Bobbychella & The King's Fool

Take a break from the water and the sun, San Diego, come see him at the sound. June 28th, two shows, early show on the late show, June 28th, then July 24th, I'm going to be in St. Charles, Missouri, basically St. Louis right next door. Next door neighbors come out and see me at the Maristar Casino St. Charles St. Louis, that's July 24th.

June 28th in San Diego, come out and see me go to Andrewsantino.com for those who get to Andrewsantino.com.

Alright, yeah, I like it. Look who's back. You're still buying beef at the store, all beef. Big one, he percent up.

“Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're in the beef, huh? I'm eating the beef. Yeah, what about gas? Gas? You're in the glass?”

You get the lowest grade gas. You get the low grade? Yeah, I get the premium anyway. That's just with, that's gas with tomatoes and sour cream. Exactly. The working is like a big potato. Yeah. Have you got a cauliflower? I have it. Yeah, I just got mine. Oh, sweet, a cauliflower. Let's bring up the results. No, I could just tell you the results. It was awesome. The phone call made me happy. Zero polyps. No, no polyps. No cancer. They did find a fingernail.

Apparently my ass was like a well from the sentence of the lamp. Things are crawling on of it, you know what I mean? I think my poop has claws because they're just crawling out. Something's got to be. Yeah, they found a fingernail. Yeah, yeah. And a little bit of AIDS. But, um, you get my nails there. It doesn't, it's pure. This is back from Coachella, Bobby Lee and Carlos Herrera went out to the desert. They were at Coachella. They were ripping it up.

TMZ reported on it. Well, ripping it up is, um, I tell you what happened.

And my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, show you my Coachella experience. I've never been before.

It's why I introed it. He was showing off his wristband. Oh, yeah. I was so hot shot with the new wristband. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like roots. I don't know. I don't like go ahead. Asshole. No. Hey, tag you now. Yeah.

“Adrenal asshole. Yeah, arrogant asshole. What's that?”

Cochermousing an egg. All right. Well, it's off. Do what section are you in? Asshole. Oh, sick dog. I'm in douche back. Yeah. That's artists. That's artists. So who's artist past? Was it mine? What artist gave you an artist past? Well, I'll be honest with you. We, we, we, we, we know a guy, you know, I should be saying his name. Yeah.

He's a pure white. He's a, um, he's a, um, what I like what to call a forever white. Like me. Yeah. You're forever white. Oh, like you guys are the good ones. Right. I mean, Pete, I think I will put you in that category. What about my cone? Yeah. And not really. Because he can turn on a dime. Right. Yeah. And he is a legionist. I don't know who the legionist is.

“He, that he is such a fence sitter. We don't know where. We don't know where he is. Yeah. Yeah. He's sort of like Pakistan. Right. Right.”

We're going to negotiate. We're, we're doing negotiations. Right. Yeah. But what? What's really going on here? Pakistan is great. Yeah. Yeah. But so we, um, he really hooked us up this guy, Cole. He's such a nice guy. I hugged him a thousand times. I was so grateful that, you know, I mean, we were able to go. And, um, who's the gentleman you're referring to? Cole. He's the director of the whole festival. Yeah. Yeah. Really cool guy. Um, he looked after us. And we, the only show I saw, I thought, I saw two shows.

Let me saw three or miserable at one. I barely saw one. Oh, who was the third? So the first, I say two at Sabrina Carpenter. Let me tell you about Sabrina Carpenter.

To film me in. Okay. Well, um, she's, um, a good performer. Pretty. Um, she gave it her all. Um, I had rather been in an ice detention center. I'd rather been in a Japanese internment camp. Um, it was pure painful until that's me. Until Grandma Donna came out. And when Grandma Donna came out, I was so excited. Grandma Madonna. Grandma Donna, Madonna came up, but the grand version. Oh, yeah. Old Madonna.

Yeah. Grandma Madonna. Yeah, Grandma Madonna. Yeah, Grandma, Grandma, Grandma Madonna.

And she did Vogue and would either mean-- Come on, yeah, Vogue. Yeah, yeah. That's your body, move, move, move, move, move, move, move. She needs to strike a pose, and when she's strike a pose,

she had her fucking walking her walker. Yeah, we're walker. It was incredible.

“Well, strike a pose, and she was doing that, right?”

She was doing a lot of leaning against, you know, I mean, objects. I heard Madonna's 12 bucks pulled up into the handicap parking spot. [LAUGHTER]

Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute. But she was incredible. Was she a surprise guest? Yeah.

We heard-- so, you know, I'm watching us. Here's another weird thing.

Is when you'd never heard of the music, I kept calling

about Karen Carverner. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because I kept messing up the names. Karen Carverner's a good performer, is what I-- Oh, look at the set, right?

She was good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Karen Carverner was so good. Great musician. Barely see her.

She's so skinny. So this is Sabrina Carverner. Sabrina Carverner, she's killing it on stage. But when you haven't heard of the music before, like, a single-- have you heard of the music before?

No, I didn't know it. Yeah, yeah, I kept calling it. Look at her car loss. And the girl's mere jewels, ease of loving it. Are going crazy.

Like saying the words, you know, espresso. Oh, espresso. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I know, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Is it? How does it go? I don't know. espresso. espresso.

Get me and espresso.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, why don't you get me and espresso?”

Let me do the lyrics, see if I can get-- Yeah, yeah, yeah, see if you can do it. Now he's thinking about me every night. Oh, isn't that sweet? I guess so.

Say you can't sleep, baby. I know. That's me espresso. He was doing it. Maybe try me doing a lyric here.

Yeah, let's hear it. Move it up, down, left, right, on. Switch up, like Nintendo. Say you can't sleep, baby. I know.

That's me. espresso. [LAUGHTER] I can't relate to desperation. My give a fucks are on vacation.

And I know this one boy, he wants to up call in when they act this way. I know I got him. Wait a minute, time out. Yeah, yeah.

I can't relate to desperation. I give a fucks are on vacation. Yeah, clean. And I got this one boy. He wants to up call in when they act this way.

You know I got him. No. And I don't like that. I don't like it either. Too bad for your ex.

Don't do it for you. Walked in a dream came true. It for you. Soft skin and not perfume. It for you.

Yes, I know. I'm too little for you. Yes, that morning, coffee brewed it for you. Yes, that one touch brand. I knew it for you.

Now we think about me every night. Isn't that three? Get you kids sleep? You know, that's not how it goes. That's not how it goes.

No, yeah, yeah. It was much slower. [LAUGHTER] Well, it should have been faster. If all the songs were faster, you'd be like a 15 minutes

at that. Oh, you lied. I turned to Carlos and go, how long is this? He goes 45 minutes. Her set?

Yeah. And an hour. And an hour and a half in, I looked at him and he was like, you're fucking a liar. It's just the strokes and him play long last week.

So I assumed it would be the same amount of time. Yeah, so but when Grandma Danna came out, it was exciting, because she did a Vogue, just like a prayer with Karen Carbender and it was like-- It was like a prayers for my favorite song.

Yeah, yeah, it was like, then I got goosebumps. Right.

And I was, oh, fuck, you know, this is incredible.

But then I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there. Well, it's too many people, man. Oh, oh, my-- Well, in our area, you're in the VIP. Yeah.

He was by the trailers, like Snoop Dogg walked by him and he was just like laying back, getting recognized. Snoop walk by. Hi, is it? Well, you're sitting next to a guy

and he was like, you know, talking for a while. And I go, what do you do is like, oh, I'm in the suicidal tendencies. Oh, really?

“Oh, yeah, yeah, it was that kind of vibe, you know what I mean?”

And then so then the strokes came on the second night. Wow. And that was fun. They were good. They were good.

And then I turned to Jewels, Esa, and there's a kid cool. They do not know who they were. And they're just-- [LAUGHTER] He's striding.

[LAUGHTER] You have no idea what's going on. Well, they don't know the strokes, right? They don't know. And also, when Madonna came out, Esa goes--

When who came out? Madonna came out. Who? Grandma, Donna came out. Grandma, Donna.

Esa looked at Jewels and goes, who is that? Which is crazy. It's weird to be in this, like, they're in the gap where that's two oldest and the strokes are not as old as Madonna, but not their style of music.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're missing these two. Right. That's kind of why. Also, when you're the oldest guy in the whole place,

it feels weird. I know, I mean, you would see other-- but they're working. It's like Rick Ruben and you. Yeah, Rick Ruben, there's a guy with a camera that's--

Yeah, I mean, been doing it for 40 years. Yeah, you're in a class here, huh? Yeah, yeah. OK, so we're sitting there the YouTube area. It's lightly lit.

And then the second level above us was literally the Manson girls.

You mean like Charles Manson's?

That girl that was hitchhiking?

Yeah, in Hollywood. So there's three girls up there. They're wearing no shoes. Wait, Margaret Quelli was right. No, no, no, no, no, no.

It wasn't Margaret Quelli. It wasn't that amazing. No, that's not that-- No, they were wearing no shoes.

“Are they were like hippie chicks at Sponere?”

Yeah, and they're just like, yeah! Oh, and here's the most-- That's cool, though. Here's the most-- Once I walked in, there's the most annoying

that I knew I wasn't going to have a good time. The lady at the gate, she says to me, watch this. This would don't know where you are. I'm going through, and she goes, stay hydrated. Like, bitch, I know what water is.

[LAUGHTER] Like, I've been drinking water longer than you. I know about electrolytes. I know about the whole thing. To be fair.

What? I don't look like I'm hydrated. You look quite dry. I do. No, yeah, yeah.

You're a sober guy just speaking to the drug addicts that are there. That place is filled with people on drugs and drinking heavily. Yes, most-- You know, many times, Google how many people pass out

or any medical help at a Coachella weekend. I guarantee you. I guarantee you, it's in the hundreds of people. Because here's why. Every year, something bad people have--

they pass out-- people overdo-- The week and before, a lightbulb, a gigantic lightbulb this side fell on a person's head. I heard about that.

Yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Look at this. What does that say? 80 walk in 21 Am-- 21 Am--

OK, 80 more. 80 more. Amputators is right there. So last year, 100 people had to get

“emergency services because they're either too high.”

Yeah. They're not drinking water, which is why that woman is doing her job. Yeah. And if she's doing her job, it'll go down again next year.

It wasn't what she was saying is how she said it. You didn't like her vibe. Yeah. Drink water. Yeah, like, stay hidden.

[LAUGHTER] You know what I mean? I would maybe laugh though.

It may be laughing first, but then it may be mad.

Yeah, you got to know it. I've liked, you know what I mean? I know how water works. Yeah, lady. I know how water works.

Yeah, I know how water works. You know how water works, right? Just found out. This stuff is fantastic. It's the best beverage on the best beverage on her.

Yeah, yeah. But so then your backstage, the Manson girls are there. Yeah, yeah. This is a big group. Or did you guys split up with you and jewels,

and you said where they did everyone-- And that point, it was me, the girl I was seeing, and the car laws, and behind us were three Manson girls. You know what I mean? I mean, with no shoes on, and they're just doing things.

Fibing, dude. I like that. I know you liked it. That's when you said that.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, but they were like, you know what I mean?”

Yeah, and it's like, like, it's also, I know how much it costs to be there in that area. Yeah, you know what I mean? And they're the feet or the dirt. But you didn't have to pay for that area.

They did. So that's what I'm saying. It's like, here's, so I was in the artist area, and there was three blocks from England. I love mine.

I love mine. Right? Oh, you're Baba Light, right? I go, yeah, and they're like, I go, what do you guys do? You know what I mean?

We're investors. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know that's a matter. Yeah.

And so you realize it's just all rich people. Oh, money. Right. We've got really old money. Yeah, really.

Yeah. And then you realize when you're there, in front of a sea of people, and you go in your mind, you're trying to have a good time. But in your mind, we're in a water. Would you ever go to Coachella?

Yeah. I told you, I think. I went to like the fifth or sixth one, ever. Yeah.

And I've never been back.

Yeah. I went to it and I was like, this is, you know me, that is my nightmare. You know me. That's my nightmare. Thousands of people, like, I can't do that.

But you know, but you're different in the fact that like, you can enjoy. You can enjoy like the scene with with with the family. You can with the girls. What's that you're enjoying? You've actually did.

Yeah. You found like good in it. Yeah, yeah. I can go to one show. If it's a one band I want to see.

Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I can't do. You can't sit through Karen Carpenter for all the fuck. Yeah.

No, no. Like a festival of Karen Carpenter. Yeah, yeah. I can't do that. That gives me anxiety.

I don't, where do you poop? Oh, and it, it, it, it, it did have nice little ones now. Oh, they do. For the VIP, there's nice little ones. They look like, like, maybe a nobu, um, bathroom.

I want to know. I want to know, boo. I don't want to go to my co-chella. Yeah, I'll tell you about my nobu, but I wanted to say this a lot of love. What?

Yeah. So the nobu is one thing. All right. So, so I, I made a, I made a promise with myself. I'll never go back.

I don't care about it. Thank you. It depends. I don't care if it's the return of Jesus Christ. I'll go to hell.

What? Yeah, return of Jesus Christ. Right. I ain't going. Would he play the main stage?

Yeah. It couldn't get Jesus on the main stage. They're like, look. Yeah. They're on the run to beats.

Yeah. The very status is going to get main stage. Jesus, stage. Coach. Yeah.

Jesus is that Bonnaroo. Yeah. I mean, they could do the return of the Beatles. They have George and John's bones up there. Just eat them.

I would not go. I mean, I still wouldn't like to. I still wouldn't like to. Yeah, I'm hearing it. When you know, I had, yeah, you read points.

Yeah. You. He's so funny. - I don't know what it is. (laughing) - Text man. (laughing)

- Text man. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm still wouldn't go.

- You wouldn't go, no. - You would never go.

- I would never go back, right, terrible. - Right, terrible. - You do the thing. So then Carlos says to me, he goes, (laughing) - I got you no boo. - I wear at Coachella, and I go, oh, that's cool, thank you.

- He's at seven o'clock. - For my birthday, I got no boo. - How did you do that? - And for your birthday, I got you, Coachella.

“- Thank you. - Yeah, I mean, so I think that I won.”

- It's not a contest. - I know what you just said was. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - No, you did, you did do that. - You just did do that. - I'm a little edgy.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wait, why? - Molly 18. - So, he gets it, oh, okay, I want to say this a little now. - And I'm gonna knock on you. - So first of all, you fucking lied,

'cause when I called you, when we talked, I said, did you, do you do any drugs at Coachella, and you said no. - Oh, I don't consider Molly a drug. - Oh, it's not just drugs, it's not just, sorry, can I interrupt, can I interrupt?

- Can I interrupt? - Yeah. - He comes out into the, 'cause we air beer and be at a house. - Yeah. - He comes into the living room, I'm sorry. - Wait, have you birthday? - He brings out a Bible.

- Oh, no. - All right, why you're on Molly? - No, I need opens at the Bible. - Set a Bible. - It's a drug pharmacy.

- Carlos, you still have the drug Bible. (laughing) - That's insane, yeah. - It's like a little travel case. He's a little Bible.

- He has a lock on it. - I know. - Yeah. - Oh, thanks, that's good.

“- Dog and Kidproof, that's why I brought it.”

- Written, Arab, Arabic. (laughing) Still written Arabic, just like a Bible, right? - In Shala? - Yeah, and so, are you mad at that?

- No, I made Bieber so much fun. - Yeah, yeah. - So then, he makes me go to Nobo, now it sounds good. - Nobo, make you go to Nobo. - Hold stop, let him get it out.

Where is the Nobo? - Just in the middle of the festival. - There's a Nobo in the grounds, like a built a fucking Nobo. - They built a Nobo in the grounds.

- What? - That's crazy. - But unfortunately, they built it. So you're on a patio outside, and literally 200 feet away is the stage

of the EDM festival. - Me too. - Right? So you're eating, you're eating, you're eating sushi in an earthquake.

(laughing) - It was the most unpleasant human experience. (laughing) And I felt bad for the sushi chefs. - Oh yeah.

- 'Cause you have to be there all day. - Oh, I bet they got paid handsomely. - Oh, I hope so.

“- I guarantee you they made so much fucking money.”

- Because they're all they listening to this, (coughing) - That's the view. - Yeah, that's the view. - I gotta tell you.

- That's the stage, and that's not one speaker. (laughing) - That's all of the speakers. - That's the kind of speakers in close and kind of with third kind.

They could've got a million.

- Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I mean, that's that speaker. (laughing) - A-corns.

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I was in Las Vegas. Yeah, Viva Las Vegas. Interesting place. Interesting. I've been there.

Like it.

As if I've never been there.

Do you like it? Yeah, what way exactly? In what way? Dido. Exactly.

Dido to you, my friend. Every time I go to Vegas this, you're saying so much smoke. Oh, yeah. I can't breathe, dude.

Michelle Weas has been here. Who does Michelle Weas? Oh, the athlete. Probably the greatest female golfer on her. Oh, she loves you.

She loves you. Yeah. Loves you. Oh, I wish Bobby would come to something like that. Yeah.

Michelle, we West, one of the best. And then we were watching the strokes Josh Adam Myers walks by like in the elite area to his voice. What? Hey, I'm just, I don't know.

I don't know. And, you know, he's with the strokes. You know what I mean? And I go, hey Josh. She doesn't turn around.

It taxes me later. Where are you?

“Oh, you think you saw you and pretended to not see you?”

I don't know. That's fucked up. I don't know. Oh, Bobby, I-- Oh, you saw him too, right?

Yeah, yeah. You think he did the thing where it's like-- I don't know. I don't know. I love that, though.

What? I love that, perhaps. Yeah, because he's in a different class. What does that mean? What do you mean?

He's with the band. You're with the band. No, was it? I was back. We went back there to see them and I couldn't get to them.

Yeah, he was looking for the strokes. I love. And you couldn't get to him. Yeah, yeah. We couldn't find them.

We couldn't find them. Yeah, we couldn't find them. Yeah. But there was-- we ran into that comedian Megan stalker. stalker.

I said hi to her. I'll make stalker. Yeah. We ran into-- It was like Minnie Mouse.

Yeah. She's funny. Yeah. And this is one kid. We don't still don't know who he is.

But he had like three-- what do you call him? Carlos. Oh, like piercings that his right eye. And he was just kind of sweating his eye. I just got out of stage and made him stay.

We still don't know who it was. A comedian? No, he was a performer. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

There was no comedy at Coachella, right? Imagine. I mean, they could have a comedy tent and do very well, I bet. You think so? Yeah.

That's the other festivals. Yeah, they do that. What do you mean? But it wouldn't be our types of comedy. I looked at the demographic.

They're just no way. Who would it be? Who would headline Coachella? Okay. Oh, this is good.

This is good. This is good. I mean, first of all, should Pel could easily do that. She could. But I'm talking about it would be more like on a smaller tent.

A smaller tent, more of a-- I could see Moshe Cacheer. Yeah. He's types of-- you know what I mean? He's size. He's size.

He's size. Yeah. I get that. It gave a cross doing well. No fucking way.

He would never go out there.

That's another-- that's where I said that. I go. I promise you this.

“I will not run into a thing-- except for mag, but she's an actress, right?”

I'll not run into a traditional stand of a comic here ever, because it's just-- I imagine David Tells sitting there watching Karen Carvindor. No, but that's not true. There's-- the comics that are in a psychedelics would absolutely go to that. There's a lot of comics that like music in psychedelics.

I'm sure there's a lot of guys that would go do that.

I bet there's way more than you thought were out there.

You think so? I would assume that. Like, yeah, no, not, you know.

“I couldn't see like a traditional, like--”

Not like Louis C.K. Yeah, there's no way Louis is going to be there watching, you know, I mean, Sabrina Carvindor. No, but there's some people that are-- yeah, there's some drug comics that like to get high and listen to music.

And also, what-- what-- when did Bieber end? One am. One am. Imagine being out there at one am in the desert. That's great.

Yeah, he loved it. Yeah, I'm 54. My body couldn't do it. Got to go home. I did the strokes.

I did three hops and then everything broke. [LAUGHTER] Remember? He was hopping hard. Yeah, I was hopping hard.

I broke from the stroke. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] I mean, I couldn't Bob anymore. You loved it, though, because you were on MDMA.

Yeah, I took it for Bieber. I didn't-- yeah. Yeah, he took it. No, you were taking it all day long. I saw it.

Those are mushrooms. Oh, OK. Shooting mushrooms all day. And then took Molly at night for Bieber. Yeah, it was the warm-up.

Yeah, it was warm-up, yeah, yeah. And then he slept in the house with you. He slept in the door, but I had to lock the door. Yeah, it was literally right next to me. I had to lock the door.

How many-- it was a lot of rooms? Yeah, there were a lot. Like 12 rooms. And you slept next to him. Yeah, yeah.

But I had to lock his door to my room. Yeah. Because I was with my friend in it. And so I didn't want him to walk in. Right.

Because that would be gross. Because then he would take his clothes off. 100%. Yeah, and then just sort of ramp it in me. I thought about you on the week all weekend.

Because I was with the table of friends and one of my friends, girlfriend, didn't understand how I could pick out which are the girls on the floor that casino were professionals. Oh, sorry. She's like, how do you know I'm like, what?

It's so clear. Like, it's so obvious what girls are out there. Well, tell me the rules. What's the hottest one? Where are nice shoes?

First of all, dead giveaway at any casino. You go to like the bar. If you're at a casino and you're not gambling-- Well, what casino? Any every, all.

Everyone. All center of the--

Because there's always a center bar.

“Well, there's always a bar that's near where the tables are, right?”

Whether people are paying $80 a drink, but you can get a drink for free if you just gamble. So it's the dumbest shit. So it's usually a single girl sitting alone who's remarkably attractive, wearing a dress that's not even

on her body, and she's on her phone the whole time. And then she's waiting at the bar for old man McGillicati to sit down, who's got a suit jacket. The old guys always have a suit jacket that are rich. They don't dress like a--

I love old men. Old men are the best. No, middle, middle college, howdy. McGillicati. Howdy fit.

McGillicati. McGillicati. McGillicati. McGillicati. Yeah, OK.

And they're always alone. They always are alone. Because then what they do is-- Old man, McGillicati. McGillicati is a good night alone.

Oh, he's not alone. He's with the guys. But the professional is alone. And then she chums it up. Oh, my god, man, man, man, man, man.

And then gives him the thought, oh, this is the-- She's a queen here with, and he's with some friend. She's like, let me get some of my friends. And then you'll see the professional start coming, like, Moth to a flame.

A few other hot girls were somehow show up out of nowhere or light bulb. In his older-- what? Or light bulb. Oh, Moth to a flame is the phrase.

Oh, yeah. [LAUGHTER] I'm just an any kind of source of love. Any kind of source of love. [LAUGHTER]

In condensed milk. I want to be-- In condensed milk. And they'll show up. And then you'll just notice five very

“slowly looking middle of nowhere, man, with three to five”

unbelievably attractive women, wearing nothing half of their age. And you're like, these guys are going to get run on by these professionals. These girls are going to take these guys.

And we watched it happen like live. And my friend's girlfriend was like, how did you-- how did you like call that? I was like, it's so see-through. Why would that girl talk to that guy?

Because he's got the cash, but be-- go to the high limit rooms.

Always a professional walking around.

Or sit and kind of waiting near it. I would have no idea. It's so obvious. I saw that in biggest size size. 100%.

I have no idea. So you can pick them off from mile away. Very easy, yeah. It happened when we were-- where was I just--

Oh, with-- Because my assumption would be like, oh, she's-- her boyfriend's in the bathroom. No. Yeah, I mean.

Oh, she's just waiting for her boyfriend in the bathroom. You can always tell. Really? It's just-- there's a vibe that they're doing that you're like, they're obviously waiting for their target.

Like, they're waiting for the target to arrive. If you walk up to her, and if you guys walk up to her and flirt with her, which I'm sure they do, she probably fucks them off. Why?

Because she's looking for the Chego's fishing. She's not looking to be caught. She's fishing. Oh, she's fishing. She's finding the idiot that she's looking to take down.

So they find the guy. You see all these things that target take down. What is going on here? They're all in the military. [LAUGHTER]

Yeah, because you're scaring me. Well, they work. They seriously work like that's everything is strategy. You can just see the way they operate. It's all strategy, by the way.

They operate with these guys. But we watched it happen, and she was shocked. She couldn't believe it. I was like, well, we saw it in Vegas together. And then when I was a girl, the same thing.

We set it at the bar. Me and Dorosa are sitting at the bar, having a cocktail.

I'm about to go to bed, because I play golf the next morning.

Yeah. And this girl is sitting alone. And then she slowly is like leaning in on our conversation. And she's zones in on Dorosa. And I slowly fade off into the background.

Right. And I can see it happen. You become a whisper. And I texted him, I said, Joe, don't do anything. It's stupid.

Oh. So what happens next? And she did a chat to you here with that. I think it's a formal. Tell me the rules.

And he buys her a drink. He buys her a drink. Then it's like, I don't know. Have another drink. How much is that?

You want a gamble. Drink to those bars are like 25 bucks. Probably. They're a rip off. Yeah.

But they don't drink. And then she goes, oh, I want to go gamble. Do you want to gamble? Just you and me separate him from the herd. Right?

This is how they killed their prey. They go, let's go gamble. You and me. So then they take him to a table. Dude.

I've seen it happen. And then they take him to a table. They go, let's play slots, whatever.

“And it's like, so you can tell this guy, this target, right?”

You can call them the USA. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we'll count. Right?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So you take the USA. Take it.

Into, you know what I mean?

A hostile environment. Because the USA thinks she's the man. I'm the man. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I got money. I got money. I'll give you money.

I'll give you money. I'll give you money. I'm beginning to see it now. Yeah. Okay.

Maybe the greatest analogy of all time. I think it's perfect. Perfect. And they separate them. They start to gamble.

They're drinking more. They're gambling. Right. Right. Maybe then then comes in the drop-about.

Yeah. Should we get a bag? Whoa. Do you want to own? Do you like to party?

Yeah. Yeah. Then this drops in. Right. Then you start to see the swirling.

What's a bag? Coke. Do you want a bag? Should we get a bag? Yeah.

Yeah. Is that the term? Get a bag. Yeah. Yeah.

“Because I wouldn't know what that meant.”

And she goes, if you want a bag, I go with a bag of rofers. What you want. Into cart. Let's go to Trader. Yeah.

I wouldn't know the term. Be so funny to take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's. Yeah. Yeah. Do you take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's?

Yeah. You take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's. Yeah. You take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's. Yeah.

You take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's. Yeah. You take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's. You take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's. You take a prostitute just to Trader Joe's.

Okay. I say, all right. So you're sober. Yeah. I've been sober for four years.

Oh. And I'm going to talk like Coachella. I just wanted to go. I was just there. Yeah.

I mean. Hydra. And then so on. All right. So I'm the professional.

You're the professional. So yeah. I don't do drugs. I've been sober for four years. No problem.

No problem. That's not a problem. Not at all. Okay. So what do we do next?

We're able some more. Okay. Let's gamble. We're sober gambling. I've been about three grand.

Right. And then at one point one happens after that. She goes, Oh, God. Is this so delicious? Oh, yeah.

I have a sweet here. You do? Yeah. Can I check it out? I want to see.

I've never seen this sweet here.

Okay. Say you're in. All right. So we go to the elevator. Boop.

Because you have to put the boop. And you're in the elevator. Yeah. And you take your. You have to hack your room key.

Boop it. Right. Then. Yeah. Once you see the room, I mean, what happened?

I just want to check it out. I want you to check it out. We're in the room. Is there a mini bar in here? Yeah.

I want to do a shot. Let's do a shot. Yeah. I don't drink. I just fucking said that.

I don't do bags or drink. Can I do a shot? Yeah. I guess. Okay.

I do a shot. Right. Right. It's warm in here. Shirts off.

Tits out. Wait, Andrew. Yeah. She needs to go to the bathroom first. It's okay.

Oh. Oh. Okay. I actually don't know the next move. I'm making it up as we go.

But that sounds right. Yeah. Well, tell us what they do when you get up at the room. Yeah. Hold on.

Can you see a restroom? And then like it's like 10 minutes. It's way too long. Like things are happening. How much is this cost?

Carlos. Yeah. Invigus, a G minimum. And then she's going to be. She's going to take her shirt off.

Yeah.

“She may like, oh, if you want to do anything else, you have to tip me.”

So they take their shirt off. Yeah. And she says you have to tip me, but you already paid her $1,000. Anything else is extra. You have to tip me.

So $1,000 is just a hang with her. Yeah, just for five minutes. No, that's no way. That I'm serious. For nothing.

That's how they really am out. That's how they really are. You're not even getting like a tuggy or something. No, that's how they rip people off in Vegas or LA. You have to.

It feels to me. The only story I know. Yeah. I mean, other than the ones you've told me, but from a friend of mine,

who isn't a guy that would do this usually. This was very out of pocket for him. But I think he was newly single and going through a rough patch. Yeah. This is a long time ago.

Yeah. But he told me they were drinking. And he thinks that she drugged him. Well, okay. She knows.

I mean, he was drinking all day. He was hammered. Yeah. But then he passed out, blacked out, passed out. And then when he woke up,

his watch and his cash were gone. Oh, yeah. I have to say like NBA players all the time. Yeah. They call on their friends.

Well, then what's the worth? What was it worth it?

Well, and not that worth it.

Just jerk off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No.

That's what I do. Just jerk off. Yeah, but see, but here's the difference. We'll get on Luxipro. Yeah, that's what I got.

Get in an SSRI. Yeah. Yeah. This is the commercial for SSRI. Are you having trouble with prostitutes?

Get on an SSRI. No. But so have you been robbed before? No. No.

But you know the stories. Yeah. So you keep doing. And in those situations. And I like backed out.

But why are you still doing it? And it's dangerous. Oh, that was so long ago. Yeah, but he'll, I'm the pro. No, but here.

I know. So I know.

“But here's the thing about you think you're the pro.”

You like, you like excitement. Yeah. You're, you're sort of like a Navy seal in that way. Exactly. And no other way whatsoever.

This so disrespectful in Navy seals. Yeah. Yeah.

Like some of the most like, yeah.

A dored and medically mentally physically strong. Yeah. Yeah. You are nothing like that. Yeah.

Except for this. And you trained in California. Yeah. They trained all over the world. Oh, all over the world.

Yeah. Yeah. By the way, he's going to run. You're good at water. I'm good at water.

Okay. He's good at water. Have you seen him swim? No. Not as not a water.

Not a water guy. You're not a seal. Yeah. You're, well, you're a beach seal. That's nice.

You're chilling on the beach. See. Oh, it'd be so funny if he's like, you know, I mean, his, his patrol or what, right? They're on their fighting.

That works Carlos and he's still swimming. This is two days in. A hundred yards off the shore. Yeah. I'm on my way.

I'm vaping the whole time. You'd be vaping in the water. Yeah. You're not a seal.

Watching basketball on my iPhone.

Yeah. By the way, vaping. I wish overtook cigarettes completely. Because of this in Vegas every time. Mm.

“And now it's like people still smoke in Vegas.”

Even though I know they don't smoke back where they're from. This game, people play. Just vape. Please vape. I don't, I don't, I'm huffin' and puffin' your shit at it.

Just vape. Everywhere should be vape. This should be only cell vapes everywhere all over Vegas. No one's like, it's fucking obnoxious. How was he a navy seal again?

I forgot. I spaced out. Oh, no. I know why. Because you like extreme.

Yes. You mean, you want, you like, you like, danger. Yeah. You like danger.

You're like living on the edge. Even at your age. Narrow Smith. Yeah. Yeah.

And you like, um, the mystery of it all. Yeah. Like the chase. Yeah. You're running from the cops three times.

Yeah. You're talking about the motorcycle thing. Yeah. Yeah. But so now you think you've got it out of place where if you get, if you pay for a friend.

Yeah. If we're going to say this eloquently. You think you're safe from any sort of, I know I am because I'm like a member of certain things where it's all verified. Oh.

What do you mean you're in a private club? Oh. Yeah. I wouldn't tell you this right now. I want to know how much you pay to be in the private.

Yeah. Oh, I got in early. Yeah. He got in early. He invested early.

No. I literally got it. Like it's AI. It's incendiating. Yeah.

Yeah. Who else is in there? Yeah. Who else is in there? What other insider traders are in there?

I feel like there are famous people in there. But I would. In your private club. Wow. I believe that Carlos was a king.

Oh. This is what you said. No. If Carlos was a king that we'd all be dead. That's a king of Prince of Papa.

Yeah. But do you think we'd be alive? If he was a king. Yeah. Only because of the loyalty that we've had.

He's had to us so far. We'd still live through his history. Yeah. But what position will we have? Well, ask him.

He's right there. Yeah. Like you're a king. What position do I have? And be completely honest.

Obviously you're my court's jester. Yeah. That's fine. Of course. You're my fool.

What do I get though? I'm your fool. Yeah. I keep you drunk and I make you realize. Wow.

Do you have a chain around your neck? I do. Like a barren Russia. Like the 1800s. Yeah.

“But do I get like a condo or an area of a good night's level?”

I'll place in the castle and sleep. The jester lives in the basement. Yeah. I live in the basement. I would give him like a really cool view of like the ocean.

Oh, cool. Can I get no chain? No. Chain all the way. Why?

Yeah. There's just chains. And you have a guy walking with all the time to watch you. Oh, I have like a assistant. But no, it's a bodyguard, but he works for me.

He's watching you all the time. Right, right. It's making sure you don't get any ideas. To leave. Exactly.

Anything. Yeah, to anything. All right. What am I? Just one last question.

I'm sorry. I'm the jester. I have a couple. The jester is not allowed to speak really. I know, but how many times do I have to perform?

How many times do I have to perform? Whenever I want. Okay. When I wake up, I need like a funny like ring tone. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, and like my phone rings. Yeah. So always be on silent. Yeah.

But you do the ring tone vocally. Exactly. Okay. All right. I would love that one.

Yeah. Yeah. Do I get to have a girlfriend? Um. Think carefully, King.

This is why they're doing the no-kings protest. You behave. After like three years, we'll review it again.

Yeah.

So I get nothing until three years.

Yeah. Exactly. You have to really nothing.

“I'm going to change your taste in humans.”

Do I get Wi-Fi? I'm going to turn you full gay. Yeah. Do I get Wi-Fi? Yeah.

Yeah. You can apply for it. I'll get cool. Turn him full gay. Yeah.

I'm going to do experiments where I get him hard. But there's like pictures of men. And so like reactivate his brain to only be attracted to men. This sounds like just Hollywood. Yeah.

I've been in his casting. Yeah. I don't want to be. Yeah. I changed a good idea.

Because I want to get up. What is Andrew? Where am I in the Kings on the King? And don't talk out of fear. Yeah, don't.

No. I have a good one for you. That's the Air Force. Wow. With honor, my King.

Which means he's nowhere near you. That's right. He's out there. He's out there. I'm out there.

What drones do what? He's telling drones.

I'm starting fucking war dog.

Yeah. If he's the King. Do we have communication? No. Why?

He only talks to me. Yeah. I can't talk to him. Like, how's it going? Well, can I come see the gesture?

Yeah. Yeah.

“If you need a laughing thing, so it's too hard.”

Yeah. You can come over. This is a romantic comedy that I'm the head of. Yeah. Of the Royal Air Force.

Yeah. And I have to sneak to come see you do shows. Yeah. And afterwards, we hang out late night fucking around. Yeah.

This is like a romantic love story. Right. We're going to catch us. There'd be an opening on the door. Right.

And the chain. Only goes to the opening of the door. Right. See you here. Shit.

And I go. Androll. Chester going. Hey. Yeah.

How are you, buddy? Not great. I love you. I got to go. I got to go.

Yeah. I have to go bomb. Yeah. All right. So what is McCone's job?

Oh, he obviously just like films and blogs everything for me.

Right. So he's doing that. So he gets a better job than me. Yeah. No, y'all do what y'all are best at.

That's true. Yeah. Y'all. Why do I have a chain? You're the best fool.

You're the best fool.

“Well, the chain is because I always want you to make me laugh.”

And I think you're all retiring. And you won't be allowed to leave. But eventually, I will stop making you laugh. Because you know my temperament experiments. Oh, then you do like scientific experience on me.

Does McCone like a mouse. All access to the to the kingdom. He has up because he's filming. He has an all access A band. This is where the king fucked up.

All right. What, what, what, what band do I have? J, GA. General admitted. General admission for sure.

I gave you VIP for Coachella. What do I have? What do I have? What band do I have? You're artists fast for sure.

Oh, I get artists fast. So I'm not all access. But I just get your sense. Air Force Air Force access. Yeah.

And can I tell you something? Listen, this is where he fucked up. Because the king already laid out the rules. McCone. You know damn well.

Oh, no. He's going to eventually sneak down to the jester's cave. Yeah. Because of his crush on you. And break you free.

You know he's going to go behind Carley. We'll not. You know what'll happen? In that opening, I'll just see a camera. [LAUGHTER]

We're filming you. It'd be just filming me. It's great content. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not going to help with shit.

I disagree. Yeah. Am I right though? You would try to break him out. Wouldn't you be a little fucker?

No, I'd film for a bit. Then we were going to use doing the same things. We did something new for the video. So we'll break him out. And Pete, where's Pete miss hole thing?

Yeah, Pete is not around. No, we have a royal podcast every week. Ah, and that like that. It's the only one available. And he stays in the podcast space.

Yeah, he's a producer. But he's not allowed to leave the podcast room. He doesn't want to. I'm a good podcaster. Can I be in the podcast?

Of course. You're the fool. [LAUGHTER] I get my Air Force Sergeant. No, no, that's a threat to security, sir.

It is. We can't have that the king. Okay. And then what does Andreas have? Yes.

Well, this is interesting. What does the king do with Andreas? Yeah. Had a fashion in our country. [LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER] He designs the uniforms for military. The least fashionable guy in the show is the head of fashion. That's the funniest thing I've ever said. That's insane.

What's that good? Did you? What does he wear? He's hit you, what does he wear? He's hit you, what does he wear?

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He's hit you, what does he wear? He's hit you, what does he wear? He's hit you, what does he wear? He's our secret assassin.

“I'm more closely with her on using her to infiltrate other Kingdoms.”

So try to make yours more kind of. You guys get so cool roles. You know what I would do? I would take a piece of rock. And start slowly.

25 years. Yeah, chipping away. I just need a Brigitte Fondar poster. Good double reference, I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And one day I would go for my Brigitte. What'd you say there, Fossebretches? Yeah, can I get a... Whatever poster. What is that?

Oh, you're going to wake him up. He's going to wear one of those. I'm trying to do that. Oh, when you catch me. So you're going to do poster inspections?

A hundred percent. I've seen Shawshen. Oh, fuck. You're going to be in a gimman. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, there are other people. Let me ask you this. Hey, by the way. I can still order you not in my book on that too. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, kids in here. I'm going to bring the whole model. Yeah, yeah. And it's so close up on the neck. It fills up.

Oh, my God. What does eyes are pre-cut? Not really. I want the right one. That looks cooler.

It looks like yours. Yeah, that looks cooler. I look exactly. Yeah. So are there other people...

Where I'm living, the caves?

“Are there other people of you, don't worry.”

No. Oh, I'm not worried. Yeah. Oh, look at the fucking ocean. Well, in a, that mask and a fucking chain.

Wait, well, that's the whole thing. If you miss me. Where's the castle, by the way? Yeah. What location are we?

What is the castle look like? Try to find it. Yeah. We've moved the capitals from DC to LA. So we live here.

Yeah. And we live in Alabama. Malaboo. Malaboo. What's at least nice?

Ironman live for you. Where? I don't live for all of you, but me. No. Yeah, yeah.

I'm the head of the Air Force. I live way in the middle of no. You live at the castle on the sea. Yeah. You know what I get?

This is what I'm going to do. I'll look out the window and go, oh, there's no Gibson. Running on the beach. That's what the castle looks like. Bowser's castle, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then where am I now? Just like.

So yeah. Or I'm out all the time. Oh, they out with the penthouse. The penthouse. Yeah.

Where am I at? In the face. Well, that's not the facing the ocean. Oh, well. Oh, that's facing the ocean.

It is. Okay.

“Can I see the left tower or far left tower?”

Can I be there? No. You don't get to chew. There's only so many chains. Why?

It's a chain issue, dude. It looks like you. You're plenty of chains. Also, dude. That left that left tower.

That's the bathroom. Oh, it is. I'd rather. Okay. Yeah.

See, you'll live up there. Oh, where you're near you. Yeah. Yeah. You're right under me.

Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to sleep. I'll tell you that. My screaming.

You know they used to do that. They used to like carve out little pieces. So they would poop over the wall outside of the castle.

Yeah.

“It would deter people from trying to swimming through it.”

Am I near there?

You're by the poop peep mode.

Yeah, but you also have to clean it because I want it. It has to be seen through it. So he gets to clean the poop mode every day. Oh, he collects the shit bucket. Whenever he wants.

Oh, whenever I want. Whenever. Whenever. All day long. Yeah, it's whenever.

He collects the shit bucket from all the. You know my work ethic. That is going to be filled with shit and pee. I ain't doing shit. I'm going to love the iron mask.

I'll wear the iron mask and pee in my face. I don't care. This is the issue. Yeah, this is the biggest. You're calling me.

We call it the shit. The shit castles. Oh, down it. All right. You're the king.

Oh, brother. Yeah. Yeah. What am I phenomena? What am I?

If I'm the king. Yeah. What are you? Yeah. I would have.

If you're going to not like this answer. What? You're not going to like this answer. Oh, all right.

You're going to be my queen.

Yeah. That's better than fucking shit. Yeah. But the queen gets beaten daily. Oh.

Yeah. By you. All of us. By the king. My entire court.

[LAUGHTER]

“And the queen's only allowed one phrase.”

Ew. This is the mouth. Yeah. That's the same phrase. [LAUGHTER]

Good. I get shit like shit. No. You're my queen. Hey, I don't want to be your queen.

You can have a woman. No. You're wife. No, I want you. Yeah, no.

You're my little. Give me something. Aside from queen. I'm begging you. All right.

You'll be my gay sugar. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Do you like any vice president who's thinking? Give me a good role.

You can give me any evil times.

You would be anything but a gesture or a gay sugar.

That's what you would be. No, no, no. Give me. How about this? Just send me out.

And I like be like a, um, what do you call it? And trust you in the field. No. Like you go, you're our representative in Belgium. No.

Yes. That's you there. [LAUGHTER] Why can't I have, what do you call them? I'm ambassador.

Ambassador. Absolutely. Give me in the Alaska. We can't have you represent us. Anywhere.

No. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to place that no one wants to go. Where? You're that little area between South America and North America.

We're all those snakes and all that what people can't walk. Central America. Yeah, yeah. It's central America. There's a chunk of land when there's no roads.

It's impossible to get through because of, it's just the terrain and no one lives there and because there's so many snakes. The guy in Pluribus got through it. Yeah. So that area?

Yeah. Yeah. Can I be the, that? But then you're going to live there? Yeah.

I will find a way to live there. I don't like you begging. No. Better than that. [LAUGHTER]

I can't even get that. My queen back. Oh, fuck. I'm fucked. I'm fucked with both.

How about you, Pete? Pete's my designated tow sucker. By the way. Oh, oh, yeah. Pete sucks my tow.

Yeah. Every single night. I'll do it. See? Can I do tow sucker?

No way. Do my tow sucker. You're not sucking tow. Yeah, dude. Now, Pete's on it.

I'll even rim the toes. You'll hit a rim your toes. All right. All right. Well, Carla, what would Carlos be in my kingdom?

Oh, Mike, give him your kingdom. Oh, good. He wouldn't be in the kingdom. Oh, so now this retaliation. Enemy.

What? Enemy. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're definitely an enemy at stake. Yeah.

You're number one on the FBI, most wanted to list. You've been laden. That's cool. Yeah. And everybody's hunting you.

Everyone's hunting you. Yeah. Every country. I'm going to have everyone. He's awesome.

Yeah. Yeah, you're a dead man. Andre's would be my groundskeeper for sure. Oh, yeah. He'd make everything so nice.

Not fashion, but ground key. Ground key. He can do fashion in the grounds. Yeah, yeah. If he wants to does he while landscape he can.

Yeah, yeah. He does well. The bushes. What would McCone be in your little. I would have a lesbian legs show.

Oh. And he's the head. Head leg. Head leg of the lesbian leg. Yeah.

Your legs are like a lesbian. Just puffy, white thick. Come over here. Let me see your legs. Yeah, your legs are the worst.

We got to see these things. Yeah. You do have weird legs. Yeah. Take your pants off.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Subaru outback.

Yes, Subaru outback. Yeah. Those are those are kind of like lesbians. If you shave them, they would be lesbian leg. Yeah.

Get out of here. Yeah. Yeah. McCone in my in my in my kingdom. I would send him on missions that have no purpose whatsoever.

Just to get him out of the kingdom for a little while.

“You know, I'd like you have to go to the land of Quanang and find a three-legged woman.”

He's gone for like six months. Yeah. And he comes back to feed it. Yeah. My lord, I could not find a three-legged woman.

Yeah. Fine. Then you'll complete yet another submission. You'll fail yet one more. Yeah.

And I'll send him out again to do what? What? What's the other mission we send him out for?

Stats. Yeah. You must go to Gulonga. Gulonga.

And count every single strawberry.

Ever grown in one season. I don't want the numbers off at all. And if they are, if they are. Off with your head. Off with your head.

This is what you do on tour already. Did send me out of possible missions. Impossible missions. The best. I love seeing him.

Yeah.

“And then you criticize him when he comes back.”

And he fails them because of course he would fail. Yeah. How could he do anything otherwise? He would be executioner. Oh, yeah.

I have them with the black. That's so accurate. It's so accurate. Black. No one knows who you are.

So don't feel guilty. Yeah. You can tell it's Pete. Yeah. I'll be good at it.

Yeah. Yeah. But he walks up. He's like, hey, it's Pete. Yeah.

People know his name. Yeah. Pete. Pete the butcher. Yeah.

There's a. Yeah. Pete the butcher. He's so funny. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

We try to cut off somebody's head.

The rig doesn't work and Pete's. I can must be the USBC wire. Yeah. I got off. And Andreas for me would be spokesperson.

A lot of miscommunication. That's why. Right. What I tell him is not going to be. No one's going to understand what he's saying.

We plan to be just out of control. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's actually brilliant. Yeah. It's brilliant. No one's going to understand what he's saying. We plan to be just out of control.

Yeah. Yeah. The King's communicator said. Yeah. You speak only through him.

Yeah. And I go, well, you know, all the information I told him. Italian Trump. Yeah. Italian is right now.

In two weeks. In two weeks. It'll be done. Yeah. But yeah.

I would be.

He would make communicator.

For fashion. I would have to go. Go for outside help. Yeah. Who's designing?

Rick Ingram. I mean, that's just standard gap. Just guy. Yeah. Guy.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm not dressed like that. It's the king. You make your court.

No. I'm a good cheat. You know what I mean? But like everyone else. Rick is one of the funniest comics in the world.

He has just standard common people fashion. Sure. Yeah. T-shirt. Jeans.

Yeah. And fucking, you know. I'm that way though. I'm T-shirt. I'm standard white.

Yeah. Standard white. A standard white clothing style. Except for me. Yeah.

Except for you. The king. The king. What is the king? Where?

Oh, Jesus Christ. Probably every day is a different. You know, Rajee. And then like. No.

Varachi is the knockoff. Varachi. Varachi. Oh fuck. What king was known to have the best fashion?

Louis XIV. They said this guy was. Best fashion. Also was gay, right? I mean, he was gay.

Give us like a straight king. That's Bobby Lee. Yeah. That's 100% Bobby Lee.

“What, did you, are you going to do anything for your birthday?”

I did it all weekend. All right. I'm going to watch you for you and take Xanx later. That's my big plan. God.

What's this big about you for you? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm not to give you done it. Bob. You for you. No.

No. I see the kids watching it. And I, I try to sit there and watch. And it's like, not my thing. Not for you.

Yeah. Well, good. I have fun on you for you. We got you a little something. Yeah.

We did. And also, you know, as you get older, you know, there's just some things you just can't watch anymore. Why? Why?

What you for your why? I think this hasn't, let's tie it into Coachella. It's just like there's, there's a language that, it's just, it's just too young and to, to hit and hip and I like how you're bringing out Carlos's cake to me, but it's going to him.

Yeah. Well, for the cameras, you guys are also on camera in the booth. Yeah. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you. Carlos. Happy birthday to you. 38. 39.

39. Make a wish. Wow. 40 next year, dude. I can't believe it.

And you know what he said by 40, no, he's going to have. Oh, yeah. I'm going to have hair. He's going to get his hair done. So he'll have hair before, while he's 40 years old.

And those are nuggets, right?

“And then we also got you an air wand smoothie there from, which smoothie is that?”

Who's his dad? One of the girls that was at Coachella? There you go. Was she there? Yeah, dude.

Did she sing? Is she a performer? What does she do? She's Alec or Steven Baldwin's daughter. I know.

She's married to Justin Bieber. I'm saying, does she what does she do? She has singer. She's a mom. She's a beauty.

Before she met him. What are you angry for? Because they're saying it like this. I'm saying he's so fucking angry for me. What did she do?

She's a fucking alcohol's daughter. She's just famous. Yeah. Oh, that's so good. Is that good?

Did you guys do that? Dude, I did.

I did the bad boy. The bad boy minibar. I went back to the room. Watch movies. I ate the entire fucking minibar.

You were that hungry. Deep jerky. Two bags of chips. I was just like feeling. I was having a night, dude.

It's so fun. Isn't it so fun to clear it out?

“Because you're like, how am I supposed to get for the other?”

I was like chocolate almonds. I was like, yeah, absolutely. And that was like, you know, be pretty good with these. Yeah, gummy bearers. gummy bearers.

Yeah. Don't you hate it when you go to hotel. And there is no. It's a joke. It's a joke.

Yeah. They have an empty refrigerator. Like, you have to go with no snacks. No snacks. Yeah.

Here's, here's, let's name the things that are there. Okay. All right.

There's always like, a, um, artisan bag of potato chips.

Yeah. A brand that you, a brand that you don't know. You've never heard of. Yeah. I'm Mama Jenkins, Hickory Barbados.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's like local. Local. Yeah.

Yeah. And another brand that I've never heard of. Yeah. Another brand you've never heard of. Right.

Yeah. And it's always in the city that you're from. Tune it's ranch. Right. Fine.

So gummy bearers is always another one. Yeah. There's got to be. And then one of the variations of nuts. Either mix nuts or, or just, um, or just a, uh, cash, cash, cash.

Use our almonds. Yeah. Yeah. There's always a chocolate covered almond things. I do love that.

I like. I eat the fuck out of those. Yeah. What else do they have there? Um, well, it depends on the class level.

Yeah. It will be peanut M&Ms, but they'll put it in a jar. So it'll be like, not in the bag. Yeah. They'll put it in the other jar.

Just fucking. Well, yeah. Like this at the wind. Yeah. Yeah.

They just put it in something else. But you still eat it. Oh, yeah. It looks healthier because it's a jar. Right.

I mean, the jar better for you. Yeah. Yeah. You know, in Hawaii, what they do is they gave me a fresh fruit of, of fruit. Mmm.

Fresh fruit of fruit. Yeah. If you can get it.

“And then when it's through Carlos and, um, Gilbert's wife Cindy, right?”

I get, I always open the refrigerator and there's diacoke, water, and sugar free

Red Bull. What else do you need? Yeah. It's like, it's like cater to me, which is, I really appreciate it. Yeah.

Yeah. But I think, um, I would, I don't want to be gesture. What if I left a girl in there for you? That, that's, okay, good. We're never negotiating.

Yeah, but she's, she's seven foot two. Yeah. And she weighs 385 pounds. It's fine. It's fine.

She's a man. Let me ask you this. When you put your head back to the gay thing right away. Yeah. Now, I took this in Australia.

I was after you cleared out our minibar. Passed out and I ate the entire minibar. I was so hungry. We came back. I was like, let me in your fucking room.

And I ate their whole minibar, and then I slept in McCone's bed. What do we watch on TV? We were watching a movie. We were watching, uh, like, I think fear of loving. Oh, yeah.

We were. Oh, wow. By the way, you see that bag of chips next to me? Yeah. Gone.

I fucking peeled off everything in your minibar. And then I charged my headphones there. Now, how long do you get to do not disturb on your door? The entire fucking weekend. So you don't let them clean your room.

No, you get it. I don't need it. Just give me new towels. Unless, unless it's, if I'm alone. Yeah.

If my wife was me, we get service. Yeah. But I'm alone. Yeah. Leave me alone.

I keep it at 65 degrees. Yeah. Give me new towels. Leave me alone. I'm a service hunter.

Oh, you are. Yeah. Yeah. I'm one of those rare service hunters. You want it all the time.

No, what I do is. Because you meet him at the bar. No. You ask him to make it up here.

Because my do not disturb sign is always until three, four p.m.

And they stop kind of like, they go home or whatever. Yeah. So I'll take it off. I'll go to the front desk and go where are they? Where are they?

We have one on floor three. Where is she? And I'll go to three. And I'll go to every room to see where they're cleaning. And I'll give them a hundred dollars to come play in your room.

And I go, my man room eight, nineteen. Right. Right. Cleaner room. Bomb a service hunter.

Okay. Let's do the rules then. What are the rules? If you have the service come to your room every day. And you're doing a three day stint.

Friday night Saturday night Sunday night. Right. Or Thursday Friday night. Whatever. How much money do you leave money every day?

Or at the end of your stay? Do you leave a tip at the end of your stay? And hold on before you answer. I don't even know the answer. I know you do.

But listen. But you're going to hear why I. I. I'm listening to. Pete.

Thursday Friday Saturday.

“Do you leave every night money every day when they clean?”

Or do you leave it at the end of the stay? I leave it at the end. And in the stay and what do you leave Pete? 100 bucks 100 bucks no matter what. Right.

Yeah, that's the tip. What do you do? McCone. He asked me for money. Go on.

Carlos. What do you do? You do every night? Oh no. And the end.

Okay. How much do you leave? 200. No, he does. He's a liar.

He's a liar. I just said you're not good. You're not good. Look at me in the face. Yeah.

20 bucks.

I bet you leave 20 bucks. I didn't even know you had to tip them. That's what I'm saying. Why do you lie?

“Don't you mean you don't know you have to tip them.”

They have a job. Oh, I see who you were. I thought you wanted to. I know who you voted for. I thought you only tip waiters.

Just that's the only people you tip in public. Okay. Here's the thing. If I get up early to get the breakfast in the room. No, I go out downstairs.

Yeah. I get the breakfast. Right. I take it off. And if I go back up and they already cleaned it, I leave no tip.

Yeah. Because I still have the service hunt then. Correct. Right. Yeah.

It's service hunt takes a long time. Right. Right. But if I catch them in the act of cleaning. Right.

Then I tip. Got it. Right. But when I actually service hunt, I tip. Got it.

But if it's already clean. No need. Right. Yeah. That's my thing.

I do it. I only do it at the end because of this. How do you do it? I don't want people coming to go in.

So there's always little no pad with a little pen.

Always on a desk somewhere. And then I write, thank you so much. And then if I've acquired something like this weekend, I left. That we got a swag bag of stuff. I just didn't want.

I was going to bring it from a cone. But all the other things I've given them are where. The back side of your fucking car. I gave him a ton of clothes. New swag throws them in his fucking accord in the back.

Yeah. Very nice, dude. I'm going to not give you shit anymore. I'm not going to give you shit anymore. You have too much free shit.

So then I had a backpack, a bottle of tequila, like hats. Some clothes. Like cool, throw over shit. You know, like, and I wrote free if you'd like it. Yeah.

bottle of tequila yours. A nice new backpack and some baseball caps. Yeah. And then I, and then I, and I. But how much do I leave?

Twenty bucks. Twenty bucks. Yeah. Yeah. No.

Hundred. I leave a hundred. Yeah. I live a hundred every time. Unless.

Yeah. If it's my wife and I. Yeah. And I make, we make an a mess every day. Yeah.

They're shit all over the fucking place. Women for some reason set off a bomb in the fucking bathroom. Hmm. I'll leave them a little bit more. I'll do like a buck and a half.

You know what the rich does? They wash or clothes and fold them. You have to pay for that. No. Yeah.

Yes, you do. I did. Yes. I did. I'm sure we did it on tour.

Yeah. I don't know. When I, in Hawaii. Bobby's like, you're not going to believe this. I put all my clothes in the washer thinking that later at night.

I was going to wash them. By the time I got home, they had washed it. Dry it and folded it. Yes. Longer surface of the rich calton properties in Hawaii.

A couple of little or a Wikiki are very extra cost. Oh fuck. Yeah. You pay for that. And I gave them money.

Well, I mean, you tipped on top of the money. Okay. Before the internet though. Okay. Before we had internet access.

Right. 40 years ago. 40 years ago. Yeah. Yeah.

I used to leave. This way is to leave. DVD players. What? Yeah.

In your fucking hotel room. In my hotel room. I would write a note. This is your DVD player. What?

Would you just go bought a DVD player?

“Would you buy it at Best Buy to watch movies in the weekend?”

Not movies. Porn. Yes. Got it. Did you leave some of the porn in the dick?

No. No. I would take the porn. They're discs. Yeah.

I would leave with the discs. But leave the DVD player. By the way, he could have bought porn from the TV for like 50 bucks. Yeah, but they're fuzzy. And there's five options.

I know. Yeah.

Carlos always finds an opportunity to look up.

Even though he knows what he did. Yeah. Yeah. He'll look it up. He just wants to Google.

So I would go to the local. Yes. I would go to the local. I would go to the porn store by five or six discs. I'll go to the Best Buy.

Get a DVD player. Yeah. I've also left two Xboxes. That's so expensive. Yeah.

Because the DVD player is probably different. Well, no. Because my intention was always, I'm going to put it in my suit case. But then I try to put it in the suit case and I won't fit. That's not fucking, you know what I mean?

And I'll just write a note. Here's a brand new fucking. Here's a new Xbox for you. They must have loved it. How much was Xbox in 2007?

$500. Yeah. Oh, my God. $2,000.

“That's what I would get paid for the gig, too.”

By the way, $500 back then is like six grand today. That's great. Dude, this was a crazy moment. I had the airport here today. Before I came home, I went to the bathroom when I landed.

Yeah. And there was a man in the room changing his baby's diaper. And I'm in there taking a piss. And then he turns to me and I go, hey, man. He's like, hi.

And then the guy walks in to go buy me to go piss. As I'm washing my hands. And he's like, oh, baby. And the guy's like, yeah. And he's like, how old's the baby?

He's like real fresh. It was like two months or something like that. And he was like, oh, so cute. And I'm washing my hands. And then this guy's done peeing.

Then he goes next to the man. And like stands on like watching him change the baby. And he was like, so cute. So cute. And I could feel the dad being like, mm-hmm.

I know what that is. Mm-hmm. What if he's a new dad and trying to figure out how to put it? He doesn't know how to do it? Diaper on.

Yeah. Internet. Google it. Don't stare at another man changing his baby. Like bowling the egg for me.

We googled it. Now you know, sometimes the internet doesn't know.

No, the internet always knows.

The internet literally. Which had to be the told me to do it wrong.

We followed the directions perfectly. Okay. Anyway.

“Although I've never, although I've never put a diaper on a baby before.”

I already know how to do it.

You never changed your friends' kids.

No, but I assume I already know how to do it. Because I know how the body works. I know there's adhesive on the end. Yeah, you're not an idiot. Right?

“So, yeah, I don't know what the exponent is.”

It was so weird. I do it even though I was wanted to turn and be like, dude, get out of here. What are you doing? But a colitis baby where we're in there.

Yeah, you've never changed colitis, baby?

No, but he said something that I almost cried. The baby? Yeah. The baby was sitting there eating. And I was kind of across the table.

And he looks so many girls.

Bobby! Wow. And he knows my name. Yeah, you heard? Yeah, we figured.

Yeah, yeah. And he went in and kissed his forehead.

“And then he does this because he gets shy.”

But he knows it's you. All right, King, sign us out. Go ahead, it's your birthday. Thank you for being about, friend. Cute.

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