Ask, Tell, Confess: Worst Psychic Reading I've Ever Had!

Hello, friends. Welcome back to part two of Continuation of the Last Weeks episode of these crazy wild vacation stories. Because we had so many of our own last week that we didn't really get to get into all of the ones

that we got.

“So I think we're going to just keep it moving”

on this week's episode. But there was a lot of really good submissions. A lot of really good submissions. So who wants to kick off this week? I don't know.

Also, if you guys want to be a part of Astalka Fest, I think you guys have all figured it out now. Just go to all three, all four of our Instagrams. And try to limit it to one person, because sometimes we get multiple stories.

So if you guys can just hit one of us and leave the story, eventually it'll be seen. Just put ATC in front of it. And that's how you can participate. And we'll read it live on the air, baby.

Or instead of voice note, we love voice notes. We love voice notes. Yeah, we love a good voice note, because I like to hear the inflection in people's voices. See, yeah.

You always have a word for something like that.

I mean, see, that's wild. All right, this one was a work trip. So it wasn't exactly a vacation, but it was a work trip, which I feel like nothing good happens on a work trip.

We're not a town for work doing construction. Construction guys are the worst. Are you the one that was telling me about the dudes on what is it in? What's the gay app?

Trying to do that.

“On Grindr, were you the one that, I don't know,”

some dude was telling me that, like when construction workers traveled, that's the app to get on to hook up. That would not surprise me. It was crazy. Anyways, we're not at work for construction.

We just happen to be about three hours from my ex-wife. My boss and I made a bet for $1,000 that if I call her, she would come to our hotel. So I called her. He paid for her gas to come out and gave me $1,000.

She brought a girl. We used to occasionally hook up with. He tried to hook up with both of them and ended up getting neither of them. My ex-wife.

- Lose her. - And I, folk, fuck. (laughing) A lot of fucking loser.

My ex-wife and I ended up fucking the girl together.

And we filmed it. Then my boss paid me another grand for the video. - Damn, boss is a big old trick. - Yeah. - Trick daddy.

- Trick daddy. - Trick, motherfucking daddy. Well, he sounded like one. (laughing) - He fit the bill of the shoe fits.

Laced that bitch up and wear it, you know? Okay. - Shit. - Oh yeah, by the way, let's talk about our tattoo. - Oh my goodness.

- We haven't got to talk about the tattoos. - So I'm guess a spell on you. ♪ So you won't forgive me ♪ - Yeah. - Everybody keeps asking, they're like,

"Shit, let's say casts." And it's like, no, it's time cast a spell on you. Those are the original lyrics that Stevie Next had written. And this is just a special song. Like, I love it.

It doesn't mean anything for anything that's going on in any part of my life. - No.

- We all got it together.

- I don't take duck. - Yeah. - While we wanted it before, we loved that song. And then we saw it and we were like, you know what this was our song?

- The song? - Yeah, we wanted it for sure. - It was like one of those moments where it just used me the song. And then you're like, "We should get that tattoo."

- Yeah. - Yeah, we should. And then it just happened. - Yeah. - The coolest tattoo artist ever.

- Which I feel like that was meant to be too. - Yeah, I mean. - All seen that. - All seen that. - And Andre Bloodbone?

- Didn't know that. - Yeah, we got tattooed under a blade. - I took a photo of it. - The moon. - Yeah.

- Yes, it was... Dude, that night. - It was meant to be a little Jeremy. - I love Jeremy. - And Jeremy is best friends with Viking Barbie. - Yes.

- Which is crazy, which is one of my best friends. So it was like all just serendipitous. - And 10 months prior, had seen us in Rome. - In Rome? - Yeah, just for sure.

- Yeah, just for sure. - Yes, him on scooters. - Yeah, it wasn't me. - It was just a... - Take it from your bike-lando.

(laughing) - That was a fun scooter. (laughing) - And then you just tear it apart. - No, you know what, you're lucky, you didn't go on it

“'cause I fucking remember, I fell off the scooter.”

- Yes. - And then I can rip something in my arm and for six months, my fucking arm hurts so bad. I tried to prioritize, I tried everything. I think I like fractured my elbow open.

- Yes, something happened. - It was that rat. Do you remember the fucking big ass rat? - It was a rat. - Do you remember the rat?

- It was a rat. - It was a rat. - It was a rat. - That rat was baby. - Like that dude, it was fucking...

- Like he was at a barbecue. - Dude, oh my bad. (laughing) - That fucking rat dude, I hated him. He was like a speed bump.

- He was. - No, he ran over him. - No, but he ran in front of me and like I went, I went like this to miss it 'cause I thought it was a cat and it was a fucking rat, I did.

It was crazy. - Rats in Rome are a different story. - No, it was wild.

- Well, we've been having so much fun, you guys.

I can't even tell you how much fun we drive. - Yeah, we've been with you guys. There's a lot of fun. - It's been wild. - Yeah, it's been really cool.

- Really cool. - But it was not wild, like how you guys would think. - Like we're just like, I don't know.

“- I think everybody thinks we're out here doing hoeshit”

and it's really like we're doing fucking best. - Playing barbecue and team editing. - Yeah, I wasn't able to do it. - We're having game nights, we're making the nights and cookie balls.

- Yeah. - We're on making a vlog about that right now. I got 29 seconds in and I was crying 'cause I was laughing so hard. - You're commentary. There's a part where Haley goes...

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Wayfair, every style, every home. - Someone said, I'm gonna call FEMA. That looks like a natural disaster. He goes, what's FEMA? - It's like P-D-A-B-F-R-The-World. (laughs)

- It's a beautiful conversation I've ever experienced. - When is this vlog gonna be done? We need to do it. - I'll work on it and post it tonight, guys.

“Seth reminded me he was like, hey man, where's my cookie vlog?”

I said, I forgot about that. - You gotta post it, though. - I will. - It'll be good. I was making it last night, it was so funny. - All right, it was next. - My grandma's submitted.

So I feel like I have great activities. - When I was little, my brother-in-law convinced me to smoke a cigar. I threw up all over the white sands of Florida. - Oh, I can't use a cigar.

- No.

- It's funny though, 'cause my grandpa always smoke cigars now.

- Really? - There's nothing worse than like a nicotine sickness. Like if you smoke a cigarette, or if you like, you know it's vague too much, or never smoke a cigarette, just a straight marble red to the door.

- Or a camel crush. - You crushed the blue one, God. - I really loved the pink and black camels back in the day. - I loved the new parts. - New parts of my jam, I was from the hood.

- Oh, yeah. - No, thank you. - To my trash. - A good marble red, fuck me up. - Fuck a marble red.

“That shit, dude, you might as well just inhale dirt.”

- The smell of it? - Like it's bad. - Oh. - God, they're fucking brutal, like you feel like you're dying. When you fucking inhale a marble red, it's like,

like it, you need a fucking Paul Soxometer and an oxygen mask. - I made it, I made it, we were joking, made a South Park image of me earlier, and my cat put a pack of marble red text to me. (laughing)

- I swear, it was the wildest shit. - Your cat knows you. - Product placement. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm someone's, you know, drunk uncle.

- This one is from our home girl, DEMPS. - Oh, gosh. - Okay. - We know she's a mess, we love, we love DEMPSy so much. And you guys might remember this.

'Cause I remember this. - Oh. - I met this guy, he was my jet ski instructor. I met him down in the keys. He had no fucking money, the day I got there.

Somebody died. (laughing) - Do you remember? Somebody died on the boat. It was during lobster fishing season.

I was supposed to stay with him in his friends, but I felt uncomfortable, so I booked my own hotel. He had no fucking money. The whole vacation, I paid for the next Airbnb, I paid for all the food, drinks, and groceries.

I think the only thing he bought me was a Wendy's double junior bacon cheeseburger at the end of the trip. I missed my flight and had to drive four hours to Miami with him, only for him to not help me get out of the car

with my suitcase, and he drove off. Fuck that guy, bunny. - I remember this contract. - I liked vlog the whole thing. - She did.

- 100% on the boat with him, vlogged. - Yeah, like this miserable, yeah. - That was, I do remember that saga. That's crazy, I bet you're still up, if you guys wanna scroll back on DEMPSy's profile.

- Yeah. - Dude, poor DEMPSy gets in some crazy situations, man. - DEMPS does it to our fucking self. - I mean, and she knows I'll tell her that, I bet DEMPS, you're what are you doing?

- Yeah.

Why are we barking up this tree? - Yeah.

“- She always thought, but you know what?”

She's a good fucking time. - She is such a good time. - One thing about DEMPSy is she will fucking make you laugh from the minute she enters your life to the minute she fucking walks out the door to go home.

- And she will go home abruptly. - Oh, she's almost worse than Jaime, yeah. - She will Irish goodbye you so fast. - She's like my dogs in the hotel I gotta go. - Is this a fucking energy tank as low?

- She's gotta go. - She's gone, yeah. - I love it, yeah. - I love that so much. I love people who are Irish goodbye,

even though it pisses me off. - I think 'cause I'm in the opposite. - Oh, Haley, your side quest, side quest, Sally. - Yeah, yeah. - I literally, I saw a TikTok that was literally me the other night

and it's like, what does it like to leave the bar before the lights come on? - Yeah. - And I was like, hmm, I've watched you face up me. You were so drunk the other night.

- Yeah, yeah. - Face time to me and I go, why is it so bright in the bar and you're like, the lights are on. I was so funny, I was like, go to my friends. - I've seen Haley get the security light

and escort people out. (laughing) - No, that's my favorite thing to do. - These are the type of girl who will not go home. Like you have to beg her to go home

and then finally you're interested in what? - I'm going and meet me at home. - Find your find out. - That's how we ended up in the past. - I was gonna say companion.

- And then send her with a friend. - Yes. - And then you'll see her later that night. - Yes, for sure. - Maybe.

- Yeah, no.

- No, I always make, I always check your location

and make sure you make it back safe. - Yeah. - Yeah, you're like my, oh, hold on, no. When we came in the other night, when Mimi was sleeping and me and you were in the bathroom.

(laughing) - That was a funny, it's, again. - No, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna tell that from my point of view. - Get ready to do it.

- Get ready to do it. - At a different point of view, 'cause it is. - Everyone sit down. I was not feeling well. (laughing)

- I didn't want to go out, I tripped over my suitcase and it was like my 13th reason why. 'Cause like my knee hurt and I said, you know what? That was it, I'm not going out, I'm going to bed. - It was like her last night after.

- Literally. - In day, 10 days of just the surgery. - I said, I'm not mentally well, my knee hurts, I'm going to bed. She gave me some sticky patch to put on my knee,

so I like put it up and everything. I get woken up to the door. I don't know if they fucking kicked it in with their foot or what, it slams open. And they, into the bathroom and then slams the bathroom

bar shut and all I hear is this, that you guys heard that noise right there. I imagine it for fucking 10-minute straight and it doesn't stop and just it. (laughing)

And then all I hear funny is,

“she's gonna get mad at us, I don't remember that.”

- I mean, she starts laughing again and then she said, we have to be quiet and then they just, - I thought that was so quiet. - This was went on for so long and so I'm awake at this point and I hear the door starts slowly opening

and I'm just like on my phone and she said, we're so sorry. (laughing) I thought you were awake since you were on your phone, I was like perfect.

So then Haley proceeds to then fall on top of me and buckle my knee out, don't remember this. And get up and fall back on me again and I just looked at her and then so and then so we separate. I go to my room and Haley's room.

(laughing) And I'm in bed with somebody next to me and Haley's in bed with somebody next to her and we're texting and we were talking to each other.

- It is the funniest second conversation

and I said something to where we both fucking lost it to where I had to sit up in the bed because I was laughing so hard holding the laughing and shaking the fucking bed at the person. The person goes, what the fuck are you doing?

And I was like, I'm sorry, I left Haley a message. I said dude, I'm in trouble, I gotta go to bed. You sent a voice text that I read it, I'm fucking lost. - Mind you, this is a spring bed, so the whole bed is doing this.

(laughing) - We can't get hot though, you must. - It was a show in our cooking room. - I call them Brad Cuckonhofer. - Wait, we haven't showed you the moon.

- No! - It's so funny. - It'll do it on the mirror. - To bunny call me me to apologize. - Yeah.

“- 'Cause she said, I think I pissed off made me.”

- Yeah. All of me goes, hey, she's downstairs, I'm upstairs. What are you doing? I was like, we're getting ready to go, she goes, I'm sorry. - No, I was sorry for last night buddy.

- I was blacked out. - No, it was funny, it was a good time. - Good time. - That last night was a good night. - That was good.

- We always have fun here.

- And you guys got a wild psychic reading. - Now fuck. - Big. - Yeah. (laughing)

- I just want to tell you what, I just want to talk about it because it was so bad. I have never had a worse experience in my life

I have always had great psychic, always.

- Always.

“- Great psychic readings never had a problem with them.”

This lady, what in the fuck? Like, I've said everything on the phone call after 10 seconds. - Yeah. - No.

- It was redflagged. - But the thing is, is that she read all of us the same way. She said the same questions she'd, yeah. - Yeah, it was crazy. - I like Highmaze interpretation of what a psychic is.

- Oh, on the video. - No, that's the best video. - Oh! - It's intercept video. - No, no.

- That's her to be funny. - You'll have a long and filled life. But starting in two months. So for two months, it'll be kind of rough. But after that, wait, yeah, after those two months,

you will be not fulfilled, but you will be happy

on the right path. Now, if you feel this pressure point, did you feel it? - Yeah. - Guess what?

Let's call the long and happy and filled life. - That's what you got right now. - I can't. - Next.

“- But she was like, do you want a new car?”

I said, yeah, she's like, well, you're gonna get it. I said, okay. (laughing) It was just the most basic thing. She'll be like, I see you as a lover,

and you want to settle down and get married. I said, no. She was like, hmm, she had to let it out. She had to like, reskramble. - She was like, no, she was the same thing to me.

She was like, she's like, you're looking for love. I said, no, I'm not. - Go fuck, I'm not. - She's like, you have bad luck in love. I was like, technically, no.

I was like, I actually have a really good love life, but I just don't want to be in love. Like, I'm having fun. Like, she was like, trying to force myself. - She's like, you want to be a mother, I said, no.

- She got someone mixed up, that was not healing. - Yeah, I think for sure. - No, it was crazy. - All right, who's next vacation stories? - We keep getting off trust.

- I know, yeah. - Like, talking. - Yeah. - Oh, this one was great.

- Let's be real for a second.

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capable device required, availability's speed and coverage varies, see mintmobile.com. Getting drunk on four local with my Scottish X on spring break, just to find him fucking his best friend in an alley on river street.

His best friend is a guy. Oh, just what to ask. And then when I woke up the next day and asked him about it, he spent 24 hours telling me that it was just a drunk hallucination.

Rued a spring break of my life, never had four local again.

That's insane. Like, I'm never gonna eat. What can you leave her was it though? Was it the gold ones? I don't know. I don't know anything about what I get it.

I don't know nothing about four local. Oh, that was my sh. I'm just like, we're never going to yuck anybody's young, but dude, if you're a hallucination that pisses me off. Yeah, don't gas light.

If you're going to be, if you're going to be do gay shit and be gay, be gay, you gotta claim it. Yeah, just like in the butt, you're like, you don't hurt people, you know, like don't hurt a woman who obviously was invested in you, that you fucking scarred her

for life to the point that she's literally telling us the story on Astalk and Fass, you know. Oh, look at the same Scottish man that I hooked up with. Damn, they all like it in the poker. I don't know.

Did you put it your finger in his butt? Might not have been him. And did it to anyone? You don't? Oh, you can't.

I think I'm going inside you. No, but also, it will. Where you shit?

I've one time got my stilettos too sharp

and I sliced my vagina open.

“I believe it, I've done that before too.”

Yeah. If you wash too fast, I did. I literally cut hurts. I'm not fucking bad. That's why I'm such a basic bitch now.

Yeah, you did to get basic on us. Yeah, I feel like I tried to do the basic bitch thing and just couldn't do it anymore. I can't have the skin in the hair and the outfits. Like, I gotta be toned down somewhere.

Not me. I'm going to wear makeup for the rest of my eyes. I tried it with the no lashes thing. No, I can't do it. I tried it with my dad.

Yeah, I've tried it all too. I just, this is me. Take it or leave it. My dad already said, you ever going to do something fun? I said, no, just the Tom, I'm over it, I'm over it.

Okay, this one said I went on a trip with my boyfriend at the Times Family to the lake. I mean, the whole family ends on close cousins. Anyway, we snack off and we were trying to get it in a little area in the lake that was secluded.

Tell me why they all showed up and I'm on a floaty with no top trying to get railed. I would like to know how the hell you did that on a floaty. Getting railed on a floaty? Yeah, where is the lake?

It's a big one that doesn't have the tail in it, you know? So it's a raft.

“Have you ever tried to fuck on an air mattress?”

It's the same thing. There's no leverage there. I've made it work. It could be like waste, high water. I've made a bucket of work, baby.

It's like a water bed too. Have you ever had sex on a water bed? No. Motion of the ocean, baby. I don't know about that.

I feel like you can't feel it.

I've never get a good glass of rhythm.

It's rhythm. It's like, I'm about to stand and it's rhythm. You literally have to balance yourself and then find a rhythm. Thank you, off you know the spring bed.

I think that's a good memory. I don't know. It's possible. Oh, don't it? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't like imagine. I don't like sex on a water. That scares me.

'Cause what if there's like a fucking parasite in there and it just swims up into you? That's probably how she got the frog in the vagina. Why are you fucking in a dirty ass river, too? That's gross.

No. No. Water like that. You don't know. What's it?

You can't even see those rivers or build on top of old towns anyway. Oh. Okay. Decome. I just take it there.

That's my favorite. Decome pose body. They don't drown the lakes with the people in them. Crazy. Oh.

Here. Oh, let me see. Here's one here. Let me see. Oh, let me see.

You guys want to hear what he has to say? I know you got a lot going on right now and hope everything is going great today. Just know I'm thinking about you and hope you're having the absolute best day, deserve the best. He's so sweet.

Wait, is this the guy from the show? Why would I go? Yes. I'm never reading him.

“That's what I showed you were here for just a little bit.”

Yeah. Yeah. He popped up on my snap and I was like, hey, like I missed you and then I was like, hey. Yeah.

Yeah. She said pause. Wait. Let me know if I'm my girl. I'm a friend.

I immediately texted you. I was like, I got someone. It's like Dennis Roddman just passing it to Bunk. I'm not going to tell you. Listen, I'm not going to start a player right now.

That was. That was nice. So I'll you up there. Yeah. Yeah.

We all enjoyed that and it's a. We show everyone. I hope you know that we even showed really to Brad. Yeah, we showed. What do you say?

He couldn't believe it. Nobody can believe it. It's a fucking, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a. I know. I wonder of the world.

I stood up when she showed me. You showed it to me. I said Jason cut this out of. Oh. Oh.

All right. Yeah. That's crazy comparison. But damn. Yeah.

And we're not playing words of humanity right now.

Words. Words of humanity. Words of humanity. God.

“I went on vacation in back when I was 18.”

And I met the sky at the hotel. We got to talk in and we ended up kissing. He sees my mom and said, that looks like my aunt. I go, ha ha, funny. That's my mom.

His dad came up and saw me and was white in the face. Oh. Turns out that was my cousin. I never knew about him. Because my mom and her brother haven't talked in years.

Get out of here. Honest mistake. Kissing cousins. Honest mistake. I made.

Well, they, it wasn't like a family reunion. They were just there. Or wait. Why were they at the same hotel? Thank you.

Hmm. Family vacation. Was this in Florida? Probably. Or no.

Probably Arkansas. Alabama. Yeah.

They went from Alabama to Florida, probably.

Hmm. Yeah. Makes sense. Well, figures that were from Alabama. Just kidding guys.

Don't get mad. Don't get mad. It's an old joke. It's an old joke. As old as time, baby.

All right. I got one too. Worst vacation. I've ever gone on was going to Virginia.

“First of all, why the fuck would you go to Virginia for vacation?”

With my friend and her family for a baby shower. During that time, her boyfriend broke up, and she went on Tinder and matched with this guy. You guys good? You good? Yeah.

You guys good? Yeah, okay. What's happening? Let the classroom in on the joke. You fucking idiots.

[laughs] They look like SpongeBob and Patrick laughing. Yeah. You're so cute. Yeah.

Yeah. Insert visual. Let's do that at us. [laughs] [laughs]

[laughs] Go ahead. Enjoy. [laughs] All right.

I'm going to fucking read this again. Worst vacation I've ever gone on was going to Virginia with my friend and her family for a baby shower. During that time, her and her boyfriend broke up, and she went on Tinder and matched with the sky. They started FaceTime each other a lot at night. One night, I was half awake and started hearing moaning and, oh, landing.

Oh, moaning and panting. And realized they were masturbating on the FaceTime with each other. Mind you, we shared a room. That sounds like a great night. That's great.

[laughs] I wouldn't be upset if somebody did that. I'd be in the background fucking room and it on. That's crazy. I feel like don't you guys masturbate in the same room.

Like, you'll go in the shower and then you'll go in the bed. I think like real friends masturbate around each other. We're just kind of watching each other when we're done. Except for when she leaves me out in the fucking cold. [laughs]

That was crazy. She forgot to tell me she was done. I'm freezing outside because I didn't. I'm just gonna go ahead and go out. And then she's like an hour later was like, okay, I'm done.

I was like, damn, she must have taken a long time for her to find her story or her fucking important that she likes to watch. Nope. She just forgot to text me. I don't know. Real friends don't care about shit like that. I guess. I don't think it's natural. Everybody fucking rubs one out, you know.

And if you're girls, so I can go through a breakup and somebody's distracting her. More fucking power too.

“Yeah, I remember that one time you did it in the bathroom and you're up.”

Yep. I remember that one. On FaceTime. I mean, when you finish, she said, welcome to Chili's. Look at that guy. What are you doing?

What you did virtually. Oh, I believe this. Oh, that dude. Yep. Yeah, I'm proud about him. Yeah. The other ones on my shit list too.

Sure. Yep. Tell him. I'm telling the world right now. You're on my shit list. All right, guys.

We have so much to do. We've got to get to the girl. We've got to go, babies. I love you. We'll see you guys next week.

Bye. You guys know, I'm big on making things feel like us. And that's exactly what we wanted with bunnyxo.com. We wanted a storefront that looked polished, felt on brand and made shopping easy. And Shopify made that happen.

When we started building bunnyxo.com, I was honestly surprised by how simple it was. Their templates and AI tools helped us get everything up and running fast. So we could spend more time creating and less time trying to figure out the technical side of things. Then, once we launched, Shopify checkout made the buying experience so smooth.

People could find what they wanted. Check out without a bunch of extra steps and hearing that little (crickets chirping)

When an order comes through, never gets old.

And that's when it really felt like, okay, this is real. And anytime we have a question or want to try something new, Shopify's sidekick has been there to help. Whether it's brainstorming ideas, solving a problem, or helping us work more efficiently.

It's like having an extra member of the team built right into Shopify. If you've been thinking about starting your own business,

Check out bunnyxo.com to see what we've built and

“visit Shopify.com to start building yours.”

All you need is the idea.

Shopify handles the rest.

“If you're serious about hearing your first,”

start your free trial at Shopify.com/bu and an IE today.

You heard that right.

“Start your free trial today at Shopify.com/bunny.”

That's Shopify.com/bunny. slash funny.