Tiny pep talks for everyday problems

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Listen on the NPR app or wherever you get podcasts. You're listening to LifeKit from NPR. Hey, it's Mario. I want you to think about the last time you knew you had to do something, or you wanted to do something, at least in theory, but then the moment came, and you just didn't have

the juice. You got scared, or you started to doubt yourself. You lost motivation.

“Friend, I believe what you needed in that moment was a pep talk.”

I have to give myself a pep talk every single time I'm parallel park, and I live in Chicago so I am constantly parallel parking, and every single time without fail, I have to talk myself down, remind myself I can do it, remind myself that I've done it before that I'm capable, and I don't think that will ever change.

I think I'll just never get used to parallel parking, and I will just have to keep

keeping used to giving myself the pep talks. This is Paula Skags, she and fellow writer Josh Lindin wrote a book together called Tiny Pep Talks, and its full of motivational speeches for life's small, but still daunting moments. The moment when it's terrible outside, but your dog needs to pee, or when you're really bad at something that you've never tried before.

Or when you have a little crush. The point of a pep talk is encouragement, of course, and it's also a simple act of support. Really, just the concept of you're on their side. You're in their corner, you're their friend, you've got their back, and they can do this.

“On this episode of Life Kit, how to give a good pep talk?”

After writing a whole bunch of them for the book, Josh and Paula have tips for us. And by the way, they say you can get pep talks to yourself, too. The midterms are coming, and if you think the new cycle feels intense now, just wait until the fall. That's why summer is a perfect time to make sure your new diet is calibrated.

I mean, our teen has, on a first we unpacked the three biggest stories every morning,

so you can stay informed and get on with your day in fewer than 15 minutes. Follow or subscribe up first today, wherever you get podcasts. Well, it seems like everything is being called a recession indicator these days. Yeah, like the box of hamburger helper in my pantry. Or the new Apple Neo book? Or the resurgence of press on nails, or lipstick, or no lipstick, I've lost track.

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“Oh, hey there, I'm Brittany Loose, and I don't know, maybe this is a little out of pockets to say, but I think you should listen to my podcast.”

It's called it's been a minute, and I love it, and I think you will, too. Over the past couple of months, over 100,000 new listeners started tuning in. Find out why. Listen to the it's been a minute podcast from NPR today. What made you want to write this book?

Josh and I met doing improv comedy here in Chicago where we live. And over the pandemic, we, like everybody else, we're like, what are we going to do with all of our. Now spare time and the theaters were closed, and we ended up creating a conversation card game called no wrong answers.

And we jokingly quote unquote guarantee that their questions you've never been asked before, like which serial mascot would be the best kisser?

Well, which one do you think? The number one we answer we get like far in a way is told me the tiger. Oh, yeah. Nine out of ten times. I totally forgot about him. I was going to say the tricks rabbit. Oh, that's a good one, too. Yeah, and it's not who you're going to spend your life with. It's really just who would be the best kisser for you. Yeah, I'm not marrying the tricks rabbit. They seem like a lot of work to be around and always hop and around from here to there.

Confidence issues. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay. So you had this card game. Sorry, complete aside. But I needed to dive in there. No, I'm glad I'm glad we got it. So, um, you know, just with any small business, Josh and I found that we were giving ourselves pep talks or giving each other pep talks, all of the time for for everything for our eighth trip to the post office that day or for everything else under the sun. And then also, you know, just as two people who are collaborators

and co-creators and friends just giving each other pep talks for our lives and realizing that,

You need to kick the game winning field goal at the Super Bowl. You're going to Mars, whatever. The big idea is, but all the, you know, day to day stuff, we didn't really have there wasn't someone who was saying, you know, hey, you can go ahead and you can parallel park. You got this. And so it kind of came from that idea and then we had the

“opportunity to turn this into a book and that's how tiny pep talks was born.”

Do you have any rules for a pep talk on what it should include or should not include? Yeah, we have kind of a framework that we use for ourselves, um, when we're writing pep talks. So we kind of have four key things that we look out for when we're thinking about giving someone a pep

talk. And the first one is that we wanted to be specific. Okay. So it's more helpful than general

encouragement if you are specific about the way that you are helping someone, you know, if you're giving this to a friend, they're probably nervous or excited about a specific thing, not just in general. So making sure that you're really kind of listening to what they need and tailoring the pep talk to the specific anxiety, nerves, excitement that they have. Okay, what's next? It's number two. Pep talks aren't only for the really big things or the

things that we know a friend or a family member or whoever is going through a very hard time. They can also be for something small that, you know, it's going to bug your friend or you know that maybe they're excited about while also being a little bit nervous about. So if somebody mentions, hey, I'm feeling nervous about a presentation I have next week, just remembering that and giving a little short pep talk about, you're going to be great at your presentation and here's XYZ

reason. It can be really meaningful. It can be just as meaningful as the big things when people are probably getting support from a bunch of places. Rule number one is be specific and rule number two

“is pep talks don't just have to be about the huge things in life. What's number three?”

Number three is that your pep talk doesn't always have to include advice, but if you have a genuine

perspective and experience that would be helpful in that particular situation, by all means your friend probably wants to hear that and that's probably why they can do in the first places because they want your advice in that scenario. But high level advice is totally okay, it can be things like take a breath. That's totally fine. You don't have to have all the answers to give someone a pep talk. Sometimes also people don't want or need solutions that whole idea

of are you looking for someone to listen or looking for solutions. The pep talk in some cases can just be encouragement and being witness to the challenges that they're going through the excitement that they're having, whatever it might be. I find that it's helpful for me when a friend is just like, it's okay to stop doing that thing. Sometimes I feel like I need permission to stop trying at something. Yeah, absolutely. And like a pep talk, it doesn't have to be

something revolutionary that the person you're giving it to has never heard of or has never thought

of before. Sometimes it's just reminding them of the thing that they already know to be true. Yeah. Okay, you said there are four pep talk rules you'd come up with. What's the last one? So our final one is basically keep it simple. A pep talk doesn't have to be a formally written book. It doesn't have to be a halftime speech from a coach that's really thought out. It can just be as simple as a voice note or a text or a post-it note or whatever it is

to give your person encouragement. It doesn't have to be something really formal that you spend a ton of time and thought on. All right, I'd love for you to give me a few pep talks. There are a lot that I liked from the book. How about for when you want to order delivery, but you really should cook? Perfect. All right. Quick, we don't have a lot of time before you abandon all plans to cook tonight and order that overpriced gourmet burger so we've got to work fast.

“First, don't go anywhere near your phone. Throw it across the room if you have to. Your phone”

is a portal to every restaurant in a 10-mile radius and they're all waiting and ready to send you food with the click of a button. Plus a 799 delivery fee. Next, open your fridge. Take it all in. It's okay if there's not a lot of food in there or if it's mostly just gourmet hot sauces. For example, maybe past you thought radishes were a good idea so here we are, staring at a crisper drawer, chocolate block with radishes. That's a start or maybe an end. Before you open the

fridge, you had to choose between every recipe ever created. That's two big a choice for a Wednesday night. Of course you'd rather get delivery, but now that you've been re-acquainted with these radishes, you've got something to work with. You're no longer burdened by the curse of unlimited choice. Next, go ahead and Google recipes that use radishes or go analog by grabbing a cookbook off your shelf, blowing off the accumulated dust we assume has gathered and finding radish in the index.

you've saved $19. Now get cooking. Excellent. I have this temptation all the time,

“and so it definitely resonated for me, and I think it's super specific, as you said, and also,”

I feel like this one falls in the category of helping someone do the thing that they know they should do, and they want to do because it aligns with their values, but they don't want to do in this moment. Yeah, Paula, can you give me a pep talk for when my clothes don't fit? Yes, absolutely. Okay, so your old clothes aren't fitting you. Bear with us because we're going to say a thing that you already know, but that doesn't make it any less important to here.

They're just clothes. That's it. They're just clothes. You know what the world is full of? Discount mattress stores, new and improved laundry detergents, acoustic covers of fast carb by Tracy Chapman, and also articles of clothing. So, so many articles of clothing, including ones that will fit you comfortably are going to make you feel good and won't bum you out every time you try to wear them, and you deserve to find those. Think about how much you've experienced since

you bought your old clothes. The things you've learned, the trips you've taken, the trashy British dating shows you've benched. You've changed, and naturally, your body has too. And think goodness bodies do change. Otherwise, we'd all still be walking around with the slumping shoulders and raging BO of our middle school selves. You're not static, emotionally or physically. No one is.

“That's why nobody has ever said the words, and the best thing about them, they've worn the same”

size of jeans since puberty. These old clothes have served you well, but now it's time to stick them in the donation pile, or at the very least, into the depths of your closet, where they're not serving as a daily reminder of the size you arbitrarily think you should still be. And then you're going to go out and enjoy your life and close that reflect the vibrant, exciting, magnetic

person you are and always have been. Yeah, I love this one. Nobody knows the size of your pants.

Truly. So, just wear ones at fit. Yeah, we just sometimes it just helps even though that is the pep talk that you would probably give to somebody in your life that came to you feeling that. Sometimes it's hard to tell those words to ourselves. Do you all give yourself pep talks? You know, in our mind, to give yourself a pep talk, it's probably the same format as giving a pep talk to somebody

“you love. And you should give yourself the same amount of grace and encouragement and forgiveness,”

and also the same expectation to not be perfect and to not nail it right off the bat. No one is stopping you from deciding to do a voice note, pretending that you were talking to someone else, giving them a pep talk, and then you listen back to it when you need it. It doesn't have to be reciting mantras and affirmations in the mirror. It can be all those kinds of things that we've talked about, just apply to yourself. I've definitely said, like, you got this girl to myself.

Yeah, it could be simple, even like, okay, you got this or, like, say calm, write yourself a post-it. Okay, Josh, Paula, thank you so much. Yeah, thank you so much. Throw the be here. We really appreciate it. We had a great time. All right, time for a recap. Pep talks should be specific, and you can give them during

life's smaller moments and challenges too. They don't always have to include advice,

and it's a good idea to keep them simple. Also, don't forget to give yourself pep talks too. If you love life kit and you want even more, follow us on Instagram at NPR Life Kit. There you'll find videos featuring some of our favorite tips, like a recent one where I produce certain Margaret Serino demonstrates three exercises that improve agility. You can find those by following at NPR Life Kit. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Claire Marie Schneider.

Our digital editor is Malica Greb, and our visual editor is CJ Rikalan. Meghan Kane is our senior supervising editor, and Lauren Gonzalez is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagle, Margaret Serino, and Sylvie Douglas, engineering support, comes from Jason's. I'm Mary Elsa Garra. Thanks for listening. From the light bulb to the internet, human history has been driven by innovation,

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