How Do We Tell Our Family They Aren’t Welcome?

>> How do we tell our families that our ideal birth plan is to not have them

visit the hospital. My mom's husband's sister decided to invite someone that she had from a missionary project from my aunt to the hospital. >> Your mom's cousin's brother's sister's family. [MUSIC]

>> Hey, what's going on? What's going on? This is John with Dr. John Deloitte's show. Comedy from National Tennessee taking real calls from real people about their mental and emotional health, their kids, their lives, their marriages, whatever you got going on in your life.

I'd love for you to be on the show. Click the link in the show notes.

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live or anything like that, but you can click the link in the show notes. Let Kelly know what's going on in your life and she will get you on the show. Let's go to Omaha, Nebraska, and talk to Kristen. Hey, Kristen, what's up? >> Hey, Dr. John, how are you?

>> Doing great, how are you? >> Great. >> What's up? >> So we were wondering, how do we tell our families that our ideal birth plan is to not have them visit the hospital after the birth of our twins?

>> Oh, awesome.

I think the first most important thing is stop calling it your ideal birth plan, and

just say, this is our plan. >> Okay. >> And I think you can take off all of the therapeutic words and all of the legalese words and all of the internety words and just say, "Hey, here's what we're doing." >> Okay.

>> Is this your first two kids? >> No, we actually, so a little bit of backup history in 2018. And then we gave birth to a little girl that died two hours after birth. >> What was her name? >> Stella Rose.

>> Stella Rose, amazing. >> Awesome. >> And everybody, we let everybody come for that. And it was a little overwhelming, but we wanted everybody to meet her, so we let everybody in.

And then in 2019, we gave birth to another little girl, Scarlet Rose, and everybody was there also for that, which was great. There was a few hiccups, some kind of oddities happened. My mom's husband, sister, decided to invite someone that she had from a missionary project for my aunt's to the hospital.

>> Your mom's cousin's brother's sister's roommate. >> That's awesome. >> I know. I know. We had all kinds of people come, and it was just a lot, it was a little overwhelming.

So now we are giving birth to twins in April, and I can just already tell it's going to

be overwhelming, because one we've never been parents to twins, and for two, this is going

to be our second set of children that we have to try to navigate along with a sibling. So, I will tell you, we've done this in our house, my wife and I, I mean, she's, my wife

“sent down to email to everybody, and I think all of that, I'm not certain, but if I remember”

correctly, it all started with a phone call. >> Hey, I'm going to send out our, I'm imagining that you have twins that you already have a date and a time that can do this, see section, and all that. >> Yep. >> Okay, so letting everybody know, I'm going to send out our plan, and we're going to send

it via email, just so everybody knows, this one, I'm just going to be me, and husband at the hospital. That's it. >> Okay. >> And I'll send out everything and writing about when it's going to be, and we hope

to get home, and all that, and I know everybody's excited for us, but this is how we're going to do this time. >> Okay. >> And if you put in the word ideal, for somebody who would be willing to invite another friend, who is a sister of a brother, that person is going to see that as a crack in the

doorway to do whatever they want. >> Exactly. >> And so, we're not giving that, that's just not on the table, it's not going to happen. >> Okay. >> And this is how it's going to go.

“And what you have to be prepared for, and you and your husband have to be committed, like”

arm and arm on this, is we are not going to be responsible for other people's response to what we want. >> Okay. >> Okay. And letting them know, this is about, overwhelmed, this is about, we want to spend this

time together, all those kind of things.

going to say, well, I won't be overwhelming.

>> Yeah. >> I'll be quiet, I'll be good. We're not, it's, I want to spend this time with my husband, my husband wants to spend this time with just us, we're going to be here with doctors, and then we would love for you all to be at our house, we'd love for you to fill in the blank on the rest of it.

>> Okay. >> And just let them go from there. >> So then, I guess, so we have mentioned, give me, we did mention it to just a cup, so we have divorced parents who are all remarried. >> Okay.

>> So we have four sets of grandparents for these babies, and we have mentioned it to a couple of them. One of them is perfectly okay with it. She understands, the other one has told me that it's rude, that I don't want them there.

“So am I actually valid in feeling like this is okay for us to do?”

I don't even have words for that. I do, but they just did get me canceled. >> I mean, I totally understand how they, I mean, no, I don't know. >> Back in the old days, I totally get, back in the old days, the moms were all there. Dads didn't really work involved, but my husband is very involved, I get all the support

I need from him, so I don't feel like we need all the grandparents there. Let me just say it's not rude, that you don't want a room full of people during a major surge. This is a major surgery, and yeah, it's not rude, no. >> Okay.

>> Your birth, if you said you can never see these kids, and they're great people, they're

good people. They're even annoying, frustrating, mind, pull out your hair, people, but they're still, they're still your family, yeah, that's rude. >> Yeah. >> But choosing to have major surgery with just your husband in the room, not rude.

And again, that's one of those like, if you think what I need is, or not even what I need, what I want, it's somehow impacts you in such a negative way, I'm sorry.

“And so I would respond to that with, thank you for sharing that with me.”

>> Okay. >> Here's what we're going to do. And you've already let that person know, and so I wouldn't call them back and try to explain it and try to debate it or negotiate it with them, I, you know, whatever. >> Okay.

>> And I want to, I want a day, I want an evening, I want a night just with me and the two babies in the husband, and we will welcome visitors the next morning, or we will, in three

days, we can't wait to see everybody, hope you'll be at our house, or you just get to decide

what happens next. >> Okay. >> Yeah. I will say this. One thing that might be helpful is what we're really going to need help with is dot dot dot.

>> Okay. >> Really going to need help with somebody keeping our, with keeping scarlet. >> Okay. >> And somebody needs, I need somebody that I trust to bring scarlet up when it's time. And so that would be cool if y'all could do this.

>> Okay. >> My in-laws were, I think my, yeah, I'm almost positive, my in-laws kept my son, Hank, while daughter was being born, until we knew the birth was good, everything was good, and then they brought Hank up, and it was awesome. >> Yeah.

That's kind of what we were hoping to do this time. >> Yeah. >> And I, like, they used to keep me in the hospital three days, but now it's like they're trying to hurry and just get you out of there, so like we don't even have a lot of time.

“>> So this, when you should, you shouldn't get rushed out on this, when this is a big deal.”

>> Yes. >> Yeah. Are they going to come early? Is there going to be a Nick you stay or anything like that? >> So far we're good.

They're both in separate placenta, so they're both healthy. >> Awesome. >> We don't know their gender, so that's going to be the other surprise. >> Cool. >> So as far as I know, there's no Nick you stay, but as they come early.

Now, I just want you and your husband to tweak your language a little bit, and the way you're putting it on to the world is I hope this is okay. >> Okay. >> And I want you to put it out into the world as this is what we are doing. >> Okay.

>> This is what we are doing, and we hope y'all will join us. >> Okay. >> Yeah. >> They get to choose. >> They don't know what will better.

>> They get to choose. It just, you throw your shoulders back a little bit and take ownership of you and your husband's life. >> Okay. >> Cool.

>> Yeah. >> Congratulations. How far out are we? >> I'm 33 weeks this week, so we're getting there. >> They're hoping to get me to 36 at least.

>> Awesome. I would say enjoy the last three weeks, but nope, they're all just indoor the last three

>> Exactly. >> There we go.

“>> Well, it's been an honor talking to you, and I wish you absolutely the best, and hopefully”

all of the people involved respect the chaos of a delivery room, respect your past challenges,

y'all experience the loss, and this, I mean, it's a lot, it's a lot, and then to bring two kids, make sure everybody's okay, and all, it's a lot. So my hope is they deeply respect what you and your husband wish to do moving forward, and y'all just have to be open-handed, which is hard to do. We can't control what they choose to do.

Thank you so much for the call, my sister. >> We come back, a woman asks how to address her concern that her husband may be showing early signs of dementia, we'll be right back. This show is sponsored by Better Health. Financial stress does not just damage our bank accounts.

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therapist isn't the right fit, you can switch at any time for no additional cost. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Visit betterhelp.com/deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's Better Help, HELP.com/deloney. All right, let's go to our Lando and talk to Renee.

Hey Renee, what's up? Hey, what's up, John? I'm good. How are you? What's up?

What's up? Yeah, pretty good. Excellent. You're good. You're good hands.

All right. I know it. What's up? Okay, so my husband is 71 and I'm 63. What's up?

I'm 63. Yeah.

“So for the last several months, maybe even year or so, I think I had a noticing that my husband”

had some little personality changes. He's almost like a toddler. When he gets frustrated, he's like very verbally like, ah, you know, or some like he's just unenhibited with his expression of frustration. Not that he gets like well, angry or violent or anything.

He just doesn't have that filter anymore to be quiet about it. Which is, which I want to say is one of the chief awesomenesses about getting to be 70. Because then you all of your filter can be gone. Like you earn the right kind of say what you think. Yeah, yeah, he's pretty much ripped that filter right off.

So, but the other thing is he's, he's not tracking and things very well. And for a while, it's been like a running joke when we're watching a TV program or a movie or something. And he completely, like, is not keeping up with who the characters are. And, you know, and I've ripped him about it quite a bit. But, um, and now, like in the last few months, I've noticed like on Sundays in the sermon

and we're, you know, we're going to talk about it afterwards. And he, it's like, I just, you know, my mind just wanders, I just lost my mind.

You know, and I can understand that happening sometimes, but it always happens.

So, what's your big concern? Well, I brought it up to him. And he's decided that he has, he does not have dementia. His mother has terrible dementia, by the way, when he has her block away from us in the memory care. But, um, he's decided that he has ADHD. But, here, my, this is my concern.

I haven't mentioned this to anyone else. And even though I want, I would want to, like, have him evaluated by his doctor. He's not going to do that. And I can't go behind his back and talk to his doctor about it.

“I think that would just, he would feel terribly betrayed.”

And I would love to ask my son if he's noticed anything. But, my concern is, like, having people look at him in a different way. Like, our friends and family members and stuff. If I, I'm afraid that if I talk to anybody about this or ask anything, then suddenly, all the interactions are going to be filtered through.

Is, you know, and does he even have dementia?

Because, you know, when, just normal day to day. I mean, he still, he still has a job. He just got his drone license. I mean, he is, he is capable of learning.

“So, it's just these really little, I think, subtle beginning signs that there's something”

starting to go amidst. And so, I'm not really sure, like, just leave it be and keep an eye on it. Or, you know, I do need to take some intervention. Yeah, and you're not going to like it. I want to give you a framework for it, okay?

Framework number one are not framework, but question number one is,

men are notoriously stubborn, especially aging men. Right? They just are. And they often die or don't have treatment that can extend cognitive capacity, physical capacity, sexual capacity, because they refuse to go get help.

And then you, at some point, you go off a cliff and there's no going back. Right? And so, if he won't go to the doctor for himself, I hate to say it like this, but that, that would track that's normal.

“I often find, especially wives can say, will you go for me?”

I don't feel safe. I don't, I feel scared. Will you go and get a valuation to give me some peace? Sometimes I will. Sometimes that doesn't, but most men will not go for themselves.

Yeah. Well, he did kind of scare me a couple of months ago. He planned a trip for us, and he was going to take care of everything. It was an anniversary trip. And he didn't make any reservations for a hotel.

And then he's going to be, we're in a strange city. And he, and it's night time dark, and he's just going to drive around and find some place. I'm like, this, we can't do this. Yeah, but they, we're not. But I've done this.

Right? And so, it got to be a bit evaluated. I trust me. Yes. I've been evaluated multiple times.

Here's, so, I was talking with an aging person recently, someone in their late 70s. And this person thought they were on a fast track to dementia of some sort. And then they started doing some volunteer work, where they were surrounded by a bunch of other folks who were of the same age. And one of the great gifts of that community was they all were laughing about, they can't remember names anymore.

“They can't remember that one story anymore.”

They can't remember that location anymore. And so, the challenge with dementia, especially at early, early parts of it when you're aging, is there's a natural fall off. And there's a natural, like, dude, there's so much going on in the screen right now. There's too many characters, there's too many explosions, too many, like, dinosaurs coming out of the woods. Like, it can be hard to track and try to figure out what it's, what?

And that's why a proper evaluation is so critical.

I, interestingly, not because I'm thinking, I'm heading into dementia and any shape from her fashion. I went and got an evaluation of sorts because I wanted a baseline while I know I'm really sharp and healthy. And so in 10 years when I go back and in 10 more years when I go back, I want to be able to see is there any noticeable decline because I have an established baseline. Oh, so I could ask him to get a baseline. What we're doing is, hey, your mom has this and we are all suffering through it.

There is a reality where this could happen. We're not there yet. Will you at least do this for me to give me some peace? Will you at least do this so that we have a baseline so that in five years and 10 years if we have to go back, we have a snapshot and time already. All right, so, so that's the idea one, I'm going to say there's a 20% chance I just made that number up. 20% chance that works 80% chance says, oh, stop worrying about me blah blah like that.

Okay, so here's the other framework I want I want to give to you. At some point and I would suggest you it's today. What people are going to think? I don't care. I have routinely over the last 20 years looked at somebody in the eye and said when they were when I was doing like a suicide evaluation or a self harm evaluation.

If you are alive in five years to hate me, I win.

And so it is not I don't see it as any sort of violation if you were looking at a guy and a truck is coming right at him.

“And he says, are you think a truck is coming at him?”

And he says, I don't care I'm not moving. Calling the neighbor to help you pull him out of the way is not a violation of his trust or whatever. It is a way you can love him in spite of himself. And so 100% without reservation. If I'm in your same situation in my wife says, I refuse to go get evaluated. I would contact her doctor.

No questions about it. Okay. Now to you agree with me that I should keep this to myself regarding our friends and family and stuff and just. I don't think you keeping this to yourself is helping you at all. I also think that not you don't put it in the church bulletin or you don't.

I honestly would not bring my kids into it just yet. But well, I do want to share it with one of my closest friends. I 100% were not because about him, but because of what you're carrying. Yeah, I just don't want people to look at him and dismiss, you know, like, I don't want him to be invalidated by that's my concern. That's a story you're making up and then you're projecting that out onto other people.

Okay. If they choose to start treating him differently and start going on and like, and diminish him. Because of a potential, then then the relationship you're trying to preserve wasn't as strong as you think it is anyway. Okay, I see what you're saying. Okay.

And, or you might give them an amazing opportunity to go.

Yeah, I don't see it at all. You live with it and often spouses carry the majority of the load because people pretend really well out in public. But you might also hear, like, yeah, we didn't know how to talk to you, but yeah, we've.

“He's shown up at our house at a weird time and you've got lost getting home and things like that, right?”

And so. Here's the thing. You trying to shoulder all this to quote unquote, help him actually berries you. You've got to have somebody that you talk with. Okay.

And if you don't have a friend that you think could hold this. Trust in trust worthy fashion or in a safe fashion, then. That that's not a great friend to be honest with you. Yeah. But you are in full on image protection mode.

And I would switch to full on taking care of my husband mode. And those are two different things. Okay.

Like for instance, I will tell somebody I'm about to send every single first responder.

I can think of to your neighborhood at midnight. There's going to be flashing lights all up and down your street. They're going to park in front of your house. Everyone in your street will know something happen to your house. And I don't care because I want you to be okay.

That's the way I would think about this. Okay. All right. Well, I like the approach of how to get him possibly to go get an evaluation. I think he does need a baseline.

And he probably won't.

“And I want to challenge you the next thing you should do is call his physician.”

Okay. That's that is that is loving him when he is maybe unable to love himself. Okay. Okay. All right.

Well, thank you so much. You're a good spouse and can I throw one little thing at etcha? Sure. Hold space for. If you all have been caring for his mother who's in a memory care program.

That's been a heavy burden on you guys for a while, hadn't it? Oh, my goodness. You have no idea. Okay. She was the also victimized by one of her other children who took every penny.

And so we are dealing with the legal ramifications. It's been huge and very stressful for my husband and. Yeah. So it's a lot dealing with her. I want you to hold space for.

Your brain and body are right to be looking for every possibility that this might be happening again. And you might be wrong. And so hold space for that. Okay. That would be great.

I know. I know. But be able to like if you go through life looking for every moment where he forget something where he stumbles on something or he's not comprehending something. Where he just does what dumb husbands do sometimes.

But it's all through a framework of he might have dementia. You're going to see it everywhere. That is exactly what's happening.

That is true. Take those glasses off. Everything. I don't even know how to take those glasses. I'll tell you.

My mother has dementia. Okay. So my mother is well. You see it everywhere and you are heightened. Look for it.

Okay. And that means you might be seeing shadows where there aren't. You might be seeing monsters that are only shadows.

“And so getting a professional evaluation whether you have to force it or whether you.”

He will walk with you to protect the the emotional. Um, stability of his wife. Like, my hope is he would love you enough to go do that. Yeah. Okay.

I think he does. Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you for a call, sister. And hey, man.

I hate that you're going through this in 360 degrees with your mom with his mom. Plus family. Like, I'm sorry. dementia.

Alzheimer's all that is just ravaging families throughout the country. And devastating is absolutely devastating. And sorry. You're experiencing that. And thanks for being somebody who's walking right through the middle of it.

Pretty awesome. Pretty strong. We come back. A woman asks how to confront her parents about keeping her autism diagnosis a secret. My house is filled with all kinds of rad things.

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“We're going to Rhode Island, talk to Sarah. Hey, Sarah, what's up?”

Okay, thanks for taking my call. Of course, what's going on? Um, so I found out a year ago that I have an autism diagnosis that I never knew about my whole life. Oh, how old are you? I'm 30.

And my diagnosis is when I was three. Three, okay, so that was before the big wave of everybody getting diagnosed with autism. Yes. That's an OG diagnosis, okay. So yeah, I mean, growing up I had delays like I was globally delayed.

That's what I was labeled as.

I was told I was never going to get married.

Never hold a job, never drive. Who told you this? I think the speech and OT therapy. Who told you that stuff? Who told you that stuff?

Doctors, doctors from my parents who told me. Good grief, okay. Well. When did that like that? Yeah, I wouldn't have said it like that.

Yes, what honey, you're never going to, yeah, I wouldn't have done that. But, okay. Well, I put them wrong. I have a job. I'm properly married.

I have kids that could drive so bad. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. I'm proud of you, proud of you.

Thanks. So how can I help? So yeah. Um, so a year ago, my parents, um, they decided to set down size and they were looking for their stuff.

And that's when they noticed older valuations. And they asked if I wanted to look at them to see how far I've come. And I said, of course. So during my own time, I look through them. And I noticed under diagnosis, I see high functioning autism.

And they never told me that I had that.

They just said, I was always, you know, delayed. Wow. And I have a son who's autistic. They can my parents know about that. And the issue is, our time I bring up that special A word autism.

They always shut me down and said, he doesn't have it. He's just delayed like you are.

“What is their, um, allergy to, like, true neurodivergent?”

I don't know. My parents are, I love them. But they're just kind of old fashioned. Like in their minds, like, neurobite diversity. And don't get me start a mental health.

They don't exist. Like, their generation was, uh, stuck it up. We talked generation.

which is just suck it up none of its real.

And also, I mean, you've seen it. And if I was you, I would be frustrated by now. Suddenly everybody's got it, right? And everybody needs all these, and you've had to just grind and crash.

“And like, you've had to take a machete out and carve your own path out in the forest, right?”

Mm-hmm. And so I do think there's a, there's a middle ground here, right? But, yeah. None of that matters for this situation right here. Mm-hmm.

Um, like, I do growing up that something was off with me, because I struggled, like, I had my delays. I also struggled socially to add to our time of laying people, part-time making friends. Wasn't by you to a lot of parties or play dates.

Like, at a very lonely childhood. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I've got a lot of opinions on how it was done, but it doesn't matter. I would tell you the, what you think will be on the other side of a confrontation won't be there. Mm-hmm.

Like, you confronting them, you going after them, you saying how dare you? Um, you-- I'm not mad, that might forgive them. Okay. Honestly.

So how can I help? What do you want to do? I don't know how to move forward. Do I bring it up to them? Or do I just--

I would-- I would-- I would-- I would wear it as a-- Well, if I say it like that, I don't want it to be misinterpreted.

Oh, go ahead. No, I don't think you'll misinterpret me.

“I think the greater world will misinterpret me.”

Mm-hmm. I would look in the mirror and be very, very proud of myself. I am. I would be overwhelmed with gratitude. Um, and--

And I was-- I was challenged with this by a therapist one time, and it has run through with me for the-- all through my life. Um, and what she said was,

you have to always blame fair.

Yeah. And so I would blame-- I can't believe you let me go through life thinking I was just-- I was just delayed, whatever the heck that means. Um, and you wouldn't tell me that no actually your brain works differently than everybody else's.

And here's some strategies in support and some ABA-- like there's all kinds of support that you can-- Mm-hmm. You kept all that for me. And-- and-- and you're right to blame for that.

And I'm making this up here as I go. Maybe having never been captured by a label allows you to take risks to really dig in and practice things to really scratch and claw your way to who you've become now. Maybe.

Mm-hmm. And so maybe that label would have made resource allocation-- Um, res-- getting resources easier. It would have made your path easier. And chances are you wouldn't be where you are right now.

Mm-hmm. And so all that is to say is let's blame fair and let's say maybe. And let's say I'm proud of myself. I love the life I have now. My parents don't even accept it from my son.

Um, I'm moving on with my life. And we're-- Mm-hmm. And that's what I'm doing.

“And I'm going to put-- are they-- are they-- otherwise good grandparents?”

So they otherwise good parents? Oh, they love-- oh, yeah. They're wonderful. Right. They're-- they're wonderful parents.

And they're even better grandparents. That's amazing. And so we're not going to do this non-sensical cut. Everybody off because they don't say that. I don't want to cut them all out.

Okay. We're just going to know my parents have a blind spot. And they're great people. And we're going to go on with their life. Mm-hmm.

And if they find out your son's getting resources and-- And autism care has improved, like, logarithmicly, for over the last 25 years, right? Mm-hmm. The resources available to your son are very different than what was available to you a long time ago.

And so-- oh, yes. That's amazing. And if they say, you shouldn't be doing that. Well, now we might have that conversation. But even then, they don't get a vote on what the way you choose to take care of your kid, right?

Oh, no. They actually have been pushing me to get certain resources for my son. Like, they've got an ABA school now. And he's doing amazing. Yeah.

And everyone that encouraged me to put him there have been, uh, regular. Amazing. Okay. So this is almost--

I mean, I hate to belittle it like this, but it's almost a matter of semantics. Mm-hmm. They like their label. The word they use delay or the word that the psychiatric community and the-- And the diagnostic community uses, which is often--

Okay, cool. I'm not going to go over semantics. They love your kid. They want you to give them the best care possible. They may even be helping you with that.

Dude, I'm going to count that as a win. I'm going to get on with my life. Yeah.

You've done, uh, amazing.

Aw, thanks. Like, for real. I am very proud of myself. You should be. And wandering through the world knowing I want relationships.

Is a nightmare.

And do you have come out on the other side of that nightmare?

I'm so, so proud of you. Thank you. Who's this person you married? Are they awesome? Oh, the best.

And you understand your diversity because he has ADHD. Yeah. And so you just have a house full of compassion and accountability all at the same time, huh? Yeah.

“And that's why I hope to instill my kid that they get older.”

That's the best. You have this thing. You experience this thing. It's a context and not an excuse for. You don't get to cash out.

You got to do the best you came up with. You came up with the card you got and you have given you have, you have not only talked at the game, but your child, your son will have a road map for a parent who has fought those fights. It's amazing. If you want to see him go to the same struggles I did.

Of course. And in there's, it's a tricky balance, right? Because the struggles, the way I describe it is. Modern parents, myself included, like we got dropped off in a weight room. And told we have to lift weights that we did not have the muscles to lift.

And my instinct is to continue to go into the weight room and take the weight off the bar of life for my kids. And I don't want them to go through all the struggles I had, but they've got to go through some big struggles. Otherwise you're going to get out into the world and not have the muscle strength to handle it. And so it's, while you do go through struggles, I'll be right here.

You'll, you'll struggle, but you'll never struggle alone.

“And that's what, that's the shift I'm always having to remind myself.”

My kids, both of my kids have several of the challenges I had grown up. And I can't take it from them. I could, I could rob them of that kind of, of the struggle. But man, the world's going to be a coast of, I mean, it does a cold water. But man, you will not struggle with the stuff alone.

And without compassion, and that's such a powerful reframe for me. Yeah, I want to be supported, but I don't want to be a helicopter or a lawnmower parent either. That's right. And so it's, and I'll tell you, no parent gets that balance right all the time. So. And so it's giving yourself some time to tell me.

Yeah, there you go. And I'm going to give myself some grace sometimes. I'm going to, I'm going to really hold myself accountable. And I get it wrong. I'm going to say I'm sorry. I'm going to say I messed that up. I'm going to say, nope. I'm right on this one. And it's just, I don't know any parent that feels super confident that they're nailing it all the way through with that balance of, no, I'm going to fight this fight with you.

And I can't fight this battle with you, but I'll be right here as you do it. And by the way, this battle's going to kick your butt, and I'll be right here. So, man, you were awesome, Sarah. It's been an honor to talk to you. Yeah, I'd let this one ride. And I would be really frustrated to find a box with some old diagnostics like and think I would have been good to know.

And the challenge for us as adults is to also look at the muscles we have, the scars we have, the cows as we have and say, I probably wouldn't be as strong and wired up as I am right now. And for everyone listening, that is not an excuse, and I get the, your kids that help they need at all, with a half to get their so many amazing resources now. But it means not robbing of emotional struggles, of even physical struggles, of it's walking with them as they move forward through life.

Thanks for a call, Sister. You are awesome. You're doing it just right. Okay, true story. I was going to lunch with my producer Kelly, and when she got into my truck, she was expecting to hear some crazy punk rock or heavy metal music. And she was surprised when over the speakers came a gentle voice reading Jesus' sermon on the mound. I looked at her and said, "Hey, I don't just advertise Hallow, I actually use it."

Hallow is the number one Christian prayer and meditation app in the world for a reason, and it's become one of the most important things I do to start every day.

“Anchoring myself in prayer helps me slow down and prioritize what matters most before the world takes all of my energy and time.”

Hallow helps you have space to breathe, reflect, and pray. It's guided, it's simple, and it meets you where you are to help you anchor your faith practice with daily reflections, Scripture, music, special series, and most importantly, peace. There's no pressure that I'm not trying to convert anybody. It's just a daily practice. You can try Hallow for free for three months only through my link. Go to Hallow.com/deloney and sign up for free today. That's Hallow. H-A-L-L-O-W dot com slash deloney for three months for free.

All right, Kelly, something cool happened. What is it? All right, so we got this email from Stephen in Clover, South Carolina, and he writes, "I'm an avid listener, retired in married 47 years in doing well."

Yeah, no!

“Kids in the system have been abused and collected with foster families or other families that are not there, nuclear family.”

To say their traumatizes an understatement and I'm active in helping and supporting them are showing that they're okay in getting what they need.

Communicating with them can be a challenge, especially sexually abused kids.

“Your show has provided me with ideas, strategies and tactics for reaching them very effectively, identifying their needs better and communicating to the courts on situations and recommendations for the future.”

It helps me interact with troubled parents trying to do the right thing, helping them with direction and support, even helped with the wife a bit on the personal side.

Thank you for what you do. That's awesome, dude.

I'll thank you for what you do, man.

“Using that expertise and compassion to go be an advocate for kids in your community.”

I mean, there's just almost no higher calling, so good for you. Good for you for doing a few things for the wife. What a great way to say that. You're awesome, brother. Thanks for letting us know, man. I'm proud of you. Love you guys. Stay in school, don't you drugs? And I just got to say I just finished Stranger Things.

Finally. So, so good. Gosh, so good.