Drugged and R*ped at Work Party

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My name is Trisa. Some people call me Cooper, and I'm from Texas, a small little town called Florence. So I grew up in a small town, but eventually made my way to the big city of Austin. And in 1999, I was drugged, abducted, raped repeatedly for hours, and strangled to death, not once, but twice. And I'm here to share not only that story, but also talk about what stepping through 25 years of PTSD, looks like for women, and looks like for families of sexual

violent crimes, and kind of also talk about the retromization from our justice system. So I'd like to start first by saying that a lot of my story can be super triggering, and just to prepare people, that this kind of stuff can be really, really triggering for some

“people, but I think of the day before all of this happened. I had been in a pretty toxic relationship,”

and I had a child during the time I had a child. I had a child pretty young, so every one of my friends told me, like, if it's going to go wrong, it's going to go wrong to you. So I got pregnant my very first time having sex, when I was 16 years old, and I had my son when I was 17, and he was such a gift to me, and definitely pushed me forward, and, you know,

he saved my life in so many ways. I came from a very good family, and never experienced like

mom or dad trauma. My dad was a very high-ranking officer in the army. He was pilot, so he moved around a lot, and I had a sister who had down syndrome. So always, my family, my mother and dad are the most woke boomers. There is, I've never met two of the most woke boomers. There were things that we never, and I would have to tell friends that came over, especially when we moved to Texas, small town, like, as you can imagine, certain words would come from

their mouth, and I would have to warn them, do not step in my mom's house, and ever say these words, because she will kick your ass out very quick, and, you know, like, same with, you know,

“gay relationships, and stuff like that. They were, they were so accepting, and I think that all”

stem from my sister, you know, and that's just how we were raised, being very accepting of, of everyone, but my child's father, and I had a pretty toxic relationship. We were young, not to say, like,

he did bad, I did bad, but he was never, he never was connected to our son. He still isn't

to this day. I think he's talked to him maybe five times in total. So right before this happened, I had been broken up for about six to eight months from hand, and I was finally accepting it and moving on. And the day before, I was invited to a end of the quarter party. I worked for a huge computer manufacturing company in Roundrock, Austin, Texas, and I was invited to a quarter, and a quarter, I was 21. It's my first career. I was super excited. So the night before I went and

bought a new outfit, you know, new jeans, new, you know, and this is all this, this will all come relative to the story, but a mesh shirt, that, you know, a very thin, you know, black top with, it was patterns of dragons all over it, and New Doc Martins keep in mind, this is in 99.

So the style's kind of the same as it is today, but I will never forget that morning when I got

to be able to attend the party after work, but one thing that I didn't buy brand new was a new belt.

“And the belt that I put on was so worn, it was almost going to fall apart, and I was really”

pissed off about it. Like, Dan, I wanted to buy a new belt, and I looked around for another one,

but I couldn't find a black belt. You know, you always have your star of the show, the black

and the brown belt, and I just went with it. I, you know, wore my old black belt, which ended up being a life-saver. So I went to work, and it was so excited to, they were having, it was a work, a sponsored event, they were having it at a, at a tavern, after work, and went to the tavern, and after work, I ran out to my car and like reapplied my makeup, and, you know, it fixed my hair a little bit, and I didn't really know anybody yet at work.

“I knew people, but I didn't, and it really know them as friends. My, my ex, my child's father,”

and I both worked together there, and my dad also worked also at this big, huge company,

and like, I really never got to know people while I was there, because my, my boyfriend was there,

and, you know, you just kind of have your own, you know, that's who you would go to lunch with and stuff. So anyway, I was so excited. I ran out, put on, you know, reapplied my makeup, fixed my hair, and drove over to the tavern. I'm so excited to get to know people, and as I was walking in, I recognize one of the girls that I work with, and we said hello, and, you know, we walked in to the tavern together, and this is where it all starts. So I walked into the tavern, and at the time, one of my supervisors

“walked up to me with another man, never talked to him ever before. He was a total stranger to me,”

but he walked up to me, both of them walked up to me, and this other girl, and the guy that I've never

talked to you before asked if I wanted a shot, asked both of, both the girl and I, if we wanted shots. And I was, I was a little intimidated by that, just because I didn't want to get drunk in front of co-workers. I was a little worried about that, but I didn't want to sound rude and say no. I was, you know, I just turned 21 too. So this happened the end of April, my birthday is April 16th. So end of April, just turned 21, and I said, sure, while he walks up, him and the supervisor

walked back over to me, and the girl, and they have, you know, a platter of shots, and the girl goes to grab a shot, and I will never, in my life, forget about this. But he said, no, this one's for her, and takes the shot and hands it to me, and then kind of passes around the other shots to, you know, the three of them. And we all, you know, sling back the shot. And within, within, you know, five to 10 minutes, I could tell something was wrong, you know, the room was spinning. It almost felt like kind of like,

you could feel like the pulsation of from the music and your body, and it was like, the hell is going on. And now I was, I immediately was anxious. I, I never really experienced anxiety and panic until after this, but during this, now I can identify with anxious, because I was so clear that that one shot made me drunk, and I was going to be drunk in front of all of these people. So I excuse myself, like, go into the women's bathroom and keep in mind, this entire tavern's full of, you know,

my co-workers. What time was it? So this was like around 6 p.m. It's crazy to me, though, that atmosphere to be willing to do that there. Like, I feel like, basically, that happens, giving you hear about it. Yeah, like in a nightclub setting, but I feel like that just goes to show. I mean, yeah, pretty risky. Yeah. We'll wait until it gets bigger. So I walk into the women's bathroom and I'm thinking, I'm going to go to the sink, I'm going to put water on my face and walk

out everything's any cool. And I'm going to have to call my dad who was still at work to come get me. And I'm just going to have to ride home with him because, you know, I thought I was drunk.

and looking in the mirror just thinking, like, what am I going to do? And I must have passed out there

because the next thing I remember is being on the floor and I could not move, I could not, I couldn't even open up my eyes. I could just hear, I felt like I was in a closet almost, but I, you know, clearly I was on the floor, but I could hear. And there were women walking over me

“laughing thinking I was drunk and never stopping to say, are you okay? What can I do?”

Well, then the supervisor and the guy comes in and they said, she's with us, we're going to take her outside to get some air and they pick me up both of them. And at this time, you know, this time in my life, I was much younger and much thinner and they picked me up and carrying me out of the bar, walking amongst hundreds of people. Nobody stopped and said, what's going on? Take me outside and they put me in, I can identify who's truck it was, but they put me in a truck

and I was driven to the supervisor's apartment and he lived at that time he had two roommates.

One of them worked second shift, so he was still at work. And then the other one, he was supposed

to be this happened on a Friday night, he was supposed to be gone all week and long. And so they took

“me back to that apartment. And keep in mind, I am drugged and it felt like the best way that I”

can explain it is some of it was auditory, but some of it was, you know, visionary to where I could see things, but it almost felt, and I'm a very visual person, so the people listening, I think I can explain it in a way that people can understand, but it almost felt like flashes of a strobe light. And it felt like a strobe light that was going very slow. So, and I'll get to like where my PTSD triggers were and what like really affected me by all of this was I remember them throwing me down

on it was a green old couch and hearing the supervisor say, I'm going to turn the music up really

loud, so no one can hear the fun. And that's what he said. And he ended up ultimately leaving,

but he turned up the stereo back then when it has speakers and, you know, cell phones, but he turned up the stereo and was heavy metal music. He turned it up very loud and, you know, again, it flashes back, I don't remember anything until I fill the man, the stranger on top of me. And at this time, he's pulling my shirt up and another trigger for me is again, I was young and victorious, he grits was a big thing back in the day and something that all of us would do was

by matching bras and panties and something that I blamed myself for so long after this is man, if I was just wearing ugly undergarments, he probably wouldn't have done this to me.

“Like, that's what turned him on because the things he was saying when he pulled up my shirt”

and undead my pants, it just made me feel like, oh, that turned him on. But it's little things like that, that as a crime, you know, a sex crime victim that you remember, like pieces that is not important to anybody else, but, you know, that you try to self blame of what could I have done to prevent this. And, you know, over the years I learned nothing, yeah, he's nothing, like his brain is not wired, like any other man, he's a predator, you know, there's nothing that you could have

done differently. But in my head, I thought that. So you pulls up my shirt and again, it flatt, you know, the flashes and of him saying your sexy, you know, kissing my breast, pulling my, my bra above, you know, my breast, and then feeling a jerk of him pulling my underwear and my pants down at the same time and then it flashes that to dark, where I don't remember, you know, what happened after that. But I do remember there's flashes in and out of him being on top of me, the heavy

stuff like that, that like I remember the heavy breathing and being thrown over the couch and being

raped in every kind of way that you can imagine. So much to the fact, and I'll get into this later, but so much in the fact that I now have to have a lifetime callostomy bag, because I was tortured so brutally raped by him so sorely. This, the, the grace of all of it is is that I had to recognize like at least I wasn't, I didn't have to be awake for a lot of it, but I, but that also was so triggering, because I don't remember the pieces. And as a human being, you want to be able to connect the

dots and, and not have a memory lapse of the most traumatic thing that happened to you. So what

happened in between the parts that I don't remember and I'll never, I'll never know, but there were

different phases of the rate that that got pretty bad. There was a part of where I started becoming coherent enough. And I don't know if it was a soda bottle or if it was a beer bottle or wine bottle, I just remember it was glass. And I reached over, and I, but my, my arms were like,

“like, your motor skills just weren't? Yeah, I just, yeah, it just felt like rubber, right?”

And I remember grabbing the bottle and trying to hit him, you know, in slow motion, like, so he, of course, grabs the bottle and it gets thrown on the floor and there's glass on the floor and whatnot. And I, now I'm awake. I remember this, I remember all of this very, and I don't know if this was flight or flight too, where I'm, I'm so amped up. And I knew that the next thing he was going to do is he was going to kill me. I'm grabbed from the living room and I'm pulled

across all that glass and stuff in, you know, on the floor, pulled into, and it was an apartment. So there was like a galley kitchen and like a little dining room that was next to the galley kitchen, and then there was the living room. So I was, I was pulled into that galley, you know, kitchen, dining room, whoops, dining room area. And the next, at this time, I'm on my stomach. So I'm totally naked, I'm on my stomach. And I just remember pressure on my back. And during this

time, he had grabbed my belt, the worn belt, and he had put it around my neck, and he started choking me, or strangling me with my, with my belt. And the belt was so damn worn, it broke. Wow. And that was saving grace one. Yeah. That I knew now, I was going to have to fight for my life. And he got up, and I started trying to move away. My shirt is out of my, you know, out of the armholes that it's

“around, you know, the neck hole, the shirt's kind of budged around the collar. And I think that he,”

he just thought fast, and it was a mesh shirt, so it's super stretchy. And he grabbed, I was like, like, he pushed me kind of back on my stomach, jumped on my back again, and pulled that shirt, you know, and bunched it up, and was trying to strangle me that way. And by this time, I was seeing stars. I was going in and out. And I, I, I, I do remember this part of, of, of kind of in that

fighter fight, fight freeze mode. He is going to kill you unless you play dad. You're never going

to get home to your son. Your mom's already buried two kids. You can't let her bury another one. And immediately going into the freeze mode. So he strangle me. I did go out for a brief, you know, I, I don't know how long I was, I passed out. But when I came to, he was still strangle me. So I,

“my entire body went limp. And I remember just telling myself, you have to be stone, just be stone,”

just be stone. And I thought it was over from there. He got off of me. And he, I thought I, I thought I

said that they, and I guess he confessed to this of the reason why he did this was to make sure

“that I was dead. He urinated on me. And to see if I would move. And I did it. So I have this man”

that just brutally raped me. You try to strangle me not once, but twice now urinating on me. And I,

I just knew how to get home to my, my child. And again, I couldn't let my parents bury a third child.

So, or by this time, my sister hadn't passed away yet. But you know, another child later, you know, a couple years later, my sister passed away. But I will talk about that. But yeah, I just, I went totally limp. Didn't move. He thought I was dead. He left the apartment. And evidently when he left, so that third guy that was supposed to be gone for the weekend, if I could ever find him, his name's Mars. He is, he was the most magical person. I,

I don't know if it was a garden angel or just a, you know, a divine energy. I don't know what it was.

“But he decided last minute, I'm not gonna leave tonight. I'll leave tomorrow morning. Did he work?”

He didn't, did he work with you guys? Yeah, he worked with us too. So did he know who you were? He did know, I, I knew who he was. He knew who I was. We talked like maybe once or twice. But we, like, it was more like, hey, can you hand me that? It wasn't, it was just like a professional banter. It wasn't. So he lived in his apartment with the supervisor and then another guy that all worked at. Okay. But you're not the one that did this to you. He didn't live there. He did not live there.

And then a couple questions before you continue. So I don't forget. Supervisor left at what point. Supervisor left as soon as he turned up the stereo after he said, I would have turned the stereo. I have not turned the music loud, so nobody can hear the fun in here. So basically, he was just involved in this to help this guy. Yep. And they were friends. I'm assuming. They were

good friends. Okay. But he never did anything to you. Other, like, there's not that I,

not that I know of. And there was no traces by this time. And with DNA, they, you know, there was a traces of his DNA on my body. It was just, it just makes him wonder, like, also, what did this guy think after he killed, thought he killed you? What did he think?

“He actually left to go find where he was going to dispose my body. Okay. So that's why he left.”

He left. And again, I don't know how this happened. He left. And with, and I was laying on the kitchen floor. And I still was scared of when it did he just go down to his car. Like, what's going on here? And I'm trying to figure out what am I going to do? There's blood all around me because keep in mind, I, I, I've been attacked. I've been drugged of blood. There's blood all around me. I'm totally naked except for the shirt around my, you know,

up around, bunched up around my neck. And I, I, I had, I had my eyes peaked open. So just in

case, he was still, I heard him leave because I, they lived on the second floor. So I heard the

apartment door close. He turned off the stereo. Sorry. He turned off the stereo, opened up the door, and then closed the door. And then I heard him walking down the steps because the apartment was on the second floor. So I heard all of that. So I knew he had left. But then again, I was like, what if, you know, this other person was here and another room. And he's the one that left. But I knew the entire time. It was only one person that was attacking me. Okay. Every time that I

would come, you know, it was the flashes with the stroke light. I would see his face. I would hear his breathing. I would hear his voice. He was the one that pulled me into the, the galley kitchen dining room area. There, there was no question. It was just him. I'm sure also like, you know, when you realized he left, there was probably some sort of fear of, does my body even work? Like, can I even, if I wanted to get up and run, can I even write you it? Right. And you don't trust

your body after that kind of situation, because your body just, you know, and your brain just

there were no monsters in this world that were like, I'm smarter than the monster, right?

And, you know, immediately shame kind of seeps in after that kind of violence. But he's left within no more than five minutes. This is when the, the roommate walks in. And my eyes are kind of peaked open and I, I knew him. But here I am laying neck it on the floor, blood around me. I didn't give a shit. I was like, I've got like right now is your time to get out. And again, we're in this apartment building. And I'm like, if I start screaming loud enough,

maybe somebody will hear me. So I, I see him and I just start screaming and screaming and screaming. And I can tell he's processing like, what's this necked white girl taking on my floor? Bloody mess. Like, what the hell is going on right now? Hi, guys. Just a reminder that my

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Did you know that the modern adoption industry was basically created by a woman who stole babies

and sold them to wealthy families? Hi, I'm Jeremy Schwartz from American Criminal, where you can hear that story and plenty more just like it. We take you inside the minds of our most notorious felons and outlaws, exploring the dark side to the American Dream. You can listen to American Criminal, wherever you get podcasts, or at americancriminal.com. And he walks over to me, and he was like, "Truth that?" And I said, "Yeah." And he was like,

And I said that, and unfortunately, I can't say the offenders name publicly, and you guys

will find out why later in the story. He did go to prison. I will share that fast forward. He did go to prison for many years, but he's out now, and there's a reason why I don't say his name publicly until he dies. But he said, "Who did this to you?" And I will say his, anyway, "Who did this to you?" And I said his name, and he said we had to call the police.

“And again, I just had been bruised. Like, I was so, I remember the fear and so scared, and I said,”

"Don't, no, no, no. Can you just take me to my dad?" My dad's, and I don't even know how I knew this. My dad's only a block away. And he was like, "Where's your dad?" And I said, "You know, I told him my dad's name is Long Cooper. He works here. He's in this building." And he's like, "Oh, yeah, that is only a block away." And he's like, "But we should call the police." And I said, "No, I don't want to call the police." Right now, I just want to get, "Can you just get me to my dad?" And then the truth kind of set,

and because you still feel like you're kind of in this dream, like state of, is this real. And I remember hence saying, like, "We need to get you dressed." And he grabbed my pants. And my pants were inside out. And my underwear was like on one leg. And they were badly ripped. So obviously he tore off my, you know, tight jeans and underwear with it. But when I saw that, it, like, you have, again, those flashes of like, "No, this is real. This is reality.

This just happened to you. You're not dreaming right now. This really did happen." So I saw the pants and the underwear. And by this time, I'm looking all around because, again, I was kind of in and out during the attack. By this time, it's, so it started at six. By this time, it's around, like, eight, thirty, nine o'clock. My dad was still at his office. He worked.

My dad was, so my dad retired from the military and went to go work at this company as, like,

“I think he was a director or something like that. But he worked on us. So they had shifts at”

this place. They had shifts, I can shift, third shift. I worked on first shift. My dad worked

on second shift. So my dad was still there. And I, I've been looking around, and by this time, like I said, it's, this all started at six. This was around 9, 9, 9, 30. And it might have been a little earlier. I'm trying to, trying to remember. I know it was, it was definitely like two, three hours from the start of the attack until this. But I remember seeing my, my broken belt on the ground. And you have, like, that, that split second of sanity. I've, like,

that mother fucker just saved my life. I was fetching about it this morning. And it saved my life. Because if it didn't break, it was, it was a brand new belt. He would have had, and I, like, he wasn't using a mesh shirt that was stretchy, but I actual belt to string on me. He, he would have succeeded. No doubt. But because the belt broke. And all that he had left was my mesh stretchy shirt. I survived it. But I remember looking at the broken belt and being thankful

for it. During all of this trauma, it just being like, like, rationalizing and realizing, like, dangerous. Yeah, that, like, not buying a brand new belt last night actually saved my life. And I was so mad at myself for not buying a brand new belt that morning. And anyway, like, just destiny works in weird, weird ways. But he helps me get dressed. And I remember there was still glass on the floor and stuff like that. And he was like, you, you need to put on your shoes.

“It's still my socks on. I do remember that. And back in the 1990s, early 2000s, socks were,”

like, pattern socks were everybody's thing. They haven't made a comeback. At least I don't think they

have my daughter's 22. And she never talks about socks. But like, trouser socks with weird patterns,

or stripes, or whatever, you'd always wear them with your socks for Doc Martins and let them peak through your jeans a little bit or whatever. And I remember looking down, I was wearing a stripe black and white socks. And he grabbed my shoes and said, you should put on your shoes.

carried of disassociating. I just kind of stood there still. And he pretty much carried me out of the

apartment across the grass to his car, put me in this car, drove a block. And that led me to wear everything, if the new part of the story started. And that was pulling up and him going out and screaming for my dad to come outside. My dad comes outside. And my dad and I have talked recently about this because again, I'm trying to, I was so disassociated. I was in total shock.

“My body was just responding to outside stimuli. I was so incoherent. But I remember, so some of”

this is my dad's words and some of it's mine. But my dad ran out and he ran over to my car or over to the guy's car opens up the passenger door. And he can tell, like, I'm not okay. And he asked what happened. And I said, I was right. And I do remember my dad screaming that to the building, someone called 911. And that's when 911 was called. So they didn't, initially, there was a search warrant, stuff like that produced after. But they come to the company and people learn

why I can't say the company's name. I would share it. But I legally can't. You'll learn why.

“But they, the police ambulance show up. Now rewind. I've been broken up with my boyfriend for”

eight months at this point. He's already, he already has a new girlfriend. Something about him is he was a habitual cheater through our entire relationship. And that was kind of the, the saga with him.

He, you know, I had my son with him. But he just never felt connected because he was always looking

at, you know, the next, the next person. But he just cheated all the time. We were young, whatever, but he'd still an asshole. He would cheat all the time. There was one of my best friends in high school. She's a horse girl. He, when I was pregnant with my son, this is how dirty he was.

“And this is important to the story. So everybody can, can feel like what an asshole moved this was”

while I'm in this very traumatic part. I just want people to feel it. But when I was pregnant with my son, him and my best friend in high school, I had one of those folding mattress things from my room. She slept on that. He was in my room. And we all, he had spent the night and she had spent the night and they slept together. They had sex right next to me while I was sleeping while I was like seven months pregnant. So he was, he was, he was the class like asshole. He was that kind of guy.

You know, just not a standard guy. Anyway, so just so to build the picture of this part,

he also worked second shift at the same company and him and his new girlfriend were walking out

as the ambulance. The police show up and they see my dad out there and Casey runs over the case. He's my ex-boyfriend saying the name. Yeah, I'm fine. And then he runs over to, runs over to my dad and said, you know, what happened and my dad explains to him what happened. And Casey and I, I really like, like his girlfriend and I, they ended up breaking up. But her and I became cool with each other. But her name's Amy. He tells Amy to stay with me and go to the hospital with me. So instead of

him going to, the mother of his child going to the hospital with me, he sends his new girlfriend because she was the other only other female there. So the, the police are there. The ambulance were there. They're saying we need to take you to the hospital to do a rate kit during this time, a crime victim services. They, they ask if I want crime victim services to come and they'll help support me during the process. And I said, yes, sure. So they get me transported over to the hospital.

My dad's following behind the, you know, behind the cartel of people going to the hospital.

and stuff like that. But Amy and the sex crime victim services counselor. And, you know, they're holding my hand and like, which was lovely. I, I'm not saying that wasn't a lovely deal. But I, I already felt so violated. And I just, there was nothing more that I wanted

that I wanted my mom. I just want, like my mom has always been my go-to person. And my mom and

my sister, my other sister Denise. I just wanted them. In that moment, I just wanted my mom and my sister. And my dad happened to be with us, which I love my dad. And again, I came from a very good family. But I just wanted my mom and my sister. But I, I had, it was nice. They, they took me to the hospital. We, we're put into room and to paint the picture for the listeners and the viewers is now there's another violation that happens to a sex crime victim where you're under, you're now exposed

“again. You have to, it's stand on a white sheet. And the, and they have, you just row layer by layer.”

And, you know, first, you take off your shoes and you put them in a paper bag. Take the paper bag off.

You know, paper bag away, they put down another paper bag. Your socks, you know, you're just disrobing. And this room that has, you know, the, Amy and the victim services person stayed back in the other room. So they took me to the exam room. And so now there's nurses, the, they call them a saying nurse. So it's a sex assault nurse examiner. So they call it saying, which is ironic. But they call, they call her, you know, she was in there. And she was also training

someone. So there was another nurse in there. And then there was, I think there was three in total that I remember there might have been more, but I remember three faces. So you're kind of exposed. You're already violated. You're under big bright lights. You're on this white sheet, having to get naked yet again in front of total strangers. And it feels so cold because it feels, feels almost mechanical of, okay, you know, this comes off. This goes in the paper bag. Okay,

“this person takes off the paper bag. Now another paper bag comes off. Now you have to take off,”

you know, whatever. Well, then you're standing there totally naked in front of three people. And then you have someone from the police department. And for me, it was a female. And I'm sure that they, they do this. But I'm standing there naked and they have to take pictures. And because I had physical injury at, you know, cut to my back, there was rug burns all over me. So they had to take pictures of physical injury. And then I remember, you know, for women,

you guys know the, the, you know, good old OBGYN tables and having to put my legs up. And again, more violation of, you know, having to be swabbed in every office because he urinated on me. They took a clipping of my hair. And this is all for DNA testing. I remember the nurse saying, the same nurse making a statement saying, wow, he really messed you up. While she was looking, and like she, and there's this big, they also have a kind of an ultrasound. It's transvaginal,

like thing. And there was blood all, you know, all over my lower half. And her making that statement.

“And I was, I was definitely in pain, but I was, you're probably the shock outweighed the pain, right?”

Like, I wasn't feeling it, like, right, too bad. But she made that statement. And then

the next violation was having to tell my story over and over and over again. So first,

the, the same nurse asked what happened. Well, you know, first you have this sex crime. The,

Then crime victims services to make sure that I qualified for services had to ask me what happened.

Then you get to the hospital and you have the same nurse that asked you what happened. And then because I physically was injured, they had a doctor come in, had to tell the doctor what happened. Now you, the sex crime investigators show up. So you have maybe two or three more

“people that you have to tell. And I think that was the first time that I realized, you know,”

now we kind of have a word for it gas lighting, right? But back in like the late 90s, early 2000s, there was really no word for it. But I think like, so remember the roommate that showed up and was the one that found me, he was a blackmail. The person that did this to me, he was Hispanic, and the supervisor was white. And I'm really, each is the supervisor. And so yeah, no good question. So he, like in their 40s. And I was, I just turned 21. So they're about 20 years older.

I never talked to them. I'd like, we had nothing in common, you know. And anyway, I will never

forget the investigators saying to me, well, how do you know that it wasn't the guy that found the blackmail? How did you know? And keep in mind, my parents were very woke, very woke. And so what was his name, Rodney King? I remember as a kid, you know, the whole Rodney King thing with the L.A. police had really beat up this guy pretty badly. And there was a big huge riots in L.A. And my mom saying, you know, how, like identifying how the police treat

specifically black males. And she was a nurse. And she even said, you know, in the medical field, how they treat black people, yeah, very, very progressive parents. And they started gaslighting me and saying, how do you know, it wasn't him. And I'm like, listen, I know who I saw. He wasn't there. It was this, you know, this specific guy. He was there the entire time. This supervisor is the one that brought me with him. Talk to the supervisor and this person. That's who was there.

The Mars, who was the black man, who found me, had nothing to do with it. I assure you, had nothing to do with it. And even though you weren't fully coherent throughout the process, I think our bodies still know. It absolutely felt like I think you'd be terrified.

“And all you want to hear, as I remember that night, my mom was such a shitty time because my”

grandma, who I was also very close with, was really, really sexually lived in New Mexico. And my mom was up in New Mexico taking care of her. So I didn't even get to come home to my mom. I had a talk to her on the phone. And my sister, of course, this home and stuff like that. But, you know,

my sister's always been we're only 13 months apart. Like I always grew up with her as my best friend

and someone to lean on and all of that. But my mom was kind of my, you know, I would run things by her and see what what she thought and whatnot. But I think for people that experience, especially right after, all that you want to hear is, I believe you. As a victim, I believe you. Yeah. And here I am. Obviously, I had been raped. I had, you know, been strangled. All of that stuff. And I felt the need to prove that I was raped to these, these detectives. And sadly,

that still is going on for many victims today. And I remember going home and calling, I can't remember it was that night. And we'll talk about when I got home and stuff like that and the aftermath of that. But I do remember calling my mom and saying the police think it's the, the black man, you know, the black guy that lived there. And I keep on telling them, no, it's this person,

“it's this person. And they're not listening to me. And my mom said, I believe you. And she said,”

it sounds like they're not wanting to do a thorough investigation. And we'll, we'll get in this,

And that's all I needed to hear to like give me a little bit more fuel to keep on pushing. By this

“time, I've told the story probably 10 times the first night that after this happened. When you're”

at the hospital, I'm sure it's the same way. So when I was at the hospital, they gave me plan B that I was supposed to take. They gave me volume. And they gave me like antibiotics in case I had, I had contact in an SDD through this stuff. So I had three pills. I'm, you know, by this time 21, don't really take, you know, medicine. And, you know, I'm advised to see a doctor because of the internal injuries, but they got me, you know, I just wanted to go home.

So I get, so I get in the car with my dad. And I don't know where my car is. At this time, I drove over to the tavern. And I asked him, I was like, do you know where my car is? And I don't know how this happened. But somehow the girl that met me that I walked in to at the tavern, he's like, oh, yeah, the girl asked if she could take your car. And she's going to park it in, you know, the company's parking lot. So let's say, which, which was fine. Like, she,

she was being nice about it. So it calls second. You were the, maybe this, you'll answer this.

But you were the only one that they put the drug into the shot for you. And do, do you find out why? Mm-hmm. Okay. So you'll tell us that. And then the girl that was, like, you know, she was a nice girl. And like, after she found out what happened to me, I honestly, I need to ask my dad about that because I don't know how all of this came about where she found out what happened to me. Because it all happened in the same night where she found out what happened to me,

but like there. But she got my car, she got the car keys from, because I have my car keys,

I think in my pocket or my purse or whatever, I had it with me when I, I got to my dad.

And I think she was like, do you want me to move Teresa's car from the top, you know, from the bar to,

“but she didn't see the guy's carrying you out. That's what I, like, never made sense. She said,”

just no, because I, I know that detectives asked her. And she said that she didn't, that after I excuse myself, like, she went off to go play pool and stuff like that with other co-workers. But she said, no, she didn't see. See, other people admitted that they saw me being carried out. Okay. But she, she said that she didn't. So I get home, and, you know, I asked my, on the drive home, I asked my dad, where's my car? And he said it's up at the company's parking lot.

And, you know, he tells me so and so took it, I don't know remember name. This, you know, this young lady took your car from the bar to the parking lot. But my dad and I don't talk. I didn't want to talk. I don't think my dad wanted to talk. It was just that. What do you say? Well, and it was comforting the stillness and the silence was comforting because we both kind of understood, like, to be fair, my dad also experienced seeing his daughter was just attacked and strangled.

That had to be traumatizing, because I'm a parent now. I was a parent then, but not of adult children. I'm a parent of adult children now. But understanding the pain that he must have been feeling, I get why he was so quiet. And I also, I understand why I was so quiet. I just did it. So it was comforting. It wasn't, it didn't feel like, you know, embarrassing, or anything like that. It just, we both kind of felt each other like, there's nothing that we can say right now. Let's just,

let's just get home. And you're, you know, you knew I would say and all of that. How are you feeling

“as far as the aftermath of the drug that they gave you? I was still pretty loopy. Okay. Did they tell you?”

I'm going to shore the hospital tested you. Yeah, I did a urine test. And I can't remember. I mean, it's been 25 years now. And I'm still, I'm sure it's in my case file. But I can't remember if it was GHB or have gone. And keep in mind, back in the day, that was very common for women to experience that at cars. That was just getting progressively worse. Okay. And but it happened in bars where stranger, complete strangers, you know, you went out to the bar with your friends and

somebody would drop into your drink. And, you know, you don't think it's going to happen at a

and abducted and raped for hours and left for dead never once crossed my mind. I don't think

I would cross anybody's mind, even today. But it was coming up, you know, it was progressively

“getting worse at bars. Yeah. And I even remember my mom making comments to my sister's 13”

months older than me, making comments to my sister, like, you know, hey, the news is saying that women should always protect their drink and carry their drink around with them and, you know, all of that. And the reason why he gave me the shot and we'll get into how it was kind of pre-planned but a lot of people that would do this because taking a drink, you can leave the drink. You can, you know, take something funny in the drink and decide you don't want to drink anymore. But what

men we're doing was they were putting them in shots because you take the shot fast. So it's like, you know, right away. Yeah, you can't put it out, you know. I mean, I guess you could, but, you know, they were putting them in shots. So that was pretty common back then. It wasn't that they kind of

quit putting them in people's drinks and they put them in shots. And my mom would always tell my

sister that and I had just turned 21. I had my mom knew I know that she had to know but I had a fake idea like I had been drinking, you know, go into the bars and stuff like that with my sister. I was, I've never been a big drinker, but, you know, I would hear my mom always telling my sister like locker drink, they're putting them in shot glasses all of that so I knew better. Anyway, so we get home

“but my best friend, Anthony, is at my house. My sister, my best friend, Anthony, I think there was”

a couple of other friends too that were there but I specifically remember my sister and Anthony there and he had come over to, because Denise, my sister, she, I can't remember it was sunny boy. Yeah, sunny was born then too but she had a little girl at home. She didn't live at home with us anymore. She had moved out with her boyfriend but she had to go home and take care of her child. So my best friend, Anthony, came over to watch my son Taylor and, you know, while I was at

the hospital. So when I got home, my sister had returned. Anthony was there. There was a couple of other friends there too. I can't, I can't remember who all was there but I do remember Denise and Anthony and we, I came in, nobody knew what to say. So that kind of starts the silent mode and the victim feeling as if you can't say much because you don't want it to be too heavy for the rest of everybody else and be that burden. At least her and is isolating. Incredibly, the silence is

“deafening and it only adds to your pain and I had to learn that, you know, and I think every victim”

goes through that. Every victim that I've spoke to has gone through the silent period and sometimes it can last, you know, a couple months, sometimes it can last decades, you know, it just, it depends. But nobody really knew what to say other than I'm really sorry and I, my sister left and our other

friends left in Anthony's state with me and Anthony, the thing about Anthony is I always had

a, until I met my father's, my father, my father, my son's father. I always had a very big crush on Anthony. We were best friends, but he was, he was just a, it was a beautiful, beautiful, he still is just beautiful. He looks like I ever call me a finished model. It's just like all American, you know, blonde hair, blue eyes, everybody at school had a crush on Anthony. It wasn't, you know, I was no different from any other girl, but we became best friends. We were together all

the time. We could hang out together. And my, my casing, the, the father of my son was, I could tell he was jealous of Anthony, but he never really said much. You could just tell like there was, you know, I understood the boundaries. You know, might have been broken up with this guy for eight months, so there was no more boundaries. Anthony was there, and I remember sitting on the bat porch, and by this time, by the

and I'm crying uncontrollably. I'm trying to explain to him like everybody at life, so it was just

“he and I explained to him what happened, and he said the hospital gave you value. I think you should take some,”

and I think you should go and get some rest. Mama, we feel the gross love on. Hmm, sweet, salt, and so creamy. Hey, we can then pop a creamy sign. Nutella, what a fan mama and father believed. No Nutella is Nutella. I will take care of Taylor tonight, just go and get some rest. This is, this is too much kind of thing. As, you know, people that know Anthony, it comes, he's not a man of many words, but that night he was, he was a really good friend.

So I took the volume, and I fell asleep, and around two or three o'clock in the morning, and Anthony was, again, I had this fold out mattress in my room, and so Anthony and I were in there, and Casey ends up showing up that night after he got off the work, and all of that. So it's like,

“maybe two, three o'clock in the morning, and I hear yelling outside of my room,”

and it's Anthony and Casey going back and forth at each other because Casey wanted to wake me up to talk to me, and Anthony is saying, no, she has had the worst night and where the fuck were you. So they were definitely going back and forth, like yelling at each other, and Anthony was

basically telling him, you're not going to wake her up. She has had the worst,

a magical thing happen to her, and let's let her sleep. Casey didn't want that to happen, so I don't know if I came out of the room or Casey came in the room, but he asked me, if at my house we had this big, huge porch with, you know, really comfy chairs and stuff like that, he asked me to go sit on the porch with him so that we could talk. And, you know, he was, he was just like, I'm really sorry that this happened to you, I hate that this happened to you,

it really tore me up. Keep in mind, he didn't go with me for the last, well he put his new girlfriend in the car with me, and he's like, I just wanted to do know that after work today, I talked to Amy and we broke up, and I think you and I should get back together,

because I could never let this happen to you ever again. Again, I'm just associated. I just want

to feel safe. I want to be taking care of. Now is not the time for this. Absolutely. And, but I fall for it. And again, we have that pattern, I'm getting, you know, breaking up, getting back together,

“that's just kind of how it gets. That's how toxicity works. You know, and not to say he was,”

I never cheated, but, you know, I was toxic in my own measure, too. So, we're young. Stupid kids, think it's one of those relationships that you look back later in life, and you're like, "Pink out that did not work now." I always tell girls that are going through breakups. And like, one time you're going to, you're going to find it. You're going to find it. I got it and understand. Yeah, you're going to understand why that doesn't work out. And here we great. Well, I promise.

Just get through the pain. You'll be okay. I have a quick question before we go into that. Part, when you were at the hospital that night, did they tell you that night that you were, do you still currently have a, what, class me back? Did they tell you that night that you were going to need one or you didn't know that I didn't know until I saw a specialist? Got it? Okay. Yeah. So, they knew that I had been basically, they knew that there was a lot of physical damage.

Okay. I was stitched up, you know, that kind of stuff. But, uh, there was not, you know, a specialist had not looked at me, like a colom rectal surgeon, had not looked at me just yet. Okay. So, but anyway, Casey asked to get back together. I'm freaking either disassociated or delusional, and I'm like, okay, whatever. And over the next, so this happens in April, over the next several months, there's the behind the scenes thing,

where I'm having to go into. By this time, my mom comes home for my, my grandma's house. And my mom's this Italian fierce lady that no, like no one's going to talk with her kids. And she does not take shit from no one. And she doesn't give herself enough credit. She has such

a powerful voice. And just, you know, she's just, and my dad, my dad is incredibly, my dad

the mom whose kids are getting messed with. Don't ever do it, especially at Italian Mama.

“Anyway, I remember maybe a week after, after all of this, I have to go up to talk again to tell”

this story, because they have to get it all written down, but they gave me some time, and I, I told the detectives, I really want my mom to be with me. I, my mom, my sister, and my best friend, Carrie, go with me to the police station on the Austin Police Station. And I walk in and, now they have kind of soft interview rooms where, you know, there's county for victims, there's couches, it's not this whole, you know, very cold interrogation room. It's a, it's a soft room.

But back then, they did have cold interrogation rooms where your fender probably was sitting too, right? I'm taken back to her, her space that the room and my family, I'm thinking my sister,

“my mom, and my best friend, can go with me and be supportive while I tell my story of what”

I'll happen for the 50th time now. And I was told, no, it's the you are the only one that can go. So in your mind, you're already starting to feel like, again, I have to prove myself that this happened, but now I have my mom with me, and I, I also came from a, you know, my family's well-off,

were, you know, why upper middle class, my mom basically told the detective, we want to thorough

investigation on this, and I'm not, you know, basically I'm not going to get off your neck until you make sure that my daughter gives the justice she deserves. And in this time span, did they arrest the guy? Well, that's coming next. So, so we get to the police station,

“like I said, this is, I'm trying to put together the line, let's say a week later, it might have”

been, you know, four days, but I'm saying a week. They did not arrest them right away. No, they couldn't find them right away. Okay, and also back then, well, I'll get to that. So, what happened, I go in, and this is the weird thing, and maybe other crime victims. I don't, I don't care if you're a crime victim or sexual violence, DV, whatever it is, but I have seen the Polaroid picture that they took of me that day that I went into into the police station to tell my story. And this is something

that really screwed with me for many, many years later. And I finally had to have a therapist explain

it to me. But, you know, I tell my story again, you know, I have to sign this, you know, my formal statement, have to make sure that every single part, even though I've told my story so many times, it has to be now and writing, and I have to sign it, and everything needs to be in there, because that's what's going to the prosecution, and the DNA has been submitted to the lab. It can take up to six months before it gets back. I'll share a really cool, full circle moment in a second, but she takes

a picture as she's like, oh, she took a picture of my breasts because, you know, I have bruising and all of that all over me, but there was bruising also on my breast, and she wanted to, like, around my nipples and whatnot. She wanted to take a picture of that. So I allowed her, and she had made the statement, well, they were able to collect, you know, there was DNA all over me, and she's like, I need to take a picture of your breast because another part that we, like,

all the areas that we collected DNA, one of the parts two, was to saliva on your breast. Aside from, you know, just see men and urine, his saliva was on your breast and around your mouth. And then she was like, and, you know, I'd like to take a picture so that I could put it on the case file of you, and so she did, like, you know, a face picture of me, and I was fucking smiling in that picture, and that really fucked with me, because I'm like, when I opened up the case file,

years later and saw that, I, again, it was the shame and I was so mad, I beat myself up so much,

been through literal hell? Why was I smiling? And so angry for at myself or going through that, just, you know, this is this association state, and I had to have a therapist explained to me, what do you do when someone puts a camera in your face? And I said, smile, try to, you know, put my hair, you know, try to look presentable and I'll smile and she goes, why is that any different when she put a camera in your face? We're just kind of wired that way, you know, somebody puts a camera

in your face, it's not, it's not an afterthought, you smile because that's kind of how, you know,

“since we were little kids smile for the camera. Why are you beating yourself up over this?”

So finally I had a process that and let it go, but it's just little things like those nuances

throughout your trauma that come back and like it's kind of like a haunting feeling, you know, like you'll feel like you're moving past something and just one thing can pull you back into it. But I gone and I'd given my statement signed it and then the waiting period started. However, so this, so this all started and I had taken off, I had taken off at them away, this happened in April, I didn't go back to work until August. And the company told me,

because he was still working there, he had not been arrested. In fact, what he did was he told the police department, they had to wait until the DNA test came back. He got an attorney and basically

he said, I never touched her. I don't know what you're talking about. I never touched her.

So we had to wait for the DNA to prove your fucking liar, dude, your predator, you did touch me. So he didn't get arrested, his attorney stopped at and basically told that, you know, basically told the police department, like you have no proof to arrest him. And supervisor didn't get in trouble for helping. Supervisor did not get in trouble. At all, at all. Had he helped, do you find out that he had helped him before in these kind of

“things or was that his first time? I think that was his first time, but when they were doing the”

investigation, they had talked to several people that we worked with, because in the state of Texas,

the other interesting thing is, is I never talked to him. I'd seen him, but I had never talked to him.

He was pretty much a stranger to me. Never had a conversation, never said hi, hello, nothing, total stranger. But in the state of Texas, even if you've seen someone because we worked together, they didn't classify him as a stranger. So it was like, apparently prior to the night, the tavern incident, he had been going around and asking different coworkers that, you know, I would talk to it. We were not friendly, but we were friends or anything like that, but he was asking

him and if I was going to attend the party. And everybody said, yeah, she's, you know, she's coming. And he asked probably four or five different people if I was coming. And then the day of he had asked someone else, his Theresa come into the party. And she was like, yes, I've told you, Theresa's come to the party. And he said, well, she's going to eat dinner before or she's just coming straight to. And the girl said, he learned about my son. She's like, well, she has a

“son at home. I think she's going right after work and maybe I'm going to stay an hour or two.”

And then she's going to, she's going to just go home, you know, because her son. And so this is not a proper new that I had, like, I was a mom. And he did not care. But it had asked so many people if I was going to be there. So I was targeted. And it just doesn't make sense to me how the supervisor didn't get charged with something at all. I don't know. Like he saw that state you were in. And well, and and Mars after that incident, I can't remember if I ever saw Mars again. I'm sure I did.

And that's the guy that found me. He, he, he, he was an angel. I, nobody can convince me otherwise. But there was some divine power with him. But the other roommate, he worked, remember, he worked on second shift. So before I went back in August, keep in mind, this guy was still working at the company.

over a decade now. And you just started working here. Basically what he's doing is more important

“than what you're doing and he has some beauty. You can't work on this shift anymore. You have to,”

I was punished. You have to go work this second shift. I have a sign like, it just sucked. But terrible. But there was also destiny in that. So I go back to work. And maybe this is a important part of the story too about my relationship with my child's, we call him the bio donor. My, my son's biological father is my, my grandma, my mother's mother. And I work very, very close. I grew up, my sister Denise, and I grew up going to her house in New Mexico all the time, every summer. And I had a sister with

Down syndrome. So our dynamic was a little bit different. Like we didn't go on extravagant vacations and stuff like that. You know, we had a special needs sister. So getting to go to my grandparents house and, you know, be able to go out to dinner and breakfast every day and get to go to fun things was a treat to us. And then we, you know, started middle school and going to grandma and grandpa's house is no longer cool. But, but in turn, they started coming to our house all summer.

So my, my grandma was really sick and April, but she ended up coming down to Texas for like a

“month or two during the summer. And I remember coming home and crying to her, because remember,”

I go back with Taylor's dad. And when I had come home and I'm crying, not just because of the sexual assault, but he cheated on me again. And as I'm going through this horrible thing,

you know, I find out he cheated on me again. And my grandma always slept in my bed with me.

And I said something totally insane to my grandma. I crawled into bed with her and I'm laying their crime and grandma was such a, you know, my grandma, like, just to give everybody a visual. My grandma was, like, four foot nine, but she, she looked like a little munchkin. Italian lady with black salt and pepper hair. She was the sweetest person never said bad things about anybody. Always told you you needed to eat no matter if you just ate like five plates. Like,

always thought that her, her grandchildren were hungry. Always cooking, you know, just just the kind of grandma that is perfect. I was fortunate enough to have the perfect grandma, but that night it crawled into bed with her. And I was, I was crying and she was such a light sleeper. I was lucky that she

always felt comfortable on my bed. And we got, you know, even as an adult, she was sleeping with me

“in my room. And I was crying. I said something so morbid to her. And I remember verbatim.”

And I said grandma, when you go to heaven, I need you to send me my soulmate. And I said, I cannot do this anymore with him. And keep in mind, my grandma never said, my grandma, like, my, my sister Denise and I would get my grandma to say, like, we just thought it was funny to hear her cuss. That we do the same thing with my mom. Right. Like, all of all of our kids now think it's funny to track, you know, really are definitely not allowed to use that

if I'm a random mom. But, you know, we would get my grandma to cuss and stuff like that because, you know, grandma was so nice and sweet and gentle. But I said, I really need you to send me my soulmate. When you go to heaven, I need you to send me my soulmate. But I'm saying those through tears. And she was like, absolutely. I promise you, I will send you your soulmate. And I was like, I just can't do this anymore with him. And my grandma's like, I don't understand why

you keep on putting it. If someone shows you that they're an asshole, believe them that the asshole,

my grandma's saying that's never heard her cuss. You know, she would say damn it and something

that would never, it usually was not my grandpa. But, you know, she never cussed. So to hear her say, and I remember her just saying that made me, I'll be like, oh grandma, and I, like, through my tears, I was laughing because I had to tell my sister the next day, like, let's know what grandma said. Anyway, so maybe this was in May, June, by August, that the beginning of August, my grandma passes away. And we, we lay her to rest and maybe maybe a couple of days, maybe three, four days after I get back,

And remember, they put me on the second shift. I'm not allowed to go back to my, my shift where I knew everybody, plus I didn't want to. I was getting death threats over work email from his friends that if I, if I, if I go back to that shift, they were going to hurt me and all of that. And I would send it to HR and nothing would, would happen. That is horrible. Yeah. Yeah. Don't worry, I get my, I get my revenge. I work over the weekends to get my revenge on, on them.

Anyway, so I, I go back to work. And again, like, the divine powers take over my grandma just passed away.

“And before, you know, before work starts, and I'm in college at this time too. I think I, I was off”

for the summer, but the reason why I worked at this company is it was my, it was kind of my college job. And to take you and, and I'll take, I'll explain the things that were taken away for me, but I was going to college at the time and working here. I didn't want to do this for the rest of my life. Like, you know, I, I had dreams and visions, but that day that I started work, we all stand around and we're, you know, we have this big group huddle before, you know, our shift starts.

And through the crowd, I see this guy that I've never seen before my life. And maybe I was

delusional, maybe I was dissociated at the time, but it was just this, this, it wasn't love at first

“sight, maybe it was. I don't know, but it was just this sudden feeling for me, like, I need to know him.”

Like, we're supposed to, there's something in this life that we're connected on. And I don't know what it is, but we need to cross back. But we need a cross pass. And it was just this very powerful feeling, the world stopped and it was just me kind of tunnel visioned on him. Again, don't know if I was delusional, just associated with time, but I like to believe it was my grandma, blessing me with my soul mate. And not at the time did I put those two together. But so this was an August, I, I end up talking to him

and his name is Jeff. And we become really good friends. I'm still with, I'm still with my child's father at this time. But, but Jeff and I become really good friends, becomes become super close after,

“he worked second shift too. So we would sit up and talk all night until the early morning about”

anything and everything. He was the first person that I really felt like I had been in the silence of my own story. And Jeff knew nothing, he didn't, he didn't even know that that happened. But we just, we talked about it, you know, I had explained to him what had happened. And he, he generally was interested in, we would talk, but it wasn't even about that. And he would share his, you know, he, he comes from a very broken family and his mom is just a basket case, you know,

just comes from a very broken family. But we related on, I don't come from that kind of family, but I couldn't understand the brokenness, right? But we laughed and it just, it just felt like it was so powerful. Anyway, so this happens for a few months. We just talk and, you know, Casey knows Jeff, I introduced Casey and Jeff and we even go to the movies together. We have lunch together, you know, all of it. Like, all of us in Casey thought Jeff was cool. Like,

I just thought Jeff was a friend. Well, then one night after work, Casey and I didn't

never lived together, not once in our relationship. I had an apartment by this time. I moved out of

my mom and dad's house. They had to move to Tennessee because my dad got a promotion at this company. And they moved to Tennessee and I have to stay behind it because I'm going through all these legal matters. It hadn't the DNA results still hadn't come back yet. So, and I was, I was kind of batch it crazy, not to be not to spend, you know, spend like things or perfect or anything that I was going through. Anyway, so Jeff and I become really good friends. We all were going to go bowling that night,

in Casey was supposed to come and keep in mind going to a work event. It wasn't a work event.

It was just friends getting together. That too was a little scary for me. Absolutely. Like, I always

was looking for the safe person to make sure they don't leave you. Right. Yeah. So, Casey can't go,

with a whole bunch of people that I'm like, I'm cool with, but that I don't 100% know. And he's like,

it's okay. Like, I got you. Like, anywhere you go, I'll go. I was like, all right, cool. So, we go bowling. And I didn't want the night to end. Like, we just talked and laughed at the entire night. And we had a friend and common. I went to high school with her named Judy.

“She's my assistant. Now, today, many years later, but Judy, I was like, you know, you have to come”

over to my apartment and look at the yearbook picture of Judy. It's so funny. I actually did her hair. Because, Judy wanted to look like Drew Barrymore with the curly, you know, short curly hair. She wanted to look like Drew Barrymore for her senior picture. And that poor girl, I did her hair for her. She looked like an email. And I was like, you have to come over and look at this picture. You're going to die. And so he came over and we ended up talking all night again. And, you know,

at my apartment, and we laughed at the picture, you know, we laughed during the night. And then he tells me, hey, you know, it was getting to be daylight outside. It's almost six o'clock in the morning.

“And he's like, I got to go, you know, I have to get sleep. Because we had to go to work later”

than night. And I ruined the friendship. I kissed him. Like, I walked him to the door. I kissed him. And I was still with my boyfriend at the time. And I backed up. And I was like, oh my God. And he was like, what? And I said, I'm still with Casey. And I remember he said, would it make you feel better if I kissed you back? So you weren't the one that kissed me. And I was like, okay, both of us are like feeling this, like, because I never brought it up to him. Like, hey, I'm attracted to you.

I feel this way. I never really thought about it. I just, I just thought he was an amazing person.

And I was like, no, he ended up leaving. I had always felt super connected to him to the point where Casey started feeling it. And Casey, like, set a boundary of, like, you can't talk to Jeff anymore. And I was like, well, I guess I have to quit my job then. So I quit working

“at this company. And I went to go work at a law firm. Because that's what that's my long-term goal”

was to go into law school. So I went to go work at this law firm. And I told Jeff, listen, I can't talk to any more. I have to make this work with my child's dad. And I told him before we, you know, went off into our own world. Like, I can't do this because I feel like I'm falling in love with you. And he said the same. He's like, I'm not falling in love with you. I am in love with you. And it was just like cinematic, like, FML, you know, but you have to,

you have to go back to the toxic shitty relationship. Well, during this time, so now it's been about six months. I'm trying to remember if this was before or after. I think it was after when I left for the law firm. I get a call from the police station. Yeah, it was definitely after because I was no longer working there. I get a call from the police station. The DNA results have come back. And there was no

chance in how I mean, it was like one out of, you know, 8 billion people. There was enough people

in the world to, you know, for there to be that ratio. But during this time, I had connected really well with my sex crime investigator. She was amazing, very helpful. And I would tell her what was going on, what had happened at work. How they, they made me, you know, change shifts. How I was getting death threats on work email, which turned it over to HR. Nobody would do anything. Just all of these things. And she hit them right where it hurt. And so the DNA results come back. This is six months

after they're going to make the arrest. Instead of going to his home, they go to the company's cafeteria. They have this big cafeteria. And they arrest him in front of everybody. And they say

And they haul his ass out to jail. And then that's, you know, my mom and dad are gone at this time.

“My sister is, I live in Austin now. My sister lives maybe an hour away. I don't feel support”

from my child's dad whatsoever. I really haven't connected. Anthony was really the only friend that my Anthony and Tudy. Same as you, by the way, the school of the school of the school, just to get some rest and then get a rest. No, not like that. My sister is my safe space. You mean, you're all right? Yeah, exactly. Like that. It's like that. The one who just understands.

The same studio, job or music. The rest. I don't feel like I'm going to stay.

Stoy on LED, safe. Medviso Stoyer. We're really the only friends that I spoke to openly about what I was feeling. And I'm sorry, Carrie, too. So there's three friends that I really could openly talk about, you know, this is how I'm feeling. This is what I'm going through. All of that. They really wanted my mom. My mom's all the way in Tennessee. And I call my mom. And I say, you know, he's been arrested and she's so happy and excited and and all of that. But when you're going through the

pursuit of justice, it, it, it happened to tell your story over and over and over again.

It almost is defeating. You're like, it just, it's not paralyzing. You're just exhausted from telling

“the story 8,000 times. And, you know, every move that you remembered that he did, it just, I remember”

telling my friend, Carrie, about it. And she's like, part of me is like feeling like these guys are getting off on the freaking story. How much they ask you about it. And like, yeah, it's just, it's so weird. But I really wanted my mom, just, that's who I wanted, you know. And during this time, now, you know, six months of labs, he's in jail. I'm in college at the time. And the company kept supervisor working. Company kept supervisor working. We'll get into that here in a minute.

Company kept supervisor working. Guys and jail. And I make the decision. My sister is now, she lives in, she ended up getting married and she's married to a military guy and they get stationed in Colorado. So my sister's in Colorado. This is all within that here. My mom's in Tennessee. I only have, you know, three friends that I can really process and talk this way. But I'm also feeling the shame, the embarrassment, the burden, feeling of the burden,

feeling like I'm being too much. So I really didn't feel like I would share with them. But I felt like if I talk about it too much, I'm going overboard. And I don't want to spare them not to feel like the heavy. So of course, I became like the Joker of the, of the front group and would joke around a lot. And it was, it was me masking my pain and shame and what had happened. And I, by this time, it was, I was working at the law firm and maybe it was like a year after the

“fact. Because I remember it was warm again outside. So let's say, we, you know, April one year later.”

I had, I knew like I had to talk to Jeff. And I didn't call him, but I knew what time he got off her lunch. So I drove up to work and he had grown out his hair. Because before he had like kind of a flat top, you know, the 90 style, kind of flat top boy cut. And I had pulled up to the building. And I saw him walking across the parking lot and immediately got butterflies. Like, oh my god. And I remember yelling out like, hey, Jack, and he comes over to my card. He's like,

hi, what are you doing here? And I lied and said I was picking someone up for lunch. I wasn't I came there to see him. And I said, oh, you know, picking up someone and he said, I said, oh,

well, he got arrested. And he's like, I heard he's like, I wanted to call you because it was big news

“here. You know, made, made all of the employees. And I wanted to call you. But I know that you,”

you, you know, wanted to stop contact with me. And I was like, I wish that you did call me, why don't you call me tonight? Anyway, he kind of set up that boundary that night that, as long as I was with Casey, that, this was like in a work. You know, we couldn't even be friends. So I respected his boundaries. But in my gut, I was like, I have to make the relationship with Taylor's dad work. You know, my parents were together, you know, my parents were in a loving relationship.

And my dad respected my mom. I had to make this work. Anyway, so my sisters in Colorado at this time, she gets pregnant with my niece Cameron. And she was having complications during her pregnancy. And she had my other niece Sidney at the time. It was maybe three, four years old. And my sister had, you know, my sister was up there by herself with her husband. And she didn't have any friends or family down there. So she asked me to come up while she was in Colorado to help her

with Sidney. So I took, you know, I took some time off of work. And by this time I was working at the

law firm, took some time off of work. And maybe the second day that I was there, Casey drove and

dropped me off at the airport. And while I was there, I called that calm. And all of this should have been, like I was still very deep in my PTSD. And we'll talk a lot about that. But Casey's, I called home, maybe a day or two afterwards, just to check him with Casey and see how he was. And another girl answered the phone and basically broke up with me for Casey because they were together now. And most women would be like, you know, total betrayal, all of that. But to me,

it was finally permission to move on that I don't have to make this work. And immediately I called, I called Jeff that night. And we have been together ever since. So 20, I mean, 23, 24 years now. Crazy. So yeah, we've been together ever since. He is still like, to know Jeff is to love Jeff. Anybody that needs Jeff loves Jeff. He's, he's so funny. But he has such a wonderful heart. And people just feel very welcomed by him. So I'm very lucky to have him. But Jeff also had a

learn about my trauma too. And unfortunately, we ended up being together. But I had made the decision before going to Colorado that I was moving to Michigan to complete college, focus 100% on going to college. And before all of this happened. So my, we kind of grew up in, you know, there was no podcast.

There were no blogs. There was, you know, we barely had the internet. So you never, we're lucky

“and we're fortunate now to have these podcasts. That's why it's so important that you allow”

people to tell their story. So people can learn and connect, they'll connect it to others, you know, but back then we didn't have any of that. So so you did feel still, you did feel alone. You did feel like you were the only one that had to experience those feelings. And you start questioning if you're insane, because you have all of these loopy thoughts. Am I the only, am I the only stupid woman that took a shot when when my, my mom's never to take a shot from a stranger? Am I the

only stupid one that would take a shot? Why was I wearing matching panties and a bra? I should have gone home instead of going to a party. Like all the shame and guilt from self-blame. Very much so.

“Very, very much. I think it probably too felt more common than to just move forward and brush”

things under the rug. Like why keep beating a dead horse. There's nothing much else we can do is like he's in jail now. You know, we hadn't gone to trial yet. Okay. So people are going to be amazed and shocked by this part of the story. So as a kid, again, we didn't have podcasts. We didn't have the true crime YouTube community. We didn't have anything like that. What we had was

20 20 was. But we had, what's that one with John Walsh, America? America's most wanted. Okay. We had

“America's most wanted. We had unsolved mysteries. And then the OJ Simpson trial had started when”

I was in high school and court TV came about. Yeah. So it was not uncommon that my mom, my mom was a big crime show person. So my sister and I loved just in time with our mom and we would just like kind of have to get in like accept you know, hey, this is our life too. So we would watch unsolved mysteries and even to this day whenever I hear the theme song. I'm like, God, that is so terrifying. This is the theme song to unsolved mysteries is such a terrifying song. But theme songs. But I remember

when the OJ Simpson trial started and imagine this for for your viewers and listeners that because I'm a lot older than probably a lot of your viewers and listeners. But imagine when we all watched the trial for Johnny Depp and Amber heard, Johnny Depp's attorney Vanessa, how powerful she was and how every woman in America was just like, that is that is she is such a power play.

“That's why I felt with Marsha Clark when I was watching the OJ Simpson trial and I was like,”

that I never realized what I wanted to do. And even though I had a son so young,

and went through, you know, in high school, I had teachers and students tell me that, you know, you're going to work at Walmart for the rest of your life or you're going to depend on the system for the rest of your life. So I've always been that in the mentality and my dab wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, when I told him I was pregnant, he picked up a chair and threw it and told me that I was still going to college. Like, there was no question about it.

But when I saw Marsha Clark on court TV, this was brand new, I was like, that's what I wanted to.

“I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew that that's, I wanted to be her one day.”

So I went to college. My undergrad was in, you know, criminology and sociology. I double majored and my hope and dream was to go into law school. But then the, my whole thing started and I was now in college. Jepp was here and tech, they're not here. Jepp was in Texas and I was all the way of the Michigan. I decided to go to college there. My mom and dad and my dad quit his job and my mom and dad moved to Michigan because I knew that I was going to need help with my son

to help me with with Taylor and so that we could also, you know, my son and I could also bond after this awful crime. And I get a call, this is probably in the first semester of college when I go up to Michigan. Jeff and I are still talking and all of that. But I get a call from the district attorney and they said, we have good news for you and I was like, okay, and they said

he's going to accept a plea deal. They never once told me what the plea deal was until he accepted

it. So it wasn't like I couldn't tell them yes or no. He just called me to tell me what the plea deal was. And he said, keep in mind, everybody you're going to drop your jaw. He drugged me, abducted me, raped me for hours. I haven't had my class need that put on yet. I had been already told by the doctors that I need one. I was 23 years old, 22, 23 years old at this time and I was trying to believe it wasn't true that I and things, you know, obviously we're happening with my

body that I'm like, okay, I'm going to need one, but not right now, not yet, not yet. So I would go in and have like these little surgeries and stuff like that. And you want to have all those surgeries because of their own. Yeah, so stitches and stuff like that. And it was, you know, it wasn't fair because yes, it was just day surgery that I would go in, that I would be down and out for a couple of days, you know, after that. The fact that you had to have surgery, the fact that it happened

at all, right, absolutely, you know. So he calls me and he's like, well, I have good news for you. And I said, what's that? And I actually was 22 at this time. What's that? And he said, well, he wants

when the DNA results came back, it showed proof that he did. There was no other DNA on me, except for his. They had taken not just the DNA from me, but they took the couch cushions, the samples of the carpet, the glass, perfinger prints, all of that, into evidence. In fact,

the second roommate had seen me when I was working at the company had seen me there and was like,

“he, he was, I think he was trying to be funny, but it wasn't funny to me. And it also made me feel”

really bad. He's like, yeah, we had a buy a new couch after you. And this was the supervisor and the second roommate, not the one that found me, but the other one that worked the second shift. So he saw me on the second shift and made that comment. And I remember talking like crying. And Jeff and I would take breaks. And we would go sit outside and remember one night after that happened, telling him about it. And Jeff just has a good way of listening, but you know,

sometimes I tell him, like, you can take a perfect moment and run it with a joke. Like,

we were having a real sincere moment, then he would just had to tell a joke and make me laugh. But he just hit a good way of listening, but also like, kind of flip my mood upside down. So kind of like, oh, that really quick, but they had taken so much DNA evidence that when it came to trial, there was no, and his attorney said, listen, we're not, you're going to serve time for this. There's no getting around this whatsoever. So he took a plea deal, which the, and I want,

I want people to understand that the most horrendous crime happened to me, not just the

sex, you know, not just the rape, the sex crime, but the strangulation, the reduction, the, the

drugging, all of that happened to me, but this man got probation. He got 15 years probation,

“and then they said the good thing is, and everybody needs to remember these words. He is going to”

be on the lifetime sex offender list for the rest of his life, for the rest of his life, once a year, he's going to have to go into the police department, wherever he lives, take a picture, fill out a card of where he lives, and he'll have to remember why he's there for the rest of his life. And then for the remainder of the year, he's going to have to worry about when the cops come and do a verification compliance check that he put down the right address. So for the rest of your,

he's going to have to worry about his door being knocked on when he has friends and family over that might not know of his crime, or they might go next door, and knock, if he's not home, knock on the neighbor store and ask a few lists there. And he's like almost, it was almost like a salesy pitch of, hey, you're, you're getting a good deal here, and so 15 year probation means he

“wouldn't go to jail, right. So, but remember, my mom is the feisty Italian lady who is with me”

when the attorney called, and she's like, well, what if we don't want to accept that? And they said, well, we've already accepted it for her. And then the district attorney said, and keep this in mind because it's going to come back, we're giving him enough rope to hang himself because he's not going to be law abiding for 15 years. There's no way. So I also harbored the guilt of not being my story not being good enough for this man to go to prison, feeling the terror of, oh my God,

my story wasn't good enough to put him in prison. But now he's going to have another victim, and what if she doesn't make it? Oh, how many fear of him trying to hurt you? That's coming, okay. So, I still continue on with school, and I decide that I'm going to stay in Michigan, and Jeff and I are trying to figure that out, too, of, you know, if, and we would, we were really good, this was pre 9/11, so flights were really cheap. You know, we would see each other once every

three weeks, and, you know, it, it, our long-distance relationship wasn't bad. Plus, I feel like we,

we didn't have that, we had no other choice but to get to know each other over the phone and learn

“how to communicate with each other. So we had that early on where our communication was, you know,”

either we communicate or we don't, and we made a choice to, you know, always communicate with each other.

But he, yeah, he got, he got permission, probation. I decided to stay in Michigan with my parents, and finished school. We were trying to figure out, okay, what are, you know, are you going to move here, am I going to finish school? Like, I don't know where I'm going to go to law school yet, all of the things, and then I, then it, it hit my sister who had Down syndrome, it all hit like one after another. My sister, about a couple days before 9/11, my sister with Down syndrome got walking

pneumonia. We didn't know because she was nonverbal, but we could tell like she was sick. We just thought

it was a winter cold. It, we were up in Michigan, but one night, I went back to my apartment in

my mom and Deborah at home, and my sister, or my, my mother called me and said, "Hey, I need you to come home and help me with Kimmy because she, like, something's wrong. I just went into make sure that she had water. She's really, she's been really sick with a cold, but her lips look really purple. Do you mind coming home and helping me take her to the hospital?" And my dad had been on a flight. He flew the night, the day of, so he was, and he had a flight the next, he was pilot.

So he had a flight the next day. So my mom was like, "I don't feel comfortable waking up. Your

“dad, he needs a sleep." It's like a course mom. So I go back to the house and I remember walking in”

and, you know, helping my mom put the, you know, my sister's shoes. My sister Kimmy was older than me,

but, you know, at my heart, she was so much younger, but helping my mom put her shoes on and putting her coat on, and we walked her out to the car. And I looked over to my mom and I said, "Did you get her insurance car? Did you get the medicine that she's been on? The doctors at the ER are going to ask that." And again, this divine thing happened in my life where my mom had already buried a child. My brother had leukemia and passed away from leukemia, so she had already

buried a child. I had already gone through my situation. And then now, you know, my mom runs in and it just so happened that when my mom was in the house, my sister was sitting right behind me

“in the car, and I was going to drive. So I was in the driver's seat. My sister was right behind me,”

buckled in, and I heard her make a big gas and literally kind of collapse, like, and, you know, going forward. And it felt like I sat there for minutes, like, trying to contemplate, like, is my sister okay? And I probably was a matter of seconds, but I started, you know, trying to, you know, kind of turned around in my chair and like, try to wicker up and I could tell, like, she wasn't breathing. By this time, my mom came outside and I flung open the door and I told my

mom, call 911 and she was like, what's wrong? And I was like, can he's not breathing? And my mom stands in the middle of your screaming, and I'm trying to do CPR or my sister, and I can't get her, I can't maneuver her because she, she was a larger, you know, she was a larger girl. I couldn't maneuver her to get her flat on the seat. And I was like, my mom, my mom was in pure panic and shock that she wasn't going to get in the damn phone. So I was like, okay, I got to run in as fast as I can

and get the phone and then get my dad to, you know, come out and help me. So I run in, I grab the phone, I call 911. I'm on the phone with 911, you know, saying, you know, please get to this address, my stream of breathing. And I fling open the door, my poor dad was neck, it's sleeping nude. He didn't know I was coming over to the house. I fling open the door and all of us, my friends, and, and my sister and I call him Lorenzo, my dad. Lorenzo's, like, he asked me later on. He's like,

oh, we didn't see anything. And I was like, dad, I was so out of it. I didn't see anything. And it was like, you don't have nothing to do with your verse about, we're good, we're good. And so my dad, I tell my dad, and my dad goes into, again, he's high-ranking military guy

he and I start doing CPU. As I'm on the phone with 911, he and I, and that is the most

exact, like, I go on through CPR classes, but I didn't ever have to do it in real life. It is the most exhausting thing because you're adrenaline so high and you're just like, breathe, you know,

“especially when it's your sister. And my, I hand the phone to my mom and I say, you need to do”

911 in my mom's, you know, screaming and handling. And my dad and I got her to breathe. And then it was a matter of minutes before the paramedics got there, but, you know, when you're in that, it feels forever. And so he pull up and, you know, take her off and stuff like that and she

ended up, she didn't make it. And so now I was dealing with PTSD from everything,

the shame and embarrassment that I didn't get the justice that I deserved and felt retraumatized by the system. My sister just passed away and had, like, anybody that has lost a sibling can resonate with us, seeing your parents mourn a sibling and knowing there's nothing you can do. Like, your personality, you being there, all of that can't take away their pain. That is a very heavy, hard thing to sit with because all of my parents are such beautiful people

and to see them hurt the way that they did. That's all I wanted was just to take their pain and you know, hold it for them because it was so talk for them. And my mom also kind of lost her

identity too because she's always, she was a nurse, but then she quit her job and, you know,

she's a caretaker, so she kind of lost her identity and that. But we all made the decision to

“move back to Texas. I was, I was getting out of school anyway and I remember I'll never forget”

calling Jeff and saying, hey, this is what we're actually going to do now and him being so excited. And this is probably maybe six, eight months after the guys on probation. So we move back to Texas and I'm out of school now. I went to school for sociology and criminology and I take a job working for a children's shelter that works with child protective services out of Texas and probably two or three months into that job. I decided to take

there were teen kids. I just, I, I, I, me and this guy named Oscar, we decided to take them to pizza place for dinner, just to get out of the shelter and like enjoy and also for them to connect with each other and all of that, just to have some respite from their own trauma that, you know, being with your mom and dad that are utterly abusive, that's all they know and they're away from their friends, they're away from, you know, everything that they know, just to give them some

respite of not having to think about that and connect with each other and enjoy some pizza. So I'm having pizza at the pizza place and low and behold who walks in, he does. He knew I was there, he comes in and I'm sitting on a table and the booth with, you know, these children and my co-worker,

“I think there was, you know, four kids and me and him comes in and there's a booth right across for us”

and he doesn't order any food, no drink, nothing, he goes and sits down at the booth and looks at me and stares at me would not take his eyes off of me and I told the kids, let's, you know, we got gotten the pizza and I said we're going to take this to go and ask her, what the hell, Trisa, what do you mean we're taking this pizza going, I said listen, we got to go now and he thought it was one of the kids parents that had walked in and when we got out to the van he was like,

what happened was that so-and-so's dad and I said, no, did you see him and he said, yes, I saw him and I said, no and I had to come out and tell him, hey, that's, you know, that's my rapist and, you know, he's probation, he's not supposed to be around me, I have a protective order against him and I, we end up leaving, I just wanted to forget about it, by this time when I, I'm in back to Texas, it's just a Jeff and I and Taylor are all living together,

space out like how, so there was that incident and then maybe a week later I had to go to a visit for work and it was out near the Austin airport and back that now it has like a whole bunch of highways and stuff like that near it but back in the day it was just like kind of a county road that would go in and out of the airport, it was kind of a, a, a two lane, you know, highway but there was a convenience store right across the street from the airport and I had to go out by, they call it

Dell Valley, I had to go out to Dell Valley and to get back into Austin, you kind of had to go

“through the airport and I remember I had to go to the bathroom but I also had to get gas really bad”

and I probably wanted cigarettes or something like that, so I pull into this convenience store and all of a sudden there's a car that pulls in right after me and I didn't think anything of it, you know, whatever people are coming in and out of that community store but this car pulls in right behind me and he gets out of the car and he walks in front of his car, so my, my tailens here, his front ends here, he gets out of his car, walks in the front and he's intimidating me,

he's doing it on purpose just staring at me, gets out of his car to rate this again. This is the rapist, stands in, stands, here's the back end of my car, here's his front end, I look in the rear view mirror, I see him and there's a car that's right in front of me so I can't just drive off, I'm kind of packed in and I remember looking over, I don't know how I had that, I've also gone to a wedding, but back then it was, it was the early 2000s everybody had,

the cardboard disposable cameras, I had one of those and I started taking pictures of him to show to the police that he's been following me and I knew I had Oscar's testimony, but now I was by myself, so I started taking pictures and a guy had gotten out of his car and I screamed at him and I told him what, that was my rapist who's behind me, he's following me and the guy, I remember his big old guy, as soon as I said he's my rapist,

mental like to hear that at all and he went into protection mode and basically, I think he was the

car in front of me, moved his car up and helped me get out and then he basically, when I drove away him and that guy were talking and you could tell the guy was mad, just by his physical language, you could tell he was not happy with my rapist, so that night I call my mom and I tell her what

“it has been going on and she's like, you need to go and get those pictures developed as soon as”

possible, we're going to go tomorrow, we're going to make a report, just show that he's been stalking you and violating your protective order, keep in mind protective order, like, all right, cool. That night, he ended up going to, this is what got him thrown into prison for over a decade.

Ultimately, it was because he violated the probation against me, but he had gone out drinking,

he was on a motorcycle that night after seeing me, so the university, destiny kind of helped my self out again, he went out drinking, he was on a motorcycle and he got charged with the DWI and the DA was like, yep, we gave you enough rope, you hung yourself, we're revoking all of your

“probation and there's no suspension on your sentence, you have to serve that entire time in prison.”

And so we, you know, we go through the process, all of that, I go to court and they're allowing me because the first time I didn't do a victim witness statement, I was then Michigan at the time,

but he did a plea bargain. I just never got to do a victim witness statement, so they

asked me to do a victim witness statement when we went back to court for his sentencing. And so I did a victim witness statement, they had the pictures, all of that stuff, but he was following me, so they knew that he was also stalking aside from just the DWI. My two best friends, and I were talking last night, and I had to call Carrie because Carrie had been there since day one,

he hung himself with a DWI, that's what lay in it him in prison. It wasn't my rape and stringed,

“you know, it was a DWI. That's unfortunately, that's the reality that sex crime victims have to face,”

is just no harsh punishments for offenders. But he said an open court that he said, because I was, you know, I was a lot thinner when he met me. And like part of my trauma was trying to make myself less appealing. Jeff allowed me to despite anything, but make myself less appealing. So I gained weight, and I told open court, they showed him a picture of me and he's in front of all of the courtroom. He's like, well, she's gotten really fat, and all of the women, that was just

so harsh that this man, and I didn't give a shit. I was like, good, you don't find me attractive anymore. Being go, I'm, you know, I'm winning. So every woman was offended me, not none whatsoever. I don't want to be attractive to you. Anyway, so I did my victim witness statement, victim witness statement,

“and hands up going to prison. I think he ended up, sir. He got 15 years of probation. I think he”

served the full time without a suspended, you know, a lot of times people will only serve 50 percent or 80 percent. He had to serve the full amount. I think he served maybe 13, 14 years in prison.

And the other thing with, I want people to understand that I have never resonated with the word

survivor. I just have it, because to me, surviving is restoration, right? It's was storing who you were. When you are, when you are a sex crime victim, you have the life before in the life after, and you see things in through a different lens, where the things that you loved and enjoyed at one time in life, now become the milieu, but foreign to you at the same time. And it, I was never the same person

“that I was before that. So there was no, yes, my body is still here.”

But I had to crawl and, and peel through every layer that I could to restore myself into the person who I am today, didn't go to law school, you know, didn't completely law school. That was taken from me, but my safety and my security was taken from me, being in fear all the time for not only myself, but my nieces and my daughter, you know, I have a daughter with a Jeff Sarah who's 22 now, my age when, you know, around my age when all of this happened, you know, being in fear

for her, there's so much wrapped up in sexual violent crimes that is not just the shame, it's not just the guilt, it's the betrayal of your own body, it's the feeling of trying to find your own self and having to grieve the loss of yourself at every single day and having to wake up every single day and remembering that this happened to you and making the best, but, you know, taking

the best books forward, I went through several years of therapy, but I would always get to a certain

part, and of course, I'm healed and I'm much further away from this now that I can talk fully about the crime, but I would get to a certain part of my, of the crime right before he would urinate on me. That was the thing that I would stop therapy because I didn't want to go any further. That was the destructive piece that I just couldn't say out loud. Oh, and then, you know, he wasn't done, you know, he thought like he killed me, but he wanted to make sure by urinating

on me, I couldn't say that out loud, and I would just stop therapy all together and it would just bring me back into the pattern of, you know, my PTSD, it ruined friendships, it ruined many relationships. Oh, you changed, you know, nobody else around you does. I mean, maybe, you know, the people that were directly affected, that your family and the people around you, the acquaintances,

the friends, I always say, you know, people can feel for you, right? But it really truly is impossible

to know unless you went through it. And even what you're talking about of the life before the life

battling and dealing with every single day. Yeah, from it. And I get that, but as women, I don't

“think there's any woman in this world that hasn't been affected either, their friends, their family”

acquaintances, you don't know someone that hasn't been affected by this type of crime, right? Like all of us, all of us women know, hey, I have a friend that was sexually harassed at work or, you know,

manhandled or raped. So I always felt like a woman should be my biggest advocate. And I quickly

learned that the only person that can be my best advocate and speak up for myself was myself. Absolutely. So, and that took years and years and years to get to. So, going through therapy, I had awful, Jeff and I call them PTSD, dreams of just, you know, but also the physical piece too, because trauma, yes, it's, it's doors in the body. It does. And so, I have this weird tech world just cough. I have, like, I quit swimming because of the fear of when I hold my breath, it automatically

triggers me because I held my breath for so long when all of that was happening. Right when I was, like, it was 25, I went to the doctor and I was having issues and there was no way of doing another, you know, surgery. So, that's when we made the decision to do the class. And in fact, which ultimately, you know, since I was 21, they said that that would have to happen. I felt even, like, a burden then, like, it's jump, even going to find me attractive.

Jeff has never once, like, intimacy was never ruined nothing. He has never once said anything about it.

Like, he's been very, very supportive and, like, would always tell me how proud I am and always tells me you're so beautiful, all of that, but he's never made me feel, you know, he's never been weirded out by it or anything like that. He's just like, I'll take what I can get. I don't. Yeah, it's not reversible, right? It's not for life. Yeah, it's for life. But when he, so lots of, lots of changed, I, you know, not just had my son who's now, by the way, today he's 30 years old,

he's an incredibly smart man. He's, he's a funniest person I know. I always say you got your

sense of humor from me. They, they haven't Jeff are very close, but then they always, they always think

Jeff is his biological dad, that's fine. But I'm like, you got your sense of humor from me, 100%

“he's so funny and he's incredibly smart. He's, I think he's getting his D in history. Like,”

he wants to be a history teacher. He's just, both he and I beat the odds, you know, because usually, you know, when you're a teen mom, you don't go on to college and, and your kid doesn't go up to college and all of this. And I always, and like, very proud of us for beating the odds there. But now, you know, Jeff and I together, you know, we always, you know, we always, look, at sometimes I forget that Taylor is not his. And Taylor's dad has, as soon as we broke up, he never really

developed a relationship with Taylor. And Taylor's now at the age where he's just like, yeah, that guy is a meathead. You always want your date, why are your dates literally meathead, mom? But I have a daughter now. And I, it was really important for me to, to speak out for her, too, but so many years of raising her and something like that. So when he, he got out of prison,

“I, I think Sarah was maybe, she's 22 now. So, so maybe 12, 13 years old, I,”

I kept on going back to, okay, the DA said that he'll be on the lifetime offender database and that for the rest of his life, he'll have to go in and take a picture and fill out a form. And then for the remainder of the year, he's going to have to worry about them coming and doing verification and compliance on him. So I just, that was my sliver of justice. And feeling like I always knew where he was. He was in South Austin. I just never went to South Austin. I stayed all the way north.

I always knew exactly what he looked like because they'd take pictures of him, all of that. So I was, I was fine. Then the, and, and my PTSD life, like continued on. And then in 2020,

the shutdown happened, March, April. I had, I forgot. I, I think it was sick or something like that.

And I, I knew I didn't have COVID, but I was sick and indifferent. I, I don't know. I forgot what it was, but I gone to the hospital and by this time, all the doctors and nurses like the entire hospital,

“ERs taped off. You have to go through, you know, just a very protective area. All of the nurses”

and doctors are wearing their protective gear, the mask, the, you know, the shield, the mask, the big robe, gloves, and all of this. And I was, when I saw them like that, I was so sick. I,

I kind of just didn't listen to what my mind and my body was saying and they shuffled me

into, like, kind of a red zone because they didn't know if I had COVID or not. And they were talking to me through a phone and it was just, it was a lot. It was too much. But then being in that, the PPE, a gear, it, it, it re-nighted my PTSD because it took me back to the same nurse. And that's exactly how they were dressed. And so I'm going through, you know, another big huge trigger that I hadn't really had that many triggers in years. And now we're also isolated. And I was, I was

“working at the time. And I think because of the, the shut down, I think that they, they laid off”

a whole bunch of people because I was laid off. I wasn't working. I wasn't, you know, I, I just had home life to deal with. So so I isolated and, and experiencing anxiety and depression and had not been on medicine for years and years and years, bought through that. And then I worked at that, my mom and dad lived right next door. I, by the way, I don't live there anymore. Just in case he is listening, I don't, I don't, I, I've moved like three times since this because of him. I, and there's some,

some things to that I want to go back on that might, might answer some of the questions for the listener,

“but I kind of worked through that. And then, and I think it was 2021, there was a huge lawsuit in”

Austin, Texas against the DA, the city of Austin in the Austin Police Department for Miss Handelink, sex crime victim cases, whether they're, their, their rakeheads were not processed correctly or whether they didn't get a thorough investigation. A lot of victims sued for violating their constitutional crime victim rights. And one of the lady's stories, I don't know, she was part of the lawsuit, I think she was, because I think it was in the lawsuit that I had read. But this man had broken into

her home and had raped her in ways that I had been raped and strangled her and after strangulation, he urinated on her. And what we know in sex offenders is one, it's not a singular thing. Usually it happens repeatedly. With my particular case, there were two people before me. And unfortunately, that happened in the late 80s, early 90s when DNA was was not a thing. So while the women reported that, and we know that most people don't report, right? So there could

be, like, for instance, with Austin, Texas, there could be 10,000 rapes that happened, but only, you know, 1% or I think it's one or 10%, I can't, only like, you know, 1,000 people get through the system. And then 1,000 people report, then you question why so many don't have harsh punishment, or, you know, getting in kind of justice, only 1% of that. So you might have 1 or 2 cases each year that are from those 1,000 cases that have been reported. So anyway, I found out that he had done this,

and this was prior to his trial. I had found out that he had done it twice before. It was reported. One of the ladies he had also urinated on and strangled. I don't know about the

first lady. I know the second lady. He strangled and urinated on. And anyway, he urinated on and

before me, too. I was just fortunate enough to have a really good mom and dad that, and not to say

“the other victims didn't have great support system or mom's a dad. I just, my mom and dad did not put”

up with a police shot. You know, they, they were just, no, like, you're, you're going to take care of our daughter and despite it all, he only got probation, but they fought for a thorough investigation and, you know, they had to pay out a pocket for whatever they would pay out a pocket. Anyway, he seeing that in the new lawsuit that this woman had been strangled and urinated on

and that her rate kit in Austin, Texas was mishandled and she never got justice. I was like,

what the fuck, this is him, this is 100% him. So I called, they call it the sore unit. And unfortunately, I wish that we all had, you know, Meredith, Olivia's and, and real life, because if we did our world would be, you know, from SVU, our world would be a lot better, but the world doesn't really work like that. I have a sore unit called the sex offender apprehension, registry, and every single police department agency across the nation has these. And I also want to make it clear to victims and victims

families and those who who had victims that did not survive this either from them taking their own life or from the crime itself that you as a U.S. a direct family member have access and rights to this information. I called the sore unit and I asked this was in 2022. This is when it all started. I said, can you tell me, when the last time you verified his address was, because I knew he was doing something. And they told me, oh, it's on the registry. I said, and by this time, I'm,

“I'm not so deep in my, I'm not so close to the crime. I'm 25, you know, by this time, I think it was”

23 or 23 years and, and to it. But I was just like, they said to me, they said, it's on the registry. And I said, no, sir, that is when he reports, when did you verify the information? And I learned over the, you know, I would call almost every, every week to see, when did you verify, because they would put me off. We're going to have to look into that. We're going to have to look into that. Well, the reason why they were looking into it is because they didn't want to tell me that they

had not verified his address in over seven years. He was coming in yearly to do the, to give his address. And their thing is, well, he signs that that's true and accurate on the paper that he's providing

the true accurate information. And I'm like, so wait a second, we're believing that we're believing

“a rapist. Yeah, we're believing a rapist over, it was the what the fuck moment. Yeah. So I think in 20,”

20, it was, 2022 or 2023, I had been on their neck just relentless calling them saying you need to go out and verify his address, telling them why. And then kind of as a victim, I was, I was burning them, you know, with asking them to do their fucking job. And unfortunately, this isn't just an Austin Texas thing. This is happening all over the nation for sex crime victims. And it just doesn't impact past victims. It impacts people that can be, you know, a future victim. It impacts

the residents of that community who believe in the sex offender registry that that's true and accurate. It's happening all across that these verification and compliance checks aren't really happening. In fact, if anybody wants to have a fun, fun interview, look up Austin Texas Fox News, APD, Sor unit S-O-A-R. And you can hear that we'll get there. But you'll hear the head person

over Sor unit when I finally went public about this and started fighting for reform. He has

and compliance? And he said, well, you know, we just sniff it out and if they're acting weird,

then we'll go out and do verification and compliance check. Do their sex offent. All of them should be weirdos to you. Like that is not normal for anybody to do that to a person that every

“single one of them should get a bad sniff test. That's weird. Anyway, and I think it was in 2020,”

2022, 2023. I had, early 2023. I had called in yet again. His name is Corporal Hector Campos that I haven't, he was my point of contact at the Sor unit. And he had sent me a lot of gas lady emails like, I would, we have in Texas we have this thing called chapter 62. And I would just revert back to you guys have to do verification. And he said, we do verification. The Fender signs, the document that's them verifying that the accurate, there's truth and accuracy to what

they wrote down. I'm like, okay, bro, like you and I are on two different planets because it's not verifying someone's information. But I called in and I asked him again, you know, have you gone out and done a compliance check on him. I don't feel safe. By this time I had moved, I don't know, maybe two, three times, by this point. And I said, I, you know, I don't feel safe. This head of the

“Sor unit, how the audacity to say, Teresa, you should consider yourself lucky because most victims”

don't get the justice that you've gotten. And he's basically telling you to buzz off, like take what I can get, like at least I got a little bit of justice. Now I need to leave them alone.

And I will never forget what I said back to them though. I told them I, I said, I hope that you're

not a betting man because what happened to me was not luck. Someone that has to sit with a class me back for the rest of their life in PTSD that is so traumatizing, that's not luck. I hope that you don't, you're not a betting man. I think I called them the asshole and told them I can't, you know, that what he just said was incredibly triggering and hung up the phone on them. And then I tried to commit suicide and obviously it wasn't successful in that, but just from

2022 up until that time, it was just like this is never going to end. I am going to be scared for the rest of my life. I'm going to feel betrayed now by our justice system, one that I wanted to be a part of and go to law school and all of that. I feel total betrayal. All of the, all of the gaslighting from APD, like it felt like I was, I was back into the sex crime itself, just the, the shame, the embarrassment, the burden, that all of the feelings, the fear,

the blame game, all of that came back 110%. Something that had, you know, I really definitely worked on, you know, during that time, but him saying that I was lucky, it all, again, it went back to, this is my fault because he's right. There's so many women that don't get justice that I did,

like how dare I ask them to go do this. This is never going to fucking end. I am, I'm never going

to get the justice that I deserve. The sliver of justice that I was hoping for, that at least he had to go in and, and he was doing, he was going in once again, but nobody was verifying any of his information, and that was one part of my justice, like at least, if I had to be scared for the rest of my life, at least he has to live in fear too, if some, when his door is knocked on, and that was taken from me, an all-one swoop, and I just didn't, I just didn't want to be hearing

more. So after the suicide attempt, I went to the hospital, all of that, my mom and dad, and my husband, and my kids begged me to get into intensive therapy. I had been holding on to what was going on with the sore unit. Again, I didn't want to burden them, and I didn't want to put them in fear.

“So nobody really knew what was, I think that they, like my sister knew a little bit about it,”

my mom and dad knew a little bit about it, but not enough to know that I was being so traumatized

and I went back into that silent mode. If I don't speak it, then I can, I can not make it someone else's problem, not make other people feel like I'm being too heavy. So I quit my job. I was working for a very well-known company, and had gone into intensive therapy. I was in intensive, I think anywhere from eight months to 12 months, where I was doing every single day, like group therapy, one-on-one therapy, I learned how to meditate. It's just all of these beautiful gifts that

“were given to me, and that's why I'm here today. Like, through that, it was kind of like a rising”

Phoenix, where I just became incredibly strong, and I realized in that point, the only person that can speak out for myself is myself, and knowing that there's other women and children out there behind every single one of those offenders that are on the registry across not just Texas, but across the nation, that there's victims that sit behind a fender's faces, and knowing that they're getting more rights than the victims that sit behind their faces. I knew had, I had to fight.

And just to circle back, too, because I know that a lot of people are going to question

why the supervisor never got in trouble. When we were going through, and I want to

before getting into the legislation changes that I'm making, the reason why he didn't get into trouble is they interviewed him, and they said that he had left, that he had carried me out and stuff, because I worked for him, which was true, and that he was worried about me, but that he left me with this other man, because the other man said that I was drunken that I could throw up and die, and he had to go back to the tavern, because all of his employees were there. Well, the APD, awesome police department

found that story to be feasible, and he never got in trouble for it. I don't know where he is,

and like now, I know that he continued working for the company, and also to, again, before getting into legislation and victim rights, I want to clear up two other things. One, the reason why I

“keep on saying the company is because I did a huge settlement with them, and I think 2022 or 2003,”

I was still in my early 20s, but again, my mom does not take shit from anyone, and she's like, no, they didn't do a background check before it just showed that he's been arrested for violent crimes in the past. They allowed him to continue working when he had a pending charge, and not just any charge, but a crime against one of their employees, they may do change your own shift,

and just different things, and she's like, it was never about the money for us. I came from a very

well-off family. For me, it's always changing the policies in making this world a better place to that it doesn't happen anymore. It doesn't happen to anyone else, and I got that from my mom and

“my sister are the two people that really like shaded that color for me, that that's what life is all”

about. But I ended up taking the company to court, and we did a settlement, but part of my settlement wasn't just money. It was that they had to, for the first time ever, and luckily, it wasn't just my case that other companies, because this was a very well-known company, very, very successful, very well-known company. So once this got into the working world, other companies started doing it too, but they didn't know behind the scenes who pushed them to do this. So I, there's two things that

I made them do in the settlement. That sexual harassment training was mandatory for every employee within the company, and yearly training, or I think it was at once a year you had to be retrained, or it was during orientation or whatever, that every person had to go through sexual harassment

it's true so I'm going to be there, it's true so I'm going to be there. That was harassment.

“Maybe she would have gone and talked to someone and all of that. The emails that I”

was getting from other employees there and sending them to human resources, life-threatening emails. If you come back to this company, we're going to kill you. It's unfortunate that he didn't

kill you the first time. Stuff like that, and I would send it to HR and they wouldn't do anything,

but that's a form of harassment. I made it mandatory that that for, unfortunately with us, we had to give a time constraint. So I said for the next 30 years, every employee that comes in has to do sexual harassment training. Luckily now the feds make it happen, but this is before

“the feds picked it up. The other thing was that they had to, so he had been there 10 years prior.”

This was in 99, so I guess at this company we had badges, and we had employee numbers. You could tell the tenure of someone based on their employee number. There was one, two, three, by this time it was in six digit numbers. He only had three numbers on his badge. So he had been there for a very, very long time. And again, 80s, 90s, this other crime happened, but I made it mandatory that they go back every, and again, I don't think it's because of me,

but the feds picked this up that now, every company has to do it. I think it's every three years

“that you have to do a criminal background check. So I made that mandatory, and then of course,”

you know, there was, there was damages to my claim too, but I just wanted to make sure that I cleared up those two things. The other thing is, you guys will hear me say the rapist, and the reason why that I don't say his name publicly is because I don't know where he is. I am still

scared of him, and I will always, I will never publicly say his name until the day he dies,

because he's already shown me what he's capable of, but and we'll start shifting back into the story during this time. I think it was, I went through my therapy in 2024. I found out that my I no longer had a protective order. So once he served all of his time, and this goes for it, I'm going to tell new crime victims, or if you're ever put in this situation, which I pray to God, it stops today, but it's not. As soon as he completed his entire sentence, so his, you know,

13 years, that restraining order, protective order was lifted. Even though he's on the lifetime offender database, and in Texas, I don't know about different states, but an offender's listed as high, medium, low, high is not, you know, if they reoffend it's when they reoffend. Modern is highly likely, and low is, you know, maybe that is a very low risk that he, to the community, but my protective order was taken away from me. This man's on the lifetime offender registry,

Lissa Hyrus of Fender, and I found out there was no protection for me. And yes, many people are inside, Trisa, that's just a piece of paper. And yes, you're right, it is just a piece of paper. Evil people will do evil things. They don't, it piece of paper isn't going to stop them. My thing is, is that if he ever came to my door, he found me, right? He came to my door. I see him on my security camera. I can't call the cops and say, hey, this man is on my property.

I have a protective order against him. You know, he's supposed to be within a thousand feet.

He's showing up on my property. This is the second or third time. All that they can do is give him

a trust passing warning and hope he doesn't show back up. There's nothing I can do with law enforcement.

prison because I'd be shooting through my door. So he didn't show any, you know, potential risk.

But if I had a protective order, there'd be no question. The police would take him in immediately. So I went to the court and I found out that I didn't have a protective order. I went to Travis County DA. We asked the court for them to issue a lifetime protective order. The judge said no, he doesn't impose any current threat. He's been in, you know, this happened 25 years ago, even though he served, you know, 15. And, you know, it is what it is, kind of thing.

So now I've been, you know, I still get gasped, let by the city and by the awesome police department.

And it still really sucks me up, but this is bigger than me. And it's not about me anymore. It's

about protecting women and children and understanding our rights when they're violated. And if nobody is going, if our laws are not, is only there to protect the offenders, then I want to change the laws to start protecting victims better. Yeah, because of a lot of victims, they might fight once or twice. And then when they're constantly shut down, they're going to give up. But if there's one person like you that keeps fighting for so many others, that's where the

“change is going to happen, right? And also, you know, I think of, there was a recent case in Oklahoma”

where this, this young boy, I think he's 18 years old now, but he had attempted rape on three girlfriends or three girls who was dating and then tried to strangle them and he was able to plead down to a misdemeanor. He was facing four years and was able to plead down to the misdemeanor. And again, those, those cases aren't singular. Predators are going to be predators. And they're going to be evil for the rest of their, you know, do evil shit for the rest of their life.

So creating a space where there's harsh opponents for sex crime violence that people can't plead down. There's a minimum. Yeah. You know, you know, you're going to prison for at least three

years if you do a crime like this. Two is a victim should never have to request lifetime protective order

“against her or their sex offender, especially if they're on the offender registry. You should never”

have to request that or find out after the fact of that. You know, that should be a given. Yeah. So I'm, I've been fighting with that. And by the way, I'm working with the office of the governor for the state of Texas, a sex assault crime task force. And I'm also going to Congress, I, you know, in DC to, to also compile these to the federal government, it's a federal government too. But, you know, the protective orders is really important to me. But the reform around the sex

offender registry that was created by a mother who lost her daughter who didn't know that this man that was around her child was a sex offender and had she of no one would she have let her daughter walk into danger. No. So that sex offender at Megan's law was created for a little girl named Megan so that the community would know where these risk pools were, right? So if we're not verifying that and and I'm going to give people the statistics for Austin, if we are not verifying

that the sex offender actually lives there, then you are not being honest on the registry. And, you know, that public information that's out there is not true and accurate because there was no compliance or rich, you know, verification of it. And it just puts our community at such

“risk. And I think the victims behind the faces of those offenders are, are forgotten about.”

Yeah. And, and there's no, once they serve their crime, the victim is forgotten about. There's no notification for me when my victim, or when my victim, my offender is not verified or is out of compliance. So that is another thing that I am working on changing is creating a notification system for the victims that have offenders on those on those registries because we're the ones that will hold their neck to the flame of you better be where you say that you are because that

We can stay on, you know, on the offender for being true and accurate and on the police department,

the police department agencies, not DPS, DPS is just the administrator of the database, but it's these peppered law enforcement agencies that are around her state that are the ones that are facilitating the registry yearly, or, you know, sometimes it's every six months, sometimes it's monthly. But creating a verification system for, or not verification, notification system for victims, that if someone is out of compliance, then we are automatically

notified. I don't care if a search warrant has been issued or not, or not search warrant.

A arrest warrant has been issued or not. The victim has a prime victim right to feel safety

from their long fortunate agency period. That is part of, I, I, I don't know other states. I know in the state of Texas that I know my constitutional rights. I actually read mine, some, some of our legislators don't. But I know that I have a, a right to safety. And I have a right to be verified. To notification when someone is out of verification, or, or has

“a verified or hasn't, complied. So changing those laws. And then I think putting accountability”

back on the, the local agencies and giving DPS, the authorization to do audits. Because if these agencies aren't doing compliance and verifications, how much incorrect information and garbage is on that database. And, and people need to believe that that stuff is true and accurate. So kind of, giving, giving our department of public safety in each state, the authorization to do audits of the information that they're putting into the system. Because they could be

help liable to, they need to trust those local law enforcement. So I, I think that it's super important for, again, family and crime victims to know that have undergone something like this, to ask, you can ask, not, not request it, mandate it, a protective order for life. If you are, even if the person's just getting a plea bargain and pled to a lesser charge or whatever, if they've committed a crime against you, especially a violent crime, you can request a lifetime

protective order and mandate it that the, the district attorney puts that in, in motion to be presented to the judge. The judge, you know, has the ultimate decision, but you can request that and, and make sure that the, the attorney does that for you. I, I am in a different part of my life, a different

era of my life where I did have to learn that my voice can be powerful and I was fortunate to learn

from my family that we have a responsibility to not only ourselves, but to other people to create a better world and, you know, leave it better than how we found it and I'm trying to leave it better than I found it for every, every victim out there that has, has gone through something

“like this, right? And I'm going to continue fighting until my last breath. As you showed, and I think”

I think to something I've realized with talking to so many people is what happens to them becomes their purpose and even though it is such a dark and traumatic experience that happened, we have a few options, you know, we let it destroy us, we sit in it, or we can let it empower us to help not only ourselves and give us the purpose, but be the voice for so many other people that may have experience something similar or have experienced it and have felt like they don't have

a voice. You become that voice for them. Oh, absolutely. And that is so important because especially with this kind of thing, we so many people know that it's either rushed under the rug, people have that shame and guilt and that embarrassment that they don't want to talk about it. It's scary

“and so many other things. So I think the more people that normalize speaking out,”

the more changes enforced. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Because I think it's something that the justice system knows that people, I think a lot of people kind of just not want to talk about it or it's a very uncomfortable topic, especially, you know, it has to do with the most intimate

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I hope my story resonates with someone and they feel empowered to

be okay with talking about it and understand that the silence doesn't last forever, that you know, eventually, it's not just stuck inside of you. You can talk about it and you have the responsibility of being too much for other people. This is a part of you and the right people are going to

“listen to it and the people that don't. No, and I think too like we mentioned before, even just”

the emotions and the feelings that you went through and the PTSD and the life before in the life after people that have gone through something similar, even if they can just hear it, hear your story and relate to that and know that they aren't isolated or alone because I do think it takes going through something, even if it is a different type of crime, but going through that and feeling like they have a life before or like after and they view the world differently, hearing that perspective

from somebody else that's gone through it, I think is another reason for people to feel like,

okay, I'm not alone and I can keep going because I'm not one and a million. This happens more

often than we think. Yeah, I also look at too, if you think about it, like even crimes that especially happen to women, not saying that these kinds of crimes don't happen to men, but this is primarily women and children that this happened to our voices as far as even social media is taken away, you can't use the word right, you can't use the word, they will push it down, yeah, even if it's an initiation, which is a matter bullshit, aren't because again, it's silencing

it's taboo subjects to subjects that make people uncomfortable, so nobody wants to hear about it. Oh, there's a collect group that do it. And as as a right victim, when I hear someone on social media call it "great," I'm just like, "sweet, my trauma is now approved." Beautiful. It's very

“unfortunate, I think that I don't know what social media or media in general is trying to protect”

themselves, right, by some men that might be there are people that I think and I totally understand like even how in the beginning you said that this story could trigger people, there's definitely people that maybe those words trigger them, but I think spreading awareness is so so important. Yeah, you know what is so funny, so remember I talked about going through very intensive therapy, I sat in with other rape victims and we would laugh about it. Like,

do they really think that a word is what triggers us? Right. It doesn't. That shit does not a word does not trigger us. Right. It's, you know, the heaviness of a story that might trigger us, it's our own brains that are but it's triggering. It's sad, you know, I can't listen to heavy metal because not that I ever did, I was a show pro girly, but I back to that moment. Yeah, it immediately takes me back to the moment or the sound of heavy breathing, the sounds of boots going up and down

the stairs because that's the last thing I heard when he'd left was his boots going down, the apartment stairs. Things like that is what's triggering. Words are not and it takes away when you change, you know, domestic violence into an acronym. You change rape into rape. In I understand, it's nothing against the creators because I know that that what's cool is they're still trying to get past that right. Yeah, which I 1,000% respect. It's a fact that the platforms allow

words like that. Even the time it'll get taken down or it'll be flags. And I'm like, oh, so girls can be shaking their ass on TikTok and that gets left up. But an educational video of somebody sharing their experiences flagged and as deemed as sad on fit. Yeah, it makes no sense to me.

Makes no sense. But you did incredible. Thank you. You are so amazing at sharing

your story and the events throughout and, you know, literally the the whole progression before

“during after I think obviously what you're doing now is so important beyond importance and”

incredible. And if you wish, I could have shared more. Like, hey, guys, we're doing a big class

send them to me so that we can put them. Yeah. And take your time with it. Yeah, but send it to

“the, it can be in the description for people, whether it's, you know, your personal stuff,”

resources, anything you're working on, anything you're, you are able to share, please send it

so that I can.