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Dumb Blonde

Ask, Tell, Confess: Vacation Story Nightmare

10d ago27:426,132 words
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Ask, Tell, Confess is back, and somehow we end up in a full-blown war against wicker. It starts with the new movie Wicker and quickly spirals into wicker furniture, unfortunate splinters, an...

Transcript

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Hello, friends, welcome to another ask teller confess.

The way you chomp is wild.

I know. It's so loud. It's like my teeth are wooden. You would think I had like a golden teeth, right? That was crazy.

Speaking of wooden way, if you guys seen the trailer for the new movie Wicker, no, you had it. It's like Wicker, that fucking hate wicker furniture, pisses me off, not furniture. It's this lady that once a man so bad, and she has a guy like create her a man from Wicker.

Oh, and in the UK trailer, they literally show his dick. It's real quick. It's not bad. It was the cut. Their own was like bring it up.

Bring it up. I want to see the trailer. Dude, I can't fucking stand with a furniture. The comments are crazy. It's like, I mean, do I find this on YouTube?

Oh. Yeah. They got the dog on the tube. Oh, that's on the trailer. On the trailer.

On the trailer. You can. But the comments on this are wild. Is the dog big? What's the comments?

Clearly, it's a little bad. It's not bad. It's from far away. You can see it. But of course, everyone.

The push or no push. It's not a certain size. It's not a certain size. It's not a no push.

Oh, it's got up as it un-circum-sized, do we have any editor?

You can, like, there's this one part where he's laying down and you hear, like, you hear, like, stretching, whatever, and everyone's like, you know what that is, right? Getting a boner. Yeah. Oh my God.

I thought I could hate wicker. It pisses me off. I had to grow up with wicker furniture. I love wicker. Yeah.

I like wicker. Wood. You would. Not the ads. Is this it?

Yeah. That's our friend. Oh, it's definitely not washed. I love him. Oh, it's our guy.

Yeah. Is it his dawn? Oh, no. Oh. He, he creates him.

I was kind of looking forward to it if it was as, definitely an original movie. I fucking hate wicker. God, looking at it, pisses me off.

There's like, don't like this.

It's the part. Okay, it might be right here. There. Oh, yep. It was hanging.

Listen. Turn it off. Okay. Okay. Oh, hey.

Not her being in the wicker weiner dude. Yeah. Are you kidding? What the fuck?

And if we get flagged, if we kiss on YouTube, like what does he say?

I don't know. All right. Imagine getting like one of the, you know, sometimes wicker breaks. It's probably going to be a fucking imagine getting a splinter. I know.

I just got a visual, like a delayed visual dude. And this is probably going to be a fucking box office. Yeah. Oh, for sure, bro. Yeah.

Fucking only Haley would know about this. This is your foot for sure. This is my foot. This is my foot. All right.

Well, we are back. We are recovering. We've been a Nashville just chilling. And you don't. We got to clear something up.

Yeah. Let's clear some Arab guys. We got to clear something up. Because the internet isn't an uproar. Because they think that I'm leaving crunchy and some more.

I would never. I would never. I have spent every day with crunchy and some more since I've been home. Because crunchy is so spoiled now that he literally tried to attack me yesterday because he didn't want me to leave.

But I need you guys to understand something. The Cali home is a vacation home. Yeah. We're not moving. If I need to do a fucking podcast run out there, we have it.

But Nashville will always be home.

This is my piece. This is like where I come to Zenow and just heal. And yeah, I could never, ever, ever leave my animals. Ever. I saw some girl made a video the other day.

She's like, what about crunch? Like, dude, when I'm gone, they love our new farmhand with so much that they smore goes up to him and really snuggles with him. Smore will not even snuggle with me. Like, there we go.

We'll be taking care of.

And do you guys know how many people have animals that travel?

Like, yeah. You guys, it's enough. We're going to bring them up and stuff. I'm putting so much pressure on your girl. I'm just trying to live my life.

Yeah, but like, you know, you guys just let your girl fucking live a little. Yeah, you're, you know, just having fun right now. So this is your fun vacation home when it, the weather gets, because honestly, you guys it's rained every day.

This entire summer, yeah, Nashville. And when it snows out here, like, I like a break from this snow. I would like to go for a fucking sunshine in the middle of December when my depression hits, you know?

So I've just always wanted a West Coast house.

And you have so many friends out there, too. It's nice to be able to just go and get a break. So many friends. I'm glad we cleared that up guys, no, no moving, no moving, no leaving the crunchy, no leaving the smart goal, no vet and dog.

You've also worked so hard on your new home. I don't think people realize this has been like a long journey. This will always be home. Actually, that's like where our heart is. That house is customized to me.

And it's still being fucking decorated. I'm living in a construction zone right now, but every day. It's good. I'm getting through it. Yeah, fucking, just this year has been interesting to say the least.

But I've learned so much about myself this year. I am so fucking patient now, like, you really are.

You like sometimes you have to check my pulse because I'm so relaxed about things.

You're kicked back about everything. Nothing gets you in it easy. Patience has been a virtue for me this year. And I kind of dig it. It's just, yeah, I'm just like whatever, go with the flow.

And everything always works out.

Everything always works out. I've learned that when you don't chase you attract and it is so real. That is so true. It's so real. Like there's nothing in the world that you can't have as long as you don't chase it.

When you chase it, you're kind of like gripping it with like close fist. But when you just hold shit like this, just like flies into your hand like a little better face. Little better face on the back after the property the other day. And there was three little better flies. And it was a black and blue one and two blonde.

Yeah. Literally. She's in a picture. Your house is. Yeah.

She's literally three of us together and they were just all signering each other. No. You don't ever capture a butterfly. We can make a little house for them. No.

They have to be free. Baby, we're free butterflies ourselves. What would we do? What how do we act when we get captured? What happens when you're caged and locked down, hearing?

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Banking services and chime card provided by chimes bank partners qualifying direct deposits required terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details. I know. But we can have pets out in nature.

We should grow butterflies. Can we grow butterflies when the bat would be awesome? Olivia, did that one year? It was so much fun. They're all monarchs.

Yes. And then she got them off in the backyard and he hung around for like two days and then took off. Oh, oh.

You know, this is so beautiful.

More during the kit. Let's do it. What's the fucking barn going to be built was what I want to know? Yeah. The permanent.

This is ASAP. Let's go. Let's go. Can't wait.

I cannot wait for the horses to be in the backyard.

But we did get a new home for our chickens and they are living their best little life right now. Did you see her post them? No. Oh, my gosh.

They're living their best little life out at Marisa's house right now. Is she the one that took the pigs to? No. No, no. Marisa's.

Charlie's. Charlie's. Charlie's. They ended up taking him and they. She keeps sending me the screenshots from their farm group chat and they're like,

we named this one, um, Sally. Ellie Jesse Raphael. Yeah.

That's one of the chicken's names.

I love it. That is so fucking funny. This one's so friendly. I was like, I know. It's a sweet little baby.

Oh. They literally are so excited. I know. It's for me not bringing them. I can hate them.

That was a one stipulation when they I was like, listen, man, if we're going to cohabitate together, you can't be the crazy bird lady. I was like, I cannot fucking handle birch it everywhere. We're going to this morning, Jimmy C started. It was rough.

Yeah.

Are you not going to write out the roosters?

We are we they're going to different family. We had so many roosters. They couldn't all go to one farm because they already had roosters. So like these roosters are going to them. These roosters are going to them.

Yeah. All right. Can I bring my turkey? Just one fucking turkey on the problem with that. He's in the back.

He's going to be lonely though. Like, oh, I won't be lonely long. I know. If it's lonely, and now, um, yeah, I'd be free in the back. I feel like we need a girl friend.

Before I remember something did. I don't know, he, like, he's attached to people. He's not attached to other birds because he's been alone after we lost Rosanne. So he just kind of hangs out. All right.

Yeah. He loves, he loves cows. He loves, he loves, I'm down for a turtleneck. I'm down for a turtleneck. Oh, my god.

Yeah. I'm going to have to figure it out. How do you try to mount someone the other day? What? Oh, it's a girl though.

Yeah. And she's little. She's. How do you? She's so cute.

You're a funny girl. That's crazy. Where did she, that's a learned behavior? I don't know. I had no idea where it came from.

Well, she learned that from. No, no, no, no. Yeah, you guys fucking in the woods and shit. Cut neighbors. I can't.

Oh, you just fucking are woods. There's no neighbors back there. Did he come on a tree? Oh, he made me. Oh, wow, is that?

Are we trying for another baby? Fuck, no, that factor is shut down girl. No, my baby she was going to come out with you. Oh, fuck. My little nugget.

Oh, my goodness. All right. So let's talk about that. What did we pick today for the subject? Because I think we have been.

You guys listen. I don't know if it's like asked how confesses just picking up or whatever on YouTube. But we saw many people have sent in stories and it's just it's crazy. We might have to do a part two because there's so many of them. Yeah.

We were talking about vacation homes because we're so excited about our vacation home in LA. And we figured we want to hear your craziest vacation. Crazy. I got worse vacation. So I already can't wait.

I got some pretty gnarly vacation. I think it didn't remind me we're good. I mean, who wants to hear about a good vacation? Yeah. I don't know.

I want to hear crazy. Yeah. Execliction. Who cares? You had a good fucking vacation.

I want to kick this. You can kick it off. Oh, fuck. Put me on the spot right there. All right, hold on.

Give me. Come on. Hold on. Let me give my bad vocals on. Page of Anzant.

The fighter. I love her to death. Fucking so hot. You guys go check out her only. The ends.

She's fucking amazing. She wrote in. And she said, went to Alaska on Christmas Eve. Drink too much champagne in the hot tub. Walk up alone on the couch with a broken foot and shit on the table.

Not sure who's, but I was alone downstairs.

Went the rest of the trip and Alaska on crutches in the snow.

Eight shit like 10 times. I waited about six months before I told my family about the table shit. I spent all day Christmas day in the ER getting a cast put on. Bro. What?

Why do people shit on things when they get drunk?

That's I've never done that.

Me either. I've been black out. Bro, I wish I got shit out easy. I have to concentrate, you know. And like wiggle around to get stuff out.

There's no way to get that checked. I just did. With you and half the most beautiful bottles just here. You look great. Yeah.

On the inside my bottle is great. Um. Yeah. So the shout out page. Everybody's shitting when they're fucking drunk.

I just don't, I don't get it. Dude. Was it the coffee table? You think? Or was it a pool table, right?

She should on the pool table. If it's a pool. You can't scrub that out. That's going to be the very second. That is in the fabric.

And that by here's the thing.

You can, this is going to be so graphic.

But you can't poop without peeing. I was wet.

Do you think if it was a pool table, do you think she did it?

Trying to get it in the hole? That's a really hard. Yeah. Yeah. How do you know?

I leave this name Jason. Said when we accidentally loved him. He pooped in the hole of one of the golf courses. He's on the way back. Yeah.

She's so fabulous. Such a lot of luck. Fuck. No. I didn't know that.

It took him that earlier. Oh my god. Oh my god. This is my strip. That's when crazy.

You stole me this. I didn't know. I fucking say it's up to now when I see him. Oh, he's asking about pooping. Hold on.

How do you? Those holes are small. That had to be really good. Time. Bro, he hovered.

He lost job. Yeah. He's still not even funny. Dude. Do you think he was holding on to the pole?

Stop. You got to kick the pole out. I think.

I think that's like what he used to crush.

Okay. Hold on. Think about the person who hits a ball in one of those. Just sticks. You go to reach for the ball.

And there's literally just a log. A log right there. I wasn't that long ago either. And he eats pretty healthy. So there's definitely corn or broccoli in there too.

He's a nice color. Yeah. I got some weight. Oh, my god. Dude.

He told me and Jason the story. So I know it's true. That's fucking funny. Yeah. That is so fucking funny to me.

I love that people get so comfortable with us. That they just divulge information. I love it. I love to get people very vulnerable. And let them just tell me the wildest shit is meant to tear it out.

And then tear it out. And then tear it out. We don't even blackmail people because we don't care to blackmail them. We just want the information to share with all of you guys. That was a hundred percent.

Someone in the other day was like, I can't tell you that piece of information. Because I feel like you alien bunny will talk about it on the podcast. Yeah. I literally never knew. I was like, go ahead and tell her.

I already texted us in the group. Guys, we got info.

Don't ever come to us and tell one of us to keep a secret.

Cause the whole fucking Kevin knows. Yeah. There's no way. He's in the group chat immediately. Absolutely.

We share all photos. We share. Yeah. Right when men are scared. Blackmail each other with the photos last night.

Oh, no. We don't blackmail it. Oh, that. She's about to say no. We make it.

Each other's contact fucking pictures. Let me share this voice note from bunny last night. Oh, God.

I've never heard you laugh.

This fucking art bro. We were crying. This was my favorite. Let me just tell you. I blackmailed her and I ended up with.

I'm fucking hate you. Dude. It was. I said something about. Oh, she sent me this like cute.

Yeah. Right from that. Oh, he's so hot. I was like, no. Be sweet to heaven.

Oh, like from other. I was like, no, be sweet to heaven. She was like boom. Just fucking poked my eye out. I was like, bro.

It was so fucking funny. Also, like my kids are like in the bed. And I'm like holding my phone like this. I'm texting. Well, all I know is I got a video this week that.

She said, I fell on my bed. I mean, okay, it was one of those videos where you literally. Press play. Don't know, don't know what to expect. And then it's what she.

It happens. And you're just like, like it literally took. You look like though.

Breath away.

Like it was.

How do you look away from that?

Yeah, I didn't look away. I measured every inch with my eyeballs. Okay. It was. Yeah.

The tremble in your voice right now. I'm scared. Like that. I did show him. Yeah.

It's like a old-a-dish network remote.

And I like the new ones where they're like crazy.

That's crazy. Bro, I don't even know what I did. I don't know. I don't know. When.

Yesterday. Oh, God. Shit. Yeah. Oh.

You showed. Oh, yeah. I have. What she said. Just believe, just believe her name.

I have her cracking up all the fucking time. She is literally like, it's the funny thing.

She said, I've never been.

She said, I've never been blessed with one of those. One of those has never found me. I was like me, there's this or until I could do years ago. Yeah. So funny.

No, it was crazy. Yeah. So anyways, you got a story for us? Yeah. Yeah.

We're all hot and bothered. Yeah. No, it's a little. Why? Why is it so hot in here?

I'm glad I watched it. I'm glad I watched it. Yeah. This one's short and sweet and said, this person got married in Turkey. Randomly.

And I don't even know where my marriage certificate is. I need more information on this. How do you just go to Turkey and marry someone else? Is that illegal?

I don't you have to go through like customs and get a green card.

Yeah. I would like to know about that. Yeah. I need to know too. I don't believe that.

I feel like there was a lot of planning that went into that. Yeah. Imagine getting married. You know, wasn't there like a movie about that? Were they like married on a vacation?

There's a couple. There's some sort of what happens in Vegas with Ash and Kutcher and Cameron Diaz. Then there's. That's like that guy trying to know. The proposal.

Is what happens in Vegas with Cameron Diaz or with Brittany Murphy? Yeah. I thought it was Brittany Murphy. It was Brittany Murphy because I met them whenever they were on doing the tour for that movie. That was.

This is insane. She's taking myself in the middle of that. Yeah. In the middle of the podcast. We were in a whole photo shoot.

Listen, I'm busy guys. I got a whole other life to worry about. You clearly do. Yeah. No.

I think she wants to make me work all the time. Let's put these selfies in the podcast Jason. Okay. So I want you as it's happening. The selfie's on to the screen.

I had a random sound effect. Yeah. Yeah. That would be great. Like, could you?

Could you? You guys like when corn dogs are crispy or salty. Crispy. You can have a fucking sauce. Yeah.

Fuck it. Half soggy dog. I feel like Haley would like that. You like soft? I do like when they're a little crispy and not too hard.

Sonic's are great. Show me how you eat the butt nugget of their corn dog off the stick. I try to see how far you get the stick. But not get like you know the little hard part at the end of a corn dog. Oh.

How do you get to do it? I'm showing how you eat it. I bring it up. I bring it up. I bring it up.

Just shaving your teeth on that wooden stick. Oh. That hits my stimulation so hard. I don't like. Oh yeah.

Look. Wouldn't. Imagine running your teeth over that. I don't know. I'll fuck a bar if I hate that too.

Whenever you do popsicles or popsicles. I'm going to make it. Bitch. You all right today. No.

I just made my insides hurt. Damn. Between you and Matt, I can't handle it. You guys are going to make me fucking puke. I don't like that.

I had to send him a cute little selfie. It's cute. I'm blind. I can't see. I like it.

How do you go with that? Listen.

They should have never let me in the streets.

I fucking love it here. I love it. Love it. Welcome. I'm going to catch her.

You've been trying to get me in the streets forever, sister. And now, we had so much fun together and fucking Callie did, bro. Girl. I'm still recovering. I'm ready.

I'm ready. I'm ready to go. Okay. Nothing terrible. But when my dad and I were in the Bahamas, he was in the shower.

And I was in the other room. And I heard him have a massive orgasm. Oh. Hold on. He doesn't know I heard it.

But it was pretty scarred. That's fucking disgusting. First off, why? Secondly, why didn't I get started off with nothing terrible. But that's really terrible.

Why was he wacking off or was he fucking somebody? If he's in the shower, he's probably alone.

Why are you coming out loud in the shower by yourself?

Ooh. He probably thought he was alone. She probably came back to like get a sandwich. Simply pass away. I don't know, I can't wait to get my dad again. No, I would call you out on it with the fucker you doing in there and why are you doing?

I don't know how I'm going to order my stop.

I'm not just breaking all the walls, just pissed off. You better fucking knock it off.

What the fuck are you doing?

Like, it's boys. I like that voice. I have a self-fucker. That's dude.

Dude, that's a line that you don't cross. No, nobody wants you here. They're fucking dad doing weird shit. Ew! Triggering. Ew. Read my book. Can you understand why? Yeah, how am I? You got one?

I do, actually. Everyone really liked you, aren't camera, I mean. Yeah, they did. They loved you. You got good one, miners. Thanks. You don't know if I'm still alive. You could do funny today.

You guys smile for a picture. Do you do the same thing? I did middle finger. I assumed it was to him. Which one? Yeah.

I would have done peace in it, if it was the other one. Just kidding. Can't nice. Well, I thought it was for Facebook. Okay, go ahead, all right.

All righty. So, gave my man, sorry, gave my man head. Drunk in the shower in Mexico. Oh, passion. Yep, you'd bread that one. Yep, go ahead.

Passionate is hell with the water running. That's all she wrote it running. Running.

Must have, must have swallowed some water.

The next day had the runs for the next for the rest of the trip. Oh, that's the worst. Mexico water will fuck you up. Yeah. See, I've been to Mexico a few times.

And I never had a problem with the water.

Never had a problem with the ice. But I literally went out there one time. And I had a rash that started right here that went down my chest. And it was so itchy. I looked like elephants can.

I had to have a fucking doctor come and give me a shot in Mexico of like a steroid shot to make the swelling go down and disappear. What? Did it work though? Oh, like that.

Do you know Mexican drugs? Mexican drugs are weird. I was so scared. I was just about to say, I learned when we were in Europe. I did.

I straight up had a fucking fever. I haven't had a fever. And God knows how long a hundred and something degree fever. I mean, my worst fucking fear came about while we were abroad. And I have never had antibiotics.

Tylenol and whatever else they fucking prescribed me. Literally was like within 24 hours. Oh, yeah. 24 hours. Well, we all were sick.

Yeah, well, we're better than the next day.

Yeah. Yeah. That was the money for the throat spray. Yeah. nasal shot.

I was supposed to go down her throat. She was like, why am I numb? Yeah. It's burning. Yeah.

I didn't the other notes. No, it was bad. It was so funny, dude. I did. It was good read it.

No, no. No, we were all taken shit. That wasn't an English. Yeah. We were just, we were good.

French. We were good. Like, parse them at all or something like that. Was Tylenol. And then like, I needed a Z pack.

And they're like, what's a Z pack? And I'm like, I don't know. And I buy odd eggs. Like, I needed something. And I had, oh, dude.

It was crazy. But yeah. Any sort of medication that is outside of the US? Top tier. Yeah.

I know. You can go up the stairs. You can go up the stairs. Yeah. And get whatever the hell you want.

Yeah. Viagra. Yeah. I actually went to Tijuana one time. Yeah.

Yeah. Actually went to Tijuana one time. I was so drunk. I was at. This place called Cheyenne Saloon in Las Vegas, where they do like,

it's a place where like bands go. And they just have like, battle of the bands and stuff like that. This is back in my Xanix. So I was quite wild. And we were in the parking lot.

And I'm like, let's go to fucking Tijuana and see the donkey show. And so I literally bullied my friends. I was like, you fucking bitch. You don't want to go to Tijuana. I like just so fucked up, right?

Made my car full of friends. Drive nine hours to Tijuana, right? Nine fucking hours from Vegas to Tijuana. Not even fun on hour three. Oh, I woke up sober and hung over in Tijuana.

And was so mad that they brought me to fucking Tijuana that I made them. I went to the pharmacy, bought a whole bunch of fucking blue volumes. And some other pills from there because this is like back in the day when you get like hydrocodone. You can literally go to Mexico, walk into a freaking pharmacy. Buy all the pills you could possibly want and leave.

We were there for 30 minutes. And I made everybody leave and go home and drive me back home. Terrible. Terrible. I got the wildest. What? Terrible fat.

That's the worst vacation story ever. Terrible worst vacation story. Terrible human I was. Yes. I mean, I was strong out on fucking pills.

It kind of dare you take me to Tijuana. How dare you bring me to Tijuana after I bullied you to bringing me to fucking Tijuana. You know, like, crazy.

God, I could never imagine being like that now and thank God, I'm freaking sober.

Man, back then pills were had a hold of me.

So you're not completely different human.

It did as like the pills after the surgery.

We just said a lot. I couldn't take him. I took him for like the day of because I was in so much pain. And then after that, I was just like single one of them. Ah, Jason goes for me to chill.

You're a month out. - No, no, no, no, no. (laughing) - That's a good money. - That's a good money. - I know, I went on like a crazy pillbender, and then like, winning drink 10 days straight with you guys,

and I came home and I was like, that's crazy. - Rebabs on THC, it's a whole thing. - What? - I took out a bullseye thing. - Nice. - Did you see us?

We both said, you know, we won't be me. - Yeah, I hate it. - Yeah, I hate it. - Like you haven't fucking eaten an edible orce.

- I will never. - I will never.

- When she had her ego dust. - It was crazy. - Yeah, on a plane in it. - No, not only did he really fucking have an ego death, she had to travel and work in between that ego death.

- It was like, important shit, so we were like landed,

had to drive to fucking, don't remember doing your makeup. Don't remember anything. - Oh, dude. - She was literally in the corner of an airplane. It was like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like a trip up. - He didn't.

- She made me never want to fucking try and lead a gun, dude. - Oh, yeah, no, it was a good night again. - No, I was really happy last time. - All right guys, we're gonna do a part two, because we didn't get to tell too many of you guys.

- Guys, this story is so next week, we will do a lot more vacation stories. Love you guys, see you guys next week. - Bye. - You guys know, I'm big on making things feel like us,

and that's exactly what we wanted with bunnyxo.com. We wanted a storefront that looked polished, felt on brand, and made shopping easy, and Shopify made that happen. When we started building bunnyxo.com,

I was honestly surprised by how simple it was.

Their templates and AI tools helped us get everything up and running fast. So we could spend more time creating and less time trying to figure out the technical side of things. Then, once we launched Shopify checkout,

made the buying experience so smooth. People could find what they wanted, check out without a bunch of extra steps, and hearing that little (bell rings)

when an order comes through, never gets old.

And that's when it really felt like, okay, this is real. In any time we have a question, or wanna try something new, Shopify's sidekick has been there to help.

Whether it's brainstorming ideas, solving a problem, or helping us work more efficiently, it's like having an extra member of the team built right into Shopify. If you've been thinking about starting your own business,

Shopify gives you everything you need to get started from day one. Check out bunnyxo.com to see what we've built, and visit Shopify.com to start building yours. All you need is the idea, Shopify handles the rest.

If you're serious about hearing your first (bell rings)

start your free trial at Shopify.com/bu and an IE today. You heard that right, start your free trial today at Shopify.com/bu and an IE. That's Shopify.com/bu and an IE. (bell rings)

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