Why Love Requires Emotional Growth — Why You Can’t Connect With Others Until You Heal Your Heart

for more, knowing something is missing. Then this podcast is for you, so here's your host, Joe Mitagon. Hello, and welcome to We. My name is Joe Mitagon, and I'm the host of the We podcast. Well, it's great to be here with you today, and it's a beautiful sunny day here in Atlanta, Georgia, the 24th day of March, and happy to say that it's getting warmer, and the sun

is out, and it's just a beautiful day. And I'm glad to be here today. I'm glad all of you were here today. If you're new here, welcome, if you're a returning person, thank you. I have to say that the response and the support I've had from the listeners you listening

here today has just been amazing. I really don't have words for it to be honest with you,

but I am super excited, and I have to say that collectively we are really making a difference. And I say we, because the We podcast is truly an environment where like-minded people,

“conscious people are coming together, and we're creating a movement quite honestly to heal”

the world. And I've said it a numerous times my purpose and life, my highest goal when asked is to heal humanity. And I've got a great story that I'm going to share on how all that works, and it is working because of this podcast and other things that I've done. But today I've got a great topic. And the topic is the name of this particular episode is called "Why Love requires emotional growth?" And that's one of those challenging topics

this whole idea of love. And love is such a confusing word, it's such a confusing concept, because everybody has different definitions of it quite honestly. But today my plan is to kind of unpack it, you know, kind of dissect what love truly is, how do you truly love somebody,

“how do you do it, and how do you get better at it quite honestly? And it's such an interesting”

thing because so many different people call love so many different things. And the reason it's becoming quite a more of a conscious topic, this whole idea of love, is because of what's happening

to humanity. But the bottom line, the whole idea of We, what is We? What's Joe's definition of We?

We, the We, is human self, higher self, inner self. Instead of identifying ourselves in the mindset of a Me, I'm teaching people that it's time to move into the consciousness of a We. Each one of us is born, created in God's image with a male side and female side. That's kind of the spiritual makeup of ourselves. And the consciousness of us, consciousness of people, especially the people that are here on this podcast, is that you're not just a Me anymore, and you are

waking up, whether you're aware of it or not, to deeper parts of yourself through the emotional sense of self, and grander parts of yourself through a higher sense of self. Well, it's in that trifecta, if you will, the human self, the higher self, and the inner self, instead of identifying that as an individualized eye, I call it a We. From each individual perception, from people's perspective, you as an individual, you're all a We, individually at your house, at the office, in the car, wherever

you're listening to the podcast. But as we come together in a podcast like this, together collectively,

“we create the community of We. That's how we are creating a connection in such a disconnected world.”

And why it's important, and why podcast like this, or important, and why it's important that you're

here. I feel like if I can create an environment where you might hear things here that you've never

heard other places, and I get it. Well, some of the things I say are not traditionally the norm. I understand. And what I also understand is because people are coming here to this podcast, people are listening, engaging, and listening to more and more of the episodes. It tells me that

this particular environment apart from others, and why each of you listening, that keep coming back, I call you true spiritual warriors, because this podcast isn't about one particular aspect of you. I'm not a how-to podcast. I'm not a motivational podcast. I'm not a tell-you-what-to-do podcast. And I'm certainly not a therapeutic podcast. I'm not a doctor. I'm certainly not a researcher.

I'm not a teacher. I'm none of those things. So the bottom line, I'm you. And you're me. I'm just a guy.

But my message, why my message resonates is because, as I share from my divinity,

“it's your divinity bringing you here. How do I know? Because you're here. How do I know it's true?”

Because you keep coming back. And I know that because of the tremendous amounts of success that we podcast has had. We've ranked as high as number 14th and the globe in the relationship category on Apple podcast. We're ranked in the top charts of how to an education and soon to be expanding. And why do I say that? The brag on me? No, hell no. I am not anything special. I am just a guy. And I'm bragging on the community that's being built here. The only reason

that we podcast is growing is because of each of you, the listeners out there. You're connecting to something and you're sharing it with other people's. And I can see it by the numbers. There's no way Joe could build a global podcast like this is being built by myself. And I want to thank each of you for truly supporting the larger mission, which is the heel

humanity. And I always like to start with what's going on out there in the world. We live in a chaotic

time. Goodness gracious. If you listen to the news, if you're into politics at all, the wars in the middle of all of the different external delusional craziness that's out there, yeah, it's kind of the same day different topic, different environment, whatever. But what is really changing? It's human consciousness, the human communion, the human connection inside of

“self. Now is it happening to everybody? No, it's not. And that's why spirits of growth and”

emotional growth is so important. Why? Because for those of you that it's truly happening for, you are connecting to a grander sense of yourself. And if you don't emotionally grow to keep up, you're going to feel lost. You're going to feel lonely. You're going to feel disconnected. And most people look at the delusion, the made-up illusion that, oh, I feel so lonely. Let's go find something outside of myself. I feel so lost. Let's go find someone outside of

myself. I feel so disconnected. Let's go. No. The answers aren't outside of you. Any more. The answers are inside of you. And the emotional growth, why we have to consciously grow emotionally, because the part of you that is waking up, the human transformation of consciousness, that's literally happening at a faster rate than ever before, is opening up the feminine side of yourself. And the feminine side of yourself, regardless of man or woman, black or white,

Catholic or Jew. It doesn't matter anything about the personality, the humanity called you. I'm talking about the spiritual sense of yourself. All of us have a male side, the female side, the male side is the characteristics of your physical body and your mind. The feminine side of yourself is the emotional sense of self and a grander you or higher power or the Jesus consciousness

or whatever you call your higher consciousness. And I always like to caveat right at this spot.

Joe's role is not to tell you what adjective, what person, what deity to call your higher power. That's not my job. My job is to share my story and to ask you, are you following

“whatever it is you call it. So if you're a Christian, are you following the message of Jesus?”

If you're in the AA program and you call your higher self, a higher power, are you following your higher power, that's my job. My role is awareness, not healing. And I always want to caveat. If you are in a deep sense of pain or healing or crisis, get help now, turn this podcast off.

Get it. This is the generation of change. There's so much support out there. It's just it's fabulous. Unlike when I went through this, my seven years of darkness,

“quite honestly was because I sat in a room because there wasn't technology to connect me to anybody.”

Those days are over and those excuses are over. So if you're drinking too much, get help. If you're grieving all the time, get help. And there's professional help from one on one from life coaches to therapists and there's community help from support groups, male, female, AA programs, 12 step programs, you name it. It's everywhere. So there's no excuse anymore. And this

we are that group. We are that generation of change. Now, for the other 97 percent of you,

welcome to you. And my job here is to try to make your day a little bit make a little bit more sense. I don't know about you, but you know years ago, I had no a sense of emotional meat at all. I felt rage acted it out. Didn't even know I was doing it. Drunk, drug, had sex and it was over. Started over the very next day. Well, as I started waking up and I started connecting deeper, I started to feel things. I didn't know existed. I didn't. I went there a period of time

where I literally started questioning my sexuality. Oh, my God, am I gay? Because I'm feeling emotion. Well, no, I'm not gay. I was opening up to the feminine side of self. And I don't really care your sexual orientation. Mayo, female, straight, not straight, gender, specific, gender 500. I don't care. Why? Because that's all your personal business. All of us, I don't care, your gender are created in God's image. Not the physical meat. The spiritual meat. And the spiritual

“you, it's the same. The divinity and use, the divinity and me. And that's why you're here because”

you're connecting with that. So the bottom line, as the feminine side wakes up, 40 years ago,

the whole concept of the new thought movement, quite honestly, the physical side of self, the male side of self, was moving into an expanding from just physical domination to the power of the mind. Does it work? Sure it does. Does it still work? I don't know. You tell me. You tell me, how those positive affirmations going for you? How are the goal-setting tendencies going for you? How is forgiveness as a light switch going for you? Well, you know, if you're here,

it probably worked at different times, but you're looking for something more. And this podcast is about something more. I have multiple podcasts on these different topics. The podcast, one of my most popular podcasts out there now, is the podcast that says when I, when forgiveness is something I

stop trying to do. And why that's so powerful is that the new thought movement concept literally

“projects forgiveness as an action step. You should be able to just forgive. And I'm telling you”

folks, that's a falsehood. For forgiveness happens, as a consequence of healing, the part of you who was abused are hurt are harmed in the first place. And if you are harmed by somebody 40 years ago, and that harm the interview is still hurting, the likelihood of you forgiving that person 40 years later is slim to zero. Now does that mean you can't love them? No, you can love somebody, and not forgive them. Why? Because forgiveness isn't an action step. For forgiveness is the red flag

that says there's a part of me hurting. So if you can't forgive action step, find the part that's hurting. Got a whole podcast on that. Please listen to it. It's a great one. Well, what we're going to talk about here today is love. Hello, VE love. And I have to tell you way back when love was simple for me. If I'm having sex, I'm having love. Why? Because I love the experience of sex. But the sex equal love. No way back when, if I got my way, I felt loved.

Oh, so people dishonor me, fix me, do it for me. Are they loving me? No, they're not. So what is love? What truly is love? And how is it experience and how is it expressed? And why? We are in a process of emotional growth around the concept of love. It's because what love used to be defined as is different. Years ago, love was more defined from physical action step.

If gave you something or protected you or took some physical action step, it was called love. Now, was it a loving act? Yes. But is it truly the emotional communion of love? No, it's not.

“And that's why as we're waking up, more and more, as humanity is waking up, more and more,”

the need for awareness of what love really looks like, what it feels like. We need to have more awareness to it. So we can just do the it better. Now, one of the more confusing things for me,

and I have to tell you, this was very confusing at first, is that male and female from a gender

specific position are very different. Now, I'm going to speak in broad strokes, generalities, and nothing is absolute in the spiritual and emotional world. Nothing. But from a large perspective, if you will, a woman's needs when she feels loved, when she's hurting, she needs compassion. A man's needs when he's hurting, needs empathy. A woman's needs is to feel heard. A man's need is to feel seen. Now, I could go on and on the difference between men and women. But how do we

do the it and why is it important? And I'm going to ask you a simplest question. And this is important. It really is. Have you ever been in a situation where men, for example, have you ever been in a situation where your wife or female partner of some nature comes in and she had a tough day and she's feeling sad and something hurt and you say, "Poney, you can do it. I'm proud of you. You can really handle it." And she looks at you and starts yelling at you.

“I'm never forget the first time that happened to me. I'm like, "What the hell did I just say?”

I'm trying to be nice here and you're yelling at me." The woman is feeling hurt. The man is telling her, "You can do it anyways." She's feeling hurt. She's hearing your encouragement, but instead of empathizing with her pain instead of being compassionate with your pain, she's feeling disregarded. Because instead of her, you're supporting her inner pain, you're encouraging her as if the pain's not there. Now, ladies, on the other side, your husband comes home and he had a tough day.

God fired, gotten to fight with his buddy, lost a game. Whatever the it is that your male partner, lost a big client, thought he had a client in the client went away. Whatever the it is, him, husband comes home. He's in an emotional trauma, emotional challenge, and you say, "Oh gosh, honey, I'm so sorry. You didn't get the client or honey, I'm so sorry. You didn't get blah, blah, blah." From a man's position, as soon as he hears, I'm so sorry. He's feeling disregarded.

He's experiencing less than. He's literally feeling like you're pity for him and anger is going

to be the first response. And that's where, for me, as I learn the differences on how a woman needs

supported and a man needs supported, a woman seeking compassion, I'm sorry, a man seeking empathy, I'm here for you, I know it, I get it. Those two things when it comes to male and female

“supporting each other and loving each other by support are very different. And that's why, as we”

really start to connect more and more, and the emotional side of ourselves is up more and more, and we're moving more and more out of a sense of mental and into a sense of emotional, we need to learn how to do the differences, we need to learn how to do it. And where most people really believe you get better at the it, as well, I just need to, if I'm a man, I just need to figure out my wife better. Or if I'm a woman, I just need to figure out my partner better.

And the answer is, no, you don't. That isn't where the answer comes from. The answer comes

from, how do you get better doing the it in your external world? It starts by doing it better within yourself. Truly, better within yourself. Most people's inability to love or to be compassionate or to be seen or to just be silent, to hold a safe space for their partnership is because they don't

better at the loving concept, how you get better, loving your partner, or loving your kids, or being kind at work, or healing humanity from a place of overflow, where the better comes from, is not in the practicing of the external action. But in the adding of an internal communion,

“and that's where self-connecting to a deeper sense of self, that's how you get better. As you”

learn how to do it for you, you with you. The consequence of that is that you just naturally get better, doing it with somebody else. Well, that whole concept, I call it the inner child, call it what you want, inner sense of self, inner or whatever you want to call it, right? The inner emotional you. As we learn how to connect to that part, and we learn how to listen to that part, as we learn how to honor that part, as we learn how to create a safe space for that part,

then naturally, to more you create a safe space for yourself, honor yourself, hear yourself, listen to yourself, the natural characteristics, the better you get at those things doing it for you, to you. Naturally, then when your partner comes to you, it'll be much easier for you to hold the safe space for them, listen to them, hear them, support them. How do we get better

do it to ourselves first? And that whole process, the action that Joe took to learn how to

honor me to listen to myself more deeply, as I did the dominant non-dominant handwriting. And the inner emotional sense of self, the connecting to the deeper part of your we. Remember, we hire self, human self, deeper self, inner self, inner child, whatever you're calling it, right? The inner you is where the emotions lie. The higher you is where the spirituality connects.

“Those two parts are both in the feminine side of self, and that's why it's important”

that you learn how to connect and communicate and honor those aspects inside yourself. And then what's the reward? You'll be able to do it outside yourself just that much easier. I would do the dominant non-dominant handwriting. And how would I get that process started? Is I would hear unloving voices in my head? Now, typically every time I heard an unloving voice in my head, it was projecting it at somebody else. That's where

in therapy somebody said to me, two different therapists over a decade, period of time,

was said, Joe, every time you critical to somebody outside of finger pointing outside yourself,

there's three fingers pointing back, heard that in the AA program too. And it was in the three fingers pointing back part I didn't get for the longest time. So what I learned is that if I was being critical of somebody else, that critical voice was truly the emotional consequence of some part of me hurting. The more I would act out the voice external, the more the internal wound with faster. And that's where over time I'd write those voices down, which I talked about in

different podcasts. We're not going to talk a lot about that here today, but I'd write those voices

down, the unloving voices, the first step voices, the I'm not good enough. I'm too bad. I'm too

skinny. I'm too wide. I'm too black. I'm too whatever. Or I'm not good enough. No one loves me. Any of those voices, you hear them, you hear them and you head. Just stop a second. You'll listen, you hear them. Well, all of those voices, they've got an inner child associated with. So the process of dominant non-dominant hand writing is when I would hear a voice that said, I'm lost. I'm lonely. I'm sad. I would hear that voice. I would write it down with my dominant hand. I'm sorry,

you're sad. How are you feeling? Tell me how you're feeling. Then I would switch the pen to the other hand. And by just switching from dominant to non-dominant writing, the non-dominant experience, by listening and sitting there and being patient with yourself while that non-dominant hand is writing, that process itself will naturally develop a patience for yourself because as you're listening and hearing the non-dominant side of you, expressing through the left hand writing

for my case, depending on where you're dominant non-dominant. That's where I learned how to listen.

“I learned how to hear what that part was saying. And the most important thing I learned,”

quite honestly, is how to spell love. And how I learned how to spell love by doing my inner child

To truly show love. You're giving of your time. First. And that's where I literally started to

experience the more time I would carve out of my busy day, or my drug-filled day, or my drinking day, or whatever the craziness I was doing 35, 40 years ago. The more time I carved out of my day and gave it and focused on my inner child, my inner sense of self. The more love I felt, the better I felt, the internal feeling of fuzzy feeling felt better, hence I felt loved. And when you get it,

“and it's not easy quite honestly at the beginning, it's not. That's why I suggest that process”

of dominant non-dominant handwriting in the beginning. Take 30 seconds, but do it every day in the

beginning. Then build up to a minute, build up the five minutes. I got to where I was doing it.

Hours, literally. That was just my path. Is that yours? Maybe. But I can tell you, the more you do it. The more you, you shut your world down. I call that time sacred silence when it's you with you. The more you give the deeper part of you, sacred silence. The more that part feels hurt because you're listening as it's writing. The more you give that part time, it feels important. So it feels first. So it feels worthy. So it feels loved. The more you take time with that part of

yourself. The more that part writes and is able to say whatever it needs and that be judged,

not be shame, not be blame, not be made wrong. The critical voices, you just allow that part to

share whatever it needs to. Then from the inside out that part feels unconditional. It feels important. And the more I learned that process, the more the easier it became for me to do it then in my external world. And it was really interesting because I didn't know any of this at first. I was completely clueless to it at first. And that's where the concept of love gets so confusing because people call action steps that cause them internal satiation or warm fuzzy feeling or

to feel good. A lot of people will call that action step love. There's not love. It's not. If you're taking an action step to create an internal feeling of warm and fuzzy,

“that's not that, that's not love. That's satiation. God honestly, a lot of times that's”

go to bed and it's an addiction. And why do I say it like that? Because what is truly loving somebody else? How do you truly love somebody else? You're taking an action step that is given to that other person based on your overflow, not your empty. And when people take action steps and the more they take the action step and the more the action step they take the fuller they feel because of the action step, that's not love. That's go to penance.

In other words, I feel empty. Let me take an action step to rescue somebody else. And if I'm taking that action step, I feel better, that's not love. Let's go to penance. Now think about how crazy that sounds. Because the whole world says, Joe, if I'm doing something that feels good, isn't that loving? No, it's not. It's acting up. Because my question isn't,

“is the act loving are not loving? My question is, prior to the act, why do you feel empty?”

Prior to the act, why do you feel void? Prior to the act, why do you feel unfold? The unfold feeling, the void feeling, the empty feeling, that's in you. And if you're taking an external action step to fill it, an external fixing of somebody else to fill it, that's not love. You're using that person to make you feel better. That's called codependence. And I remember when I was taught that originally, I was like, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. What are you talking

about? I'm being nice to him for Christ's sake. You tell me that's not love. And the answer was your action step might be kind, but you're taking the, but the motivation for the kind action step is out of your glass empty, not out of your glass fall. And I remember it took me a while to

being kind, the action step is being loving, but is the act out of love? No, it's out of empty. Why?

Because prior to the act, if you're feeling void, if you're feeling lost, if you're feeling whatever, then the emptiness you're taking action from empty. And we're going to talk about that here in a

“minute, the difference between glass full behaviors and glass empty behaviors. And that's why the whole”

concept, it's really confusing. What is love? Like, what is it? How do you do it? How do you get better at it? Again, we live in a world where we got to get along with each other. We have to interact with each other. And the challenging thing is for a lot of couples, male, female, couples, male,

female, female, I don't care who your couple ship is, right? Typically in a couple ship,

there's typically a male dominated side in the female dominated side. That used to work in the past. The difference now is people are waking up. So you've got two human beings sitting there next to each other on the couch holding hands, but both, both humans have a male side to female side. Both humans have a male side in the female side. That used to not be that way. It didn't. Where I literally heard a speaker, beautiful woman, share where relationships are the past,

the man would go to his wife because women naturally are a lot more intuitive. They're born with that intuitive sense in their power center and their stomachs. And healthy relationships, a man would go to their wife, ask questions. The woman would connect, guide through intuition, share

“with the man, man would take action step. You think wrong with that? No, fantastic. Does it still work?”

Yeah, sometimes. But why is it going to start working less and less? Because men are waking up to the same sense of inner communion, inner connection, intuition that women are. Every day, the emotional side of men are waking up every day. And the converts, women who used to, my mother back in the sixties and seventies, the whole idea of a woman who even had an job. It was a foreign concept. Now, some of the most empowered, successful, world-changing,

life-changing humanity-changing people are women. But why do so many successful women feel so lost, feel so alone, feel so isolated? Why? Well, because as they're going out, they're being a powerhouse in the world. They've got their intuition guiding them in their male side, connecting, and taking action. They're pursuing connection with other men that look that might have the same level of external success. Not going to happen. Why? Because men and women don't connect that way.

You know, you can have the same level of external success, but you're communing with others comes from the inside out. And the truth, the matter is, there's tremendous numbers of women out there that the more successful they become in their external world, the more lost they feel. The more lonely they feel, the more isolated they feel. And in that lost, lonely, and isolated, where are they trying to get connect to? The men around them at the same levels of success.

“Well, when it doesn't work, even if they connect with a man and it doesn't work, why?”

I asked the question, with your success, why are you feeling lost, lonely, and abandoned? Why? Well, because with your success externally, there's a part internally that you're not giving what it needs. Quite honestly, for a lot of people, men and women, the more successful you become in your external world, the less connection, communion, and time you take in your internal world. In fact, quite honestly, for a lot of people, the more financial success you have in your external

world, you're literally treating your internal world the identical way that your father treated you. He paid your bills, but wasn't there emotionally. Your mother was around, but to couldn't

emotionally support. Are your dad was emotionally there, but never spent time. We duplicate that process

by our own external success. There's nothing more sad to me than see somebody that's worth a million bucks. That's addicted to drugs. Are addicted to sex? Are always pursuing a relationship? Nothing more sad. Why? Because they literally thinking what I'm missing is one more thing. No, but your missing is internal communion with your inner self, for the emotional sense of lonely, higher connection to your higher self, for the internal's connect of alone. You don't feel

connected to your inner self. And so often the more successful we become in our external world, it takes time, it takes effort, it takes energy, it takes, connected, it takes all of our everything,

“but the consequence is the disconnect inside. That's all changing. Honestly, that's changing.”

We are the generation of change. And I am here to tell you, you can be worth a million dollars,

a billion dollars, a hundred billion dollars, and connect with your inner child, and commune with your higher self, and watch how you change the world, literally, from the inside out. Now the other very challenging thing around this whole concept, when it comes to men and women connecting, men and women connect, especially in the past very differently. A lot of men, most men, a lot of men, and I hate using such broad strokes, but it's true. Most men connect physically

where most women connect emotionally. In other words, a man will connect when you hold his hand.

Rob is neck. Make love to him. He feels that he calls that connection. A woman on the other

hand feels connection when somebody sits and listens. Somebody empathizes. Somebody has compassion. Now, is that all great? Sure it is. If you know what the hell you're doing, if you know how to do it. And literally, even when it comes to the emotional side, men when they need support emotionally, they need empathy. I get it. I see you. I'm here for you. I'm standing with you. I know you can do it. Empathy. A woman needs compassion. I'm sorry you're

going through the challenge. I'm sorry you're hurting. Now, what happens? Most men will be in a situation, a lot of men, where their partner is going through challenge. And what's the man naturally do? He rushes in thinking he's helping and wants to rescue. Oh honey, you know, it's okay. How do you'll be fine? And the woman starts yelling at him. It's not fine. And the man sits there with a dumb look on his face, not knowing what the hell he just did.

In his mind, he thinks he's helping. In his mind, he thinks he's supporting. In his can you hear me? In his mind, in his mind, the challenge is he's doing a mind action for an emotional need.

“And when a woman is hurting, you can't go from the mind to supporter. You have to go from the heart to”

supporter. I'm going to give you technique stores in how to truly make all that work. And that whole concept, the whole process, the entire engagement of it all. How do we shift it and why do we need to? I'm going to get into some techniques now on where and how we take it to those next levels. So I hope you're subscribing. I hope you join us here at the weave movement. I hope you're subscribed. I hope you tell others. I know sometimes I push some buttons and I'm going to definitely push

some buttons with the next stuff I say because so many people call their action steps love. When in reality it's not. It's just not. Code of penance is not love. God is not codependent by the way. I remember way back when I said, "Well, God loved me. I wouldn't be in so much

“pain." That's why I just said to hell with God. God didn't care about me. How do I know God didn't”

care because I'm in pain? What I learned over time is that my pain was not because God didn't love me. My pain was because I wasn't emotionally supported as a kid. Nobody took any time with me as a kid. And as an adult, I repeated those same behaviors to myself and then just added drugs alcohol and sex. So I not only wasn't there for myself and it spent time with myself. Didn't honor myself emotionally, but then I suppressed the emotion by acting out with drugs alcohol and sex.

So I was kind of the double whammy and unlike my parents didn't drink. Barely at all. And my parents didn't yell. Barely at all. And so I can't say, "Oh, I came from an abused,

no, I didn't." I came from a family that always took care of me. I never had to scratch

for quarters. That's for sure. We weren't wealthy. We were stereotypical middle class, but was emotionally supported. No, because emotional support didn't exist. The whole concept of emotional IQ. That's a brand new thing. Emotional IQ. What does it mean? That means somebody has knowledge. It has wisdom. What does IQ? Knowledge and wisdom around emotion. Emotional IQ. What the hell? 40 years ago, the new thought movement. That's not a motion. New thought movement.

followers in the new thought world. Let's just change our thoughts. Let's just flip a switch.

“Let's just hear that negative thought and change it. Well, how's that working for you?”

If it's working, great. Please keep doing it. But the bottom line, you're 40 minutes into this podcast.

If that was working, you wouldn't be able to make it here. Why? Because emotional IQ is about learning and becoming wise and having wisdom around your emotional sense of self, your heart, not your head. Anything wrong with that? No, it's fantastic. But does it heal anything? No, by definition. Why? Because your voices are in your head. Your hurt is in your heart. Million miles away, unless you're focused on healing the heart. How do you do it? Give a voice to the deepest part.

How do you do that? Dominant, non-dominant handwriting. Why do we have to do it now? Why now? As she manages waking up, bottom line. Think about where humanity was 200 years ago, owning a human perfectly fine. In the '50s, Elvis Presley couldn't shake his hips on television. The new age movement of the women's movements of the '60s and '70s. I go on and on and on. Just look at how consciousness has changed over the past 200 years.

Let alone 2000 years. No different now. What's happening though now? Here in 2026, it has been for a while and it's happening faster and faster. We're going into the next realm of expansion, of human consciousness expansion, which is empowering and developing and awakening the female side of self. What is spiritual awakening, by the way? Spiritual awakening is the living of your spiritual awareness.

Let me back up a second. What's spiritual awareness? Spiritual awareness. I became aware years ago, there's a God and it's not me. Spiritual awareness. Was I doing anything without awareness? Nope. Was I following that awareness? Nope. Did I do anything with it? Nope. Was I spiritually aware? Yes.

Why didn't my life change? Because I never took any action. So what is spiritual growth?

Spiritual growth is the process you go through to learn how to take actions on your new awareness.

“That's why 12 step programs are so powerful. 12 step programs.”

Step one through 12. Each step teaches the human how to connect and how to interact with a power greater than themselves. I go right through them. If you want me to, every step is a different communion with a power greater than ourselves. And it's a process of unfolding the first step. We become powerless. What's powerless? We're powerless to us, the human. For powerless to the human, then we need something else to help. Second step. Become aware. Came to believe.

Third step, willing to turn over. Fourth and fifth discovery and tell somebody. Sixth,

willingness to change. Seven taking action in the change. Eight and nine. You got to repair all the nonsense you did in your unconscious world. Ten in the 12 step program. My favorite. We get to be human. When we make a mistake, simply make a man's. If you make it over and over, go back and get in discovery. 11 and 12. 11 step. Seek through parent meditation. 12 step. He'll take your purpose out into the world. That's what I'm doing here with this podcast.

The 12th step of healing humanity. That's Joe's world. I don't know what your purpose is. But as you're living it, you're living your higher sense of self. Now, why is all that important? Because it's becoming more and more prevalent. Why? Because humanity as a concept is waking up to the feminine side of self. The spiritual sense of self. So spiritual growth are the different step by step by step by step. Action by action by action. That you go through to actually start

“living as the new spiritual awareness you have. That's why support is so important. That's why”

meetings are so important. That's why support groups are so important. That's why having a counselor, if you're hurting, having a life coach, if you're just confused, having a good friend that's on the same path, you can share stuff with. That's why it's so important. Because you learn through communion how to live the growth part of the spiritual is how to live it. But you don't go from new awareness to walking on water. No. Because if that was the case,

everybody would do it. Until you're walking on water, that means you're still growing,

Is it easy? No. Because you get harder sometimes. Why? Because the more you grow spiritually,

the grandeur you become spiritually, what else is on that feminine side of yourself, the emotional side of yourself. Well, for me, every time I connect it to my higher power, more grandeur, in more of a connected position, the more my inner child trusted me. Higher power, grander, Joe, a spiritual Joe was a hell of a lot easier to trust than the old ego-based arrogant Joe. Every time my inner child trusted me more, you know what happened? He'd open up.

Now, would he open up the glory and joy? No. He'd open up the more pain.

“So that's why it's important to learn the emotional process of the spiritual awakening,”

because they're both happening at the same time. Why? Because they're both connected in the feminine side of yourself. So as that process happens, and as that awakening happens, so then what is spiritual awakening? It's when you're living what you've grown into, literally. Now, the process, the challenging part of the process, especially when it comes to relationships,

and I'm going to have a whole podcast on this particular topic. But the truth is relationships,

they either grow or they go. Relationships between you and your partner, it's either growing, or it's going to go. You and your family, you and your job, you and your freaking dog. I don't care, you and whoever. It's either growing or going. And why do I say that? And when I say going, that doesn't mean it has to be the absolute never seen, never around. No. Sometimes,

“but not most of the times. The truth is though, as you spiritually grow, as you become a new you,”

your partnership was typically created from the old you. Literally, I'm in that phase right now.

I've been divorced 10 years. My past life, Elizabeth, is a beautiful woman. She's been a

great mother to my boys. We didn't connect spiritually 10 years ago, and we went our separate ways. Does that mean I love her less? No. Does that mean I could be with her today? No. Why? Because spiritually we're different. Grander or worse? No. What the hell? She's a lot more sensitive than I will ever be. Spiritually, we're just different. So relationships either grow. Are they go? And in this particular case, it had to go. So now, I'm in a transition myself. My kids are

launching. My business is exploding. Everything, my message is out there. And eventually, when I have a female partner that comes into my life, we're going to be more connected from a spiritual sense than a physical and emotional sense. Why? Because that's where I live most of the time. The me of today is very different than the me of before. And that's where a lot of you are. If you're on a podcast like this and you're able to make it and you subscribe and you're telling

others and you're connecting to the we movement and healing humanity, if this all resonates with you, you're a true spiritual warrior. Now, you may or may not be married to a spiritual warrior. Does that

“mean you have to divorce him? Of course not. No. But it can help you bring awareness to why”

you might not feel as connected as you want to be with your partner. Now, let me share this very clearly, especially to you listening here. Not your partner if they're not on here. To you, the person listening, it is not. I say not. NOT. It is not your partner's responsibility. To fix you, heal you are to support you in your emotional depths. Period. Your partner didn't marry you to be your counselor. Your partner didn't marry you to be your sponsor. Your partner didn't

marry you to hold your hand in the depths of your emotional growth. No. Your partner married you for your overflow and vice versa. You married your partner and hopefully you're getting there overflow. Now, I'm talking about emotional and spiritual growth, not your partner's responsibility. Physical angst, of course. Death and a family physical grief, of course. You get hurt of course. That's where partnership is truly designed to help support nurture be there for each other.

But as you're spiritually growing and your partner's not, not their job. That's why there's so

to grow emotionally, to grow grander spiritually. And then that just means you have that much

more overflow to give your partner. I can promise you from where I live today. If I'm ever blessed to have a woman who chooses to be in my world, I have a tremendous amount of overflow to give a female partner. I do. And I will be open to receive her overflow, whatever that looks like. And that whole concept of how do we live from the spiritual awakening spot is very different than prior. Because living from a place of an awakened spot, the spiritual

“awakening, how do you get here? You have to go through the emotional growth. Why is”

we podcast just exploding on Apple podcast? Because we aren't nicheed in any one category.

The we podcast sits in the center of spiritual growth, personal growth, and higher purpose. Literally, it's one of the only podcasts from the globe that does it. But you're here and you're connecting. And for Joe, the way I connected to a grander sense of myself, the way I became in communion with a grander me, the divinity called Joe, is through the emotional process. So I don't know how else to teach it except what I learned and how did I do it? Because I wasn't

seeking this freaking god thing. I wasn't at all. I hated god way back in the day. Why? Because I was in so much pain. And I just didn't believe what my priest used to say. Do it his way. I'm going to burn and hell. Now, father, Kim saved my life. My priest, my Catholic priest, no father, Kim, no Joe. I owe that man my life. Eighth grade. He took me under his wing. Did I believe anything he said from the pulpit? No. But did he show me what all religions are

truly about? Yes. What are they? Monolithic monolithic god and love. Father, Kim.

“That's what he did. He had one god and love. That's why I'm here today. That's true. In that whole”

process of that awakening, right? Different humbling events. I'm here today. And how do we live the awakened sense of self? You live from the overflow. The glass full versus the glass empty. How do we know we're living in ego? You're living from your glass empty. You're living from your ego? Voices. You're living from your hurt. Voices. How do you know? If you're taking an action step to make you feel better, even if the action step is a loving one, let's hear go. That's not

glass full. Why? Because my question to you is, why do you feel empty prior to taking the action? And I understand that's confusing. I do. Many, many people out there think, well, Joe, Jesus, I'm helping this person. Isn't that love? It is the act is love. But are you coming there from a place of love? If you're empty prior? No. So think about these differences. Glass full versus glass empty. When you're supporting somebody, you're in glass full. When you're

rescuing somebody, you're in glass empty. When you're empowering somebody, you're coming from glass full. When your code append it with somebody else, you're coming from glass empty. When you're an overflow, you're sharing without condition, supporting them in their path, glass full, coming in and controlling, doing it for them. Glass empty. Now, I have a, I could go down a list of 100 different things that you hear on the podcast today. I think, well, Joe, I have to do it for

him. He can't do it for himself. I got a good friend. I've, I've, I've supported people over the years. Got a good friend who over the years, she's partnered up with the man who's killing himself

“with alcohol. And I said, you're not helping. Doing it for him is not helping him. The only way”

this man doesn't kill himself without alcohol, his liver was pickled 20 years ago. He's got a, he's got to hit a bottom and he's got to turn to God, not you. This particular friend of mine, when he's supporting, when he's supporting his friend, he's like, you know, if I don't do it, he can't do it. He can't do it on his own. I have to do it for him. It's not love. It's not. Now, that's what I'm saying easy. No, it's not. But there's an entire program out there called

Allen on why? Because if the alcoholic never turns to God for help, I'm going to die.

And the bitch of it is the codependent. There's amazing number of just wonderful kind, sweet loving control freak codependence that literally will go to their grave believing that they were loving

but they don't realize they're the ones putting part of the nail in the coffin. Why?

Because if the alcoholic doesn't seek a power grander, then you, they're going to die. You can't fix them. I can't. And I know that's hard. I know it's hard to hear. Trust me. I was an absolute

“massive codependent and this whole process of, I love them. So I have to. Or, you know what?”

I'm obligated. I'm as boyfriend. I'm as girlfriend. I have to. A man's supposed to provide so I'm supposed to. All of those voices, the I have to, the I'm obligated to, the I'm supposed to, all of those, the I have, all of those voices. Those aren't love. Those are codependent. They are. And as you're living those, you're living your wound and blaming that person. How do I know the difference? How do you know the difference? Simple. For me today, if I see somebody in deep pain,

an alcoholic killing themselves, a codependent that just can't find the feet, somebody that's in deep trauma, do I feel pain inside? No, I feel compassion and empathy. The codependent who has to fix somebody, when you see your partner in pain, you don't see them as their pain. You see their pain and you feel your own. Hear me. You see their pain and you feel your own pain. And since you're feeling your own pain, you're taking an action-step thinking,

“you're rescuing them, but in reality you're abandoning yourself. That's why it's codependent.”

How do I know the difference? Because I can see somebody today in deep pain. And since I've gone through the work, I've done the work myself and others, I'm not the only one. I can support somebody while they're in the pain and they can be in their pain and I can be perfectly fine. I can have empathy for them. I can have compassion for them, but I'm not in pain. So when I have no pain and they're in pain, my action then, my action steps that are based in

flow and overflow and support, most, especially partnerships, especially marriages. What happens is you see your partner in so much pain. And you figure that if you don't help them, they're going

to get more pain. They're going to hurt. Well, the problem is the act of helping them unkind.

No, physically. No, emotionally. Yes. Why? Because if they don't reach a level of pain where they have to turn to something grander, alcohol or killing, drugs or killing, craziness will kill them. It will literally, especially in this day and age. And what's really going on? The reason you're taking the action step and can't stay separate and calling it love, that's a load of crap. It's not love. If loving them is hurting you, it's not love.

And the reason so many people take these massive action steps is because the pain of their partner is mirrored in them and they cover up their own pain by taking action by helping the other

“person. That's what's going to happen. And that's a hard one. Believe me, I get it. You're probably”

have to hear that said over and over. But that's a hard one. I understand it really is. But that's

where when you fall back on, if you're listening here today and you see yourself always trying to

fix somebody else, the next time prior to taking the act of fixing somebody else, stop a second. Just stop for five minutes before you take the act and journal with your little kid. Let your little kid tell you what you are feeling. Mad, glad, sad and scared. Prior to taking the action step of rescuing somebody else, prior to taking the action step of fixing somebody else. Why? Because every time you're in pain and you fix somebody else, you're abandoning yourself. And the more you abandon

yourself, the more inner pain you're causing. How do we stop that vicious cycle? You stop your external actions long enough. Give that focused attention internally long enough. Then that little kid in you will tell you what's going on. She'll feel hurt. He'll have a voice. He'll emotes his pain. He'll yourself. He'll be able to love somebody else in a grander way. So truly the awakening process to live spiritually, to be spiritually awakened and living the awakening process is really when

you're at a place of living from a place of glass full versus glass empty. Now while we're

walking on water. You all know what I'm talking about, right? Until we're walking on water,

“we got stuff to learn. Now where are their deities of the past that were just pure love? I do”

believe there were. I do and I'm not kidding. Am I one of them? No, probably not. You know, and if you're listening in here and you think you're one of them fantastic, go live it because we need more of you sharing from your flow, your overflow. So spiritual awareness become aware that there's a power greater than you. Emotional awareness become aware that there's an inner part of you. Spiritual growth learning how to live the action steps necessary to live the

new awareness, spiritual awakening when you've reached the place, to where you've learned enough, and then you're sharing what you've learned. Spiritual awakening is the sharing of it. How do we

do the sharing we live from a place of glass full? I always like to share a couple of stories.

“I'll do it here with my personal experience and how this stuff kind of worked for me.”

I'm helping a friend of mine that I've literally sponsored for 20 years and female deeply intense, deeply connected. And it boats with the depths of our inner child a lot. And this is where I learned a difference truly of women need compassion, men need empathy. And I would support and I've been on the phone with this person for years. And I would support and I would help with the behaviors. So when you stop your external behaviors long enough, I would say keep your backside

on your couch, stop fixing somebody else's couch, right? Well, when you stop fixing somebody else's couch, it's you with you. So when you've got to embrace and feel your emotions, that's not easy. It's not. Numerous times I'd be on the phone with this person. And as she's on, as she's grieving, I would be empathetic. Jeez, I know you can do it. Gosh, I'm not really sorry. I'm happy you're in

“the motion because you need to heal. You know, I'm really proud of you for healing and she”

get like rageful at me, like screaming. And for the life of me, I couldn't figure it out. Like what the hell did I just say? I'm encouraging. I'm telling her great job. I'm telling. When they realized, she's in the depths of her pain. And I'm like, great job. You made it. You're in the depths of your pain. And all she ever wanted was, and this happened not long ago, mid sentence. I heard it. And I said, oh my god, I'm sorry. So I said, I'm sorry. And she stopped and she grieved

and she grieved and she grieved. All she needed for me was to keep a safe space and say, I'm sorry. Nothing more. So I was she needed. My oldest son, Alinaathlete, Alite, Alite, Alite, Alite and 19 tough, rough, deeply connected, incredibly intuitive. And I'm teaching him that life is about following your intuition, which is your higher sense of self. But it's also about embracing your emotional sense of self. And most people don't embrace the emotional sense of self. They don't.

You see, athletes that go highs and lows, you know, they, I'm in a slump. But what's the slump mean? The slump means they're in their head. What's their head saying? Their head isn't saying favorable things. That's for sure. Why? Why? Because most people gain a sense of a steam worth based on the action in baseball, for an example of hitting the ball. If I hit the ball,

then I'm valuable. If I missed the ball, then I'm not valuable. Life never taught my son that

ever. I've taught my son from day one. You've got a gift. God's giving you a gift. God can only do for you. What God can do through you? So both my boys, my youngest son, Ryan is an elite piano player. I mean, modern day Mozart. You, all of you, you'll see my sons over the years. Oh, my, it's been taught forever. No, your value is you take your value to the field. He has different buddies that will come to him and one kid just not long ago. Every time he strikes out the

first time, then he strikes out the second time, then he'll strike out three or four times in a row.

And I finally asked my son to ask him, I said, Joseph, asking what's going on? I asked him,

John, what goes on your head? And John eventually came up and said, when I strike out, I just know my grandfather, whose past, whose dad, is not proud of me. I'll think about that.

Grandpa's looking down proud as punch, but the kid's belief is, if I strike out,

“Grandpa's unhappy with me. So what's he doing the next time he's up the bat?”

What the hell? He already thinks Grandpa's not happy with him. So he goes up the bat,

proving that he's right. Grandpa's not happy by what? He's striking out a second time.

So what's really going on with that kid? He struck out. What's he feeling? Mad Glad said or scared? Sand, feeling sad. My oldest no different. Now this is kids in the lead athlete. And he can have a lead, a lead, stuff going on. But every once in a while, life catches up. And not long ago, gone through a stretch where four or five times in a row, instead of getting the hit, he had great hits. People making great plays. He plays that in a lead level. Even though

in this particular game, he struck out ten. There were two balls that were hit. And they caught him. What was he feeling? Was he celebrating the strikeouts? Of course. My kids are a catcher who can pitch. But he loves to hit. So what was he feeling? Celebratory to the other stuff? Yeah, sure. The other stuff just becomes normal. It's normal for him to play very high. What was he truly feeling? Who's feeling sad? And frustrated. Frustrated first.

Male, male, frustrated, angry first. What was he really feeling under the anger? Sand. Why? Because he didn't get his way. Why? Because he wanted to get a hit. To a judge it? No. What do I do? I just sit with him. Empathize and compassion. Gosh, I'm sure that's hard. Gosh, I'm sure that's difficult. Gosh, I'm sure. Do I rescue? No. Do I make him right or wrong? No. I just hold a safe space so that he can

amote through the moment. And eventually, he's tired. Goes to bed, wakes up the next day.

That's if it never happened. Why is that important? Because then, he was able to have a great

game, but the part that he was happy about he celebrated. The party was sad about, we didn't celebrate the sadness. We didn't celebrate the failures, if he will. But he was in sadness. So I just kept a safe space so he could feel his sadness, his disappointment. Now, was he crying? No, he's just disappointed. But I didn't say, get him next time, Joseph, or you're better than that, Joseph, or you'll do, no. Why? Because in that moment, at 11 15 at night, none of that crap matter. He was disappointed.

It's why honored him in his disappointment. You honor somebody long enough. Now, whatever emotional now moment they're in, the natural consequence is they shift out of the emotion, naturally, in their time, in their spiritual time, in their spiritual awakening. And as a consequence of

“doing that quite honestly, then there aren't any of the voices built up in his head. He doesn't”

have the, I'm not good enough for us. Think about it. You're sad about something. But instead of honoring the sadness, you like act like the sadness, it's not there and you encourage. You're better than that. Don't worry, you'll be, as soon as somebody said, and you say, don't worry about it, you'll be better. You're not embracing the sadness. You're dismissing the sadness. Now, are you doing that on purpose? No. But are you doing it? Yes. And why is it important to change? Because

we are the generation of change. You can literally start today by saying things differently to your environment. For example, everybody out there, for Joe, I love you as a harder one. It's harder for me. It just is. I say it to both of my boys. I don't say it to many people. I don't. But it's very easy for me to say I'll proud of you. I am. And what's the difference? You can tell somebody they're, you're proud of them. They can get a C+ in school. You wanted them to get an A. You

can be proud of the effort they put in to get to the C+ and disappointed that they didn't get in the A at the same time. You can be proud of somebody's actions of what they accomplished

and disappointed at what they didn't accomplish at the same time. Society tends to always focus on

“that which isn't. And then we wonder why we create glass empty kids. But what do glass empty kids do?”

They start taking the external world and filling that glass empty with something outside drugs, alcohol, sex, whatever, approval, for a social media, clicks and whatever all that stuff is on social media. How do we change it? Celebrate the accomplishment that they have. Whether you like the results or not, different topic. That's a different conversation.

that into your vernacular on a daily basis and you watch how your environment changes.

“The I love you. It's a great one. If you mean it. It's a great one. If you mean it. I've had people”

they'll say they call somebody up. Say hi. How are you? I love you. I love you. I love you. I go to say I love you. They use I love you as a salutation versus a versus an emotional sense of true sacred expression. Anything wrong with that? No, just not my style. That's for sure.

You can never tell somebody you're proud of them enough. Why? Because eventually,

as you tell your kids, your spouse, your partner, your sisters, your parents, your environment, how proud of you with that you what they are, eventually they start feeling that in themselves. And then they start living as a higher sense of self because you're the one helping them build that a steam by sharing your pride. Literally, how do you love somebody? When they're hurting,

“show compassion. Simple. I'm sorry. I think more and sit and you might have to say I'm sorry 10 times.”

If they're really hurting, I'm sorry. That's the answer. How do you love somebody when they're hurting? I'm sorry. How do you love somebody when they're frustrated? Empathy. Gosh. I'm sure that's hard. Been there. I'm here for you. I'm here with you. I know you're frustrated. I'm here with you. I get it. I'm here. So when somebody's frustrated, empathy. When somebody's happy, excited, pride, share your excitement. Tell them how proud you are, how proud of them you are.

How do you truly love when somebody's in angst? I'm sorry when they're hurting. I know it's frustrating when they're frustrated, empathy when they're frustrated, and pride when they're happy. It's really that simple. Everything else is a rescuing technique that you're feeling uncomfortable with their emotional sense. And that's why it gets so complicated. Why does it feel so hard to do? Because when somebody's hurting and you've got the same pain inside of you,

it's hard to just say you're sorry to them and support them in their pain when your pain is equal to theirs. And that's why if the pain is too great, then it's not a personal job. That's why therapy and support groups and 12 step groups and all of that is so important. But if it's just the day-to-day activity, Jesus, I had a hard day. God, I'm sorry. Man, my boss is so frustrating. He belittles me all the time. Gosh, I'm sure that's hard. I'm sorry. I'm sure that's hard.

Empathy. Wow, I just got a new job. I just got a new raise celebration. Wow, I'm so proud of you.

“You must have done great. It's that simple. Easy to do. No, that's why”

emotional growth. That's why love requires emotional growth. Why? Because to truly love somebody, you have to live from a place of overflow. To go from over to go from glass, empty to glass, full. You have to heal the reason you're in glass empty in the first place, which is the emotional

growth part. Why is it so hard? Because you're always going to have people come into your world

that their pain mirrors yours. And when their pain smearing yours, it's hard to just be quiet and say minimal amounts. But can you do it? Yeah. Do you have to heal everything to be able to do it? I just said no. But is it important to learn how? Yeah. We are the generation of change. There's spiritual awareness happening every day. The growth that's happening spiritually and emotionally for people is happening every day. More and more people living from an awakened state of being

every day. I've got numerous stories. My nonprofit projects smile. We just had an absolute miracle happen. But it's not a divine being from Dubai came in through an experience I had and I've

got a whole podcast. I'm going to share details. But the bottom line, because the project smile,

both of my caregivers, got a tremendous amount of value because of this man's wealth and wealth of heart and then of his physical deeds. So it's happening out there. The world is waking up. The world is living more from an awakened space. If you've made it this long and a podcast like this, you are a true spiritual warrior and I commend you. Love requires emotional growth.

your glass empty in the first place. That's the hard part. The reward on the other side is that

“there's this effortless, endless, boundless ability to emotes to love and to support that is truly”

living from a place of grace. And I have to say most of my life today, I am blessed to be able to say

that grace is an experience that I experience more and more every day. Thanks for being here,

“everybody. Thank you for supporting the show. Thank you for supporting the we movement. Together,”

we are truly making a difference. Together, we are emotionally growing. Together, we are spiritually

awakening with each other. And together, we're changing the world one smile at a time. Thank you

“for being here. So that's it for today's episode of The We podcast. Head on over an apple”

podcast or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener, every single week that posts a review on apple podcasts or iTunes will win a chance to the grand prize drawing to win a $25,000 prize that VIP day with show himself. Be sure to head on over to wepodcast.lovil and pick up a free copy of Jo's Gift. And join us next time for The We podcast.