Ep. #721: Sen. Adam Schiff, Don Lemon, Annabelle Gurwitch

I'm saying, you can say that you're a hero.

“You're a master-writer, right? But you don't understand.”

Exactly. It's just a challenge. You're just a master-writer. You're just a master-writer. And if you work, you're a student. - That's right. - Save. You're a master-writer. - You're a master-writer. - Now you're a master-writer. Your experience for your podcast is fresh and delicious from Aldi.

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for years. And furthermore, let's take a look. Aldi. Good just for you, Aldi. Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late night series, real-time with Bill Maul.

[ Music ] [ Cheers and applause ] - How you doing there? [ Cheers and applause ] - How you doing?

[ Cheers and applause ] - Thank you very much. [ Cheers and applause ] - Thank you, everybody. [ Cheers and applause ]

- Thank you very much. Ah, so much to get to. I appreciate it. Yeah, I know. I missed you too.

Yeah, we were off last week, one week.

[ Laughter ] Well, one week, I have more to catch up on, I could pause it. Okay, the state of the union happened. The address, I tell them not to do it. He did it anyway.

[ Laughter ] But in the state of the union address, Trump was bragging that wherever he was ending wars, the gas prices are going down, the stock market is through the roof. Jobs are doing great.

[ Laughter ] Now, for an hour, gas prices have spiked. The stock market is going down. I mean, we've lost a lot of jobs. It's like it's even more evil twin replaced as usual evil twin.

[ Laughter ] I don't -- [ Laughter ] And this is -- [ Cheers and applause ]

“Republicans are very nervous about this, because the biggest issue is affordability, right?”

In America right now. Well, Republicans are sweating like Britney Spears at a traffic stop. [ Laughter ] No, it's -- [ Cheers and applause ] Not a good luck.

We'd let losing jobs. We lost 92,000 jobs in February. Of course, Trump blames Biden and the Democrats blame Trump. And Nick Fuente's blames Black History Month. [ Laughter ]

Some terrible people in America. I tell you -- [ Cheers and applause ] But that's the bad news. We lost 92,000 jobs. The good news -- one of the most Christy norms.

[ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] That's right. Christy-nome guy had -- [ Laughter ]

At all, line security, she's finally gone, and Trump did it.

Well, boy, he's called. He did it by a tweet while she was making a speech. [ Laughter ] She never saw it coming. Now, she knows how her dog feels.

[ Cheers and applause ] You know, Trump used to break. He could shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue, right? Remember all that? I guess he didn't like the fact that there were two people on the administration.

We could shoot people on the street and get away with them. [ Laughter ] But, no, apparently, with Christy-nome, the distractions just became too much.

“She testified last week for the Juveness Recovery Committee, I think.”

And even the Republicans are going after her. Apparently, it's such an open secret in Washington that she's been having an affair. I mean, her husband was sitting right behind her. But it's such an open secret that she's been having an affair with Trump's long-time henchmen, Corey Lewandowski,

that they were asking it. This doesn't usually happen when they ask her directly. Are you fucking this guy? [ Laughter ] Really?

[ Laughter ] And what she said, she said, "I am shocked that we're pedaling tabloid garbage in this committee."

Also, not exactly a no. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ]

So, we have a new head of home insecurity.

You'll be excited to hear about this. Mark Wayne Mullin. Yes, Mark Wayne Mullin. I say, Mark Wayne Mullin's going to do it. He's a senator from Oklahoma, total election denier. Former MMA fighters, you know, a bright guy.

[ Laughter ] But he has pledged to continue all of their responsibilities that Christy-nome is doing. I mean, not fucking Corey Lewandowski. [ Laughter ]

Or the other one. [ Applause ] So, also this week, war. Did you hear about that thing? [ Laughter ]

The what we bombed Iran, and it's going on.

Now, if you expect me to say, "I hate it,"

“I don't -- Sorry, when he puts boots on the ground?”

Yeah. Then I'll hate it. Now, I know too many happy Iranian-American. [ Applause ] And you cannot name one horrible thing that has happened in the Middle East in the last 50 years,

and not connected to this fascist, theocracy. They're like six degrees of -- they don't eat bacon. [ Laughter ] So, I'm not certain. [ Laughter ]

And it's popular. I mean, everybody is all over the world. They're doing the Trump dance. Have you seen that? The whole world is jerking off two guys at once. Now, it's amazing, yeah. [ Applause ]

But, you know, when it comes to the war,

but it comes to anything in this kind of -- Everybody assesses everything by way of -- Did my team do it? Then I love it. If their team did, I hated -- I mean, Kamala Harris made a statement.

She said, "This is a war. The American people don't want."

“And who knows more about what the American people don't want?”

[ Laughter ] But, she's right. Like, six out of ten, American people don't want this war. Okay, it doesn't mean they're right. We'll see. What's bizarre is, Dawn.

[ Laughter ] I'm one of the few people on your enemy's list. Who is back in you on this sort of will see. And yet today, today, this is today, March 6th. At 8.50 AM, he tweets about the war.

They'll be no deal until we have unconditional surrender. Important statement we put out. And our later eight posts about me. [ Laughter ] And that's everything.

[ Cheers and applause ] And our later. And what happened with the Valentine's Day massacre, and it's tweeted about that, which I'll be talking about at the end of the show.

Okay, this is today. And then 15 minutes later, he's going back to the war. We are moving thousands of people out of the Middle East

“to say per places. Okay, an important message to get out.”

Then, back to me. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] The people at Mediate wrote a headline that said, "Here's why Trump is raging at Bill Mar,

in the middle of an actual war." Why? Tell me. [ Laughter ] This is -- [ Cheers and applause ]

This is getting weird. I'm just telling you, thank God I didn't spend the night. All right. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] But as far as the war goes as he would say,

we'll see what happens. [ Laughter ] There's so many unanswered questions, of course, right now. But one thing we do know for sure, Mueller's Mueller's are fucking morons. [ Laughter ]

Some people on the fence about that. [ Laughter ] Okay, here's my evidence. They've known for months. We have all the time military surrounding their country.

Everything is aimed at them. We know we're ready to take them out. They have their big meeting. They have everybody who's important in the country meet in one place. [ Laughter ]

His office. I mean -- [ Cheers and applause ] He heard of a Zoom meeting. This was a boom meeting. [ Laughter ]

And then -- [ Cheers and applause ]

[ Laughter ]

“They had another meeting of who was left.”

They call -- I swear to God, this is not a joke. The assembly of experts. [ Laughter ] Otherwise known as the "Leave of Extraordinary Idiots." [ Laughter ] And they get blown up again.

I mean -- [ Cheers and applause ] We've heard of the time all had no cattle. These are all beard no brains. I'm telling you. [ Laughter ] But they're trying to find a new leader.

They think Camini's son is going to be taking over now. He's there. What did he pick the wrong week to be a NEPO baby? All right. We've got a great show.

We have some of their out-of-shift and done lemon.

But first up, he's an actress.

Activeness. A best-selling author. His newest memoir. The end of my life is killing me. The unexpected joys of a Kansas locker.

That marks 17. The available for pre-order now. Annable Gerwitch. Annable. [ Cheers and applause ]

Hello. [ Cheers and applause ] Great to see you. Thank you. All right.

Thank you. Yeah, great to see you. All right.

“Let's give the audience the trigger warning.”

Now, right at the beginning, we're going to be talking about cancer. Uh-huh. You know, just so you know, because you have it. I do.

And that's what the book is about. But the interesting, well, many interesting things, but you look great. You're leading a very full life. Thank you.

Even though you've had it for six years. About five years. And just, I want to say, when you see me, what you are looking at is pharmaceuticals, caffeine, and personal lubricants.

This is what is powering my hope. [ Cheers and applause ] Um, very much like Ditty. [ Laughter ] Um, but --

Not at all. But explain this, how you can have cancer. I mean, when my father got lung cancer, you know, it was a very different situation back in the 90s. Yeah.

Very different. It's just a pill. You take it.

It's amazing that you can -- I mean, you were with me on the Hawaii trip,

like five years ago, right? Oh. And you can look this great. You feel great. A lot of the time I am assuming.

You lead a normal life. What's the catch? Well, there's a catch. And the catch is that this is a new, this is a new age of precision medicine.

And I'm taking a drug that turns off one gene in my body. And so this is -- I'm the product of this amazing investment in science. And what's the catch is, is that we have to keep investing in science. The Trump administration --

[ Applause ] Yeah. Yeah. [ Applause ] They interrupted science funding last year.

Long cancer research was zeroed out. Zero. And we -- I can't afford one year of lost research.

“And the thing about us, I think, is one pill a day.”

Now, it creates a certain kind of existential dread because eventually it will stop working. And I'll have to move to a treatment that has more toxicities. But it's also a bitter pill because not everyone

gets the benefit of this drug. You know, I thought that the differences in health insurance and not having universal health care was about like choosing which doctor you get to go to, but it's not. It's not just about costs, it's about access.

There are 28 states in the United States where you don't get the testing that tells you you could get on the drug that I'm on. And that means survival differences state by state. You have different survival rates for the same disease I'm on. And that makes me feel, you know, I don't feel good about taking this pill

when everyone can't get it. You think that the Democrats could make that more of a winning issue, wouldn't you? You would think, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I'm from Alabama, originally. Yeah, I know you are. And I feel, thank you. Alabama. Right?

So I feel terrible that there's a lower survival rate in my home state just because, you know, I dreams of working in Hollywood. I end up here and I can survive and they can't. That doesn't make sense to me. Well, I mean, I, all the books I've read on this subject

because I am very interested in health. Yours is the funniest. I mean, you, you somehow made this issue funny. Which is not an easy thing to do. Well, you know, I thought I was going to write Bill

and talk about dying, but because my life was saved by these drugs, it's actually a book about living and it's a book about ordinary joys in extraordinary times and how to survive that. And I had no idea, well, I have cultivated an appreciation of ordinary joys.

This is the strategy of how I've remained buoyant.

Because at first I tried to carpe every DM.

This is how I ended up selling merch on a low rent to a band tour in Europe for a heavy metal band. Right, you had a new love. I remember, I was talking. You said, "I'm fucking like crazy with the cancer."

Which was great. And you went to Europe with a band. So apparently cancer makes you Gen Z. [audience cheering] It's never too late.

It's never too late to write your sex drugs

and rock and roll, man. No, I guess no. 61, moving the almost famous cream. You know, and just by the way, I know it's kind of a trope about like, oh, man and women get different treatment

in the medical establishment.

“But, you know, this drug I'm on does make your skin drier, right?”

Hence, the need for personal lubricant. Oh, I see. Which is not covered by my insurance, right? But if it was a man's problem, you know what being covered. [audience cheering]

So, and you got this during the pandemic. I did. Which is amazing. And you were going through a divorce. I did.

I mean, you just talk about a double whammy. Well, that's a triple whammy. Yeah, it's a triple whammy. It's a triple whammy. It's actually, okay, is it the quadruple whammy?

Because the really big thing, Bill, is that, you know, we have a cognitive dissonance between how we look and how we feel at the actual state of our health, not to make people paranoid.

But we don't always know we have underlying conditions.

I was feeling great. I looked great. And look, you can't outcrazy me. Just like Robert Kennedy Jr. I sort of cocaine off of dirty toilet seats in the 1990s.

[audience laughing] Okay. [audience cheering] I'm at the phone. Yeah.

I worked out in son as I was an actress. You know, I didn't even eat for 30 years, right? But that doesn't mean you're going to be healthy. And so, I didn't even know I had this underlying condition, which can be really dangerous.

“So, we have to remember that how we look and feel”

doesn't mean we shouldn't get regular attention. And also, I'm a big believer in the mind about eat connection. Oh, I think that's total crap. But, yeah. Really? You think there's no mind about eat connection?

I do. I really do.

And you do know that they do studies with placebo.

And people, you know what a placebo is, of course. Of course. Before like 200 years ago, all they had was placebo. They would do crazily bad, stupid things. Doctors would to people.

And they would get better because they thought they were getting better. I'm not saying that's a cure. And if I ever get something... We will be each other because we disagree on it. Yeah, okay.

You know, and I know what you're saying. And I don't want to underplay the fact that it, you know, to have, and this is what my book is about. It's about maintaining engagement in life and about being curious. And forward thinking because this is what I try to do now.

And instead of... You don't think this approach that we're talking about going into the band and that's, you don't think that helps you. No, I don't. It's just all the drugs.

I think it's all the drugs because... Okay. Because I've gotten very involved in the support community of lung cancer. Too many people who've had a much better attitude than me have died. And you don't think it has...

“Mindbody has any to do with why you got it in the first place?”

Oh, absolutely not. Because we don't know now that science has proven that the number two cause, because I wasn't a smoker, which is still the number one. Right, well, there you go.

That's what I'm saying. Maybe it was the divorce. That... Maybe it was the marriage. No, definitely not.

What we know. I don't know about that. No, but what we know. And it's become an epidemic level for young women. To be diagnosed with lung cancer,

particulate matter in the air. Yes. And this is what's pollution and also climate change, because it's particulate matter. And wildfires.

Yes, it comes from the wildfires. The dangerous particulate matter in the air. So annoying, California. Well, this is part of what's so incredibly bankrupt about the Trump administration.

If they really cared, if Moha cared about our health, they wouldn't take away environmental regulations against pollution. But excuse me, one reason we had the wildfires,

I know everything is their fault. You know what? This is a democratic state. They ever little to do with it. They protected something.

I think it was called the milk vetch. I'm not sure. Don't quote me on that. It was some plant or something that caught fire. And we lost pretty much all the environmental gains we got

for the last full part of the century, since the beginning of the century, because of these wildfires, because they were way worse than anything else we had before. And that is what's in the air now.

But I mean, we're talking about the globe.

Oh, I understand. They don't believe in climate change. And that's horrible. And believe me.

“But one reason why he's yelling at me all the time.”

Yes. He's got a lot of time for that. All right. Well, I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you're well.

And the book is hysterical. And the people just read it. Thank you. And I'll go down with my oldest bestless friend. All right.

All right. Let's be our panel. That was, how you doing? A little bit more. All right.

Here's a democratic senator from California. Adam Schaff is with us. A very popular democratic senator from California. And he's in a world of winning journalists and founder of Lemon Media Network, who now hosts the time.

Lemon show. Park cast. Lemon. Oh, boys. OK.

So all week long have been hearing we're at war. Now, I'd like to first say, we are not at war. We were all of us.

We did the same thing we always did.

The American families and the military people. They're at war. That's who goes to war in this country. Everybody else stays home and watches. OK.

Just wanted to put that out. Yeah. I just want to read it. What I said in the monologue. I'm cautiously optimistic unless he puts boots on the ground.

Then he's going to lose me. We'll see for now. I just don't get what liberals don't get about liberation. I see so much happiness. I see it in Venezuela.

I see it here in Iran. Could we skip the part where we talk about, oh, they had so many different reasons for going to war. Regime change. We got to get rid of the nukes and they were supporters of terrorism.

It's all of it. How about this? This was a fascist theocracy. And nothing in the Middle East was ever going to get better. Well, they were still there fucking everything now.

But I don't think that. OK. But I don't think it's split that part. That part is very important.

“I think that the American people deserve transparency.”

Especially if you are sending boots on the ground. Because that means that lives are in jeopardy. Families will be concerned. Mothers will get the call parents. That your son or daughter is not coming back.

Or they'll knock on your doors. I think we can't skip that part. And this administration lies so much. But I think we're entitled to the truth. For once.

No one is saying, I don't believe anyone is saying that. But can't it just be all those things? No. Well, can't it cannot be. But I don't think that anyone is saying that harmony

or any of Venezuela that those folks should not be knocked out. But there's a way of doing things. And Donald Trump has completely, sorry about this. I think neutered the legislative branch. And I think the legislative branch needs to gain

get their power, boy. I would agree with that. (applause) Certainly. Sort of agree with that.

And it's been amusing to watch their publicans tie themselves

and knots to try to say, first that this is a war.

And then it's not a war. And it's a war they declared on us somehow. The minute that they acknowledge this is wars, the minute they have to acknowledge. They haven't done their constitutional duty because if it's a war,

we should have had a vote to authorize it. It's also the moment they acknowledge that Trump betrayed his promise not to get us into new wars. But to your point, Bill, in the beginning, yeah, there are celebrations.

When Saddam fell, there were celebrations. 20 years later, not so many celebrations. 20 years later, Iraq is actually in a pretty good place. Well, people don't talk about that. Iraq is a much better country than it was.

I'm not saying it was the right thing to do. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. But that kind of goes unnoticed. That Iraq is not a failed state anymore. They actually have elections.

They have opposition parties. They have a media. I don't think I'd better after we left. Because when we were there, it certainly was not right. But it would still be torture rooms in Saddam who's saying

and his kids would be in charge right. There would be thousands of American troops who'd be still alive. But for war. That's true. And that's to have your price to pay.

And I say to some of who.

“And this is, I think, was a terrible mistake.”

Voted for that. I hope I've learned from that. I certainly would not vote to go to war with Iran. Because there are costs that you don't see in the front end. And this administration has no plan for how to get out of this war.

No plan. So really articulate justification for it. I hope that it ends as the President sometimes says in days or weeks. I hope there's smart enough not to make this go on forever. But as we've seen, once you unleash a war,

there are a lot of unforeseen consequences. Well, that's right. So Russia reportedly providing intelligence to Iran about how to more successfully target American forces. Whether we anticipate of that, I don't know.

What's happening with our allies? Hard to see how that applies. Well, Russia now has lost Syria. They've lost Venezuela. They're going to lose Cuba and they've lost Iran.

Yeah. Yeah. That doesn't matter.

“But what you said about Iraq is, I think that's why we need transparency.”

That's why you can't skip it. Remember, where are the weapons?

We've never found the weapons of mass destruction.

And how many people lost their lives? Because we were going over there to look and get the weapons of mass destruction. So I think people need a rationalization and a real one for -- That was more of a blatant lie. This is more of a -- we just don't like them.

They're bad people. And they are bad people. So we -- this statement from the administration. The president had the constitutional authority to direct the use of military force because he could reasonably determine that the use of force was in the national interest.

That's too vague for you. Totally vague. Okay. Because that's from Obama. That's about Libya.

Well, Obama made the argument initially that he could go into Syria without an authorization. I and many others pushed back on that argument. Ultimately, he did not go forward with going after Assad, even though Assad was guessing his own people. Because he thought he might lose the vote in Congress.

“But I respect the fact that that was important to him.”

And the fact that he did not have the support of Congress meant that we weren't going to go forward. We are unquestionably at war now. The founders made an extraordinary decision at the time, which was not to give that power to the president. But to give it to the Congress.

Because they were to think as Hamilton said that a president would grow too fond of making war. After Venezuela, after the earlier Iran conflict, after bombing Nigeria and Iraq and Syria, he's grown too fond of this. And Congress, don't as you're saying, needs to step up,

assert its role or it's going to be gone for good. And then any time a president for any reason, anywhere in the world, for any elective time, will feel free to make war. And that would be hugely dangerous for the country.

The first article of the Constitution, everything goes through Congress.

Everything should go through Congress. And if that is not happening, it should. Donald Trump is not a king. He thinks that he's a king, and he's being allowed to get away with all of these things that he's not a monarch. But he gets away with it.

But the last time we declared war was 1942. So this has been happening for a long time. I mean, that's true. 1982, this is the year time of the War Powers Act, and trying to take that away. I mean, eight times Congress has filed suit,

various presidents, Reagan and El Salvador and Nicaragua, Grenada, Reagan and the Persian Gulf, that's the Iran Iraq War, George W Bush, didn't know the first Bush in Kuwait, his son, of course, in Iraq,

Clinton and Kosovo, Obama and Libya. I mean, this horse is out of the barn. Well, you know, to Bush's credit, he did seek a congressional authorization to use force in Afghanistan, in Iraq.

But I will agree with the President on this.

“I think he's right to call for the unconditional surrender of Bill Mar.”

I think that. I'm telling you that I'm on that. That is the two lines expecting to see. We're going to hear a lot about it at the end of the show. A lot of the things that you mentioned,

they were based on some sort of imminent threat. There is no imminent threat. There's no intelligence, as I understand from anyone who's on the intelligence committee that there was an imminent threat that Iran was going to attack Israel.

There was an -- and all the intelligence shows that Iran was -- Well, they have been attacking them for 20 years. They've true proxies. But that doesn't mean -- If you listen to the administration,

they were doing it because Israel was going to strike Iran and they wanted to make sure that that didn't happen. Okay. It just seemed to admit this much. There is a different approach here.

I mean, if I was surprised when he said we might put boots on the ground, because I thought that was his red line,

and he would never do that, we'll see.

But as opposed to what we have done before, which is we've invaded a place and then took it over Afghanistan Iraq, we can make it better. They're going to learn to love us. That's the pottery barn rule.

You bought it. You broke it. You broke it. You bought it. His is more like we broke it.

You fix it. You know, he's throwing it back on them. I mean, this went -- no, Venezuela is not Iran, but Iran is not an unsophisticated population. We'll see -- maybe the same.

But it seems like this is a very different approach. Whereas you kill the leader. Then you bring up somebody else who's -- not the opposition who's part of that administration. And you say, look, we'll kill you.

If you don't start behaving because I hear something about leaders, I've learned. They're not really ideological. They mostly just want to hang on to the job. I remember in Iraq, remember debathification.

Yeah. And everybody said, especially all the people on the left, that would a terrible thing to do. We got rid of Saddam Hussein and then all the people were in his bath party. We got rid of them.

Of course they were resentful and then the war started. Okay, well, this is what we're not doing. This is the opposite of debathification.

We're just saying, act more like a normal civilized country.

And we won't fucking kill you, too. Yeah, but you don't know who's coming.

“I don't know who's coming after coming in.”

Right? And he had said, we're not in the business of regime change. But as you said, if we kill the leader, that's regime change. You can do the other big set. The other big factor here is we've already lost six American service members.

That's a huge price to pay. But we're also losing the opportunity to address the need to improve the quality of life for the American people. This is what Trump campaigned on. He said, I'm not going to go to war.

I'm going to be the peace president. I'm going to get my FIFA peace prize. But instead, we're going to war. And people can't afford their groceries and they can't afford. Now the fuel price of the pump is gone way up.

They can't afford the cost of living. And it's set of focusing on that.

We're spending probably a billion dollars a day in Iran.

And with every bomb that we drop, it's another investment we couldn't make at home. And I just don't think that's where the country is. The price is already too hard. High as far as I'm concerned with the loss of our service members. If there had been an imminent threat, I'm all with you.

And Bill, you're right. I'm glad to see this regime gone. That's an unmitigated positive. I don't know, though, at the end of the day, if we get, you know, the IITOLIS son or some other cleric with her.

I'm glad you brought it to this place. We got a hold of the job application. [ Laughter ] There we go. There are looking for a new IITOLIS.

Would you like to have what's on that for this?

All right. These are the questions on the job weapon for the next IITOLIS. Finish this sentence. The most satanic thing about Donald Trump is A, supporting Israel, B, dancing.

[ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] Did you say you hate women enough to host a podcast sponsored by Protein Pop? [ Laughter ]

What more is best complete this sentence? Death, A, by chocolate. B, cab for cutie. C, two America. [ Laughter ]

Where do you see yourself in ten more? [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] Did you hide me at halal, Anderson? [ Laughter ]

Anderson worried play or innocent death sentence? [ Laughter ]

“In order to reach Gen Z, are you okay with the name IITOLIS67?”

[ Laughter ] Where do you keep your wife? [ Laughter ] Have you ever accidentally smile if so much please explain? [ Laughter ]

And which sex in the city character are you? [ Laughter ] That's turned to domestic affairs. Don, I see you're in the news quite a bit lately. [ Laughter ]

I was at the Clive Davis Grammy Party when Clive introduced you and you got the biggest evasion in the room. Christy Nome fired this week. Do you feel vindicated? Do you feel like doing the Trump dance now?

[ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Music ] [ Music ]

In the middle of the city. [ Music ] [ Music ] [ Music ] [ Music ]

[ Music ] [ Music ]

“We think part of ICE, that's why the protest was going on there.”

Well, according to the protest group that one of the pastors was, I think, a regional director for ICE in that region. Pastors do that. Pastors are also regional directors of ICE. [ Laughter ]

There's things going on in this country. I'm just trying to keep up with the news and I'm just --

And they said you were a student close proximity to the pastor

“and attempt to oppress and intimidate him.”

That's some powerful bullshit there, isn't it?

[ Laughter ] [ Music ] I mean, so where are you now? I know they arrested you out here, right? And then what happened?

You went to jail for a minute? I went to the federal courthouse and I was in -- You know, in an isolation room or room by myself. And really? Yeah.

Yeah. It's been the night in jail. Like Steve McQueen in jail. I spent the night in a holding room. Really?

The federal courthouse and -- I had to do it once. It wasn't that bad. You did. Yeah, for a day.

I had 92. I was this much over the limit. I had a couple of drinks, drove home.

I was wearing a leopard print shoes.

I'm sure that's why -- [ Laughter ] I'm sure that's why the cop was like, "Just asshole, he's got to go to jail." I mean, cocaine off of the dirty clothes.

I was -- I was not. Yeah. But it was the Beverly Hills jail. Yeah. Oh, you're in a fancy jail.

It was a nightmare. Jail is jail. Are you kidding? When I ordered room service in the morning. [ Laughter ]

I said -- [ Cheers and applause ] Raisin toast. No raisins in the toast. That was --

I had avocado toast. All right. So there was a election down in Texas. Big stuff this year in the Democratic Party. Adam, we got to get you on this idea.

This is James Tolerico. He was on the show. Yeah. A couple of weeks ago, a very impressive guy. Super talented.

Okay. He beat Jasmine Crocket, who, you know, until this moment, I kept hearing rising star in the Democratic Party. Very charismatic.

Fire, yes. But very bright. Okay. People across the political -- This is Tolerico talking.

“This is -- I think this is just laying out”

the two wings of the party. There's the fuck Trump wing, you know? You know? Your old friend, Katie Porter, holds up signs. Actually, let's say there if.

There, let's -- [ Laughter ] Okay. That's one way to do a campaign. James says people across the spectrum are hungry for a new kind of politics.

Not a politics of fear, of hate, of division, but a politics of love. A love that can heal was broken in America. The love part, James -- that's a little too far for me. [ Laughter ]

I love to say fuck Trump. You can do a goal. [ Cheers and applause ] Okay. I get to play.

Yeah. I think Tolerico is just a tremendous talent. And Jasmine is too. And Texas had a choice. Texas Democrats between two, you know,

up-and-coming rising stars. Tolerico is that unique talent that I think is deeply religious, deeply progressive. Really resonating with people in Texas and outside of Texas.

Texas could very well be in play. And I say that with hesitation, because we've put our hopes there before. But I think of anyone at this moment can make a viable campaign and turn Texas blue in the Senate.

It's someone like Tolerico. I think his message is perfectly suited. It's also perfect message for a Democrat in Texas, which may not be the exact same message for Democrat in California.

And I'm hugely excited about his campaign. This is great news. I'd like to just be there. I think they had two, as he said. Two great choices.

And both, you know, different approaches. But I think that this could be the year, especially considering how the Republicans and the race are basically killing each other at this moment will during this entire process until November.

But you seem to be avoiding the question or maybe you do think you can have it both ways. I don't know if you can have it both ways. I think these are the two wings. One wing is the cut them off.

You know, don't have dinner with them. We're thinking you could ever do. If your family voted for them. Wait a minute, he's tweeting at you for having dinner with him. And he hates you. What are you talking about?

He hates me because I never stopped criticizing him,

and I never promised I would. I think the reality is,

“you have to find a way to do both stand up to Trump”

and also deliver from Trump. Stand up, but I mean, don't you think after ten years, it's just a little, I mean, it's a bit of an eye roll. Well, when people see that, they just think, that's all you got.

That's all you Democrats have is fuck Trump. And we're looking for something different. It seems like Talarico is making this case. And I think the fact that he won in Texas, I think, says a lot.

Well, I think it says a lot too, but at the same time, when Americans are getting killed in the streets of Minneapolis, it's not like you could ignore it and say, "I'm going to have a positive message." I'm not telling the love for it.

But you can do both.

of both a focus on, okay, this is our positive agenda. This is what we have to accomplish. We have to get shit done in California. This was really my theme in my Senate campaign. We have to get shit done.

We have to be able to move forward. We have to be able to build things. We have to build a lot more housing. You have to have a positive message. It can't be just about fighting Trump.

But as they say, your opposition has a vote too. And when your opposition is taking the country to war without your approval in Congress, when the opposition is killing people in the streets, you've got to stand up to that too.

I think Democrats have to be careful of this sort of come by, y'all. Ness it.

Because ultimately, Democrats are going to elect the Democrat.

We want to energize the part of your party that's really for you. Like Donald Trump energized the mega, the staunch mega. You're not going to do that by Kumbaya to the Republican. And we should have learned by now. This is enormous time.

I mean, that is the argument. I mean, Katie Porter, I think, is the one who said, "I don't need Trump votes." That's -- this is where the rubber meets the road. Do you go -- what you're saying is,

fuck the votes of the people who are deplorable. We don't care about you at all. We're just going to go everywhere. That's not what I'm saying.

“I'm saying that you have to be careful because we are not in normal times.”

Where Donald Trump is not going to, you know, sit with a Democrat or anyone for that matter. It's all about Donald Trump. He's no ideology. It's all about Donald Trump. Let me finish.

And so they've got to be careful with that because that is not what Democrats want right now. They want a fighter. So I like James Halorico, but I think he should be very careful about this sort of guy that he has to win over Republicans. Jasmine Crocodile did very well just with black voters in Texas.

7 out of 10 Trump voters are not committed. Now, see, this is committed to him. That's a key stat there. 7 out of 10 to me sounds somewhat getable. Especially in the atmosphere we're now with a bad economy brewing.

And if they're not with him, they don't like him probably more than the Democrats don't like him. So why do you need to appeal? They already don't like him.

“I think exactly the point Bill, and I agree with you to get this to get them voting for you.”

It's one thing to oppose Trump. It's another to write off everyone who ever supported him. That's a terrible mistake. I sought out a seat on the Agriculture Committee because it would help me serve large parts of red California.

People forget there are probably 8 million people in California who are voting for Donald Trump

or supporting Donald Trump. But they're entitled to representation and if you don't make the case to them, if you don't speak to them with respect, if you don't appeal to them, if you don't solicit their opinion on things and show your open to working with them, then why should they support you? So it's my favorite part of the job, frankly, is talking to folks in these parts of the state that don't expect me to go there.

At a meeting with a group of farmers in beauty county, red is red can be. And I knew the meeting was going well at the end when one of the farmers says, "I don't know why the prison calls you watermelon head." You have a perfectly normal sized head, and that's when I knew I was making progress. But yeah, for a reporter, anyone else to write off a large part of people or even say,

"I don't need Republican votes." Whether you need them or not, you should want them. And you should court them and cultivate them. And so that's a, I think, a term. What is your thing of the trap that Trump laid in the state of the Union address where he,

just to show the tape there, because I think it's self-explanatory when he did. If you agree with his statement, then stand up and show your support. The first duty of the American government is to protect American citizens not illegally. And the Democrats didn't stand. I mean, obviously, it's a deliberate trap.

Because, you know, they always played these games of Simon says there at the state of the Union.

Well, I think you and I agree on this is all informative. I know, but it's going to look bad in campaign ads.

“I don't think anyone's going to remember that. Come campaign ad.”

And if I will, if they put it in the ad. If they put it in the ad, I think they'll put it in the ad. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Well, that juxtaposed to pulling people out of their cars, dragging them across.

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.

That's what I'm talking about. And every state of the Union for 25 years. Out of respect for the office. But now we have a guy in the office who doesn't respect the office. And this is a perfect illustration of that.

Had I been there?

You'd had to wake me up. First. And then I don't know.

I probably was very good, right?

“I probably wouldn't have gone along with the Democratic strategy,”

which is unless it's a war hero in the gallery. Or the US hockey team. You stay in your seat. You're respectful. You're silent.

You're not holding up paddles. You're not being disruptive. But you're also not giving the appearance that somehow this is okay. This presidency is okay. He's trying to jail the opposition.

He's trying to put members of the press in jail. He's soliciting bribs from press organizations. He's going after law firms. He's going after universities. He's having his ice agents.

Kill people in the streets. We just can't act like this is somehow okay. And I don't know. For me, sitting there, validating what he's doing. Acting like there's nothing going on was too much.

This year was too much. Okay. All right. What he said? Thank you.

Thank you, gentlemen. Time for new rules. [ Cheers and applause ] Alright. Hello, Pete Heggseth has to come up with a name for one of our military actions that doesn't sound like a nickname for his penis.

[ Laughter and applause ] So far, we've had Operation Southern Spear. [ Laughter ] Operation Midnight Hammer. And now Epic Fury, ask any woman.

When a guy talks like that all the time, he tends to be Operation Warp Speed. [ Laughter and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] No, I was going to have to tell the Kuwaiti fighter pilot who accidentally shot down three American F-15s this week. We're using this took them for enemy Iranian pilots.

“Dude, all you have to do to tell who the bad guys are is watch movies.”

[ Laughter and applause ] Enemy pilots, they all wear dark helmets till that everyone know they're evil.

Our pilots, you can see them playing his day and they're always hot.

[ Laughter and applause ] Go. [ Cheers and applause ] You're a little bit of paltrow who lost an earring. Sometimes during the actor awards mustn't worry, it'll turn up.

It's always in the last place you look. But let's not ignore the obvious. Have you checked your vagina? [ Laughter and applause ] No, no, no, that they've opened the first ever dual Applebee's an eye-hop restaurant.

Wafflehouse must combine with Denny's to battle them for white trash supremacy. [ Laughter and applause ] With the winner getting to face the KFC Taco Bell combo in the championship round. [ Laughter and applause ] White trash restaurants, they're just like movie studios.

He got to get bigger all you'll die. [ Cheers and applause ] Welcome aboard, Paramount. I hope you like me. [ Laughter and applause ] But in case you don't, I ain't going to change.

[ Laughter and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] General, don't tell New Yorkers that the upside to the brutal winter they had this year is fewer rats in the street. Yeah, and also fewer weirdos hanging out in Times Square

trying to feel you up, you know? And if the rats aren't in the street

“or dragging pizza up from the subway, where are they?”

Yeah, your apartment. [ Laughter and applause ]

And finally, New Yorkers, someone has to help Donald Trump understand

that I don't suffer from Trump derangement syndrome. He suffers from Bill Mard derangement syndrome. [ Cheers and applause ] Okay, three weeks ago, I woke up to some things. The president had written on his truth social media platform

that somehow we're not true. [ Laughter ] I didn't know how they got in there. It's not like the president just makes things up when he's mad. [ Laughter ]

But on this occasion, he did, which I forgive, but on Valentine's Day, that hurt. [ Laughter ] But just to set the record straight from what the president claimed, I didn't ask for the dinner or mutual friend asked me.

It's on tape from my podcast.

And the dinner wasn't quick.

I was there almost three hours. And it wasn't vodka, it was a margarita. I didn't ask for it right away. I had a drink before dinner. And then a couple more during.

I was having a good time. So were you done because we were talking like real humans. Not like that crazy act you put on in public. But I know that's what you do. You are.

If anything, a man who wears his heart on his sleeve. And so you did hear, listing your accomplishments, and how hurt you feel that people, including me, have not recognized them enough. I understand that feeling.

You texted me soon after the dinner complaining. I was still part of the lunatic left.

“And how you should have won a Nobel Prize for ending wars.”

And I texted back, yeah.

And I should have won 20 Emmys.

[ Cheers and applause ] We argued for a while, and you ended by saying, Bill, you know what? Don't change. I wouldn't know what to do with you if you did. Okay, that's the normal human being.

I saw the night we broke bread. And as long as I think there's even a spark of a possibility, bring that guy out more, I will not consider the dinner a waste of time. Even as I now see, we're back to name calling, and that I have some new ones like highly overrated light weight

to add to the list you signed. [ Laughter ] Thank you. I'll be by with the new one. [ Cheers and applause ] But let's go through the things you are but hurt

about people not having noticed. Because some people do have TDS. But you know what? I've called people out from making hating you their entire reason to live.

Get a life. Stop making him your whole personality.

“But, Don, you have to take some responsibility for that”

because you make people crazy. Because you -- [ Cheers and applause ] Because you do things that are racist, misogynistic, anti-democratic, and corrupt. But I'll prove now I don't have the dreaded TDS.

First off, despite all the hate I got from my side,

I never threw you under the bus and said,

"Oh, you're right. I shouldn't have eight stake with Hitler." Because that's stupid. Access to the president of the United States and you're kidding. You can't put a price on that. Although, Don, quite frankly,

you do put a price on that all the time. [ Cheers and applause ] I consider myself lucky. I got into talk to you without giving you a 747. [ Laughter ]

By your crypto currency. [ Cheers and applause ] Or giving you my Nobel Prize. [ Laughter ] But let's continue.

You say, no mention of the perfect border. The border is closed. No reason. The border is a win. The border is a win. You mentioned the mass removal of stone-cold criminals.

This is what got Trump elected. We're going to get the gangs out. We don't want to become the kidnapped country. They're taking out of Iran's nuclear capability. I was very supportive of bombing the nuclear facility in Iran. I thought that was great.

Venezuela. Do I love everything about it? No. But do I hate it? No. If he somehow gets Venezuela, Cuba, and Iran, all to be not these horrible places they were, he should get a Nobel Peace Prize.

The return of the hostages and the peace deal in the Middle East, where the liberal panel was praising you. A lot of people tried to pull this off. He did. Give him credit. If he's good at getting deals done overseas, give him credit for it.

And here's a few you didn't even mention. The golden dome, missile shield. Just because Trump thought of it, I'm not against it. NATO. He said, look, NATO hasn't been paying their fair share. I'm going to make them do that.

He wasn't wrong about that. Israel moving Israel's embassy to Jerusalem, loved it. Animals in marijuana. He did an animal rights thing. And all my Peter Friends loved. Pot is not a schedule. What anymore?

Thank you. Penises. Penises do not belong in women's prisons. He's not wrong about that. And not just penises, ballroom.

We don't have a place when they have state dinners. They're doing an attempt. This is America.

“So, do I give a shit that he's doing this to the White House?”

I really don't. And giving props for saying about the Nick Fuentes, "Jew hitting wing of the Republican Party." Trump is the one who said, and I give him credit for this. He said, "We don't want you."

And the economy. But a month ago, I said, "Look, I had to own it." I said, "I thought by July 4th, the economy would be in the shitter."

I was wrong.

“See, that's a difference between you and me.”

Don, I could admit when I'm wrong.

And I can be honest. In fact, I may be the last person from the lunatic left that is still an honest broker when it comes to you. [applause] But honest goes both ways.

It's a shame you can't take criticism because in an alternative universe where we could have further honest conversations, I could say things to you that might be quite helpful. Like, Don, I'm going to level with you.

I'm going to give it to you straight. Some people don't like you. [laughter] No, really. [applause]

“Now, me, I go by what George Bush said to Obama”

on the day he was inaugurated. We want you to succeed.

I always want the American president to succeed.

And I do give credit when you have. But there's lots of stuff you do that is not my idea of success, and I have every right to say so in a democracy. [applause] [applause]

Ice, yeah, I'm glad you got rid of stone-cold criminals, but no one wanted the sadism and stupidity that went along with it. Doge, a complete disaster.

“People died for no reason and a cut no government waste.”

Cole is not beautiful or clean. Criminalizing dissent is wrong and so is the juvenile trolling and suing people into silence. [applause] Don, there are things that you do that we,

not just me, but me. I mean, even the people who are too scared to talk to you straight, just don't get about you. Taking the side of autocrats instead of democratic allies around the world, who hates Canada.

[applause] And wind, you hate the wind? [laughter] And then you wonder why I can't tell what's a joke and what isn't.

[laughter] It's not derangement.

For me, it'd be always calling out the election denying obsession you have,

or the pardon for my friends and punishment for my enemies, mode of governing, or the side deals for your family that always seem to be part of everything. We see how rich you've all become, but the people of West Virginia don't seem to be feeling the winning.

A democratic senator recently said of your administration, they are the elites they pretend to hate. Free advice, if the Democrats ever learn to weaponize that message, your magamuthment isn't big trouble. [applause]

Hatch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Mar every Friday night at 10, or watch a many time on HBO on the main. For more information, log on to HBO.com.