Bella Thorne: Disney, Dating, & Reclaiming Her Story

What is up, Daddy Gang?

“It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call her Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy.”

Bella Thorne, welcome to Call her Daddy. Hi, thank you for having me. Oh my god, I am so excited to be here with you today.

We kind of like first as the world got to know you as CC Jones on Shake it up.

But you didn't let Disney put you in a box. You are now in the director's chair. And I feel like you have done so much in your life to just get to where you are today, as the bell thorn we know and love. And so I am really excited to just learn more about you.

Oh, the red hair is back. I, if it's bitch, the girl is growing. [LAUGHTER] Is it true that you died this yourself? Um, I did the original color myself.

Yeah, I did. What inspired the return? Well, I woke up one day and was just like, I don't want the brown anymore. I did the brown to grow also grow out my hair. You know, when you have like red or, as you know, blonde have retime with the six week mark,

you're like, the roots of the baby.

And shadow roots don't really look amazing.

Sometimes with red hair, it's just not as, you know, I like it like from the tip, just like, yes. And then I woke up in my, my fiance, I was like, you know, I really want to get this, like, product where, you know, it says no bleach. It's a high lift color, but you know, it says no bleach. [LAUGHTER]

And I was like, it says they have it at CVS. And this little angel next to me in bed in the morning was like, you know, I'll go get it right now. I mean, we didn't got it. And then in our later, my assistant, Sam walked in. She's like, she looks at me. She's like, oh my God, Jesus. I don't know, CVS that it was going to be, um, I feel like so much of what I talk about

on this show was like, becoming an adult. It almost feels like we all go through that phase where you start to have like revelations of your past. And it's either traumatizing or it's healing or it's a little bit of both

“and I feel like I'm meeting you at a very reflective point in your life. Is that fair to say?”

Yeah. And so I kind of want to just go through it all today, Bella, because I'm fascinated. Let's do it. Um, okay. Just high level. What about your life right now feels different from all of your past eras in your past? That's a great question. So much. So much. I genuinely feel lighter on my feet and I think mentally I at one point I was doing four movies

a year and I think I like really burnt myself out as well as at a time where I also didn't know myself as much and I feel like in life we just keep learning about ourselves in that way, which is a really beautiful process if you're not like finger pointing at yourself and talking down to yourself every time you make a mistake, then it can be a beautiful process. But it's, yeah, it's, it's hard to like work on the mental as well as be actually working

all the time every day. You know, like a lot of people can relate to that. Everybody out here would be stuntin. You know, we all go to be stuntin all the time. It's fucking exhausted. You know, it's like you get sober and down and then you still have to pretend you're something you're like, yeah, I'm here and you're like, I'm really about to follow. No, literally. Okay, later. I feel like and I bet if you said that to yourself like years ago, like one day you'll

just be sitting somewhere and be like, oh, I feel so much lighter. Like, that's the goal for all of us, right? Because that means you're probably happier and you feel like alleviation from some of the pain that you were experiencing. Yeah. I saw that you posted a recap of you're just like over the years and you called it the many eras of Bella Thorne. And so I want to play my own version with you today. Because I go, this is going to be like kick us off and get into if anyone

forgot. Let's go down memory land. Oh, Jesus. I'm going to just show you a picture. You're like, is this the time for you to leave you. Good bye. All right. I am going to show you a picture

“literally just tell me what you remember from that and what comes to mind. Okay. Starting off,”

strong. Oh, Jesus. Starting off so strong. First of all, like, face is way too pale. And it's

looking really weird. Imagine my, like, lower chest situation. I know everyone's like, the chest. And yes, it's very tan compared to my face. I'm going to start with when I went to this thing. I was dating somebody. We wanted to match. He didn't like his outfit right before.

This is 2017. I was like, 2017 is just like, very nostalgic for everyone. It's like, you know you where you were at 2017. Oh, it's also felt like a glitter queen. I was like glitter. I was like, so, and I was glitter before this. And then this was also there. And a lot of people were like, oh my god, she's on drugs because she's wearing glitter. Like, what the? And I was like, no, man. I mean, I do smoke weed. But, uh, non-on drugs. Just love glitter. I feel like every time

I've ever heard people talk about glitter. A lot of them are parents. And they're like,

“I think I have to move from my house because the glitter has just completely consumed by a”

entire home. And I literally can't use a vacuum enough to get it out with it just all over your house.

And you just kind of were like in your glitter era. It's everywhere. It will never leave

the house. I've found it in places you don't want to find it. It's like in your vibrator. You're like, your toothbrush. She like comes out. You're like, oh, damn. I'm wet to put your bitch. Yes. Okay, next. This is, wow. Oh, wow. Felty things, Sarah. Yep. This is from your bitch, um, Belaforn music video. Oh, man. That's odd. Which this obviously completely broke the internet back in day. Where did this idea come from? It was a song that started as a joke. And then we

play it for people and be like, oh, this is like pop it. And we're like, no, but it's like, it's funny. You know, it was like, I really loved like the Jesse Eisenberg era and stuff with like, you know, like, yeah, on a boat and like digging a box and like that's how I viewed this. That's that's a good era. Do that such a good era? No one was that serious. Everyone was having a fun and was being like

“stupid in the best way. Exactly. You're right. This is very nostalgic. I remember you said in the”

wrap, you said, Ben inside the club since I was hell of short. Honestly, incredible. What was a

typical night out partying with you back then? What it looked like? Um, in this era is when I really started to go out and have fun. When I was younger, I was one like definitely a teacher's fat and like have been dealing with the people pleaser like era for a long time. And then had to get out, had to bust out, had to break out, like boom, it's better. A bitch I'm going over it. Like I'm going over it. Yeah, so ridiculous. And yeah, so then at this time, I was having fun. I was like, in my

music era too, like with a lot hanging out with a lot of music people, producers, rappers, just like getting after it. Yeah, getting after it. And I think you can tell from this like hair in the colors that I went through, I also heard that you are one of the only people who can keep up with Snoop Dogg when it comes to smoking, is that true or is that true? It's true. I love that. You're like, yes, Alex, it's true. What is smoking with him? Smoking with him is awesome. He's got his big bus,

which is insane. You've been on the bomb, yes. Oh, the bus is, the bus is always there. Yeah,

the bus is a must. So we go into the bus. We go into the bus. Yeah, and there's just hell of people and like hell is smoke everywhere. Like it's a thick. It's like, where's the amount of oxygen compared to the amount of smoke in this area? Have you smoked weed? I have smoked weed, but like the way that I couldn't even, I couldn't even, I'd enter the bus and I'd get high. I didn't even, I wouldn't even need to hit something. Like back in the day, I would smoke more. Obviously now,

I'm not smoking because I'm pregnant, but like, no. Really? Really? You're not smoking. She's like, I'm in the bomb, man. It's on the stomach. Oh my God. But like, I would back in the day,

“but I was always so fascinated by people who could just like, hang, because I remember when I”

interviewed Wiz Khalifa. I was like mentally preparing the day, I'm like, okay, like I know he's going to offer me and like I've got to do it. Like come on, like how am I not going to smoke with Wiz? And literally I'm like taking like little baby head to him, like next question. I'm like my whole page. I'm like, and I forgot my questions. And then I just started talking about random shit with like camping with him. We were a little bit random. We were like, oh, I don't like a fun interview.

I'm like, I don't know my name. I don't know how to stand up for me. Why am I here?

I also all who's Danny. No, I was just in the hands of his. I was like, let take me where we need to go with. I also feel like Snoop is someone who is on almost everyone's dream blonde rotation. For sure. Who is on yours? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. What do you hear, Ocin? Okay. Yes. And it's good. I was with him and at a after party for this movie he did with Christian bail. And I got to meet him and Christian bail who was my favorite actor at the time. My sister who's older than me.

She got to smoke with Woody. And I was just like, I'm too young to do this publicly.

So I'm not going to smoke at this party. And I just remember being like, man, can I add you to this

rotate? It's like, I'm here. I'm breathing it in. But it's like, it's kind of happening.

“Yeah. That's a good one to have on the left. Right. It's like I need it now. But I think he's not”

smoking anymore. I think you missed your moment. I missed it. It's okay. I know. Pick it for him. Yeah. I also think like this also could give what when I hand it my house, my sister, because why not hand it everything. Explain what you mean by that. Like we individually hand glued every rose on that wall. And we took those feather bowers and we staple gunned them into the roof and made a whole feather bower roof. There's a dinosaur in the

different pinks in the, I'm like, I'll forget about the dinosaur. Yeah. Let's talk about the feather bower roof. Okay. There's a dinosaur. And this is from Wales. And this is your dining room. Yes. Yeah. That's our dining table. We we had fun painting that dining table. I got the dinosaur

from my sister Derek as a gift for one of her birthdays because she loves dinosaur. She always has.

And so I went to a prop's house. And I was like, I want to get like, like a big ass dinosaur, because like, why not? Yeah. She fucking loves the man. Yes. We're eating dinner every night. Like, why not just have what a good dining table. It's like, they're like, you want this? He reacts.

“Yeah. A little laughter out there. Unclear. Oh, I think you're right. It might be a Velasa”

Raptor. Yeah. I think you're right. And you see the next room is completely blue and green. It's split down by your place. That is a horse. Yes. Yes. Yeah. We got that made for one of our Coachella parties. And then like, what do you do? And you like create things and then things made. And you know, you can't throw beautiful art at least. This brings back, which makes me like a pack rat. I ended up looking a little bit like a pack rat, but I'm not in that era. And that's

important to mention. This is what we talked at the beginning. We were like, you're so reflecting. But you're like, this is so not who I am anymore. But just so you know, this once was. So are the dinosaurs not in your home currently? No. And you know what? The person who bought my last home, his children loved the home. We designed that home as well. It was like one, right, you could see the evolution. Like, oh, wow. This is like classy, but still crazy. Like there's still flowers everywhere.

But it's not like this. And then we brought Derek to that house. And then his children when they walked in and they saw that house, they wanted to keep it all the same. And so Derek is with a new

“family now. Derek. Yeah. It was pretty good. Okay. Last one. Maybe best one. Are you ready?”

Dude, my hair is kind of curled like that right now. You kind of look alike. Right. Let's do me. Whoa. Have D.H. Derek notes on this outfit. Really? Because it was such an era, the fedora, the layering. Like, how do you remember feeling when you were suited up this way? We had so much fun. There was so much fun to be had. And I remember when they made my CC boots. And they were these paint splattered. Really like kind of 3D art sort of boots. And I loved paint splatter. I've loved

it since then. It's like really become and like color washing. It's like a big thing that I just really love. And it all kind of really starts back at this, at this era and this time. So we're

Because it's like this photo. I feel like really, yeah, it was the beginning of your journey

in the public eye. And it changed your life. And let's get into it. And maybe it's like the return of the red, like it feels like we got, we got to go down that path for a minute. Obviously, this role had a lot of dancing involved. And I've heard that that didn't come

“naturally to you. Can you tell me more? You want me to talk about one of the darkest traumas of my life?”

Let's talk about it. Let's bring it up. What happened? Um, yes, I could not dance. I was, I had a two left feet and was so bad in general. And I could freestyle well. I knew a B and loved to dance

when I was little and stuff. I would dance on tables. My mom likes to say growing up. So it was always

wild six years old. And yeah, so I had, I had bread them. And then when it came to choreography, I had no experience whatsoever. And really, like then experience the like two left feet situation, that was so horrible. I mean, one of the worst times too, I would cry a lot. I would definitely cry a lot afterwards. And I was in a room full of like amazing dancers. So, so talented. And here I was in the front. So horrible. And all the people that deserve to be in the front are in

the back of me. And I'm like, looking to them, like, why am I here? And it was a really weird experience in that way. Chris Thompson, who is the creator of the show, he was like, when you walked in that room, he received Jones and there was nothing, no one could do about it. And yeah,

“so show learned to dance, which I did, man, did I learn? Well, that's what's so interesting. It's”

like, that's kind of cool, though, to know that like they saw you as this character, even though so much of the character required dance. And you're like, I literally can't do that. And they're like, we'll figure it out. And they wanted to cast you anyways. Because I feel like, so many people were

always fascinated. Like, you're this young kid. You obviously start like not fully being able to go

to real normal school anymore because this becomes your whole life. Who did you hang out with from the network? Like, did any of them become friends? I didn't so much hang out with people from the network. I hung out with Cynthia. We hung out. I was in a, we were, shake it up was in a different

“time when Miley and Selena and Demi and those shows, they were all, I think, 1617 when we were”

starting. So the eras are so different and yet they intersect. And I remember when I was told people asking me if I was going to be, you know, comparing us all, all the Disney girls with Miley and Selena and this new era and asking which was going to be the next bad girl and are you going to be like Lindsay Lohan and like all these things at 12 13, you just see your brain is like trying so hard like, am I going to be like, what? Like, what? What is the question? Like such a weird. Yeah,

2012. That is so pretty. Yeah, it's like, it's almost like, what's so weird about that Disney era is you look back and so many kids that went through it. There was this experience where you were expected to stay kind of like a child because that's the demographic that you're peeling to and yet the press is like waiting for that 16th birthday, 18th birthday where you're like, they're like weirdly sexualizing you, even though you're 12 years old. Yeah. And so you're having a

adult conversation somehow when you're still a child and you're like, how is this work? Yeah, you're also spending all of your hours a day on set with adults. You know, that is it's like such a different the brains like how do I and I'm expected to be this child, but I'm also working like hours like an adult and being an adult conversation and when I fuck up it's my bad not like a child it's my bad like you're an adult. It's your bad and you're 12. Yeah and it's like the

brain I think has a really hard I think just like cheers to everyone making it out a lot of like well there's no way to be that young and to be surrounded by that many adults and that become

though like you know you you did have a relationship obviously because you weren't a duo with Zendaya. Yeah and that I'm sure having someone of a similar age was at least thank God.

Helpful in that. Yeah. Do you remember the first time that you met her like what was your first

impression of each other? Yeah, meeting at the screen test like the mixing matches and then the screen

“test and I remember at the mix in matches I think I liked her like immediately I think that”

our chemistry was the best and I remember thinking she's so tall and I'm so short like and then when they put us together for the screen test I was like oh okay they like it and I remember us having to do the dancing in the freestyle and I was like okay she can dance and I'm I've got other things you're gonna work on it. Yeah I did end up taking like between the pilot you know the series of it being picked up. I did for that like seven

months take three dance classes a day a haul and like we do the auditions during the day and then yeah that during the night and I was like I'm gonna I'm gonna be able to do this and I think something that was interesting from that era that is so prevalent even still today in media it's like and I know you've talked about it a little bit before like how you end in day a warp hit it against each other at that age on the show even though it's like you're supposed to just be a duo

and like yeah except both of us people can't they don't women with women it's just no we have to

we have to make you guys all big for one spot so that we can have the 80 other million ones

but if you guys can beat each other down and like scrape till the whatever extent we're asking you to like eat yourselves alive while we have all these spots but but for women just just one of you and it's like I mean man the patriarchy's been doing it for obviously since the beginning of time but it really like yeah you just go back and you're like god damn they were 12 like literally 12 crazy we're wrong with you you're an adult and also it's a duo like yeah we're not beating each other

out like supposed to be best friends we play best friends no we're close for both of us it got pretty like it got pretty bad like you know and then and then you have your your families and you have the

“rest of the set and everything and I think it got to a point where when we were on our good luck”

Charlie crossover we like escaped to another set in the middle of live taping which is really ballsy badass and like rebellious very rebellious what do you mean it's like a we like escaped us but we didn't escape but we like snuck out we knew that we had three scenes until we were up again and we were just like let's just go talk and we did and we escaped with another set that wasn't being used on like on you know on another soundstage and we're hiding up there and then

they were looking for us we stayed a little too long they were looking for us for that next scene and we got into it like hashed it out and it was so beautiful it was my first experience woman to woman girl to girl where you actually can speak and you can both be heard about the different things you've been experiencing and what people are saying and how they're trying to do this to you and and you can walk out of there like seeing each other and it was yeah I

“I think it's it's definitely in there in the book still as one of the most genuine girl on girl talks”

you know yeah well it's also so crazy about that is like how again young you were and to have all of the people that were pinning you guys again see each other be adults and so then the fact that the fact that the two children in your 14 year old did this point yeah we're able to be adults enough and we like can we just have a private moment because are you feeling

what they're trying to do to us and be able to hash it out that's really incredible to have the

force I of but from both of you to be able to have a mature conversation because like parents and managers and all the people directors I can imagine a lot of kids in Disney were like oh of course I thought I that person hated me because an adults telling me that so the fact that you

telling you this you know love you guys but y'all the out there again little too crazy we all give everybody a little bit more grace can we just whether really breathe just a little bit more I also think because the backstory of you know I can't speak for as in daya but for you I know like your journey was this wasn't just something that you stumbled upon and you were like this is fun like you became the breadwinner at 13 years old so this was this is putting food in your entire family's mouths

and so to reduce it to like girl on girl drama this was a full job for you yeah I couldn't afford to make a mistake in that way or be like oh I'm gonna have drama this and not are reveling anything I didn't yeah it's a daya definitely was probably the only person on the channel

“that I hung out with like and it's like because I think the the theme two of like your 13”

and you're taking on real adult responsibilities can you share just like what was your family's dynamic and financial situation prior to you getting shaken up and then when you got it what did that mean to your family when we moved to a lay my father died shortly after when I was nine and he did not leave us with anything more life insurance or anything like that so my mom was in I don't even know how she did it for kids and nothing and a house in her name that she

didn't sign for and flow for closure and yeah and he died in a motorcycle accident so it was quite sudden and it was just really bad for a long time um my mom was working she was also trying to take us to every audition that she could and you've got four kids all with auditions all on opposite sides of the town and just kind of running herself bragged as well as us just knowing

“all the time if what was gonna happen if we didn't get that job um yeah it was a shitty way to I think”

learn how to work and yet it's one of the things I'm most thankful for at the same time that's

something I know I can always do is work but I and at such a young age I'm so sorry obviously

for everything you just described of like that's so much as a kid to take on that like it sounds like you're basically just in fight or flight 24/7 when once your father died and your whole family including your mother is scrambling to be like somebody get a job and then you happen to be the one that shake it up that got the big job when we knew there was money gonna be like food on the table money for the house like we knew that at least we would have a constant paycheck and that

was just you know we'd get a guest star on a show didn't be like oh maybe they'll make you a reoccurring maybe they'll make you a reoccurring like um and I had done another things but this was that thing of oh thank goodness and I remember like remember my mom couldn't coach me for the audition

because I was always the girl that was really good at drama and the dark things but I wasn't the

funny one and that was my sister Danny and she tested on wizards yeah and so my mom knew that at least she had gone far enough with with Disney and they liked her so she had her like coach me

“for the audition and pick out my outfit which I'll never forget is like this like off the shoulder”

80 style um sweatshirt that has a C C on it which is why we wore it and like these leg leggings and these like little gray ballet flat things and yeah and I wore that outfit almost I think it was 13 times yeah you know you bring it back every time you every callback you were in the same thing yeah it was my it was my good luck outfit I also wondering like having your whole family essentially being the dynamic of like someone making enough money to help us all survive there's

probably something so exciting at first where you're like oh my god I'm I got it I'm the one that's

soon now we all have to turn our attention basically to you because now we support all of our

energy and supporting Bella but that's a lot of yeah responsive density yeah on just now you like how did you and your mom at that young of an age even discussed the mom check me real quick I remember when we finally got to move and we were gonna rent a house so that was very exciting we'd stayed in this um like two-bedgette apartment for a long time at that point to fawn and the four kids and mommy and so it was kind of a lot in them when my dad would come in and he would stay

and um I remember the excitement I don't ever forget it was like raining when she doesn't opt in in LA and we had just gone to the grocery store and everyone's in the car and I'm all the way in the back and my mom's talking about these like different options of houses that we could rent and and I was like I said something like well I should also get to pick I should also have a say because I got the show my mom turned around say what what what child what child you know I'm

from Florida so it didn't go down well so she was like don't even think about it 11-12-year-old child

“you think you should have a say in the house but then at the same time you're like yeah but don't I”

also get a say I just want to real you're also like but yeah because I'm we're getting house because I'm good at now I'm gonna go work now yeah I want the princess bed right I'm gonna get the bed I'm like the bed but okay this is where I think this leads to understandably very complicated dynamics yeah because yes it is hard because I'm sure with your other siblings it's like you don't want to come off it's like but it's like but you are making

all the money how did you and your mom talk about the money that you earned and where that was going and what you were gonna do with it I don't know that it was ever that spoken about when we were modeling we would get like five ten dollars for each job and then we'd get to go to the store and buy toys and I think that now you went from like making like you know a hundred dollars with your Molly job and then like you know ten dollars to you would ever too like oh

actually now you're making like a sag rate as a child you know and I forget their day rates but maybe it's 800 to a thousand somewhere in there so now you're dealing with like real like oh my god this isn't just fifty dollars I can pocket after which is something but it's now this is something else this is a different thing and I'm not sure that anyone was ever given the proper tools to speak about money um it was like you got that job we got that job like oh my god like

“forgot to go out to dinner like you know let's go to the store you have to my mom was very big on like”

rewarding yourself and that's something she definitely taught me from a young age and now I'm like

mommy I need to say girl mommy but yeah she that was one thing that she always wanted to

I think make sure that we celebrated our own self that it didn't always go nowhere in a sense nowhere we could see or celebrate celebrating you still being in a house but as a child there's yeah you don't quite understand the you just understand it scary and it's really bad and hopefully we never go there and that's why we're not going to it's always going to be this conversation we're never going to get to what that conversation is going to look like

and I know you and your mom have had a long journey of a relationship as

“most children with their parents do but obviously I think there was an added level for you because”

your mom wasn't just your mom she then was your manager how did you guys navigate that dynamic yeah the mom and your thing not really sure how we navigated it I had a manager which I still work with or yeah

I just worked I don't know that there was any navigating it was like this is an amazing

what are you going to do after the channel like you're not going to stay another year like you're going to go and I really wanted to do more acting and I remember that pressure just being so high off of off of the channel and like you can't do this because you're still funny you can't do that because you're a little girl but you're also a teenager so you can't do this because you're not a little girl anymore and it was just like 8 million things I want to wear your brain is like

“I don't even know I think a lot of that period of my life is sort of like”

blocks out in a way yeah you just like needed to get through it yeah do you know you're okay yeah I can't help but also feel for you bellow when you're talking about that too because it's like the feeling of like I'm sure after a long days of work you're like going home and then this mom and your role obviously isn't going to just turn off yeah and so there's so much pressure of like you just want to be a daughter for a second with your mom and be like oh my god I got to leave

my work at home but instead it's like planning what the next thing is like do you remember a specific moment that when you look back you're like oh I just remember like that's a good

“example of like where lines were kind of like blurred between I needed my mom and instead I was kind”

of getting my manager mm-hmm the feeling of going home was literally just wanting to be good at something like I felt like I tried so hard to be good it all the things in my life and

just never enough I try and take like some of that pressure off myself now but it's kind of like

you know beaten into me in that way like hard to just get away from it to retrain the brain and new thoughts um yeah I just wanted to be like good and I just never was actually good there was always more and and then with the comparing and always never enough and then I got really close to my teacher on shake it up and I love to learn and I would go home and she would give me like

“a lot of homework and that's what I would stay up all night doing and my mom would get so mad like”

so mad and she like put a complainin loving mommy I'm sorry um but she put a complainin it's isn't he of like this she doesn't have time to study her lines at night because she's doing so

much schoolwork and my teacher never back down she still gave me just just as much my teacher

Monique on shaking up to she brought me from like I don't know like three levels in two years like I went from not being able to add in some tracked double digit numbers at 12 which is not going to like doing like three grades above and and being uh being able to like read in front of people and being so good at math um and yeah which I've mostly forgotten now just just such a dick such a dick man um but yeah I that was definitely a time where I was like you could be more

mommy than than manager I definitely need to know my lines by schools also like something I was so mean fun of and so bad at to then be like actually good at something and I just wanted to like keep keeping good at something right and it's like yeah that's such an interesting point about like developmentally you're feeling behind and to not have your mom be more like oh my god I want to make sure my daughter like is set up for like the rest of her life in that way she's right and I

feel like it's because she had to deal with that so much growing up my mom came from such a bad broken household that all she wanted to make sure was that she her kids weren't going to have

to worry like she was and and she did she you know she sent me up for that you know I always have

to worry that he's have to keep working and you know but she she gave me um she pushed me to give me a chance that so many people don't get in that way and whether it was through a lot of

ball hard enough you didn't mom gives you that look the death stare like oh Jesus I'm so scared

“no that look it's your mom I forgive you that look like maybe not maybe not as intense but yes”

but I know that I know the feelings where you're like I just want to make my parent proud but also when you step away from it again in this like reflective era you were able to look back and have grace for both your mom from knowing which she came from but also it doesn't take away from the fact that like oh my god it was so hard and you just you actually just wanted your mom to be your mom and as much as she probably from her own trauma as a child was like oh my god money is all that

matters that will make them feel safe your intellect and your intelligence and to know mentally like you were actually really struggling and you felt really it sounds like not great about yourself in that area where you're getting made fun of and you're like I actually want to pour also into this

“and so you're trying to do your homework at night to have your mom be like no just focus on the”

paycheck it must have been so divided for you where you're like I would tell my mom might be like I don't know why you're so I'm mad at me like I don't know why you do this to me like I eat my vegetables I love vegetables I'm good at school work I do my school work like I try so hard like and so many other kids I don't do drugs I don't do this I don't do that and man I would say that to her like yeah quite a few times and I felt like I literally did what people on like in movies

and in books said if you did this you were a good child they ate their vegetables if they did

good in school if they you know said please thank you I always had manners I didn't talk

back to my mom till I was 70 and like literally and I always yeah I always had this feeling and now I get to experience my mom and such a completely different way which is very healing very rewarding what was your hard time no yeah like what was your relationship like with your siblings because were you ever resentful like you're like fuck I just wish I got to be one of like like how they're living like you know more maybe a normal situation compared to there were so much pressure on you

because if you dropped the ball it wasn't a normal kid drop in the ball you didn't do your homework it's if you drop the ball and you get kicked off the show then you're literally losing the house and you're losing everything there were higher stakes for you than your siblings I don't know that

I had time or the mental space to even be resentful in any sort of way I always felt that they

were resentful of me even though because there's only like one mom you know my dad's dad's we don't have that other person and there's just this one mom who only has this amount of time and I'm taking up all the time now so I always felt like yeah that that kind of in a ways somehow like distance me a little bit I always felt like like don't look at me funny like it's not it's not my fault right you're like if anything I wish there was more tension on you guys like

I don't want all of this pressure did you ever have conversations with any of your siblings about

“that as you got older as we got older yes we I think we've had conversations about what it”

just was like to go up in that way but I don't know that yeah I don't know that they would ever tell me if they were like genuinely resentful no it is so interesting like when you think about sibling dynamics growing up in a household and how different people experience your parent right like you experienced your mom one way completely different the fact that like some of your siblings maybe like I was buying for her attention and you were literally like I just wanted a break for a second

like I just needed a second it's so interesting how under one roof you can experience such a different complicated dynamic with one individual and you understandably are too young to be able to share that experience and so it's like kind of quite isolating you're just in your room alone and they misunderstood you probably and you misunderstood them and then if that's a that's a lot as a kid and we were given in that time at all any resources to help there was no resources there was

no talk to your children about this talk about that there was no children have consent like consent what a child gets to consent I thought the the parent is is in charge of the child and the child has to do whatever the parent says to do what do you mean consent is a new word like you learn

wow so many things now that we're never that was never a thing do you think Bella because I know

know I think you went to therapy together and you repaired your relationship but there was kind

of this like fallout moment between you guys what what do you think it was that kind of like tipped the iceberg for you where it was like enough is enough I need a break essentially from this I was turning 18 soon and I could feel the like aradicness coming there again not having the

“space to be like let's actually talk about what happens when you turn 18 I think I was so scared”

and my mom was so scared we were both so scared and when I was shooting midnight son I turned 18 on that movie right before we started shooting and yeah it was not a great time and one day in the middle of the night I think she could tell that you know I was starting to have like financial meetings to start to meet with business managers and kind of actually like understand what was happening there and yeah that ended quite fractured and I moved out that night

with my boyfriend at the time Greg and yeah in a blink of an eye I'm this one person and in moments later I've been completely the other person and I have no idea where to go or what to do or I don't have an ID I don't have I don't have anything I literally don't have anything

“but I'm just gonna go because I just can't do this anymore and I think between”

everything with a lot of the the work and growing up in the way that I did I struggled very badly with suicidal thoughts and depression and I I thought at one point like if I had hurt myself that maybe she would see how much pain I was in and I knew when I was there at those thoughts that I had to like leave um yeah I was like I don't want to keep thinking about that so that was hand to your question long one to life my fans are you question the um I guess the

crux of yeah leaving you had to protect yourself yeah realizing like if I keep going at this speed I may not be here anymore and that's that's not what anyone wants so I have to leave as much as it's gonna hurt her and it's gonna hurt me it's gonna hurt less than staying mm-hmm when you did leave though you left basically your siblings also like did you have any understanding of like how to access your bank account and like all that information like I can't imagine no I didn't have

any of that information and the person who I was dating up to time Greg um sulkin who I love very dearly and we went through so much together and in this time and he showed me how to be an adult which is a lot to ask of you know your like relationship someone that you're dating but you're like oh

my god this person is really like not an adult yet um and it's never he was always like that's weird

“you don't have access to this or like you know you need to know these things like you took me to get my”

ID it took me to why did we and why didn't you have an ID I didn't drive I don't drive um so I never got my driver's license and so then I like had a state ID at some point yeah um it was just like basic to some people like more basic life skills that you were like didn't have yeah and then went to finally pull away from kind of being in that house with your mom you're like whoa although I felt like a kid for so long I am 18 like yeah maybe I should know what my

bank information is and maybe I should know all these things and what's so hard is sometimes it does take that extreme of a break away from a parent when it is that co-dependent situation and then other people being like we like Greg being like we babe like that's weird no that's weird and and someone who just is like loves you for you and is just like I have no skin in the game to then help I also think like there must have been such a turning point when you leave shake it up

and you're kind of like basically done with your Disney era we're dealing with obviously like

leaving an environment that had such expectations on you as a human being and I think a lot of

people have talked about this like the Disney kid and what you were supposed to be and emulate and present to the world meanwhile it's kind of still a time that you're trying to be like figuring yourself out as an adult like how did you manage trying to soar in your own right and find your own image outside of that really like specific constraints that they put under and on you

“well I think people can see how I've managed it publicly they can see it they've got photos of it”

got all the photos oh wow I don't know that I ever handled it or

balanced it out correctly I don't think that I ever had that mental clarity um I've worked a lot

on the more recent side I got to a point where I just needed to kind of change things in my life and get better at I was working so much and yet was leaving very little time for the things that I really really cared about um and so I started to focus on that this year and last year and then after I made this movie color your hair I put put all the the heart and soul and then didn't have much left afterwards and had to you know really wanted to get into the mental health aspect

and the brain aspect and just get better on on things and give myself some space to breathe and

and grace so I don't think I ever did that when I was younger but I do remember when I turned 18

and in that 18 to 19 year I was like I free like I'm literally free like I'm walking into this house and no one's asking me when I'm like what I'm gonna be there when this time or when I'm gonna leave it's like was such a weird yeah you you don't know what's weird until someone else tells you let's go my situation is not normal okay guys still like my mom held my hand walking across the street and for good reason because streets are scary and sidewalks are scary and side situations

I don't like a road don't like I'm driving don't like it however like it true but yeah like I didn't walk across the street without holding her hand until I was like 16 17 for sure and I'm still

“I run across the street when I cross the street I run by the way that's what's so interesting”

they look like I spray I literally spray really see me out and I'm still breathing I'm not walking no one's chasing me we're behind I think though that's kind of like the weird dichotomy we were talking about earlier of like you're a child around adults so you have to act like an adult and you're forgetting your line and all these adults are mad at you but then you're still being treated like a child by the adult in certain situations but really being adultsified when you're

on set but then money and all of this is being caged from you so you're and then you're just like am I am I not and that's something that you really start to see a change in when you start to bud like I'm running as such a weird phrase like my flower but it's like I have food now I'm running but you're paying the bill right it's weird but when you start to get more feminine and womanly that's another thing that starts that starts going into that that little equation that you've

just said all of it and that starts getting weird too you don't physically look like a child anymore but you're still mentally operating like well what is my mom say what is my mom say and then eventually you're like should I keep asking what my mom says or should I move out then you move out

“and then I remember the press was so hard on you I literally wrote down they would say things like”

child star gone wild Lindsay low hand in training oh no I didn't tell you in the 12 year old that you said what and it's like she low hand right I love those movies peri what's wrong you go from working when most kids are just experimenting and doing things so then when you get away from that it's understandable that then you're going to go experiment this is not a new idea we've seen it just over debating if I was wearing a training

bra or a bra yeah like can we now can we think about it no no no and so these yes they're like sexualizing you to a degree where you're like I literally can't win this is really weird look at

and that is the worst and everyone is talking about it how do you think all of this I know you

were talking about that early relationship with Greg but like all of the over sexualization and people talking about you like how do you think it impacted your early relationships and what you

“were looking for and dating eat not well well well well well well well start there I think when”

something has been put on you so long my response was okay then I'll take it okay you want me to be that then I'll be it and I'll be even more how about that you really want to fuck with me how about this and that is like this kind of yeah it's kind of how I grew up in them when people would point that out like oh like so you're really trying to be bad right because you're like you're a Disney girl like then that would really like suddenly like just soaring and in angers someone like

seeing that seeing this seeing you for who you are in that moment and you're trying yet everything else to be something else in a way is a really weird it's not a phase mom right right you're trying to prove everyone wrong you're like no no no no I'm not affected by that and then at some point

“I was just like oh you think I'm fucking like look at her wow she's hot oh you want to see sexy”

I'll show you sexy it's like you're like I'm going to push back ten times harder if you're going to tell me I'm this and watch I'll do it watch me be a horn no but you want me in my home face watch watch and learn but at some point I feel like that is actually what causes the rebellion is like how many times are you going to say I'm going to do it but I'll just do it aha then I'll do it literally you like have to stop seeking because if you're going to keep saying I'm right

you wanted it so bad and you're saying it when I'm not doing it so I might as well do it oh let me see what this is all about I'm pretty sure you have called yourself a relationship hopper before in the past was like someone called the therapist call her and I mean I want to hear

“from you like what what was it like when you would have spurts even if they were small alone”

that you didn't like about that I was never alone I always have my vibrator

you're like Alex please do not assume because I was absolutely always that it took bait to this video guys go watch the caller daddy interview this is literally that is like the title like you're never alone grab your vibrator to not die okay so you you prefer to be in relationships because you really you did not want to actually physically be alone I've never been alone since I was a child I'd always been I grew up in a family of four

and my mom I'm being best friends with her growing up and you know we'd have sleepovers you

you know travel somewhere sleeping the same bed like I grew up never alone and yeah and then all of

us out in oh broke up with this man because like yes queen get rid of him and then like oh god I'm alone I'm sitting in this chair or what am I doing like and it was just the scariest feeling being alone was so frightening and I'm not totally sure for what reason other than you just didn't spend that much time doing that um now I'm like oh I get like two days alone I'm like let's go eight eight mass later watch me bitch and I'm gonna watch whatever the I want to watch okay I'm

watching all night because I'm a binge watcher now you're more comfortable when we're avoiding being alone what kind of partners were you attracting like were there any patterns you look back and you're like oh my god I kept going for this type of guy the artsy people they need to stay away that that's too much that's too much don't go back to that time I'm surprised you didn't pull out like eight other arrows yeah my you started I was like yeah what is this pat shot on the

curb oh my god no okay artsy and do you mean am I house at one point was filled with just actual trash bags and literal just cardboard cardboard from why places on the street just like people if they're cardboard out you know they were moving and they got rid of it and like cut up and then paint it on like I dated a lot of art it oh you mean like not even literal transitions you mean I mean literal artist art paint paint brush and trash bags and cardboard and anything else you

point I was like oh my god look at them they don't get the fuck like that's amazing like I love

just being like I'm gonna paint on this thing I see a wall I'm gonna paint on it I see the

“thing I'm gonna paint on it like what a beautiful way to to live life that's how I was thinking”

and I still get a free yeah yeah let me just painted my dresser okay okay what color you know um baby blue from dark brown and with red flowers cute but maybe like not your whole house is what you're saying and maybe like not the cardboard yeah the cardboard trash I mean actual trash people's other people's trash that is now in my home with you can only imagine what else is in other people's trash in my home and it's painted on now they they keep painting on

it so they keep putting it there and I'm not gonna throw someone else's artwork away how did you realize that these relationships mean maybe weren't the best for you oh seeing how people treated me during that time is what made me think I needed to get away

“yeah it wasn't the cardboard now I go girl you put up a lot of shit I am that person though”

in a relationship I'm like yeah like whatever fuck yeah you want to do some shit fuck yeah like let's do it um and then until you start doing some shit you're not supposed to do start treating me disrespectfully sorry sorry nicknac and poke in like not not not not you start that oh we're gonna see that cardboard in the trash we're gonna hear about that art now like and I don't know if it's the Libra in me you don't want to come over here man this is a good segue this is a good segue because I want

to play a little dating game lore with you okay many give you just like a quick like a scenario or just like a situation to topic and any story that comes to mind just quickly tell us hit it with us okay have you ever walked out on a date yes walked out walked out of the car um I got he picked me up and he put his arm like that to open the car door which was offensive for obvious reasons and so then when I checked him on it he was like oh what you expect too much you expect too much

and I was like you think that opening the door and getting out walking your marry little ass to fee on over to my side to open my door is expecting too much and then we should stop right

here because you will never you will we're actually bad for each other you have no idea what's

coming your way and so I got out of the car he didn't he didn't lean and he a little push open you said sorry you're not getting any pussy you're not getting no you're you literally are getting trash you're fucking cardboard he said we I got out in the middle like we were at as soon as we got to the stop light and it turned red can got my ass out of there and he was like what are you doing what are you doing it's like gonna turn yellow soon because they have to be like trying to

like then get out of his side as I'm walking my happy little ass back home I was like no literally I you expectation oh I expect a lot I got ready for you now are we are you this is showing up on your day and you're not going like that's a door open the door that is oh you don't know

idea what's coming later how he that's amazing okay what is the worst time someone has given you

the egg oh my god I dated somebody that on a plane told me that they should have straight praise yep be heard me well you know I didn't hear you she said take it back rewind what dated somebody that said on a plane that they should have straight praise that that straight people are a lot to have straight praise I don't know why he had to say it pilot can we drop this bitch can we yeah he's in the exit he

parachute my bitch no yes aha and in I don't know if he was just trying to get a reaction out of me he just wanted to see me and spending he wanted to see me get rolled up he wanted to get under my skin oh it wasn't and it really worked yeah it worked you're I'm going this way when we get out I don't care where actually you're going I didn't see him that is and then he said oh

“you joking shut up why would you even joke you think that's fucking funny it's not I think it's”

fucking funny it's not funny at all that's disgusting what is the most unexpected place that you hooked up with someone when public is back there it's like narrow belt it starts saying prayers

you just made that to like it was like drink or tell the story and where other people around

“okay people are walking indoor to go to the party well come and yeah it's a good way to”

I was I was getting ready on the other side of the car I love that way yeah and then I really set there was my camera but it's just a look if you get what I mean I looked up I got my point and and then I saw the camera and then I realized that in my kitchen I have all the all the screens oh so everyone in the party is like oh look at her again and camera X girl girl is talented many more ways than what she is flexible okay that actually be saying what is the worst

lie that you've caught someone in like in a relationship oh cheating on me how did you find out my friend was like he's there too long like with the scroll and I was like not not so worried about it I like girls and it was like you know if you're like gonna kiss her together like that's

“like okay like you know like that's fine and then I was like walk her like get her to her Uber like”

don't be like you can't like kiss somebody and then like not be a gentleman you know I mean that's not him so he goes to take her to the Uber but then he's taken like a while I guess and my friend I was like she's like do you think he's fucking her and I'm like what and she's like yeah do you think he like went downstairs to like fuck her and I'm like he's just not what he's he's why he's her Uber don't be ridiculous she's like I don't know I just think he is and then

he comes upstairs and then she's like were you fucking that girl and so immediately I guess he couldn't tell me the truth and then when I like went to the hotel room I realized that like my clothing that I had given her because she wanted to go in the pool was on the floor and I was like so she came back to she and he was like she didn't want to take your stuff and I was like she could have had the bikini like it's okay and I'll say I was like oh so you saw her naked and

he was like no and then he like after me like a dog with a bone he's like oh she gave me a hand job all my right the classic it was just a hand job also that's just like lame don't don't she got me on the music she gave me a hand job like you had all hooked up not fully no no no I she was not my type okay okay if we were to kiss a girl together yeah then I was okay and we had done that in the past she keybed her at my birthday we had my birthday party and then

DM turned to come meet up with us so she shows up on my who's that she's like oh this is a girl I thought was cute like I thought you would like her and I'm like baby she's not my type like she's not you know I mean nothing happened between the three of you and then he brings her down and he gets a supposed just hand job and then later on I'm like I don't believe it like I don't believe it

and then he's like finally like oh that he that she like gave him a blow job but I'm like no I

just stop it and then after we broke off because then we went through therapy to like really work through this I had to then go shoot a movie with this man right after I literally had to shoot a movie like three days later and you're like and just now before we start the movie just clarify you fuck sure you're like it went from the hand job to the blow job you can now just tell me the truth I would literally just tell me you put it in what they're like tell me oh that

deal a lot better you're looking for a pussy right now I'm actually the way I'm job you

“couldn't give that to yourself yeah like you're not that you need to teach you on me with a”

hand job Jesus Christ that not men are so annoying you're like you catch them and then they're like but it was just it was just the and then slowly the more and more and more and more comes out and you're like I actually would have respected you more if you just admitted it but now I'm on this long train of lies with you you don't even remember you're like what what did it first start as he wouldn't even remember so then I I had to go do a movie and he's like oh like you

need to trust me like give me I'm gonna give you your my Instagram password and like I don't do that I don't do the check in the phones I don't do the Instagram password stuff I just think it's

like if you gotta go there it's also like not good plus you're always gonna find some shit that

you don't want to find you find one friendly heart and you're like this mother fucker right

I don't think that that's like a good breach of trust but he keeps he keeps saying it it's the way

to prove to me right so then finally I'm like you know it all right and it's 5 a.m and I'm on my way to set I see these messages and they're all on a different language he thinks that I'm not good at my translating it but my assistant yes and the time is like so did you know Google translate can take photos now and like no and like but then there's voice memos so I'm I'm Google translating with the photos and it's not looking good in here not looking good but then there's voice memos and they're speaking very fast in another language so I asked our server at the time.

“I remember like can you translate this for me? Oh Bella he loves you. Oh he thinks you're so beautiful and he just keeps going”

all on and on about how much this man loves me and things I'm amazing you're like so sexy and he wants to any

and at some point he does he's great faces like I'm not going to translate this so I can only imagine what he's saying at the time that the server does not want to translate my Beyonce shooting on me and then I'm like and then I do the full translation I keep thinking someone idiot I'm not going to read the other language so then we go through a lot of therapy like a lot of therapy after that because I'm like you know I've committed to this person and you know obviously I've done something wrong here and I

I'm just just not true but she didn't get into anybody who's been cheated on it's not true yeah haven't done anything wrong and I'm too far but ridiculous the concerted effort to be like

“I'm gonna get crafty I'm gonna cheat in a different language because maybe she'll just be so exhausted”

from this job she won't have you don't have time to actually translate all this and meanwhile you're like did it did it didn't mean a lot me my assistant my hair and makeup artist the girls and the server right now are pointing out your cheating aspect okay you think I wasn't but I got the girl squad okay and it's very nice gay Italian man like and he will he want to tell you okay sir all we are trying to tell me Italian man it gets worse no it does get worse no yeah so after the

therapy oh my god from the handjob to here keep going after the therapy and I just like you know at one point and he said this thing about somebody else who is being treated on and I saw in his I was it just like it all clicked from me and I was like oh you actually don't feel like bad or

“there's no like you actually think that this is like okay and and my father cheated on my mom”

a lot growing up and so I had a lot of like past kind of cheater drama and then when I broke up who's at say you know he's equal because you are so honest I wanted to write you this letter

and in the letter he just tells me that he was always cheating on me throughout our four years

and he but don't worry because he never slept with the same girl more than once don't worry you never I'm not the same girl not more than one he just slept with so many of them but not more than once he didn't have emotional connection the way that he had his so in love he cares so much for you he's like baby I the way the respect I have I made you never exactly double dip exactly and like I respect you so much that I need to tell you this and that's the respect

I have for our relationship and then also I left my Saint Laurent mother jacket at your place so if you could please mail it to me no no no no Bella no way that this man was like but but it was just like it was a one and done like they convinced themselves or like it's not no it's not cheating because they have these stipulations in their head he convinced himself it wasn't cheating because so we because we like to get with girls like together that we were like you know

but it's hard like you know like you know like I was like I wanted to be in the open relationship you mother fucker and I said that at the opening of us dating and I was like you live somewhere else I want to be in an open relationship because I need attention and I need someone there physically with me he was like no well that's just not gonna work like I'll give you girls I'll give you girls because girls they mean nothing right they mean nothing so you can get some attention from within but you

can't have any attention from man and then meanwhile you are just on a tear so he's on a tear everyone

of having his cake meeting too and you're just sitting there like all right like so we don't

“want an open relationship even though we have this like mutual agreement that if we find someone”

that we're like down together great but if not we're not able to do it without each other he's like whoa you're literally like huh bro mm that whole time the whole the translating is so good the trick it's too much no that's like one of the all time great can we put it in a movie that is like put that in a script immediately you're like I have lived this life Alex I know that's wild it was really hard on that movie I had to um there was a

scene where we were making love and in in in in the scene they put all these photographs of me up on the walls like a gallery and they were photographs that they had taken on me on that set during that time and so I'm on the floor and he's on top of me and I'm just like surrounded by all these versions of me just staring at myself and just like broke down and could not after also after like the eighth fake of doing this again and again this man is in my mouth

I hate him I'm upset my body like want him and hate him at the same time like this is someone

I love and yet someone I don't know at all and I will never forget the feeling of like literally

like eight bellows just looking at me like you want to go back to him is this what you're worth that's what you see for yourself like this is who you want to be like you know like are

“you okay with the way this man treats you and I'll never forget that feeling it like honestly”

felt like a horror movie I was sick as this is the barbarian who I know you're like like one of this so like no exactly yeah not no I feel like you have had some private I'm sure like this obviously but then there's like been a very big public experience that you went through where like you were essentially violated some degree and you tried to take ownership and control that situation back in 2019 you made the decision to leak your own

news because a hacker was essentially threatening that they were going to do this and can you just like tell the story of what the hell happened because I unfortunately think revenge porn is such a common experience for a lot of women and I would just like love to hear what your personal experience was with it it started off with a text and like oh hi kitty something something then I was just like was this to ignore it you know I'm like I'm gonna get my number like what's

I don't know and then again and again and then a photo of me that I had never posted

and I was like with my brain just like chills and then he was like you want more and so he sent more and then he like kept sending them until he got me in a conversation with him and yeah he kept going with it I was doing my book tour at the time for the life of wannabe mogul and I'm like I wrote this book because I felt like I was so misunderstood and I was so I didn't know how to express myself not only misunderstood but I was not properly expressing

myself and I felt that kind of one of my last like things that I had to do before kind of just giving up on myself was right this book and then maybe people read it and they like they understand me a little bit more so I write this book and while I'm fucking doing this press tour talking about molestation and like dark shit this man is threatening me and won't stop threatening me

“and I had to keep doing these interviews and I'll never forget I'm with my manager Thor”

I'm still with and he at that time I like looked at him I showed him the messages he read

through all of them and I always just like I don't know what to do like it just feels like

this is what's happening again like my power was taken from me then for so many years and now he has this he has this thing of me and he's teased taking it again it's like a felt like being

everything will end for you everything all the shit that you've been through everything you've

done to get to this point all going to be a blown up and in just it's gone if he does this and having someone else have that power and that agency over your own body and I love I love my

“manager and at that time and I think he saw me as a person and not as a client because I”

don't think anyone any agent or manager would have been like yeah all right you want to do that because you think it'll make you feel better sure release your own dudes and he was like honestly Bella yeah like what he's writing he was like fucked up unlike with what you've been through this

is my like door accent this is like this is your only way like I don't I don't have another way for you

like I don't have another like option and I put him out and that was horrible how did you come up with that idea to release them yourself he's literally saying he's gonna do this and I don't keep sending him photos and I'm like now he wants me to start like sending stuff and like and then I was even about money he's like there's also about money and photos and like I'm going to keep sending you these videos and then he starts sending me other people that I'm friends with their

news yeah yeah and he's like you see how powerful I am how many times I can do this to you over and over and I was like well if like at the end of the day if I'm going to lose my whole career and everything I've worked for being like 20 at that time and working since I was eight I'm

going to just like just say fuck it all and I'm never going to work again in my life so over because

this man's going to do this so I'll just do it again it's kind of I guess if you think about it's kind of the way I approach life you want to say she's so sexual sexual okay so then I'll be sexual like you want to do this to me you want to take this from me so I'm going to take it and still like instead you know it was your way though of actually reclaiming control yeah like you're talking about having horrific things happen to you when you were younger you're like I refuse to

not be in control of my body again so let's do it yeah so you release them online and how did you preface it I just sit in honest Twitter post yeah I just kind of set it out as it is and you're not going to keep taking this from me so here it is and you know I think the worst part of that was people saying you did this you are faking it you just want to show us your tips

“you want to so badly to see your private parts that that's why you're doing it you want it”

and that to me like really broke me then not like really really broke me and there's definitely like a video of me where all my doing it Instagram story and I'm like completely like broken and so upset understandably just mad and then I get like a call one day and it's the FBI and they're like hey you know we've seen this thing we think it's our guy and like can we come over can we get all the data can we see what this is and they came over to my house so

now I have like a house full of FBI which is like the craziest thing I keep looking around like there's weed in the house there's weed in the FBI and here now keep reminding myself it's california it's legal do they know I have a weed brand do they know I own one like when it's still scary you're like yeah guys here we got here's marriage I wanted but it's legal but still I'm nervous no literally and yeah I gave them everything to board together for quite quite a bit and I think

it took a year and a half a little over that and they got them and they knew it was him from the writing so if I had not posted those screenshots they wouldn't have caught him or maybe they would

“have caught him later but they wouldn't have had that direct source and that's how they knew”

is because of the screenshots because it's his exact writing now like this is his ML it's the same guy it has to be and then he kept taking this thing because I love cats and I'm a big cat person so he kept calling me kitty and like taking this thing from me that I love so much and I've got these cat tattoos and he would like keep poking the kitty thing and kitty and come here miss kitty kitty and do this for me and it's kitty kitty and that was another one of my like breaking like you're not

fuck you I'm just going to put this out I'm going to put it out because I have no other choice that's what I feel like right now I'm not letting anybody do this to me again that is so crazy that then the internet turned it into you are getting blackmailed and this happens for you and somehow you are getting slumped. What should we tell women all the time in life you were raped that night where you were wearing a short skirt so you wanted it you had a drink that night okay so you wanted it

it's always you want it that is that is like the inherent thing that we grow up with it is

“it's everywhere it's in every book it's in fucking at this point the only thing that doesn't”

have it is fucking mother nature literally the only thing that doesn't have it is the trees in the grass and shit okay it's it's everywhere it's embedded in every culture everywhere you look it's it's fucking I'm sure it's embedded in these chairs I'm sure when they made these chairs they were like well we need to make something feminine but not too feminine okay and it needs to be soft enough but it still needs to give a little bit like of a man by because like she can't be too feminine

if she's going to have work right because she can't be both like that literally and everything it is horrific to know that somehow you were blamed for it and yet it's you're right it's so expected of course of course what did that experience though kind of teach you about the process of reporting crimes and like working to that capacity I

the grace and the bravery that it takes someone is is is so incredible I

anyone who's ever had to write like a witness like like victim quote unquote statement is I mean I I give it up to everyone who has come forward and everyone who hasn't you know both are incredibly brave in in their own right and that is the truth yeah it's not easy at all either one you're right because it's like half the time you're not believed and then when they're trying to believe you there's so many questions that you're like is this even worth it I

don't want to relive this for sure putting it into your like own words having to speak it out loud in a room full of when I was writing this this statement and they were explaining to me

why it was important because of the sentencing and for the judge to really hear what this person

has taken from you in your life and you spend so much of your life trying to like concentrate on

“the things I didn't take from you and now you have to sit here and like publicly like speak it”

out speak out those words what someone has has done what they have taken who you no longer are because of this person and their actions and yeah it just man there so many like incredibly brave and great just people it's so inspiring to hear you from literally the young girl that I showed in that picture to then you know you're working experience and essentially surviving that extremely difficult environment to then getting out into the world after Disney trying to find

your identity but also wanting to rebel a little bit and be like I literally didn't have really a childhood so like I'm going to lean and I'm going to have fun I didn't even know about my bank account or I didn't have an ID like I deserved to have a little bit of me time essentially going through all the relationships that you went through all the cheaters all the people all the artists all the cardboard to then finding your now fiancee going through you know the online

trauma of this experience like it feels like now you're in this place where you've grown so much as an individual it seems like you're in this great relationship now what do you think now sitting here are some of the biggest changes that you've noticed in yourself as a whole like in reflecting back on even everything that we've talked about I'm not as reactive definitely not as reactive I have boundaries yeah I created some of those it's crazy you can create them they're there

“they may look invisible but they're not I think that's probably one of my biggest one yeah”

is it's the boundaries not having them before and having them now and creating them for your own is such a it can be such a beautiful and joyous experience it can also be like really sad and sometimes it's good till like hold space for the versions of yourself that didn't have that you know that's such a good point it's like you can be proud of yourself now but you can also have empathy

like having those boundaries you can now be so proud of yourself like oh my god everything I went through and how horrific things I had to experience that I shouldn't have had to experience probably also shouldn't have even had to have boundaries at that age or in that moment right but now you can be proud of yourself for surviving all that yeah and having grown to be so

“strong for what you went through and what you now demand for yourself yeah and I think we put”

so much like women again you just can't do it right um and like your body and all these other things is Jesus and like everyone wants to take it from you all the time and then your ostracized for having boundaries or your bitch for speaking up for yourself your your blaming yourself which is what I've done for so much of that part of my life and being in situations that I didn't know how to get out of it for I literally didn't know how to leave other than running out the door physically

and I think up over the years I've like really blamed that version and at this time when you like kind of grow up and you're like that wasn't right though like yeah holding that space for it's okay that you didn't know then it's okay that you know now and I think like when you're that

young of a young girl going through like everyone always says it like the body keeps score right like

yeah you can do so much mental work to just try to keep your head above water and to keep working like you're having to keep working through this trauma right you're having to keep working through people taking advantage of you and your body and all these moments and you shouldn't have had to do that but you were in survival mode and so I think it takes it can take your whole life to just like slowly reclaim parts of your body even like doing therapy for a decade you can unlock parts and

feel like you reclaimed parts but like it's never ending process because that something that should

always be yours something that should never be taken advantage of or taken from you and as an

actor you're taught the opposite as an actor like your body like you you learn how to disassociate from your own body because you're putting and disassociate from your brain until like almost create two parts of the brain one part of the brain is experiencing this incredibly traumatic thing that I'm trying to act out as well as experience in real time and then the other part is this protective part and you can like it's kind of like watching yourself from the outside in a way like

think about the scenes where actors have to do and you're like you're being raped on camera you're doing these like really physical detrimental scenes to your like to your psyche as well as your

“body and so you have to disassociate and then you're no longer acting but for some reason you keep”

having to disassociate from your body you know throughout life and so to reclaim and as you said like piece by piece back is like a really like I used to love to show like my skin and I still love to show skin but I used to be like fucking like you know nipples or whatever like yes and then I realized

that I never went through the time to be precious about them to be precious about you know

yourself your own body and I never went through that period and I feel like I've just recently been getting to be precious and to yeah to have that I'm so it's really like cathartic to hear you say this because I think a lot of women are gonna be sitting at home and crying with you because I think the amount of women who have unfortunately and should never have had to nor should you have ever had to then take an advantage of it's like your your reliving it also in moments in microcosms

in your life as much as you're healing where we're hearing about obviously when this person is gonna leak your news or someone makes a comment or someone's saying these the every little thing in life can bring you back to that moment and so it's this ongoing battle within yourself as a

“woman that you have to try to be so fucking strong and keep going to be ridiculous it's ridiculous”

it's making us be so strong no literally any week no everyone's saying no I know it's strong

would be good sunday is a good day to be weak I'd love to be a weak woman on a sunday that's why

“like this is ridiculous no I know that's why feel for you right now I like want to reach out”

and hug you because I'm like it's so people or who especially men and who are just so naive to it it's like they think there can be an isolated incident it's like this carries through to so much of you doesn't define you but like you are just having to work 10 times harder in moments to just survive and so I just give you so much grace of just like oh my god everything you've been through and then sitting here and even you being like I've boundaries and I'm more

patient now like that is which just happens with time and it's horrific that you had to go through any of the things that we're talking about but you're such a survivor in your own right and it's really inspiring as a woman to like connect with you and talk with you about these themes that are

“unfortunately so universal but you are also a testament to someone who has been able to be”

basically dragged through the mud gone through these horrific things and you're so intelligent and you're funny and you're wise and you're all these things and you deserve to have happiness and so

it's amazing to see that you're reclaiming that in a way that it's going to take a lot of time

and it's still got a lot of work and a lot of therapy a lot we're putting budget but you're here and the young girl who said I was maybe not going to be here if I didn't get out of that house at one point you're still standing and that's all on you no one else is to thank or to give props to or it's you you did that you did that yourself thank you of course very sweet I need to brag more about you some of your acclades um your director um you did the incredible by you know

you're still obviously an actress but you have transitioned into a director which is such a feat in itself to be taken seriously to be talked about right in a way that people are going to show up for you and look at you and especially even just as a woman um and so congratulations obviously you've been referencing your first project I know you have something big coming you are directing and starring in spring breakers too and writing then I wrote it okay how did this opportunity come

to be um the producer's watched color your hurts which is the that I just wrapped in early code of it and they asked me to write something to see if they would like it and they loved it writing and directing spring breakers too that is like first of all you being in it I'm already like

yeah you're directing it yes you writing yes like that is incredible thank you that's so incredible

also because the first spring breakers was directed by a man how do you think the sequel will be different with you know some female energy aha some female energy oh the female energy is their girl for sure um 2012 was such which is like when the movie came out was such an exploitative time and everyone was going through it at that time like me and my league and to listen to Zendaya and Selena and everybody being compared if who was gonna be that next bad girl and

everything happening it felt like that was the time too and and this time things are different they are crazy there's a lot of craziness there's a lot of litness there's so much litness in this movie I didn't like bellow or the like the like maniacal laugh I'm like spring breakers too and bellow thorn I'm like oh my god is there anything you can like tease or anything you want to just kind of set the groundwork so people have a little something to chew on um we're working with

the original team is is back so we're really excited about that um I don't want to get in trouble I know I don't want to get in trouble um but what I can say is it is so litty litty mitidies I mean from start to finish it's lit as fuck we are having fun if you want it to go the theater and have fun you going to have fun with this movie that's for sure yeah it's

“balls to the wall that's like the most um that's what everyone says when they repeat this”

crap balls to the wall can you say if there's is there anyone from the original in it or now

ready Bella before you go because I know this is oh also also I went what when spring breakers came

out I begged my manager to let me go to the premiere because he had worked on the first one

so when spring breakers came out I was at that premiere oh that's really good to the age math as

“well I was there and I begged I begged that's why I love my manager and now you're here you”

went to the premiere as a fan and now I'm your buddy and now I wanted to see the girls writing directing and starring that's kind of just like that that that feels right that feels right for the girls right yeah you can do anything oh my god that was such like a cultural like moment in time and just like crazy everyone just like yeah becoming a woman and like questioning being a woman

“and like what that's gonna look like for the rest of your life and you know then you have these”

girls doing these things in this movie and it was just like on the big screen it was big screen that movie that was a big screen movie it was yeah and this will be too yeah and you're in front and

behind it yes yeah more to you that's actually fucking incredible this is like congrats thank you

okay Bella of everything you've accomplished what are you hoping for this new era for yourself like what can we expect I know obviously we got the projects but like what else what can we expect a half year Bella hopefully I feel I feel happier so far getting to do something that I love like directing and getting to concentrate on production and getting further into all sides of of the art in that way instead of just I love acting and I love I love finding projects that I want to

“act in like that's really important and yeah I hope I get to really like enjoy continuing on this journey”

yeah yeah sort of it thank you I could talk to you forever um that was such an incredible

conversation I feel like we went in so many different directions and thank you so much for going there with me I love talking to smart interesting women and I knew we would have such a connection in a great conversation but I couldn't have imagined the amount of themes I feel like so many women are going to be like oh my god thank you thank you thank you and that's all to you today so thank you for opening up because we would have had this conversation and the depth that you brought was

really inspiring so thank you for coming with our daddy Queen they would think you're adding me to all the people in the women and everybody that hears themselves and and sees themselves in this episode I love you and you're beautiful