#476 - The Secret Weapon for Personal Growth (It’s Not What You Think)

Yeah very excited to talk to you and I think to set up this conversation

“from what I know about you and and done some research on your work. I would say the”

foundational principle if I'm mama stake in is this saying that you have and it's right behind you if you're watching on video is you know hard choices easy life easy choices hard life. What does that mean and how did you come up with that and maybe how can people acquire that principle to their own lives? The world didn't come out with it actually.

It was like I would say situational and time changing over about three or four years

created that saying and novel Arabic and so it and he actually named it what was happening. So what was really happening is that I watch my clients suffering and unable to do what was

“right to do. So they had a plan let's say foot plan to eat some things and it was okay and then”

couldn't follow or exercise and and then they expressed their feelings that inability to actually make it happen some things and they so how hard it is to make really hard

choices and how serious it is to help people to we've making this hard choices. So I wrote you know

for five years they wrote poems watching this this expression of failure and then I wrote three books of fatal and the master and juxtaposed this too and and tried to pass on how to outwit the the fatal is how to stop becoming negative the life of negativity is really hard is it's something that nobody wants to live but in some ways we are so wrapped up in in complaining in blaming in any other judgments negative judgment that we don't know

that this things actually affect our life that we've become done. So the hard choices is something that is presented when the challenge is presented when the goodness is presented the hard choices presented as well. So as my saying the other thing is that goodness is in convenient that what is convenient is things that we do that they are simply not good like complaining and blaming and or being sarcastic. So just other things that we culturally

integrated into a way of life and we don't know that maybe we don't know that they are negative and we've become that and we suffer consequences like you know anxiety and depression that we have and all that and things. Hello my friend before we jump straight into the episode I would love to share the sponsors of this podcast and the sponsors of this podcast are all the businesses that I've created that are really part of the ecosystem that run this whole thing and at the top

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completely uninterrupted and ad free here we go yeah do you think that people who are you know

“extremely negative and complain all the time or even aware of that or that just become sort of”

there being that's become part of who they are that they just they need some sort of you know awakening or awareness to sort of break them out of that or you think it's like I mean maybe for some people it's a conscious choice but what do you think is happening there sometimes people know they are negative and they keep being negative they know that negativity is draining them and dragging them down but they are unable to actually make the positive choice and you know

people like Victor Franco with logo therapy and then Manchester's from eating these are the people that sometimes they're helpful to show that the positive thinking positive target actually could help

“I think also that the majority is is a culture now how are you today not good you know my”

neighbor did that and that's it's is a culture a way of expression that's already negative and that's simply I don't know what to do with it so when when when when I engage with a person I can do it I can reverse it but and when it comes to culture and it's really hard to do it yeah yeah it's so interesting right because like before we even started recording right

we asked each other how we're doing and yada yada yada and you know I said never had it so good

and normally when I answer that question in real life and I say that to someone they look at me like I'm a crazy person like what are you talking about you know it's like one says live in the dream normally when someone says live in the dream they're not actually right they're just like it's a sarcastic sort of phrase and so when I say never had it so good people are like wait what really I'm like yeah dude I'm healthy my wife is healthy my baby is healthy I have a good job

we have fun to eat like what more could there be and then you know other people answer the question in a regard it's like well you know someone cut me off in traffic and I was late to work and yada it's like holy shit dude you're just choosing to just harbor on about all of these things when really like the fact that you woke up today isn't a miracle in itself and we can appreciate that of course there's gonna be a little inconveniences throughout your life throughout your day

that are annoying but if we only focus on those then they become the whole sort of existence of our life and then all we can do is complain because that's all we think about yeah it's going to be happy and and we don't want to even if you're way happy don't want we don't want to say it because we just hear that their happiness will go away so we don't have to be not happy and keep that way of life my mother is to say don't be so happy because you will be not happy

you're gonna yeah that's funny you're gonna use your happiness jersey you're gonna use it all up then you're not gonna be happy tomorrow yeah exactly so what do you start to release is courageous you know when you say that you have a good life it's courageous and you know why why it happens

when people actually finally say it because you know they are ready to give you know they're ready to

help people they are ready for the service of giving and because if you say that oh I'm good and fantastic so right away people will ask you favors will ask something from you

“and that's why maybe and that people don't want to say that they are good because you know”

other people will be asking for something so everything for somebody right yeah yeah that's true yes speaking of hard choices what what was like the earliest sort of moments in your life where you remember making some hard choices well you know my hard choices usually the hardest choice was when I was 27 I think so where it was in Warsaw I was in the fire protection academies starting engineering by a protection engineering and and it was 1981 the government wanted to

use the fire department against solidarity against demonstrations so we started the strike and

otherwise it would be something that we would you know drama was told so

“that we couldn't do so the risk was really high risk was that the service on the”

Poland then that time so we could lose our lives it could lose anything right after 10 days they attacked us by helicopters tanks and took us out 400 students with inside 400 you know future officers you know fire department officers and they they didn't kill us they didn't torture us they let us be and they asked for signing to the news school to actually sign what was the news school was organized according to their ways not signing meant not finished engineering

school and losing the career or the fireman and everything what I worked for for nine years I would

“lose so that was the easy choice was to sign the hard choice was not to sign and then go away”

but not lose the soul so I did a sign 2018 so I had my life without being the fireman which I really loved and 2018 went to Poland and I was receiving the the cross from the president of Poland and he said I was nine years old when you fought for my freedom and I wanted to tell you that I really appreciate your risk in your life for my freedom today and for Poland that is today so oh no sometimes you lose everything but you gain everything is in a different way

and would I would I make that hard choice today again of course I would so you know it said

“when something is there right thing to do we do and some of us some of us will do even though”

I you could lose your life because it's something right to do simple yeah that's amazing how did that change you as a man moving forward well when what really happened that because of the stunt that I did and others I was embraced by solidarity members solidarity leaders and they

would in incredible people and first time I met Jersey Papiuszko who was eventually

captured by Soviets and tortured and murdered and you know being with just kind of people that loved life and loved people unconditionally it was something new for me something that I've never really seen in my life and I came from a very poor family and unconditional love was unknown to me I thought it was a fake that people fake unconditional love and and then I was embraced by it so I lost everything and I didn't have a thing but unconditional love was the thing

that propels me from forward that I became a person that like people all people you know and it was something that unconditionally so when I eventually ended up in U.S I started creating a ways of how to help people how to help people without conditions and it was my whole life on that and so like it's an amazing gift that I received up to in 81 actually. Isn't that it's not

incredible you know Jersey it's like it always tends to be some of the worst and hardest moments

in our life that ended up shaping us and then we look back on them in hindsight and say how grateful we are for that moment I mean I can I can pick the one out in my life obviously you just shared yours how it changed you as a man you you learned unconditional love you go to the U.S. you create all these things that basically help people change their life it's unbelievable and it's

the fragility and the preciousness of life maybe before they go through that painful or hard moment or do they have to just go for that moment because because at that moment I've come in there's 60s and what if they live their whole life before realizing like their true mission or purpose or the reason they're here I don't know it's just it's so interesting no real question

“they're just just kind of riffing off that but anything to say there. I think that”

carrying people to create a bit is a good thing and a creativity is always too ours or creativity

in any way it's a it's a positive thing to do something to do something good and I see arts is something really helpful I see reading books helpful writing books writing poetry and they kind of activity that is positive strong strong goodness behind so I would advocate for something like that like you know Victor Franco you know imagine himself he was in in the concentration come for six years right he death was around him death ruled that not even you know you know

“working or being a slave death was around him on the daily basis and he was able to look”

into the future looking to Vienna when he would read his manuscript he would read the manuscript that he repeated in his brain for six years and he was able to do that and he's giving us gift he's giving us gift to have a target like that in life you know like your your target what is your target well how do you imagine yourself in six years right like he did what would you do what is the dream really that you want to you will play that you will completely shift you from

wherever you are to that place that it's a beautiful place that you want to happen to yourself

“I think it's amazing you know Jackson position here with Victor Franco”

yeah one incredible book man search for meaning that we always have a choice no matter what sort of

situation we're in we always have a choice yeah it could be extremely limited like slaves they have that choice live or die and but there is a choice and then if we if we say that we have and we say okay this is my heart choice it's helpful to live life because you you are a line yourself with the living and you're choosing it and then you're choosing something to build up on on that and it feels good when we are choosing that yeah absolutely you know something happens

yeah when did you when did you get interested in you know physical fitness and the body and all of that type of stuff that led you to creating the happy body I was there Olympic way of touring in Poland and learn everything about way of lifting and coaches my heart coach is amazing

and Poland was really great in weightlifting always and when I immigrated

and eventually ended up in Burbank coaching at power stores I adopted weightlifting principles making people flexible strong fast good posture lean certain body weight and these principles I follow and inclusively with everyone it's quite what they wanted and some people wanted to look with some people wanted more energy some people wanted to heal the body some people wanted not to have pains in I follow the same principles and making everybody flexible strong fast

and everything else was falling after and you know I became extremely successful very fast with that way of helping people after about six months a I worked 16 hours a day

and I told my wife that you know when we were flying to LAX and I was looking I was seeing

“this pools as well in the in two and a half two years I said we will have a house somewhere here”

with a pool I was she thought that I lost my mind but after two and a half years we we bother our little home with a pool you know in in the nice in in Los Angeles so but we were we were very hard and we were hard to hold our lives right you know today after you know after 40 years we still coached me though we loved coaching people it's really hard to not to coach people when you actually coach so you know kind of you start liking this

personal interaction and you start liking watching people getting better and it's like a it's a gift it's a gift that you you can get and you start craving it like a piece of candy of happy people that become them because you know you were there around it doesn't mean that you made it but you were around that and then I really like to see that and then I know 40 years that was doing it

“the other thing is that I believe that I don't believe I know that's what I was like that we”

that's we should never retire so retirement is something that we can't retire to get money but

we have to get and do something that is challenging until the one the last day of our life in that way we'll prevent a lot of problems in our brains that could happen the brains can shrink and slow down can create you know all the problems that the brain could create and I believe that by by exposing yourself to challenging situations that have hard choices it's crucial it's essential in life it's essential for our brain and it's essential for our

sustainability of a good life set yeah I mean the old adages true right if you don't if you don't use it you lose it that works with everything you're brain you're cool step that I don't know it is a good thing yeah I mean it's a good thing absolutely I mean I've been working out in the gym since I was 12 I'm 33 now and so it's taking me about 20 years to you know look like this so which is pretty good but if I don't work out for like two days or three days

which has only happened like a couple times I feel like all my muscles are going away and I'm the fucking I look like the smallest person in the world and so I can't imagine like not doing anything for years on end after you retire you know you would just disintegrate almost like I have my parents in the gym they're 60 and 70 they're working out every day they read you know they hang out with their grants on whatever the case may be it's like you got to just

keep doing stuff I can't imagine just like sitting on the couch all day but some people certainly do that I guess yeah that's cool that you know parents go you know if they're like you know you know I can't imagine my my parents taking me to the gym right that's crazy

“my mother was always done like couch watching TV and that was the lifestyle that's what they”

didn't even if I wanted to take her for a dinner or movies you wouldn't go with me at all this was just no it's like he didn't have life with me outside of the room but you know a week ago I went to we went to Portland and our daughter started there and then we brought weightlifting shoes and three of us we went to 24 hour fitness and we trained her we did not just there you know it was fantastic you know it's like are we our parents are going with our

daughter to the gym and we are training there and then after that we go to a dinner to tight restaurant it's just fantastic isn't it just like wow what I would love to have that life

when I was you know 21 and you know to go with my mom somewhere to a restaurant I've never been

you know for a dinner or a movie or an or a movie or an or a with my mom this was just it's not it's not really that you know just kind of life's always adapted by people and

did you have a hard childhood jersey I know you mentioned some unconditional love and you just

mentioned your mom there was there are other parts of your your childhood are growing up there were hard I was I became alcoholic when I was 15 and it was until 18 I was really good alcoholic it means that I get blackouts on a daily basis sometimes I lose the days so I was gone 100% fatal is suicidal and that was my life I walk up in the morning to to find vodka to find you know beer right that's it that was my life that for three years and I was very extremely lucky that

“that you know somebody appeared in my life it was really good instance I think that uh”

some forces were around me that had saved me at that time and somebody appeared and the situation

was that somebody's weightlifting Whitman was thrown out of the house his mother did that and and he said that in a group of people and there's a while bring it to my place and I know and I was already drank you know alcoholics offer their heart everything you know they are just generous and because they have nothing that might be offered everything just though and next say he was there at three p.m. and I was already drunk so I opened the window and I said

what you're doing and he said I brought Whitlifting equipment he said that I can bring it

“and then we can train as that I said that I said yeah so I didn't know he told me so I said okay”

bring it in and then he brought it and then he said so do your work out and I take it now and he said no let's do it together and I said no no not for me and he said well do the bench president and we can go for a beer and he said beer I opened my eyes I said beer I said yeah okay so I was very weak I know I started training with him and and usually you cannot save somebody there's somebody he's already so negative and so deep in in being that way

and you cannot save it through knowledge and you cannot save it through some kind of a goodness that lasts on their day or week has to be weeks and months and and so it happened here he started

“pulling me out of my lifestyle to his lifestyle and mix this lifestyle every day”

we train and every day and we drank and every day we train and every day we drank and then I was slowly getting better and stronger and and slowly I started liking feeling strong and I one day I didn't drag myself to the blackout and then slowly was coming out of it and took probably about a year when I pulled out to the point that I could actually like weightlifting and training I was saved you know like angel happened in my life

yeah it's incredible weightlifting weightlifting saved your life eh

yeah yeah that really I that would be that probably my best friend died he was 21 dying angel up to death and I it was death was around me you know at that time because of alcohol yeah well thanks for sharing that so then I kind of mentioned this a little bit earlier the happy body how did that come about I know you you started that with your with your wife so what's sort of the these the or the origin story of that so we followed that that idea that

to train to improve people's life through certain physical things like flexibility, strength speed and coordination mobility posture by the way and then we had it in start our brains and after many many years like ten years passed and we started thinking about that would be good if people had this kind of guidelines and we started writing a book to book took another ten years so it was not easy to to write yeah because we we hired a writer and that the writing

nobody will pull us out of us you know just what's inside so we went to Vermont and we started

“MFA in creative writing and and after that took another about five years and we started really”

writing the book and then we hired editors and spent time with editors and eventually we had it in 2009 we published the book with guidelines with how is organized is that they are standards of living and this standards of living standards that measurable standards so everything is engineered everything is in numbers so flexibility is measured strength and speed body is measured you know leanness is measured posture is measured so and we started to recently I started

calling it so they're all the guidelines there and also there is a plan how to do it strategies how to how to how to create a habit of it and also I said this thing is that is actually what we created is athletic lifestyle medicine is the medicine for a way of living but it's also athletic because when whatever we do in line it needs to be somehow constructive and profit from this compound interest or compound effect so you know when you have fifty dollars and then you put

into a drawer and do it for about thirty forty years you will end up with seventy thousand but

when you when you have compound interest you can end up with one million dollars so it's just the

same with exercise in the gym when you have a coach when you have a mentor when you have this improvement that overlaps on the other improvement then you can have created compound interest and eventually becomes so powerful and become this you know amazing person but if you don't then you can spend ten years into gym and actually be the same and then complain that you were going for ten years to the gym but you didn't get better you're that you know that compound interest

he is the extremely important yeah why is it important I mean this is pretty accessible information

“now but I think it's important especially for people older for to remain your reverse aging”

or for longevity like why is it important to lift weights and be in the gym and exercise and things

like that I is you know it's 19 third 19 third day it was the research about 1960 I think

it was the research about about aging and and the research showed that everything shrinks with us within us the brain shrinks the heart shrinks the lawn shrinks and they just says the same shrinks yeah and he called it the doctor called call it senialatrophy shrinking everything shrinks so he's like you use it to lose it right so he's told that everything is shrinking that we get sarcopina muscle muscle also is shrinking so it's then in order to not to shrink it or stop it

or sustain it we have to overcome resistance the more resistance we overcome the more the stronger

“we become more powerful we become if it's really fast so why is it really important to go to the gym”

done right to to find the way of resistance what is resistance what kind of resistance and you know find the coaches there mentors there to help us to actually not to waste ourselves but to help us to improve to get better and if you would do that that way we have a chance to live a fantastic life we we have a chance to be 90 or 100 and do the happy butter routine and not to lose flexibility at all and not to 8 hours fine and not to slouch in life and not to create this for what posture or

whatever it is right so that we have a chance and then without that we don't have a chance because

thing so it says it's hard but and those things start to to run too long to exercise too much

“because that's also you know muscle loss so you take in a way if you're unmarried and so you should”

know that you lose the the muscles if you really love running might and then then you end to do go to the gym and do some kind of weightlifting resistance system that helps you rebuild the

muscle as it's a costume or two ready yeah jersey that's why I never run ever because I can't

I don't want to I don't want to be any smaller than I am I got to maintain my muscle you know so every time my wife asked me to run I'm like no no thanks can't be running no running for me yeah but you can do sprint you see football full of players do 40 yards and we are more like clients do 40 yards and I like 40 yards because she's about five seconds six seconds and those sports really game sports or track and fields is really based on five seconds action

a pole holder spends five seconds to do the job and the same day long jump and jaffling or

just because then everything happens there in about five seconds so five seconds is really

“40 yards and I think that football football is really fast could be two seconds three seconds five”

seconds is a long play really in football so everything is really extremely fast like snatch like one seconds right so it's a very very fast so then the five five seconds is important then become the five seconds runner for the years in sprint we have hundred meters you have you see you think ball right you think ball is six four and he's 200 five pounds folks is a six four and he's 195 very muscular lean probably you know five six

percent butterfly so these just people really show the power these are the power athletes right the the weightlifting athletes the five seconds athletes so all why I also like 40 yards because 40 yards is measurable we know water record we know who did it and if you run

and you have below six seconds that's not bad right but if you are below five second you are amazing

it's like a young athlete so all the people in the lawn I really sprint with them 40 yards and tell them to do that and measure the measure the time everything is measured breaking the records and so on so this compound interest is there and the goal is there the eyes and the focus is there yeah sprint sprints are great yeah all athletes know that sprints are great and yeah so I tell the boys that I work with you know it's much better to do sprints

for explosive power and explosive movements especially on the field of play rather than just going to run you know five six miles at a time there's no real sort of in-game sort of application for just running six miles I played baseball that was my sport of choice and in baseball you do you know you run one sprint here or you're throwing one picture you're having one swing it's an explosive movement and then you get a little bit of a break there was like this thing you know

for a while that you needed to run along long miles to get the lactic acid out of your arm but it works the same if you do sprints and sprints are more beneficial for the athlete and the endurance not so much the cardio but the endurance and sort of the breakaway speed and the explosive power so yeah it's really really good but also something else I wanted to

“touch on and ask you about was was coaching and leadership is something I think about a lot”

and you've worked with you know people for the last 40 years what do you think makes a great coach or a great leader well a great coach has to be a mentor a mentor in a bigger scale still when I which coaches in Poland they were not only teaching us skills but they were also involved if any of us had some problems so they were also life solution mentors so I think that is the important you know to support mental health and and be able to sense it in the athlete

and where the help is needed it's bigger than skills is you know I watched my daughter

being a gymnast and there was just only skill skill and there was so poor in that gym when it comes to the mental health and you know eventually they started losing the girls and and then the girls were turning against each other my when I was in Poland that waiting team was like a bigger family so on my clients are like that they well they are welcome everybody is welcome in our place so to welcome everyone and be ready for helping everyone

that makes a great coach and despite of who the people are what they believe religions and

colors and things right that is that should be out of completely out out and if that coach is that way is capable to help diverse society diverse clientele yeah coaching having a good coach can completely change your life I mean I know it did for me like I can easily remember the two best coaches I had when I was growing up and how much they changed me

“and I think what you're saying excuse me what you're saying is a hundred percent true”

because if the coach sees you as an actual human and a value as a person above the what you can produce for them are the results then you can get the most out of them if I look at a young boy that I'm trying to coach and he knows how much I care about him or love him and also that I want to win I think he's gonna try harder and also he's gonna know if we don't win that I don't value him less I value him just as much because I intrinsically care about him as a person not just

what he can produce on the field or the gym or whatever the case may be and I think the best

“coaches do that and I think that's how they draw out the best in their athletes or whether they're”

coaching to want to try their hardest and give their best effort and keep hearing back for more and taking feedback and all these types of things yeah I do you know you're able to about that and what I would like to add is that my coach was saying to me over and over Olympics is a flicker over horizon not a fire so he was preparing me for long journey and trying to tell me that expectations can really harm me so the goal is good but the expectations are not so

they try to the good coaches they try to pass it on but there's a three mixed become the mixture of the expectations and the goal and obsession on our expectations and this obsession on expectations can create anxiety in athletes and really big problems instead of loving sport you know we should love sport we should love what we do right and not really having anxiety to win or not to win we should go to competitions with loving that we've conquering the the thing and not really

conquering the people so just that's it's about it's about making the best out of you and practicing that without really thinking about to win or not to win because actually when you actually think about

“that you need to win that was stress you and that will make you worse actually then actually”

they want that love loves this sport and loves the the thing the playing the game everything does there's the hundred percent then yeah yeah this is the this is what is what would make youth sports in America much better because in America right now youth sports have been taken over

by money it's like a billion dollar business and it's about rankings and stats and all these types

of things and the parents have gone nuts and they're taking out mortgages on their home to pay for more things and it's like it's not what it's about I mean Norway has a great model for their youth

than anyone else because how they're structuring their youth sports they build it around fun and

competitiveness and camaraderie and relationships and I want to say they don't start keeping score until the age of 12 or 13 which people in America would be like what the fuck we have to keep score everything is about winning and it's like it's actually not true people actually become more competitive once they actually love the thing that they're doing then they want to be the best once they have that intrinsic love for it like you're saying and so man if we could change to that

“model or at least a different model than we have I think a lot of our kids would benefit”

from actual sports rather than what's causing them now is to to make them feel pressure and burdened by it and they get burned out by the age of 12 and like all of these things that come with you know not having a healthy relationship with that sport well you know expectations what is killing us as a society instead of you know loving things to what we do and going that direction good direction to the goals we go into expectation and

short-term values I work with a lot of Google people and it was very difficult for leaders to embrace zero expectation by way of living right zero expectations and and sometimes it took weeks but once once people really embrace zero expectations life and focus on big goals in life wow that is liberation that you know makes us so free and and not obsessed that we have to do

certain things so you know the question is always what if somebody doesn't do I said okay if somebody

didn't do and you told the person to do it then what do you do you don't really punish the person you explore how to do what to do what to say to make it happen because that is more important than actually disliking the person because the person didn't do it what if you ask the person

“for too much and the person could actually do that right so you have to explore the target you”

know what to do and how to get there and and explore that constantly what to do I am it is if if my athlete doesn't do something I am 100% responsible for that not the athlete is responsible I am thinking that of it to do you know to compete and then to do things so it is I am the this killed guy here and I am teaching that so if if I don't see there I am not blaming anybody for that I go there and keep drilling and drilling and drilling until I get there I until I get that

skill and it is the targets is the skill and not expectations that I have to do it certain time

or it didn't happen it will never happen I will go into this rumination brain of negativity and

and and of course my athlete will not feel good right so if we if we really approach the situation with with with goodness with the target then the the athlete knows that if I go to the opinion and say well we know what you did here is it is not yet really there so let's practice until we get there and I can show the athlete how to do it and and work on it if genuinely approach it that way the athlete knows that there is no judgment on the part of the left that is

no expectation there is only working toward that place until it happens and the coach is 100 percent responsible for it yeah yeah the the worst coaches that I see on sort of a regular basis are the ones where they keep saying the same thing over and over again and are not understanding why the athlete isn't receiving the information and then blaming on the athlete it's like dude you're saying the same thing over and over again the athlete or person you're trying to coach

clearly doesn't understand you're blaming them and refusing to take responsibility and changing the way you approach it changing the way you look at it changing the way you say it and now it's

“only the athletes fault and that's how you harbor a very bad relationship between coach and athlete”

and also probably harbor a dislike for the sport that they probably love from the athlete

a responsibility and an ownership over that and being able to tweak a just find different ways

to reach the person that you're trying to coach so they fully understand and grasp it at least

“that's what I think yeah and and you know there's the exploration and when the coach is”

responsible 100% the coach is exploring imagination exploring different ways of exploring everything is not blaming so once he once that blaming is out there is exploration yes today I had a 12 year old uh athlete uh the father who is my client brought him with and he has uh some

knee problem with one was hit and some piece of cartley uh is missing in a uh I started exploring

with him the cost of it and whether actually the surgery is needed in in a month or not so he took me it took me about half an hour of like exploration that jumps on boxes and squats and so on until

“I ended up with uh uh with thinking that it could be the his quarter step his time and they”

really started really asking him about just the flexibility and I found out that his really the quarter step is screaming is very tight and then it took me another bit of minutes to find out which exercise actually to do that he could do it he could measure it and he would not do it too

much and finally I found a place where he could do uh this was supporting with the bar

to the 6th innings box and he started really doing it and started feeling better and he's knees actually were adapting to the to the stress that was adaptable it took me almost one hour to get there

“yeah but you're just too exploring with him and I think that's really cool that's what a coach”

he's supposed to do that's very cool I was exploring and uh and then he uh felt he's 12 year old so you know he's like uh he's focused it's not really for 10 seconds of 15 seconds so but I didn't pass on the he many anxiety that I have anxiety that I I'm not finding it and and I judge myself that I am not good as though I didn't do it to myself either so it was exploration that was healthy and even took you know almost one hour but the father was so uh grateful

that we really found it and he was a rugby guy from Australia so he's not really the top guy and he coaches actually the team that that in the elementary school somewhere so they're going to high school now there's two the whole thing was very a mentally healthy but it began with me that I was not uh I was not upset I was not uh yeah I didn't have uh expectations on myself that I should know it that I should discover it earlier or whatever it is I had really

appreciation to myself that I found it because I really found really something that could be that is there isn't why he's both knees though sometimes in pain sometimes is one but it could be that Cartlitz is one of the problem but also the the tightness in his quadriceps and he's growing so he's growing he has also growing pains it's so complex but but finding really the the tightness is really I was so happy I thought and then it was the

challenge how to find the solution because the boy will do everything to overdo so I had to find the measurements boxed him in and only to do what I asked for and it had to be limited so he would not do too much and I found that too and you know they left and they will come back next Sunday and we'll review and see how it works very cool yeah I mean we spoke about you know best coaches worst coaches scenario I mean some of the best coaches I know do exactly what you did is

is model behavior that they're trying to that they want their athlete to embody right you model

with whether he's 65 or 12 also modeled that same behavior because he saw it in you and I think

“that's really powerful as a mentor as a role model especially for young boys who really”

need strong role models in their life and so you know I'm a thinking about that a lot to as a brand new dad like what values do I want to represent how do I want to hold myself do I line up my words in my actions so to hear you say that you know makes me think about it even more so just pointing that out so young dad to go old your kids my son is five months old

oh wow so okay congratulations yeah yeah brand new yeah it won't be really

telling for you because you know it's chart we get obsessed on achieving and you know it's really it has to be in the background like Michael should say is a flicker of a horizon and focus on the

“goal and achieving constant take the goal without any expectation if the goal doesn't happen”

it means the body needs more time to get it or maybe what you are doing is not yet you know that what needs to be done so you're constantly dancing with the thing that you do but to really watch the skill and watch what you are getting what do you are getting and then playing with it constantly but you are on it too so it's not like something that it's just you want to achieve any of you if you don't achieve it there would be the world collapse so it's not like that is

it's really and you know have fun with your son because I coach a lot of you know fathers and children and I coach them one thing listen to your kids listen to your child and follow this usually only step in if something is dangerous but if it's not let them explore life let them know that you are with them you know with with kids and if they don't want to go somewhere wait until and talk to them until they maybe change their mind and go somewhere else and

but you know interact with them like a partner like a like a friend and not like a father and I was like a dad right I told you to do and you didn't do that

“no it's like life is a good thing you know and and past is very fast and why not to create a good”

feeling in your son right because your son will be going and then you can end up with the son that doesn't want to live your life with you doesn't want to have you in in his life right or you can end up with your son that will you know will love you as the friend and to be not on the dad and dad is your big success you know you come out with you know he was your son after the college and and still would love to have you as a friend wow then yeah everybody will

bow to you right god dad what else or Lee who are these bigger than dad yeah if my adult son god willing wants to hang out with me when he's older fucking that sounds awesome that sounds

amazing that's right that's it so when our daughter tells you know are you guys okay to come

for the weekend to Portland we boom we go on a plane and we are there right of course I mean I would also want to go with it for dinner with the gym wow we are so thankful for that and we are thankful for ourselves that we are truly created such a thing you know and they know there were really tough times and you know we we dealt with it the right way is so it's you know is it's it's the friendship that matters friendship matters and in case I see it's so many times

that students are kids out of the college they they don't want to see their parents and they don't want to hang out with them they you know it's just like the light but them becomes children and parents but there's no together and it's that is a reason yeah it is um last thing I think will ask you is about you know poetry um talk to me about how poetry plays a part in your work

serious poetry and I only wrote serious poetry which translated poets there was serious

“and just poetry was always the serious thing then I studied watching my clients and I always wanted”

to write some like poetry for like it was the purpose but I was not able to really write anything like that and about 15 years ago I started watching my clients and this heart choices unable

to make this heart choices and suffering because of that and when I watched that I saw something

and they talked to myself in this way if suffering is there then poetry is there and I started

“working on what I saw and how I could write the poem something about that and so the poem”

would be a poem in the poetry world and also communicate something that was around my work so that was extremely difficult to do and spent a lot of time on that and started to really poem by writing poems about the situations and one of the poems that I wrote title who cannot and they coach a group in San Francisco and for about three months in the one day there was this nurse who said that I cannot exercise because I don't have time

and and I said what happens and then she said I have two jobs and I have children and she started telling me what was happening and I was driving for 14 minutes to my home in which I from San Francisco and I was thinking about that and I was thinking about something

“is not right because exercise is important element of actually to get energy, to deal with the”

world, to get stronger and to have more energy to be a nurse and so on so when I arrived home I spent about four hours in meditation room and wrote the poem and wrote the poem and when back to San Francisco next week I wrote the poem and then people started really talking about

and then she spoke the last one and then she said I will never tell my children

that I cannot do something for them. I will avoid that saying and she said you know I was not on those with you because now I see that sometimes I watch TV show or what's something and my chives asked about something and I just missed them they said I don't have time now I cannot do that and I'll go on right so it just missed them and it's not true that I don't have time to exercise. I actually have I was just not to watch my favorite show sometimes so she changed

because of it upon if you want I can't read it please yeah let's hear it you want to hear of course me force you get that. Okay. Who cannot? Every night when I wake up I walk to the kitchen

His coach fought for a moment and then taught him. Think about all those people who stop themselves

from owning and killing and having fun because they finally saw how others suffered.

Without them we would still have slaves to Holocaust and the world just for men. Becoming a man like that is your only chance because there is no one else to force you.

“Don't you expect too much from me? Do you really believe I can be a man like that?”

Who cannot? Hmm. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. Yes. Yeah thank you.

So there is a way of awakening in us. The feelings and bring to the surface

and a waking does believe that we can. That anybody can. We just started believing that we we cannot but we can. Those people that really became the light of in our lives. It was hard for them too. And we can choose that too as well. We can choose this hard choices. We can choose to say to our children yes I will help you. What do you need? Right? And be for them and in spite of our busy life or whatever we want to do. We can prioritize our children

in our life and not our playing cards or whatever it is as more important than our children. Yeah beautiful. Well that's a perfect way to sort of wrap us up. Is there anything you want to share now that maybe I failed to ask you before we get off into the sunset?

“Yeah life is a good thing and it's passing very fast you know like I'm 71 years old and”

and you know it's like when people were telling me 40 years ago my clients that oh enjoy life enjoy life because it goes so fast I was just thinking really yeah it's like it does goes fast and the consequences are there too. So when why not to live the life of you know this forward life and not backward life this then saying about this you like you go forward you improve your work and then you get better and you die you go backward you get worse

and you die too. So the thing is why not to go forward why not to have this life with a little bit of hard choices here and there and improve yourself and you improve everybody around you and you know because of that you can also find this comfort and satisfaction and happiness and

“enjoy why not that life. Why not that's a beautiful question life is a good thing I'll”

I'll I'll double stamp that I agree life is a good thing for sure it's a beautiful thing it's a

precious thing it's the most amazing thing we haven't we don't get another one as far as I know

I don't know what happens when we die maybe we get another chance but right now as I as I talk to you this is the only chance we get and so let's make it the best thing we can let's make it great you know life is a good thing so thank you for the conversation my friend yeah and you know once that's one more thing you know you said that you've had a really good day right and it is the best of my life day and you really do know that in the future can't be even better days right so we really

don't know how long we will be living life you know how do we know when there will be 100 years through 70 or 50 or 80 so every day counts every day is a thing and everything is the day they can really make another day a little bit better it that's also something to remember

yeah thank you Aaron appreciate

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below thank you very much lots of love and I'll see you next time