#760 - TIM BUTTERLY + STEVE-O

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> Hey, this is Bradley Cooney,

I love from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas. Our brand new episode of Kill Downey, get up right on it. Let's go! [MUSIC]

“>> This is ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?”

[APPLAUSE] >> Yeah, it's time to find Rayne Rayne Bailey. [MUSIC] >> And how about one more time for the best damn ban in all of the land? Carlos Sosa, Rao Uvelejo, Fernando Castillo, Michael Gonzales,

and not just Belgrade.

I saw Professor Matt Mewling, the great John B's on the keys.

And D madness on the base guitar. [APPLAUSE] We're keeping the ice office separated from our Latino wing. [LAUGHTER] >> It feels good in here, we are home at the comedy mothership.

So many fun things going on, so many announcements, so many great sponsors. Here's some of them that made this episode available for you right here right now. [MUSIC] [MUSIC]

“>> You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what?”

[APPLAUSE] >> Every single week, I have two of the funniest human beings in the world on this show this week. No different. One of them is one of my favorite comedians and movie stars. Truly, one of the stars from what I think is the funniest movies of the past.

I don't know, what would we say three decades? The other one is truly who I believe is one of the top young rising comedians on the world. Truly one of the funniest humans on planet Earth. They both are ladies and gentlemen. Get ready to freak out as I introduce tonight's guests.

It's Steve O. and Tim Barley. [MUSIC] Here we go. [MUSIC] Oh my god.

[APPLAUSE] >> Hell, yes. >> [APPLAUSE]

“>> The crash should burn tour is everywhere.”

Steve O.com is the great Aaron Ballyal out there on the road with them. Fucking unbelievable. >> My man, I love Aaron Ballyal. >> Yeah. >> We do too.

How about a hand for the great Tim Barley, one of the breakout stars of the past year. A recent move to Austin, Texas has made him one of my favorite guests to book. And he's on tour, TimButterley.com. He's everywhere. Columbus, Dayton, Boston, Tacoma.

Filming is special here, May 23rd at the creek in the cave. A new 30-minute special. [APPLAUSE] So much fun. You guys have both been on this show numerous times before.

We're so happy to have you back, Steve O. Fresh off of filming. The newest with some people are saying might be the final Jackass movie of all time. >> Yeah, dude, it's the fifth last movie. [LAUGHTER] >> I love it.

Brilliant marketing. I'm going to watch it no matter what.

>> I swear to God that Jackass, I've always said Jackass and South Park are the only two things other than

Keltoni in the comedy world that you can always trust and fucking it's always there.

Even the one, what's the one where it's like the deleted scenes kind of? >> Yeah, that's the shit.

“>> Anyway, we're going to have fun tonight.”

[LAUGHTER] You guys have done the show numerous times, butterly and Steve O. So you know hundreds of people signed up with a chance the opportunity to get on this stage. Some of them are some of the top talents in the world that know their life will change with a minute of stand-up comedy.

Some of them completely mentally ill people that literally just want to be seen for a second and realize that anyone can sign up for the show.

So they take full advantage of the situation. Recently, we've had some stalkers on the show. We've had some people that are physical threats to our audience and us. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten.

That means they have to wrap it up. Then I'll say bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which rootly interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview with them. I'd find out if there's anything else interesting about their lives. And we get to all meet them together.

Or see them again if they've been lucky enough to be pulled before. That's about it. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? [APPLAUSE] I'm going to pull the name now.

And while we go wrangle, our first fucking pull up the night. Boy, do I have a treat for you? To get this show jolted from the start.

“I present to you a guy, so powerful that he's normally the closer.”

He's a Hall of Famer known for having more sets on this show than any other human in the history.

The 13-year history of Kiltowni. Some people call him the Saratoga singer. The Memphis Strangler. The vanilla gorilla. Yeah.

This is the big red machine. The one and only. William Montgomery. [APPLAUSE] Tony, I'm about to be fucking threatening violence against Red Band's boss.

Pussy tonight. [LAUGHTER] This town is not big enough for the both of us. Said two clinically obese people. And by the way, Red Band, your mama was so fat.

Now there's an Ozmpic shortage. [LAUGHTER] The Reverend Jesse Jackson just died. And I'm trying to figure out what he did to pistol Hillary Clinton. [LAUGHTER]

I asked Chad G.P.T. to explain the concept of God and the shortest terms possible. It wrote back two words, "Affects Twin." [APPLAUSE] A Texas Grand jury declined to indict a man who shot and killed his daughter because she said bad things about Donald Trump.

“I'm no lawyer, but isn't that called justifiable homicide?”

[LAUGHTER] Okay, that's my time, Tony. 57 seconds. Exactly. But the man--

Well, Tony, I was going to say to Red Band, I actually put his job application on indeed. I actually applied you for a job today, Red Band, so you fucking owe me one, dude. Sick.

Wait, what? Job application on indeed. One indeed, yes. I signed him up to be the new Iatola. Whoa.

I don't know anything about indeed, but I'll tell you this. You should put it on Zippercruiter. In official spots, sort of. Don't tell me.

Use the promo code, Keltoni, and you get a month free, I do believe it. I love Zippercruiter. Yeah, we love Zippercruiter. And Red Band, you're about to love Iran,

because you're about to be ruling Iran for a little bit, and it was on zippercruiter.com. You are applied now for the Iatola Supreme Leader of Iran. So, Red Band, get ready, dumbass. You're really going to have to lose weight over there, dude.

Oh, my goodness. When you're riding on your motherfucking camels, hey, you're ass going to get to lose the whacky. [LAUGHTER] The leader of the Asian gentleman.

Did your mom write that joke? Wow, Red Band knows that I bring the crowd to a screeching halt there. All the momentum, and the laughter, and then just... Oh, Red Band, no, but your mom did push it. Oh, last night, okay, yes, stop.

[LAUGHTER] That wasn't good. That was not a good exchange. I love it. So, you signed him up to be the new Iatola.

I did. I did. I said, he's really going to computer stuff. He's going to be able to help y'all with all of y'all's search engines, and computer stuff.

And he's just, really, I said he's basically a tech wizard. He's going to be able to really help y'all with that. He's cool with having a bunch of different wives, because he has a bunch of different wives in America. I told him about that.

He's already going to be cool with having a bunch of different wives. They have to be Asian women. He needs a bunch of Asian wives over and over. I ran when he's the Iatola. So, Red Band, we'll see what happens.

Just please let me come over there if you've become the supreme leader. That'll be the first time you'll be able to ever say that I ran from you.

Because you've never, you've never ran before.

Yeah, that's what you're going to be eating every night for dinner. Oh, good. I have some more of Reds and Rollo's, please. Yeah. You're going to be, you're going to be the burrito supreme leader.

Sick. Funny.

“Red Band, you need to get on the rowing machine, my friend.”

So, we can add some years to your life. He's been on the growing machine. I don't know if you see that. He does a thing. It's on his recliner.

It's called the growing machine. He did, it's a lot of this. He said that. Yeah, you're a big, you're a big little boy. Yeah.

But it's okay. He put a splash of gatorade in his vodka. So, he's super healthy. I remember what time in high school Tony.

I drank a bunch of vodka gatorade because I always heard it could make you drunk.

And I got wasted that night. I ended up driving back to my parents house and I crashed into their brick wall. And I wake up the next day. So, my mother screaming. It's everywhere.

She's in the bathroom. I'd vomit it everywhere and forgot about it. So, Red Band, be careful tonight. So, you're drinking vodka gatorade. I can't believe it.

I mean, just say, you're a high schooler. So, drinking and driving is not safe to do. We do not condone that.

“And if your life has gotten to that point,”

may I suggest going to betterhelp.com. Using the promo code, "Kill Tony." And talking with someone within 30 minutes. You could be talking to a licensed professional from anywhere in the world.

They sure help me, Tony. It's so much. No, you laughed at that. He loves it.

Now, they helped William.

Yep. That was a good set. William, you had only three jokes about Red Band's mom. In a sex twin or a friend. This town is not big enough for the two of us.

And I loved the Jesse Jackson Hillary Clinton joke. Thank you. I know that happened about three weeks ago, Tony, under suspicious circumstances. He failed out of his office building in Atlanta.

Wait, he did? Yeah, Jesse Jackson fell out of his office building in Atlanta. And people really are saying it's a connection with Hillary. I did not. I don't think that's how he died.

Yeah, no. We got pushed out of his office building in Atlanta, Georgia, Tony. Oh, my goodness gracious. Yeah, no. I found this website where people are talking all about it.

I've been on it nonstop. And also, Red Band, by the way, I told that weird stalker guy about your mom.

He's about to be stalking your fucking mom.

“I'm serious, you need to change the locks at your house.”

I'm not kidding, Red Band. He's after your mom next time. You've been going to a, you've been going to a website where you find out all this information. Yeah, Jesse Jackson, he fell out of this high-rise building in Atlanta. I just hope you're using your browser properly.

The best way to do it is to use ExpressVPN.com. The end to the promo code, Keltoni, this way people can't see what you've been. This guy's nodding along. He knows. He uses a VPN.

It's fucking nice. I love it. Yeah. It's very nice. The VPN is so nice. This guy pushes VPNs to their limit.

Yeah, yeah, he does. A steam coming out of it. He goes deep into the dark web. He literally looks like Red Band's wife on VR. That's what Red Band's wife on VR looks like this guy.

And you know what? Speaking of VR. Oh, he grow your hair by using this topical solution. It's great for your full. Okay, maybe next time trying to mess it up at the beginning. There you go. Yeah.

It's really bad. Maybe let's hear some of those wacky sound effects, Red Band. Anyway. So tell us about your process. Do your writing process for this set this week.

Where do you write most of your jokes, William? Where are you went in this? I was brilliant stuff comes in your head. I am in my little office that I've created Tony and. Has a lot of Star Wars stuff in there.

And yeah, I was in there. And I was thinking, okay, Red Band's mom. She does look pretty good. She's not that fat. She lost some weight.

Normally people say your mom is so fat. I was thinking, okay, if you could do the past tense to it. That would be funny. Why would it be that? Because she lost much weight because it was a big.

And then I was literally just thinking about his fucking mom. The rest of the night. But yeah, Tony, I sit in there. Wow, just a random noise for no reason whatsoever. You know what?

Red Band picked up the mic. Why don't you just jump in anytime you want. No, I'm kidding. Go back to the sound. Yeah.

Okay. And then Ozympic had my mind thinking, okay, something about fat people. Then I was thinking for whatever reason. Oh, old Western kind of say, this town isn't big enough for the both of us. Okay, who would say that?

Oh, yeah, a fat person. So taking it. Okay, we've got two fat people jokes right here. Perfect. What else did you do this week?

What are you passionate about in life, right? Oh, well, Tony. I mean, I've been, I did 200 miles on the rowing machine in February. Okay, but that doesn't matter. But yeah.

Do that. No, but, Tony, I've been doing these walnuts in my hand. This random subreddit game on my computer called win one walnuts in Tony.

And I just sit in my little desk and I put them roll them in my hands.

And then I brush them like they're little pets for, I don't know, an hour or two at a time. And then I'm slowly seeing this color change. Tony, I've literally been doing that. You've been brushing them all the other day. Yeah, brushing walnuts.

How much do you love brushing walnuts? Tony, it's like what did the best say? Tell them! What? What?

What? Repend is not looking presto whatsoever. Yeah, he doesn't like it. Did you look at my picture? They're really wonderful.

I don't think we need to look up a picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like a walnut. Wow. Guys, it's the parting words for William Montgomery, Steve O.

You've seen William a few times. I have. I think you look particularly healthy. Yeah, that is true.

“I believe that you've been on the rowing machine.”

Everyone is much as you claim. And I think so far the joke of the night was growing machine. I really enjoyed that. Thank you. Red band makes it very easy by being a disgusting monster.

Just me.

It gives me enough to make fun of you.

Really does this job. Look at them. Look at what a little cutie. Quick. So the walnuts are changing color.

Yeah, they're changing color. They change from a like kind of a beige color to this very dark red color. And that takes a couple of years. So I'm going to have to be handling these walnuts for years at a time. But I'm up for the challenge.

I'm up for the task. Wow. Wow. I'm up for the challenge. Up for the task.

And I do it. I don't know. Four hours a day now. But it's nice. It keeps my hands literally busy.

It's good. I'm not looking up poor. I'm not doing anything bad. I'm just messing with the walnuts. Seriously.

Steve. I'm trying to figure out if you healthier is even more unhinged. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

But I like it. I like it. Don't change. Thank you.

“What do you do with your mind when your hands are occupied with the nuts?”

[ Laughter ] Think about stuff. I mean, again. I was thinking about red beans, boss. Fuck it.

Losing weight. I don't know. When he used to drink and sale this crazy shit, it made sense. Because we're like, "Oh, that crazy drunk guy on all the drain." He's sober.

It's just fucking weird, right? It really is. He's healthier than ever. And he's just... He's up for the challenge.

He's up for the task. Up for the task. Up for the challenge. William, everybody loves you. We love you.

How about one more time for William Montgomery? He got the show started tonight. We're off and running. [ Cheers and applause ] And on to the bucket week out.

This is where the magic happens. This is where every single person that's ever been on the show comes from. It's very exciting. We're going to meet your first bucket pool. At once.

Goes by the name of Chase Sevex and everybody. Your first bucket pool of the night is Chase. [ Cheers and applause ] Well, there's shit how we doing. I'm not doing good, guys.

People say fucked up shit to me all the time. And someone said, "I look divorced. I'm 30." All right. Another person said, "I look like Will Smith is my favorite rapper."

And then someone else said, "I look like a substitute. I just got out of prison." I'm like, "All right. That's three insults. There's two people in this group chat.

This is why I never asked my parents for shit anyways."

You know? Like I'm going on a date. I'm trying to send this selfie. How do I look in this shirt? This is what they fucking say to me.

But I go on the date. And I'm getting fat.

“I'm trying to articulate that in my profiles, right?”

So like every photo I get, like, a little bit fatter. And like the current one is like, "What I am now." But I go on this date. Chicks looking at the phone, looking at me. And she's like, "You look like a Russian doll

that ate all the other versions of yourself." And I'm like, "Are you in that fucking group chat? My parents?" 'Cause like, that is just too fucking good. But I am seeing a shit right now, believe it or not.

And I feel like I really get the best of both worlds of her. I've got a Master's degree and a DUI. Guys, I've been Chase Alexander. That's my time. Thank you so much.

Chase Alexander. Welcome. Thank you. Have you been on this show before? I have not.

Okay, welcome. How long have you been on stand-up? Three years. Where at? San Diego.

That's where you live now? Yeah. Okay. What do you do for work? I've got a boring tech job.

And then I work at a comedy club at night and do hosting. What comedy club? American comedy company. Nice. Yeah.

Red band's going to be there in the... July. Hell yeah. 9 through 11. Ooh.

I'll keep all the homeless out of the door, guys. There you go. That's some of those San Diego homeless people. It's it's hard. There everywhere.

You guys know Austin knows. Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. So, you're with the girl that has a Master's degree and a DUI.

Is that true? Uh, I'm misunderstood. It's a nursing degree. I thought she said she was a doctor. So yeah, that's not true.

No. But your girlfriend has a degree. Uh, no, she's... I'm not dating her either. She's uh...

Oh. Not real, everybody. No, no. No. I tried to make it last, but uh, you know, I really did want someone with a degree.

How long...

Yeah.

Have you clearly looked at me?

I'm the greedy, you know. I'll tell you. Uh, five eight and a half. I would take it to home, a high school diploma if I was... Yeah.

Hey, I'm trying to shoot for the stars, you know? So are you dating anyone at all? Uh, no. I'm not dating anyone right now. Okay.

I'm living with my grandma. So it's, uh, it's hard to get pussy. Well, you live with your grandma, yeah. Where was that in your minute? Uh, I had a little more about her.

Uh, you know, she's Jewish and uh, she doesn't shut up about it. So that's pretty annoying sometimes, but I'm gotten to it. Are you Jewish? Uh, not technically because she's my dad's mom. And it's like the mom side, I guess.

Yeah. Yeah. What is living with your grandma actually?

“Like, do you see her first thing in the morning when you wake up?”

Yeah.

I think you're breakfast?

No, she, um, I just try to avoid her as much as I can because she gives me anxiety. And, uh, I work at home, so I'm like trapped with her, you know? Exactly what does she do that gives you anxiety. Tell us like the worst parts of living with her grandma. Uh, why don't you go out and get some pussy?

Why are you in the house all the time? That's a part of it. I guess just like constant panic attacks. I like I have to deal with. And this she's like, maybe I should die.

And I'm like, all right, like, I can't deal with this shit. I'm not qualified. So it's a little stressful, you know? How long have you lived with your grandma? Uh, like six months.

Okay. Yeah, it's pretty new. What made you move in with her? Uh, grandpa died. Ooh, how did grandpa die?

She's got cancer. I think she honestly killed them because he did not watch her even. He was like, I'm good to die, let me go. What kind of cancer did he have? Uh, pancreatic. (laughter)

Works every time.

Get that motherfuckin pancreatic party stormy.

Yeah. Now, when somebody has a job in tech, you don't imagine they're living with their grandma. What are you doing tech? Uh, I work with cities to help modernize their transit stuff.

You're degree worthy, man. (laughter) Thank you. Thank you. Have you ever been with a girl that has a degree?

Uh, I mean, probably not, but I'm not, you know, I just started looking for the degree women. So, you know, have you ever been with a girl? I have. Wow.

Thank you. Thank you. One or two? Yeah. Is Will Smith your favorite rapper?

No.

“People say I look like someone who would be like that, you know?”

Right. Yeah. Yeah. I like you. Thank you.

Thank you. I like you too, see you. Have you ever tried to take a girl back to your grandma's house? No. But here, I think I could because my grandma's room is far away.

It's got her own bathroom, and I could close the doors. And the doctor has up to nighttime, Lyrica. Ooh. Lyrica. Yes.

I will stay at home black nurse. Yeah. [ Laughter ] Lyrica Jenkins. University, Alabama.

Line hacker. [ Laughter ] I wish I need Lyrica in my life. That's right. Bad news.

Lyrica. There's not a Lyrica in the world that has a degree body. [ Laughter ] Oh, Lyrica. [ Laughter ]

They don't even have degree the deodorant. Oh, great. Oh, come on. What are you talking about? [ Laughter ]

What exactly is he applying there? [ Laughter ] Demand, this is laughing. D's is laughing. We're good.

[ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] All right. Chase Sullivan's in. Before I get you out of here, tell us,

“what is the most interesting thing about your entire life's history?”

What's something crazy that you've been part of? Maybe in a ward that you want? Maybe a special skill or talent that you have? That you excel at? Something like that? Must be something at which.

That'll be your entire life. There you go. What is it? People really think my earlobes are soft. [ Laughter ] Really?

Yeah. Come over here, Lyrica. [ Laughter ] Oh, no, you found a Tony's shrimp! [ Laughter ]

Yeah, those are normal earlobes. [ Laughter ] What are you throwing to his shrimp? People been lying to me. I thought, everyone's over there soft.

You know what? That was kind of my thing. And I guess I don't have a thing now. You know what? Anyone besides grandma told you this? Red band has softer earlobes than you did. Well, it's probably got a lot of lotion on.

These are moisturized men, you know? Rumors are about me. That's a crazy. Amazing. Well, Chase, since the most interesting thing about you

is your very normal earlobes. Is there anything else? You don't have any hobbies or anything like that. There's nothing that you're passionate about in life. You just do your tech job.

You don't have to do your tech job. You don't have to do your tech job.

You don't have to do your stuff.

You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff.

You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff.

You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff.

You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff.

You don't have to do your stuff.

You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff.

You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff.

You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do your stuff. You don't have to do that. No killing yourself.

“At least not until six months after this episode.”

So that we don't get blamed. Perfect. No, Chase. Fun times. You've been doing it three years.

You're out there hustling in San Diego. Sign up again next time. Keep up the good work. Here's a medium-sized joke book. Thanks, Chase.

That goes chase that like Zander. And the bucket has begun ladies and gentlemen. You see what it is. Anything can happen. Oh, it's Heidi and Val.

Everybody. What a special treat. What did we miss there? What just happened? They kiss?

Oh my god. Wow. Chase Alexander's earlobes just got hard. All right. Hello there.

This podcast is sponsored by Quill. If your team is still operating like a group chat with commitment issues, that's a problem. Eventually you look at the chaos. And you think, let's fucking quo.

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That's qu.com/killtonny. Quill. No miss calls. No miss customers. Let me interrupt your podcast to pitch you on another podcast.

I'm Mootak, one of the hosts of above the influence show, the evolution of the notorious under the influence show. And to put it simply, we are three guys at very different stages of life, navigating self improvement and sharing it with you in real time in ways that you can laugh at me. Mootak, I'm 30 and a college dropout.

Juvenile the link went turn CEO of Superbanzai and eight figure years supplement brand as well as a social media personality with millions of followers across platforms. I am Vitrap, I am 26 years old unemployed influencer who went viral for his moot shot back in 2020 and is adapting to regular life from his traumatic hoodlam origins.

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So we like to discuss business, dating, religion, substances and trauma. If you want relatable content, you can learn from subscribe to above the influence show or free on Spotify, Apple podcast or wherever you're listening. Thanks for letting me interrupt. Now back to the show.

Everybody, your next bucket pole looks like another new name goes by the name of Timmy D. Timmy D. Oh, this party is just going to make some noise to Timmy D. Everybody. First try.

Sony's somebody told me back there, the shirt looks racist. I tell you what's racist is elephants. You're never here any white people getting killed by an elephant.

“How much have you got to be not paying attention to get killed by an elephant?”

I'd be like, hey, look, y'all. It comes. Here comes the elephant. Oh, man.

Like, well, well, I've been killed by elephant.

And it's exactly the opposite of what you thought it would be like when you when you died. You're surrounded by loved ones, candles, and a priest trying to put his cock in. You're mad. And you're like, hey, man, I'm dying over here.

“He goes in a priest's like, that's what makes it extra dirty.”

So, so you're laying her. All right. You would breach your time limit one more time for Timmy D. Everybody. Thank you.

Or is like, call him scary the cable guy. I'll take that. I'll take that. Timmy, welcome. Welcome.

I love it. Look at you. You are just a dream bucket pool. I cannot wait to find out all about you. The last guy was given me nothing.

That pussy lived with his grandma doesn't do anything. I feel like you have fucking bodies buried in the backyard. You know what I'm saying? Anybody that steps foot in your yard. There's carcasses in the back.

Oh, yeah. Mostly deer and stuff like. Okay. Very good, Timmy. How long have you been doing stand up?

About 10 years? I love it. All of it here in Texas? No, I went to LA. You went to LA?

I did.

The first time I ever did.

I got up at the ice house.

“How many gay men got slaughtered in LA when you went?”

I got the fuck out of, oh, yeah. I just like somebody would slaughter a gay guy. Yeah. I'm learning a lot about myself tonight. You're learning a lot that a mirror could have taught you.

That's great. It's great. It's great. Timmy, get back up to the mind. It's a wise choice.

Camouflage. People are wondering what the floating arms are doing out there. Blending into sixth street tonight. Timmy, how old are you? 63.

Really? Timmy, you look great for 63, buddy. Just had a little boy at 60. You had a little boy at 60. You had a little boy?

I have a little boy that's three years old. Turn three years old, January. Oh, my goodness gracious. Does he healthy and everything? Is he healthy?

Yeah. He's kicked me in the balls about 75 times in the last three years. Perfect. He's doing good. What have you been doing for work your whole life, Timmy?

“I'm a guitar player, songwriter, engineer producer.”

Wow. Look at you. Guitar player. Timmy, I'm playing guitar for. Since I was six.

Oh, my god. Wow. And you've been doing that for a living. You made all your money. For the last, well, I was a carpenter installer for years, and then I moved in Nashville.

Okay. And then I picked up a network on Broadway. How old were you when you moved in Nashville? 2002. I moved there.

And then my wife and I had a baby and her family is from Wisconsin. And she just wanted to live up there for a while. I just sold that house and I'm moving back to Nashville in April. So how many kids do you have total? One that I know about.

Well, you said you had one when you were in Nashville. One, six. Yeah. I just had. And then you had a--

You lost me, Tony. You didn't have it. Then you have a three year old. I have a three year old. That's all I got.

That's all you got. Well, I turned 60. I had got it. This planned, by the way. What's that?

Having a baby at 60. What was the question? Yeah. With this is a lot, man.

I've never been on a stage in like 40.

With say planned pregnancy. How old's the lady you got? You're just going to be 39 in March. Damn. Look at you.

Yeah, let's go. Look at you. Missed. Did she know that she was getting fucked by you or did she-- [LAUGHTER]

Or was the camouflage throwing her off? She thought, she thought her dildo out of mind of its own that night. This dildo fucked me. And it was trying to tell me jokes the whole time. I was talking, I wouldn't shut up about elephants for some reason.

I thought I wrote that bit just to do this. I love it. I did. It was a minute and five seconds, but I missed some stuff. Yeah, wow.

Apparently it took me longer to tell it. Sure. Yeah. Anyways, so-- Uh-huh.

It's OK. I'll ask you a question. Come on. Yeah. Don't lose me.

Yeah. I'm not losing you, Timmy. I'm very good at this job. And you're exactly the type of person. I watch every week.

And that's what I do. I watch the show and have anxiety attacks. Because I knew I was going to be here. I knew. I just got here last week.

I came here and signed up today and here. I knew this was going to happen. OK. I did. I fucking did it.

Intuition is strong. I love it.

Um, so I'm going to go back to Timmy's very good question.

You had a baby three years ago. My wife did it. Right. But were you guys planning-- [ Laughter ]

You fucking idiot? Yes. [ Laughter ] I was way confused. [ Laughter ]

It was fun enough time in LA to where he might have a pussy. [ Laughter ] Uh, so Timmy, did-- Was it the plan? Were you like--

No. Let's have a baby. I was in Florida where I was fishing. And I came in from fishing. You caught a baby while fishing?

Yeah. And I came in from fishing. She's like I'm pregnant. I'm like, "This is awesome." Awesome.

No, it's been great. I almost missed it. You don't want to miss that. You don't want to miss that. You almost missed it.

You almost missed what? Having children. Oh, the birth. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable.

Tell us about it. Is that how you dressed? [ Laughter ] He wears cameo? Did the kid try to call crawl?

“Did he try to call crawl back into the pussy when he saw you?”

Wow, that's a little dark tone. It come on! [ Laughter ] My wife's watching this, I think. Do you think being a new father?

Do you think you're going to start to get your act together? [ Laughter ] Well, I don't have a job. I don't have a job. I don't.

I have some acoustic gigs in. Okay. Do some engineering, some session work. Tony, do you better get good at making fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or something?

A bitch is going to leave you. Tony, will you do me a favor? Yeah. Will you ask me about the low point in my musical career? Sure.

There you go. What's the low point in your musical career? When I was playing guitar for Blake Shown for about 10 years. [ Laughter ] Okay.

Is that it? You're just taking shot at a guy that... It was not good, Tony. Why was it not good? I mean, I was throwing my life away.

Would you like to expand on that at all? Well, the low point, we did good morning America. Uh-huh.

And like 6.2 million people watching that show.

Yeah, that's what they say. And I was staying there with that song, some beach. Uh-huh. And I was thinking to myself, there's 6.2 million people. Just watching me throw my fucking life away.

Right now, that's... Listen, can you guys play any Blake Shown? No, we can't. No, you can't play any note. Well, that's a YouTube copy, right?

Are you just taking shots of Blake Shown? A guy that paid you for 10 years? The whole reason I'm here. Okay. Well, that's okay. No.

We don't like... I thought it would be interesting. It's not. Uh-huh. But I will let you play guitar, uh-huh.

Heidi, are you back there? You have the house guitar? Is that thing, too? I don't. We keep it tuned?

Okay. We keep it tuned, Heidi. There she is. Everybody, the lovely Heidi. We got a chord for that.

You know what we're doing here? [ Applause ] Is there anything to drink? What the fuck am I? I think this is, dude.

Michael, hand in that. This is like a fucking dream right here. People crack it open for him. Michael open. I need a piece.

They took all my shit and made me put it in that bucket. There you go. Take a sip of that. Here's to all the lesbian. Just take a fucking sip of the water.

Jesus Christ almighty. Take a sip of the fucking water. This is taken way too long. I see why Blake shouts and fired your ass. He's very good red band.

It's a great mouth noise that we need to pick. Awesome. You need a pick?

“What else do you need a fucking some lyrics and talent?”

Let's go, dude. Let's go. Come on. You just hit "demandness" in the head with your fucking guitar. Get up there.

[ Music ] Just play for a little bit. They'll join in. Jesus, fucking Christ. It's got to be an original song.

You can't cover something, okay? YouTube's got wacky rules. And they'll give all the money to fucking Blake Shelton if you play his music. Show. Well, I mean, it literally can't be the same chords and sound.

Is anything else? You've been playing to the music. You've been playing to the music. You've been playing to the music. You've been playing to the music.

You've been playing to the music. You've been playing to the music. You've been playing to the music. You've been playing to the music. You've been playing to the music.

You've been playing to the music. You've been playing to the music. You've been playing guitar for six years. You don't have one fucking original song? I have a cut on Blake.

You see, you're a songwriter. Yeah. [ Laughter ] I do. You cut one of my songs.

I played guitar on that fucking record too.

“Do you have anything that isn't a famous song or a published song at all?”

Well, it was supposed to be the next single of the P.R.B.S. record. And I got fired.

And then I didn't get my song singled and it cost me about a million.

Can you do a solo? Just really rip it. Yeah, just just just destroy on guitar. Can't vibe burning on a Mississippi River Bay. [ Music ]

My own pickups, Blake.

[ Music ]

“Let's tear the starter dancing on my hood.”

[ Music ]

With an empty bottle, this can't be good.

[ Music ] Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. I've now been informed that he is indeed covering someone else's song. [ Laughter ] I wrote that song.

What do you mean you wrote it? I wrote that. But it's out there by somebody else. It's a cut on a bleak shot record. And I --

Okay. He's a price. Timmy, do you not less than it all? [ Laughter ] Oh, my God. With your parents' 60 when they had you?

[ Laughter ] [ Music ] [ Music ] Wait, what's your sound when you do a good one? [ Laughter ]

No, you had that one sound that we play. It's been so long since you made a good joke that we literally -- Oh, there it is. It's this one, right? [ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ] Timmy, we appreciate your approach.

“We're going to have to edit that one part out where you play the song”

because it literally -- I'm not going to -- I'm publishing on that song. I'll pay you to leave it in. [ Laughter ]

I don't believe you. [ Laughter ] I don't believe you. Google this can't be good by playing -- Blake on the writer. It says to me the armates.

That's where to go. All right, Timmy, you're out of here. I love it. It's good enough for a big joke, but I'll tell you that. An entertaining interview.

There he goes. [ Cheers and applause ] There he goes. There he goes. There he goes.

There he goes. Timmy, go. There he goes. Okay. Fucking go.

Jesus, fucking Christ. Hey. Back to Nashville, you go. Come on. Johnny, I don't mean to be like a paranoid or anything.

But he really violated that microphone while he was -- Oh, it was unbelievable. It just knows his lips. You guys couldn't see from where you were,

but his entire face was powerful.

A little worried about whoever talks into it next. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, they're -- Maybe we can switch it. Yeah, they're going to get some fucking --

They're going to get some herpes -- Nashville Herpes from the 1960s. All right. Your next comedian, ladies and gentlemen, she's been on this show before funny.

Young lady goes by the name of Emily Wade, everybody. Here we go. Here we go. [ Music ] I'm from Boston.

You can't really hear it from my accent. Unless I say certain words like back. [ Laughter ] Our khakis are stuck in my fucking dick bitch. [ Laughter ]

You know, the classics. My guy friend heard my accent once, and he was like, "I'm late."

“I think it's kind of hot that you have a Boston accent.”

Do you use it in the bedroom? [ Laughter ] I was like, "What the fuck do you think I do in there?" I'm just like, "Hatta." [ Laughter ]

Faster. No, you show me who's in charge, Daddy. I want you to pack that big Mac truck right and have a crash. Oh, whatever, Kathy B says. I was having sex recently, though,

and he was sitting it from the back. And I don't know where I just turned and go. He used me like a fucking flashlight. Sex stops immediately. Now that we'll get you softer than Mac,

while Berg's voice coming out of my body. [ Laughter ] Thank you guys so much. Wow! Emily, wait! Wow! Unbelievable.

That was fantastic. You've been on the show before, but that was your best set yet for sure. Thank you. Welcome, welcome.

Remind everybody how long you've been on stand-up? Um, kind of on three years now. Three years. And you're originally from Boston, but before this, you were in Miami?

Yes, I was. So anything you miss about Miami? Did it besides the hookers? [ Laughter ] Yes, I really miss the weather.

It's fucking cold and awesome, even though it only gets to like 60 degrees out here. Yeah. It'll get warm. To say at least, it's going to get real hot.

Um, is there anything you miss about Boston? Yeah, the people were such assholes up there. I'd love it. [ Laughter ] I made eye contact with somebody on the train,

the other day, and I was like, "What the fuck are you looking at me, dipshit?" I've heard your eyes, I'll go. Yeah. Sorry.

No, it's great. You really are from Boston. [ Laughter ] Uh, fuck yeah. And how's Austin treating you?

What do you love about Austin, Texas? Um, you know, I really love the outdoor people.

They always bring entertainment.

It's fantastic. I'm never bored here. Are you talking about the homeless?

That's a great word for them.

I've never thought about that before.

But we have a lot about door people here. [ Laughter ] It's brilliant. Those who's talking about like Patagonia Vestga. [ Laughter ]

A lot of people dress like Timmy D out there. A lot of camouflaged muscle shirts. [ Laughter ] How door people? Amazing.

Amazing. What do you do for fun around town? When you're not doing stand-up, Emily? [ Laughter ] I don't want to tell you what I do.

Because I don't want to make you make me do it. But I love karaoke. Oh, my God. Well, unfortunately, we already had a guy do a little karaoke. Right before you.

I swear to God, I wrote times on donning. [ Laughter ] Oh, shit. I just accidentally had another baby. [ Laughter ]

I love it. What do you guys think about Steve O. Tim? What do you guys think about Emily? I loved it. And I'm just mesmerized by the tattoo of a jellyfish.

Oh, my God. I also grew up here at Steve O. [ Laughter ] Yeah. All I can see is this jelly.

Why did you get a jellyfish tattoo on your arm? Uh, okay. So I'm really scared of the ocean. Like, but I love the ocean. One day, my karate sensei showed me his tattoo.

[ Laughter ] Your karate sensei? He's overpower. [ Laughter ] Yeah.

Yeah, I'm a secondary black belt. Are you serious? Yeah, but don't ask me to show you anything. So I'm kind of fat and how to practice. No, come on.

There must be suck.

“Can you do just one little front kick or something?”

Can you beat the fuck out of the ocean? No, she's so cruddy. [ Laughter ] You want me to beat the shit out of the blue hair clip room? Yeah, actually, she's perfect.

Blue hair, lady, that looks like she wants to protest the show. Why don't you just take a front kick? Let this poor, let this ice protest her from Minneapolis. Take a, all right. What kind of shoes are you wearing?

Um, thank you. Yeah, you can throw a kick. Throw a kick. Come on. Michael, give me that kick music. Whoa! Oh, my goodness gracious.

That's incredible. You're here all week. So, let's go back to it. You're karate sensei? Rate sensei?

Had a tattoo? He got a tattoo of a spider. I was like, why the fuck do you have a black widow's spider? He was like, I'm terrified of spiders. So he was like, I put something that scares me on my body.

So I have to face my fear every day. And I was like 15, I was like, well, that's so fucking deep. [ Laughter ] And then I got money and my buddy tattooed me and his bed and he was a jellyfish.

Yeah, that tattoo looks like it was done laying down in bed. That's incredible. See what was going on. Is that why you have a tick on your bed? [ Laughter ]

How do you know about that? I'd say, say, told me to get whatever I'm most scared of. [ Laughter ] If I did that, it would be a vagina on my forehead. [ Laughter ]

Wow. You have a jellyfish. It's incredible. Yeah, Red band's thinking about getting it. He's going to get a peanut butter in jellyfish.

Uh, tattoo. Wow.

“Emily, what else was going on in life since the last time we saw you?”

Anything else crazy?

I did my first three feature spots in the past year,

which is very exciting. Nice. Thank you. A longer set for those of you that might not know, that's the spot in between the opener and the headliner on the road.

To one usually. I'm ready for my 20. 30 minutes. [ Applause ] It's a growth skirt.

Your karate sense, I would be very proud. He did me very well. Yeah, Steve O. Who did you feature for? Um, I featured for David Jackson,

and then I did like two different feature spots in like showcases. Oh, sweet. Do you have any other tattoos? [ Laughter ]

Nothing is nice as your eyebrow one. Thanks. I can show you, I have this one. Sorry. My bad.

I'll clean it after guys. Fine.

This one says never less.

Ooh. And this one says never more. And again, I thought it was deepest fuck, okay? Wow. Wow.

You must be scared of bad tattoos. [ Laughter ] Sit on it and rotate.

“Emily, I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday.”

Boom, you just got booked on the secret show. Here's a picture book. Emily, weed, ladies and gentlemen. Growing. I love it when people get better and better on this show.

Sometimes, everyone's in my whole people say stagnant. People get worse. Turns out that one minute that they did the one time was their best minute and they haven't been writing. Have a one more time for Emily Wade.

We're going to keep a moving on here. Hello there and welcome. This podcast is sponsored by Zippercruiter. What's the latest trend in hiring skills based hiring, which emphasizes capabilities over education and direct experience,

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Your next bucket pull goes by the name of Blake Apatau. Are we here? Are we here? Great to be here with some folks. I don't know how you all feel about immigration, but I feel like all things we need some balance.

I think we should build a wall. We should also install a doggy door for hot Latinas. We need them desperately.

“I think we should import millions of gorgeous Latinas.”

And for every Latino we import, we can deport one obese white chick. (Laughter) Maybe two to one or three to one. I don't know what the exchange rate is. I'm a big white guy.

It's been a tough year. My best friend died from a fake Xanx that had a fentanyl in it. Yeah, he would take Xanx to help him chill out. Now he's about as chill as you can possibly get. Internally chill.

And my other friend FaceTimed him the night he died. He still feels horrible. Feels like he could have saved him somehow. Imagine how I feel. I sold him that Xanx.

Thank you, folks. Blake Apatau. Welcome to the show, Blake. Thank you, sir. Are you doing wonderful?

You've been on before, right? Yeah, recently. Yeah. This was better than last time, right? Definitely.

Much better. Yeah. Hell yeah. You've been picturing this and preparing for it mentally. Yeah, brother.

And writing and doing open mics. Definitely. How often do you get on stage a week? Yeah, so I just in the last couple of months I've really found like an upshift. I was probably doing on average the last couple of years in Austin.

Maybe three minutes a week. And now I'm doing like 30 minutes a week. There you go. Yeah. Shows.

Shows my friend. Amazing. Love the ideas. The whole way through. Did you really have a best friend that died?

Yeah, it's actually used like my middle school best friend. And it's kind of a complicated death. You know, because we jacked each other off as middle schoolers. Ahh. Check.

Yeah. Now our secret is. Yeah. It's safe. It's six feet underground.

Yeah. He made you come and you made him go. So, obviously you didn't really sell him that Sanx. That's a joke. Correct.

Okay. Because I had to ask because you literally look like you sell Sanx. Yeah. Yeah. People try to buy coke from me all the time.

I get the.

“But he looks like a really fucking hot outdoor person.”

I mean, yeah. It is amazing. I work in the neighborhood and some hotel valet when the other day saw me. He's like, dude, I don't know your vibe. I can't figure out.

I can't figure out if your billionaire or homeless. Yeah. Let's start. Percocet for his goop. Yeah.

Chris Delauded. Yeah. You get a lot of girls. You're a good looking guy. You dress all like you're like your.

Like your trans or something. I do okay. I do okay. A lot of women just like instantly. Yeah.

Either film me or they don't. I guess they make it very clear if they don't. Sometimes they'll kind of wander up and short shorts. Short lace and flip flops. And around like Lady Birdlake can instantly agree.

I want, I'll, I'll just go to say hi. I'm a big, not interested. All right. Fair. That makes sense.

We try. Whatever most in a while, one of them is into it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Any of them with alive dad's?

Ah. I don't know that, brother. I don't know that. Can you give us an example of a time that went extremely well for you?

Ooh. Yeah. All right.

“You ever just bang a check against a tree there?”

Lady Birdlake. Ooh. Yeah. One time I went on a Tinder date by the Lady Birdlake. And she was a mom.

And we kind of strolled for an hour. I got dark. And then we set it a bench. And she ended up blowing me twice. Twice.

Twice.

I didn't even want the second one.

Oh, my god. That's amazing. Demand is going to meet the squirrel right now. Enjoy, baby. Enjoy.

Enjoy. Where the fuck is Lady Birdlake at? That's amazing. Yeah. It's amazing.

Yeah. Made you come twice. Well, I guess when you're used to getting jerked off by middle school boys, it's pretty exciting. Your dick's not done.

I'm perfect. And I'll be happy if you would know. [ Laughter ] So explain to us twice. How much time is in the middle there?

And are you using Bluetooth using the promo code Kiltown? Sounds like a good idea. Maybe the future. But no.

So we're kind of just hanging out. And people were coming slowly sporadically. And then we started kind of hooking up, started going for it. And then it was very hot because people were coming. She had to, we had to stop the blow job multiple times.

Yeah. And I kind of pretend that we were doing nothing. Cover it up. And very hot for it to resume that. What did you cover it up with?

Oh, I just threw the pants on quickly. And then I kind of like, I put my leg over. I was curious if you had maybe had like a newspaper or something. [ Laughter ] Yeah.

And so one of the times she makes you climax. Oh, yeah. And then how much time goes in between the first blow job and the second blow job? Oh, no.

In comfortable amount. I wasn't even ready really for the second one. It was clear that she wanted that. Twenty or thirty minutes? No.

Longer than that. Two or three minutes. Wow. Yeah. But it was so hot.

Like, I'm not even an exhibitionist. But I guess then I discovered I kind of was. And yeah, and it's like, it's beautiful.

I know, I mean, obviously, blow jobs are amazing anywhere,

but in nature, yeah. With the sounds of the little evening squalls and yeah. And that's just, that's just you. Yeah, I'm so little. [ Laughter ]

Yeah. Amazing. Do you know how many kids this mother had? She had one. How old is that kid?

She's seven. Wow. Yeah. Think about that. He's got a year or all seven at one point.

Your mom could have been sucking out door people cock at the park. Think about that. And no one wants to believe that your mom would do it. But just remember, she did. Your mom's all right.

Amazing. Tony, what kind of card do you think he drives? Uh, this is easy. I'm going to go with a beard scooter. Yeah.

Now, that you are a Mitsubishi eclipse. Oh, the O6 Mustang GT. Okay. But current, yeah. You're on the money scooter.

Right. Yeah. So I am right. Yeah. It really is a scooter.

But I prefer the lime bike. That's like clashing in it.

That's like a million-air kind of version of the scooter.

Hell yeah. What do you mean currently, what happened to the car? Well, I got a um... Deep-wise. Yeah.

100% a year ago. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I'm just fine on.

Just almost wrapped it up now. Take us through that. Oh, god. What exactly happened that night? Okay.

Couple drinks with my coworker and a couple comments that came back to kind of haunt me that night. I was like, wow, I'm so proud of my drinking lately. I've been being so responsible. Um, and then I... After like two or three drinks, I went and stopped in to get a drink at my friend's bar.

“And I genuinely remember that first drink.”

Nothing at all for the next four hours could pleat black out, complete black out. Came out of the black out with the multiple cops with firearms on me.

Yep. Let me ask you this.

“How many drinks did you have at that second bar did your buddy tell you?”

Did he tell you the next day or whatever?

So that's this thing is I was too shameful. I didn't even go back and ask honestly. But I had a number of drinks. Is this buddy the same guy that you blew? Maybe.

[laughter] This revenge? You're getting all the stories across you. Yeah. It was a hand job.

It wouldn't suck his buddies' dick. I mean, that'd be gay. [laughter] And that's the thing is, we did. You know, we did actually blow each other.

Oh yeah. So FY, yeah, 13 year old boys give terrible head. God awful. Wow. Wow.

Wouldn't recommend. Wow. Clip it. I'm on my empty shit. [laughter]

Well, that's a brand new sentence. [laughter] I'm a young Epstein. I'm looking for my gis lane. [laughter]

Amazing. Gis lane isn't prison. Amazing. Wake up a time. [laughter]

Did you know at the time it was terrible?

Or was it after, you know, you finally had a woman's touch that you went,

wow, that was actually not that good. No, it was so bad. It was me'd bro. Yeah. It was really terrible on impact.

But it was so nice that somebody touching me. For reference, it was my first blow job I had. I was able to self suck when I was a 13 year old. So it was just nice to have somebody else suck in it, man. Right.

Yeah. That was cool. You've got to get back to class. [laughter] Rubin, you're any secret show spots left?

[laughter] [laughter] Get yourself a hand job, red band. [laughter] Can you still self suck?

Yeah. No, bro. I lost the magic power, dude. Heidi, bring out the yoga mat. [laughter]

Have you tried recently?

I haven't tried recently.

You haven't? No, I haven't. Now, when you would self suck, Tim, hold on to that question. So I want to get back to that. But when you would self suck, would you go on your back,

legs up and over, or would you go get hard,

“Indian style, hunch over, the old master Yoda, you know?”

Yeah. [laughter] So, I tried everything. [laughter] I'm an experimental guy.

Um, I will say I was kind of a pro level though. I could self suck just standing up. I could just bend over in there. Can you show us exactly? Can I get a drum roll and you show us exactly?

Steve owes very interesting. He's getting ready for Jackass 6 over here. [laughter] Whoa! [laughter]

Very good. Okay, you said you could self suck until you were 13. Yeah. So, at what age did the goo come out and how did you handle that? [laughter]

Well, that's the thing is, I started Jacking off and I had goo, and then I was sucking with goo. So, I had like a 6 month run. Okay. So, what were you doing with the goo?

I'm up. You know what? I was swallowin' it, bro. Yes. [laughter]

Go! This is Kill Tony. Twenty, twenty, six. And for that, my friend, you're leaving here with a big show. [laughter]

Yeah. He just catches it in his mouth and swallows it. [laughter] Blank up a towel. I love you, thank you.

[laughter] I'm trying to figure out what was the crazier confession. [laughter] Sucking his buddy's dick when he was 13 or swalling his own-- [laughter]

Yeah.

“Somehow, it's less gay if it's your own dick, isn't it?”

I think almost everyone agree. Yeah. That, but that was heavy. That was really, really heavy. [laughter]

You know, most people online that have sucked their own dick, say it feels less like getting your dick sucked and more like you're sucking a dick. Yeah. It's like an elbow.

Yeah. Red band said on an episode that he used to be able to do that. We put it--we put it to the test. His head was about three feet away from us. The belly now, yeah, and the belly broke blocks everything.

I used to only be able to do the tip of the day, but it's so hard. [laughter] Red band has a four foot long penis, everybody. [laughter] Wow.

Amazing. Let's--let's get another bucket pull up here before going to one of our great regulars. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Michael Good.

Everybody, Michael Good. [music] All right. I had to go to a baby funeral, and I'll make it silly.

[laughter] I don't know why I thought I was going to see other babies at the funeral. [laughter]

I'm just looking around like,

“I guess this wasn't one of the popular ones.”

[laughter] That's the only funeral where you can't talk to the coffin with the same voice that you talked to the person when they were alive. You can't just go up like you might as I say

a few words. [laughter] A lady got mad at me recently for saying the word retarded. This woman's like, "You're saying the R word,

what year is it?" [laughter] This retarded doesn't even know what year it is. [laughter] [laughter]

Plus her heart. [laughter] [laughter] Wow! What the fuck can I say?

Holy shit. Amazing. Michael Good has entered the Kiltoni universe. Welcome, welcome my friend. Where?

Where have you been doing comedy? You've been doing comedy at this whole time. So I've been in New York for about seven years now. Two years in Florida and about seven in New York. Wow.

You are fucking hilarious. Dude, thank you, man. I've been brings you to Austin. I was just kind of going down to your trying to do shows and I have some friends in the scene.

So I was like, let me just mix it up and get down here. Yeah, amazing. Amazingly talented.

“Where do you tend to perform in New York City?”

My teammates sponsor New York Comedy Club than the grossly pair. Nice. Yeah, you're doing it, dude. That's hilarious.

How much what's the longest set you've ever done? I've done 50 but it's fucking stretch. Like the headliner road gigs are just like, like two to on Saturday. It was like nobody below 65 and like,

Greenville, Texas. Sure. Yeah. That happens. Yeah.

That's part of the game. But do you open for people? Do you feature for people? Anything like that? No, I mean, I'm a feature for my friends

to do online next month. But then for the most part, she's road gigs and clubs spot. But like low level headliner gigs. Yeah.

You are fantastic. Do you make a living doing stand up in New York? No. No, I'm poor. Shit right.

Yeah. Yeah. I sold feed picks like two days ago. So really? Yeah.

My podcast listeners, they're into the feed. And I waited to the last minute. And I was like, ah, fuck it. We have a demon. This isn't a feed.

He's coming back. Yeah.

“He just got done getting a double blow job at Lady Bird Lake.”

Yeah. I still paint things that was Lady Bird Lake. It was really just a bit stream in the alleyway. But we told him it was Lady Bird Lake. Anyway.

Michael, tell us more about your life. What else about you? Such great jokes. So well. Thank you.

So perfectly executed. What else? Well, I grew up doing pretty well. So this is a big drop-off. So like I grew up rich.

Yeah. Just getting blown into my dad's range rover. And then now I sell plasma and feed picks. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm like a washed up Disney Channel star. It feels like just fucking boom. Amazing. What a dad-do for a living.

He works in real estate. Nice. That was in Florida? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. What part of Florida? Orlando. Yeah. Hell yeah.

The home of Cam Patterson. Yes. Did you know Cam and you were coming up? So I went back for the holidays to live in New York. And he buried me when he was like six months in.

I was like, yeah, I'm going to kill myself. That was so good. Yeah. He's a special freak. Yeah, he's great.

I love it. And so you still live in New York? Yes. I leave tomorrow actually. What's your situation like?

How many square footage you live by yourself? No.

Two other comics under a train, basically.

Okay. A loud. Is it a two bedroom? That's three bedrooms. It's a bedroom.

Yeah. You got your own bedroom. What part of town? Brooklyn. Willy's bird.

Brooklyn. So you're sharing one toilet with three two two other dudes. Two dudes. Yeah. Wow.

What's that like? It is. It's pretty brutal. You can I can break into my laundry rooms bathroom. The landlord like locks that.

But I'll just go in there and break it if I don't have to take it though. That's crazy. He has one toilet. Three dudes. I live by myself and have three toilets.

We're like the opposite. We're like opposites. Michael Goods. It's incredible. I have toilets.

I've never even seen before.

Just to let you know. When you think about me, just remember. I love it. What else about your life? Tell us more.

You're so funny and interesting. Dude. Thank you. This is I'm bad with money. I put money towards becoming a UFO field investigator.

Yeah. Because I want like the idea. You get a card from this thing called MoveFawn. Let me chill with UFO network. You have like a little badge with my face on it.

It seems like I could do a lot of fun with that. So a lot of plans that don't actually move my career forward.

Wow. What else?

“You sling and cut co-nibes or anything like that.”

You just have the wildest money-making schemes.

It is absolutely incredible.

Yeah. I'm trying to think ways to make money or how to... How much money do you have? You have saved up right now. This is the only show in the world where people ask that question.

By people I mean me. I have 600, 300 is borrowed. Right now. Yeah. You gave away 300.

Oh no. You're borrowing. 300 of the 600's borrowed. Who did you borrow it from a friend or a parent? Oh, a parent.

Yeah. Okay. Are they charging interest? Your dad owns real estate. Is there an APR or something like that?

No. No. No. Oh. We love those secret mom borrow it.

I never got one in my life.

“That's why I ended up wildly successful.”

Yeah. I mean, you can't have people helping you. You know, and I mean, you got a fucking struggle. Yeah, I agree. So what is that extra 300 doing for you exactly?

What are you doing? What are you doing with that extra 300 that you wouldn't have done? Had you not had it. Just getting rent covered. So I can like, yeah, I'm going to pay a pack.

Of course. Plasma feedback. She doesn't have to know where I got it. Exactly. She might be the one to support you secretly without dad knowing she might be the one buying your

feet pics. Yeah. Just something to keep in mind. Sweetheart. I'll do anything.

Don't let dad know. Dad's tough on you, huh? Uh, yeah. But he's a good dude. But he believes in what you're doing.

Yeah. Yeah. We've got it to bargain. We've got to argue in a couple of months back. I was like, I don't even know what we have this conversation.

I've never borrowed money from you.

And then like a two months later, I was like, oh, shit. I got to ask this guy for money. Yeah. But he's he supported, but like, I don't know. He's like, you know, we'll see.

But yeah, I don't know. Amazing. Amazing. You remind me of the guy from office space. You're right.

Oh, yeah. I get that a lot. Yeah. How much money do you get for Plasma? Like, and have you ever done double red?

Because that pays more right. Double double what? Double red? Double red? No one knows where you're talking.

It's like that. How do you know about that? How do you? Are you selling Plasma? Red has buying Plasma, right?

Yeah. That's six months ago. I think we just found out how COVID started everybody. Red band donating Plasma to fucking people in Wuhan. Well, your dad doesn't know shit.

You're going to make it. Thank you. Dude, I appreciate that. Yeah. Thank you, man.

I appreciate that a lot. He's a good guy. He's just, like, cautiously supportive. Yeah, fuck your dad. Yeah.

I'm going to beat the fuck out of your dad. I'll tell you what. You've been doing comedy in New York for seven years total. What do you think the greatest venue to possibly play in all of New Yorkers?

“Like, that's how comedy like Madison Square Garden.”

That is correct. And I want you to tell your dad that you will be doing a minute on Keltoni. A dog at the greenest arena in the world, Madison Square Garden. You're doing a buddy. Here's a big dog bug.

We'll see you in August. And Madison Square Garden is taking, going on sale extremely soon. I'm technically not supposed to announce it. It's supposed to be a surprise, but we do it every year. We go to Madison Square Garden every year, just like every other podcast does.

All right. Now, let's try it out. Let's try it out. Ladies and gentlemen, we have one of the greatest regulars in this show's history here. An absolute phenom, a freak of nature that was once at one point known as the Dark Storm of Atlanta.

He's now the Dark Storm of Austin here with a brand new minute. Like he does every single week, every single episode. No week's off. This is "Dedric Flank."

I thought that's what the word Armadillo means. Because I've been trying to create some secret rules to turn these niggas into teenage mutant ninja Mexican turtle. You don't even have to change the name. You don't have to say it, it's just brother L, you're not a mug, but I'm Master Splinter. Now that I got y'all in a silly thing, I got to get to some beef that I got.

Fuck the niggas who made the low battery noise and smoked detectors. Niggas, how do fuck? I got so many white friends that moved next door to me. They smoked detector don't ever go off. But when my black ass family moved in, that should be all for 15 years.

And neither he's a kill yourself or not. I hate a battery that don't actually want to die. But then I know it's a conspiracy. They turn us in a sleeper ages. They want us to be ghetto. Because in 92, that's it in one. I opened up the smoke detector.

“If y'all remember Doris L, you should be able to have these buttons as you can press and see how much energy was left in the battery.”

Niggas, it was fool! I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. Fuck an unbelievable, every single time. My god. Oh my god.

So many great references, the armadillo really is a Mexican turtle.

Your take on the battery is incredible, I forgot about Doris L's amazing technology back then.

Yeah, it was an interesting thing, I mean, you would almost, what? We would kind of take things out just to check. You would like take the batteries out. That's still there? Super cool technology. What? You know why it, it's a chirp though, even though the battery is full. I could say something mean, I don't know. No, it's because that means the sensor was done, you had to replace it.

It wasn't the battery, it was the sensor. It expires after like three years. Yeah, how come my wife friends didn't have no sensors, right? Well, please tell me more about your fucking technology. Your people did to my black people.

Now make us pour things when we thought, because we can't have a full conversation, somebody going, ah! Yeah. Well, we have the same thing, the white people have the same thing, but when we hear it, we do whatever it takes to stop it. That should be over here, Tony. We ain't got time. I got to knock down cobwebs and shit.

I got to go outside to be black in the 90s. It was a lot. Super. I did what it took to stop mine. I got a fucking broom, and I fucking javlin' that thing. No more smoke detected.

“Have you ever thought about taking a gun holding its sideways and shooting the smoke detected?”

Yeah, the other day I got a fucking gun, and I fucking went out there, and I fucking- I arrived at Niggas' place. No, that's my person to you. I'm so sorry. It's not me being mean, I love you. I look black people love you, thank you so much. Man, I love you. I love you too, man. And it- and it- and it-

You're uncanny. That's my black, steeple and pressure weight. This is steeple saying Niggas. Niggas. That's amazing. That's amazing.

I've always wondered what it would sound like coming from that voice.

Niggas, y'all got a check out wild boys. Y'all got a check out check out by the movie Blacksteeper going to be in there. I think you got a new character. Yeah. Sebo Harvey.

[ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] Well, welcome to the feud. [ Laughter ] So why-

“Let's go to the A&S call boy, a family few say-”

Number one. Number one. What do you call Mexican turtles? [ Laughter ] So, Ted Drake, you did it again. What else does-

Have you seen an armadillo, I've seen a lot.

No, I saw one when I was high and I never want to see that niggas again.

They really are a freaky lady. They said she didn't niggas move too quick. They do. That's why they're not turtles. Yeah.

A turtle take his time, say, was up to you. Can I cross here? Yeah. And armadillo, that niggas just run up on you. And he wanted to, he wanted to talk to some shit like that.

You know what I'm saying? It's really like an armored raccoon from Mexico.

From my deep research, we're seeing one of them niggas

and I never want to see- Actually, two more, I'm moving back to Atlanta. And if I see two more, I'ma dillows. Why the fuck y'all got him out here? We should do something.

You can't even eat them niggas without getting like an STD and是不是 shit like that.

“'Cause I looked into it, don't you know how I cook?”

I wanted to make some armadillo fried rice. [ Laughter ] I'm amazing. [ Laughter ] How about bats if you've seen a lot of bats here in Austin?

No, I'm waiting for the bats to come out. Yeah. I bought a little mini-bike and I bought a batman costume. And I'ma go deep. You might have bats in your place

and not know about it because they hang from the ceiling and churpe every once in a while. [ Cheers and applause ] But I think black, they bats, not blacks. But...

[ Laughter ] Eat the bat history monsters. You need the bats. [ Laughter ] It is the bat history.

No, I ate the bat. March is the bat history monster. Was that your joke? You put the mic down immediately. [ Laughter ] Tim, where friends? Don't do this to me.

The bats are just black birds. [ Laughter ]

“That's why they be hanging all the time.”

[ Cheers and applause ] Let's go. The butterly hinge-cliff connection alive and well. Oh, man, I wish I was willing to quit to say some back, but just... You wish there was an end word for white people?

They have pros. Oh, they have white words. They have, like, end words for white people. You can't say. Yeah, pros are different, though. That's a whole different. They're out there working the fields and everything.

That's a whole different world. You guys would never.

[ Laughter ] The bats eat the insects because I Googled it because I was dating a white witch one time. And that bitch had a bat box in the backyard so she could have bats to take care of them to ski

'cause down south, I'm going to ski those bigger than me. And, like, they got to eat all that. That's why we got lightning bugs. I don't think you would... You're like lightning bugs. Y'all caught one fireflies out here.

That's dumb as fuck. Make it emphasis, cause lightning bugs in the real south. I remember lightning bugs very well. Awesome. Don't really see them.

No, they don't have them out here. They don't have them out.

“You know Batman didn't have them either.”

They got those ones. It looks... Wait, the red band ladies and gentlemen, bring up the sound effect. I don't know if you guys heard it. It happened quick. He's not one that's known for timing in an unseation,

but he did just crank another home run. He did. He said, "Batman also didn't have a father." And just for that, my friend, you... Oh, he can't find his own son.

Yeah, dumb man. 13 years. That's from William Montgomery. Tell me, tell me, tell you fuck you dumb man. Wow.

Red band with two jokes in one episode if you have that on your pingo card, if you bet one dollar on poly market, you just won $5 billion.

That is the first time, Red band.

Batman being Robin also. Whoa! Sergeant! Sergeant! Wow.

Come on! Wow. Yeah! Red band on his shit today. Do you believe in miracles? USA beats Canada in hockey.

And Red band pulls a hat trick on kilto. This is unbelievable. Someone's going to drink himself to death tonight. I can already tell. He's going to be holding corn in mid-season.

Gather round, kids. Let me tell you how I got to this point in my life. I need you all. Shut up, white dead. That's what I call red man, white dead.

Oh, my God. Dead trick, you're the fucking man you did it again. We absolutely love you. You're watching. Shooting star ladies and gentlemen.

Why in the flesh? The one and only dark storm of us in Deadric Flint. What an episode. You guys have been fun out there. I know we are up here.

All right. Your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Gus Swando. Gus Swando. Here we go. Thank you.

I recently moved back to the United States after living in South Korea for 30 years. So I'm experiencing a bit of a culture shock. The biggest difference is the things you can't say now. In America that you could 30 years.

You have to say unhoused.

I tested this theory out. I saw homeless guy the other day and I said, "Do you prefer the term homeless or unhoused?"

“And I will never forget what he said to me.”

It was so poignant. He said to me, "Stop stealing my thoughts as he stabbed me repeatedly." I'll put that down as an unhoused after I get back from the hospital. You can't say the word "retard" anymore. That's anyone.

You have to say Democrat. You know, a mechanic kicked me out of a shop the other day. Just for telling them that I blew my blue of training. That's homophobic. I'm like, "No, it's drive too hard."

You can't say any more. Go ahead, go ahead finish it. No, I mean, you have to say a bundle of sticks with which to start a fire with, you know. I mean, but that's so long. I mean, it's a good word.

I love this. All right, all right, all right. There you go. You did it, Gus Wong. I welcome.

How long have you been doing to stand up, Gus? I started in 2007. Wow. I started in 2007. Did you?

Yeah. At the same level of success, I could say. I love it.

“I mean, you went on to make all those great myth busters episodes.”

And I focused mostly on the comedy comedy. Comedy? Yeah. Why did I think of it? What have you been doing the whole time?

Where were you in 2007 when you used to-- I was in Busan, South Korea. I was in Busan. Yeah. And we had a comedy group, you know, with a pretty big community there.

It's like the second largest city.

Seoul had a comedy group and we tour around. I was lucky enough for me again. Where's Busan? It's on the very southern tip. It's on the coast beaches.

It's known for its beaches. South Korea. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Okay, go ahead.

You were the same. And well, you know, I was fortunate to meet and open up for some really big name comedians. Like Kyle Kanane, Danny Cho. I'm good friends with Tom Rhodes. Nice.

Yeah, so I came back here. I was a university professor. And where at? In Busan. Oh, you were a Busan University.

He's taught English. No, I taught international relations. Okay. So I came back here and I tried to do that. And I find that I can't do that.

Yeah. So I thought, well, you know, do what I love comedy. And I found that I can't do that tonight as well. How old are you? I'm, how old are my really?

How old do I tell people I am? Jesus. You're okay. Anyway, sometimes you find out the answer to two questions at once. How do you think I am?

No, yes. How old does my asshole look? How old are you, Gus? I'm 55. 55.

How old do you tell people you are? 53. You think it's worth it? You think the juice is worth it? Yeah.

You know what? You know what? I swear to God. If you were two years older. I wouldn't be down.

But I'm going to suck your cock on a park bench twice. Three minutes. All right. Wow. I'll call back to earlier, Gus.

Call back is when you read. No, I'm joking. What? No. I think it's so funny.

We'll call me back later and we'll work on. Wow. Are you actually gay? No. Oh, okay.

Gosh, darn it.

“But I really want to be on the secret show.”

Oh, wow. That's Red Band's deal. Look at him. He's taking a phone call. He's taking a phone call.

Rogan. Come on. He's got pretty big growth. And I got three big laughs tonight on killed on me. Did you bring back any good Asian women?

A good Asian women? A good Asian. I was married for 10 years. Wow. Yeah.

You met her there? Yeah. Went wrong. All right. All right.

All right. Another call back. No, it's not. It shouldn't have gotten that. They're literally just rooting for it.

It was. The rooting for the underdog at this point. In this case, the underpicked. It's on fire, Tony. It's on fire.

It's on fire. The problem was communication problem. For example, like one time, she came home all excited. And she's like, honey, honey.

The man on the first floor is therapist.

And I was like, oh, won't. Prince really don't believe in therapy. How cool is that? But does he speak English? And she's like, yes, he was therapist in America.

And what she really meant to say was the man on the first floor was the rapist.

And he was the rapist. Well, I didn't know that. So I saw him in the elevator. And I'm like, well, you know, I heard what you do. And he's like, oh, you did.

I said, yeah. And you know, I really, sometime was just like to come over and just unload. We swapped stories. I would like that very much. It never happened.

You're a silly goose. Okay. What did your wife do for work? What types of sausages did she get because of? Oh, no, it's okay.

Keep one. What did she do? She was an artist. So nothing really. I mean, like, she didn't really earn any money.

But sex was good. Yeah. And it was the whole 10 years. Why did it sizzle out? Well, um, I wanted to come back to America.

And she really didn't. And, uh, you know, it ended it amicably. Amicably. I mean, I only got three minutes of material out of it. So had, had it been more contested.

She only got three inches of material out of it. She did. God. Uh, I guess. I want to give us one more crazy fun fact about your life.

Um, I just want to say, uh, guy named Jason. Uh, I met this weekend. He's supposed to be some really lucky guy. He put his hand on me. And he's like, you're going to get on killed Tony.

I, it wasn't him. Oh, he odds of this happening are literally like 1 in 250. Yeah. And you just got lucky. It was my hand.

Oh, okay. My hand going through. I just want to say thank you to Tony's hand. Well, you don't have to thank anything.

“You have to thank me for the creating this format.”

Uh, okay. I just don't want some fucking guy that thinks he's a psychic getting credit for you. I just like to thank Jason. Uh, he's the homeless guy at Newasis and straight. He put his hand on my shoulder and his leg area on that.

Well, uh, or he makes ads. I see none. Kill Tony. All right. Well, I guess.

Um, this is okay. Here's a medium joke, but. All right. Come back again sometime. I will.

It goes just one. Everybody. All right. We're flying through it. You're next bucket pull goes by the name of chorale.

Be men, everyone. Chorale. Be men. Ladies and gentlemen. What's up, was some.

I'm happy to be here in Texas, man. Actually, living a spot called, uh, date in Ohio. Yep. Yep. And that's all it gets right there.

That's it. That's it. That's it. Not real, man. People don't get too hyped.

I say I live in date in May always gets real weird and awkward and quiet.

You know, and I get it, man. Not be a big fan of a, uh, heroin. I see. Cause that's all we got. Southern Ohio, baby.

All we got is heroin and fat white women. That's it. That's it. Hey, hey. But hold on.

I'ma dip it to both. Okay. No. Stop it. Stop.

You have enough to prove. Stop it. Stop it.

“People are like, well, why don't you move out of dating?”

You're so talented. Maybe you should move back. I won't. Cause the rents too well, man. So cheap.

The rent, my creative right now is $217 per month. Now, the week before I got it, I found out that a triple homicide happened right around the corner. Uh, which explained a lot. But when I found that out, that shit had me thinking about killing four people just to get that rent down to 1.50. That's absolutely hilarious.

Sure L.B.Menton has arrived. A lot of new names and faces tonight. Fun show. Welcome, Gerald. Was a hell yeah.

How are you? I'm good. I'm feeling good and gravy, man. Thanks for having me. I love it.

I love it. What a great set. You look fantastic. You look like you took a convertible rocket here from it.

Never quite seen somebody who looks more blasted back than you do right now.

I was feeling out of it. I'm going to go for it here. I'm not exactly sure what video game character you remind me of. I don't know if it's Sonic or Tails or exactly what's going on here. But Gerald, how long have you been on stand up?

Uh, I've been doing stand up about seven years now. Seven years. Yeah, I love it. And you still live in Dayton, Ohio? Yeah, I travel all around, but I'm based in Dayton.

What keeps you in Dayton? Uh, the rent. Uh, and they get everyone's fantastic. I can't, I can't even imagine.

“Can you tell the people here exactly what your situation is?”

Uh, well, at first I was, I was living in the, uh, the ghetto. Uh, that, that was helping me out, uh, paying that. Uh, but then I started living on campus with my girlfriend.

I've been with her for five years.

Clip it up for young black love. Clip it up. Clip it up. It's a black woman. Black woman.

I know. It's not a bad white woman. I know. We all, we all that. But no.

Fucking wink. Uh, no. What is your girl do for work? Uh, man. My girl, man.

“She's a, she's a full-time musical theater student.”

And she works at a grocery store, which means we're broke. It's flat. So, yeah. I'm the brave one. Yeah.

Hell, yeah. What grocery store is a croaker? No, it's, uh, Myers. Okay. Yeah.

We know Myers very well.

Red band and I are both from the great state of Ohio.

Oh, yeah. Originally. So it's Tom Sikara. Okay. And young Jamie.

Okay. Uh, I was waiting for more than I didn't know. I was more Dave Chappelle spent a lot of his youth. They're so diverse. You're prior.

Okay. Okay. Um, yes. Big names don't matter either. Mad guy.

Yeah. Steve Harvey. Absolutely. We can go on and on. Okay.

Don't understand how we last so long. Yeah. Must have superpowers. Some Myers.

And you make all your money doing stand-up.

Or you do a little Uber eats? Yeah, man. You do? No, no. And mostly just, you know, doing shows selling merch, producing shows.

A lot of it from producing shows. What's your merch like? What is up? Well, my merch man is these little stickers of me, what my image on them. And got my social media at the bottom.

And they don't nation base. Oh, okay. You know, people give me what they feel from they heart. You know, $1.15 would, you know, whatever it is. But after the shows is high selling, I put a cardboard sign around my neck.

Since I'm begging. Since, it's, fuck you, since I was big. And the sign says, uh, I'm not wish I could write out, but the sign says, uh, I'm funny, but being a broke comedian ain't no joke. Please donate, nigga.

That's what it says on the bottom. I had it in a nigga right now. There's no nigga on the sign. But it helps me out, you know, but producing shows mainly is what kind of helps me. You're staying in Dayton where the rent is cheap.

Yeah. But it's also tough to make money. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever thought about moving with your talents, you know, seven years experience.

Have you thought about moving to a city that might have a better economy and more opportunities for you? I've, I've thought about it, man. You know, I'm starting to really build up a lot of shit in the scene out there. Where I'm kind of like on top of this like mountain a little bit. You know, you're going to fish in a small pond, but you're going to die in Dayton.

If you keep building that mountain, yeah. Exactly what is your rent? Just be honest with us. I got to know exactly what the rent, the keeps you in Dayton is. Well, my rent now is different.

I live in Huber Heights now. Ooh, man. Huber Heights. It looks like I'm not the only one with three toilets here. Yeah.

Oh, oh, oh, I didn't realize I was talking a royal teacher out. Gerald Gerald, he lives quite a life of drugs or anything. In Huber Heights. Poor.

“You must be the only block in the neighborhood.”

The population of black people's like 2%. And it went up when I moved. Yeah. It went up 2%. That's what I am.

That's a, I'm wearing my own name on my Jersey. That's how black. Very black. No. We need drives down the street every white person's like there he is.

There's the one. Actually currently on a Cadillet does not work in. So that's how black. Wow. I'm getting worried.

It's now three. They're counting that 3% in Huber Heights. They're counting your Cadillac is one of the, well, it doesn't work. It just sits around all day. I might as well be black.

Yeah. The rent now's like at a, say 700 now. So that's still amazing. So you win your girl or split in 700 ran. I wish split in, no.

She don't kill me for saying that, but no. No, no. That's all me. That's you, huh? You let her keep her grocery store money?

No, she keeps all that. Man, she needs it. What is she spend it on? Um, she takes care of the phone build. You know, she got a phone build.

Oh, oh, my goodness. See, you got. Yeah, she, she, uh, Another other things.

“You know, honestly, these are questions.”

I should be asking her at home. She pay. I don't know. You, you kind of fucked me up. I was like, "Damn, what the, if I'm helping?"

She pays for the phones, but does she also pay for the beepers? I'm talking about, I'm talking about your smoke detector, of course.

Uh, do you have a smoke detector in your apartment?

Uh, you don't even know. Sorry, your type isn't cutting. I don't know my living situation. You're making me question my life. That's what I do to the people.

It's a lot of fun. Did you hear that? Do you know what that is? Is that the smoke detector? Yeah, it's very good.

Since you answered that correctly. No.

“Um, but yeah, not a lot of it to, uh, produce,”

and I produce my own shows and take them out on the road sometimes. Do you know our friend Leila and Goose? Oh, yeah, Leila's the little home. I first went to a man. That's my little, like, mint seed, man.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She's a little thing. Let's check in with the, let's check in with Steve O'Hare, Steve O'Hare, Steve O'Hare. Wait, what?

What do you do to produce a show?

I'm just trying to pick that. Maybe I'm, I'm dumb. You're going to love it. You're going to love it, actually. It's called Blackass.

Um. [ Laughter ] I'm touring everywhere. Uh, no. But now, like, what kind of shows do you produce?

Uh, yeah. I help run out things as soon as independent clothes or where we book different acts. But a show that I produce myself is actually called Jarrell's Will of Comedy.

Where, like, I get's me and my co-host, Jackaroo. Uh, y'all can guess, yeah. All right. Wait, you said the word of the day.

What's your co-host name? Uh, Cockaroo. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

How do you guess what raised you?

How do you spell that? How do you spell that? Cockaroos. Co-host. Co-host.

Co-host. Co-host. Co-host. Cockaroo. Yeah.

For some reason, every time you say that, that weird noise plays. Yeah. Yeah. It's actually scared to shit out of me right now.

Yeah. I wish that smoke detector was back on. Yeah. It's freaking me out. But yeah, me and Cockaroo, we co-host it.

Co-Jarrell's Will of Comedy. We invite guests, you know, comic on the panel with us. And what we'll do is we'll bring different comedians that we locked in for it. And they have a will. Jarrell's Will of Comedy.

They spend a will and whatever the will lands on based on the topic. They got to do a joke based on that topic. So it'll be like relationship joke or crowdwork or, you know, a family joke dirty joke and they just do it on that. And we take that show about four different clubs out in the Midwest.

Awesome. I'm sorry for asking. I thought it was your face, Steve. Oh, I fucking checking with the great Tim Butterly. I'm actually going to be in Dayton in March.

“And I would love to have you on my not so secret show.”

Wow. Look at that. Oh my god. It really is. It looks like Dayton here.

What are the odds of that? That's incredible. Yeah. Yeah, wish I could, man. I take it back.

Fuck you dude. Looks like it's just a-- I'm already a featuring on a show in Hartford, Connecticut. Wow. You know what, Tim?

I have a suggestion. I think-- Can you edit that part out? I'm going to say something now. I don't know what.

I have good news for you, Tim Butterly. Well, Jarrell is not available. You can book Cocker Roo. You got to book Cocker. Man. No, you don't want to book Cocker.

Oh, me and Cocker Roo are doing heroin in Dayton. Dude, you can't stop us. I was most accidentally through my wallet. You drove us. Oh, dude.

That would have been fantastic. Oh, look. Well, Randall. Uh, we do have from the great bones I-- Harry, Jill Book.

Oh, my goodness. There it goes. Terrell, female and everybody.

“Exciting time this is one of an episode.”

Let's keep the momentum up here. We have one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the entire show's history. How about a hand for Heidi and Val? Their hip-hop cast love on the line is available at HeidiRugina.com. Be sure to follow the band, the Kill Tony Band, on YouTube and Instagram.

And follow Bones Eye makes the best stuff made out of leather in all of Texas. We have a great golden ticket winner, one of the best staffer. Literally, perhaps the best golden ticket winner in the history of the show. Make some fucking noise to cook a one or only Martin Phillips, everybody. [music playing]

Oh, what's up, babe? I'm being the medication I take. It's gone all the way back to the fair. And I take all that Clefette because I don't want to take any all that Clefette. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a fall out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So people will smoke weed through an apple. I smoke through a squash. So when I'm high, I'm so squashed right now.

Try to make it a thing.

I don't know if it sounds like that.

I just had a really hot cousin. I did the research. It's cool. Yeah, that's it. [applause]

Oh, Larry is Martin Phillips. Martin, welcome. Another very, very fun day. [applause] Hello, Larry is Martin Phillips.

Martin, welcome. Another very, very funny set. I think it's backpack that you have. Can I ask you what the hell is-- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Is that to help you stand up straight? What exactly is that? It's a parachute in case you fall-- [laughter] A child's backpack.

Yeah, exactly. Just tie it. Yeah, it's cool. It's just what you needed to look a little bit more like a pet a file. [laughter]

Okay, so the most negative feedback I get is nobody wants me here by voice. So people get it. [laughter] Okay, I'll admit this is a child's toy, but it changes your voice.

Oh, my goodness. [laughter] So we had the option of robot ghost. Alien or monster. Ooh.

What are you going to say in do it?

“Do you already had you have a pre-plan thing that you're going to say?”

We can re-do the joke and see if it's better or her. Oh, my goodness. Which one do you--

What are you doing first?

Here we go. The robot, Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen. This could be the future. [laughter] Perfect.

[laughter] Wait, wait. Okay. Oh, it's out. Not that robot, right?

Okay. One, two, three, four. [laughter] I really only hear you saying what's the deal with their line food. That thing.

[laughter] Stephen talking, ladies and gentlemen. [laughter] Oh, my goodness. Let's hear that ghost.

Yeah. I want to hear that ghost. Yeah. Wait a second. What?

This thing is crazy. It's a ghost of a robot. [laughter] Wait a second. This is for--

I know I have to work this.

This is for five-year-olds. I get buggy. Yeah. You could do it.

“Was that in the backpack that you stole from the kid?”

[laughter] I get it. He can't afford this book bag. Okay. [laughter]

Okay. Okay. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

This might be monster action. Wow. This is still aggressive for it. This megaphone does every voice from Epstein's Island. This is incredible.

There's--there's--there's child ghost. There's Stephen Hawking. Is there a Bill Clinton on that thing? [laughter] This is Aylia.

It's Aylia. It's White Aylia. Aylia. Okay. [laughter]

It's going to start speaking Spanish. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter] Wow. Is there anything left?

What's left? Do we do monster yet? I think we did monster.

“I think there's this regular make of phone.”

[laughter] Oh. That's going to be great. I call computers. [laughter] [laughter]

This day might be a piece of shit. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

I have an idea.

Let's switch a day, Aylian.

“shove it up Steve Ozzass and let me rip a fart.”

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. [laughing] No, it's not. All right. Martin, you got anything else in that backpack?

No, I just-- [laughing] Just-- [laughing] It's serious question, no. Is that your real backpack? Do you wear that backpack around?

I don't-- There he is. I don't use it that much, but it's a cool style. It's a cool style. It's cool. It's cool.

Okay. It's sweet. It's so good. You-- It's in butterly.

Imagine how disappointed the guy that robs him on six streets going to do that. [laughing]

What the fuck is this stupidest megabone?

Man, I can't even buy no crack with this shit. [laughing] Yeah, no. Oh, what? Okay, I made it worse than I usually sound, but--

You are unbelievable. That was so entertaining. Yeah, fuck the haters. God damn right. Fuck the haters, fuck the haters.

One more time for the undeniable Martin Phillips ladies and gentlemen. Wow! We're coming around the mountain here. You're coming around the corner. Two more bucket pulls.

Let's get through it. Your next one goes by the name of Freddie Do Lessie, everybody. Freddie Do Lessie. Here comes Freddie. Makes them nicer.

Freddie, everybody. [applause]

“I just realized I think everything is a little racist.”

There's a little-- like my brother got a Tesla five years ago. And in five years, Tesla went from clean power to white power. Just like that. That's great. How do you hate people below the environment?

That's like if the KKK was like, "Yo, we not burn in no more crosses." We LED light in them. [laughing] Stroble effect. We ride it dawn.

We're solar powered. I don't know, man. I think everything a little racist, because I'm from Virginia. Like, we don't have sports teams. We got support to DC teams.

I didn't even know the football team's name was racist

until the first game I went to.

It was the Cowboys versus the Red Skins. One Thanksgiving. [laughing] That's not a game. That's a re-enactment.

[laughing] That's like in there, the team called the cops, and they played the niggas. [laughing] On June 10th.

Like that. [laughing] Absolutely fantastic. Freddie, do lessons. You're first time in the show, Freddie?

Yes, sir. Welcome, welcome. You live in Virginia still? No, I live in Austin now. How long could you move here?

About an hour and a half. About an hour and a half. Don't get it. Just got here. Wild.

Wild success for an hour and a half. Yeah, you know, I'll try my best. I love it. What do you do for work? I'm a song language interpreter.

Really? Are you a real one?

“Are you like those fake ones that get caught and get in trouble?”

I'm a real one. I'm a real one. Really? Do some in front of D-Manus. Do you tell me what he's signing it?

Oh, wait. Oh, I think I got it back. Or a little back on it. [laughing] I love it.

These back here talk of this. Shut the fuck up motherfucker. You know I can't see that shit. I love it. I love it.

Freddy, do you get a lot of work doing that? Doing what? Sound like what? Yeah. Not you bad?

I do mostly like, I interpret like phone calls for deaf people. Got it. So yeah, that's most of my days. So like you are on the phone and the deaf person sitting next to you. No, so a deaf person calls me on FaceTime and I like answer the phone and then I just call a hearing person for him.

Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. Yeah. One more time. Hello.

Are you? Are you? Why? Oh, bad. Oh, wait.

They're not blind. I keep thinking they're probably talking. But it's wrong with my friends. And that was the case. They would have called themselves.

Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with me? No, I'll tell you, it's like a woman will call or something. She'll be like, hey, I'm calling the doctor's office. Like set up an appointment for me and she'll just be signing.

And I'll be like, hey, yes, my name is Brittany Thompson. And then like the receptionist will be like, you don't sound like Brittany Thompson. You sound like a man. You know? And I'll be like, it's 2026.

Tim of man. Tony was kind of onto something though. Do white people in black people do sign language a little bit differently? Yeah. Black people.

“Black people are like, you need to have a blood transfer.”

We need to go to your doctor's appointment on the mother fucking west side. Are white people like hitting the consonants hard? And you guys are just like, I being with it. Oh, question. No, white people, they sign in public.

Black people sign in private. You know, what do you mean by that?

It's dangerous if I'm just outside sign and that looks, it looks amazing.

It looks like I'm gang banging a lot. A very well. Yeah. I love that. So let me ask you this.

Like every 30 seconds. Does your smoke detector go like? [LAUGHTER] I love it. We need to find a smoke detector sponsor at this point.

Because we are just crushing. Are you first alarm? Yeah, first alarm. Get in the podcast game. It's the only thing an entertainment people are actually still watching or listening to.

Shout out first alarm. Use the promo code "Kiltone" just to let them know we exist. All right. Freddie, what do you do for fun? What are you?

Oh, you did hear that. I did hear that. Is there a sign for the word beep? Beep? Yeah.

No, just like beep or something like that. What is the most shocking sign language thing?

Like I once did a show where there was a sign language person.

And I said it was a white woman. And I put her on the spot and I said white penis. And she was like, I can't remember exactly what it was. But it was a thing, right? And then I go black penis.

And then it was longer. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. It was like white penis. Yeah.

Black penis. Yeah. I don't know. Something like that. How about out for the word "enema"?

Enema? Yeah. What the fuck is that? What is that? [LAUGHTER]

That's not like some gasey. I don't know what the fuck is that. You are. You're instincts are not that far wrong.

“You have, I think you do have a dick on your forehead.”

Right now. That's absolutely insane, right? Yeah. I'm getting a lot of comments on my forehead tattoo. Yeah.

A lot of compliments. [LAUGHTER] Tim Butterley. You really don't know what an anime is? No, explain to me.

It's like, uh, like a-- You lost me. Stick it up the butt and you squeeze it and you fill your butt up with water so you can blast out everything out of your butt. Waterfolk, what I know that is.

[LAUGHTER]

Bro, he made $20 million on me.

[LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]

OK. Show us what's back. [LAUGHTER] Can you sign this? OK.

What do you want? You stick it up your butt. Nope. I'm doing it. I can't do it.

I can't do it. You're making doctors appointments. You might have to know this stuff. Yeah, but mostly for, like, STDs and shit, like, that's not really-- You specialize in making calls for STDs.

Can you explain yourself? What about a groupie? [LAUGHTER] That-- I can't even laugh at that. I get paid from them.

[LAUGHTER] No, like, one-- I mean, it's tough. Like, you don't know what you're going to interpret. Like, once I'm at an interpret, like, a doctor's office and there's a deaf doctor and there's a hearing patient.

And the lady was, like, signing to me outside. She's like, hey, he's going to be quick 10, 15 minutes. But heads up, you got to tell this person he has cancer. Oh, my God. And I'm looking at her, like, we ain't telling him shit.

You know what I mean?

“Like, you want to school to learn how to tell someone they have cancer?”

I want to school for, like, two years. And I'm like, best I could do as Clamedia. That's the best I could do. So you didn't tell the guy that he has cancer? I just let him die.

You know, I just hurt him. I didn't-- I didn't give him cancer, man. That was his plan. You know, his destiny. You didn't even give him, like, a--

[LAUGHTER] Now I was just like-- Yeah. That's it. No good.

Wow. Tim butterly. Well, I don't want to ask this one a lot, but-- [LAUGHTER] Oh, this is going to--

Does sign language have the N word? Oh, great question. It has the N word. I signed it all the time. Well, blower it out, but can you show us?

I can't. It's too many white people in here. Come on. I can't sell it. Come on.

Come on. Do you ever been beat up by deaf people? They've got to show this hand you've ever seen. Bro, how did you attract his hand so straight this shit? They've got-- I can't.

You don't give me-- You've got to show me the N word and sign language. Wait for me right now. Center right now. Center right now.

All right. Don't do it. What the fuck is rotten match? Shut the fuck up. Don't do it.

You know how many talented black guitarists

Shut the fuck up. They're eating dry. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

Well, you have a choice to make here.

Well, you know what? There's a thing. There's a thing. People fuck with comedy. They fuck with the show. So they got even the sign for Tony and shit like that.

They got the sign for fuck. Oh, I know what that is. [LAUGHTER] Whoo! That's finally--

[LAUGHTER] Catch Tim Butterley. This is the new guitar player on Kill Tony, starting next week. I'll be in Dino, Ohio.

Sometimes I'm more nervous. He's got to be in Dayton with-- What the fuck was it? No. [LAUGHTER]

Cockroach or something. Seriously, we got to know. What's the sign for the end word? Are you ready?

No one wants it more than the lighting.

I hope it's like-- [LAUGHTER] He's been putting his phone on you. [LAUGHTER] He's back there.

He's got a dialed in. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the end word. [LAUGHTER] We are about to change the world by the way. When this episode comes out, there you are.

We are about to-- Just when you thought there was less racism than ever. White people are about to learn away. To call people the end word without them knowing. [LAUGHTER]

And here we go. The man that changed the game, the Booker T. Washington, if you will. Oh, signing the end word. Some people are calling him the Barack Hussein Obama of the sign language world.

“Breaking down Barrett, I think, hope and change.”

This is the end word. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Holarias. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]

Do you have any big joke folks back there?

Yeah, we have a-- we have big joke folks out back. We've run out of him here today, but Freddie-- [LAUGHTER] [INAUDIBLE] Unbelievable.

Freddie, do less. Freddie, do less. Well, the book is a do less to you. What is it? Well, you put an eye at the end of your name.

No, it's not an eye. It's an exclamation point. [LAUGHTER] It's an exclamation point with the dot touching the line, by the way. The dot is on the top for an eye.

The dots are the bottom. You're so used to signing, you don't know how to write it. [LAUGHTER] Incredible. What the fuck's it, do lessy?

I don't know. I know. I was expecting a fucking Italian guy to come out. What do you want? I can see why your last name is do less by the way.

[LAUGHTER] I do too much, as you know what it is. You know how to go. A great set. Fun times, unbelievable interview.

Thank you so much. Freddie, do less. [APPLAUSE] [APPLAUSE] All right, final bucket pool tonight.

We are running deep and over time, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to do a quick set and a quick interview with Kendall Jr. Close the bucket portion of the night, Kendall Jr. [APPLAUSE]

“You all remember the first time you heard a black British guy talk?”

[LAUGHTER] It's like you're not supposed to sound like that? [LAUGHTER] Unrelated. [LAUGHTER] Would you ever see a girl little too close with her dog?

I think I hope ain't fucking. That's all I got to say. [LAUGHTER] Meth heads, though. You know?

[LAUGHTER] I'm thinking they probably do have the best pullout game. Because of all that copper wiring. [LAUGHTER] But when a meth head has found the one, you just got one of those copper IUDs.

[LAUGHTER] They cannot help themselves. [LAUGHTER] And someone wants to be a father. [LAUGHTER]

No, I didn't know a girl wants, she had so many abortions. She didn't even have a landing strip. There's just a Gaza strip. [LAUGHTER] Kendall.

Kendall, Kendall. You've been on this show before, right? Yes. What do we find out about you in the interview portion that I found interesting about you? Uh, that I was once a super fat heroin addict.

[LAUGHTER] Yeah.

“Is there anything that's changed since your last time on this show?”

I gained five pounds. It's a mess. No, no, there's nothing. I got in a, like, my car got like rammed into his crazy outside of my house. I had to get a new one.

Who rammed into you? It was a drunk guy outside of my house just rammed into it. Uh, it was crazy. I was almost getting into it with my girlfriend. So it was like a whole thing.

Yeah, like we were about to leave.

Like at seven, it happened right at seven. It's supposed to get out of there. I had back surgery like crazy before. So what is sucked? Because I would have like needed another.

Another one. But I didn't happen. I'll tell you this, man. You have great premises. And you don't finish them.

Black British guy. You're not supposed to talk like that in other news.

“And it's like you should have, you have great setups.”

The copper with the meth head. You think when they find an ID like you, you have this thing where you have great ideas. And you're not finishing them.

You're taking the, you're taking what would be the note in the, in the book that you write.

Like, like a set list. And you're just saying the thing. And then you're moving on. Does this make sense? No, I can understand.

Yeah. Like I follow you. I was ready for the meth head pulling out to be hilarious. Yeah. Yeah.

And the same with the black British guy. Like there's so much there to draw from. Yeah. Yeah. No, I understand.

“But you're doing what you did with your premises.”

What you did with meth. And you're just quitting. [laughter] But I think you should just keep going. Yes.

Here's a little joke, buddy. We gotta keep moving. Thank you. Been all very long episode. Because it's been a very, very fun episode.

And we started with William Montgomery. He had deadric blend. Ari Maddie is doing so many sold-out shows on the road. That he's adding a Monday headlining shows in different cities. It's unheard of.

We've created so many monsters that they're not even available for the show anymore.

On a Monday, which has never happened before in the show's history.

However, I do have one last drink of my sleep. One very, very special moment.

“Because your next comedian is very, very available.”

He's not one of those guys that does every single week. He is a special as it gets. And anomaly, in fact, the only person ever ever on the show in which I let him do whatever he wants. To be quite honest with you, he scares me.

I'm intimidated by him. I hope that one day he lets me open up for him in the arena that I already do. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you a force of nature unlike anything we've ever seen before in the show's 13 year history. Ladies and gentlemen, dare I say this is Timmy Nobre.

What's up? My name is Timmy Nobrex and welcome to Timmy Ash. I've got a-- Jesus fucking Christ. This guy won't let people say the M word or play the fucking guitar. This is insane.

Okay. On my neck is a shot collar. And in my hand is the remote. If you press this orange button, it will shock me. Now, if I bomb one of you guys will get to shock me.

I won't bomb 'cause I don't bomb, but this is the bomb shot collar. This is fucking parable. Now because this is a dark collar, I will give it to this lesbian bitch. Jesus Christ. No, you can't.

Start the time I've been. Did you guys see during the Olympics how that girl, Lindsey Von, broke up with the fucking you doing you dumb whore? I'm in the setup. Wait for the punch, fuck.

Hold it up a little bit so that we can see it. There you go. And keep-- you cannot not that high. Tom, this is an uninterrupted man. Just keep it there so that we can see when you do it.

This is so bizarre. Take it from the top. Here we go. And action. Did you guys shut the fuck up, Matt?

I'm trying to do the minute. It doesn't even sound like the fucking thing. I'm about to say the end word if you do it again. I'm going to fucking freak out. OK, start the time I've now read, man. Here we go.

Did you guys see the Olympics how that-- that's scary. Lindsey Von broke a leg, you know, sad. You know what that wouldn't have happened?

What the fuck are you doing? I did fuck. Relax. Relax. Relax.

I'm going to be honest. I love the woman's Olympics. I know. Yeah, I know.

“I think every woman's sport should only be televised once every four years.”

Suck a dick. Boom. I want the fucking fucking bitch. Guys, everybody, give it up for the woman's hockey team. They won gold.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Yeah, finally a positive video featuring white woman and ice.

Take that, you lesbian, bud. [ Laughter ] Mook ya. All right, one more. I love the WMBA.

I do. I really do. I'm serious. Yeah, I mean, it's lame that they can't dunk, you know. It's just a bunch of twos and threes. They're ugly, bull fuck.

[ Laughter ] All right. Okay, relax. You got to fucking relax a little bit. Come on. Wow.

Does this guy have a dick on his forehead? [ Laughter ] These are getting big pops. Is she really hitting it? Yes.

Why are you hitting it so much? [ Laughter ]

Wait, he's having the time of her life.

“She is weighted, it would appear to be 45 years”

to have this kind of control over a man. This is incredible. We need to get -- we may have solved that of fix every blue-haired woman in America. Give them one day.

The man in a shock collar. Unlimited. How is this guy? [ Laughter ] No, I'm serious. Who the fuck is this guy?

[ Laughter ] You don't know who you -- You mean you're just paying jackass homage, I don't understand. What's jackass? Shock this motherfucker.

No, no, no. Hold it down. That thing's not working. Stop. Stop. We need to turn it up. Is there a dial on that? Is that what he shaped over the pump?

Take the tape off. My name is Timmy Nobrex, and this is the copyright infringement on the count of three. Get it? The band will play Lim Bizkit's Nookie,

“and this entire episode will be demonetized.”

Three, two, one, go. What the fuck? [ Laughter ] Okay. Shut up, fuck!

I turned it up to ten. Don't do it! [ Laughter ] I'm not fucking -- I'm not fucking -- There's tape on the side of the deck.

[ Laughter ] It goes up to fifteen. [ Laughter ] This is a stupid bitch. You fucking cut. Why'd you do this?

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. It's fine. All right? It's fine, if I'm on. I'll give it to you.

I'll give it to the guy you don't know. He won't do anything wrong at all. Okay. All right. Okay. All right.

Everybody -- everybody's fucking -- [ Laughter ] All right? All right? Let me just do my next segment, all right?

Fifteen things. Fifteen things. Like fuck up tonight, control anymore. [ Laughter ]

This was never supposed to go past the past six.

[ Laughter ] Hi. My name's Timina. I'm so scared right now. [ Laughter ] Hi. My name is Timina Obriggs

and this is the taste test. Heidi? Oh, my God. Inside of that cup is three real actual fluid ounces of horse come from a man. Over there.

Tone your challenge. Okay. Do not drink it. [ Laughter ] Right then.

Put 30 seconds on the clock. Let's get a spotlight on Pone and some dramatic music. [ Cheers and applause ] What the fuck is this? It's horse come.

He's picking it up to drink it. [ Laughter ] It really looks like -- [ Laughter ] It's very thick.

Pone, don't act like that. Steve, I don't know exactly what that is. Steve, is that horse come? There's -- there's a horse pubic here. [ Cheers and applause ]

Don't do it. Don't do it.

You don't have to drink it. Just keep it there. Okay. Go the next segment. We'll go the next segment. Okay. Let's do the next segment.

Steve, we'll go back to Steve up. Here. Let's just slide it here. You had a bunch of come before this and you're following. [ Laughter ] I told you not to.

He had come. He's full. I understand. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. Okay. I got one back up. I got one more. [ Laughter ]

Okay. Fifteen hours. Stop. Stop. Stop. I'm just fucking kill you. I'm going after this show. We're going to go to Mrs. Bar and I'm going to punch you in the dick so hard

that it falls off and none of the gay guys are going to be able to suck it anymore.

That's what's going to happen. Okay. It's fine. It's fine. Hi. My name is Timmy No Brakes. And this is trivia for retides. [ Laughter ]

If you get the question wrong and these are fifth grade level questions,

“you have to take a sip of toned stat water.”

Pone? You have to continue to not drink. The horse come if you get it wrong. Okay. But we're going to up the state's Heidi. [ Laughter ]

Give it up for Heidi, everybody. That's all right. There's no way Tony is going to be able to resist that horse come now. I'm going to retow her and do it. Wait a second.

So it's shut the fuck up. Tony, I'm moving on to the questions. All right. Steve, I'll let's start with you. Pone's tap water was created by a toned hinge cliff.

B toned the tiger or c, liquid death. [ Laughter ] I'm going to go there. You do not have to drink that water. [ Laughter ]

Next question is for you, Tim. In 2020, in a 2025 double blind peer reviewed study conducted by independent researchers, what was found in Pone's tap water? Was it a mercury, b, lead, c, arsenic, b, tapflon, e. Cyclomb, b, f, zertech, g, msg, h, bluetooth.

I, horse come or j, all the above. [ Laughter ] J, all the above. Nailed it. And you didn't have to drink that fucking piece of shit.

Um, okay. Red band, for you. Where is toned's tap water sourced? Is it a flimmish again? [ Laughter ]

Or b, all the above. [ Laughter ] I don't even know. You don't have to drink toned's tap water. Last question, Tom.

This is for you. Who flew on Epstein's private jet eight times?

“Was it a Barack Obama, b, George Bush, or c Donald Trump?”

I have to buzz in for the answer. [ Laughter ] Okay. All right. All right.

All right. That's -- I'm going to leave right here. And I'm leaving right now. Fuck you. Fuck.

[ Laughter ] To be no break, ladies and gentlemen. [ Cheers and applause ] I bet 16 hurts. This episode was brought to you by Tacoma's and ExpressVPN.

How loud can this place get for the great Steve-o! [ Cheers and applause ] Steve-o, Dr. He's all over the country all over the world. The crash and burn tour. He's the fucking man. One more time for the great Tim butterly everybody.

Tim butterly.com for tickets. Columbus date in Boston, succoma. May 23rd here in Austin, Texas. Thank you very much, Tony. Hell yeah.

Amazing. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Tom. Of course, Steve-o any time.

Always -- you guys are always part of the family red band.

“Check out the SunsetStripATx.com every Thursday secret show.”

The trying from Ryan Sheetbelt is then we're at the end to Endoman LA. We're doing a lot of crazy shit. You're going to find out all about it. New York, Vegas, a bunch of crazy announcements coming up that I'm accidentally leaking right now.

Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. Whoa, Steve-o! [ Cheers and applause ] I guess he didn't add the hair yet. I don't believe what we're sitting dick on my forehead.

[ Laughter ] Uh, the hell was I going to say, uh... ♪ Drink the comb ♪ ♪ Drink the comb ♪ ♪ Drink the comb ♪

♪ Drink the comb ♪ ♪ Drink the comb ♪ Um, we love you guys. Uh, thank you so much. Make sure you follow the band, follow the bones.

I go to killmerch.com. A lot of brand new merch. Stay to the yard, stuff, you're absolutely going to love it.

Thank you so much. Goodnight everybody. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Music ] [ Music ]

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