282 - Antler Cove

Specifically, we will be in Edinburgh on May 27, 2026, Manchester on the 28th, London on

the 29th and Amsterdam on May 30th. Those tickets are on sale right now, so go get them and come see our newest live show, Saturday night in Blood Forest. That last week of May of 2026. Murder night in Blood Forest is maybe the funniest wildest show we've done for a live show tour, so I really hope you all can come check it out. tickets are available at welcome to Night Vale.com/live.

And hey, if you like other things that we make, you can check out some other podcasts like

Random Horror 9 where Cecil Baldwin and I talk horror movies or "Best Worst" where Joseph

think and MacBashWinner discuss the IMDB rated best and worst episodes of important television shows. And of course, Alice isn't dead is returning April the 13th, so make sure you are subscribed to that. Okay, now on to your Night Vale episode, and hey, thanks. But what I want to do is not the kemp of the whole studio. The master by Tag Laptop is

“the main character of the show. So, you can tell me that you are a hero. You are a hero, right?”

But you don't believe it. No. You are a hero. You are a hero. Make yourself a hero with this story. And if you then do it, you will be able to catch it. That's right. Save. This story. Now, let's try out our experience for your podcast, frisches, and knacky-gis-gimmüse from Aldi. Immer gut, immer günstig, immer vielfältig, kurz gesagt frische für alle. Zum Aldi Preis, diese Woche tafeltrauben 650g, 1959 or Kultur Heidelbeeren, 125g,

1959 and 30 in Diner Aldi Nordvilliale. And weiter geht's einfach lauschen und genießen. Aldi. Gottes für alle. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Plenty of weird and monstrous fish, just filling the sea to the brim. Welcome to Night Vale. Hello, listeners. I know there are still some of you out there. Not as many as before.

“But some people are listening to their radios right now, right?”

It's not like every single person in town is glued to their televisions, watching the new hit show Antler Cove that happens to air at the exact same time as my broadcast, and has the entire community in a chokehold of obsession to the point where it seems like that's all anyone ever talks about anymore. For what I can piece together, it seems like the show is about a wealthy family fighting about money in a small coastal town where an alien invasion is also happening,

and maybe there's a murder mystery element too. I'm not even sure if it's prestige drama or a children show or what, I haven't seen it because it can only be watched live. And as I said, it airs when I'm doing my own show. And because I haven't seen it, I can no longer participate in the larger cultural conversation. That's fine. That's fine. Obsessions are fleeting.

“You'll all be back. Pretty soon, you won't even remember anything that happened on that show,”

even though it's all you talk about now. Literally, all you talk about. I can't leave the house without being surrounded by ceaseless chatter about Anthony and Vivian and Lucius and Genevieve. Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the days when we gossiped about people we actually know. Some of you have asked why I don't just change my time slot so that it doesn't conflict with Antler Cove.

I'll tell you why. Because the oath I took as a broadcaster states that I will never change my

appointed time slot for any reason. Not for holidays, not for personal crises, not for natural disasters, and not to avoid competition with other programming. It also states that I will never climb the radio tower for recreational purposes. Never advertise for undergarments. Never use the break-room microwave to make hot tuna bowls and never ever say the F or the S word allowed.

disclose publicly, but the OTHING ceremony takes place in this cruel secret cavern in front of a

“group of really famous broadcasters who are all in cloaks and masks. And there's a Wolverine in a”

judges robe who nips at your ankles anytime you seem hesitant about what you're agreeing to. Oh shoot. I wasn't supposed to say any of that. Well, I'm pretty sure nobody's listening anyway. In fact, I could probably get away with saying the S word right now. Serpentine. Oh man, I can't believe I did that. Oh, what a rush. I'd be in so much trouble if anyone was listening. Which they aren't.

But just in case anyone is, let's have a look at the headlines. Down at the last bank of Night Vale, the annual money fair is commencing with an open house in the vault. The entire community is invited to come hang out with the cash, run their hands through it,

“and say things like, so that's what a million bucks looks like. Or gold, sure is heavy.”

Or hey, is that an ancient Egyptian death mask? And what's it doing in here? And why is it glowing? And can I try it on? And why won't it come off my face? In crime news and update on the locked room homicide investigation of local billionaire/angel,

Marcus Vanston. I finally had a chance to sit down with former mayor/currentprivate detective,

Dana Cardinal, to hear about her recent developments on the case. We got lattes at the new coffee house in the barista district, Odin's lament, and talked about a lot of things, actually. I told her about how Esteban started and arcane alchemy club at his school, and how proud we are of him. And Dana told me she's been volunteering to raise a guide ferret in her spare time, and that it's going well, except she's having some challenges with leash training at the moment.

Yeah, it was really good to see Dana again. Sometimes you can fall out of touch with someone for a long time, and even though your feelings about them haven't changed, it just gets more awkward to reach out to them the more time goes by. But then when you do, it's actually not awkward at all, it's really really nice. Oh, and she did reveal, confidently, that one of the angels, Erica, had been seen around the Vanston residents in the days leading up to the crime,

always in the dead of night, always lurking around the grounds, occasionally peeping into the windows

but never entering. She also said that she still hasn't figured out if the Vanston case is connected to the stabbing death of radio-intern candidate, Jalen Rutherford, and she has yet to uncover

“emotive or a suspect for either crime. The only thing she does know for sure is that whoever did it”

is still out there and could strike at any time. But judging by our ratings, interest in our local murder mystery doesn't seem to compare to the one in Antler Co. at the moment. Sorry, it's so boring to you that a real killer is on the loose in our very own streets. I guess it just doesn't count if they're not played by a non-traditionally handsome actor that everyone has decided is secretly hot, which makes them even more attractive than if they just

been regular hot. Seriously, what is it about this show that's so compelling? A couple of times I turned it on during my broadcast with the sound off just out of curiosity, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what the appeal is. Is it just the fact that it's new that everyone else is watching it and you don't want to be left out? Because the little bits I saw weren't that interesting. Now, I'm sure that's partially my own fault since I haven't been watching from the beginning,

but when I tuned in, it was mostly just a shaky handheld camera walking through the fog. Eventually, the fog parts, and you see a man standing on top of a hill. His mouth is wide open, and then you realize the fog is coming out of his mouth. Then suddenly you're right in front of him, and he's staring into the camera, but you can't get a good look at him because his face changes into different faces as the fog shifts, which I admit was kind of a cool effect. Then,

Where a bunch of people are stuffing live jellyfish into cardboard boxes and sobbing uncontrollably.

Then, it cuts to a family dinner table scene in a fancy house where everyone is arguing, and someone draws a gun, but then a giant wolf crashes through the window and steals the roast turkey off the dining table and everyone laughs and hugs, and that becomes a freeze-raim, and that was the end of the episode. Overall, the storytelling seemed a bit trite and predictable to me, also it's not even well lit, but I'm not here to judge anyone's taste. I just

have a journalistic curiosity about why people like something that's stupid and bad. If anyone is listening right now, feel free to call in and tell me what I'm missing. In the meantime, let's have a word from our sponsor. Buffalo Wild Wings We don't have one in town, currently, but it's a great place to hang out with your buddies and eat,

“chicken, and watch the game. At least that's what we imagine it is based on what we've heard.”

We've never actually been to one, but we do get together on Friday nights in the community room at

the Rec Center, and pretend we're at a Buffalo Wild Wings. We eat make-believe chicken, and shout at the wall, which we imagine is a big screen television playing a sports game. It's basketball season right now, so we're shouting things like "slam dunk" and "touch that net" and "a vasti-scally-wag" strike the "larber deck." We talk about the different dipping sauces for the Wings, sauces with names like "flamen ranch" and "fire-re-hawk flames" and "destructive

BBQ" and we sometimes fan our mouths and say "oh, that's a hot one, try that one, Dave, that'll put hair on your chest." We feel closer to each other after these shared experiences, even though we don't talk about our lives or our feelings directly. It helps us blow off some

“steam, and we get really steamed up sometimes. So, if you want to come hang out with your buddies”

and pretend to eat chicken and watch the game, consider joining Buffalo Wild Wings role play group Fridays at 7. Wings, beer, sports. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention there's a ton of pretend drinking too. We get absolutely fake hammered in there. This has been a word from our sponsor. And now, real estate listings. Manchin, apartment, shack, house, outhouse. I'm currently drawing a spiral on a piece of paper. Tell me when to stop. Okay, let's see. You got, oh, manchin.

This eight bedroom, seven bathroom estate is located in the exclusive red mace of foothills. It has a tennis court, horse stables, and one of those instant hot water spouts in the kitchen, so you can have tea immediately, faster than you would ever need it. You are married to a spaceship designer. It's not exactly passionate per se, but there are trade-offs in every relationship. You have 16 kids. You are a talk show host, and your main vehicle is roller skates.

In other listings, there is a house on old Musk Road. There is one of something in every corner, but two in every room. If you can solve this riddle, the house is yours. Now back to our top story. I've been doing this job for a long time. I've put a lot of myself into it. It's not just a part of who I am, it's the core of my person. I am a broadcaster. But broadcasting is an art that depends on other people hearing it.

“Otherwise, you're just talking to yourself, and that's not an art at all. That's what you do”

when you're home alone putting away the groceries, or muddling about other drivers on the road, or sitting in a rocking chair with a blanket folded over your ancient bony knees. Talking to yourself doesn't serve the community. It doesn't keep anyone informed.

It isn't providing crucial information about current events.

It isn't an art, or a service, or a particular skill at all.

does that mean everyone is so bored of trees that no one even goes to the forest anymore,

“or gives a flying F about whether a tree lives or dies, that trees have become obsolete,”

and people are just more into shrubbery these days, and trees can go F themselves for all anyone cares. In fact, I could probably get away with using the F word here since no one's

listening. Fedora. Wow, that feels so wrong. I do have more community news to share, but I'm not sure

if there's a point. Actually, if someone could call into the station just to let me know they're listening that would help a lot. You don't even have to talk on the air or anything. You can just let the phone ring once, so I know you're out there, that someone hears me, that what I'm

doing matters to even one person. The phone lines are open.

Well, I guess that tells me everything I need to know. I might as well shut things down here at the booth and tune into Antler Cove myself. It's like the old saying, if a tree falls in the forest,

“you should get out of there before your crushed to death and the woodland creatures feast upon your”

carcass. Oh, speaking of woodland creatures, I am still legally obligated to broadcast the weather or else. Wolverine stuff happens. It's all right. Who wants all that dirt from the outside, in such a clean place? If I feel myself with chemicals, chemicals will I forget the things I miss, for my senses with identical particles, with that beautiful place.

Jennings Creek used to have foxes running free. Now people live in boxes, they can't sleep, but who wants all those noises in the night? In such a quiet place, big sign says get lost in the woods, but they cut down the trees that

“do you still live there? What kind of kind? What kind of sick joke is that big time for progress?”

If I feel myself with chemicals, the chemicals will I forget the things I miss, for my senses with identical particles, with that beautiful place. If I feel myself with chemicals, chemicals will I forget the things I miss,

, for my senses, I have no idea what kind of stuff I miss.

“That's the music for that one. Videos are released on Vendus,”

made Shopify, considered to be an ancient hip band. Start it on Test No HoltoFuna, I'm an EuroPromonat of Shopify.de/recorder. It had a pretty good run, 15 seasons, 327 episodes. And though we have seen, of course, every episode, many times, only figured hey, now that we're wrapped,

let's watch it all again. And we can't do that alone. So we're inviting the cast and crew that

made the show along for the ride. We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and will of course have some actors on as well, including some certain guys that played some certain pretty iconic brothers. It was kind of a little bit of a left field choice in the best way possible. The note from Krippky was, "He's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent, decoveny type." With 15 seasons to explore, it's going to be the road trip

of several lifetimes. So please join us and subscribe to Supernatural, then and now. Okay, what did I just watch? Like, is Anthony actually aware wolf? Or is Vivian just trying to make

“it look like he is so that he gets written out of the will, and she gets a larger inheritance?”

And is Genevieve's traumatic backstory about being trapped in a potato seller true or is she just gaining luscious sympathy so she can get access to the town water supply and try out her experimental mind control serum on everyone? And why do so many people keep getting struck by lightning? I do like the B plot about the aliens not getting anything done because they're so busy

petting and playing with cats, because they've never seen cats before. But then again, isn't that

that's kind of an old trope at this point, right? I want to like this show I really do. I want to be able to talk to my friends and neighbors again to stop being such an outsider in my own community, but I have to be honest. I tried. And I find this show so boring and cliche I just

“I can't I can't do it. I'd honestly rather listen to the sound of my own voice talking to no one.”

Actually, it's kind of freeing, just broadcasting for myself. I haven't done that since I was a kid. When I had my political commentary show in the old culvert on drainage ditch road, I think if I was the last person on earth, I would probably still be broadcasting. And times like right now, when antler cove is on and everyone's at home watching, it almost feels like I am the last person on earth.

No one's out driving or walking their dog. No one's running errands or working or socializing. The whole city is dark and quiet, except for the glow of screens behind closed curtains. And the sound of my voice bouncing around the atmosphere with no one to hear it. I'm a tree in the forest, falling, a man in a radio booth, droning, a person doing something for his own satisfaction, even in a vacuum, even when there's no one to witness it.

I guess that has to be enough, sometimes. Stay tuned for the end credits of antler cove. Me, I'm going to go have a look at the night sky. With the streets so dark and empty, the stars are really popping off y'all.

"Great show tonight, honey." Sorry, I couldn't call earlier. I was wearing my science gloves and

“doing beaker stuff. If you want any company while stargazing, I just got a new high-powered”

infrared telescope and we can check out the sulfuric acid clouds on Venus, or the burning satellite constellation. Oh, or the hob goblin of the Milky Way, if you want.

That sounds just perfect, sweetie. I'll be home soon, and thanks for listening.

It means a lot to me. It's great to be satisfied, doing things for and with yourself, but

“you know what? It's even better to do them with a ridiculously sexy scientist who you're”

madly in love with. Breeze frame. The end. Good night. Night Vale. Good night.

Welcome to Night Vale as a production of Night Vale Presents. It is written by Joseph Think,

Jeffrey Crainer and Bree Williams. Sound design and production by Disparition. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin, original music by Disparition. All of it can be found at Disparition.net. This episode's weather was Jennings Creek by Cassie Noble. Find out more at the link in our show notes. Comments, questions, email us at info@welcometonight Vale.com or follow us on blue sky at Night Vale radio or on Instagram, Tumblr and TikTok at Night Vale

“official. Or follow an account that post-cute dogs. Except nowadays, you have to double check”

that they're not AI because we live in hell. But mainly check out welcome to Night Vale.com where we have a twice monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up-to-date directly from us to you. No AI involved just some humans and you electronic mail twice a month about what we're up to. Today's proverb. Put your money where your mouth is. Seriously, have you ever tasted a dollar bill? They're delicious. Hi, we're Meg Bashmaner. And Joseph Think. Of

welcome to Night Vale. And on our new show, the best worst, we explore the golden age of television. To do that, we're watching the IMDB viewer rated best and worst episodes of classic TV shows. The episode of Star Trek, where Beverly Crusher has sex with a ghost. The episode of the X-Files, where Scully gets attacked by a vicious house cat. And also, the really good episodes, too. What can we learn from the best and worst of great television? Like for example, is it really about

episode or do people just hate women? The best worst. Available wherever you get your podcasts.