Okay, all right, I don't know where Mark.
But oh, there's more. Are we ready, Mark? Yeah. Heather, take it away. All right, trailer.
“Over of not just pop music like an early '80s, 2000s ad spot.”
(upbeat music) Welcome to the GYM. Your favorite rundown, finished it whole. In this pilot episode, we follow neurotic girl boss Valerie and her rag tag employees as they attempt to film a commercial
for the grand reopening of the GYM.
Valerie grew up in this shitty local gym as her second home
and purchased the failing establishment after the former owner was exposed as the flamingo king in escaping till all documentary. The FBI took the birds and Valerie spent her life savings to keep the place from being bulldozed.
Can she restore the GYM to its former glory so it whips up to her childhood's rose-colored memories or will it pale and comparison to its sleek and modern competitor across the street? Soles does to find out, come on down to the GYM
and get a full ab workout, laughing in the comfort of your own home. (audience laughing)
“All right, the GYM pilot written by Danny Hanks.”
Cold open, interior cycling studio day,
feet worked fast on a stationary bike,
rock hard quads, folds through super tight biking shorts with the brand, the GYM Johnny late 30s, a teamo version of Lance Armstrong. Cycles on a bike at the front of an indoor cycling studio. The thump thump thump of workout music pulses as lights.
Oh, there we go, as lights dance over peeling paint, scratched mirrors and a few scattered bikes labeled out of order. A voice speaks over the music. The GYM isn't just a place.
Behind Johnny, Brian 30s, I candy and he knows it, copies Johnny's movements to a tee. It's the place, it's a community. Chris 20s, I candy and completely oblivious, wobbles off feet, this guy skips leg day and it shows.
A culture, a lifestyle, it's home.
Caleb, mid 20s, just here for the gram bikes at an even base, she puffs her chest out, her shirt reads at Kayla Karma. Cut, come on, cut, cut, cut. Camera reveals a commercial crew packed in this tiny room.
Valerie mid 30s, type A, socially awkward and stuck in the style of Jalan, Blair's a Kayla. Caleb, I told you, only our close for the commercial. But it's my Insta. Valerie has a t-shirt at her, it's vomit green and huge.
- But though, do we have any other shorts? - Guys, look, this is all we have in stock, okay? So like Tim Guns says, make it work. - I would like, um, pexman, tight. - Brian flaps his own butt and shimmies his cheeks.
- If I wear my handle, I can promote us without an ad disclaimer. - Valerie concedes, Kayla tosses the giant shirt back to her. - Okay, here we go, grand reopening commercial, take two action trainers reassemble on their bikes,
commercial crew roles. Johnny begins to work out again. Valerie clears her throat and puts on her sales voice. The GYM isn't just a place. Johnny stands out of the saddle,
leans on one handlebar and pulls his shorts to adjust luggage that shits it in transit. A handlebar creaks under his body weight. Then snaps, and the whole boat! - Johnny slams it, you can see, right on his balls. - All right, act one, exterior GYM parking lot day.
Only two buildings are left standing in this otherwise demolished strip mall, a tech repair shop, and the GYM, where two handymen, are hanging a banner, grand reopening. A board EMT in a gruff driver, Lou Johnny, into an ambulance. - This is just to be that bird place, right?
They had like, what ostrich yoga? - Yeah, yeah, in pair of platties. - If you hear what happened to them? - Yeah, it sucks. The birds were the only good thing about this dump.
But hey, at least we got a new gym. - The ambulance pulls away through the empty parking lot and passes a full parking lot across the street. This is solstice with a barbell as the eye and a sign that reads brand opening, Valerie size,
Brian Kala-Chris, and Alexa, 20s, not the brightest crayon in the box, watch the ambulance drive away. - For real, torsion is new joke.
“- Is that what happened to, is that what happened in New Armstrong?”
- The trunk bit clear? - No, no, no, no. - You're thinking of Neil Diamond. - Okay, you guys, please, circle up. Like, they said that Johnny's gonna be out for two weeks.
I don't know, I guess I have to cover his classes
and his clients.
- No, wait, what about the commercial?
- I don't know, I don't know, Kayla. I mean, we can't cancel on our members. The film crew's only here for today,
“so if I reschedule them, it's gonna cost me an arm at a leg.”
- It's a testicle! (audience laughs) Spirit of Alanna's help me, this is the-- - Rain, no, my way down. (audience laughs)
- There we go, I can't hear you. - We can hear, okay, okay, if we split Johnny's work between the three of us and keep the place running, you can focus on the commercial, and whenever we're free, we can be in it like you planned.
Right, guys? - Yeah, yeah. - I'm happy to be on camera if you need an extra. I'm a professional lead trained actress. - Kayla mals along professionally trained actress,
then shoots a smirk at Brian. Valerie checks her clipboard, okay. If we're really gonna do this, Chris, you're gonna teach Finn class. Kayla, you take Johnny's clients, Brian,
that leaves you with group fitness,
but first, you're with me.
- Valerie leads the brigade back inside. She snaps at one handyman struggling with the grand reopening sign. - Can we put that up any faster? We are losing customers.
- And Terry, can you give me a little more of a snap on that, a little more attitude on the customer line? - Yeah. - Can we put that up any faster?
We're losing customers. - The entryway, interior entryway day. Brian, Kayla, and Chris split off. Alexa heads toward the mailbox that Valerie beats her to it.
“- I don't worry, I think Alexa proceeds to the front desk.”
Valerie flips through the mail, invoice, urgent, overdue. Notice if default, failure to play will result in foreclosure. She hides the letters in her papers. A top her clipboard is a polaroid of young Valerie
and her mother in front of the GYM. Valerie smiles at the memory. - Breaking news.
- The camera zooms in on a TV above the front desk.
A cocky newscaster narrates footage of an FBI raid on the GYM. - Okay. - Now, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo newscaster narrates footage of an FBI raid on the GYM.
A redneck man is arrested with an ostrich on a leech. - Nelson Widdler's, the Flamingo King, was sentenced to five years today after a former employee testified that his business was a money laundering scheme for trading exotic tests.
- Whether or not we could be having hands selling hundreds of birds, including a flock of penguins in the solar pool. - Valerie stands between the camera and the TV to obscure view.
- I'm trying to shut off. - I love it. - Now, interior front desk area, same time.
“As Alexa crouched, slams into the underside of the desk.”
She pops up and rubs her head. - Got it! - Alexa turns off the TV then crawls back under the desk with her iPhone charger. She traces wires through the power strip.
- Aw, witty. (laughing) - Come here, her printer. - She unplugged wine and plugs her phone in. It lights up.
- Ah, hello? - Alexa stands and hits her head with another smacks. - Shiespin Client 30s grimaces. Alexa plastered on a smile. - Hi, hello.
- Hello, welcome to the gym. How can I help you? - GYM, GYM. - That's my badge. (laughing)
- I know. - Alexa clicks on her point of service system, but only gets error. (laughing) - She has to get one free deal. I think I'm bike number five or seven.
- Alexa clicks on her point of service system, but only gets error. - The system is a lot of fun. - I'm not sure if you can get it. - I'm not sure if you can get it. - I'm not sure if you can get it.
- I'm not sure if you can get it. - I'm not sure if you can get it. - I'm not sure if you can get it. - It's error. The system is down.
- I'm so sorry. (laughing) - Singing. Is it loading? (laughing)
- Oh, yeah. - Alexa pulls out a sheet of paper. - If you put your name down, I'll check you in when the system is back up. - And you might should be fine.
- Shei's been client signs and wanders off. A tall man in a pinstripe suit, real estate vulture, approaches the desk with a briefcase and a shitting grin. - Hi, welcome to the ChiM. Are you here for our spin class promotion?
- From across the room, Valerie sees real estate vulture, leaning to talk to Alexa with a slick smile. Valerie charges over and shoes him out like a doll. - This property is not for sale, buddy. Not last week, not today, not next week.
So make like MJ just beat it. - Brian sees the exchange and rushes toward the front desk. The point of service system is working. - Oh, my dear, that's where they call the POS. - Alexa doesn't get it.
Valerie breaks down. - Oh my God, I knew I should have upgraded that whole thing. Like we're already behind schedule. - Ben, Ben, Ben, go, breathe, breathe, breathe. - Yes, go, breathe, breathe.
- Right. - Right, he says relax, breathe. He says relax, relax.
Don't do it.
When you want to get to it.
- I'm going to stop you right there. - 'Cause you set up with the film crew and I'm right behind you. - Alexa's got this. - Okay, call the service agent.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. She's just got it. - Valerie paces towards the weight area. Once she's gone. - You got this, right?
- Alexa blinks at him. - Don't run over the narration. - Alexa blinks at him. She does not, got this.
“- Okay, how about you just call the IT guys next door?”
- Why are we calling the IT guys? - Kayla swoops into here, the hot goss. Chris follows behind her. He speaks in broken English with a finished accent. - I...
(laughing) - The system is down. - Brian pulls him into a huddle. - All right, fam. Johnny's out.
The system is out.
This place is the Titanic.
Okay. We're Leo. We gotta keep Kate a flip. - Oh, who are Kate and Leo? - We just have to support them.
The GYM needs this commercial, Kayla. It'll promote your Insta. Chris, you need this place to stay open for your visual. - Being in a commercial would look great on my resume. - Yeah, we can do.
And any issues come up. We handle them ourselves. Deal? Okay, go. Hands in, GYM on three.
One. Brian leads his hand down. Alexa puts her on top. Chris is confused. Kayla rolls her eyes and walks away.
One, two, three. Brian! He rushes off. Chris leaves. Alexa is alone.
(laughing) - What do you want him? Do you want him? (laughing) - That's him.
- Rita is in. - Okay, he rushes off. Chris leaves. Alexa is alone. - He wants him.
- He wants him. - OK. - Camera man's down. - 20s. No nonsense.
Taps Alexa on the shoulder.
“Alexa smiles and presents herself to the camera.”
- Hey, excuse me. What is GYM stand for? - It stands for something. Interior free weights area day. Valerie watches Brian Flob push-up claps the reminder.
Brian, I'm going to be honest. I've only seen you land one of these drunk off your ass at a gay bar. - Yes, I do, like. - Oh, or? - Are you in the air?
- No. - First solstice. - I'm Jim, not shall not be named. - Oh, group fitness. Do we have a program written up?
- Yes, in the system. Alexa called a company number, right? - Yeah. Interior front desk day. Wade, 30s people pleaser.
Shuffles in the door with a messenger bag and his shirt buttons all the way to the top. - Hi, I'm from Czech Republic. - What are we written? Can we read a bit?
- Yes. - Interior front desk day. Wade, 30s people pleaser. Shuffles in the door with a messenger bag and his shirt buttons all the way to the top. - I'm from Czech Republic.
- Interior, uh, next door. - Thank God. - The system is down. I can't log in. Nothing is loaded.
“- She turns the screen towards him and rapidly clicks for fresh.”
- Oh, okay, okay, okay, yeah, that's all right. That doesn't help. Could be an issue with the server. Do you know where the box is? - Okay, this spot's Wade from across the room and her is over.
- I'll show you. I'll show you. Handsome. - Mm-hmm. - Interior free weights area day.
Bryan accused for another push-up but sees Kayla leading Wade into the server closet. Valerie turns to follow his gaze but Bryan fumbles a push-up. Valerie helps him up. - You're going to break something. - Let's matter with you.
- Kayla hurries Wade into the closet. Valerie nun the wiser. - A TV above Bryan displays a local new spotlight. - You know how that fits down. - That was the old and in was the new.
- Luxury gym chain solstice is opening a brand new location. - Oh, we're supposed to say anyone. - Interior front desk day. - White trash spendiva. - The deities.
- Rifty chic. - Structs pass Alexa without stopping. - You know me sweetheart. - Big number one. - Sorry.
- Chris approaches the desk. - Costs phone. - Huh? - Huh? - How?
- We have ten people. - I'll only nine bikes working. Johnny broke one this morning. - Thank you. - They share a look and run.
Interior cycling studio day. Chris and Alexa round the corner just as white trash spendiva notices a shy spin client on bike one. - Who the hell do you think you are?
- Oh, shoot.
- I have. - Oh.
- Interior free waits area day.
“Bryan finally lands a perfect clap push-up win.”
- Oh, I spit out right number one. Since Richard Simmons went into the oldie. - White trash spendiva. - Chase's shy spin client out the front door. - Rooening Valerie's shot.
Interior front desk day. Valerie confronts Alexa. Bryan hot at her heel. - What is going on?
“- Bryan cremises and gives it a kind of out motion.”
- She's. - Just upset.
We didn't have an off the list.
- The classes fall because of the promotion. - Are you on something? - I'm bright commercial blares on the TV about the front desk. These sleek aesthetics, modern machines, sexy fitness trainers. - Solves the skin.
Now they're eating. Want to get fit.
Your first month is free.
- Valerie slaps the off button.
“All TV's are conspicuously off for the rest of the episode.”
- Can we get the TV commercial again? And while you do it, I'd like to get some, you know, reactions, you know, booze his personal place. - Okay. - So we'll read it and you can do it right over the commercial.
- Solves the skin. - Valerie's not stupid. - I don't want to get fit. - I don't want to get fit. - I don't want to get fit.
- Valerie slaps the off button. All TV's are conspicuously off for the rest of the episode. End of act one. - And yeah. - It's not like it's the nice picture.
(applause) - Okay, now pretend you're all listening the next week in your car.
