was Joshua Connor speaking on fresh air about the wise text he accidentally got

from Steven Spielberg that led to his acting breakthrough.

I'm so sorry, Vanessa, but as you heard, Shane had the real answer. You did earn a point though for Shantira, for her uplifting story about Samuel L. Jackson swearing. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you. Thank you. And now the game we call Not My Job. Robert Smigel has been one of the funniest people in

comedy for decades, but you probably wouldn't recognize him because he's usually just off camera from his alter ego triumph, the insult comic dog. He's also written for Saturday Night Live,

he helps non-funny people be funny. Robert Smigel, welcome to Wait Wait Don't Tell me.

“Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Great to be here. It's so great to have you.”

Well, I'm a big fan of the show. I really am. Well, thank you. And I'm a huge fan of yours. In fact, I was amazed to discover just this week that you're not really a brilliantly successful sketch and comedy writer producer performer. You are a failed dental student. Oh, is that? Yeah, big-time failure. Yes. And another thing I found out was that your father was, and I don't know if I've ever said this phrase before,

a legendary dentist. Stard woods. He was. He dwarfs my achievements in comedy. Yeah, because he's like the Steve Martin of Dentistry. He's like he's sort of developed the tooth bonding technique. And he went from there and revolutionized dentistry and I'm very proud to be

“a soft shot. But then you. It sounds like it sounds like your dad made dentistry sexy.”

He did. He made it. And I'm making comedy gross. And you actually tried to follow in his giant footsteps. I did. I did. I mean, I had no idea that I could succeed in comedy or television.

It just seemed ridiculous at the time. But it was all I was ever good at. When did you first

know you were funny or could at least be funny? Oh, my God. I mean, when I was like four or five, I could draw really well. So I could draw Fred Flintstone and Snoopy. And then probably a couple years later, I started drawing them having sex. Wait a minute. You know, I'm seven years old. I'm trying to make my friends laugh. Give me a break. They didn't have smartphones. No, yeah. Exactly. Exactly. For those who don't know, I want to turn to triumph. You're all good. You go again. I just found

this week that apparently you and your wife discovered triumph or the first version of triumph at some sort of Nickknack shop or antique store. My wife and I, we were newlyweds or actually, we were on furniture shopping. And there was this quaint little store called Mabel's in Manhattan. And they had an even quaint their rack of puppets, rubber puppets that were just animal heads. You know, there were dogs and cats. And there was a sheep. And there was, you know, an owl.

So I just grabbed the dog head and I was so amused by how realistic it looked that I put it on my hand. And immediately sniffed my wife's. Yeah, well, as you would, as you would, in the middle of the

“store. Yeah. And of course, she laughed. And that's why we're still married all these years.”

So you've even been trying for so long. Does he have like his own personality? They're like,

are there things that like triumph will say, but you could never bring yourself to say?

Well, I mean, he would probably insult your show, even though I'm a big fan. Right. For an example. Oh, my God. Oh, this is so exciting. I was afraid. Wait, don't tell me. Hey, can you audience know that wait, wait, don't tell me. It's not only a beloved NPR quiz show, but it's also the game NPR employees play when they're

guessing if they're still employed. Oh, yes. Sorry. I only got one joke. It's NPR. You guys don't pay well. I was both terrified and hoping that would happen. So I just see triumph. To people actually ask like, oh, Robert Smogel, can triumph if you will dump on me? I mean, I look in the mirror every morning and I'm bored. I wish triumph was there. That's right. What would triumph say if he was roasting you? He'd probably borrow a line from Don Rickles and say, it's over. I give it up for it.

I want to ask you about the new podcast, which is like an amazing idea. Humor me. Yes.

So well, why not? Why don't you describe it? Uh, so my my wife actually came up with this show. It's called Humor Me with Robert Smogel and friends in every week. We have people who have called in, left a message and they need help with some sort of task they have. We had one guy who had to make an eulogy for a father-in-law that he hated and needed advice on how to make he wanted to

way that would not, would make them laugh and not feel offended but still get her out of the mom

“group. I'm Lincoln. I'm obsessed with the idea of triumph the insult eulogy done. It has anything ever”

happened in the episode that you've done so far. We've said to somebody, this would be great. This

is going to kill the eulogy, whatever it may be and it's an utter disaster. That never happens.

Well Robert Smogel, it is a joy to talk to you. What we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling. In thought dog, meet service dog. So you're alter ego triumph, insults people for a living. So we thought we'd ask you about dogs and other animals. Let help people service animals. And so there are two or three questions about these helpful creatures in vests and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners. The voice of anyone

they might like from our show including "Dokers" if they like on their voicemail. Also, who is Robert

“Smogel playing for? Mary Bick of Brian Texas. All right. Here's your first question Robert.”

One of the most famous emotional support animals was Wally the emotional support alligator. True story made news when citizens bank park and Philly would not let his owner come in with him.

What ultimately happened to Wally the emotional support alligator? A, he signed an endorsement deal

and is now the met life insure alligator. Be after a peaceful death of natural causes. He's now a set of emotional support luggage. That you can't take on a plane. Oh yeah, that's true. Or see somebody reported a loose alligator to the authorities. He was duly picked up and released in a swamp in Georgia and hasn't been seen again. My goodness, this is a hard one. It is. Emotional support luggage sounds so believable. It does.

But I'm going to go with see. You're right Robert. Yes.

Somebody kidnapped him from his enclosure, left him someplace else. Somebody saw him there called the

Department of Natural Resources. They picked him up and they brought him back home to a swamp. And as far as we know, he is still there living his best life. All right. Here's your next question. Sometimes real service animals can cause problems. As when which of these happened just a week ago a seeing eye dog in Arizona got a whiff of a female dog in heat and dragged its owner into a canal. The service dog in an American Airlines flight

had quote an accident on the plane causing human passengers to become ill and forcing an emergency landing or see a service dog with an undiagnosed condition gave main to the entire South Carolina state Senate. Wow. Yeah. I'm just going to go with be it just seems the most believable. It is in fact be. Yeah. I wanted to believe it. I know. But it was be it was be they had to make an emergency landing and had emergency crews rush the plane and only emergency guys rush back

out going. All right. Last question. Go for perfect. If you can. A service dog who was being trained to detect sudden changes in blood sugar was taken to the vet for a checkup and this dog alerted to the veterinarian herself. What happened next? A. The vet was diagnosed with Type A diabetes just in time to save her life. B. It was discovered that the dog couldn't sense blood sugar at all. It just happened to like white coats or C. The vet got busted for bringing donuts to work

but not sharing them with her co-workers. Wow. It's got to be A. No. I'm sorry. The answer was

“actually C. The dog detected the secret donor. Oh, that's amazing. Isn't that something?”

God bless these dogs. I was a how did Robert smile doing our quiz? Not that bad. Two out of three. That's pretty good. That's all you need. Right? That's all you need. Right? That's all you need. That's right. Robert smile is a writer comedian the creator of triumphs the insult comic dog his new podcast humor me which is both hilarious and sometimes kind of moving is out now. Robert smile what a joy to talk to you about life. Thank you so much for being

in the show. Take care and just a minute. Alzo tells you why you shouldn't mess with squirrels in our listener Limerick challenge. Call one tribulate wait wait to join us on the air. We'll be

money starts with a question. What happens if we refund tariffs? Why are grocery so expensive?

“An NPR we stand for your right to be curious because the forces shaping our world can be”

hard to see. Follow NPR's planet money wherever you get your podcasts and start seeing how the economy really works. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago this is wait wait don't tell me the NPR news quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with Shantira Jackson Josh Gonderman and Shane Torres and here is your host at the Student Baker Theatre in Chicago Illinois Peter Seigle.

Thank you Alzo. Thank you so much everybody. There's just a minute. It finally dawns on Alzo

that he has signed himself up to read Limerick's forever. It's our Limerick challenge. If you'd like to play give us a call, it'll one tribulate wait wait that's 1 8 8 8 9 2 4 8 9 2 4.

“Right now a panel some of our questions for you from the week's news. Shane according to the”

Guardian. It may be outdated and unnecessary to do what every day. Faith? He said hopefully. No not, babe. Can I get a hint please? Sure it's like goodbye, breakfast, lunch and dinner. Hello constant random grazing. He snatched what? I'm sorry.

The traditional advice is traditional standard may not be appropriate anymore. The

traditional standard of eat three square meals. Exactly right. Experts are saying we no longer need three meals a day. That's because science says we need six meals a day, right? According to some experts it's better to quote embrace culinary spontaneity, unquote follow your body's instincts and follow whatever regimen works best for your health.

“That's why since I heard this news, I've given up three square meals a day. I just eat one”

six foot long sub once a week and then I lay around motionless for four days like a snake. Culinary spontaneity is like a very beautiful phrase for shoveling something into your mouth over the sink. This is also just girl dinner. Girl dinner? Yeah. All right. Flame the meat center. Girl dinner is when you piece together whatever you want for dinner. It's like for me a girl dinner dinner would be fries that I get from like a restaurant

24 Oreos and then like a shot of vodka. That's girl dinner. You just went to a seven or eleven. Sometimes there's a break. Oh no. The whole wheel though. No slice. The whole wheel. The whole wheel. Pick it up. Yeah. That's girl dinner. Gentira legendary movie star John Travolta has announced that because quote men can have fun too he has now started to do what in public.

Frallic. Yeah he's going to skipper out. That'll be very exciting to see. No that's not it. Look at I have a little here. Yes. In this he is just like countless French artists and also Che Guevara. Okay. He's wearing a beret. Exactly. He's wearing beret. A picture of John Travolta on the red carpet a con went viral because of his beard and his

beret both died dark black. He says that he is now directed as first movie. He had looked

up images of classic Hollywood directors and many of them were wearing berets and also men should be able to have fun with their fashion which is a lot of things to say instead of the simple two words I'm bald. Yeah that's the mistake you got to pick a signature hat before the hair is going on. Exactly. Then nobody knows what's going on under there. Exactly. You're right. Where in a beret is the same thing is Frallic. That is yes. If you're standing if you're standing

there motionless but you have a beret on your frallic. You're probably going to have to move. You're all the fun that guys happen. You're either frallic or you're like a super black Panther revolution there. Yeah. That's true. They weren't doing no frallic impact. That's true. And who knows which one John Travolta is. He's a Scientology revolutionator.

Now he wants to look like a substitute theater teacher who owns just the meanest little dog.

“Coming up it's Lightning Film the Blank but first it's the game where you have to listen for the”

rhyme. If you like to play on air call or leave a message at one trip a late wait wait wait. That's 1 8 8 8 9 2 4 8 9 2 4. You can catch us most weeks right here. It's a studio baker's theater in downtown Chicago. Come see us on the rub. We'll be in Milwaukee in July 9th. And in Sonoma County, California in July 30th, for tickets and information to all of our live events go to nprpresents.org. Hi you're on wait wait don't tell me. My beater is this is an

asset calling from Carl Sam Massachusetts Charleston. I know it well. What do you do there? I am a public school kindergarten teacher. You are the best. Yes.

“Let me ask you some advice. I believe in it in the fall. I'm about to send my little son”

Elliott to kindergarten for the first time. Is there anything you would like me to either let him know

or prepare him in some way so it's to make the kindergarten teachers life easier. You know what? Just have a good time and be his little self. That's all that matters. I will relay that message Vanessa. Thank you. I just felt like she was talking to me. Well Vanessa, welcome to our show, Alzo Slade is going to read you three news related lemrex with the last word of phrase missing for me. If you can fill in that last word of phrase

correctly and to the lemrex, you will be a winner ready to play. Here we are. Here's your first lemrex. Strong drinks. I am not in the throw love. But a dirty martini. We all love. So I will not pass on a tall highball glass filled with soda and brine and in. I need a blue one. Do you know what I mean? My rhyming should be better for kindergarten. You're saying dirty martini is a is a strong clue. You know, the dirty martini is?

Yeah, all in. Yes, it's all in. Yeah, every summer has the song of the summer. Every summer has the drink of the summer in

according to the internet, which is never wrong. This year's drink is a glass of ice,

“soda water, and the brine left over from the olives. That's what it is. You're all drinking”

it with you like it or not. This is a drink of the summer. Did you hear me say that? That people, you know, they called the the dirty Shirley a couple of summers ago, right? It was like a Shirley temple with I'll go all of Brian and soda. That's the real, that's the nasty Sherry. The filthy Sherry. You know, you can also clean your tires. All of Brian and soda. All right, very good. Here is your next lemreck. Brother Squirrel, I think that you scammed.

Diabetes in your cheeks will not cram if. If you are so famished, just make a nut thamets. No way you could eat Willie. Mama. Willie mammoth, yes. Scientists were able to extract DNA from ancient squirrel feces. Something these scientists did voluntarily. And discovered that back in the Ice Age, squirrels ate mammoth meat and saber tooth tiger meat. It's true. Wow, how the mighty have fallen. You used to eat mammoth. I just saw you eat a bagel out of a dumpster.

Have some dignity. There's never finding, too. This is a little terrifying. It finds out

that even after tens of thousands of years, the ancient squirrel feces still stink. According to one research quote, I did not think 700,000 year old poop would smell anymore, but it was intense. Can you imagine how difficult things were back then? Like somebody lied a match. We can't. We've never invented fire. But I do understand the premise that something would smell better after 700 years. That's a kind of smell work. I feel like I'm

just smelling a grain mother. My grandma smells good. Sure. Had all of them, you know. Here is your last lemric. More than 5,000 years he's been dead. Mountain ice was his chili, death bed. Dormat biomes we found for a crusty baked round. We have harvested yeast to make. Proud? Yes, Brad. I'll see the Ice Man is a 5,000-year-old caveman who is so well-preserved. He still has living microbes in his stomach. In this week researchers at Italy's

Institute for Mummy Studies, which shockingly only sounds like we made it up, and now it's

quote very, very good, but I don't care how good bread is if somebody you're sharing it with says, and while we're at it, whose milk is the butter frog? We're talking about American snacks falling behind. This is what we're talking about. How did Vanessa do in her quiz? Great A for our teacher, three out of three. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. You're your summer break, yep.

You know, every day on our first NPR's Golden Globe nominated morning news podcast,

“we bring you three essential stories. At the heart of each story, our questions. What really happened?”

What really mattered? What happens next? At NPR, we stand for your right to be curious and to follow the facts. Follow our first wherever you get your podcasts and start your day knowing what matters and why. Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players love 60 seconds in which dancer is many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Also, can you give us the scores? Yes, I can. Centura and Josh

are tied at two with Shane in the lead for three. Okay. Shane you're in the lead. Centura and Josh are tied for second. So we'll just arbitrarily choose Josh to go first. Okay, here we go, Josh. The clock will start when they begin your first question and fill in the blank. On Thursday, Trump threatened to seize Carga Island from Blank. Here I'm right. On Friday, private space company, Blank held their much anticipated IPO space at right. This week defensive

Visual say a false alarm led to the blank being locked down. The Pentagon. Right. On Thursday, the 2026 blank kicked off with a game in Mexico City. World Cup. Right. This week, the UK government

“issued a warning to supermarket shoppers that their migrants may be triggered by what?”

Cheese? Yes. Very good. On Wednesday, streaming music giant blank said it had removed tens of thousands of phony podcasts from our app. Spotify? Right. On Tuesday, tennis grade blank played her first match in almost four years. Serino Williams? Right again, just in time for America's 250th Earth, they celebrations a giant American flag and Connecticut blanked. Caught fire. No. Blue into some utility lines and cut power to 40,000 people. A 3000 square foot, a metaphor flag. Yes,

got blown into some utility lines and cut off power to over 40,000 people in Connecticut who were assured that this was not in fact a symbol of anything. It took almost a full day to get the flag on Tango, but that's only because emergency workers had to keep saluting the whole time.

“Also, how did Josh do in our quits? It was impressive. He got seven right for 14 more points,”

total of 16. All right. I'm not going to do that. Okay, Shantira, you are up next film on the blank. On Thursday, John Healey, the defense minister of blank resigned. Education. No, defense minister of education. The United Kingdom, this week a new government study recommended limiting a blank consumption to one drink a day, according to new filings. The Trump administration

will spend over 60 million dollars to host a blank fight at the White House. Oh, you have seen.

Right, this week a man in Canada was charged after it was revealed he had been blanking for 17 years without a license. Drive it? No, piloting airplane. So on the Monday, Apple introduced a new AI powered version of their digital assistant blank. Chat GPT? No, it's digital assistant is Siri, citing concerns that might make people seriously ill. A grocery store in New Zealand pulled a chicken dish called blank off their shelves. Mr. Chicken? No. It was called death by chicken.

The grocery store sent out an advisory to customers warning them that they were recalling their delis pre-made death by chicken sandwich for being undercooked and therefore dangerous. Listen, say what you want about the recall but the people who bought death by chicken cannot say they

were not worn. The problem is it's not strong enough. Exactly. Not called mild illness by chicken.

Also, how did Shantira do? Well, Shantira forecast that she wouldn't do as well as Jost and she undersold herself. She got too ripe for four more points total of six. You can't be upset at told you what was going to happen. You did. You did not lead us on. You were

here we go. Hey. This is for the game, fell in the blank. On Tuesday, Bill Gates testified before

“Congress about his relationship with blank. Jeffrey Epstein. Right. For the first time in years, the U.S.”

blank rate rose above 4%. Inflation. Right. This week, cryptocurrency blank fell to $60,000 each. Bitcoin? Yes. On Wednesday, severe blanks caused over 1,000 flight delays across the midwest. Severe thunderstorm? Yes. This week, a couple of antennas C were brought to the hospital after their food truck, which was named blank, exploded. Death by chicken. No. Their food truck was called TNT tacos. On Tuesday, NASA unveiled the crew who would be on the next mission to the blank.

Moon? Yes. This week, scientists at Texas A&M University came up with a clean and efficient

way to clean up oil spills that C simply by using blank. Caveman gut bio. No.

“By using fire tornadoes. Oh. So if an oil spills it C, you can even let it spread to the”

coastline. That's bad. Or you can set it on fire, which is just as bad because of all the pollution that a researcher has shown that if you can set it on fire and then spin the flames with massive winds into a giant fire tornado, it solves the problem efficiently. It takes less time with less pollution. Sure. It also implodes the whole world, but it looks sick as hell. I also did Shane do well enough to win. Oh, not quite. Uh, got five. Right. For 10 more points.

Total of 13, which means Josh Gondomin wins. Yeah. John's got him in. Wow. Yeah. It's just a minute. Our panels will predict what will get the birth rate back up. Now that we know the smartphones

that destroyed it. But first, let me tell you all. Wait, wait, don't tell me. So production of

NPR and WBEZ Shipkago, an association with the urgent haircut productions, Doug Burman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godica writes our Lemrex our public address and answer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager, Shane had Donald, thanks to the staff, and crew with the Studivaker Theatre. BJ Littleman composed our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Growboss, and Lily and King. Special thanks to Blive Robertson. Peter Gwann is seven foot four.

Emma Choy is our visual host, technical direction to some Lorna White or CFO is calling Miller, reproduction manager as Robert Newhouse or Senior Producer as Ian Chillog, and the Executive Producer at Wait wait, don't tell me his Michael Danforth.

“Now, panel, how will we get the birth rate back up, Shanty Richardson?”

If the next win, we should probably see some babies in about nine months. Shane Torres, Bill Curtis, Sexy Fireman Cal, would work for me. Josh Gondomin, three words, oyster flavored spin drafts. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you, Alzo Slay. Thanks, Alzo. Josh Gondomin, Shanty Richardson and Shane Torres. Thanks for our fabulous audience here.

It's the Studivaker Theatre in beautiful downtown Chicago, Illinois. Thanks for all of you for listening wherever you might be. A Peter's segment we'll see you right here next week. This is NPO. Every episode of its been a minute, NPR is what's happening in culture podcast.

Starts by asking three questions. Who? How? Why now? If the culture's asking it, we're talking about it. At NPR, we stand for your right to be curious and indulge your cultural curiosity. Follow its been a minute wherever you get your podcasts and we'll break down the zeitgeisty topics that are filling your feed.