Better Offline
Better Offline

Monologue: Analyslop And The Death of Critical Thinking

14d ago7:431,810 words
0:000:00

In this week's Better Offline monologue, Ed Zitron walks you through the "analyslop" phenomenon of speculative, lie-ridden fan fiction that gets framed as meaningful research and promoted by the mains...

Transcript

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Now this week's monlog is about something i also just for up in my newsletter. A new term i came up with called Analyst Love.

Now Analyst Love is when somebody writes a long, specious but authoritative sounding piece of writing.

With few facts of actual statements, with the intention of it being read as thorough analysis.

Research analysis indeed. Now this week, alleged research group Sitrini research not to be confused with Andrew left. Sitron research or well. Me, put out a truly awful piece of writing called the 2028 Global Intelligence Crisis, which is this slop-filled scare fiction written and framed with the authority of deeply founded analysis.

So much so that it caused the global cellophane stocks.

And i must be clear if you took this seriously, if you listen to this on, i don't know you had it read out by an LM notebook,

or you read it and you kind of forward your brown, like this is really provocative. You're a mark you are being conned, you are in the process of being conned if you haven't already been. Now this piece, if you haven't read it, please do go and read it, it will be linked in the notes, my annotated version. Those of you in YouTube won't get the link, just go to my blue sky, swear to God it's there. It spends 7,000 words telling the diatale of what would happen if AI made an indeterminantly large amount of white collar workers redundant.

Now you read this 7,000 boring fucking word-long piece. It isn't clear what AI exactly does, who makes the AI how the AI works. Not really anything about it, just that it replaces people and then bad stuff happens. It's a trony insists that this isn't bear-porn or AI doom-a-fan fiction, but that's exactly what it is. Medioca and Alice Slop framed in the trappings of analysis sold on a sub-stack with research in the title, specifically written and successfully spooking and ingratiating anyone involved in the financial markets who wants to be scared of this stuff.

It's goal is to convince you that AI, non-specifically, is scary, that your current stocks are bad and that AI stocks unclear which ones, those are by the way, are the future. Also, find out more for $999 a year. I chose 70 bucks and my shit's way better than this fuckworm. Now look, look, okay. Let me give you an example, I'm going to do a voice.

It should have been clear all along that a single GPU cluster in North Dakota generating the output previously attributed to 10,000 white collar workers in Midtown Manhattan is more economic pandemic than an economic panacea. Now, he writes economically, I just fucked up saying it.

Now, the goal of a paragraph like this is for you to say, "Wow, that's what GPUs are doing now, they're doing that today."

It isn't, of course. The majority of CEOs report little or no return on investment from AI with a study of 6000 CEOs across the US, UK, Germany and Australia, finding that more than 80% detected no discernible impact from AI on either employment or productivity. Nevertheless, you reject you and North Dakota and you think, "Wow, that's a place I know and I know that GPUs power AI." Now, I'm a curious little critter, so I know a GPU cluster in North Dakota. Coreweeps one with applied digital that has debt so severe that loses both companies' money even if they have the capacity rented out 24/7.

But let's not let Facts get in the way of a poorly written story. Now, I don't need to go line by line on this, I'm not going to because I'll end up saying a legally actionable threat of some kind, but I need you to know that most of this piece of arguments come down to magical thinking and utterly empty prose. For example, how do you think that AI takes over the entire economy and I quote? AI capabilities improved, companies they did fewer workers, white collar layoffs increased, displaced workers spent less, margin pressure pushed firms to invest more in AI, AI capabilities improved.

That's right, they just get bare. Now I need to discuss anything happening today. Even AI 2027, I had the balls to start making stuff up about open brain or some such bullshit. This piece literally just says stuff, including this particularly egregious lie I'm about to read to you. In late 2025, agente coding tools to accept function, jumping capability, a competent developer working with Claude Code or Codex could now replicate the core functionality of a mid-market SaaS product in weeks, not perfectly or with every single edge case handled, but well enough that the CIO reviewing a 500,000 annual renewal started asking the question,

"What if we just built this ourselves?

But this is also a complete and utter lie, a ball face lie. This is not something that Claude Code can do. The fact that we have major media outlets quoting this piece suggests that those responsible for explaining how things work

don't actually bother to do any of the work to find out, and it's both a disgrace and an embarrassment for the tech and business media that these lies continue to be peddled.

As a went over in last week's monologue, the entire AI replacing software stories are gone. It's clear that the markets and an alarming amount of people in the media simply do not know what they are talking about or are intentionally avoiding thinking about it. The AI replaces software story is literally anthropic as released a product and now the resulting industry is selling off, such as when it launched a cyber security tool that could check for vulnerability,

product that's existed in some form for nearly a decade, and this caused the sell-off in cyber security stocks like CrowdStrike.

You know, the one that had a faulty bit of code caused a global cyber security incident that lost the Fortune 500 billions and resulted in Delta Airlines having to cancel over 1200 flights of a period of several days. There is no rational basis for anything about this sell-off. Other than that, our financial media and markets do not appear to understand the very basic things about the stuff they invest in or talk about. Software may seem complex, but especially in these cases, it's really quite simple.

Invest the second-flighting and AI model can spit out code with an AI model can create an entire experience of what we know is software or is close enough to that we have to start freaking out, which it is. It is obvious there isn't anyone who builds software knows this and anyone peddling this is just wrong and it's this replete vibe coding shit. I swear to God people in the media use it and they just go wow, this is this is the future now or software we built like this as they failed to build any.

Come down here, come down the software corner, you know.

Think we really need to think deeply about how for the second time in a month the markets in the media have had a miniature shit fit based on blogs that tell lies using fan fiction.

As I covered in my annotations of Matt Schumer's bullshit something biggest happening piece. The people that are meant to tell the general public what's happening in the world appear to be falling for ghost stories that confirm their biases or investment strategies even if said stories are full of half truths and outright lies. I'm despairing a little. When I see Matt Schumer on CNN or hear from the head of a P firm about Citrini research, I begin to wonder whether everybody got whether they were not through any actual work or knowledge but by making the right noises.

We're in a grifter economy and the people that should be stopping the grifters are asleep at the fucking wheel. I'm Clayton Eckard, in 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor.

But here's the thing, Bachelor fans hated him.

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